#(and is often his own thing - or labelled a recurring character)

[moreaugriffins]

out of curiosity, does anyone else consider the Brigadier to be a companion?

[areadersuncertaintyprinciple]

Lovecraftian Influence in ORV (part 2):

Disclaimer: idk if all the parallels are intentional; I'm not an expert on Lovecraft; this is defo not going to contain all the stuff in detail or even all the stuff coz like I said, I ain't an expert 1. Textual parallels:

Both ORV & Lovecraftian lore emphasize the cyclical nature of time and existence. In ORV, Dokja's regressions and the ever-repeating scenarios of "Ways of Survival" mirror the cyclical dreams of Azathoth. Similarly, Lovecraft's stories often feature ancient entities trapped in endless cycles of slumber and awakening.

The motif of uncaring gods and the dangers of seeking ultimate knowledge is central to both Lovecraftian mythos and ORV.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. - H.P. Lovecraft

In the mythos, Yog-Sothoth embodies the totality of time and space, existing outside our linear perception. It has the ability to manipulate time in non-linear ways, creating alternate realities and diverging timelines. Imagine a tapestry of time, and Yog-Sothoth meticulously snipping sections and reconnecting them in impossible geometries, birthing new worlds and realities into existence. Similar is ORV's "square circle". Imagine a perfect circle, representing a closed timeline, yet simultaneously containing its own square corners, moments of choice and potential divergence.

Crawling Chaos(one of the names of Nyarlathotep) is directly mentioned in ORV: (look at the phrasing- myths that were prototype of Ways of Survival)

Character parallels:

Most Ancient Dream & Azathoth: This one's a no-brainer.

Both are dreaming entities who shape reality without conscious intent- while Azathoth is a blind god who's unconsciously dreaming up the universe & MAD is a traumatized child who's dreaming up stories as a coping mechanism.

The "idiot god" aspect of Azathoth resonates with MAD too. Both are unaware or atleast have a lack of choice/control. Their dreams & reality itself are in a continuous loop

The "uncaring god" aspect of Azathoth resonates with the MAD's desire for new stories rather than any sense of morality or concern for its creations.

2. Nyarlathotep & Secretive Plotter:

Nyarlathotep is said to be the puppet/avatar of Azathoth while YJH/Secretive Plotter is labeled as the puppet of MAD.

Worldline Jumpers

All black ensemble (silly comparison ik)

Mocking contempt for their "masters"

Nyarlathotep views humanity as playthings, pawns in his game. He's often described as a harbinger of apocalypse, acts on an enigmatic agenda seemingly tied to chaos and destruction. While Secretive Plotter's goal was to meet-kill MAD & end the cycle of regressions once & for all through an apocalypse.

3. The Hounds of Tindalos:

The Hounds of Tindalos are creatures created by Frank Belknap Long and later incorporated into the Cthulhu Mythos. Both the names of Hounds of Tindalos & Hounds Chasing After the Abyss have been mentioned in the text. So, it's a direct reference.

4. Yog-Sothoth the gatekeeper & Fourth Wall+Dokkaebi King

5. Shub-Niggurath & tls123/1863hsy: disclaimer: Lovecraft's work is unfortunately riddled with racist and xenophobic imagery and tropes, particularly regarding Shub-Niggurath.

Shub-Niggurath is said to be the "Mother of All Gods" & we can compare tls123 to her in the same vein as tls123 is the author of TWSA while 1864hsy is the author(or co-author) of ORV. "tls" represents the Korean word for "god" as the keys for T, L, and S correspond to the letters ㅅ, ㅣ, and ㄴ on the Korean keyboard. => tls123 is the author-god of the universe

(tls123 is also kinda similar to Azathoth in having no power over their creations)

6. Randolph Carter & the 0th YJH: Randolph Carter is a recurring character in many stories from Lovecraft's Dream Cycle series. He also features in an unfinished short story called "Azathoth". In Azathoth, Randalph travels through space and time in his dream-form, and is drawn to the nighted throne of the far daemon-sultan Azathoth, the blind idiot god who rules over chaos and creation. Like, Randalph, 0th YJH chooses to regress because he wants to meet MAD

...and that's it for now. I'll add more if I remember. Constructive feedback is welcome but keep in mind: I'm no expert & also a human behind the keyboard.

[refriedrambles]

Alexandria is just a fucked up gremlin version Snow White, but she's not wishing for a prince, she was wishing for a family and we see her during the happily ever after

So I have labeled this project Space temporarily. Still working on Being Fired, but I want to rewatch IZ for that first and just haven't done it yet.

As of now I've got three solid characters for Space with arcs and themes. This is gonna be a long term project with a different approach from anything else I've tried to write so far. I want it to be an ensemble cast, but I wanna get a good idea of who everyone is and what their arc could be first.

For solid characters I have Zsolt, desperate for validation and running from his past. He's a mechanic/maintenance/occasional pilot for the ship. Incredibly Zim inspired. A bit of Jack Spicer too. Pathetic theater villain my favorite kinda character, I'm gonna give him something! The perpetual nature of these characters hurts me and that's what draws me to Chack or PRaZr. I want them to just get a win for once and I know just giving them the love of those they idolize isn't the way to go about it and doesn't really make a good story on it's own, but it's gets the itched scratched. Doesn't hurt that the Tallest are my favorites in IZ and Chase is pretty high on the list Xiaolin Showdown either. But that's not really the direction I think this needs to go. It could eventually but definitely not during the main arc. I will probably give Zsolt an idol that dismisses and possibly despises them, but he won't learn from finally get their love. He's going to work through his issues. His mask will be shattered and he's going to have to face what's left underneath. Failure and self loathing

Krys, basically just Krysa but merged with another character of mine named Crow. She's the ship's captain and she does a bit of everything, but often overlaps with Zsolt's duties cause it's the stuff she enjoys the most. Her main thing is she's what's keeping the ship together, from being a peacekeeper for the crew to finding out where and how they're going to get the resources they need to stay afloat. She's got a lot on her plate and some pretty well hidden trust issues that totally aren't going to become a problem later. A bit Cale inspired, but I've also started injecting her with some of my personal issues. Aside from that she's just a culmination of shit load of recurring traits from my characters throughout the years.

I have so many red head girl characters with fucked up lives and an odd amount of them are makers. All of them isolated in some way, often involving parental death or murder, and frequently missing body parts and I'm definitely gonna have to dig into the why of that with Krys. They're often also completely out of place in their current environments too, but they've dug out a little hole for themselves nonetheless. Often from a fallen civilization and now aimlessly wondering a new one. Look I've made this connection before, but I've never really dug into it and I think I really need to.

Looking at Maliph I've always been far more aware of what parts of me I put into her. But not for Maka or Crow or Muryuim or Red or C or Krysa (and those are only the ones I can remember off the top of my head.) A big through line with all these characters and more is this unyielding curiosity, a level of education and learning I simply don't have. A confidence I've never had, despite the hell they've been through. I think Maliph is a character I just need to say fuck it with and write about with out caring about the flaws of her/his world. Without censoring myself. But that's got nothing to do with Space, that's just a character I was unconsciously working out a lot of stuff with. There is another through line with Maliph and Krysa (not necessarily Krys tho) that sticks out to me that I really really don't wanna think about. I think I'm gonna have to do some deep self reflection there, but not now.

The third character despite having an arc and a theme, I have no name for. Or design but considering they're a shape shifter I think that's excusable for now. For now I'm calling them Shifty. Alex is gonna pick them up, but I'm not quite sure what their role on the ship will be yet. An outsider and outcast like most of the others, but unlike them it's because of the paranoia and panic around the very idea of shape shifter. They've always tried to blend into their surroundings for safety. Where Zsolt pleads for acknowledgement, Shifty pleads for anonymity to be unseen, unnoticed. To just be allowed to survive. They don't know who they are and think they never will. All they want is a place they can just breathe. Humans are very rare in the part of the Galaxy they're in, but they are known about. After being confronted one too many times by those of the species he is pretending to be, he takes on the form of a human, so they have an easy excuse for any odd behaviors. When he mets Alex after while looking for a way off planet. (Not sure if I'm gonna leave Alex human, but if she is she's wearing her mask so he doesn't know) Inspired by Beast Boy, Nimona, and Maliph. They might not be as solid as I was thinking. Identity, dysphoria, alienation, dehumanization

Then there's Alex and Krill, but Alex's Snow White thing probably happens before the story and she's pretty well adjusted so I don't have much of an arc for her yet (maybe something about learning to accept things without feeling indebted to someone for it or being a bit too transactional in her thinking?). Krill. I don't know yet. He's kinda a pure evil character and while most of the main cast do fall into the criminal category, none are as heinous or remorseless as Krill. Alex is a pocket full of sunshine. Krill is a monster in almost every sense of the word. He's there out of necessity. And once Krys invited the devil in she knew she had little chance to get him out again. But luckily he's willing to play by her rules. For now at least.

I think I'm gonna use the Purple analysis (Tallest analysis really, can't do one without the other given how they are treated as a unit in the show, plus contrast and all that) as an excuse to finally learn how to write an essay.

I have come down with a sickness, but am doing pretty well. My brain's been on overdrive with possibilities! And insomnia. And story crafting!

I've figured out a partial plan on studying for that test I've been actively avoiding for years. (Essays. Curse you essays.)

[ranchthoughts]

Amazing thoughts here WMT... and in the middle of moving! (I hope the move goes smoothly!)

I'm really struck by the permanency/lasting impacts of the past as you noted here - Ray only listening to records his parents showed him, Ray caught up in memories of his mom's death and how she treated him, Top unable to sleep because of the fire he experienced when he was young... We've been talking a lot about how the past shows up in this series in other ways (allusions to cinematographic and framing styles from older shows and movies, old tech like the records and film camera, the costuming, etc plus the use of flashbacks) so interesting to have that recurring theme of "past" come up in the characters' own lives and stories too. Intergenerational trauma especially - you call it the "opposite of ephemeral"... the past sticks around and haunts us. It may be gone/done and only memories now (which makes it sound ephemeral), but the impact it can have is solid and powerful. We could extend the idea to control too: the past is controlling these characters and their decisions/reactions in the present.

To your final point: "Call these people by their labels, and they'll start believing them" - this reminds me of a Dangerous Romance meta post by @justafriend-ql about how Kanghan hearing "you don't need to try" from his father so often has made him believe he is good for nothing - in other words (to quote justafriend-ql) "once society attaches a stigmatizing label to someone, they become trapped by it". The permanency of labels, stigmas, assumptions, vs the ephemerality and changeability of the self. The lack of control we have over other people's assumptions and labels they have for us. The control other people can have over our own sense of self and self-worth. It's interesting to see this idea of labelling, trying to shed a label, and the trauma of being trapped by a label, arising in both shows. This is something I think about often in my own life, and one I've noted in other shows (especially with regards to Tinn from MSP), so I will be watching closely as these two shows progress.

(and, since I know you've been thinking about this too WMT... "Think about if you use labels to talk about them. Think about how old those labels are, and if they're accurate in the present. [...] Think about whether or not you use the past to judge and/or justify your FEELINGS about someone" <- could we apply this to shipping and OF...? we think of these actors as branded pairs, as the real people they are (instead of as their characters), as other characters they have been, and bring these assumptions into OF when we should be leaving them at the door...)

as an aside - I am also intrigued by Top because, as you said, we've seen so many different facets of him. Put off his game/detached when Boston approaches him (but then into the sex), then in control and assertive with Sand and Nick, but softer with Mew... I like your framing that this is controlling himself, thinking of his presentation and mannerisms depending on who he's with and especially when he is with Mew (which isn't necessarily a bad or malicious thing - we all shift our presentation of ourselves depending on who we are with or the contexts we are in, but also... what is he hiding. Who is he really, and why does he feel the need to put on these masks?).

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 4 (“UHHH, IF I FEEL SOMETHING, DOES IT MEAN I HAVE FEELINGS, WOMP?”) EDITION

That’s how I felt after watching yesterday’s episode. I have NO BUSINESS writing meta in my current life-mental state, but I NEED to get a few words down. Just some list-y thoughts.

Shit’s starting to gel for me. The cast seems like they’ve warmed up to each other by way of actor-ly chemistry. (I know scenes are never shot in order, but there was maybe a little stiffness I felt at the start of the series? At this point, it might just be Lookjun carrying that, but I also don’t think she does “drunk” as well as the others.)

Such good meta that sustained me during my packing yesterday. @ranchthoughts on an ephemerality BREAKDOWN. @respectthepetty Senpai on sluts slutting — and HOW WE AUTOMATICALLY JUDGE AND LABEL SLUTS FOR SLUTTING (more on this in a BIT — go OFF, RTP Senpai). And @slayerkitty on nailing the narrative frameworks, which really struck me this episode, and this goes back to ephemerality again. Can’t believe I’m gonna meta, but let’s boogie, ‘cause I gotta.

@ranchthoughts — Ranch, I’m probably going to repeat some of what you wrote, so please forgive my stress-addled brain. I just lost it at Khaotung this episode, I thought he was just OVERFLOWING with BEST-NESS this episode — and the way we lived with Ray in his past in this episode. It was another play on time. And I love that @slayerkitty nailed that it was the flashbacks that were doing the talking this episode — because especially for Ray, the past is doing HIS talking. His mother didn’t love him in his past. Therefore, because of his past, he is unlovable in his present. (Interrrrgenerationalllll traumaaaa — the past affects your present. The opposite of ephemerality. That shit’ll STICK with you UNTIL you decide to face it head-on, like our beloved PatPran.)

Ooooh, baby. Gosh. The combination of the use of flashbacks, with Ray living in his past, only listening to music his parents listened to. And Sand — falling for Ray! — is holding Ray’s hand and bringing him to the present and the new. Sand’s a figure of change. Ray keeps toeing BACK to the past, to his memories, to his “love” for Mew, and Sand’s like, let me hold you down. (Ray going back and forth — like relapsing.) Ray STILL flashing back to Mew, holding that pendant (THAT LOOKS AN AWFUL LIKE AN ECLIPSE SYMBOL, AMIRITE AMIRITE) — and flashes again back and forward to the record store, where Sand found Ray’s hand.

What will Ray need for Sand to do to pull Ray even closer to the real-time present? How will Sand help Ray face his trauma? Will Sand really hold Ray down?

I am a big believer in the ships sinking, but goddamnit, First and Khao ATE this episode. GAAAHHHH.

Just musing: If Jojo and team started out this series having us think on ephemerality, the general lack of accountability, and the disappearance of time — are we entering the next act of the series where the characters grapple with the impacts of their pasts? That if you’re engaged emotionally and/or sexually with others, that not being accountable for your past and present is NOT an option? (That’s a kind of frame that speaks very closely to Jojo’s devotion to messages of sexual health in his past shows — especially regarding Nat in Gay OK Bangkok, who was HIV positive.)

Also musing: I saw some posts on my dash grappling with Top and Ray using coke. Drug use is obviously common on the partying circuit — their using coke doesn’t surprise me, especially considering that Top and Ray were both shown also being familiar with pills earlier. But I will note that the entire SE Asian region prosecutes the drug trade quite harshly, so to be honest, I was surprised to see Top actually snorting (but not surprised that that would be in a Jojo show). (Some passing links: when I Googled “drug use in Thailand,” this study shows that of a sample of vocational students in Thailand, LGBTQ+ students were more likely to use three or more drugs than heterosexual students, plus more findings. And this article briefly reviews the history of drug prosecution in Thailand.)

Also musing: really loved how Top’s demeanor was SO different with Nick and Sand. Maybe this indicates how much he’s “controlling” himself around Mew (@ranchthoughts , beep beep, control). Especially when Nick was talking with Top — it seemed like Top had been approached for money like this before. And the way he was so forward with Sand, confident to tell Sand that Sand wasn’t up for keeping Boeing — that was a totally different Top than who we see with Mew.

Okay, penultimate point. @respectthepetty says: sluts gonna slut. @bengiyo says: dudes gonna dude.

Cheum calls Boston a ho. Top says Boston is nasty. Nick calls himself nasty. Nick is Boston’s “favorite.” Jojo challenges the viewer to think that Top was gonna sleep with Beam, as RTP Senpai writes. Top’s already slept with Boston while dating Mew. On and on and on.

I wrote in my review of Theory of Love that I related to Khai, and now I relate somewhat to Top by the way that some of the viewership has judged Top. I was VERY often called the slut/ho of my friend groups in my younger years. OFTEN. And this was while I was in my twenties, exploring myself, my boundaries, my sexuality, all of it.

I relate to the struggle of trying to shed labels. Ray is a “burden.” Boston is “nasty.” Mew wants the truth from Top as to if Top has been with anyone else while they were dating. Therefore — Mew is assuming that Top IS sleeping with other people.

Call these people by their labels, and they’ll start believing them. It’s just another kind of trauma, similar to intergenerational trauma.

I wrote in my Theory of Love piece that as a global society — humans don’t really believe that our fellow humans can CHANGE. We don’t accept change well. (Cancel culture rarely allows for someone to be uncancelled — right?) If someone takes on a label — we tend to believe that label, and we have a hard time believing that someone has SHED that label after time. If Ray was called a burden by his mother — what work will it take for Ray to shed that label? And same for our sexually active guys, too.

Think about how you talk about your friends to others. Think about if you use labels to talk about them. Think about how old those labels are, and if they’re accurate in the present. And. Think about how you judge others by their pasts. (“Remember when so-and-so was sleeping around?”) Think about whether or not you use the past to judge and/or justify your FEELINGS about someone.

