mirroringshards

[mirroringshards]

im always inbetween wanting to get better and wanting to get worse. i know ill regret my actions when im back in my "i want to get better" phase.

[mirroringshards]

a little tip you arent gonna get better unless you get off the internet this whole blog pmo i bet youre one of those people who say "im such a bad person" and do nothing to fix that please go outside re-connect with nature and try to recover because you arent gonna do much sitting there in your bed making these stupid posts disorders are no fun and games they affect you in the long run and not alot of teens understand that they think its just a silly quirky thing but youre gonna be crying homeless when you realize you cant get a job unless you work on yourself

honestly im not even sure what to say to this lol, i dont know when you sent this but i havent been online for several months? people on tiktok coming to tumblr was the worst case scenario tbh. ive never done anything except for vent my feelings on this blog in their rawest, truest form because forcing yourself to be happy will not fix anything. in fact ive started to recover! im in a healthy relationship at the moment and im hoping itll be like that long term. its funny how much youre assuming about me just from me venting about shit. hope you recover yourself anon and stop policing other peoples mental health. and i hope you learn what a comma is.

[mirroringshards]

heres your reminder and proof that it does get better and it wont be like this forever. after a few tries, im starting to do alot better mentally. after a few tries, im finally in a stable relationship. its incredible what the right person can do for someone with BPD. ive relapsed a few times and im still struggling, but things are getting better and i hope they continue to get better. hope youre all well.

[mirroringshards]

i just want someone to tell me what to do. how im supposed to feel. if this is all temporary or permanent. if ill find someone else. when ill find someone else. on top of that id like that someone to hold me and comfort me for awhile.

[mirroringshards]

paranoid parents giving you their fears

growing up neurodivergent, especially without accommodations

death of pets

pets running away

threats of any kind

experiencing discrimination

being forced into psych wards, mental health facilities or therapy

unmonitored internet access

consuming alot of horror content

growing up with alot of yelling/loud talking in churches, school, at home, etc

growing up religious

growing up conservative

police being around alot/called

ambulances being around alot/called

masturbation in childhood

witnessing family in sexual situations

parents forgetting to pick you up

parents swearing at you

Experiences that can be traumatic that I see little to no recognition of it being traumatizing online.

Reminder your trauma is valid and absolutely real, even if you don’t see many posts about it.

***NOTE: not all of these are always traumatic, just have the capability to be traumatic! Just want to confirm if any of this did happen to you and you feel it severely impacted you, it is valid and real.

Bullying (emotional, verbal, and physical)

Mentally ill parents and or siblings

Disabled parents and or siblings

Medical trauma

The silent treatment

Poverty

Witnessing death (violent or otherwise)

Automobile accidents

Non-life threatening injuries

Natural disasters

Witnessing abuse (even if you aren’t abused)

Community violence

Sudden death of a loved one

Being a refugee

Discrimination

Online grooming

Frequent moving

Teacher abuse

Exposure to substance abuse

A parent or sibling dealing with addiction

Imprisonment

Fire or explosions

Emotional neglect

Financial abuse

Threats of deportation/taking kids away/sending you somewhere

Blackmail

Stalking

Pretending to hit you

Near death experience

Pregnancy, birth, and or abortion (pro choice)

Experiencing hallucinations, delusions, or psychosis

Abuse from someone younger

Divorce (peaceful or otherwise)

Body shaming / constant critiquing of appearance

Incarcerated parent(s)

Controlling food intake

Medical neglect

Hoarding/extremely dirty household

Parent(s) forcing you to lie

Forced confinement

Being exposed to porn or sexual imagery or objects at a young age

Parenting talking to you like a friend and or adult

Being forced to take on adult responsibilities (physical and emotional) as a child

Chronic or terminal illness

A parent or sibling with a chronic or terminal illness

Being a scapegoat

Public humiliation

Caring for a parent or sibling as a child

Sleep deprivation

Having a disability

Please feel free to add on any I forgot

[mirroringshards]

i'm scared to come off anon because i don't want to come off as rude but i have a genuine question and i can't find an answer anywhere on tumblr or even a cohesive answer in articles even after scrolling for hours.. what is narc abuse defined as? (i ask as a genuine question, and not as someone who wants to perpetuate stigma. if there is another term that should be used instead, i want to find that out too. i genuinely do not want to hurt anyone, just understand.)

