alixghf

[alixghf]

Untitled

The moon shone on the room,

The room we’d shared.

Our memories replaying inside,

As if time had stopped within.

I stay there when I want to feel you,

Because time hasn’t been good to us.

Seeing you in our room,

When you’re not there.

Your smile and your voice,

It’s as if you’re with me.

But when I leave the room,

I’m faced with reality.

The reality that you’re no longer here,

I’ll never come to terms with it.

But if i do…

Perhaps the room will stay the same.

Housing our memories,

Keeping them safe.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

This is my favourite out of all the pieces I’ve ever written, so I wanted to post it on my birthday. I’m 18 now. I wrote this piece when I was 14, very close to being 15—oh how time passes us by.

I didn’t at the time—this piece was written from a flicker of inspiration over a poem we read in my GCSE English literature class about a room, I think some aspect of it was romantic/ longing. This was my take on that poem, this is how I imagined that room—however, I feel so much more connected to this poem now that I’m facing university. I feel like I’m leaving all of my childhood memories behind. Like I’m leaving her behind in that room.

As I grow older I become more and more nostalgic. I was never good with loss and it feels like I don’t ever want anything to change, well just the small things. I hope things remain unchanged, but more than that, I hope happiness finds me—so much that I struggle to breathe—and those that I love find happiness. I hope that I can be like that to those that I love.

I thought for a bit over whether I should think of a title for this piece, I never made a title for any of my poetry from 2022/23, but I think there’s beauty in complete incompletion, and so I think I’ll leave it empty.

[alixghf]

Ghost

I started smoking—when I’m stressed,

It makes me feel closer to you—the brand you always used.

It’s not good for me—I know—don’t tell mum,

But the smell—brings me back—to my childhood.

The taste—bitter on my tongue,

Burning my throat.

Making it feel more—like a chore,

But—what can I do—I can’t let go.

The way I searched through your closet,

For that coat—the one you always used to wear.

It feels like a hug,

But—I know—it could never really be the same.

I’m scared—I’ll forget,

No longer—your little girl.

You didn’t write me nearly enough

And I think—I’m forgetting—your voice.

It feels—like you’re slipping further away,

Mum’s perfume—all used up.

I kept the bottle,

But what happens when it loses its smell too?

I found her recipes—the ones she used to make us,

But really—I can’t make them taste the same.

If I delude myself—it’s almost like you’re here,

But only the ghost—of your ghost.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

looking back I did use far too many em dashes lmao, I can’t really help it though, that’s how it’s meant to be read

hopefully that doesn’t affect the reading for reader’s and it still comes off well

I was sent an inspiration post by a friend (I may have sort of ignored the post and taken a bit of a different direction than the post intended) and this is the general idea that I took from it

[alixghf]

Expired

When’d you last stay the night?

I don’t even want to guess.

Though it doesn’t stop me hoping,

Buying enough groceries for two—like that would make you stay.

If gestures could move you,

You’d be in my arms already.

Watching—waiting—as the groceries go off,

In a home that only hears the voice of one.

I remember waking up to you,

In our bathroom—smiling—as you shaved.

Why does it feel—like a lifetime of loss,

Is replacing all of the happiness I once held?

Your shaving cream,

Half full.

For how long?

It’s well past the ‘use by’ date.

I don’t want to call this relationship—dragged on,

My heart betraying the pain felt—whenever I see your face.

No longer smiling—not for me,

And yet—freshly shaven still.

You know—that I know,

So why can we never acknowledge it with words?

This relationship,

It’s long since expired.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

I had my friend give me a prompt and he chose this one (I made him rechoose because his first one was satirical (he said dih)) I love how everyday objects can be used to symbolise such a depth of emotion, and I hope I captured that level of emotional vulnerability with my imagery.

I also love the use of cyclical poetry and recurring themes, so I hope that was well executed as well

[alixghf]

Untitled.

(Written 2022)

11:59PM,

But where are you?

Said you’d be out an hour,

And yet now it’s been six.

Sworn he was just a friend,

But of course I know.

Deluding myself,

Because you don’t care enough to make excuses.

Perhaps I’m holding onto that shred of hope,

The light that used to gleam in your eyes.

The light you had when you looked at me,

How you now look at him.

This is an unhealthy game,

I’m playing against myself.

Falling deeper into despair,

Perhaps it’s become a comforting feeling.

Maybe I’ll gather the courage though,

If you hold my hand one last time.

Show me that feeling,

Of your ice cold hand.

As cold as your heart,

As frozen as our once passionate blaze.

If the frost doesn’t kill me,

That stone hard gaze of yours surely will.

Although perhaps I’ve grown to like it,

The way you treat me.

Even if I haven’t,

I’m not sure I could live without it anymore.

So if you don’t mind,

Let me hold onto you.

Reliving the warm memories we once shared,

Living through the pain of your indifferent touch.

Perhaps your presence is enough,

To bring meaning to my life.

Even when you couldn’t care less for that,

Couldn’t care less for me.

So look at me,

Please, before I do something I shouldn’t.

Delude me, how I delude myself,

It’s not easy on my own.

Make me feel like we’re in this together,

One last time.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

“Is this the promised end?” - King Lear

this is the unpolished, original version of the poem, so I hope it can be overlooked if it’s not up to par lol, I think there’s a sort of emotional rawness in this poem in its full, unedited state

[alixghf]

Untitled.

(Written 2022 revised 2025)

The spark we once had,

Which warmed my very soul.

Has faded to embers,

Nothing left but that bitter loneliness.

You’re just out of reach,

But that’s alright.

Because from the start—I knew,

It wouldn’t last.

