#( i had to extract this from my brain and NOW i am going to write starters )

[volamus]

volo  is  a  product  of  his  environment  in  the  sense  that  it  influences  how  he  views  relationships.  everything  is  very   transactional  with  him  —  though  not  necessarily  in  a  manner  that  reads  particularly  cold  or  robotic.  that  would  be  bad  for  business,  after  all;  if  people  think  favorably  of  him,  they're  more  prone  to  spend  —  and  coaxing  a  potential  client  into  making  a  purchase  is  really  just  another  form  of  manipulation,  isn't  it?  (  funny  how  people  pick  and  choose  which  is  more  socially  acceptable.  )  the  irony  is  that  volo  isn't  truly  interested  in  being  a  merchant  in  the  slightest.  he  was  left  with  the  ginkgo  guild  as  a  newborn  and  collectively  raised  by  its  members;  his  path  was  effectively  decided  for  him  from  day  one.  however,  his  actual  passion  lies  fully  with  myths  and  history  and  delving  into  ruins  to  unearth  what  secrets  they  might  be  hiding  from  him.  he's  too  ambitious,  too  insatiable,  too  damnably  curious  to  ever  be  satisfied  living  a  simple  life  selling  wares  and  he  basically  does  the  bare  minimum  to  remain  employed  (  to  retain  access  to  what  benefits  the  guild  affords  him  )  while  scuttling  off  to  pursue  his  own  interests  whenever  he  can.  but  he  has  grown  up  in  that  environment  where  honeyed  words  and  easy  smiles  is  the  name  of  the  game,  and  manipulating  others  with  insincere  kindness  has  been  totally  normalized  to  him.

that  doesn't  absolve  him  of  his  actions,  however  —  the  only  person  actually  forcing  his  hand  is  volo  himself.  everything  he  does  and  says  is  entirely  of  his  own  free  will;  it's  only  the  way  he  frames  it  in  his  own  mind  that's  a  direct  result  of  how  he  was  raised.

[elodieunderglass]

It's not really my business, but honestly it feels like it would be advisable to hire a copyright lawyer. Like I don't feel like you're in it for the money, but it might be gratifying to have the guy milking your idea at least have to formally acknowledge you. I think I'd do it just for the peace of mind to know if I've been "legally" wronged or not. Either way, hope you continue to inspire, and live out a peaceful life.

(In reference to this post about the guy who pretends to have invented “Elder Teletubbies,” specifically how he is now kickstarting DnD minis of them.)

Ha, well, it’s all a little tricky I think. I might, hilariously, post on the r/legaladvice Reddit (even though they’re all cops lol) because the only thing I want here is for him to stop selling my “transformative work,” and ideally to stop pretending he invented it (which might be difficult as he appears to fully believe his work is creatively independent.)

I think if anything, my post counts as protected commentary or a transformative work of BBC’s Teletubbies, and I think it’s stinky to profit on that stuff in general (like I’m 190% okay with buying LotR fanart on stickers ! but I wouldn’t dream of trying to publish a fic with the serial numbers filed off. Why?)

I think ultimately I’m not a grifter, I’m a grownup, and I think it’s several levels of eye roll to sell fanart of a tv show on this level. I would be embarrassed to touch money made on that. I’m too fucking scrupulous and artisanal. I have toyed with a silly original novel for funsies since 2019 but keep saying things like, “oh, people will think this is too similar to something else that already exists” as if a silly original novel I write for fun has to somehow pass a Bar of Originality higher than anything salary-writers aim for.

I’m also pretty anti-intellectual-property myself in that leftist sense where I don’t believe people should be acting as if creative works are, like, oil. Like the resource extraction angle of intellectual property freaks me out, I don’t think getting super high-horse and snotty about Magical Brain Property is entirely compatible with the artisanal temperament I personally got going on here. I am like snufkin about this, simply smoking a pipe and making a flower crown saying “poor fools! Producing works for market, and serving as the guard dogs of the market, lest their work lose value if it becomes more common!” I do not have a high horse. I am not going to post 6900 words about the importance of defending fucking… Mickey Mouse. I buy those lotr stickers on Etsy! I do have a horse, but it’s a pretty low horse.

If it was his own work I would not care about this guy doing this in the least (apart from loftily calling it stinky - but hey, nerds are common and nerds are stinky, it’s not rare) IF he wasn’t STEALING FROM MY ANTI-COMMERCIALISATION DREAM TO DO IT.

That’s the bit that PISSES ME OFF too much to ignore: that and accepting compliments for being original like 😌 yes my twisted mind did this idk lol.

Like if you asked him point blank about the artistic choices he’d be like idk my twisted mind just sees the Teletubbies this way teehee! but if you ask ME why, for example, the adult Teletubbies live in the forest I’ll explain that in 2017 I was at a major life crossroads and this dream was ABOUT that. It was goodbye to my identity as a foreigner from the pine forests, and full steam ahead to settling permanently in the fucking shire (where the baby teletubbies on the bbc show live). It was about going back to work having had my first child, and saying goodbye to my various career dreams for myself (famous scientist! Published author!) as I chose instead, finally, the responsibility of working humbly as a public servant for the actual good of society. It is about witnessing the wild and saying “I am not of it, but it is my job to be its witness and voice.” That’s why the adult Teletubbies are dancing in my native forests while I’m watching them from the English hills. This guy doesn’t know that he just vaguely heard “spooky forest cryptid” and didn’t develop it at all, I do more work than that with FANFICTION in my time off!!!

So it’s really about nebulous stuff and ethics and not something worth paying a lawyer for I think!

But thank you so much for this, I think the thing that gets most perennial about it is the TOTAL GASLIGHTING of the “outside world” of the rest of the internet like, fully believing they invented this, and they DIDNT. They’re so wrong on the internet and they don’t know

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

okay . while i was writing the essay , i was going on a big spiel about how fandoms often reduce characters to familiar archetypes . then when i finished writing i realized i actually don't know what the Fuck i was yapping about because it all doesn't really apply to the tadc fandom post-ep 2 ? like Cool !! ragatha's an absolute loser of a woman , i think everyone has known that at this point .

basically ragatha's not the Best model for when i want to talk about nice characters being mischaracterized in fandom because i stopped seeing people making her put-together anyway . i can think of other characters that'll fit the thesis better .

i'm only deciding to post what i had down because i think i did say some stuff of note and because people were interested for . some reason ! . just keep in mind that it kind of became a nothingburger .

i'm in the middle of rewriting it to be less about the fandom though and my god it's already around 1118 words what am i doing with my life

also apologies in advance for the walls of text

——— this is not an essay to get you to like ragatha if you’re feeling meh towards her , or even dislike her . opinions are opinions , you have characters that appeal to you and i have mine ! this is just a ramblefest on why i love her , how people characterized her , and commentary on fandom culture as a whole

this is also not meant to bash any headcanons ! like good for you if you see her as the mother figure in the circus found family . the term ‘ mom friend ‘ here is used to describe how people often reduced her and similar characters down to a caretaker role for other characters while ignoring the Depth they have

as i think is clear in this blog by now , my favorite character in a piece of fiction has always been a mentally ill woman . the more complicated the brain , the better . i don’t have a type , but i know more often than not i would gravitate towards characters that are either misunderstood or disliked by most of the fandom

can you guess which category ragatha falls under —

don’t get me wrong , i am NOT generalizing tadc fans here ! the idea of her being a well-put together person lessened around episode 2 which is GREAT because i got to read very cool fics — and i’m not saying you have to know every part of ragatha’s thought processes to talk about her ( though at this point i think i’ve heard enough takes that makes me want to say that — )

‘ nice characters ‘ ( especially female ones ! ) in fandom never have the most pleasant development in my experience . either they will be pushed aside because they’re seen as boring compared to the more brasher characters or they’ll be disliked for the few times they did something seen as ‘ not so nice ‘ . and in the few times where they Are being paid attention , they’ll be put in an arbitrary box that waters down their traits .

in other words , fandoms put characters in boxes . terms like ‘ mom friend ‘ and ‘ cinnamon roll ‘ are those boxes . they're common tropes in media that fandoms typically like . it’s why people were so disappointed to find out that jax is actually an unlikable asshole instead of a ' jerk with a heart of gold ' — these boxes make the characters easy to consume and understand .

as you can tell , i don’t agree with putting characters in boxes ! first of all , how are they supposed to breathe in there ?

secondly , it’s just restricting yourself from genuinely engaging with a piece of media , especially for a character-driven story like tadc . i would be More forgiving of this problem if tadc was a plot-heavy show where the lore’s the main focus , but The Characters Are The Focus , Johnathan . trying to understand the characters personally to extract any potential moral lessons from them Is The Point of those types of stories

thirdly , i call those boxes arbitrary for a reason ; they often don't describe the characters at all , and in some cases , even goes against their characterization . my biggest problem with mom friend ragatha is that it Takes away the things that makes her interesting as a character .

do you know what's so compelling about ragatha ? it's that , believe it or not , she is Not the most reliable . one of the most fascinating things with ragatha in episode two is how it shows her approaching emotions Vs. Pomni approaching emotions .

even though it's unintentional , ragatha can be seen as Dismissive and Overbearing . the way she tried to reassure pomni of not feeling hurt by being left behind can seem Passive-Aggressive . her conversation with kinger shows that she Assumes what the other person thinks without hearing them out . this contrasts against pomni who lets gummigoo speak out his feelings and actually had viable things to say than ' don't worry about it haha '

this contrast is interesting to note because it shows the world of difference between ragatha and pomni's emotional maturity .

you can tell that ragatha can be simple-minded . not in a ' she's a dumbass ' way , but in that she's Reluctant to approach uncomfortable emotions without beaming it with a ray of positivity . like you can tell she thinks that Repressing her emotions to the point she can't feel them is the same as ' processing ' them . all of these are stuff that don't fit the Mature Mom Friend archetype .

and that's Fine !! because she was never meant to be in the role anyway !! there's a common theme of Community and Support in tadc , and that Everyone Has Each Other . ragatha was never meant to be the Glue holding everyone together , she's meant to be a part of the Unit that is the circus .

there's also a conversation to be had about how older female characters — or at least characters that are seen as having stereotypically ' feminine ' traits of being kind and caring — are often being pushed to a reductive , supportive familial role that reinforces gender roles , but you didn't hear it from me !

anyways uh in conclusion ragatha's awesomesauce ok i'm going back to drawing

[in-uthenera-we-wait]

It's been a few days since I completed the Veilguard and I am going feral about the dynamics between Mythal, Solas and Lavellan...

It's just a bittersweet kind of pain when I think of them and I want to get my thoughts out before I am overwhelmed by them. Also, this post took way longer than expected to write!

Detailed deep-dive under the cut (to avoid spoilers)

Colour-coded because my brain is weird like that!

Also this is a loooooong post... you have been warned!

On Mythal:

It is clear right from the start (of when we discover the memories of the Dread Wolf) that Mythal is an integral part of who Solas was... Or should I say, who Fen'Harel was/is.

Solas, as a spirit had no desire to take a body and took one for the love of Mythal.

And when I say love, I do not see it as something purely romantic... It goes above and beyond that and not always in the right way.

She sought to mould him into someone she could use. She saw it as Benevolence (the attribute that her spirit is supposed to represent), but I think her purpose had been corrupted even then, even before Solas gets his body at her behest.

The reason I believe it's so is because, true Benevolence doesn't discriminate and denotes a desire to do good for others. Compassion is that desire enacted.

Mythal's benevolence was conditional. Her benevolence came at the cost of suffering for the Titans. So, there was a sliver of selfishness to her purpose. This isn't necessarily bad but this means that she is no longer truly what her Spirit was supposed to depict, not completely. And this sliver of selfishness is what permeates the entire relationship she has with Solas.

We, as the player, have only ever seen Mythal either through the very rosy lens of the Elvhen who worshipped her very much like the way Solas does, or through Flemeth. The latter is no longer the Mythal that Solas knew. She is a fragment of the original who has gained the wisdom and experience of millennia through the hosts she inhabited.

The truest depiction of what Mythal must really have been like is the fragment we encounter in the Crossroads. She honestly, isn't as likeable as Flemeth/Morrigan was/is.

She is openly haughty, expecting her petitioners to convince her of the dangers to the world outside, and sounds almost bitter that her most ardent devotee hasn't visited her once since she was killed and the remnant of her essence was extracted from the dagger to reside in the Crossroads. She faults Solas to an extent for her fate, and clearly doesn't hold him as beholden as he does her.

So, it felt weird to me that she would be so willing to release him from her service, even more so if you had to fight her for the fragment (as I had to).

The only way I can see her being moved to help convince Solas (especially if we fought her in her dragon form) is that she was observing the world outside the crossroads when she is in Rook's possession, the way Rook interacted with Solas, and even more so the way the Inquisitor speaks of her friend/vhenan.

On Solas:

Solas... the man, the myth, the legend! Where do I even begin to unravel the mess that he is!

Originally, a spirit of Wisdom, tied to Mythal in a way that has him put through the thumbscrews of War and Strife, so much so that I see his transformation into Pride as something like a callus that forms over skin that has been rubbed a few times too many.

His love for Mythal was the start of his doom, and right there, his purpose was changed from Wisdom. Because, wisdom would have remained a Spirit.

Now, the nature of that love is up for debate. Again, I don't see it as something that is purely romantic. Though, I think the way he feels for her is different from the way Mythal feels about him. There is more devotion on his side. He says that he will follow wherever she goes and takes on a physical form for her.

And then, slowly, one step after another, he strays away from the path of wisdom - crafting the Lyrium dagger, making the Titans tranquil, allowing the other Evanuris to claim godhood, letting Mythal persuade him to each of these steps, his regrets have her face.

Remember the following dialog he has with the Inquisitor after they drink from the Well of Sorrows? When he asks them how they will ensure the Inquisition doesn't fail, and when the following dialogue ensues...

Let me present you with evidence on how much he was hurt by that.

INQUISITOR: I trust my friends.

SOLAS: I know that mistake well enough to carve the angles of her face from memory.

We had already posited that the 'her' in the dialogue above was about Mythal. But back then, we had assumed it was because of the trust Mythal had in the evanuris that caused her death. What if it wasn't so? What if he was speaking of the trust HE had in HER?! He trusted Mythal to stand by him as he had stood by her. And she had failed him.

It could be that this is after her death, but something tells me this was before. Because Felassan's response to Mythal not joining them would be different if it was because she was dead.

So, we've established just how hung up he is about Mythal, because he has this vision of hers that might not even be true. He views her through the lens of adoration and worship that ends up putting her on a pedestal rather than view her as the flawed person she is. He could never be truly free unless he sets aside these feelings he has for her.

