#^ guy who is not out of a depressive ep like he thought he sorta was

[melto]

something just like snapped in the back of my head like i Need to go like curl up in my room for like 5 days and play video games and not speak to like anyone

[csh-tournament]

Tournament Recap: Round 1

And so, Round 1 of Stage 2 is officially over. I thought it'd be a fun idea to make a little status update post as a way to sorta recap the bracket so far.

Aside from 3, which is barely hanging in there, the numbered albums (and Little Pieces of Paper) have all been completely wiped out, which is to be expected but also kinda sad. On the flipside, not a single track from Twin Fantasy (Face to Face) has been eliminated! Of course, that's going to change no matter what in the next round because Stop Smoking and Bodys are going up against each other.

*More detailed stuff under the cut. Songs are grouped by album/EP/I'm bald/any other miscellaneous infinitely nuanced answer*

1 [0/16 (0%) Remaining]

tybee island horse ghosts (Eliminated in Group Stage)

good sunday (Eliminated in Group Stage)

big jacket (Eliminated in Round 1 by My Boy (Twin Fantasy (2018))

Cesare the somnambulist (Eliminated in Group Stage)

happy/ugly (Eliminated in Group Stage)

David Lynch versus the moon (Eliminated in Group Stage)

his shiny customers (Eliminated in Group Stage)

up all night (Eliminated in Group Stage)

inside the bell jar (Eliminated in Group Stage)

july new hey (Eliminated in Group Stage)

kid war (Eliminated in Round 1 by portrait of the artist as a young fag)

you have to go to college (Eliminated in Group Stage)

yes bulletin (Eliminated in Group Stage)

mortgages for veterans (Eliminated in Group Stage)

my dad just passed out (Eliminated in Group Stage)

what does OUJ stand for (Eliminated in Round 1 by America (Never Been))

2 [0/13 (0%) Remaining]

smokezone (Eliminated in Group Stage)

this one time I went to a coffee house because some guy I knew was playing and I just sat there for an hour and didn't talk to anyone and then I came home and wrote this song (Eliminated in Group Stage)

we are in space (Eliminated in Group Stage)

it's you, you're the asshole who made this (Eliminated in Group Stage)

shoelaces (Eliminated in Group Stage)

act suspicious (Eliminated in Group Stage)

reversible jacket (Eliminated in Group Stage)

the majestic hotel (Eliminated in Group Stage)

90 (Eliminated in Group Stage)

fiction I (Eliminated in Group Stage)

hanging out with my mom in women's apparel (Eliminated in Group Stage)

...then it will be exactly the same as earth (Eliminated in Group Stage)

will you please pass the milk, please? (Eliminated in Round 1 by Famous Prophets (Minds))

3 [2/13 (~15%) Remaining]

no starving (Eliminated in Group Stage)

portrait of the artist as a young fag

beach weak (Eliminated in Round 1 by Nervous Young Inhumans (2011))

foreign song (Eliminated in Group Stage)

psst, teenagers, take off your clo (Eliminated in Round 1 by High To Death (2011))

sun hot (Eliminated in Group Stage)

beach fagz

summer bummer (Eliminated in Group Stage)

ryan north by northwest (Eliminated in Group Stage)

beach drugs (Eliminated in Group Stage)

beach death (Eliminated in Round 1 by Sleeping With Strangers)

beach funeral (Eliminated in Round 1 by Bodys (2018))

oh! starving (Eliminated in Round 1 by We Can't Afford (Your Depression Anymore))

4 [0/9 (0%) Remaining]

a good bridge to never cross until there's no doubt that he's dead (Eliminated in Round 1 by Famous Prophets (Stars))

who even knows (Eliminated in Group Stage)

even the who knows (Eliminated in Group Stage)

not "kidding" around (Eliminated in Group Stage)

heartless dick (Eliminated in Group Stage)

dickless heart (Eliminated in Group Stage)

feel like daniel johnston (Eliminated in Group Stage)

the ghost of bob saget (Eliminated in Round 1 by Beach Life-In-Death (2018))

around (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Little Pieces Of Paper With "No" Written On Them [0/21 (0%) Remaining]

leave together (Eliminated in Group Stage)

I don't want you (Eliminated in Round 1 by Overexposed (Enjoy))

I am afraid of literally everything (Eliminated in Round 1 by The Ballad of the Costa Concordia)

100 minutes of solitude (Eliminated in Group Stage)

neon sign (Eliminated in Group Stage)

samson's golden axe (Eliminated in Group Stage)

I scream social (Eliminated in Group Stage)

wachovia receipts (Eliminated in Group Stage)

the singles song (Eliminated in Group Stage)

get better get well (Eliminated in Group Stage)

squid desert (Eliminated in Group Stage)

ff (Eliminated in Group Stage)

nothing (Eliminated in Round 1 by High to Death (2018))

surf jerk (Eliminated in Group Stage)

a pleasant sort of terror (Eliminated in Group Stage)

total burn (Eliminated in Group Stage)

when I'm here (Eliminated in Group Stage)

the staying song (Eliminated in Group Stage)

I CAN TALK WITH MY EYES SHUT (Eliminated in Round 1 by psst, teenagers, take off your clo (2015))

the vice president of google and et al (Eliminated in Group Stage)

hot sun (Eliminated in Group Stage)

My Back Is Killing Me Baby [2/11 (~18%) Remaining]

the drum (Eliminated in Round 1 by Unforgiving Girl (She's Not An))

happy news for sadness

sunburned shirts (Eliminated in Round 1 by Maud Gone (2015))

stoop kid (Eliminated in Round 1 by Jerks)

something soon

no passion (Eliminated in Round 1 by Some Strange Angel)

father, flesh in rags (Eliminated in Round 1 by Oh! Starving (2012))

strangers (Eliminated in Round 1 by something soon (2011))

lawns (Eliminated in Group Stage)

p.o.w. (Eliminated in Round 1 by The Ending of Dramamine)

open-mouthed boy (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Twin Fantasy (Mirror to Mirror) [7/10 (70%) Remaining]

My Boy (Twin Fantasy) (Eliminated in Round 1 by Times to Die (2015))

Beach Life-In-Death

Stop Smoking (Eliminated in Round 1 by Hollywood)

Sober To Death

Nervous Young Inhumans

Bodys

Cute Thing (Eliminated in Round 1 by Beast Monster Thing)

High To Death

Famous Prophets (Minds)

Twin Fantasy (Those Boys)

Monomania [6/9 (~67%) Remaining]

Romantic Theory

Misheard Lyrics (Eliminated in Round 1 by Twin Fantasy (Those Boys) (2011))

Times To Die

Overexposed

Los Borrachos (I Don’t Have Any Hope Left, But The Weather Is Nice)

Souls (Eliminated in Round 1 by The Gun Song)