Now, I don’t even KNOW if these guys WANT to change these paradigms. We get the SLIGHTEST hint that maybe Boston wants to do so with Nick in next week’s preview.

But. I just fucking love that Jojo is playing around with this. If someone is HIV positive — that’s a label, a stigma. If someone is a ho — that’s a label, a stigma.

These dudes are burdened by what everyone else is thinking and saying about them.

And we have Sand, on the other hand, processing his feelings with Nick. We have Nick acting like a damn BASKETCASE, but at least he admitted the wiretapping to Sand (??? lol honey but you gotta stop this now, nervous giggles, put Boston’s phone down). We didn’t see Yo in this episode, but we know Yo believes in accountability.

There’s something about the Ray-Mew-Cheum-Boston friend group that allows things to both slide and fester. We’ll get ever more clarity in the following episodes on this, but — these young folks are having ish dealing with their labels, the labels of their pasts, and what are they gonna do in their presents and futures to deal with changing themselves?

FINALLY, and then I’m done rambling. Is that supposed to be a penis, or something penis-like?!

(What’s good, Ephemerality Squad? Wish me luck with moving today! @slayerkitty @ranchthoughts @lurkingshan @neuroticbookworm @clara-maybe-ontheroad @twig-tea @distant-screaming @chickenstrangers)

[honeybouquets]

What’s exactly up with Ice-e?

Ice-e is a mascot of a pizza place that first appears on a word search for a puzzle in undertale and the pizza place is then introduced as a place in deltarune’s home town 

What seems to be just a funny looking mascot for a pizza place, there seems to be a lot of odd things going on with this mascot

Starting from Undertale: 

The ice-e word search first appears in a puzzle set up by Sans and a fun event has the word search changed to have another snowman with the label of “Nightmare” 

Another fun event has Alphys making a call to order pizza only to mess up and send an image of a anime cat girl instead

Sans, Alphys, and the fun events are those that are closely connected to a certain man who speaks in hands

Likewise while ice-e is a mascot for pizza place, the pizza place does not exist in undertale and only appears in deltarune

Thus Alphys’s phone call likely isn’t the same Alphys in undertale whose own place show no indication of any pizza whatsoever but rather the Alphys in deltarune since the pizza place only exists in deltarune’s home town 

Next up is from deltarune

One of the rooms in hometown’s hospital has a pain scale that uses ice-e as a model 

Pain is often brought up with the certain man who speaks in hands: the pain flavor with option to accept possible pain and seizure in gonermaker, an ut error message of “the pain itself is reason why” and memory heads with lorem text that translates to “The pain itself teaches” 

The only other character that mentions pain is Spamton with “The smooth taste of neo, “wake up and taste the pain””  

A puzzle in chapter 2 has the answer from same ice-e word search and the puzzle’s changes to ice-e icon then then glitches out when completed, 

The same puzzle also has a chance to emit out the similar sound to Sans’s text grunt 

Burgerpants or Pizzapants calls the pizza place as hell which the only other characters to ever mention hell are Sans, Jevil, and Spamton 

He then mentions to Kris to “Enjoy your freedom while it lasts” and there’s how freedom is a recurring thing with the secret bosses

There’s graffiti in an alleyway at hometown that depicts ice-e next to an image of everyman, an enigmatic strange entity that first appears in reaper bird’s attack in undertale and then appears in Jevil’s attack to Queen’s attack in deltarune 

Toby once made a joke in the deltarune livestream that ice-e pizza place’s lair is apparently feels like a nightmare world where everything is just a bit off 

What’s up with this silly looking mascot of a pizza place that is connected with the certain man who speaks in hands and his associates both in undertale and deltarune anyways? Why is a pizza place mascot of all things has all of this connections? 

[hello-nichya-here]

It’s just my guess. But if we exclude that putting Azula in a nuthouse was the authors’ idea, then Zuko did it because Iroh said “No, she’s crazy and she needs to go town.” God, every time I hear something like this, I wanna go apeshit and be like “HOW CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING SO NARROW-MINDED?? THINK BIGGER DAMMIT!!!” Was Iroh being ableist when he said that? Why didn’t he say anything like that about Ozai or his father or his grandfather who were like 10 times worse than Ozai and Azula? :)) Like I love Iroh, but hearing him say that was… out of character? Idk. But during Azula’s recovery/redemprion arc, I’d want him to give at least one life advice which she might not take seriously at first, but recall it and use it when she really needed it.

***

As usual, I’m gonna go through this through parts

Why do the writers (and fans) call Azula crazy?

One of the most recurring things that happen to any antagonist, is that, since their actions are reprehensible, the fans and even the writers themselves can resent them on some level and want to “put them in their place” (that is word for word what Zuko said he wanted to do to his sister, I remind you) especially if they get too attached to the heros and decide that they are the absolute best thing ever. That often comes with trying to humiliate or discredit them somehow, either by making them seem weak, stupid, incopetent... or crazy. We know that it is downright impossible to classify Azula as the first three, but since “madness” isn’t clear-cut, anyone can be labeled as “insane”, be it by looking at their actions or taking said actions out of context.

Azula’s sin in the eyes of the fandom and of some of the writers is that she has the audacity to go against the good guys, be super effective, and her motivation to do so absolutely makes sense. She was raised to believe her father can do no wrong, that the Fire Lord can do no wrong, she is likely afraid of him (regardless of her being aware of it or not), and disobeying his direct orders would make her a traitor, likely cost her title as princess, could put her in danger, AND it would mean she’d lose the only family she has left. There is nothing crazy about that. But she is a competent, scary antagonist - a female antagonist of that - so, of course, she HAS to be “hysterical”. Otherwise, how will the fans and writers using Zuko, Iroh and every characters she ever went against as self-inserts justify dismissing her character as unimportant?

Why did Iroh call Azula crazy and was that out of character?

Iroh is a wise, kind man. He is also likely a victim of abuse and it is canon that he was once just as brainwashed into believing Fire Nation propaganda as Azula was. And that means seeing others, even your own family, as objects that can and should be thrown away the second they don’t do what you want them to do. Iroh made a lot of progress, but has still not completely moved on from the Us VS Them mentality, and since he and Azula are on opposing sides, she’s perfect Fire Nation soldier, and she is the one actually doing all of the damn work. Of course that means she’s the main target whenever both Iroh’s wounded ego and his understandable reasons to be angry at Azula make him lash out. Add in the Fire Nation mentality of “I’m superior to everyone else” and you have Iroh vilanizing and dismissing Azula.

Could Iroh be of any help in a potential healing/redemption arc for Azula?

Of course! Just like Zuko could! And Azula could also teach these two some things as well. But for that to happen, they’d have to continue growing as characters and realize that, even though they were on the right side, they were unfair to Azula for a long, long time, and that left her vulnerable to Ozai’s manipulations. They’d have to try to get to know her - the real her. And since Iroh was the actual adult, he’d have to take some responsibility and recognize that he should have tried to be more understanding of Azula, just like he had always done to Zuko.

Unfortunately, that would require the writers remembering that these two, despite being good people, are only human, can make mistakes, and need to learn from said mistakes. It’s very clear that many of the writers, especially Bryke, have bought into the fandom bullshit that allowing characters to be complex, for heroes to be flawed, and for villains to have a point, is somehow a bad thing, and that Zuko and Iroh are now saints who can do no wrong - and that since Azula went against them, she needs to pay - no matter how disproportional and downright hypocritical the punishment is, and that is often getting punished for non-crimes (that the heroes are also guilty of) and for shit she didn’t even do in the first place. Hence the abomination that is the comics.

[linkspooky]

You Heroes Hurt Your Own Families

You can’t move in this world yet, so let us handle this. 

Chapter 286 shows once again the contrast between who Nana is for Deku, a helpful mentor, a guiding voice, and who she is not for Shigaraki. As you said Anon there is a good vs bad contrast in the way Nana is pictured for Deku, as opposed to the way AFO has his hand on Shigaraki’s neck. It’s a helping hand for Deku, a violent, controlling hand for Shigaraki. 

This is recurring imagery. Deku often receives help, whereas again and again Shigaraki is hurt. The irony being here that Nana Shimura is responsible for Shimura Tenko, and not Deku. Deku receives almost everything that Shimura Tenko was owed, from the people who were responsible for both Kotaro and later Tenko and chose to neglect that responsibility. Deku receives help when he needs it, and Shimura Tenko has never received the help he needs that’s the difference between the two. It all goes back to Shigaraki’s phrase and how that relates to Nana Shimura. 

“You heroes hurt your own families just to help complete strangers.”

1. With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

Horikoshi obviously takes inspiration from Spiderman. The character Koichi Haimawari is modeled after him (he climbs up walls like Spiderman and his alias is “The crawler” get it like... a bug... like a bug man... like a spider man). (Even though Spiders are technically arachnids). 

Deku’s origin story also has its parallels to Peter Parker’s origin. When Stan Lee first created the character it was unheard of to have a hero turn out to be just a normal kid. The entire concept behind Spider Man is Peter Parker is not someone chosen by destiny like Super Man, or someone propelled by tragedy like Batman. He is for all intents and purposes a normal new york teenager who you could find anywhere, who suddenly had all this power thrown on him. All Might even explicitly says this: they weren’t chosen ones. 

Peter Parker is an average kid who suddenly has all of this power thrown onto him by completely random circumstance. He didn’t do anything to earn it. A spider just bit him, and now he’s stronger, faster, and can climb walls. The same way that besides being quirkless, Deku was just kind of a normal, not-special kid who just happened to come across All Might one day. 

The point of making Peter Parker a normal person is that he also reacts normally to getting a whole bunch of power out of nowhere. Most people are not good or bad, most people are just reacting to circumstances. Peter’s first reaction is to go on a power trip. He uses his powers selfishly, only for himself. 

Once again why would Peter Parker’s first response to being given super powers be to use it for other people? He’s kind of a lonely kid, he’s bullied at school, he’s used to feeling weak. He’s not super man, and not bat man so he really has no reason to care enough about other people to fight for others. 

Then, Peter Parker lets a robber go he could have stopped. The reason he lets this robber go is because, once again, it doesn’t really affect him. The robber then runs out of the building and escapes. By pure chance he runs into Uncle Ben. Uncle Ben, unlike Peter, sees a man running away with all that money and tries to stop him. He fights, and then accidentally gets shot by the robber’s gun. Peter finds his uncle dying in the street. 

Uncle Ben tells him: With great power, comes great responsibility. 

It doesn’t actually matter that there’s no way Peter could have known the robber was going to shoot Uncle Ben. It’s a story. It’s a story where the events happen in the way they did because there’s a point to telling the story that way. The point being that, Peter Parker wanted power without responsibility. 

He wanted to have all his cool new super powers, but he only wanted to use them for himself and not other people. 

However, there will always be consequences to your actions. You are responsible for all of the consequences both intentional and unintentional. That’s the same responsibility that Peter was avoiding. 

Until that point, having super powers was just a fantasy, a power trip. Peter did not want to take responsibility, until Uncle Ben died and suddenly he realized there are real consequences to his actions. That’s why he has to choose them, carefully, responsibly. 

The story wasn’t punishing Peter for not being able to save everyone in the world, or not being perfect, it was punishing Peter for not taking any responsibility for his actions. 

Power without responsibility is dangerous. Because it quickly turns into a power trip like the one that Peter was on. 

What Kotaro, and then later Shigaraki both assert by this phrase is that heroes fail in their responsibilities. The question Shigaraki is acting is how can people who can’t even act responsible towards their own families be responsible for the lives of other people? 

As I’ve said above and plenty of times in the past. People are not good or bad. People are just people, reacting to circumstances. You aren’t responsible for circumstances but you are responsible for your reactions. This is also true for abuse. People tend to have a black and white view of abuse. That it’s a bad thing done by bad people. Perfectly good people, are capable of perpetuating abuse because it’s not an individual moral decision it’s a reaction to a cycle.

A lot of people want to demonize Kotaro in order to put Nana’s actions towareds him in a better light. However, as someone who dislikes Kotaro but at least understands him I will say this. 

What Nana did to him was an abuse. Kotaro did not ask to be born. Nana was the one who made the decision to bring him into this world. She is the one who made the decision to be a hero, and start a family at the same time. However, when it came time to make a choice she couldn’t choose Kotaro.

It was a pressured choice, it was a forced choice, and Nana never intended for Kotaro to be hurt but you are still responsible for your choice, both intended and unintended consequences. 

Neglecting the child you’re repsonsible is abuse. It’s abuse as bad and as insidious as hitting and punishing a child. In both cases, a child is not receiving what they need in order to grow up, from the people who are responsible for raising them. 

And Abuse, cycles. It cycles because most people are just people reacting to circumstances. Late into his life, Kotaro is still reacting to his mother’s abandonment. He abuses Tenko. Tenko becomes the scapegoat of the house, he receives the blame. He gets labeled the problem child of the house, when really what’s happening is that Kotaro isn’t acting responsibly, isn’t acting properly as a parent. The reason Tenko gets blamed is because Kotaro has all the power in the house, but is not held responsible by the other people inside the house. 

See, these ideas of power and responsibility coincide with one another. When characters are given power, but not held responsible for that power we see the result is abuse. Both in the small domestic disputes, and the nature of heroes themselves. 

The question then becomes is someone who fails on their most basic level of responsibility as a parent, capable of acting responsible as a hero? 

The criticism that Dabi, Twice, Shigaraki all levvy at heroes again and again is that they want power, but they don’t want responsibility for that power. 

It’s not about saving every single person that needs saving. It’s not about holding heroes to inhuman standards. It’s that heroes fail at basic responsibilities time and time again. Heroes, are neglectful. Heroes have all of the power in society, but are almost never held responsible for their actions. 

A lot of the responses I receive is that: You don’t understand that heroes are flawed human beings. No, I understand perfectly. It’s exactly because heroes are flawed human beings that they need to be held responsible. Peter Parker is not a good person, because he always saves everyone and is always perfect. Peter Parker is held responsible for his actions. He’s continually fighting to try to be responsible and accept the consequences of his actions. Heroes choose to pretend not to see the flaws inherent in society, and then choose to sweep those things under the rug. 

Do you want evidence of this? 

How about every single time a villain points out a flaw and then the heroes just ignore it and go “Heroes never give up!” 

Consider how many characters, including Bakugo just want to become heroes in order to defeat villains, with saving people as an afterthought. There’s a reason I use the word “Power Trip” because it’s precisely what Bakugo is on. 

I’m not saying Bakugo is a bad person. I am saying Bakugo is like Peter Parker. He’s been handed all of this power, this really really cool super power, and he thinks suddenly it makes him special and he gets to do whatever he wants with it. 

Peter Parker was playing around with his super powers. Heroes in Hero Society play at being hero, without really attending to the responsibilities of a hero. 

Nana Shimura failed at her responsibilties. 

Not only that but she continues to fail at them. Now, I know Nana is sanctified by canon as a good hero. However, we have heroes who their failures of responsibility to their families also leak out into their work. Endeavor treated his family violently. Endeavor, during his job, acts violently and without impudence to the crimminals he is fighting against. The lack of responsibility shown in the way he treats his direct family, also shows up in his work as a hero. 

2. Nature vs Nurture

There’s an idea that scapegoats children for their abuse. That children who come from bad families, act bad because it was in their nature to be bad. I’m going to quote a tweet chain. It’s about star wars. Please don’t get on my case about this, I don’t care at all about the wars in the stars. [@pawel_luki]

Like I said, I really don’t care if you like or dislike Kylo Ren. I think the person who tweeted this makes a point regardless of their opinion of Rylo Ken in the way children are treated. It’s always the narrative that the “Parent did the best they can” and therefore the naughty child chose to be this way. 

It’s a recurring argument about Nature vs Nurture. We see this pop up exactly in regards for Shigaraki. It’s a bad argument because literally the only point of this argument is to take responsibility away from the parents and put it on the child instead. 

I’m not using this to say that abuse victims aren’t responsible for their actions. Both can be held responsible at the same time. Nana is repsonsible. Kotaro is responsible. With that being said we continually see this argument of nature vs. nurture come up in regards to Shigaraki. 

Rikiya Yotsubashi uses the fact that Shigaraki was born with a quirk that destroys things, to imply that he must have wanted to destroy, that he was born that way, with a destructive, awful personality. 

In literally the same chapter we see evidence that Shigaraki was nurtured to be that way by AFO. That Shigaraki was told over and over again to never let himself heal, to exist in a volatile state. 

Shigaraki is who he is as a result of nurture. He was moulded to be this way. We wouldn’t go extensive lengths into Shigaraki’s backstory if that was not the point. Not only that but Shigaraki’s foiling with Deku proves that his nature isn’t violent.

His nature is very much like Deku’s. He is sensitive to others, sympathetic, and wants to be a hero. In fact, he even has Deku’s tenacious nature of sticking to his dream of becoming a hero even in a household that forbid it. If you want to argue about who Shigaraki naturally is, then look at Tenko. This is who Shigaraki was, outside of violent abuse. When violent abuse is done to him, Shigaraki becomes violent. 

Deku also, becomes angry and violent when exposed to violent circumstances. It’s not because they are good or bad. They are people reacting to different things. 

By nature, Deku and Shigaraki are very sympathetic, sensitive kids. By nurture, seeing the violence around them, seeing violence hurt their friends and family, they can be made to become violent. 

That is the point of the foiling between Shigaraki and Deku. However, as I said there is a tendency to use the nature vs nurture argument to relieve parents of responsibility towards their children. By painting a child as bad by nature, then the parent is now a good parent who did their best. 

