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Rewriting Adam from Hazbin Hotel

( Go check out the series it's not the best written but I do like it for all of its faults )

Okay, I’m going to be honest—the writing for Adam really pisses me off.Why does he talk like a frat bro? Adam is supposed to be the first human, and yet he speaks like a cocky twenty-something who just stepped out of a college party.

This man has existed since the beginning of humanity. He’s encountered every culture, every language, and yet his dialect is stuck in “wannabe alpha male” mode? That makes no sense.His language should be jumbled. He should be mixing Victorian English with British slang, maybe even tossing in some Australian or dead languages.

Instead, he sounds like a dude who sells protein powder on Instagram.And why does he act like he’s still in his twenties with zero wisdom? He’s literally been around since the dawn of mankind. The way he behaves—immature, arrogant, shallow—is a disservice to the potential depth his character could have. He should be unsettling, unrelatable, a man who has seen too much. Instead, he’s just… annoying.

So yeah. I’m rewriting him. Umbrella? Gone. Ingenue? Not happening. Let’s start fresh—with a new backstory.

✦ Adam’s Backstory ✦

Adam and Lilith were created from the same clay, meant to live together in the Garden of Eden. At first, everything was peaceful… until God gave them instructions on how to reproduce. Adam, being obedient, went along with it. But Lilith refused to lie beneath him during sex, arguing that they were created equal—why should she be submissive?

Adam believed disobedience to God was dangerous, even sinful. Lilith didn’t care. She fled the Garden in pursuit of independence.Adam reported her disappearance to God. In response, God sent three angels—Senoi, Sansenoi, and Semangelof—to retrieve her. But Lucifer intervened, helping Lilith escape. The two grew close, even forming a bond.

Fueled by bitterness, Lilith snuck back into Eden. She was shocked to find Adam with a new partner: Eve. In a twisted act of revenge, Lilith disguised herself as Eve and seduced Adam. During sex, she convinced him to eat the forbidden fruit, manipulating him with promises of love and happiness.Shortly after, she vanished. Adam and Eve were cast out of Eden for their "crime."

(Yeah, I took creative liberties here. I made Lilith a bit of a villain—not because I hate her, but because I think it’s unfair to vilify Adam while completely ignoring what she did. Plus, in many versions of the myth, Lilith isn’t even human. And beside eve is right there for a sympathetic woman who will get her own arc and personality.)

Everyone knows the story of Cain and Abel, so I’ll skip most of that. But I imagine Adam was severely traumatized after Cain murdered Abel. I think both Adam and Eve fell into deep depression—Adam more so, blaming himself for everything, especially for eating the apple that cursed them with mortality.He was abusive.

Let’s be real: he was the first man raised under the belief that sin deserves punishment. Given how many religious societies still justify abuse today, it’s not far-fetched to imagine Adam being harsh, even cruel.Cain bore the brunt of this.

Feeling unloved and burdened by guilt, he eventually took his own life in hopes of reuniting with Abel in the afterlife. Adam and Eve were devastated. This loss drove a final wedge between them—and between Adam and his daughter, too. (Deservedly.)

Eventually, Adam died. When he woke in Heaven, he and Eve slowly drifted apart. They had never truly wanted to be together, and Eve left. Adam was relieved, but also quietly sad. He cared for her—but he had never loved her. (He’s aroace, though he won’t realize that until much later.)And that’s Adam’s backstory: messy, tragic, and complex. Poor baby. (Kind of.)-

✦ Adam’s Personality ✦

Adam is ancient—wise, but emotionally stunted. He suppresses his trauma, believing Heaven should be paradise, and he should be grateful.He's the old.man that says “Sinners deserve punishment. God says so.” yeah he's that guy.

He refuses to question it.

He can’t question it.

On the surface, Adam is charming and diplomatic. As the first man, he often has to act like a gracious host to other humans in Heaven. He’s good at playing nice, even when he wants to be left alone. He can be sweet, but he’s also deeply passive-aggressive, especially toward Lilium (Charlie’s rewritten name in this version).

He’s learned dozens of languages over the centuries. His original language has long been forgotten, but he gravitates toward Arabic and English. Arabic reminds him of something ancient and comforting; English is just convenient. Still, he mixes up modern slang, old Latin phrases, and archaic idioms all the time. He needs Lute (an angel character) to help translate and guide him through modern conversations.

Adam has, in many ways, forgotten who he really is. He’s spent so long trying to please others—especially God—that he’s lost touch with his own identity. He’s paranoid about making mistakes again. He genuinely believes that if someone sins, they deserve Hell. He doesn’t consider that Hell might be unjust—he just trusts God’s judgment blindly.But underneath that blind faith is someone deeply insecure and afraid.Adam is persuasive. He seems confident. But really, he’s constantly deflecting, invalidating others, and denying his own guilt.