Maud Gone (Eliminated in Round 1 by happy news for sadness)

Sleeping With Strangers

Anchorite (Love You Very Much)

Starving While Living [2/5 (40%) Remaining]

It's Only Sex

Reuse The Cels (Eliminated in Round 1 by Boxing Day)

I Hate Living (Eliminated in Round 1 by Romantic Theory)

Devil Moon (Eliminated in Round 1 by Cute Thing (2018))

Oh! Starving

Nervous Young Man [9/20 (45%) Remaining]

Boxing Day

We Can't Afford (Your Depression Anymore)

Don't Remind Me (Eliminated in Round 1 by Los Borrachos (2012))

Homes (Eliminated in Round 1 by Knife In The Coffee)

Afterglow (Eliminated in Round 1 by Something Soon (2015))

Jerks

Broken Birds (Rest In Pieces)

The Gun Song

Goodbye Love (Eliminated in Round 1 by There Must Be More Than Blood)

I Can Play The Piano (Eliminated in Round 1 by Stop Smoking (We Love You))

Crows (Rest In Bigger Pieces Mix) (Eliminated in Round 1 by Los Borrachos (2015))

I Wanna Sweat

Burning Man (Eliminated in Round 1 by Sinner)

Dreams Fall Hard (Eliminated in Round 1 by Nervous Young Inhumans (2011))

Plane Crash Blues (I Can't Play The Piano)

Big Jacket (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Death At The Movies (Eliminated in Round 1 by Fill In The Blank)

Jus' Tired (Eliminated in Round 1 by Sober To Death (2011))

Some Strange Angel

Knife In The Coffee

Disjecta Membra [1/17 (~6%) Remaining]

Endpiece (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Please Mr Pilot (Eliminated in Round 1 by I Wanna Sweat)

2:24 (Eliminated in Group Stage)

The Hard Part (Eliminated in Round 1 by Bodys (2011))

Sound Man/Low Fidelity (Eliminated in Round 1 by Hey, Space Cadet)

Napoleon (March On Russia) (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Drunk On A Work Night (Eliminated in Round 1 by Broken Birds (Rest In Pieces))

Love Me Too Much (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Dream: Encounter On Smoke Mountain (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Sinner

When Will My Man Come? (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Hi Life (Eliminated in Group Stage)

AC (Eliminated in Group Stage)

If Not, Then Oh Well (Eliminated in Round 1 by Destroyed By Hippe Powers)

Memories (Leonard Cohen Cover) (Eliminated in Group Stage)

KS (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Unfinished: Pain Star (If Heaven is full of people...) (Eliminated in Round 1 by Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales (Album Version))

How To Leave Town [6/9 (~67%) Remaining]

The Ending of Dramamine

Beast Monster Thing (Love Isn't Love Enough)

Kimochi Warui (When? When? When? When? When? When? When?)

I-94 W (832 mi) (Eliminated in Group Stage)

You're In Love With Me (Eliminated in Round 1 by Plane Crash Blues)

America (Never Been)

I Want You To Know That I'm Awake/i Hope That You're Asleep

is this dust really from the Titanic? (Eliminated in Round 1 by Beach Life-In-Death (2011))

Hey, Space Cadet (Beast Monster Thing In Space)

Teens of Style [5/11 (~46%) Remaining]

Sunburned Shirts (Eliminated in Group Stage)

The Drum (Eliminated in Round 1 by It's Only Sex)

Something Soon

No Passion (Eliminated in Round 1 by Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales (Single Version))

Times to Die

psst, teenagers, take off your clo

Strangers (Eliminated in Round 1 by Drugs With Friends)

Maud Gone

Los Borrachos (I Don't Have Any Hope Left, But the Weather is Nice)

Bad Role Models, Old Idols Exhumed (psst, teenagers, put your clothes back o) (Eliminated in Round 1 by I Want You To Know That I'm Awake/i Hope That You're Asleep)

Oh! Starving (Eliminated in Round 1 by Life Worth Missing)

Teens of Denial [9/12 (75%) Remaining]

Fill In The Blank

Vincent

Destroyed By Hippie Powers

(Joe Gets Kicked Out of School for Using) Drugs With Friends (But Says This Isn't a Problem)

Not What I Needed (Eliminated in Round 1 by Deadlines (Hostile))

Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales

1937 State Park

Unforgiving Girl (She's Not An)

Cosmic Hero

The Ballad of the Costa Concordia

Connect the Dots (The Saga of Frank Sinatra) (Eliminated Round 1 by beach fagz)

Joe Goes to School (Eliminated in Round 1 by Vincent)

Twin Fantasy (Face to Face) [10/10 (100%) Remaining]

My Boy (Twin Fantasy)

Beach Life-In-Death

Stop Smoking (We Love You)

Sober to Death

Nervous Young Inhumans

Bodys

Cute Thing

High to Death

Famous Prophets (Stars)

Twin Fantasy (Those Boys)

Making a Door Less Open [4/11 (~36%) Remaining]

Weightlifters (Eliminated in Round 1 by Cosmic Hero)

Can't Cool Me Down (Eliminated in Round 1 by Sober to Death (2018))

Deadlines (Hostile)

Hollywood

Hymn (Remix) (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Martin (Eliminated in Round 1 by Anchorite (Love You Very Much))

Deadlines (Thoughtful) (Eliminated in Round 1 by Kimochi Warui)

What's With You Lately (Eliminated in Round 1 by Twin Fantasy (Those Boys) (2018))

Life Worth Missing

There Must Be More Than Blood

Famous (Eliminated in Group Stage)

Other

Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales (Single Version)

Unforgiving Girl (She's Not A Single Version) (Eliminated in Round 1 by 1937 State Park)

War Is Coming (If You Want It) (Eliminated in Round 1 by Times To Die (2012))

Edit: Mirror to Mirror and Starving While Living were counted wrong. That's been fixed.

Edit 2: Forgot to mark Maud Gone (2012) as eliminated. I knew I'd miss at least one.

[swan--writes]

A Very Mr. Finn Christmas

There was something about ‘Dewey Christmas’ that just sounded...wrong. Anyway, Merry Belated Christmas to those who celebrate! ❤💚

Warnings: none

Words: 1,936

The year had been a bastard. First was your dog dying, then Dewey getting sent home for last school year because of the pandemic, then the spike in visibility of police brutality and the protests. The summer had been brutally hot, you weren’t working, you and Dewey had had to quarantine separately for more than a month and neither of you had been able to see any of your friends. You spent so much time on the couch at your parents’ place upstate before your partner eventually joined you, once his own lease had run out. Despite both of your relief at Dewey getting out of the city, that had also been when he found out for certain that he wouldn’t be able to see his kids in person. California had caught fire, one of your grandparents died of lung cancer and had a funeral you couldn’t attend because of COVID, and another was all set to spend Christmas in the hospital.

