butch-reidentified - Tumblr blog

[butch-reidentified]

10 Abusive Men’s conversational tactics every woman should be aware of:

1. Domination of conversation - at any cost

It simply doesn’t matter what it takes - making up a story, repeating the same issue over and over again, increasing the volume of his voice, calling you out on unrelated-unreal issues, taking on a threatening pose to get your attention, getting angry if you don’t carefully listen to what he has to say, throwing a tantrum, accusing you of talking too much, beating down your words, I have even seen abusive men cause fights because they wanted to dominate a conversation with a woman. Last time I tried to talk to a woman, while abusive man was standing next to her, he actually physically dragged her away, just so she wouldn’t be able to get my attention, because I refused to give it to him instead. In their minds, this is reasonable, because they feel we owe them that much, and if we refuse to make them the center of attention, it’s aggression on our part, and any action to beat us down to submission is acceptable and “nothing else should be expected of him”.

2. “What I have to say is important at the moment - every moment.”

You were trying to tell a story? He immediately comes up with a vaguely related story that happened to someone he knew that is somehow suddenly more relevant than what you wanted to say. You were trying to prove a point? He’s going to prove a different point. You have a problem that bothers you? His much smaller problem is bothering him much more, to the point where you have to feel bad for bringing your problem up in the first place. You have an achivement you’re proud of? Wait until you hear what he has done at some point in time that right now feels more relevant to him. In his mind, what you have to say simply doesn’t matter and it’s on him to figure out how to slowly bring that down to you, so you’d finally shut up and accept that his confidence is to be worshipped, yours beaten down.

3. Personal attack

Focus will be on you only if it makes you look bad. If you dared to insist that you’re heard and given a basic bit of attention, or, heavens forbid, said something that goes against his opinions and actions, you will immediately find yourself under a personal attack. You’ll be called out on things that have nothing to do with the subject. You will be deemed unfit to even speak about issues that matter to you. Suddenly, even the issues that you have personal experience and endless statistical data and proof, are not yours to speak of because “he knows better”. You’ll be called slurs, humiliated, discredited, all your knowledge of the subject will be perceived as “silly” and “wrong”, not to mention you’re a horrible person for daring to speak your mind on the subject. The point of personal attack is to make you look bad, but you’re not supposed to notice how it makes him look way worse, you’re supposed to feel rightfully called out and humbled, and fail to notice how your basic human right of speech is being trampled on, how you’re being silenced and hurt by emotional and psychological abuse by a man who found himself threatened by truth you pointed out.

4. Double Standards

“I’m a man” is an excuse not to listen, not to sympathize, not to offer compassion, not to take responsibility for his actions, not to bother with “woman logic”, not to question the consequences of his actions, not to feel guilty for indulging in primarily male behaviour that harms women but is excusable because “all men do it”. “You’re a woman” is an excuse to hold you responsible for men’s actions, and obliged to please men, to maintain your social value and appearance up to certain standards, to fulfill all male expectations and fantasies and ideas about what you should be, otherwise what good you are for? And even if you do all that, you’ll end up reduced to a slur and disposed of whenever it pleases a man to do just that. And don’t be surprised, what did you expect? They’re men.

5. Social Truth

Logic, statistics, experiences, facts, consequences and practical knowledge all have zero value before men’s social perception of what’s going on. Men have already decided that it’s them who’s suffering the worst. They’ve already decided they’re the one who need better treatment and more privileges and liberation from oppression. Men have affirmed this with each other, they’ve agreed amongst themselves that women are oppressive, bother them too much, ask for too much, don’t give them enough, don’t do enough for them. How could women expect for their issues to be taken seriously when men don’t feel like they’ve done enough for them? Men will offer you countless examples where he was expecting something from a woman and she didn’t fulfil it, so how dare she imply she could be the one who’s oppressed? How dare any woman claim anything about her life, her body, her experiences, her problems? Men have already agreed they know better, they feel confident about it because his friends and male relatives and co-workers and bosses and acquaintances will all confirm to him he’s exactly right, he’s telling the truth, how could some miser woman now claim differently? She must be stupid. Truth commonly accepted among men will ignore all evidence, all male privilege, all objective truth, all statistics, all proof. They don’t examine it critically more than “is this going in our favour” and that’s all they need to yell it from rooftops, to violently shut down every woman’s voice claiming differently, speaking from different perspective. They have support. They have backup. Countless men will agree with them. It’s all they need. Truth doesn’t matter.

