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sarahderpy · 1 year ago

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Overthinking & Grateful

If it wasn’t for the little moments Id probably would have sunken ship by now.

Been waking up each day way too tired on a full nights rest. I’m not normally an over thinker. Have always been an overthinker and constantly making bigger picture bubbles than needed but not in a doomsday way just like scenarios . I also wonder why if I do that its dramatic but if a investigator does it its wise thinking. If a film shows it its creative. If the president does it for the people. If you do it its observation and caring on behalf of others. I know I overthink lol but your lying if you say you never do . I’ve been remember to drink more water. I remind myself of it just as a random little bit in the moment. On the days where I wake up amazing , those days I tend to overthink more i’ve noticed. Why should I have a full good day ahead? Its been so out of place for years that anything too good is out of the norm for me.

Its nice to finally not have to wake up and gag on the cigarette stench in the air . Its nice to not have to worry for once about being in the ay of someone or having less than half of a blanket left on each morning. To not wake multiple times in the night and morning to a tv blasting through the speakers. Or waking up to a dog running rampant all night through the house un potty trained only to know each morning it would be up to me to fix it . TO not have trash piled up in a bathroom or pans soaking in soap and left for me to scrub. A bathroom not soiled with gas or oil from the day prior wash off. To walk around the house without first thing throwing makeup on a d something to wear just in case. To not have to keep my phone volume at 3 or two daily. To not have to find reasons why I took a little longer at the store with the kiddos. Or worry that anything I purchased was being checked on seconds after through an app. waking up knowing their phone isn’t secretly silenced monthly because of people I’m not supposed to know of communicating. TO know that the breakfast and other meals thru the day items, will still be there and ready for each meal and not already cooked before the kids and I are present.

I can go outside each morning and night and not have to creep through my own yard and walk over objects worried I’m in the way each second. TO sit outside and smell air and not fumes from anything and see smiles on the faces of my children without panic of if we forgot anything at the store. Knowing that homework was finished and not interrupted each night and that our mornings would be focused on what the new day would be like. The first summer to spend focused on the dreams of the children for once this year without needed to worry of the focus and dreams of someone else instead. Havig decorations that may be cluttered but for once show who we are. Having mornings and evenings with car rides to no where needed and the sound of us three singing and laughing and conversing without a constant trip to a parts store or another argument. Each day being able to do laundry and have routine in our lives without judgement . To have family back around again that we felt we had lost for some time. Knowing that we are finally head in each convo we have in the house without minding out words and character to tiptoe around another. To be able to have the ten min of quiet to write this without care.

Knowing I’m overthinking right now but that I can breathe with my own thoughts for the rest of the evening. Being able to detox life through what I consume, mentally, physically, morally etc. I overthink because unfortunately I’m usually on instinct correct. And that’s what worries me. I knew when it was happening each time. I knew as things became went and gone. I knew when something wasn’t working. the hardest is to be told it will work for the better or trust it will be the opposite. I’d rather cling to, “it’s for the best”, knowing it might not work. And so it is. I think other than feeling like my own anchor I’m still thankfully above water. And remembering to drink it too because eat this point might as well. I have so many things I’m grateful for lately and I promise to find more. I’m proud of the two littles in my life, and so grateful for the life I’m living. I’m rereading all that I just wrote and know I’m still overthinking hahah SO with that, I’m off to make some coffee , a glass of water, or tea and begin the next moment of my day :)

Shoutout to 10 mins each day and to the little bookstores lol -stay derpy

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sarahderpy · 1 year ago

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Featured Next!

This could be you ! let me know what you’re up to creatively or maybe of someone you want to share doing something creative too !

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sarahderpy · 1 year ago

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Jared Easley

A multi- force of talents and creative venture, his journey from military service to social media leadership is a clear standout in showing his versatility! As a co-founder and key organizer of podcast events event his expertise extends to establishing communities of podcasters and diverse audiences from all over. Embracing the role of a devoted father and family man, Jared’s innovative focus also includes Book writing — Along side writing country songs crafted using Artificial intelligence. Blending AI with his passion for country music, Jared brings to life the sound of “Dew Ledoux”, country music pseudonym, that can be discovered and heard on all leading music platforms!

First off, Thank you so much for your service.

