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Both kids are finally on their beds for the night and I am happily working on our family budget when I hear... Z2: (yelling out from her room) mom how do we get the babies out of the mother's belly? Z1: (yelling out from his room) with a very sharp knife! Me: 😳 I guess it is easier to explain if you had a c-section... #ZTalk #OutOfTheMouthOfBabeZ

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Z2: I am a spider!! Z1: No you are not! A spider has more legs. Arachnids class: A+ #ZTalk #OutOfTheMouthOfBabeZ

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After they are both tucked in their respective beds... Z2: what is ten plus three? Z1: You can't have that, it's impossible because you don't have 3 hands. #ZTalk #OutOfTheMouthOfBabez

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You know you are raising a PK when...

He tries to wake you up in the morning by yelling "mommy the philistines!"

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As we climb out of the car in the church parking lot on the way to VBS... Z1: (looking thoughtful) mommy, I am thinking about buying some gloves so I can use them to work out when I grow up so I won't get blisters. Me: 😳😳😳 um ok?! It seems he has started planing his exercise routine...never too early I guess.

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The family is sitting at the table for lunch, Z1 takes one look at his plate and makes his royal pronouncement of the day... Z1:(in whiniest of tones)I don't want sweet potatoes, I don't like sweet potatoes. Dad: sweet potatoes are good for you and they are sweet....do you like cookies? Z1: yes! Dad: cookies are sweet! Do you like lollipops? Z1: yes! Dad: lollipops are sweet! Do you like sweet potatoes? Z1: yes! He cleared his plate...

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I was cleaning up after breakfast when the two year old comes running down the hallway with one arm raised and a bottle of men’s deodorant on the other. Z1: mommy mommy smell me here (pointing to his armpit). I put on deodorant because I am man now! Me: 😱😂😚

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It is almost lunch time and I am serving food into everyone's plate. Z1: don't give me any vegetables. I don't like vegetables! Me: you do like vegetables! You like to eat carrots and broccoli... Don't you like Kale chips? Kale is a vegetable too. Z1: then I want Chex Mix. Chex Mix is a vegetable. Me: I think you missed the point buddy

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Me: ok it is time to clean up let's put the playdoh and the toys away now. Z1: oh wait a second my phone is ringing (pulls imaginary phone from imaginary pocket) hello! (Looks at me, raises his hand) speak softer because I am on the phone. Nice try buddy!

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This morning while I was preparing breakfast for myself Z1 marched into the kitchen in all seriousness: Z1: I know daddy is a man and I am a man, but this growing man (pointing to himself) does not want to wear a tie. Me: 😳😂😂 No ties today I guess

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A few weeks ago on the check out line at a local craft store: Nice lady behind us to Z1: (in Spanish) you have pretty hair and your eyes are so beautiful, etc... Z1: (looking not amused with a grin on his face in Portuguese) I have a booger in my nose. Me: 😳😁 Needless to say, I have never been more grateful for the language barrier.

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Z1 has taken upon himself to teach his little sister about the world. A few days ago he was teaching her a few words: Z1: baby say mamãe (mommy) Z2: Mama Z1: say papai (daddy) Z2: papa Z1: say giraffe Z2: 😳

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Today at church: Kid at church calling to her father: Daddy, daddy!! Z1: look daddy that guy has the same name as you!

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One of these days the kiddos were up before the crack of dawn and ended up lying between us in the bed while we tried to catch at least five more minutes of sleep. As soon as they found themselves next to each other they became territorial and Z2 began a full out kickboxing routine to protect her territory. That is when I heard: Z1: ouch baby ouch you hurt me Z2: gdhegdedgisnai (angry shouting) Z1: you hurt me! Now you have to kiss me right here.

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You know you are raising a PK when... Most of the outgoing and incoming calls to your toddler's imaginary cell phone are to/from one of the church elders.

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Z1: why are you sitting? Me: I am taking a break because my back is hurting a little. I think I need a massage. Z1: (runs away and comes back with the massager) I am going to do massage on your back so you can feel better that way you can carry me because I am getting big (After my 3 second massage) Me: when you get big you are the one who is going to carry me. Z1: I am getting big to drive with a steering wheel not to carry people Me: 😳😳😫😫

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The Translator

I was trying to work on our budget on our old laptop (you know, the one that can't survive being disconnected from the wall for even a second) while the toddlers ran around the living room and kitchen. I kept reminding them not to play with the cord or step on it to keep the computer from getting unplugged and losing my work. Right when I was about to make my final calculations Z2 pulled the cable off the wall. Me: (looking furious) what did I say about the cable? 😡😡😡😡 Z2: bshsjdnskdh Z1: she said she is sorry Me: 😳