smiles-advice

[smiles-advice]

Paranoid anon here, can you please respond with advice to this message? I don’t want other people to see what I wrote.

hiya love,

okay! so it was a lot, and I'll try to keep things vague so as to not mention any details.

paranoia is something I struggle with too! genuinely, therapy was really helpful for me, having someone either validate my fears or help me rationalise them.

I'd suggest blocking these people! checking them constantly is unhealthy! block them for your peace of mind.

if possible, talk to a parent/carer/guardian. let them know how you feel, what you're afraid of, and that way, if things escalate to death threats or smth, you'll have a trusted adult on your side

hope this helps, lots of love!

[smiles-advice]

hi, I don't know you but I searched anonymous advice and hoped to find something. Me and a friend of mine started dating recently (like last night) and I realized this morning I'm uncomfortable around them now and wish our relationship hadn't taken this turn, I don't want to break up with them because we already told our friends and it'd be confusing, and we've both already put "dating (name)" on our intro posts. What do I do? I'm like 16 btw

hiya!

there really is only one thing I can suggest. Talk to them, explain your feelings, and probably just go back to being friends.

It being 'awkward to explain' isn't really a reason to stay in a relationship. Just explain that you're better as friends and that's that.

I can promise you, it's not as big of a deal as you think it is. And if this is an online relationship (seeing as you said 'intro posts'), it really is just easier to stay friends. especially as a teen.

honestly, just talk to them. they were your friend first, and as a friend, I'm sure they'll understand. it'll only be awkward if the two of you make it awkward.

best of luck and lots of love ❤️

[smiles-advice]

hi! i seem to consistently attract indecisive people…for example: an acquaintance recently replied to an ig story i posted w “u are cute to me” i was busy at uni and didn’t go to respond until a while later and the message had been unsent. i would say most of my relationships have started out with similarly hesitant compliments and ultimately fizzle out bc the other person doesn’t want to commit. how can i not attract only people like that?

hiya love,

bare with me. relationships aren't my expertise, so my advice is gonna sound crap. apologies in advance.

obviously you can't control other people, so it's all on how you present yourself. be authentic, just be who you are, set clear boundaries, and don't chase. be consistent with your energy, and eventually it'll draw in the 'right' type of people.

sorry, I know that's basic, but honestly you can't always help the kind of person you attract. sometimes it's your vibes, but sometimes it's just how it is.

lots of love ❤️

[smiles-advice]

Hi...I read through some of your blog post and I feel like I over shared the chat I sent yesterday (about my struggle on that friend that only gave me cold shoulder nowadays), it's quiet long as you are the first person I shared that depressing situation I'm in.

I still need help, honestly as it's affecting my day to day mood. Can I request for you to send me an advice using the message I sent apologizing to how long I've written my message? Thank you.

Answered! Advice given!

Again, I'm sp sorry if it felt like I was ignoring you or if my reply was super late.

Quick update to anyone reading this!

I'm doing terribly! Things are really hard for me right now. But I still come on here every so often, so I will answer asks, I promise!

[smiles-advice]

Sorry!!! I just realized how awfully long my message is....the words just flowed out from me without considering how long it will end up😭.

Hi lovely!!

Don't apologise, *I'm* sorry my reply is so late! I had a funeral, I'm in a bad place, but I'm here! I've received all your asks, so I'll just respond to them all in this one.

Honestly? If your friend isn't willing to talk to you, to explain why the sudden cold shoulder, then I think that's it. There isn't anything you can do, not really. Don't let them push you away from your other friends! It's not your fault, you shouldn't have to lose any social circles.

It sucks, and an explanation would be nice, but I don't think they'll give you one. So instead of letting it get to you, choose to be the mature one, and move past it. Don't acknowledge the tension. Be civil. Don't beg for friendships.

Sorry again! Hope things get better for you!

lots of love 🫶

[smiles-advice]

hi!! I hope you’re doing okay, im really sorry you’re having such a hard time, you’re doing an amazing and incredibly selfless thing by offering your advice and support to strangers and I wish all the best for you and your recovery, look after yourself :)

im at a bit of a weird point where I can’t tell if I genuinely dislike one of my closest friends, or my poor mental health is just making me more irritable/ making me push people away. Every day I feel more and more aware of her not so nice habits and mannerisms, and I’ve broken down over the idea of being around her for the rest of my life. She’s a really good friend usually, but it just feels like she’s a good friend less and less of the time (argumentative, can’t take being told she’s wrong, pretty selfish with a bit of a victim complex), and a lot of days I dont feel comfortable talking to her, but then she says stuff about how she’s scared me and our friends are gonna move on with our lives and not be her friend and I’d be an absolutely awful person if I said how I really feel. I don’t wanna cut her off and regret it if I’m feeling how I am due to my awful mental health, but she’s so hard to be friends with most days 

Hiya lovely,

Thank you for your kindness! I'm really trying my best, so I'm sorry if this reply comes late.