- The transition between Military service to Co-founding Podcast Movement is definitely a shift!

-Do you have any key memories of your dedication to the Military ? --Would you mind sharing how your military experience has influenced your approach to building a community in the podcast industry if related?

I enjoyed living

in Hawaii

while I was

in the Navy.

My experience in the military

helped me to become

more versatile and get along

with different personalities from every possible diverse background.

As a co-organizer of Podcast Movement,

-What inspired you to pursue this industry and how do you see it growing over time or how has it grown > -What is Podcast Movement :)

I was inspired to help the podcast industry, as I was a lowly podcaster looking to network

and learn from other content creators

in different niches.

Unfortunately, not a lot of collaborative opportunities in the podcast space existed in 2012 - 2013.

This compelled my business partner & I to create an event to foster these relationships and allow podcasters to learn from one another.

I try to be as intentional as possible with how I structure my day & responsibilities.

I can’t always do things that I want to do,

so I carve out pockets of time

to fill opportunities for my creative side to stretch a little.

The podcast is a great networking tool which is constantly providing

new ideas while also nurturing new relationships.

“My personal experiences

fuel all of my

creative routes.”-JE

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Not only is Jared an

innovator

in the podcasting world,

Amazon.com: Jared Easley: books, biography, latest update

he is also a published author.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

How do you create a balance between writing , producing podcasts and AI creativeness?

I try to stick to what I know.

I can also learn new skills by learning from others

which is a great excuse to invite a new guest in the podcast.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Being a parent:

- what’s the most unexpected lesson you have learned as a parent?

- With being a parent as a "girl-dad " what have you been taught you've applied to your professional life ! -

- or How do your children influence and inspire your creative pursuits and professional work?

It has taught me to be more patient, considerate and compassionate overall.

I want my daughter to have the safest space possible to grow, learn and thrive.

I will do whatever I can professionally within reason to create this healthy environment for her.

Juggling Roles:

-Being a family man, in what ways have your family and or your family experiences shaped the content you create

-this can include through the stories you tell whether through your writing or podcasts or other creative branches you do.

No family is perfect. We have great days and challenging days. I’m thankful for all of them. The creative process must be enjoyed in the same way. Not everything I create is amazing or worth sharing and that is okay because the process of starting from nothing and seeing an idea blossom and grow into something real is beautiful.

-Describe a moment that has been a stepping stone for you,

maybe what led to you your niche in this passion/career.

Ai is here to stay.

I choose to embrace it and find new ways to learn from it.

I was stuck in a rut and not leveraging my creative side for years.

It is freeing to be in a place now where I can find new outlets to exercise this part of me.

That is a huge piece of what makes me the person that I am made to be.

Writing country songs with AI is quite innovative!

Dew Ledoux:

-What inspired the persona of Dew Ledoux, and how does this character reflect your personal journey in music?

Dew Ledoux

is silly name,

but it has meaning to me.

My nephews

call me “Dew”.

Ledoux is the last name of a classic country singer named Chris Ledoux who I admire & respect.

Would you say that your personal experience make appearances through your creative routes ?

(maybe through your country songs,

writings or podcast episodes?

All of the country songs that I write have elements of my experiences, humor or something on my mind.

Press Play button to hear “Tropic Like its Hot “ - By Dex Ledoux !

-If possible to say, do any particular song relate to you personally or have meaning or a story that connects you to that song?

-If so could you share a section or lines from one?

One song that resonates with me is a song that I had written about my

younger brother who is incarcerated in the state of Georgia and deservedly so unfortunately.

The song is

“How to Light a Cigarette in Jail”.

The line that that sticks out to me is:

“When freedom's just a distant dream

And the walls are all you've ever seen

You hold on to what you can inhale

This is how you light a cigarette in jail”.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

- how do you envision AI continuing to transform the entertainment industry and your goals for your own creative path with ai?

When you have treated others well, a number of people will want to support you when you write your book, start your podcast or start your business, etc.

Imagine this process when it is done intentionally and compounded over time.

When friends are saying

“Ai , loves (Your name here)”…

it catches the attention of others who then realize that they need to check out what “You” are up to!

From your perspective, how has the podcast industry evolved since you started, and where do you see it heading in the next five years?

