haljordangetpregnant

[haljordangetpregnant]

I can write smut, It's just that I need the stars to align and 3 cups of coffee to do that

[haljordangetpregnant]

Compilation of some Alan and Spectre Hal panels because this era of their relationship makes me genuinely so ill that I want to kill myself.

[haljordangetpregnant]

My highest thank you for all of my hot and sexy people that are laughing at my bad jokes (ʃƪ＾3＾）

"tumblr's the only social media without algorithms!" "you can still be anonymous on tumblr!" "tumblr's so nice because you don't have to show your face!" WRONG tumblr is special because you can have 3000 followers and still get an average of seven likes a post. i'm doing stand up comedy at a packed venue and one person is laughing

[haljordangetpregnant]

Batlantern but Hal moves in and starts knocking himself out like in the older comics. Bruce gets home only to find Hal unconscious with something fallen on his head. Batfamily start finding him around the house knocked out either by falling or another way

AHHH yessss yessss the first prompt I've gotten! HAHAHA! Let me see-

Bruce has never, ever, once doubted the abilities of the Green Lantern of Earth. He has never, truly, despite them being at each other's throats the first few years of their life-long entanglement with each other. But after marrying the revered Greatest Green Lantern to ever live, Bruce has started to question how the heck he has survived this long?

The third day after their honeymoon, Bruce comes home to Hal lying unconscious in the garden. Bruce almost has a heart attack from it until he learns that Hal has stepped on a rake and gotten knocked out by it.

It is a stupid, one-time thing, right?

No.

Once, Hal gets out of the shower, trips on the slippery floor, and passes out until dinner.

On another random morning, Alfred is doing his monthly maintenance on the roof, and the hammer in the old Butler's hand slips and finds its way to the Green Lantern's head, knocking him unconcious.

Hal goes out to pick some apples from the garden and somehow a spectacularly hard apple will fall on his head, knocking Hal out, leaving him, once again, unconscious in the garden. No new Physics rules are born from it, though.

When Bruce confonts Hal about it he just shrugs and says it happens sometimes and that he has always been fine after waking up.

What does he even mean by that?

"I don't know, Destiny seems to want me to die, I guess?"

WHAT DOES HE EVEN MEAN BY THAT?

It stresses the old Batman out so much that he has to be with Hal wherever, whenever in the house. It gets worse after that one accident where Hal went up the stairs right after Bruce, tripped, fell, and, you guess it, landed on his head and knocked himself out for 2 days straight.

The man's may as well be an active suicidal risk.

Bruce doesn't dare to let go of his wifey's hands after that. On a particularly stormy day when the rain makes things slippery and objects fly around, Bruce carries Hal everywhere like a doll. Hal hates it. But Bruce finds it fine, Hal weighs nothing to him, he can lift Hal up with one hand and still fight crime with no difficulty whatsoever. Luckily Hal manages to convince Bruce against that with a pretty promise of talking into his comm every 15 minutes to ensure the Bat he's still fine every night. (It grosses the kids out a LOT)

Hal tries to live in the Green Lantern suit all day just to avoid Bruce being too overprotective once. It sounds like a plausible plan, until he decides to fly to the sky and boast that "I will be fine! I don't need you to cradle me 24/7!" And then Hal Jordan, the Emerald Knight, proceeds to get struck in the head by a meteor and, you guess it, becomes unconscious and falls right back into Batman's arms.

Hal dares not put up a fight after the utterly embarrassing incident.

And whenever Bruce has to go away, he always assigns someone to keep an eye out for Hal.

The kids, at the start, are all skeptical. He's Hal Jordan? He can will himself back to life? He can rebuild his loved ones from a single molecule? Why would he need protection?

They were not there when Hal got hit in the head by a flying coconut; of course, they would doubt that and say "There's no way he's THAT clumsy" until they witness the horror of seeing Hal lying unconscious in the Garden pond, face down after tripping on a single tiny rock.

They think he has DIED. That's like the only one thing Batman has told them to avoid.

Luckily, Hal has not died. But his soul has left his body a little bit.

After that frightening incident, all of the kid finds keeping an eye on Hal the most taxing task ever. It's worse than guarding the head of a nation through an assassination attempt curated by 50 other nations plus one Lex Luthor.

