jonvoll

[jonvoll]

How am I supposed to cope

With all this shattered hope

Sometimes it seems

Far to many friends

Are meeting their ends

And failing them, their dreams

All these tortured screams

That no one else hears

Echo in my ears

How am I supposed to cope

With all this forsaken hope

Completely forgotten

As it slowly turns rotten

I still don’t know

Why people come and go

Without goodbye

Or any reason why

If only I knew

Maybe there was something I could do

Cause each ghost

That haunts me most

Don’t scream cry or shriek

They’re the ones that don’t even speak

The ones you never see

Because they never get to be

How am I supposed to cope

With all this disheartened hope

For all those not yet gone

But barely holding on

[jonvoll]

Years keep coming before I’m ready

I’m supposed to have moved out by now

But I don’t get how

I’ve saved up every cent

And I’d only be able to rent

Not even a decent down payment

Plus I mean

I’ve been working since I was 13

So what am I supposed to do

Now that I’m 22

I’m supposed to be starting my career

Or at least be in my senior year

I’ve worked till my hands have bled

I’ve read till my eyes felt like lead

I’ve shed

Blood sweat and tears

And after all these years

I have nothing to show

I don’t know

How life’s supposed to go

I still miss every friend

I’ll never see again

Whether they died or drifted away

I’ve tried to pretend I’m ok

While I’ve cried every day

At least on the inside

[jonvoll]

If not for pain

If hearts never broke

Life would never evoke

The passion and fear

Of losing those that we hold dear

If nobody ever cried

Would anyone really miss us when we died

If we never had to say goodbye

Wouldn’t we let time pass us by

If we didn’t know

The lowest low

Could we really know the the highest high

If we never had a chance to fall

Would taking a stand mean anything at all

If it weren’t for the possibility of being left on read

We wouldn’t be as caring about the things we said

And if not for the fact that we’ll end up dead

We’d probably waste eternity instead

[jonvoll]

Doubt there’s anybody out there

And that’s fair

It’s been a long time since I wrote poetry

But I’ve felt I’m missing a part of me

And think that’s what it must be

Trust me

I know I’m rusty

And my might not have the same flair

Which is also fair

But I still care

And though I admit

I’m a bit

More tired

I’m just as inspired

Just held captor

To a different chapter

Not every page

Is as full of ecstasy or rage

But it still has just as much strife

As the rest of my book of life

[jonvoll]

Rise again

Fine I admit it

Sometimes I don’t get it

Dreams burn in the background

As I listen to the sound

Of a water fall of tears

Salt tinged with fears

I know the world seems broken

But hear the words I’ve spoken

I don’t know how and I don’t know when

But good will rise again

I see so much heartbreak

I don’t know how much more I can take

My heartbeat

Feels incomplete

And I’m struggling just to breathe

I just can’t believe

It’s ok to give up and leave

Because I know the world seems broken

But hear the words I’ve spoken

I don’t know how and I don’t know when

But good will rise again

I’ll remember

Every ember

That burns my skin

As I rise from the ashes again

[jonvoll]

I just hope you know

I hope you know

I don't want to go

I don't want to say goodbye

But you can't say I didn't try

When you were hurt I was there

With love and unrequited care

And when it felt like no one understood

I'd sit and listen until I could

You don't know how hard I've tried

How many nights I stayed up and cried

And all I asked in return

Was for you to learn

To love yourself for who you are

But I see each fresh scar

And honestly I'm tired

Of seeing all I desired

Thrown away

Every day

When you were hurt I was there

With love and unrequited care

And when it felt like no one understood

I'd sit and listen until I could

You don't know how hard I've tried

How many nights I stayed up and cried

In truth, I'm starting to believe

The kindest thing to do is to leave

But I want to make it clear

I'll still be here

No matter where you go

No matter what your lowest low

I just hope you know

I don't want you to go

I don't want to say goodbye

But you can't say I didn't try

[jonvoll]

Why?

Why?

Why do we as a society lie

When someone commits suicide we cry

But we don't bat an eye

At cries of pain and remorse

Written in morse

On their legs and arms

And don't sound the alarms

After seeing dashes and dots

Despite knowing their darkest thoughts

We run away

Because we don't have the nerve to say

"Hey, is everything ok?

