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I don't care what y'all say these two motherfuckers were gay as hell. Like I'm not even joking, I get why book readers argue against it, the two don't really interact much in it. But the movie, come on man like it's so obvious

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Y'all

Imagine if Bilbo lost his lil acorn once Smaug was dead.

Throin sees Bilbo looking around all panicked, digging through some pile of gold or gems, and asks about it, and this is where he learns about the acorn.

So of course he offers to help look, while they're looking for the Arkenstone, and eventually they've got the whole company looking for both. Thorin's head seems a little more clear suddenly, so everyone's more looking for the acorn than the arkenstone, because yeah they're looking for the arkenstone, but they'll know it when they see it, they have to CONCENTRAIT to find a lil acorn, and it's important they find IT soon or it'll get crushed, or die or rot. The arkenstone has lasted this long. It'll last a little longer.

And because they've all got he mindset if "yeah thats a bit of gold, but it's not an acorn. Sure sure some pretty gems but it's not an acorn!" In there heads, they stave of the gold sickness.

When Fili shouts, "I found it!" They're all rather disappointing when they realise he means the Arkestone. Thorin pockets it, but they return to their search for the acorn right away.

Then, one day, Thranduil shows up demanding the white gems and Thorin's standing up on the barracks like "Sure, if we come across them."

And Thranduil's like "what do you mean if you come across them?"

"There was a dragon in the mountain for over a century! He wasn't exactly cleaning and we're a bit preoccupied with our own search at the moment! I'll send them your way once we find them! If takes a day or a year, you'll live!" And then he disappears from Thranduil's sight.

Only to reappear after a moment, looking slightly irritated. The hobbit is by his side looking, perhaps hopeful? With a roll of his eyes, Thorin says, bitting out the words like they physically hurt to say "If you would like, perhaps you could send a select few of your most trusted guard, and if they might help us in our search, they can also look for your gems as well?"

Thranduil has never been more caught of guard in his life. Did a dwarf, one whom he'd had imprissoned in his dungeon less than a month ago, just invite his people into his most recently reclaimed treasurey?

"I'm sorry. What?" He blinks up at the dwarf- most elegantly, he assures you.

"Elves have very keen eyes, do you not?" Asks the little hobbit. "We're looking for my acorn, you see, that I got from Beorn the skin changer, I seem to have lost it in the dragon's chase, and we fear it'll be crushed. Throin says your box would likely be in the front of the treasurey, and we haven't searched there yet, though Smaug did follow us through there, so it's a fine place for your people to start. It would be greetly appreciated."

And really. The argument could go on, Thranduil's really not sure he believes there IS an acorn, but if it gets him those damned white gems, fine. He sends Tauriel and her guard, and Legolas volunteers himself.

When Bard shows up asking for aid for the town Thorin throws his hands up. "Your just as bad as the elves! We just got our montain back! Fah! At least you asked for nothing so specific!" And practically chucks a chest full of randomly scooped up gold and gems over at the man. "But if there is an acorn in there, you are to return it immediately!"

There isn't an acorn.

"Why would there be an acorn?" He asks Thranduil that evening as he takes tea with the Elven king who's made camp outside the Lonely Mountain as a statement to the dwarven king he doesn't mean to leave without what's rightfully his, regardless of their compliance.

"His husband appears to be rather attached to it." Thranduil shrugs. "I don't pretent to understand the ways of haflings, but if the hobbit has half so strong a love for that which grows from the earth, as the dwarves do that which is mined from it, and I was a king who'd dragged my consort half way across Middle Earth to risk his life battling a dragon for its hoard, I'd think it wise to have the Mountain turned upside down for one measly acorn as well."

Dain shows up and is about ready to storm the peacefully-aiding-the-humans-at-this-point-because-we're-here-what-else-do-we-have-to-do elves on principle, but Thorin puts a stop to it quick.

It takes Dain a day and a half to realised that Thorin did infact say "they were all looking for an Acorn," yesterday, and several minutes to understand that he was saying "no, we found the Arkenstone days ago," today.

And of course, the orcs and goblins show up and are defeated by the forced of them all, united under Acorn Peace Treaty of 2942

Sadly, weeks go by, and they do not find the acorn. They do eventually find the Gems, and Legolas and the majority of the elves return to Mirkwood, Legolas having made good friends with the Company, especially Gloin (this is a suprise tool that will help him later) but Tauriel remains, and if Thorin wasn't smitten with the hobbit, he might comment on just how close Kili is growing to her. At least she's respectful. Might just teach that boy a think or two. The opposite is, of course, true, and Tauriel becomes just as much a menace as the princes.

As the weeks go by and proper cataloging of the treasury commences, every dwarf who comes to help is shows a picture of the acorn every single morning, and promised a just reward for its discovery.