6. What they don’t consider lying

Nothing is lying. If a lie needs to be told in order for a man to get something out of a woman he otherwise wouldn’t get - it’s considered fair play, in his mind. How could you blame him? After all, if he didn’t lie, he wouldn’t get what he wanted? Isn’t this how all people do things? Isn’t it a way of life? How could you expect him to tell the truth when it wasn’t going in his favour? He won’t even feel guilty. But instead, if you don’t react to his lie the way you should have - in his mind - then you are the bad one. How could you not believe his word, give him your full trust and obedience and perfect reactions he so deeply deserves? How could you even consider that he would lie to you? You don’t know what’s real, you can’t act like he’s lying when you don’t even know if he is. He is excused in saying any lie at all, but you aren’t allowed to doubt it, otherwise how will he get what he wanted and feel completely free of guilt while doing it? You should enable that much to a man, to lie and get away with it, get all he wants, and to feel like a genius for tricking everyone in such a cunning way. Oh, and you shouldn’t feel cheated and lied to because, you know, it wasn’t personal, it was just so he could get what he wants, you weren’t a person to him in this entire scheme, just a prop, you should feel stupid for falling for it, but you know, it’s his win.

7. “I’m reasonable” voice tone

All your passion and emotions that get out of you while you speak that would normally be a proof of how important and valuable talking about this issue is to you, yet he decides to perceive as you obviously spouting nonsense from being too emotional. Does he know you’re telling the truth? Of course he does. Does he know how being invalidated and accused of being “too emotional” and “hysterical” hurts you? Of course he does. Does he care? No. All he wants from you in that moment is to adapt to perspective that benefits him, rather than the one you’re presenting - you know, the one that actually expresses what’s going on and leads to acknowledgment and resolving of your problems. He isn’t interested in you being in less pain or you speaking out the truth, or you struggling less or you bringing to light how much you’re struggling with. Be reasonable. Adapt male perspective. See yourself how men see you. Quit having your own perspective, you know that’s not reasonable. Quit showing emotions about an issue that is of a big personal value to you. Look at me. I’m reasonable. You mean nothing to me. Your struggles mean nothing to me. Be like that. Don’t mean anything to yourself. Be only a benefit to me. Then you too can pretend all your issues are made up. After all your pain means nothing in comparison to benefits we get from it. It’s easy to speak with “I’m reasonable” voice and straight, emotionless face while talking about an issue that doesn’t affect you whatsoever, and you don’t care about the one who is affected, and benefit from what they’re suffering from.

8. “How can you call me out when there’s worse men”

You should be grateful he isn’t worse. He could do worse. He knows he could. He saw other men doing much worse, and thought to himself “damn, I’m nice, this is how things are done when women don’t listen” instead of, you know, intervening and saving someone from abuse like a decent person would do. He saw how cruel men are in other parts of the world. He made sure to remember it and inform women what they could expect from worse men, to remind them to be grateful that he, a nice man, isn’t like that. Now, if you’re going to call anyone out, you should first make sure to call out every guy who is worse, otherwise how is this fair towards him? If a guy who did worse isn’t called out, but he, the “nice” guy is, that is the greatest injustice ever done to mankind, and he will feel hurt and things will be unfair for him. What about you, you ask? What about him hurting you that caused you to call him out in the first place? Oh what’s fair to you doesn’t matter, you are the one who needs to make the world fair for him, or, you know, he might get worse, and it will be entirely your fault, since you didn’t arrange the world to be absolutely and completely fair towards him.

9. “I decide how you should react/your reaction is a provocation.”

Your behaviour is decided by his rules, and every single emotion, thought and action you make should only be made in his convenience. It lies on the premise that only he gets to be a human being and show his emotions freely and react the way he wants, you unfortunately, do not get the human privileges, if you react the humane way - get upset when you’re hurt, get angry when things are unfair and infuriating, point out double standards, argue and demand that your word matters too, want to have your feeling acknowledged or even argue that you have a say in how you should be treated - you’ve overstepped, and suddenly you are all wrong and whatever he does to you in return is what you deserved by provoking him. That’s, right, you being a human being is a provocation, it’s a dangerous straying from the object you’re supposed to be - that you are in his eyes, and you have to be “shown your place”, because after all, his convenience is more important than your life, and you’re only there to obey him and make him feel good about himself. Even while he’s hurting you. Even while he’s using you. Even while you’re reduced to a less than a human being.  

