living with narcissism, borderline, and autism. adult.will mostly be my thoughts on these disorders and also aesthetic.
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It's so frustrating when people say "just be yourself!" "Let yourself be who you are!" "Let the real you out!" Because THERE IS NO REAL ME. I don't exist under the personality that I fake. There is NOTHING.
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i hope every person with npd or bpd finds that idealized person they've created in their mind <3
#you all deserve to meet someone who is 100% your type and your fantasy. i mean this.#actually npd#actually bpd#npd#bpd
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narcissism and autism might be the worst combination of all time. why the fuck do i go from feeling cold and disconnected from the entire world to experiencing the most severe, painful empathy possible?
#both of these sensations create equal annoyance.#caring too much feels emotionally draining and not caring enough makes you feel like a terrible person#actually npd#actually autistic
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being a narc is so stupid and confusing. what do you mean i don't actually like this person, but i like the specific kind of attention they give me? what do you mean i'm building a false fantasy of this person in my head and will eventually get bored of them???
#narcissistic#npd#actually npd#actually narcissistic#even worse is confusing platonic feelings for romantic. and then boom its not even platonic either you're just obsessed with attention!
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you are not evil for putting yourself first. you are not evil for desiring validation. you are not evil for wanting to feel good. it's okay to have selfish desires.
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the endless cycle of needing others to give you attention while also desiring to be with yourself all the time is so draining. how the fuck do i reconcile requiring fuel for my ego when i don't even like being around people most of the time?
#not to mention most people do not validate my existence in the way i want them to.#praising me isn't enough i need to be your obsession wtf!#actually npd#actually narcissistic#npd#narcissism
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that narc feeling when you have to make a blog about your experiences with narcissism so other people can validate you
#actually npd#actually narcissistic#npd#i just made this blog hello#i never talk about my mental health stuff online so i thought i'd throw my feelings into the wind
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