#(its a long watch but holy shit... it is worth it)

[malthedreamer]

Still amazed how one of the best slowburns in history was made on tiktok in the series of 1291 videos

[fandomcrazy6226]

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[anim-ttrpgs]

If any of y'all had tips for aspiring TTRPG creators, what would they be? I'm hosting a "How to Make your own TTRPG" panel at a con this weekend, and anything to show folks from a fellow indie studio would be great!

Yeah a bunch. Each one of these could basically be its own post, but here are the condensed versions.

Social Media

You need social media. No one will ever hear of your game without a strong social media presence. And as much as it sucks, your best bet is probably tumblr. It’s the only populated social media site that allows your posts to be widely circulated without you having to pay, and also long form enough to actually include information. I dedicate one day a week entirely to social media and that’s just about the only reason we make any money at all.

Also, when using tumblr, the first five tags you put on a post are the most important, those are the tags that make it show up on people’s dashboards. The first twenty tags are the ones that make it show up in search results. Don’t put the name of your game in the first five tags generally, because if no one has heard of it yet, no one is following those tags.

Don’t Paywall Your Game

You deserve to be paid for your work if you indeed did any work at all (we’ll get to that), but that just isn’t the world we live in. Unless you have an advertising budget to essentially trick people into buying a game that might end up being crap, you need something to prove that your game is worth spending money on. Without an advertising budget, that proof has to be your game. Setting your game to pay-what-you-want, or providing “community copies,” lets people try your game before they buy. Plenty of people will buy up-front when given the option, and others who can’t afford it at that moment will download it for free then come back and pay later. Some people will never pay, but what that means for you is that they either never experience your game, or they pirate it. People experiencing your game, showing it to their friends, and talking about it is one of the most valuable pieces of advertisement you can ever have. It will ultimately lead to more people who are willing and able to pay learning about your game.

Start Small but Not Too Small

Do not make a one-page game for your first game. Do not be like us and make a 700-page game for your first game. Try to aim for something between 20 and 200 pages, especially if you’re one person or a small team.

Play and Read a lot of RPGs or Your Game Will Suck

Would you watch a movie by a director who had only ever watched one movie? Would you read a book by an author who had only ever read one book? Hell no, those would suck.

Read many rpg rulebooks, from many different genres and decades, play as many of them as you can (by the rules) to understand how the rules work and why they’re there. This will give you the creative tools you need to make something that isn’t just a weaker version of the last RPG you played. No, listening to "actual plays" does not count.

Most actual plays stray significantly from presenting a regular gameplay experience in favor of an experience that is entertaining for an audience. If you want to learn martial arts, you should be watching martial arts tournaments, not WWE.

If you want an actual play podcast that has my “actually mostly presents a real gameplay experience” approval, try Tiny Table.

If you say you don’t have time to read rulebooks, then you don’t have time to design a good game. Studying is part of the process of creating. If you don't, you won't even know about gleeblor.

This will let you know whether your "innovation" is more like "Cars don't need to run on gasoline!" or "Cars don't need crumple zones and airbags!"

The Rules Matter, So Design with Intent

The rules matter the rules fucking matter holy shit what you actually write down on the page matters I can’t believe this is actually the seemingly most needed piece of advice on this list. The. rules. matter.

Design your game to be played in the way you designed it. The rules affect the tone and genre of your game, they affect the type of people PCs can be and the kind of stories that will result from gameplay. Bonuses encourage PC behaviors, penalties discourage PC behaviors.

Do not fall for the trap of “oh well people will just play it their own way based on vibes anyway so it doesn’t matter what I write the rules to be.” Write that you wrote this game to be played by the rules and that significant changes to the rules mean that players are no-longer playing the game you made. Write like you deserve for your art to be acknowledged by its audience. If you don’t, then there is no point in anyone playing the game you made, because if the person who wrote it doesn’t even care what the rules say, why should anyone? The people whose “playing” of TTRPGs consists of never opening the rulebook and improving based on “vibes” will still do that no matter what, but the people who would have actually tried to engage with your game will find that it sucks if you don’t even care what the rules are yourself.

Playtest

You need to playtest your game if you want it to work as intended. You need multiple sets of eyes on it. If you don’t have the opportunity personally to do so, just release your game anyway with the acknowledgement that it’s unfinished. Call it an alpha or a beta version, and ask for people that do play it to give feedback, then update and fix the game based on that feedback.

Ignore Feedback

Most people do not have any game design credibility, perhaps least of all TTRPG players. You do not, in fact, have to listen to everything people say about your game. Once you ask for feedback, people will come to you with the most deranged, asinine, bad-faith “feedback” you can imagine, and then get really mad at you when you don’t fall to your knees and kiss their feet about it. You do not need to take this feedback at face value, instead you need to learn to read between the lines and find out which parts of the rules text are being misinterpreted by players, and which incorrect assumptions players are making about your game. Then, you update and improve the game by clearing those up. Only like 30% of “feedback” you receive will actually be a directly helpful suggestion in its own right at face value.

You can’t please everyone, and shouldn’t, so appeal to the people who actually like your game for being what it is, not the people who don’t.