Nana is not a good mother who did her best. 

Nana made mistakes. However, I would express that I’m not even upset at Nana for making a bad choice in bad circumstances. Nana, Gran Torino, they continually choose this behavior that shifts responsibility away from their choice. 

Making the wrong choice is only human. However, has Nana taken responsibility for her choice? No. Gran Torino and Nana both continually choose to avoid responsibility by pinning all the blame on Shigaraki himself. 

Shimura Tenko is the unintended result of Nana’s decision to abandon Kotouarou. However, you are both responsible for the inteniontal and unintenitonal cosequences to your action. This is a story and stories have consequences. 

Shigaraki being kidnapped by AFO is the same kind of thing as Uncle Ben being shot by a random robber that Peter let go. Nana is responsible for it, because the story is HOLDING Nana repsonsible for it. 

It’s once again this idea that heroes have power without responsibility. Nana continually chooses her role as a hero over her family again and again. We see Nana express these words to Kotaro. I want my family to be happy.

However, her actions contradict those words. To Nana her heroic legacy is more important than the family she left behind. She always chooses the idea of heroism, over her real family. If the choice to abandon Kotaro was to protect him from AFO then why doesn’t Nana care about Shigaraki, who not only was kidnapped by him but suffered lifelong abuse at AFO’s hands. 

Nana, and the people around Nana continually choose Nana’s heroism, and her legacy as a hero, over her family who she was actually responsible. Over Shigaraki who is suffering right in front of them. Because once again. Heroes neglect their actual responsibilities like... all the time. Heroes not being responsible to their families is just a metaphor for the way Heroes continually act in hero society at large. People just want to play hero, people want to pretend at goodness, without actually having to take repsonsibility for the consequences of their actions. 

So, this is why we get the shared symbolism between Deku and Shigaraki. Nana is a help to Deku. Nana is a hurt to Shigaraki. 

It’s because Nana continually chooses over and over again to help the boy who inherited her heroic legacy, rather than the grandson she is actually responsible for. 

Is Nana responsinble for saving Shigaraki from All for One? 

Um... 

Why wouldn’t she want to? 

If Nana wants the best for her family. If Nana wants her family members to be happy, then why wouldn’t she want to help Tenko be free from the hands of his violent abuser who just also happens to be her arch enemy? 

All Might showed up to save Deku when he needed it. Nana showed up to save Deku when he needed it. However, Shigaraki has always gotten the opposite response. 

Deku is told he can be a hero. Shigaraki is rejected. 

Nana is so wrapped up in her idea of heroism, she sees Shigaraki literally being strangled by her arch enemy and doesn’t like... react. Like, maybe she’ll react next week. I hope she reacts next week. But, I kind of doubt it. That’s not how the story has gone so far. I hope to be proven wrong. 

The point being that Shigaraki is not a bad person by nature, but by nurture. He is who he is, in reaction to all of these circumstances. I hope what this is all leading to, all the similiarites between Deku and Shigaraki is that.

Deku can then realize how much worse Shigaraki has had it than him. 

Deku sees Shigaraki’s mentor strangling him, controlling his body, abusing him, while at the same time somebody immediately comes to give Deku the help he needs. 

Deku has in the past realized he’s lucky to be where he is, blessed to be surrounded by people who have helped him when he needed it. 

I hope what this leads to is a moment of character development for Deku. For him to realize not only that there are people who haven’t gotten help like he did. Not only that, but that he can be the help they didn’t receive until this point. That because Deku got help when he needed it, he can pay it forward, be the help to other people who need it as desperately as he once did. 

If Shigaraki is this way because he hasn’t received the help he’s needed from his family, the ones he needed it from, then perhaps Deku will be the one to help him in the end. 

[mymelancholiesblues]

No, Mia isn’t  "low-tier" compared to Ada (morally speaking, or w/e) – a measured answer?/essay

So, a couple of Ada haters tried to put up a false symmetry between both of these characters there on twitter, and it inspired me to put my own thoughts down in a more articulate essay as to why that's (Ada's somehow being morally worse than Mia) not sustained by canon in Resident Evil.

standing there, killing time

can't commit to anything but a crime

all the good girls go to hell

'cause even God herself has enemies

and once the water starts to rise

and heaven's out of sight

she'll want the Devil on her team. ⁕

First things first: let us debunk the false symmetry that they tried to establish between these two characters with extremely distinct archetypes – and worse, the following replies to this false symmetry and its poor arguments trying to validate it, pointing out that, in fact, no, character B (that would be Ada, btw) – which is so evidently and ridiculously different from character A (and that would be Mia) – is, in fact, WAY WORSE than character A, and then proceeding to assert some unsupported propositions about misogyny in Resident Evil (which, tbh, definitely IS a recurring problem in the franchise, but that in this case particularly, little or does not apply AT ALL) and how Ada contributes to "the perpetration of a biological cold war".

Starting with what differentiates Mia from Ada grotesquely: we know NOTHING of Ada's true alliances in RE's world. Mia, however, canonically worked for a group that participated in the importation and exportation as well as the manufacturing, testing and marketing of biological weapons: "The Connections", a CRIMINAL SYNDICATE which, amongst other things, was also involved in money laundering, assassinations as well as weapons and drug trafficking. I don't care at all about Mia, so I don't intend to waste much of my time going on about her role in the plot, but people should've already realized by just that much how infinitely dishonest is to try to put these two characters as "similar" ones, or argue that Ada is somehow worse.

Another detail that shouldn't escape anyone's attention too, are the origins and nationalities of both – and yes, I intend to briefly bring up racism against eastern-Asian looking characters (a silent plague that takes form by each passing day in all fiction fandoms) and anti-China xenophobia, but for now, hold this tea there just before I drop it: Mia is canonically American, and previously a Texas-state resident; meanwhile, we have no confirmation of Ada's nationality except for her pretty evident Chinese ancestry. But, as I said, hold it there for a while.

i) espionage — the job

red so silent

wait a minute

or just a little while.

what are you looking for? ⁕

At all times that Ada's "job" was brought up in this franchise, in ALL of her cameos, she has NEVER been called a mercenary in the original Japanese. She's always referred to as a SPY. Even in RE2R, the most recent title in which she's featured in, the original text of the game makes a point of labelling her as a SPY (and not a mercenary) in the dialogue that transpires between Annette and Leon.

It's the North-American translation and correspondent localization that now and then falls for the equivocal use of this other term. This distinction is important since espionage NECESSARILY implies operating in an organized service for, perhaps a country, or a political cause, or a class/group, or a corporation, or whatever. While a mercenary is someone who's acting per their self financial interests, indiscriminately selling their specialized "labour" and skills to anyone who'll offer more.

Ada's not a mercenary, she's a spy. But Mia, in addition to being hired to a canonically criminal company, was also the handler personally assigned to Eveline. I don't care how exactly Mia got in that predicament but the fact is: Mia was canonically employed by a company that profited over illicit activities and directly watched as a family was destroyed and toyed with by this new killing machine (Eve). Yet, we can't state for sure that we know to whom or to what Ada is truly affiliated with.

ii) sources — check them

who's a heretic now?

am I making sense?

how can you make it stick?

and I'm on a trial

waiting 'til the beat comes out. ⁕

This fandom should put a little more thought into which translation and localization of the game texts, dialogues and files they are using to support their arguments. I know that in some cases the United States people have a bit of an inclination to think of themselves as the owners of the planet and deem English as the only language that matters in this world, but let's not forget that RE is a Japanese franchise (wow, insane, right?!). Therefore, the most valid script, with the greatest amount of details, and highest credibility, is the Japanese original. Throughout these years, there have been several errors in translation and localization of the Japanese original to North-American English. And, believe me, curiously enough, plenty of those concern Ada, since she's often mentioned or referred to in a very vague way – without the use of pronouns or adjectives or adverbs that could help in indicating gender. This ended up causing those details and mentions to her to get overlooked, even though in the Japanese text it was a clear reference to her character (per observation of context).

iii) the good guys — one of

head in the dust

feet in the fire

labour on that midnight wire

listening for that angel choir

you got nowhere to run

careful son, you got dreamers plans

but it gets hard to stand. ⁕

Yes, as much as haters try to minimize it, it is SIGNIFICANT that Ada saved so many important characters and stood for unquestionably heroic actions in so many moments - like stopping everything she was doing so she could help completely random Chinese civilians with the helicopter she managed to pilot in that chaos in China (yeah, I know you haters love to forget about this, but it happened, it's there in canon, and no, it wasn't her direct OR indirect responsibility what was going on in China: REPLAY RE6 and for the love of GOD, never again argue that what she did was somehow "the equivalent of evacuating a city after selling a WMD to destroy that same city". It's a case of pure intellectual dishonesty to say such a thing. It's canon that Carla was the one who caused what happens in China, PLEASE, PLAY RE6).

Furthermore, Ada shows compassion on some occasions even for characters who are directly putting her in harms ways, like Annette (in RE2 OG, right after - in order to defend herself - she slaps Annette leading her to lose balance and collapse over the sewers fences, Ada makes an effort in trying to pull Annette back and prevent her from falling) and Carla.

Replay RE4 and pay attention to it, pay attention to her solo campaign: getting involved with Leon's journey in Spain hasn't brought any real benefit to her mission or herself: Ada deviates from her main path several times due to worrying about him and trying to help him and almost ends up dead in several of these occasions over her insistence in doing so: by saving him from Bitores Mendez, by helping him and Ashley against Sadler, by confronting Krauser and stopping him.

It's so lazy to only read/listen to a file in which she says in English that "Leon might be useful to her plans" (this is way more nuanced in the Japanese original of Ada's Report), and ignore everything that was SHOWN in the game: every effort she made to ensure that Leon could rescue Ashley, remove the parasite from his and her bodies, and escape from that hell-island.

The jet-ski she left for their escape was ALREADY there before she was captured by Sadler (or you think she arranged it while she was caught?). Leon having to intervene and save her from Sadler WASN'T her plan. It WASN'T her plan to take the sample from Leon's hands. She wanted to help him get out of there with Ashley and she guaranteed he could do so, she wanted to get the sample by herself and escape too while sending that hell to kingdom's come. But, because she chose to help Leon rescue Ashley right in front of Sadler, she ends up captured.

On her end, Mia never did anything minimally compared to that, and all of her "selflessness" or self-sacrificing actions involved a much, MUCH smaller scope than Ada's: wanting to help her husband and HERSELF is not at all comparable to saving a few dozens of unknown Chinese civilians. So no, they aren't "cut from the same cloth". They don't come from the same place, nor do they share the same intentions or goals, and their contributions to the RE storyline are quite different.

iv) unknown true purpose (shades of grey)

lining up in the background

waiting for the crowd shot to be seen

in the shadow of the big screen

everybody begs to be redeemed. ⁕

In databooks, Ada is recurrently described as "a Chinese spy with extraordinary physical abilities, vigorous health and composed mind and spirit, capable of coping with grim situations and handling even the most difficult requests without losing composure". If we are paying attention to the storytelling ingame, however, we know that this isn't always the case: Ada did let her mask of unswerving emotional and physical strength fall and showed a very fragile side under strenuous circumstances a couple of times already.

Also, in these databooks, they often point out that "she has her own 'true purpose' and has FREQUENTLY betrayed organizations and clients to achieve it". Huh, we can AGAIN, by this only, see how completely different she's from Mia, who personally watched an entire family being driven to insanity by Eveline's hand.

Furthermore, in these databooks, it's often said that "this true purpose is still obscure and whether she truly cared for anyone or simply used her charms to manipulate people that crossed paths with her isn't ever clear". If people are willing to be open-minded and exercise their text comprehension skills, though, they'll see that in multiple occasions of emotional confrontation it has been established time and time again that yes, Ada DOES care. She wasn't capable of shooting Leon and there has been a couple of other times that failing to choose a cool, sociopathic calculation and pragmatical demeanour over empathy and humanity towards others has put her in harms ways: nonetheless she still chose it.

v) positive impact

I'm gonna break the cycle

I'm gonna shake up the system

I'm gonna destroy my ego. ⁕

To this point, RE's plot systematically leads us to believe that Ada has been covertly acting behind the scenes of multiple biological incidents COLLECTING INFORMATION (the job of a spy, who would've thought! lmao), that is valuable to numerous organizations, companies, groups and different contexts, but at the same time of allegedly offering to handle this knowledge for the right price to the big players involved with bioterrorism and clandestine trading of bioweapons, she's also working to sabotage said players.

This is evident throughout the franchise: she intended to hurt Umbrella's business. She outwitted and deceived Wesker multiple times. She even undermined Simmons, someone who was in a position of power in the US government and actively using that position to lead bioterrorist ventures on the parallel side.

There's no concrete evidence or hint as to what she does with the information she collects, and for all purposes and effects, I can presume that she's gathering this knowledge to assist in the discovery of countermeasures and vaccination studies. I might as well argue that she is a Chinese spy who is working against European and North-American capitalism and the imperialism that creates such monsters like the biochemical and bioweapons industry and that her real objective is to dismantle the market for bioweapons and bioterror supported mainly by the USA (see: Simmons and The Family).

That is, as long as it is unclear what her true purpose is, I have the freedom to surmise whatever the heck I want and that all of what she's been doing was for the sake of the greater "good" - and I'll even have canon moments to support this reasoning as it's clear that she regularly sabotages her customers (customers that are unquestionably established as playing for the "evil" side, with perverse intentions) - throughout the franchise. She did this on RE2, RE4, RE6 and Damnation. It's there, transparent in canon, people just choose to ignore it.

She laughs in the face of whoever she's talking to by the end of Damnation, saying she doesn't intend to deliver the Plaga; she scoffs at Simmons; she betrays Wesker and kills Krauser. She had been sabotaging Wesker for so long, that he sent Krauser to be the main agent in the mission in Spain, and Ada was just a "side effect" that he didn't have in control and had to keep an eye on, so he ordered Krauser to keep tabs on her. It's not a mutually beneficial dynamic. Ada doesn't want Wesker to succeed, she despises him; this is clear in the games in which they interact. There are even files that indicate that she was trying to double-cross and get in the way of his plans for at least 2 years before Spain, and he was constantly catching up with her. See here and here.

On her end, Mia was employed by and consciously working for a criminal syndicate.

vi) a (secretly) helping hand

oh, I'm a master pretender

just felt more alone

the further I'd go

but I'll stick around

I'll be your master defender

yeah, I'll stick around. ⁕

Ada approached characters such as John Clemens and Luis Sera, and both had a canonical intention to, in addition to putting an end to their connections with the criminal companies and organizations they've been working for, also expose and denounce them for their crimes. It's in this context that Ada comes into contact with them. And why is that?

Check John's background: he had made up his mind about disclosing Umbrella's crimes to the public. Check Luis' background: Ada went to Spain to assist in his extradition since he feared for his own life if he resolved to turn his back on the cult of Los Illuminados, and also dreaded the consequences of the liberation of Las Plagas on an international scale.

Keep in mind that Ada handed over to Wesker a USELESS Plaga sample. Wesker only got the sample currently circulating in the underground market because he went after Krauser's body. We don't know what Ada did with the master Plaga sample she obtained. We only know from Ada's Report and the Plaga Recovery file that she didn't deliver it to Wesker, and he needed to go out for a plan B to get it.

Even the G-Virus sample that fell into the hands of the clandestine business, it's possible to argue that Ada's involvement in it was flimsy, since Simmons CANONICALLY made over a thousand laboratory tests in Sherry, and, as we know, he was a leading figure in bioterrorism and bioweapons trading with the aid of his position in the US government.

But, guess what, Ada clearly is a non-white character with obvious Chinese heritage and Mia is white, so of course, OF COURSE, someone can so nonchalantly affirm that Ada, this "vile bitch", is somehow WORSE than Mia. The same Mia who watched the Bakers being destroyed. Right.

Also: trying to validate one's point by claiming anything related to the misogyny present in RE franchise, while IN THE SAME BREATH AND TWEET reducing Ada's entire character arc to that of "a sociopathic bitch cured by the magic dick of her love interest" is supposed to be a joke, right? No, really. Joke.

conclusion and a word against misogyny

we are waiting on a telegram to

give us news of the fall

I am sorry to report

dear Paris is burning after all

we have taken to the streets

in open rejoice, revolting

we are dancing a black waltz

fair Paris is burning after all. ⁕

To any Ada fan that has been reading this so far: PLEASE, I ask to consider refraining to use the "oh yes, Ada did some bad shit, bUT" take to defend the character because that isn't sustained by canon in RE, lmao. She didn't do anything evil that had an indisputable bad impact on the plot and other characters arcs. For one, I myself do love some villains, but that isn't the case with Ada.

She did do some unconventional shit yes, since she's a morally GRAY character and an anti-heroine, but by the end of the day, each and every action of hers had a positive impact on the journey of other characters and main plot. Just pay attention to it.

Like idk man, Black Widow, Elektra Natchios, Scarlet Witch and Black Cat from Marvel, Catwoman from DC, Yennefer from The Witcher (some pop culture examples that come to mind).

Saying that this is an "extremely selfish prototypal bad bitch except when it comes to the magical redeeming dick of her love interest" it's a grotesque reduction of a complex female character, and, in its attempt to critique the misogyny present in RE's franchise an expression of misogyny in itself.

Remember: Ada has actions and impact on the franchise ASIDE and IN ADDITION to her romantic involvement with Leon.

[kamuisthoughts]

The Actual Rant:

I’m going to begin by saying that I think the ABO dynamic is interesting.

