#(and try to pace myself better this time…)
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doiliedaze · 1 day ago
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From The Back
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Warnings: somno, dub-con, established relationship, rough anal, rimjob, eating ass, talks of stretching you out, strap referred to as cock, abs is packing, mean abby (she just wants you to shutup and take it), fingering (r! receiving), spanking, just ass play in general, fucks reader in a headlock, annoying reader, post nut kindness, lmk if I missed anything
Genre: smut
A/n: DARK FIC!! I feel like Abby would actually really like anal and I wanted to try out these themes even though I am on it for myself!! Thank you @bambishaven hope you enjoy!!
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It's the dead of winter and your girlfriend thought it would be smart to take your anemic ass to the mountains!
Of course, you packed heavy and brought what is needed to make sure your iron levels are where they need to be, but your surroundings are just a bit too intense!
So here you are nuzzling into the heater that is your girlfriend with a heated blanket on top of the both of you.
"Can't believe I let you convivence me this was a good fucking idea!" You say with chattering teeth, "I feel like if my nipples get any harder, they are gonna fall off!" You whine again...for the 20th time this hour.
All she did was pull you closer and ran her big hands over your stomach. "Go to sleep you won't feel it as much." She states blandly, almost like she doesn't care that you're freezing your ass off!
"Abs it's too cold to sleep! I feel like you aren't listening to me!"
"I hear you pumpkin and I'm trying to make it better now c'mon and sleep f' me." She mutters as her hand travels to cup your cunt, causing you to let out a small okay.
You let the heat of Abby engulf you and rest your head into her neck as she slowly pushes in her thick finger. The ring on her ring finger adding friction that always makes your tummy flip.
"Surprised your cold with how warm your pussy is", she mutters as she kisses the top of your head.
She kept her slow thrusts until she felt you were really asleep.
She retracks her finger from your cunt and she flips you on your stomach. To make sure you stay warm she keeps the blanket on you and slides underneath it.
Quickly Abby wiggles your sweats and panties down and rubs the globe of your ass.
The drive up here put her in a slight mood, so she wants to do something to please her. Besides her touch alone makes you melt so who really cares about your maybe protest.
She spreads your ass open and spits on your puckered hole.
Her tongue rubbing in circles on the outline of your asshole and moving to bite your cheek to drawl tired moans from you. Smearing the saliva as she goes.
The thick wetness making you stir slightly. Quickly her tongue pushes another glob deep into you.
When she feels like your wet enough, she adjusts herself and the blanket as she puts her weight on you.
Abby's hands get to work on balancing herself and sliding her cock out her pants and into you. The thick tip building pressure as she pushes in with a burn. Your back arches and your eyes squeeze.
Abby puts more of her body weight on you as she mounts you, "keep those eyes close, just tryna keep you warm pumpkin."
The hand she was using to keep herself up move to your neck as she starts to move.
"Can feel you spreading around me" she whispers, hot breath fawning your shoulder. "So eager for my cock, don't even know it" she moans as she picks up her pace, your ass naturally bouncing back on her.
You moan out incoherently in your sleep, and some drool escapes your lips.
"Can't even be quiet in your sleep" she groans to herself as she slaps your ass.
Her teeth bite down into your shoulder as she quickens her pace, chasing the building orgasm in the pit of er stomach.
"Should make you shut up and sleep more fuck this ass is perfect." She moans with her eyes closed shut.
The faster she moves the more you stir, "stop moving, just fucking take it" she snarls as she's so close. Her name flowing out your dry throat as you begin to wake. "Shut the fuck up pumpkin" she demands as she feels you move away from her movements.
Irritated and horny she wraps her bicep around your neck and flexes the muscle. Blocking your airways and whines. Repeating take it and go to sleep, just desperate to get her orgasm with no regard of you. Knowing her dumb slut wouldn't mind!
When she does cum, she makes sure to slam into you a couple more times to get her energy out.
Abby releases you and checks your breathing, worried she might've been too rough for a moment.
Alas you are okay, just unconscious but this isn't a first and it won't be the last.
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A/n: why is writing anal actually hard?? I gotta practice it more and writing smut for Abby in general, however I hope y’all enjoyed!!
