bloodshift

[bloodshift]

Shout out to folks with Albinism!

[bloodshift]

Major art block!! Finally produced a a piece of two.

I had to screenshot my bird girl BCS somehow it was showing up so weird when downloade

Like?! Whys it look so different. Like unfinished?

But here's my first break outta my art block.

[bloodshift]

I am a 19 year old mixed albino woman.

Let's talk about representation.

As an albino there are not many characters I can think of that have actually stated to have albinism. However, there are many characters I have been compared to.

I am an albino, I have the basic features of pale skin, white hair, violet eyes and when I was younger a tendency to wear more conservative clothing to protect my skin.

I grew up watching or reading about characters who had these traits described oddly. As if they were unnatural in their world for their looks and even more unnatural with the usual ice powers given to these characters.

My main comparisons in life were both for characters that fit into this area. Ice powered Elsa or evil/mean spirited Malfoys. Neither had/were claimed to have any of the visual impairment that tends to come with albinism.

I resented both comparisons growing up mostly because I was bullied for the very look that made Elsa iconic; the Malfoys villainous pursuits didn't help when bright cameras and school pictures showed my "evil" light effected red eyes. I was either demonic or lucky.

This wasn't my first experience with my peers' judgment on my name, my skin, my eyes and racial judgments to my person. Those that could "tell" I'm mixed and made comments such as sheeps fur to my dry curls. To late bus afternoon rides where Mya was made into Mayo. I preferred this treatment to that of my peers sudden discovery of my features in some type of content or character that isn't albino or doesn't have visual impairment that comes with it. I hated and resented their ignorance.

I hated how in science class-specifically in 7th grade- all eyes would turn to me as we read an article on albinism. How suddenly my peers had empathy, how I was questioned or interrogated all day by strangers. upi understand now in rural schools where the disabled was few, my peers had even fewer examples of someone who looked like me while having this visual impairment.

My peers and I had the same question: why couldn't I be normal?

One or the other. Disabled or different appearance. Why both?

I experienced a very positive type of representation or open discussion on social media.

I remember the moment very vividly, it was after school where I had a really good day and felt good. Didn't matter in the end. My parents were at work and I was bored. I was scrolling and stumbled on a man's post. He like me, had albinism.

In a mere moment I was scrolling under the tag: albinism. Hearing and seeing so many stories that talked about experiences to day to day life. I remember crying very hard. No this wasn't the first time I've seen another albino but in those times it was a project about DNA and repressive traits, YouTube channels about being "unique", articles celebrating differences or someone talking about their favorite or a cool animal. This was talking about the disability or problems that come with the "cool" look from people with albinism. This was people sharing experiences not for some company profiting from speaking on it but for other albinos. This was people with albinism talking about albinism uninfluenced by others. It wasn't being shamed or removed, it was openly talked about. It wasn't a scientist or researcher talking.

That mattered .

So when speaking on representation I think back to that moment when I felt seen by another person or algorithm that acknowledged what I experienced as a person because they felt the same. Not similar or alike. The same.

I think for many people who don't notice it, but don't need to. Don't understand the why. The: why would someone deliberately seek something with that particular information or representation.? The: why would you need to?

To that I say, to understand that you are normal, that these negative experiences you grow up with are not because of you- yourself- that there's nothing fundamentally wrong with you. That it's an unfortunate common experience for those that fit into minorities no matter how large or small it is. That the "unique" labels they place on you, are not true. To prove to those apart of any minority or community that live in very small or isolated areas they are not the problem. It's to feel that you are not stuck in one category your whole life and that you can do something. Even when no one else in your "category" has.

[bloodshift]

I'd like to step into the tar

Let it fill my lungs 

Taste the ashes of her

The smell ofher bloodied body

My hands their own earth quake

I ended her

Or maybe it was you?

With words like knives

Family ties that created lies

Urns of familiar devastation 

Castles of travesty

Reign of a tyranical killer

Shredded my soul then asked for seconds 

Boiled my heart then replaced it with glass

It never fails to shatter

My ruined fingers attempt to rebuild 

Structures of this person

Broken by your vicious hurricanes of narcissism 

Drunk off your power

One bottle after another

Turned my faith against me 

My mother too

My bearer hates her own creation

You sit on a thrown of victory 

She chose you

Even as you demolish her

I knew her as strong

She was a volcanoes compared to my rocky mountains 

Yet you made her weak

My loath for her burns mountains 

Yet I see her shattered pieces crumbling all around me

My creater being erased from me

My own fear punchers wounds of my own creation 

You entered here when we were one neat picture

Soon you'll be the only one here 

Hands drenched in her blood

My own bloodied parts sprinkling from above

Your crown pieces of souls 

A shattered sight I long to fight

A battle I fear I'm loosing 

I hope for approval 

Pray for your pride

Neither will I gain

College came so did my evacuation 

From webs of bruised lies 

And realms of never ending showers

Asking for more

How shall I deliver the remains 

Of the girl you killed

My how does it feel

To slaughter what's around you

Now who shall love you 

In the devastation you created