Eventually, Bilbo has to concede they aren't going to find it, but, well, by then he's not exactly planning to return to the Shire for long enough to care for a sprouting tree.

He does return long enough to stop all his things being auctioned off, no he's not a ghost, thank you very much, and have Bag End transfered to his cousin Drogo and his wife, before setting back out for Erebor with the things he intends to keep.

It's years before anyone thinks of the poor lost little acorn again, decades, infact.

One day, in the early morning of the 21st Durin's day after the reclaiming of Erebor, a dwarf comes rushing from the treasurey to find the Royals preparing for the celebration.

"Is it one of these, your highne- uh, Bilbo, your lost acorn?" He asks, stuttering over the title he knows the hobbit dislikes. "I can't really.... tell them apart."

And Bilbo just blinks, because in the cupped palms of the dwarf's are perhaps 15 or 20 little acorns...

"Where did you find these?" He asks.

"They were in the back."

"The back?" Thorin repeats, then catches himself and shoos the dwarf back the way he came "Show us."

They all- Bilbo and Thorin, the princeses, and a handful of the company who'd been present- follow the dwarf down into the treasurey, and then through the treasurey, past all the neat piles of gold and the many chests of organized gems and stones and all manner of other treasures, until they're presented with a very familiar back door.

Or rather, a hidden passage, tucked away in an alcove, where another handful of acorns' the few the Dwarf who'd brought them the first had likely missed- are scattered about.

"You did... just have the one, right Uncle Bilbo?" Fili asks.

"Or course I just had the one!" Bilbo retorts. "I couldn't have possibly carried that many with me all the way from Beorn's!"

With a resigned sort of sigh, as he begins to piece together the answer to a decades old mystery, Thorin steps forward and follows the tunnel up, up, up, and out of Erebor, the others- save the dwarf who brought them, dismissed by Bilbo with a smile, a thanks, and an oh, no, you may keep those- right behind.

As they walk, the acorns start to increase. Though there's never so many as to begin piling up in the tunnel, by the time they reach the end, the majority of the ground is covered in a solid layer if the little things, and the crunch underfoot as they all emerge onto the ledge which they had all once stood, with batted breath in the moon light as they realised they were at last, truly home.

"Was that here last time?" Kili asked, studying the impressive Oaktree shading the entire ledge that sat in front of the secret entrance to Erebor.

The trunk of the tree was wide and solid, sitting right up against the mountain side, and rather winning the battle of wills against the carved stone architecture of the dwarves. Its limbs grow twisted and wild, up and out in all directions. It's easily 250 or 300 feet tall. There is all sorts of life flittering about in its florishing branches, all covered in brilliant green leaves, and fresh green little acorns.

The growned all around them is covered in acorns as well, so many more than the tunnel.

"No." Thorin says, watching a squirrel dash down from the trunk of the tree, shove several acorns into its cheeks, and dash back up the trunk. "No it was not." He turns to Bilbo, and raises an eyebrow. "Lost it after the dragons chase, you said?"

Beet red and look quite flustered, all Bilbo can manage out is a squicky little "oops."

"'Oops' indeed." Thorin returns, smiling fondly.

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The fact that The Hobbit is such a lighthearted family-friendly book, especially when compared to LOTR, actually breaks my heart when you consider that it is Bilbo’s writing. That journey was anything but a fun trip for him. He went through real dangers and horrifying moments. He saw violence for the first time. At the end of it, he lost his love. And he went home traumatized, heartbroken, and forever changed.

Yet when he wrote the story down, he emphasized the more successful and fun parts, and glossed over the depth of his pain and grief when the losses happened (even leaving Fíli and Kíli’s deaths to a throwaway line.)

Because what else could he have done? Nobody else could possibly understand his pain. Bilbo wasn’t like Frodo. He didn’t have a Sam who he shared the experience with and could talk to about it every day afterward, to help him work through writing down the details of the darker parts of the story. And his other friends lived far away and could only visit occasionally.

And the hobbit children were all full of wonder about Elves and dwarves and trolls, so he put the focus on that.

I feel like that was his way of dealing with his trauma.

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sam, reading bilbo’s book: “well now, i’m sure he had a very nice voice, but that’s hardly a reason to go on an adventure with someone you just met”

sam: turns page to an illustration of thorin, with his dark hair and blue eyes

sam: “understandable, good for you mister bilbo”

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The Heirloom Thief - multi chapter bagginshield fic

Thousands of years ago, the shire was burnt to the ground in a vicious attack, leaving it's people thieves and wanderers. When Thorin Oakenshield, the lazy regent king of Erebor, catches one such thief trying to steal the Arkenstone, he seizes the opportunity for a distraction from his royal duties and offers the burglar a deal: steal one thirteenth of the wealth in the mountain by the end of the year or be executed for his crimes. But this copper haired criminal is far more than he seems, and an ancient evil is stirring in middle earth, waiting to come to light....