Mistakes still happen, sometimes, they put Hal to bed ("Why is a 14 year-old kid reading me bedtime stories???" - Hal), doze off, and find him lying face down in the kitchen with a bunch of pots around him in the morning.

Fate truly wants him to die, it seems.

Fortunately, aside from his "home time", Hal's still as competent and domineering as ever when he's at work (now with a little flirting in public with Batman) It saves the Bat some dignity, certainly because he would definitely be called a "simp" (in Tim's words) if he wants to hold his wifey's hands 24/7 at work.

Will the Bats ever find out why Hal keeps getting knocked out like that? Maybe yes, but likely never; it's one of those questions in life that can never be answered.

So let's just blame it on Destiny for now.

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Thanks, anon, for the amazing ask hahahaha it's really funny to think and write about because seriously, why does Hal keep hitting his head on everything and get knocked out like that??? Girl get up!!! You're not a klutzy anime female lead???

(unless-)

[haljordangetpregnant]

oh god idek how to put it into words they just drive me insane. umm wait heres a fic i rly like i think it shows how cute theur relarionship is https://archiveofourown.org/works/21518296 i love hal being spoiled rotten. and also younger top x older bottom <3

ok tbh also half the reason i ship them is bc of dc vs vampires they were so sexy in there and everyday i think about how hal was one of the first heros dick turned <3 also im totally delulu that dick turned hal first bc bruhal were a thing and 2 of the people bruce loved the most were vampires hehe. this fic is in chinese but its so hot https://archiveofourown.org/works/63590533

wait that idea is so funny i love that. i need more bruce hal dick fics no matter who is with who i think they just have good chemistry together

I'm checking them out ASAP they ALL seem interesting HAHAHA and not gonna lie, adding Dick to the mix sounds like giving Bruce 10 headaches and 10 more years of struggle and honestly, yea, he deserves that for eating burgers with a fork(JK I love him) (Also you're so right about Vampire King Dick x Vampire Hal being hot, Anon you're a genius)

[haljordangetpregnant]

me crawling back to the BruHal tag to haunt it again after the 3 days CD's up:

[haljordangetpregnant]

would u happen to ship dick x hal too............

I- I have never thought about this ship hahaha BUT I can be convinced (I am a very easy to convince person) (come convince me I'm all ears) Honestly I have like, ONE joke about them that Hal looks too young, around Dick age (he looks younger than Roy canonically) that when Bruce dates him, people make up all kind of rumours about their family One of the most popular rumours is that there is a secret love affair between Hal and Dick, and that they both are plotting to kill Bruce to get the inheritance hahaha I love telenovelas

[haljordangetpregnant]

AAOABZZJZHAIAA KAKAHA I LOVE HIM

I LOVE YOUR ART please it got me into shipping BruHal and the ship has been haunting for half a year ಥ_ಥ I love your art so much, your Hal is so perfectly drawn argajahzgaja

Wow thank you! Hard to wrap my head around that haha sorry about the haunting

I've been neglecting this guy tbh. Every time I try to draw his handsome bastard mug I feel rusty

[haljordangetpregnant]

"Shall we kill him?"

But who is he talking to?

WIP art for my "Will Hal Jordan be flying today?" fic

The horror I'm about to subject these old men to is immaculate (ʃƪ＾3＾）

[haljordangetpregnant]

most sane group of dc siblings

(alt. version below)

[haljordangetpregnant]

Cooking up sth devious

[haljordangetpregnant]

A sort of fake not so fake-dating concept where the couple is dating but everyone thinks that they’re fake dating.

Hal and Bruce decide to tell their families that they’re together around the same time that they have to go on an undercover mission and pose as a couple.

No one ever outright says that they don’t believe them, but it’s mutually agreed upon. In fact, Bruce’s kids are a little offended that he’s trying to ‘trick them’ into thinking he’s in a healthy relationship at the moment. He has a track record and it’s made them a little biased.

Hal and Bruce are completely oblivious to everyone not believing them and are having the time of their life being a lovey-dovey couple in public with each other.

The others are just so surprised on how willing they are to immerse in their undercover roles but they figure that Bruce wants it to be as realistic as possible. Anything to make sure that nothing goes wrong on the mission, he’s Batman, it’s gotta be perfect.

