#( this is the forbidden post that they didnt want me to finish...

[w84me]

( Prepared with... cards? Shouldn't we come prepared with evidence? )

( Some of these prosecutors are really something else. )

"Right..."

Well, there's no time like the present to reshuffle his deck. Despite what Godot thinks, he has come prepared. He's holding a hand out to retrieve the stray card the prosecutor is hanging on to under the assumption that it'll complete the deck.

"That was just a warm-up, anyway."

"Watch this."

Attempts to shuffle a deck of cards but does it so poorly they all end up on the floor.

[doritochoi]

Forbidden Desire | C.S

pairing: choi san xfem!reader

genre: smut

warnings: unprotected sex, sex in your boss's office, san really likes to fuck you.

word count: 2.3k

A/n : I feel so happy that I finished this story. It's been a while since I last posted, but I'm back. I hope you liked it! Don't forget to leave a comment. Love you guys ❤❤

banner from @cafekitsune

Again a normal day when you had to go to work. It was a really beautiful day, you could see couples holding hands on the street, wondering what was wrong with you, or if someone loves you. After that incident 2 years ago, when your ex-boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend, you don't trust anyone anymore. You swore you'd never fall in love again, until Choi San appeared in your life.

Choi San known as the millionaire from South Korea who maintains many companies, was the dream of many girls. All the girls you saw in the company were obsessed with him and did their best to talk to him. Unfortunately, you also liked him, even more than you think, but you surely thought that he would never look at you. Even if you were his secretary, you still couldn't do anything. Your feelings were growing more and more making you feel sad all the time. Today you were in the elevator, you were looking in the mirror, arranging yourself a little, then you heard a sound, knowing that you reached the floor where you should be. By chance, you saw that your boss's door was a little open, so you stopped to see what was happening. And there was Nancy, that flirty girl who is always in his office trying to get his attention. You ignored that, and went to your office, placing your laptop on the table. While you were working, you were surprised when it was San who entered your office. Usually when he enters your office, he calls you to get ready for important meetings or he needs help with a project, but today was the first day of the week and you were a little shocked to see him in your office. It was definitely something important. You weren't even paying attention to what he was saying. You were just looking at how he was dressed. That white shirt was a little transparent showing a small part of his abs. His pants fit perfectly, and his thighs looked so soft that you wanted to put your hand on them at that moment. Of course he saw how you were looking at him but he didnt said anything. "Did you understand?" , his voice scared you a little, waking you up to reality. Being his secretary, he expected more from you and all you could do was just stare at him. "Miss Y/n?" , the way he pronounced your name made you melt and it wasn't just that, the hands, the fingers, all the parts of his body. You thought what he could do to you with those long fingers. You didn't care about that you weren't paying attention to what he was explaining. Your mind was only full of dirty thoughts and dreams that you would like to fulfill in reality. "I would like to know why you aren't paying attention to me, miss. " , his body leans on your desk and his eyes making eye contact with you waiting for an answer. "I-i was just thinking about something..", he fixed his tie, looking insanely good, then getting ready to answer you. "Something like what?"

The tension was already too high, if he continued leaning on that desk like that you could make a wrong step and you certainly didn't want that to happen, so you stood up, heading for the door. But something unexpected happens. While you were rushing as fast as possible to get out of the same room with San, he grabs your hand and pinned you to the wall, looking into your eyes. He slowly approaches your face, his lips getting extremely close. Thinking he wanted to kiss you, you quickly closed your eyes, but all he did was move closer to your ear, feeling how his full lips touch your ear, sending shivers down your spine. "Im sorry, i didn't want to scare you, i just wanted to say that this night were having a date with Park's Company". There is no way that he did all of that just to say this to you, right? Or maybe it was just in your mind. The thing is that he wanted to do this. He had been planning this for a long time, he just didn't know when, and the right moment was right now. There is no business meeting. Yes, Mr. Park will come, but he will find the right moment to tell him to leave so that you two will be alone. It was too obvious that you liked him, he saw how you were arranging yourself, how you were trying to get his attention, but he was waiting for you to make the first move, but you didn't really succeed. "I want you to get ready at 9 pm, and I will come in front of your apartment to take you". You couldn't speak, in fact how could you speak when this wonderful man was standing in front of you.

Time passed very quickly. You put on the most beautiful dress you had in your dresser. A mini black dress that fit perfectly on your body. While you were looking in the mirror and putting a cute accessory in your hair, a sound could be heard from outside. It was none other than San. The fact that you were looking out the window, how he was sitting in the car. One hand on the steering wheel, waiting for you, while looking at the watch on his left hand, turns your legs into jelly. You gulped and looked at how he was dressed. The same white shirt, only 3 buttons were undone, exposing his neck. The leather pants that looked so good on him, his thighs... You were already staring at him too much, so you took your bags and left. Outside, when you walked out the door, he was there waiting for you. He got out of the car approaching you. Now it really looks too good. You could see how his muscles tensed through that shirt. How much you wanted to rip that shirt off, but of course you cant do that. While you were dreaming of all the scenarios that can cross your mind, San gets extremely close to you. His perfume brings you back to reality knowing that he is here, and you are just thinking about the things he could do to you. "Hi", just a simple hi and you couldn't even speak. "Let's go hm?", he waited for your answer a couple of seconds, because you were too stunned to speak. "Uhm.. y-yes", he opens the door for you, and you try to cover your dress a little because it was quite short. When he got into the car, he noticed that you were struggling to put on your seat belt, so he bent down a little, making eye contact, trying to put it on. After that, he realized what you were wearing. Looking at you from top to bottom, licking his lips. "You look so beautiful tonight, Y/n", You didn't say anything, you just blushed and smiled looking at him.

The car ride was quiet, but after one hour in traffic, you arrived at a restaurant. You got out of the car and you already noticed that the restaurant was not an ordinary one like all the others. It was an extremely expensive one, where you couldn't even afford to eat there, but yeah Choi San was rich. He startled you by putting his hand on your shoulder. You quickly turned around and lost your balance making San grab your waist, looking into your eyes. " Oop- are you okay?" ,you nodded and he helped you . "Shall we go?", he took your hand giving you goosebumps. "Yes", you shyly responded and went inside the restaurant. There he was, Mr Park sitting in front of us. He was extremely gorgeous, but not your type. You bet that every girl were trying to get his attention. " Woah i didnt know you will bring this beautiful girl here". San was angry, he didn't know he would act like this, he was trying to hold back from saying something, but apparently Mr. Park wanted to flirt with you. " So whats your name, pretty girl?" ,after he said that, his hand landed on your leg making you flinch, buy you decided to play too. Making San jealous can't go wrong, right?

One hour passed and the meeting already led to something else. You forgot that San was next to you, looking jealous at the two of you. It was almost 11pm and you already started getting ready to leave. San was looking at you, at the movements you were making. How you bent down to adjust your shoes a little seeing your cleavage, but still he didn't find the right moment to do the things he wanted to do. The time has already passed and he had to take you home. Apparently, Mr. Park tricked him. He drove you home, and when you got to bed you thought about what happened today. You can even focus on that power point project he gave you, all of this because of him. You needed him and for sure he needed you too.

The next day you woke up with a headache. Last night you had a dream. You couldn't get out of your mind the position your boss fucked you on his office desk. The way his hands covered your boobs, from time to time leaning down and kissing each one. He was driving you crazy. Not in the dream, but in real life too. You put on your favorite shirt and your mini skirt, underneath you had black panties, just the way you thought he liked them, and a pair of sexy tights. You applied a little make-up, took your bag and left for the company. When you got out of the elevator, you wondered if San had some free time to talk to him, because he always had meeting and he is very busy. You saw Jongho passing by and you went towards him. "Hello Jongho, is Mr Choi in his office?", he answered seeing that you had some files in your hand, thinking that you have to show them to him. "Yes, he just came", "Okay, thanks!".

There you were, in front of his office. You could smell his perfume and he itsn't not even near you. Before opening the door, you undid 2 buttons on your shirt to warm the atmosphere a little. You knocked and opened the door. Just as you expected, Mr Choi was wearing your favorite suit, his hair was neatly arranged looking at the laptop screen, but your presence makes him change his gaze towards you. He looked at you from top to bottom, carefully analyzing the skirt you were wearing. He knew he was something off. " What brings you here, miss Y/n?", the way he pronounced your name made your legs like jelly. "I wanted to talk about the project you gave me..", he looked at you for one more time and motioned for you to come and sit on the chair next to him. "Hm.. let's see what we have here....wait where is that file?, one file was missing and he tries to search it everywhere. Then you saw the file on the floor " Found it!", you said bending under the desk and showing San what is hidden in your cleavage. "Here.", you passed him the file. "What are you doing?" ,he frowned getting up from the chair, you quickly got up too, looking at him with confusion. But actually your plan was going like you wanted. "Nothing", he raises an eyebrow, trying to hide his interest but failing. "What's with the new look?, he smirks. " You are really coming out of your shell lately, aren't you?, he winks at you. "Huh what do you mean?", he grins, moving closer to you and wrapping his arms around your waist. "I mean, i love it, you look so confident and sexy, it drives me crazy.", he whispered in your ear, planting soft kisses down your neck."Tell me love, what is on your mind", his hot breath sending shivers down your spine." You, only you...". San leans down and starts kissing and sucking your neck, leaving love bites. "San...", you moaned putting your tiny hands on his waist, then your hands went lower to his belt, but he stops you smirking at you. "Nah, not now, im not done with you.", he puts his hands between your legs, discovering the black panties that you picked for him, then sits you on the desk, exploring every part of your body with his hands. "I love it when you surprise me, princess". You couldn't do anything, San was fingering you so bad that you wanted to come on his fingers. He sits you up and looks at you. "Bend over", you immediately obey and bend over the desk feeling hands wrap around your hips, pulling you closer to him. He starts to move slowly at first but quickly loses control, unable to hold back his desire for you. He kisses you passionately as he thrusts into you deep and fast, driving both of you closer to the edge. With each thrust, your moans became louder and he can feel himself losing control. He moves his hand to your clit, circling it with his wet fingers to add you pleasure. San couldn't hold back any longer and with a final thrust, he releases himself with a loud moan, watching you moan as well, both of you panting and holding onto each other tightly. He looks down at you with a loving expression and brushes a strand of hair away from your face." I love you so much...", you smiled at him feeling tired. Concern fills San's eyes as he cups your face and kisses your forehead gently. "Aww, my poor baby, you must be exhausted." he wraps his arms around you and try to clean you up .He puts you on the sofa lying down next to you. "Rest now, love. I'll be right here beside you, and no one will disturb us."

