#dependency

[relaxedstyles]

[jassimstudio]

Obsession

Ko-fi | Instagram

[star-girlfriend]

I confuse instinct with desire - isn’t bite also touch?

(Wolf OR-7 Natalie Diaz)

i’m your man mitski // cop car mitski // unknown // canisalbus tumblr // unknown (tiktok) // pinterest // sarah alex g // unknown // let dead dogs lie silas denver melvin

[thepersonalwords]

To have a desire means to have dependency.

Dada Bhagwan

[alpaca-clouds]

Something about the Astarion romance

There is one thing about the Astarion romance, that I kinda feel like should be talked about a bit more.

Now, I am very much a lover of the Astarion romance. I just wanna hug that horriblem man. He definitely needs all the hugs you can give him. But...

We are all aware that the relationship - at least for now - is not a healthy one, right?

Like, no matter whether you let him ascend or not, the relationship is one of emotional dependency. Astarion is going to be emotionally dependent on the player character, no matter whether it is Tav, Durge or one of the other Origins.

Which is completely natural, mind you. Of course someone with his trauma will just latch onto the one person who makes him feel good emotionally and not let go. Duh. For someone that traumatized that is completely natural behavior.

It is this fact that drives him so much, when it comes to the Ascension Ritual. If you have played the game not romancing him, you might have noticed, that at least dialogue wise he is much easier convinced that maybe the ritual is a bad idea. Like, sure, the persuasion checks are still the same, but in the dialogue choices, when he goes: "Oh, all the power I could have." And you go: "I don't think that's a good idea." When you are a friend he is just going to go: "Hmm, I don't know. Maybe you are right." But if you are romancing him? Then he is going to be all: "I am doing it for us, my sweet!"

And I think the main reason behind this is, that this is the first time in a long while that he allows himself to really care about someone else and he is so fucking afraid that he is going to loose you. Thinking that Ascension would allow him to protect you. (Which of course does go south fairly quickly, if you let him ascend, because in that case he mistakes control for protection.)

But even if he does not ascend, he is still very emotionally dependent. And post-game it is going to take work for him to overcome this dependency. Because while his dependency as a vampire spawn is much less toxic compared to Ascended Astarion, it is not good. Especially not for him.

I see a lot of "How sad is it, that if you have a short-lived Tav (like a human, halfling or orc) Astarion will see him die rather soon, even if he gets healed?"

And I am like... Alright, here is my death positivity coming through. Sure, it is sad, but... if Astarion is not completely dependent on Tav/Durge/whoever... It is going to be alright. It is not going to be soul crushing. Like, even a short life well lived is worth more celebrating than mourning, right?

Just, you know... something to think about. Something to consider.

[fertilisedovumcell]

Passive dependency

Source: The Road Less Travelled - M. Scott Peck

Passive dependency has its genesis in lack of love.

The inner feeling of emptiness from which passive dependent people suffer is the direct result of their parents' failure to fulfil their needs for affection, attention and care during their child-hood.

It was mentioned in the first section that children who are loved and cared for with relative consistency throughout childhood enter adulthood with a deep-seated feeling that they are lovable and valuable and therefore will be loved and cared for as long as they remain true to themselves.

Children growing up in an atmosphere in which love and care are lacking or given with gross inconsistency enter adulthood with no such sense of inner security.

Rather, they have an inner sense of insecurity, a feeling of "I don't have enough" and a sense that the world is unpredictable and ungiving, as well as a sense of themselves as being questionably lovable and valuable.

It is no wonder, then, that they feel the need to scramble for love, care and attention

wherever they can find it, and once having found it, cling to it with a desperation that leads them to unloving, manipulative, Machiavellian behaviour that destroys the very relationships they seek to preserve.

As also indicated in the previous section, love and discipline go hand in hand, so that unloving, uncaring parents are people lacking in discipline, and when they fail to provide their children with a sense of being loved, they also fail to provide them with the capacity for self-discipline.

Thus the excessive dependency of the passive dependent individuals is only the principal manifestation of their personality disorder.

Passive dependent people lack self-discipline.

They are unwilling or unable to delay gratification of their hunger for attention.

In their desperation to form and preserve attachments they throw honesty to the winds. They cling to outworn relationships when they should give them up. Most important, they lack a sense of responsibility for themselves.

They passively look to others, frequently even their own children, as the source of their happiness and fulfilment, and therefore when they are not happy or fulfilled they basically feel that others are responsible.

Consequently they are endlessly angry, because they endlessly feel let down by others who can never in reality fulfil all their needs or "make" them happy.

I have a colleague who often tells people, "Look, allowing yourself to be dependent on another person is the worst possible thing you can do to yourself. You would be better off being dependent on heroin. As long as you have a supply of it, heroin will never let you down; if it's there, it will always make you happy. But if you expect another person to make you happy, you'll be endlessly disappointed."