- How do you envision your creative paths evolving over the next year?

The podcast industry continues to grow and I get excited to see how new tech and innovations provide a lower barrier of entry for anyone to share what’s on their heart and be heard.

Podcasting has no gatekeepers

and no rules!

A person can literally record on their mobile device.

I like the Be the Noticer strategy.

It’s easy to get ignored when you are alone.

What advice would you give to someone looking to build a community around their passion, much like you have with Podcast Movement?

-What do you want or wish others knew about you or about any of what you shared that perhaps you would like to spotlight ?

However it’s impossible to be ignored when you have an army.

How do you build the army?

You start by noticing others.

You find ways to encourage someone,

maybe you comment on their social posts.

You being a genuine friend will almost always build rapport.

Rapport usually creates the opportunity for reciprocity.

Message to viewers :

“Man plans his future,

but God

directs his steps.”

-proverbs 16:9

______________________________

To check out all of what Jared is up to click the links Below

below and give him a follow !

PODCAST MOVEMENT http://Podcastmovement.com

INSTAGRAM : http://instagram.com/jaredeasley

YOUTUBE: Check out Dew Ledoux on Youtube !

Main Website: http://X.com/jaredeasley

Amazon Store : Link to Books

__________________________________________

I appreciate you for taking the time to do this interview!

You are seriously inspirational and I hope to see you continue to grow

and share with the world everything you are up to.

Thanks for being such a huge supporter of me

as I am of you and so glad I was ablet to be introduced

to you and your ever growing Creative journey!

STay Hydrated & Stay Derpy !

-Sarah Slurpie

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sarahderpy · 1 year ago

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Abdulrahman Alazzawi

Abdulrahman

Alazzawi

I’ve been passionate about martial arts and self-defense since I was a kid. Now, I’m an expert! I’ve participated in national events in France and represented my club in Paris. I’m also a poet, having written many poems in Arabic and a few short ones in English. I’m a dedicated photographer with excellent mobile photography skills. Additionally, I work as an English-Arabic translator and know some French. I’m a father to two wonderful kids. I enjoy photo editing and video production and am constantly working to improve my skills. Photography is my escape and my endless little world .

How did your passion for martial arts and self-defense begin, & what has driven you to become an expert in this field? - Can you share a memorable experience from participating in national events in France or representing your club in Paris?

Well, it all started when I was 6 years old,

I was an active kid, and I didn’t like football. I had seen Mortal Kombat movies, and I started imitating the movies, which led my father to finding a training hall.

My father had planned a surprise for me , and registered me! I was so happy!

I kept on with training for 6 years then I stopped because kung fu championships and tournaments were banned in Iraq. I then joined Sanda club for three years, then moved to Muay Thai for two years and continued onto kickboxing for two years which led me to participating for the first time in official fight in the north of Iraq.

I stopped after that when my mother passed away.

A lot of things happened, and Iraq was attacked by Isis.

Then I met that one girl!

We got engaged then moved to France.

I joined a Muay Thai Dojo there in the south of France ,

I moved near Paris where

joined a kickboxing club.

Shortly after a few months

I participated for the first time there.

I won my first fight ever in Paris

and my coach was super happy

I had finally made my Father and my coach proud of me!

What inspires your poetry, and how do you find the process of writing in both Arabic and English? - Would you share one of your favorite poems and the story behind its creation?

Poetry in Iraq is a culture of more than 5000 years old .

It’s part of our identity as Iraqis.

My inspiration remains inspired by the nomads and the desert .

Knowing several various accents helps a lot to open the gates of imagination widely with what I do and envision! I don’t write often, but when there is something happening or has happened, you could call it situational (I don’t know if there is a specific term for that).

I write for many events that have happened throughout my life and through the experiences of life itself, and to tell the story of others (friends, family, relatives, etc.) in my writing.

I developed my skills of writing when I attended The College of Arts.

I wrote more than 50 poems.

Here is a translated version of an Arabic poem I wrote 16 June 2013:

There in a quiet corner...

May my love settle forever...

As You’ve settled you’ve enlightened my heart...

The way I could see it...(through your eyes) Brightening Like a pearly lake...

It's not like that. And sure not fake..

But her eyes are magical...

Drawing me of the Horizons of the earth...