Read Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy

Yeah this one sounds self-serving but hear me out. Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy is as much a treatise on TTRPG game design as it is a game itself. When it presents mechanics and rules, it tells you what they are, why they are, how they are, and what you’re intended to do with them. This makes it an excellent example to read for anyone wanting to get serious about game design and learn how TTRPGs tick under the hood, and an excellent example of a TTRPG that expects players to play it the way it was written to be played, and why that is a good thing. Also you can download it for free.

[mullermilkshake]

A joint hallucination

Part 7 <- Part 8 -> Part 9

It's time for the six week scan.

Yandere!Jinwoo Sung x Fem Hunter!reader Tags - Pregnancy scan, ultrasound, slight manipulation For this idea in particular for in this fic that I never even thought of doing, credit goes to @Daiyanomochi YOU LEGEND <3

<<< For more Dark/Yandere content, click this link to go back to the Masterlist! >>>

<<< Or back to this fic's Master list. >>>

EDIT - I have only watched the anime and haven't gotten round to reading the manhwa yet. Please refrain from spoilers.

“Twins?!” Your mouth remained agape at the association's doctor. “A-are you sure there’s two and it's not a glitch?”

“I’m sure.” She pointed at the screen and adjusted the internal ultrasound stick under the draped cloth. “See? One… two. It's early, but we can determine if its twins at around this time. You’re roughly six weeks along, so it was worth the wait before coming in to see me, or you might have gotten a little surprise at your next scan wondering why your baby bump is getting bigger than expected.”

Jinwoo had not said one word, nowhere near comprehending the information his brain was receiving. Twins? Was this even logical? Was that why he was sensing the amount of mana coming from you, because there were two babies in there?

Holy shit. Twins. That was insane, even for Jinwoo’s standards. And while his compulsions weren’t disappearing anytime soon, for the first time in two weeks, Jinwoo was speechless.

He listened out for your hurried breath you tried to calm, but it was just outside noise at this point. “Oh my god… Oh my god... Six weeks? That puts my…”

“Your date of conception was most likely the first week of last month.” The doctor continued looking at the ultrasound, the two little dots that could have been mistaken for a smudge on the screen. “It’s not fully accurate, but as close as we can get.”

It could have been any day that week, but it wasn’t until then, that you and Jinwoo were going at it daily. “The night of the association dinner…”

You tore your eyes from the screen towards Jinwoo, they were glassy and terrified. “Could it really have been that night- I mean, I’m pretty sure I was ovulating but… six weeks… Doctor, are you definitely sure it’s twins?”

She chuckled a little, a reassuring one, though you wouldn’t have seen it that way no doubt. “Yes, I’m certain that you are carrying twins. I mean, you’re already bloating more than normal, but it’s very common with twins. Everything looks as it should though.”

“I just…” And now you were speechless.

The doctor pulled out the ultrasound stick and printed off a copy of the scan, giving it to Jinwoo. “I’ll let you get cleaned up and we’ll talk. There’s a lot to process… congratulations you two.”

“I guess we’ll have to let the Chairman know-”

“I’ve already done that. He’s aware and will be coming to visit you sometime today.” The doctor left the room with a cheerful smile.

Jinwoo watched her carefully and couldn’t decide whether or not his gut was telling him something. When did she have time to inform the Chairman of this when she had been in the room the whole time. Jinwoo had watched her closely up until she had told them the news, and even then, part of his consciousness was aware of his surroundings even while the other half was freaking out.

The small slither that remained calm was the half with these sudden compulsions, to keep everything away from you and it wasn’t even logical. It had ingrained itself so deep like a buried tick, right in his brain that started affecting his sleep, his eating, his overall mental state. He managed to hide it from you for now, but at times, it threatened to slip.

And you were only six weeks along.

This is going to be a long pregnancy. 

“Oh my god…” Were you crying? No, but your glassy eyes were as close to it as they could be.

“It'll be fine.” Jinwoo said, reluctantly taking your hand in his in hopes to calm you.

But it didn’t. “My body is going to be- I never signed up for twins, Jinwoo- oh my god…. Oh my god.”

“Shh, shh.” He stroked your hair, you hadn’t moved from the bed. “Listen, we can get through it together, just think of when they’re here and not in there.” He pointed to your stomach. “Let’s work towards that first, and we’ll go from there.”

“I-I still can’t believe you got me pregnant... I honestly thought it was never going to happen in the time they gave us, but twins? You honestly had to knock me up with twins- Jesus christ…”

What could he say to that? If he wasn’t so blindsided, he would have relished the fact that it wasn’t just one baby, but two that he’d managed to keep you with by his side. Two babies with no way of doing it on your own, so you’d have to rely on him.

Jinwoo tried his best to quell those thoughts for now and be as supportive as he could be. “I know it’s a shock, I’m shocked. But, I know that this is a good thing. The doctor said they’re okay and growing good, and now we won’t have all that pressure. So at least for now, we can relax-”

“How can we do that?” You sat up and let your legs swing over the table, caught up in the draped cloth. “There’s two of them, Jinwoo. That’s double the morning sickness, double the pain and… I dunno, double the contractions? I have no clue what I’m doing.”