I also found it interesting that he has refused to visit the fragment of Mythal that was stuck to the dagger when she was killed. That fragment is the truest version of his friend as she was when she died. He refuses to acknowlege Flemeth and even Morrigan as Mythal.

Even in the end, it is this fragment of Mythal that he knows and remembers that releases him from her service. Because he wouldn't accept it from anyone else!

And with that established, let's move to the final part of this triptych.

The Inquisitor is a tricky one to analyse because they can be so many different things depending on the player. But for this essay, I will be focussing on Lavellan who romanced Solas and sought to change his heart.

On the Inquisitor:

She is everything that Solas believes is wrong with the veiled world his actions resulted in. A shadow of his people, tranquils with no connection to the Fade (especially true if Lavellan is not a mage). He also begins to believe that the anchor is what makes her who she is. That has to be the case, because any other explanation would make his future plans questionable!

But then, she walks into his life, curious and bright, kind and caring, asking him questions with an open heart! The first thing she does is assure him she would protect him from prosecution. She changes everything!

He tries to justify his feelings for her by assuming that the anchor has changed her. But nope! She shoots that down as well. She is truly herself, with or without the anchor. A rare and marvelous spirit.

Lavellan sees him for who he truly yearns to be seen as. Wisdom. She seeks to understand him and asks nothing in return. She is ready to help him whenever he asks for it, and even when he doesn't. She tells him he does not need to mourn alone, when his spirit friend passes!

His one true fear: Dying Alone... and she allays it by promising to be with him, no questions asked.

He almost decides to give it all up and stay with her... as just Solas. To be with the one true person who truly saw him beyond the cool and collected mask he wears. But he doesn't... In another world perhaps but not this one.

And so, he leaves her in the end, because his regrets are too much to be set aside so easily. He also sees bringing down the veil as an act of self-sacrifice, now more necessary than ever because this would mean She would live on happily in a world where his mistakes don't exist anymore. Also, he doesn't want her to see what he would become.

But she perseveres. Every time he pulls away, she reaches out. The parallels between the Solas/Mythal and Lavellan/Solas relationship is just *Chef's kiss*!

She represents Hope for me. And I'd say, she is true to her purpose that way. Even when things don't go the way she wishes it did, she still hopes. Her Hope springs eternal. And that is what saves her, Solas and the entirety of Thedas!

So, towards the end, her Hope burns bright against his Regret. But he is unable to see it until he sets his own regrets aside. And for that to happen, he needed Mythal to release him.

Mythal was his past. But Lavellan is his eternal future. It was up to him to move from one to the other.

Once he was free from that bondage, he could look towards Hope.

Only then could he truly see it... that she had seen him as he truly was, and she loved him... that she loves him still.

In the end, her love did endure, and how!

'Var lath vir Suledin' indeed!

[blacleria]

Hey everyone!

Recently I had the thought that I want to share more about my thoughts and drawing process here, as I really really like this little Sirius obsessed community. Maybe no one is interested in what I am writing here, but actually, that is not so important to me. I just feel like sharing some of my thoughts.

Currently, I am a bit struggling with my art style. I have a realistic style for… almost… 20 years now?! (my first attempts in drawing realistic portraits were horrendous of course and… not so realistic of course😅)

I especially love painting portraits. I am still so fascinated of painting human skin (I even wrote my diploma abut painting skin in art history 😆), and painting eyes. In addition, it is so crazy to see my own ideas and thoughts about characters and their appearances come to life. It’s like extracting my dreams from my brain to paper 😆

And yet… I think something is missing. For me, expressing emotions is another very important (very very important) part of drawing a good portrait. I would not say I can’t paint them, but I still think… it could be more. More intense, more realistic, more, I don’t know…  more convincing, perhaps? I can’t exactly lay my finger on it.

My second problem is, and this is even worse, realistic paintings are reaaaaaally time-consuming. Really. I also want to be a professional illustrator one day, and this is quite a problem, because this means I eventually will have even less time in future for my Sirius works. However, I really don’t want to abandon them 😭Aaaaand I still have so many ideas… there are so many Harry/Sirius moments in my head I want to depict. 😭

Soooo recently I am practicing a simpler style. I really suck at this :’D On the one hand it feels like I am doing baby steps, which is really frustrating for me. On the other hand, I am quite happy I am learning something new! And it feels like a crazy journey, because I don’t exactly know which direction to go. Comic style? Very stylized? Semi-realistic? Stick to my realistic style? The possibilities are eeendless. I also don’t want to abandon my realistic style completely, because I still love it and I feel like this is what makes my style a bit special in Sirius fandom.

So, what is all this about actually? I might, perhaps, will have a second style in future. A less realistic style, probably more linework focused. I already made some sketches, but so far, it’s nothing I want to share.

[tachimichishrine]

i’ve found someone who writes for tachi?? omg?? you’re writing is so amazing i love it! can i req an x reader where she’s like chuuya’s subordinate in the pm so she’s higher ranking than tachihara but takes an interest in him bc, hello?? who wouldn’t? so she starts to play specific moves that draw them closer together (ngl im thinking mastermind by taylor swift if yk the song) and when they’re finally dating he confesses that he knew what she was doing the whole time? aka intelligent slightly manipulative reader thinking she’s being slick abt it. thank youu!

<welcome to the corner of tumblr where we worship tachi and have no shame about it !!!!!!!!!!! OH FUCK YEAH I love this ask I love the idea and I love you, i've never heard that song before but woah it got my brain juices flowing, sorry it took centuries but here you go luv ♡>

"mastermind"

⫭◦⨝◦⫬

tachihara michizou x fem! chuuya's subordinate! reader

warnings: mention of drugs/alcohol and drink spiking (dont try this at home kids) ; a little bit of gore/torture but it's one sentence ; for some reason there are some elements of kind of sort of yandere!reader that just manifested themselves grgrgr but barely i promiseee ; fluff + plot ; cursing n intended lowercase

it was the middle of the night, and your phone wouldn't stop ringing. you tried snoozing it, turning it on silent but it would keep vibrating on the night table aggressively. against your better judgement, you picked it up and took a look at the caller id.

"boss man 🤏🧍"

well, you couldn't ignore that.

"what the fuck do you want you short little shit, it's 2 in the fucking morning," you grumbled, then cleared your throat before actually pressing the green icon to pick up the line. "hello, boss. is there anything I can-"

"cut the bull, where the hell are you?"

"um, at home? sleeping?" you raised a brow that he couldn't see. "am I supposed to be somewhere?"

"you- forget about it. just get here, now."

now, he was really getting on your nerves. "get where? I can't read your mind, boss, what-"

he hung up.

you didn't have a problem with chuuya in general; he was a decent guy, sometimes. you got assigned to work under him in the fallout of his partner, the famed demon prodigy, disappearing. of course, he didn't want anything to do with you at first, and you would've felt the same if mori wasn't breathing down your neck to keep on it. so, you kept showing up on his missions a few minutes before he arrived, the information already extracted or people already beat to a pulp.

he still wouldn't budge, so you had enough of working so hard just to be his subordinate and exploded at him one day. he could barely get a word in as you yelled loudly and ranted about his inability to accept help. while he was speechless in the aftermath, you just sighed tiredly, handed him your phone number and said that you weren't going away anytime soon and you'd appreciate it if he would just let you work for him already. time passed and eventually you got his trust.

what you didn't get, however, was an explanation for why you were rushing to slide into clothing fit for the outside world and making your way to the port mafia headquarters. it was the only place he could mean, so you ran over there with guns strapped to your thighs and safety off. you had to plan for whatever the hell might've been going on, but all you saw was a nearly empty lobby.

you cursed under your breath, irritated that you busted your ass for no reason. from the corner of your eye, you found a familiar face and approached him.

"hirotsu," you walked over with a pissed expression, "do you know where chuuya is?"

"oh, chuuya isn't here. he told me he'd be sending someone to deal with it," he said following a polite nod of the head. "he needed the black lizard to perform a mission, but he's unavailable tonight. so, he said that he'd send you."

"he's unavailable?" your eyes nearly bulged straight out of your skull, but you caught the slight squint in his face. "oh. he's drunk out of his mind, isn't he?"

hirotsu nodded solemnly. "I'm afraid so. mori only gave him this assignment tonight, and he was already intoxicated when he got the call. I was with him when it happened, so I suggested he call you."

"oh, he so owes me one after tonight," you chuckled, less angry now that you realized he was probably just collapsed on his couch at home and will have the worst hangover the next morning, which you could easily mock him for. well, at least that brightened your mood a little, aside from seeing the black lizard in action. you'd heard of them, ordered massacres through hirotsu but never been there to witness it. that would definitely be fun. "sooo, what exactly do I need to do? just be there or something? yell out 'fire!' like some kind of medieval war commander? 'cause I've always wanted to do that."

the old man was slightly amused by all of your excitement regarding the concept. he said that he just needed someone to be there in case, and you were technically of a higher ranking than he was. you told him that he was such a stickler for hierarchy; he retorted that you sounded like some guy he worked with named tachihara. who that was, you hadn't a clue, but you were assured he'd be there alongside another leader of the battalion.

the rest was a lot less interesting than you thought it would be. you strolled into an abandoned warehouse where the enemy was based with a small army behind you, and you stood there while they lined themselves at your side and waited for your word. you went against your inner child and ordered them to fire in a normal voice rather than a stupidly dramatic one, then you just watched the bodies fall. you glanced at the side to see hirotsu, who was intently scanning his surroundings to make sure there were no tricks. by his side, you saw a masked person and another man who was half-asleep, leaning against the wall.

you fell hard to the sound of gunshots.

maybe it was the way his entire body leaned onto the worn concrete, the way his foot was flattened against the wall and his hips slumped lopsidedly, the way his v-neck plunged down his chest from under his coat, the way his jaw sat tight and clenched despite his slender neck bending backwards to rest the weight of his head behind him. you pulled your gaze off of him since you were afraid of staring, but everyone was already dead and hirotsu was commanding the nameless suits back to hq. the man opened one eye - fuck, they were a glossy amber, some of the prettiest you'd ever seen - and scoffed while he followed them out. he walked like a textbook delinquent, hands in his pockets with awful posture, and you just watched him.

shit, what just happened? you exchanged some brief words with hirotsu as he thanked you for showing up, but all went over your head. you blurted out the question before you could think twice.

"which one of them was tachihara? out of the two who came with us. since, y'know, you were mentioning him earlier..." since, y'know, you couldn't get the picture of your mystery man out of your head and you needed to know his name.

following the affirmation that it was indeed the man with the bandage on his face, you at least had a name as you flopped back into bed at 5 in the morning. you didn't sleep, and you sure as hell couldn't get your heart to stop beating so fast.

something had unhinged inside of you, and all you knew was that you were going to have him.

.

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"boss, what'd'ya want me to do to 'em?" you yawned, half-asleep as you sat next to the hungover mafioso who was holding some kind of mystery drink in his hand while the other shielded his eyes from the light of day. you came over to his apartment - something which you knew he hated but was in no position to protest right now - and were simultaneously nursing him back to health and being a pain in his ass. "if word gets out that we annihilated the organization but two of their executives are still alive, our rep would take a hit."

"can you shut the fuck up," he groaned, body slumping further onto his fancy kitchen counter while you continued to laugh internally at him and his slightly pathetic situation.

"look, boss, I'll tell you what," you leaned down to his crouched over height and placed a cautious hand on his shoulder, "I'll take care of it. the whole thing. I just need your permission to grab the black lizard if I need 'em for support, but I can make sure it all goes away. and you can just sit today out and spend all day in bed if that's what you want. how does that sound, boss?"

he grumbled and passed out again; you took that as a yes.

you smiled to yourself as you picked up the unconscious body bridal-style, walked over to his bedroom and set him down. he complained loudly in undefined slurring, but you just shushed him and tucked him in under the covers. he was still trying to argue with you when you removed his hat, placed it at his bedside and then gently kissed his forehead and wished him a good nap. it was a little ironic just how much your boss felt like an uncontrollable younger sibling, but you would never say it to his face as you enjoyed the use of your unfractured limbs.

you tiptoed your way out of the apartment and the building, despite being fairly certain that not even an earthquake could disturb his slumber, with parts and pieces of your plan coming together. what you said was true, you did need to take care of those surviving executives. but you didn't really need the black lizard.

you only needed him.

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tachihara heard a gentle cocking of the gun as you glanced in his direction, waiting confirmation that he was indeed ready to storm the facility. you had managed to track down the runaways and corner them in their hideout, and decided you'd call for "backup"; you asked hirotsu for someone who was good with guns and mid-range fighting, since you knew that if you didn't specify, you might end up with the other commander of the black lizard. you didn't like leaving things to chance.

you tilted your head to the side, giving the signal for him to go ahead and sneak down the next hallway. he was eerily good on his feet, light steps as if he were made to be a spy. you did a lot of infiltration work on chuuya's behalf (his face - rather, his short frame - were too easily recognizable on the streets), and every second got you thinking of ways to subtly suggest to him that he provide backup once more on any one of your numerous infiltration missions.

for his part, tachihara didn't seem to be noticing all the coincidences lately. he didn't appear particularly deft or clueless, just indifferent as if he truly couldn't care less. instead of a faint pang in the backrooms of your heart, you felt a sense of challenge, like it was your mission to get him to fall for you because the good things in life are worth fighting for. besides, where's the fun in it if he wasn't playing hard to get?

the mission went by in a blur. you mimicked his mannerisms, ensuring that your movements were perfectly synced with his so that your gunshots felt more like a dance, synchronized bullet ballet. when all was done and the bodies were dropped, you shot him a faint smile.

he raised a brow, perplexed at your joy among the sea of blood, but you began clutching at your chest like he'd shot you with his glare and he chuckled a little bit. you could've sworn you fell in love with him all over again.

"say, I was wondering..." you thought out loud as you crouched down to the body of the target, pulling out a knife from your calf, "are you new? in the port mafia, I mean. I've been here ages and I don't think I would've forgotten someone who shoots like you do."

leaning on the wall while he watched you carve out their skin, peeling off a specific section that had their organization's signature tattoo, tachihara scoffed. "what's it to you?"

"just makin' small talk, don't get your panties in a twist sweetheart," you snickered, albeit screaming a little internally; you didn't expect him to be so resistant. you bagged the proof you needed to show your boss that you got the job done, then rose back to your feet. "alright, we're done here. thanks for the backup."

"wasn't like it was my choice," he rolled his eyes, although you didn't sense any true irritation in his voice. good, this is good, you can work with that.

"wasn't your choice, huh?" you repeated to yourself out loud. "how 'bout this, then: I'm gonna go grab a drink, so it'd be your choice if ya wanted to tag along, no?"

he murmured something about being busy and you tried not to let him see you frown as you walked out.

