#(also me hoping a couple specific ppl see this and interact with this... and if not that is more than ok too i'M just hoping)

[akai-anna]

[farlynthordens]

Pillowfort vs Wafrn Comparison

hello to fellow tumblypoos who may be on the lookout for places to migrate in case tumblr does implode one day but don't know what the alternatives are like. i made accounts on 2 frequently mentioned tumblr clones, pillowfort and wafrn, and tested them as of April 2025. i hope this can be helpful!

SIGNING UP

Pillowfort: sign up free and be put on a waitlist, or pay $5 for instant access. The waitlist time was very short for me. Once you have your account, you get 50 invite links per week that you can send to others for instant signup access.

Wafrn: mods review every signup, but i still got access within a couple hours.

VIBES

Just my own personal observations from a very short period of use

Pillowfort: has a more "cozy and quiet" fandom and media-sharing vibe. it emphasizes using communities when you sign up (but you don't have to join any if you don't want to). most communities that currently exist are either super huge general ones (ex: "Anime") or tiny ones people made for their own friend group but i see potential for fandom-specific spaces to grow.

Wafrn: more unabashedly queer and chaotic (positive) like if you were in a discord server but on tumblr. it's more techy and text post/chatting focused but still has huge media-sharing capabilities. you can host your own server if you know how to. it's recommended you connect your acct to bsky if you want more fandom stuff (or consider a fandom-oriented server elsewhere, tho from what i can tell those don't have a lot of users yet)

MEDIA

Both do not allow multi-select, meaning that you have to upload files one at a time. both allow putting a shitload of images in one post (i didn't even have the patience to upload enough pics to find the limits). but i recommend against mass uploading media. those are individual ppl hosting those servers. consider paying them if you plan to upload a lot.

Pillowfort: only images/gifs, videos must be hosted externally. files must each be less than 2MB. adding additional images is a little janky and sometimes the buttons pop in/out.

Wafrn: video and images/gifs. not sure what the exact file size limit is, but i was able to upload a video that was 145MB so its decently big. media is horizontally scrolled rather than vertically stacked. also note: alt text is required by default, and the "post" button will disappear if any media is missing it.

POSTS

Pillowfort: allows turning off reblogs and comments. you can edit this at any time. seemingly no feature/option to truncate long posts you see on your dash? but i haven't come across any super long posts so maybe it's there. but there is a "read more" feature.

Wafrn: you can turn off notifications for a post, but there is no option to turn off reblogs/comments which i personally find to be a big downside. posts longer than a few sentences automatically get truncated.

LIKES, REBLOGS, COMMENTS, TAGS

Both platforms have likes, comments, reblog systems, and tagging.

Both platforms don't have a page to find all of your Likes. Likes are persistent, and you'll see the colored heart icon if something you liked before crosses your dash, but there is no dedicated Likes page from what i could find.

Reblogging works different on Wafrn, where you have 3 options: rewoot (=quick reblog with no tags), reply (=standard reblog where you have the OPTION to add your own reply and/or tags), and quote (seems to be similar to doing a quote tweet, can also add tags).

If you connect Wafrn to bsky, you can see more posts from there within the site but certain types of interactions don't work.

On Pillowfort, tagging works basically the same as it does on tumblr (can search tags site-wide or on your particular blog). on Wafrn you can currently only do site-wide tag searching, so you're not able to organize your blog if you're into that.

NSFW

Both sites allow NSFW content.

Pillowfort: new post > select checkbox to mark as NSFW (so users with "Show NSFW posts by default" turned off will see the post blurred)

Wafrn: new post > upload media, and then you can mark individual media as NSFW to blur it. Also a content warning checkbox you can select to add in cw tags (must write the tags yourself which leaves room for user inconsistency. there is no preset cw list yet)

DRAFTS, QUEUE

Pillowfort: has a draft, queue, and scheduling system. your queue schedule is editable from settings or the queue page. the queue and draft pages are underneath "Posts", but only show up when there are things in them.

Wafrn: no draft or queue system.

POST VISIBILITY

Pillowfort: in every new post, you can select if the post is public, only for logged in users, only mutuals, or private (only you). you can edit this at any time.

Wafrn: in every new post, you can select if the post is public, only for your followers, only for your server instance, or private (only you). this is not editable once a post is made

BLOG VISIBILITY

Pillowfort: in settings, you can turn on concealed mode which prevents people you're not following from following you or even viewing your blog.

Wafrn: there doesn't seem to be a way to hide your blog profile from certain users/logged out users, but you can change your default post visibility.

ASKS

Pillowfort: Does not have an Ask system, only DMs. Creating an ask system is on their to-do list.

Wafrn: has an Ask system that accepts messages from Wafrn users, logged out anons, or even other fediverse sites (there's a explanation how to do this if you go to someone's profile and try sending a message). you must go to settings to enable anon asks.

FOLLOWING

Pillowfort: by default, anyone can follow anyone. in settings, you can turn on concealed mode which prevents people you're not following from following you or even viewing your blog.

Wafrn: by default, anyone can follow anyone. in settings, you can turn on the ability to review all follow requests.

CUSTOMIZATION

Pillowfort: Dark and light mode for the whole site. blog editing is pretty basic, just changing colors of some page elements (with a little jank). in settings, you can upload multiple icons which you can swap between when making new posts. there are a bunch of pfp frames and badges.

Wafrn: Dark and light mode, plus many other preset themes. blog page editing allows for header images and custom css. you can have emojis (including animated ones) in your name.

MISC

Mobile: both have a mobile app, but Wafrn's is still a bit more experimental. both contain many bugs but when has that not been the case for tungle dot com either

Paid features: Both are free*. Wafrn has no paid features but dev has a patreon/kofi you can support to pay for servers costs. Pillowfort has options for paid icons or frames, higher file size limits (2MB->4MB), or doing a recurring monthly donation to pay server costs and seems to really need the help.

Sideblog support: neither has this yet but both seem to be exploring options for it. you cannot make more than 1 account with the same email.

Blacklist/blocking: both support blacklisting words/phrases and blocking users. Wafrn also supports muting (soft blocking), Pillowfort does not but it's on their to-do list.

Languages: both are only in english

Bugs and future updates: If you want to read more about what features each platform is working on you can check Pillowfort's staff post and Wafrn's github

--------

conclusion: no matter where you choose to migrate to, nothing will be exactly the same as tumblr and will certainly never reach its scale/longevity without consistent user support.

if we want the next gen of the internet to be free of advertising and selling user data, then we will all need to chip in for it. either you pay for your own server to host yourself/others, or you support the people/orgs hosting servers for the rest of us to make sure that the things you love can remain online. i HIGHLY recommend that if you move to any of these places, you consider doing recurring donations. this goes for not just pillowfort and wafrn, but mastodon, neocities, or any other fedi or independently hosted spaces.

fedi sites have a lot of potential, because you can theoretically CREATE a massive social network via connecting lots of little ones together. but interconnecting independent sites is still something that's very buggy and needs working out, and from what i can tell, just because sites are part of the fediverse does not make them instantly compatible/crosspost-able (ppl more experienced can correct me on this)

[burinazar]

Hej hej, I hope it's ok to drop by a random question concenrning Made in Abyss. So, since our last exchange, I've the impression that the anime tends to undercut/slightly change subtle but relevant details about characters and their relationships to each other. Especially about Wakyuzan I'm wondering how much of his uspposed furtune-teller abilities were legitimate. By times, i've the impression he was more leading people on following his bidding, while appearing mostly calm. But I'm unsure about that since a certain amount of magic/mysticism seems to be at play in relation to the Abyss. What would you say?

Yay, an ask about Ganja for the world’s least shutuppable Ganja yapper! 

The Abyss itself has some kind of will or intent. There’s no doubt in my mind there was a real source speaking to Wazukyan, the same thing that “gathered [them] here for a purpose” and (some manga lore spoilers may follow in the rest of this paragraph, skip if you don’t want any) confers a “soul” upon all those who interact with the abyss, then “processes” that soul. Something is doing that. I can’t guess at the nature of this entity or will, and tbh I feel like attempts to do so (ex. the common theory that the Abyss is like a big Iruburu, was originally a person, etc) are still doomed to be premature, we just don’t know enough to guess accurately. Though I do think whatever or whoever has this “will” is probably tied to (or just straight up is?) the “essential part”, and that the essential part is a thing which has some intrinsic link to the fear and trauma of children (this is from the line by the interference units.) 

In spite of what I just said about his visions being real, Waz is very fallible as both a prophet and leader.  As acknowledged by the story, by Wazukyan himself, and by the other characters: a) he only has a partial and incomplete sense of what things will occur and b) he is not good at expressing his visions to other people. Presumably most of his decisions are not *directly* derived from a vision versus general guesswork about the path towards fulfilling it.

As a result of both of these facts, a lot of his leadership style and decision making isn’t directly divine in origin but just, uh, vibes-based. He’s doing whatever he feels he can to eventually bring about the visions, things which in the short term may not always work out and clearly lead to all kinds of issues, like, the yakkety-sax-feeling panels of them running around as wanted criminals before the journey (heartbreaking that the anime didn’t adapt Ajapoka carrying Vueko like a football while Belaf jogged next to them and they all ran away from ppl trying to kill them), or more soberingly, disastrous tragedy like 90% of the squad dying at sea or them drinking mockwater. 

By the way, people expend a lot of digital ink going back on forth on whether Waz valued doing right by the others and took that into account in his actions, or simply prioritized his visions at the cost of everything else with things like saving the others’ lives being incidental or a means to an end; my take is that Wazukyan probably isn’t even capable of grasping that these two things could be at odds with one another, which has fairly tragic implications for a certain two out of three sages. I wrote a thing about all that here a couple months if anyone wants to see. (‘What Was The Matter With Wazukyan’) Warning you all now that it’s long as hell and only if interest to people extremely keen on the character and my specific take on him.

tl;dr to me Wazukyan is definitely A Real Prophet, but also a fallible leader who is, often, confidently and charismatically doing Whatever the Hell Seems Like It Might Work rather than acting in ways divinely guaranteed to turn out well.

[mariska]

hi queer friends in my phone i hope u have all been having an ok month so far 💖 im sorry i havent been online very much lately, its like 80% just me being forgetful except to hop on my phone app for like ten mins to browse my dash and reblog something and get distracted by another non phone related activity LOL. my bestie Eli is here still until the rest of the month and we finished our rewatch (their first watch, my like......who even knows the specific numbered rewatch) of Avatar The Last Airbender a couple days ago and that was very fun and exciting, it was wild getting to those last few episodes in the final season and just totally getting brought back to being a kid in my head when the show was actively airing on tv and i was sitting in my bedroom exploding from sheer special interest excitement watching the story wrap up on the super small box tv i used to have like 15+ years ago 😭🫡 we haven't started watching Legend Of Korra yet since we just finished ATLA and need to like. take a lil Avatar media break before jumping into another entire finished series fhdhdhsfsshhgd but excited for whenever we start that too!! Eli showed me a fav movie of theirs the other night called Thoroughbreds and i REALLY liked it, fellow toxic yuri enjoyers i truly cannot recommend that one enough those girls have Problems In Abundance and i love that for them and also me.

