#“Those symptoms only exist in textbooks.”

[witheredgardenparty]

Watching someone I know in real life go through the medical school phenomenon of "I have every medical disease ever all at once anxiety" has really put into perspective why doctors are so shitty about chronically ill patients experiencing symptoms.

[dadcred]

okay so. ive got a lot of thoughts about usopp and his “negativity” with regards to his fight against perona during thriller bark and his subsequent timeskip character development.

keep in mind that this is based on the english dub of the anime, and there very well could be totally different implications in jpn/english subs, though tbh i’d be kinda sad if this were the case because i think there’s a lot of depth to explore (which is exactly what i’m attempting to do here.)

so the entire idea behind usopp’s immunity to perona’s negative ghosts is that he’s an inherently “negative” person, so he can’t be made “more negative” so to speak. and throughout this whole bit, they keep interchanging “negativity” with “pessimism.” ex: when zoro, franky, and sanji are running away from that fight, zoro says something like “i never thought usopp’s pessimism would come in handy.”

and i found that really interesting because i wasn’t aware until then that usopp was meant to be so extremely pessimistic apparently. yes, he’s a coward who is reluctant to face his fears (he’s not unique in this, see: the coward trio). yes, he gets anxious about the worst outcomes (tho he’s not the one actually identifying or voicing the worst case scenarios in many cases). yes, he harbors doubts about his own capabilities (arguably the only thing here unique to him). but none of this is “pessimism.” that is to say, “pessimism” is erroneously used as a synonym for “negativity” when in fact “negativity” is an incredibly broad concept under which “pessimism” is a subset. and based on negative ghosts’ actual effects on characters, we know that they do way more than just suddenly make a person a glass-half-empty kinda guy.

my thesis here is that the term that better describes the kind of negativity that the ghosts impose on people is “depression,” in which case, the only way usopp can be immune is if he’s already depressed. and substituting that with “pessimism” instead allows us as the audience to be more okay with the fact that the narrative never goes back and interrogates what is a serious claim of a character’s mental health. i’m not bothered by this—it’s a shounen anime after all—but i DO love exploring this line of thought because of the insight it provides on usopp’s character.

first, let’s go back to what perona’s negative ghosts actually do. their effect has been described as “draining your will to live” and “making your heart empty”. when characters get hit by a negative ghost, they’ll lose all their drive and say things like “i’m no better than a dog,” “i just want to be a clam” and stuff like that (i’m paraphrasing). and neither those descriptions nor effects remotely resemble “pessimism.” having little to no will to live or just do much of anything, feeling empty and hopeless, having self esteem issues, wanting to erase the complexities of your humanity to exist as a base organism: those are all textbook symptoms of depression.

meaning, in order for usopp to be completelt immune to the negative ghosts, he doesn’t just have to be a pessimist. he’d have to have little to no willpower or motivation. he’d have to think so lowly of himself that it’s impossible to hate himself further. and water 7 showed us a glimpse of that: we know he has ambition—he wants to become a brave warrior of the sea—but we also know after water 7 that, compared to the other straw hats, he views his ambition as a nice-to-have pipe dream and not one that he has what it takes to achieve.

but thriller bark is implying this runs much much deeper than just self doubt that sprang up over the course of his travels with the straw hats. he’d have to be so empty inside that there’s no hope left for the ghosts to feed on.

and while that might seem overexaggerated for the purposes of this ability because, again, it’s a shounen anime and these implications start feeling uncomfortable the more you consider them, there is one line that affirms that the above really might all be true about usopp: when everyone realizes usopp is immune to the ghosts, zoro, in disbelief, asks, “is his heart really that empty?”

personally, i don’t think there’s any sugarcoating that. (and tbh between this and zoro later ruminating on how usopp’s depression came in handy in a fight, i’m glad at least one character acknowledged that that’s a little fucked up and worrying actually.)

so yeah, usopp’s depressed! and on god, i didn’t think it was possible to love him anymore than i do, but this bit of thriller bark made me love him infinitely more because goddamn that’s so relatable. we constantly have these narratives of “wow we never knew xyz was depressed they never let on” and i personally thunk that’s bullshit because unless someone is exhibiting a completely nonfunctional lifestyle, we assume that they can’t really be that depressed. as a high functioning person w anxiety/depression/adhd/ptsd, i was denied diagnosis and treatment for years bc i wasnt glued to my bed, getting bad grades, isolated, and/or on the verge of offing myself. this isn’t the main point i’m trying to make as much as it is a tangent, but seeing a character like usopp, who i at the very least consider the heart of the straw hats, also be depressed guy just tryna stay afloat everyday despite all the nothingness and self hate inside made my heart really full.

which then brings me to post timeskip, where his development in this realm is addressed outright in that battle in fishman island arc against the little hole digging gremlin. that guy consistently taunts usopp with everything usopp once harbored major insecurities about, and usopp not only remains unfazed, but explicitly refutes those taunts by saying that stuff no longer bothers him. the idea being that he gained a lot of self confidence over those two years. and as all my mentally ill lads know, that’s not fuckin easy when your brain’s been working against you for so long. self confidence is the result of developing and practicing a lot of healthy coping mechanisms to manage and live with your depression.

now i hesitate to credit oda and the shounen genre in general with having meant all this to be as deep as i’m interpreting it. but intentional or not, i’m overwhelmed with emotions whenever i consider usopp’s character because who gives a shit about his physical strength and abilities and whether or not they’re on par with everyone else’s when his real buff is hard earned mental fortitude and self confidence??

all of that is to say, i have a lot of love for usopp and i guess most people arent into shounen for the complexities of character writing, but personally i think your taste is questionable at best if this bit about usopp’s character doesn’t intrigue and impress you in any way. that’s all.