[midnight---hollow]

Mk finished season 3 of dr and i think overall it was good

Personally you could not make me care about the bug main plot, that was so boring imo. The forbidden five where annoying and badly written imo and didnt even look cool (tho the bug guy was pretty cool I’ll admit) the main plot of the chaos dragon also felt really stupid. i wish ninjago stopped trying to make new “the first evil” enemies, it feels quite sloppy and i dont think anyone would care if you added onto your story ld stuff instead of trying to almost rewrite the lore. Even if you wanted to go this way you could have included the oni in the dragons lore instead of it just being some all evil dragon that came out of nowhere

despite my distaste for the main plot though i really like how they handled their characters this season. For example; the past two seasons i been really disappointed in sora. I loved her at first but the constant self hate and talking down about herself got on my nerves and i started to really not like her, this season changed that. I genuinely love what they did with her and arin and their relationship.

Speaking of arin i love his plot, him learning from ras was so good but i find it even better how he still stuck to his morals. Arin isnt a bad kid, he is just desperate and i love how they didnt just let him fall for ras 100%. I also like how he treats ras like how he treats others, another show of how kind hearted he really is.

Pixels back!! Im so happy for it, i dont mind her redesign im just not a fan of the sleeves but thats just me. I love how “my shayla” zane was until he found her, pixane is so good and im happy they are together and we get to see more pixel again. Morro i already stated in another post i was really happy with him… UNTIL THEY FUCKING KILLED HIM WHAT WAS THAT. unforgivable

Jay…. I dont hate it but he felt kinda weird i like the fact that they brought back how he is an inventor but god this emo phase. The voice changer made him seem more annoying than usual and those goggles where so ugly, THE HAIR REVEAL HAD ME REELING. HOWD THAT FIT UNDER HIS HAT?!? Im glad he is back and i hope they keep him annoying and mean but not emo emo cus im down for angst but idk how i feel about how the writers wrote him

Mk final though, main ninja are iconic, kai is the mvp vincent is a phenomenal actor and his jokes land the most imo. Wyldfire and rodi are so cute/gen i love how they draw selfies and i also love how ready kai was to beat his ass when he thought they broke up. Nya i kinda wish we got more of her but next half ik we will get more cus of the jay arc stuff. Lloyd is lloyd, you got to love him even if his one liners never land for me

Oh and cole just wasnt there :(

[aidanchaser]

I didnt get into the grad program i wanted so im just gonna occasionally post the essays that werent good enough

There’s a picture of my mother standing on the Santa Monica pier when she was in her twenties that startles me every time I see it. “I don’t remember that,” I think to myself, and then recall that it is not a picture of me at all. 

 Like my great-grandmother washing out linens to be reused monthly, like my grandmother folding aluminum foil during the Depression, like my mother recovering old chairs in new threads, I, too, am the roots of something old remade into new growth. I am the recycled blood and bones of those who came before me.

There are many threads that tie the women of my family together, and education is perhaps one of the strongest. Teaching and learning is practically engraved into my DNA sequence. My great-grandmother taught elementary school. My grandmother taught art. My mother teaches all grades, all subjects. And now I, despite swearing as a child that I would never become a teacher, teach reading and writing.

But it isn’t just teaching that my family values. My mother and father both pursued higher degrees while my sisters and I were young. Family dinners were debates more than they were conversations. I was expected as a child to both finish my lima beans and explain my reasoning. It feels inevitable, really, that I keep returning to school no matter how hard I try to leave it.

When it came time to pursue education on my terms, beyond the requirements of high school, I knew that my path would have to be creative. I began in English, ended up in Film, and after a brief period of wandering, went back to school to study education. Like any good wanderer, I struggled to decide what to teach. I looked at programs in Ireland for film; I reviewed my art portfolio for submission; I studied for history and English exams; I studied linguistic terms late into the night.

Though I settled in English, it never felt inevitable. I have been a storyteller since I was four years old, putting together a drama amongst my stuffed animals that would rival Days of Our Lives plot twists—forbidden marriages, illicit affairs, runaway teens—but I love film and history as much as I love books, and for just the same reasons. Art and history reflect humanity in all its intricacies and complexities. Writing is just one way those stories can be told, and it is the art form that I have loved the longest. 

I’ve been reading since I was about two years old. My parents joke that they taught me the alphabet and its sounds and I was a lost cause after that. First it was books about animals, then mysteries, then fantastical adventures. I sought out stories of wonder and danger, stories where outcasts triumphed over rigid societies and righted the wrongs of their ancestors. 

As grateful as I am for my inheritance, for the love of learning that has been bred into me, there are parts of my inheritance that I am still struggling to extricate myself from. 

When I was fifteen, I realized that I was a lesbian. I didn’t know all that it meant, but I knew enough to keep my mouth shut about it. Keeping my mouth shut, though, wasn’t truly enough. It didn’t stop the letters from my grandmother when she found out that I was a bridesmaid in a lesbian wedding, warning me that my soul was in danger. It didn’t stop my mother from commenting that my childhood friends, who were now a lovely pair of brides, “Of course would still be welcome at our home, though we couldn’t attend their wedding if we were invited.” Notably, my mother was not invited.

Though there are days where it feels hard to breathe—and while I believe there will always be those days—stories are the things that have saved my life. It was the story of a young man sitting in a tea parlor with his grandmother, reminding him of how people will look at him if they knew he was gay that gave me courage to reply to my grandmother’s letters, at least insisting that I knew where I belonged even if I couldn’t tell her the truth of who I am. It was the story of a young woman coming out to her mother as a bisexual for the first time and that awkward conversations that at least allowed me to tell my mother with confidence that I wasn’t going to get married, even though I couldn’t quite tell her why.

I am still picking away at the structures I have been born into, but writing stories has been a blissful escape and a glimmer of hope. Since I was four years old, making up dramas about my stuffed animals, until today, reviewing a friend’s notes on a short story over my morning coffee, I have been telling my own stories and struggling to make order out of the complexities of living.

As I process the good and the bad that I have been born with, and that I have cultivated in myself, I am still learning how to be fully myself and to fully love myself. Right now, reading has helped me be okay with who I am. But I am tired of penciling my grief into the margins of others’ stories. I want to give back. I want to tell stories that give others the courage that I needed. It’s my earnest hope that this program will provide me with the tools I need to refine my craft and share those polished stories with others.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

just ramblings about it since i honestly forgot to talk abt. was going to do it after the abram's accompanying (is it really? i just made the sketch at the same time i guess) drawing posted but the tags are screwed up so ill do this first i suppose? just through process when sketching it and creating it from start to finish

i had wanted to try to add the idea of the forbidden fruit which he loved to bring up actually. relating to the idea of obtaining 'freedom' or 'knowledge' in that sense. im not that good with religious imagery actually. sounds easy. no i struggle for some god forsaken reason maybe i should pick up the bible once and awhile. anyways i also wanted to try and add something along the lines of morphing or decomposition of life such as rotting but it never really got incorporated nor communicated inside the drawing i think i forgot when finishing it. the idea of breaking from a shell and the body morph as show as would happen and talked about happening in the day 49 bad end which i figured out happens instantly if you press dont touch me. a little fun. it was on purpose for scientific reasons... i had wanted the back to be a clock in some way? the hands falling down which is still there in a sense but i didnt focus on it in the end. the back originally going to be more of a clock. had a few ideas like the one present for white night but then circled back to just having an incomplete loop. fulfillment of her wish in a way in his mind and breaking the cycle to complete it. the halo or what ever you call it was also then made to just be a visual element to draw and guide the eye but also the obvious implications due to it being a halo. there also was going to be the sephirah colors in the order shown in day 49 end and what im remembering correctly position of the real kabbalah tree of life but it was too visually cluttered to really add how i implemented it in the sketch so i got rid of it. the apple was also actually suppose to be rotting but it didnt communicate very well do i just slapped on an eye as that also worked for the whole idea of morphing/turning into another, the whole thing with the eye facing the something for the answers, yada yada yeah. everything else is rather obvious so it needs no explanation but the rest its a little screwed up on how i tried to approach it

apple of my [the] eye [facing the fear][embracing the past]

[jan-aki]

Hi, you can call me jan Aki (or, in Lojban, la .janakis.). My pronouns are left as an exercise to the reader. Mutuals, feel free to dm to add me on Discord or Steam

@tinfoil-ball is where I just think "ha, funny" and hit reblog. This blog is for original posts and when I say stuff. I like keeping them separate because I don't trust Tumblr's tags to not lose stuff

I only like posts when I want to save them (historic posts/posts I really like), so I recommend going through them cause there's some good stuff in there and I'm actually pretty proud of it

My Linktree

Egg post because I love it dearly

My interests include:

Minecraft! I usually play ssp or do redstone*. I'll sometimes play on Hypixel, 2b2t, or MCCI though. I also love niche facts about it. For example, there's an option that lets your character be left handed (which I take full advantage of), and the large fern item is arguably rarer than notch apples

*With redstone, I'm mostly interested in computational redstone. I have built a *very* basic computer, but mattbatwings's tutorials have taught me a lot so I've abandoned that one and am building a new one. I also dabble in other stuff like doors and farms, but it's mostly just computational redstone right now

Rubik's cubes and cubing (sub 15s with CFOP, 20s with ZZ, 25s with roux). This and minecraft are probably the things that I'm the least normal about

Photography (I have an Unsplash account linked in my linktree)

Mathematics! I wanna be a math(s) teacher, but I feel like I'm just a hobbyist right now lol

Technology. Just, in general lol. I use Linux Mint, I like retro gaming, and want to get more into programming. I currently only know python as well as the basics of C++ and C. I like trying to learn how things work and using that knowledge to fix (mostly software) issues. It's like a fun little puzzle

Juggling! My current focus is learning 5 balls and getting better at 3 clubs. After that, I think I wanna get into siteswap

toki pona! sina wile la, o toki pona tawa mi!

lojban! I'm still Very New, but I'm working on it

Actually I'm taking a break from learning Lojban because I'm from a very monolingual place and think it's a better use of my linguistic interests to learn a natural language. Anyways, the punchline here is I'm learning Japanese (again, still Very New)

Memory! I have a numbers PAO system but it isn't perfect and I'm not very familiar with it yet. I'm also working on getting better with names and faces

Stenography, which I'm learning on and off. I'm learning lapwing theory. Currently shelving this one because I do too many things at once

Conlanging, though I've yet to finish making one. In that same area, also worldbuilding and neography. This one's also shelved for the same reason as above. I still consume conlanging/worldbuilding/neography content, but I probably won't make anything in the near future

And probably a bajillion more things. As you might be able to tell, there are a lot of things that I've looked into but haven't quite gotten into

Games I like include (in no particular order) Liero, Portal 1 and 2, Minecraft, Horizon Zero Dawn, Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes, Stardew Valley, Skyrim, Celeste, Subnautica, and Trackmania

