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I just said goodbye to a friend with these poignant words and he has never been more confused.

2. Tyra Dumps a Gay Hero, Holla Holla Holla

Of all the cruel jokes this show has played this season, unceremoniously booting Cory before his first big fashion show is probably the worst. I mean, the dude is all dressed up and ready to go and then they’re like, “Just kidding, Cory, you’re eliminated. But we’re still going to need you to walk in the show because somebody’s got to pretend to beat up Jourdan.”

As Laura James gives a disappointed Cory pointless encouragement to walk fiercely anyway, Cory sighs, “I just wish that I had my time to process this alone.” No kidding, this shit is fucking rude.

Tyra pretends that this is standard business in the modeling industry by telling Cory about a time she was cancelled from walking in a Versace show even after she had her hair did. The big difference Tyra seems to be missing is that after they fired her, they didn’t expect her to still do the job. 

Can you imagine being fired from your job moments before giving a big presentation to the shareholders and then having your boss be like, “I still need you to give this presentation, though!”? Cory’s Catwalk Crew should have gone on strike. Mid-show, Cory should have jumped off the runway and taken a big poop on Rob Evans to thank him for all of his support. 

After Cory swears and cries, Tyra Banks honors him with some nonsense spoken word poetry:

LGBT.

Holla, holla, holla.

Hero. 

Way to drop some meaningless buzzwords. If Tyra really wanted to convey that Cory was an inspiration worthy of respect, she wouldn’t have eliminated him like that. Or stolen all his hair. Or spent half of the cycle criticizing his identity. Or made him portray an abusive asshole for the audience to boo when he already felt like shit. Still, I’m sure that that insincere epitaph meant a lot to Cory. Holla holla holla! 

Funniest Moments from ANTM Cycle 20 episode 15

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I've been thinking about Kathleen today.

2. The Anti-Fur Activist (Cycle 8 ep. 2)

Generally, it’s hard to muster up much interest in each cycle’s first boot as we barely get a chance to know them, with one notable exception: Cycle 8’s Kathleen. It is with great sorrow that we lose Kathleen so soon because the girl is pure entertainment. Unfortunately, Kathleen’s downfall comes because, as extremely likable as she is, she is equally as dumb. And yes, I mean that as both a compliment to her personality and a swipe at her intelligence.   

The first photo shoot requires each model to represent a political stance. When Mr. Jay tells Kathleen she’s anti-fur, she giggles nervously, and we soon find out why: she doesn’t understand what that means. In wardrobe, Kathleen asks whether she should look at the fur and go, “Oooo, I hate fur.” She also can’t connect with the stance: “Actually, I really do like fur, it makes you look hot.” Given the fur ball growing out of her head, I suppose that’s no surprise. 

Once on set, Kathleen’s posing does nothing to suggest she’s an activist. Nigel’s instructions to make her look more passionate are met with a “What does that mean?” and a continued blank glare. Perhaps her deer in headlights facial expressions are meant to portray the helpless animal, but giving Kathleen credit for having a thought, let alone a creative one, is being too generous. 

At judging panel, Tyra asks for Kathleen’s take on wearing fur. Prepare your brain for some articulate opinions:

“I believe that if the animal is alive, you shouldn’t kill it to make a fur coat or anything. But if it’s already dead, you could take the skin off and just make a coat.”

“How would it already be dead?” asks Tyra.

“Cuz animals fight each other in the jungle, right? In the woods… Animals die, like people die naturally sometimes, right?”  

Twiggy explains that, unfortunately, that’s not how the fur industry works, but perhaps Kathleen has stumbled onto something. In her stupidity, she might have invented a socially conscious line of furs. “My shawl is made from a mink that died of natural causes. And this coat is the product of several foxes who were killed in an epic jungle battle.”

Nigel tells Kathleen that she “didn’t completely understand the concept,” even though suggesting that she understands it even a little bit is pretty kind. Does Kathleen defend herself? Nope, her response is as honest as can be: “I know, right? I didn’t.” She’s not just pleading ignorance, she’s pleading utter stupidity. Tyra tells Kathleen that she needs to ask when she doesn’t understand something, and this time Kathleen not only fails to defend herself, she practically prosecutes herself, saying, “I feel like he explained it to me so much, [Mr. Jay] and Nigel, and I’m like, I don’t want to seem slow like I wasn’t catching on.” Miss J can’t help but respond with a, “Wellllllll…” that is pure comedy.

During deliberation, Twiggy says, “I do worry about Kathleen. You kind of want to take Kathleen home and look after her.” “I don’t!” responds Miss J. He’s having a lot of fun at Kathleen’s expense, and it’s hard to blame him.

In the end, all of the judges decide that they don’t have the patience to nurture an idiot like Kathleen, sending her home first. Alas, even the most drastic makeover wouldn’t help them discover a functioning brain under all of that hair. While previous seasons have proven that you don’t have to be a genius to become a Top Model, apparently there is a minimal intelligence requirement as well.