[syscourse-confessions]

Syscourse replies encouraged... i cant type the emoji LOL

Some people say that non-traumagenic plurals are hurting traumagenic people. Naming names is bad. You've seen people say that, though, obviously. If you are invested in syscourse to any degree, you've probably seen people say that doctors have denied them diagnoses or treatment because DID and OSDD have become "trendy" and they think it's too common, so they won't diagnose anyone with it.

Listen to me closely. For context, I tried to get diagnosed with DID since I was 11 years old. Symptoms start showing up before that, it's perfectly reasonable for me to be self-aware since that diagnosis would've been the only proof I have that I was ever traumatised (other than the proof in my memories obviously). I tried getting diagnosed LONG before TikTok OR Musically existed, AND ALSO BEFORE VINE DIED, and let's be honest, TikTok is where those doctors found out about them. (I say "doctors" because both therapists and psychiatrists can technically diagnose you, even if it's usually more commonly done by therapists who specialise in trauma.)

They will find ANY reason not to diagnose you. My abusers were awful in front of the doctors. I had memories of trauma. I was told once that since I didn't know what the word dissociation meant (since I was 12 and my psychiatrist called it MPD for some reason) that I didn't dissociate. Yep! You don't have the language, so your problem doesn't exist! That's how far doctors are willing to go thanks to the stigma ALREADY EXISTING around plurality and systemhood. I had a therapist who asked me if I had homocidal urges in response to me saying I suspect that I have DID. I had a therapist call them characters and say she wouldn't diagnose me because I had nonhuman alters. I had a therapist (I've gone through a lot of them as you can see) tell me that since I can't remember specific details about my trauma (I was molested frequently as a toddler) then it didn't happen and therefore I don't have it. I was told I don't have it because the alters have different accents!! Some alters have southern accents (I grew up in Florida but then moved to Cali) and others have northern ones, one even has a new york-ish accent that i don't know the technical name of, and they were like. this very common thing you have is the reason i don't think you have it :) awful

THEY WILL REFUSE TO DIAGNOSE YOU FOR ANY REASON. NON-TRAUMAGENIC SYSTEMS ARE NOT TO BLAME.THE SYSTEM OF S O C I E T Y IS

(haha like my pun?)

thank u for reading. sorry for yelling at the end there

also it's worth mentioning that earlier this year I did get diagnosed, finally. I figured out that I need to ask our insurance provider for specifically therapists who are trauma specialists, and then the one I found was like "im not qualified enough for this woops" and referred me to an even better trauma specialist who specifically knew about dissociative disorders. so yeah try that i guess LOL. I have every symptom, it turns out. I'm a textbook case. Doctors just suck.

📬- Syscourse replies encouraged

[rayssyscourse]

bit of an origins-discourse take + mild rant: I get the wish for separate communities, and sure, to some degree it's possible and healthy to do. however, the idea that endogenic plurality and non-endogenic plurality are totally and completely separate and should never touch, is, practically speaking, both impossible and potentially pretty harmful.

-> the systems who start out thinking they're endogenic, but actually just don't remember their trauma and/or don't think it could have "counted": if endogenic communities aren't connected to CDD spaces, those systems are going to have a hell of a lot harder of a time trying to get appropriate and accurate resources, or even recognize disordered symptoms in the first place. "they should just go to CDD spaces" how?? if they've always ID'd as endogenic, and all CDD spaces all have "endos keep out" plastered over the front doors, why would they ever feel welcome?

-> the systems who are traumagenic, but also genuinely relate to many endogenic system experiences: these people exist. not all traumagenic systems find endogenic experiences relatable, but plenty of them actually do. also, sometimes traumagenic systems participate in practices (spiritual traditions, daemonism, intentional system member creation, etc) that overlap with endogenic plurality. -> endogenic systems with post-system-origins trauma, mixed origin systems, systems who "maybe fit CDD criteria but maybe don't, it's a gray area": even if they aren't experiencing 100% exactly the same thing as a textbook traumagenic CDD system, they still likely have a whole lot in common, and might benefit a ton from CDD resources and recovery-oriented system spaces. it's not like CDD experiences are a single homogeneous thing anyways.

-> advocating for awareness and acceptance of systems and CDDs in society: we're all on the same team on that front, and the more that different parts of the system community are willing to work together, the more leverage we have to actually change things--and the more we can make sure that no one gets thrown under the bus. a society that's okay with systems only in the context of a disorder isn't going to be accepting of functional multiplicity, and invites a ton of gatekeeping as to who 'actually' is disordered enough; a society that's okay with systems only if they're *not* related to a disorder is ableist. Anyways. this isn't saying that every individual system space ever has to be a mixed community! but the idea that all plurality can easily be divided into two completely separate categories is fundamentally flawed, and more systems will be helped by a community that is less focused on labels and more focused on the experiences behind them. hope you have a great day <3

hi anon!! this is a really thorough and thoughtful ask, so thank you for bringing up a lot of good points :)

to be totally honest, I agree with a large majority of what you're saying. i dont think every space should be divided, and there's plenty of systems that don't fit into the weird dichotomy the community has created.

like you say: systems like traumatized endos, mixed origin systems, etc. deserve a place too! that said, I think it's fair for people to want exclusive spaces, and I think we can be understanding and inclusive while recognizing that some experiences require exclusive spaces.

but honestly, I agree with you, and I think you bring up some very good points!! thanks for the ask, have a lovely day :) <3

[pixel-umbreon]

A Real Breakthrough in the Treatment of Ovarian Cysts

Ovarian cysts are an increasingly common gynaecological problem, particularly in women between the ages of 30 and 60. Most types of ovarian cysts are harmless learn more and go away without any treatment, but when this does not happen, problems can occur.