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this was your fifth "coincidence".

coincidentally, tachihara ended up needing to hand-deliver a message to chuuya, but you coincidentally bumped into him and promised to pass it on. he looked at you a bit suspiciously, but didn't say anything.

coincidentally, you were out drinking with hirotsu on the same day he was going to join the old man. you wouldn't go so far as to say that you played a part in the veteran's sudden diarrhea that left you two alone, but then again it was quite odd that you slipped some sort of substance in his drink right before. not that anyone saw, of course.

coincidentally, weeks of coincidences paid off. every time you'd run into him, need the black lizard or the other way around, he was starting to loosen up. you had a number of inside jokes and he spoke a little more on missions.

this time, you had to go negotiate with a foreign organization from which you imported an important number of your firearms. chuuya was available to go, but you pleaded with him to let you do this on your own, making up some lie about how sending an underling instead of an executive would show them that they are not the ones in control. he seemed skeptical but let you go.

soon afterwards, you whipped out your phone to dial his number.

"it's so unfair!" you complained to tachihara, groaning loudly as you combed through your closet for the right outfit for the occasion. "like I get it, he's busy and all, but dumping a mission on me last minute? sheesh, that's a cheap move, especially from chuuya. I've got 2 hours to figure out what the fuck I'm going to say to these people."

you left the phone on speaker while you pressed dresses against your figure, glancing in the mirror to see if it was the right one. "and it's a big organization, too! I have no idea what I'm going to do if things go south except get my brains blown out."

lies. if things went south, you would easily be able to make your way out unscathed. you were the right hand woman to a port mafia executive, not a scared little girl, but he didn't need to know that right now.

"would'ya like me to tag along? if they see one person, it might look like you were sent as a sacrifice, but if we're two, they'll know we mean business," he offered, as planned. you pumped your fists in the air and contained a squeal.

"hm? oh, you don't need to do that, tachi," you said softly, sliding out of your clothes and into your form-fitting outfit, making sure to check out your ass and reaffirm that you looked stunning. "wait! I'm just kidding," you giggled playfully, "it would mean a lot if you did. thanks."

he chuckled the faintest amount, and you made plans for when and where to meet. you told him that it was a high-end restaurant, so he'd need to wear something fancy enough to blend in, but of course the high-end restaurant was your idea. you'd planned it all in advance, setting up a corner in the back of a place that the mafia had under their thumb and inviting the organization there.

a date, it was a date, and it didn't matter if he didn't know it.

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"you look stunning, dear." he grabbed your hand and kissed the back of it, looking up with soft eyes you'd never have expected. he pulled out a seat for you and called the waiter to get you a cold glass of water.

unfortunately, "he" was the executive from the other organization, not tachihara.

awkwardly, your plus one stood in the corner with the rest of the guards, shooting you occasional glares that basically screamed, "why did I volunteer to do this, again?" you just laughed internally and told yourself that you'd take him out again as a way to make up for it, which was your goal all along. you adored it when all the pieces fell into place.

the negotiations were flawless. the man across the table from you seemed to be very willing to cooperate, and you figured his slight cracks at flirting might've been a part of it. the other part was that he looked positively jet lagged and you might've put a little something in his wine to mellow him out. you were sure he would've reached the same conclusion if he was sober, this was just a harmless little nudge in the right direction.

"10% increase on the price for a 20% increase on the quantity of firearms imported, then," you reiterated, smiling sweetly at him while he agreed to double what someone in their right mind would ask for. "lovely doing business with you, sir. I'm glad this didn't have to escalate."

he smiled softly, offering you his hand to help you up then nodding his head towards the exit so his goons would follow him out. you looked at the piece of paper he'd slid into your palm, a phone number etched into it, then watched him looking back at you with a wink. for a moment, you could've sworn you'd almost forgotten about tachihara.

"that was boring as fuck," he strolled over to you, clicking his tongue as he complained about his feet hurting from standing there for so long, saying that he wouldn't have worn a goddamn suit and tagged along if he knew all he would be doing is watching you flirt with some guy."

"that," you stressed, pocketing the number but trying not to think about it, "was not flirting. if I was whoring myself out for the mafia, believe me I'd put myself down with my own hand."

"oh yeah? brave words for a woman with a dress that tight on her ass," he scoffed, crossing his arms before he realized what he'd just said.

"tachi, you lookin' at my ass?"

he seemed at a loss for words, huffing angrily as he walked out and you laughed to yourself. he was so cute when he got angry.

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tachihara michizou was not an idiot.

he, however, did not know what to make of your behaviour towards him.

all these run-ins, all your conveniently-timed missions where you were down one person, every text you seemed to send at the perfect time. he knew your gaze lingered on him and he knew that you wore that dress for him, but he couldn't be sure about it.

confirmation came when he was casually chatting with chuuya over drinks.

"my damn subordinate has been so fucking weird lately," the executive slurred, gesturing for another glass while he toyed with the empty one. "reminds me of that fucking dazai... always plotting some kind of shit..."

"she sounded kind of pissed with you 'cause of that last gig with the firearms dealers," he retorted before downing his shot and slamming his fist on the counter out of adrenaline. "since you dumped it on her."

"huh?! the fuck you mean, dump it on her? she was practically beggin' me for that job, said she didn't want any backup either. I'm telling you, tachi, that chick's gone mad."

so it was a lie, when you called him, complaining. he wondered what else was a lie, but then he wondered why you would lie about that.

as if on cue, a message popped up on his phone with your name on it.

"are you free tonight?"

so he wasn't imagining things. for some reason, it got his heart beating, thinking about the fact that someone would do that for him. but, before he could respond, another ping:

"I got shot sorry lol I have no idea why I made it sound like I was asking you out. could you bring a first aid kit or something? thanks a ton!!"

he concluded on the fact that you were confusing, and that he wouldn't say anything about it, especially since you probably think you're incredibly slick about it. instead, tachihara excused himself from a very drunk chuuya and said he had to go.

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"ow, ow, ow! fuck, why don't you just pour the whole damn bottle on there, while you're at i- fuck!"

the whining was hard. you had to do it manually, making sure you actually sounded like you were in pain when really, your "fever" was from all the heat of feeling tachihara's hands on you as he dabbed the wound.

ironically enough, this wasn't planned. you genuinely did fuck up, the man you never called seemed to want revenge because he sent a few people to kidnap you. you only got grazed while you took care of all the henchmen, but it still hurt like a little bitch.

he was the first place your mind went to, as always. you managed to get yourself home but you couldn't reach the spot on the bottom of your ribcage where it sliced open without feeling a lot of pain.

and so, you just turned it into an opportunity to get him in your house, sitting on your couch, his hands on your skin that was barely covered by your shirt. the alcohol he was pouring onto the wound hurt but you couldn't feel anything except pure ecstacy.

"say, you're not bad at this," you fake winced as he pinched the skin together and just put a bunch of superglue on it. "you got... gah, you got experience as a medic or somethin'?"

"how exactly did this happen?" he ignored your question and instead helped you up slightly so he could wrap the bandages around your torso.

"remember the guy from the other night? well, he gave me his number and I never called, so he got butthurt and sent some goons to fuckin' kidnap me. or kill me, I'm not sure. I didn't really pause to ask 'em."

he looked as if he almost didn't believe you, pulling down your shirt and gently tapping on the spot he bandaged. "there, you're all set."

"thanks again," you smiled at him, groaning a bit as you sat upright. "I know it's late and you were probably doing some other shit."

then a slight pause. "if you want to crash on my couch instead of walkin' home, I don't mind."

the walk wasn't long, and he didn't feel tired at all, but he didn't tell you that. he just helped you walk over to your bed then got himself comfortable on your sofa.

you'd never been happier to get shot. maybe the universe was finally on your side, in its own weird way.

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the wound was fully healed and tachihara was yours.

it was the perfect excuse to him check on you, to have him come over and stay over as "protection in case someone tries to kill you again". both of you knew your excuse was bullshit, your plotting to get him by your side so painfully obvious now that he was getting closer and closer to you. by the time he was making visits on his own and smiling at you in the hallways at the port mafia, you didn't need to do anything anymore.

it was a wordless confession; both of you walking in the streets at night, going nowhere and not saying much. it was cold and you could see both of your breaths swirling in the air. you blinked and suddenly your faces were close, too close, and your body was leaning in on its own. his lips tasted like something your mind could've never guessed.

nevertheless, you were still addicted.

something about the kiss felt effortless, too. like you didn't need to do anything, say anything to get him to wrap his hands around your hips and pull you in close. this was the way it should be, easy and effortless. like you could wait patiently and he'd fall in love with you all on his own.

"have you seen my holster?" he called out weeks later as you laid down on your couch, reading a book as he looked around for the item.

"it's over here!" you called out, the holster expertly hidden in between the cushions because you wanted him to come over to you and find it. as he walked over to you, watching you wave it while dangling on your finger, a teasing look on your features.

"you're a conniving little shit, you know that?" he sighed with a soft smile, glancing at your hands as you set down the book by your side then sitting by your side. "if you wanna talk to me, you can ask like a regular person, y'know?"

his wide smirk as he looked at you pout, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as you fake-sobbed into his chest. "you're so mean, thinking I'm lying!"

he grabbed your chin, gaze directly settling onto you with a look that said not to bullshit him. "you think I don't notice? when you kept bumping into me, us getting paired up on missions, even that time you said chuuya 'dumped' that job on you? yeah, you're cute but you're not a great liar."

you furrowed your brows. "if you knew, why didn't you say anything?"

"'cause I wanted you to tell me yourself."

"asshole," you pouted, laughing as you leaned towards him and kissed the tip of his nose. "I just didn't think... never mind, it worked, didn't it?"

he rolled over, laying you down on the couch and settling himself on top of you, making sure you were trapped. "being all cryptic now, aren't we?"

"maybe," you muttered between kisses, wrapping your legs around his hips and pulling him deeper. "... maybe... maybe you were just... I dunno, so pretty, and I thought 'fuck, he'd never go for me' and... I don't know, it's not important..."

"aw, look at you, gettin' all soft 'n mushy," he chuckled into your neck, smiling at your words while his teeth graze the tip of your earlobe. "keep talking 'bout how out of your league that I am."

"oh, shut up," you whispered, grabbing a handful of his hair and bringing his lips back onto yours so he would stop talking. "I'm tryin to open up here, you smug dipshit."

he grinned as his hand went down in between your thighs, parting them and opening up your legs. "I like the sound of that."

you squealed playfully and rolled him over, but the couch wasn't wide enough and you both fell onto the floor with a dull thud and a frenzy of laughter.

"seriously, though," he brushed your hair out of your face and pulled your hips so you were snug on him while you caught your breath and lowered yourself to kiss him again, "you're talkin' nonsense, baby."

"mmn, if you say so," rolled right onto his tongue. you believed his words, or maybe you didn't, but it barely mattered. he was here now, in your arms and telling you everything you wanted to hear. he said that he knew of your antics, yet the truth was that he couldn't do a damn thing about it if he wanted to.

all because you're a mastermind.

[vilevenom]

Woo! I think I managed to work my way through my writers block! I give you, a sequel/second chapter to "Shooting Stars"~ And I'm dedicating it to @ninja-go-to-therapy & @bitterbunny07 for being sweet when I mentioned Clay and Trollex were the only ones I could write yesterday 😘 I hope y'all enjoy some more claylex! It's a touch spicy near the end, so just bear that in mind.

Clay was nervous, which was a not something he was used to feeling. At least, not since he was practically a trolling and he was forced to perform in front of others when BroZone had started to take off. Even when he'd left the troll tree, or when he began to help Viva with running the golf course, he'd only really felt mild trepidation. Not full out, knee knocking nerves like he was experiencing now as he stood on the shore on the lake next to Pop village, waiting for the submarine fish that would bring the techno trolls to the surface. He wasn't the only one waiting, as a visit from the King of the Techno trolls did warrant a small handful of others to be waiting to greet their visitors, including Queen Poppy, but Clay certainly felt like he was alone.

"You gonna make it, Mr. Clay?"

Clay let out a breath, shaking his head a bit as he turned a slightly wobbly smile on Viva, who offered him an understanding smile of her own. "I, uh…probably. After all, this isn't a big deal, right? He's just coming to visit. It's not like we haven't hung out before."

"Well…I mean, this is different, though?" Viva said as she stepped up next to Clay, gently resting her hand on his elbow. "You guys barely knew each other before. Now you're, like, trying to be a couple."

"Are we?" Clay practically wheezed, lifting his hands to wring them together. "I mean, we talked a lot, and we made out and stuff, and he said he didn't want it to be a one time thing, but….does that mean we're a couple? He never said that's what he wanted. And he never really said anything before we left Techno reef."

"Maybe so, but he did say he wanted to see you more, right? That means something. And the fact that he's coming all the way to Pop village just to see you," Viva hummed, shifting to wrap her arms around one of Clays, while resting her head on his shoulder. "Just talk to him, if you're this wound up about it. The worst that can happen is that you know, exactly, what he's looking for in this…thing. With you."

Clay sighed as he tipped his head to rest on top of Viva's, lifting a hand to gently sweep up and down her arm. "Yeah, you're right. I can't keep catastrophizing. I should just pull off the band-aid and get it over with."

"Exactly," Viva hummed, lifting her head as the submarine fish rose from the depths of the lake. It let out a rumbling, groaning sound before it opened its mouth near the shore, revealing a dozen or so techno trolls, with King Trollex grinning like an idiot near the center of them.

"LIVE WIRE!"

Clay heard Trollex's shout from across the beach, lifting his hand in greeting as Trollex gave a cursory greeting to Poppy, before watching as the King bolted over to where he and Viva were stood. "Oh, I am definitely in the way," he heard Viva murmur next to him as she quickly extracted herself from his side. He blinked in confusion and glanced her way, only to grunt in surprise as Trollex scooped him into his arms and spun him around with a whoop.

"I missed you!" Trollex crowed, grinning as he set Clay back on his feet.

"Yeah, me too," Clay said with an apprehensive little laugh, a bit off kilter from being spun. He froze as Trollex's hands came up to cup his face, a surprised squeak escaping him as he was unexpectedly kissed. In front of everyone. His brain short circuited and his hands hovered in the air, not quite sure what to do with himself, even as Trollex pulled away. He glanced around quickly to find Viva giving him an enthusiastic thumbs up, while Poppy giggled behind her hand.

"Oh, sorry. Was I not supposed to-?" Trollex also glanced around, shifting backwards from Clay a bit, only to be stopped by Clay's hand on his wrist.

"No! No. Sorry, that was just, uhm…unexpected," Clay said with an awkward chuckle, suddenly feeling like every troll on the beach was watching them. "The only one who usually greets me so enthusiastically is Viva."