Taglist: @manfuckthisimout @bambishaven @femme-historian @furrytaesss @milanyas @highnfemme @5seos @artemisdreamfairie @ellabswife
Dividers- @anitalenia
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alllgator-blood · 8 hours ago
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I need to ask, because of it I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT.
How do you make, not only long comics, but also VERY FAST. Like- I read one part that has 2/3 like pictures and then next day are again 2 or 3 and I'm like grabing my head and just screaming HOW??? (Also these comics are very yummy and I feel like getting stabbed after each one but in a good way cuz I like being stabbed (Kallamar got a bit too relatable in that one comic 💔))
THAT'S REALLY IMPRESSIVE AND ALSO SHOCKING FOR ME. Like- what is your secret??? 🤨🤨🤨
HAHAHA OH GOD I DID NOT THINK I WAS VERY FAST BUT- I'll try to do a list of tips I thought of off the top of my head, in case any of these help you or anyone else??? I try to not gatekeep anything I do because I think the world needs more comics honestly, so I tend to ramble a lot when giving advice.
click the read more to unleash many paragraphs of tips:
Okay these tips aren't 100% about being fast but also being efficient/keeping a good pace, I hope that's okay!
1: Originally the first tip was "draw every day even if only a little bit, so you don't lose steam" but I'm sure everyone has said that at some point. So I'll just say I Pavlov myself into drawing better by having little "rituals". Liiike...the only time I have energy drinks is when I draw. Or the only time I light candles is when I draw. I have specific songs I put on when I START drawing to get me into the Zone. I find that when certain circumstances are met, it helps the time fly by 'cause I stay focused enough to keep a steady pace. After a while of doing those things when you start drawing for the day, it tricks the brain into going "oh shit, we're drawing now? aight bet" and then you just. Go
2: SETTING DEADLINES FOR SURE HELPS. It's definitely nice hearing from people that there's no Real Pressure on me when I post comics...for free...of characters I have no obligation to draw...just for the enjoyment of doing it. BUT I work best when I have a fire lit under my ass, so I set deadlines like "I need to post this on saturday/sunday at noon so the algorithm will actually let people read this comic". I usually slip those into a description so it's a very casual announcement and I feel okay with postponing it if necessary, rather than making a text post like "NEW COMIC SATURDAY!!1" and then feeling terrible if I can't finish it in time. Lmao
3: I just fuckin GO when I make a draft. Like for this new comic I'm working on, I just sat down and started drawing like the world was gonna end; there's a lot of panels with very off model characters/wonky anatomy because I just wanted to sketch enough for future me to get the idea. I try not to look back on my progress for any reason besides continuity, because then I see how long the comic's getting and I sweat bullets. Literally so many comics have been ditched because I got spooked thinking about how hard it'd be to finish them. So if you just shut your brain off and don't think about the technicalities of it, just keeping mind the story you want to tell- it's SO much easier to complete. Breaking comics into parts is ABSOLUTELY necessary for completion :')
4: Maybe the most important piece of advice I learned from a published comic artist, is that people are gonna look at your comic panels for an average of like 10-20 seconds and will move on to the next. You don't wanna spend hours on a single panel that basically only exists to convey a tiny bit of the plot. So I like to draw just *enough* to convey the general environment/mood, but not feel obliged to put in a million little extra details. I really hate doing backgrounds but my art, to me, feels incomplete without them. So I'll add like PART of a room or a general Nature area just to say hey, this takes place in the temple/outside/whatever! As long as your story is engaging and the pacing is comfortable, I don't think people will mind (or notice) if you take shortcuts.
