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I crave to be consumed entirely by your touch

[Kas]

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Intimacy goes beyond kisses, cuddles, and sex. It's when you're feeling low, and your partner gently comforts you, listens to you, and helps you unpack your insecurities through deep conversations. It's about calling to check in, making sure they've eaten or taken their medicine.

it's more than sex.

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Unconditional love isn't a free pass to hurt me.

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㋡🥀

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Ray of moonlight

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Happy Dance!

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Comet C/2023 

Credit: Aixa Andrada, Jim Denny, Max

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Im not good at blogging.

I always assume its not worth posting and just dont do it.

Ive been pretty depressed lately. Bae has been amazing and trying to help me through it.. but sometimes.. theres nothing even he can do to make me feel better.

My birthday came and went, its always hard for me the week of my birthday ever since my exhusband served me divorce and child custody papers on said birthday. Its been a couple years, and nothing bad has happened since then.. but it still haunts me.. like im waiting on the next shoe to drop or something.

I keep catching myself treating Bae really bad even when he doesnt do anything to deserve it. He is amazing to me, and does everything for me literally treating me like a Queen. He loves my children like his own and actually interacts with them.. what more could i ask for? But when i get into these depths.. i feel myself treating him unfairly based on what happened to me in my previous relationship. He handles it well, but i know hes just as tired of it as I am.

Still no further on getting my child support from my ex.. which really sucks. I ended up having to drop out of school. They offered for me to go back in a few months.. but theres no way im going to be able to afford it. Im already working double to try to make up for how behind on my bills its made me since i started the program. This saddens me, but im trying to think of it positively.. i wasnt really happy once i was in the program and saw how hospital employees are treated... and treat each other.

My current job is amazing and works with my schedule when possible and i am so thankful for the opportunity. But. It doesnt pay very well for the amount of time im away from my kids to do said work. (How does america expect a single parent to live on $9/hr without any kind of help?!) I cant even afford rent, let along car/phone/electricity/gas/ whatever else comes with renting. My credit isnt good enough to buy anything not to mention wouldnt be approved simply for how many cobwebs are in my bank account.

SO ive been looking for a second job, or a better paying job. I found a second job that pays better.. and offers health insurance! Ive been looking for months and finally got a call for an interview. It happened to be on my day off. How great is that?! So of course i went, theyre paying amazingly! I got there and along with 4 other people, they start showing us around. I thought that was weird.. ive had interviews with this company before and never was shown around the whole place.. but i just accepted it because ive never had an interview with this specific location. We go to the back and im ready for the interview! They start handing us company vests and work tools... im a little confused until they had out schedules. I got the job! Wait... this isnt an interview.. this is orientation! Oh snap! What am i suppose to tell my current job?! Luckily my current job hadnt put out the next weeks schedule yet so i was able to alert my manager as soon as i got out of the building.

Unfortunately, she was not happy. Granted, had it been up to me.. i would have much rathered given a heafty warning.. i dont like to leave any job on bad terms (and so far havent 🤞🏻) so i let my manager know im being trained for this second job for the next two weeks and i cant mess with those days but it doesnt effect my current job at all this week.. which is all i have a schedule for.. she doesnt think she should have to work around another jobs schedule when i worked here first.. i agree.. but.. in my shoes.. this other job is a better opportunity for -me-, for -my- bills for -my- family. So she told me she fixed it for the next two weeks but wasnt happy about it.

Sooooo.

Im now working the next 14 days straight and even at two jobs in the same day.. 🤦🏻‍♀️ im gonna hate myself for sure. But! My daughters birthday is next week and i need to buy her more than the only gift i currently have for her. And Christmas is right around the corner! I need to catch up my car payment and keep my phone bill current and not late... not to mention gymnastics/dance/and boyscouts that i dont want to take away from my kids because its not their fault im poor.

So luckily today hasnt been too awkward at my job but i did tell Bae that depending on how petty they decide to be over the next two weeks depends on if i keep 2 jobs or focus solely on the new one that pays so much better. So. We'll see. Id like to have both at least until Christmas so i can get some presents under my tree.

I guess thats as good of an update as i got currently. Whoopwhoop.

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