Games I want to get into/am in the middle of my first playthrough include Rainworld, No Man's Sky, Subterfuge, 5d Chess With Multiverse Timetravel, Civilization VI, Ocarina of Time, Horizon Forbidden West, and Titanfall 2

Oh, and I also like Komi Can't Communicate, RWBY, Bocchi the Rock, Gravity Falls, Hololive, Hermitcraft, the life series, and the Arc of a Scythe trilogy. I'll also sometimes watch MCC

I didn't make the userbox

[iwillbecomealawyer]

how aloy reacted to both varl and talanah when it comes to their respective partners lives in my head rent free.. she deserves to be happy

and the cutscenes showing her reaction with varl and talanah,, didnt help??;$,& like id like to think the animators fucked up the rigs or something but it rly does look like she was uncomfortable/jealous in both when talking to/about their s.os

some examples are the scene where aloy just looked so somber when she insisted varl to go with zo to plainsong, how she averted her gaze when both of them kissed, and her blatant confusion or might i say even jealousy when she saw how close vo and varl were

one other way to look at it since the game is rly hammering the ‘no man is an island’ message in, is that maaybe aloy is more sad on the fact one of her most trusted companions left her and shes kind of upset about that and during that brief moment she realises how much she values them. i rly like varl and aloy together honestly and im so glad i got to see more of their dynamic. they seemed to rly care about each other and hold the same values, with varl literally following her just so she doesnt hurt herself like wow ok you are DEDICATED. and yeah id just like to think aloy kinda realized what she was missing when he went off with zo

and as for talanah… ohhh talanah. i have a lot of Thoughts about the quest but rn ill just talk about aloy (and me probably being delirious from too much copium honestly)

i can only read it as aloy trying to be invested in talanah’s relationship but she was just not. she played a little tease for her in the beginning but she just became less and less enthusiastic trying to console her about amadis. and that enthusiastic ‘really?!’? her smile when talanah hugged her? come oooon. girl was pining

what i at least liked about this quest is how aloy has always shown to be dismissive or new about the idea of friends but once talanah was mentioned, she was open to calling her ‘an old friend’. she was even willing to point out how she wanted to see her despite her important quest. and in the actual sidequest, she was willing to help her all the way through. i would talk more about these two’s relationship more in a separate post but hajamdmsmfmsm im too incoherent for analytic shit but we’ll see ill most probably do it and word vomit lmao

however with all of this said, i could also see it in a way that aloy is simply not knowledgeable about the idea of love, which is very understandable since shes never had an ounce of social or romantic interaction in her life until the past year. so yeah i can admit im coping too much and i choose to stay this way bc crumbs orz

ANYWAY i digress i havent finished forbidden west yet but all i literally want from this game is for aloy to have HER definition of a happy ending. ive seen her stressed, sad and angry too much already… she doesnt need a love interest okay im fine with that!! i just really want her to be happy

[melancholiepeufiable]

heyy!

I just finished reading your fic “act of god” and all i can say is i am absolutely blown away. In the best way possible of course!

The Sebchal pairing is one of my favs, however you just brought so much more dimension to both of them its insane!!! The way the reader slowly notices how Charles’ obsession with Seb becomes toxic and unhealthy over the course of the fic is one of the best things I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I love this interpretation of Charles you did deeply.

Seb also has a very interesting character development, as far as the reader can assume. He discovers a whole new side to him that Charles seemed to have awoken in him.

The details about religious imagery fit so well into the story, and I especially liked how you mentioned the forbidden fruit in one of the last paragraphs.

The end really took an unexpected turn for me, as i didnt expect Charles to say those things in the kitchen, because the reader would usually assume that he doesnt really have a mind of his own and agrees with Seb on most stuff, which pushes Seb’s ego even more. Again, the characterisation is just chefs kiss and I would read it all over again!

Thank you for sharing this piece with all of us, even though the topic did turn darker and darker as the story progressed.

If Ao3 made it possible to rate this fic in stars it would surely have all 5!!

Thank you so much!!!!

I’m so glad that you liked Charles in this fic. His obsession with Seb, and how he harbours it throughout, is a focal point (albeit one of the hardest to write imo).

Seb also has a very interesting character development, as far as the reader can assume. He discovers a whole new side to him that Charles seemed to have awoken in him.

Absolutely! His moral compass starts to crumble the more he spends time with Charles. I would like to say it’s reciprocal, but it’s really not.

The details about religious imagery fit so well into the story, and I especially liked how you mentioned the forbidden fruit in one of the last paragraphs.

Thank you! I was a bit iffy about adding religious imagery (since it can be heavily taboo subject), but ultimately, I think it paid off. The repetition of apples and conflicting imagery associated with Charles were a bit of a hassle to keep up with, though ultimately, it’s good to see that it was appreciated :)

The end really took an unexpected turn for me, as i didnt expect Charles to say those things in the kitchen, because the reader would usually assume that he doesnt really have a mind of his own and agrees with Seb on most stuff, which pushes Seb’s ego even more.

I think Charles’ big reveal was more-so a representation of Seb losing his moral compass completely. Hearing that awful, vile confession be told straight to Seb's face, listen to the things Charles said he did/wants to do, and to finally have his “good side” lose -- writing that was so satisfying (I can’t wait to start my next dd:dne).

I’m delighted to hear that you’d read it again, and rate it 5/5 (my ego thanks you). I could go on and on about “act of god”, but I’ll spare you from my ramblings.

Again, thank you so so much for enjoying the story and posting your review here. It means the world <3

[miss-smutty]

Only One Rule

A/N- a little bit late but I still have some valentine's Day one shots I wanted to do 🙈

Can you tell big, manly, dominant men are my kink? ✨ 🥵🥵

Summary- You and your best guy friend are single and decide to have an Anti-Valentines day night together watching horror movies, there's only one rule - NO mention of ANYTHING romantic. You get scared and one things leads to another...

Pairing- Thor x you

Word count- 2,260

Warnings- Swearing, smut

18+ only

Posted: 18th February 2021

Valentine's One-Shot Masterlist

"If you're coming over tonight, there's only one rule - NO romance what so ever and I know that's going to be so hard for you because you're all chivalrous and old fashioned but that's the deal, ok?" You said to Thor through the phone, trying to make plans for the night. It was Valentine's Day and you were pathetically single, luckily for you, so was Thor. It had been your idea to have an Anti-Valentines night with your best friend, the last thing you needed was to be reminded that people are actually in love. 

"What are you talking about Y/N?"

"Like no romance at all, no romantic movies, no describing women in a poetic way and even no holding doors open for me. Basically just don't be you for the night."

"You want me to be somebody else?" You're confusing his poor ditzy brain.

"Right, you know that show we watched together - Sons of Anarchy?" You ask.

"Yes, the one with the bikers" you can practically hear the cogs turning in his brain.

"Yeah... be like him, the main guy" 

"You want me to treat you like a whore and call you bitch?" Wow! Why did those words coming from Thor's lips, make your pussy flutter?

"Well not exactly but that's better than being all mushy" you were thankful he was on the other end of the phone because you were sure your cheeks were glowing, bright red.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about but I'll see you tonight" he hung up the phone before you could protest anymore.

Now all you had to do was spend the day avoiding anything love related, which meant you couldn't leave the house. If you did you'd be surrounded by couples, kissing and holding hands. Bleugh, thinking about it was enough to make you sick.

You spent the day picking out horror movies you could watch, preparing snacks and getting yourself ready. Just because you were anti-love didn't mean you couldn't look your best. You convinced yourself you were dressing up because you had nothing better to do, it's not like it's a date or anything, is it? You pondered the thought, he's your best friend, no definitely not a date.

*****************

Shaking the curls loose from your head and running your fingers through them, you stood up to check yourself out in the mirror.

The high-waisted leather look trousers, with a deep plunge, black cami top didn't look too much did it? You turned around in the mirror, checking yourself at a different angle and completed the look with some red lipstick. Just as you began to doubt your outfit choice you heard the doorbell ring, too late now.

You couldn't help feeling nervous as you made your way to the door, to let Thor in. What the hell is going on with me?

Thor's jaw fell to the floor as you opened the door, looking you up and down as you stood in the doorway.

"Is there a change of plan? Are we going out?" He asked, still unable to pull his eyes away from your chest. You couldn't help feeling sexy as hell when he couldn't take his eyes off of you. Seriously, what the fuck is going on? He's your best friend, been your best friend since he came back to earth and you'd never had these sort of feelings for him before?

"Erm no. I just... Erm. We're watching horror movies I thought I'd dress as the queen of darkness" shrugging your shoulders sarcastically.

"If you wanted to be queen you..." Thor started before you cut him off mid-sentence.

"Ah Thor, stop! I know you was just about to say something romantic and you've barely walked through the door"

"Right sorry, whores and bitches. Got it... Is that the look you were going for?"

"Are you saying I look like a whore? I don't know whether to be proud or offended" you scoffed, pushing his tall frame into the room.

"No, no... I..."

"Relax I'm just fucking with ya" poor Thor, doesn't know if he's coming or going, you laugh under your breath, putting your hand over your mouth when he glares at you.

"Why don't you pick a movie while I order pizza?" You pass Thor the remote while you search through your phone for the number.

After a couple of minutes he turns to you, smiling widely "Right, I've chosen the movie"

You look up from your phone to see he'd chosen a forbidden chick flick.

"No way!'

"Relax, I'm just fucking with you" he laughs, proudly.

"Ohhh, touche." You say, laughing along with him.

************

The movie you'd chosen was ridiculously scary, you'd had to grab a cushion from behind you to use as a shield on the really jumpy parts. Thor had gotten himself comfy on the couch with his long legs stretched out and feet resting on the coffee table in front, along with the snacks and pizza. His arm was stretched around the back of the couch, behind your head, his tall, thick physique making your couch look tiny and giving you no option but to snuggle up closely to him.

"Argh!" You scream at another jump scare, throwing yourself into Thor's side and hiding your face into his chest. Wow does he always smell this good? You sneaked a peek at him through your eyelashes and found him contently watching you, making your stomach flip when you look into his deep, blue eyes.

You move away from him, trying to put as much distance between you as you can on this small couch. Your thighs are still touching and you can feel physical sparks from the contact, Thor smirks at you when he realises what you're doing.

"Y/N - "

"Nope, stop" you cut him off, knowing he's going to say something that's going to melt your heart and make you lose all your restraint.

"But - " He continues.

"Shh" you say pointing at the screen in front of you, pretending to watch but you can't stop your mind from racing. He's your best friend, you can't feel this way? Can you?

He puts his big hand on your thigh, shocking you when it makes your heart stop. You look down, staring at it, unsure of what to say. You can see he's watching you, more than he's watching the movie and it makes you squirm in your spot.

Oh fuck, why is he looking at me like that? Your heart is racing so fast.