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My favorite songs of the year. [Youtube] [Download]

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75 Favorite Songs of 2021

All my favorite songs of the year. [Youtube playlist] [Download]

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YUP. And I am available for this project.

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I should actually write something meaningful like the old days but first I just wanna ask: who’s still out there in Tumblr land? 

I keep seeing Tyra go viral/get dragged for old ANTM shenanigans on Twitter, and then people inevitably defending her saying you can’t hold her to today’s standards for stuff she did 15 years ago. 

But I’m sure as most people in this ANTMFunny community can agree: WE DONE KNEW. We’ve been calling out how problematic that show was for ages. 

And don’t get me wrong, I also enjoyed it. It was hella entertaining for all its faults, and for me anyway, part of the enjoyment was analyzing just how backward it was to dangle a modeling contract in front of well-intentioned (and in some cases desperate) contestants when the real point was to humiliate most of them. Still, I could take some self-inventory about to what extent I meaningfully critiqued the show and what extent I fueled the fandom. 

Oh well, I guess not everything is black and white... except maybe literally in the cases when Tyra had models wear blackface to portray someone of a different ethnicity. 

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It’s been a year! Here’s what I most liked listening to. 

(secret download link)

Chinese Satellite - Phoebe Bridgers

Happy Home - X Ambassadors

On Mine - Diplo & Noah Cyrus

Maker - Anjimile

Crazy - Bazzi

Lilacs - Waxahatchee

Dinner Plate - Terror Jr

I Still Do - Kiiara

Mountains (we met) - Christine and the Queens

i see america - Joy Oladokun

anthems - Charli XCX

Boomer - Bartees Strange

My Own Soul’s Warning - The Killers

Coming Alive - Ivan & Alyosha

Nothing at All - Perfume Genius

Spotlight - Jessie Ware

All That - Emotional Oranges & Channel Tres

Sleep at Night - The Chicks

The Key to Life on Earth - Declan McKenna

We’ll Be Alright - Grace Potter

Changes - Ruston Kelly

Love Not Loving You - Foxes

Horizons Into Battlegrounds - Woodkid

Honey - Kesha

Hard to Forget - Sam Hunt

Leaning on You - Haim

Plastic Hearts - Miley Cyrus

Cosmonauts - Fiona Apple

Harder Than My Demons - Big Sean

Die Midwestern - Arlo McKinley

4ÆM - Grimes

Boys Will Be Boys - Dua Lipa

Scared to Live - The Weeknd

Drugs & The Internet - Lauv

Bammer - Wiz Khalifa

Cloud Nein - Man Man

All in My Head - Whethan & grandson

Experience - Victoria Monét & Khalid & SG Lewis

Scram! - Jeff Rosenstock

sadder badder cooler - Tove Lo

Chicken Tenders - Dominic Fike

Ungodly Hour - Chloe x Halle

My Last Breath - James Newman

Brooklyn Bridge to Chorus - The Strokes

Lost in Translation - The Neighbourhood

Another Spring - Paris Jackson

Dime Cómo Quieres - Christian Nodal & Ángela Aguilar

Is It True - Tame Impala

Ball Hard - Lil Wayne & Lil Twist

Try Jesus - Tobe Nwigwe & Jabari Johnson

The Otherside - Cam

Slow - Matt Costa

Hallelujah - Oh Wonder

Still Feel Like a Kid - Dawes

Only a Day - Ben Kweller

Put a Little Love on Me - Niall Horan

3am - Halsey

Boys and Girls - Jaden

Thriving - Diet Cig

Juro Que - ROSALÍA

Funny Thing - Thundercat

my ex’s best friend - Machine Gun Kelly & blackbear

Wildlife - Sarah Harmer

Mother Please Don’t Be Sad - The Flaming Lips

Dora - Tierra Whack

montgomery forever - The Front Bottoms

came to my show - 100 gecs

Phase - Pinegrove

Easy - The Naked and Famous

Godzilla - Eminem & Juice WRLD

exile - Taylor Swift & Bon Iver

Only Time Makes It Human - King Princess

About Love - MARINA

Broken - Empress Of

Almost Maybes - Jordan Davis

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All my favorite tracks of 2019 - Spotify playlist above, Youtube links below. (And, shhh, you can download them all here.)

Keep reading

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Hi! It’s that time of year where I encourage you to tune into Eurovision on Saturday because it is the world’s funniest spectacle. I made this video and hundreds of thousands of Europeans have watched it because they get it. (Or they don’t and leave me angry comments, but I can take it.) 

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DROP THE MIC

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Would you be able to stay still? 

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DANCE OFF!

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same

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When you see someone you know, but don’t want to have an actual conversation.

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OVER IT