An ovarian cyst is a sac or pouch that develops in or on the ovary. The contents of the cyst are usually fluid but can also be solid material, or a combination of both. Cysts may grow quietly and go unnoticed until they are found on routine examination. However, if they become large enough, the following symptoms may arise:

- Intense abdominal pain - Menstrual changes such as late periods, bleeding between periods or irregular periods - Heavy menstrual flow - Infertility - Internal bleeding - Severe menstrual cramps - Pain with sexual intercourse - Pain during a bowel movement - Weight gain

The most common way to deal with ovarian cysts is the conventional medical approach.

Conventional treatment options are limited, and they all fail to take account of the stress involved for the patient. Therefore, more and more women are turning towards alternate forms of treatments for curing ovarian cysts.

The Conventional medical approach to ovarian cysts is very simple. Firstly, your medical practitioner will try to recognize the symptoms. Those symptoms listed above are the textbook symptoms of ovarian cysts. However, sometimes, ovarian cysts do not give rise to any symptoms, and are only discovered inadvertently during routine gynaecological examination.

Secondly, he will confirm his diagnosis. There are different ways of diagnosing ovarian cysts. A conventional doctor will use some or all of: endovaginal ultrasound (using a probe inserted into the vagina), CT scanning (a method of examining body organs by scanning them with X rays), laparoscopy (a procedure that allows your surgeon to examine the fallopian tubes, ovaries and womb), blood tests and many other forms of tests to confirm his suspicions. Even before treatment, the diagnosis process itself can be very traumatic.

Thirdly, the treatment. The treatment for ovarian cysts will depend upon the type of the cyst and its nature. The 3 conventional options available are:

1. Wait and see: Provided that the cyst is benign (non-cancerous) and the patient is not suffering pain, a wait and see approach will be adopted. The diagnostic tests outlined above will continue to be used periodically to monitor the condition.

2. Birth control pills: Some doctors believe birth control pills repress ovarian cysts, and can also reduce the size of the follicles and so help to reduce the size of existing cysts.

3. Surgery: If the cysts are persistent or increasing in size, then surgery is likely to be recommended. Surgery will again depend upon the type of cyst and the resulting complications. Usually, the cyst is all that is removed. However, in a significant minority of cases, the ovaries may be removed to get rid of the cyst.

The conventional medical approach to ovarian cysts has several problems. Birth control pills have many potential side effects, including weight gain, mood swings, nausea, and headaches. Also, the effectiveness of the birth control pill as a treatment for an existing cyst is greatly disputed, particularly outside conventional medicine.

[getyoungersblog]

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[fussybunbro]

I hope this isn’t insensitive, and I sincerely apologize if it is. I’ve seen you post about having erotomania, and my mother has been experiencing all the textbook behaviors for the past month and is only getting worse. I’ve gotten her to begrudgingly agree to come to a therapist with me if I can find one, though she thinks they’ll tell me my refusal to believe her is due to my own issues and nothing to do with her. Do you have any advice for how I can help her and encourage her to be evaluated? Thank you in advance, and once again, I’m sorry if this is insensitive in any way, I’m just extremely lost and would appreciate the perspective of someone who is aware they have the disorder. <3

hello this is not insensitive at all! it's really nice that you're showing concern for your mother, having erotomania is not easy in the slightest... and finally accepting it isn't easy either. i've personally been experiencing symptoms since i was 17 and at the ripe age of 24 decided to sit down and evaluate myself thanks to the help of my actual partner who had to sit me down and have a long conversation with me.

now this shouldn't need a disclaimer but i feel like it'd still be right to say to take what i say with a grain of salt, since i am no professional. getting resources on erotomania is so damn hard too, since it hasn't been that looked into but it DOES exist so i'll add the resources i find after this. i don't know how much you know about this disorder, but it's always good to learn as much as possible so you can approach her in an understanding manner. what really helped me, personally, was being told that what i'm going through isn't crazy or making me a bad person. i liked knowing there was a loved one in my corner, cheering me on and showing support at the same time. which isn't to be confused with enabling, keeping her grounded while also reassuring that she's still your mother and that you still love her is key. i would also go one step further and offer to go with her to the evaluation, let her know that if anything bad happens you'll be at her defense. because even though she'll be talking to a professional, that judgment is still possible but not something she needs at the moment.

now when looking for a professional definitely find someone who specializes in schizophrenia, since erotomania can fall under that umbrella. i will actually go one step further and see if she has any pre-existing disorders that could cause her to develope erotomania. it can be a stand alone disorder, but more often times it will be a symptom of something preexisting like schizophrenia and bipolar 1, so finding a specialist that can help with those first you can work your way up to addressing the more specific delusion (erotomania in this case). it will definitely be a process and a long one at that... but i hope you two are able to find someone trustworthy quickly. now addressing your "refusal to believe her" is there a way to elaborate on that? you can send another anon so you can continue staying private. i'm assuming you mean you refuse to believe her attachment is genuine, and by that i would agree with you and if the person you look for knows anything about schizophrenia i doubt they'd enable your mother like that. i wouldn't want it to be said to her face that she's wrong and that her attachment is wrong, not yet anyway. it's good to take it little by little, she needs to know you are on her side even if there isn't an agreeance with behavior. try to make sure (if this is a physically accessible person) she limits her interactions with them, like for me. my very first attachment was my ex, who after the breakup i believed and would tell others we were just taking a break and he was waiting for me. i was going to return to him eventually, and he was going to love me again. thankfully i had a friend i could rely on, someone to physically stay with me and keep my brain occupied so i minimize thinking about him. she took me places, out to eat, i stayed at her house, etc. obviously the routine will be different since you are family but basically doing anything you can to keep her mind busy will help!