From the corner of your eye, you can see he's moved so he's facing you and he's now making his way towards you.

"What are you - " his lips make contact with yours, stopping you mid-sentence, pushing you back so your laid on your couch and he's hovering above you.

"Thor I said no rom -"

"Just shut up for once, will you?" Oh fuck me! Your pussy clenches. You're weak, so fucking weak. You release a inhuman noise, somewhere between a whine and moan and it stirs an animalistic nature in Thor. You can actually see the switch in his eyes as they swirl with hunger.

"Open your legs" yes fucking sir! You do as you're told and he settles himself in-between them, eating you up with his eyes.

"Thor - "

"Seriously, shh. You've been such a brat all day and then I find you wearing this, I can't take much more" his words and deep tone of voice make you welp. He smiles darkly, knowing what he's doing to you. Is this really the Thor you know?

What have you created? Whatever it is, you fucking want it!

"Take off your trousers - " you start peeling them down immediately but he stops your hands midway " - No. slowly" he groans. Oh fuck!

Thor bites his bottom lip and groans loudly when he sees your black, lacey panties. Unable to keep up the slow pace, he hungrily grasps your mound in the palm of his hand.

"Mmm, so wet" he smirks. How is this even happening?

"Wait, Thor - " you stop him, just before he pulled down your panties, his fingers hooked into either side.

"What now?" He sighs, exasperated.

"Only one rule -" he cuts you off, too eager to get started.

"Yes, yes, yes. No romance, I get it. I can fuck you without being romantic" he says gruffly. oh my dear fucking lord! Yes please! He rips your panties as he's pulling them down and flings them off to the side with a grunt, his strength and eagerness betraying him.

He kneels up inbetween your thighs, circling your clit with his thumb while he watches you intently, squirming beneath him. When he sees your stomach clench, he stops rubbing, making you moan loudly.

"If you don't like it, then why are you moaning?" He whispers into your ear. Oh god! You want to grab him but he's pinning you in place with his thick thighs.

"I didn't say I didnt like - " he didn't wait for you to finish before he buried his face between your legs " - ah fuck Thor" lapping at your wetness with his thick fucking tongue. Your body jerks as he repeatedly circles your clit with the tip of his tongue. It's truly agonisingly pleasurable, desperately pushing yourself up into his mouth.

"Fuck, you taste so fucking good" he says stopping to look up at you, his mouth glistening with your juices before he dives straight back in, making you writhe and moan.

"Oh god Thor, I can't take anymore" you scream as your legs begin shaking uncontrollably and your body turns ridgid as you gush all over his mouth.

"Mmm" he says while still pressing his lips to you, the sound vibrating your already swollen, aching clit making you release another orgasm. You still haven't recovered from the first and the whole room spins around you as you come down from the high, a ringing reverberating in your ears. Thor still sucking your clit into his mouth while his tongue flicks up and down relentlessly.

"I can't... Ah fuck. Pleaseee" you plead, unable to take much more of the unforgiving pleasure coursing through your core.

He moves his mouth away but replaces his lips with his thick fingers, so you only have seconds to breathe before your holding your breath again. Desperately grasping at the sofa cushions to brace yourself.

"Tell me" he says breathlessly, his hair tousled from your fingers.

"I... I -" you can't speak, you don't even know what day it is. Locked in a neverending loop of pure hedonism.

"I won't stop until you tell me what you want" he curls his fingers up to meet your spot, gazing in your eyes as he continually finger bangs you until you're gushing over his fingers. Melting into the couch with the euphoric rapture of yet another orgasm. Mewling beneath him as you unspeakably beg him for his cock without actually being able to speak out loud.

"Fuck... Me" you force out between breaths making him smile wickedly. All you can do is lay there and watch as he pulls his trousers over his cheeks, just until his cock is free. Before you can even take in the sight of his huge cock, he's slamming you into oblivion.

You instinctively wrap your legs around his back, pushing him impossibly deeper into you, with your feet. You watch his face screw as your walls clamp around his cock like a vice, groaning in your ear as he slams into you over and over again.

You've never felt pleasure like this before, the whole thing has felt like one giant orgasm from start to finish. You don't ever want it to end, his narcotic power over you. The way he can make you feel like a goddess but weak at the same time.

You roll your hips, bringing them up to meet his thrusts at a unbelievable pace. You can feel the gripping sensation rising through your veins again as you come harder than ever before, screaming at the same time. Thor looks at you, checking you're ok before he carries on the onslaught. You're an absolute quivering wreck and you don't know how you can take much more without shattering into a million pieces.

"You good?" He whispers in your ear, slowing down the pace ever so slightly.

"Hmm, kiss me." he smiles before kissing you tenderly, opening your mouth with his lips so he can find your tongue. You hold on to his back while he fucks you gently, a much softer, forgiving pace.

"I thought you said no romance?" You feel him smile on your lips, while you roll your hips into his, matching his pace.

He moves the hair from your face and holds your head in his hands, his forehead resting on yours.

"Look at me" he continues thrusting in to you while you gaze into each others eyes. The look of lust you see there, making your orgasm build again. You can feel his cock twitching when he's almost ready, grunting with the last of his thrusts. You can feel the power of his come as he pumps into you, then falls limply on your chest. You're both panting loudly as you wait for your climaxes to pass, your chests rising and falling so fast. He rests himself between your legs, trying not to put all of his weight on to you, waiting for you to recover in a comfortable silence.

"Well that escalated quickly" you say, laughing nervously, hoping that this wasn't going to make things awkward between you now.

"I'm not finished with you yet" or maybe it's just the start of a whole new relationship dynamic, one you were more than happy to pursue after that performance.

[zoobus]

oh, got other "shounen for adults" type recs? also oof forgettin stories that seemed meaningful in the moment. that was a feel i didnt expect.

I don't have many shounen recommendations because it's not usually making stories for me. I do see the appeal in shounen for adults and I've even enjoyed it but I have less insight into what's happening over there.

I previously mentioned Devilman Crybaby, Kimetsu no Yaiba, Chainsaw Man (Naruto except good), and Dorohedoro (post apocalyptic dark fantasy slice of life) already. Those are all good and you should read/watch them. The rest of these were read a long time ago but I recall liking them. Keep in mind I never finish series, so I can't tell you if it remains good either.

Darwin's Game - Battle Royale murder-to-the-top shounen with an interesting evolution-based premise. It stood out because 1) the confront the misconception of what being "the fittest" entails and make that a core element which means 2) our protagonist has to *think* about what being the most fit to a situation requires. More often than not it means communicating, understanding different points of view and their compatibility with his, resource management, minimizing interpersonal conflict, and so on. His power is gun and yet that's his least interesting.

Nice guy MCs are tricky but he has a strong incentive to emphasize amicable relationships over violence (certain death).

Caveats:

don't read if you're grossed out by loli designs. There's no porn, but all the major female characters have a certain look.

there's a turning point where imo the MC's personality, the story, and the overall quality 180. If you think "why is he taking the death of this random guy he didn't seem to know that well so hard," you can stop and make up your own end.

Talentless Nana - not sure this really counts as "adult shounen" but I liked it so much I spammed five discord servers with the first chapter when it came out. I relished every last "holy FUCK" I earned. See for yourself!

Caveat: I hear it ends kind of sloppy but can't confirm. I will say it felt like the writer didn't have a concrete conclusion in mind so I'm inclined to believe it.

Kumo desu ga, nani ka - this is a seinen and frankly it's unlikely you don't already know about the spider girl isekai but recommendation lists should have at least three suggestions and it fits the shounen vibe.

It's interesting that all the images I'm seeing looking up the title are so...kawaii? I can't even say cute. Pink, goofy, smiling chibi spiders. Never saw the anime, kept up with the manga until her second or third interaction with humans, so maybe the anime differs or at I'm remembering wrong.

Kumoko is heavily insinuated (but never quite confirmed) to be a victim of high school harassment and she seems to go out of her way to not think about what happened to her. Did she get chased in front of a truck? Did she commit suicide? Who knows, she doesn't want to talk about it.

She isekais as the weakest spider at the bottom of a dungeon filled with F to S-tier bosses who intentionally and unintentionally almost kill her. She gets to do the fun video game skill system/achievement lock thing HOWEVER! there is one skillset that's intentionally not explained or even given a name. "Don't rank up in that skill" is the most she's given. So of course it's ding, ding, ding flying straight to the top, maxing out the forbidden skill that continues to not be explained as she accidentally hits its requirements and tells herself it's probably nothing.

I never found out what it is but I've assumed it's something related to losing your humanity, some kind of unforgivable evil that can't be named. That would fit with the overall thing of celebrating kumoko's hard won battles and clever thinking with much stronger opponents but also in the back of your mind it's like huh this teen girl sure has been trapped in a pitch black cave miles under the earth gagging down roaches and centipedes, gradually accepting that being burned with acid or losing some legs is normal life, always thinking about her next kill, and just generally seems to forgotten about being a human at all, for plausibly years; I wonder if this could become problematic in the future.

Caveats:

I stopped reading after a while because the battles were getting dull

I assume the girl posing on all the covers but it never comes up. She takes up 50% of the page, why?? Even if it is her, it's not even relevant

[stvllioner]

I think you're hilarious in such a good way and Im new to Tumblr. Your work is amzing and i was wondering if you have any bnha blog recommendations or must read fics?

WARNING! this gets long as SHIT. so im sorry. im on mobile so liek,, also there are shit ton of amazing writers on here but my memory has been terrible as of recently, so sorry about that. all the people mentioned have really good fics so going through their masterlist is the bes option i have on here for you!! also sorry this was so late, i did a lot of username checking and now finally got the balls to post this with their @s cnuidwneovn- also!! be mindful because i was iffy in tagging some because i wasnt too sure if they wrote for bnha anymore. so w/o further adieu!!!now for my fave ao3 fics (with no ranking)~

His Tryanny by goodboysensei (tumblr; @tobobio)

au: fantasy

summary: “Deep in a land just like in the fairy tales, lives 4 different kingdoms. But when a hot headed king of one kingdom wants to take over, he seeks for more power. A girl locked away in a tower for her entire life because of her forbidden power, finds a new life when an ash blonde male comes flying through her window. How will their life play out?”

my thoughts: FUCKINGT AMAZING BOOK LIKE I FUCKING STAN. TT its so fucking good! the angst, the tension, angry bloody bakugo?! fucking check! amazing book!! 12/10 will always recommend. mc will say “million reasons” i be like “his tyranny tho, 👀” (and other books but we have to appreciate my highness rq).

completed: yis!

