randomaspen

[randomaspen]

Another lil b0dy ch3ck

[randomaspen]

I've lost a few p0unds(7 lbs)! My waist was 30in -> 27in. Chest was 36->34in! So it's definitely paying off and it's been pretty easy for me not to eat because of my medical condition and my motivation to leave my room has been non existent so I just games all day.

B0dy ch3ck

[randomaspen]

The dream

[randomaspen]

Intentionally triggering myself bc I'm desperate for control 🩷🪽🦢 🩰

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I WANT TO BE SKINNY ENOUGH TO WEAR SWEATERS AND LONG SLEEVES WITHOUT JUST LOOKING WEIRD AND FAT :C

[randomaspen]

Tw vent

At this point I don't even know if my friends want me around me. My "bsf" made me promise not to stop talking to them but I can't help it. I'm so sick and tired of being the only one texting first to ask how there day was and how there summer has been. They NEVER text first it's really not that hard. I'm going to stop texting them & any group chats just to see if they notice my silence. I don't even send memes anymore or TikToks to the gc they wouldn't even notice if I left.... The last time they responded to me was almost a week ago and there always so dry. I'm giving up on us, so much for being in a band

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If you don’t eat enough while your body is still growing you will mess it up for the rest of your life.

I'm not stupid. I know that and guess what I don't care I'm already chronically ill. Your not helping anyone by saying that. Just bc we have an ed doesn't mean we don't know the side effects.

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Just walked 4 miles in 80 degree weather hope I lost w3ight bc I walked the first 2 miles on an empty st0mach (19 hour f@st)

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TW! vent

Will any of it be enough or will I never be able to try my hardest. I don't intend to hurt people but I can't help it but I can't say sorry either I never mean it, I can't feel regret, remorse, or shame. I get looked at like I'm a threat when I tell people. Just bc I can hurt someone and I wouldn't feel bad doesn't mean I will. I'm to lazy and if only do it of it benefited me I don't care for ethics and morals- if something gets me the results I desire I'll do it I don't care about the process

[randomaspen]

It's so frustrating when people say "just be yourself!" "Let yourself be who you are!" "Let the real you out!" Because THERE IS NO REAL ME. I don't exist under the personality that I fake. There is NOTHING.

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Body: Can I have some calories??

Me: No we have calories at home

The calories at home:

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Ugh I hate creeps on here like I did send nud3s and I a minor get out of my dms please thank you!! It's so gross🤢

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And if everything has side effects starving myself for confidence feels like a fair trade

Diet Coke - Leanna Firestone

[randomaspen]

The picks I sent my gf made me realize how much more work I have to do

So much FAT feel free to bully me and leave hate cuz I clearly don't have enough motivation