Yes, the year had indeed been a bastard, but thankfully, it was almost a dead bastard.

Since your parents had broken down and gone to visit your aunt, you and Dewey had the large house to yourselves for two weeks. The two of you had been pleasantly surprised: despite both needing a healthy amount of alone time, you still weren’t sick of each other. Not only that, but your relationship had fully survived the year. If anything, you were closer now. You still loved his soft eyes, the give of his chubby stomach when he held you, the way his arms felt like your own personal radiators.

Perhaps you shouldn’t have been surprised. Dewey Finn was the kindest man you knew, and the best partner you could have asked for. As immature and rambunctious as he could be, he was also sweet and soft and – though he would never admit it – quite sensitive. Dewey hadn’t seemed to want to talk about it, but he was pretty clearly heartbroken that he couldn’t see his students face-to-face this year. He had held most of his frustration in, since he knew how much it bothered you that you couldn’t work at all with the pandemic happening. Still, you could hear him grumbling in the office your parents had set up for him.

Now, at Christmas, you were trying to find ways to make the season special for your partner. By the last week, you were holding yourself back from writing out a literal Festivities Schedule. You had made a plague year Christmas playlist, trying your best to channel him as you arranged it. It was far from perfect, but you thought he appreciated it.

Your dad’s studio was full of art supplies, so you and Dewey painted ornaments. Neither of you were particularly skilled, but he didn’t care, so you decided you didn’t care either. Fortunately, you had thought to wear clothes you could get paint on because, naturally, it had taken all of ten minutes for your painting session to turn into a full on paint battle to the death. You were fairly certain Dewey had started it, though he insisted on his innocence. Either way, you wound up with Shining Stars gold on your nose and Dark Winter Skies blue all over your sleeve. Dewey got a streak of Santa Red on his arm and splashes of Sparkling Snow glittery white across his shirt and pants. You were sure you still had some glitter in your hair from when he had tackled you and, in a gruff Muppet voice, insisted that you had turned him into the Glitter Monster. Dewey had tickled you until your tears of laughter had soaked into his shirt.

Eventually, you thought to tap out and, breathlessly, you kissed his hand in surrender. Dewey had kissed your nose in return, and come away with a smudge of gold paint across his lips. So he left to wash his face, and you left to make Christmas cookies, and he joined you in the kitchen. You spend the rest of the night playing Mary Lambert’s new holiday EP and singing at each other, harmonizing at all the best parts. He, of course, had no patience for ‘Ave Maria,’ and took the opportunity to wrap his arms around you – getting yet more glitter all over you – and gently sway with you.

The next day was when the snowstorm hit. Your parents’ plow guy cleared the driveway (twice), but you and Dewey were responsible for the walkway. You woke up early to shovel first thing in the morning, despite Dewey’s unconscious arm trying to prevent you from getting out of bed. Peeking through the curtains, you almost let him.

One hour after you went back inside, you could hardly tell that you had shoveled at all.

The snow was lighter on the walkway, however, when you went back outside with Dewey to shovel again. You got the sense that he was enjoying it far too much, and you wondered if he had ever had to shovel before. You imagined that growing up in NYC didn’t leave many opportunities, but you didn’t ask. In fact, you were especially quiet all day.

Finally, when you lost power, Dewey asked if you were alright. It wasn’t until he asked that you realized that the seasonal depression had snuck back into your brain. Dewey was predictably wonderful, and you had to bite the inside of your cheek to hold back tears. Your partner stood back while you lit up the stone fireplace in your mother’s library, then rolled you up in a blanket on the floor, scattering a few pillows around you.

Dewey heated apple cider over the fire. He picked out a small copy of A Christmas Carol, bound in soft red leather, with gold leaf decorating the cover. It had your mother’s name in it, and just below that, yours in shaky lettering. That did make you cry, but only for a moment. Dewey leaned back against your legs and read the first stave to you while you drank your cider. You took over for him after that, for the next stave. Since you were both musicians with decent vocal stamina, you managed to get through the entire book before you had to call it a night.

When you woke up the next day, it was Christmas Eve. The power was back on, the decorations were hung, the tree was decorated, the presents were wrapped, and the cookies were soft. All that was left was to prep dinner for Christmas Day and dance in the kitchen. As far as Dewey was concerned, there was no type of dancing better than kitchen dancing, and you had to agree. Your parents’ kitchen had plenty of open space, and you could twirl each other around or slide in your socks without running into counters or corners.

The plow guy came by to do one more pass over the driveway and throw down some salt. You donned your mask for the first time all week to bring a box of Christmas cookies out to his truck. It surprised you, how thrilled you were to speak to a new human.

When you returned to Dewey, it still felt as cozy as ever. He jumped around to what almost felt like sacrilegious renditions of Christmas songs, including – though not limited to – a truly perplexing version of ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ by a supremely emo band from the early 2000s. Dewey had insisted it be added to your playlist, and who were you to argue?

He brought out his guitar while you made the sweet potatoes. You were particular about your grandmother’s sweet potato recipe. When he rolled up his sleeves to make pie dough, you hopped up onto the counter, sufficiently out of the way. Dewey wouldn’t give you his exact recipe, though considering his tendency to use bowls instead of measuring cups, you weren’t entirely certain that he knew his exact recipe.

By the time you were both finished with all of the dishes, it was pitch dark out. There was butter underneath his fingernails and French bread underneath yours, flour on both of your shirts, and tension in both of your backs. You fell asleep long before midnight.

The next morning, you heard Dewey’s voice before you saw his face.

“Hey,” he said. His lips brushed against your ear.

You groaned and snuggled deeper under your Christmas quilt.

“Hey,” your partner said, more insistently. He squeezed your waist, and you groaned again but opened your eyes.

“Yes?” you muttered.

Dewey nosed at the skin below your ear. “Merry Christmas.”

Your eyes sprung open now, and you sat up. “It’s Christmas.”

“Yeah.” You could hear the smile in his voice. He must have been awake for a while now.

“Merry Christmas.” You looked at him then. There was a cold gray light filtering into the room, and you could see snow falling gently through a gap in the curtains across from the bed. Dewey’s hair was mussed, and a few waves hung in his face. His stubble was coming in full force. His tee shirt was wrinkled. There was still some Christmas Tree green clinging to the edges of his fingernails.

“What are you lookin’ at?” he asked you playfully.

You suppressed an eye roll and settled for tapping his nose. “You, wise guy. You’re cozy.”

“I’m cozy?”

“M-hm.”

“Can a person look cozy?”

“Well obviously, ‘cause you do. You’re cute.” You tapped his nose again, twice, very lightly. Dewey scrunched up the bridge of his nose, but didn’t lose the soft joy in his expression. “Oh! I have something for you.” You reached blindly for your phone, feeling around on the bedside table while Dewey straightened up.