My Angel by goodboysensei (tumblr; @tobobio)

au: greek mythology

summary: “The infamous fallen angel, serving under Hades (AFO), Bakugou Katsuki, was known for constantly wreaking havoc within heaven. Defying against God and other deities, he was blacklisted from Heaven. (l/n) (y/n) being an elite archangel under Athena (Miruko), is set on a mission to rid of Bakugou Katsuki but takes a 180 when you sudden began developing feelings for the crooked angel during the confrontation – him reciprocating the feelings. Though relationships between a worker of God and a demon was the greatest sin, and faced consequences to those who are caught. ~ Having to sneak around and hide your relationship with the fallen angel how would an archangel keep her status under God while simultaneously keeping an accursed romantic affair.(sorry i suck at summaries lmao)”

my thoughts: you know, i just have a craving to live a life in greekish-mythologyish and reading lore of olympus makes it partly redeemed. but this takes the cake. LIKE?! oh my fucking god! absoluetely love and im still reading it cause im slow asf but its so good so far! and she doesnt at all, the summaries are what got me interested!!

completed: neh~

I’m Broken Too (Shigaraki x Reader x Dabi) by Kikyo851 (quotev; kikyo851/tumblr; @heroes-among-us-all)

au: canon

summary: “What’s a girl to do when she can’t quite make it as a hero? Become a villain, of course.”

my thoughts: okay so youre thinking, “that summary is short asf” but godtdamn the book is motherfucking good dawg. lieke,,, this absolutely fueled my villain spark way back whenever. (you can gladly thank this book and all the dabi fics from @lord-explosion-baku, who also has a book called “thorns” which is also on ao3. i havent read it because im not into that au but it has many good reviews!!)

completed: neh~

Million Reasons by Chub_Rye (other socials; not listed)

au: future canon (?)

summary: “This is not a happy story, you really wished it was but how can it be when your marriage is falling apart. You truly love your husband, the thing is…he doesn’t seem to feel the same anymore ((Trigger warning: this is a very emotional heavy story, you have been warned.)) Inspiration: Million Reasons by Lady Gaga”

my thoughts: 

*if i had the time i would edit to: “im fucking sobbing fam”* because this shit hurtedt. like, HURTEDT. this book, this very book is the reason why fucking katsuki fucking bakugo slapped down the damn rankings on my list. didnt fucking like him for like two weeks, just thinking about him made me mad as FUCK. but its written so good i cant be mad?! i… okay moving on before i start crying and listing reasons why katsuki needs to CHOKE in this damn book. also if you dislike deku then this story will change. you.

completed: neh~

Muted by HecateSG (other socials; not listed)

au: canon

summary: “A collection of short one-shot stories where the reader has lost the ability to speak due to an incident that ranges from accident, to intentional, which now leaves you in the care of at least one of this dashing and intrepid cast of characters. There will be a variety of scenario’s explored and kinks touched upon for all you curious depraved little ones. ~ The only thing these all have in common is that the Reader will remain almost exclusively quiet the entire time ~ The tags will be updated as more chapters are released.”

my thoughts: this is a one-shot book (no cohesive storyline unless chosen) but its so good. so good. i thought shigaraki, dabi and all might in one book was interesting but never the less, super good! i never was interested in the mute concept but its written good? (but thinking about it all the other mute!reader fics are good but they wont nsfw so it didnt interest me-) furthermore, its so good. so pure. so hot. 11/10 would recommend.

completed: neh~

Nightclub AU by sour_pink29 (tumblr; @heros-amoung-us)

au: well… nightclub

summary: “U.A. is the most prestigious and well known nightclub in the world. It takes a high price and a creditable reputation to attend the club, but only because it makes your wildest dreams and fantasies come true. The workers are the best of the best: the 1A class; with the sexiest dancers, flirtatious waitresses and waiters, master bartenders, and high class security. It’s truly no wonder why the rich and famous travel from all corners of the world to have one special night at U.A. ~ As a waitress at the club, you were used to dealing with rich, handsome, high maintenance bachelors. But when 6 mysterious men enter the club and your life, you feel something different spark between you and them as they turn your life on it’s head. For better or for worse… ~ AU where you and the 1A class (and some other characters) are workers at the club. Kaminari, Kirishima, Katsuki, Shoto, Tetsu, Izuku, and Sero are all competing for your attention. ~ WILL INCLUDE NSFW IN SOME CHAPTERS ;)”

my thoughts: THGIS BOOK FUCKIN SLAPS. HANDS DOWN WOULD TOOT MY ASS UP FOR THIS! (thought about dropping my studies and just fucking doing stripper work-) like wow… its a good book and the writer was prob one of the first wirters i followed on here?! (thats if tumblr didnt fucking remove my damn following like it usually does. ._.) enough about that, its really good. i think about it often.

completed: neh~

Plus Ultra! One-shots and Requests by MistressPikachu (FinalVolition) [tumblr; @adelheidvonschicksal]

au: varies

summary: “A place to store all my smaller drabbles for BNHA. NSFW and SFW requests CLOSED!”

my thoughts: um so she write for *everything* but not like everything, everything. so sometimes it be like a red flag so make sure you are reading it carefully on the story you click on! personally, since theyre a good asf writer i usually dip my toe in all of them but sometimes i just cant but the ones i can, i read over and over and over again. worth a million reads tbh. 12/10 would recommend if youre nasty like that (and i KNOW you guys are).

completed: neh~

slutty one shots by cherrykwrites (tumblr; @cherrykwrites)

au: varies

summary: “Collection of some slutty short scenarios. Mostly Bakugo, could include other characters too. ~ Everything will be NSFW in this collection. ~ Themes like non con, underage, alcohol, bdsm, daddy kinks, ect could occur in these writings. ~ These are purely works of fiction and do not reflect reality, I do NOT condone any of the immoral actions written in these.”

my thoughts: so of course i could not leave the og, the real home slice, cherry-mother-k-fuckin-writes- CAN WE CLAP FOR THE QUEEN? so essentially, her shit is good asf. you should read it cause its good asf. shes not around that much but she def is really good! (also has my thinking about writing some tattoo artist!bakugo these days, or even a series for my husbandos…). never thought about sandwhiched between kirishima and bakugo until i came across her fics~

completed: neh~

Euphoria - NSFW Series by NekokoaFanfiction (tumblr; @nekokoafanfictions)

au: varies

summary: “Just a bunch of BNHA characters involved in several different kinks with you. ~ Summary of first chapter: ~ “Katsuki…”That mewl you made was hard to hear but somehow it reached Midoriya’s ears and he gulped as he saw said man standing up from the ground in front of you. A smirk as wide as it can be with his tongue brushing the corners of his mouth as if he just finished eating the best meal of his life.————————- Basically, Midoriya is in for a emotional ride lol”

my thoughts: they are such a good writer. another one-shots book but they will appear once again on the list but this book is just beautiful. and im a perv. so. have fun.

comepleted: neh~

⚠️okay so this is a series of fics from one writer, but instead of making a shit ton on the list (because if this isnt long already) its by the user QuillMind (tumblr; @quillmind) here are some of my faves:⚠️

Incendiary ~ a/b/o, “Mating season has come yet again. Bakugou has even more trouble controlling it than in previous years… and it’s all your fault.”

Mating Hunt ~ a/b/o, “You and Bakugou have been together for some time. Though you both know you only want each other, your bond won’t truly be permanent and known to all until he claims you during mating season. And as impatient as Bakugou is, as an Alpha, he loves a good chase. You decide to give him one.”

Story Time - A Reader x BNHA Multific by WhenSarahSmiles (tumblr; @makethiscanon)

au: fairytale/storybook/canon-ish

summary: “Whilst fighting a powerful villain, you find yourself sucked into the world their quirk created with no memories of your old life. Yet, the men you meet along the way have a familiar feel to them. Perhaps they can help you unlock your memories? ~ A Hero Academia/Fairy Tale mash up, there’s plenty of chaos to follow even if you think you know the classic stories well. ~ [Warning: Explicit Content from chapter 3 onwards] ~ [I will warn you which chapter features the non-con]] ~ “

-> Story one: Little Red Riding Hood (Katsuki Bakugou x Reader)-> Story two: The Little Mermaid (Shouto Todoroki x Reader)-> Story three: Jack and the Beanstalk (Eijirou Kirishima x Reader)-> Story four: The Three Little Pigs (Denki Kaminari x Reader)-> Story five: Sleeping Beauty (Shouto Todoroki x Reader x Katsuki Bakugou)-> Story six: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (Midoriya, Tokoyami, Sero, Monoma, Ojiro, Shinsou x Reader)

my thoughts: bitch i have no thoughts. i only have THOTS. this is a masterpiece, like ive been lacking, the one im on rn is the kirishima one and it worth the read, and i bet the ones after that have been just as amazing! amazing work 11/10 would recommend.

completed: neh~

Wolves Among Us (Mini Series) by NekokoaFanfiction (tumblr; @nekokoafanfictions)

au: fantasy

summary: “Something about watching him lick your chilled skin was stirring something within you. Your legs started to shiver, but not of the cold that surrounded your slightly exposed body but of a feeling blossoming in the inner regions of your lower stomach. You were getting lost in the rhythm of his pants, wandering in the hazy want of his intense eyes. Your breath began to tremble, and you tried to squeeze your legs together to withstand the odd sensation growing, but he held your leg still and showed no signs of letting go. You were suddenly aware of his hand on your lower thigh, and you noticed that it was the first time a man’s hand had touched there. ~ You were a flower that had yet to bloom in the late of spring. Pure, untouched and suddenly, bombarded with desires. You never shivered in the way a man could make you, and curiosity—maybe naivety, was keeping you from your fear of the beast. —————– Basically, you fall in love with a rude wolf man. ~ Mini series!! Werewolf!Bakugo x Human!Reader, Fantasy AU ~ Inspired by The Company of Wolves by Angela Carter”

my thoughts: i ride this books ASS for updates. my favourite bakugo au’s are fantasy (wit da dragoons) and were!katsuki (haluween). i fucking love it, i love their works. theyre busy with school (like i should be but scholars are all different-) trust me its so good. it has that good spice that make fill my heart with sexy uwuwuwuwuwuwuwus. love it.

completed: neh~

Katsuki Bakugo Scenario Collection by Hvalross (tumblr; @cutesuki–bakugou)

au: varies

summary: “A collection of oneshots and scenarios I’ve done for Bakugou, both personal works and requests on my blog Cutesuki-Bakugou. ~ Please note that the rating of each story will be in the notes of the chapter. Stories range from TEEN to EXPLICIT.”

my thoughts: oh my god. i reread this one chap over and over and over and over and over and over- and over again. the stories range from cute to just good smut and its so good. so beautifully written. and i cant help but just appreciate it. love it sm. (also sorry if i tagged the wrong tumblr im confsued as to which one you use ahaha)

completed: neh~

Wish the World Away by hoshigalaxy (other socials; not listed)

au: canon

summary: “bakugou katsuki is the number one hero. but with this title comes a huge target on his back. sometimes it’s better to stay single when you’re a pro hero. there could be accidents. ~ but that’s three years in the past now and bakugou is slowly moving on from what’s happened. that is until he runs into his mysterious new neighbour and things get complicated again.”

