daybreakmusings

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And it's a wrap. Time to go home all those who still believe in Elain and Azriel getting together. l

When SJM chose to point out this:

And then a few pages later in the same chapter she chose to point this out: (It is Gwyn’s breath)

I knew that Gwynriel was endgame.

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Rhysand and the inner court villainizing Nesta is so nasty and uncalled for. Specifically the blaming of Nesta being the reason Feyre went out to hunt. Because the way it’s written by SJM they are blaming a child for not stopping another child from hunting. They don’t get mad at the father and baby Elain to the point where she can do no wrong so it seems they choose Nesta is to blame for everything that went wrong in Feyre’s life.

I do believe part of this has to do with Nesta actually having a back bone and not allowing anyone to push her around and they don’t like that. But also because of Feyre’s biased narrative. They only know what she has told them. And due to that they refuse to give Nesta a chance and bully her to get her to attack them to prove their own biased narrative.

But to have an entire books beating her down to ‘redeem’ her and give her a terrible mate that treats her like an object without the decency to at least say that he loves her is far too cruel. I’d expect such garbage from fanfiction not a cannon written book.

It’s disgusting and Nesta deserves better that this. Rhysand, Feyre, and the inner court can act like benevolent gods all they want but their cruel nature will always shine through. Nesta sees and knows it and they don’t like it.

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Literally all of this because who does she think she is comparing Nesta to Keir and those other monsters? What has Nesta done that even remotely puts her on the same spectrum as them?

Mor is a joke, and her "powers of truth" conveniently allow her to lie at will. For someone who has lived hundreds of years, it's sickening how easily she demonizes someone who has lived not even a fraction of her long life.

She undeservingly puts herself on a pedestal and measures others to an impossibly high standard that she herself does not meet. She is no saint. None of these characters are.

Mor was definitely a problem in Cassian and Nesta's relationship. She had no problem standing between the two of them and passed judgement on a relationship that only the two people involved seemed to understand.

"Cassian's eyes did not leave Nesta's; nor did hers leave his. There was no warmth, no tenderness on either of their faces. Only that raging intensity, that blend of contempt and understanding and fire."

Nesta and Cassian's relationship has always been something of their own making. Mor had no business trying to interfere, especially when ACOSF and ACOFAS proved that Cassian is capable of his own missteps in their relationship. Imagine the things we didn't get to see behind the scenes in ACOWAR.

Cassian also served a particular need for Mor. A type of security that she used to ward against Azriel. And for some reason, she saw that security more important than Cassian's potential happiness.

I have no idea why SJM built up this dynamic between Nesta, Cassian and Mor only to sweep it under the rug in ACOSF. I remember that Cassian even feared how Mor would react if he saw how much Nesta affected him in their bonus chapter (Wings and Embers I think).

There was of course these moments:

"At the sound of Mor's voice, Cassian snatched his hand back and pivoted toward Mor with a lazy smile. "Nothing for you to cry over, don't worry." Nesta dragged her stare from his face--down to her now empty-hand...Cassian didn't look at Nesta as she rose..."

"Mor had never seemed ruffled by mention of Casein's past lovers. Perhaps because they'd never meant much--not in the ways that counted. But if the Illyrian warrior no longer stood as a physical and emotional buffer between her and Ariel...And worse, if the person who caused that vacancy was Nesta..."

This type of ownership is toxic and possessive. To think Cassian would have to factor in Mor every time he developed a relationship is insane. And it clearly didn't have to be Nesta. Had it been anyone who threatened the status quo, she would've lashed out.

I really wanted to see how their dynamic would play out in their book. How Mor would have reacted and what the aftermath would have looked like had there been some fallout. But SJM seemed to have either forgotten what she had established, or retconned the entire thing (in true SJM fashion).

The only interesting thing that seems to be coming up in the books for Mor is whatever dynamic exists between herself and Eris. I can't remember the exact quote, but there is a suggestion that some hidden truth exists between them...

Either way, Mor remains one of my top hated characters and adds literally nothing to the story besides her Pinterest like quotes, and excessive obsession with the colour red.

to be clear: I hate Mor because she’s not a girl’s girl (though she loves to pretend she is)

I might have considered hating her less if it turned out she was so cruel to Nesta because she was wildly attracted to her and was jealous because she could see how Nesta and Cassian had a thing between them, but she’s clearly just upset at losing the attention of one of the toys she’s had fawning over her for 500 years

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you guys ever think about how cassian’s insecurities were completely made up by the voices in his head while nesta’s insecurities are affirmed by cassian at every presenting opportunity

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I don’t think other parts of this fandom quite understand … Nesta stans get so defensive and are screaming her rights and what she deserves from the rooftop because no one in the actual book is going to do it.