i do want to end this by saying thank you for reaching out, i know you're anonymous but you still don't know me so i can imagine it took a lot of courage to find someone and trust them enough for advice on this. i can imagine this is a lot on your shoulders right now, and while it is admirable you're doing this, remember you're a person with emportance too. erotomania is a hard HARD disorder to help with, sometimes you'll run out of patience and that's okay. it's okay to not 100% be there at every beck and call. if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed take care of yourself, prioritize yourself, make sure you are also safe. if you feel safe enough to come back with updates, i would love to hear it and hopefully help more. have a good day!

some resources:

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/erotomania/

https://theprivatetherapyclinic.co.uk/blog/erotomania-the-delusion-of-love/

https://www.everydayhealth.com/hs/schizophrenia-caregiver-guide/help-someone-with-schizophrenia-get-treatment/

https://www.bcss.org/support-resources/living-with-schizophrenia/managing-delusions/

[lastoneout]

Check the notes if you want to see how the "you should have compassion for disabled people who's symptoms make them gross and unpleasant" website reacts when someone with Can't Keep Things Clean or Remember Stuff Disorder has trouble remembering stuff and cleaning.

Fucking shameful ass replies, especially coming from other people with ADHD. Y'all should know better. Doubly so at the person accusing OP of making people with AuDHD look bad by using their diagnosis as an excuse. This isn't a fucking excuse, this is a textbook symptom of ADHD. Memory issues and difficulties with chores are part of the diagnostic criteria. Glad some of y'all got the kind that only makes you a little messy but some of us actually are extremely disabled by our disability and thus need help keeping our homes clean and spend a lot of our lives living in shame and fear that people will treat us EXACTLY the way y'all are treating OP if we're honest about our disability.

(And like, I get that we want to change society's perception of mental illnesses, but we have clearly way overcorrected bcs now people are acting like acknowledging that your disability fucking disables you is problematic and making disabled people look bad. Fucking respectability politics bullshit. Disabled people are not responsible for ableism anymore than queer people are to be blamed for the existence of homophobia.)

And I'll agree that being snippy wasn't probably the best move OP could have made and they do sound like they really need professional help because they don't even understand what's being asked of them(just being told to "clean" isn't helpful and it doesn't sound like the roommate told them much aside from "flush the toilet and clean up your hair" which clearly isn't enough guidance and sticky note systems are famously unhelpful for those of us with ADHD), and also yes their roommate does deserve to have a clean bathroom and shouldn't be expected to accommodate OP to this degree(this is why carer is a full-time job), but OP is also 19 and in college(which is when most people with ADHD's lives usually start to fall apart and also when it's famously hard to get help) and, again, suffering from a severe disability that makes it hard for them to remember things and keep their spaces clean, and right now they are at the point where they're breaking down sobbing bcs they're roommate is accusing them of shoving their hair down the drain on purpose, and all any of you can do is call OP a lazy malicious asshole who needs to grow up and talk about how since your mental illness doesn't make you do gross things clearly OP is a slob who deserves scorn and mockery rather than compassion and help.

Hot tip, if you wouldn't call a disabled person a disgusting slob for not being able to shower or brush their teeth or do their laundry without help you shouldn't call a person with ADHD a disgusting slob for not being able to keep their living space clean without help.

Am I the asshole for making my shared university bathroom messy?

I (19nb) have AuDHD and am very messy. I share a bathroom with a girl (18?f) who is very neat and tidy. She asked me to clean the bathroom every second week (she cleans it the other week) after I spent half the term not doing so because I didn't realise it was messy. I also used her toilet paper by accident all year because I forgot to buy my own.

She's complained about me leaving hair in the shower and also thinks I put hair down the bathroom plughole deliberately when it literally fell off my head because I shed a lot of hair due to stress. In response I have cleaned up every hair I shed but it's still not enough.

I also forget to flush the toilet occasionally because of my adhd. She keeps reminding me after she flushes for me.

It came to a head this morning when she texted me that I left the toilet and bathroom dirty and with my stuff in it. I was already fed up with her badgering me about cleanliness and responded with 'i don't recall making any mess but fine, I will make sure the toilet is sparking clean for you next time'

She has now called me childish, my behaviour ridiculous and my responses snarky. She says she shouldn't have to put up with this since we both pay the same amount for this bathroom, after my comment that we should have just paid for ensuites (another option in a cheaper accomodation).

I feel bad and actually cried because of this. I feel so attacked and like she hates me and views me as disgusting after I've tried to do what she asked me to to keep the peace between us.

I think I may be the asshole because she has a right to have a clean bathroom and I'm the one making it messy not her, and my responses could have been out of line.

What are these acronyms?

