#(( <- MAYBE NOT PERMANENT BUT. IT IS FUNNY TO ME))
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I've been bit by the writing bug again... it feels good to create again. It's also 1am in the morning so bare with me if it's a bit of a hard read.
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A while after the battle in the male bath house and after Jinu had discovered Rumi's demon patterns. He had assigned his tiger and bird familiars to keep an eye on Rumi. They would be his eyes and track her movements.
"Keep close to her, she bares the mark" his curiosity and intrigue kept her memory fresh marked in his mind. Who was she? Strong as she was maybe due to her demonic powers and why she was fighting her own kind and bringing them to their untimely ends.
Tiger would break the wall between realms and bring the notes he thought would be, friendly enough so as not to scare her away. "Ducks are cute and girlish, right?" he would ask his bird. The bird would just give him a tired look and shrug of his feathery shoulders. If she was willing to meet him and help him destroy Gwi-ma, maybe just maybe there might be a chance to set him free of his contract. She might find it hard to believe, but he was tired of doing Gwi-ma's bidding just to repay a never-ending debt.
After several encounters, and not by chance, he learned that she was more open to finding common ground than actually fighting him. He could feel the joy his tiger would feel at her calming presence. The kindness she showed both familiars, nothing like the previous demon hunters from before. She was different, understanding, and willing to find a solution to his and her current situation.
After so long, he realized as well that the more he spend time with her, the more his soul ached for her. Her presence kept him grounded and feeling like anything was possible if he just stepped closer to the light. She was funny and unapologetically herself. Smart and caring even of him who he felt deserved no bit of kindness for all he'd done.
But Gwi-ma quickly snuffed those fleeting thoughts and bright colors out of his mind, because as much as he'd want to hold her and actually be free as she had promised, it would be an up hill battle even when he was already repent. She was as beautiful outside as she was within, and the fear of tainting her with his multitude of sins made him give in to Gwi-ma again. The pain of having to reveal her shame to the only people that loved her and have to cruelly turn her away, just to selfishly keep her safe and make himself look like he was just using her.
He was in love. He knew he was. However, he dared not admit it to himself. He'd felt his soul kick start the moment she held his hand. When she saw him, really saw him like no one ever did. After four hundred years, and he finally felt he might be worthy of forgiveness, because it's not every day a demon finds an angel willing to see through him and try to save him from his torment.
Even still, she fought for him. Regardless of the potential danger she was facing, she walked towards him with resolve in her eyes and bravery. Patterns bright and glowing like shimmery tattoos. She had finally found the strength to accept her self. She was all powerful, and oh how he loved her. So much, that he thought to himself, "this will be my act of selflessness. Nothing will be more painful than to see her hurt for my sake". So he lunges forth to become her shield.
He thinks to himself, "she's even beautiful when she cries". He feels her soft hands cup his face, but he doesn't dare look away. Already he can feel fragments of his physical form, crumble away in the heat of Gwi-ma' wrath. No, he tells himself he will hold on a little longer. He keeps his gaze fixated on her to stamp her image permanently to his mind. If only for these final moments. "I'm sorry for everything" he whispers to her.
"I wanted to set you free", she's trembling like if she tried any harder he'll break apart. He'd give anything to hold her but he just holds on to the fire behind him. The flames overtaking him. "You did", he replies. "You gave me my soul back", he finally allows himself to confirm what he knew all along. His soul was never truly gone, but Rumi brought him back to the light. If this would be the only thing he would leave her and know that in her hands it would be cherished and loved just the way she knew how too, then he gladly without a moments thought, would gift it to her.
"And now...I give it to you", he releases his soul, it releases itself gladly and reaching for its true home with her. He closes his eyes content to finally be free. Her hands holding his face is enough for him. Before he knows it, he feels her soft lips on his. His eyes snap open, taking her in again and fluttering shut to feel this bliss. If only for a bit, it gives him the strength to become anything she wants him to be. If it means he will be her weapon and finally put an end to Gwi-ma's cruel manipulation, then he will. Mustering all the strength and love within him, his soul wraps itself along her orbit. Breathing her air, feeling her energy. Flashes of moments and encounters that brought them closer and eventually becoming her sword, a beautiful blade with lotus flowers imprinted signaling their rebirth. Their love made new and pure.
