dying-moth

[dying-moth]

“You’re acting weird” I’m running on like 2 cups of coffee and an egg white bro cut me some slack

[dying-moth]

“starving yourself just makes your body store more fat” SHUT UP.

[dying-moth]

[dying-moth]

5. July 2025

I'm gaining weight again. I'm with the man I was talking about months ago. I still love him. My mind is polluted. More so now than before. Yesterday, we were in his pool together. I feel nothing but love and adoration looking at him, but in a split second my mind is being devoured again by my wish to pass away. I just kiss his cheek and play with his hair, hoping it'll pass as he carried me out of the pool. I feel grotesque as he tells me I'm beautiful. I feel the layer of fat so visceral, it makes me nauseous. My head lays on his chest as I pray mine stops soon. I feel horrible for worrying him. No man deserves to be punished by me loving him. It's a cruel fate. They often happen to come back, never letting me go. My exs, flings. One even texted me yesterday after I ghosted him almost a year ago. I'm disgusting.

[dying-moth]

[dying-moth]

“hey, are u ok?”

me after almost passing out every time i stand up

[dying-moth]

€Ds are so embarrassing because you mean I have nothing else going on in my life as important as having the lowest number possible on the scale.

Like damn bitch maybe get a life or something

[dying-moth]

23. Jan. 2025

Not Tracking Calories, just not eating a lot

☆ Weight ☆

Sometimes i get a little upset when i lose weight too radically because I'll have to try even harder the next day when im already so tired. Yesterday i had an apple, grapes, a yogurt and coffee. So today ill have an apple, yogurt and coffee. Eating one piece less every day is so tiring. I don't want to fast, i know it'll upset me when i start eating again and gain weight. I can't stop now either, now when I'm so close to being innthe 47kg range again. I've been at home for a week. It's nice when you can just focus on losing weight.

[dying-moth]

19. Jan. 2025

Still not tracking calories

☆ Weight ☆

It's insane how obsessed i get with people. Especially with how hard it is for me to 1. Vocalize these feelings and 2. Define them. I know that you could barely call it love. Its just obsession. I only crave for them to be here. The man im obsessed with doesnt want me so im leading on others. I had just cut off one but he already came back to me. I feel bad to an extent, but its their fault for letting me treat them like that.

Atleast im out of the 49kg range. Im not counting what im eating and drinking currently. Im too tired.

[dying-moth]

Tip from my mom when she modeled:

Pick a we¡ght you never ever wanna be heavier than.

Subtract 5.

That's your "stop e@ting" we|ght. If you're more than that on any given morning before water/coffee, then you f@st until you're under it. Easy.

[dying-moth]

18. Jan. 2025

No Calorie Tracker, I havent been eating today

☆ Weight ☆

I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. Im finally losing weight again but im also losing sleep over a new man. I feel like i cant love. I just obsess and lose interest. I feel bad for them all. I hate the men hitting me up now that im single again. They're all disgusting. I hate them all so much. Im not sure if im so hateful because im ill or if I'm ill because im hateful. It doesn't matter anymore to be honest.

[dying-moth]

Little too relatable

Credits to the creator (dolliecherie on tt)

[dying-moth]

25. Nov. 2024

🥒 Cucumber ♡ 49 kcal

🍪 Cookie ♡ 120 kcal

🥚 Egg ♡ 156 kcal

📍Total ♡ 325 kcal

☆ Weight ☆

I was too scared to weigh myself. I ate like a pig. I always fail at staying on track. I have no Motivation. I'm barely motivated enough to get up. I need something to comfort myself with and that just happens to be food. Nothing else give me the same amount of solace as food. Its pathetic.

I'm trying to fall in love again with my boyfriend. I don't want to break up. I want to like him, he's nice but I feel so little. I don't even want him to touch me most of the time. I feel bad for hurting him. I always turn away from any physical interaction.

[dying-moth]

22. Nov. 2024

☆ Weight ☆

I didn't track my calories today :/

I ate too much and feel like a failure.

[dying-moth]

and maybe a lightly salted rice cake if i’m extra peckish

[dying-moth]

how i look while someone is talking while all i can think about are the numbers (calories,money,grades)

[dying-moth]

21. Nov. 2024

🥒 Cucumber ♡ 20 kcal

🍪 Anise Cookies ♡ 60 kcal

☕️ Café Latte ♡ 54 kcal

🍋 Hot Lemon Water ♡ 8 kcal

📍Total ♡ 142 kcal

☆ Weight ☆

I desperately want to be in the 48 kg range again. Weekends are hard. I barely move. I only want to eat and i cant distract myself with work so i end up eating too much. It's stupid. I have no discipline, thats why I'm fat. I used to be so determined. I worked out every single day, rarely ate and now I'm a failure.

I still need to go on a walk today and work out a bit. I always wish losing weight was easier but there's nothing that can be done.

I'm a horrible person again. I can feel myself getting more and more detached from my boyfriend as the days go on. He keeps planning things, wanting to go everywhere, wanting to see me while im staying longer at work to just see my crush. Just 30 more minutes. 30 minutes in that i told my boyfriend i won't be seeing him until Saturday. 30 more minutes i stayed just to see my new obsession. Oh well, it can't be changed now.