OH OH OH ALSO on my birthday after we got home from out of house activities we watched that Nic Cage movie 'Dream Scenario' that i've wanted to see so bad since the first trailer for it dropped online a while back, and i am truly not just being dramatic when i say i think that is my favorite movie i've seen this year and it will be Difficult for another movie to win over that 2024 Fav Spot in my mind, it was exactly what i wanted it to be and MUCH MORE LMAOO IT WAS SO GODDAMN FUNNY. very specifically Me And Eli's Kinda Stupid Sense Of Humor throughout the whole run time we were fuckin losing it at every other scene. that was a wonderful lil birthday treat.

also the antique mall we were gonna go to ended up being closed on the day of my birthday so we went to a big mall off-Cape that i like instead and have been to a few other times for past birthdays cus they actually have a bunch of different types of stores with stuff i actually enjoy unlike the more local mall we have here that is 100% dying a slow agonizing Mall Death lmao. went to Build-A-Bear and they had that one bear style in stock that literally just looks like a femme lesbian with the lesbian flag colors and perfect lil eyeliner so i made a Chappell Roan inspired pop star outfit wearing lesbian colored bear (saw someone else online do that a lil while back with the same style i chose so i couldn't resist doing it myself when i saw it was at the store hfsfgsvsgshshdg) and the ppl working there that day were all super chill and friendly and most likely around me and Eli's age or maybe a few yrs younger than us, the person who helped me make my bear specifically was really friendly and fun to talk with cus while we were in there it was pretty much just us and the employees for the majority of the time, he like immediately picked up on me being A Very Obvious Femme Lesbian on account of The Femme Lesbian Bear and also The Very Over The Top Femme Alt Outfit I Was Wearing and we chatted abt being gay and trans while he was stuffing the bear it was such a genuinely sweet and wonderful interaction, he was also autistic and we got to briefly bond over Build-A-Bear being mutual life long autistic special interests of ours and he seemed rly happy to hear that i was turning 27 that day and was still actively wanting to spend birthdays making custom stuffed animals there it was just really great all around 😭💕 also before the mall closed later on we did a quick stop at the FYE store that was there (i always get very excited when i see a still active FYE store anywhere cus it was a childhood fav place of mine to shop but our local mall closed ours when i was a teenager lol) and there was a small stand set up with some ATLA merch and i got a fully functional Momo backpack/crossbody style bag that i am so incredibly psyched about having fjdgedfdhsshfg it is very cute. and anyone who knows me knows i love adding a silly lil functional novelty bag to my collection of silly lil novelty bags. so it will be getting much use from me out in the world

anyways!!! thats pretty much what i've been up to, just figured i would hop on and write a mariska life update so everyone here knows i didnt just like. drop off the face of the earth lol

[rocksandmirrors]

I SCREAMED SO MUCH AND GOT TOLD TO STFU AND SLEEP

So much small foreshadowing and references

The “boring fillers” from season one actually foreshadowing-

Body swap: Titan Luz

Carnival ep: “I loaf you”

The puppet episode: Hexsquad puppets

The rat thing kicking Tinela Nosa out of small crack in all being a reference(??) to when she kicked the rat thing out of that same place to escape boiling rain

-🔮

i hope you don't mind if i group all your asks into one post, you sent a lot of them and i don't wanna spam agshads (which isn't a bad thing tho!! when i said you could spam me about WAD i meant it, i'm just doing this out of convenience <3)

but yeah right!!! every single episode was important imo, even if there's a couple of them i don't enjoy as much they're still here not only for foreshadowing, but also for worldbuilding, character development, relationship development, etc and i HATE when ppl go "uuuh this is filler actually therefore it's useless" you don't know what you're talking about but go off </3

(i don't remember a puppet episode specifically tho, which one are you referring to??)

Raine is so op it's INSANE, like they can take on Belos despite being 1 exhausted from the draining spell 2 MIND CONTROLLED TWICE. i love them so much but damn i would never try to get on their bad side AND YEAH THE RAEDA. OUUUGHOGUHOU WE GOT FED

no but their friendship means so much to me. they're so goofy and cute i want a series about them just hanging out together

and unfortunately i don't think so </3 i expected like at least seeing them interact in the time-ship- like, without dialogues yk?? OR HAVE THEM IN THE SAME SHOT AT THE VERY LEAST AHJSAS GIVE ME MY FAVORITE BROS but yeah he's looking kinda cool ngl!! i think his mustache is real, he would have conjured up a full-on beard if he used illusion magic :')) the one he has rn is a little too ridiculous. i like his new outfit too

and yeah tbh?? that's what she deserves. the fact that she could use magic too to levitate whatever she needed to carry is just. my girl is a mess HASAJHD

oh yeah totally!! didn't catch that at first, i thought this was just a throwback to what King had said, but when i watched the episode a second time i just froze like WAIT A SECOND NOW. anyway bigender!Papa Titan for the win

VEE IS WORKING IT. the piercings, the long hair, the outfit like HELLO??? i'm sooo happy she's comfortable enough to visit the BI again too!!!

yeah i was so excited to see Darius and Eberwolf back to normal!!! it cracked me up how Darius asked about Hunter's shirt but not about his scars, but i think he knew what had happened and didn't want to bring it up just yet

and yeah i noticed that too!! i'm so relieved they found a way to remove the sigils, i thought they were gonna be stuck with them

YES. IM SO HAPPY THEY MANAGED TO FIT THAT IN. i'm not latino so idk how important it is, but i've seen a few fans hoping to see Luz's quinceañera and i'm so glad it actually happened <3

REAL. they're canon to me, in fact they were already dating during the time-skip

jokes aside, just like their reunion in FTF we all really thought they'd at least blush at each other or something GHASDADS us gustholosers never learn from our mistakes huh

FUCK YEAH. I NEED TO DRAW OR WRITE ABOUT STEP PARENT RAINE WHO HANGS OUT WITH LUZ AND KING AND THE REST OF THE KIDS <3 i love them so much

[ufonaut]

also THANK you bc youre one of the few ppl ive ever seen/interacted w online thats a comic fan that addresses the problem of people only consuming comics through out of context panels n like theme blogs/accs and just pretty art. like omg i feel a lot of solidarity w u even tho i dont actually know u personally bc i used to feel like i was being “cynical” for my opinions but its literally just critically engaging w media n its genuinely disheartening to see ppl taking critical engagement and actually reading comics as being cynical and not letting people enjoy things. ur a BLESSING and it makes me happy to see your posts! i think people dont understand you can like… respectfully disagree and just move on w your day </3 you probably already know, but youre not alone in this! you have at least one random anon in your corner!! i hope you enjoy the rest of your night :))

EXACTLY!! EXACTLY!!!!!!!!! this is so tremendously well put, it's exactly everything i've been saying & believe in and i can't thank you enough for reaching out, it's genuinely extremely reassuring to know there's someone out there who shares this point of view

the thing is no one would call themselves a fan of a movie they saw a poster/gif of & never actually watched or a fan of a musician they've seen a couple pictures of & never actually listened to but suddenly all logic goes out the window when faced with comic books! the reason i advocate so much for really actually engaging with comics as a legitimate medium is specifically because i want people to enjoy things, i'd love for them to find a book or a series or a character that's everything they've ever dreamed of in canon as i have. no fandom interpretation necessary, no ignoring the parts you don't like, just genuinely engaging with the text & finding something that feels like it's meant for you and you alone -- a possibility that exists solely & precisely because there are so many comics out there in the world. it's a wonderful thing to have as a hobby!

i personally consider comics one of the most accessible forms of media in the world -- readcomiconline is a godsend & it only requires an adblock to be absolutely perfectly safe on both desktop and mobile, not to mention it's got everything from the literal golden age of comics (stuff from the 1930s-40s that's not been collected anywhere or you'd have to spend $100000 to even breathe in the same room as!) to weekly releases.

and, speaking as someone who's completely broke as we speak & generally grew up poor, it's an astoundingly cheap hobby to have. free methods aside, if you happen to have a local comic shop or a convention or anything remotely similar then you're bound to find a whole bunch of comics for absolutely insane prices. i go to the london comic mart, which is a free entry event, every two months & come back with 30-50 individual issues for £10! hell, i do even make an effort to support what dc's putting out right now and generally stick with 2-3 monthly series from creators i sincerely love and a couple specials, which still comes to max £10-15/month. i can't think of any other hobby that's genuinely this affordable and this fun, i consider getting into comics to be one of the best thing that's ever happened to me

but all the same, i don't even believe people need to own any of this at all, they've just gotta read it to call themselves fans. it's the simplest thing in the world.

SERIOUSLY ANON THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! YOUVE GOT ALL MY LOVE

[intersex-support]

hey I am not intersex but I have a question regarding the topic of a lack of representative language and terminology within the intersex community. specifically, I am wondering how many ppl in that recent discussion are from the global north? not to conflate being intersex with necessarily being queer or trans, but it came to my mind just now how the sub-Saharan African LGBT community/movement appeared to almost strictly use the acronym LGBTI or LGBTIA to describe itself in its infancy. Africa as a continent, with the slight exception of South Africa, is still very new to having queer communities but when we finally began forming support systems and advocating for ourselves, it seems organizers very much pushed or at least preferred to have intersex representation at the forefront of representation. I actually think I'm seeing the I being phased out in larger online queer spaces that include Africans in recent years, unfortunately, instead being replaced by LGBTQ. I identify as queer but like... idk that doesn't sit right with me. it's probably the result of modern day sexual minority discussion and advocacy being heavily influenced (for better and for worse) by Western/global north language and culture. :/

so i suppose my question is, have English-speaking intersex folks on Tumblr (which can become kind of echo-y between/dominated by the US and Canada; it just is what it is) looked to the global south's intersex terminology or advocacy groups and how they discuss themselves? I am not at all claiming they aren't having the same problem it's just... the internet feels big, but language and national barriers and vacuums like this exist and I think it's very common that similar groups from very different places miss out on supporting and empowering one another because of it. food for thought, perhaps? what countries have a longer history of intersex representation and advocacy, regardless of their level of mainstream visibility? which cultures? and how have they talked about their experiences, how have they developed their own terms?

oh and I hope it's clear I'm not saying people should just drop in and co-opt other cultures' intersex community's terminologies (history and context always matter), but I wonder if there's something to be learned this way? I hope this is a reasonable question and not insensitive. I really appreciate this blog and everyone who speaks about their experiences and struggles; it's important that we all strive to learn about and from one another, continuously, and this blog and the people who engage with it have taught me a lot just in the couple months I've been following you.

have a good one ✌🏾

Thank you so much for this question. I think you raise so many good points that are VITAL to address in the intersex community. It’s really true that the intersex community on tumblr is overwhelmingly people from the US and Canada, and I think a lot of the lenses that we use to discuss intersex language, terminology, and intercommunity issues are so influenced and mostly focused on US and Canadian intersex issues, which is honestly a problem! Like on one hand it makes sense that intersex conversations on here would be mostly involving American people since I feel like tumblr is overwhelmingly American, but I think that there needs to be more of a good faith attempt to look at and intentionally create spaces for international solidarity. I think that’s something that we really need to be aware of is that when we’re talking about intersex issues, we really need to steer clear of making overarching generalizations about what the “intersex experience” is or acting like American language preferences are inherently the standard. The intersex community on here is also so white, and there is a lot of issues with racism within the intersex community here-you really see white intersex voices getting prioritized over intersex people of color, and that’s a huge issue that we need to actively fight against. 

And honestly like I think there is also a trend just to focus on American intersex activism, when there are sucessful intersex activist organizations doing important work world wide. And it’s important to recognize and support demands and issues that are more regional-for instance, a key part of the statement made by African Intersex Movement in 2017 is calling for an end to intersex infantcide, which is not a demand that most American intersex organizations are making. And I think really robust intersex solidarity requires looking at issues that affect us world wide, and looking at how to incorporate that into our activism. 

You’re really right that we should be looking more to the global south and considering and developing some of our understandings based not just on American experiences, but also looking and learning from intersex organizations internationally. For instance, I know there’s been a strong intersex organization since 2000 in South Africa started by Sally Gross, which was quite a while before InterAct started really doing activism, and I think there’s so much to learn from people who have been doing the work for longer. Our resources page does have a list of intersex organizations broken down by country, which might be a good starting place to start to look at and learn about what unique issues intersex people in other countries have, and look at the amazing activism and important work that intersex people from outside of the global north are doing. We have so much to learn from eachother and I think acting like we don’t have anything to learn from intersex people outside of America is such an issue, and a perspective heavily influenced by white supremacy and xenophobia. 

