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PNG of a collection I found on Pinterest

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So sick of being cheated on by people that treat me like shit. Recovering from PTSD has been the hardest thing I’ve EVER done and getting breadcrumbed with info about my ex’s new relationship stings so badly. He tortured me. He stole my self worth and so much from me. I had to leave the gym today because I nearly broke down in tears looking at my body in the mirror. I wish I never met this person. Whatever higher power made it so that I spent 4 years being severely mentally and physically abused is pretty messed up. I want to be happy and love myself.

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In case you were wondering I’m still beautiful 🥰

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I hate dating and people and men and sometimes myself and I am also simultaneously trying to be a better/more positive person (which I also hate trying to do).

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Anaïs Nin, from a letter to Joaquin Nin, featured in Reunited: The Correspondence of Anais and Joaquin Nin, 1933-1940

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Anne Sexton, from a letter featured in Anne Sexton; A Self-Portrait In Letters

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The reality of someone you truly loved and cared about giving you PTSD and it affecting you MONTHS after it’s over is so much to take it. Pile it onto the fact that I have an anxiety AND depression disorder is really..fucking me up. This person has invaded my thoughts and I often think about how I may never be the same person I was before. He left so easily and began the cycle with someone new and I have to suffer breakdowns and it affecting relationships I try to start with new people. Fortunately, I have someone patient and kind. Someone that knew me before a narcissistic abuser chewed me up and spit me out. I know I’m better off without him, but I still have that he invades so many parts of me. I want to truly love myself, and someone else. I’m starting to fear that this will never be a reality for me. I still believe that sometimes I deserved it. Being told I’m a dark cloud that hangs over people makes me just want to mope around in my own space instead of taking up room in others. He broke me. Saying that strikes such a deep place in my core because I’ve had to rebuild myself. Knowing that when I met him I felt like I was at the top of my game and everything would shake out exactly as I had hoped. I had a sense of freedom I felt I never had before. And now I’m trapped in a cycle of wondering why I had to experience such horrible abuse that I could have very well lost my life. Why did he do that to ME? Why was it so easy to suck me dry and throw me back into a world I’m so not prepared to exist in? Sure, I know I didn’t deserve it. And I’ll never, ever get closure for the things that he did. I like to think that I am a kind person. Even if I fuck up I know to suck it up and do better. Now I’m left hating every inch of myself and wanting to be someone else on a daily basis. I’m trying so fucking hard. I know giving up means he wins. I know it will get better and I have wonderful people in my life. But man, I fucking hate that he did that to me. I hate that he robbed me of who I was. I’m sad far too often and I have so much to celebrate. I just want it to be better like everyone says it will.

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i hate being the bigger person why cant i say why are you being mean to me and burst into tears dramatically

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Winter City by Elina Luukanen, 1998

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imagine hating me and I just have ptsd and severe attachment issues

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