That being said I’ve noticed some recurring and very disturbing themes that are attached to this type of AU, regardless of what fandom you’re reading in. It makes sense to me that a universe where people have secondary genders and are more susceptible to animalistic instincts would have different types of societal issues. This being the disturbing themes I mentioned. The disregard of rape, the gender oppression, the objectification of certain genders, and various forms of dysphoria.

Obviously these themes are extremely dark and unsettling, but what’s worse is how the people that take it upon themselves to write about these things romanticize these horrific issues. Using them as a tool to build a parallel world that would cause the reader to think or reflect on our own society is one thing. That’s what I would like to read. But instead I come across these ABO AUs and find authors downplaying these abominable problems, making it seem as if it’s okay to have these sorts of things happening.

If you tell me beforehand what you intend to do okay, I can just avoid that.

But anyway there’s a difference between building a world with dark elements like these and presenting it as something that is truly disgraceful, but many people in the world do not care or fear fighting against it, and creating a world where it’s obvious that the writer is fetishizing these elements. You can completely change the tone of something depending on how issues are presented, how the characters react to their circumstances.

I hate to see rape happen in a story. I honestly feel it’s the most unforgivable, egregious thing you could do to a person beside murdering them. It’s a form of torture, and I honestly believe this, so it turns my stomach to see people writing stories where characters go through this awful thing, sometimes repeatedly and it’s not accurately addressed. There’s rarely lasting trauma if any. They just kind of take it, they don’t fight, they might even accept it just because the character doing it to them is objectively attractive and that is nauseating to me.

I also hate to see kidnappings and forced marriages in this type of AU, where the author tells you the main character is a “BAMF” or “Strong” individual but this is never actually displayed. Not mentally which I often respect to see in characters and not even hinted at physically either. They’ll maybe have a sassy mouth but still won’t really do anything when their abuser is hurting them. And this is usually moot since the main character oftentimes just simpers for their alpha abuser in the end. They’ll either be too scared to continue to mouth off or be too enamored by the alpha’s physical appearance and scent.

I also noticed Stockholm Syndrome is really common in these stories as well, (should the author actually deign to touch upon the immense trauma rape would cause a person), despite how rare this condition is in reality. This I find maddening. Now, I understand sometimes reality is so painful that someone needs to escape it through delusion so that they can function somewhat coherently. But the fact that there are so many stories where a character is kidnapped, ripped from their life, forced to mate with someone who doesn’t respect them as a fellow human being, raped, forcefully impregnated, and then somehow still falls in love with their abuser is utterly repulsive.

And the thing that really upsets me is the fact that I deliberately exclude tags in my search that denote rape/non-con, underaged, and major character death yet still I come across stories where these things are mentioned. Are happening. They’ll be in the story but not in a story’s tags and just glossed over. I’m not sure if this is deliberate or if some of the writers just don’t understand the magnitude of the themes they’re pushing but regardless I find this unacceptable.

If someone says no and you stick your penis inside of them anyway, that is rape. If you lull them into a false sense of security due to pheromones after they’ve said no and have sex with them, that is rape. If they give up fighting because they know it’s hopeless it’s still rape. I don’t care how physically desirable you are, or how good you smell, or if you feel it’s your “right” to take the other person because you managed to pin them down and you’re stronger. They said no, and even if they didn’t say “no” they didn't say yes .

If someone didn’t say they accepted your advances, that is not dubious consent. That. Is. Rape . And women can be rapists too. Let’s stop pretending that’s not a thing and that it’s not just as bad no matter what gender the attacker is. Can we not try to sugarcoat the horrible things people are writing about and call it “dubious” so people can feel better about romanticizing sexual abuse and getting off on it? Because even if you don’t call a spade a spade it’s still a damn spade.

Now let’s talk about fetishes. I hate when male characters are forcefully feminized when they don’t want to be. Like seriously, a male omega in this type of ABO story could literally say, “I’m a man, don’t call me a wife or a mother” and the other characters will just brush it off, they won’t even address it. They’ll continue to label him incorrectly, continue to treat him in ways that make him uncomfortable, and eventually he’ll just stop getting upset or annoyed and go along with it. This is NOT okay. This happens when a writer likes writing about feminine men.

There’s nothing wrong with a feminine man, that’s not what I’m saying. What’s wrong is when a man is overly sexualized because of his physical appearance and incorrectly labeled by others despite him stating what he identifies as. If you want to write about a gender fluid male omega, do that! Do not write about a male omega who identifies as male and call him a wife just because he can give birth. He is still a husband. He is a man and the other characters should be respecting that.

Then we have the fetishizing of birth or breeding in these AUs. This element of this AU has always been so creepy to me. (And I’m talking about FORCED breeding. Edit added because I didn’t specify this at first).

Omegas in these AUs are seen as the lowest of the low because they have heats, are softhearted, physically weaker, and motherly. Yet despite being chained to the bottom of the societal hierarchy they are objectified by other secondary genders. They are desired just enough for alphas and betas to want to breed with but they aren’t worth equal rights such as choosing their own “mate”, their job, or even walking down the street without fear of being forcefully mounted.

Seldom do I see this issue actually portrayed as an issue. The omegas in the story bat their eyelashes at alphas, and even manipulate them because they know that they are objectified. They aim to get claimed by “strong” and “virile” alphas and to have “beautiful pups”. Like, what?

But okay, I can see that.

You live a certain way you can get used to almost anything, but the fact that it’s rarely more than the main character who wants for more is astounding to me. I guess this is a writer’s way of hammering home how different and “before their time” they want their main character to be but it just comes off as forced, and the main character becomes a novelty. Alphas just want the main even more because they want to break them so they can force them into the role of a “good little omega”.

It angers me to see this type of world building with no consequences. There’s no simmering rage at the lack of justice and equality, there’s no conflict. It’s just, “omegas are cute and sexy and they smell nice”. This just makes all of the characters seem like morally bankrupt sex addicts who’re all some form of insane and I can’t stand it. But I’ll digress.

The true reason I decided to write this rant?

A story.

Yes, I came across a story and for some reason despite the harmless looking tags and my knowledge of how misleading this AU can be I clicked on it. I just wanted to see if I was being too harsh on the ABO AU, if someone could write a story in this type of universe that I could actually bear to read that wasn’t extremely hard to find. (Most of the fics in this AU I come across are the really dark ones).

So, I tried to read an ABO AU for MHA, and I'll tell you now I couldn’t even get beyond the fourth chapter. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Izuku was of course a rare male omega, born in a fantasy world where All Might bestowed upon him the powerful magic of One For All and then dipped. Of course despite having this power Izuku was still a weakling, even though the author tried to say he was strong willed and “unlike most omegas”.

Izuku had to hide his secondary gender. He lived as a quirkless beta with his mother. One day he stumbled across Katsuki, who declared Izuku his “true mate”. Despite Izuku saying he didn’t want to mate with him, Izuku was abducted and forced to be with him simply because it was what Katsuki wanted.

Izuku repeatedly said he didn’t want to be there, that he didn't want to be with this literal stranger, and that he didn’t have any desire to be a baby factory for him but was of course ignored. Long story short Katsuki got his way and Izuku eventually was down with it. Because Katsuki was handsome, well built, and smelled nice Izuku didn’t even bother to stay angry at the injustice of his own situation.

This is one of the many stories in this type of AU I personally find problematic. I don’t care if people write these fics, I just wish they were more responsible about it.

I’ve seen stories where alphas threaten to kill an omega’s family or the omega themselves to force them to mate with them, and are forced to comply. Instead of acknowledging how horrible this is the other characters just sort of treat it like the omega is misbehaving and that they’re cute for being “annoyed”. Like, what? Literally what the fuck. And this is sometimes never brought up again.

Alphas could burn down a whole village, slaughter everyone and take the omegas as sex slaves and still in certain stories this could be romanticized. I can’t get with that. Especially not when the victims aren’t even upset for more than a few days. What the heck!? That was your family!

But what really makes me uncomfortable? When an author makes sure the reader is aware of the fact that an abuser is extremely physically attractive so that people will be less inclined to be disgusted by their atrocious behavior and mentality.

I get it.

Sometimes the inevitable fall is due to true mates and all that. But at the same time, that is absolute bullshit. I wouldn’t give a damn if you were Jesus Christ himself, if you threaten to kill my family, or me, DO these things, disregard my feelings because of what you want and what you have to gain I am not giving you the time of day. Or at the very least if I have no choice I’m gonna utterly despise the person harming me. Come on!

True mates/Soulmates could be so freaking cute. It HAS been. I’ve seen it. There’s good fics out there, I just wish there was more of a selection where certain tropes are implemented in a way that isn’t toxic.

I don’t care how objectively attractive someone appears. I don’t care what “fate” says or what “instincts” denote. What reason do some of these characters have to love their abusers? Let alone be attracted to them? Especially if they never get a heartfelt apology and the alpha doesn’t bother to change significantly to be a tolerable human being. But okay, ABO instincts. Lack of control. I know, okay? But come on, can we switch it up a bit?

Out of morbid curiosity, sometimes when I come across stories I just can’t read because the Non-con is there but it’s not portrayed as traumatic and the author doesn’t even TELL you it’s in there... out of some masochistic need to punish myself I scroll down to read some of the comments and no one, I mean no one addresses how skewed and warped the themes in these stories are. The readers eat it up. And it’s honestly sickening.

But you know what? That’s kind of a lie. Some people do complain but they’re usually just straight up hateful flames and I don’t support those. I wish people could be more constructive when commenting on people’s work.

But anyway, since it was the MHA ABO AU fic that set me off I’ll just continue to use Izuku and Katsuki as examples for my griping. With Izuku as the omega and Katsuki as the alpha.

Many fanfic writers set up their worlds as a means to impregnate Izuku. That’s what I believe. Not ALL fanfic writers that write about this AU do this. SOME of them do! And I’m not saying this is always problematic, but it is when they put certain elements together because they want to write about BakuDeku in a sexual form and don’t bother to note how dark the story elements they’re implementing actually are.

I’m not sure if this is because some of them don’t understand how serious and damaging these things are and can be (rape/sexual coercion/forced pregnancy) or if they just don’t care and find them cute and sexy.

Either way, the things some authors have alpha Katsuki pulling on Izuku are wrong and downright perverted.

Now, I’m not opposed to smut. Sometimes I read stories with smut, that doesn’t bother me. Sex is a natural thing and people do it to show how much they like someone, or even just because it feels good. Whatever, that’s fine. But putting two characters together and saying “this is how it is because fate and forget gradually becoming attracted because I want that sexual tension now!” is something I find greatly unsettling.

If I could see this idea displayed differently maybe I could be equally disturbed, but could grow to accept Izuku and Katsuki (or whoever are the focus of the story) as a pair. Why? Because if the things the alpha is doing are horrible they should be acknowledged as horrible.

A lot of stories could be more interesting to me if the author wrote the things I mentioned above as they actually are, despicable. Instead things a lot of the times are sugar coated, treated as a joke, or downright wrongfully sexualized. Sometimes all three at once! A lot of these fics could have been something I could stomach if treated soundly. Say, Katsuki for example decided Izuku belonged to him and he forcefully mated with him, not allowing Izuku to be with anyone else without serious backlash. If he began to realize that his outlook on life was entitled and morally bankrupt I could totally get with that!

The author in this fake scenario could take the steps to better Katsuki as a person. Izuku of course should rightfully hate this man but could grudgingly begin to see and acknowledge Katsuki trying to change for the better. Then when Izuku manages to let go of his anger for his own sake, (not Katsuki’s) I could probably accept him beginning to notice Katsuki romantically. NOT sexually.

Now if Izuku just has to notice Katsuki’s physical body from the beginning and finds him irresistible because you know, ABO AU instincts and all that jazz—but hated this about himself, the juxtaposition of physical desire but mental and emotional disdain could be fascinating, engaging. It would make Izuku seem more like a person in these stories and less like the idea of a mentally strong omega. (Again, not saying all ABO fics lack good storytelling or compelling characters or any of that).

I could accept this eventual forgiveness and romance scenario because it could be amazing storytelling wise. Allowing the reader to experience a range of emotions due to world building, characterization, character growth, and plot line.

But anyway, I’m not trying to bash the specific story I used as an example above. I realize a lot of people love it and a lot of my language was crude and even rude but I just felt the need to express exactly what I was feeling, and above is what I felt. (I had to cut some things because it was way too obvious which fanfiction set me off and that’s not what I wanted. Didn’t want to throw shade, just wanted to prove a point).

If people want to read those types of stories that’s fine, at least they’re not going out into the world and doing what they’re reading about. Or at least I hope that’s the case.

But anyway, if people are going to read these types of things I think the reality of the content should be aptly acknowledged. No rose colored glasses, because that just makes it so wrong. And no, I’m not talking about being partial to any kind of kinks. I’m talking about a type of ABO fic that is problematic for me. I wrote a whole damn rant, if you can’t glean what I’m saying here I freaking give up.

But more presently, I guess it really comes down to what you prefer. Other people like things that come off as more sensual and carefree.

Personally I make it a point not to read those types of fanfictions because it’s just not my preference. I prefer to read things with dark world building with what I perceive as realistic consequences and real justice. Or maybe just downright cold blooded revenge sometimes. That’s nice too. Everyone is different, and I think I’ve just become frustrated because I’m not finding many stories like that in this AU.

That being said I’ve decided to write a story that I could read. A few, actually. You know what they say, “if you don’t do it, nobody else will”.

[casually-inlove]

19 Days Character Archetypes. He Tian

This idea had been dancing around the back of my mind for a little over half a year now. I wanted to compare and contrast 19 Days characters with the list of archetypes proposed in the neo-Jungian research and finally, I got some time to spare. For this post, I am going to talk about He Tian. Before I begin, however, let me clarify a few things. Since the subject is fairly complex, I do not intend to write in detail about the theory itself or the studies mentioned because that is not the purpose of this post. I am only looking to give a quick and basic run-down of the common archetypes shared by the 19 Days characters.

What is an archetype? An archetype is a set of predefined characteristics, a mould. Carl Jung described the archetype as a “fundamental unit of a human mind” or a “primordial image”. Simply put, the archetypes are the recurring and simplified patterns — but also symbols. According to his ideas, these basic symbols exist universally irrespective of epochs, nations, cultures, races, places, etc. Jung believed them to be shared by the so-called collective unconsciousness. However, even before him, the philosophers of old introduced the ideas of pre-existing ideal immaterial forms which shape the material reality. Since the archetypes are fundamentally primordial, they permeate every single sphere of human life. Art, media, movies, day to day interactions — all of them deal in archetypes.

While working on his research, Carl Jung defined the driving impulses of the human psyche. In turn, that data helped him come up with underlying basis for human behaviour. Based on his findings, Jung outlined the so-called primary archetypes. Later his research served as a basis for many other studies and classifications, particularly for The 12 Archetype Model, proposed by Margaret Mark and Carol Pearson in “The Hero and the Outlaw”. Naturally, there can be an infinite number of archetypes, each having their subtleties; still, the short lists give the generalized picture. Deconstructing characters to these basic blueprints is a fair game because a character, no matter how complex, is still an abstract entity.

For this series of posts, I am going to rely on the 12 Archetype Model mentioned above. The list goes as follows:

1. The Innocent

2. The Orphan

3. The Hero

4. The Caregiver

5. The Explorer

6. The Rebel

7. The Lover

8. The Creator

9. The Jester

10. The Sage

11. The Magician

12. The Ruler

Having examined this list, I am led to believe that He Tian primarily represents a mixture of The Hero and The Rebel archetypes.

The Hero and The Rebel

Let us start with the most obvious, the Hero. This archetype is closely associated with the ideas of masculinity, and thus it is also referred as the Warrior, the Crusader, etc.

The Hero archetype characteristics

Motto: Where there is a will, there is a way

Core desire: to prove one's worth through courageous acts

Goal: expert mastery in a way that improves the world

Greatest fear: weakness, vulnerability, being a “chicken”

Strategy: to be as strong and competent as possible

Weakness: arrogance, always needing another battle to fight

Talent: competence and courage

These go very much in line with what we know of He Tian. His childhood flashbacks suggest that he indeed intends to be “the strongest”.

The failure to protect the puppy, the harsh words of He Cheng — all of it led him to become fixated on becoming the Hero, the one who swoops down and single-handedly saves the day. It is in the way he stands in to fight She Li for Guanshan or rushes to prevent Jian Yi from getting kidnapped. It is in the way he attempts to resolve the other boy’s problems with debt collectors. It is in the way he deflects the coke can and decides to meet his father for Guanshan's sake.

He Tian yearns to be the strongest because the alternative — being weak and helpless — has already scarred him in the past. Whatever joy he used to have as a child was taken from him, because he was not strong enough to handle things on his own. He entrusted the puppy to his brother and the man betrayed him — or so He Tian was led to believe.

More than that, he wants Guanshan to come to him, whether it’s talking about his complicated past or whether it’s about learning the guitar.

It goes without saying that He Tian is almost eerily good at anything he does — as such he believes he can learn music from scratch in a short time. That speaks volumes about the confidence he has in his capabilities, and yet to an outsider's perspective this might come off as blatant posturing.

Apart from almost baffling self-confidence that he shows, He Tian is also known for his nearly abnormal physical prowess. He managed to hold his ground against several armed adults (which is probably just flawed writing) and way back he even managed to impress Guanshan by effortlessly hopping over the school fence, so it makes one wonder what kind of training he had undergone.