[kcollective]

📌

bodily 21, white, ablebodied, perisex/altersex; collectively queer, nonhuman/trans/nonbinary/aspec-heavy. apart from facets we identify as different people

anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD, OCD, (C)PTSD, phobias, delayed sleep-wake phase disorder, psychosis (symptom), BPD; considering other PDs/dissociative disorders

dni - racist, ableist, misogynistic, etc (obviously) - harass ppl over fiction - think kids/animals can consent - any sort of transX/transID/radqueer. not only dni but seek professional help - queer exclus - pro-endo, think DID/OSDD doesn't require trauma (literally just do research on complex dissociative disorders, stop using tumblr as a source for nondisordered plurality & pick up a textbook. yes cultural plurality exists but its still traumagenic and most endos arent part of those cultures)

frequently active (not all active members) Aspen (they/th3m/thxirs, spi/spider, li/lims/liminalself) host, tied to front (does not have individual memories, only shared)

Oliver (he/sun/fag)

Blue (they/5h3/h3/rawr/XD/ze/paw/plur+etc)

Rye (he/they/vamp)

Wilt (he+gore-themed neos) asocial anger holder

[rayssyscourse]

"System" is just a neutral descriptor, and of course the system community is going to talk about system experiences. Endogenic and traumagenic are poor terms, way too much falls under endogenic and we pretty much only get grouped together because of syscourse (like I'm probably not going to related to, say, someone with thougthforms or a system heavily based on psychosis symptoms), but also it has nothing to do with disorder status.

We are endogenic but our system developed before severe trauma, so we have have severe dissociative disorder. People don't seem to realize that you can have OSDD without even being a system, and the actuallyosdd flag is pretty much just system stuff and crossposting with DID. Same with actuallydissociative.

On top of it, there's so much syscourse that to us, an endogenic system with actual dissociation, we can't even remotely navigate it because telling someone they literally don't exist is textbook dissociation trigger. On top of that, the amount of "endos DNI" doesn't help.

But people think it's fine because they think endogenic means no dissociation or no trauma. They don't consider this is gatekeeping trauma resources that we need because of our c-PTSD.

(Also yeah we have done a lot of research into figuring out if we have trauma before this point. People telling us we have "secret trauma" we aren't aware of is another obvious unreality trigger I don't know how no one realizes)

I don't think the issue is that traumagenic and endogenic aren't separate enough, but that they're shit labels with dividing experiences to begin with that say nothing about your actual experience. Dissociation spaces just need to be about dissociation - not origin discourse, and then "system spaces" need to learn to coexist with different experiences because "system" is a neutral term. Hell, having separate tags for "dissociative system" works even.

Ok, this makes sense. I see where you're coming from. I will say that I agree that it is beneficial for there to be shared spaces of different kinds.

However, I still do think that there should be a better distinction between traumagenic and endogenic spaces. You are absolutely correct that you can have a dissociative disorder without being a system, you can have it unrelated to plurality, and so many other things that don't fit neatly into one box the internet has created.

But at the end of the day, systems that formed due to trauma have a different experience from systems that didn't. There are unique struggles associated with that, and I feel like the way the community is now, it's been muddled and taking away from that fundamental fact that some of us are traumagenic and others aren't.

I absolutely agree that there should be more spaces that aren't strictly endo spaces or traumagenic spaces. For example, as you just said: you can be a dissociative system without being traumagenic. But the thing is, there should be a space for that. It doesn't make sense to me to act like we're all the same, when we each have different experiences and struggles. There absolutely should be spaces for general dissociation issues--especially because dissociation and it's symptoms are not limited to being a system, as a lot of people seem to forget. In that respect, I think you're completely right.

Your struggles are completely valid, as are everyone else's. And you should absolutely, without a doubt have spaces for that. But if you aren't traumagenic, you are not having the struggles of being traumagenic, and that's a big distinction. Endos of all origins and with all issues should be able to have spaces. But I do not want those spaces and struggles to be equated to or boxed in with traumagenic ones. We are all valid, but we are not all the same--and that's okay, and should be recognized and respected accordingly.

And honestly I agree the terminology we have right now is a problem. I think it's good that we have distinctive terms between traumagenics and non traumagenics, but I absolutely hate the way that people act like those are the end all be all of people's experiences.

And yeah, it's not okay to straight up tell people they're not real. You put it very well--saying shit like that is the exact opposite of helping and accepting and supporting people with dissociation.

So there's my two cents. Thank you for the ask! You bring up some good points and even where we disagree, I think I see where you're coming from and fully respect your opinions.

As always, have a lovely day <3

[ddarker-dreams]

Hello🌹I hope you write this time for the phantom troupe + and the beautiful lady hwr

https://ddarker-dreams.tumblr.com/post/720956454749749248/do-you-have-any-hcs-of-what-the-yan-genshin-boys

I really enjoyed reading the post❤️

wahh thank you thank you 💖 i'll go ahead and write the phantom troupe's version in the same format, on a spectrum from best to worst.

best

pakunoda's fondness for you is plainly evident when your period rolls around. while she can be stern when the situation calls for it, she strikes a 'healthy' balance between earning your fear and adoration. she has a no-nonsense policy but her expectations aren't the worst, you get the sense she means it when she says she'd prefer to be sweet on you. as such, you both have this mutual understanding that lets you go out and about more than most darlings. you're thoroughly pampered through the worst of your period. she takes you to brunch, a private room for mani-pedis, to your favorite café, then back home where you both eat takeout in silk robes.

machi would wait until you take the initiative to ask for certain things (besides the obvious) so as not to overwhelm you. there's that, and she gets flustered at the thought of doting on you so obviously. will give a nod when you request certain snacks or whatever but gives no signifier she'll actually follow through. you just open the cupboard and see everything you asked for there. the few things you do around the house to retain a semblance of normalcy are taken over by her so you can take it easy. considering her cold demeanor, you might think she'd expect to you tough it out, but that isn't the case. she thinks the difference in your pain tolerance is kinda cute and won't belittle you for taking medication.

poor phinks goes from treating you like a porcelain doll to acting like you'll literally flatline if exposed to the mildest stressors, his overprotectiveness ramps up exponentially. he absolutely abhors seeing you in pain and feels so useless if your cramps have knocked you down for the count. this would be your most opportune time to attempt some manipulation if you feel up to it. exaggerating the symptoms, getting him to go on more errands than he has to.... he comes terribly close to snapping a pharmacist's neck for insisting the medication you asked for doesn't exist. you can be a little mischievous as a treat. however, he will catch on eventually if you push your luck too much. proceed wisely.