They go on the mission and it goes flawlessly as expected and when they get back, everyone is expecting them to get back to their regular dynamic. Bruce passive aggressively hating on Green Lantern, and Hal going back to doing his best to shit on and annoy Batman.

But that doesn’t happen.

Since the two wrongfully assume that everyone knows that they’re in an actual relationship, they’re a lot softer around each other.

Obviously their snark and bitchiness never goes away, it’s who they are, but it’s not cruel and aimed to purposely hurt anymore. It’s playfully and gentle.

But still, no one is letting their guard down. Maybe this is a training lesson or something? They’re thinking about any and every possibility on why these two continue to pretend to be in a relationship.

Then, Damian walks in on them simply… sitting. Just sitting together.

Bruce is curled up on Hal’s side, letting the other man play with the loose strands of his hair as he reads a book. Hal whispers something into Bruce’s ear and the man lets out a genuine giggle and sighs softly, gazing up at him with such a fond expression that it’s painful.

Then they kiss. Nothing explicit. In fact, it’s just a peck, a simple brush of the lips before they go back to their comfortable silence.

Damian slips away and is faced with the realization that his Baba is in a genuine relationship with that man and he does seem happy. And really, isn’t that what Damian hoped his Baba would find?

Damian tried to tell his siblings but none of them believe him. They think that Bruce is bribing Damian with another pet or something and brush their little brother off.

The next to figure it out is Cass and Duke. Duke had finally agreed to her multitude of requests to help her practice for the next ballet showcase she had. As they’re walking through the halls, they can hear faint old timey music playing from the ballroom, which is confusing because usually no one comes over here unless there’s a gala.

They crack open the door, and in the middle of the room is Bruce and Hal pressed up against each other, simply swaying to the music. You can’t really call what they’re doing dancing, but it’s soft and intimate and just… lovely.

Hal’s head is pressed against Bruce’s chest, right where is heart is located. He seemed to be swaying to Bruce’s heartbeat rather than the soft music playing in the background.

Bruce is hugging the other man tightly, his eyes closed tight as he followed Hal’s lead.

Cass and Duke exchange a wide eyed look as the quietly close the ballroom door and run off, wondering how they didn’t believe them when it was obvious.

Again, the two tried to tell their sibling (Damian feels vindicated) but still, disbelief.

Tim is fully refreshed when he finds out so he can’t even blame what he see on being sleep deprived or in a coffee induced spiral.

Tim knew Bruce was wrapped up in his own case, a bad one where Bruce refused to let any of his children even look at the crime scene photos or read the victim’s autopsy’s, so Tim figured he’d have to be the one to get Bruce to go to sleep.

Tim didn’t bother knocking on the door to Bruce’s study, he simply opened it and froze when he realized Bruce wasn’t alone. No, Hal was also there.

Hal was holding Bruce. No. He was cradling his dad… and Bruce looked calm in the other man’s embrace. Bruce wasn’t crying or yelling or even angry, but still there was emotion radiating from him that Tim couldn’t place.

But as Hal squeezed tighter, it receded. There was still a heavy weight holding Bruce down, but now his dad was hugging Hal back just as tightly.

Tim slowly stepped back and blinked. Hal was there. Hal was there for his dad and he was taking care of him, being gentle, showing him love…

How could he ever think that they weren’t in love?

One morning, on the rare occasion Dick stayed over at the manor, he walked into the kitchen to find Bruce there.

Bruce was making breakfast, something he rarely did anymore. Dick has known Bruce longer than anyone in the house (obviously we’re not talking about Alfred) and he knows that Bruce is a good cook. But he also knows how taxing cooking can be for his dad, which is why Bruce doesn’t do it often.

But here he was, happily cooking breakfast early in the morning. Hal was there too, clinging onto his back with his face buried in his dad’s neck. Bruce gets Hal to lift his face to taste test something and Dick can see the exhausted yet adoring expression on his face.

Dick backs out quietly, his heart thumping in his chest. What the fuck? His Tati was in an actual relationship with Hal Jordan. Oh fuck. They are so in love.

Before Dick could get to him, Jason is also faced with the realization that Bruce was in a serious relationship

Jason misses his dad. He’ll never say that shit to his face but he does. So, he makes up an excuse to go and see Bruce. Maybe he’ll complain about something, maybe he’ll act nice. Jason will decide on the way.