I love you, please stay"

So why?

Why do we pretend to care

But are only there

When times are good

Meaning we all feel misunderstood

Because we hide

How we feel inside

We don't let anyone know

Yet it seems

everyone screams

into their pillow

Late at night

But don't we all just wanna do what's right?

So Why?

Why don't we stand up and fight

Because clearly we're not alright

Is it because we're scared

And we feel unprepared?

I mean, yeah it's going to be tough

And sometimes we just, won't be enough

But why?

Why don't we even try?

Because in the end

Sometimes all we need is a friend

Someone willing to wake up 2 hours after midnight

And say "hey, put it down, I know it hurts but I promise everything's going to be alright"

[jonvoll]

Just a Call Away

I hope you know

I won't let go

Just because you lost your way

It's ok

I'm here, a phone call away

You don't need to run

I know what you've done

And yes, I know you're a mess

I love you nonetheless

I've seen the signs

Between the lines

The family abuse

And history of use

And I hope you know

I won't let go

Just because you lost your way

It's ok

I'm still here, a phone call away

And don't believe

That I'm naive

I know why you wear those long sleeves

You're scarred with, dashes and dots

From nights alone, with your darkest thoughts

I know you're good

Just misunderstood

Let me help you find

Some peace of mind

Because I can see

That you need therapy

Whatever the price

I'll pay it twice

So please just know

I won't let go

Just because you lost your way

It's ok

I'm still here, a phone call away

[jonvoll]

Drifting away

My words have gone to waste

I tried to give you a taste

But then I got replaced

You never heard

A single word

Did you?

It's ok...

I think I knew

And tried to give piece of me

In my poetry

As a parting gift

As you started to drift

So far away

But it's ok

I'm lying in rhymes

I wrote about better times

And while I don't know when

I don't know how long it's been

Since then

But better times will come again

I'll remember your face

As we drifted through space

The surprise

In your eyes

As I handed you poetry

And fell to gravity

I promised I'd be ok

As I watched you drift away

My little astronaut

Fading to a dot

And as watched you drift away

I heard myself say

I'll find you again someday

[jonvoll]

Please, Send me some requests

I've been kind of uninspired recently and I wanted to write for someone other than myself

[jonvoll]

If not for pain

If hearts never broke

Life would never evoke

The passion and fear

Of losing those that we hold dear

If nobody ever cried

Would anyone really miss us when we died

If we never had to say goodbye

Wouldn’t we let time pass us by

If we didn’t know

The lowest low

Could we really know the the highest high

If we never had a chance to fall

Would taking a stand mean anything at all

If it weren’t for the possibility of being left on read

We wouldn’t be as caring about the things we said

And if not for the fact that we’ll end up dead

We’d probably waste eternity instead

[jonvoll]

Darkest night

I’ve never been quite as surprised

As the day I realized

How much you inspired me

That moment I couldn’t write poetry

How whenever I found the time

I couldn’t even rhyme

Honestly I think I ran out of things to say

And when you left, you took my breath away

And all the things that made my heart race

Like psychology, art, and space

Don’t quite carry the same exciting feel

They just don’t seem as real

What can I say

You found your way

Into each and every one

You made them truly fun

And whenever something got me excited

You looked delighted

And you invited

Me to share anything I’d find

Because you were so kind

You truly didn’t mind

You let me talk on and on

But now that you’re gone…

I can’t find that deep seated care

Even though I know it’s there

Somewhere

It seems pretty clear

An ocean even of emotion

Can’t just disappear

What can I say

I locked my heart away

And gave you the key

I know you wouldn’t do that to me

You are to kind

You must have left it behind

For me to find

But where?

In a moment we used to share?

Was it hidden in some lost moment of the night

Or maybe where we had our first fight?

I know where I’ll put your key

You should find it pretty easily

It’ll be in that all night walk

Where we had that once in a lifetime talk

The type you can only have between 1 and five

When we were the only ones alive

The one where I cried

When you told me I was the reason you hadn’t yet died

Because the same was true

For me and you

And so I’ll watch you go

But before you do I want you to know

Not only do I love you so

But sometimes to make things right

You must go through the darkest night

[jonvoll]

Beautifully said, I'm always here for anyone as well

Can I just say something?