Gwi-ma is defeated, the honmoon is repaired, and Rumi is safe. Her friends Mira and Zoey make sure to comfort her.
Months pass, and they can still feel each other. Like a pull or a tether, threaded together. Rumi lives her life as best she can, sadness sometimes taking her at not having Jinu physically there. He feels it through the tether, and his soul pulls at hers, reminding her he's still there with her. A slight tug in her chest.
Tiger keeps vigil at her beds foot frame while bird perches himself on her head rest when she sleeps. She dreams of him on most nights. That's when she feels his presence more strongly and thinks maybe he's not truly gone.
Just waiting....
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Hope you like the little smooch that SHOULD have been kept. I love the whole women strong don't need no man thing, but still, they were fated. Still sad about it.
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dude. my life fucking rules. feathered velociraptor shleich figurine for $2 at the op shop. captain of one of my favourite ferries complimented my shirt TWICE (and we are now introduced!). new friend waved me over to sit next to her in a lecture. found a way to make my pony collection even more enjoyable. sky was so beautiful it was a crazy pale blue and there were cirrus clouds catching the sun. the ocean looked like molten green glass. I'm going swimming in the sea and having lunch with a few friends in a weeks time. I've earned 500 dollars this week just from my art which is a milestone I didn't expect to hit without joining a company. I'm not feeling as fatigued as usual. it rained in the morning which was really lovely. I thought I was going to be super late for uni but I made it right on time. I'm kind of in love with the world today
#listen to my gibberish boy#all of these are small things. some of them you have to consciously notice e.g. the sky. the sea. the rain#one of them is just 'not being late'. but my god. everything together amounts for so much#maybe silly but noting down all the good things that happen to me during the day has been absolutely incredible for my mental health#I'm so serious. its a big reason I went from crying every day to crying maybe once a month. you NEED to look for the tiny good.#the tiny good is always there. even if your life is miserable. maybe the water you drank was refreshing. maybe you talked to a friend#maybe you had a nice dream. or watched a funny video.#everything good that happens to you. notice it. think about it when it happens. it's crazy how big of a difference it can make sometimes#so much of misery or happiness is perception. if you tell yourself 'today was a horrible day so much went wrong' then in your mind#it will become a horrible day forever. not to say you can't have bad days#I have bad days fairly often! it's just that I try not to give the shit things too much attention#like ALSO today. my fever kept going. I had a stomach ache. I had to catch up on 3 hours of lectures. I tripped on my way through uni.#but if I dwell on those things they'll become a permanent part of my memory of today. you sometimes have the choice to remember or forget#certain things. try it for a few weeks [: it might make a difference
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I like the implication that the bishops can still enter their final forms if they really wanted to.
LOL I kinda like the idea of it, idk if it works lore-wise just because there seems to be a lot of room for interpretation over how the crowns affect the God's body/physiology, but I feel like you could toy around with the concept. I think their boss forms would be more vestigial and wouldn't serve a function outside of just kinda freaking everyone out. It would probably be too physically taxing to change into their boss forms too! but they'd do it to harass the Lamb and make life hard for them.