Without an effort or intention...

Oh, I miss you ...

How loneliness is killing me...

How it scares me the distance between us...

It feel like I have no identity...

And My poem is without a title...

you meant To be

the title of my poems...

This is just a translation I hope it gives an idea about my writing and once I found other poems that I have written in English I plan to share more -( for a poem doesn't belong to the poet but to the audience ! )

How did you develop your interest in photography, and what do you enjoy most about capturing images with your mobile device? -Around what age did you first pick up a camera and realize photography was your passion? How has your interest in capturing photos evolved since then? - What does photography mean to you, and how does it serve as an escape and a creative outlet? -what’s your inspiration, this could include life experiences or other artists and if others perhaps a particular artist you even just have an eye for .

My photography passion started in France

( Aix en Provence ) south of France.

I fell in love with the old buildings, statues and roads.

Everything was so beautiful and captivating I had old phone with blurry photos.

My wife bought me my first iPhone .

This gift from her while there Is when I began my photography passion.

From watching videos of other photographers explaining certain ways of technique with photo shooting, I would start outside and apply what I was learning. I kept up doing this for over two years (actually I’m still sowing this not often but when I see new technique.)

During my learning, my entire family in law were my best supporters. In my life they have always supported me all that I do. During this time a friend from there who has had a company, wanted to make interviews with some personals in France for a business and had asked me If I would like to be the photographer!

I was so happy! There it was. This would be my first step into the photography world.

As my journey began, I continued to learn and grow with my techniques. At this same time in my life, I worked in the royal historical Chateau (château de Vaux-le-Vicomte) that helped me a lot to upgrade my skills .

I came back to Iraq and started doing street photography . I created car drifting reels, Safari and touristic photos and videos. Finally. I started working as a photographer for the international NGOs.

How did you get started with photo editing and video production, and what motivates you to continually improve your skills? - Can you describe a project you’re particularly proud of in either photo editing or video production?

At the beginning photography was just a hobby for me,

something I like to learn and practice.

But the more I learned, the more I discovered, that it’s not just photography!

It’s about how to maintain the original shot with the best enhancements

and to edit without going far off from the original shot!

I needed to learn how to transmit the view that I see with my eyes to the photo editing.

The thing is, I’m still learning and will continue be learning as I continue.

The day I fail will be the day I stop learning.

I plan to never stop

For the videography and production ,

I have been always asked by people around me to pile up my photos and video and create a video.

It would work better to attract people , rather than just silent , still-life photos.

So I started learning, by understanding beats, transitions, effects, use of

Timelapse and slow-mo techniques and so on..

One of my best works was a series of a few collected videos.

I think around 5 videos for a BMW team I had put together.

A reel for the Château de Volle Vicomte in France.

Along with video of success story for an international NGO.

In addition to other videos and photos you can watch in my insta account.

What led you to become an English-Arabic translator, and how do your skills in French complement this work?

- What challenges do you face in translation

I was the weakest in English among all my family members which my family would laugh at me about.

I decided however to improve my language while attending high school.

After one year I had improved my English so much better!

Then I decided to join the college of Arts- translation Dept.

I officially became the first translator among my family 😄

I knew from that point on that I could do more than just translating!

This opened many doors for me as a translator .

So one day,

I was interviewed by a local radio channel, where I was asked to summarize

the study of translation.

I described it by saying :

“Translation is the science

of studying everything "

-AA.

Because you need to know what you are going to translate.

As a father, poet, martial arts expert, photographer, and translator, how do you balance your diverse interests and responsibilities?

- How do your children influence and inspire your creative pursuits and professional work?

-How do you keep balance?

Well, to be honest

I don’t know how to answer this question

as I am constantly running all the time in my work 😅

I would have to give thanks to my wife to make this all possible!

Without her,

It wouldn’t be possible

if it wasn’t for her by my side!!

She is my rock !

What are your future goals in each of your passions: martial arts, poetry, photography, and translation? - How do you envision your skills and interests evolving over the next few years?

I’m currently working on a project with a friend to open a sport center where martial arts

and kickboxing will be the focus.

I will be there as the Coach.

My goal is to continue

or transmit the legacy of it all.

Poetry:

As Iraqis we are bonded

with poetry for life !