“That makes two of us, then.” Jinwoo hadn’t the foggiest, but he knew doing it with you would make the process less painful. “Because I have no idea, either. We can figure it out together.”

The way he ran his fingertips over the back of your hand seemed to calm you enough to nod and get moving. “Yeah… I think it’s just a lot to process right now. But… Oh god…”

“Why don’t you get dressed, I’ll slip outside for a moment and get the doctor to talk about our next steps and then I'll take you home.”

Jinwoo left you in the room for just a second, his need to stay near you prevented him from taking one step away from that door. He couldn’t leave you on your own, never again, not if you were carrying his children. How could you protect yourself? Protect them without him?

“Igris.”

His shadow never appeared, but Igris’s presence stood tall behind him awaiting orders. If Igris remained in your shadow, Jinwoo could sit easily knowing you had protection.

“Stay with her at all times. Keep yourself hidden. Don’t let anything, or anyone harm her or there will be consequences.” He glared up at where Igris would have been, his eyes glowing with the determination of a fretting parent, knowing he could see him. “Do I make myself clear?”

Igris moved beyond the door and vanished, concealing his presence neatly in your shadow. Jinwoo knew at some point he would have to introduce you properly, maybe another day.

“Hello Mr Sung, is there anything you need?” The doctor came back with some kind of medical paperwork on a clipboard and the same sweet smile. “I was just coming back to give you some more information and you can be on your way until your next check up in six weeks time.”

“Uh, no, not really. I was coming to get you, actually.” Jinwoo spoke your name with a softness. “I think she just wants to go home now.”

“Of course, come in and I’ll get everything you need to go home with.”

Jinwoo followed her in, you were sat up right on the table fully dressed looking down at your tapping foot, over and over again. He sat down beside you, linking his hand with your and did his best to take everything in. The terminology the doctor used was unnecessary, complicating the simplest of phrases to make your lip tremble or a lone tear slip down your cheek.

But now and then, you would slip out of that rhythm and look over your shoulder or across the room for a split second and then right back to the doctor. This occurred for the remainder of the appointment, Jinwoo decided not to comment on it just yet, at least until you were home and resting.

It was you who decided to bring it up after the appointment, and in the worst way possible. “Why is there something following me?”

Ah crap. “Uh… what do you mean?”

“Don’t pull this today, Jinwoo. I’m really not in the mood. I’ve come to learn when you either don’t want to talk about something, or you give the whole truth. So be honest with me.”

Jinwoo slowed his pace back to the car and carried on, hoping you wouldn’t notice his hesitance, but of course you would. How did he forget about your perception? It wasn’t so high that you would have seen Igris walk right into the room, but you knew there was something there.

“It’s not that… I just- I want you to be safe.” He rubbed the back of his neck because he didn’t know what else to do. “So I asked one of my shadows to watch over you whenever I’m not with you-”

“Jinwoo. Jesus- that’s what I’ve been seeing the last half hour?” Your pace towards the car increased, and just when Jinwoo thought things were good right now. “You didn’t think to at least inform me first? I’ve been going out of my mind thinking I was seeing things.”

“I’m sorry, I am... I'd never want to upset you, you're not seeing things. It’s just-” He sped ahead and opened the door for you, letting you slump into the seat before he made his way round to the driver's seat.

What the hell should he even say to a frustrated pregnant person?

When he got in, the car was heavy, looming. Your brow dipped low and you were extremely pissed off, he could tell by the way your arms folded the way they were and how you fiddled around with your bottom lip to stop yourself from saying something you shouldn’t.

Now, Jinwoo wasn’t about to get into his intense thoughts ever since that mana spike, or how his sleep was constantly ridden with dreams of you and the pregnancy, and all the ways it could possibly go wrong or that you could die in some horrid accident involving a magic beast. He wouldn’t dare bring any of that up, not how he wanted no one around you unless they were a medical professional or himself, not even the Chairman.

So when Jinwoo sat there and waited to see if you would say anything, he sighed heavily and rested his arms on the steering wheel when you didn't speak one word.

“We haven’t had the best start in all of this, but I want to try.” He turned his head to face you, even though you were looking out of the window when he did. “You’re pregnant, you’re carrying this life inside of you and now we know there’s two lives in there. I won’t be around all the time to make sure you’re okay, and with all the stress you’ve been under, I didn’t want to add anymore to it, but obviously I have…"

When you remained silent, he foolishly continued despite the ramifications that might come from it. “I didn’t think about your feelings and I should have done, because you’re the most important in all of this- not the association, not the programme or anything the Chairman wants from us. I’m not important, but you are. And I care about you, I’m trying to prioritise you so that you and the babies are safe…”

Then, you huffed the sweetest little noise Jinwoo had ever heard, like you were silently forgiving him despite not actually coming out and saying it.

“So who’s this shadow, then? You’ve never really shown them at all.”

It wasn’t forgiveness, but close enough.

Jinwoo breathed a silent sigh and pulled off from the parking lot. “Igris. His name is Igris, and he’s one of the strongest shadows I have. Nothing will get past him unless it’s a highly experienced S-Rank hunter and even they’d have trouble with him.”