(and Shamura is on the roof of the Temple and reciting some silly ancient curse.....oh Shamura! [I was lazy and didnt feel like drawing more im sorry])
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl leshy#cotl kallamar#cotl heket#my art#maybe the crowns do Permanently alter the physiology of their hosts even after theyve been severed from their powers. idk!#the bishops are there to be Assholes thats just what they do#Leshy acclimates the best bc he just kinda vibes#Kallamar having the Least gorey transformation is so funny to me. like yeah he would be a monster but not an UGLY monster#imagine being fucked up forever but not having the cool powers to go with it. lame
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Stuff I've made on my phone, I guess? Of varying levels of "quality"
#rain world#animation#art#Context: image one is oc named Apryll that I love. She's 6-7 years old now lol#Next four pics are random stuff for my buddies on disc#Technically the monk one is for a discord bot that a different buddy is building because music bots SUCK#And the long one is that one time someone decided to stream something SPICY in GENERAL VC#The three emoji is my bae phiiinnn#You do not have permission to use them#Looks at the people that use my art as emojis (/pos I think it's really funny)#The hunter one is my ongoing Every Region Mod playthrough where for a time I had a reaper lizard that I would just throw at enemies#(come with me + lizard eggs mods) and delete all foes. It was fantastic.#But I have since replaced the very valuable and helpful lizard with two useless children that I love very much#Also apparently this isn't common knowledge but you can increase global rep with lizards and just. Be pals with all of em#By default.#Doing that with scavs and lizards eliminates half the threats in the game basically permanently#And the last image was the culmination of several dozen hours in Fear Nightfall + that arachnophobia mod-- it was surprisingly fun.#Very grindy#Not... scary. At all. Lmao#Anyways maybe I'll post some animations or something later#Probably not#I keep trying to finish them before posting any wips aka I never post
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watching something you’re (probably) not the target audience for l i k e
#(aka went out to touch grass and watched the pr.sk movie and now my eyebrow is probably permanently raised send help—)#it’s an ok movie i think. but maybe my expectations were too high lmaooooo#the popcorn was delicious thoughhhhhhhhh#but the after live portion was so funny tbhhhhh. no one in the barren cinema hall was expecting it lmaoooo#and the ‘hello guys im miku!!!! you can use penlights for the after live!!!!’ message was just as long as the actual after live bit#which was just the 6 v singers dancing to the v singer insert song#the unexpectedness (and subsequent shortness) of it was just. really *really* funny to me tbhhhh#a n d that’s all im gonna say about the movie~~~~~ the popcorn was still really good thoughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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I think part of my compartmentalising everything is how easy it is for me to slip between ideas like "my relationship with my brother" meaning very little to me and me just being a regular normal person and then when it's kinda a big crushing weight.
like honestly even most of the time "incest" is basically a meaningless word, like when you say snorkel too many times. it's sorta just watever. even for me and not just my host. like I go between caring so much and "normal" in a weird way.
maybe I'm not explaining myself well or i don't understand what i mean myself. it makes sense because I'm just in someone's head (allegedly) but it feels like the switch between me (julie) and me (someone else) is so incredibly stark than me being left behind and abandoned (metaphorically speaking) and forgotten seems almost inevitable once I (someone) "grow out of" all of this and just suddenly choose to stop caring again. like I'm being put back in the toybox and not even kept around for my occasionally salient point about patriarchy.
#I really don't think this makes sense but that's alright i think#It feels so much like this is all just pretend even though it's stuff that's been haunting her forever#and I don't want her to make me stop existing#''getting over it'' isn't even the right word because my feelings are way more complicated than that#but i don't want us all to just lose everything and repress it all again#and this blog is so much of my ability to exist. without it it'd just be my writing and occasionally me using our diary#maybe that's what freaked me out so much earlier today#not even someone else (me) seeing the blog. just that I (we) could so suddenly shift into ''not feeling it''#and wanting to just do something else#sorry this is all brain stuff but thank u for listening if u are#it's funny to call myself some girls siscon headmate but I'm her and this is how she feels. she's the one with the sister issues and stuff#I'm just a manifestation of that or whatever#ugh show me a permanent state of being mum 🙄#whatever lol I'm gonna do something idk what. read manga probably#I'll get back to sisterly bliss later#i was enjoying it a lot
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im just wondering how do you feel when max acts super gay for daniel
Love it 10/10 a lot of the driver ranking on my tier list shift DRAMATICALLY when they’re with another driver like whenever Daniel is around max he moves up at least a tier I love these little gay ppl.