“Didn’t we set out all our presents?”

“Yeah…” you dragged out the word. “This was sorta last minute.” Your partner waited while you found your phone and opened up your photo gallery. When you found the video you wanted, you opened it and held up the phone between yourself and Dewey.

“…baby?” he said when he saw what was on the screen,

“Yeah?”

“What is this?”

“I may or may not have conspired with your students behind your back.”

In the video, Summer was yelling at his band, trying valiantly to get them all into some sort of order. It seemed to be working. The students seemed to be in their band room, but most of them wore masks. The only kids who were unmasked were Dewey’s singers, and they were spaced apart from one another.

“Is that legal?” Dewey asked. You elbowed him, and he laughed. It was a quiet laugh, though. Almost astonished.

“Hi, Mr. Finn!” Summer said in the video, now facing the camera. “We wanted to do something for you, after all your hard work during these times. So we–”

“She means your–”

“Freddy! Shut it!” Summer snapped. After a short breath, she turned to the camera once again. “We put a little something together for you.” With that, Summer practically touch-stepped offscreen.

When you glanced over at Dewey, he was watching you.

“What?” you laughed.

“I love you.” You heard cymbals playing through your phone’s speaker.

“Shh, it’s starting!” You snapped your attention back to the screen. Dewey shook his head, but followed your gaze.

“I love you too,” you muttered quickly, as the first chords of ‘Faith Noel’ began to spring from Lawrence’s keyboard.

Outside, the snow fell softly to the ground. Inside, beside Dewey, you were warm, and he was cozy, and he loved you. What more could you ask for on Christmas?

.

.

Please reblog, if ye are so moved.

Tags List: @skiddyyo @a-okay-rj @geeky-marie @darkblueeyedperson @hannah-de-lioncourt @ironmansuucks @missihart23 @ballerinafairyprincess @thewolfisapartofmysoul

[flatroots]

hi just finished the society (spoilers)

here's some thoughts + things i want from s2 if we even get there goddammit netflix

top ships are grizz x sam ofc and kelly x becca i don't even like becca that much but they were cute

i like the dynamic of will and allie when they're solving problems, but did i miss something when suddenly will came out saying he liked allie?? bc i never took all that time they spent together as romantic development you know

in fact im starting to ship allie and elle whoops but elle just needs to find some way to get away from campbell ahhhh one of them is gonna end up dying, the only way elle can get away is if campbell just dies right oOF she's probs gonna die BUT SHE'S SMART THO SO HHHHH

i just wanna see harry get his shit together, get away from campbell, get some development, grow a backbone, and crawl himself out of depression, i honestly don't care for him to end up w allie or anybody for that matter he just needs to heal

i kinda want more hints about campbell growing up?? bc yah he's a psychopath but it's interesting when he talks about his past and how he views the world

also campbell honestly didn't even do anything this season other than be a potential threat, so i wanna see the uncensored extent of what he's capable of

more helena and luke, bc she's gonna find out about everything and will they survive or will they crash and burn??

the scene in ep 5 where the guard are fighting amongst themselves and COULDNT KICK DOWN THE DOOR WAS COMEDY GOLD

the second comedy gold moment tho probs v unintentionally funny was when campbell confronted elle about poisoning the pie and had the audacity to say "yo we're the saaaaaaame"

will and kelly were so unbelievably boring i kinda liked it when it switched up w will and allie but at the same time??? huh??????

can will have proper characterization other than being the kid that had 27 foster homes so he knows how to 'fend for himself' like that's so weak hhhh i can feel the potential for him in my bones but goddammit it's just been romantic side plots for him

are all the guns actually gone?? hmmm

i think helena has so much potential as a leader, like i think the shows been building up to her taking over, and i think her realizing luke is lying to her will be her wakeup call

whos the father of beccas baby??????? IT BETTER NOT BE CAMPBELL OOOF

i honestly didn't like how becca didn't really consider sams feelings about anything, like i get she was pregnant and all that, but when grizz showed up at the hospital was she just oblivious?? like yah there were moments of her sorta knowing he wanted out but this guy is literally gay and pretending to be the father of your child and his brother is a lunatic he deserves so much more consideration than what he's been given

we need more Badass Gordie™ we've gotten small moments here and there but i need moreeeee

also kelly and gordie being a rag tag team saving lives and catching babies, like wow they're great

umm cassandra can stay dead the show got way more interesting when she died xDDDD

that might be it idk, discuss w me pls

[spanimator]

The Walking Dead: Final Season; Take us Back thoughts (major spoilers) 

please let me know your thoughts!

So I plan on writing an actual in depth review sometime later but I just wanted to write down my thoughts on the episode with what i loved about it and what i think could of been improved or changed! Its been 2 days since Take us Back came out so I’ve had time to better process things.

pros:

-the narration by AJ at the start is really neat and made me feel both scared and worried especially when he said “I don’t think she’s always doing the right thing, we’ve been doing a lot of bad things to save our friends..” its a spicy start to the episode

-most of the action sequences ESPECIALLY THE BARN SCENE are really cool this episode! 

-the james scene in the cave is really wack and i love it a lot! i know a lot of people liked angry james near the end of ep 3, well here’s 10 minutes of it! but really the scene was intense all around, i used to really dislike james in the scene but i have grown to understand why he acts this way, although some shots like that creepy smile is?? questionable haha.. the other branch where james is dead is intense aswell too! good job on this scene! 

-the talk in the woods with violet/louis is really nice, its much needed after all the drama that just happened! the scenes made me laugh a lot too like “texas 2″ or “thanks dad!” i love these characters so much guys. 

-WOWOW minerva and the bridge scene is really great!! i felt really bad for her its so tragic. but yeah the way she sings, limping and bitten everywhere but still pushing through is so messed up and terrifying. she looked so scary and i love the gore to it, truly is a horrific moment! however one thing, during the fight it seems like the walkers never seem to make it across the truck to you so you can literally just chill hidden the whole time.. 

-tenn’s death: i think it was handled quite well, its a very shocking moment, and very very sad.. and louis and ESPECIALLY violet’s reaction to it are really heartbreaking! voice acting was amazing. its even more messed up when minnie is happy about this (made me think of carol peletier from the comics) i also like how his death is not forgotten at the end too and its brought up. i do have some things to say about tenn’s character in general though../contrary i also enjoy what they do with him if he is kept alive, its a very heartwarming moment! 

-thinking about it just makes me teary but the scenes where clem gets bit and is slowly starting to accept it once they get to the barn is just so scary and depressing. i’m not gonna get too much into it but the barn scene is really great and the music and switching between clem and AJ is even more alarming, making the player think its over and AJ is taking the torch. also “gotcha” as clem bops aj’s nose made me crumble STOP 

-ranch flashback is really underappreciated but yeah its really great and quite traumatic. the burn victim gave me chills and Eddie’s short cameo is great! aj and clem’s moment in the car is really sweet.. and made me cry even more. i also thought the placement of the scene is perfect. 