HWR reader/anastasia is one of those types who knows your period is coming up before you do. she doesn't trust those apps and calculates it herself for better accuracy. she's an absolute stickler for your health, reminding you how much water you need to drink before the day ends, 'gently' insisting when you should go to bed/wake up, and ensuring your nutritious needs are met. the woman's crazy. if you wryly comment she should become a doctor, the joke will go over her head, and she'll say that if that's what you want, she can certainly get her M.D. will actually do so if you don't tell her you were kidding. there are medical textbooks on the countertop the next day. the good news is that you're physically the healthiest you've ever been... mentally, though, is anyone's guess.

chrollo isn't awful in the material sense — you have everything you need and he won't make you beg for it or anything. (he has considered the idea, only to decide against it). it's more so that he keeps testing you. or maybe he's operating at his usual annoying levels, but with your hormones jumping ship, your patience is at suboptimal levels. witnessing him enter the room is almost enough for you to see red. if he senses the growing irritation on your part, he makes no mention of it. chrollo thinks you're absolutely precious, sitting over there in your comfy pajamas and stabbing the tasty meal he got you with a fork, wanting to complain but having no material to do so with. there's a chance he'll pinch your cheeks when your knife's out of reach.

feitan is, unsurprisingly, weird. he doesn't track your period but somehow always knows the second it starts. he's... a bit more delicate with you, in his own way. he'll try not to keep you up with the shrieks of victims since you need proper sleep, and stocks the fridge with some fresh produce instead of just premade meals. if anything gets on your sheets, he'll tell you he's good at cleaning bloodstains. in his mind, he's making a joke to lighten the mood, but from your perspective, it's rather unnerving. as knowledgeable as he is about the human body, he never attended a health class, so his knowledge of menstruation is mostly secondhand. he follows you around more than usual because he thinks the blood loss might make you pass out, since that's how it normally works. please don't correct him on this because he hates feeling embarrassed.

shalnark somehow becomes infinitely worse in this time when you're not at your best. which says a lot, because he's already grating to begin with. you didn't realize there was another layer you hadn't been exposed to yet. he's this pathogen that continues mutating whenever you think you've built up a resistance. he'll loudly complain that you're being ungrateful if you wordlessly grab the hygiene products from him, instead of acting like he braved hades as orpheus did to rescue eurydice. his position remains unmoved even if you dryly remind him he literally only walked three minutes to a convenience store. he's a bit disappointed you aren't more cuddly and needy, but makes up for it by entertaining himself with your volatile reactions.

worst

[pluralthey]

have you ever introduced izzy’s alters here before? if not, could you show or talk a bit more about them? also, is there any reason why izzy sees herself as herself (mostly) in her head while felix sees themself as a little plush dude

dude i just spent a fucking hour answering this ask and tumblr decided to eat the entire post so sorry if i'm brusque about this.

this is izzi, she's the host of. izzi. she's a composite of 6 alters who integrated about half a decade prior and operate like 6 guys in a trenchcoat on a shared desire for power and control over the system using a hierarchy to resolve conflicts. not a subsystem, this is One Big Slime who used to be 6 Smaller Slimes.

the integrated alters:

this is 5150, the guy who functions as the head of the trenchcoat. it loves chaos and has a nasty habit of holding grudges. it's also incredibly weak without integrative support and has a lot to lose if the psyche becomes too unstable and consequently has a lot of motivation to, ironically, provide order and fairness between the integrative parts.

this is shivaree, first alter to integrate with 5150. she has a lot of influence over izzi's endgame personality as you might guess from how similar her appearance is. she was here for a good time not a long time and she loved fun, usually acquired through novelty. she was bubbly and social.

this is baby. baby was a psychosis sink, so, young, battered by psychotic symptoms constantly, and non-verbal. fourth to be integrated.

this is "the worm," although he went by like idk fucking oliver or something while he was hosting. sadboy, to izzi's integrated psyche he most provides some kind of moral compass because you can't feel like a bad person without one.

there were 2 more i never bothered to design, a skeleton edgelord (the face cutter) and a shadow the hedgehog introject, who had similar personalities, including their anger issues.

onto other alters who currently exist in izzi's system.

this is diesel. he's a composite of two protectors who integrated with each other instead of 5150 and he's tanky enough to step toe-to-toe with her when she's being a moron in a life-threatening way. diesel will ONLY front when he feels like his physical safety is on the line, but may do so before Literally Everything Is On Fire. rest is for the best babeyyy

this is LG. she's a little and she slides between ages 5 to like 13 or 14. she is a land before time fictive and she fucking loves dinosaurs so much. she fronts, y'know, whenever. she was Big Sleepy (dormant) while izzi was going through the process of integration, and is therefore not integrated. it isn't quite impossible to upset her but if you manage to do it the consequences are catastrophic.

these two are paired together even though they function separately and have very different personalities.

quinn is a textbook inner self helper/overseer, very hands-off, very aware of the system's lore and overall condition. they're a factive. plants are to them what dinosaurs are to LG.

malcolm is izzi's co-host. i would say you'd see them at least once per month if you were in contact with izzi every day. her longer term partners recognize malcolm (and LG) but she's told them to just shut the door on malcolm's face if they ever notice them fronting. they are a split from quinn and all of those bad little emotions that would make an overseer less rational got packed away into malcolm instead without any of the memories to even make sense of them. malcolm's existence happened after the period of intense integrative therapy for izzi, so they are not integrated with her. izzi sees malcolm as a symbol of failure on her part (even though they are Literally the only alter in the system who DIDN'T evade integration in some way, just straight up didn't exist while the therapy was happening), and the weakest link, consequently often using them like a punching bag. she will sometimes inexplicably veer to being friendly with them, but malcolm's disdain for her is a constant.