Rhys gets hard on himself and the internal monologue of every character in existence reminds us he’s such a good person and it’s really not a big deal that he killed all those people or drugged Feyre and made her dance naked and twisted her bone because he had a reason so it’s totally fine and he deserves instant forgiveness and worship!!

Feyre gets hard on herself and every character in the series jumps over themselves to say my precious Angel baby darling you have never done a single thing wrong in your whole life!! So what a whole Court got destroyed you were just in a silly goofy mood!! You meant the best! You were wronged and revenge is rightfully yours to take!!

Nesta gets hard on herself and every character in the books including her own mate says yes thank you for recognizing that you are awful and mean and insufferable for saying you don’t like Mor’s dress and like … glaring at people? Don’t you know drinking excessively and having sex is only ok when you do it with a sexy grin??? To the dungeons with you I do believe!!

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“it’s ok that cassian never says i love you cuz he shows it with his actions” it’s a romantasy novel that’s in the romance genre where there’s supposed to be romantic stuff said. also the actions in question

harassing her abt her virginity

physically restraining her after finding she’d been sexually assaulted

following her home when she told him to leave her alone

laughing at her when she was visibly injured

restricting what she eats

forcing her on a hike, making her carry a heavy ass backpack, and never checking on her knowing she was likely suicidal

yeah he loves her soooo much

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obsessed with the idea of nesta’s partner searching human traditions so they can make her happy and feel a little bit more at home

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Woah woah man take a deep breath. No need to get nervous. She is just asking a valid question.

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Waiting for the moment when Nesta has another fight with the IC and Cassian still doesn’t prioritize her. And she realizes that this is not her home, not matter how hard she tries to make amends. It will never be enough for them,she will never be enough.

Waiting for Nesta to take the Trove and her Made swords and Gwydion and LEAVE the NC because she is done with them. And then the IC realizing their f**k ups. Because what is Rhysand “most powerful High Lord” without his best weapon AKA Nesta.

I want him to be afraid of what Nesta could do or worse what she could become. Not knowing where she is or where she is going. Is she staying in this world? Or is she going to another world?

I want him to FREAK OUT and not being able to do anything about it. No matter the powers he has, he has nothing on her.

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Your honor, I have a question 🙋‍♀️ How THE HELL are Cassian and Nesta mates???

Literally according to every couple SJM’s ever written, mates are supposed to accept you at your worst and be understanding of your position and hardships while still helping you to flourish.

Cassian kicked her when she was already down, couldn’t accept her when she was coping with her trauma, and instead of being gentle and helping her find a better alternative so that she could still go at her own pace, he forced her out of her comfort zone so that he could quite literally change her. In the end he did nothing to help, it was her friendship with the Valkyries.

They had chemistry, yes. But the whole emotional vulnerability and pure empathy for your partner and anything beyond the sexual is entirely lacking between the both of them. And they certainly are not equals in their relationships. Their power dynamic was entirely on display in the entirety of ACOSF and literally used against Nesta.

ALSO SHE LITERALLY CHANGED HER BODY FOR HIM??? Like yeah I get what SJM was going for, and it could be romantic, but with the way SJM frames mates, it’s just meh. And in the context of what transpired between them and how Nesta’s been treated, it always just felt icky to me. If that isn’t the biggest unintentional symbolism ever, idk what is

Like I thought you weren’t supposed to get between a male and his mate? But Cassian tucks his tail between his fucking legs whenever someone insults Nesta, but gets insanely aggravated whenever she brings up criticism of Rhysand, who he KNOWS has treated her poorly, regardless of the circumstance. Like go be with your real mate then 🙏

Thank you @shadowqueenjude for making me wake up with rage 😭😭

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You really shouldn't be entertaining accounts like @batboys-cumdumpster. They are 1000% troll accounts. Whenever someone opens the conversation saying that they are "the worlds #1 Nesta anti" but still somehow "want[s] to try to understand where Nesta stans are coming from," just be sure you know exactly who you are dealing with.

Not someone who actually wishes to have an open discussion, or "see someone else's side," but just someone who is just looking for an excuse to fight.