-THE ENDING: So yeah apparently quite a few are mad about the ending but honestly I say piss off to those people, i thought the ending is a really great end to clem’s journey! i had a feeling clem would make it but prior to the scene i really thought she was dead. when i heard her speak i YELLED, got up, woke up my family and hugged my mom, i’m serious! Clem is a badass whom we’ve ventured with for YEARS, she fucking deserves the happy ending and i just get confused with those who wanted her to die?? like wtf; also the take us back scene and the dinner is just wonderful thank you so much to the team. i loved it all. also i love how aj can interact with all the collectibles what a treat! i love how aj’s thoughts were all jumbled too he’s fun to play as!

TL;DR: emotional moments are well done, ending is near perfect, visuals, colors, cinematography, voice acting and music are all great! also thank u for all the romantic moments 

cons: 

-im mixed about lilly’s portrayal this season. i expected more i guess. they kinda built her up to be kinda redeemable but at the same time its lilly.. i got kinda mad at first when you only see her for a minute! compared to james who gets more than 10 minutes of screentime. but i think i’ve grown to accept it. the way she floats away like a fucking loser is what she deserves. in a way i think its better to have her alive so she can live with all the horrible shit she’s done. and you can sorta tell she feels somewhat bad about it. BUT.. at the same time i think she’ll never learn which just makes me mad i let her get away on my main. what do you guys think of her? because at this point idk how to feel but its certainly not great. 

-i don’t like the way captured violet and louis got over their trauma so easily. Louis was visibly traumatized and shaken in the cell and soon after he’s just seen smiling. Violet feels abandoned and betrayed but soon after she’s just like “uhhh about what i said in the cell...” I think it would of been better to save that line for the ending only so violet has more time to think and heal. and while it was really sweet to see louis still being flirty and sweet i can’t help but feel there should of been an extra scene where their traumas are discussed better.

-Violet and Louis’ deaths are not good. the problem with their deaths is that they don’t feel  important, they feel like a game over death! they get eaten for 6 seconds, clementine yells “NOOOO” and AJ gets mad and slaps tenn. Then they run. I think the emphasis on their deaths and a better reaction would improve the scene a lot. Its especially frustrating if Clementine has a close or romantic relationship to these characters. there is no difference in reaction at all. She doesn’t even cry. This is why so many people restarted the episode! As cute and lovable Tenn is, the player has spent many more scenes interacting with Violet and Louis (the most important characters of the season besides AJ and Clem). Its sucks but I understand why people would wanna restart and save their lover or best friend. At the end you get a conversation with AJ and Tenn about their death (which i thought wasn’t so bad) but nothing with Clem. We get a short shot of the grave with a drawing and nothing else. I really didn’t like that.. It felt like something was really missing. Its too bad because ya know i really like the outcome if Tenn lives but i always find myself to rather have my SO live instead as bad as it sounds.. What do you guys think? 

-i feel like certain characters like mitch, aasim and omar etc. could of had more chances to shine. Mitch shines in episode 2 and dies but that’s it. I wish in episode 1 he had more screentime.. Its really too bad since he’s big favorite of mine. Aasim aswell was interesting in ep 1 and 2 but unfortunately barely got any lines in ep 3 and 4. christ’s sake omar of all people had more lines than aasim in ep 4! im very glad he got mentioned many times and romances ruby but i think more lines from him would of been nice. idk like maybe have louis tease him about ruby at the table.. something! 

-i thought the pacing and length of the episode was a little strange. this episode significantly feels shorter than the others. obviously it depends on your play style but from what i noticed this episode is about 30 minutes shorter than the others. i feel like some extra scenes could of been put in to fix some character development issues and such. 

TL;DR: character development is flawed in some spots, pacing and length issues can be bothersome 

i’ll have more to say another time but i really enjoyed this episode and i think its a great end to clementine’s journey! i know the whole caravan thing is left to be ambiguous so i think it would be so cool to have a little dlc. i’d definitely buy it. i recommend getting this season and instead of just watching let’s plays i hope some can invest in an actual copy, the team really deserves a profit! this entire season has been very solid and its my favorite of the series! not sure which episode is my favorite yet but they’re definitely all worth playing!

[serenagaywaterford]

14) really broken and damaged. And… yeah. That doesn’t magically disappear when you hop over a border." Exactly! Let's hope that they'll spare us all any mindless fluff. g) "Mostly cos if that is ALL someone has left, it’s necessary. Gilead isn’t going to be overturned by words alone" You're right of course. I did like what they implied with the cinematic parallel between June's pen and that bomb though: "The pen can be mightier than the sword." (Well, at least in the democratic parts of the

15) world.) It's a shame that Fred returned so soon... Ah, a question: What would have happened to Serena if Fred had died? Would she have remained a Wife or what? h) "I don’t think I’d have the balls Emily has lol." Yeah, same. Plus, I doubt I would be half as good a political player as June. i) "And the confrontation scene between her and Janine in the Colonies was well done as well." Loved that scene! j) "it was just unrealistic for a prof, even an adjunct lecturer to pull aside a first year

16) student like and so that whole thing seemed a bit deus ex." I know what you mean. That was stretched out. My fav thing about her whole uni past were her conversations/interactions with Professor Dan. k) "She didn’t need Fred to have terrible ideas, especially like after she was shot and basically implied that Fred needs to go above the law and murder a bunch of people." Ah, yes. That was one of the moments that solidified to me that Serena wasn't just a "bitch", but a truly awful, rotten to

17) the core person. She brought this whole mess on herself and doesn't really have any excuse."How very Lady Macbeth of her." Apparently, I have a type when it comes to fictional "problematic faves", heh. l) "I saw a lot of criticism of Serena about how she’s a shitty mother etc etc." WUT? I'm never gonna agree with this fandom regarding Serena, am I? Thank goodness there's you, LOL. For ALL her awfulness, I think that Serena would actually be a good (and loving), if overprotective, mother.

18) "but I have to assume it’s from people who have never had babies for more than a few hours. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows 24-7. It’s stressful, frustrating, annoying, aggravating, etc. at times and it’s completely normal for new mothers to get overwhelmed and really fucking stressed out. It doesn’t mean they’re going to beat the shit out of their children" EXACTLY what I was going to say. m) "She’s an excellent writer, strong orator, talented artist and skilled gardener, and who knows

-------

Yeah. As much as it’s nice not to be dragged down by depressing realism all the time, I find it jarring when fluff pops up in a show like THT. And Emily’s storyline going all optimistic and fluffy (and healthy) just cos she’s in Canada would be a disservice. I know a lot of fans really want Emily to be okay (I do too!) but I just don’t think it’s so simple at this point. Holy trauma, batman. Gotta work through that. I don’t think the show is dumb enough to go so quickly through Emily’s healing, but ....meh. Ya never know.