5: I listen to specific things to help maintain a good speed while not being distracting or understimulating. During the sketch stage, I usually have something slow/instrumental going so I can focus on the little movie that plays in my head and draw what I feel like a scene would look like. It also helps not distract me from what they're saying. For tasks like lining/coming up with color schemes/reworking dialogue, I have something more stimulating playing but not like distracting, so a video essay I've already watched or fast music I already heard a lot of times. THEN for the absolute fucking slog that is the coloring stage, I blast shitty breakcore or put on an actually interesting video so I can zone out while I click my mouse ten billion times to fill in all the colors >:)
Basically, comics are funny to me because it's like a frantic fucking race to the finish line before your motivation completely abandons you. There's been a few comics where I was ABSOLUTELY sick of even looking at them, I think it was specifically "in little ways, everything stays" where the comic itself is sweet and inoffensive but OMFG. I WAS SO TIRED OF DRAWING GRASS AND REWORKING DIALOGUE. KALLAMAR AND LESHY JUST HUG IT OUT ALREADY SO I CAN STOP DRAWING.
This post probably reads like "I HATE COMICS!! I HALF ASS THEM TO GET THROUGH!!" but I really do love making them and it's kinda the only thing I like doing nowadays, so the other aspect of why I get them done fast comparatively is just that it's what I spend all my free time doing. Some comics take weeks of me working on them daily to finish them, because working on them is my main coping skill rn so it always feels worth doing. I know it can't last forever so I try to just get as many stories as I can out before my circumstances change! Maybe don't be motivated by fear of the future though. Just do these because it's fun and people love reading your comics :') I KNOW I DO
In any case- here are the lines for the beginning of the new comic, I KNOW you love the funny squid so here's mine as a kid flexing on narinder for being able to summon his crown weapon:
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zylphiacrowley · 6 months ago
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A Heart to Heart
<previous - next>
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desperatecheesecubes · 4 months ago
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I love Christopher
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justanotherjaydrawing · 7 days ago
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a little DTIYS challenge for @glamourdraws over on insta, celebrating them reaching 500 followers. But I spent a lot of time on this so I'm cross posting lol. (timelapse and og below cut)
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kang-yo-han · 18 days ago
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I just binged the entirety of Weak Hero Class 1 in one afternoon/evening/night and my heart has been reduced to shreds
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sysig · 1 year ago
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Red Eyes and Evil Time, practically the same thing right (Patreon)
#Doodles#Villainsona#Just Desserts#Sona double feature!#Red Eyes and Evil Time /are/ different for the record lol#There's overlap and they're both eye details but they're different#Mmm Red Eyes feels so niiiice <3 And I've been pacing myself so it's Just Red Eyes!#No red shines :) Which can happen even on Red Eyes#In fact it's probably more common - the red shines on Blue Eyes was something of an oddity#No one knows the lore except me I'll explain someday lol#For now it's just fun to be in Red Eyes! :D And the occasional Evil Time as well lol - all the overlaps!#I somehow accidentally made a like?? Cotton Candied Popcorn themed outfit for Eli for the first one lol that wasn't my intention#I mean it's cute I'm not about to fight it lol I'd love for my sonas to have other clothes inspired by each other haha#Eli's eyes are still quite fun to draw as well haha those bright pops of colour - Red Purple or Blue they're all so stark and shaped#Back to their classic feminine outfit good for them uwu#Silly lad#They're also still a scientist first and foremost - it's all chemicals there's gotta be a way to recreate it externally!#Local vampire scientist creates mood stabilizers more at 7 lol#I'm quite pleased with the three-red two-purple one-blue gradient as well hehe - the decay! :D I like it as a visual#Charm tiiime <3 <3 Happy Charm time in Evil Time! Usually better than bad mood Evil Time lol - at least for those around her#Still chaotic to be in it haha - but happy chaos is happy! Lol#Again more fun with eyes the light bounce in the one where she's holding the melt is so cute and looks so nice on my paper too <3#I had a silly comic idea for her for the next time I get into Red Eyes as well - if I remember lol#Big Love is hearts! It just makes sense#Also I am Really proud of the cleaning job I did on that last one lol - from original to this? Night and day ngl#Guess that goes to show how little cleaning I do on-page lol#For some I do! Others...#Still thinking up outfits - you can probably just make out ''Hero Charm'' in her hair lol trying to think around different themes#Something that could become something else! Add or subtract an element and it changes the ''meaning'' of the outfit#Kinda like her initial caped design that Kaiein rejected hmmm