my thoughts: ;-; this one hits different. almost like a million reasons type of different. i dont want to spoil it but godt damn man. there is so much to be uncovered but it really hasnt been updated. (cri) its a beautiful book tho. fingers crossed for when it updates next.

completed: neh :

Up in Smoke. (Soulmate AU) by Grapelimeade (tumblr; @gojirabbit)

au: well,, soulmate

summary: “Bakugou doesn’t want a fucking soulmate.”

my thoughts: may i say…it is such a stark contrast to Million Reasons. it is so fucking captivating i will not shit you. this book, is amazing. im just saying, that midoriya scene tho,, 👀 that kirishima friendship,, 💪🏽 its so good…? got me panting for the next chap (and no not like that weirdos but there is nsfw because when tf do you catch me reading a fic without nsfw…?) but i recommend. mc: million reasons tho me: up in smoke tho-

completed: neh~

Vermilion by Morgana_Ren (tumblr; @morgana-ren)

au: canon

summary: “Tomura Shigaraki had a goal. It started out simple enough. Kill All Might, and watch the society that revered heroes above all else crumble to dust alongside their idol. However, what originally starts off as a chance encounter with a UA student during the battle of USJ sends him reeling down the crooked path of obsession.”

my thoughts: its just…? my shigaraki thirst was sparked from this very story. it good, supplies my shifty hands needs and it suffices the boiling lust in my clit. wish we’d see more cause i love it already and it blends the story line well. love it. 11/10

completed: neh~

words hurt [Bakugo Katsuki x Reader] by QueenExplosionMurder (tumblr; @strawberryandspiceandchocolate)

au: canon

summary: “*more tags to be added* ~ when Bakugo Katsuki friendzones the reader, their friendship takes a nose dive off of the face of the earth and he doesn’t hear from her for a while. that is until she is suddenly thrown back into his life, quite literally actually…”

my thoughts: well you think i can go a post without tagging my president? youre fucking wrong. i have actually posted my own prev of her book which you can find here. i am just astonished at well the mood is (because tb when all i would talk about is mood) because mood is just good. it doesnt seem cliche to me. cant wait until the next update.

completed: neh~

You and Yamada by Jo_Rutherford_Lee (other socials; not listed)

au: varies

summary: “Just a few short Present Mic/Reader PWPs I needed to get out of my head.”

my thoughts:

i love this book. couldnt find the yamada book i was looking for but i would be lying if this doesnt revive my yamada love every once in awhile. (jk i found the book but this one is really cute and a quick read!!)

completed: yis

Singed Rose Petals: (Alpha) Dabi x (Omega) Reader by Smutsy (other socials; not listed)

au: a/b/o

summary: ““The villains were always ugly in books and movies. Necessarily so, it seemed. Because if they were attractive - if their looks matched their charm and their cunning - they wouldn’t only be dangerous. They would be irresistible.” - Nenia Campbell”

my thoughts: ohhhh because you guys thought that i’d go through a post without mentioning dabi? LOL so,, this book has brought many many many happy coochie tingles to me. i would murder to be dabi’s omega. and DAS on baby. never was really interested in a/b/o stuff till i read this. love it so much 11/10.

completed: yis

special mentions:

BNHA Brothel by orphan_account [multiple, unfinished]

Hero Killer’s Charge by VulcanCaptain [stain x reader, unfinished]

Mouth Moods by Koalolive (twitter; renlup) [present mic, unfinished]

and god please dont fucking roast me i had a hawks faze. Birb Office for Birbs by insanityrunsinthe_family

[ladymazzy]

7 Things You Didn't Know About John Kani | RSC Key Members' Room | Royal Shakespeare Company

7 Things You Didn't Know About John Kani

If you've been curious to find out a little more about actor, writer and activist John Kani, you've come to the right place!

It’s been ten years since John Kani and Antony Sher last appeared together at the Royal Shakespeare Company, and now the pair are together on stage again in Kunene and the King, which has recently opened in the Swan Theatre.

Kunene and the King marks 25 years since the first post-apartheid democratic elections in South Africa, and reflects on a quarter century of change in this country. Did you know that, as well as performing in it, John Kani also wrote this two-hander production?

To celebrate John’s return to the RSC, we wanted to share some amazing facts about the award-winning playwright, actor and activist.

John has won a Tony Award

John’s work on both Sizwe Banzi is Dead and The Island in the 1970s saw him win a Tony Award for Best Actor, and a Tony nomination for best play, alongside his friend, the late Winston Ntshona.

Both plays premiered in South Africa (1972/73) before transferring to the Royal Court in London a year later. After a critically acclaimed run, they then transferred to the Ambassadors, before winning The London Theatre Critics Award. The shows then arrived on Broadway, at the Edison Theatre, to critical acclaim, with John and Winston co-winning the Tony Award for Best Actor.

He's everyone's favourite monkey in The Lion King

In the live action version of the Disney classic coming out this year, John voices Rafiki, whose name means “friend” in Swahili, and is the wise old mandrill who iconically presents Simba above Pride Rock at the beginning of the film.

Wakanda Forever

“You're a good man with a good heart. And it's hard for a good man to be king” – King T’Chaka

You may have seen John in the role of King T’Chaka in Marvel’s Black Panther (2018) and in Captain America: Civil War (2016). T’Chaka is the father to T’Challa – aka Black Panther – and was formerly the King of Wakanda. He is also not the only member of the Kani family to appear in the Marvel franchise. The actor playing the younger version of King T’Chaka is actually John's son, Atandwa Kani.

John also played an integral role in advising on the accurate use of Xhosa* in the film.

*Xhosa is an Nguni Bantu language with click consonants and is one of the official languages of South Africa

John has been at the RSC before

The last time John Kani was at the RSC was the same year Matt Smith was named as the new Doctor Who, Cristiano Ronaldo left Manchester United, and an airliner landed safely on the Hudson River in New York.

John last appeared in Janice Honeyman’s The Tempest in 2009 as Caliban, with Antony Sher playing the role of Prospero alongside him. 10 years on from their last RSC show together, Janice, Antony and John have now reunited for Kunene and the King.

Before this he was also in Hamlet during the 2006 Complete Works Festival - a production which was directed by fellow South African Janet Suzman and provided a vivid reflection of South Africa as the Rainbow Nation. 

He has threats made on his life

In 1985 John appeared in a production of Miss Julie at the Baxter Theatre, Cape  Town, which marked the first on-stage occurrence of a black man kissing a white woman (Sandra Prinsloo) on stage under the apartheid regime. Under the apartheid, interracial relationships and marriages were forbidden and against the law. Not only did the majority of the South African audience walk out of the play, but John also received threats on his life, public vilification and was even attacked, receiving eleven stab wounds.

…and he has a prosthetic eye

After Sizwe Banzi is Dead and The Island – productions that raised several questions about South Africa’s political system, particularly in relation to apartheid – had finished their runs in the USA, John returned to South Africa where he received a phone call from his father inviting him over to his house.

On his way there, John was intercepted by the police who beat him and left him for dead. During the attack he lost his eye and now wears a glass prosthetic.

He was the first black actor to play Othello in South Africa

“I’d just done a play called The Native Who Caused All the Trouble at the Market Theatre, when Janet Suzman came to me and said: “it’s about time,” to which I say, “what…?”. “To do the big one of course!” and I say “Janet, what are you talking about?” and she says: “Othello!” to which I say, “Oh no! I carry eleven stab wounds on my body, have survived assignation, been detained and have to be careful even walking the street because everybody wants me dead”. So, thank you, but I am not going to do this play… But then I went home and thought “it’d be nice to do it all again.” I told Janet I had one condition. I said I would only do it if I was the only black actor.” – John Kani

Seven years before the end of apartheid, in 1987, John became the first black South African actor to play Othello on stage. Performing opposite Joanna Weinburg as Desdemona, and directed by Janet Suzman, the play ran at the Market Theatre and opened to rave reviews – but John still received threats from the authorities.

[21ate]

i just finished trial 3 and god damn i have no idea how to feel about korekiyo.......

huge trigger warning: incest, sexual abuse, grooming. everything will be under the cut as this is a long post about disturbing subjects

lemme say right off the bat that the sister thing is, well, fucked up - and regardless of what im about to say here, its not meant to defend or excuse kiyo’s actions

but...theres a couple of things about his character and behavior that makes me feel like its not as straightforward as the “forbidden yet pure love” he makes his relationship out to be after the verdict, and i think in order for me to settle my own feelings on him i should discuss it at length

(i dont think im the first to talk about this though of course, but since im goin thru the effort to sort of live blog my experience with this game, i might as well make my own contribution to this particular topic too.)

so first is the fact that kiyo is the younger of the two siblings, not older. i guess it doesnt necessarily matter that much if it were the case of simply a pure, though incestuous, relationship...however, an age gap like that could lend to the idea of grooming - in this case, the older sister grooming the younger brother, kiyo

this can be especially seen when considering how kiyo talks about his sister and the explicit sexual nature of it (which ill explain how so later). he is full of adoration for her. so adoring he is, in fact, that he is willing to kill for her. of course, the killing didnt come until after she had passed away...but why was he so attached to her to such an extreme in the first place? to the point where he became deluded into believing her soul was within him after her death and believing he must provide her with friends in the afterlife?