Poetry

will always be

my hideout

to relieve my feelings

and my thoughts.

-A.A

Photography: I’m focusing to achieve more in the coming years !

I see myself,

being somewhere in the list of the worlds top photographers ,

to be recognized for finding and creating a new techniques to capturing unique photos

(AGAINST THE SUN LIGHT )

maybe 😊 Definitely there will be less focus on my

personal interests and my skills because parenting comes first !

I’m going slow for now but I refuse to give up!

Message to Self or Audience ::

Simplicity is the key to your success!

No matter what you do or achieve, please stay the same person you are !!

You have reached this level with this person you are !!

—Abdulrahman Alazzawi

To See more of A. Alazzawi’s work , please make sure to check out his

Facebook and Instagram pages ,

ScreenName @ :

Iphonegraphers_academy

IPhonegrapher's Academy (@iphonegraphers_academy) • Instagram photos and videos

or contact at : [email protected]

Thank you so much for allowing me

to share your amazing story, and feature your

talents and amazing eye for capturing life!

-Sarah Slurpie

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sarahderpy · 1 year ago

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drink water. stay derpy.

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sarahderpy · 1 year ago

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My Bold Journey

My Journey

(my creative space)

My creative space is alive solely because I’m still learning how to live . While I’m an open book when asked specifically I’m very hidden even though I appear on the outside transparent I’m very opaque and hard to understand, if I were to describe myself. Rather than being blunt and direct I use creativity to show what I’m feeling , living , experiencing and its meaning, when trying to communicate . I see creativity not just in an art aspect , but in living overall .

I say this literally , my creativity is just based off of love , life and experience . I love seeing what people have or are currently living though . From the way I was raised with love , respect and freely being able to push my boundaries of whatever I wondered , is what keeps me going . I struggle with showing empathy on the forefront. Through creativity I can be more open , curious , vulnerable and direct. My creative process is far from being an organized process . I think I keep it alive best during whatever I happen to be experiencing in my life at the moment, though you will notice I tend to show this through humor as being my way to connect and interact with others. Seeing everything around me , my children , my parents , everyone I’ve come to meet or have come across, is truly what keeps my creativity alive . It’s knowing that everyone I see is so exceptionally talented and creative . My main hope is to remind people and show people that they are truly so important, because of their own creativity , despite their ability to explore it.

Everyone that has played a role in my life is ultimately my creative inspiration.

In my life right now I’m on a new life journey . My life has revolved around social media as my escape from reality and really became the cover or my mask, to sway from my real life story. I think most people my age, grew up nearly the same as I did. My generation grew, as social media did too . We felt the need to have to be what we saw and doing it quick and fast paced, so that we never got behind on what was constantly changing and being noticed. I think we learned to adapt that sort of lifestyle growing up, leading us to not being able to slow down and get to be who we want to be. Or better yet who actually are.

At this point in my life, I find myself embarking on a new chapter—a journey of rediscovery and reconnection with my authentic self. Social media, once my refuge from reality, has now become a mere facade, masking the complexities of my true narrative. Like many of my peers, I've navigated the evolving landscape of social media, its highs and lows mirroring my own journey of self-discovery.

I want to push everything I can through my own boundaries that I’ve built around myself over the years .

I've come to realize that the person I once was—the person I am today—is the key to unlocking my future potential. Embracing vulnerability and pushing beyond the boundaries I've erected around myself, .My hope is to connect with same minded people, as I strive to inspire others to reignite their own creative passions they once imagined . I love seeing what people do creatively on every level . As a mother, I take joy in witnessing the boundless imagination of my children, embracing each endeavor as a step towards self-discovery, exploring every idea that comes to their mind. Knowing that things may not work out , or in the end finding that it wasn’t our niche is overwhelmingly beautiful. Knowing that we are just that much closer to finding the thing that works and eventually getting to our end goal of it all. Living and understanding every moment, with gratefulness, whether its temporary or permanent .

I think that we stop ourselves from chances and opportunities because we are so focused on who we think we have to be .

