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Why do you knoW so much about fashion......

do you people just think i go into a coma every time im not posting here

you know i have a real job and hobbies and interests and a life right

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Wh⛤t should I we⛤r for my first p⛤le ⛤nnivers⛤ry?

It’s mine ⛤nd my moir⛤ils first p⛤le ⛤nnivers⛤ry this sweep. Obviously I’d LOVE to spoil them rotten, so I got us tickets to ⛤ highly renowned st⛤ge perform⛤nce, ⛤nd ⛤ reserv⛤tion ⛤t ⛤ rest⛤ur⛤nt ⛤fterw⛤rd. ⛤s you c⛤n obviously tell, I know wh⛤t I’m doing, ⛤nd h⛤ve ⛤ll of th⛤t covered. 

The only problem is th⛤t I h⛤ven’t the f⛤intest ide⛤ of wh⛤t to we⛤r. 

I’m ⛤n extremely high cl⛤ss violetblood, ⛤nd I refuse to we⛤r ⛤nything th⛤t isn’t floor-length, but my moir⛤il often comments th⛤t this m⛤kes me ⛤ppe⛤r more cold th⛤n I re⛤lly ⛤m. Unfortun⛤tely most of the ⛤dvice I h⛤ve seen online m⛤inly involves we⛤ring g⛤rish p⛤tterns or intention⛤lly messy clothing. 

Do you h⛤ve ⛤ny ide⛤ how I might m⛤ke myself ⛤ppe⛤r more “w⛤rm” or “⛤ppro⛤ch⛤ble” without h⛤ving to dumb down my f⛤shion sense to the likes of mini⛤ture-putters? 

oh finally something i can talk about yeah ok buckle in this shits gonna be long as hell im not even gonna bother with my gimmick here i just wanna talk about clothes for a second

most trolls are dumb as shit and dont give a fuck about fashion and its not even just everyday clothes i mean youve probably seen the shit some trolls wear to dates vitriol emoji

but if youre looking for actually good inspo i have a friend who put out some shit in eclectoskeleton but also theres been some surprisingly good shit in deadliest designs monthly recently

if youre looking for advice from me specifically though then heres a couple things to think about if you wanna wear fancy pale clothes

i dont normally wear this stuff but i do at least have a working thinkpan and know way more than most idiots plus i have super real degrees in quadrantology so some of its probably good advice

colors: obviously going lighter and softer is classic its called pale feelings the pale quadrant and the holidays pale moon night so why not pale colors obviously duh

most trolls stick to blacks and grays and darker shit at least as the base of their outfits most of the time because theyre boring pieces of garbage and also cause its practical i guess

so bringing out those pale pinks or just lighter violets or whites feels special and its something you can do to soften shit up

its pretty it stands out in a crowd and it sets a mood it says i give a fuck about you and i want people to know

but you dont have to stick with that ive seen trolls get a lot of mileage out of shit like wearing a little of each others colors or you can even try their favorite colors for cute personal shit

design:

obviously you already know about shit like diamond motifs but theres ways to do that without just throwing on an ugly little argyle sweater

diamond shapes in embroidery or beading or in lace can look really fucking cute if you do it right

if you can work in moons and stars thats something pretty and obviously pale but not that stupid looking and btw dont be afraid to throw in a little bit of sparkle too

you said you have to wear floor length shit but thats not a deal breaker i mean shit big clothes are classic for paledates and even though youre not gonna be wearing actual palewear you can take those sorts of ideas and fold them into your shit by going for something flowy

i mean yeah bigass sweaters and scarves are classic but so are things like capes maybe its not always "approachable" but it can still say "i pity you or at least probably give a shit about you"

accessories:

anyway speaking of classically pale shit obviously look into pearls the pink ones even kinda look like little pink moons you get it you know what i mean

diamond shaped jewelry is classic but also cabochon cuts are also good to look into especially if you can get your fronds on any pink or white rocks or anything with a little chatoyancy