[roamwithahungryheart]

Rare Disease Day 2023

I'd like to start by saying a huge thank you to everyone for your support and love after my recent surgery, it truly means so, so much.

As it's Rare Disease Day once again, I want to share my experience in the hope that it helps someone out there to not only understand what it's like to live with a rare disorder, but also to feel a little less alone. So, let's get down to it.

For those of you who don't already know, I was born with a Dandy-Walker malformation and an atrioventricular septal defect specifically known as Tetralogy of Fallot. ToF is characterized by four defects, and according to my current surgeon, my case isn’t textbook. God's plan was to make me as unique as possible!

I had corrective surgery at just 5 weeks old, and my second repair in October 2022. I’ll need further surgeries in the future.

While ToF is one of the more commonly known conditions, DWS is largely unrecognized. Even the specialists I’m under don’t know everything about DWS. That’s the trouble with a disorder with so many variants.

According to statistics from the Dandy-Walker Alliance, 1 in 10,000 children are born with DWS. It’s also more likely to affect women than men. Some people don't live past the age of 40.

My malformation and co-existing symptoms are milder than they could have been. I’m one of the lucky ones who won’t need a hydrocephalic shunt, or end up in a wheelchair, but for some, that’s the reality of living with DWS.

The defining trait of Dandy-Walker Syndrome is an abnormality of the cerebellum, forming a cyst at the base of the skull, and complete absence of the cerebellar vermis. In severe cases, increased cerebral fluid is present. Children born with DWS will have delayed development and poor motor control. My hands mirror each of their movements, and I occasionally experience myoclonic jerks.

Another side effect of DWS is epilepsy. I've had a lifetime of headaches, dizziness and seizures. There are 41 different types of seizure, and I can experience any one of them at any given time. So in short, it's sometimes a real chore to get through the day! But in spite of it all, I've managed to live a reasonably normal life.

I turn 30 this year, and I've been thinking a lot more about my future goals, because as I'm sure you know, women face a lot of pressure to have their shit together by the time they turn the big 3-0. I’m a woman who would love to have children, but know that because of my health, it might never happen. Or if it does happen, there’s a significant chance my child could end up with all the same health complications I have. I can’t count the times I’ve kept myself awake at night, sometimes even cried because of it. Sometimes it’s scary having to admit and accept that. However, I'm a big believer in the old adage 'where there's a will, there's a way'. It's gotten me this far, and I don't intend to let anything stop me from living the life I deserve.

If you're reading this and you have a rare chronic illness or disability - or any disorder - I hope you take a little time today to remind yourself of how unique and wonderful you are. Take pride in being perfectly imperfect.

You are seen, you are loved, and you are stronger than you believe.

[tired-gay-wreck9]

i see so many people talking about bipolar 2 sollux or bipolar 1 mituna but we all really looked over the real bipolar king: Jake English

in the first time we see him, pre-dating dirk, he displays a lot of symptoms of hypomania/mania. he has delusions of being an amazing and flawless guy, and sees no consequences in being a dick to Jane. he also is very energetic and peppy these wouldn't all make him bipolar, as bipolar is characterized as having high highs (mania/hypomania) and low lows (severe depression). jake english has never displayed symptoms of severe depression on-screen.

but he has off screen! around after he started his relationship with dirk, he became distant, ignoring dirks pesters and only talking to jane about his relationship problems. he seems significantly less happy and energetic. even with an outside perspective, i would say that in this period in his life he's dealing with depression.

we dont have any evidence that his depression is in the severe lows it would be if he were bipolar, as we see nothing of his life, but because we see nothing of his life he could also stop caring for his interests and stop caring for himself. we really don't know how bad it got for him.

now, if jake does have bipolar, the next question is whether he has bipolar 1 or 2. if you dont know the difference between those two, it can be summarized as that the mania is more intense for someone with bipolar 1.

in bipolar 2, mania means happiness, a percived loss of consequences, elevated self esteem and energy, and in some cases, elevated anxiety and anger (but jake doesnt really display a lot of those last two symptoms soooo) in bipolar 1 the person has all those symptoms but more intense. but the mosty defining symptom that seperates bp1 and bp2 in psychosis in bipolar 1 patients, and the fact that episodes last longer in bp1 patients (bp2 episodes last for a few days to 2 weeks, while bp1 episodes can last for 2 weeks to a year or so)

I personally think Jake had bipolar 1, but you can hc whatever you want. the rest of this post will be about bp1 jake so you can stop reading if that doesnt interest you.

if we look at our last few observations of jake's episodes, it makes the most sense that he has longer episodes. pre-medium and post introduction to the viewer, we assume that he is exclusively manic/hypomanic. we can also assume that during the 153 days post-medium and pre-trickster he was depressed. if we go off of those assumptions, it makes the most sense for him to be bipolar one based off of the length.

