404entity

[404entity]

People seriously underestimate the long term effects of constant loneliness

"why are you so weird?" Idk, maybe because being completely isolated while growing up has destroyed my brain and now I'm nothing more than a human-mimicking creature that bases all of my actions on what I think is normal human behavior rather than just doing things naturally

[404entity]

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

[404entity]

[404entity]

it’s ok to want to be comfortable. It’s ok to want to be well fed and not in pain and warm and well rested. It’s ok to fantasize about medical devices and medications and treatments that could make you more comfortable. Wanting to be comfortable is not a sin.

[404entity]

I thought I was doing pretty good, but maybe I was doing way worse than I thought.

[404entity]

[404entity]

I feel like my psyche is splitting away from itself, I can't keep doing this tug-of-war on the edge of a major break. I've been doing so good, beating it back, beating it away, I don't want to fall back down into psychosis.

[404entity]

Maybe this therapy shit is working

[404entity]

i cannot hate myself into a version of me i will love.

[404entity]

It's hard to feel like I belong anywhere. I feel too awkward, too weird, too different. I struggle to make and keep connections because of it, and it's so lonely sometimes. I don't want to be so isolated and sad all the time, but I'm really struggling to change that.

[404entity]

having thoughts is absolutely ruining my life

[404entity]

there's something so raw and soul crushing about spending your late childhood+teen years suicidal then growing up and actually wanting to live, after an ungodly effort, only to see your health deteriorate because of chronic illness.

[404entity]

[404entity]

I know I'm young, but I feel older than I should be at this age.