You looked over to Jinwoo, confused with something he could describe as concerned. “But, my perception is high. How can I sense Igris and not…” Your hand fell to your stomach, where the babies were. “I should be acutely aware of them, right? But I’m not.”

“I only noticed because one of my shadows pointed it out, or I wouldn’t have found out right away… I wouldn’t think too deeply into it.” 

There could have been a whole slew of reasons why you couldn’t sense the aura coming from you, none that Jinwoo could figure out just yet. With time to understand it or with a mage healing doctor, they could find the root of the issue.

“I guess so.” You said, silently running your fingers over your belly as though the instincts were already kicking in like they had for Jinwoo..

“Well, I thought he was the best fit to protect you should anything happen, if a dungeon broke in town, I’d fight clear minded knowing you were looked after.”

Before Jinwoo could stop himself from making you sound like you were incapable, you popped back like he expected and never let him recover.

“You think I’m not capable of looking after myself? I know I don’t have the experience you or the others do, but I can get away if I really have to. I-I can do something without being babied, I don’t need coddling.”

It came from nowhere, but that horrid idea burrowed in Jinwoo’s head and wasn’t leaving anytime soon. “Okay, so if you can fight now, when do you stop? When it takes a toll on your body, or when your belly gets in the way? You’re growing two humans inside you right now, and that won’t change until they’re born, you need all the rest you can get.”

“But I want to keep hunting, Jinwoo. That’s why I was opposed to this in the first place. Nothing changes for you, it’s all on mine and Hae-in’s shoulders. Our bodies will change and we’ll have to recover and you can just keep going to gates and collecting things and I have to stay at home just waiting?”

It won’t be like that forever, because you and I will have two beautiful babies at home to take care of. That’s what he wanted to say, he wanted to be as honest as he could with his intentions with you. But as delicate as you were, if you hadn’t bolted by now, that surely would have sent you packing.

“We’ll get some normality soon, I promise-”

“How can you promise that?”

It went like that the entire way home. You escalated things and Jinwoo attempted to calm them down, it was no doubt exacerbated by those hormones the doctor was talking about. It also didn’t help that Jinwoo could say one thing and you’d take it another way because he didn’t think before opening his mouth. 

Realistically, it was all his fault.

And to make things worse, Chairman Go had let himself into the apartment.

Could this day get any more eventful? 

“Hunter Sung.” Your name oozed from his lips. “It’s fantastic to see you both. I hope you don’t mind me dropping by, I simply couldn’t wait to congratulate you.”

Part 7 <- Part 8 -> Part 9

Again, thank you Daiyanomochi for the idea for the twins, you're amazing 🤗

If you would like to be tagged, please let me know! Thanks so much for all the support on this likes, reblog and comments appreciated! ❤️

Tag list - @bubera974, @snowy-violet, @sky2lar, @starrynights23x, @minh907

@yessirr7, @aussie-boys-wife, @yihona-san06, @mashiromochi, @daiyanomochi

@justatimidcreator, @alia-17, @otomegamesforlife, @m00n-estelle, @towomatos

@stormnightingale, @johnnysactualgf, @solarisstarrsolomonsbeloved, @johnnysactualgf, @notleclerc

@minkuro, @misakicchi, @lovingyeet, @soft-dots, @gina239

@sabrina-senpai, @tsukimoon-chan, @afkmylajah, @livelaughlovekuni, @keiva1000

@delusionillusion322, @dreamingoftomorrow, @gina239, @blxuqueenie, @stardust0709

@chahaezii, @athanasia10, @crutoyu. @thetruepair, @lostpsycho13

DISCLAIMER - Crossposted from my AO3 - I do not own any of the characters or anything from the anime or manhwa. This is a work of fan fiction and is absolutely not representative of the views or intentions of the original creator(s).

Also please don’t post any of my work without permission thank you!

[ikeukiss]

jake + 35………

loml nico you're trying to kill me,, well alright i guess let me die.

𐔌 𝐋𝐄𝐗𝐈'𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐨𝐧 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑮𝑨𝒁𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑺𝑬𝑿 𐦯 — it's start innocent, because the activity is so normal and sweet. looking at the many constellations together in the dead of night on the cliffside, nobody around you for yards, meters even. your blanket keeps the two of you warm as jake points and pretends he knows all about random clusters of stars you call him out for. it's not like you planned on kissing him senseless, it was just so easy to do so. and soon enough all that matters is his light, his warmth��the star in front of you ready to blind you completely.

𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐀 𝟑𝐊 𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓

𐔌 𝐁𝐄𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐓 𐦯 જ⁀➴ 𝒖𝒏𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒆𝒙, 𝒔𝒆𝒎𝒊-𝒑𝒖𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒄 𝒔𝒆𝒙, 𝒎𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 (𝒄𝒐𝒘𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍, 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒓𝒚, 𝒆𝒕𝒄), 𝒅𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌

"Holy shit, just like that," Jake murmurs as you move your hips, his cock hitting all the spots inside of you that make you yearn for more. For him to take you harder, fuck you faster, all so you can make it to your release.

