reapersshadowx

[reapersshadowx]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Vent ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

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I’ve been quite inactive the last few days. I’m really struggling both physically and mentally. I can barely find the energy or motivation to complete tasks/work rn. I have a huge pile of laundry that needs doing but haven’t got the motivation to even do it. I just feel heavy. I feel so stressed and overwhelmed recently and it’s really been affecting my mental health. I just want to wake up in the morning feeling good for once but no.

[reapersshadowx]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Vent ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Including: daily calorie count

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Today has been a struggle. I’ve been really struggling with my appearance and my weight recently but today has hit me hard. I feel like no matter what I do I will never be beautiful. I just want to be like these skinny pretty girls with the perfect body, hair, teeth and skin but that will never be me. I’m doomed to live my life forever looking in the mirror and hating the girl staring back at me.

I can’t stand anything about myself. It’s so painful waking up everyday and avoiding the mirrors because it’s too hard to look at yourself without wanting to cry. I just wish I was born into a different body 💔

Today I felt like I ate so much when in reality it wasn’t much. I had some chicken and rice with edamame at lunch but only managed to eat a quarter before feeling sick. I also managed to eat 5 malteasers 🤣 I didn’t log the calories today but overall it was less than 500calories..

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I’m terrified that I wouldn’t have lost enough weight but I guess we will see..

[reapersshadowx]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Vent ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Plus daily calorie intake

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Yesterday and today have gone well! I stayed at my boyfriend’s last night and had such a nice time. Yesterday I ate way more than I wanted to..

Max intake: 700

Intake: 570

It’s such a hard mindset of wanting to be better but hating how I feel after eating…

Today was great though! We went to watch the new Godzilla vs kong movie which was actually a lot better than I expected! Thankfully I didn’t eat too much then me and my boyfriend went into town and I found some hello kitty socks 👀 so in my opinion it was a great day.

Max intake: 600

Intake: 520

I might walk home tomorrow to get some steps in but the weather has been awful recently so I guess we will see!

[reapersshadowx]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Vent ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

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I want to scream. Today has been awful I mixed up my doctors appointment and missed it so I have to wait another 2 weeks 😭

On top of that I was so sick today I was sent home from work so my busy day was ruined🥲I just feel so exhausted and angry at myself.

My mum also bought me some chocolates today to cheer me up and they’re staring at me with judgement. I can’t just give them back and be ungrateful so I’ll probably give them to my boyfriend later.

[reapersshadowx]

[reapersshadowx]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Daily calorie intake ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

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2nd April 2024

Max calories: 800

Calorie intake: 550

I wish I had the energy today to be able to have eaten less but I’ve felt faint all day. I made a fajita style pasta dish for dinner which was only 450cals which gave me some energy but I feel gross after eating it. All I can think about is the fat forming on the body…

Thankfully tomorrow is a very busy day. I have work all day and then I have a doctors appointment in my lunch break so at least there will be barely any time to think about eating. Hopefully the doctors can figure out why I’ve been so sick recently🥲

♡ Stay skinny and stay safe queens ♡

[reapersshadowx]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Vent ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

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It’s currently 5pm and today is going well! Im currently sick which isn’t helping my dizzy spells but other than that I’m feeling good! I haven’t eaten anything today so far and the only things keeping me going is chewing gum and cigarettes lol.

I did a food shop on the way home from work and brought a lot of veggies, fruits and some low cal snacks so I can make some meals that aren’t going to make me feel like I’ve eaten an elephant worth of calories… hopefully my meal prep works out to plan.

Remember to put your health first especially if you’re sick! One small meal can help you fight off that cold but it will NOT hinder your progress!!

If anyone has any good low cal recipes or snack recommendations please let me know!!

[reapersshadowx]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Vent ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

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I haven’t struggled like this in 2 years. Not worried about my weight or how I looked and I finally thought those thoughts were gone. I was wrong.

Recently those thoughts have all come flooded back. All the self hatred and judgement. I can barely look in the mirror anymore. I just want to be perfect…

The struggles with food are back again. I find myself checking the ingredients or the amount of calories. I’ve found myself fasting subconsciously and eating less. I’m checking my weight and how much I’ve eaten each day. It is so unfair. Why is it when you think you’re getting better you hit rock bottom again.

God listen to my prayers, I just want to be pretty.

[reapersshadowx]

Introduction ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

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Name: Billie

Age: 21

Height: 5’5

Starting weight: 54.1kg

Goal weight: 50kg

Ultimate goal weight: 45kg

Religion: Christian

Likes: Animals, music, scenic walks and gaming. My fav band is BMTH!

Feel free to ask me anything! I want to make friends!