"Viva kisses you frequently in greeting?"

Clay snorted and smacked his hands over his face with a quiet groan. "No, that's not-" he cut himself off and sighed, dragging his hands down over his face. He was more than happy to have the troll in question pop up next to him.

"Hiya! It's so nice to see you again," Viva chirped, pulling Trollex in for a quick hug.

"Yeah, hey! Nice to see you, too," Trollex hummed, though his earlier gusto seemed to have dampened a bit. "Did I…Did I, like, go against some pop troll social rule with the kiss?"

Viva laughed and waved her hands through the air, while Clay groaned again, his shoulders slumping. "Not at all! Mr. Clay here just isn't used to open affection," Viva said with a brilliant smile, turning to poke Clay in the nose. "He's been really nervoucited for your visit! That's, uhm, nervous and excited, by the way. He's really been looking forward to it."

"Oh, yeah? Well, me too," Trollex's grin returned to his face as he reached out to twine his fingers together with Clay's.

"Awww! So sweet," Viva cooed, hands cupped to her cheeks as she watched the blush spread over Clay's face. "Well, I'm gonna go! Poppy asked for me to help her show the techno trolls around," she added, tossing her thumb over her shoulder.

"What?!" Clay looked panicked, even as Trollex chuckled next to him.

"Yeah! A bunch of them have never been here before, and Poppy wanted someone to help her with them, and Branch is busy. So, off I go!" She patted Clay on the cheek, grinning as he sputtered quietly at her. "Just rip off the band-aid," she murmured, barely loud enough for Clay to hear, before turning on her heel with a wave. "You two love birds have fun!"

"I'm sure we will," Trolex called back, bouncing on his fins slightly as he waved back, while Clay's mind began to race as to what he could even do to keep Trollex entertained on his own.

~

"And, this is the library," Clay stated, gesturing with a broad wave at the building set into tree trunk and stone. In the end, he'd settled on a village tour, going in the opposite direction as the rest of the techno trolls. Trollex had, apparently, been to the village before, but that was before some major changes and expansions had occurred, so he thought it'd be a safe bet.

"Nice," Trollex hummed next to him, swinging their hands idly between them. He had not let go since the beach.

"Yeah. Very extensive sections on history and safety, which I was really surprised about, but I guess Branch really pushed for them," the green troll rambled, tugging Trollex along into the building.

"Yeah? Your brother is a pretty impressive dude," the king said appreciatively, letting Clay pull him along. They walked through the stacks in silence for a few minutes, Trollex's smile turning into a slight frown. "You know…you're pretty impressive, too, right?"

Clay jerked slightly in surprise at Trollex's comment, turning his head to arch an eyebrow at him. "What?" he laughed, finally letting go of the king to snag a random book of a shelf, "What're you talking about?"

"Dude! I talk to Poppy outside of meetings, you know. She told me all about her adventure in finding you guys and saving your other brother. She told me about how you were helping to manage a whole group of pop trolls that survived a near miss of a massacre. Not to mention all your stellar ideas in the meetings. How can you not think you're impressive?" Trollex asked, mildly affronted on Clay's behalf.

"I mean," Clay shrugged, a lopsided smile on his face, "I did my best. Viva was struggling with the putt putt trolls, and I knew how to do crowd control. People knew who I was from BroZone, so…I dunno if knowing how to charm people into listening to me is really that impressive."

"Woah, woah! Live wire! Clay…Man, I know all about all of the things you would've had to do to make that place livable. I kinda have to run my own kingdom, and Poppy told me what that place was like. You can't seriously think that was nothing?"

"Not nothing," Clay shook his head, "I know that. But the only reason I could do what I did was because people recognized me from my old band. They didn't actually start taking me seriously until years later. The other tribe leaders still barely take Viva and I seriously half the time. Branch did all of this," he waved at the book shelves, "without BroZone. Without clout, or reputation. He stood on his own two feet and made a name for himself without being shoved into a box."

"Hey. You climbed out of your box, Clay." Trollex moved so he stood in front of the green troll, carefully taking the book from his hands and setting it aside. "Bro, you are so much more than the 'fun boy' or 'the serious one'. You just gotta let yourself see that."

Clay scoffed quietly, taking a step back from Trollex. "Look at you. Having a handful of conversations about me with other people, and suddenly you think you know all about me."

"Well, that's just unfair, bro," Trollex sniffed, folding his arms over his chest. "We've spent time together. We've talked. You think I haven't been able to get a read on you from that, too?"

"How?! How could you possibly have a better idea of who I am than me? What do you even get out of this?! I'm not fun anymore!" Clay paused as the words left him, immediately taking another step back and covering his mouth with his hands. Today was supposed to be a leisurely day of hanging out with Trollex, not trauma dumping all over him. "I-" he swallowed thickly, watching the emotions shift over Trollex's face, before settling on what Clay could only describe as disappointment, "I'm sorry. That…I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"It's okay-"

"It's not! It's…it's really not. You came to visit and have a good time, but I'm not good at that anymore. I haven't been for a long time. I don't know what you were expecting, but I'm sure it wasn't this."

Trollex shifted forward, cautiously brushing his fingers against the back of Clay's hand. "And what, exactly, do you think I was expecting?"

"Someone interesting," Clay said with a shrug and a derisive snort of laughter, "Someone who knows how to be entertaining."

"Man, we talked about the structural integrity and benefits of different kinds of buttresses when you visited the reef," Trollex said with warm chuckle, "And you were so animated in our last meeting when you were talking about the importance of properly notarizing certain documents, I thought for sure you were gonna throw hands when Barb said it shouldn't matter. That's what I was expecting. Someone with passion for the things they care about. I do find that interesting. I don't really care if you're 'fun' or 'entertaining'. Besides, I thought we talked about this, already?"

"I guess we did," Clay admitted with a small shrug, turning his hand so he could lace their fingers together. "I think I just got all up in my own head, and…man, you're the king of the techno trolls. Your whole schtick is being 'fun'. I would've figured you'd go for someone less, I dunno. Boring."

"Boring!" Trollex couldn't help the bark of laughter that left him. "Bro! Clay, man, you are so far from boring."

"How's that?"

Trollex clicked his tongue with a short shake of his head. "You are baffling. Okay, for starters, most of the kingdoms haven't seen pop trolls in a couple decades, so we'll start with that, just by virtue of your hatching. Then, the fact that you were trapped in a tree by troll eating bergens, while also being in a boy band? Then, somehow you managed to escape said tree and helped with running a whole new settlement while you were still a teenager! And then you went on an epic adventure against giants to save your brother?" He let out a little whistle while Clay rolled his eyes.

"Those are just the highlights of my life. They don't make me interesting."

"Alright, fine. If those don't, then how about your passion for your people? Your unending want to make sure trolls stay safe and happy? Your devotion to your friends? The fact that, even though you were apart for, like, twenty years, you're making an effort to reconnect with your family? Your willingness to try new things and meet new people, even though you spent so long living in a secluded community? Do you need me to go on?"

"I-no," Clay shook his head, giving Trollex's hand a short squeeze. "You really think all that?"

Trollex laughed quietly, bringing Clay's hand up to press a short kiss to the back of it, grinning as a flush spread over the green trolls cheeks. "Yeah, man. 'Course. And even if you wanna spend the rest of the day in the library, I'll still think you're one of the most fascinating trolls I've ever met."

"If you say so," Clay said with a light laugh, "But, man…Y'know, I'm angry, like, all the time. Viva said it's a trauma response or something, but like…you sure you wanna deal with all this?"

"Yeah, bro. I think so."

Clay let a soft smile curl his lips as he gave a small nod to Trollex before he began to lead him through the library once again, their fingers remaining entwined. "All right. Well, turn about is fair play. You know a weirdly large amount about me. Tell me all about you."

~

"It's party time!!"

Clay didn't even blink as Viva appeared in the doorway of his pod later that day, while Trollex looked like he had nearly jumped out of his scales.

"Party time?" Clay echoed, eyes tracking Viva as she bounced into his pod and over to his kitchen, absently scouring his cupboards for sugar. At least, that's what she assumed she was doing, and he was proven right as she gave a triumphant little cheer when she found his cookie stash and stole one.

"Yeah! It's not Poppy's usual todo, but the techno trolls wanted to throw a rave," Viva chirped happily while munching on her pilfered cookie. "They're setting up all of the available DJ equipment and a bunch of lights and stuff as we speak."

"I dunno, Viv. You know that's not really my jam," Clay murmured, but caught the brief look of excitement on Trollex's face before it was quickly schooled and the King pretended to be interested in one of the picture frames on Clay's wall. "But, uh, I guess it wouldn't hurt to check it out?"

"Yes! You can show off your well-oiled robot," Viva cheered, bouncing back across the pod to the door. "I'll see you guys there! Poppy has me running around letting people know about the last minute party change. Thanks for the cookie!" With that Viva twirled her way out the door, leaving Clay and Trollex alone again.

"You sure you wanna go? You didn't seem super jazzed at the rave in the reef," Trollex asked, floating over to Clay.

"Yeah, no! It'll be good."

~

It was, in fact, not good.

The bass felt like it was rattling Clay's very bones, but Trollex seemed to be having a ball, twirling glowsticks around between his fingers and yelling out every time the DJ did a call and response. The DJ wasn't even a techno troll, but some troll he'd been told was named Suki, who'd moved to Techno Reef for a while to learn more about techno mixing, and had created her own hybrid techno pop DJ style. It was actually pretty good, in Clay's humble opinion, it was just that the party was a bit louder and rowdy than he was strictly used to anymore. He was trying, though. Trollex had taken the liberty of affixing glow sticks around Clay's wrists, ankles and neck, which honestly made the green troll feel a bit silly, but he'd acquiesced at the brilliant smile Trollex had given him for it.

A couple of techno trolls inevitably dragged Trollex into a dance circle, and Clay took it as his opportunity to escape the dance floor and take a breather near the edge of the party. He made sure he could still see the king, and vise versa, before flopping himself into one of the chairs that were scattered around with a loud groan.

"How's it going?"

"Cupcakes!" Clay sat up with a start, shooting his baby brother a glare. "What is it with all of you sneaking up on me, man?"

"I mean, it's sort of your own fault for being unaware," Branch said with a grin that told Clay all he needed to know about his brother's lack of remorse over his racing heart.

"Well, it's not my fault I'm unaware when the music is so loud," Clay groused, slumping back down in his seat as Branch pulled a chair up next to him.

"It's not so bad, when you get used to it," Branch said with a shrug, earning an arched eyebrow of disbelief from Clay.

"That's surprising, coming from you."

"Yeah," Branch laughed with a shrug, "I used to hate techno, if I'm being honest. But, I made friends with a couple of them, got invited to a few raves here and there, and it grew on me."

"You say that about all the genres," Clay snorted, idly twirling one of his glow sticks between his fingers.

"Yeah, I guess I do," Branch hummed, looking thoughtful for a moment, before rising from his seat. "You know…I bet if you stopped thinking so much, and just let yourself feel the music, it wouldn't grate on you so much." With that he gave Clay a little salute and headed into the crowd without a backwards glance.

"Wh-what's that even supposed to mean?!" Clay shouted after Branch, pushing himself up to find his baby brother having all but disappeared on the dance floor. He scowled for a moment, before taking a deep breath and counting to ten before letting it out slowly, like Viva had drilled into him over the years when he felt overwhelmed or upset by things. The music then shifted from some base driven, heavy song, to something softer with a beat that Clay found himself actually bobbing his head along to, and lyrics that the pop trolls on the dance floor had begun to sing along with.

He was about to get up to try and find Trollex, when the troll in question appeared in front of him with a grin. "There you are!" he cheered, reaching down to pull Clay up from his seat, "C'mon, Live Wire! You gotta dance with me to this one!"

Clay let himself be dragged back onto the dance floor, but this time, instead of planting his feet and barely registering the music happening around him, he did his best to let the beat take him. He took a couple of deep breaths, watching as Trollex tossed his arms in the air and whoop at a beat drop, letting a smile take over his face. He let the beat that he had previously hated feeling in his bones shift his body, rather than resolutely standing against it, like a rock against crashing waves. He felt his feet move across the floor before he'd even realized he'd done so, bobbing his head and grinning as he swung his arms around, twirling his glowsticks around gleefully. He let out a shout of joy as Trollex grabbed his arms and twirled them both around in the center of the dancefloor, before the green troll dropped into a spin down sweep and popped back up with a grin. The trolls around him cheered, to which he blew a few kisses and bowed with a laugh.

"See?" Clay shivered at Trollex's breathless hum next to his ear, "Fun boy Clay isn't dead. He was just in hibernation."

~

Clay moaned as his back hit the door of his pod hours later, Trollex pressed against his front and kissing the life out of him.

"You gotta-wait! You gotta let me open the door," he laughed breathlessly as Trollex shifted from kissing him outright, to planting little kisses over his shoulder and down his arm.

"Go on, then," the king huffed, letting Clay go long enough to open the door and step into the pod, before he was back on him like white on rice. He kicked the door shut with one of his fins. "You were so, mmn, electric!" Trollex groaned, pushing Clay backwards through the pod towards his bed.

"Gotta live up to my nickname somehow," Clay laughed, stumbling happily through his pod with the techno king barely letting him out of his grasp.

"You did, you did," Trollex cooed, a triumphant little grin on his face as Clay squawked indignantly and fell backwards on his bed as his knees hit it. "And, trust, I'm gonna show you just how good you did out there."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

~

Clay gasped as Trollex stilled above him, the both of them a panting mess amongst the faint, multicolored gleam of the glowsticks still wrapped around Clay's appendages, and Trollex's natural bioluminescence.

"Fuck, Live Wire," Trollex murmured as he let himself settle over Clay like a blanket, digging his arms under Clay's pillow so he could hug the green troll to him, "You feel so good."

"You, too," Clay sighed, drawing his fingers in random little patterns over Trollex's arms, a blissed out little smile on his face, "We should do this again, sometime."

"All the time," Trollex grumbled into Clay's shoulder, shifting his hips just so and making Clay whimper beneath him.

"Yeah, okay, I can probably be convinced of that," Clay sighed, squeezing his knees around Trollex's hips.

"Good," Trollex sighed happily, pressing a kiss to the underside of Clay's jaw. "I know long distance relationships can be hard, but if you're willing, so am I."

Clay blinked at the ceiling, his heart racing a little at Trollex's words. "So…this is a relationship, then?"

The king snorted, pushing himself up to look down at Clay, the pink heart on his chest glowing brilliantly. "If you want it to be, yes. I know I do."

"Yes! I mean…yeah," Clay tried to feign nonchalance, only to whine as Trollex rolled his hips with a grin.

"This really isn't the position you should be in when you wanna try to act indifferent, bro," Trollex cackled, earning a swift smack in the shoulder from Clay.