It’s a Tuesday at 10 in the morning, so Bruce should be in the library for his morning reading. Jason pops his head in and is confused when he doesn’t see Bruce sitting in his designated leather recliner.

There’s no way Bruce isn’t there, so Jason stalks through the rows of the bookshelves searching for him. Just as he’s about to leave, he spots him.

Bruce is in the very back, usually where the kids sit because it only has beanbags. Hal is cuddled up in his dad’s lap, the sound of an audiobook is playing as the two stare at a book.

Jason watches silently as Jordan complains that most of the words are nonsensical while Bruce just chuckles and presses a kiss to his cheek.

Bruce hates audiobooks. They go too slow and he swears that he can hear the narrator’s nasally breathing and the sound of their spit sticking to the roof of their mouths.

But here he is, happily listening to an audiobook. Listening to an audiobook and smiling happily as Hal interrupts to comment, complain, or just make a joke.

Oh fuck. Damian was right. They are dating.

Steph doesn’t count herself to Bruce’s kid, no matter what the old man says. She doesn’t need a Dad, especially not if it’s Bruce.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want the guy to find happiness. It’d probably make him a lot more bearable to be around.

So, ignoring the laughable fake-dating scheme that she can see a mile away with Hal Jordan, she decides to take it upon herself and set Bruce up on some dates.

Bruce seems uncomfortable with the idea, no surprise there, but Hal (who is starting to hang around the manor more than she does) seems to think the whole thing is hilarious. Bruce keeps shooting him glares but it only seems to make the man laughed harder.

At first, the dates seem to be going well (yes she is spying, what else would she do with her day?) but then suddenly crash and burn. And who is doing the burning? Hal!

He’s at every restaurant, movie theater, or carnival that Steph sends Bruce to. Bruce seems incredibly smug every time Hal shows up with a pissed off expression and she just can’t figure out why.

After the tenth time of this phenomena, Steph was going to confront him. After Hal had scared of Bruce’s date and dragged Bruce away, she followed them to a nearby alleyway where she was greeted with an unusual site.

Bruce was laughing at the pouty expression Hal was sporting and pressing a flurry of kisses across the other man’s face, reassuring him that the dates meant absolutely nothing and Steph was just playing around.

Damn. Stephanie felt like a fucking idiot. Seriously, it was so obvious.

Alfred knew. Alfred probably knew Bruce was in love with Hal before Bruce knew he was in love with Hal.

Bruce has been in love before. And Alfred has always been there every step of the way, picking up the broken pieces of his little when he inevitably gets discarded and thrown away.

But he’s never seen Bruce like this before. So…

Alfred will keep watching, it’s what he’s best at. And he’ll be here for when Bruce needs to be put back together.

But maybe… maybe he won’t have to be this time.

Oh my, his son has grown up quite a bit. Alfred faintly wonders how Martha and Thomas would’ve felt, seeing their son so in love.

[haljordangetpregnant]

but i never imagined a dot quite as pale or as blue

[ comms open ]

[haljordangetpregnant]

My favourite problem child

(I love writing him he's so funny)

(And I love drawing him too wtf why is he so easy to draw pretty?)

[haljordangetpregnant]

Soulmates, secrets and kisses

Hey guysss So remember the DamiBilly AU funny fic idea I posted some days ago?

My brain has decided on writing it and I caved in (︶︹︺) My apologies to anyone expecting me to write any other fic (︶︹︺)

The story will have around 10 chapters and I will try my best to update it weekly

I hope you guys enjoy it (・∀・)ノAnd please don't send me hate or death threats if you don't.

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Here's a sneak peak of the fic:

Damian, again, vaguely gestures the Champion from head to toes, "Are you sure you want to tell my father about us? Right now?"

Silence consumes the room.

"…" Solomon seems to be speaking to the Champion of Gods.

After a short pause, Marvel finally speaks again, "I hate you, Robin."

[haljordangetpregnant]

Exactly.

jason and tim as brains vs brawns as in jason uses a long range weapon that should require him to think about trajectories and ricochet and shit and tim's out there whacking people with a stick

[haljordangetpregnant]

YESSSS

Drew my two faves! I also played with my friends and we heard a literal child on vc and they were mumbling excitedly whenever they got a fish it was funny.