'but max', you may say, 'Jake has never had psychosis!' and to that i say, yes. he has never had textbook definition psychosis. but he does have brain ghost dirk. and while brain ghost dirk does actually exist, the existance of his ex boyfriend that only he can see who he can hope into existance could be interpreted as coding, maybe an allusion to actual psychosis???

and while we're on the topic of allusions and shit, trickster mode really shares a lot of symptoms of hypomania ;)

who knows. im not a doctor. fun thought experiment, right? i love head canons

but fr, please dont use a headcanon post about a homestuck character to diagnose yourself with something. i also dont have bipolar 1 and while i do have bipolar 2 i still couldve gotten some stuff wrong so please let me know if i did or forgot to mention some stuff!

stay safe and sane babes!

[thecircularsystem]

Maybe I can help? I’m a fully trauma-based system who has DID, but I also identify myself as mixed origins. I’m not endogenic in any way, shape, or form.

However, I feel uncomfortable interacting with your blog (and I’m only doing so to clarify what I think the anon was saying) due to your DNI. I know many look at me and immediately fakeclaim our trauma. I’m mixed origin — I can’t change that, and it’s helped me so much to acknowledge that some of my splits were intensely different “kinds” of splits.

And at the end of the day… my origins do not negate that I have a CDD. That I struggle with complex dissociative issues. That I have emotional symptom holders. Hell — one of my “alt origin” parts is an emotion holder.

You use the analogy of a sheep and wolf setting. But you’ve deemed anything that isn’t a Very Specific Kind Of Sheep to be a wolf.

I’m a sheep, but my wool in certain spots is gray. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m a sheep, but it does make my wool look similar to that of wolf’s. Would I be turned away?

A traumaendo with DID is a ram. They would like to be here, even though they might have some other needs that would need to be taken care of elsewhere; you might not be equipped to handle their horns, but they need sheared, just like any other sheep. You look at them and say, “wolf.”

And honestly? Endogenics aren’t wolves. Their existence is not going to kill me. Endogenics are more like cows. They exist on the farm, they experience things differently, but they’ve still got hooves. And excluding every single possible endogenic… means you’ve definitely lost those sheep who mistakenly think they’re cows.

Essentially; saying you’re only safe for traumagenic systems excludes many CDD systems who aren’t the exact presentation from a medical textbook. There’s a lot of partially and fully endogenjc systems (or, if you entirely do not choose to believe in that concept, traumagenic systems who believe themselves to be endogenic) who struggle with their systemhood and could benefit from a simple venting space.

It’s exhausting to constantly be faced with the knowledge that you aren’t welcomed anywhere for something you can’t change about yourself.

jsyk this blog isnt really "traumagenic safe" if youre excluding everyone who isnt 100% traumagenic which does include those who arent fully traumagenic.. mixed origin systems exist

sincerely, a tired traumaendo system

Oh, okay, I understand. I'm really confused on how a traumaendo even exists. Taking the "invite both sheep and wolves, you'll only get wolves" thing into consideration, if I invite a sheep and wolf hybrid then what happens??? So I'm just going to keep my sheep. Should I change it to "safe for 100% traumagenic systems only" or something similar? Sorry you're tired. But just so you know, it's really uncool to break a DNI as you do in fact count

-🌺

[whumping-in-the-wings]

Okay folks, I don’t usually rant about my real-life goings-on here on this blog, and I don’t usually talk about my disability all that much. But I’ve just had something happen to me, and I feel like it needs to be shared.

Today in college I had my nutrition professor accuse me of lying, and drop my grade by 30% when I handed in an assignment that involved tracking what I ate for three days. She was insistent that no one could possibly eat as little or as plainly as I do. She claimed that I must have half-assed the assignment and only listed some things, instead of tracking everything I ate. She demanded to know why I hadn’t listed many sides, or condiments, or beverages other than water and my morning coffee.

I explained myself. I have cerebral palsy and spastic diplegia. I also work a very demanding job as a theatre performer. I don’t do a lot of physical activity when I can help it, because it hurts, and because I need to save my energy to be able to do my job. Not doing a lot of physical activity over a long period of time can lead to, you guessed it, a slowed metabolism. I don’t eat much, because I don’t need to eat much. (And on show days, when I am active, I can pack it away as well as anybody, believe me).

I’m perfectly healthy. I’m just disabled. And this woman decided to believe that one of those things could not possibly be true, because she had “never heard” of a slowed metabolism being a symptom of cerebral palsy. She is an able-bodied woman. She has never experienced what it is to live in a body like mine. And yet, because my experience didn’t match up to what she thought it should be, she decided that she was the one who was right, and I was the one who was lying.

I’m not sharing this story to get sympathy. I’m already planning to escalate the situation as far as I need to in order to get this fixed. But I just thought it should be shared, as an example of one key thing that I’ve experienced so many times as a disabled person whose disability isn’t always visible:

A disability may not look the way you think it does. A disability might not match up with what Google says it should. A disability might look a certain way in one person, and completely different in another.

You. Don’t. Know.

No one should ever be made to feel like I was today, that because I didn’t experience my condition the way this nutritionist and her textbook said I should, I was lying or making it up. No one should ever assume that they know what something feels like, or looks like.

I might delete this later, I don’t know. It’s extremely personal for me to post something like this, and I don’t even know if I made sense all the way through. But for now, I just felt like I should say it.

Disabled people don’t have to “look” disabled. Disabled people don’t have to experience their disability the way you decide they should.

Disabled people should be allowed to exist, in whatever way they want or need to, without being questioned for it.