I'm one of the stans who don't see Nesta's interactions with Feyre as abuse. More like petty, stupid sibling fights that are reactionary. Every time Feyre says something Nesta perceives as insulting, she lashes out right back. Admittedly, she is sharper in her response, but her aim is to return the hurt Feyre inflicts.

"So it was me and Nesta, always at each other's throats."

i.e Feyre calls Nesta a burden -> Nesta retaliates in response.

This is a pattern seen throughout the series in fact. Every time someone crosses Nesta, she reacts in turn. Is it always right? No. Is the recipient always undeserving? Also no.

Is this me condoning everything that happened between Nesta and Feyre in the cottage? Of course not. Nesta does have things to own up to. Just as Feyre has things to answer for as well. ACOSF has stated that both sisters have wronged each other. I hope we see more of those discussions between the sisters soon.

Perhaps all sisters had difficulties, fights, chasms between them. She wasn’t perfect, but … neither was Feyre. They had both made mistakes. And both had long, long lives ahead of them. What had occurred in the past did not have to dictate the future.

But I agree wholeheartedly that Nesta never used her mental health as an excuse for her actions or words. She (unlike most of the characters in the books) acknowledges her wrongs.

You're also so right about how much Nesta loves Feyre. And how much, in turn, her sister loves her back. One of the best quotes to describe their relationship was how they were "two sides of the same coin." Both similar people in nature, but while one was free , the other was caged. I do believe that their mother plays a large part in their conflicts with each other, and hope it's something addressed in the future books too.

"I mean, it was always that way with us, and our mother. She only had an interest in Nesta. She ignored me...but Nesta was hers. Our mother made sure we knew it.

What also needs to be addressed is Rhysand and the IC's poor treatment towards Nesta. They without a doubt have only made it more difficult for the sisters to reconcile.

Finally to address some of the comments made by the other account, here are 7 quick points:

Rhysand, Feyre and the IC do share some of the blame for Nesta and Elain being turned. Rhysand and Feyre involved a then human Nesta and Elain in their war, and as such, they become collateral. Above all, they promised protection. It might be hard to admit it, but Rhysand, Feyre and the IC failed the sisters that day. Feyre and Cassian have been noted to be especially gutted about what happened and constantly feel guilty because they do accredit some blame to themselves.

Rhysand has been terrible to Nesta regardless of her interactions with Feyre. Despite everything Nesta has sacrificed and given up for the fae, he refuses to see the good in her, and I believe SJM is setting him up for some serious atonement in the future books based on their latest interaction in HOFAS. I think she might have even said something similar in an interview?

Nesta didn't go after Feyre because she was their source of income? She went out of concern. In ACOMAF, they are still very much well off. Feyre and the bat boys meet them in their manor, and they have servants to attend them. More importantly, I fail to see how as a "feyre stan," you can completely ignore Feyre's own choice of going back to Tamlin because she loved him. Nesta only encouraged her to follow her instincts and do what she thought was right. Nesta has never controlled Feyre's actions or made any choices for her. Can't say the same for Feyre though.

While I agree someone's own health and wellbeing is their own responsibility, the IC's desire to help Nesta wasn't a form of kindness. The IC never hesitated to tell Nesta she was broken or undeserving. And personally, I don't blame Nesta for not opening up to them. She doesn't really know them the way Feyre does, why should she trust them? As for Elain, she was a significant disappointment in ACOSF. Nesta is the kind of person to destroy herself for the people she loves, and when Elain needed her after they were turned, Nesta was there for her. But Elain packs up her bags and forcibly moves her to the house? Elain has the nerve to be so ignorant and selfish about her progress? Elain so easily gives up when it gets difficult and when Nesta's way of grieving is messier than hers? Hard pass.

Nesta didn't tell Feyre about the birth to hurt her. She told her about the birth to point out how her mate has been lying to her all this time. That her mate, with all his talks of "choice" has no problem making choices on behalf of them both. She reacted in anger towards her own situation and it prompted her to point out to Feyre how she has been wronged too. Even Feyre herself says this...so what are you going on about?: "Cassian sighed through his nose. She … He thought it over. I think she saw the parallels between your situations and, in her own way, decided to avenge both of you. That’s my feeling, too."

Rhysand shouldn't have lied about the pregnancy, on that we are agreement. And if Feyre's anger and disappointment in him is anything to go by, she also doesn't give him a pass. When you think about Feyre's own journey of being independent and making her own choices, I can't imagine that she would like to be kept in the dark. Look at one of her best lines in ACOMAF: "I don't want to hear you tell me that you decided I was to be kept in the dark while your friends knew, while you all decided what was right for me." I hate to say it (not really lol), but this was a shitty thing to do. Feyre would not have been angry if it wasn't. Rhysand wouldn't have apologized or felt bad either if it wasn't.