I agree about the pen/bomb thing. I didn’t mean to imply that words are unimportant, cos they totally are. And I very much enjoyed the pen/bomb parallel too! I thought it was really important how Serena/June’s words had power, even if that was only cos they had Fred’s signature on them and so it’s not truly their power. I think the power of words is really the only way to change ideology. Cos, sure, you can change a government of powers in charge with physical force but you can’t change the underlying shit without words. Look at Serena’s power pre-Gilead. That was all words--and a little riotous melodrama lol. Speaking of words, I felt the weakest part of one of my fav eps 2x09, was the “words” bit. Like, I appreciate what they were trying to do but it didn’t make sense to me personally why those letters would suddenly make any difference.

Like, they have 100s or 1000s (presumably) of escaped Handmaids, etc already in Canada, with their own stories... and they’re still alive. Everyone knows about all the deaths and victims of Gilead, hence the refugee centres large database. I just don’t understand why a bunch of letters would suddenly change Canadians minds. Like... they have WAY more influential evidence LIVING amongst them already. And letters are simple to forge/make up. I just don’t get why they went “boom”.

I dunno. That’s just me. I thought it was a weakness of the episode. If Canada wasn’t already full of survivors with their own horrible stories, I’d get it. Those letters would be like OMG. But Canada seems totally aware of all the horrors of Gilead, and there were already 100s of protesters following Fred around. 

Maybe I missed something? Are we supposed to believe that there are actually very few survivors that are in Canada? Help! lol

ITA about Emily’s flashbacks. The bits with Prof Dan were really well done. They were my fav bits too.

I think Serena’s insinuation that Fred needs to take matters into his own hands was one of the darkest things Serena has done. I mean, in a sense, I understand why she would say that. She’s totally aware a lot of people hate her (clearly lol) and she doesn’t trust the police to actually be on her side. It’s the same right-wing paranoia that idiot privileged white people think now even though everything is the opposite in the stats. I mean... tbh, Serena didn’t technically say, “Go kill some people, you whiny baby!”. She just sorta implied it and Fred ran with it to the extreme. (Which sorta goe sback to always having really evil shit in him. Cos, tbh, executing those kids was not exactly what I got from Serena’s words. Normal people would be like, “Okay. I’m gonna go fuck them up real good for ya honey!” Like beat the shit out of them. Not kidnap then murder 2 people. I do think Serena’s dismissiveness of Fred’s concern played a role in him having to prove himself to be a man. Like, woah, man.)

(Another Lady Macbeth fan? Honestly, we may actually be separated at birth.)

I feel like people look for reasons to hate Serena that don’t actually exist. Between “She’d obvs be an abusive mother!” and “She created the Handmaids!”, they love hating her for the sake of hating her. It’s just impossible that a character can be multi-faceted and complex and do things we don’t hate, alongside things we do find repulsive. And I think misogyny plays into this need to hate her for absolutely everything bad that ever happens/could happen, while giving Fred the benefit of the doubt or a free pass cos he’s just doing what she wants, or whatever. Ah, don’t even get me started lol.

Yesterday, I stumbled across an article from a while ago about the 15 “most evil” characters on THT and ofc guess who was #1? And I just... I’m sorry, I think the the men that literally developed the entire handmaid system are maybe a little worse? Like that guy who she’s married to who has no redeemable qualities at all, like he doesn’t even care about babies? Call me crazy, but the men in power seem just slightly more evil. But hey... Ah, no, self. Stop right now. I will rant for like 3 days straight and it will not make any sense lol.

[lifestoryparty]