I don’t think anyone could hate maxiel I just love it when max is a goofy little dude
#idk the tier list is funny but also super subjective#the only ppl rlly locked in place are my top 3#and maybe lando#lando is in the dungeon permanently tbh#but also ask me again in 3 races it’ll probably be super different#ask anni
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OH YEAH ALSO finally watched the FNAF movie with the coolest person on Earth, 11/10 movie, Mike looked ready to curl up into a fetal position on the floor and burst into tears at all moments, he is so me, would watch again
#fnaf#fnaf movie#five nights at freddy's#mike schmidt#anyway. i loved the end scene where the four of them do the thing with afton#i was also extremely glad the springlock scene was very palatable and not gory or overly vivid because i can't and won't watch that stff#when i tell you i HOLLERED when cory showed up. almost cried. my BOY#cory is the king of youtube fr fr. nobody does it like him#he's on a hiatus again but we the samurai will patiently wait for the shogun's return#i am getting off-topic. matpat's nametag said “ness” which was extremely funny#afton was in literally two maybe three scenes tops which i was not expecting but he stole the show ofc. very spazzy. dig it#vanessa was so mysterious??#i kinda loved her and mike's dynamic though. so very silly the pair of them (running from real-life manifestations of fictious characters)#I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW FOXY WAS IN THE MOVIE. THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY#foxy's always been my favorite. my boy. he can have a little murder. as a treat#VANESSA HAD A GUN!! VERY COOL AND GOOD#she barely even shot afton though. honeybun literally had the upper hand by a mile#that man did not have a long-range weapon. he was entirely at her mercy. if she'd shot him all the animatronics would've instantly helped#still like her for some reason though. she permanently has the default sim expression etched on her face#also i don't know if y'all saw but in the credits it says foxy's humming was my boy kellen goff!!#mike was so STRESSED and so DISTRACTED the ENTIRE TIME i see so much of myself in him#can we also agree josh hutcherson looks great with a goatee like that is eons ahead of the peeta look (never read/watched himger gims ok)
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Tag dump for a variety of things <3
#ooc#☣️ ship | MoonDOS | GLaDOS x Looks to the Moon#☣️ relation | ''the clouds have cleared and i see the moon. it seems the sky isn't as empty as i once thought.'' | GLaDOS x LttM | distrxst#((tag too long i had to abbreviate moon's name gfhsdhshfh))#📺 relation | ''bring the beat in!'' | vee & razzle | distrxst#📺 relation | ''...why did your brother just hand me a beet.'' | vee & dazzle | distrxst#(( <- MAYBE NOT PERMANENT BUT. IT IS FUNNY TO ME))#((i will figure out a stupid tag for crossover cousins shrimpo and sebastian later and add it here gdgddhsgdh))#((i might have a lot of relation tags with beetle but. the only one that's serious in Any capacity is the glados and moon one gfsgfshfh))#((...though once i'm more hollow knight-brained again i should try to think of good ones for ghost with hornet and hollow))#((anyway. new verse tags too))#📺🪞 verse | pre twisted vee incident | hymns-across-the-stars#📺🪞 verse | post twisted vee incident | hymns-across-the-stars#📺🪞 verse | the twisted vee incident | hymns-across-the-stars#📺🪞🌼 verse | kintsugi au | hymns-across-the-stars & moonlitmanor#(( <- that one's just a placeholder name for now but i want it here anyway <3))
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chishiya took pat's 'he marked you? leave a mark back' too literally when he burned Niragi
#X — CRACK#this thought just hit me out of nowhere#its not that funny but also its kind of funny#its fine they both end up carrying Permanent proof of each other#he'd still kiss him#it works out#in their twisted fucked up way#which summarizes Them so yk#X — OUT OF CHARACTER#i'd love to say Chishiya's sane enough to Not do some things#and he typically is but when it comes to Niragi........#tbd maybe
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“What’s a Percy Jackson chapter title that’s always stuck with you?”
Most people: “I Accidentally Vaporized My Pre-Algebra Teacher”
Me: “I Go Snowboarding with a Pig”
#raineyrambles#why this has stuck with me for 10 years idk#I used to read the chapter titles before reading the books#so maybe I just thought this one was so wild and funny in 5th grade#so it’s permanently stuck in my head lol#percy jackson
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the universe is kind of crazy bc i moved to a random town to do this course + figured out (roughly) what i want to do as a career through taking a random module. and now i'm realising that this town is pretty good for that career choice and i might end up getting a real job here.