This is getting a little long lmao, but to answer your question-honestly, I really don’t think most intersex people in the tumblr community are considering the global south in conversations about intersex issues, community, and language. (this is a little different in spaces off tumblr-I’m in some intersex spaces that have a lot of people from different countries, but these spaces are still English speaking.) And I think that’s something we should change! I’m going to post this ask as a call in for the intersex community on here-how can we change the way we approach intersex community issues? How can we work to deconstruct the idea that American intersex issues and scholarship are the standard? How can we learn from intersex activists and people from other countries-especially countries in the Global south, especially Africa-and how can we fight against the way we might have internalized racism and xenophobia that leads us to view intersex work from those countries as less important? How can we decenter whiteness in our intersex conversations? 

I’m not going to pretend that I have answers to all these questions, but I think it’s vital that we’re working on and addressing these questions, and building intersex spaces that intentionally make space for diverse intersex experiences, and that honor intersex work that is from other countries than America. 

I know I’m going to commit to doing more research to broaden my perspective going forward, and I’d like to invite other intersex people following me to do the same. 

Thanks for pointing this out. I really appreciate it. 

-Mod E

[xiaosmoon]

hihi! ive been following you for a while now, just too shy to interact hehe- but here is my matchup request! • I am a bisexual female with she/they pronouns (although I dont mind any pronouns, just more comfy with she/they since most ppl refer me as she) • I am an aquarius :]] but if we're getting detailed then im an Aquarius sun with a virgo moon and a Capricorn rising :D • my mbti personality type is ISTP-T • hmmm,, I'm most likely to use claymore :]] I don't really know why but my friends see me as a claymore user so - yeah • likes: soft, fluffy, warm things♡ (totally not describing diluc) and chill music :]] or any kind of music really but chill music is my go-to dislikes: not anything that I know of aside from the usual racist, homophobic people but I guess flying insects count lmao • I am extremely awkward in social situations and I mean extremely awkward BUT! it's a different story when it comes to friends, I am much much much more outgoing and extroverted - often labelled as the clown friend of the group :D oh and I kin kaeya and venti the most if that helps :]] hmm as for hobbies, I really love drawing - and im pretty good at it as I have been drawing ever since I was a little kid, another hobby is just listening to music in general, I often detach from reality (bcuz reality sucks) and daydream a lot so I play a song to fit whatever goes on in my head :O • I don't really mind getting matched with anybody but I do lean more into the males in genshin - the canon adult ones to be specific :]] though I don't mind getting matched with a female too because all the females in genshin are absolute queens congrats on 100! your writing is absolutely lovely and im definitely looking forward to more :D I hope you have a great day <3 oh and take care of yourself if you dont do that already!

ahhh thank you nonnie! <3

your vision & s/o would be...

zhongli

vision: hydro

you and zhongli would match each others energy perfectly

for your first date, i can see him being the classy old fashioned gentlemen he is and taking you for a dinner date!

it's very romantic, and the perfect chance to talk without being too social

he would make sure to book a reservation at your favorite restaurant days in advance and request for a table far away from everyone else, just for you!

he would love to listen to your playlists. he feels like it gives him a better understanding of who you are

you could also talk to him for hours and hours and he would never once get bored; just waiting to hear your next story, or rant, or nothingness. the beautiful sound of your voice is all he wants to hear

he notices that you like drawing, so this man would buy make you a small art studio type thing in his home. he says you can use it whenever you want and even added a few extra personal touches

you could be listening to music while drawing your heart away, and he would be there trying to learn from you!

overall, i see you guys as the cute couple people always point at and awe. you guys just match dynamics and it's always so perfect

[flying-elliska]

Just watched The Old Guard yesterday....I have Emotions. Compelling characters, excellent rep, great action scenes. I see why tumblr is obsessed with it.

SPOILERS + lil essay incoming

It's not perfect obviously. It drags in places and I think it needed more flashbacks for the immortals that would have given that extra oomph (maybe they definitely couldn't afford that - the few historical flashbacks we got looked kinda cheap tbh). You feel like there is so much interesting stuff under the surface that isn't explored fully - how they got where they are because it does, at times, seem even more compelling than the present (which is already quite interesting, don’t get me wrong). The bad guy doesn't feel as scary as he should be, either - he lacks presence, he could have been more pathetic or more unhinged. The dialogue was a bit overly sparse in places. But overall, I loved it. Charlize Theron as queerish action queen badass with a gruff exterior but a core of goodness is like...my jam. And it NEEDS a sequel.

Some more thoughts :

- The tone of deep melancholy and sadness that pervades the film is so interesting. Yes, most of the main characters are the gruff action hero type who say little ; but there is so much underlying emotion there too, love and loyalty and loss, in the way they are played and interact with each other. So it doesn’t come over as the stereotypical macho cliché of ‘gotta repress those feelings and BE TOUGH’ - you really feel as if 1) those characters have spent so much time together that they function really well as a unit, they don’t need to talk a lot of the time, they just understand each other and 2) there is so much real grief and sorrow there that words wouldn’t properly adress it and it’s no use trying. AND at the same time, they still get an arc of ‘caring about the world is still good, actually.’ As an action movie fan who hates the ‘cardboard stoic is the only way to survive’ tropes of the genre, this movie just made me very happy. They have this intimacy within the group that feels so real and like...battle forged found families, again, my jam, but they’re also tied together by loss and loneliness and having no one else who understands. It’s so JUICY in terms of character dynamics. Nile’s more innocent but still a fighter thing fits very well with the older, more cynical ones. The ending, where they punish Booker with a century of loneliness for betraying them but ultimately still recognize why he did what he did and that he’s still part of the team...but that he might not ever see Andy again...my heart. 

- Also, it reminds me of this essay I read about how violence/battle/injury in film is often used an excuse to show male intimacy in a way that is not allowed anywhere else but in this movie, you both have platonic intimacy (and also between Andy and her team, which is cool! love a good m/f platonic soul bond!!!) AND you have a couple of dudes who both fight together and are actually lovers, which is awesome. The scene in the van is just so bloody brilliant because you have that idiot soldier who is at the level of homophobic taunts, ‘haha is he your boyfriend’ as if that was supposed to threaten their masculinity (because in their world it would). But Joe and Nicky are just way beyond those puerile games - they also met in this context of violence but because of their immortality, they were able to turn it into love. And it’s the thing that allowed them to survive the centuries with a relative level of happiness compared to the two others because they have each other. I love this because it 1) grounds gay love in history and clearly shows it as something that has always existed and can be an epic love able to withstand almost a thousand years (whereas gayness has been so often coded as something both modern and ephemeral) and 2) presents it as wiser, deeper and a lot more badass than the path of repression and violence as a baseline for men to interact even as a lot of male socialization is build up as brutal to avoid it so like YEAH !!!!! GOOD!!!!

- This is another movie that really REALLY shows the importance of having ppl who are not white and/or dudes behind the camera. (It was still written by one but I still feel a difference).The two leading ladies are never objectified, and their main emotional dynamic during the movie is with each other. The audience surrogate, who is also the emotional pivot of the movie who causes the other characters to change, is a young Black woman (especially since apparently Nile’s role and her relationship with Andy was expanded from the comics). Andy is the leader/main badass and mystery of the story in a way generally reserved for men. There is that scene, too, where Andy gets her wound patched up by a random woman in a pharmacy, which causes her to reflect on the good of humanity and the importance of good actions in a chaotic world. Chiwetel Eijofor’s villain being allowed complexity and a sort-of redemption. But it’s also more specific things in the way the movie is shot - especially in the non-Western countries. In action movie tropes, you have this cliché of ‘picturesque but dangerous’ ‘exotic’ locales, who are often used as the backdrop for action scenes, which is...not awesome tbh. This movie does take us to those countries, and there is action, but it’s also shot in a very humanizing way that reminds us that this is a real place where real people live : Nicky saying hello to the locals in South Sudan in their own language, Nile asking the Afghan women for help in the beginning, shots of kids playing with balloons, etc. The team accepts a mission in the beginning to rescue kidnapped Sudanese girls in the beginning - in most action movies often the populations to save are white/Western whereas locals/POC are shown as ‘tragic but acceptable collateral damage’. Or for instance, that scene in Marrakech’s Jemaa El-Fna square - a lot of the time foreign markets only appear as a ‘chaotic, dangerous’ backdrop for action to be ransacked through without a care ; here it’s just a cool lively place for the team to meet their contact, normalized instead of exotified. It’s shot the same way as the scenes in France, it’s interesting to look at and the shots take advantage of the beauty of the location but there are no weird color filters or shots that suggest that the place is bizarre, threatening, Otherized, etc. (Also interesting that most of the scenes in France take place in abandoned buildings like a church that’s half in ruins, a mine, etc...interesting reversal lmao.) The movie is not anti-imperialist by any means but it’s still...a tangibly different gaze, especially for an American movie, and it makes it a lot more humane and interesting.

- Overall, it left me wanting more, mostly in a good way. This could have made such an excellent series too. They seem to be setting Quynh as a villain for the next movie and that could be really interesting but I really hope they’re going for a ‘tragic villain gets redeemed in the end’ (with a side of lovers to ennemies to lovers with Andy...their story seems to have so much potential in such an epic tragic way) instead of ‘psycho lady too far gone to save’ thing. And that we get more flashbacks from the immortal’s pasts. Since it seems very successful, I hope we do get that sequel once the film industry starts again.

[busanlove9597]

in case of unpopular opinion , 1) i dont know how unpopular this is but , i very recently saw one of the big km blogger mentioning the same theory . its about km rings.ys they maybe matching rings but members have lots of matching rings.to say they r promise rings / even engagment rings bought from tokyo etc etc are bullshit. the only fact we know is km does have some pairs of matching rings , even recently they are wearing matching rings for some events but that's it. 2) this is MY opinion, if someone cant accept a reality that there is a chance km may not be real or someone who does believe km is in a relationship but want them to act always like in romantic movies n if not going around crying km broke up can just stop "shipping km " now. its the best for your mental health . coz these r real people possibly in a real relationship they have good days n bad days, their fightings can remain for many days too, they r professional af , just because they r not screaming n fighting on cam doesnt means it doesnt exist , it does n they maintain their distances at those times , from my observation . N in those times u dont need to go to every km blog for reassurance , they also dont know anything more than u . also dont need to go n talk dirty about jk or jm when u think they r fighting , its their relatonship, they still love each other more than they love you even during the times of fights .