It was supposed to be harmless fun, watching the stars in the park and counting as many as you both could see with the naked eye. Then he had to say you were more beautiful than all of them combined, and you couldn't fight the eagerness to have him. Right there, even if a million people were watching in the dead of night.

The bed of his truck—much like the whole car itself—rocks at how long and hard you ride him. You go at the pace he's set, his hands on your sides forbidding you from doing much else.

It's torture. It's heaven. And all that sits in-between, too.

"Baby, I want to come, please." Your head rolls back, face slacking as Jake tweaks your nipple with his thumb. He palms the other breast with the opposite set of fingers, but he only tortures one while his dick tortures your walls.

"What happened to taking it slow, sweetheart?" He groans as he sits up, holding you closer as you tighten around him. "You want it that badly, wanna come like a greedy girl?"

"Yes, please, please—fuck—please."

The word falls from your mouth over and over until he caves. Jake flips you onto your stomach, the wool blanket rubbing against your bare skin as he reinserts himself inside of you. Your walls flutter from the reunion, eager to suck him back in completely.

He laughs with a hoarse voice, shivering at the feeling once again. "You're always so wet. It's incredible."

You keen at his words, him slamming his hips rougher when the sounds emit from your mouth. "You feel amazing. It always does, Jae."

"Fuck, I'm gonna come," Jake swears, digging his nails into your hips. "Come with me, sweetheart?"

Jake asks like you have a choice. Like there's a way to fight the inevitable pulse of your folds around him and the warmth that coats your body when you do orgasm.

He crumbles on top of you when he follows suit, milking it for all its worth as he lets all of his cum fill you. It's as explosive as the stars bursting in the night sky. You wonder if it's as pleasurable for them as it is for the two of you.

He pulls out and encases you in his arms when he gains his strength back. "I love you," he murmurs into your cheek.

"Love you more," you reply, satiated and glowing. The stars have nothing on you right now.

@gyubakeries @loserlvrss @frenchkisstheabyss @prkhaven @tinycatharsis @fangel @aaa-sia @yvnempire @addictedtohobi @innocygnet @filmnings @lovetaroandtaemin @xylatox @dawngyu

𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒 ── .✦ @kstrucknet @k-films @kvanity-main @lapydiaries @violetanet @whipped-kpop-creators @cosyhomenet @sweetvenomnet

[karmicgalaxies]

18+ Content MDNI

Victor Creed (Sabretooth) X AFAB! Reader

Disclaimers: Unprotected sex (Wrap it before you tap it!) P In V sex, Rough sex, Snarling, Biting, Size difference, though it isn’t mentioned descriptively. Victor is just a motherfucking UNIT, Name-calling (Slut, Pretty), Cream-pie, Squirting. Possessiveness? if you squint

A/N: This is absolutely unhinged. Poorly proofread as I’m publishing this @ around 3 am, so do excuse errors!

Victor Creed, who’s got you on a pathetic attempt of all fours. Well; that would be the case if it weren’t for your upper body having gave out a round or two ago, slumped against the mattress as you fail to bury your moans in the sheets. Lewd cries leaving your lips at the pleasure. Snarls and grunts fill your ears as he fucks into you, his upper body pressing into your back, properly pinning you to the mattress as if you were even planning to go anywhere in the first place.

“Mmm, Mine.” Victor snarls, panting and breathing down your neck, finding a spot to nip at, eliciting a sharp yelp of you amongst your cries. The action getting a small, dry laugh out of him. His hips snapping against your ass at an inhumanely fast pace with brute force.

You’ve been at this for so long, your cock-drunk mind struggles to form a single coherent thought. You can’t even remember the number of orgasms Victor has fucked you through at this point. The wind nearly knocked out of your lungs with each forceful thrust. Compared to how large he is, you’re so helpless against him. Though, he wouldn’t have it any other way. Him being intimidating, dominating and domineering was the whole point.

The sound of skin against skin reverberates through the room, as well as the lewd squelching sounds of your pussy being abused by his cock. Your slick dripping down his shaft plentifully throughout the duration of your session thus far.

“So messy..” Victor finds himself grunting against your ear again at the feeling. “Leakin’ around my cock so much. Goddamn slut, have you no shame?” He rasps, nibbling at your earlobe. Your cunt clenched around him like a goddamn vice, making him groan as he reaches around, his large hand gripping onto your jaw in a rough grasp as he turns your head. “C’mere.” He utters, pressing his lips roughly against yours. A gesture seen as tender compared to how hard he’s fucking you.

You let out a few moans against his lips. Victor’s own snarls and growls vibrating in his chest as he does so, separating his lips from yours, he trails open mouthed kisses and bites down your jaw and the back of your neck. That’s before he roughly bites into your shoulder, making you inhale sharply as you let out a loud cry. The smirk left behind on Victor’s face is fucking huge, though same can be said about the bite mark left on your supple skin. “I gotta give it to ya. You take me real good. How ‘bout another orgasm, pretty?” He keeps the smirk, watching you unravel and struggle against his body. The sight and sounds of you daring to make him more primal with need than he already is. “Jus’ one more” His tongue licking at the bite mark left on your shoulder just a minute or so prior.

“Mm, Victor— Please.” You whine, at the cusp of the umpteenth mind shattering orgasm of the night.