However, the truth is, The Hero is also susceptible to weakness. In his work, Carl Jung has coined the term “The Shadow”, which became a stand-alone archetype in his list. The Shadow stands for our suppressed, ignored or denied traits, in other words, it is everything that we cannot see or refuse to see in ourselves. The concept of this hidden darkness has been since absorbed into a number posterior studies, such as Robert Moore’s and Douglass Gillette’s “King Magician Warrior Lover”, where they introduce triadic paradigms of the archetypes and their corresponding active and passive shadows. Notably, they link the aforementioned archetypes with the concept of “masculinity” and its development throughout adolescence into adulthood.

What is The Shadow to The Hero archetype? When The Hero cannot fulfill their purpose, they surrender to the shadow. The dark side takes their best qualities and transforms them into flaws. The confidence thus turns into arrogance and hubris, courage into foolhardiness, competence into bravado and posturing — or the complete opposite happens. Courage transforms into cowardice, confidence into insecurity, etc.

Whereas He Tian is concerned, before he had developed an emotional attachment to another person (and by doing so gained something to cherish), we could observe some of the definitive shadow patterns in his behaviour. Until he recognized Guanshan as someone to know and to protect, he used to goad the other boy, if not outright assume the position of his superior, demanding obedience and subservience. He Tian also used the snide tone when talking to Guanshan, and he did so in order to establish his power to steer the boy in what he deemed to be the right direction — that is attempting to curb Redhead’s short temper and brashness. And in doing so, he was not shy of subtly threatening the boy or using physical force to make his point.

To be in touch with his masculinity — that is to channel his energy constructively in order to feel strong and needed, — he required to have someone he could play the knight for. Once he could direct his inner impulses properly, his violent tendencies have subsided.

Even so, in his aspiration to be the ultimate good — driven by the hatred for his family background, perhaps — He Tian often opted for doing rash, foolhardy stuff, such as attempting to take on the debt collectors all by himself, for instance. Sure, he would have gotten to “save the day” and be the hero, but that single moment would have cost him his life.

Now, having glanced at the Hero archetype, let us move to the next one, The Rebel. This archetype is characterized by the following:

The Rebel archetype characteristics

Motto: Rules are made to be broken

Core desire: revenge or revolution

Goal: to overturn what is not working

Greatest fear: to be powerless or ineffectual

Strategy: disrupt, destroy, or shock

Weakness: crossing over to the dark side, crime

Talent: outrageousness, radical freedom

The Rebel is also known as the outlaw, the revolutionary, the wild man, the misfit, or iconoclast.

Indeed, He Tian rebels quite a bit in the manhua. First and foremost, his rebellion is directed at his flesh and blood — Mr He and Cheng.

Not much is known about He Tian’s childhood, yet it is pretty clear that he hadn’t exactly had a happy one. His mother died early on and he was left to grow up practically without parents since Mr He is a textbook absentee father. From what He Tian knows, his brother backstabbed him, an act that keeps plaguing their relationship years after, while his father is labeled as a monster — someone who is ostensibly capable of eliminating people who disobey.

It is also clear as the day that young He Tian is traumatized by whatever dealings his family conducts behind the scenes. At some point, we even witnessed a scene where HT is tossed out of the burning yacht, while his brother is covered in blood and holds a gun. A violent experience such as this inevitably leaves a scar — and actually get to see it. He Tian is shown to experience something closely reminiscent of PTSD, recurring violent nightmares, the fear of the dark, etc.

Back in the present day, we see that He Tian wants to put distance between himself and his family. It manifests in living separately from his kin and cutting the contact to a bare minimum. He makes a point of stating that he is independent, severing the ties he deems to be dysfunctional. Yet the same time He Tian cannot quite let go of his familial bonds. In particular, whenever He Cheng is concerned, the boy sneers and flagrantly shows his impetuousness and disrespect.

In many ways he’s practically stomping his feet, attempting to show that he doesn’t need his brother, yet by doing this he proves the opposite: he still yearns his bitter feelings to be validated by He Cheng — and by his father too, to an extent.

This results in bratty behaviour on his part: He Tian orchestrates property damage at the He mansion, impishly rejects Cheng’s gestures of goodwill, etc.That is the work of the Rebel’s “shadow” counterpart — when the desire to overturn things and break free takes on darker shade and slips into dangerous territory. Resisting and opposing then becomes a way of life, and only through it does the “shadow rebel” feel certain of their self. 

He Tian pushes at the boundaries of what is permitted and socially acceptable to feel in control of the situation. If we examine the way He Tian interacts with others, we will see that the shadow manifests in many other ways. He Tian is compelled to stir and instigate others, using his wit and cunning to make them uncomfortable or confused, and thus easy to manipulate to his amusement.

Speaking of socially acceptable behaviour, Chinese culture places a great emphasis on the respect towards senior family members — and I probably cannot stress this enough — He Cheng lets him get away with this lack of reverence. Deep inside He Tian seeks his brother’s approval and attention, but rejects it when he is given, and in the process he sets out to tear down anything that displeases him.

Establishing a connection with Guanshan let He Tian fulfill his Hero potential and channel his energy in constructive ways, and yet at the same time, it allowed him to tap further into his “Shadow” Rebel tendencies. That is, to it rub in into He Cheng’s face that he’s no longer welcome or needed.

Naturally, as a character, He Tian possesses traits of other archetypes — such as The Lover, for instance — albeit to a lesser extent, so I’m not going to dive deep in here. Let me just mention, that as a Lover, He Tian is compelled to increase his attractiveness to his love interest  — we often see him fishing for compliments and validation on Guanshan’s part, which underscores his inner need to feel needed and wanted, yet also turns into clinginess at times.

With that, this quick rundown of He Tian’s character patterns is complete. All in all, you could say that He Tian is fairly archetypal at his core, and yet it’s the combination of these “trite” features that mark him as an utterly realistic and believable character. It is because we’ve seen these archetypes countless times before that He Tian appears to be true to life.

Lastly, this is going to turn into a series of posts, but right now I cannot say when the next part is going to be up since writing this took me some time. In the meantime, you can read a bit more below ✨. 

 A bit more about He Tian | Support me at Ko-Fi 

[gamelpar]

A Second Chance

Red Team origin story.

Jerome never stopped fighting; he just chose to fight for something else.

Characters: Douglas-042, Jerome-092, Alice-130, unnamed Spartan-II trainees, Dr. Haley (mentioned), Chief Mendez (mentioned)

Warnings: a little angsty i guess, death (minor unnamed characters), guilt, sorrow, suffering, my writing at its finest

a fanfic for my lovely Red Team babies and anyone else in the Halo fandom who adores them as much as me. they truly do not have the amount of content they deserve.

edit: read it on ao3

______

A few years had gone since Jerome woke up in an unfamiliar bed in an unknown facility on a planet called Reach, and a woman---Dr. Halsey---had gathered him and a big bunch of other kids his age in a room and told them that they were to become the protectors of humanity and Earth and all her colonies. Him and 74 other candidates  were to be trained to become soldiers of the UNSC.

He’d resisted. Others had as well. Some tried to escape. Jerome tried to escape many times despite knowing Mendez and the other DIs would always be waiting for him, always using more physical force and different tactics to throw him off from attempting again each time. He refused to be intimidated, though, and there were recurring instances where his violence towards the DIs that tried to stop him exceeded way past the limits that other trainees generally didn’t dare attempt to reach. He’d managed to even send a few to the infirmary with injuries that required immediate medical attention. He swore to himself that he would never stop fighting.

However, he eventually came to accept this new life, this new responsibility that was put on him. There were people---Dr. Halsey foremost---who held faith in him. Who believed he was capable of so much more, and what if he was? He didn’t stop fighting, no---he just chose to fight for something else, and in the last months he’d risen quickly among the top candidates.

In the absence of his real family back on Minister, he’d become close and forged a friendship with some of the other trainees, and eventually they became a team---something like family---most of them no longer remembered the family they’d originally come from. They became Red Team, with Jerome as team leader.

------

During a game of Capture the Flag, Jerome and his team faced off against another team in which a certain trainee, Douglas-042, was a member of.

During one of the rounds he’d advanced for Jerome but Jerome had evaded his blows and moves and beaten him, and advancing further Red Team ultimately won the game. The anger that he’d seen blazing in 042’s eyes was something he would never forget. The anger was familiar. He’d felt that same anger himself. It is still there, seething around inside him but he has control over it. Something that 042 yet had seemed to master.

Jerome had watched him sometime afterwards, and it quickly came clear that it was a serious issue of 042 that he struggled to fix and control, and was often berated by Mendez and the other DIs for it.

You have to learn how to control it, Jerome told him once during lunch, after Douglas’ and his team lost another game. It was the first words he said to him. You need to adapt sooner or later. Like I did.

-------

Jerome-092 remembered pain---unexplainable pain, and crying and screaming as his limbs thrashed around and he tried to move, tried to escape. And then nothing.

He woke up high on painkillers; mind fuzzy, body throbbing with pain, skin dry and cold, insides burning like a blazing fire. He couldn’t breathe. Soon there were doctors and nurses all around him.

Washout. That was what they had called him. You have been washed out of the program.

You failed.

They told him his body had rejected the augmentation procedures but that he was lucky. He survived.

Many others didn’t. Jerome was the only member of his team who’d survived. His friends---people he’d known as family---were dead. Their deaths, slow and painful.

Gone.

A knife twisted its way into his heart and he felt broken.

They told him the procedures had crippled him but that he was lucky.

There were others who’d been crippled in worse ways than he had. Those who barely looked human anymore. The knife twisted deeper and waves of guilt, sorrow, anger---emotions Jerome couldn’t distinguish---hit him on and on.

33 survivors fit for duty. 30 dead. 12 crippled, Jerome included, and it all left him with a great sense of failure, guilt of a survivor, a soul and body shattered and wasted.

He’d accepted the new turn of events of being raised and trained as a soldier. He never imagined that something inevitable would happen to render him unfit for that purpose after fully committing his life to it.

He went into rehabilitation and a few weeks went by which were spent performing different types of exercises, scheduled for several medical appointments, undergoing therapy sessions and more, all as part of a scheme created to help him recover from the failed augmentations.

One day Chief Mendez had come to speak to him, curious of how he was holding up. Jerome had told the Chief the truth but didn’t express the sense of guilt and failure he was constantly tortured by. The Chief had nodded in response and told him his rehabilitation was going well. So well, he told him that he would be given a second chance.

A second chance.

A second chance to become a soldier, a second chance to become a Spartan. Become what he had spent his life since he was six training for. Jerome could hardly believe it, mostly because he feared it was false hope. Mendez explained to him that his failed augmentations hadn’t crippled him as severely as it had for others, and that the progress of his rehabilitation had been shown promising enough for a second attempt.

A second chance; he’d do anything for that. If it meant that he had to be re-trained and suffer through re-augmentations, then so be it. He’d dishonor his dead and crippled comrades if he didn’t take it.

Mendez had also told him that he wouldn’t be the only one. There were others like him who would be given a second chance. Jerome felt a bit uneasy by that. It still felt like only days had gone since he’d lost his friends---his whole team, and their deaths were still fresh in his mind. But perhaps building up a new team would give him something else to occupy his mind with.

------

It was during his first day of the retraining in one of the facilities that he had been joined by another trainee. One like him, who’d failed the augmentations but been given a second chance.

Jerome immediately recognized Douglas-042.

His gait was still a little stiff from the failed procedures despite having been through rehabilitation like Jerome, and his skin was paler than ever. His jaw was clenched and Jerome suspected he was still in some pain; Jerome’s own bones still ached and his mind was a little dizzy sometimes.

“Hey,” he greeted him.

“Hey,” Douglas greeted back, his gruff voice carrying a sense of wariness of the current situation. 

“Jerome-Zero-Nine-Two,” Jerome introduced himself. He didn’t know if Douglas recognized him; it had been a long time since their first interaction when Jerome had offered his advice. And the air was tense with uncertainty and uneasiness. Just something small and simple to tone it down, maybe.

“Douglas-Zero-Four-Two,” he replied curtly, scratching his neck. Jerome scratched his arms, the silence pressuring in on them.

They remained quiet for just a few minutes when another trainee joined them. Alice-130.

Jerome recognized her as one of the most capable and determined trainees he’d ever faced off against in training. 130 had quickly become known among the 75 of them as being one of the few who didn’t seem as traumatized by the sudden change in their lives like many others were.

Rather, she seemed to thrive on it. The hard and difficult training had been a series of seemingly impossible challenges for all of them, but 130 had been as determined as always to succeed, seemingly taking each lesson she was taught to the heart. Jerome held no doubt that out of the three of them, she’d been first to embrace the new path presented in her life while Jerome had whole-heartedly refused to accept it and Douglas had struggled with the grave differences his new life presented in contrast to his earlier.

She was driven by her yearning for action and lived for the combat and challenges she faced. Never one to be driven and blinded by anger.

He admired her for that.

They introduced themselves to her and she did the same, before things went quiet again. The air was still as tense as before.

“So…” Douglas tried but quickly trailed off. None of them really knew what to say or do. It was scary to believe that they’d been given a second chance when the program had labeled them as washouts.

But they had that in common. They were washouts, who failed the augmentations, who were given a second chance while wondering what had gone wrong, why they failed the first time, why they survived when so many others of them didn't. It wasn’t fair.

Life hardly ever was.

Jerome fiddled with his fingers on his arm. The three of them would supposedly become the new composition of Red Team, and he would again serve as team leader. He better get comfortable leading a team consisting of members he hardly knew.

“They gave us a second chance,” he began carefully, eyeing Alice and Douglas, attempting to draw out a response from either of them to better understand their take on the situation.

“Neither of us wouldn’t be here if that wasn’t the case,” Alice replied hesitantly, her strained voice betraying the hopeful excitement glimmering in her green eyes.

Jerome took a deep breath; at least he wasn’t alone in this.

This had to be a second chance.

He’d lost people he’d considered family and he missed them every day dearly. The knife was there again and twisted into his heart. There was pain and guilt. Douglas and Alice probably felt the same. They’d lost something as well. The three of them had been through the same events with similar losses. The three of them were the same.

It was a second chance.

“Yeah,” Douglas said warily after a moment, then quickly cleared his throat and spoke again, this time with more confidence and optimism. “It has to be.”

“Despite everything,” Alice continued, her voice a little stronger.

Jerome nodded. They hardly knew each other; they were still in pain but despite everything they have a second chance here. They should take it.

“A second chance,” Alice voiced his thoughts. “I’d take it.”

“Yeah, me too,” Douglas said in agreement and Jerome nodded his. A second chance.

Alice let out a breath and when she spoke next her voice didn’t sound as strained as before, her tone more that of confidence and determination. “Then let’s make sure we make it count.”

Make it count. A second chance to create something for what each of them had lost.

Don’t waste it.

Jerome no longer felt as wasted as he did before.

“Agreed,” Douglas replied, eyes shining now with the same determination and he rolled his shoulders a bit to loosen them up. “I’d say we better get started then, eh?”

Alice nodded at his proposal, challenge burning in her eyes.

Jerome looked at them. Each of them had suffered and lost much but it didn’t mean it was the end of things. They didn’t know each other well, but that would change.

It was a new beginning, maybe.

“Yes,” he said, loud and clear with confidence. A second chance for something new. “Let’s get started.”

[phandom-against-onision]

You have probably already informed yourself, but here is a masterlist anyway.

MAJOR CONTENT WARNINGS: BLACKFACE, SLURS, RACIST COMMENTS, CHILD PREDATORY COMMENTS, NSFW CONTENT, BEASTIALITY, TRANSPHOBIA, MISHANDLING OF MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, OUTING AND MORE! PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Shane Dawson has been shown to mock black people on several occasions, saying the n word, doing blackface and creating stereotypical recurring characters.

When beginning on YouTube, Shane had a character called “Shanaynay” who was supposed to be a “ghetto-white girl”. When playing her, Shane often used ghetto stereotypes. She was a recurring character from 2008-2011. Although he has long stopped playing this character, he was continuing to sell the merch and profit off his racism as recently as last year!

He has also done blackface in his character skits, and said the n word as Shanaynay. On one of these occasions, he called an actual black woman a “n*gga bitch monkey woman”. Watch the full video for all occasions.

Here are some additional comments on this matter.

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Shane Dawson has acted inappropriately with and around minors for a long time.

He has probably done this even more than his blackface, and that’s saying something.

This clip, which went around last year, contains him calling a 6-year-old child sexy and admitting to googling CP. This is from his Shane and Friends podcast, which contains a lot of explicit clips.

He has also asked his teenage fan to “show herself” and “shut up and twerk”. This is from 3:55 - 4:29 in this video.

One of the instances really going around on Twitter at the moment is him pretending to jerk off to a picture of the then-11 year old Willow Smith.

A reminder that her family has not forgiven him, so neither should you!

Honestly, there are way too many occasions of this. Please check out this Twitter thread which lists a lot of times he has made inappropriate comments and did inappropriate things.

Another very distasteful thing he has done is claim to solve the murder of an actual six-year-old child, profiting off “speaking” to her spirit.

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Shane Dawson has joked about bestiality on camera multiple times.

This is just straight-up weird. It went around a lot last year, but in case you’ve forgotten, here is a playlist of a few clips. He also rubbed his face in his dog’s crotch but I can’t find a direct video of that by itself.

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Shane Dawson is transphobic as hell.

Watch this full video for the details where he uses trans as an insult and says tr*nny while knowing it is a derogatory term.

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Shane Dawson has promoted and supported terrible people and channels.

This has been a long-time criticism of his viral documentary series, but it is still important to remember.