~

The next morning found Clay up well before Trollex. He stumbled his way into the shower, having fully forgotten about the dull ache that'd be in his hips, and tucked himself up in a blanket on the couch with a book once he was clean. He glanced up with a pleased little smile as Trollex stumbled out of his bedroom, looking groggy as he leaned against the door frame.

"Where'd you go?" Trollex all but whined, floating across the pod to sit on the couch next to Clay.

"I got up and took a shower," Clay snorted, lifting his book as Trollex squirmed into his space, wrapping his arms around Clay's waist and half burying his face into the green trolls stomach.

"Read to me."

Clay hummed, resting the spine of the book against Trollex's shoulder. "You sure? It's sad."

"Yeah," the king said around a yawn, "You like sad books. Read one to me."

Clay smiled warmly at the half asleep techno troll in his lap, before flipping back to the first page of his book and beginning to read.

[jazlynriddle-legacy]

Welcome to your life - Pt 1:

Everybody Wants To Rule THEIR World Ch 3:

Summary:

"You need only close your eyes to it and be happy and safe with us."

The Keeper (player) has already secured the repository and Sebastian's loyalty, emboldening his descent into darkness. Now, they just need to win over Ominis, cure Anne, and create a domain to call their own.

And not necessarily in that order.

The Keeper's tale, a post-game story of a morally-grey, pragmatic, Chaotic Neutral, non-binary, muggleborn, orphan player character, so burned by 1800s orphanages, that they became a power hoarder who demands more payment for quests, burns paintings but doesn't want to rule the world, just their own territory and the two boys who'd caught their eye.

Warnings: Sebastian x MC x Ominis! Spoilers! Dark content! Slow-burn canon-compilant corruption! Fucked up 1800s orphanages! MC has no love for Anne or Solomon! Dubious happy ending (it's happy for MC, Seb and Ominis at least), Emotional Manipulation

You can also read on AO3! (chapter specific warnings below)

Notes:

Warnings: Emotional Manipulation

Though, does it count as emotional manipulation when the person doing the manipulating really believes what they're saying? I dunno, Imma just tag it with that warning in case xD

I honestly debated writing this fic in 'you' perspective but decided that I like the gender neutrality of the player character's voice acting too much (and I'm not sure readers would be able to sit in the Keeper's shoes very comfortably with the way I'm writing them).

Like, it's just firmly cemented in my brain that player character is non-binary because of the they/them pronouns in the game and the fantastically gender neutral voice acting. 10/10

The next evening, after dinner, Sebastian and the Keeper invited Ominis to the Undercroft to explain the Repository. As expected, Ominis took the news rather well.

"So, you're telling me that this whole time, you and Sebastian have been fighting a bloody goblin rebellion, and Rookwood's Ashwinders, who wanted a Repository of ancient Pain energy, extracted from humans, that you inherited along with your Ancient Magic abilities and a duty to guard said Repository. Oh, and now you're hiding this Repository in our Undercroft!?"

Well, 'well' is a relative term.

Sebastian waved a hand dismissively. "It's fine Ominis, no one else knows about the Undercroft, so much so that Isidora left her pensive and her portrait here."

Ominis groaned, rubbing his forehead as though to stave off a headache. "You're sure no one else knows about the Repository either."

"I am." The Keeper nodded confidently despite knowing that Ominis couldn't see it. Emoting physically had more impact on one's tone than many people realised.

Ominis sighed, shaking his head wearily. "Fine, I suppose if no one knows of it or that it's here, we needn't be overly concerned."

"I can't believe this whole time, it was Rookwood who took Anne from us." Ominis voice was tired and worn.

"I'm only sorry that I couldn't afford to make his death more painful." The Keeper grimaced, they'd managed to hit Rookwood with the cruciatus a few times, but the sheer quantity of Ashwinders had made it too chaotic and dangerous to torture him at their leisure.

Ominis shook his head with a small smile. "It is enough to know that he's dead. Thank you, for exacting our vengeance upon him, we are in your debt."

The Keeper smiled, pleased that Ominis understood, perhaps it wouldn't be too difficult to convince him to see the reason in their plan.

"Now, what was the other thing you wanted to tell me?" Ominis asked, taking a breath as though to brace himself.

Glancing at Sebastian, the Keeper took a deep breath as well, this wasn't going to be easy. "I have a way we might be able to save Anne without using Dark Magic."

Ominis eyes widened, before he frowned. "Your Ancient Magic? But didn't you say that Isidora's method didn't work?"

The Keeper nodded. "I believe I know what she did wrong. That said, it'll take time, research and practice to find a way to circumvent her failure."

Ominis' eyes narrowed further. "Practice. Who exactly would you be practising on?"

The Keeper grimaced, they had an immense appreciation for Ominis' sharp mind, but it certainly made it difficult to keep things vague for him. He really should decide if he wanted to be informed for decision making or just stay uninformed and thus not have to carry any responsibility.

"There's certainly no shortage of humans who don't deserve life, like Rookwood." The Keeper shrugged nonchalantly. "Letting their meaningless existence of cruelty serve the higher purpose of medical research would be no loss to wizardkind."

"Merlin-" Ominis groaned, burying his face in his hands.

The Keeper entreated. "Ominis, surely you understand, we would be doing society a favour by stopping them and if I perfect this abilit-"

"I do understand that, but this is human experimentation we're talking about, it's beyond unethical!" Ominis exclaimed incredulously.

"No, what's unethical is letting Anne leave Feldcroft to live alone! Unethical is letting my twin die in pain, all to spare some bloody wankers the chance to literally become heartless!" Sebastian spat angrily.

Ominis flinched. "You cannot blame me for that! She didn't tell me what she'd written in the letter nor that she was going to leave."

"I know, I'm not blaming you for letting her leave." Sebastian shook his head, throwing his hands into the air in frustration. "But look, we're already doing this without Dark Magic as you wanted, and now you want us to do this without any cost at all? Merlin. Ask for the bloody moon next, why don't you."

Ominis turned away, clearly hurt and uncertain, while Sebastian did the same, frustration seeping from his profile. The Keeper sighed, this was going nowhere, and it pained them to see their boys so upset.

"Settle down both of you. Ominis, I understand your feelings, but Sebastian and I would be happier to have you on board. The sanctuary I plan to create, is one we'd like to share with you." The Keeper spoke gently, placing a hand lightly on Ominis' shoulder.

Ominis however, shifted away. "A sanctuary… for whom? I doubt your victims will call it that."

"For Anne." Sebastian countered, folding his arms. "She's the true victim here."

Ominis flinched again. "She would never agree to this."

"I'll do whatever it takes to keep her alive. Solomon may have convinced her to be ready to throw her life away, but I won't let her." Sebastian shook his head. "Don't you remember what she used to be like? Brave, bold, a fighter. It's only after she spent so long alone with Solomon that she started to give up."

"What are you suggesting? That he brainwashed her?" Ominis shook his head incredulously.

"That's exactly what we're suggesting." The Keeper replied instead. "You know how easy it is to convince someone that there's no way out, when all they have is you."

Ominis paled at the reminder of his childhood, the hopelessness he’d felt for years as part of the Gaunt household. Swallowing, he took a step back, wrapping his arms around himself, and shrinking away from the memories.

Unwilling to allow him to flee inwards and throw his walls up yet again, the Keeper took a step forward and drew Ominis into their arms from behind, feeling him jolt in surprise.

The Keeper glanced up, spotting Sebastian hovering indecisively, and glared at him for a moment, before Sebastian sighed and approached them. He brushed a hand over Ominis' hair, guiding his best friend's head forward to rest on his shoulder, and joining the embrace.

For a moment, Ominis seemed to be at a loss, unsure of how to respond to suddenly finding himself wrapped in the arms of both his oldest and newest friend. He stood stiffly for several long seconds, listening to the sound of their breathing while Sebastian's fingers stroked his hair soothingly.

Leaning forward, the Keeper murmured into Ominis' ear, feeling him shiver as they took the chance to lightly nuzzle against the back of his neck. "We can cure her, and we'll do it without Dark Magic, just as you desire. And I swear to you Ominis, that we won't harm any innocents, you have our word."

A few minutes of silence passed, the tension slowly bleeding from Ominis' frame as he gradually calmed in the comforting warmth of their embrace, his body relaxing and his hands fisting in Sebastian's robes.

"...you swear?" Ominis' voice was small and wavering, torn between hope and uncertainty.

Sebastian nodded. "We swear, we'll find Anne, and we'll convince her that it's safer to stay with us."

Ominis took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut, pressing his face against Sebastian’s collar, and tightening his grip on his best friend's robes.

"...alright. Just don't-" Ominis cut himself off, unable to continue his sentence.

The Keeper exchanged a grin with Sebastian over Ominis' shoulder, feeling a surge of triumph as they replied. "Of course, we won't endanger ourselves and we won't involve you in the testing. You need only close your eyes to it and be happy and safe with us."

"How do you know?" Sebastian asked, sitting down beside the Keeper at a couch in the common room. The room almost empty save for some first years, still camping by a window facing the Black Lake, despite the late hour.

"Know what?" The Keeper asked in return, sipping casually from a cup of tea.

"How do you always know what he needs to hear?" Sebastian clarified, not needing to speak Ominis' name for the Keeper to know who he was referring to. "I've known him for years and I still can't convince him the way you do. It's almost like you're reading his mind. I have to say, I'm rather envious."

The Keeper gazed contemplatively at the steam rising from their cup. "There are many like him, where I'm from. Other kids who cower from reality by closing their eyes. Telling themselves that they can't change anything, so they don't even need to try."

They took a sip. "Don't get me wrong, I mean no disrespect to them or Ominis, it's not their fault that life had beaten the fight out of them long before they were old enough to give a damn about anything."

The Keeper set the empty cup down on the table before them. "Though, as you're no doubt wondering, Ominis is indeed different. It's that difference that makes him admirable."

Sebastian tipped his head curiously to the side and they elaborated. "Most kids like him give up on wanting anything, no desires, no attachments, no responsibility, no commitment, just the need to be as unnoticeable as possible, follow the crowd, blend in and avoid as much pain as they can. They walk around with dead fisheyes."

"Ominis’ difference is you, Sebastian." The Keeper smiled at the incredulity on their friend's face. "Despite everything he's suffered, Ominis has attached himself to you. Taking up responsibility for you and committing himself to you, the way you have to Anne. He would fight for you without hesitation, even against his own beliefs."

Sebastian's ears were growing increasingly red with every word, all the while shifting uncomfortably. The Keeper chuckled. "Surely you are aware of this, after he got Anne to not turn you in, despite his own moral compass telling him to."

"I- well, yes. I do know that…" Sebastian sighed, gazing pensively off in the distance. "I owe him a lot and I can't imagine life without him."

"Then we want the same thing." The Keeper smiled.

Sebastian's head swivelled to stare at them so fast, they were surprised he didn't break his neck. The Keeper laughed and elaborated. "To have him with us."

"A- ah, yes, I suppose we do." Sebastian cleared his throat, looking away awkwardly.

The Keeper watched him fondly, it never ceased to amuse them, how Sebastian could be so confident, such a fearless, vindictive, and savage fighter, yet be so hopelessly bad at expressing and understanding his own emotions.

Taking pity on the boy, the Keeper picked up their cup, casting a quick scourgify on it before filling it from the teapot and offering it to Sebastian. He accepted it with a grateful nod, taking a sip and allowing the warmth to settle his nerves.

The two of them sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere.

Sebastian sighed, setting his cup down, and leaning back against the couch. "I never thought my life would be this crazy. I always thought it'd be Anne, Ominis and I forever. Instead, Anne's off somewhere dying, while you and I drag Ominis with us on an Ancient Magic quest to save her. Feels like something out of a storybook."

The Keeper shifted their weight, allowing themselves to lean against Sebastian's side, resting their head against his shoulder. They felt him jump ever so slightly but he neither pushed them away nor shifted, so they relaxed against him comfortably.

"Would you rather things return to the way they were?" They asked instead.

Sebastian was silent for a long moment, and they allowed him time to think, closing their eyes and enjoying his warmth against their side.

"No." He finally spoke, huffing lightly in disbelief. "I still want to save Anne, she's the only family I have left. I promised her I would find a way to cure her, and I always keep my word."

Sebastian tipped his head back, his voice sad. "But… I have to admit, Anne and I have become very different people. We've grown apart over the years, we couldn't go back even if we tried. And… I wouldn't want to have never become friends with you."

A few more moments passed in silence, before the Keeper responded. "I can't say I understand what it means to be family, to have family. But if I had to imagine it, the closest I can imagine are you and Ominis… and Fig."

"I see…" Sebastian's voice was sympathetic as he hesitantly reached his hand over theirs, fingers barely grazing the back of their hand, hovering as though waiting for them to flinch away.

Instead, the Keeper turned their hand over, opening their palm in invitation. Their heart thrummed in their ears as they waited.

The Keeper could feel Sebastian sigh as he placed his hand in theirs, entwining their fingers together and leaving their clasped hands resting on the Keeper's knee.

"You and Ominis are everything to me too." Sebastian's words were so quiet they barely caught them, but those simple words brought an incredible wave of peace and contentment with them. One the Keeper had never experienced before.

"We'll always be together, the three of us. I won't let anything tear us apart." The Keeper murmured sleepily.

Sebastian gazed down at them, his eyes searching, and they wondered what he was thinking as he answered their vow with his own. "Neither will I."

Notes:

Yes, Ominis doesn't need to close his eyes, but the Keeper meant that metaphorically!

And while I don't necessarily think Anne was brainwashed by Solomon, I do find it unsettling how sure that she couldn't be cured she and her uncle seemed. Like bruh, medical science is constantly improving, just because there isn't a cure right now doesn't mean there won't be.

I also feel like for most of the game, Sebastian puts past!Anne on a pedestal, unwilling to accept that nothing can return her to the way she was before and that really was the biggest problem, my previous fic for HL explored the healthier direction his character can grow in with regards to Anne, this one will explore the... darker direction it can go.

Same for Ominis really, he has serious problems with making decisions and taking responsibility for them and this fic will explore this aspect of him, and a possible direction his growth can take, quite thoroughly x3

[your-talos-is-problematic]

WIP Wednesday!

Thank you @umbracirrus @skyrim-forever and @throughtrialbyfire for the tags! Tagging @sylvienerevarine and everyone else who wants to join!