As a matter of fact, it is no accident that the most common disturbance that passive dependent people manifest beyond their relationships to others is dependency on drugs and alcohol.

Theirs is the "addictive" personality.

"They are addicted to people, sucking on them and gobbling them up, and when people are not available to be sucked and gobbled, they often turn to the bottle or the needle or the pill as a people-substitute."

In summary, dependency may appear to be love because it is a force that causes people to fiercely attach themselves to one another. But in actuality it is not love; it is a form of antilove. It has its genesis in a parental failure to love and it perpetuates the failure.

It seeks to receive rather than to give. It nourishes infantilism rather than growth. It works to trap and constrict rather than to liberate. Ultimately it destroys rather than builds relationships, and it destroys rather than builds people.

[giafluffer]

[whump-place]

When Whumpee needs Whumper. Not because they want to, but because they need to.

Maybe they are sick, and Whumper has the power of healing them. Or maybe they just have been so conditioned to be near Whumper and to accept their abuses that it has become normal for them.

They know it's toxic. They know that's not right. But that's the only thing they know.

Anger, and violence, and cruelty, because Whumper has the control over them. After a long time surrounded by nothing but toxicity taking a breath of fresh air feels like burning inside.

And when they are with Caretaker they start to question small things of their new life.

Whumper wouldn't like that curtains color. That's not the way Whumper would have reacted. Whumper hates coffee, tea is much better.

Whumpee doesn't need Whumper anymore, Caretaker is much better and kinder and doesn't manipulate them or hurt them as a price for their help.

And even then, for some reason, Whumpee just... misses Whumper.

[leosh444]

Please just love me.

[ethiack]

How America Became So Stupid

[mvpdepressed]

- I’ll love you forever sid

- you will?

- yes that’s the problem

[astoriamalfoy1]

Chapter 12: broken

TW: imprisonment, captivity, physical violence, rape / non-con, trauma bonding, possessive behavior, toxic relationship, power imbalance

Hours later, the blood on her lip had dried.

Lucius sat in the chair beside the bed; his gaze was fixed at Astoria’s back. The slow rise and fall of her breathing. She hadn’t spoken once after. He liked that. It meant she understood.

She was pliable now. Not perfect, not yet - but close. He studied the curve of her spine beneath he sheets. Her silence wasn’t numbness, it was devotion. She hadn’t even asked about the boy this time. That pleased him more than anything.

He finished his drink and set the glass down quietly. Then he leaned forward, brushing her hair away from her neck. She didn’t stir. He kissed her once, lightly, behind her ear - a claiming, nothing more - before he straightened and left the room, locking the door behind him.

Astoria’s thighs ached where he had gripped her too hard. Her body still bore the heat of what he’d taken from her - not as a lover, but as a man who had claimed her, used her, walked away.

But he had chosen her. And now, her body bore his mark in more ways than one.

The bruises forming along her hips…the soreness between her legs…the sting at her lips…they were proof. That she still had worth. If he hated her, he wouldn’t have touched her. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have taken her.

Sometimes, it felt like love. When he touched her, when he pressed his mouth to her throat and whispered mine against her skin, she felt real again. Like more than a shadow locked in a room.

[deviousreign]

That urge to make wifey implode

[alixghf]

Untitled.

(Written 2022)

11:59PM,

But where are you?

Said you’d be out an hour,

And yet now it’s been six.

Sworn he was just a friend,

But of course I know.

Deluding myself,

Because you don’t care enough to make excuses.

Perhaps I’m holding onto that shred of hope,

The light that used to gleam in your eyes.

The light you had when you looked at me,

How you now look at him.

This is an unhealthy game,

I’m playing against myself.

Falling deeper into despair,

Perhaps it’s become a comforting feeling.

Maybe I’ll gather the courage though,

If you hold my hand one last time.

Show me that feeling,

Of your ice cold hand.

As cold as your heart,

As frozen as our once passionate blaze.

If the frost doesn’t kill me,

That stone hard gaze of yours surely will.

Although perhaps I’ve grown to like it,

The way you treat me.

Even if I haven’t,

I’m not sure I could live without it anymore.

So if you don’t mind,

Let me hold onto you.

Reliving the warm memories we once shared,

Living through the pain of your indifferent touch.

Perhaps your presence is enough,

To bring meaning to my life.

Even when you couldn’t care less for that,

Couldn’t care less for me.

So look at me,

Please, before I do something I shouldn’t.

Delude me, how I delude myself,

It’s not easy on my own.

Make me feel like we’re in this together,

One last time.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋯ ❦ ⋯

“Is this the promised end?” - King Lear

this is the unpolished, original version of the poem, so I hope it can be overlooked if it’s not up to par lol, I think there’s a sort of emotional rawness in this poem in its full, unedited state

[theloverofbugs]