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jrueships · 1 year ago
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something invokes the carnal rage in me when a grown man rages like a two-year old over a video game
#it makes me think of the mothers trying to act like theyre defusing an already blown up bomb and it's literally just#idk#it just gives me the ick im srry the moment i hear one 'me' entitled statement and it's not like#clearly burnt out 'i kinda know im being ironic' ventong#venting LMAO#and just genuine sorrow for urself#over a Digital Game#i just cant srry#maybe it's my youngest to an older brother who everyone gets the ages flipped around Not just from looks but actual Acting#syndrome#and of course context plays a part too like if u have a stressful af job and just wanted to rewind? understandable. id be pissed too#but mfers who just Sit there and continue to stink the whole room up is like. ok. get some air or smthin#i do Not fuck around with throwing or damaging expensive shit ESPECIALLY if u did not pay for it#idk im naturally good at video games i think only bcs i only had access to old one that were way above my age audience#so i had to develop a sense of patterning not just to have competition but to just play the game at all#but still i have gotten frustrated at games bcs everyone gets frustrated at smthing#but usually now. at my grown age. (even tho i Rarely ever game anymore bcs i cant rlly so anything not active in my mind#bcs of Guilt and Constant Dread of Judgement)#when i find myself getting frustrated it's bcs im purposefully either playing a harder level/mode/with better ppl so i can advance#and the advancing is just not happening#i acknowledge that and accept not every difficulty can be passed at one time or at all sometimes in my limited time/care so i just either#Shut it Off. or go back down to a pace i know can just be carefree#i DO have a thing where i Need to end on a win. which is not good bcs i do that with everythin (like sports) in order to justify me quittin#but if i have to get out of the rlly competitive lobby to get my dopamine then i will bcs this is meant to give u that#anyways it's just insane. ted complains abt superfocus while being superfocused himself on the concept of superfocus#the neverending story#DO anything not active** idk it's my fear of death maybe that i disease myself with everything needing a purpose when it comes to gain
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penitenteyeball · 5 months ago
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Dum de dum dum
Gonna add max tags and max characters to each cause who cares
#the limit to the number of characters is 140 and I can’t use the same tag twice so this may take time. also I can’t add commas easily so sor#ry for the run on sentences. I doubt anyone will read all this. it’s gonna take a while to write. maybe I just keyboard smash. but that seem#s unoriginal or cheating. and I also wanna use chat gpt but that feels kinda lame? it’s frowned on so much and I don’t wanna be frowned on a#nd idk. I guess I care about what strangers on the internet care about more than myself. which I shouldn’t. I’ll be better tho. anyway i ams#going to be rambling a bit here. but I don’t care. probably no one will read this anyways. maybe I can try some constrained writing prompts.#what with only 140 characters. people usually write a lot of stuff and better under constraints. cause humans be weird sometimes. why on ear#th did I do this to myself???? maybe I will smash!!! agdkdgakfhs!!!! SHDOAGSKFHSJ!!!! bleaugholofomodowopoidk!!! weeepeedeepeedooooooo!! idk#this is boring. I’m only 8 tags in and I’m tired. who knows why I do these things. the mind is a mysterious place. who knows why we do wha w#e do. …. …. idk man. I was gonna say some more stuff about the mind and how weird it is. but I forgor ): now I feel a bit s#ad. but maybe I will remember before the end of this…. spaces make it easier so#spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaceeeeeeesssssss. lol#gonna copy paste 138 spaces in a row and copy paste. then add number at end to make each unique… then this would go so fast…. but is#that cheating? I mean I put these rules on myself. only I would really care if I broke them. but it feels wrong to#so maybe I’ll get this done naturally. with a whole bunch’s spaces to replace a comma. it’ll go so much faster. (:#tag 15. halfway there. goin faster than I thought it would. time flies or something ig. I have an idea#imma try to say all the copypastas I kinda know by memory cause who fucking cares: firstly first. I am gonna do the one about the fitnes#“the fitness gram pace test is a multilevel test that involves many things. like running and sit-ups and push ups and jumping jack eh idk#now for rick roll copypasta. not a real rickroll tho cause there is warning so it’s all cool. I think I’ll stop early like line six or I d k#you know the rules and so do I! a full commitment is what I’m looking for. you know the rules and I do too. never goin to give you up or let#you down or dessert you or anything like that. (I’m jokingly doing it wrong. I actually know them alr. cause been roled a bit.) gon stop now#I know just the starting quote kinda of bee movie. but non else. idk what to say. am tired. is late so idk. idk#this post is taking way to long. I’m on like the second day typing it out ):. I don’t know how much more I can take…. but I must per#servere!!! if I add spaces. then it’ll be done. much quicker. (:(:(: plus I can spam emoticons for fun. :3#:3:3:3:3:3:3:3. (:(:(:(: (;(; :/:/. -_- \: 0: [:<. :>]. =). $). ^_^. *_*. (: I love emoticons#~_~. :p :P. :D. d: :b. q: i-i. T-T. T_T. j-j. -w- uwu. owo. ö. ü. :B. :ß. :oo#:O. :1). QwQ. k: 8ooo>. (|). or i guess (:) might be more anatomically accurate. :+|. •_•. .