Feyre isn't exactly forgiving all the time. She still holds Tamlin in contempt and absolutely resents her mother. But she loves her sister and not out of mere obligation. You can see that by how she tries to help her. What she needs to work on, however, is how to understand her. Regardless, Feyre wants Nesta in her life. Desperately. Feyre even gets jealous when Nesta confides in Amren instead of her. I can't imagine why you refuse to acknowledge how deeply the sisters care for each other, but maybe something to work on?

In the end, I see you and other accounts like you for what you are. I can write dissertations about how great Nesta as a character is, and you wouldn't even give it a second glance. I can talk about how abusive Rhysand has been to Feyre and you would find a way to excuse and centre him, because your conditional love for Feyre as a character only exists as subsidiary to your overarching love for him. I could even talk about the ways Feyre has misused and abused her powers as High Lady over her sisters, and it would fly over your head because you would think it deserving.

You seem very set in your ways based on your response. Nevertheless, posts like these exist whenever you decide you truly want to reflect and learn from others.

I am looking for an open discussion.

I am the worlds #1 Nesta anti, but I want to try to understand where Nesta stans are coming from. So, Nesta lovers, please comment, rb, or dm me why you love Nesta with as much detail as possible. Try to get me to see your side, because all I see is an abuser using her mental health as an excuse for the way she treats people.

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hello just came here to say i hate rhysand and cassian please die thank you for listening to my ted talk.

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Okay, since we're once again playing the "Nesta has to apologise for every single thing she's ever done wrong in her life" game, I thought I'd make a list of nearly everything Feyre has apologise for when it comes to Nesta;

- I'm sorry for insulting the way you looked when you were born saying you had a sneer on your face when I literally didn't exist.

"She wasn’t like Nesta, who had been born with a sneer on her face." ACOTAR CH.2

- I'm sorry for not thanking you for cooking for us every night since Elain and I didn't know how to.

"We dined on roasted venison that night." ACOTAR CH.2

"Heat. I can't cook" ACOMAF CH.54 (Proof that she can't cook)

- I'm sorry for insinuating that you are a horrible person and that our mother realised that on her death bed.

"Or maybe impending death had given her some clarity about the true nature of her children, her husband." ACOTAR CH. 1

- I'm sorry for judging you for trying to befriend the village people because your old friends ignore you.

"Since we had lost our fortune, their former friends dutifully ignored them, so my sisters paraded about as though the young peasants of the town made up a second-rate social circle." ACOTAR CH.2

- I'm sorry for making fun of you, telling you you can't and calling you a burden for wanting to marry an abuser to help the family when I literally said a few paragraphs before how much I was looking forward to you and Elain leaving so I could be alone.

"Sometimes I would even indulge in envisioning a day when my sisters were married and it was only me and Father, with enough food to go around, enough money to buy some paint, and enough time to put those colors and shapes down on paper or canvas or the cottage walls." ACOTAR CH.1

“Believe me,” I said to her, “the day you want to marry someone worthy, I’ll march up to his house and hand you over. But you’re not going to marry Tomas.” ACOTAR CH.2

"If Nesta wanted to leave, then fine. Good. I’d be one step closer to attaining that glorious, peaceful future, to attaining a quiet house and enough food and time to paint." ACOTAR CH.2

"While Tomas might want to marry you … you’re a burden.” ACOTAR CH.2

- I'm sorry for not thanking you for caring about my safety with the mercenary after you had been robbed.

“They’re dangerous,” Nesta hissed, her fingers digging into my arm as she continued to pull me from the mercenary. “Don’t go near them again.” ACOTAR CH. 3

//“Some other one who passed through. We had only a few coins, and he got mad, but—”

“Why didn’t you report him—or tell me?”

“What could you have done?” Nesta sneered. “Challenged him to a fight with your bow and arrows? And who in this sewer of a town would even care if we reported anything?”

“What about your Tomas Mandray?” I said coolly."// ACOTAR CH. 3

- I'm sorry for pushing you away when you showed concern for me sleeping with Isaac.

“I do hope you two are taking precautions.”

“It’s a bit late to pretend to care,” I said." ACOTAR CH. 3

- I'm sorry for complaining about not being included when all I do is exclude myself and judge what you bought with the tiny amount of money I gave you.