If I’m following you, I care about you.

If you follow me, I care about you.

If you’ve ever liked or reblogged any of my posts, I care about you.

If you see this post and have never interacted with before in any way before, I care about you.

If you’re on Tumblr, I care about you.

If you exist, I care about you.

Point blank. Every single one of you. Yes, that means you specifically. No, I’m not “talking about someone else”. I mean you.

And you are always welcome to talk to me. I’m no therapist or professional and I can’t be there 24/7 (I have my own problems as well), but what I try to be is a friend. A support. Someone who you know really, truly does care for you, even if you feel like there is no one else. Because I know how that feels. Because you are never alone. There is always someone and most likely many, many people who are there for you.

You are so strong. I’m proud of you. You’ve made it through so many tough days to be the amazing person you are now. You deserve so much good in your life. You are someone’s favorite person. You are powerful. You are intelligent. You are courageous. You are beautiful. You are loved. No matter how many people may have made you feel otherwise. This world isn’t always nice, but there are people who are.

And please, for the love of all that is good is this world, please keep going. Because I know life may be hard right now, but I know you are strong enough to get through this. “Things will get better. Maybe not today, but eventually.” -Sean McLoughlin (jacksepticeye). And I wish only the best for you and I hope your situation improves sooner rather than later.

Drink some water. Eat something. Get some sleep. Breathe. Go outside for some fresh air if you can (weather permitting). And remember that there are so many people out there who care about you and support you. You are not alone.

You’re so hecking amazing. And the world needs to see that.

[jonvoll]

The Love I Dream of

I just want someone I can talk to all night

And hold as we watch the first ray of light

To feel alive

As we drive

And sing along

With each song

Pausing to dissect each line

Feeling our veins intertwine

Pulling together our heart

Until we're inches apart

And feel our heartbeat synchronize

While staring into each others eyes

Childish yet wise

Childishly in awe

At the love we saw

But wise because this

Isn't a moment we want to miss

So we just hold each other and don't kiss

Because while it feels great to make out

I seriously doubt

It'll ever feel as good

As being understood

I want her to feel safe in my embrace

I want to see it on her face

And I want her to say

When she's not doing ok

So I can wipe her tears away

Ask if I can help in any way

And promise everything will be okay

[jonvoll]

Someone else's happily ever after

I'm glad you found happiness

But I confess

It hurts deep down in my heart

That I don't get to be a part

But I can see it's true

You love him and he loves you

And because I care too

I'll hide

How I feel inside

You'll never know how many nights I cried

Knowing it was almost me at your side

I wish I'd had a way to say it before

That while I like you, I love you more

So I'll say

I've been doing ok

And smile until the two of you walk away

And then I'll hide in my shirt

Crying from hurt

Because I can see

That you're happy

And that means a lot to me

It just hurts so bad

I'm not mad

It just makes me sad

That the best way to show I care

Is to not be there

But I am glad

That you found love

Because when push comes to shove

If my heart is the price

I'd gladly pay it twice

[jonvoll]

"Sometimes it's better to be left on read

Than to let I love you go unsaid"

-Jon Voll (me)

[jonvoll]

Things unsaid

Sometimes I get scared

To admit how much I cared

Because when people see

They take advantage of me

And I admit

I'm tired of it

I just want to be loving and kind

But again and again I find

I pick others up just to be left behind

It's as if basic kindness is oppressed

It makes me depressed

How often love goes unexpressed

And sometimes I wish I had the heart to say

Things like "hey,

Recently you've kinda drifted away

Is everything ok?

Anyway I'm here for you

If you need someone to talk to"

I don't even know why

But every time I try

I fill with doubt

And the words don't come out

Because I get scared

To admit how much I cared

Because it does hurt

To be left lying in the dirt

Trying to understand

Grasping for a hand

That's not even there

Because the rest of the world doesn't care

And while love isn't earned

It hurts when it's not returned

It's really kinda strange

While there's things I wish I could go back and change

My regrets have taught me more

Than the good times ever have before

Yet those time are what's worth living for

Because sometimes it's better to be left on read

Than to let "I love you" go unsaid