-. ._. :7). :)#27 tag hereeeeee almost donnn eeeeee. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. heheh. fun. not actually to bad. this was kinda nice.#yayayayayya. we about finished. Twas a fun time. idk why i did this. ig it was kinda fun. noiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee#words words words. just mostly nonsense. fun fun fun. idk idk din. ooooo. wwww. owowow. nyaaaaa. meow#3030303030!!! 30!!!! last one woot woot. fun’s. hope reading was fun. i liked typing it. so long and thanks for all the fish.(:
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deviousdiesel · 11 months ago
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#so that dotd rewrite is out and i have some thoughts on it but i wouldn't know where to put them.. maybe in here bc i don't actually feel -#- like making a whole ass text post. this is coming from me as criticism and not hate.. just some crit from one fan to another if you get m#SPOILERS AHEAD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#first off props to the team because this was obv a labor of love - 4 and a half years to make a feature long fan movie is hard work#and the animated stuff was a really nice touch and very commendable - you don't see them too often in big fanworks#in terms of the story well.. there are some things i like and some things that i don't (personally) again no hate#i'm aware this is a rewrite and boy howdy it IS a rewrite - though i am a bit sad that percy doesn't end up being the protagonist and it's#- thomas that has to play hero again.. like i kinda get it but what made the original dotd stand out was that percy was given the spotlight#so i spent an ungodly amount of time wondering when percy was gonna take charge or step into the main story to resolve the problem.. sigh#i liked that they tried to give norman more of a character bc a lot of characters do often get neglected in the series but it was kind of -#- hard to sell that for me? the twist in this rewrite was very creative and i do appreciate it but i guess it just ain't for me#“different” is ok and this is just one of many fan rewrites for this particular story#if there was something i enjoyed.. i guess the beginning was still kind of exciting because the set up was honestly like hype a bit#i liked that diesel and d10 actually got to interact face to face and there are clearer dynamics established for the diesels#and also. silverband's performances as d10 will always be fun he does a fantastic job voicing him (how d10 stole xmas will still be my fav)#my criticisms for this movie also derive from the pacing and the voice acting - i found it hard to try and understand tones sometimes -#- because the delivery felt so off.. like don't get me wrong not everyone in the fandom is a voice actor but if we're using static faces -#- for these fan works the delivery has to be a little more clear or else it'll sound like you're reading from a script.. sorry yall :"|#for the pacing i found it a bit hard to parse when some things were going on and how fast things were progressing#as well as the crashes.. that's also another thing bc i couldn't tell bc of the sfx and audio balancing - it could be better..#i wanna say. muffled voices do not substitute for a “far away”/off-screen voice bc i still can't hear it :“|#there were a lot of throwbacks and references to older thomas media/movies but some of them felt a little.. much?#if this is a dotd rewrite why are we getting some parallels with tatmr.. but i digress. at least they made diesel beef with duck a bit#there's a lot more i could say but i'm keeping those to myself. at the end of the day this fan movie was hard work for everyone involved#and you can tell some of the folks were having fun in there - props to them! i'm always glad to see more fan works in the community#we've come so far we're making feature length fan stories and rewrites that's crazy! i hope to see more in the future#fauxtrainpost.txt
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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reading is awesome 😎
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depresseddepot · 11 months ago
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I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(