other shit i forgot to mention or general shit:  if you want you can do matching shit

it doesnt need to be one of those matching half and half diamond necklaces for wigglers or anything just making sure theyre wearing something with the same metal and decorative rock as you are or at least some of the same colors so you look good together is good enough  i got a little into this by talking about stuff like sparkles and moons and all that but just think about pale nicknames when youre thinking about what to wear "moonlight" "starlight" "moonrise" "moonbeam" "stars" "twilight"

all those things are real and actually pretty things that you can take a lot of inspiration from

even shit like "sugar" or just fucking "diamond" or any of the millions of flowers and random pink or white or sparkly things people use

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IT’S KIND OF HILARIOUS WATCHING YOU FLOUNDER ABOUT TRYING TO DEFEND A GUY WHO’S SO BAD AT RECIPROCATING HE MIGHT AS WELL BE TOSSING WATER ONTO WHATEVER IS GOING ON HERE CONSTANTLY. WHY ARE YOU EVEN “COURTING” THAT STUPID FUCK

ok but why is it your business why do you wanna know are you jealous orrrrr dot dot dot

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okkkk soooo,,,,,, clearlyyyy youuuu knowww aaa thingggg orrrr twoooo abouttttt freakshowwwww kismesesssss ammm iii righttttt?

coulddddd youuuuu giveeee meeee someeee adviceeee

iiiii (oliveeeee) ammmm datinggggg annnnn indigooooo pitchwiseeeeee butttttt heeeee kidnappeddddd myyyyy matespriteeee (purpleeeee) afterrrrrr iiiii saiddddd sheeeeee wasssss askinggggg toooooo hanggggg outtttttt moreeeee (contexttttt iiiii hadddd tooooo stayyyy attttt herrrrrr hiveeee forrrrr aaaaaa perigeeeee becauseeeee sheeeeee wasntttttt feelinggggg uppppp tooooo cookinggggg orrrrrr cleaningggggg). iiiii pityyyyyy herrrrrr aaa lotttttt anddddd whileeeee iiii trustttttt myyyyyy kismesisssss notttt toooooo hurtttttt herrrrr thissssss isssss kinddddd offfff freakkkkk behaviorrrrrr forrrrrr himmmmm toooooo beeeeee soooooo jealoussssss overrrrrr myyyyyy otherrrrrr quadrantttttt anddddd interfereeeeeee

howwwwww doooooo iiiii makeeeeee himmmmm stoppppp beinggggg aaaa freakkkkk

vitriol emoji vitriol emoji vitriol emoji

good advice: i dont even know where to start i would not have let shit get that bad

how are you being so chill about this seriously what is wrong with you you need to take a long look in the reflection sheet and think about everything thats wrong with your life and how you let yourself become the troll you are today 

if i were you id have already beaten the shit out of my kismesis seriously why was your first reaction to calmly send an ask to your favorite grumblr blog and wait for them to give you some advice

im flattered i guess but what

i know you said your matesprites fine but that doesnt make that not insane thats your kismesis go yell at him tell him this is freak behavior and youre not putting up with it

i almost feel bad for the poor guy i mean arent you in a rivalry dont you hate him how is your first instinct not to go confront him he literally kidnapped your matesprite

bad advice: literally whatever you think of is probably way worse than anything i could possibly say diy it listen to your instincts 

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Why do you? Say emojis names like that? Just put the. Emoji in the post. I know it's your quirk. But it's terrible. Get a better! Quirk!

sad toilbug with a sack on a stick looking sorrowful as they leave jpg image

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#ow to get out of the moirailzone. girl i was #itting on t#inks im pale for #er for some reason. all i did was take #er out to eat and go s#opping a few times and now s#e thinks im her cool adorable palemate. #ow to fucking undo this pls.