3) this is the opinion of a part of jikookers, but i also think km got evolved as "couple" by end of 2017. i know a major part of jikookers believe it happend in 2015. but from my observation n life as a queer person in a homophobic country , u just wont start a relationship or sail smoothly from the begining. u r going against a norm taught to you by society,u wont jump directly to confess even if ur crush for that person is shooting high , u will be confused af for ur sexuality or that person's sexuality, internalized homophobia may still be having its own influence on you that u cant complety accept urself or confess to the person . in some cases even if u will love n take care of that person n u maybe somewhat physically involved still u wont be able to define the relationship especially if its same sex relations in a country i live in. NO its not because ur r with that person to calmdown ur hormones but the hurdles u need to jump which r build inside u n by the society takes time. IT WILL TAKE TIME to be in a commited same sex relationship even if u love someone damn too much. N i think they reached there by end of 2017 or 2018. imo 2015 was the yr JK began to 'accept' this part of himself n start to make moves ( i believe it was jk to make a move first than wt youtube compilations shows us - the bold n flirty jm ??? ) n by end of 2015 both of them knew they like each other. for me 2016 -17 was yr of testing waters, getting to know both mentally or physcially , there were some insecurities or jealousy involved. yet i cant get vibes of a commited relationship there. ofcourse my opinion only , diff jikookers may have diff timelines according to how we see n percieve things. they had fair share of big n small ups n downs throught the yrs .they evolved n matured n we have today's jikook now.

hey, thank you so much!! 

i hope it’s okay to say a few things in response? 

re 1) rings: exactly, going as far as saying that they’re promise or engagement rings is a little...far fetched imo. i have wondered where this narrative is coming from? back then i went through bvlgari’s products to see if i can find those specific rings but i couldn’t. so either they were custom made, from an older collection or from (a) different brand(s). i know there’s this one picture that ppl love to recycle but i very clearly remember this was from a russian (?) website that wasn’t associated with bvlgari at all. and wasn’t there another pic of km shopping at gucci in the airport in japan that had sparked the bvlgari rumors in the first place? anyway. like you said, some members have matching rings/jewelry. it doesn’t mean they’re in a relationship lol 

re 2) “if someone cant accept a reality that there is a chance km may not be real or someone who does believe km is in a relationship but want them to act always like in romantic movies n if not going around crying km broke up can just stop "shipping km " now. its the best for your mental health“ THIS. i’d like to add that if your mood depends on km interactions or the lack thereof, it’s time to distance yourself. also, it’s very normal that couples don’t act couply all the time and most certainly not in professional settings aka at work which is virtually most of the time we see them... 

re 3) i think the end of 2017/2018 sounds reasonable, although i sometimes think that considering how difficult 2018 was for them, that perhaps they didn’t make it official until 2019 or. but that doesn’t align with some of the things that happened in 2018 so like...i have yet to make up my mind. 

it’s interesting that you think jk made the first move. it’s entirely possible tbh. i actually think that he came to terms with his sexuality way before jm did but perhaps that’s more headcanon than reality. 

depending on where you live being in a same-sex relationship can be someone’s death sentence and i don’t think enough ppl are aware of it. being queer on the internet is fun and games but being queer irl is different story. i grew up in a progressive country, i can’t possibly imagine what it’s like to be queer in a society that’s not as accepting as mine (despite that i’m not out to my entire family) but i am deeply sorry if that’s your reality. my childhood best friend is serbian and for as long as he was living with his parents he basically lived a double life. it took him living abroad to finally accept his homosexuality. i often read that if km are dating, they’re so lucky to have fallen in love with each other. are they though? being who they are there’s so much at stake for them and i just can’t see it as this fairytale love story that some like to label it. i realize this pov might be a bit more controversial so don’t come at me lol 

pls feel free to share more thoughts! 

[flvcr]

— ( harry styles, twenty-five, cismale, he/him ) did you see ETIENNE FLUOR walking down main street earlier? you know who i’m talking about, they’re a POTTER / HOCKEY PLAYER. everybody in town says that they’re IDEALISTIC & INTUITIVE, but have a tendency to be UNPREDICTABLE & DESTRUCTIVE too. ETIENNE has been in town for THREE years. c'mon, they’re always requesting RUNNIN’ WITH THE DEVIL BY VAN HALEN at karaoke nights. well, i’m sure you’ll see them soon! @westmerestarters​

hiya! i am kt &+ underneath the read more is a LOT of info about my bb, etienne. ** insert clown emoji but make ‘em yee-haw ** if you’d like to plot you can reach me on here or at space cowboy#8536 on discord !! <33 v excited to interact with y’all and your bbs !!

𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖘

name: etienne ‘ marcel ‘ fluor. 

nicknames: goes by marcel, only allowing very few people to call him etienne.

gender / pronouns : cismale / he, him.

age: twenty-five.

birthday: june 27th.

zodiac: cancer !!

orientation: pansexual / panromantic.

occupation: hockey player ( currently injured ) // potter ( for fun ) !!

languages spoken: french, english & italian.

𝖎𝖓𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

- PINTEREST - featuring his wardrobe, his home, his aesthetic, some character inspo and olive, his german shepard pup !!

- SPOTIFY PLAYLIST - what he is currently listening to !!

personality type: INFJ-T / THE ADVOCATE

moral alignment: chaotic good

style-wise: etienne is v stylish, but isn’t overly flashy by any means. he’s intuitive in the sense of what works and what doesn’t. willing to explore the latest wardrobe craze, but also just likes what he likes and likely won’t venture out unless pressed by another to do so. post coming soon for his wardrobe !!! they say that the cancer man’s clothing is selected to reflect “ sophistication over flash “ but kdgjn i’ll let ya’ll be the judge of that. he’s v much harry inspired clothing wardrobe, but also tones it down with some casual looks, especially when it comes to getting his hands dirty in creative aspects !! but can be a bit on the flashier side as well, especially w/ hockey press and what not !!

𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉

   etienne ‘ marcel ’ fluor was born in montpellier, france to two lovely parents, theodore and estelle fluor ( both born in england themselves ) . he is the youngest of his siblings, having one older brother and an older sister, all of them being roughly two years apart. at the age of eight, his family relocated to montreal, canada as a result of a promotion his mother received, which at such a young age, etienne had no qualms with, despite his siblings’ uneasiness.  upon moving to a new country at a young age, etienne truly found himself via escaping into various books and movies. often attempting to write his own and would force encourage his siblings to act his skits/plays out for his parents enjoyment. he continues to be very close with his parents and siblings - recently he taught his parents how to use facetime, so catch him face timing his family on sunday nights. 

   growing up, etienne also enjoyed playing all types of sports ( his parents signing him up hoping that he’d make friends as a result, which he did ). when it came down to it, athletic abilities-wise, there truly wasn’t anything that he wasn’t ‘ good ’ at, and that’s simply because he’s always been such a competitive individual / as well as a perfectionist. that competitive/perfectionist energy caused him to go home and practice a skill or trick for hours in order to be able to come back the next day and whoop everyone’s asses. overall, he’s very athletic, found alternating between various sports offered not only at school, but as well as through local clubs. ultimately, his love and appreciation for hockey swayed him and soon enough it became his sole focus. due to his perfectionist tendencies, etienne is very dedicated to his craft, he will spend hours practicing specific tricks and skills in order to be the best at what he does, which transcends past hockey and into, really, every aspect of his life. 

   throughout highschool ; etienne was a v dedicated student. although he’s a bit reckless and loved to goof off, he was always acing classes and applying himself. he genuinely cares for others, you could’ve seen his ass volunteering at a soup kitchen with his mom on sundays and what not, as well as take part in various clubs and sports ! just SOFT and sporty things. during this time, he joined the ontario hockey league and from there was eventually scouted out and recruited to the pittsburgh penguins as a defenseman at the age of eighteen - forgoing his parents desire for him to attend a university. although he enjoyed his time with pittsburgh, he was excited when the idea of being traded came up - eager to explore a new city and immerse himself in a new area. 

      trigger warning - injury, dislocation ( just in case !!!! ) however, he really didn’t enjoy new york ( hehe ), so he relocated to westmere soon after his initial arrival to nyc - finding a lot of comfort in living in a less populated area. he would commute during the hockey season to nyc, which to him wasn’t very far away, so this is where he’s been residing for the last three years !! however, in the last couple of weeks while training for the upcoming season my lil bb injured himself - not to get into tooooo much detail, i’ll just leave it at shoulder dislocation / joint separation due to a hard hit !! basically he’s out for this upcoming season, already having surgery completed, he’s currently healing for the next couple of months, allowing himself to fully experience that westmere fall !!!

   overall, etienne can come off as a bit reserved, and distant whether that be a result of his untrusting nature of others, or simply unfamiliarity. it takes a bit of time before he feels comfortable to share his true opinion / commentary / only doing so when he feels secure to do so. he’s not necessarily unfriendly, just a bit distant / lost in his thoughts. which varies, as with most ppl ofc, upon person to person and his level of comfortability among them. despite his often lack of conversation, he abhors an uncomfortable silence to settle and will fill it with nonsense to simply avoid the feeling altogether. so, if you ever want to catch him rambling, just making him uncomfortable dkjfngdf. he definitely approaches most things with a bit of ‘ tough love ‘ . he doesn’t mind getting into a quarrel or two if he knows its worth the outcome he’s envisioned. etienne will tell others when they are fucking up, and if they are throwing a punch as a result - catch him leaning into it, which explains his bout of reckless antics. he can come off as a know it all, when it comes to advice giving, but more so because he thinks he’s really good at analyzing others and situations they are in, not necessarily because he’s lived through them himself, he’s just rather intuitive and able to empathize quite easily with others despite his verbal admittance of it. when it comes down to this binches reckless bits, he just feels so intensely that he ends up numbing himself in the aftermath of it all ( especially bc he’s definitely not sharing those feelings with the people around him ), therefore he’s willing to put himself into harms way in order to get a bit of that - happiness / pain, it doesn’t matter to him as long as he no longer feels overwhelmed by numbness. so, if ya see him with some scrapes and stitches ~ mind ya business. but he’ll likely try to drag somebody else into it, and make it seem like it was their idea. but if he is truly comfortable with somebody, he walks a fine line of won’t stop talking, especially if it’s an interest of his, and comfortable silence.

_________________________

𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖞 & 𝖍𝖆𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖘

he is a CANCER, therefore in this essay i will..... kidding but here’s some fun cancer info i saw that applies to my bb !! at first he appears to be wistful, sarcastic ( maybe a lil crabby ) , shy, distant and mysterious. this personality remains if he isn’t completely comfortable around somebody. but overall, that’s just his facade, his ‘smokescreen’ of sorts to scare off the world from his outwards persona. underneath that layer ( makes me think of shrek metaphor with onions // don’t mind me ), BUT he’s gentle, kind and affectionate ( if you manage to make it to that level * bell dings * ) !!! overall, etienne is a sensitive soul, a bit emotional although he’d rather d*e than show that to others. likely will internalize anything that can hurt his feelings / a low blow and will do something chaotic as a result later on bc of it. very polite, and a little worldly, he is truly the epitome of old-school gentlemanly manners. chivalry coming as a second nature to him !!

that was getting ramble-y, so continuing HERE. but when it comes to romance, as per the cancer man, the concept of love is a mystery, one that etienne is trying to attain. however, his shyness and innate distrust of others make it difficult for him to allow himself to fall in love. his guard is always up when it comes to his emotions, and it’ll take a bit of prodding before he’s willing to speak up on what’s desired from him. he’s v picky when it comes to finding the “ partner of his dreams “ - but he’s def willing to throw himself into the romance of the situation, i.e. buying flowers, riding white horses, and slaying metaphorical dragons. the traditional side means that he will shower his partner with thoughtful gifts, wine and dine them in the best restaurants, and try to grant their every wish. he will take the garbage out, fix that wobbly shelf, navigate on road trips, and kill more so trap and release bugs for his partner, and most important of all he will do it all without being asked. his loyalty and keen attention to the needs and wants of his potential partner. so basically, more so willing to showcase through actions than speak on it. it’s the little things, right ??!?!?! he def cherishes not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person in mind, body, and soul.

prides himself on being able to make a mean cup of coffee, likely the worst person to watch a movie with bc he knows exactly how it’s going to end after only watching five minutes of it, he has a godawful sense of direction, will walk in circles for fifteen minutes before even raising a question about it/noticing ( but he refuses to acknowledge it. )

his house, car, workspace, junk drawer, closet….you name it - it’s organized, practically sparkling. often times arranged by color, and / or style. nothing is ever out of place, and if it is - there’s trouble brewing. but, more than anything, if he’s visiting somebody’s place and it’s messy, he will spend a solid thirty minutes picking everything up before doing whatever it is that was intended.

likes : reading, flowers, handwritten notes/letters, deep cleaning, baking, working on his pottery, watching the history channel and true crime docs and playing / watching hockey !!

dislikes : artichoke, clutter, sandals ( fkjgh ), unrealistic plotlines in movies &+ burnt coffee.

habits :  likely has a severe caffeine addiction, although he’s now normalized having six cups of coffee throughout his day. he’s an early riser, no matter how little the amount of sleep he’s received, he’s always the first to rise - for his early morning runs !!

strengths: creative, insightful, inspiring, convincing, determined and passionate, decisive, altruistic, intuitive !!

weaknesses: sensitive, extremely private, perfectionist, low-key always needs to have a cause / purpose, can burn out easily !!

overall : etienne truly strives to be kind, and genuinely wants for everyone to get along. treat people with kindness and the like. he has the best of intentions, but often times that can get a bit muddled with the way he goes about things due to his bit of chaotic energy / as well as his often points of getting lost in his thoughts. he won’t realize he’s been quiet for the last three hours unless it’s mentioned to him. he will do anything to lighten a dark mood, and will sacrifice / throw himself under the bus if its needed. however, he also is the type to cause the dark mood depending on the day. wahoo! his more reckless antics increase when he’s feeling a bit emotional !! but he’ll likely try and convince somebody to propose the idea so it’s not on him.

𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

he lives with sebastian !! with his commuting to nyc for the hockey season, he wanted somebody to be able to take care of his house / garden and what not, and thus, seb arrived.

he’s v into making ceramics, cups / bowls / vases / etc !! what began as a fun hobby to distract himself in the offseason became something that he truly enjoys. ( laughing about that scene in ghost BUT DKJFNG OKAY ) although he’s pretty low-key about it, you can catch him at the farmers market selling his creations !! some pictures of his work can be found on his pinterest board !!

he is a vegetarian ! he has been since his freshman year of high school and has no plans on eating seafood/meat ever again.

he loves fancy wine ~ he’s cultured. 

he can play the drums !!

he collects vintage matchbooks and the stickers off of various fruits ( he puts them in a little notebook - can be found on his bookshelf ).

saves handwritten notes and letters from pals.

he loves to garden !!!! he has a specified rose shearing hat.

HE WANTS TO JOIN A BOOKCLUB PLEASE !!!!!!!! or at least have some casual moments of silence with another reading. plz and tysm.

to make things a bit simple, he has all of harry’s tattoos !!  might add more along the way !! stay tuned, folks !!

𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘

i am so up for anything!! please accept this ramble of ideas thrown below.  if you have any other ideas, lmk !!!! <3333 :’-) down to start from scratch and PLOT PLOT PLOT !

( 2 / 2 ) - BFFZ : the z for an added emphasis dkfjgnd. somebody who likely has a key to etienne’s house, they can enjoy one anothers company as well as the bouts of comfortable silence. you know how best friends are but kdjfngd still !! whether they are likeminded or polar opposites that just flow ~~ down for anything !! even a trio of sorts ?!

( 1 / 1 ) - RIDE OR DIE / CHAOTIC COMPANION : it would be wrong to say one is the more likely the bad influence over the other, although etienne may just be. these two find themselves bounding into, well hell, ( i guess??? ) together. playing on one anothers impulsiveness and if one ends up in the back of a police car, the other is handcuffed to them. and yet despite the length of their potential injuries, they find themselves thinking of something crazier to subject them to the next time around.

( 1 / 1 ) - GUARDIAN ANGEL / GOOD INFLUENCE : with etienne being a bit chaotic in nature, he needs somebody that is likely going to steer him clear from all the ideas that’ll bring him to the brink of disaster. he’s impulsive and in that desperate attempt to feel again, he’s very likely to bring a bit of mayhem upon himself. so while they may be worrying and attempting to talk his ideas down, he’s trying to get them to go along with his plan. it may be rare that he actually takes their advice, but when he does it seems to be for the best.

( 1 / 1 ) - PARTY FRIEND : these two know how to have a good time together. despite the amount of alcohol they are throwing back and the shenanigans they find themselves in as a result, this is a time where they also find themselves confiding in one another. if you look at their camera rolls, it’s likely they have tons of embarrassing and unflattering videos and pics of one another, in between their sob-worthy confessionals and venting/rants. these two trust one another, and although they love getting wreckT together, they find themselves discussing very raw and personal details. likely the only person etienne confides in, simply bc he’s completely plastered.

( 1 / 1 ) - SIBLING-LIKE RELATIONSHIP : these two have a love/hate relationship, very sibling like filled with pranks, competition, teasing and playful banter. however, when it comes down to it they have so much love and respect for one another. they know that no matter what happens they will always have one anothers back and be supportive of the other. truly a pure content filled relationship.

okay quick mention, ENEMY PLOTS ?!?!?!?!?!? i would live for one. i can’t imagine etienne being hardcore nasty, but i’d like to see whatever version comes out for this. so let’s get it djfngjakdfg maybe they just hold different viewpoints on the world and what not and clash, anything really !!! v open !!

( 1 / 1 ) - MENTOR - etienne needs a bit of structured or unstructured guidance, all depending on what their deemed mentor is wanting to impart on him, a bit of wisdom or slight chaos. kdjfgn he’ll take anything !! 

RANDOM LITTLE IDEAS : maybe they’ve heard of one another in town, but haven’t quite met yet! or maybe they see each other around all the time, but have yet to introduce themselves to one another but low-key maybe in some online forum for the town together ?! who knows some fun things kdjnfg i AM OPEN !

ooh maybe a slowburn of sorts ?! something spicy to wreck HIS and my life with.  dkfjgn we can base this off of chemistry !!! :’-)

[samstrugglingwithlife]

Hi! Congrats on 200!! Can I get a haikyuu match up pls? I'm a 21 yr old computer science student and I draw on the side. I love playing video games and dream of making one myself. My love language are acts of service/quality time. Hobbies: listening to music/podcasts, watching movies, playing video games. Total introvert, shy and quiet most of the time but I enjoy hanging out with friends and making ppl laugh with dumb jokes and memes (I like banter/teasing close friends) (1/2) 🦁

First of lemme ask you, CAN I BE YOUR MATCHUP???

MAY I SHIP YOU WITH ME? Nah, honestly you deserve better, lol. 

Thank you for sending in your matchup request, you sound so precious, I absolutely love you! I hope you like this. I’m sorry I wrote this when I’m not doing so well, so it may sound like it’s all over the place. If you don’t like this, I am terribly sorry and please let me know so I can improve this.

I thought long and hard about who would be a good match for you and if you don’t like this character or the matchup then let me know, okay?

Kuroo Tetsurou 

How You Two Met

You met Kuroo at a restaurant. Well, to be more specific, your friends dragged you out to try out the new hip restaurant that was a hang out hotspot for all youngsters with its neon lights and a live indie band performing every night. Kuroo was there with his college classmates, they were all gathered around a large table near the band, listening to their performance. One of your friends caught his friend's eye, and you guys were invited to their table to hang out with them. Obviously, you guys joined their group, you sat next to Kuroo. You felt awkward as your friends interacted with his friends, flirting and giggling. Kuroo noticed your awkwardness and decided to have small talk with you, within minutes you were comfortable and talking as if you two were old friends. You made him cackle with your jokes, and he was pleasantly surprised that you could keep up with his teasing comments and retaliated wittingly. By the end of the night, you two became good friends and even exchanged numbers so you guys could meet up again.

When He Asked You Out And Your First Date

After your first interaction, you two texted a lot back and forth. On days when your schedules were free at the same time, you two would meet up. Sometimes you guys would meet up at the same restaurant, sometimes you guys would meet up at the park, he would also often drop by your college to hang out. The more he got to know you, the deeper he fell for you. He loved watching you eat, the cute smile on your face whenever you ate the food you liked made him weak in the knees. He also thought that the way you spoke about your passions and your desire to make your own video game was super sexy. Little by little, Kuroo's feelings for you grew deeper and deeper. One day, you got a text from him asking you to meet up at that restaurant. When you got there, you saw how he was biting his nail, and his leg was bouncing with worry. That day, he confessed his feelings for you. After that, the two of you could hardly contact each other because of midterms, and you were left thinking about his confession. You liked him a lot too, but you didn't even get the chance to tell him. On the day of your last exam, as you exit the building, you see Kuroo standing outside waiting for you. You rush to him. As he walks you home, you guys talk about your feelings, and he finally asks you out on a date, you immediately say yes! On your first date, you guys went to a restaurant for dinner, but not the same hipster-chic restaurant you guys always hung out at, but to a very sweet quaint looking place with serene instrumental music playing in the background. You thought that it would be awkward, suddenly you weren't hanging out as friends but as a couple. However, soon enough, all your worries were washed away as you guys ordered way too much food and teased each other back and forth. You guys were bantering like you normally did and were having fun as you always did. The only difference was that Kuroo and you were now holding hands and staring lovingly at each other. When your date ended, and you guys had to go your separate ways to your homes, he kissed you ever so gently before helping you into the cab and waving as it drove you away.

Whats Your Relationship Like

Sometimes Kuroo acts like he is way beyond his years, sometimes he is like a man-fucking-child, there is no in-between. But he is so encouraging like he really does so much to boost your confidence. He's showing you pamphlets about short courses on how to make your own video games, he's inviting Kenma over so the two of you can discuss, he's bringing home textbooks that would be helpful. "Babe, babe, look what I found online, you should take this course during summer break!" The two of you are always bantering and having fun little arguments about this and that. He loves that you are affectionate with him, he loves it when you run to him to hug him when he's had a tough day. You're always so sweet to him and taking care of him. He knows that you get awkward when all attention is directed towards you so he slowly eases you into receiving his love. He loves playing video games with you, he's always screaming like an old man, "Damn, I don't know these controls!" You guys are so lazy when you're cuddling, there is a crack on the light switch in his room because neither of you wanted to get out of bed to turn off the light so this bitch threw the fucking air-con remote at it. He likes to bury his face in your neck and listen to your voice as he drifts off to sleep, sometimes you both fall asleep while listening to your favourite podcast. He loves your cooking but he knows that you'd rather order take-out so he's pulling dirty tricks and making bets. If you lose, you make dinner (he'll do the dishes), if you win, he'll order whatever food you want, however much you want (he will still do the dishes). He hates that you drink too much coffee because it's not good for your body but whenever he comes to pick you up from school he always has your favourite drink and a doughnut. Also if you have a problem saying no, he'll do it in your stead so don't worry baby! Please try to be more careful because Kuroo will pass away if he sees you stumble or drop something one more time. Overall, you're both a very mature and very sweet couple. He pushes you to do your best and you take care of him when he can't do it himself. He tries his hardest to bring you out of your shell because the world needs to see what he sees and that you are truly a gem of a person. 10/10 you're a wonderful person and you deserve the best. 

[btsandvmin]

Collection of asks 2 - BTSandVMIN

I had to make a second one because the length of the first one was getting way too long. If you are curious about some of my older asks here is the link to my first collection post - Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN

I have this post because I feel some of the asks I answer are worth saving, for me personally, and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want to put them all in my Masterpost where I want to keep it a bit more structured for my longer posts and analysis. So for asks that are more about answering specific questions or about general things or my feelings I will put them here.

Asks are written more in the moment than my usual posts, so they might be less accurate as it’s all mostly from the top of my head. The newest ones will actually be on top, and then they will get older going down the list. I’ll update it regularly as I answer more asks. :)

Look at jhope's interaction with maknae line

Sorry for spamming with asks

You're so right about how any ship can be possible if you focus on it

I reject any idea of a couple being pushed to protect another 

What do you think of vmin’s busan forehead kiss?

About tae changing the choreo of fake love

What do you think of that famous ji/kook trip together ?

"Friends" doesn't speak about a friendship to me and the title seems like a way to "hide" the true meaning. Thoughts?

I honestly do feel his "best" friend is only ever needed when it's convenient to him

When j/k wore matching shirts asked them something like are u guys dating Its so differnt from his rn to vmin

Looking at th and jm for what they are or represented to be their bond shouldn't be taken at face value. Just reminding that jealousy amongst bandmates do exist

Jimin kissed tae on the pretext of kissing tanny. tae blanked out for a few secs after that

Jin in Jimins Festa profile this yr called Tae his "Bf" and then the next word is "best friend"

I dont think vmin or any other ship in bts for that matter are in any form of relationship right now.