"I watched my sisters whispering and laughing together. They’d spent every copper I’d given them—on what, I didn’t know, though Elain had brought back a new chisel for our father’s wood carving." ACOTAR CH. 3

- I'm sorry for almost scolding you for not being able to afford new boots and a cloak when I literally judged you for wanting a new one

"The cloak and boots they’d whined about the night before had been too expensive. But I hadn’t scolded them for it, not when Nesta went out a second time to chop more wood without my asking." ACOTAR CH. 3

-I'm sorry for saying you wouldn't protect me and then in the same sentence say that I know it's because you know that I can fight my own battles.

"I knew—with a sudden, uncoiling clarity—that Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not my father, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nesta had always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin, and that I could fight my own battles." ACOTAR CH. 4

- I'm sorry for saying that you were probably happy that I was gone and hoping I had been eaten so you could get attention when you were literally hiking alone trying to cross the wall to find me and save me.

"Nesta must be stretching her legs and smiling at the extra room. She was probably content imagining me in the belly of a faerie—probably using the news as a chance to be fussed over by the villagers." ACOTAR CH. 7

- I'm sorry for trying to put blame on you when you were telling me how you think our father forgets that he literally neglected all of us.

“There are days,” Nesta said as she paused in front of the door to her room, across from mine, “when I want to ask him if he remembers the years he almost let us starve to death.”

“You spent every copper I could get, too,” I reminded her." ACOTAR CH. 30

- I'm sorry for blaming you for not teaching me how to read and write when that was never your responsibility, I never told you and I should've been able to do that because I was 8 when we lost our fortune. I'm also sorry for assuming that your level of reading would be better than mine since I admitted that our mother neglected our schooling.

"Before our downfall, my mother had sorely neglected our education, not bothering to hire a governess. And after poverty struck and my elder sisters, who could read and write, deemed the village school beneath us, they didn’t bother to teach me. I could read enough to function—enough to form my letters, but so poorly that even signing my name was mortifying." ACOTAR CH. 13

- I'm sorry for telling Ianthe everything about you, including where you lived, which ended in her being able to kidnap you and force you into the cauldron.

"I’d told her about the village, and the house my sisters now lived in, about Isaac Hale and Tomas Mandray. I hadn’t been able to mention Clare Beddor—or what had happened to her family." ACOMAF CH. 2

- I'm sorry for telling the IC that you only cared about money and social standing.

“I was born to a wealthy merchant family, with two older sisters and parents who only cared about their money and social standing." ACOMAF CH. 16

- I'm sorry for telling Rhys that I would make you and Elain help the fae with their problems and even consider asking Rhys to force you to help the fae.

//"They might not be happy about it, but I’ll make Elain and Nesta do it.”

"I didn’t have the nerve to ask Rhys if he could simply force my family to agree to help us if they refused. I wondered if his powers would work on Nesta when even Tamlin’s glamour had failed against her steel mind."// ACOMAF CH. 19

- I'm sorry for showing up unannounced to the house with a group of dangerous men and immediately expecting you to be okay with it.

Chapter 23 of ACOMAF ~ it's too long to post.

- I'm sorry for leaving you both to clean up after I'd insulted the food and let complete strangers openly judge you.

//“Is there something wrong with our food?” she said flatly.

I made myself take another bite, each movement of my jaw an effort. “No.” I swallowed and gulped down a healthy drink of water.

“So you can’t eat normal food anymore—or are you too good for it?” A question and a challenge.

Rhys’s fork clanked on his plate. Elain made a small, distressed noise.

And though Nesta had let me use this house, though she’d tried to cross the wall for me and we’d worked out a tentative truce, the tone, the disgust and disapproval …

I laid my hand flat on the table. “I can eat, drink, fuck, and fight just as well as I did before. Better, even.”// ACOMAF CH. 24

//"Cassian’s brows rose—little amusement to be found now. “Someone who let her youngest sister risk her life every day in the woods while she did nothing. Someone who let a fourteen-year-old child go out into that forest, so close to the wall.” My face began heating, and I opened my mouth. To say what, I didn’t know. “Your sister died—died to save my people. She is willing to do so again to protect you from war. So don’t expect me to sit here with my mouth shut while you sneer at her for a choice she did not get to make—and insult my people in the process.”

Nesta didn’t bat an eyelash as she studied the handsome features, the muscled torso. Then turned to me. Dismissing him entirely."// ACOMAF CH. 24

"My sisters cleaned the dishes while we worked, and had excused themselves to bed hours before, mentioning where to find our rooms." ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for calling you a creature after Rhys insulted you and saying it's the kindest thing I could say about you.

