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Unwanted.

I literally cannot stand this world anymore. I think every day of how much easier it would be if while driving some one hit my car and killed me. My family doesn't get that they are the least supportive ever. They think they are all high and mighty and the best people on this earth, but whether they like it or not, THEY DON'T FUCKING HELP ME. In fact they make things worse. They say they encourage me and they say they try to make me believe that I can do things, but all they do is make me feel worse about what I haven't accomplished, they make me feel like I can't accomplish anything because I'm not good enough, and they make me feel like I'm nothing. Anyone else feel that way?

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Down we go.

Hey everyone. It's been a really long time. Unfortunately, things for me have been one after the other. I'm finally back at work, and it's taking it out of me. I'm trying to exercise every day, but when you're tired and in pain after work it's extremely hard to convince yourself to do more. Chronic pain. It's so hard to live with Fibromyalgia in a twenty-two year olds mind set. My body thinks it is about sixty years old! I am constantly in pain and suffering with muscle spasms. Doctors are also now looking into my para-thyroid. They think it may be hyper active. Do you know what a hyper active para thyroid causes? Unexplainable weight gain. How fun is that? Trying to lose weight and your body literally not letting it happen. It also causes muscle spasms, stomach pain, stomach cramps, and other things. The last thing is, my c-spine has several pinched nerves causing numbness and pain in my arms. The doctor was not able to do an MRI and guessed that I have one or more herniated or degenerated discs as well. So along with the pain, exhaustion, strange weight gains with no change in my diet, I'm also now weighing 240 pounds. Even though my pant size is one size smaller than a month ago. It's stressful. If you believe in God, I would appreciate your prayers. If you don't then I would appreciate your encouraging thoughts. Have a great day.

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TRUTH. I literally said to my Mom today that we couldn't go to noodles and company cause Id order something Carb loaded... And I mean bad carbs.

am i the only one that sees food as nutrient groups? like i don’t see chicken as chicken, i see it as protein. i don’t see peanut butter as peanut butter, i see it as healthy fats. i don’t see bread as bread, i see it as carb. and i also don’t see soda as soda, i see it as liquid satan

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The Host.

I loved this book. The movie was good for how much they left out. It stinks that they have to decide what's important, and what's not. I thought that my calories for today was busted because I had movie theater popcorn, sonic, and ice cream with my mom. (She is kind of a bad influence... My Dad is too actually!) However, I didn't eat all of it. I didn't even eat half of the sonic tots or chiabatta chicken sandwich, I limited myself on the popcorn, and I didn't even finish the junior serving or ice cream! That may seem like not a big deal, but for me all of that is a HUGE deal. I also walked around the mall with my mom, and made her go for a walk when we got home! It's finally warm here, and the sky was clear so the walk was beautiful! I did have my neurological appointment today, with no surprise, they told me nothing was wrong other than the fact that I have Fibromyalgia. Which I was diagnosed with this past week. My herniated disc made my body decide I start displaying more and more symptoms of it. I've had it my whole life, but I didn't know! So now I'm living with that, and it gives me even more of a reason to lose weight! Keep it up everyone. If I can keep walking and moving with a disease that constantly causes people pain, then so can you!

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I hate boys.

No offense to your gender, but how can you date someone for almost an entire year, tell them on valentines day you want to marry them, then BREAK UP with them a little less than a month later, and be in a new relationship in less than THREE WEEKS?!?!?! GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! Other than that. It's been a healthy Sunday. I got to walk again to day and walked over a mile!! Woop-woop!!! For breakfast I had one slice of toast with peanut butter and 1 tsp of sugar free syrup. Lunch time I made a delicious veggie wrap out of whole grain 100 calorie wrap, sliced red bell pepper, shredded carrots, cucumber slices, spinach leaves and 2 tbsp of classic sabra hummus. My after walk snack was a pineapple, strawberry, mango smoothie made with nonfat milk. Even though boys are dumb, I know that right now I need to focus on myself. My whole life I've always been so concerned with what everyone else felt or needed and ignored myself. I truly believe that's how I became so unhealthy and over weight. Well, it's my turn now. And since he wants to hang out with me this week I feel like he may not actually want to be with that person anyway. Now to make myself look extra hott and act like he doesn't phase me. I don't need his selfish, lazy behavior around me anyway!

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Walking on sunshine

Hello world. It's been a great couple of days. I weighed in yesterday at 226! Which is another pound off! Something else that's great, I've gone on a walk the past two days. Why is this important? It's the first time I've been able to walk a long distance without having to stop from the pain! I haven't gotten the blood results back, but according to what I've read about what the doctors think I have, walking will help relieve pain in the long run. So I'm trying my hardest to keep moving. My eating habits have been great. I've been under my calorie goal the past 3 days in a row! My medicine makes me super thirsty so I've added a lot more water too. Which I needed so that works really well for me! Last night was my "cheat meal" and my family went out for burgers so I guess I was lucky with the timing. I'm so excited that my life seems to be moving forward and I feel so inspired!

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Tired and hurting.

It's been rough these past couple of days. I started not one, but two new prescriptions, and my body is trying to adapt to them. Unfortunately that means weird food cravings, and other unfortunate symptoms. It doesn't help that my entire body hurts all the time, and I can't exercise. Feeling a little down today. I try to keep my head up, and keep moving forward. Now to stay away from food since that is what I used to turn to. On a good note, it's almost the weekend!!!!

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Sleep apnea test. Looks comfy, right?

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Tests, tests, and more tests.

So here is what my life revolves around. Doctors appointments, blood work tests, and school tests. For real. Oh and healthy eating. Tonight I'm having a sleep apnea test done, and have to wear this big clunky watch thing that has a finger cover piece majiggy attached to it. Today's eating was successful for the most part. I weakened and had pizza for dinner. BUT it had ONLY veggies on it. Actually I ate a lot of veggies today. For breakfast I had Special K oats and honey cereal with nonfat milk and blueberries. Lunch I had ruby Tuesdays with my dad, and got a small salad with only veggies and a few crouton things, as well as the veggie trio lunch with grilled zucchini, steamed broccoli, and sweet potato fries (bad choice, but the best out of the rest), and for dinner as I said pizza. I did also have a slice of banana bread that my dad made. Which luckily is mainly mashed bananas and flour. Not too much other stuff, and still just delicious. Since I walked around so much today I was really sore and didn't go for a walk. But I was a good 150 calories under my calorie goal! Which was exciting since I had a treat and an unhealthy meal! Anyway time to sleep and have another test done. Happy healthiness everyone! Have a great night!

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Let’s all get off to a good start this month and kick some major ass! 

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My before lunch snack today is a smoothie! I love being able to us my Magic Bullet everyday. Today's smoothie consisted of: - 1 cup "berry medley" frozen fresh fruit - 1/3 cup spinach leaves - 1/2 banana, sliced - 1 cup ice cold water Blend and enjoy! I don't add any sugars or stevia packets to mine because I like the taste of just the fruit. My breakfast this morning was Quaker's Weight Control Brown Sugar & Maple Oatmeal. It's sooo good, and extremely convenient. For lunch today I plan to have 1 slice of whole wheat 9 grain bread, toasted with 1 light Swiss Laughing Cow Cheese wedge, sliced cucumbers, ground pepper, and grapes. Omnomnom.

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Detox water drinks!!!

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Had a delicious/healthy lunch today! Miso soup, spicy crabstick roll, and spicy tuna roll! I managed to stay away from as much chocolate as possible since all I seem to want right now is chocolate!! Over all it was a great Easter Sunday! If my back continues to feel good, I'm going try and go for a walk tomorrow! At a slow pace, but it's still making movement!!