I have started to push through my own confidence which I have always had a hard time with. Something new I’ve just started as a fun side adventure is my podcast which will be a huge step in showing more of what goes through my mind , in full clutter mode. I also hope to get back to creating in other ways that I stopped focusing on . In my spare time I secretly love sewing , crocheting, reading singing and acting and hope to really bring back everything that I let go from myself over time . I will admit I’m scared, worried , vulnerable , naive and completely uncertain with everything changing right now . However this new chapter is really to focus on reliving and finding who I am again and allowing my life to be viewed from a new perspective creatively.

My mantra, "Stay Derpy," encapsulates the essence of my philosophy—a reminder to embrace life's inherent absurdity and to approach each challenge with a spirit of curiosity and resilience. Through my podcast and various creative pursuits, I aim to peel back the layers of my cluttered mind, inviting others to join me on this journey of self-exploration.

This quote by, Sholem Aleichem ,

“Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.” Is one that ultimately describes what I mean best when saying to “Stay Derpy”.

I think we all have a little bit of fool in us especially when we lack the experience that we dream of . We start the game of life with no experience and tend to pretend to be naive later in our lives. so the reality is we are fools to not play the game. I honestly believe that we have to be the fool to experience our fears and battles if we want to gain any wisdom in the end .

In reflecting on my journey, three pivotal elements stand out: alignment, self-truth, and passion. If you're reading this, I sincerely hope you recognize that you possess all the necessary tools to align perfectly with your dreams. everything you need to be aligned perfectly in this life you naturally possess. And I say this as someone who has not gotten to where I hope to be and dream of being .Your innate talents, even if yet undiscovered, are the keys to this alignment. As someone still striving to reach my aspirations, I understand that each of our paths is unique and not meant to mirror another's.Life may present us with challenges and setbacks, but it is through these experiences that we gain wisdom and clarity, ultimately guiding us towards our true path.

The essence we contribute to the world lies in the authenticity of our truths and the fervor of our individual passions. We are already on the perfect trajectory for our own journeys. While I can't promise an easy road—I'm learning firsthand that it's far from that—I liken life to the board game "Life," slow-paced and challenging but worth every move when played along side the players who you love, trust and keep as close company . Embrace life's whimsicality; therein lies the wisdom to maintain alignment.

So allow yourself to experience the foolishness of life , so you can gain the wisdom needed to stay aligned . I believe in you and hope you remind yourself always to Smile and forever Stay Derpy!

I’d love to continue to connect with every level of creatives . Let’s continue to build new paths , create new ways of bringing together audiences and creativity through meaningful conversation, online virtual collaborations and blending of communities through diverse interactions online and offline .You can reach out to me on Instagram and Facebook under "Sarah Slurpie," or directly through my website SarahSlurpie.com or email at [email protected]. 🙂

Who knows, I might even add you to my top 8 on MySpace! 😉

To my biggest supporters and inspirations in my life ,

Savannah Lucy and Brett Elvis my every reason to stay inspired and whom i am forever inspired by I love you both always and beyond infinity.

Thank you Mom and Dad ,your decision to be in my life is a blessing beyond words. Thank you dad for being my guide of wisdom and sensibility during times I need it most. Mom thank you for continuously inspiring me on how to remind myself of realizing my strengths , and remembering how to live not just through others but through myself. Your continuous guidance reminds me of my strengths and how to live authentically. You are everything I hope to be with the strength and respect and resilience you’ve taught me I aspire to embody..

To my friends, each of you has left an indelible mark on my journey's various chapters. .

And to the universe, thank you for this incredible, bold journey.

So mote it be. 🦋-Stay Derpy

Sarah Slurpie

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sarahderpy · 1 year ago

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It’s the fact that I’m not for that stuff though?

I’m not OLD but i’m def not young anymore. At the same time i know for sure that I’ve grown and matured mentally to understand what I prefer in life. Maybe not fully need yet but 99 percent of the time I at least know what I absolutely do not want . lol

I most times am sure that Because I had to grow up quick and becmae a mother so young that maybe I dont prefer the ways of most peple my age because I never experienced the wild parts in my younger years. Same time Im crazy glad I didnt go through a lifestyle of the wild because I semi experieced so much of the wild stages way too early . I knew I wasnt a partier even before I became a young mom at just 18/19. I never cared for finding and attending the wildest parties yet somehow ended up at way too many of them off whim. I never liked to drink yet have stories galore of drinking days and nights with friends and people I dated at the time, enough to remind myself that I did have a somewhat experience. The scary part is I did so much of it at way too young of an age. I really don’t always even know how I was in those situations or how I was never questioned most times. And for years after I even questioned how I never became attracted to the party life or had any sort of addictions.