grooming is accomplished through exploiting the victims vulnerabilities to form an emotional bond, with the objective being to ensure the relationship is concealed and to entrap the victim into being co-dependent, cooperating participant (again to reduce the likelihood of the abuse being found out, as well as to manipulate the victim into coming back to their abuser again and again)

while its unclear to me whether kiyo’s parents were ever in the picture, it certainly would be a contributing factor in making kiyo more vulnerable to abuse if they were not around (be it dead or just neglectful). however, even without knowing the parental situation, the state of his sisters physical health would also suffice as a contributing factor to kiyo’s vulnerability. being in and out of hospitals often would easily worry anyone’s loved ones, and its that worry that can also be exploited just as easily

the way in which kiyo portrays his sister when acting as her spirit is also telling of grooming i think. when he first begins to panic, his “sister” comes forth and rattles off instructions (starting with telling him to calm down, to which he obeys, and several other instructions). i believe this to be revealing of the fact that his sister was the controller in this relationship with kiyo...which is exactly how perpetrators of grooming behave. and as i said, the goal is to keep the victim close and to conceal the abuse. kiyo obeys her commands without question - his loyalty to her is undeniable

grooming is also pretty much tied to sexual abuse too. and what demonstrates this clearly? simple: the sequence depicting kiyo and his sister holding each other while naked. why else would they be shown in such a way if not to make it clear that their relationship was sexual in nature? you could argue that being naked isnt inherently a sexual thing...but in this case, it doesnt make sense to me to see it as anything besides such. from kiyos words about wanting to be enveloped in his sisters warmth, to the fact that kiyo is the younger sibling...and not only that, but hes also still underage...the choice to have the two naked would certainly be confusing if it was meant to be seen as innocent and nothing else. theres simply too many other things wrong about the situation to believe their love was “healthy” and “pure” (in quotes cause obvs there would still be the incest thing)

finally, the end of kiyo’s execution again alludes to the sister having sinister intentions when pursuing her brother. when kiyo dies and his soul ascends to the skies, kiyo’s sister and monokuma throw salt on him to destroy his spirit entirely (as salt is used to ward off ghosts). even if its not exactly the most direct or trustworthy evidence, the fact that it was written this way can still serve as providing further depth to kiyo’s characterization and showing us, the audience, that his sister may not be as kind as kiyo thinks she is

with all this in mind, heres what i think happened:

kiyo was groomed and sexually abused by his older sister. the sister exploited kiyo’s vulnerabilities: he was the younger sibling which gave him a reason to look up to her, the sister was also very sickly, and their parents/other adults may not have been around enough (if at all) to notice the abuse. as a result, she was able to keep kiyo close to her and abuse him under the guise of forbidden love. she convinced him that their relationship was pure and that the opinions of others did not matter. kiyo became attached to the point of obsession, obeying his sisters every command. 

when his sister passed away due to her illness, it broke kiyo down - he had just lost the only person he loved and only one who loved him, so he wouldve been led to believe anyways. after her death, kiyo became deluded into thinking his sisters soul returned to him during a seance he was a part of (perhaps done in an effort to contact her - given how distraught he was after her death, this seems likely). he wanted his older sister and abuser back - because without her, he had no one else to guide him (i.e. groom) and no idea what to do with himself

it eventually escalates into him believing his sister’s soul to be lonely, which may have been him projecting his own loneliness onto her. and thus, his solution was obvious: to provide the soul of his sister with friends to cure her loneliness, he must kill people so that their souls may join her in the afterlife as well. and kill he did...

korekiyo has done terrible things, undeniably - but its also quite tragic how he came to be in such a position. i dont hate him, but i cant like him either. its just not quite that simple. i guess in the end, thats how i really feel about him

[edge-lorde]

hp update: werewolfication achieved B)

that is not to say that i have become a werewolf, though being both a werewolf and an animagus would be sick. NAY! i have merely befriended one successfully. UuU

the general plot of werewolf event 2 is as this: 

SPOILERS BELOW!

a rumor goes around school that a student was attacked by a werewolf in the forbidden forest. both chiara and the mc decide that they must get to the bottom of this, for differing reasons. after some persuasion, chiara agrees to team up with the mc though she insists that they are not friends and she doesnt want any.

together, we track down the victimized student, an npc named pippa macmillian. pippa remembers little of what actually happened, but thinks she could have been scratched by a white werewolf on the last full moon. chiara finds this distressing because she herself turns into a silver-white werewolf and would have been in the forbidden forest transformed at that time. the only misstep in that conclusion is that chiara does not remember this happening, and werewolves usually remember everything that happens in their wolf form, which answers that question, and adds a new layer on borf the werewolf-wolf pups birth. DX

to help clear this question, we go to snape and get him to teach us how to brew a memory potion to give to pippa to get a clearer idea of what happened. during this level, we find out that snape is of course making wolfsbane potions for chiara, just as he would eventually do for lupin when he comes to teach. what is interesting about this though is that snape seems to have a soft spot for chiara, even though her backstory is extremely similar to one of his former bullys, he does not seem to see her as lupin 2 as he will see harry as james 2. instead he sees a kid with a chronic condition that he has been treating for the past 6 years or so and its actually rather sweet. however, i am reminded of a post that used to float around on here that posited that if harry had been a girl and looked like lily, then snape would have treated him completely differently, which i can see. so perhaps snapes soft spot for chiara would disappear if she were a boy. this kind of character analysis is very interesting to me even though it is irrelevant. snape = still morally gray even if he likes 1 kid. 

during this scene we also know that wolfsbane potion is super expensive because the ingredients are in a shortage and snape barely has enough to brew for chiara. 

in any case, we brew the memory potion and give it to pippa, who tells us now that actually she had been spooked by a hippogriff and scratched herself on a tree running away. deep sighs all around. 

mc: “but chiara, why would you be worried that you attacked her if youve been taking wolfsbane potion all this time?”

chiara: “...”

and we get no answer, until ben invites the mc to go on werewolf patrol with him because he really wants to fight fenrir grayback if he ever returns to the school. we just happen to see chiara come out at this time and meet a random adult (lupin) and hand him a potion. it eventually comes out that lupin was trying to forage for wolfsbane potion ingredients in the forbidden forest, as one does, when borf the pup leads him to chiara. they talk and figure out that their backstories are actually extremely similar, they were even both bitten by the same werewolf as small children, fenrir grayback. 

that is completely canon, by the way. that there could be multiple people with lupins exact backstory of being targeted as a child. i looked this up last werewolf event. graybacks whole deal before he went completely cannibalistic was that he specifically looks to bite and turn kids so that they could be indoctrinated into his  werewolf army (cult???) at a young age. this was also his motivation for attacking hogwarts last event and its 100% in character for him. there is canonically a whole generation of child werewolf soldiers turned by fenrir grayback and lupin and chiara are some of the few lucky ones that didnt get kidnapped after being bitten. i want that fanfic on my desk STAT.

turns out, chiara has been giving her wolfsbane potions to lupin, telling him that the school has extra. shes been unmedicated the past few months, which is why she was so worried that she had attacked pippa. 

shes unmedicated tonight too, the night of the full moon! lupin tells the mc to stay with her, then goes off to be a medicated werewolf somewhere else. pippa transforms and drops a photograph of the sunrise over hogwarts. the animation and camera angles for this are pretty good. we get a good dueling level against werewolf chiara, were when she makes an attack she jumps over to you and scratches you. very nice touch, did enjoy. 

in the end, through the power of friendship and and fighting magic chiara runs off into the forest for the rest of the night and doesnt hurt anyone. after the mc sees chiara in her wolf form and doesnt run away, chiara = your friend for life!!!!!! she gives you the sunrise picture, and says lupin gave it to her to remind her of all that she had to live for after each transformation. it now hangs in my dormitory and a momento of this event. u.u

i havent done any minigames with her yet because im trying to be thrifty with my coins until i finish the dueling sidequest. over all i enjoyed this event v much and didnt need to use any gems to complete it. 

in other news, i finally finished the abraxan sidequest only to have it immediately replaced with a thestral sidequest. this dang horse costs 15 blue notebooks..... TT_____TT

[fipindustries]

my experience with my gender and my sexuality

because i think it is about fucking time i talk about this somewhere. this is a cheerful post, intimate sure, way too oversharing, certainly, but i like to think of it as joyous sharing because i feel like i can finally talk about this stuff freely and gosh ive been keeping so many things on the inside and now i just want to shout them to the world, consequences be damned

for years i have fantasized about becoming a woman. i will say it here now: i want to be a woman, i want to try it, i want to know what is like to look like one, to dress like one, to be called one, to be treated as one. if after a while i get bored of it, or tired or figure out its not my true self, or it just doesnt fit me for whatever reason then i reserve the right to back off and try something else. but for now this is my state of being and im going to share the story of how i got here.

my earliest memories of dealing with this confusion are about me reading a magazine talking about trans issues and me watching the movie “ma vie en rose” and “boys dont cry”. i was too young perhaps to be exposed to these ideas in such a candid and direct way. perhaps not mature enough to fully process or understand what i had seen, to the point that for most of my childhood i had this irrational fear that i would become a woman when i hit puberty. that my dick would just shrink into a vagina, that i would start growing tits, that i would get pregnant, etc.

i was a very unmasculine child, i didnt like sports, in fact i didnt like most typically boyish stuff. i thought muscles where gross, i thought violence and fighting was scary. i thought most boys played too rough for my taste. i was meek, shy, and a huge nerd. but i also had a strange rejection for most girly stuff. it was too soft and frilly and silly and pink and yucky. on top of all that, my understanding of trans people was mostly shaped then by drag queens and outrageous transvestites whose aesthetic, to this day, i find garish, over the top and unpleasant to look at. sorry, is just not something i identify with.

during this time i started to engage in all sorts of strange games as a child. i would start trying on my sister’s panties or my mom’s panties in the shower. i would created these elaborate scenarios where i would have all the stuffed toys in my room “kidnap” me, force me to give birth to them and then breast feed them.

cartoon shows that dealt with themes of gender bending held a powerful fascination to me, i particularly remember the fairly odd parents episode “the boy who would be queen”. i had this strange sense of love-hate relationship with it and anything on that topic where i just couldnt help to be obssessed with it but at the same time feel like it was illicit or transgressive for me to watch it.

then i hit puberty and a light switch went off. where instead of being scared or unnerved by those ideas i just kept obssessing more and more over them. i started googling everything i could about gender bending, about gynecomastia, about how to grow breasts with certain herbs or supplements. it was specifically on the breasts that i was fixated, i kept promissing myself that i would get them no matter what.

at the same time on the outside i was more than comfortable presenting myself as a boy, a geeky boy sure, but a boy all the same. i liked wearing high waisted pants, tucked in shirt and tie. i liked having short hair. i fantasized about growing a mustache. what’s more i definetly identified as a boy. i went to an all boy’s high school where we were taught stereotipicaly male things like working with heavy machinery, welding, general workshop engeneering stuff and i enjoyed all of it. i was still a huge outcast and not the manliest person but back then i figured it was because i was just a huge nerd.

i had no rejection of my body or the changes it was going through, i grew hair, limbs, genitals, etc and didnt thought much of it that i can recall, beyond a vague sense of not wanting to look too adult because it made me look too much like my dad, with whom i never had the best of relationships. beyond that socially i was a boy and had no issues fitting there.