More BG3 stuff! This one’s a retelling of a pretty major scene in early Act 3, so spoilers ahead as usual. Also it’s got missing chunks signified by a double space as usual. I am impressed by some of y’all’s ability to not jump around while you’re writing 😅 I really like writing BG3 and this scene stuck out to me as such an uncomfortable moment in game. I’m quite proud of this WIP so far :D

————————————————————————

A servant approached us and gave an awkward half bow. “The Archduke-to-be wishes to speak with you,” they said. I cursed the ambiguity of the you pronoun in Common. The request felt pointed at Karlach and I, but I waved over Astarion and Wyll anyways. They were locked in what seemed like an extremely boring conversation with a noble. Once they had extracted themselves, I pointed with my tail towards the throne. “It’s go time,” I said. “Remember, we’re staying peaceful for now.” I could feel Karlach’s hand heat up a bit in mine. I pressed a horn to her forearm, hoping she got the message. I don’t want to do this either, but we have to.

Gortash lightly picked up my right hand and placed it between his gloves. I shivered. This is wrong. It was wrong for him to be staring at me so intensely with a face like he was plotting something. It was wrong that Karlach was twenty feet from the man who ruined most of her life and I wouldn’t let her do anything about it. He was even holding my hand wrong- the metal tip of his glove dug into the scales at my wrist. Most stupidly of all, my brain screamed that it was wrong of me to have taken my own gloves off earlier, since it was against the dress code.

I couldn’t take my eyes off his face. I swear there were more people around earlier. From this angle, everyone was too far, Karlach and Astarion and Wyll and Gortash’s guards. Right now, it was just us and two massive Steel Watchers lurking behind the throne. It was disgustingly private. I held eye contact, but I could feel my heartbeat speed up in panic.

“Your name is Tilia, correct?” he asked. It was such a strange, normal question for him to be asking. Unsettling, but at least it made it easy to answer.

“Tilia of Tragedy,” I clarified. My voice came out shaky.

He smiled and nodded. “A virtue name, I assume. Very infernal.”

Instead of thinking of a response, I just nodded. When had I ever gotten choked up like this? Titles didn’t scare me. Neither did thrones or the middle-aged men who thought they deserved to sit on them. The Steel Watchers scare me, I guess. They had a scent that was very familiar, like they might be made of infernal iron. And there were at least six of them in the room, but only four of us. Stay focused, Tragedy. You’re not fighting right now. “Yes,” I said. I wasn’t quite sure what question I was answering.

As soon as we were in the hall, Karlach whipped around to face me. “What the fuck was that, Tilia?” She sounded both mad and disappointed.

“I know,” I said. I could feel my tail trying to wrap itself around my ankle. Her being mad felt wrong; her being mad at me felt much, much worse. “But we agreed that we’d stay peaceful-“

“We said we’d stay peaceful,” Wyll said. “Not make an alliance with him.” Astarion said nothing, but stared at me with an incomprehensible expression.

At least that was an easy claim to dispute. “We’re not making an alliance with him. I’d never do that.” It was so strange to be on the defensive against Karlach and Wyll.

“Why would you tell him you’d consider it?” Karlach hissed.

“Karlach, I-“ My eyes were watering. I gave up on words and just pointed to the end of the hallway, where a Steel Watcher stood on guard. My friends followed my hand. While the three of them were turned away, I sniffled and tried to regain my confidence. “Right now, we’re too vulnerable to risk angering the city’s government, especially when he has the Steel Watch with him,” I explained, my voice calm. “I didn’t want to refuse his offer outright and give him a reason to be mad. But I promise that I will never, ever accept it. Even if it means the city turns on us.” I stared into Karlach’s eyes, pleading for a reaction.

Wyll spoke first. “I see where you’re coming from, Tilia. I think we all-“ he angled his head towards Karlach- “would have just liked to have been briefed beforehand.”

I pressed my lips together. “In my defense, I was not expecting him to be okay with sharing power with anyone.”

Astarion piped up. “Clearly someone thinks you’d be a good Archduke.” It seemed to snap everyone out of their emotions. Wyll shook his head with a sigh, and Karlach laughed and walked over to me to ruffle my hair. Her hands were still warm, but not dangerously hot anymore.

“I’d be a horrible Archduke,” I said. “Plus I wouldn’t get to use my university degree.”

Karlach leaned down to kiss me. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Nerd,” she said with a giggle. “Now let’s get out of here before we run into anybody else.”

“That seems like a good idea.” I grabbed Karlach’s hand. We both waited for Wyll and Astarion to start walking before we did, falling into step a bit behind them.

After a few silent minutes, Karlach asked, “He was talking pretty quiet for a bit there. Did he say anything… weird to you?”

I frowned. “No, but there was an undertone.” I rubbed my forehead scales against her. “That’s kind of the only way you can have two people on the throne, so… I don’t think he meant anything by it.”

She nodded. “Hopefully. Or he just has a thing for tieflings.” We both laughed emptily. My heart was still beating at a mile a minute, and the faint crown of flames around her head made it clear that she wasn’t all the way done with being mad at him. Or at me.

[nonsenuser]

black mirror - season 7

this is probably one of THE shows that established my "taste" in media and whatever long-term, since i started watching the show in high school. i never thought i would see a good season again after season 4, but to my surprise this was a good season! this is also the first season in a while where all the episodes are good, and none of them are like totally shit (black mirrors greatest flaw is the variance in quality)

i am very tired and i need to sleep soon tbh but i wanted to get all my thoughts out on all the episodes since i binged it today

spoilers ahead...

common people - watched this one while doing RNA extraction in the lab so i couldn't hear everything (esp soundtrack) but i thought this was a solid start to the season. it's extremely on the nose and you could see plot points unfolding from miles away (like the livestream stuff was soooo obvious omg) but honestly it was hilarious to me. i see people saying it was super bleak online but it did not come off to me that way? like the tone wasn't all the way there, all of the bleak scenes have a lick of humor in it and thats why it works. maybe it was cuz i watched this episode with the centrifuge running in the background so i wasnt 100% immersed. now, if the ending did not result them in taking their own life, i think that wouldve been even more bleak. i mean the idea of rivermind using ur brain to update their servers for the rest of your life is more bleak imo...

ps. i super duper appreciated the drone bee easter egg!! bc i loved hated in the nation (sequel to that in season 8 please????)

bête noire - ah this one was very silly and fun, and im glad they leaned into it. sometimes black mirror will takes itself too seriously and it doesn't work at all. this also fortunately, was not mazey day levels of ridiculous.. i thought this was going to be a very shit anti-bullying psa but verity doesn't win in the end. and the ending is hilarious. its still my least favourite episode of the series but one day.. black mirror will get the silly stupid episodes right too

hotel reverie - this episode was incredibly sweet! the only thing that held me back from enjoying it to its fullest was how much screentime awkwafina got. like i dont even think she cant act or anything but theres like 1 million jokes abt her on twitter i cant. also i wished they delved into dorothys life more... that montage wasn't enough for me. i also cried... what a bittersweet ending

plaything - now THIS episode is like. quintessential black mirror. i don't think i could have predicted what would happen next at any part of the episode. the story taking place in the same universe as bandersnatched was also great, i really liked that black mirror episode so this was a great like, tag along to that story. the ending and its scale, also reminded me a lot of hated in the nation. the whole concept of the thronglets, them being living things that can evolve, their autonomy relative to ours, cameron coming to the conclusion that it would be best to kind of 'let them take the reigns' with the rest of humanity, i could write about this for ages but its such a horrifying and interesting group of themes to think about. i really loved this episode. also peter capaldi (and the actor who plays young him) were GREAT wow.

eulogy - now the last episode is quintessential black mirror, but some of black mirrors BEST is when it pulls at your heartstrings, and this one does it so well. i would probably recommend this to anyone who doesn't watch black mirror as a standalone. its exceptionally done. i am SO HAPPY they acknowledge the phillip was not a good person in the relationship at multiple points, and had things gone differently it could've worked out. they also do this in a way that doesn't take away from the overall warmth and sweetness of the episode. the concept itself also feels sooo relatable to me. i almost wish i could look at old photos of myself and literally transport myself there to that moment. this is easily the best episode of the season!

uss callister - into infinity - btw, this did not even need a sequel, the og uss callister was amazing as is but i am sooo glad they made this! severance before severance (sorta) all the characters are memorable and fun and the overall goal of this one was just as high stakes as the original. the best, best part of this was how they showed daleys very sinister ugly side at the core of infinity. although he was very nice you could see him become agitated whenever nannette wasnt into his interests, and then he really showed his colours when he insisted a copy of her stay there with him in isolation. one could argue this is a result of just being away from everyone but i think its moreso an indication of who daley really is, no matter what variation it is. but also, im not sure if thats the message, would love to hear what other ppl think of the daley character work in this sequel ep. overall, its such a fun episode, i loved it

these are the episodes ranked (just my opinion):

eulogy

plaything

uss callister - into infinity

hotel reverie

common people

bête noire

[chronicbeans]

Edgar Lee, The Actor (hehe more Batman OCs)

Basically I made an OC based off of Maladaptive Daydreaming. A lot of Batman Villains in specific versions of the canon seem to be based off of slightly exaggerated versions of their mental illness or trope, so this guy entered my brain. I needed to write the basic idea down before he left.

TW: Maladaptive Daydreaming, Imitation, Self-Hatred, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Regret, Fear

☁️ Edgar Lee is a man who is constantly lost in his own world. Ever since he was a young child, he constantly daydreamed. Now that he is a young man, he still engages heavily in fantasy. He even plays pretend, in a way, pretending that he is anybody but himself. He has been quoted saying "If I am anybody but myself, I will be fine."

☁️ With his head lost in the clouds, he enjoys going shopping in order to make costumes for the characters he creates. From buying a cassock to dress as a priest he made in his mind, to buying wigs and makeup to play the role of an alluring seductress, he does his absolute best to become his characters. He usually is pretty good about it, too, with some not recognizing him when he is in character.

☁️ Edgar's stories tend to lean on the... dark side. He even takes real life events and bases a character off of them. Characters like "The Puzzle Maker" or "Boba the Clown" taking clear inspiration from The Riddler and The Joker. As Edgar said, as long as he is anybody but himself, he will be fine. Even if who he is playing is a violent criminal.

☁️ He simply pretended in his room, pacing around and rambling to himself, for the longest of time. He drew his characters, made elaborate backstories for his characters, and even made their names have meaning. Then, one day, the pretending and the rambling and the pacing just... didn't satisfy as much as it used to. Pretending to pull off elaborate schemes didn't satisfy him.

☁️ After committing his first crime, he felt nothing but fear. He was terrified, full of regret and terror at what he had done. That stress caused him to begin fantasizing again, pretending to be a completely different character than the one he committed the crime as. Then, it became a cycle. He'd rather pretend than face his own actions.

☁️ Nobody's heard from Edgar Lee in a while. It is always "Father David Jones" or "Mrs. Williams". Then, when people ask to talk to Edgar as himself, and not a character, he simply begs them to play along with his fantasy. Repeating the same lines of "If I am anybody but myself, I will be fine."

☁️ This has made extracting information and treating Edgar Lee at Arkham Asylum extremely difficult. He is so deep within fantasy, refusing to face reality, that most interviews and sessions are not with him. They are with a character. Any mentions of his crimes to Edgar, while he is in reality and not in a daydream, are faced with fear and regret. Then, he promptly goes back to his fantasies and becomes a character, again. He has made it clear that it is not a case of dissociative identity disorder, saying that he made these characters up and is aware of when he is playing them, choosing to do so.

☁️ Many simply call him The Actor, despite him not creating that name himself, due to his constantly changing persona. One second, he's a mafia boss, the next he will be a con-man scamming people. The Actor is an all encompassing name for the numerous characters he plays. It also describes what he does to a T. He acts as these characters to cope with whatever he is trying to deal with, so much so that it is unhealthy and is now endangering others and himself.

[qrupafjzvm1]

birthday!

a neatly-folded letter is placed under a bottle of vanilla extract.

pretty sure it's been there for more than a day. you have a feeling that you were late.

hello hi if you're reading this i'm probably going in pmd to become an eevee WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

if i'm not please return this where you found it thank you very much

anyway what the heck is this letter about.

i have a tradition that started on another site where i'd talk about what I've done for the year and my resolutions for the next.

it's a gaming site, sooooooooooooo not much fanfare is possible in those posts. only about the game and the community.

so i decided, since i'm using like 5 different sites now, why not make 3 recaps?

so yeah this is one of 3 you can find, honestly would rather you don't find any of the other ones but who knows :shrug:

this one's gonna go very in-depth about fandom stuff! well, as much as i can, anyway. i didn't do much this year.

ANYWAY! first 6 months had absolutely nothing. i was locked into irl stuff and honestly had no time to think about anything else. ended in complete failure btw.

so yeah life was miserable

and then vocaloid happen.

whoo boy, fun fact: i didn't understand why people liked music they can't understand the lyrics of. like I'm a lyrics kid, i need lyrics to sing them songs, how can you enjoy a song without singing it

yeah turns out you can and WHOOOOOO what a turnaround now i'm rolling all around for a trillion years and a night while getting mesmerized and ok i'll stop

vocaloid would later bring me to other Japanese songs which i also love (yorushika anyone? pls recommend some more too)

anyway then ES happened and yup i can dream again that's great

yeah 2 years of depression and half a year of failure really takes a toll out of you, but then ES and PMD came from heaven and rescued me from the grasping hands of hell (no depictions available)

the fandom (and pokemon as a whole) probably brought me back to life in many ways i thought only techno's vids could do sooooooooooo yeah i love 'em

got an eevee plush recently actually can anyone recommend me a small pouch to go with so eve can be an explorer

oh and also ssrpg but that's honestly old news and you guys probably don't know 'em too so we'll just pass that

and splatoon, and doraemon (you didn't expect that did you), inside out had a page for a while, i was joining a dozen fandoms lmao

anyway so big problem. i can dream again. i have like, a full a4 page of fic ideas, in 11px times new roman. i can't write any of 'em.

no, i'm not saying that like i can't can't, it's more like i put myself down to write and 10 million things happen in my brain and now i'm playing the same boring games and can't write for naught

truly a curse (i'd call it adhd but i cannot get to a therapist so yeah that ain't happening)

the plan is for eve to be my hyperfixation so i can focus better? i mean i hope it works

anyway resolution!!!

i mean when it coms to fandoms my only resolution is to write more fics. i'ma be honest it's only that. you really shouldn't expect much more.

actually you can expect much more i'll try to pick up drawing at some point if i have time

so yeah that's the end of this random rambling, honestly i wanted to write more but the page's ending and so is my time, the gate to pmd's closing in like 15 minutes eek

sayonara (i'll be back with a fic i swear)

=================================================

there's something on the back of the page. "why did you expect me to use the back of a page. i am disappointed in you."

[choshasan]

massive rant about my being semi-illeterate..