Honestly, I think your feelings are valid. She doesn't sound like a good friend to me, and if you dread being around her, then maybe it's best you cut her off. It might be best for your mental health if she isn't a part of your life anymore.

Lots of love and best of luck 💕

[smiles-advice]

It's been a while!

I'm so sorry! I haven't been doing well, at all, things are just unmanageable at the moment.

BUT I am trying to get things sorted again.

so please, send me an ask if you'd like advice, or just wanna chat, I will answer them as soon as possible, I swear

[smiles-advice]

Hey, thank you for the advice you've given me it's been really helpful! I have a lot of difficulties with people in general so I really appreciate it <3

hi love!

anytime! I'm so glad I've been of help, that makes me feel so good!

lots of love ❤️

[smiles-advice]

Hello, starting this by saying that I adore your blog <33

Do you have any advice on how to speak kindly to yourself and have it feel genuine? I’ve struggled with self-hate for a long time and after many failed attempts I think this one is going to be my breakthrough, and I’ve tried practicing self compassion more. But it feels so…fake. I know I’ve just started and Rome wasn’t built in a day but it sucks when I feel like I’m making zero progress when I try to comfort myself and I don’t feel warm or encouraged at all just because it’s coming from me. :(

Hi lovely!

Honestly, I struggle with this too. I very much operate under 'fake it till you make it' with most things, such as my confidence and self-love. if I just act like I'm brave, or pretend I love myself, eventually it'll be real.

I always recommend finding affirmations that feel genuine to you and repeating them aloud in the mirror. there has to be something you do like about yourself, so start with that, no matter how small.

start with "I have pretty eyes" or "I am a kind person" and add to it as time goes on. make it a gaol to find a new thing to like about yourself each day.

another thing I found helpful was looking at qualities I shared with people I loved. like my mum, for example. and I adore my mum, so if I share her smile for example, then that's a positive.

lots of love to you 🌸

[smiles-advice]

Hi, I’d like some advice if that’s okay? Is it possible to reply to this privately?

I have a situation and I’m not sure what exactly I should do. My partner and I have been in a rough spot for a long time, and I had to ask some friends for help when I didn’t have anyone else to turn to.

I felt a bit pressured by that friend to do things I started feeling uncomfortable with. That person would call me and talk and sometimes start to flirt, and while I felt incredibly uncomfortable with it I felt like I had to be nice to them. I felt like because I relied on them, that I’d be a bad friend if I upset them?

I ended up drinking one night and though I did not want to, I sent a reply and I immediately felt incredibly guilty. I’m not sure if it’s completely irrational, because this friend has done some scary things to other people that have upset them that I only learned about after I asked for their help.

Hi love,

I can't answer privately when you're anonymous, I'm very sorry, but you are on anon so no one will know who sent this ask.

I don't think this person sounds like a friend, not really. you're in a relationship, and they're aware of that, so any inappropriate behaviour should be out of the question.

I'd suggest either talking to said friend if possible, or cutting them off entirely. I understand both may sound like scary options, but if you're in an uncomfortable 'friendship', you need to fix it or put an end to it.

Best of luck, and lots of love

[smiles-advice]

Hi so I'm just looking for some advice cause I've gotten myself into a bit of an awkward situation because of how I badly handled a different one?

So I blocked my ex a while back without actually telling him or warning. We'd fallen out of contact for a few months and I had been hoping it would stay that way so that I wouldn't have to actually do anything. But he started messaging me again out of the blue (I think to pad out asking for my help with something? but I'm not too sure). I did talk to him again for a bit but blocked him pretty quick.

For reference the reason is that he makes me really uncomfortable? I feel like he only talks to me when he wants something from me and when it's not for that reason he can be just really mean. Like just outright insulting me to my face as if it's a normal thing to do? Also he used to constantly break into my place with no warning which was just god awful but I couldn't say anything because like... If you upset someone who can break into your place mmm possibly bad consequences???? And it led me to be really anxious all the time and I ended up spiraling into the worst place mentally I've ever been?

I haven't talked to him about any of this because it quite frankly didn't seem like a good option. The one time I did tell him that he'd upset me he immediately started saying about how he was feeling suicidal which is just manipulation 101 and I know I'm a very easy person to manipulate so it's better to not put myself at risk of that.

Like I literally didn't even mention it when we split I just blamed it on my mental health and left it at that.

The problem now is that I'm trying to make new friends at uni and join new societies and I feel like every one I've joined he's also joined. (We have a lot in common so it's not surprising really) But I'm nervous now that there's going to be some sort of confrontation which I don't know if I'll be able to handle? Or I'm worried he'll talk shit about me to everyone and I won't manage to make any friends. I don't think he would actually do that because I don't think he's a bad person- I'm just pretty anxious about it all right now. I'm hoping it'll be a non-issue but ???????? I'm just not sure atp???

