zoppzoop - Tumblr blog

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it’s just me and my irrelevant blog against the world

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i wanted to draw falin again after yesterday's ep 😭

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I've been feeling really stressed because of this scene.

This is my biggest fear. The idea that the people you think of as friends only barely tolerate you, and you're just too dense to pick up on it. And it would be my own fault for not being more socially aware.

I'm too conscious of the fact that I would *not* pick up on social cues like this. How many people talk about me like this when I'm not around? How many people would gladly be rid of me? The fear of this possibility consumes me. It regularly has me afraid to reach out to anyone. It causes me to isolate myself. I'm not sure more socially capable people could ever understand the horror of this. I can't get it off my mind.

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day 70 of drawing jrwi characters daily till riptide is back

'Really? Do you promise? Will you let me dissect you?'

the way i am down bad for viv weylin

ko-fi || commissions

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wait till u find out im actually insane and it's not a joke

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wait till u find out im actually insane and it's not a joke

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Something just occured to me. Circling through each beautiful moment in the campaign, I noticed a pattern. Gillion never initiates hugs. Every time, no matter if he is the one consoling or the one being consoled, he never is the first person to offer an embrace. And I think it says something.

When Jay wants to hug Gill, she always asks first. She opens her arms as an invitation and always gives him a clear sign that she wants to be close to him. And any time she offers, anytime Gillion gets permission, any time he feels like he is allowed one, he clings to her desperately and fully, starved for it, finding himself unable to let go too quickly, savoring it like he isn't sure when he is going to be allowed to have another.

Chip's hugs are unprompted and usually done with just as much desperation. They are completely controlled by emotion, and are a form of a language that Chip uses when love and appreciation cannot be expressed by words anymore. Chip never asks for hugs, he takes them. He needs them, so he is scared to ask like Jay does, cause asking means risking to be denied. It is safer to steal it. In contrast Jay is still asking cause she is still afraid of taking love for granted.

But they both, in the end, ask for hugs and comfort in their own ways. Gillion doesn't. He wants it, he needs it so often, but he never dares to ask for it. Cause he still treats love as a reward that he needs to earn, that he is not allowed to ask for, that can't be had, unless he does something that makes him worthy of being loved. Affection and love is a currency and Gill was taught that he needs to fight for it. That it's something he should never dare to request on his own.

How many times on their journey did he need to feel someone else's body close to his, but his lips were sealed, suffering in silence, thinking he Has not done well enough to be given the privalage of being comforted? How many aches and worries did he swallow down and burried deep inside? How many old wounds is he trying to fill with every single hug he receives, when someone else offers it to him? When he dares to take it, when he grips their clothes in an iron grip, trying to make the best out of it before it's gone? Cause who knows when someone allows him to have that again?

The only person Gill ever hugged first was Edyn, the first time in Allport. It was done with the same ferocity of a hurt child, of a little boy who Has been going through hell and his sister is his only remedy. The only person that always lets him have love for free. The only one he knows he can hug for sure. One who for so many years has been the only source of comfort.

The rest of the world is uncertain and even with Chip and Jay, Gill still strives to fulfill the unsaid cryteria of when he is worthy of their affection.

But I know that with enough reassurance and care, he will be able to ask for love himself and start treating his crew as people he can fall back on. And just so you know, the moment in which Gillion is the first one to hug Chip or Jay is going to make me cry like a little baby.

_______

Edit: more thoughts occured

Did you notice that Jay always seems to match Gill and Chip when it comes to hugging? She never asks Chip for hugs and takes them the same way Chip does, no matter if she is the one seeking or offering comfort. And the same goes with Gill. Regardless of whether she is the one in the need of comfort or she is the one comforting, she always verbally communicates a desire to hug first. Like she kinda feels that this is what Gillion needs from her to accept it.

So maybe Jay is actually always trying to search for the most effective way to get a hug, to increase her chances. She believes she has to, cause she cannot take love for granted anymore, not after Ava's death. She took her for granted and now she is gone. So now Jay struggles to freely express her own desires and instead clings to all the ways that she thinks guarantee her the affection she needs, an act of desperation in its own right. A silent plea for acceptance.

Each Captain on this ship treats each embrace as a treasure to savor and protect. It's a result of their past and their fears, but also a proof of unyielding love they have for each other. It's beautiful and one day the same love that they still dread to take, will heal them.

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fucking BOOBS you

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So we all know that Tumblr is US-centric. But to what degree? (and can we skew the results of this poll by posting it at a time where they should be asleep?)

Reblog to increase sample size!

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THE REALITY OF BUYING A NEW TABLET DRAWS CLOSER AND MY PLANS ARE CLEARER!

the plan is to get an ipad because of the additional freedom in mobility, lesser use of desk-space and functionality it would provide and also i'd be able to use it for my academics as well. and along with the iPad, are gonna be additional purchases for the accessories (the pen and the cover mainly) so! do consider supporting me on ko-fi or commissioning me to make you some art! i take characters from different media as well as ocs!! if you're unsure about if I'll draw something, just drop me a message and I'll let you know!! (mostly if its something I'm unfamiliar with, i would just need a few extra references but yeah!!)

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🔥🦄

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never ask a woman her age a man his salary your mutual how late it is in her timezone when she starts posting about that bisexual man

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THE SINGLE WAY INTO MY HEART IS TO GET DISEMBOWELED IN FRONT OF ME WHILE I HOLD YOU DOWN, LAUGHING AS YOU WAIL IN AGONY. BUT THAT'S JUST ME. I don't know why it's so hard to find someone that fits my taste. It's almost as if it's an impossible standard. The hottest thing someone can do in front of me is get disemboweled and I'll die on this hill but I guess I'll also lower my expectations so maybe just bleed out

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caught up with farcille lore i am back

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What's something that makes you think they are into each other?