For this love—was never enough,

For the three of us.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

another poem from 2022, the revisions are quite drastic for some of these lol, I really do hope they come off well still

a poem about being second choice, but loving too much to care

[alixghf]

Untitled.

(Written 2022 revised 2025)

I want to shower you with love,

To dance with you under the moon.

But instead,

I sit alone beneath the stars.

Clutching an empty bottle,

Wondering where it all went wrong.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

if you can’t tell I’m an angst fanatic lol, if I ever manage to pull myself together enough to pursue my interests I’ll be writing a book, and I promise you the backstories will be tragic too lol. I’m kind of hoping to find moots so I can share my writing passion with someone who’d care 🥀

[alixghf]

An Empty Slate.

(Written 2022 revised 2025)

I gave you another chance,

Said we’d start off with an empty slate.

You smiled—lovingly,

I took it as a yes.

Your behaviour didn’t change,

It was still the same.

The same hurtful words,

The same broken home.

After all this,

I told you we were done.

But you pleaded—again,

For one final chance.

Those eyes—the ones I lose myself in,

Stopped me from saying no.

I offered my heart once more,

After collecting the pieces.

But once again,

You treated it without care.

The same cycle,

Only ever repeating.

I came to realise,

After so long,

An empty slate,

That’s all our relationship was.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

another from my archive lol, not one of my best but I hope it still carries across well

[alixghf]

Silence

Nothing,

Just silence.

So why—does it feel,

Like my heart—is jumping—out of my chest.

My breath shallow,

Laboured.

Like the walls—of this lonely home,

Were closing in.

And I know…

I don’t want to.

And it feels—as though I shouldn’t,

And yet—how can I help—that I do?

My heart so full—yet empty,

Of things I can’t bear to name.

But—I think—I’ll miss it when it’s gone,

The pain—the heartache—so familiar.

Losing you—I fear—is losing myself,

But what—can I offer but silence—to your silence.

I’m sure if you dig—you’ll find something of value,

So—God—let me be worth the effort.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

This is most personal I’ve ever gotten with poetry, it’s a personal piece. Why does it feel like my heart is climbing out of my throat? And why isn’t it just a bad thing that it does? Anyway I hope this can resonate

[alixghf]

Untitled.

(Written 2022 revised 2025)

Looking at your back,

Watching you leave.

Hearing your excuses—your sweet nothings,

My heart feels full—but only with ache.

The meaning’s gone,

Only empty words remain.

I pick up the broken pieces each time,

Maybe I feel comfort in the pain.

Perhaps I’ll become another broken toy,

That you’ll end up throwing away.

But before that happens,

Tell me you need me—one more time.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

I changed it quite a lot but I think the original intent remains, I hope it reads well, I didn’t want to change the original wording too much so if it doesn’t come off too well I hope it’s forgivable lol

[alixghf]

Untitled.

(Written 2022 revised 2025)

Looking into your eyes,

I no longer feel the same.

That joy and fullness I once felt,

Now only feels like empty fulfilment.

Being with you and being without you,

I feel empty all the same.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

another poem from the past, my older pieces seem to circle mostly around heartbreak lol

[alixghf]

Us.

Romance is a test,

Love a battle.

To have something of value,

You have to prove it worthwhile.

So of course—hardships,

Should hold no bearing—over us.

Us—together a team,

Isn’t that how it’s meant to be?

Instead we argue,

Shouting as though it’s second nature.

I look into your eyes for the answer,

How did we—fall into this?

Your eyes offer no response,

I’ve long since lost you.

No longer able,

Unable to read each other.

Maybe each other is all there is,

I feel like a stranger.

Once able to find myself through you,

Looking now feels foreign.

I look at you and think,

Is this not worth fighting for?

But more than that, maybe…

Loving you is a fight, one that I want to lose.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

maybe love shouldn’t feel like a war

[alixghf]

Untitled.

(Written in 2022, revised in 2025)

I miss those times,

When we were just ourselves.

We said we’d run away,

Enjoy our lives together.

I declined,

Knowing it wasn’t good for you.

Perhaps if I’d agreed,

We wouldn't have turned out like this.

Unlovingly pushed,

To meet unrealistic expectations.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

something I wrote in 2022 and edited recently, it’s funny how things can change and yet still stay the same. I’m not the same person as back then and yet my writing quirks have stayed relatively the same.

[alixghf]

Yours

A love letter to you,

You, you, the wonderful you.

You, who my thoughts are consumed,

As if nothing else were to exist.

Looking at you—a door,

A gateway—to depths no other.

Losing myself,

Through you—no danger.

For what is danger,

Myself invited?

As long as it’s you,

Us—yours.

And yet,

It almost feels like a dream.

Where I wish,

That I’d never fallen asleep in the first place.

That feeling—of incomplete completeness,

Because I know—that you won’t feel the same.

And yet I still feel,

Like nothing could matter less.

So what could I be,

If not yours.

Yours—like a summers’ day,

That breeze—21 degrees—your favourite.

Like a winter’s eve,

In blankets—swaddled together—warm.

Akin to late nights—drinking,

Tipsy—that feeling of mellowness—with you.

But nothing—to the kiss from your lips,

Nothing—comparable.

So when I’m asked,

Even if not official.

What could I be,

If not yours?

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

a poem about being someone’s, even if they don’t know it

[alixghf]

About This Blog;

Welcome to my small corner of the internet — a library of words I want to share with the world. Where poems pave a way to the heart and stories an open door to the imagination.

I post original poems and stories (excerpts or short stories) for fellow writers and readers alike. I’m here to connect with likeminded individuals who share a passion for the written word.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

✍️ all my writing: #alixwrites