I know this is 100% on me for not communicating with him so I shouldn't really complain- but in my defence he does kinda scare me a little

Hiya!

First of all, apologies for the late reply. Got some bad news then fell ill, so I'm just a useless mess as always.

I don't think this is on you at all! I think this guy is displaying really scary behaviours and you're not at fault for trying to avoid a confrontation. If he scares you, he scares you, and that's not your fault.

I'd seriously recommend logging this with the authorities if you feel comfortable, especially the part where he's broken into your place on multiple occasions. and definitely talk to the university (I can't for the life of me think about what the head is called other than principal but that sounds too high school). But it needs to be on record somewhere, and maybe your uni can help separate you in some way.

also tell your friends and family! People you trust! don't be afraid in silence.

Best of luck, all my love your way, stay safe!

[smiles-advice]

I haven't heard anything back so I have deleted your original ask as requested

if you did send me smth saying otherwise, I'm sorry, I haven't received it! feel free to send another ask fir advice again

Hi again 👋

I sent an ask maybe yesterday I forgot, but may I ask you if you can delete it (about the girl and her hyperfixations on a fandom.)? I wasn’t thinking straight when I wrote it, and I guess I was a little desperate for an answer. Not much I’m asking, and I’m sorry for the trouble as well. Thank you.

hiya lovely,

are you sure you don't want me to answer it? I really don't mind, I'll delete it if you want, but I can answer it too.

just let me know,

much love 🌸

[smiles-advice]

Hi!

I am one of those people who don't know what path to take. I'm lost, I feel worthless, I don't have the drive, and unemployed for almost six months after finishing school.

My parents most of the time ask me what my plan is in life and when will I get a job... I honestly don't know. I don't want to work(but we need to). I don't know what job to take (and I don't really like the degree I got. It will be my last option if it came to worst).

What should I do? I still don't want to work but I know I will, just not of the moment, but they have been pressuring me to get one.

hi lovely,

I feel you, honestly, I get it. I'd suggest maybe trying to find a part-time job to begin with, something that can slowly boost your motivation and get your parents 'off your back'.

or, try and find a work-from-home job. something you can do from the comfort of your bedroom perhaps.

don't pressure yourself too much, make sure you're in a good place, and I wish you luck!

[smiles-advice]

hi!! I hope you’re doing well :)

I’m not sure what to do. My best friend (who’s also my ex girlfriend) is in a relationship but she came to me saying she thinks she’s poly and has pretty much indirectly said she’s in love with both me and her girlfriend. Long story short, in her head, her girlfriends feelings are the only thing stopping us from getting in a relationship, because she doesn’t want to ruin her relationship with her girlfriend. However I don’t want to date her. I told her I was thinking about dating again but I never even implied I want to date her specifically. She feels bad that she pursued her current girlfriend because of me even though Im very supportive of their relationship (they’re literally perfect for each other). I don’t wanna ruin our dynamic by telling her I don’t feel the same, but it feels wrong to keep going on like this, and it feels like her feelings are getting in the way of her actually acknowledging how I feel when I vent to her.

sorry if this is a bit confusing, it’s not exactly a normal situation so I’ve tried to simplify it as much as I can.

hi lovely,

god thats a tricky situation to be stuck in.

I think you should probably sit her down and talk to her about it. if you don't feel the same, you dont feel the same. she should be happy in her relationship, and you should be free to be happy in your life.

Best of luck, lots of love 🌸

[smiles-advice]

Hiya, i was wondering:

It was my birthday recently and one of my friends said he forgot to bring a present so he will give me £10 next time we hang out and then a few days later (yestrrday) we did hang out, but he forgot to give me the tenner, but i do kinda want it :/ (i wanna buy something that is coincidentally £10)

I dunno if it is rude to ask about it? How should i go about asking him for it? I really dont know D:

hiya doll,

first of all, happy belated birthday!

I have no idea about the etiquette here. Personally, i wouldn't ask, I'd feel to awkward. But, if they said they'd give you it, then there's probably no harm in reminding them. Maybe try and bring it up into casual conversation, somehow.

lots of love 💕

[smiles-advice]

🌅sometimes your family aren't whats best for your wellbeing🌅

[smiles-advice]

Hi again 👋

I sent an ask maybe yesterday I forgot, but may I ask you if you can delete it (about the girl and her hyperfixations on a fandom.)? I wasn’t thinking straight when I wrote it, and I guess I was a little desperate for an answer. Not much I’m asking, and I’m sorry for the trouble as well. Thank you.

hiya lovely,

are you sure you don't want me to answer it? I really don't mind, I'll delete it if you want, but I can answer it too.

just let me know,

much love 🌸