When I finally wrote this

been watching heroes for a bit, this ep was a bit to intense, haha. it was sad. anyways, i finally might get to writing more of my life story. I havent ever written about this part of my life, and honestly the only thing ive got left anymore might be old messages and a poem I wrote a long time ago to do with this period, thats it. Maybe I didnt write about it because to write about it was to let it go, to write about it was to accept things for what it was, maybe I was afraid shed see it, I honestly cant remember because I know for a long time after I did everything I humanly could to forget because remembering hurt far to much. The day me and Moo Moo broke up I didnt honestly believe it was over, we always made up and made it work, she was loyal and mine and we pushed through everything together. I believed she would never leave. I literally believed that she wouldnt ever go, she’d always be there. That was during a time that I had really never been hurt to that extreme before, I actually trusted her with all my heart, and I mean with everything, she was a good person, she had been through so much already, dealt with me at my worst, dealt with all the craziness like with drake and meds and crying in the shower, attempted suicide, she knew me in and out more than anyone really did at that time. I dont know if i was friends friends with tompkins or not yet but even he didnt know me like that. So yeah i didnt believe it when she said it. well the next day came around and there was no messages saying she wanted me back or was sorry, there wasnt anything. so I messaged her and she said it was really over. so I started to panic a little and was like no, I need you, I love you, and I really really started to realize it recently what you really meant to me, I wanted to do a special thing for you on valentines day, etc. but she completely wouldnt take it. She gave me the reasons she gave on that last blog i sent, and I said I could change and Id do anything for her but she said it was to late. well finally I asked if it was lucas, and she admitted it was, she admitted to hanging out with him and just talking to him for hrs in his dorm room. she said nothing happened, but she felt things with him she hadnt felt with me in a really long time. She felt like they connected and he deserved a chance. I was upset, I felt like i’d been the one with her all this time, why does he deserve a chance? dont I get a chance to prove I can change? she didnt even give me that, she just let me go…Well from there, it was back and forth for a while trying to beg for her back, but she wouldnt allow it. I would go in to our public speaking class and stare at her, sorta small talk, but not really saying anything. it freaked me out, scared me. How we could have been so close to nothing at all. She still wore my promise ring every day and it confused me. The pain in me started growing worse and worse and I was starting to lose it. I started having panic attacks off and on, i’d lie in my bed in the dark listening to dark depressing music, or music that reminded me of her. I’d scream in to the blankets, punch the walls, cry, I would curse at god for letting it happen, i’d beg him to let me have her back but nothing changed. My dad tried to explain what I was going to go through and what i’d have to do. He tried to get me to promise not to do anything drastic but he couldnt have prepared me in the least to how I was going to feel. Every day that i’d wake up i’d be completely numb, it was just pain to the point of losing my mind. Every day felt like a blur, I always had goosebumps, i’d replay every moment that I could remember in my head over and over. I couldnt see the world around me, it was all slow motion and so very cold. I could barely do school. I wasnt there in my head. my grades started dropping, I was failing math, but I didnt care about anything, she was all I had keeping me going through what was already hell, she was my strength through the court stuff with drake and what it caused, and now I felt like I had no one. When it came to my class with her I wouldnt do any of the presentations in front of the class, i did them in front of my teacher for a lesser grade. I couldnt face her anymore, I loved her still even through the pain, I couldnt stop, I couldnt let it go. My mom would try to talk to me and get me out but mostly I just stayed home and dwelled in it. The darkness in my heart only grew as i layed in my room listening to music as I would be in and out of a dream state as I replayed the memories. I couldnt tell much from reality anymore, as far as I knew I was already in hell. I thought from time to time about how I could go find this guy and hurt him. I thought about cutting his face and making him ugly. I thought about beating him down with a bat. I was seriously going crazy and I didnt care anymore. Sometimes I wanted revenge on her, I wanted her to hurt just as much as me. I wanted to do things to her so she couldnt pain anymore, so she couldnt do what she loved. but I knew i shouldnt do any of these things and that I was just severely broken after already going through so much. I had no one to really go to, it was just me falling apart in my head. I thought about suicide so many times. I didnt see what the point of living was anymore. Her friend that I flirted with, well she started asking about everything and I would talk to her about how I felt, and shes sort of the reason I wrote out my life story. It helped get some of the pain out. The few things I wrote to do with after the relationship were these things: Me and the girl I was with for two years have finally broken up much to my dismay, it came expectedly but in a I didn’t believe it till it happened way. First year I feel like for some people isn’t to bad, everythings fresh and new, kind of learning experience, but after some time, that kind of dies down, you have to kind of work at it in whats best for the both of you. Temptations will come your way, its to be expected, sometimes you just lose the feeling, or just plain boredom. Dont make the mistake of falling in to temptation, especially if you care for who you are with, it does nothing but hurt the both of you in the end. taking antidepressants can either hurt or hinder your relationship in different ways, it can either help or hurt you when trying to have sex, it can make your personality change for the worse, or make you feel nothing for your partner. Just depends on how your body accepts it. I fell in to temptation but chose her in the end and dealt with personal pain for 3 monthes. Meds didnt work out for me, but prozac was amazing for sex. I dealt with trouble trying to get used to being off the meds and figuring out what I want. It was a big issue for a while and by the time I really knew what I wanted it was too late. Which I learned that even good people can lie and hurt you. I learned many small things and know what to look for in the future if it ever came to it, but I learned to love and accept someone for who they were despite the flaws and not a total click in personality. I was actually going to propose after feeling this, cause I loved before, but this was something different, its like I let go of my self completely and it was just a constant flow of happy and love and want to do anything and change if need be, it was the most extreme feeling ever, it was like how i felt the first year, but, way deeper and meaningful, like i knew for sure this is who I wanted to be with. Next thing of course is if you ever see your partner acting a little strange, find out why as soon as possible. One of the worst feelings though is heartbreak. For me, it seems to have changed me in a way, It forced me to grow up and change and to not expect things to always work out, which even now I continue to do so because I havent accepted things for what they are. Knowing friends I know love can destroy people and wreck their lives, but for others its a fresh start, a new beginning, or just a learning experience. Sometimes you need to let go of that certain someone to let them figure out what they want, it may or may not work out for you in the end, but sticking together wont make things better in all cases. I personally hurt like hell at a constant rate and it comes and goes, i’m trying to be supportive, but it hurts knowing where my heart is and the hope of her realizing that things arent always better on the other side of things..All I can do is wait and see what happens but on the other end of things I’ll have to keep on the look out of other people, but I dont believe that things will ever be like it was with her… so I wear your clothes when I miss you the most everywhere I go I see your ghost, what should I do, what should I do? I was on cloud 9 till you let me fall now i’m just trying to put my feet on the ground, but your voice is the only sound. How can we be friends when your loving him? Don’t you feel like you committed the biggest sin? In the end, what should I do, what should I do? You’re still everything my heart desires, and every day my body feels like its on fire, The only thing that cools me down are the tears that fall from my face and to the ground. What should I do, what should I do when i’m missing you? I hope one day maybe you’ll see that i’m the one that you can believe, but right now thats all I can do is wait for you. Do you remember how it felt to want to kiss me at the park? Do you remember the first time you wanted to hold me close, do you remember those urges you held inside until one day I finally decided? Do you remember our first date and the kiss that followed? The sheetz run and talking with my mom before we let you go? Do you remember how it felt when everyone asked if were together, that we looked so good for each other? Do you remember the storys we used to share while I played with your hair? Do you remember the days at the park were we started to bond, one of our first pictures there was under the sun. Do you remember getting high and feeling so great, and all the damn pizza that we ate? Do you remember when you didnt know how to kiss, and I showed you how to do it just like this? Do you remember how we spent every day after school together, no matter what work we had or the weather? Do you remember how I could never decide which side I wanted to hold your hand and sit with you during movies? Do you remember when I asked if you were ok with this, before I put my hand in your shirt and felt your chest. Do you remember the heat of your face when repeatedly you had my lips to taste? Do you remember the first time we “touched” and we were so scared? I made sure that you knew that I cared. Do you remember prom and what I wanted it to be? it ended up perfect dont you see? Do you remember how we danced the night away, and the breaths in my chest seemed to never stay. Do you remember my