ok advice for everyone else reading this anyone who says moirailzone is a red flag lets all take a moment to thumbs down emoji fire emoji vitriol emoji chart going down emoji 

good advice: look youre being so dumb about this if she likes you thats awesome its a miracle that shes somehow not totally repulsed by you even with your youness now try using your words like a big troll and tell her youre more red than pale for her 

if this was earlier in the relationship id have all kinds of tips on how to flirt better and be clearer and the really obvious differences between red and pale flirting and blah blah blah sleepy emoji but if youre at the point where shes calling you her palemate for real you need to just step up and tell her what you want

bad advice: i think if you say the word moirailzone to her face or better yet read this ask out loud to her theres a chance shell be so pissed off that shell vacillate black for you and then you can work from there

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this is so messy lolol

some nights i think to myself maybe the internet truly was a mistake maybe we should all go back to being cavetrolls and banging rocks together for entertainment and mauling random creatures for fun

i think id be really good at looking for edible moss how about you

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i :/ feel :/ like :/ you're :/ being :/ way :/ too :/ soft :/ on :/ him :/

if :/ my :/ kismesis :/ posted :/ something :/ that :/ embarrassing :/ i :/ would :/ never :/ let :/ him :/ forget :/ it :/

oh wow im sorry i didnt realize this was YOUR quadrant advice blog im so embarrassed hold on everyone let me just get out of the way its time for some random dumbass to post their takes like im sure youve all been waiting for

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< hiiii can you an4 other qq just like kiss alrea4y 3<

im trying to!!! go bug him about it

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idk whats wrong with you youre always like “ohhhhh stop making fun of me stop flirting with me stop posting about me waaaahh” and then every fucking time im not the worlds biggest asshole suddenly you start saying “why didnt you insult me not insulting me is worse than you insulting me”

is it bad for me to complain about your other shit or is it bad for me not complain about literally everything make up your fucking mind

{ letsssss be honesssst with ourssselvesss. you offer an infinitely funnier and more valuable sssservicce than that other guy lol. }

{ i mean hisss lasssst few posssts have been sssoo....... lol. }

ok see this is half thumbs up half thumbs down so i guess its solidly thumb neutral i dont know if im cool with making fun of those other posts i mean actually i think im definitely not but the first half is so true

how about instead we stop talking about the other shit and make a list of shit im better at than him this is all shit youre allowed to make fun of him for ok take notes

1: im funnier than him 2: i give better advice 3: im not hiding my blood and quirk over a fucking grumblr blog so im definitely way chiller and normaler than him who even does that no one cares 4: i have more totally real degrees than him 5: think if you gave that guy a scorching adhesive pistol hed glue his hand to his crotch in under five minutes  6: im hotter 7: i could definitely beat him in a fight he seems like hed start crying the second anyone hit him back 

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{ letsssss be honesssst with ourssselvesss. you offer an infinitely funnier and more valuable sssservicce than that other guy lol. }

{ i mean hisss lasssst few posssts have been sssoo....... lol. }

ok see this is half thumbs up half thumbs down so i guess its solidly thumb neutral i dont know if im cool with making fun of those other posts i mean actually i think im definitely not but the first half is so true

how about instead we stop talking about the other shit and make a list of shit im better at than him this is all shit youre allowed to make fun of him for ok take notes

1: im funnier than him 2: i give better advice 3: im not hiding my blood and quirk over a fucking grumblr blog so im definitely way chiller and normaler than him who even does that no one cares 4: i have more totally real degrees than him 5: think if you gave that guy a scorching adhesive pistol hed glue his hand to his crotch in under five minutes  6: im hotter 7: i could definitely beat him in a fight he seems like hed start crying the second anyone hit him back 

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issss...... yourrrr... kismesis ok? o.O

thumbs up emoji question mark question mark

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how do i vome to terms with my ashen relationship being so short lived?

i (bronze) am vonsidering mediating between a rust blood and a teal blood who vontinously pivk shitty fights with each other.

i hate them both so muvh but. im worried. how am i supposed to avvept that once i make these stupid shits vlean up their avt, theyll most either get together pitvhwise or all three of us will break up?