Kind of agree with vmin not spending much time together outside of work & things they do/say barely even give off that "possibly a couple" vibe in general

IF feelings are involved, who do you think fell first and why? 

You already said that you ship them, but do you think that they're real?

I found it kinda weird how jimin apparently "didn't know" 4 o'clock was inspired by him

Have u seen that one radio interview in the past Th openly called out jm for liking men? 

We never see them hangout tgt I mean we have seen ji/kook tgt more often and tae with his wooga squad

What did you think about jimin playing the video game using tae's acc while the latter looked from behind?

When tae posted 'lets keep going for a long time i only have u' they probably only knew e/o for about 2 yrs and now we also know that at that time they still argued and fought with e/o alot. Yet they felt so strongly for their frienship.

What are your thoughts about tae choosing " my time " to recommend it to a non army.

If we look at their personalities tae is more of introverted and shy these days while jimin is more outgoing and loud. But when it comes the them jimin is always the one who seems cautious

Is it my imagination or is Jimin VERY loud lately? I feel like the roles have somehow been reversed.

The timeline of the dumpling incident really confuses me. 

Why do i feel like vmin dont hangout outside of work anymore

Just read your ji/kook vs vmin post regarding festa and I agree. you can tell that jm gets very serious when it comes to tae

A possible sexual relationship between Jimin and Tae. I've seen subtle hints where this might be happening behind the scenes like the recent bang bang con

Whenever joon says stuff like 'what a nice friendship/bcoz he is your friend' vmin have a very neutral or blank face

When do you think their friendship turned into something more?

Did u see how tae coloured jimin's name on the soft board with purple. 

Jimin recently in this festa says jk is his soul brother

Nj nearly always tries to underplay vmin's bond.

Sweet Night: “Sharing my fragile truth That I still hope the door is open Door' 

I feel like jimin was reluctant to talk about the dumpling incident probably bcoz it involves him getting drunk?

Your opinion on the whole "that's smth a couple would do" "you two look like a couple" for ji/kook vs "it's cause he's your friend "

What ur opinion is on the new kdrama that is based on homosexuality. 

Tae has many a times mentioned wanting to have kids or wanting to be father.

Taehyung has always talked about having a family, children and wife etc. 

I personally feel the maknae line in general have been advised not to do lives alone tgt bcoz of the intense shipping

I spend hours reading your posts and I could never get tired of it

I have a doubt about vmin  recently V is so close to JK it seems like V avoiding jimin

Taehyung talked about the movie Call Me by Your Name and its soundtrack

I honestly like how unpopular vmin are.

Let's say JM and TH have other partners - do you think said partners would be okay with a whole song of vmin declaring each other as soulmates? 

In the end there is no moment that is unique to a ship. do you agree?

Some vlives are arranged by the company and sometimes members themselves when the find free time they go live. 

What was the point of making a decision tght to come on vlive tgh infront of the fan to then not do it?

It cant be the company stopping v and jm from doing a live can it? 

Do you the think the reason vmin dont do vlive is because taehyung's feelings are one sided?

Theory on a possible reason on why vmin has not gone to do a vlive on their own for so long?

On bon voyage 3 j hope mentions how v and jk were hugging each other in their sleep.

Ji/kook is obvious (ear nibble) and Tae reacting blank to Vmin moments

But why they dont have funny bro handshake like v/kook?

You are so delusional like seriously how do you function in real life

You know how vmin called eo soulmates. The term can also be taken in a platonic way too right

If there’s a real ship in bts, can you give me your opinion on who?

Tae kissing jimin's cheek after they won an award in some music show (About ship edits)

I think vmin is real. Can you do a Sweet night analysis because in my opion the song dosen't match with the drama

Why are you a Vmin shipper if you don't think Jimin is gay or at least bisexual? 

I don't blame V and Jimin for not doing Vlive together

You know that blurry picture of vmin in 2014?

Tae and jk seem like the members who are most non straight to u and also that jimin might be straight so then isnt it more possible for t**k***k to be the couple?

Do you think that vmin are straight?

Can you tell me what makes you think jk is not straight

Ppl connect sweet night and 4 o' clock with vmin After tae's live yesterday n i m also seeing some ppl being offended by it.

Why do I sense that Tae has more of crush on Jimin (and realized it) but Jimi is oblivious?

Will you still publish that long vmin and lgbt in korea analysis.

Even namjoon said they should go live to discuss about their song.

I dont really consider minjoon vlive as one they did themselves. it was mostly organised by the company

Maknae line avoid vlives and  its really weird that jimi would do it with rm but not tae

Shouldnt it be easy for them to go live tght than anyone else?

Tae is very reluctant or scared to do a vlive with jimin

In the past month when vmin did mention about the song they just made superficial comments

Hi 💙 do you write vmin fics?

I also feel that jm is nervous to talk about the song even though he said he will in the comeback show

If jimin doesn't go live today as well maybe we can get a vmin live?

Vmin antis say vmin are not friends irl and use the fact that they are never spotted hanging out offscreen as "proof"

Will you do a Vmin throwback - 2019?

Can we even be considered delulu anymore for thinking not all of this is a coincidence?

Sweet night doesn't really fit the couple relationship in the drama

What do you mean when you say 'not being delulu'?

I dont know why after listening to sweet night i feel very nervous?

Maybe the lyrics to SN are very well just about the drama/webtoon.

Do you think the songs lie and stigma are related ? 

Namjoon talking about Friends 2 - Making excuses

Namjoon talking about Friends 1 - Can’t write about them

About the “Hello my alien” line in Friends

Do you think they gone do fansing this period of promoting?

Jm said when he wants to make and gift a song if he finds someone he loves and he actually helped write n produce the melody of chingu

Omg Ive been crying over the vmin song lyrics ever since they came out.

Thoughts about the song and what you took out of it

Its not a light hearted thing to call each other soulmate

This kind of debunks the christmas song theory… i feel sad like they are commercialising their friendship

Jimin is partly involved in the making and it will be about Jimin and Tae’s bond

I fear that vmin will become the next larry 

Chrismats song, smile awards. Arent those awards previously decided and even the words written for them by the company?

I was wondering if you're going to write something about bv4 and all the vmin we got there

Do you think that vmin say they love each other truly or for fan service?

Recently i watched a vkook video to compare

Do you know how exactly vmin met?

Whenever I do get the chance to focus on Vmin it’s usully one of three things

At the airport Tae had his arm around Jimin's shoulder but removed it quickly when they arrived in front of the cameras.

I don’t care if people don’t ship Vmin romantically. But with Vmin doing things like this you can’t really blame us if we do.

I got a looooot of asks on the Christmas song and I will adress the ones I have left all in one go

The reaction in bv was probably cause he wants to visits there and jm got there first

Vmin talked about tannie and how they went to visit tannie at tae's parents house

Just do it how you feel comfortable, we are waiting for your analysis

What video is the gif you post with this : Jimin and V talking about going to the Sapporo snow festival and playing in the snow together 

This break was an opportunity for them to be around other friends and family so maybe they just wanted to spend this time apart

Do you really think vm are soulmates? Sometimes i feel like we might be over using this word for them 

Once again thank you for all the asks you send! And also sorry for not being able to keep up and answer them all. I’ll try to answer some old ones as well whenever I can, and I will keep adding some of them to this list. I hope you found something interesting. Thanks for reading!

[chaoticlamphoagietaco]

2020?

Well what can I say, it seems like it’s ending with a bang, but there’s still two months left.

Biden is president, and trump has yet to retaliate, I wonder what that’s going to look like.

My boyfriend and I are having sexual issues, or rather I’m seeing issues in our sexual habits.

It feels one-sided, I please him (he cums), he pleases me and I don’t cum. It’s frustrating because I’ve seen him go on hikes, talk to people for hours, if you can be active in this way, why is it difficult to just suck my dick for like 30? I understand if you lock jaw, but over the course of our relationship, sex has been me being patient and him getting off. It’s hard to maintain sexual interest, and maybe that’s why my mind goes in these fantasies. I’m almost at the point where if we have anal, I know where gonna end up jerking off... maybe I’m asking for too much, or maybe I’m just tired of being patient.... I wanna see if he will be open to swinging, or wearing a long dildo for a couple of days to resolve the issue, but I’m not sure how he will respond, or when this conversation will happen. I’m hoping that Sunday will be the day but I’m not sure.

I miss my mother, I feel her trying to reach me but I struggle to connect to her spirit. There’s so much unsaid, that it’s hard to equate the relationship to only a spiritual level. I... don’t know what I would say. Am I angry for the suppression. Of my dance enthusiasm? Am I upset because I never told her I was gay? Am I upset because she’ll never see the fruition of my dreams?

Ri

Speakings of, I don’t know my dreams,p anymore.... or rather they feel like they are transforming. I wanted to be a research analyst after falling out of love with psychotherapy and sociology, but I realized what that actually meant. Research analyst is a broad term, that can encompass a business, health centers/organizations, government, and nonprofit. And essentially these are all the sectors you. And work for other than a school which I do not want to do. Through my conversation. With NASA I found more about becoming a data analyst, and while the salary was enticing I realized that was a computer science that didn’t incorporate sociology or psychology like I had hoped. When I stumbled upon market/marketing research analyst I was hooked. I knew that finance and accounting wasn’t my passion, but marketing itself wasn’t either. Marketing has been largely traditional, and digital marketing is basically a new field. I think this is why I made the decision to transfer my major so hastily, it encompasses everything I was searching for with program evaluation, I can conduct research based on consumer intelligence which incorporatess social psychology, and have the promising effects of impact. Or in other words, my research will be used and considered valuable to the company I’m working for or working with. In program evaluation, sociology and psychology, the effect that your research has is truly perceptional and has a large ambiguity around its impact. You can go 4-10 years without achieving a goal you intended, which is expected and encouraged in some situations. On top of all this, withi program Evaluation and psychology there’s an expectation around the support you give in the exchange. Not only am I conducting research for MBH, but we (the school) are helping the business attract African America. Participants to their establishment, which can be done in so many different ways, it would take. A considerable amount of money, resources, and process and attention needs to be there if you want to achieve an impact. How can this be achieved when the business in itself is not liable for its own pretentiousness? Or it’s own self-processing that I can’t change? Thankfully, with marketing I get the best of both worlds. I can incorporate my social psychology background, while also attending to my creative side in branding, and even furthermore conducting meaningful research that is almost guaranteed to have an impact (since if I don’t, I’m not doing my job well haha) and will be used as vital data for profitability will not only motivate me to take the job, my peers, and the business seriously, but will also compensate me tremendously well, I mean it’s very lie,oh that in 2-3 years time I could be making a 6 figure salary. With this in mind, I feel Clarity around my occupational pursuits, but as for my dreams... that’s another story...

My dance past is struggle to bring up, even typing....,

I was so close, yet everything was taking from me, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

With this, I keep falling in and out of love with dance, I watch a video and I feel inspired to dance again. I’m feeling more drawn to Alonzo Lines ballet, Nunes, and of course my all time favorite Batsheva. But watching hip hop videos make me cry, it reminds me of what I use to be, what I could have become, and how many friends I’ve lost along the way. Dance is brutual, forcing vulnerability and deep connection within a short period of time, I’m not sure how I to come back to it but I’m getting more inspired to. My roommate doesn’t make me feel comfortable eno to explore my creative side, but when me and bf live together, I hope I can feel more comfortable and start recording myself more often, the encouragement he brings is so ephemeral, I’m lucky to have him. But I know that at the least, if I came back to dance, I outdone be more interested in dance film, and being inside of that industry rather than concert dance, sinner the world is kind of moving into a digital world, definitely open to site specific work, given the right amount of viewers and support of course,

For my other dreams that are transforming, I know want to become marketing manager, and possibly a yoga teacher. I’ve gone back and forth with a yogic certificate, but I didn’t feel that I had enough practice, knowledge, or the right people to start with a subject like that. But fuck, I mean soooo many white people do it haha. I’m feeling more motivation for this certificate since I realized that I can make friends this way. I can find like minded people who practice, engage in processing, and are willing to go into platonic physical interactions, since I’m also realizing this is crucial for me in any platonic relationship. If this program started progressing, this could become a business that provides an income, I met awesome people, and I can a lot of ppl along the way. Downsides are of course if the business collapses, but I would gain knowledge in Hinduism which I’ve been wanting but unsure how to engage in.

