call-me-alorras

[call-me-alorras]

Hey, so I don't really know if anyone is gonna see this, I don't really care, I think I will feel better knowing that this message is somewhere.

I'm not really lucky, life keeps giving half assed gifts and everything is always really bad timed. Everytime I get a new job I get sick the first week, then I get my period when I'm not supposed to, last winter I worked in a restaurant and I swear, two weeks in my stomach started to very badly react to acid. Took time to figure it out so I lost my job from being always sick. With my new job I had a tough start, first week I ran out of medicine for my stomach, then I had my period TWICE in a row. You know, life.

I'm 17, crying because I have to pay a rent for my dad's basement that doesn't even have a kitchen, sink or toilet. We have a shower tho. I can't clean the dishes without using my dad's dishwasher upstairs (so I have to carry a shitload of plates and bowls upstairs to get them wash and then get them back down in the basement). Anyway, I don't make enough money right now so I can't pay my dad and I owe him around 2000$ right now that me and my boyfriend have to pay back for the food and living expenses of the last few months. I want to leave this unsanitary lifestyle but I can't even pay the 400$ my dad is charging me every month with the job I have right now. I'm trying to save some money for my dad but I can't get 200$ out of my account without having to cut on the food.

Anyway, I don't think my life is that sad, but I'm 17 and crying because even by giving my health to my job by choosing to work 30h a week while being sick I can't afford a place to sleep and eat without worry. And I know it's common, I actually don't know anyone who isn't struggling financially while working full time. That's crazy.

And I always thought my dad understood me, and I think he does most of the time. But he told me today that's normal for a young adult to struggle. Yeah right, but I don't know, me and my boyfriend are both working, we have to pay rent and a little food but that's it, and we can't even afford that? My dad didn't work for a full year after my birth and only living on my mom's salary. That's how different it is. Two people can't afford what my mom could by working alone with a child to tend to.

Anyway I'm also really sad about the world, I wanna make my own place in it but sometimes I think about how this world is not worth the effort of working 40h a week to live in debts because anyway you can't afford school to finally have a degree that took some much of your life force to get that you already hate the job before actually starting the mundane career you jump into at 16 when you chose what school program you wanted to follow. And then people tell you how normal is it to give up your dream and health and time for a little comfort and a 2 weeks vacation a year. People don't even see their children growing anymore, you birth them and then go back to work because you can't let your career go down, and one day you check on your kid and they're 5 years old but since you just worked and worked you never found time to actually watch your kid and now some really fuck up and untitled asshole pop up everywhere because no one can take care of a kid correctly without letting down their job.

And people don't even care about that! People are rioting for masks and some old farts are now being asshole to a poor customer service worker that doesn't even know why they're working anyway because life on earth is dying so why bother you know?

All this seems pretty depressing, but I actually enjoy life. Smoking a little weed, having fun, a little beer, watching my dog run with his ears in the wind, the little ant on the table looking for food, some candles and a freshly washed bed, a fun car ride, a day out skating, having friends for dinner, talking shit about people in high school, you know, life in its good form. But you know, what's the point really? Why should I give my all to a blur and compromised society that doesn't even give back half. I can't even afford to buy new panties, that's how fucked I am. I have to check my bank account before buying milk, and don't get me started on my phone. I give my time, my life, to a toxic workplace filled with old people who are completely disconnected from the world who remind me everyday how poor this society is, I can only watch them while they buy their chips and soda and frozen food and scream to anyone how free they are and how the world should turn.

I have to deal with people like this around 7h a day, 5 day a week for 350$ and I can't even have my own place. I feel so broken, and let down, and forgotten, and curse, and poor, and dirty, and lazy, and tired, and empty because except working until you die the only option you have is to be fucking lucky and win the lottery of life and maybe have something else to do then die inside.

Anyway, I know life isn't about money, but if I had some I could actually give donation to the cause I support, I could feel safe in my space after a day of dealing with Karens, i could educate myself instead of standing still being a damn cash register and I could have clean and comfortable underwear and that's pretty much all I want...

Oh and I'm so sorry, to all the people changing the world right now, I'm doing my best from home but I can't do much more. Black lives matter. And animal cruelty is making me cry at night. And the president of the United States scares me. This world is wrong, and I wish I could do more to make it right for a lot of people who are suffering for a few white old ass. But I'm struggling to find my own way, I hope the world will still be standing when I'll find a way to live.

Still have a lot to say about how sad this world is but I have to go back to work. :))

[call-me-alorras]

So English isn't my first language and I was sending a meme to my friend and had to write the word green and had to look up if green was the right word because after repeating it in my head multiple time I thought about how green doesn't fit well for the color it's supposed to represent

Like red is great, short, a lot of emotions to it

Blue is calm and soothing

Yellow, so fun and cool

Green is ????

[call-me-alorras]

So... Keith Akira Kogane Lance Charles McClain Akira Charles Chakira.