“C’mon slut. Cum on this cock, ‘s all yours.” Victor snarls, finally letting off of your back, kneeling upright as he reaches his hands to your hips, holding them firmly in place as he fucks even harder into you. You could swear his tip briefly kissed your cervix a few times. A man motivated solely to rip another orgasm out of you.

It’s not long before he succeeds. Your orgasm ripping through you like a bullet. Pussy clenching around his cock, milking him for all its worth as your eyes roll back into your skull. Thighs trembling as you make a mess. Your juices obscenely more abundant than usual as you soak the sheets below. Holy shit, you squirted.

“Fuck, look at you making such a fucking mess.” Victor grunts as he gives you one last deep thrust. Taking the air out of you as your cunt is promptly flooded with his cum. He makes all sorts of animalistic noises through his own orgasm, delighted to stake his claim on you yet again. His palm meeting the side of your hip, a love tap of sorts.

“You’re mine. Best not forget that.”

[th3cadav3r]

hi~!!!! Can I have a fic of daisuke x reader on an aquarium date? Female reader preferably. 💙🐠

Prettiest Fish In The Sea

Daisuke X Female Reader

summary: you and your boyfriend Daisuke go on a date to the aquarium, which he’s never been to before

content: established romantic relationship, fluff, pet names, pda, reader is intended to be female but can be gn

author’s note: this was suuuch a cute request oml Dai would definitely love the aquarium🥹

“Baaabe just tell me where we’re goiiing,” Daisuke whines. “I can’t take the suspense anymore!”

You look over at him in the passenger seat with a smirk. “No matter how many times you ask, I’m still not going to tell you”

He pouts and gives you puppy-dog eyes. Those usually work on you, but not this time

You & Daisuke have been dating for about a year now. You figured that you should do something cute for your anniversary but didn’t quite know what. But then you remembered him mentioning a while ago that he had never gotten a chance to go to an aquarium before. Perfect

You arrive not too long after. It doesn’t take long for him to notice the large sign on the front of the building: The Great Reef Aquarium

He looks back at you with a wide, dorky smile on his face before hugging you tightly. “You’re the best, babe!”

“Oh, I know,” you say playfully, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Now c’mon, let’s go!” You take his hand and lead him in

You glance back just in time to see his reaction as you both walk in. His mouth hangs open in awe at the many tanks occupying the room. Some have little fish, others have bigger ones, and one even has jellyfish. His eyes dart from tank to tank; he doesn’t quite know where to look. You can’t help but giggle

Daisuke scurries over to one of the tanks full of thousands of small colourful fish, placing his hands on the glass as he stares at them. “Woahhh”

“They’re pretty, aren’t they?”you ask, placing your hand on his shoulder

“They’re beautiful,” he responds, not looking away from the glass. “I like the pink ones”

“Heh, I knew you would.” You’ve been here quite a few times before, but even you can’t help but be amazed every time you come back

“And look at those over there!” He takes your hand and leads you over to another tank before you could even process what he said

He excitedly drags you along from one tank to the next, pointing out everything he lays eyes on. You and him stare at the jellyfish for no less than ten minutes straight, watching as their forms pulsed and drifted gracefully, almost hypnotically. You occasionally take your eyes off of the kaleidoscope of colours and movement to glance at Daisuke, studying the mesmerised look on his face. It was a long drive to get here, but it was so worth it just to see him like this, with eyes full of wonder and excitement. It reminds you of your own first time at an aquarium and it makes you even happier that you could be here for his first time

You lead him to the touch tank, which you knew he would love. Stingrays, horseshoe crabs, starfish, and even small sharks occupy the shallow tank. You and him kneel by it, observing the creatures go about their lives in their little habitat

“Won’t the sting rays, y’know, sting me?” Daisuke asks with a hint of genuine concern

“No, honey, these won’t sting,” you respond with a giggle

“They don’t?” He focuses back on the water. “I guess they’re just rays then”

You roll your eyes playfully. You should’ve expected that one

“Look! One’s coming over here right now!”

You glance over just in time to see a stingray gliding over just below the water’s surface. You excitedly reach your hand down and Daisuke does the same. It passes through slowly, allowing you to feel its smooth back. You can’t help but feel at ease as your fingers trace along its cold spine, adding a second finger to feel more of its silky skin. There’s really almost no better feeling in the world—

“Holy shit, it’s slimy!”

You visit the underwater tunnels next. The blue light of the water reflects off his face, creating a beautiful pattern on his features. His eyes fixate on a large fish as it swims from one side to the other, followed by a school of smaller fish

He never lets go of your hand as you walk through the tunnel. You both look around, pointing at all the cool creatures you see. It isn’t too crowded in there, leaving you and Daisuke to enjoy your special anniversary in peaceful silence

“I wonder what kind of fish I would be,” you ponder with your eyes glued to the glass

He looks around for a few seconds. “That one right there.” He points to a vibrant pink fish that swam nearby

You smile. “Why that one?”