Let’s start with the problems with this in chronological order. 

His first viral documentary series was The Truth about Tanacon.

Tanacon, to begin with, had several issues. Despite big dreams, it failed spectacularly due to lack of organisation and preparation before the event. There were many last minute changes and it generally lacked several necessities in events. Some issues were disorganised registrations, reserved meet and greets that didn’t go through the system, clashings with VidCon (a bigger event), inappropriate content creators, adversied content creators that didn’t appear, condoms in the goodie bag, lies about free tickets, no food, no room for anything, one hallway, lack of regulation in wristbands, underestimation of guests, overly expensive merch, no cooling system, no fire solutions (meaning they kicked everyone out) and it goes on. 

Despite actual people suffering due to the incompetency of Tana, Shane made her out to be an innocent martyr. This gets even worse as you realise than Tana has been exposed for several racist comments throughout her YouTube career.

Shane is clearly shown to be a terrible interviewer, presenting more as a friend than someone who is willing to find the “truth” of Tanacon. Instead of learning about Tanacon from an unbiased journalist, we get an obscured version of what happened, engineered to sympathise with Tana instead of her admitting to her mistakes.

Yet, this somehow was only the beginning of the problems with the documentary series, as the next one was with Jeffree Starr.

I don’t even know where to begin with the problems with this.

Firstly, Jeffree is perhaps the most problematic YouTuber who is still popular on the website. He has been exposed as racist, sexist, supporting of rapists, terrible to fans, transphobic, ableist, fatphobic, homophobic, insensitive to suicidal people, sexualising of minors, fascist and violent. Check out this thread here for the full details and proof of these claims.

Shane is not stupid. He is aware of these controversies, but has continued to support Jeffree. When a fan called him out, he was extremely rude and was very mad, and supporting all the hate the fan was getting.

The entire documentary series is about him befriending Jeffree, and making him out to be a good person. 

Jeffree should NOT be given a positive platform like this, and he should NOT be continuing to get away with being “cancelled”. So many other YouTubers have been “cancelled” for lesser things, yet Jeffree manages to always get away with it.

The next documentary series was the Jake Paul series. This is perhaps his most controversial documentary series.

Shane is not a therapist, a psychiatrist or a mental health professional. Even though he did consult some people, they are not allowed to diagnose people based on suspicions and videos. Yet, throughout the entire series, he calls Jake Paul a sociopath, and using that label to justify everything he has done.

Jake and Logan have both stirred up some of the biggest controversies on the platform, yet Shane gave them the ability to thrive. Like he did with Tana and Jeffree, he humanised him and edited it to the audience would sympathise with Jake. He has been exposed to scam his young fans, been rude to his neighbours and cast members, made light of serious disorders like anxiety, saying the n word and doing several things for clout, such as “marrying” Tana Mongeau.

As addressed in the documentary series, Alissa Violet, Jake’s ex-girlfriend, has shared her stories of physical abuse in the Team 10 mansion in private life, yet Shane did not fully address this or even mention this to Jake in the episode after. This further proves that Shane is incapable of running a documentary series with such deep themes as he will gloss over them or not address them properly.

This issue is further seen in his documentary with Eugenia Cooney.

A warning that I have not actually seen this as I have heard it contains triggering subject material which I do not wish to subject myself to in interests for my personal mental health - I am only going off the statements of experts and viewers.

In theory, this documentary could have been brilliant. After all, it is two people who have gone/is going through eating disorders and discussing it. However, experts have said that this could be harmful and it is easy to see why.

As much as I do not like Shane, I, and experts, do believe that he had good intentions behind this documentary. However, it probably would have been better if they consulted an expert regularly throughout the documentary when handling a touchy subject. After all, many of Shane’s viewers are young and/or influential, and a correct portrayal of a subject which is terrifying and real to many people watching is very important.

Here is an excerpt from this article about how he handled this:

Other fans were concerned with Cooney's safety, given that she referred to having an eating disorder in the past tense, signaling that she may not be considering further treatment.

"She certainly looks like she is physically healthier, but mentally she still seems like she's struggling a lot and she tries to cover it with her overwhelming positivity," another comment on the video says.

Experts who spoke with INSIDER — and who have not personally treated Cooney — are wary of considering Cooney's treatment a success story.

"When we are in the midst of our eating disorder we are very, very good at wearing masks. We're very good at playing a role that is very convincing and wants to let people know that we're okay," Chevese Turner, the Chief Strategy & Policy Officer for the National Eating Disorders Association, told INSIDER."A month of treatment is just barely scratching the surface of the road to recovery. While she put on a good face and was very chipper and cheerful, I'm not convinced that's what's going on inside. How do any of us know for sure?"

While both experts told INSIDER they believe Dawson had good intentions, they also expressed numerous concerns with the way the video presented the reality of eating disorders, and Cooney's recovery in particular. Turner says having Cooney share her story could be very cathartic, but she worries how much of her appearance was intended to resurrect or preserve her career."What's essentially happening is that people are bullying her online for her looks and her body and that does have an impact, it impacts all of us when that happens. For someone with an eating disorder, the impact can be devastating. I think [Dawson is] trying to help in his own way, but probably the thing that would help the most is her having more time in recovery," Turner said.

"I don't want to speculate, but obviously her success on YouTube is a driving factor to get back to work. None of us know if she's fully capable for that work and I would want to believe that the people around her who care about her most are confident that she can handle it," she continued. "I hope that they'll encourage her to take a break."

Overall, it has been shown that Shane is unfit to handle a documentary series with his evidently extremely biased views, and he should consult more professionals when editing. Although many people would argue that he has good intentions, it is possible to have good intentions while being irresponsible. Shane is aware of his large audience, and his influence over people around the globe. He should be more careful when creating a video with strong themes which many viewers may be suffering through or offended by. 

Either than his documentary series, Shane is also friends with other problematic people outside it - most infamously, Trisha Paytas. 

Trisha Paytas’ brand has become being extremely controversial. However, this doesn’t excuse that she has done and should not normalise her behaviours. She has been proved to be very transphobic and homophobic, as well as racist, ableist, abusive and insensitive to people with mental illnesses and disorders, notably DID. She lives to stir up drama on YouTube and more recently, TikTok. Despite being aware of this, Shane has continued to be close friends with her and excusing what she does because she’s just Trisha.

He has also openly supported far-right people on Twitter, giving harmful conspiracies a platform on his channel.

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Shane Dawson has contributed to destroying growing/popular channels.

When 20-year-old growing YouTuber Bobby Burns released a video giving valid criticism to Shane Dawson, Shane featured him on his channel and pushed him as a heater.

This was not a thing which only happened once. Shane decided to continue to feature him on his channel, branding him as a hater. However, Shane’s dedicated fanbase did not like this and began to send hate to Bobby. Due to the lack of popularity, Shane stopped interacting with Bobby and didn’t feature him in any more videos without attempting to “save his career” like he has done with so many other people.

That is not to say that Bobby is faultless. I am not that familiar with his content, but I have heard that he did contribute to his channel’s demise, which makes sense. However, as a huge content creator, it was irresponsible of Shane to take a growing channel and brand him as a negative hater. He is aware of his audience, and that is important to remember. When he has such a large fanbase, he needs to be more careful with the videos he is showing them, and the characterisations of YouTubers.

However, what Shane is going under fire most recently is his involvement in the James Charles scandal last year.

Despite denial, Shane has been proved to play an important role in the “cancelling” of James last year, encouraging Tati to upload the video and making false accusations of predatory behaviour. This was highly likely done to degrade a competitor’s palette so his collaboration with Jeffree would be more successful.

Recently, he posted these screenshots on Twitter and then deleted the Tweet.

This proves his blatant immaturity. Somehow, James, the youngest of the four YouTubers involved in the scandal, has grown up the most. Shane was a part of the downfall of James, causing him to debate suicide. His defence for this was saying that he “needed to be served a slice of humble pie the size of the fucking Empire State Building”.

James Charles is not faultless, and he should not be made out to be an angel or a martyr in this situation. However, no one deserves to have suicidal thoughts, and anyone who defends this by saying that it was the humbling he needed is disgusting.

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Shane Dawson attempted to out Dan and Phil for views and clout.

As a bisexual man who has opened up about his fear of being outed when he was closeted, he should be ashamed of everything he did to Dan and Phil.

Like many YouTubers at the time, Shane used the Phandom to get views and subscribers. In doing this, he objectified and sexualised Dan to his young and influential audience. Check out this video where he said that he wanted to facefuck Dan in an orgy while watching a video where he just turned 18. In that clip, he also split up Dan and Phil into “cute” and “not cute”. 

It even went to the point where he asked the Psychic Twins about the sexuality of Dan and Phil. In this clip, he accuses them of queerbaiting as well as supporting the Psychic Twins’ invasive and insensitive comments about them not dressing gay enough, diss of them refusing to go on their podcast and outing and stereotyping them. This was as recent as 2017.

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There are actually a lot of other reasons why Shane is under a lot of controversy at the moment. Here were my sources, and some further reading for anyone interested:

THE PROBLEM WITH SHANE DAWSON: a thread

shane dawson sexualizing young children: a thread

One of YouTube's biggest stars made a viral 'documentary' about another YouTuber's eating disorder. Experts say it could be harmful for its subject and audience.

Jake Paul tried to use looting for YouTube views, and is facing charges. These are all the ways the controversial star has stirred up outrage in the past.

Trisha Paytas’ racism

THE PROBLEM WITH JEFFREE STAR: a thread

EVERYTHING WRONG WITH TANACON: an ongoing thread

So what from here? Shane has released an apology video, but words don’t mean anything without action. Here are some suggestions for what he could do to actually show further improvement.

He could stop doing conspiracy videos in the harmful and biased style he is known for, and delete his videos despite the views.

He could stop being friends with such toxic and controversial people.

He could donate his money and time to helping out the #BlackLivesMatter movement, and to black charities/organisations in general. It does not negate what he has done, and it is not in my place to forgive him if he does do that, but it would represent his improvement.

He could formally apologise to the parents and the family of the children he has sexualised.

But he will probably not do that. However, as a hater of cancel culture, I hope that he does improve as a person. It is not my goal to send hate, but to inform people. Sending Shane death threats or insensitive comments are the last things we need. To criticise him for doing that, then doing it yourself is hypocritical and harmful. Instead, we’ll just have to inform ourselves and wait for the future.

[queenwitchrowena]

☽〇☾ — ROWENA MACLEOD

❝ she wore her scars as her best attire, a stunning dress made of hellfire.❞ ☽〇☾  —  AESTHETICS

BELIEFE IN PROPHECY AND MAGIC OLD AS TIME  — WINTER SOLSTICE ORGIES  — BACKLESS FLOOR LENGTH GOWNS AS CASUAL WEAR —  WINGED EYELINER SHARP ENOUGH TO CUT YOU  — FINDING REDEMPTION AND MEANING IN UNEXPECTED PLACES

☽〇☾  — CHARACTER INFORMATION

Name: Rowena MacLeod Nickname: Ro (To a few people.) Age: 378 appears mid to late 30’s  (spent an additional 190 years in Hell) D.O.B.:  1643 Place of birth: Isle of Skye, Scotland Gender: Cis Female Species: Human/Witch (Natural) Height: 5’2” / 157 cm Weight: 110lbs / 50kg Eye color: Green Hair color: Vivid red copper Relationship Status: It’s always complicated and often fake. Sexuality: Sexually Progressive Powers: Innate magic, learned spell work, ability to create spell work. Weaknesses: Overestimating herself, pride, volatile anger, recklessness Occupation: Witch / Con Artist / Hunter Consultant / Queen of Hell Weapons: Hex Bags, spells, natural magic, Voodoo dolls, crystals, potions, alchemy, manipulation. She is capable of using traditional weapons such as knives and guns when necessary.

Personality: Rowena is intelligent, ambitious, proud, manipulative, Machiavellian, petty, sarcastic, reckless, often self serving, hateful, seductive. She resents anyone who dares to have authority over her. She flirts like mad with people, often for fun, often for her own gain. When she is on someone’s side she can be sweet, calm, warm, and courteous. When she has labeled someone as completely useless, unfortunately in her way, or an enemy, she can be ruthlessly vicious and violent. People that cross her may find themselves in various precarious situations up to and including violent deaths.

Rowena is hard to get to know deeply, she builds walls to keep people from hurting her, not just physically, but emotionally. She is never quite able to be rid of the parts of her that fear and loathe her past. She has always been a dreamer. She is slowly learning to trust and value people and loyalty, even if she might deny it.

Likes: People who can do something for her, knowledge, power, money, magic, Winchesters and their pet angels (though she will not state that out loud), creating her own spells, her son (not that she wants to, she hates him because it’s easier for her), flirting, elegant states of dress, stability, freedom.

Dislikes: Authority over her, being used, baring her feelings, feelings, weakness, abandonment, her own desperation, her past, swallowing her pride, not controlling a situation, being underestimated, being undervalued, people denying their own abilities with magic, most hunters, most other witches, her son lol, most demons, anything that makes her appear unsophisticated, limits.

Appearance: Rowena is a slim petite woman. Pale skin that burns and freckles if she doesn’t stay out of the sun or apply some sort of charm. She keeps her fiery red hair long, with fringe, and alternates between letting it curl naturally or straightening it. She wears it both up and down.

Her clothing choices tend to learn towards the impractical and formal. Long sleeve floor length gowns, dresses, heels, and assorted jewelry. She wears bold winged eyeliner and often bright and shimmery eyeshadow looks, bold red and coral lipsticks. Rowena may occasionally wear something that makes her blend in a bit better, stylish slacks and blouses, sometimes a suit jacket. She never appears not put together if it’s within her control.

Rowena has a number of scars on her body made by the insertion of spell work in the form of hex bags. There is a scar on her outer right thigh, one on the left side above her breast, and one on her left hip above the bone. She also has very faint stretch marks on her belly from pregnancy.

☽〇☾  —  BACKSTORY

Rowena MacLeod was born the daughter of a Tanner in 17th century Scotland. She was one of several children born to her parents.

Her mother did not follow witchcraft, her father forbid it, he was a strict man. But she knew that she was born a witch and that magic ran innately through her. She was forced to not speak of it, though she couldn’t always control it. Even without training or knowing the right words, Rowena could speak things into happening given enough passion.

She was different from most of her siblings, the only other one who was capable of magic was an older brother, Fergus, though he too was made to tamp it down. He died when they were still young. A fever took three more of her siblings in childhood, and her mother was often absent or in her own head after that.

When Rowena was 15 she fell in love with a charming wealthy married man. He promised her that he’d take her away and that they would be together. When she was 16 she found herself unwed and pregnant. Her father threw her out in shame, and though her lover housed her in the village after, he did not visit nearly as often after. She knew later his promises were all lies.

He came to see her only once more, on the eve of their son’s birth. It was a long and hard birth and it was said that she wouldn’t make it. Her lover kissed her on the forehead and told her that he loved her. It was his last kindness. He left her there, dying, penniless, and went back to his wife and other children, expecting her death. Though Rowena managed to make it through, weak as she was, with a healthy son to show for it. She named him after the brother that she had been closest to.

Afterwards, baby Fergus’ father denied ever knowing Rowena at all. She was alone, with a child she couldn’t help but desperately love, cast out of her family for her sin of bearing a child outside of marriage, and labeled a whore by everyone else.

She sought to use her magic, thinking it would be what would save them. But what little she could do only earned her a worse reputation. Rowena was forced to take her baby and leave, she thought elsewhere she might be able to tell people that she had been widowed, but it hardly mattered. She had nothing and no one, and a baby to care for. Life was hard for them. Rowena was often unable to provide even the most basic things for her child. With her reputation she couldn’t find any reputable work. Instead, she sold her body to pay for what meager little she could to keep a roof over their heads. And she learned what she could of magic from wherever she could.

She did her best for her son, taught him what she could, and tried to shield him from what she was. Until he grew to look more and more like his father, the man who had broken her heart.

She could barely look at him, the boy she loved, that only served to remind her of what she hated about her life. She wasn’t a good enough mother, he was the reason she was forced to scrape to get by. She couldn’t help but tell herself those things. And she couldn’t help but tell him in fits of anger.

When he was 8 and devoid of all the pretty baby fat of youth, Rowena was caught and about to be tried for her crimes as a witch. Before that could happen, she left her son in the care of a workhouse, unable to keep him with her. She told herself she would be back, but she had nothing to offer him, and he was a painful thing to look at. The personification of a wound never closed. At a certain point she knew that she had been gone too long and made up every reason she could to justify it.

She found the opportunity to study under the great Milanese witch Leticia D’Albioni, and soon after that she finally joined the ranks of the Grand Coven. The Grand Coven were critical of Rowena having a child with a “non-magic”, but they were willing to overlook this because of the great talent she possessed. However, her immense raw skill and recklessness with extreme witchcraft made them wary of her. This eventually led to her being hexed by the coven with a binding spell that restrained her magic, as well as being banned from performing magic, taking on students, or forming her own coven.

Rowena didn’t stop using her then limited powers when possible, still stronger than many witches, but she did fear the Grand Coven and their worldwide reach for centuries. She stayed off their radar as much as possible, learning where she could, and managing to take care of herself in other ways when necessary. She’d dodge the occasional run in with other witches, demons, hunters, The British Men of Letters.

300 years later, Rowena resurfaced, recently run out of the UK by a member of the British men of Letters. And with a goal in mind, intending to reclaim her lost power and start a coven of her own to do so.