I think after finding out I was pregnant at 18 my senior year, I knew I had to grow up fast. I wish I was grown maturely at that age to know what I was choosing to take on I admit. I had a huge support system and maybe because I was adopted, I knew that my dedication would go towards my daughter and no longer myself. Without judgement but more of a wonder, I see young parents today and watch as they serve their own needs and priorities aside from their parenting life. I say I don’t judge because sometimes I’m more jealous than ever.

I wonder, “ how do they party and vacation and have time for themselves without their kids …. and so often? “. I think its amazing and healthy but I also wonder how that child reflects back on that life . Of course none of my buisness but I do honestly relate it to the feeling I felt as a child whenever my own parents would do things so often without myself and my siblings.

I think knowing again that I’m adopted , I’ve always wondered how the heck my bio parents could have chosen their own needs over the life of my own. I know they did at the time , what was right for them or self help that they needed . But it still makes me wonder of course. And I thankfully and gratefully love the outcome, that I got to be chosen into a new life and family from it. But how do you not wonder ?

Just opinion .. Just a wonder..

How do you know that you are to bring a child into the world , and allow that child to become your side priority . I guess I see something so precious and valuable as a in , a human life that that Id assume or hope would, become your full priority until the age that they are able-so to be on their own path , specifically in this case , the age that according to common law a child is now an adult not just old enough to stay at home . I guess I see, in my opinion, any way other than that as selfishness, but again no judgement.

I get needing to focus on self. My question is if you, yourself, know that you are needing to work on self, and need your life to focus on yourself, priorities for self, how could do you ever imagine bringing a child into the world yet. I guess that was what went through my mind that it was time to grow fast because of what I chose , to become a mother .

I get told often , to find my needs these days and go out and have fun. I hear it as “ UHG just be normal Sarah ! “ or “ fit in !”..

It hard to explain to those that push this to me, that I am happy believe it or not. However there are days where I scream inside asking “ why am I not out , why am I not having fun and doing liek what these others are up to “. AND within seconds I’m giggling because I truly don’t want to have those things. I’m complete with on at the moment. I’m happiest in the comfort of my things. I enjoy the random drives to nowhere special. I prefer finding things new and weird versus planned and budgeted. The thing is I enjoy both the fun life but right now I’m okay ! lol

Okay, yes I enjoy a fun outing or party or meetup. But I also am more so great on the days without the constant plans and gatherings where no one shares the same interests. This is probably where my lack of empathy kicks in, but I don’t want to vent about how shi**y a friend of a friend is or have counseling sessions drunk. lol I’m picky but also I’m fine. I’m good at playing well with everyone but I’m horrible at playing a part especially if it involves playing a character to make the scene complete. I’m not here to impress anyone and way too over to try to fake it to make it . If imma fake anything it Will be announced I promise.

I sometimes wonder how people haven’t grown up yet past the high school phase. Then I wonder why am I still not past the scared life phase. Maybe its easier to keep living in the youth vision for ourselves and to keep that happy level to bypass having to focus on the adult struggles. ANd I get that. Sometimes I wish if I was good at faking anything it would be to live like I never grew up. Maybe at least that way when people assumed that I’m someone that is out there living life like most photos on social media show (and a pic online is only a highlight of page out of a person’s actual life) but that maybe I should be doing as society does and just “Live”.

And back to the part where I’m wondering but for what lol. It’s hard for me to fully explain what I mean writing this as My brain is literally thinking on rapid speed. But I love that I’m on a complete other path that’s what society presents us especially the view that social media engages us to. I love seeing everyone living life the way they intend. I just choose to give mine towards my two priorities that I chose to bring into this world without their asking, as my first need. And I’m not saying that I’m neglecting mine. I’m just not using my own needs the same as the world as a collective might.

ANd thats where I wonder “ uhg sarah, why are you just not nomal ? WHy dont u just make youself fit in “ , and why are yall bullying me ! jk lol Rude. lol

STay Derpy ;p LOL

-Sarah Slurpie

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