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[duuuuuuuuuude16]

hey guys. i contemplated recovery for a bit, so i was offline for a few days, but im back and gonna push back major restrictions until i get back to school, but im still gonna do like 1000 cals a day until i can easily hide my fasts at school.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

Day 4: August 4

i think my biggest fear is losing control. i have a very intense personality and struggle with perfectionism a lot. i fear that it might get to a point where i need to do everything, including starving myself and restricting, the best out of everyone i know.

i also really fear the opposite, that i am too weak and lazy to lose the weight and that i will return to the horrible binge purge cycle that was my life for way too long.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

i know this is a day late, i forgot to do it before work and was too tired after, but here it is.

day 3- August 3

i really love how this thinspo has a little bit of shape that isn’t just bones because i know that i carry more weight around my hips and chest that gives me more shape even at low weights. it gives me motivation to what i could look like. i also love how thin the arms are because that’s something i am so jealous of.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

i feel like a bad rexie for not counting some of the cals i consume. like, i dont count spices, medicine, or the 2-5 cals coffee has. like, i know tums have ten cals per two, but im either gonna have to eat that or a slice of bread when i have acid reflux, and id rather eat ten cals than 150. and spices are so little that they dont even contribute to a total in my opinion. I know there are jokes like "how many cals are there in tooth paste", but sometimes they make me feel like im not doing enough.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

how much weight do you think i can drop before people start to notice? i wanna get super skinny, but i dont want people to make me get help. its a weird dichotomy of wanting to be noticed for being thin and not wanting to be notice for fear of forced recovery.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

day 2: August 2nd

I am 5'6"/ 167cm

I am ok with my height, but i wish I was just a bit taller. I am the shortest in my immediate family, and have been forever. If I was 5'7" or 5'8", I think i would be even happier. It also would mean that I would have a lower BMI at the same weight, which would be a dream.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

does anyone have any tips for hiding fasts from your family. my mom is starting to get suspicious of me and i always fast from thursday to saturday cause of my work at night.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

sometimes i feel so fat for having such a high HW and SW. I know that 165 is just starting to be overweight, but it still makes me feel like a giant. At this point, im a "healthy weight", but i still feel so big. some people on here have a SW of my GW and i think it might end me.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

Day 1: August 1, 2024

height: 5'6"/ 167 cm

SW/HW: 165 lb/ 74 kg

CW: 152.6 lb/ 69 kg

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

im starting a bullet journal to track my progress and romanticize my ana a little bit. i hope it keeps me motivated because i like having little tasks to do and it will keep me accountable.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

a list of the ana rules i have for myself

drink > 64 oz water a day. 128 oz during fasts

try to eat < 500 cals, < 1000 is acceptable when needed

work out 3 times a week in addition to work

try to eat mostly vegetarian

bodycheck and measure once a week on mondays

unplanned metabolism days and binges are punished with a three day fast or adding 3 days onto the next fast

no bread

no sweets not on metabolism days or when family expects it

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

my family went out to dinner tonight to celebrate my brothers presentation at his internship and i was so worried that it was going to be a heavy meal. i am so glad that it was sushi. i ended up getting a tuna roll and two pieces of squid sushi along with some edamame for appetizer. in total, with soy sauce and wasabi, it totaled to 312 calories, which is pretty good for going out.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

i wish i could chew and spit, but as soon as it’s in my mouth by brain goes “swallowing time bitches”

this is how life feels when i remember i can chew and spit

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

i think my scale is broken. it said i lost like four lb in one day after just telling me my weight was higher. i got on and it gave me one weight, it recalibrated and when i tried again, it was three lb lighter. it was cheep from amazon, but i hope it’s not broken and i really dropped weight that fast.

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

i feel like i need to validate the fact that i’m eating more today because i’m prepping for an exam tomorrow and don’t want brain fog even though i’m still eating under my BMR. I just feel guilty

[duuuuuuuuuude16]

making dinner within your cal limit then only eating half>>>>