It wasn’t until she learned that her son, who should have long been gone and forgotten, was reborn as the demon Crowley and King of Hell, that she was set on a new vicious path.

She reinserted herself into Fergus’ life. (Refusing to call him by his newer chosen name, though she would never explain to him what the name meant to her.) Rowena attempted to use her son for his position of power to help her with the Grand Coven. Aware of her manipulations, her son assisted anyway and captured the head of the Grand Coven, Olivette, for her. Tortured by Rowena, Olivette revealed the Grand Coven was much-diminished in its power because of a concerted campaign against witches by the Men of Letters. After learning this Rowena sought again to put together her own coven, something far greater than what the Grand Coven was, though she was met with either disinterest or thwarted plans. Still, she remained by her sons side in hopes that his power would be useful to her.

This led to frequently recurring encounters with the Winchester brothers and those that surround them. Sometimes on opposite sides, sometimes as allies.

See here for further detailed information.

☽〇☾  —  POST SEASON 15 EPISODE 3

Rowena expected to die and have her body eventually deteriorate and release the souls that she carried with her, back to hell where they belonged. Instead she found herself dead, but with an incredible amount of power stored within her from the souls that she absorbed. As she arrived in Hell by her own choice, Rowena is able to take control of Hell’s throne through the use of her still in tact magical abilities, and fear.

She is a powerful soul inhabiting her own body, though technically still dead, and has never become a demon.

As ruler, she immediately shut down all demon deals and overhauled hell to work the way that she wanted it to. Her opinion is that humans do plenty of things to put themselves in Hell, no need to assist the process. People will end up where the ought to.

☽〇☾  —  CURRENT

Since her arrival in Lebanon, Kansas, and once again a member of the living, Rowena has returned to reside in the Men of Letters bunker with the Winchester brothers.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I don't really watch Holby but I'm always looking for autistic representation, so if you dont mind me asking why do you headcanon Henrik as autistic??

I mean, “headcanon” implies looking into something that isn’t there in the canon. Henrik being autistic is 100% there, he fits the diagnostic criteria to a T, they just refuse to use the word. But I get your point.

This is going to be LONG and I’m sorry. There’s a lot to cover.

Reason 1: He doesn’t understand social cues.

This is pretty much the entire foundation of his character: that he can handle formal, scripted situations fine but is terrible at personal relationships. He’s admitted it himself.

A non-exhaustive list of examples:

In S13E44, the hospital chairman’s ex-wife Ella tries to flirt with Henrik. It goes right over his head all the way up until Ella literally starts unbuttoning her blouse.

In S15E42, Henrik treats a patient with amnesia. While operating on the patient in theatre, Henrik’s ex-girlfriend Maja says what a tragedy it must be for the patient to not even remember who he is. Henrik responds by saying that, in some ways, it might actually be a good thing and that he’d like such an ‘opportunity for reinvention’. He doesn’t even seem to consider that the patient doesn’t see this the same way as him, or that this might seem insensitive to the young man’s plight - he just assumes that because he’d like the chance to start over, surely this patient must too.

In S18E33, Henrik’s worried about Arthur Digby (who is suffering from terminal cancer)’s wellbeing, so he arranges a meeting between some of the hospital staff to talk about it. When Arthur walks in and asks “Is this about me?”, Henrik starts to bluntly reply “yes” - Sacha has to jump in and save the situation by saying “nope”.

In S20E19, Dominic Copeland admits to Henrik that he’s recently been infected with Hepatitis C. Henrik doesn’t know how to respond at all, and when Dom says “this is usually the part where you bestow me with wisdom”, Henrik says “Is it?” - implying he had no idea what Dom wanted out of the conversation.

In the latest episode, S22E15, he goes to visit his friend Essie who’s having chemotherapy. He brings her a book called ‘Surviving Cancer’ and doesn’t even realise how this may come across as inappropriate or too on the nose until Dom points it out to him.

Reason 2: He has a flat affect.

This one’s obvious. He’s not very expressive, and he tends to speak in a monotone. This tends to lead to other characters assuming he doesn’t have feelings, because he doesn’t show them in the way they’d expect.

Reason 3: He stims a lot.

Self-explanatory. If you pay attention, you can often catch him fidgeting with his hands during his scenes. Here are some gifs of him doing it:

He also tends to hum or sing to himself pretty often, which could be vocal stimming.

Reason 4: He has low empathy.

Mr. Clarke the psychiatrist in S19E03 even comments on this. He’s using it as an insult, admittedly, but the whole point of the episode is basically “Mr. Clarke is an asshole, but an asshole who’s right”.

Henrik struggles to relate to people, and can’t feel their emotions. I refer again to S15E42 for one of the best examples of this:

Maja: But he [the amnesia patient]’s so lost. He’s alone in the world. You must feel... something?

Henrik: Not particularly.

I have a whole post on this scene alone it’s so accurate and perfect. (The phrase “a whole post” is a link you should click, BTW. Unfortunately links don’t display on my blog until you hover over them so I just want to clarify that.)

This is another thing that tends to lead other characters to think Henrik doesn’t care about others. They’re 100% wrong. He cares incredibly deeply about those around him, to the point it hurts, he just can’t empathise with them. The show makes a point of reminding us of this regularly. We love good low empathy rep. ♥

Reason 5: He has sensory issues.

One recurring joke with Henrik is that he really, REALLY hates tomatoes. He’s gone so far as to label them “the devil’s fruit” on multiple occasions. Despite this, he’s fine with eating tomato soup, which implies it’s a texture issue.

He’s very sensitive about touch. I don’t think he’s touch-averse, necessarily, but it’s seemingly a more intense experience for him than for others. He’s bothered by people he doesn’t know well making physical contact with him. (One example: in S15E50, his colleague Antoine Malik hugs him. Henrik just stands there awkwardly, not reciprocating the hug, and asks Malik to stop.)

In S15E04, Henrik is shown going into sensory overload from too much stress and too many people talking at once. I’ll just leave a clip of that here. (Again, that last sentence is a link!)

He also wears the same kind of outfit a lot, which could potentially be another sensory thing. In particular, he’s almost always seen with some kind of layers on. Hell, we saw him in his pyjamas with a dressing gown over them in the middle of July last year.

Reason 6: He’s not good at emotions.

I’ve already been over how he doesn’t understand others’ emotions well, but he’s not really any better with his own. He’s clearly alexithymic, and has admitted as such:

One major storyline in series 13 and 14 is Henrik’s romantic feelings for Sahira Shah, a woman he used to mentor. Except... he doesn’t realise he’s in love with her. A similar storyline happens in series 20 with his old friend John Gaskell, but because the writers of this show are heteronormative cowards, no one actually goes “hey Henrik are you in love with John” only for him to passionately deny it (which happened several times WRT his feelings for Sahira). But if you pay attention to the subtext, there’s clearly a late-realisation-of-love going on there, and the actor seems to approve of it (“[John was someone Henrik had] loved for thirty years”, “[Henrik was] blinded by his affection for John”), so.

In S20E28, we see Henrik trying to fill out a therapy worksheet asking him to describe his emotions. He struggles with it throughout the episode, and keeps trying to write something only to give up and shove the paper back in his pocket.

He has very strong emotions, but prefers to try and shut them down, focusing on facts and logic instead because they’re what he can understand.

Other reasons I won’t go into too deeply because this post is long enough, but I want to mention them:

- Reason 7: He takes things literally often. He doesn’t get other people’s jokes and sarcasm, and they don’t get his.

- Reason 8: He has very strong moral beliefs and he sticks to them.

- Reason 9: He literally had a meltdown once (in S20E13).

- Reason 10: Other characters have compared him to autistic/-coded characters in pop culture, such as Rain Man, and the Vulcans from Star Trek.

- Reason 11: This scene with him and the show’s canonically autistic character Jason, wherein Henrik only fucking goes and likens himself to Jason while contrasting the both of them with [allistic] people as a whole. (There’s another link BTW)

There are probably even more reasons I could think of if I tried, but I’ll stop there. I think this is quite enough proof that Henrik is autistic as it is. 🙂

[alchemist-shizun]

Anagnorisis

(AU belongs to @pistachiolan​. Check the notes for more info!)

ἁναγνώρισις: Sudden and unexpected recognizing of the identity of a character in tragedies or other written works, which often determines the turning point in a story. (Latin: Agnitio)

Merry super extra late Christmas aaand at this point this can count as a happy new year gift? I've been literally working on this since last decade, this is some dedication. I hope you like it Lan!! Lov u

Read on Ao3!

Word Count: 3,812

Characters: Roman, Virgil (Patton and Logan are mentioned), Thomas

Pairing(s): pre-Prinxiety

Warning(s): Migraine (and its symptoms), implied mind control, self-harm, crying, implied panic attack, some metaphors might be a bit graphic, please tell me if I missed anything!

Summary: Roman couldn't remember exactly when all of that had started. What he was sure of was that as soon as it begun, all the happenings before became … hazy. He would start to forget specks of time, details, people. And then came the headaches.

Song used: Once Upon A Dream from Sleeping Beauty

A/N: I now have Once Upon a Dream stuck in my head. I like to call this "let me just take all the creative liberties I can get and distort everything about the plot". Okay I have no clue if this is at all the idea you had in mind so I improvised thanks to the lyrics, I hope this isn't too far off? Either way, enjoy the angst and these two pining boys cause I sure as hell had a good time. To all my regular readers: you have no idea what’s coming. (Don’t forget to check out @pistachiolan’s profile for their fantastically marvellous au which you can find in their blog under the #TsCultAu tag) The poem Roman recites is a rough translation I did of Catullus's 48th carmen (had a book of his poems and ended up using my fav ofc). The narrated parts in cursive are either thoughts or past events, the parts in cursive and bold are the song lyrics.

✾

❝I'm in love with a fairytale, even though it hurts.

Cause I don't care if I lose my mind,

I'm already cursed ❞

I know you!

A hand flew to Roman's face, which was contorting with unwelcome pain he hadn't seen coming, before he could even register it was his own.

His fingers pressed on a spot between his eyes and the bridge of his nose, his skin wrinkled around them and he had to steady himself against the rocky wall that led to the dungeons.

The dungeons.

Roman attempted to take a look at the stairs he was on: he was met with a flash, or maybe they were multiple flashes, attacking his vision like sharp blades diving into your skin numerous times, one right after the other.

He was blinded.

Eyes closed again, a whimper came out of his mouth; his free hand found its way to his forehead, getting warmer by the second along with his face, then it slid through his hair, barely able to feel its texture.

Too much of a recurring sensation.

Roman couldn't remember exactly when all of that had started. What he was sure of was that as soon as it begun, all the happenings before became … hazy. He would start to forget specks of time, details, people.

And then came the headaches. When he forced himself to remember or clear the discordance in his memories, pain would come.

Oh, come on Roman, his head would reprimand, didn't you learn by now you shouldn't do that?

Headaches turned into fully-fledged migraines.

And hallucinations.

At least that was what he called them. He would be certain of events that had never taken place.

For instance, dungeons.

Roman had been walking down the path leading to them when his mind started to drift away: it happened the same way you look at an object and a memory hits you before its meaning.

For some reason, he remembered being there with Virgil in the past, they had conversations about carvings in the back of the furthest cell, which became the symbol of a legend kids told to scare each other.

It was insane.

Insane his mind could ever fathom the possibility of interacting with Virgil.

Sure, his distress towards Virgil had diminished the more he'd been around without causing any trouble or suspicion, but a memory was a memory. They had yet to have a serious conversation that wasn't necessary, a memory meant they had already spent time alone together as if they had been childhood friends.

Doubt came in, but there had never been solid proof of Virgil himself being up to something, so he had decided to drop that theory.

Roman fell down, but didn't rise up like he usually did in conflicts.

The pulsing in his head made him nauseous; everything was spinning, even the void he was met with once his eyes were closed.

His arms went over his head, trying to shield it from any other malevolent deity that had decided to plague him.

It just all felt so real.

As if he had known Virgil all along.

I walked with you once upon a dream.

Months, months and still no sign of defeat.

Now, who the hell was thinking that messing up with Roman's brain was a fun activity to spend time with?

Even his subconscious had to shove him further down the hole confusion had created: his dreams often displayed all too familiar situations, all too familiar events he knew he had been in, but with that one particular difference in them.

Virgil was present in every single one of them.

It made him lose his mind, so much that he was barely able to bear his sight anymore. He'd feel somewhat embarrassment, he'd turn away after a single glance, as if he had gotten burnt by it.

And then he'd never tear his gaze off of him because, gods of the Empyrean, that boy had to be up to something or else he had no idea where to begin to look for clues.

What a terrible mistake.

Instead, he ended up with the image of Virgil constantly occupying his mind, everywhere he went to, there wouldn't be a moment where his thoughts wouldn't drift away from his task and focus on him.

Daydreaming and migraines became one, distinguished only by the type of pain they caused. Emotional and physical.

Overthinking was his main daily pastime.

And what if his mind was actually trying to tell him something? Dreams often had meanings, so what was his subconscious up to exactly?

That was Roman's train of thought upon waking up from one of those fated dreams, the pounding in his head a visitor who had now become a close friend.

Only thing he was sure of, was that what he had to concentrate on was the fact that it involved Virgil. He tried to recall all of his past hallucinations, all the fake memories, trying to connect the dots between them.

If only he had Logan's skills, he would've had cleared it up in a second. Of course, this one thought was something he was never going to admit and that he would have willingly taken to his grave.

Going into detail was a mess, all the events that had displayed in his mind or in front of his eyes had no correlation whatsoever; so he started looking at the big picture, put labels onto what he remembered.

Those memories. They were all … happy. Carefree little quotidian life bites.

And he felt serene, something that had to be ruined by the massive physical pain. His thoughts told him to stay in those memories, to hold onto them the longest he could, to endure the constant aching so he could stay that additional moment.

It was another him, another Roman who was desperately trying to catch his past and bring it back to himself.

Present Roman wouldn't have been able to perceive that conclusion.

Actually, present Roman was currently losing his mind.

Because just what if what he hadn't realized by then was exactly what he had been focusing on all along?

Feelings. Feelings for someone who had been infesting his thoughts ever since he had arrived.

I know you!

Roman was a knight walking around the village in a busy afternoon at the marketplace. One turn towards a figure in front of a stand, a few feet away, and he switched to distressed knight mode.

« You've got to be kidding me. »

Virgil kept himself from jumping in surprise and faced the owner of the voice right behind him. A single infuriating eyebrow was raised in confusion.

« Pardon me if I dare to show up and get Patton the stuff he needs. » everything was accompanied by a whispered “geez” and an eye-roll.

Again, infuriating.

« That's not- ugh, you're always putting words in my mouth! » Roman watched as Virgil started to walk away.

But he didn't sense the bitterness left in the boy's chest, the one he felt every single time their conversations resulted into senseless bickering.

Then, it happened again.

Virgil stood next to the fountain and Roman's head started spinning.

The way the sun rays hit the water, glimmering in delight, the sparkles that reflected onto Virgil's clothes, the sound it made when he quickly passed a hand through the small cascade.

Dumbfounded, the knight approached him again, searching the scene with his eyes for even the smallest clue to prove him either right or wrong, he simply wanted to get it over with.

Of course, the other noticed his staring. « Like what you see? » Virgil jokingly asked, a hint of sarcasm never leaving his voice.

Yeah, I'm trying to figure that out. Roman stayed silent for another second.

« Are you going to walk back? »

« I don't have a carriage, I apologize. »

He sighed and wondered if he really was considering having feelings for such a … a-

Virgil chuckled right after, ducking his head toward his hand, which shielded his smile.

Gosh, he was gorgeous.

Roman fought a peculiar instinct to pull the hand away and let the whole world be blessed by such a sight. And maybe it was the first time he had smiled like that in his presence, maybe it was the first time after so long of not being able to do that.

Maybe it wasn't the first time at all and Virgil was simply a master at hiding it when Roman wasn't looking. When he didn't want him to realize the truth that could've hurt both of them in brutal ways.

« Well, » Roman snapped back to reality, trying to ignore the headache at best. « It just so happens that I have a horse. » he gestured to the beginning of the plaza.

« No, you don't. » a cryptic expression crossed Virgil's face.

« Wha- » Roman turned just that much to notice that, yes, his horse had definitely freed himself and was now on the loose around the village. « Oh my gods. Oh- Oh my gods. » his hands flew to his hair. « Nope. No. Absolutely unreal. This isn't happening. »

« Dramatic much? » Virgil approached the broken ladder still tied to a fence and started examining it.

« What are you doing? »

« Helping you. »

Roman was getting drunk by all the deja vus he had been getting that day.

Virgil showed him the direction in which the horse had run away, judging by what was left of the ladder. « He might be in his favourite spot. »

« Favourite spot? » his words felt almost slurred, like he had cotton in his mouth.

The other pretended he didn't notice how odd his behaviour had been for the past week. « You don't remember your horse's own routine? »

Roman didn't even know he had one.

After some sighs and an incredulous conversation, they reached a clearing in the woods, where the horse was promptly considering whether or not to swiftly jump and reach one of the fruits on the trees.

« Samson! Really, running off like that on me? »

The animal happily trotted towards them, resting his face against Roman's hand before facing Virgil and surprisingly nuzzling his cheek. For some reason, Samson had always taken a liking into Virgil, which had made it really difficult to interact with the boy in the past.

It was as if Virgil had been his best friend before he was Roman's.

Like he had known him for as long as they did too.

The headache hit his forehead once more.

The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.

Relax time, Patton had called it.