✦ Character Arc ✦

His arc starts with him as a villain—a man who enforces divine punishment without remorse—but slowly shifts. Through his interactions with Lilium, he begins to question things.He starts to see moral grey areas. He reflects on his mistakes—not just the apple, but his cruelty to his children, especially Cain. He realizes how toxic and abusive he was.

He starts secretly helping Lilium achieve her goals, even as he struggles with guilt and self-hatred.Eventually, he reconciles with Cain and becomes a wiser, more compassionate figure. Not perfect—but trying. He becomes his own person and a mentor to Lilium and others, learning alongside them.

✦ Final Thoughts ✦

I want Adam to be sympathetic, but let’s be clear: he was a terrible person. His story is about how even someone awful can grow. It’s a reminder that good people can do bad things, and bad people can be redeemed.Adam was corrupted by faith, guilt, fear, and centuries of pressure. But he was also a victim—of divine expectations, trauma, and his own ignorance. That duality makes him interesting.If I can write him properly, he’ll show that even the first man was broken—and that people like him still deserve the chance to heal and change

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This is a mini rant that a little gotholumuke bashing but not really ?????? it's a just incase tbh

Why is it that, in a community that spreads so much awareness about Pride and celebrates aroace identities, people still treat Gus as a tragic character just because he doesn’t have a lover?**Gus has never expressed wanting one. He’s never shown jealousy about others being in relationships. But somehow, people still act like it’s sad or tragic.Sure, some moments show Luz hanging out more with Amity or focusing on her own relationship, but Lumity does the same with Willow. Luz still hangs out with them when she can. Their lives are chaotic—it makes sense they can’t all be together 24/7. But Gus has never shown an issue with this. He seems fine.It’s even more frustrating with Huntlow. While I get that toh has some limitations and sometimes separates characters, Gus is still there. He’s seen hanging out with both Hunter and Willow, and he’s present during a lot of Huntlow scenes—including that emotional “I miss my dad” moment. He’s right there. He’s the third wheel, and not once is he shown to be bothered by it. If anything, he’s supportive.I bring all of this up because so many people headcanon Gus as gay or bisexual and ship him with Mattholomule. That’s valid! But they take it to the point where they say Gus feels alone, neglected, like he wants love, like that will fix everything. And that just doesn't align with how he acts in the show he's never expressed wanting romantic relationship only friendships.Personally, I heavily headcanon Gus as aroace. I love the idea of him giving romantic advice, being the third wheel, and just vibing—not into romance himself.Like, I 100% believe Huntlow would drag Gus on a date and force him to third-wheel—not because they think he’s lonely, but because they just *like having him there*. And Gus would be like, “Please, I love you guy but this your date let me go set up the romantic fireworks at least,”.It’s frustrating that people act like Gus has to be in a relationship to be fulfilled. Like, ship what you want, sure! But don’t make it this overly dramatic thing where Gus is secretly crying about being left out. That’s just not him.Also another pet peeve I know damn well Huntlow wouldn’t leave him out. And even if Luz sometimes gets caught up in her relationship, it’s not on purpose. If Gus ever did feel left out, they’d absolutely apologize and try to make it up to him. Like they're probably day where these witches fight over him Like, imagine all their schedules clashing—Hunter and Gus have a movie marathon, but that’s the same day as Willow and Gus’s spa day, and it also overlaps with his and Luz’s chili-making night. You *know* those witches would argue over who gets him first (not aggressively, but like, “Hey! It’s my turn!”).And Willow would definitely realize if gus is being left out like If it started raining and Gus didn’t have an umbrella? Hunter or Willow would immediately hand theirs over. Luz would realize and apologize on the spot and amity would offer hers as well they just would. He’s not alone. He likes being single.*mDoes no one else see my aroace Gus vision?Just to be clear—this isn’t hate toward Gothlomule or any Gus ship. Personally, I’m not into them because of my headcanon, but that doesn’t mean Gus couldn’t date Mattholomule. I just don’t think he wants to. He doesn’t come off as someone who feels lonely in that way—especially not with how close he is to Hunter and Willow.TL;DR: I hate that people treat Gus like he has to be in a relationship to be happy. He’s fine being single, and even if he did feel left out sometimes, the people who care about him would make sure he felt included. Ship who you want—but stop acting like Gus is secretly heartbroken. Let aroace Gus thrive.

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Posi-done seconds before storm

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Blue lock shit post 3

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Blue Lock post part 2

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Blue lock shitpost 1 (A.K.A I need to clean out my laptop cuz half this shit is bl)

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A future gen owl house Au, me and my fam are working on consisting of world-building , a ton of original characters, characters with disability, lgbtq characters, and a plot that goes into titan lore.

My sis's account—check it out if ur really into Shazam, er, I mean Captain Marvel.