10. “You haven’t considered this issue from my perspective enough”

After all, you should look at things from his perspective. But you do. There’s never been a moment you didn’t consider his perspective. Just as there’s never been a moment he has considered yours. And the mere idea of taking a moment to consider your perspective - if he’s even aware that you can have one, and that your words aren’t just there to be crushed until he gets his way - is offensive and crazy to him. Instead, you get called out for not seeing things his way enough. As if you’re the one who is inconsiderate and refusing to acknowledge that he is just a human and that you can’t expect that much from him. But you’ve never forgotten that he’s a human. And you never expected that much, just to not be continually hurt and used by him, and to be treated like a valued human being. But suddenly this is too much? Too much to expect from a fellow human being? Isn’t it a lot like he’s forgotten you’re a human being, and calling you out on something that he actually did? Cruel hypocrisy that he doesn’t even seem to notice because it’s so natural and normal to him to call you out for his own wrongdoings, and to attack you if you’re not willing to obediently take blame.

@women: If a man is talking in this fashion he will get worse, not better. Ditch him at any cost.

@men: this was a list of abusive behaviour, if you don’t do any of these, there’s no reason for you to feel called out, if you do feel called out, I have bad news for you.

[butch-reidentified]

thank you so much!!! 💓

[butch-reidentified]

if someone could post transcript i would rly appreciate it 🥲

[butch-reidentified]

there are, and I say this with 100% confidence, no flaws on any woman's body

[butch-reidentified]

Concept Drawings

The following sketches detail a rough outline of the yarning circle, aiming to incorporate placemaking principles relevant to the rich Turrbal and Yuggera history of the Northshore site and its waterfront location.

The rainbow serpent design directly relates to the Dreaming Serpent of the Brisbane River, a dreamtime story celebrated by local Aboriginal tribes and honoured in ceremony by the Turrbal people. The planter and shade sail aim to make the space feel inviting and warm, adding lush character to the predominately concrete space.

Various plaques will be positioned on the shade sail poles, narrating the dreamtime story of the Dreaming Serpent. Traditional Custodians will be engaged in the entire process, ensuring their voice, agency and perspectives are respected and incorporated throughout. The Rainbow Serpent artwork and the yarning circle itself serves as a medium for storytelling, education and economic stimulus for First Nations people.

[butch-reidentified]

Most important single thing any feminist ever told me: Empowerment is not a feeling.

I need to add to that, now that I'm older and have more perspective and experience: Empowerment, when obtained by a person who has lived in oppression, and in any legitimate material form, will not arrive bearing gifts of comfort and familiarity for its host.

the entire fucking reply section looked like this from men

I never want to hear another man complain about how women aren't nice enough to them or don't care about men's issues

WOMEN don't respond like this when something terrible happens to anybody

I am absolutely fed up and sickened by men

[butch-reidentified]

I cannot believe in the year 2024 popular media sites are still referring to child sex trafficking victims as “sex workers”

[butch-reidentified]

the idea that men on average can reasonably be considered personally stable or have deeply held convictions... 💀

“Male culture ensures that women’s anger is not taken seriously (and thus that women’s anger will not lead to social change) by defining anger in women as pathological. Broverman et al. (1972) found that mental health professionals judged aggression to be a trait associated with a healthy man, but not a healthy woman. Feinblatt and Gold (1976) found that more girls than boys were referred to children’s mental health centers for being defiant and verbally aggressive. Aggressive girls described in hypothetical case studies were rated both by graduate students in psychology and by parents as more disturbed, as being more in need of treatment, and as having poorer prognosis than boys described with identical problems. Hochschild (1983) found that males who displayed anger were thought to have deeply held convictions, while females were considered personally unstable.”