“Cuz it’s the prettiest one,” he responds without missing a beat. Your heart melts at his words of affection. “Oh look, that one is you!” You point at another vibrant pink fish that swims over to the first one. They both swim side by side as Daisuke gently squeezes your hand

He kisses your cheek. “Thanks for bringing me here, babe. Best anniversary gift I could ever ask for”

You turn to face him with a warm smile plastered on your face. “Of course. I love you, Dai”

“Love you too”

He leans in and plants a kiss on your lips as his unoccupied hand grips your waist. You close your eyes and relax into his warmth, the two of you illuminated by the beautiful blue glow of the tanks that surround you

[jessesluvr]

Ohh i can't stop thinking about Jesse going on a small trip to the country side of Jackson for gathering supplies and plan new patrol routes and while he's there he finds a jewelry store that still has some products and he can't help but wandering in... and then he finds the simple yet prettiest set of wedding bands and he can't help but picking one for you both 😭 You both have been dating for a long time and even live together, and though there is no more churches or pretty white dresses he still wants to call you his wife so bad 😭 i am dying

whatever's left of forever | jesse x reader

author's note : brb while i sob in a corner, i wanna make a part 2 about this soo bad. anyways ! requests are open ! tysm !!

summary : jesse takes a short trip outside jackson for patrol planning and stumbles across a hidden jewelry store, where he finds the perfect ring that sparks a plan. with the help of ellie and dina, he creates a quiet, beautiful proposal in the woods to ask you to be his forever in a world where forever is rare.

word count : 1.2k

the town past the western ridge was a ghost of what it used to be.

jesse guided lyla slowly through the overgrowth swallowing the roads, his eyes scanning every storefront. it was supposed to be a quick scouting trip—check the area, log potential patrol paths, maybe find some old supplies worth salvaging. the kind of errand he could do in his sleep now.

but his mind wasn’t on the patrol. not really.

it had started a couple weeks ago, maybe longer. the ache in his chest every time you brushed your hand against his. the way he’d wake up before you just to watch you breathe. how the word girlfriend had started feeling too small for everything you were to him.

you were the quiet at the end of every patrol. the fire he could come home to. he wanted more than just “we’re together.”

he wanted always.

that’s why the jewelry store caught his eye.

the glass was mostly intact, miraculously. dust clung to the velvet displays, and some shelves were ransacked, but one case stood untouched. nestled inside: a tray of wedding bands, modest and elegant, untouched by looters or time.

he stared at them for so long he forgot to breathe.

eventually, his hand moved on its own. not to the biggest or the shiniest, but to the simplest—a thin gold ring, warm and soft under his thumb.

you’d love it.

he pocketed it carefully, tucked into the inside of his jacket like it was the most sacred thing he’d ever carried.

back in jackson, jesse kept the ring hidden beneath a loose floorboard under your bed. you hadn’t noticed—too busy humming while you peeled potatoes or curled against him on cold nights, legs tangled together, murmuring about patrols and life and what little joys you’d managed to hold onto.

that night, after a long day of helping build new fencing, jesse walked over to ellie and dina’s place. the air was warm, early spring finally showing itself with the smell of thawed soil and the distant sound of frogs.

ellie answered the door with a suspicious squint. “you got that i’m-gonna-ask-a-favor look.”

“i am,” jesse admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “big one.”

dina appeared behind her, baby jj balanced on one hip. “you’re asking for a favor and not leading with fresh bread or a bottle of that bootleg wine?”

“serious question,” he said, smiling. “i need your help. both of you.”

ellie arched an eyebrow. “does this involve [y/n]?”

“yeah.” jesse reached into his jacket pocket. “i found this.”

he opened his hand.

the gold ring caught the light just right, a soft shimmer like firelight.

dina gasped, her free hand flying to her mouth. “no way.”

“you’re gonna propose,” ellie said flatly, but her eyes softened. “holy shit, you’re really gonna do it.”

“was hoping maybe you two could help me… i dunno. plan something? something small. just for her. doesn’t have to be fancy—just… special.”

dina smiled so wide it made jesse blush. “we’re gonna help you make it perfect.”

the next few days were a flurry of whispering, secret meetings, and sly grins exchanged across jackson. ellie scoped out a quiet clearing in the woods just beyond the lake—still close enough to town to be safe, but far enough to feel like your own world. dina found some old string lights in storage and bartered extra rations to get a working battery pack.

they even managed to fix up a small record player that still worked.

jesse made your favorite meal—mushroom stew and baked flatbread—and packed it away along with a couple of carefully rolled-up quilts. ellie gathered wildflowers. dina made a crown out of them, the way she used to braid her own hair in the early days.

on the day of, jesse woke up before you. nervous.

he made breakfast like it was a normal day. he kissed your forehead like it was a normal day.

then, mid-morning, he pulled you aside and said, “can i borrow you for the afternoon? got something to show you.”

you didn’t ask questions. you just grinned and grabbed your jacket.

the walk took about twenty minutes. jesse kept glancing sideways at you, heart pounding, thumb rubbing over the worn edge of the ring in his pocket. you were joking about something—some dumb argument tommy and maria had over the mess hall spice rack—and you didn’t even see it coming.

not until you stepped into the clearing.

you froze.

the string lights were already on, strung between two trees, glowing soft and warm. a blanket was laid out with dinner already set up—covered bowls, mismatched plates. the record player was softly spinning some ancient jazz record that barely survived the apocalypse.

and in the center of it all, a circle of wildflowers.

your hand tightened around his. “jesse…”

he guided you forward slowly. you were stunned into silence, eyes wide, mouth slightly open.

then you saw ellie and dina standing off to the side—smiling. ellie gave a small thumbs up and then turned the volume up a little. the music drifted through the air, slow and rich, like something out of another life.

jesse cleared his throat.

you turned to him, and he was already down on one knee.

he held the ring in both hands now, like it was something holy.