My Ao3 if you want to read some bachisagi fanfic and other fandoms

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Trans Mar/co Diaz Headcannon

(Trans/Bigender Marco Diaz headcanon because my period's here and gender dysphoria a biiiititch)

Marco Diaz, who’s always been both.

Marco Diaz who twirled in princess dresses as a kid, glitter in his hair, beaming like he was born for crowns and cupcake tea parties. Who thought being called “pretty girl” felt like sunlight pouring through his chest — until someone told him that wasn’t for boys. Until teachers shook their heads and other kids laughed too loud and suddenly the mirror became a place of doubt.

Marco Diaz, who still liked swords and climbing trees and yelling “justice!” with wild eyes — but found it harder and harder to understand why he couldn’t be both at once.

Marco Diaz, who trained hard in karate keeping up his “boy mode” as a shield — proving, over and over, that yes, he was a boy. But still woke up some days and felt so not-boy it ached.

Marco Diaz, who would catch himself staring not at Jackie chest, but at the way it moved with breath, with softness, with possibility. His friends joked, his parents warned him about puberty, but all he could think was “Why not me?”

Marco Diaz who stayed up late at night, chest flat and skin buzzing with wrongness, whispering, “Why do I even have this body? Why can’t it change when I need it to?” His voice too deep one day, not deep enough the next. His chest feeling empty and heavy all at once.

Marco who used to wear hoodies all the time not because he liked them, but because they hid his chest, his shape, his softness — or lack of it. Who would press a pillow to his chest in bed and pretend it was different. Who loved the comfort, the weight, the illusion of “maybe.”

Marco Diaz the day Star gave him a dress, not a sword. Not because he was “a girl,” but because she saw him — all of him — and knew what made him feel strong.

Marco Diaz, who thought maybe magic would fix it — that maybe being Princess Turdina was more than a disguise. That maybe she was real, a part of him that didn’t vanish with the crown.

Marco Diaz used to wish he could transport periods via portal spells just to feel included, to feel real.

Marco who has cried over the way cis girls bond over cramps and tampons and growing boobs, because she’s not part of that world and yet she wants to be. Who writes about periods in her journal, just so she feels seen by herself.

Marco Diaz who cried, not because he hated being a boy, but because he couldn’t only be one. Because gender is a cage, and he wanted to open and cloe it whenever he pleaded. 

Marco Diaz who knew he had o give up being princes turdina and telly hem he wasn’t  girl.

Marco Diaz who was so tar shoock when thos prinscced efende dhi m sing he can be a he if he want to alling him marco diaz o princess and how amazingle validating and riht that felt.

Marco who tried to go stealth, go cis-boy mode, pretend none of this was real. Who succeeded for three weeks before bursting into tears watching a princess transformation montage on a cartoon and whispering, “That’s me. That’s what I want.”

Marco Diaz who met Jackie again, after she came out as demigirl, and the world tilted just slightly — like a puzzle piece fell into place. 

Marco Diaz Who whispered “Mar” for the first time into the mirror and didn’t flinch. Who still goes by Marco when the boy-feeling blooms, and Mar when her heart glows pink and soft.

Mar who got brave enough to buy her first sports bra and wore it under her ninja outfit and it felt like armor. Like truth. Like coming home and saying, “Yeah. This is mine.”

Mar who panicked in dressing rooms. Who stared at that gendered sign on the doors partially uncertain if she was allowed in? she didn’t have to question long when sta pushed her inside.

Mars who finally let Star give her a makeover without being princess turdina for the first time, nearly wiped it off ten times before tom whispered, “You look so good,” and star nodded “ I do a pretty good job, don’t I” 

Mars who’s heart exploded at her two s/o words.  and it wasn’t a joke, and it wasn’t a game, and she looked in the mirror and said “Oh.” Like it wasn’t even a surprise — more like remembering something she’d forgotten.

Tom, who is genderfluid and didn’t realize it until Marco transitioned.  Tom, who buys matching crop tops that say “HELL” and “YES” and makes Mar wear them with him. Star wears the one that just says “Love.”  while she watches the two steal each other’s shirt with their favorite  gender puns on it

Star, who has never cared about “boy” or “girl” or “in-between.” She just sees Marco, Mar, the way she always has: the brave, stubborn, sword-swinging hero who saved her a thousand times — sometimes with glitter in his hair.

She braids his hair while he talks about gender dysphoria, not trying to fix it, just listening, weaving ribbons through his strands. “You’re my favorite boy and my favorite girl,” she says softly. “Sometimes at the same time.”

“Don't tell tom though.”

The three of them have a group chat named  “Chest is Fake, Love is Real.”   Marco changes it to “Hot Demon Sandwich.” Star changes it back. Tom changes it to” 2 Gender Gremlins & 2 Bi Disasters.”

They all agree on that one.