i masturbated a lot, and a lot of those fantasies involved gender bending. usually boys growing breasts, boys being subjected to forced feminization, etc. there were other fantasies but those dont have a lot of bearing on the subject at hand. one of the things that excited me the most back then was to call myself a woman. to insist over and over that i was a girl. like the feeling that i was brainwashing myself into femminity was a huge turn on (this is why for the longest time i was convinced i was an autogynephile, and honestly, jury’s still out on that account). then, as soon as i finished i would quickly tell myself “im not a woman” as a strange way of “no homo” myself from my fantasies. i was still doing ocassional crossdressing whenever i was alone at home with my mom’s clothes, again, usually for the purposes of masturbation

i have been attracted to girls for the large majority of my life, it wouldnt be until college that i would experiment with boys too and found that i could enjoy that as well, but my main interest has always been consistently girls. yet a lot of the time my attraction towards girls would come from a place of envy. of apreciating how pretty they looked and wishing i could look that pretty myself. once i started college most of these fantasies came with me, i kept researching about gender bending and about ways i could try to gender bend myself. some times it was because of fetishistic reasons but a lot of the time was because i just found the subject inherently fascinating. it was like this that i came across a lot of information about trans people, back in like 2011 and when i first started to really understand them as a community and grapple with concepts such a gender dysphoria and such. back then i reached the conclussion that while i understood and sympathized with trans women, i was just a crossdresser because i didnt experience gender dysphoria and because i had never experienced anything even close to the feeling of “being a woman on the inside”.

what was more, it was around this time that identity politics really started to get traction, things like “die cis scum”, “yes all men”, “white men tears” etc started to be thrown around and, as someone who had been identifying as male for his entire life, i felt personally attacked by most of it. an immature reaction on hindsight, but a reaction that cemented in my mind the idea that i was a man and there were no buts or ifs about it.

i kept crossdressing, i kept fantasizing, i kept fetishizing. i even experiemented with auto hypnosis because i was realizing more and more that i was never going to be able to truly make my fantasy about becoming a woman real so was was willing to try anything that would get me even close to it. i cross dressed because i liked the way i looked, i liked the way the clothes felt against my skin, i liked the feeling of trying on a different role, one that was forbidden to me. as time went on i stated doing it less and less because of the sexual gratification and more for its own sake.

then the crisis came.

i wrote about this before, i saw a bunch of people i knew coming out of the closet at an advanced age, people like jacob chapman, the wachowsky sisters, even reading about the story of how allison bechdel. the idea of someone figuring out their identity way into their adulthood shattered my world view and it introduced me the possibility that i might be in the same situation, which led me to panic. all the crossdressing, the fascination with gender bending and with trans issues were strongly suggestive if nothing else, but back then i was just not ready at all to confront those possibilities so i supressed like a mad man.

three years later, here i am. during those three years i slowly and gradually came to grips the possibility, slowly losing my fear of what i might lose if i came out of the closet, slowly examining my self and comparing my story with the story of others in the community. finding differences but also finding a lot of similarities. for the longest time my trans ex girlfriend would insist that i was very much not trans because a lot of my experiences were very different from hers, such as the fact that i never had issues inhabiting the rol of a boy whereas her dysphoria had been strong enough to the point of suicidal tendencies for most of her life.

one of my biggest concerns had always been the fact that i had heard from many trans people that their dysphoria hadnt really kicked in until after they started transitioning. as in, once they started trying to look like women then they realized how far away they were from truly being one, making what until then had been a vague feeling of discomfort into a true rejection of their own body. but then on the other hand there was also the real possibility that i would end up having a mental breakdown once i hit my fifties after years of repression and by that point i would look like just an old man in a wig

i think what finally made me tip over the edge were the contra points videos and the reddit community egg_irl. i just identified too much with what i saw there, and breaking up with my gf had left me free to explore those feelings without fear of ruining my relationship. so where does that leave me?

still confused, but no longer scared of the answers. willing to give this and honest go and see where it takes me. im still not ready to call myself a trans girl with all the letters. i understand that gender is complicated but i would really appreciate a unified theory of gender to help me make heads or tails of what i am and what i am feeling beyond vague notions about “the spectrum” and “social roles”. i guess i could be considered gender fluid as of right now but honestly that label doesnt mean that much to me on a practical sense considering i am still presenting my self as a boy in my every day life with one or two exceptions

i have a lot of work ahead of me and for once i am excited about doing it right.

[discordant-daydreams]

valkyrie rosin: enter

i had done this for school about one of my ocs i have been trying to develop since 2013 but turns out i didn’t need to. I’m posting it here so it was worth it also because i am proud of it! please enjoy! 

I had been napping. It was a hot summer day, well it was spring but it felt more like summer, and I had nothing better to do. Napping was always interesting. Whenever i napped i had dreams, No not dreams, nightmares. They were always the same thing, my village was being destroyed. I always wake up panicking and honestly who wouldn't. I've talked to others about it and they always say that it's just my internal fear of becoming leader of our village but that feels wrong. I feel it is a warning like someone telling me something bad is going to happen. In the dream an evil shadowy man with glowing red eyes is destroying the village. At the end he always says i told you. Today was no different.

“Val! Wake up! We’re gonna have another race and you are still the winner!” i hear my older brothers voice. We are a race of shifters, a species that looks human but can transform into two other species, and i can become a horse or swan hence the name valkyrie. My brother a bear and a wolf. He hasn't gotten a name yet and he doesnt really want one. We are given normal names at birth, mine being rosin his being beamard but id rather valkyrie. So many people struggle on remembering how to say rosin that its just easier to go with valkyrie. I groan in annoyance and get up.

“You know I’m going to win if you allow the use of abilities, right? I can become a horse!”

“Yeah but eric is gonna join us today”beamard remarks with a smirk

“Oh no,” my brother laughs pats my shoulders and walks to the location

“So you have the same dream?” he says with genuine worry. I frown and nod. There's a silence for a while as we make our way towards the venue. My brother gives the normal rundown of rules. No inflicting pain on another, no cheating, yada yada yada. We start to take on our fastest forms and i notice hesitation on my brothers face.he glances towards me and forces a smile and mouths that he is fine. I raise an eyebrow and stay guarded.

Me and bee have been talking a lot about the history of our species and how it has been forgotten. We used to be able to shift into anything but we had to know the species very well and practice. We used to use it just to change our appearance slightly or prepare for battles and such but some wanted more. Our village got greedy and tried to learn any species possible so we could have the upper hand and the humans didn't like that. They never liked us because we are different but i get that. I understand how it feels. Some species scare me and my first reaction is to react unfavorably so i understand if they want to attack us. The humans asked us to agree to learning no more identities and we accepted it well reluctantly. My parents didn't like having their freedom taken away and neither did I when i learned.

My brother takes on the form of a wolf, Eric a falcon and me well i did something different. I tried a thoroughbred horse instead of a friesian. I probably would have been stopped had i not waited till the last minute. The cap gun goes off and we took off. I knew i was doing the wrong thing but man the adrenaline i was feeling was unreal. It was amazing. We all make it to the end but i zoomed to the finish line last minute and won. I was cheering having my own celebration but no one else was cheering.

“Ah c’mon guys don’t be sore losers it was only a-”

“Rosin how could you! You know that's forbidden! Are you trying to get us killed!” beamards shouts as he grabs my shoulders shaking me. The terror he is feeling was tangible and i looked up at him frowning.

“I-i thought it would be fine if it was just a different breed im sorry… im sorry! I don't want to get you killed! Im sorry!” as i begin to cry beamard softens and realizes he reacted harshly.

“Im sorry val i just worry i don't want anything to happen to you and honestly they wouldn't punish an entire village for an 8 year old’s curiosity.” somethign about the way he spoke felt fake and wrong but i just brushed it off and ignore it. we hug and our friends declare me the winner again. I convince them to all go out for ice cream by saying bee would treat them. He frowns and says fine and i laughs. Everything is nice and fun again and after ice cream w get home for dinner with our family. My parents seem oddly serious and beamard steps behind me. Dad nods at beamard and sighs.

“We know beamard you don't have to say anything i want you two to grab your dinners and go to the basement.” beamard nods and grabs our plates and heads off nudging me forward. I stand firm and glare at my father.

“No i will not! All day everyone has been acting.. Off? Weird? I cant describe it! Whatever it is im tired of it! Stop leaving me out!” beamard just quietly says please as i yell at my parents. Was it wrong of me to yell probably. Had i known what i know now would i have yelled? I wish i could say no but knowing myself the answer is still, probably. My father and mother kneel in front of me and frown grabbing my hands and say,

“Sweetie i know you want answers but please you have to trust us. We will be joining you two in the basement soon!” i frown, nod, and hug them and follow beamard to the basement. We eat our dinner in silence both too worried to speak. I suddenly remember my dream as it plays back in my head and i start crying as i realize.

“Beamard? The humans, they are trying to exterminate us aren't they?” he looks at me shocked but then nods and gestures for me to come over. I do and we huddle together hopeing for the best. “So my dream was correct… that really sucks.” i try so hard to keep my emotions under control but its hard. We hear screams outside and magic. we feel rumbling as homes are destroyed. The home we knew for years being reduced to ruble. The village i was to lead some day, no more. Everything we knew was being ripped from our grasp just because humans don't understand. Beamard looks down at me frowning.

“Rosie please don't hate the human. Please promise me you will stay open minded with them. Not all of them are terrible. Not all of them intend to destroy those they are confused about. Please keep your kind loving heart and promise me if anything were to happen to me that you wont change. That you wont let the hatred consume you. Please remember that i love you-” the door blasts open and a short winged humanoid comes in. they are wearing a cloak so we are unable to see what they look like but they are pale almost pinkish in hue. The vibes they give off are feelings of unsatiable blood lust and a hunger for violence. They send chills up my spine and i have the urge to run away. My brother grabs me and runs to the farthest corner of the room where he left his sword. I hiss through my teeth. Why didnt he have his sword on him? I draw my sword and approach “rosin no!” beamard jumps in front of my his sword clattering to the ground. There is a bright indigo light and it goes through my brother and reaches me. I an feel a searing pain from my left shoulder down to my hip and i wince, gritting my teeth. As i look forward to check on my brother all i can see is a pile of glittering crystals where my brother once was. I lose my composure for a moment and weep, collapsing where i stand, nd then regain it tearing off the crystals forming where the wound is.

“You arent a normal 8 year old are you? Youve prepared for this.” the person says with an unsusual voice. Its higher and friendly. One you would here and think of an innocent childlike individual. “A normal 8 year old would have been too afraid of the danger let alone the threat of death. They did warn me that you are an intelligent individual but i thought that meant for an 8 year old.”

“Yeah well you don't know our species then.” i get up draw my sword careful to make sure they arent looking and charge at them driving my sword through their middle and then using a match to light their wings. I didnt expect it to do much but they panicked and managed to break their wing. I oull my sword out and run away. As i am running i see the village i once knew. It was on fire. The cause? A grey dragon whose face was the angriest ive seen. The dragon made eye contact with me and it seemed to be appologizing. I run into the forest leaving a trail of blood. I find a cave and settle down when i hear a voice. The voice of a child about my age.

“Hi there my name is uh alex, we’ll go with that, um why are you in my cave?” i frown out of it.

“My village was just destroyed can you not see?” the child pauses and smirks. The smirk makes me go cold

“Oh yeah i forgot. I did warn you though.”