the funny thing is, nobody can seem to agree on a goddamn meaning lol, its either defined as abuse from someone with npd or abuse from a narcissist [adjective apparently, not disorder]. the best term to use instead of narc abuse is covert abuse<3

[mirroringshards]

"its okay" ITS NOT OKASY ITS NOT FUCKING OKAY IM A LIAR IM A FUCKING LIAR ITS NOT FUCKING OKAY ITLL NEVER BE OKAY AND THISLL NEVER BE OKAY. ITS NOT FUCKING OKAY, IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH.

[mirroringshards]

how do i express that i may be a danger to myself or others without sounding manipulative or guilt trippy or getting put in a psych ward

[mirroringshards]

you step on a dogs tail and youre sorry, you feel bad, you didnt mean to hurt it, youre not an animal abuser. but the dog doesnt know that.

im the dog, by the way.

[mirroringshards]

[mirroringshards]

bpd is actually so crazy i cannot tell you how genuinely intense everything feels.

i get so, so upset during episodes over the smallest of things. it isnt just "oh im sad" either its fucking cutting myself, wanting to die, hyperventilating and begging and pleading and making a plan to kill myself because what im feeling genuinely seems like the end of the world. theres a void inside of me that can only be filled by a love so intense that it drives me to insanity. i will overeat, spend unnecessarily, hurt myself, cling and depend on people who give me the slightest bit of attention, send suggestive things of myself to others, and put myself in dangerous situations just to feel something. that void can only ever be truly filled by an fp. without one, i feel so, so empty. i truly feel like im nothing without them. their whole existence, getting to see and talk to them everyday, getting to be with them, is the whole reason that i continue to survive. the moment theyre gone, even for five minutes, its back to nothingness. i cannot feel without them, i physically cannot bring myself to. but having a fp is so, so painful. their mood determines mine. how they treat me will determine how i feel. everyone else compared to them feels miniscule and unimportant. i could be seriously harmed by another person or admired by another person and it wouldnt matter, because the only person whos opinion of me matters is my fp. i would cut off all of my friends just to be with them and them only. i would do anything to stay with them. and when they leave, you have to understand that my whole purpose has been torn away from me. my whole reason for continuing to live gets fucking ripped away from me. and when they ignore me? i put myself in dangerous situations, i hurt myself, just so theyll come and find me and save me, take care of me, feel bad for me. i try to make them feel the same pain they make me feel by ignoring them, purposely triggering them, trying to get back at them. i hate them, because what could be more important to you than me? i put you above all else, why cant you do the same? nobody else, nothing else, should be more important or as important than me, because thats how i feel about you. and fuck, it hurts so bad knowing my partners will never feel as intensely for me as i will for them, unless im their fp. it hurts knowing that theyll truly never feel the same level of obsession and want for me that i feel for them. that theyll never be able to fully return those feelings. but its so hard being mutual fps with someone. it drives you insane. it can lead to horrid situations.

bpd is so, so hard. i hate this disorder.

[mirroringshards]

sorry i overreacted i had no idea everything would be fine

[mirroringshards]

im a vault for secrets [i have very bad amnesia due to trauma and mental disorders and will likely forget what you told me in an hour]

[mirroringshards]

"YOUR GENDER IS WHATS IN YOUR PANTS 🗣️🦅" i actually dont think vagina is a gender brayden

[mirroringshards]

can someone tell me what it is with radfems and hating mentally ill people. also they all type the same. what is up with that. im convinced they arent real at this point tbh

[mirroringshards]

guys im crying a radqueer reblogged my post what do i do now i have to delete my blog

[mirroringshards]

im arguing w/ a terf about people with npd being abusive 💀💀 pick a struggle do u hate trans people or the mentally ill