“Nesta is a delight, by the way.”

“She’s … her own creature,” I said. It was perhaps the kindest thing I could say about her." ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for not standing up for you when Rhys claimed that only Elain cares about me and that it's your fault for not protecting me.

"Rhys didn’t answer. Instead he said, “I didn’t think I could get through that dinner.”

“What do you mean?” He’d been rather … calm. Contained.

“Your sisters mean well, or one of them does. But seeing them, sitting at that table … I hadn’t realized it would hit me as strongly. How young you were. How they didn’t protect you.”

“I managed just fine.” ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for saying that you let me go into the woods when you aren't my mother or responsible for me.

“But if I hadn’t gone into those woods, if they hadn’t let me go out there alone …" ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for allowing Rhys to say he can't look at you without wanting to roar at you when he doesn't know a single thing about you.

“but it will be a long while yet before I can look at your sisters without wanting to roar at them.” ACOMAF CH. 24

- I'm sorry for comparing the anger I felt about Eris and the nail in Mor to Rhys hating you for your "failings"

"And I understood—why Rhys could not endure Nesta for more than a few moments, why he could not let go of that anger where her failings were concerned, even if I had." ACOMAF CH. 41

- I'm sorry for forcing you to help in a war you had no original part in and for telling Rhys I would make our desperation obvious so they're manipulated into helping.

//"Let me figure out how to deal with both of them, as family, but mostly as their High Lady.

Mor’s face tightened, but I shook my head. “I can—ask my sisters. See if they have any sort of power. See if they’d be willing to … talk to others about what they endured. But I won’t force them to help, if they do not wish to participate. The choice will be theirs.” I glanced at my mate—the male who had always presented me with a choice not as a gift, but as my own gods-given right. Rhys’s violet eyes flickered in acknowledgment. “But I’ll make our … desperation clear.”// ACOWAR CH. 16

- I'm sorry for repeatedly asking you to tell complete strangers what happened to you in the cauldron after you had said no several times and I'm sorry for trying to abuse my power as High Lady to manipulate you into telling your story

//“And we might need your assistance during the meeting with the High Lords—to provide testimony to other courts and allies of what Hybern is capable of. What was done to you.”

“No.”

“You don’t mind fixing the wall or going to the Court of Nightmares, but speaking to people is where you draw your line?”

Nesta’s mouth tightened. “No.”

High Lady or sister; sister or High Lady … “People’s lives might depend on your account of it. The success of this meeting with the High Lords might depend upon it.”

She gripped the arms of her chair, as if restraining herself. “Don’t talk down to me. My answer is no.”

I angled my head. “I understand that what happened to you was horrible—”

“You have no idea what it was or was not. None. And I am not going to grovel like one of those Children of the Blessed, begging High Fae who would have gladly killed me as a mortal to help us. I’m not going to tell them that story—my story.”

“The High Lords might not believe our account, which makes you a valuable witness—”

Nesta shoved her chair back, chucking her napkin on her plate, gravy soaking through the fine linen. “Then it is not my problem if you’re unreliable. I’ll help you with the wall, but I am not going to whore my story around to everyone on your behalf.”// ACOWAR CH. 18

- I'm sorry for trying to force you to train when you said multiple times you didn't want to.

"But then I said, “Why won’t you train with Cassian?”

Nesta’s spine locked up. “Why is it only Cassian that I may train with? Why not the other one?”

“Azriel?”

“Him, or the blond one who won’t shut up.”

“If you’re referring to Mor—”

“And why must I train at all? I am no warrior, nor do I desire to be.”

“It could make you strong—”

“There are many types of strength beyond the ability to wield a blade and end lives. Amren told me that yesterday.” ACOWAR CH. 24

- I'm sorry for telling you off for not being respectful to the healer when you were rightfully annoyed that no one was helping Elain, accusing you of barking at them and snapping at you to "be quiet" when you were worried.

//“How.” The word was barely more than a barked command.

I braced myself to warn Nesta to be polite, but Madja said to my sister, as if she were a small child, “The mating bond. It is a bridge between souls.”

The healer’s tone made my sister stiffen, but Madja was already hobbling for the front door. She pointed at Lucien as she saw herself out. “Try sitting down with her. Just talking—sensing. See what you pick up. But don’t push.” Then she was gone.

I whirled on Nesta. “A little respect, Nesta—”

“Call another healer.”