eyes as you looked in to them, as we experienced the moment that I put myself in? Do you remember the feeling of things being more perfect than they’d ever been? Do you remember the sensation you felt that night, us being one while I was inside. Do you remember the weekends that i’d come around, even in the snow from my house to yours? Do you remember the passion that we shared, from the stairs to your bed, over and over again? Do you remember how happy you were and how you couldnt get enough, before we knew it, we were truly in love? I remember it all and will continue to, I will remember how you would say I luff you. I will remember how you would tell me to pick you up and hold, how I would kiss your face, almost every day. I will remember the hard times we pushed through, and the cold days i’d work to get a present for you. I remember the talks we’d have, and the scary moments we pulled together through. What I know is i’ll continue to miss and love you and thats one thing that is true, I know its true love cause I still want to be with you. I love you and I’m thinking about you constantly, i’m sorry I cant talk to much right now, but words cant touch what i’m going through. Trust me i’d do anything to be with you. 12:43am I didnt want anything with her friend, but I needed someone to get me through the pain. Tompkins and I started hanging out with more and more, and we’d go on all those long walks I told you about, well on those walks i’d tell him about my entire life, and I started talking to him about what I was going through, we got closer and closer over time and he started becoming my best friend. It still didnt wipe away the pain. I started smoking pot from my usual once a week to every single day. I’d go to my friendsansons  and smoke with my friends heavily. i’m talking 2 or more blunts a day. I just wanted to escape my hellish world, and since that next semester started I only took 2 classes instead of 5 because my depression was so heavy and bad I couldnt do more than that. well I had all this free time so i’d spent lots of time getting completely fucked up all the time. I just couldnt handle the pain.  Well I later decided to take shrooms, and it wasnt a high amount, so i just felt sorta confused coming up, and it hit me in waves and i just felt really high with a euphoria, but no visuals really. I tried acid and it was a low dose to, and i barely felt much, it just felt like every time id go in to a different room my mind would change, but it was wayyy weaker than stuff i’ve taken. I did dmt 2 more times and just partied a lot, i really just stopped caring about anything anymore, i’d pretty much given up on myself. I took all kinds of risks all the time, i just felt manic depressive, i had just run wild. I drove high, I went caving, I went on rides, I did all this stupid shit that could have killed me or sent me to jail. Nothing seemed to be changing to much other than Moo Moo and Lukas were official and they were only getting closer, it had been a few months now, closing in to summer, and the pain was still there, I still loved her and was also hating her at the same time. I dont know why I couldnt let go but even my mom noticed that I still couldnt. Well I had talked to a lot of girls but they were all horrible, and not to mention you sorta just compare everyone to that first love it felt like. finally dylans and smith, who were dating got their friend Crazy to come over. well, we started talking, but she was really weird. I couldnt quite feel attracted to her even though she was nice and filled my lonliness a bit. we made out and stuff but she would let me fool around with her, or even touch her back which was weird. finally i let her go cause i just didnt like her. well finally the summer came and i started talking to this redhead clark. I finally felt like i’d met a good girl and we went for coffee and talked for a while. I also started working at ollies finally, which was really hard cause i had to work night shift every night. it was pure labor and it was hell. I hated it so much and i never had a life, and i slept all day, worked all night, and got fucked up when I could to escape. over that summer I was mostly sober due to working and everything i had been trying to escape from for so long was just flooding back in, like i had barely been a month away from the break up. I’d go in to the bathroom having panic attacks and cry, i really thought i was going crazy. not only that but the stuff with drake would haunt me over and over. I know i had asked for help, but the only counselor i was able to see was a preacher and i wasnt opening up to them. The pure hell and pain I kept suffering no one should ever have felt, but i couldnt escape it, and i had grown so far used to getting fucked up off anything i could all the time. I kinda felt when i’d smoke i was more creative so I wrote more, I made a tumblr as an escape. It felt like my writing meant something and people liked it and followed it and commented on it. The more I stayed in this drug and pain world the more i distanced myself from reality and human interaction. I didnt feel like I knew how to talk to people anymore, I distrusted people because of her, and drake, and I hated to be around people. Well the girl Clark didnt want me so my heart was just hurt again. it seemed no one wanted to be with me no matter how many people I looked for love in. Me and big boobs were also becoming closer friends and she told me that her and lukas were apparently having sex now, which she told me she never would when they first were together. I felt sick, I felt like she had finally crossed the line of no return with me. As I drove home I wanted to throw up, I imagined them fucking each other, it hurt so much, i felt betrayed, like that was our thing that we shared together and she ruined the purity of what we shared. I wanted to run my car in to whatever i could, but I went home and cried myself to sleep. I felt no more love after that. just bitterness. So I got drunk and talked to an ex and drove to her house and fucked her. I didnt feel anything for her, i just fucked her and left. I didnt talk to her for a week, but she asked and I told her I cared for her as a friend but i didnt feel anything but i’d still do that with her, and she i feel like actually cared, but she was lonely to so she was ok with that, so I came by just one more time to do that. For some reason being she was the second person I had sex with it made me feel horribly guilty. In some sense I felt like I betrayed Moo Moo even though I was done with that in my head 12:58am I was told about having a court date in the future where i’d finally have to testify against drake about what he did to me, im sorta lost and confused on when all this happened so im piecing it together and how I feel like it was. I finally became friend with Ohl. well, over the summer we sorta both were going through the same painful feelings of a first love break up, for him it had been over a year and he was still going through it. for me it had been about 6 monthes. we connected on what that was like for us. we’d drink and share music and he’d play guitar, play games with me, play pokemon and smash bros. he started coming over a lot and staying the night. I had finally found someone who understood and I could connect with after so much hell. We started hiking all the time, we’d do crazy adventurous things, we camped once, he stole a bunch of cigs, we took ecstasy twice together, we drove drunk once, we’d go to hookah really fucked up a few times, we were a team who matched really well but probably were the worst things for each other in a sense, we both just didnt care cause of the pain we were in. Well, this is also another secret i really havent told anyone, but I had a 3 some with him an this lady who was married. we both had planned on it for a month and got high and finally did, it was really awkward, but a huge thrill. Finally we met jones, that girl u met at the art show whos dating james, well me and her started talking and hanging out at the college a lot, well, she sorta led me on some, and i got Ohl talking to her friend robin. we would go to guys and dolls which my god was redneck and ghetto trash central, and i almost got in a fight there. well we played pool and went out on the town a few times. We also smoked pot with the owner of guys and dolls. well one day we stayed the night at her house and stayed up all night, i drove so deleriously to school that i almost wrecked. well My bro started dating Hope. they had dated like 2 or 3 days, and my mom let her stay the night, well me and Ohl got really drunk and ate mcdonalds and tried to get people to come over, well they didnt, so we asked lauren and robin to come over. well they finally did, they only had a few shots and Jones took her clothes off and was walking around my house naked, well we took her downstairs cause my dad was coming home. my bro and Hope were upstairs just cuddling, and i had met her earlier, well Jones jumped on me and started taking my clothes off and wanted to have a 3 some, but then she was like i have to tell u something, i fucked some guy before i came over. well, that hurt, a lot, i really liked Jones and i had been getting close to her and it made me mad. well i finally just agreed to a 3some cause after that i wasnt going to talk to her anymore. well she got naked, but she wouldnt let me or Sanson fuck her, she made daniel go upstairs and so me and Sanson fingered her, well, she liked when i did it better and said she i was really good at it, derrik not so much, well she jerked us off and in the middle of it we could hear my dad come in. well Ohl and robin were naked on the couch, but my dad was so wasted he fell asleep upstairs. 1:04am Well robin and Ohl started fucking in my bathroom and she was moaning so obnoxiously and fakely loud we started laughing downstairs. My sister knocked on the door asking to use tha bathroom, and she knew they were fucking. well we all laughed about it later and we all fell asleep. after that i made Jones leave the next day and never talked to her again. i was really hurt and just so sick of girls. well me and ohl and my friend Christian hung out alot and got drunk at my house a lot and played games and all got close. after a while wound up talking to my ex Mexico and she was all like im done with this shitty guy blah blah, but then he found out i was trying to get back with her and made that stop, and then she just disappeared. well my brother and Hope had broke up so i asked if it was ok if i talked to her cause i was attracted to her and it didnt go anywhere with them and he said sure, so i started talking to her and we sorta clicked in some ways because she was wanting all the same things as me and we were both lonely and stuff. well. thats a story for another night I feel like i’ve left enough for you.