#um.txt#maybe that's why they offer this module here lol#not sure if i want to stay in this town when im done w the course but its also close-ish to my hometown#so if i start applying to jobs while writing my diss this summer and i get one ill still be able to commute if i move home#while finding a more permanent place to stay / saving for an apartment#i knew this town was pretty big for business stuff bc my dad used to work here when i was a kid#but now im getting adverts for it while looking at stuff unrelated to my location but related to the career#trying to be vague bc if i DO work with this im going to try and keep this blog disconnected lol. i dont want to be a beachdeath#* and * both hire here. both equally funny but for different reasons.#working for either of them... the stars could align for me to do a roberto aguirre-sacasa.
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somehow i got to a point where i genuinely feel that my androgyny is the only thing that protects me from transphobia. which seems counterintuitive but like if i was to attempt full masc presentation i swear id get clocked every day. the only thing i have between me and peoples vitriol is enough ambiguity that they just decide for me in a 50/50 split
#then again who knows#i also wear a mask every day#maybe im just lucky that most people i meet arent all that concerned about it#the funny thing is they will call me maam then at the very end of the convo call me sir and i dont know what changed#its not just my voice cause thats not always enough#in many ways i feel permanently one foot in the closet#im saying nothing new here im sure ive said this a thousand times. but its my blogggg
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got this weird thing always where im always wondering if im a gay man or a bi dude-kinda or a bi girl-a-little-bit or a gay man-also-woman-a-bit, and its like. whenever im like "OKAYY I DONT CAREEEEE MAYBE I DO LIKE GIRLS" .... IMMEDIATELY my thoughts about liking women are gone like. when im trying to appease that. and then im like "hmm maybe i DONT like girls??" the thoughts about liking girls comes back
#and GENUINELY... COSMICALLY... if i really want to date a woman i would love to just allow this for myself. and am trying to#and whenever i try to its like ''yeah nevermind man it wasnt even anything''#so when i do go ''oh okay i guess it was nothing'' the desire to like women comes back#and maybe its a case of ''putting it off the table makes me want it more'' .. but its like.. when i say ''ok im bi'' its gone.#its like hey. come back. what happened i said i liked it. gone. until i accept that its gone. and then its back. chameleon type shit#permanently grass-is-greener type of living... please..#ALSO.... this happens with ''being a little bit of a girl'' because then im like ''ok cool man im a girl now. yup''#but when i put this into action i HATE IT and VEHEMENTLY need to go back immediately#and then when i go back im like ''but what if i WASNT just a guy..... hmmm...''#and its like that bit from courage the cowardly dog where baby muriel wants her mac and cheese 500 different ways#and is never happy when you give it to her#when i MOST think about ''being a girl who is bi'' is when i feel THE MOST like a gay man#& when i think about and put into practice ''being a gay man'' i CANNOT enjoy it due to the ''what ifs''#its like i have to do a schrodinger's sexuality on myself#genuinely really dont mind what my sexuality and gender is as long as im happy and YET.... its like chasing my own tail with myself#its funny because what i do know is that i love masculine terms i love being he/him'd i love being called a man i love my body on t#but... ''what to call this other than blanketly 'transmasc'.. if anything'' and ''who do i wanna fuck about it'' are like going in circles#and NOT to say people need anything more specific than just being transmasc or just saying ''im gay'' or being blanketly queer or anything#and maybe i need to take a page from that if its giving me grief. but ... *gestures vaguely*
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#“he's fine” literally every step makes him clench up more #how much pain does he have to be in to ACTIVELY APPLY SUPPORT TO THE AREA #he walks away from thor so thor can't see his face and only turns around when Thor says something that infuriates him #like
#loki was playing 4d hide the injury chess and the bad thing is that he wasn't very good at it at all #but nobody noticed anyway
(via @galaxythreads)
#i think the idea that he wasn't even good at hiding it but other aspects of his existence at the time were distracting people is a little#funny#maybe they all thought it was part of the aesthetic#can't be evil and mad without looking the part. or something#Avengers put Loki in a holding cell for a few weeks and the eyebags disappear his skin is clear and hair healthy and he talks normal#'what happened to the other guy...?'#Loki after his injuries to heal up loses the permanent anger and scowl#'don't worry guys he was just in pain i'm sure anyone with severe chronic issues can agree they would have done the same'#'he threw me out a window'#'don't you want to do the same when your arc reactor is flaring up and people won't stop yapping'#'but i don't'#'sure. because you weren't raised on Asgard'