“Not if you’re going to bark them out of the house.”

“Call another healer.”

I caught Lucien’s eye. “Would you try it?”

Nesta snarled, “Don’t you even attempt—”

“Be quiet,” I snapped.

Nesta blinked.

I bared my teeth at her. “He will try. And if he doesn’t find anything amiss, we’ll consider bringing another healer.”// ACOWAR CH. 28

- I'm sorry for winnowing away when we were going somewhere together, leaving you with a man you felt uncomfortable around and calling me doing that "sisterly payback" because you're attitude was not what I wanted it to be.

"Ready for some flying, Nes?”

“Don’t call me that.”

The wrong thing to say, from the way Cassian’s eyes lit up.

I chose that moment to winnow to the skies above the House, chuckling as wind carried me through the world. Some sisterly payback, I supposed. For Nesta’s general attitude." ACOWAR CH. 30

- I'm sorry for not believing you when you told me that we weren't safe, telling you that because the others don't think anything is wrong, it's all fine.

“We need to leave,” Nesta said. “Right now.”

Every sense went on alert. “Why?”

“It feels wrong. Something feels wrong.”

I studied her, the clear sky beyond the towering, drape-framed windows. “Rhys and the others would sense it. You’re likely just picking up on all the power gathered here.”

“Something is wrong,” Nesta insisted.

“I’m not doubting you feel that way but … If none of the others are picking it up—” ACOWAR CH. 47

- I'm sorry for telling you that I would build a shower for you after you told me you can't take baths anymore and then never doing anything.

Nesta studied me for a long moment. And then she said with equal quiet, though we could all hear, “I can’t get into a bathtub anymore. I have to use buckets.”

I hadn’t known—hadn’t even thought that bathing, submerging in water …

I knew better than to touch her hand. But I said, “When we get home, we’ll install something else for you.” ACOWAR CH. 52

- I'm sorry for judging where you spend your time.

"Nesta shrugged. “She could have eaten with me here.”

“You know Elain wouldn’t feel comfortable in a place like this.”

She arched a well-groomed brow. “A place like this? What sort of place is that?” ACOFAS CH. 13

- I'm sorry for forcing you to come to a religious holiday you don't celebrate and judging the place you want to celebrate in. And then trying to use our father's death as a way to guilt you into coming.

//"Finally, my sister looked back at me. “So you’re bribing me, then?”

I didn’t flinch. “I’m seeing if you’re willing to be reasoned with. If there’s a way to make it worth your while.”

Nesta planted the tip of her pointer finger atop her stack of cards and fanned them out across the table. “It’s not even our holiday. We don’t have holidays.”

“Perhaps you should try it. You might enjoy yourself.”

“As I told Elain: you have your lives, and I have mine.”

Again, I cast a pointed glance to the tavern. “Why? Why this insistence on distancing yourself?”

She settled back in her seat, crossing her arms. “Why do I have to be a part of your merry little band?”

“You’re my sister.”

Again, that empty, cold look.

I waited.

“I’m not going to your party,” she said."//

//“Father would want you to—”

“Don’t you finish that sentence.”// ACOWAR CH. 13

- I'm sorry for withholding your rent unless you came to an event you didn't feel comfortable coming to and then when you came, ignoring you and being insulted you didn't get me a gift when I didn't get you one.

//She swigged from her glass. “It’s due next week. In case you forgot.”

I said flatly, “Come to Solstice and I’ll make sure it’s delivered.”// ACOFAS CH. 13

//"It occurred to me only when she said the words that none of the gifts in this room had Nesta’s name on them."// ACOFAS CH. 20

//"Nothing from Nesta, but I didn’t care. Not one bit."// ACOFAS CH. 20

//"Nesta watched warily from her chair, Elain’s present—her only present—in her lap."// ACOFAS CH. 20

//“Here.”

Nesta half turned toward me, focus darting to what was in my hand. The small slip of paper.

The banker’s note for her rent. And then some.

“As promised,” I said.

For a moment, I prayed she wouldn’t take it. That she would tell me to tear it up."// ACOFAS CH. 20

- I'm sorry for not saying anything when Amren openly slut shamed you.

“Though I bet it’s hard to look good,” Amren went on, “when you’re out until the darkest hours of the night, drinking yourself stupid and fucking anything that comes your way.”

Feyre whipped her head to the High Lord’s Second. Rhys seemed inclined to agree with Amren. ACOSF CH. 1

-I'm sorry for telling you that you embarrassed "my family" when you're my sister.