i know that long lasting ash relationships do happen. but ive never seen this avomplished by anyone i know. i dont know if i want to even get into get into something with them if its just going to end badly for me… but thats the whole point of auspistivism. its selfless. maybe id be a bad auspistive after all.

but these two need someone or else theyre going to tear everyone else down with them eventually…

what do i do?

ok im gonna take a hard stance here listen to me i am grabbing your shoulders right now this is the most important shit youre ever gonna hear ok you need to absorb this put it into a text to speech thing and listen till your hear ducts start bleeding if you have to im so serious right now

i dont give a fuck if those two freaks of nature are about to kill each other for real or blow up entire fucking stem clusters if youre not sure you can handle this shit you look the other fucking way and leave the job for someone else who can handle it

auspiticism is hard especially at the start youre stepping into a fucked up relationship where everyones as bitchy as possible and most trolls want it to be short and literally think thats the point and also depending on the dude some assholes would also literally rather skin their bulge than admit that maybe the auspitices feelings matter and that theyre not just walking cheat codes to fix relationships

sometimes people get magical auspiticisms that last for sweeps but most of them arent gonna be that even the nicer ones are usually short or at least start fucked up before they get good and you gotta look out for you

anyway

good advice for if you read all that and do actually end up doing it:

1. make sure you have a good moirail before you get involved

2. have literally any backup plans for if slash when shit ends

3. make sure theyre actually into you too theyre not gonna listen to you if theyre not

4. take no shit

bad advice:

hmmmmm thinking emoji dot dot dot

what if whenever shit started getting a little too stabilized you started fucking shit up on purpose then theyd never have any reason to break up with you cause theyd always need an auspitice

this could never backfire ever in any way

you know give them shitty advice plant evidence one of them is cheating dress up as one of them in a really shitty disguise and start saying whatever insane bullshit you can think of to stoke the flames a little diy your own personal feud nothings stopping you

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you two are SO cute together. need a kismesis like that

sparkly spade emoji vitriol emoji sparkly spade emoji purrbeast spinning in a circle and then exploding gif

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dude this is hilarious and beautiful and inspiring and people are probably gonna be writing essays on it in a couple hundred sweeps and all but you have got to stop trying to make me out to be a random insane creep online to all your followers when you told me you were courting me and also literally say youve been trying to find me irl so we can have our waffle date can you fucking quit it

might wanna take the poll a little more seriously dude whatever wins is gonna be in the room when i pail you

What?????????????????

What makes you think that is at all an appropriate thing to send to my fucking blod, on anon, when you *technically* *could* be just literally any fucking troll??? *And* when I currently have you blocked on Trollian, for *good fucking reason*????? Have you ever once in your entire miserable and sorry excuse for a lifespan considered the effect that your words and actions might have on others, you insipid maggot????? I am about to shovel an *extremely* un-welcome, jolly and fucking red piping hot column of FUCK YOU down your STUPID wind chute if you cannot get the blabbering ministrations of your clearly unsupervised squawk blister to slow their stream of bile-ridden spewery for *one measly second*!! What the fuck makes you think this is an okay thing to say to me? What kind of zombiefied fungus-ridden snotworm crawled its way through your audio ducts and through the truly wiggler-level maze of your fucking shitsponge to lay its' infected eggs in your gray matter????? What on the Empress's fucking Alternia would make you genuinely consider a festering heap of garbage such a lovely addition to your humble fucking male living space setup of a hive???? Do you have a masochism kink? Is that it???? It sure *seems* like that. It sure *seems* like you get off on the idea of debasing yourself by acting like you would ever want the world's most voyeuristic sack of flea ridden garbage that the Mother Grub managed to shit out anywhere *near* your fucking pants?!?!?!? I have not gotten anywhere CLOSE to unraveling the mystery of your stupid, shitty, impossible-to-complete challenge, and honestly I'm considering taking a good old five minute break out on the world famous stump!!!!! Or maybe behind the grubshed for that matter. What the hell is *wrong* with you??? At least give me a while to *attempt* to follow up on your heaps of steaming hot bullshit before you start shoveling more onto my plate!!! AUGH

I don't even fucking know what I'm doing here anymore!! Why the hell am I even dignifying this message with a response!! You are clearly just experiencing the slow but deadly effects of complete sponge death and I think I'm just going to Log The Fuck Off!!!!!!!