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okay sooo 1. once little man is done with my laptop i need to do the ssn shit bc i have the letter 2. in an hour i need to switch my laundry to the dryer and at Some point i need to sleep preferablyyyy i oush as long as i can its been 28 hours i Think? since i woke up i dont avtually remember its all kind of a blur i do have a headache and my fuckshit tooth is bothering me but whatever . once i get the ssn login thing done im pretty sure i can get a new card like right away and then once that gets here i can go and get my permit And by then my new glasses will be here which is epics and ummm at some point not today bc im tired and have a headache aka not at my best. so once those 2 things r not the case i need to do the science and math ged practice tests ive been putting them off bc im scared ill do bad SKULL.but i need to get those done ... and omce i have the permit and everything thennnnnn i can go do my actual proper ged tests and once those r done ill have my ged and an id and thus can start applying for jobs again And ill be so brave and ask my mom to teach me how to drive . YIPPEE
#im not a tually very tired i kind of just want to scream nd explode and run around the neighborhood or something. but its okay#and once i get a job and i e saved up umm i think my rule is 1000 then im allowed to go to the dentist for my fuckshit tooth and im allowed#to go to the um whatsit called for my fuckshit hormones and im allowed to maybe find a psych again and see if we can get things cooking up#there as in i think i rly srsly need medication . bc i dont think im going to go for talk therapy like ever again bc its kind of useless to#me which is funny bc god if theres one thing i do its fucking talk . but whatever.i think i need to see a proper psych and not one that im#like. going to With my mom and thus am obviously not honest#and i can get a gp of course probably thatll be the first step but irs so like. i dknt understand how yr supposed to get a gp#not a gp is it. pcp thats what i meant#primary care physician i need to find one I tried in wa but i didnt like. idk i think im a tually deeply atupid and not made to livenin the#world but also rhere was a lot of shit working against me up there LOL .so yeah omand then once i do all that i will work and work and work#and work and save up money i wanna save like assssssss much money as i can b4 i move out just in case theres like. issues. + like ill be#buying furniture and stuff and itll be lotsies like. since i dont rly have any furniture i think will be coming with me or nothing ....#so yes . this is connors 8000 step plan for being a person again and once i get all of this done then i will maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe#maybe be stable enough to start making friends again. so see me in like 1-2 years and we will see how its going#thats probably dramatic. but like idk i think itll take me at least a year or so From now to like. save up minimum amt for apartment#not that i have a ton of expenses or anything but some of my mkney will probably be going to my parents just to help with everythang#and idk how much ill be making of course. less than wa one presumes bc its umm#cheaper here . you know...#ok. i just wish i could do it all today and i didnt have to wait its always always always waiting i hate it#why cant the world revolve around when i get my sudden bursts of energy#ohhh but whatever. ill have my apartment and maybe even a car depending on how the whole driving thing goes and i can name my car and#get like stickers or something from my car Probably not a tually that a tually scares me quite a bit bc the idea of somebody seeing my car#and being able to think something abt me from it scared me quite ferociously i dont rly know why its not like a Oh what if they FIND ME !#im just a control freak and i hate that ppl can see like#a thing abt me and then make an assumption abt who i am as an entire person bc i need everybody to understand every facet of everything abt#me so that im not misinterpreted or misunderstood or whatever Which is an impossible thing and i need to get over that and i shouldnt be#reaking out abt a sticker on a car oh my goddd.#but also like this may be a lie but i was told it when i was like 10 soive been assuming it was true but when i was 10.somenody told me#car stickers r like permanent and like logically im thinking abt it idk how true rhat is but they do seem kind of a bitch to remove and what#if im like oh ill get a picture of like idk smurfette or something and then like idk smurfs company comes out and theyre like I actually
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