What’s serendipitous though, is that the the timing of marketing could not be better, a program has a date right after my classes end, I can attend their classes, then continue my spring courses, and work a full time job and on my way to 6 figures. There’s so many resources and side that this transition feels right and meaningful, I’m feeling good about this change, I just hope I won’t want to change again 5 years from now.

Hinduism and Buddhism.... my practices and faith have been wavering, after Naropa, my experience with Buddhism is a bit tainted, maybe I need to go to retreat again and release any energy surrounding my mother, but other factors play a part. The prentiousness, the fake smiles, that school had a lot of problems, but none more so than racism pure and simple. This is why I love Virginia, racism over there is overt and blatant, I know who the racist is and I know where not to go. Here in boulder, everybody will smile at you, and you don’t know who is truly being racist, you have to really read behind the lines and analyze to understand the truth of what somebody is saying, I mean the school burned down on its own so I think my wishes are being granted... I don’t know where this leaves me with Buddhism, Charlotta was amazing, and I want to attend her classes, but something always holds me back and I don’t know what. In regards to Hinduism, my yoga sequence has pretty much been the only stabilizing thing in my life. Through all the obstacles and trauma, maintains these practices have really kept me balanced through whatever comes my way, although I have been slacking I some ways, I’ve also been progressing in chakras, balancing, and following a routine. Maybe in this way, Buddhism is something for me to contemplate, maybe Hinduism is what I want to talk about...there it is, Buddhism is my process and Hinduism is my faith. Shiva will always be my everything, in not sure why on that mountain, or even if I made a connection, but that trip to Japan truly changed me, and I want to follow a Shiva path that is right for me, I just wish I had someone to help guide me, but that might make things harder.

[minecraftoworymode]

picked a whole bouquet of whoopsie-daisies the other day reading some Very badfeel content so to cheer myself up here’s some super self-indulgent ramblings about romeo recovery post-s2

“YOU CAN DANCE IF YOU WANT TO YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY BEHIND” or how romeo learned to stop worrying and indulge in the ““feminine”“ shit in life

when romeo transitioned he scrubbed everything that could be potentially viewed as feminine from his appearance and behaviour. while he did everything he could about the former (hairstyle, clothing, body language, voice), it didn’t feel like enough bc he couldn’t change some things that ppl used to be jerks- his frame (short and lithe), his family, his being trans- so he made up for it by trying to “act” like a “real man”. this unfortunately meant he was super vulnerable to manipulative alt-right indoctrination tactics (”we will validate you as a man as long as you endorse our assholery and share our shitty beliefs about what it means to be a man”) and he was on the verge of getting sucked into gamergate ideology when [THIS LORE IS ANOTHER POST] and hey, now the world is minecraft. u dont gotta perform gender roles for villagers they dont care. xara will not only actually eat ur liver for pulling The Bullshit but when you are kind she smiles, so bright and warm, and it is very very nice so maybe you should keep on doing that. n fred? fred is chill with their Everything in a way uve only ever Dreamed of. romeo marinates in this sauce for a couple centuries and comes the closest to being comfortable in his own skin he’s ever been.

however,

after the Incident he slam-dunked himself back into the hypermasculinity juice bc it was a mindset “safe” from feeling pain, whether his or others’. n since the worlds the admins created dont have the same ideas of gender as the world they came from, once he’s been dethroned romeo has a particularly hard time adjusting wrt That on top of all the other 2750347502730 issues he has to face

anyway flash forward a couple months of being incredibly volatile bc he now has to confront all the terrible things he did and how Dare u make him do that and maybe if hes nasty enough he can provoke someone into killing him and saving him from having to unpack All Of That- (note from @simple-mooshroom-herder​: Xara and Jesse at least grasp that Romeo will probably burn himself out on this bullshit eventually and the best thing to do is interact with him with a certain level of healthy detachment. Eventually he'll see that theres no "getting out of this" and he'll start to do the Work but until then its very frustrating to see that tactic take him nowhere.)

- one day petra notices how he’s constantly staring at all the ppl wearing cute dresses in beacontown and at first she thinks he's being creepy but then realizes that he's not being creepy and actually she knows exactly how he feels bc she also used to look at ppl wearing clothes super not suited for combat like that, like she wished she could wear them too, like if she just didnt have to keep up this image of the Warrior who is Not Soft Ever-

n ok. listen. these worlds have been specifically engineered to be better and kinder than the one the admins came from, and when people mess up- even REALLY mess up- people are generally not only willing to forgive you but support you as you try and get better. it’s instinctual for communities to respond to misdeeds with rehabilitation and reconciliation, rather than retaliation and renunciation (tho its not an overnight thing and it generally takes 1-3 people to spearhead the process, esp if the actions have affected a large group of people). like. ivor created something that almost destroyed the entire world, not just beacontown, yet by the end of season one he’s grown to be a part of the team- n its not just jesse & co being forgiving here, bc when ivor made his s1 build with 3 lava source blocks people objected to it, but by s2 he not only has lava in his build but a giant lake of it. (im assuming the fences around said lake are coming eventually, bc safety is still important, but the implications im choosing to take from this are a) despite almost ending the world people let him into their lives anyway and b) the community not only grew to accept but encourage his self-expression.)

BUT ANYWAY before i go off on that even more one day petra and romeo basically put on an impromptu fashion show in jesse’s house (bc their house is huge and, kind of perfect for a fashion show, and also right next to the order hall’s armory whence they stole a bunch of fancy swords to match the outfits) n theyre having a blast until the hero in residence , returns to their residence (and with COMPANY) n romeo is absolutely Mortified- caught red-handed showing feelings of an almost human nature, oh my god, this will NOT do- n this whole grand soliluquy of shame and excuses and apologies grabs the steering wheel of his tongue but he cant even spit a single syllable out bc jesse and lukas almost immediately dip leaving romeo panicking for a second before they come back with their inventories FULL of cute outfits, including a billion skirts and dresses, some of them are even enchanted so theyre like. super shiny or constantly flowing or things like that.

this actually ends up spiralling into a town-wide... not quite fashion show bc there's no runway or anything, everyone just shows up in their cutest/coolest outfits .. fashion convention?? Anyway several people come up to him and compliment him on his outfit casually before continuing along, not recognizing him not only bc of how hes done his hair and makeup n what hes wearing but he just seems... so happy (he might be wearing something on his head? like a headpiece or hat or something? but also maybe not hmm)- whoever this is, he's not hunched over like he's got several centuries' worth of sins crawling on his back he’s not trying to shrink and make small a human-shaped apology for the simple fact of his existence not dragging his feet like hes ready for, dreading, a hundred mile trek through the desert repenting hes just. hes literally just Vibing

anyway he's mostly been silent or just providing very quiet "thank you"s but when it turns out that some people showed up ready to play music and there's a song that he knows he literally cant help but start jamming out its the GOod Stim everyones a-dancing and a-jiving and some people start to sing and so of course he does too (the healing power of dancing and singing in cute outfits.... unfathomable) but. ppl recognize his voice

and after a few seconds he notices how quiet it's gotten all of a sudden n everyones looking at him like "oh shit thats the admin" and honestly his heart breaks. visibly

but

then someone starts singing, so quiet it takes a moment for him to hear over the sound of an encroaching panic attack (oh god he has airpods in), but when he looks over theyre smiling - theyre smiling at hiM???? AND IT DOESNT EVEN LOOK MEAN??- and doing this very simple step, that he catches onto just as easily as he matches their singing (its a fairly common little tune n dance)

theyre like standing like a good few meters away but as they take turns with lines in the song they slowly inch closer

and he thinks hes starting to recognize the dance that the steps theyre doing is from but at the part in the song thats coming up ur supposed to allemande left and even tho theyre like, less than a meter away now literally no one has really wanted to get close to him, let alone actually touch him, so hes totally expecting them to be like 'psych' and humiliate him in front of the entire crowd-

BUT THEN THEY ACTUALLY GO FOR IT???

he completes the step without even thinking about it n continues onto the next in this state of dull bewilderment where there is but one braincell active in his head and it is just going, in a very tiny voice, "danser?"

- when they linked arms the person briefly seemed surprised that he didn't like, chew their arm off or anything (he had. kind of snapped at people a few times during the past few weeks), but then their shock turned into a wide smile and they sort of- nodded? at someone over his shoulder like 'come and join us, it doesn't look like he's going to kill me after all you guys can put the eulogy writing on hold'

what rly makes his heart do the confused and hopeful conga is that this isnt even anyone romeo knows, its a total stranger. or- like- he saw them while he was pretending to be jesse he just didnt care to get to know them beyond ‘name and gimmick’- its not even someone who has any reason to think he'd be cool to befriend its literally jsut someone taking a chance on him (tkae a chance take a chance take a chance take a cha)

afterwards hes like "i should thank jesse for putting you up to that, it was fun" and theyre like "what? jesse didn't "put me up to" anything, dude, you just looked super choked. * something something surfer lingo who would i be if i just left someone to feel bad when they could be having fun dancing you know?*"

he H

[serenagaywaterford]

Hello, I really don’t know who to talk to but I’m realizing I’m a lesbian after identifying as bisexual since 2016, I came out to my parents and they’re both supportive and happy for me. I’m a highschooler and it’s awkward being gay and no one knowing as ppl tease me to date my guy friends. Any tips or advice in general on being a lesbian? It’s still so weird to talk about but I wanna grow to be very open with my sexuality

Been there. (I used to insist I was straight (for YEAAAAARS I was with the same guy), then bisexual cos I thought I had to be since I was “straight” and not particularly conflicted about it for so long. So it’s a process and a journey getting here no matter what, and everyone takes different routes.) And I’ll be honest, you’re way ahead of the game already. Good for you and you should be proud and happy with yourself for being so self-aware and in touch with yourself. That takes a lot of insight and courage.

I think generally… people will say a lot of things but until you are comfortable being around your friends and family as yourself, it’s never going to be easy. It’s not easy when you’re out either but at least you’re not stuck hiding who you are and adding that level of tension to every interaction. To be honest, I was never particularly comfortable with myself. Not even when I got married to another woman. (My issues with the institution of marriage aside…) But in my job I basically am forced to come out daily to complete strangers, constantly, with the words “my wife”. It gets way, way easier and I’m lucky enough to be in a place and a position that affords me that freedom. Not everyone is.

Are the people teasing you your friends? I mean, high school fucking sucks. I don’t even care how people want to romanticise it after the fact, or in media, or whatever. Even the best experiences are littered with a bunch of drama. We’re all idiots in high school and we all treat our friends like shit half the time, even our best friends. I didn’t have a bad time in high school. In fact, I’d say it was pretty good overall. (I wouldn’t do it again, mind you.) But still, the shit you put up with from friends is just excessive, and also the shit you give friends–or at least the shit I gave my friends lol. It’s just so… ugh.

So, I mean, without knowing much more about the situation, I would confide in my good friends. Unless, for some reason that endangers you in some way. And yes, unlike some hardcore people, I do think social ostracization in high school is damaging. I don’t buy into the whole “Well, if they don’t like it fuck them, all you need is you!” cos that’s bullshit. You DO need friends in high school, even if they’re not perfect friends, even if you won’t stay friends with them in a few years. Having social support is incredibly important and to be alienated completely is lonely and leaves you vulnerable, and you miss out on stuff too. I mean, if your friends are complete total assholes, then by all means, drop them cos that won’t help and you may be better off alone, but if they’re only sort of annoying, well… That’s life, lol. Until you get out of the fishbowl of high school and people being to calm the fuck down about every tiny drama, there aren’t a lot of options. I found my best friends annoying af sometimes, and some of them had views on certain subjects that fucking pissed me off. But hey, at the end of the day, we still got along and had a bond, and worst came to worst almost all of them would be there for me, and me for them, despite some differences.