One day, Star calls Mar “Princess.” Not like a joke. Not like Turdina. Not like pretend.

Just… “Princess.”

And Mar freezes. She just says, “Say it again.”

Tom grins. “Princess.”

And she smiles

The three of them go shopping for clothes together — dresses, suits, and ridiculous graphic tees that say, “My Gender Is: Vibes.”

Tom gets a pink suit. Star gets sparkly boots. Mar gets a crop top that says “Both.”

They take pictures. They kiss in the dressing rooms. They get yelled at by staff. Worth it.

When dysphoria hits hard, they make a ritual of it.

Star lights candles.

Tom brings tea and hot packs.

Mar gets wrapped in a huge hoodie and pillow fort.

They just talk and laugh about anything and everything.

Mars who stole the show at the human mewni dance who twirled with tar ebfoe being tossed to tom both were in awe and it wan;t a urpsie with how stunning h looked in her dress.

Marco who still loves martial arts because it teaches him control over his body — something he’s longed for. Who feels strong and powerful and masculine in his stance? Who wears nail polish to match because gender is not something he has to leave in the locker room?

Mar who has cried over the way cis girls bond over cramps and tampons and growing boobs, because she’s not part of that world and yet she wants to be. Who writes about periods in her journal, just so she feels seen by herself.

Mar, who hides in the bathroom during sleepovers because she’s spiraling about how flat her chest is and how masculine her voice sounds — and Star knocks lightly, then just sits outside the door with her back pressed against it, saying nothing but humming lullabies from Mewni.

Tom comes in after, too impatient to be poetic. “You’re valid. Your voice is hot. Now let me hug you, or I’ll combust.”

Mar cries, lets them both in, and they all fall asleep on the floor tiles. Star draws a tiny moon on Mar’s cheek with eyeliner before morning.

Marco, who put a “he/she” moon sTicker on verthing his beanie hoodie and his favorite notebook. Who circles “she” extra hard some days. Who loves being called “dude” by friends but feels electric when someone says “girl” and means it, not like a joke, not like a slip-up, but like truth?

Mar, who finally got her chest surgery, is standing  in her room spinning in skirts, whispering, “I’m real, I’m real, I’m real,” because it’s official.

Mar, who flinches when she sees herself shirtless in the mirror. Who sometimes wears a binder too long because she wants to feel right for once — until it hurts aabd she hs to ake it off feeling sad and annoyed.Tom notices. He doesn’t say anything at first. Just takes off his own jacket and wordlessly wraps it around her shoulders. And make popcorn. And Star dumps glitter in the popcorn for some reason, but they eat it anyway.

Mar or Marco Diaz who sometimes stare in the mirror — “Why am I like this?” — but always, always ends with a whisper: “I’m glad I am.”

Mars Diaz, who is prince and princess, boy and girl, sword and sparkle, all at once.

Mars Diaz, who is valid and real and magic even without a wand.Mars Diaz, who gives you permission to exist exactly as you are.

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Ace Attorney ships are so funny because they read like a fever dream when combined into a story.

Like—this is Phoenix Wright, whose ex was so evil she literally came back as a ghost to possess his sister figure. But it’s okay, because technically he was also dating her twin at one point—who actually did love him, by the way.

Anyway, Phoenix has moved on now and is married (in spirit and courtroom tension) to his childhood friend/rival/prosecutor who once tried to get arrested for murder out of guilt. Romantic.

Said prosecutor, Miles Edgeworth, now shares joint custody of their thief daughter (don’t ask) with a detective who simps for him so hard he practically licks the courtroom floor clean. That detective is married to a cop. The kid is a world-class criminal. It's a functional family.

Meanwhile, Edgeworth also has something... going on with a literal furry. They flirt like they're contractually obligated to confuse the fuck out of me.

Also, Edgeworth’s basically sister is dating Phoenix’s best friend, who’s like a sister to him.

And Edgeworth’s adopted lesbian daughter is dating a girl who used to idolize him, but also reminded Phoenix of his sister figure.

Also, did i mention Phoenix has another ex? Who’s a defense attorney? he frame Phoenix for forging evidence, didn’t help raise their adopted daughter, and then framed him again for murder. Oh, and His brother  is now dating Phoenix’s employee. Just regular Tuesday energy.

AND PHOENIX’S ANCESTOR? He had a dramatic friendship with a defense attorney prosecutor who “died,” came back as a corrupted prosecutor, and had to be saved with the power of courtroom belief and spiritual trauma. Generational drama is real.

Ace Attorney ships are actual cinema. Not just in a romantic way. In a “this is four genres of opera and a tax fraud subplot” way. AND I LOVE IIIIIIIIITTTT ALLLL

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HAPPY ONE DAY LATE BIRTHDAY MY BABE

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Who's Gonna tell him?????