#im actually very upset abt this lol#all of the other tricks ive found rely on having a dog to walk#and like i would love to get my own dog but i absolutely cannot afford one lmao#so i guess i just. still can't go on walks#nobody seems to understand just how impossible it is for me to walk down the street when im not trying to get somewhere#like just going for a walk for fun/to look at nature feels like im being killed#people are LOOKING at me and when someone even so much as glances at me while im walking i instantly feel like I'm doing something wrong#or like they're going to misunderstand my sort of odd behaviors#i can't walk slow because they'll think im a stalker. i can't walk fast because ill get out of breath and they'll think im disgusting#i can't keep a normal pace because im too nervous and i just spend the whole time tense and hate myself even more when i get home#like. what the hell am i supposed to do lol#getting a dog is the only way i think i could stop myself from spiraling like that bc of COURSE im walking slow and leisurely.#im walking my dog. my dog wants to smell and has to poop or whatever#im no longer a freaky fat stalker im just some guy walking my dog#this became more of a vent than i was expecting lmao but if anyone has any actual tangible tips for how to go on walks i would appreciate it#when i had to walk 2 miles to class i used to take a small part of an edible right before i got on the bus lmao and that worked WONDERS#but i don't want to have to do that just to walk around my own neighborhood when i eventually move out#i just want to be normal lmao i want to go out and find bugs and look at leaves#i guess i could walk in the woods but what if i get lost#i want to be able to look at stuff. i want to be able to stop and look at a plant while some person passes by me#without feeling like im going to blow up or like they're going to hit me or like IM going to hit THEM#im used to anxiety but i always feel so erratic in public places. when everyone wore masks i was a little better#i still mask most of the time but it doesn't help anymore bc now im like one of the only people that does it#so now instead of blending in AND having my face covered i just stand out more#my face is still covered so it still helps but its like barely a net positive lmao#i want to be able to look around without worrying that someone is looking at me from their window and thinks im a stalker#truly how the hell am i supposed to do that without a dog lol
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thats-a-lot-of-cortisol · 1 year ago
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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.
I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃
#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag#trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened#and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents#but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO#they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her#but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers#and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming#(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back#and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you#like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that#i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks#apostake#jay rambles#ok to interact#im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged#gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully#they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face#haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc#it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace#my sister's 17 ffs#it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#religion#mormonism
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flythesail · 1 year ago
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No I have not started writing the George/Tristan fic
Yes I am still outlining
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martinskiseyes · 2 years ago
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insanechayne · 4 months ago
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#just keep wondering what the fuck is the point#why bother keeping up with people and trying so hard and putting in so much effort if I get nothing back#and I’m even annoying myself with this whole run around because I’m tired of being tired of this nonsense#I’ve circled back around to be the person waiting on someone else’s messages and time and giving my all for barely any payoff and I hate it#told myself I wouldn’t do this again after Alabama fucked me over yet it seems I didn’t learn my lesson#I feel too much too fast and don’t know how to release or pace myself or be normal about anything#and so I’m stuck just waiting for someone to remember I exist and give me a fraction of their time#even doing other things during the day and distracting myself doesn’t help because in the back of my mind I’m still logging the minutes#until I hear from him again and I just feel so stupid about all of this#and it’s not fair of me to be this way because it’s not like he hasn’t put in time and shown an effort before#it just feels like we talked a lot more even just a week ago and things went so quiet so fast#is it just because we’re fucking already? put in just enough effort to secure the benefits and then go to minimal output?#I’m overthinking all of this and I know that and I hate that but I can’t stop myself from doing it and now I have anxiety from it#I’m just sick of being lonely and outcasted#even when I do click really well with someone and things seem to be going better it all just reverts back to the same old thing again#is the type of love I give out and want/need so badly only real inside myself? am I searching for something that simply doesn’t exist?#what if I never find someone who gives me the care I’m craving so desperately? do I just suffer and deal with it the rest of my life?#why is it so hard to find someone else like me? when is it my turn to truly be happy?#personal
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