Are those the type of friends you have? Or do you think your friends would turn on you if you confided in them?

It’s so lonely to hold onto a secret like that, and constantly put up with what I’m sure they think is harmless teasing about boys. It can hurt you, and god, it’s fucking irritating on top of everything else. And, I hate to say this, but that sort of thing NEVER ENDS. It gets less and less, but I’m literally married to a woman for like 2 years now and a dude friend of ours just last week asked us if maybe we both just hadn’t found the right men yet. And on the subject of sex, he said, “Well, how do you know if you haven’t tried it?” to my wife. Interestingly, she is not a gold star and knows very well what hetsex is like (she fucking HATES it on every imaginable level), but she’s just never volunteered that information for public consumption. Still, as you can see, you’ll always have stupid imbecile friends who say stupid ass comphet shit to your face, even when you are blatantly a lesbian. Unfortunately, it one of those things you just have to… learn to deal with. I hate that we must.

I know that’s not exactly helpful or hopeful, but it’s reality. So these dumb friends of yours, maybe they’re not doing it to be hurtful or annoying, they just genuinely think you like boys. There’s only really one solution to get them to stop (and even that isn’t going to be a guarantee) and that’s to come out to them–only if you can. Tell them how it makes you feel. Share with them what you’ve said to me. It’s hard enough to exist as a lesbian right now, let alone having to hide and be shamed for it. Friends should get that. But all of them may not… 

I had one friend who was super open with her “sexuality” (she’s an attention whore, lbr.) who, when I told her finally that I think I wanted a girlfriend, she was super supportive. Then when the group of them were going to a gay club, I said I’ll tag along and she told me no. And her exact words: “You look too straight. Nobody will talk to you and I don’t want people to think I’m straight too.” (SHE IS STRAIGHT, just for the record. But she likes to steal girls’ boyfriends by doing threesomes, pretending to be into girls, threesomes, and poly, and then manipulating the boys into dumping their gfs. She also likes to breakup girlfriends just to prove she can. She has NEVER been in a relationship with a woman, only breaks lesbian couples up and then fucks off. She tried it with me and my girlfriend once. Nice friend. Just so we all know what she’s like.)

Note: These were my high school friends, and I was in my mid-20s at this point. We’d been friends for over a decade. And they still said shit like that. (And I mean, in some way, I get it cos when we’d go out to non-gay spots I’d get picked up by men CONSTANTLY, and women never looked at me that way. It was super aggravating.)

Which, it turns out, was her way of saying “You’re competition and I don’t want you around.” (and she’s obsessed with stereotypes), cos when I started going to gay clubs and parties with other friends who weren’t douchebags about it, NOBODY judged me like that. And I remember meeting my wife for the first time and telling her that story and she was just like “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FRIENDS?! You do look super straight but I like you and I’m super gay”. And then she took me to a lesbian bar, and I didn’t change a thing about myself, and was picked up by all sorts of girls, and really hit it off with the cutest butch girl I’ve ever seen to this day. (It didn’t end up going anywhere but still, it was nice to learn that sometimes your friends are just insecure assholes.) It really is dependent on who they are, where you live, etc. etc. And those are only things you know. I can’t comment on what the best course of action is without knowing the nitty gritty.

SO, that’s a long way of saying, people suck. Even your friends sometimes. It’s going to be difficult for a while as you weed those sorts of people out of your life. Being an open lesbian is rocky, especially at first when everything is sorta all over the place. But it does settle down, and you make better friends. And since your parents are supportive that is a HUGE hurdle you don’t have to deal with, which is absolutely AMAZING :) It’s so nice to hear.

But if you’re not able to come out and get support IRL, that’s fine too. My advice is what you’ve already done :) Come online and reach out to older lesbians. They’re the ones with the experience. If it wasn’t for the older lesbians in my life (either online or IRL that I met, including my wife), I’d be so much more insecure. I would probably still be walking around feeling a lot of shame, embarrassment, anxiety, shyness, confusion, etc. 

But there’s something comforting about talking with women who have lived the same struggles, and hear about all the paths they all took and the ways they’ve dealt with specific issues. And they’re generally more calm, more realistic, and more compassionate than other baby dykes who aren’t in a privileged, secure position yet. Not that there is anything wrong with bonding with others of the same age. That is also INCREDIBLY important because those experiences will directly reflect your own, and there’s built-in support with peers. The things older lesbians have been through may not translate as well for you. A lot of us didn’t have the same pressures of social media, etc. But we also didn’t have the same online resources available either. So, it’s an interesting balance. I will say my friendship with my best friends from university (one is a lesbian too, one is straight as an arrow but a huge ally) are just as important cos age is a factor.

You can get insight from older women, but you need peer bonds too.

Online I think is very important nowadays, especially when you’re not able to go to spaces like gay clubs and bars yet. And surround yourself with positive lesbian representation. If that whole soft cottagecore thing does it for you, keep that in your orbit. But also never be ashamed or fearful of the sexual part of your sexuality. Just like it’s natural to romantically love women, it’s natural for lesbians to physically love them too. 

I feel like as toxic overall as tumblr is, there are corners of it that have been incredibly supportive and nurturing even to me. Especially lesbian positivity blogs and women’s arts, etc. Poetry written by lesbians is beautiful and inspiring to me. It’s a whole genre I had no idea existed, and that has given me a great deal of peace because I can finally relate to words. Music, written and performed by gay and bisexual women is the same. It may seem trivial or cheesy, but it’s powerful to hear about women like you in songs. I have to say Mary Lambert, for one example, helped so much. I remember listening to Alix Olson in secret too when I was much younger (maybe that should have been something of a hint to myself, lol.) King Princess and Girl In Red are current faves, Saara Aalto, Shura and Brandi Carlile are a constant faves I always love (not that I even knew that about Brandi’s sexuality til recently cos I apparently live under a fucking rock lol), but I have whole lists now and it’s wonderful to have taht access. 

When you’re all alone, seeking out lesbian musicians and writers can make so much difference in easing that isolation, and confusion, and fear. They speak to you and about us, as a whole. It’s affirming and less lonely.

Same goes for well-written fanfiction. Things that avoid the drama of fandom (cos there’s so much drama even when you have canon f/f pairings), because fandom is really just microcosms of society at large with all the same morons in it. But fanfic was such an escape where I could learn and explore all the things that most everywhere wouldn’t show me. TV shows touched on it (especially back 10 years ago there was like nothing), but fanfic made it real.

Even when you’re feeling secure, I think it still helps to have all the representation we can, and just… you know, revel in it.

Do not watch porn. Don’t. It’s awful and horrible and not at all realistic. A well-written fanfic by actual gay or bi women is way more helpful. Avoid porn at all costs. It will never teach you anything your body doesn’t already know about how to be with a woman (although I’m sure for you this isn’t a pressing concern at the moment). I just know that I made the mistake of it, and also stupid ass magazine/how to articles. Ignore ALL that junk. When you get a girlfriend there’s only ONE thing you need to know how to do, and that is communicate honestly. Everything else falls easily into place.

When you say it’s so weird to talk about it, I feel that. It took me YEARS to even really be able to comfortably say the word, especially in relation to myself. That feeling will pass. It’ll take time and don’t push yourself into any sort of thing you’re not ready for. You’ll feel weird about it probably, and that’s on society, not you. “Lesbian” still does have a stigma attached to it that a lot of people are afraid of or dismissive of. Just… try your best to tune that out. That’s all you can do. You’ll feel comfortable eventually. :) Give it time. You’re already doing well. The fact you can say it to me, even as anon, is beautiful.

You’ll be very open one day if that’s what you want and being a lesbian, and being seen as one, will be second nature. I mean if I think about myself at 20 and now, there’s a very big difference. I used to shy away from so many things, and dress particular ways to avoid things, now I’m definitely not giving nearly as many fucks. Also, I’ll say here that I own a bar. It’s not a gay bar, but almost every day we’re open, at least one lesbian couple will come in. And honestly my heart grows so big and warm every single time. (Gay men come in too, ofc.) But there’s something particularly ecstatic in me that I get to see that everyday. (I don’t actually have many gay friends at all.) I love the openness and acceptance and comfort. And I love telling people there that I own it with my wife, and see people’s faces light up. (Some don’t… but, meh, that’s real life too. I’ve had a few shitty fucking people come in too.) There are a lot more lesbians and bi girls around than we probably know. :)

You are not alone. Even if it’s only talking to people online, you’re never alone. 

And never get discouraged that other people seem to having an easier or better time at it. Everyone moves differently, and for some it is easier, some it’s way more difficult but that doesn’t mean you need to pressure yourself, or change. I took my way exceptionally slowly and awkwardly, but ya get there eventually if you surround yourself with genuine people.

It sounds cliche but it does get easier talking about yourself as a lesbian as long as you surround yourself with positive lesbian content/people, and it takes practice (sometimes a lot of it as I’ve learnt), especially dealing with internalized stuff. But you’ll get there. You’re still super young and you have so much ahead. :D

I don’t have specific personal advice about how to handle it all in high school cos I didn’t have to deal with that. Just that there’s a whole world outside high school, even though it may not feel that way sometimes. If you’re in a small town or in a country where it’s not accepted, you’ll have a harder time finding love but it is ALWAYS possible, somehow. Never feel like there is nobody at all. There is. There’s some cute, hot, smart, interesting girl somewhere that will be into you as much as you’re into her. It’s just a matter of time til you find each other. If nothing else, in the mean time, you can form friendships and bond with people online in various ways.

I wish somebody had told me in my teen years that it’s possible to be in love with a woman, that I’m going to kiss girls one day and suddenly everything else is going to make sense and feel right after so long of things not quite fitting together, that it’s just as possible to be fulfilled with a woman as it is with a man. I wish someone would have told me I’d be loved by a woman in ways that nothing else would ever match. That I’d touch women and feel at peace with myself, and being intimate with them will change my whole life, and it’s something I was meant to do and feel. That loving women will help me love myself in a way that I never realised, and that just goes back and forth forever cos if you love yourself, loving other people is so much easier. And not to fight that cos I’m too scared to face the not so nice parts about being out. Bad shit is gonna happen no matter what, but better stuff will make up for it. I wish someone had told me that “lesbian” isn’t a bad word (I grew up with a lot of homophobia everywhere, including my family), and that I will cringe when people call me that initially but that should force myself to use it at first, cos it’ll get way better and feel right the sooner that happens. It is what I am, and I can’t avoid it forever. Own it. Cos as soon as you do, the sooner they can’t use it against you the same way anymore. But nobody said any of that to me.

And never, ever let anybody ever guilt, shame, manipulate, or pressure you into anything you don’t feel is right for you or your body. You’ll feel it deep down what you want and need, and what you don’t want and don’t need. Don’t ignore that. Don’t let anybody talk, guilt, scare, or shame you out of that. It may be hard but you already seem very strong and self-aware.

You’re not thinking wrong, you’re not made wrong. There’s a lot of that around in our society and lesbophobia is very alive still, everywhere. 

You don’t need to find the “right man”. Ever. There’s no perfect high school boyfriend waiting for you if you’re a lesbian. There’s a girlfriend waiting for you. More than one, probably! You’ll love many women throughout your life and they’ll return it back to you. You’ll have friends that love you and support you. And when you say, “I’m a lesbian” it’ll roll off your tongue as easily as your name. Or your wife’s name. :) And you won’t feel any twinges of awkwardness or shame.

I wish you nothing but love and kindness, anon. Xx

And, also, anybody can ask me anything, btw. I generally really fucking suck with advice but my askbox is always here, if anybody needs it.