zememerrramble - Tumblr blog

zememerrramble · 1 year ago

Text

The Ultimate Tumblr Sexyman

Hear me out for a second.

Now, you may be saying, that's a fucking Purple Coin from Super Mario Galaxy, what do you mean it's a Tumblr Sexyman?

A quick clarifier here. I'll be using "Tumblr Sexyman" as a blanket term. Coins of course, do not possess a boring binary gender. You can consider Purple Coin a Tumblr Sexyagender/Sexyenby/Sexyperson what have you instead.

Let's analyze Purple Coin in terms of some sexypedia terms, tropes, archetypes, all that jazz. I will also draw connections to some famous sexymen* to further Purple Coin's case.

Archetypes/Tropes

Androgyny

Doesn't get more androgynous than being perfectly round. Paired with the enticing neutrality of being a space object, Purple Coin is peak androgyny.

Blank Slate

A perfect canvas for one's desires, your only guide is the Purple Coin's iconic purple and an alluring star.

Capitalist

coin.

Chaoslord

The Purple Coin is a rather mysterious entity, only appearing in the inherently gimmicky Prankster Comets in the Mario Galaxy games. Where did they come from? What do they want? Why are they connected to 99 other Purple Coins (sometimes more?)

Chronokinesis

Mario Galaxy 1 Purple Comets are often timed; every Mario Galaxy 2 Purple Coment is timed. Once that timer reaches zero, Mario/Luigi succumb to the overwhelming power of the Purple Coins, having failed to collect them in their designated timely contract. That's textbook time control if you ask me.

Cosmic

Once again, you'll find these purple fellows exclusively in the Mario Galaxy duology. Their home turf is the distant stars.

Controversial

The Prankster Comics in general have been criticized as being content bloat for the Mario Galaxy games. In Mario Galaxy 1, timeless Purple Coin Stars such as the Beach Bowl Galaxy one have been criticized for being incredibly long stars; if you die in these, it's back to square one. If you want to 100% the Galaxy games, you'll have to do your fair share of Purple Coin collectathoning, which many don't find thrilling. What's a purple morally sound sexyperson, though? Wasting your time plays into the Purple Coin's mischief.

Dissonance

If an ancient triangle yearning for some old guy with six fingers and the number 4 can be a sexyman, so can a Purple Coin. Plenty of room for anthropomorphism and gjinkas too, too bad I've never seen one...

Distinctive Voice

This one is a bit of a stretch, but the Purple Coins are audibly characterized with one simple sound effect - a distortion of the usual coin sound effect. Again, distorted voices are peak sexyman material, your Bill Ciphers, your Alastors, what have you.

Fanon Splintering

Untapped potential here. There's no Fanon Splintering yet, but Purple Coin has some built-in AUs to play around with.

Absolute goldmine of possibilities with the Mario Odyssey Purple Coins. I mean, there's even a top hat one, it writes itself.

Intelligence

The Purple Coins are real sneaskters, you got to have some brain to work in a group of 100+ like that.

Mysterious

Purple postgame whimsical trinkets with distorted sound effects and a strange use of the Gusty Garden motif, that's a mystery waiting to happen. Lots of potential for an Ensemble Darkhorse with gjinkas and all that.

Nonspeaking

Again, only one sound effect, just an audio cue for when you collect them. For all intents and purposes, Purple Coins don't traditionally speak.

Nonstandard Character Design

One could argue Purple Coins are not a "character" but rather an object. To that I say, be the change I want you want to see. Blank Slate from earlier allows a lot of creative liberty with Purple Coin.

Obsessive

While underwater, in Flying Mario form, or in Bee Mario form, Mario can spin next to Purple Coins to attract them to him and automatically collect them.

Gee Purple Coins, you sure are excited to magnetize onto Mario whenever he spins. A bit clingy, wouldn't you say?

Power

Again, Purple Coins have implied time control powers, so they fit the bill of being powerful.

Royalty

Purple Coins are debatably royal. They're both purple and, in Galaxy 1, tied to Bowser, the infamous king of koopas, since you only unlock the Purple Comets after beating the game.

Theme Song

youtube

A classic, with that ever so mystifying touch of Gusty Garden's motif to top it all off.

Upper-Class

Shiny, rich purple, dapper.

Villain (Morally Grey/Technically Antagonists)

As previously mentioned, the Purple Comets in Mario Galaxy 1 are only unlocked after defeating the final Bowser battle, so they have some intrinsic tie to the big bad. Are they inherently evil? Maybe not, but the Purple Coins certainly have a sinister vibe to them.

Unofficial Archetypes/Tropes

The following are not official tropes per the Sexypedia, but I would like to mention two self-defined tropes as well.

Cloning/Duplication Powers

The Purple Coins always show up in packs of 100... or more. Could the extraneous Purple Coins perhaps be clones of the original 100? Or, all the the Purple Coins a projection of one supreme host Purple Coin?

Epilogue

Purple Coins are exclusive to the postgame of Mario Galaxy 1, since you need to complete Bowser's Galaxy Reactor to unlock Purple Comets (They're available for most of Galaxy 2.) Purple Coins being past the end of your adventure helps add to the allure of their mysteriousness.