Do you know how embarrassed I was when we got the bill this morning and my friends—my family—had to hear all about it?”

Nesta hated that word. The term Feyre used to describe her court. As if things had been so miserable with the Archeron family that Feyre had needed to find another one." ACOSF CH. 2

- I'm sorry for painting everyone but you and then only painting you when I decided that you had earned it.

//"Every piece of art had been picked by Feyre herself, or painted by her, many of them portraits and depictions of them—her friends, her … new family.

There were none of Nesta, naturally.// ACOSF CH. 1

//"She’d joined them at the river house one night to find a mating present from Feyre waiting for her. Hanging on the wall in the grand entry.

A portrait of Nesta, holding the line at the Pass of Enalius."// ACOSF CH. 80

-I'm sorry for telling you that I would tie you up and force you to go to the House of Wind when I myself should know what it feels like to be locked up against my will.

"You’re going, even if you have to be tied up and hauled there." ACOSF CH. 2

I can go on...

[daybreakmusings]

People want Nesta to be basic so badly, but she is out here collecting trove items like infinity stones. They can't handle how complex her character is and secretly want to like her but won't admit it to themselves.

It is so obvious how they HATE how relevant she is to the story and how, with each passing chapter, she continues to dominate on page.

I can't believe there are people out here convinced that her power is "toxic" because it's connected to the cauldron. Or that the trove items don't belong to her and should be handed out like candy to other characters.

It really gets to them how great she is, how great other characters thinks she is, and how easily the fandom rally's behind her. They can't get themselves to like her out of some misplaced loyalty to Feysand, so all they can do is try to diminish her worth.

Anyways....

[daybreakmusings]

listen I am absolutely not ok with elain being a high lady if nesta, queen of mother fucking queens, is not

[daybreakmusings]

And no.

There is a great number of Nesta-antis who couldn't care less about Nesta, growth or not. Their commitment to hating this character surpasses any acknowledgement of her mental health journey and all the pain she went through in ACOSF. They have been very vocal about it, going to great lengths not only to attack Nesta, but those that support her.

You may feel differently, but unless you are speaking on behalf of every single Nesta-anti out there, you can't make such generalized claims or ignore what has already been put out there.

As for your "itty bitty teensy" request. Let's be SO serious.

What you "need" from Nesta to like her and "be on board" does not matter. Nobody is waiting on bated breath for your approval. I promise, all "routines" will move forward just fine without you lol

I hope you eventually realize that Nesta and her sisters (and the IC) are flawed characters and have made decisions that have affected each other for better and for worse. Let go of this obsession that the burden solely falls on Nesta to apologize and recognize the shared responsibility of all characters involved. Mistakes have been made on all sides at multiple occasions.

That being said, not everyone needs an apology from Nesta. And Nesta isn't obligated to hand out apologizes if she feels she doesn't need to. Isn't that what Cassian told her as well? "Apologize to who you need to but move forward" (or something like that). And exactly why does she need to apologize to the IC anyway? She already did to Amren.

I don't know where you get the confidence to say about someone who is struggling with mental health that they will not achieve full healing UNLESS they apologize and talk about what they have been through...but let that go.

Believe it or not, Nesta was not on a Redemption arc and never needed one. She also doesn't need to make apologies for her journey to be valid.

From what I can tell after reading HOFAS, Nesta has built a small circle of people that she considers family. Based on the names Azriel listed, some were included, others were left out. And every person that was mentioned already loves her deeply. The health of her relationships in the ACOTAR series (or at least the ones that matter) are doing just fine. So no need to worry there.

With HOFAS out in the world and seeing Nesta again, I want to reiterate that people who don’t love Nesta/aren’t her stans recognize everything about her mental health journey and all the self hatred and pain she had to overcome to be the healthy, well-adjusted adult she is in HOFAS. We love her for that! We’re proud of her for it! We just need one itty bitty teensy thing from her to be 100% on board and that is a verbal acknowledgement to Feyre and Elain (and tbh the rest of the inner circle) that she was struggling in the past and made decisions she wouldn’t make today and apologize for hurting them. That’s it! Then everything can continue on as routine. I just need this moment, on paper, in the canon. It’s important to not only Nesta’s full healing and redemption arc but also to the health of all her relationships in the ACOTAR series.

[daybreakmusings]

I really relate to Bryce Quinlan because after 30 seconds in Rhysand’s presence I too would start wishing I could be in hell instead.