I don't get people who can learn by reading like.. it's never worked for me, my brain just gets rly fucking overwhelmed or I just wind up spacing out/side tracked every couple of words and like.. I'm a pretty slow reader as well.. I've never been able to re read myself after I wrote an eassay or anything, and with every class I failed, the problem came down to reading, my native language being french, I was in a french class with extra support for most of middle school and highschool, and I failed/came very close to failing several classes where there was a lot of reading to do, I've always been great at science, math and art, but always fell short on projects/assignements where there was a lot of text to read because I couldn't get through it.. in french and english class, if we had to read a book, I'd have to have someone read it to me, or I couldn't get through it, and most books were like 200-300 small pages at bestb, whenever we got exams where we had to read a text / extract and then answer to questions, I'd skip the reading, read the questions first and then skim through the pages of text to find the extract I needed for the answer. And it's honestly worst reading in my mother tongue, french, than in english, hell, I've found times where latin languages, such as spanish, italian and portuguese, were easier for me to read than french, and I barely know any of those 3 langauges.

My handwriting's also been terrible my entire life, obviously as a child I wrote like a child, but it slowly grew into chicken scratch that has been compared to doctor's handwriting and serial killer's handwriting. I have no idea why reading and writing is so hard for me, like.. for french I get why it takes me more time, cuz I gave up on it as soon as I learned english, finding english simpler, and most of my friends speaking english as their 1st or 2nd langauges and french as theyr 2nd/3rd, it was easier to speak with them like that, and, whenever I'm reading french, if I find a word that I have no idea how it is pronounced, I'm just sounding it out, like genuinly, if I saw Wednesday in french I'd just be like yupp. That is wed-uh-ness-day. And like, I'm not Dyslexic, I can see and read letters perfectly fine, so that's not impairing my reading at all, I just can't *focus* at all.. and it gets to be exhausting. Like, I often find myself having to re read the same lines several times. But thennn, and Idk if it's related, but I can't watch tv without subtitles. Like.. I can't hear shit. I also have this problem where like.. I don't learn from my mistakes.. like.. no matter how many times I'm told, idk if it's Convinience/Convenience, so I just resorte to calling convinience/convenience stores by the japanese "Konbini" because that I can remember. And also, I've been hammered about it to the point its become very rare, but for most of my life I've written Very as Verry, and I tend to add a lot of double letteres where there aren't cuz.. it just seems like there'd be.. I also do this thing where.. instead of learning how to write a word, I'll abv it.. like Abv, that I have no idea if it has one B or two Bs, or Comfy, because in my head it makes no sence that it's actually spelled come-for-table.. because why the fuck is the word for something that's comfy.. COME. FOR. TABLE.?! I do also get very confused about words when I hear them pronounced a way I am not used to, but do recognised the word.. like.. I've been broken since John Mulaney's Baby J came out, because he pronounces Fearal as "Fear-al" and I've alwayd said it as "Fer-al" and now idk which one's right! There's also Tom Segura saying Whilst as "whilst' when I always read it as "While-st". But anyway, back to my not being able to read propperly, I can't really read anything more than a manga or comic book, because like.. images are entertaining to my brain.. they don't even help me understand what's going on better, like, I don't have aphantasia, I can picture a book without images in my head, I just preffer images, they're concrete, I *know* thats what the character looks like, good.

But anyway, even with manga, like.. I read one chapter and then I'm like.. help me god I long for death please this was torture.., I do sometimes get lost in a story and manage to enjoy it so much I don't even realise I'm reading, it's often happened to me with very good fanfictions, and with manga/manhwa,

But I'm like literally incapable of finishing a novel on my own... I've finished, in my 18, soon 19, years of life, 1 novel on my own. It was the poison apple book "the dead end" by mimi mccoy and it took me 3 months, for refferance, I was 12 and that was a 174pages book... currently, the one novel I have gotten myself to read, is the 1st Boku No Hero Academia School Breifs, that I bougjt, not knowing they were novels, and I have read 1 chapter. I bought this book like 1 or 2 years ago? Started it I believe end of 2023, begining or 2024... we're in july..

I also am reading the delux edition of killing stalking, the first book, (rip me for buying a book that has errors and mistakes in it) and, I have made it 1 chapter in.. I have read the entire story online, but for some reason, the physical copy, I just can't... and like, I have this problem online too, I often give up on reading tublr posts that are too long, like.. I'd never read my own posts if I wasn't the one posting them.. and I preffer to read one shots rather than fanfics because fanfics tend to be too long for my brain to stay engaged, same with reading manga/mamhwa online, sometimes I can't even stay engaged for the full first chapter... and its not that I dont like it, my brain just gives up on reading..

And like, yes, I could use audio books, but those throw me off becauae the voices are always wrong to me, so I get literally grossed out by it and give up.. and even TTS fucks me up, I can't follow what it says without reading..

I also can't read if there's noise, but I can't read if there's no noise at all either.. whitenoise throws me off, ASMR as well, music just ends up with me signing / dancing, or feeling overwhelmed, and people speaking is the absolute worst because I get so thrown off and have to restart over and over again..

And like.. idk... I just can't read propperly.. I know my father isn't that great at reading / writing either because he learned to sound out words to spell them too, and never learned propper english, but he does enjoy reading as far as I've heard and can read at a pretty average pace, my brother reads pretty slow and has a bit of trouble writing because he just never learned to spell words either, but he can read well, and he somewhat enjoys it.. like.. he doesn't LOVE reading, but he doesn't dislike it, when he gets into a book, he reads it to the end.

My mother, is a slow reader, but she *loves* reading, my entire life, she's owned 100's of books, her favourite author being Mary Higgins Clark. And my mother was that kid that was always top of her class in french and english, and she even works as a translator, and has a degree in translation. (Yes, she finds great despair in her kid being so bad at reading / writing, but she does her best to find a way to interest me in it and find ways to help me, like doing word search puzzles with me, or bribing me with manga in french, english and japanese, because she knows that I'll gladly read those, she also enjoys playing those games where you have a circle with letters in it and you have to connect the letters to fill the grid with words on mobile..)

Anyway, back to what I was saying, I *am* AuDHD if that helps in anyway? Like.. ik I have a short attention span and that falls down to that, and my constant being overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time, but.. idk if its that that makes me unable to propperly read, or if I'm just dumb af lmao..

Anyway, all this rant was just to say, I'm trying to learn japanese, amongst other languages, and even 5 or 6 years later?? I still can't propperly speak, read or write in japanese,

And I was given books to learn korean today, from one of my brother's friend who already can speak read and write in korean, and like.. 1. My chicken scratch trenscends languages and alphabets, 2. I'm not learning shit at all and I can't get past the 1st pages of text, so I just have fun doing the caligraphy exercises entirely wrong because fuck stroke order as long as I can replicate the shape well enough that you can tell what it says and I'm not breaking my wrist, idc. But like.. the reading part breaks me..

Like to this day, I have not memorised either katakana or hiragana or hangeul, despite seeing them every single day of my life because I surround myself with japanese & korean media.. and don't get me started on Kanji, I know TWO. And those are 愛 and 月

Which is Ai (love) and Tsuki (moon) and I learned those, because I see them very often.

I know more japanese words than I can read / write, like, obviously I'm familiar with the typical anime lingo, Kawaii, sugoi, subarashi, daijobu, tatakae, boku, anata, ore, atashi, watashi, shojo, shonen, seinen, neko, inu, tori, daisuki, aishiteru, sukidesu, suika, Yandere, tsundere, ETC... and thanks for anime and japanese youtube, because that's where I've learned the most like

Midoriya taught me Midori means Green, and youtube taught me that green light is Ao (blue) light, because back in the days (...)

Kaminari taught me that's the name for lightning/thunder

Tsuyu taught me that frogs say Kero instead of Ribbit in japanese

And I can really go on, like I've learned so much from anime and youtube..

The one thing I haven't managed to learn, is sentance structure! Like..

I know that if I wanna say "I ate an apple yesterday" it would ve "apple eat", thanks to the japanese lessons I took back when there was a website I won't name that wasn't a bitch locking content away behind a paywall and was totally free :/

I also used Duolingo back in the days it wasn't shitty and didn't use AI rather than actually teaching some level of langauge and wasn't only poppular for it's semi-funny social media presence..

Uhm, anyway.. this is getting really long..

The point is in the end, I can't propperly read or write, in any language.. and idk why, maybe I'm just someone with a low learning capacity :P (am dumm)

Oh btw.. this doesn't impair my capacity to take in information btw, like.. I'm not some dumbass who half reads an article and then assumes shit from the part I read.. I just have to have someone read it out to me, but from there, I'm very capable of understanding things. (And yes, I *can* mostly, tell fake news from real news, and I check sources)

Anyway.. thanks for reading, no matter if you made it all the way through this :]

[tracfone]

The “glados/caroline is chell’s mom” theory sucks and the math does not add up, and let me tell you why:

(Preface: this is going to cover a LOT of spoilers from both games. I would advise turning back unless you’ve finished portal 2)

To start off—i do not believe that test subjects age in stasis. If chell was a child during the specific bring your daughter to work day event (which i do not think so, but I’ll elaborate later), i do not know how she would have the mental faculties to handle the events of either game without freaking out, as she would have aged from a child to an adult in the time she was in stasis, with no time for her to develop mentally. Also, the time between the first and second games is unknown, though it’s definitely….a while, more than just a few months. Had stasis not preserved her, she would either look significantly older or be like, a literal pile of bones. But no, she remains largely unchanged, save for the fact she looks much less haggard and more refreshed:

According to the portal wiki, the time between GLaDOS’s activation/takeover and the events of portal is 12 years; the year this event took place would have been in 1998:

You could also say like, “oh but but her dad could have brought his adult daughter to work!!” but this does not make sense, as…well, just look at this penmanship. You would have to assume chell has horrible handwriting, but this clearly looks like the writing of an elementary schooler:

…but. I also do believe that THE bring your daughter to work day event and the one chell attended as a child were two separate events—likely taking place in two separate DECADES. I don’t know how long it takes to fully extract someone’s brain into a personality core, but it was probably not instantaneous, so I think it’s safe to assume caroline is already dead, and could not have brought her; cave johnson is most definitely dead and his brain is in a robot. Chell refers to her father and cave as two separate people, in any case

EDIT: actually i looked at this image more clearly, and the fact that chell refers to cave at all as someone she's interacted with means that the event she attended must be in the 80's or earlier!!!

(Side note: there is a line in portal where glados mentions that “the aperture science bring your daughter to work day is the perfect time to have her tested”, which you may think is evidence for the theory, and, admittedly, does raise some questions about how cryosleep works in this universe, but for reasons I’ve already stated, I don’t think this means they are putting kids into stasis so they can test as adults, though they may be introduced to the concept at the time and encouraged to apply once they’re old enough. This could also potentially refer to getting “tested” to be uploaded into a robot body)

Here, glados mom truthers, i will throw you a bone for once—savor it, because I’m not done, but according to a reddit AMA thread circa ~2015, ellen mclain admits she thinks the theory is interesting:

…HOWEVER!!

I am going to take that bone back now. In a 2011 panel, when asked if glados really deleted caroline or not, she says (this is me paraphrasing but you can view the whole thing), “…there’s what ellen mclain thinks, and then theres what erik wolpaw thinks. You’ll have to ask him…”. She’s basically saying not to take what she says as hard canon, because what the director says ultimately is what matters. Also in the thread specifically she could have been acting cheeky—see how she refers to herself as….well, herself, and not as glados. She could mean either, i guess, but it really sounds like “chell is my (ellen mclain’s) daughter ;)”. I dont know! It ultimately doesn’t matter, either way. This is me just going off the tone of her other answers

In any case. Back to the main point of the post. At the end of portal 2, glados gives a very bittersweet speech. She tells chell she realized that she was all along her best friend. This….is not something a mother says to her child, unless you happen to be a very suffocating parent who maybe possibly parentifies their child. I know what you might be thinking, and like, I don’t mean to kick dirt all over your experience if your takeaway from this series was “escaping an abusive parent”; i can see why you interpret it this way. Tonally, though, this goodbye speech does not fit a farewell speech from a parent, in my opinion!!! The portal series also is very “show and not tell”—you kind of have to figure out through clues from cave johnson’s recordings what is happening to the employees, and how glados came to be; you aren’t explicitly told it, until glados says that “being caroline taught (her) a valuable lesson”. The story unfolds with a lot of environmental clues, and that’s part of what makes it so engaging, figuring out what’s going on by yourself, by assembling this puzzle in the debris of an abandoned facility. That said though, the single player ending would have been a great time to elaborate on the parent plot IF it were actually a parent plot. At the end of the first game, glados tells you what she did to all the scientists, finally giving you an answer to why the facility is so empty, aside from you and her—portal 2 could have taken the chance to make her say something like, “being caroline taught me a valuable lesson: i remembered who i am, and who you are, my child…I’m so sorry i put you through all this” or [insert whatever tooth-rottingly sweet line you want here]. But they didn’t!

(Side note I think “cara mia addio” is completely unreliable evidence no matter which side of this you’re on, due to the double meaning of the word “bambina” and the fact it is, allegedly, an improvised song. I will not be using it to prove anything, though, i do think we can assume the tone to be of a romantic fondness, if you match it up with the vein “want you gone” was written in)

EDIT 9/7/22: OKAY I JUST GOT THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN ON CARA MIA (thank you so so much @ossyflawol on Twitter for letting me use this excerpt). This is from the portal 2 official guide, the collector's edition. Take a look!:

This post is becoming long and so as not to risk this entire textwall becoming completely incoherent, I’ll cut to my final point: chell was already an adult by the time she was put into stasis

In lab rat, we see a photograph of chell in her profile. It doesn’t really look any different from how she looks in every single other drawing in the comic:

I’m going to go as far as to say that chell was employed at aperture before the takeover. During her boss battle in the first game, glados has this to say:

…this would seem to imply that chell was a part-timer or an intern pre-stasis. Glados lies a lot but I’m choosing to take what she’s saying here to heart

Remember when i said “cara mia addio” doesn’t hold much water, and can’t be used as reliable evidence for anything? Well now I’m the one who lied, because i need to bring it up again. This song is like, the holy grail to those who stand by the mom theory—they say glados is sending her child “away from science” and saving her on the bring your daughter to work day incident. But—please stay with me here, this is where it all falls apart—there is no conceivable way that chell was a “little girl” in 1998, we know FOR SURE she was an adult. To illustrate, let’s see what our old pal cave johnson has to say about this:

During the 1980’s aperture had completely phased out of using people they grabbed off the street (and offering them $60) for testing, and have switched over to solely using their employees. He also says directly after that they plan to discontinue human testing altogether—this evidently did not happen, as there are ten thousand humans in stasis ready for testing. At least, there’s not really any evidence to the contrary: whether glados put all the employees in stasis, or caroline did when she was still human, or whether it happened before cave’s death is ultimately irrelevant, though i doubt it was glados as her current form, because she killed off the remaining staff sans rattmann

EDIT 9/21/22: it is with a heavy heart that, after receiving some more timeline resources, that i am unfortunately going to write off the science project entirely. but this is okay. while the words on the project itself do imply that the time chell met cave johnson would have had to be before the 1990's (and i still think it should be interpreted that way, canon or no), the combine-overwatch portal/half-life wiki has this to say about the bring your daughter to work day incident:

"The untested AI of GLaDOS is activated for the first time as one of the planned activities on Aperture's first annual bring-your-daughter-to-work day. Upon being activated, she almost instantly becomes self-aware, takes control of the Enrichment Center, locks everyone inside, and floods the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, but is halted when she is quickly fitted with a Morality Core. She then begins a permanent cycle of testing, aimed at beating Black Mesa in the race to develop functioning portal technology."