Stressful weeks had been pestering Roman, Virgil and Logan, all for different reasons, yet there never seemed to be time to catch some breath.

Patton had insisted some untroubled hours at night, sat around a little welcoming fire, would have helped their constant stiffness.

So there they were, watching flames try to reach the sky and fail with every attempt.

Oddly enough, their conversations were … simple. Nothing too heavy, no bickering or sarcasm, some jokes but not an overbearing amount.

Roman had his eyes fixated on the fire.

The voices started to drift away from his hearing and everything became muffled as he zoned out, leaving space for the familiar buzzing of nightly insects.

« Earth to Roman, did the gods finally take you away? »

Of course he was sitting next to Virgil.

Of course his whispering would bring his attention back despite having ignored any other louder noise.

He turned his head slightly, his head was resting in his crossed arms on his knees.

« I wish. » he let it out before he could stop himself.

Virgil simply chuckled. « Same, but I don't think Pat would be too happy with that. » And some others, too.

He faced the fire and let its light reflect in his eyes.

Roman believed he could see the stars. « Mhm. »

Virgil seemed to ponder something, reflect on a decision; he could have stayed silent, he could have simply not indulged in a certain matter any further, because that would have costed his life. But he needed proof.

And so he spoke.

« You'll be fine, princey. None hates you here. »

There it was again. Virgil made his best not to immediately check his reaction, but he could see from the corner of his eye how Roman was already raising a hand to his head.

Okay, he thought, something is up.

He bit his lip and ignored the anguished feelings rising in his chest.

Yet I know it's true the visions are seldom all they seem.

Where did that even come from? Why did he call him that, why did it feel so normal as if he'd been used to it his entire life?

What was happening?

Why was his heart beating so fast as he replayed the scene in his head? With Virgil's eyes glimmering against the sky and that smile hidden in the dark.

Who dared to send him so deep in the admiration zone to forget about the continuous pain he was subjecting himself to while being around Virgil so much?

When exactly did he sign the “I will dedicate my existence to destroy myself in order to be around such a human” contract?

To think that months prior he would have called him monster.

Then again, what a peculiar word it was. A mixture or positive and negative meanings, it was the extraordinary, a prodigy, a miracle. That incredible thing that also presented itself as a heinous atrocity.

And it had devoured his mind.

Here he was, now, countless migraines after, finally accepting his feelings because he was at the last stop before having that nightmare finally end.

Except it didn't.

Except non-existent memories of him and Virgil in a past he had never experienced came back to him at once and stronger than before. He couldn't almost breathe and he had no idea where he was going.

But he needed to find Thomas.

Last resort, as they say. A literal deity would have solved the problem in the blink of an eye.

Right.

Thomas had a weird twinkle in his eyes when Roman explained how often he had been getting the headaches and what was the recurrent situation the dreams displayed.

He made him sit down somewhere … he was too clouded by the pain to understand where he was exactly.

« I perfectly know what's going on. » Thomas had reassured him. « Trust in me, everything will be alright soon. »

Yet, when he placed his hands above Roman's head and he closed his eyes not to be blinded by an all too familiar glow, “alright” would have been the last thing he would have felt.

Or it wouldn't have been a word at all, because with the persistent twisting and turning and deleting and reforming of his thoughts and memories in his mind, there was no way he believed there could have existed anything else but pain in the world.

Roman didn't even have the strength to scream anymore.

And it was agonizing. Dangerously agonizing, as he fell to his knees and couldn't even feel the touch of his own hands vehemently pressing on his eyes, strong enough to push them far back into his eye sockets.

Maybe he was actually shrieking so loud his hearing had failed him long before.

His fingers dug onto the sides of his face and fell down on his cheeks, the nails traced red paths down both of them, white bits of dead skin left by them crossed paths with bitter tears that were somehow able to escape the limit his palms put.

« Everything will be alright. » Thomas had repeated while he nonchalantly destroyed the poor boy's mind. « You don't need him. »

That was the downfall of his discernment.

« I'll fix it for you. »

But if I know you,

When the blinding light ceased to hit his face, Roman's entire body plunged into the pavement for a split second, before immediately scrambling back to his feet.

His vision was back, the headache was gone.

But the confusion …

The thoughts that were now forming into his mind. Those were the doleful sting of skin thrown carelessly into flames: just as the skin burned and turned into an ashen damaged substance, so Roman's memories were filled with blank gaps and eroded by the flames of Thomas's power.

« I need- » he stormed out of the room without ever completing the line.

What he needed was actual reassurance.

If before his memories only conflicted with each other, now Roman felt like his whole life he had lived an illusion.

Gods, what was even true at that point?

So, he needed.

He needed answers, confirmations, he needed to feel authenticity.

Roman knocked on a door.

When Virgil opened it, he was met with the sight of a dishevelled and devastated boy, with red on his cheeks and in his eyes. This boy suppressed a sob, barely able to keep his lips from trembling.

« Are you even real? »

It was the exact same feeling as having a crowbar hitting his teeth: insanely painful and impossible to bear.

Followed by colossal quantities of resentment.

Virgil moved carefully, he let Roman in before closing the door behind them and let him sit on a chair in his room. In a second, he was already at the knight's side with a glass of water placed on the desk next to them. Eyes wide with concern, trying to fight the angered shaking of his hands.

He knew it all. That was just the confirmation. Yet, he couldn't talk, only help. Which was the first priority at the moment: care for Roman.

« What happened? » nothing. « Are you hurt anywhere? » still nothing.

His lips contorted with concern; Virgil watched the other try to steady his breath, looking around the room to see if he could still distinguish whether or not he was hallucinating.

Roman raised his arms and pulled Virgil close to him. It felt real. He buried his face in his chest, and still felt real. The tears wetting Virgil's shirt were real.

Real, real, real.

You're real, Roman. He's real. Your feelings are real.

He held him closer.

I know what you'll do.

How long Virgil had denied everything in favour of his safety.

And anyway, as soon as he was back, Roman had instantly hated him, who could even blame him for suppressing the truth?

Then things changed. He had noticed the alterations in Roman's demeanour, the loss in his focus, how disoriented he had started to become.

Townspeople constantly told him to pray to the gods, go visit Thomas for some “blessings”.

Yeah, right.

Virgil's heavy knot contorted in his stomach at the sole thought.

Instead of burdening himself even more, he passed a hand through Roman's hair, maybe embracing him with his other arm a little too tightly.

His feelings blossomed at once again, so much harder than before, as if he had bottled them up for so much time that they exploded simultaneously at the first display of affection he received.

Too long he had waited for something as simple as a hug. And there was only one to blame.

Roman wasn't even able to talk, he didn't want to move and face his issues, there was no way he would have wished to speak up about anything that had happened.

He felt damaged. He barely knew his identity at all and Virgil's presence was so grounding that he would have stayed in his arms forever.

Which Virgil would have gladly accepted.

« Can you tell me a place? » Virgil lowered at his level so he could look him in the eyes. « Somewhere safe, a comforting space? »

Roman sniffed one last time before being finally able to respond.

« The Black Lake. »

You'll love me at once.

Seeing someone calm down on the spot, with the breathing evening out nicely, was a rather cathartic experience, Virgil's own tight chest could finally be released from the grip of anxiety.

The two were sitting by the limit of the Lake, which was enlightened by the moonbeams.

« Follow me now. » Virgil called for Roman's attention. « Focus on the water. »

Roman did as instructed.

« What's your name? »

Grounding exercises.

« Roman Kingsley. »

« How old are you? »

« 22. »

Virgil waited for Roman to take a deep breath.

« What's your title? »

« I'm a knight. »

What is the name of your brothe- « Tell me the name of one of your friends. »

« You. Virgil. »

How can you even exist?

Virgil tried to hide a wide smile at best, while his heart jumped happily.

« Where do you live? »

« In this village. »

« Where are you now? »

« At the lake in the forest. » Roman took more breaths with his eyes closed. « You're with me. You're a friend, I think? I don't know it's all so confusing- »

« It's okay, let's talk about something else. » Virgil let the silence sink in purposefully, so the other could regain his focus.

He watched as Roman moved closer to the water and immersed his hand in it, pushing the water away in vain.

« Can you tell me something you learnt by heart? »

Roman didn't take his eyes off of the water.

He seemed to think about it for a second. « If someone, Juventius, would let me kiss your honey-like eyes to the bitter end, » the steady movement of his hand was almost hypnotizing. « I'd kiss them three hundred thousand times; never will I feel like I'm satisfied, » he raised his hand and stared at the drops falling back into the lake, creating the chaos that mirrored the one in his head. « Not even if the harvest of our kissing were to be thicker than the dried ears of corn. »

Virgil snapped back to reality when he felt Roman's head rest on his shoulder, his eyes closed again, but this time they weren't squeezed shut with pain.

« Thank you. » he whispered.

And, for once, nothing was wrong.

✾

« Want to know why this is my favorite place? »

In another memory, in another past, Virgil had turned to Roman with a small but expectant smile. « Why? »

« No matter how many times I come here, » Roman had returned the smile, holding so many more things he was never going to be able to tell him. « You're always here with me. »

The way you did once upon a dream.

[immaculate-benediction-batch]

Sorry this is so long......How TV Creators Are Handling Subtext And Shipping

TV series creators have a hard time not tailoring content towards a strictly heteronormative audience, refusing to lean in to queer context, no matter howlarge an LGBTQ following a show may have.

Once a fictional character is put out for public consumption, it ceases to be the one thing it’s described as on paper. This is especially the case with TV and film, where said character goes through so many hands before hitting the screen and becoming public property.

There are three kinds of creators when it comes to queer content on TV. The first (and sadly, most typical) is the creator who will deny any intention of creating queer content, and who will also refuse to acknowledge a queer audience’s interpretation., This often results in an instant backlash, as the Supergirlcast and creators experienced after an embarrassing interview with MTV last summer. When prompted to recap the latest season, the cast broke into a cringeworthy song that mocked fans’ interest in the Supergirl/Lena Luthor pairing, with Jeremy Jordan repeatedly exclaiming that the two will never get together. It continued despite Katie McGrath’s attempt to save the interview saying, “The great thing about what we do is, like any art, anyone can read into it what they want.” Chris Wood then chimed in with “Sexuality is all about others’ perception of yours, right?”

Supergirl is a show with a large female following that from the beginning has gravitated toward the female relationships it portrays, with emphasis on those relationships with strong queer energy. At first, there was a group of internet fans that were drawn to the chemistry between Melissa Benoist and Calista Flockhart, which was maximized due to the characters’ intense mentor/mentee relationship, and that was fine, and for the most part went unacknowledged by the show.

However, upon Flockhart’s exit, Lena Luthor was introduced, played by Katie McGrath. Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor became fast friends, and fans’ fascination with Supergirl’s queer vibes grew strong enough for the the cast to take notice. One would think that by having Alex Danvers and Maggie Sawyer, two queer characters already in their orbit, fan speculation about others wouldn’t be such an inconvenience that it would have to be addressed by aggressively singing “They’re only friends!” over and over, as if the pairing were unfathomable.

But Supergirl hasn’t been the only show to outright reject queer interpretations. In fact, a few years back, the long-running series Supernatural was called out by its fans for purposefully inserting homoerotic subtext within storylines pertaining to male characters Dean and Castiel, and for rather indirectly addressing said subtext in interviews. In one of them, Misha Collins (Castiel) stated that in certain scenes with Jensen Ackles (Dean) he was directed to portray his character as a “jilted lover.”

During a Toronto Con panel in 2013, it was revealed that a line was changed by Ackles — who last year specifically requested no questions about the popular pairing be allowed during the Q portion of a panel for the show at New Jersey Con–from “I love you” to “We’re family. I need you” because the Actor didn’t think it suited his character. Despite fandom’s interest in the pairing, it hasn’t been enough for Supernaturalto follow through with an actual queer storyline, aside from the one recurring lesbian character, Charlie, who was ultimately killed off. It turns out our tolerance for queerbaiting does have its limits.

Another show that failed to address the sapphic energy between its leads, in effect rejecting a great opportunity to add a bonus layer to an already complex relationship between two women, was Damages. The thriller starred Glenn Close as powerhouse prosecutor Patty Hewes, and Rose Byrne as her protégée, Ellen Parsons. The series went on for five seasons and throughout, though it benefitted from incredible writing, its highlight was clearly the tension and undecipherable relationship between Patty and Ellen.

While there was never any doubt that their connection was what kept the the show’s palpable tension dial at a 10, anytime the subject was brought up to either cast or creators it was denied or waved off as “wishful thinking,” as Glenn Close put it. When pressed further, she added, “I think there’s something seductive about Patty and she just seduces people and she’ll lead people on. I think that can come across as pure seduction.”

With Person of Interest, Sameen Shaw (Sarah Shahi) and Root (Amy Acker) first connected under very unique, very dark circumstances in which one was holding the other against their will in a life threatening situation. But there was a sizzle there that the audience immediately responded to, and while both cast and writers admitted that was not their intention, something amazing happenedthey took that audience reaction and ran with it. In the end, Shaw and Root’s romance became one of the show’s more compelling storylines.

Jane the Virgin did the same. When a character, Petra, who wasn’t intentionally written as queer read queer to LGBTQ viewers, the writers saw no problem taking the interpretation and adopting it as canon. After years of keeping Petra as a sort of peripheral player within Jane/Rafael storylines, the character of Jane Ramos was introduced as Petra’s defense attorney and eventual love interest.

The third type of creator is everyone’s favorite. This is the one that takes whatever gay subtext or context there is, embraces it, and expands upon it, recognizing that it’s there from the beginning. In the Flesh and Killing Eve are true representatives of queer entertainment that isn’t trying to steer its characters toward a path they weren’t organically wanting to go.

In the Flesh, a BAFTA-award winning series from BBC 3, was easily one of the best shows that no one watched; a zombie show with depth, which isn’t easy to accomplish. The story takes place years after a virus epidemic that turned the infected into flesh-eating monsters is cured, and the rehabilitated are returning home. Its main character is Luke, one of the former infected, suffering from memories of the terrible things he did while sick, and tortured by his own suicide, which was prompted by the loss of love interest, Rick.

The series ran for only two seasons, with a total of nine episodes. It was inventive and creative and stands as one of the greats right next to shows like Hannibal and The Exorcist, which was unfortunately canceled by Fox this year after only two seasons of sacrilege, beautiful cinematography, Alfonso Herrera (Sense8) and a bisexual Father Marcus, played by Ben Daniels.

Killing Eve is a female-led thriller that proves that the secret to making great TV is treating characters like human beings with the capacity to change. Eve, who, when we meet her, is living a life that doesn’t seem particularly terrible, whose marriage appears to be solid, her job secure, is lured into potentially life threatening situations for the sake of following her inexplicable attraction to a female assassin. As if beneath the surface there is a dormant unrest that is awakened with the arrival of Villanelle in her life, and though she does not stop to examine exactly what she expects to get from it, she craves and wants more of these moments that have stirred her awake. She’s both excited and frightened by Villanelle’s audaciousness, by the intrusion into her life,

both figuratively and literally.

The season’s got a few episodes left, yet the most compelling, and most attentively queer moment is part of the fifth episode, in which the two women finally come face to face in Eve’s home. Eve is sopping wet in a gorgeous dress Villanelle’s purchased for her, she’s cold and visibly uncomfortable, therefore Villanelle suggests Eve should change, before proceeding to peel the dress off her herself. It is a scene that doesn’t downplay the very real danger Eve is in by having Villanelle in her home. However there is also an erotic aspect to it that is very purposeful, and as series creator Phoebe Waller-Bridge points out, the attraction is definitely mutual, “I knew that the first moment they see each other. I labeled that moment as ‘love at first sight.’ But I didn’t want it to be constrained to romance, or to lust, or anything like that. There’s something waking in Eve every day that she spends imagining what this woman is doing.”

This type of storytelling allows characters to evolve the way that they want to evolve as opposed to forcing them into a first page description. There is loyalty to the authenticity of the story, which comes from meticulous attention paid to the writing, which Waller-Green explains is all about going against cliché: “The moment something feels predictable, there’s a roar in me to just go to the most surprising place. I don’t want to bore myself.”

Often times, when female queer characters are introduced, it is done in order to titillate, and their storylines are the product of a male gaze fantasy. Killing Eve manages to avoid all of that with Villanelle, a character who seems to have no specific preference when it comes to sexual partners, and yet doesn’t feel the need to use her sexuality to get what she wants. In addition to that and the meaty tension between the two leads (Villanelle and the titular Eve, played by Sandra Oh), the attention paid to the very queer theme of the show is evident in backstories of characters that would normally go without one, like that of Eve’s former boss and best friend Bill, an older man in a heterosexual relationship who casually reveals he’s loved “hundreds” of men, much to Eve’s surprise, and further reveals he is in an open relationship, and happily so.

The series proves not only that queer characters are marketablethe BBC series was renewed for a second season before the first even airedbut that straight creators are capable of writing queer content that isn’t offensive or over-sexualized. Phoebe Waller-Bridge credits the authenticity of the series to a collaborative effort, stating, “Because it’s all about the characters, the little details that link the two worlds, everyone’s really made it a psychological piece rather than just an artistic painting of two different people’s worlds,” but it really just goes to show that that negative aspects of queer representation that include the dreaded male gaze perspective can be avoided as long as the bar is set high enough by the showrunner.

It only takes a little bit of creativity and imagination, and a willingness to challenge the idea that heterosexual-based television makes for the best and most successful stories.

Alex Velazquez is a writer, photographer, and queer Mexican living in Los Angeles, CA.