This fic is inspired by the above artwork/post on LokiPitch's tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/lokipitch/49874879021/since-you-liked-the-picture-of-bilbo-as-little - go check it out!

Here is the link to the first chapter! Really enjoyed writing it, I hope you guys like it too!

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watching thorin fall in love with bilbo during his "i came back because you dont have a home and i will help you take it back" speech never fails to make my eyes water

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think of vampires

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quick protip: if someone is crying or freaking out over something minor, eg wifi not connecting, can’t find their hat, people talking too loud, do NOT tell them how small or petty the problem is to make it better. they know. they would probably love to calm down. you are doing the furthest possible thing from helping. people don’t have to earn expressions of feelings.

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I TRIED TO CONVERT A NON-FUNCTIONING VIDEO IN VEGAS AND IT FUCKED UP

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The fae smiled, sharply: “Give me your name, child.”

“Uhhhhh. Stick.”

“What.”

“Does Leaf work better? I’m just kinda looking around this clearing. Look, I’m trans, I haven’t decided on one yet, I’m throwing some spaghetti at the wall, you know how it is.”

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literally everything is unisex if u stop giving a fuck

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confusing Odysseus and Orpheus is like confusing a liar and a lyre. send post

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What to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless

FOOD

Find your nearest food bank or mission, for food

grocery stores with free samples, bakeries + stores with day-old bread

different fast food outlets have cheaper food and will generally let you hang out for a while.

some dollar stores carry food like cans of beans or fruit

SHELTER

Sleeping at beaches during the day is a good way to avoid suspicion and harassment

sleep with your bag strapped to you, so someone can’t steal it

Some churches offer short term residence

Find your nearest homeless shelter

Look for places that are open to the public

A large dumpster near a wall can often be moved so that flipping up the lids creates an angled shelter to stay dry

HYGIENE

A membership to the YMCA is usually only 10$, which has a shower, and sometimes laundry machines and lockers.

Public libraries have bathrooms you can use

Dollar stores carry low-end soaps and deodorant etc.

Wet wipes are all purpose and a life saver

Local beaches, go for a quick swim

Some truck stops have showers you can pay for

Staying clean is the best way to prevent disease, and potentially get a job to get back on your feet

Pack 7 pairs of socks/undies, 2 outfits, and one hooded rain jacket

OTHER

first aid kit

 sunscreen

 a travel alarm clock or watch

 mylar emergency blanket

 a backpack is a must

 downgrade your cellphone to a pay as you go with top-up cards

 sleeping bag

 travel kit of toothbrush, hair brush/comb, mirror

 swiss army knife

 can opener

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im doing it, are u?

arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms arms

did i mention his arms??

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I can't decide if I want no gender or every single gender

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painted some doors in my house black awhile back, and they look really nice, but it's the middle of the night and i've just heard the telltale sound of my sister walking face first into a closed door

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a trick of the light (chan/felix)

Chan wanders into a faerie ring during a hike. He is taken and enslaved by the faeries, and though he’s furious and dreams of escape, he can’t deny that the king catches his eye. But Chan shouldn’t want the very person holding him prisoner, should he? And regardless, King Felix couldn’t possibly be interested in a mere human.

Characters: Chan, Felix, Hyunjin, Jeongin, Minho

Genre: oneshot, smut, fae!au, faerie!felix/human!chan, falling in love

Warnings: it’s not dub-con per se (everyone wants everything that happens in sexual and romantic scenes) but there are some tricky elements. there is the question of the influence of magic, as well as the nature of any relationship between a captor and those they hold captive.

Rating: Explicit

Length: 25k

It takes five days, Chan is later told, of keeping him on sedatives, before he doesn’t resist. Everyone says they’re glad the delirium cleared, that he was able to fight through it and recover.

“Malnourishment and dehydration do terrible things to the brain,” the doctor tells him. “But typically the confusion dissipates once your body is no longer so exhausted.”

“I knew you were crazy, but not that crazy,” his little sister says, rolling her eyes, when she’s allowed in to visit. 

Chan lets her hug him. He lets his family believe it was just a momentary lapse—delusion brought on by exposure to the elements, just as the doctors say. That he stopped fighting because he stopped believing it. 

The truth is, he’s not sure what to believe anymore. He knows how it sounds; he saw the terror in his mother’s eyes when he tried to explain everything that happened, when he tried to make them understand as the nurses pinned him down and stuck him with drugs that put him under, that made him slow and weak so he couldn’t so much as lift a finger. And they’re right—it is crazy. But he can’t accept that it was just a hallucination, or a particularly vivid dream his starving brain had conjured up when he lay dying in the woods. 

It had felt so real. 

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