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AVICE NEEDED !!!!11!!!!!!11!!

HELP!!! HOW2 ??? ASK SOMEONE OUT PITCH ??//?? NEED GOOD ROMANTIC GESTURE SO THEY KNOW I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THEM

BEST MOST ROMANTIC WAY YO ASK SOMEONE OUT AS KISMESES: ??!??/

ok im gonna start this off with a warning dont start shit off with a bang if you cant keep up that momentum

not to be all sparkly spade emoji vitriol emoji sparkly spade emoji on you but the most over the top romantic way ive ever been asked out is when grey sent me that insane hate letter virus thing and that idiot could NOT keep it going really set himself up for failure there

if you start shit off with a grand romantic gesture you gotta be prepared to keep that energy going 

but anyway here

dubiously good ideas: 

1. once asked a dude out by pouring bleach out in his lawn ring in the shape of a spade so it killed all the grass it was really funny and was stuck like that till it grew back lmao dude got a lot of questions about it

2. one of my best friends got a bunch of calligraphy supplies and ye old ink and a quill and wrote a very fancy looking list of all the things wrong with the girl she sent it to like it looked fancy but the actual letter wasnt it was mostly swear words and shit like “thats why youre so fucking stupid youre a freak youre a freak and your clothes are ugly" and sealed it in a fancy envelope with a wax seal and everything and like a kiss mark on the envelope with her best lipstick it was really funny

3. ok this ones gonna be long and really fucking abnormal but lets be serious here if you actually need something big and grand and unique and dont wanna ask them out normal style and also im not just yapping at you and regurgitating shit i already did or a friend of mine did or that you can find in a list online already like "buy them dead flowers teehee and make them a ransom note winky face kissy emoji five exclamation points" then i mean obviously doing something personal is best i mean grey and i have the internet feud thing going on so tech based shit is it but for you your rivalry is probably based on something else doing something rooted in thats sappy and stupid and sparkly spade gif for real

what i mean is pick something you both already compete in and do it way better than they can or make it a custom challenge for them and mix your confession into it like the stupid virus i got

if you both do baking do something really difficult and annoying or time consuming that you know they cant in the shape of a middle finger 

mod a game or just boot up marioh maker and make them a stupidly hard but also well built custom troll level and hide the confession at the end 

write a custom flarp thing and when you beat their ass have your big evil character monologue be the confession 

a whole custom pitch themed escape room could be really funny if youre rich or have the right friends 

or who knows whatever it really depends on what youre into some of these are insane and embarrassing as fuck but if it works for you it works

oh man this shit got away from me lmao but basically do something specific to your rivalry that says im challenging you im better than you and i want you idk why i didnt just say that youre not dumb you dont need examples anyway

finally heres bad advice youre here for that shit probably lets go bad advice: 

1. ok i have a new idea thats going to totally revolutionize the pitch dating sphere what if instead of asking people out pitchways you try and have the worst possible confession in a different quadrant possible just really shitty awkward insulting badly timed the works 

see if you can piss them off enough with it that they just have to have you as their kismesis its called reverse psychology its very smart and sophisticated and could never go wrong

2. you can always kill their lusus killing their lusus is totally not famous for almost always backfiring and only working in insane romance novels and really shitty movies dont worry about it

3. steal a confession from a fanfic make sure its from a fandom theyre into so you can recommend them that same fanfic later

3. ask them for advice on how to ask people out pitchways and do exactly that 

wait ok actually that one could be good thats hilarious never mind put that on the good list i mean its not romantic but it could be so funny if you did it right