— Dee L. R. Graham, Loving to Survive (via reading-blog)

[butch-reidentified]

people r always saying “get therapy” 2 ppl who have actually had too much therapy and need to do two years of a brutal physical labor job instead Genuinely no more therapy-speak and obsessing over the supposed intricacies of your average mind for you get your ass on the Alaskan salmon fishing boat

[butch-reidentified]

Fundraiser by Tatiana Simmons : Help Tatiana Secure a Home and Car

This is my friend Tatiana. She was the first neighbor I ever had who said hello to me, seemed genuinely invested in my well-being. We were always borrowing things from each other and seeing if the other could use something extra we had. She knocked on my door freaking out, asking me to kill a roach for her lol. Memories.

We were neighbors together in a largely black and disabled apartment complex until these new owners came in and basically started evicting everyone, jacking up the rent, typical shit landlord stuff but it was very racialized and discriminatory. So that added an extra level of dehumanization.

They also behaved badly towards the stray animals.

they harassed a lovely vibrant and brilliant elderly blind black woman who was a great inspiration to me, terry, out of her home, and many other people I had grown quite close to. I felt a sense of community there and watched as it was slowly torn apart.

There was a maintenance man who broke into my friend's home and who management did nothing about. She was so terrified she had steak knives on every window sill. Both of us have been traumatized by men and deal with daily stress and anxiety through the roof. And they just let him keep working and living there.

There was also extensive mold in her apartment which they did nothing about, I'm sure in an attempt to drive her out.

Her little girl just started school and the old apartment was close enough to walk but they just kicked her out. She was the last black person there. They ended my lease the previous year which they don't have to legally provide any explanation for. I knew it was discriminatory at the time, done for petty reasons by a really vicious white lady, but did not want to fight to stay somewhere I ultimately was not wanted. Don't want to feel constantly surveilled in the place where I live. All that to say, the new apartment my friend is trying to move into is going to be too far to walk and if she wants to be able to work and get her daughter to school, a car will also be necessary.

To get really personal- both of us as disabled black women have been pretty continuously chewed up and spat out, and spat on. It's rough being treated everyday as less than, not worthy, to have people actively saying you don't deserve to live. This woman means a lot to me. 100s of my money goes to her and her daughter monthly but still not enough n it's hard to stay afloat. If anyone donated it would of course provide financial support but also just a huge emotional and spiritual burden could be lifted and maybe she could feel like she could breathe.

Ahem. Anyway please Rb etc

[butch-reidentified]

what is a man gona do to protect me from FIRE that a female can't do??????

and yeah i keep guns and so does my wife but yk what? I'm an avid outdoors fan and survivalist and of aaaall the times in my life I've had encounters with potentially deadly wild animals while in a mixed sex group, the men are the biggest crybaby wimps EVERY TIME! I have, as young as ~13 at times, had to rescue grown ass men... including the very man who taught me a bunch of the wilderness survival skills I know when I was little. if men didn't exist I'd be fine and have marginally more free time from the times I didn't have to protect men lmao

[butch-reidentified]

It wrinkles my brain that Jupiter’s moon Europa has oceans that are sixty miles deep, while Earth’s oceans only reach seven miles deep at most. I’m willing to bet good money that there’s life in Europa’s oceans. Like five bucks. You hear me, NASA? I bet you five bucks that there’s life on Europa… Now that there’s money and reputation on the line, I bet they send a mission there real quick.

[butch-reidentified]

cre @coralillough

[butch-reidentified]

U.S. conservatives always talk about creating jobs but get SO MAD whenever anyone mentions banning prison labor like imagine the insane ammout of jobs that would be created literally overnight if companies in your country had to actually employ people instead of using slave labor from people that got caught with weed 10 years ago.

[butch-reidentified]

i actually hate this. I've largely switched to audiobooks bc I tend to read with my wife who's very dyslexic and reading conventionally is very frustrating for her. she really couldn't enjoy reading before Audible and now absolutely loves it.

This conversation is so fucking funny to me

[butch-reidentified]

petition to ban r/dykeconversion

I know petitions aren't often too effective, but what's the harm in trying?

here is more context from r/PornIsMisogyny: but be warned ⚠️

[butch-reidentified]

petition to ban r/dykeconversion

I know petitions aren't often too effective, but what's the harm in trying?

here is more context from r/PornIsMisogyny: but be warned ⚠️