...so it was the first, as well as the last one. taking place in may of 200x (1998 was apparently retconned at some point, according to aperturescience.com). the entire timeline of these games is a horrible trainwreck, to be perfectly honest, so you can take this or leave this, but still, i wouldn't be swayed by allegations of chell being a child during this time. the forced testing initiative also began in 200x. not enough time could have elapsed for this project to have been made around the same time. it's impossible. this image of chell's science project is nothing more than a non-canon easter egg; it doesn't fit anywhere. therefore the point still stands, but i just thought i would be transparent about it if i know something. this entire post is kind of a living document at this point haha

In conclusion: CHELL WAS AN ADULT EMPLOYEE AT APERTURE LABORATORIES BY THE TIME OF THE BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY INCIDENT. Caroline did not bring her to work that day, these two are completely unrelated

You might be crinkling your nose right now and thinking “buh buh buh but roryyy you only think this way because you’re a chelldos shipper!!!” and like, you’re right to an extent, but i also firmly believe that were the narrative a familial one, it would change the meaning of the work drastically; portal is about two women who face workplace abuse and inevitably end up working together to combat it. It’s about the horrors of capitalism and the lack of ethics in the scientific field; it’s about an intelligent woman forced into a computer and suppressed so hard because people don’t want to give her any power or autonomy, to the point that she’s become a completely different person. And, of course…it’s a sweet, sad story of a robot who, no matter if you interpret the nature of these feelings as romantic or not, becomes attached to a test subject and it’s incredibly painful, emotionally, and she can’t deal with it; her test subject is both her killer and, if you think about it, also her savior. Putting glados in the role of chell’s mom feels like it slims down her character development significantly. It’s not sweet, I don’t have “chills bro literal chills”, it doesn’t move me or make me want to cry, it does absolutely nothing for me! The self-discovery, the mutual trust built between her and chell in a crisis situation, it morphs into something completely different if this narrative turns into “ohhh she softens up because she learns she’s a mother uwuwuwuwuwuuuuuu happy famiwy teehee!!!” I am going to VOMIT

I should say that i don't care whether you ship them together or not. I just think this theory is ridiculous and wanted to point out how full of glaring holes it is. A lot of people like to parrot this theory as ABSOLUTE TRUTH when nothing has been confirmed on th matter, and with developer commentary that directly contradicts it (have you heard the good word of Johnathan Coulton?), it's hard to present it as such. Glados loves and cares about chell--this much is absolutely true, even if the reverse isn't canon, and there is no hard evidence to suggest any of the named characters are related by blood or by legal ties

Anyways, if you read all this: thank you. Here’s some supplemental reading you may or may not have already read that features points i purposefully didn’t touch on, because i wanted to focus on things that have been said less on this topic

[tomtenadia]

Station 5 - chapter 2

ONE

Good evening/ day/ night

Here I am with another chapter of Station 5. I have been slowly writing this fic and I have 8 chapters but for some reason it still fights me and I can’t find the right flow to it. 

Ach well... for now I hope you will like ch 2.

CW: very light depiction of ptsd, language.

-------

Rowan lay awake in his bunk. Station 5 was a very modern firehouse and every firefighter had a small private room with a bed and a nightstand. It was not a palace but it was good enough to ensure some privacy and peace, without having people snoring around you. 

That quiet had however, the nasty downside of allowing his brain to just wander and just replay that fateful night when his career went belly up. A constant reminder and the stabbing sense of guilt that he had survived but three of his colleagues had not. 

With a deep sigh he rolled over and pushed off the bed in his sweatpants and a t-shirt then decided to wander to the common room where, to his surprise he found Lorcan.

“Hey, can’t sleep?”

Rowan shook his head and sat down on the sofa “Getting adjusted I think…”

Lorcan was silent for a moment “What happened, man? Last I heard you were a captain, and now you come back as a probie?”

Rowan looked away and ignored his friend, then looked back at the dark-haired man “Bad call.”

He was not ready yet, the wound still to fresh. Discussing it with the captain and the chief had been enough. Mentally, he was not ready yet to admit it to his new team.

Lorcan waited for more but he knew Rowan well enough that he was not going to offer more. 

On that aspect they were practically identical. People had to extract information from them with brute force.

“Well, whatever happened, you are here now and I can keep an eye on you.”

Rowan gave his friend a timid smile “Sure, Lor.”

“Shut up, smartass or I send you to the captain.”

“She hates me.”

Lorcan made a sound that resembled a chuckle “Believe me, we are not best buddies either, but I like her style.”

“What’s her deal with the kid?”

Lorcan patted his friend on the back “not my story to tell,” he stood “go back and get as much beauty sleep as you can.”

Rowan went to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water and eventually dragged himself back to bed.

It was the middle of the night when dispatch alarm went off, awakening all the inhabitants of station 5. Rowan jumped out of his bed with practiced skill and ran to the apron where he met the rest of the team doing the same thing. Quickly wore his bunker gear, grabbed his jacket and then stopped. The captain had forgotten to tell him if he was serving on truck or engine.

“Probie, get your arse on truck.” He followed Aelin’s orders and climbed at the back with Fen and the guy with dark blue hair called Dorian. Aedion was at the wheel while Aelin was on the passenger seat since she was the captain. 

Fen yapped away happily, while Rowan stared out of the window and got mentally ready to his first call. He felt nervous. It had been a year since the fire that had changed his life. Firefighting had become like second nature, but now a pang of anxiety was tying his stomach in knots. He had to relax. He knew that nervousness in his job could be dangerous. So he closed his eyes and descended in his glacial calm.

They arrived a good five minutes later and the vehicles stopped in front of a building on fire. Oh good, a nice structure fire. Quickly he got off truck and started following Aelin’s orders. 

“Probie, you are coming in. Where I walk, you walk.”

Rowan grumbled silently, grabbed his gear and followed his captain inside. The fire was rolling and they both headed upstairs and methodically started primary search room by room. The smoke was so thick that it was hard to see much, so he went on his knees and started sweeping for victims. If he happened to get separated from the captain he could use the excuse that visibility was hell. 

He was about to call for the all clear when all of a sudden he felt a hand. Slowly followed it until he touched the person’s head. His fingers searched for a pulse and when he got one, albeit shallow, he pulled the victims towards him “I am taking this person out,” he shouted at the captain. 

When no answer came he just grabbed the victim and found his way back outside where the paramedics were waiting for the patients. In the distance he spotted the chief and hoped he was not in trouble already. Ten minutes on a call and he had already broken the rules. Quickly he ran back inside and tried to find the captain again. Maybe she had not noticed. He threw himself inside another room and started another sweep until he bumped into a familiar body. Lorcan was in front of him “you take that end. We are still looking for two victims.”

Lorcan was a lieutenant, his superior and that was an order. Screw the captain.

“Copy that.” Swiftly he moved away and went back to his job.

He crawled on his knees until he found two bodies “Lor, help me, I have someone.” The other man found his way on the other side of the room and amidst the thick smoke, they freed one victim each, shouted the all clear for their sector to the team and ran out. Outside, Rowan pulled his mask off his face and popped open his bunker jacket and coughed hard. Dorian passed him a bottle of water “The first kid you took out is at Med and he will be fine.”

Rowan nodded “Thank you.”

“She will eat you alive, you know?”

“I saved three lives,” he coughed “she can shout all she wants.”

Dorian laughed and patted him “Welcome to the team, Rowan. You will fit in perfectly.”

* 

The ride back to the station had been quiet. The captain at the front chatted away with Aedion and he, for the time being, was still alive. Back at the station everyone climbed off with loud groans while he took it a bit slower and hid in the gear room. They would all run to the bathroom to get cleaned up. He could wait.

In the locker room he met Lorcan and Fen and he felt at ease. They were friendly faces. 

His locker was just beside’s Brullo. The man had been welcoming too but Rowan still kept his distance. He removed his uniform and pulled a towel around his waist, then jumped into the sweet oblivion of a warm shower.

He had probably basked in that hot shower a bit too long, but he had been the last one in so he just indulged. After nine people took hot showers however, the room was filled with thick steam and his body clashed with the one who was getting out of the shower next to him.

“Hey, watch out.”

Blue eyes looked up at him and he saw the captain, wrapped in a blue towel. Her stare landed on him and a strange light flickered in them making him suddenly aware of his body only covered by a small towel. 

“Get dressed newbie and come to my office.” 

Rowan stood and watched the woman storm out of the shower block. Yeah, she was not nice to him, but the man in him could not deny she was hot.

*

Aelin rushed back to her quarters, shut the door quickly and sat on her bunk bed. She had crashed into him. Into his glorious, wet, hard, tattooed chest. And his eyes. They were the most stunning pine green and in that brief second they seemed to stare deep into her soul. Aelin groaned annoyed. She was not an hormonal teenager, damn it. She was a captain and a mother, she had no place in getting all flustered by a set of pretty green eyes and a muscular body.

Quickly Aelin wore her clean uniform and while dressing up she convinced herself that she was mad at him for disobeying in the fire. She had to focus on that.

But he saved three lives. 

“Blasted conscience,” she mumbled while tying her hair.

She tried to ignore the voice of reason and concentrate on her displeasure.

She sighed, went to seat behind her desk and waited for him.

Eventually Rowan knocked at the door and she called him in.

“Take a seat, Whitethorn.”

He sat down and crossed one leg above the other almost in challenge.

“Do we speak a strange language here in Terrasen? Do you require an interpreter?”

Rowan looked at her puzzled.

“I had asked you to stay attached to my backside, to be my shadow. Which part of my order you did not understand?”

Rowan breathed in and pushed his frustration down “With all due respect, I saved three people. I am not a fucking newbie fresh out of the academy. I know the hell I am doing. I know how a structure fire works, so stop treating me like an incompetent.” He shouted. He tried to control himself but in the end he failed.

Aelin stood and leaned against the windowsill “While you are in my house and until I say so, you are a candidate. That was the deal, Whitethorn,” she spat back.

“Are you fucking serious?” He stood and stared at the woman in front of him with defiance “Are you telling me that I need to ignore twenty years of training? That if I see a victim I don’t do anything until my captain tells me so?”

Aelin’s stare hardened and walked out from behind the desk and stopped in front of his towering figure “You pull a stunt and endanger one of my firefighters and you are out of the TFD forever.”

“I was a captain when you still were trying to figure out how to leave your bunker gear neatly near the truck. Stop being a spoiled brat.”

He had gone too far and from her expression he was positive of that. Well done Rowan, You idiot.

“Tomorrow before we finish our shift you will spend the morning scrubbing the kitchen. I want it so shiny that I can use it as a mirror.”

“Yes captain.”

Aelin sat back down  “you are dismissed.”

Half an hour later Elide and Lysandra popped in the office. It was in the middle of the night, but after a call, most of them struggled to go back to sleep.

“So,” started Lysandra while plopping on the sofa with a tub of pop corn “We saw our newbie come and visit you. Any scoop?”

“Lor told me that Rowan was asking about you.”

Aelin grabbed some of the pop corn too “Yeah I noticed he was quite chummy with him and Fen.”

Elide nodded “Lor said that they know him from back in Wendlyn and served together in a firehouse and added that he was a damn great firefighter.”

Until he fucked up added Aelin silently.              

Now she was intrigued by her friend’s comment.

“Any scoop? I can’t read him and he is so infuriating.”

Lysandra laughed “Or maybe you are just attracted to him? You can deny that the man is a hot piece of candy.”

Aelin scoffed loudly.

“Darling, maybe it’s time to get laid again? Your ex Chaol was the last one and you have definitely scrub away the cobwebs and hide the mistake in your closet of shame.”

“I got Aisling out of that. And she is not a mistake.” Added Aelin with a bit too much bite.

“I know,” added Lys at her friend sad expression.

“I am not dating. My daughter has the priority and I can’t allow anyone in.”

Lysandra and Elide threw popcorn at her “Booo. Boring.”

“Also, he is a candidate. So big no no.”

Lysandra chuckled “Uhhh forbidden love makes things spicy though.”

“Is he really though? A newbie, I mean. Dorian told me that the way he acted in the fire was not the way a newbie would. He was far too good.”

Aelin sighed. The real reason of Rowan’s presence at Station 5 was known only to her, Aedion and Gavriel. If he wanted to tell everyone, that was his choice but she was not going to blab on confidential details. “Maybe just very skilled.”

“Fine, keep your secrets.”

“I can ask Lor if he has some interesting tidbits about him.”

Aelin smiled “Please do.”

Elide stood “well ladies, this woman here is going to bed because I am pooped.”

Both Lys and Elide left the office and Aelin paced the space for a while until exhaustion took over and decided to go to baed.

*

After the meeting with Aelin, Rowan had gone back in the common room and tried to blend in with the team. They were all good people and Fen had helped to act as a bridge and apart from Aedion, they all had been welcoming. Even Manon had showed a hint of friendliness. To be honest, the woman scared him. 

Now it was the following morning and he was ready to go back home. As per the captain’s orders he had scrubbed the kitchen until it was perfect and met her standards, but now he was ready to go home.

He had joined halfway through the shift, but for the next one he would be in from the start. After a year he realised it would take him a bit longer to recover and get back in the groove of the long shifts.

He was on the apparatus floor when he stopped at happy the voices near the big rolling doors. Rowan stared at the image in front of him. A woman who looked like an older version of Aelin and then a little girl with brown hair and bright blue eyes. Without intruding he studied the interaction. He watched Aelin lift her daughter in his arms, and the smile that blossomed on her face was one of the most beautiful things he ever saw. He was curious. He did not spot a wedding ring and now a million questions rushed in.

He could ask Fen, the man loved to gossip. 

Maybe next shift.

For now, he was looking to go back to his flat and start to unpack and make the flat look like a liveable place.

Start to feel at home in a city where he still felt like a stranger.

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