“i’ve been thinking about this for a long time,” he said, voice trembling just enough to make your breath hitch. “and i know the world we live in isn’t the kind where people talk about forever anymore. but when i look at you… i believe in it. whatever’s left of forever—i want it with you.”

you covered your mouth, already crying.

he smiled, soft and full of so much love it made the sky feel closer.

“i know there’s no churches, no white dresses, no aisle to walk down. but i’ve got this ring. and i’ve got you. so i figure that’s enough.”

he held the ring up.

“will you marry me?”

your knees buckled, but you were laughing and crying and nodding so hard it almost didn’t need words.

“yes,” you gasped, falling to your knees in front of him. “yes, jesse. of course, yes.”

he slipped the ring on your finger—still warm from his hands—and you kissed him like the world hadn’t ended. like it never would. like it was just beginning.

you danced in the clearing—clumsy and laughing and holding each other so close you didn’t care about the mosquitoes or the dirt. jesse cried when you called him your fiancé for the first time. you didn’t let go of his hand the whole walk home.

that night, curled in bed, ring glinting softly in the moonlight, you whispered, “i wish the world was different. so we could’ve done this right.”

jesse kissed your shoulder and murmured, “we did it right. because it’s us.”

and it was.

[samthestrangerthingsfan]

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

Summary: frienemies-to-lovers, kinda mean!Eddie? shy!reader, swearing, a lil smoochin', mentions of lack of confidence and poor self image, cute nicknames

a/n: hi bb, will you be my valentine? I don't love writing mean!eddie but its okay because we can always fix him :)

Valentine’s Day.

A day which the Hawkins High elite are positively buzzing over the plethora of cheap red and pink decorations.

Cheerleaders swoon over poorly constructed cards from their popular boyfriends, while dozens of obnoxious mylar balloons take up way too much space in the already crowded hallways.

Beyond the 14th of February, the reason for all the excitement was the annual Hawkins High Valentine’s Day dance—of which you were head of the committee.

Was it because you were the only Senior to volunteer their time to coordinating it instead of attending it? Maybe, but at least it gave you a reason to show up to the dance without a date.

...and avoid looking like the pitiful wallflower you are.

You also knew you’d have no time to rush home and get ready after your last class, so here you are. Standing outside of the AV Club door, decked out in your new crushed-velvet dress. It's ruby red and dangerously short.

This was definitely out of your comfort zone. You typically preferred to be invisible. It’s easier that way; no one can hurt what they can’t see. Right?

But when this dress caught your eye in the mall shop window, it was the first time you could ever remember wanting to be seen. Wanting to try to look like the pretty girls who walk the halls everyday vying for the attention of others.

The dance gave you the perfect excuse. Sure, it’s not like you had a date or anyone asking you to go, but you felt so beautiful. The way the dress hugged your body made all the staring and whispering as you walked down the hallway so, so worth it.

“Hey—whoa…” Dustin’s voice dropped when he walked around the corner, arms full of equipment. “Y-you look fantastic!” He said proudly.

Dustin was your favorite Freshmen, always kind and happy to see you.

“Aw, thanks Dusty! You don’t think it’s too much?” You lifted your boot, inspecting it falsely.

Dustin smiled, “It’s too much for 6th period Spanish, but not for Valentine’s Day that’s for sure.”

He unlocked the door, and held it for you.

Dusting grabbed a pen and paper to write down what you’d need the AV Club’s help with after school.

With hands on your hips, you looked around the room. “Okay, so I definitely need the projector, and if you could set it up before—“

An annoying, loud, cocky voice cut you off. “Henderson! What the hell is takin’ you so long?”

Eddie fucking Munson.

You watched as he sauntered into the room, DIO jacket and all. He clapped Dustin on the shoulders before turning his gaze to you.

“Holy shit. That you, Mouse?”

Mouse. A nickname you loathed.

You’d made the mistake of sitting at the Hellfire table your Freshman year, and he’s never let let you live it down. Once Eddie saw just how shy you were, he made it his mission to get under your skin.

He'd plopped down into the seat next to you, assuming you were there to cause him and the guys trouble. “New girl’s trying to get in good with the freaks, hm?”

You jumped and began to frantically pack your belongings, “I-I…I didn’t know. I’m sorry, I’ll just go—"

When he realized you were nervous, he changed his tone. No longer was he on edge, but rather trying to make you laugh. Show you it's okay to give him a taste of his own medicine. “No no, little mouse. You’re not scurrying away that easily.”

Four years later, you’re both still here and Eddie’s been a thorn in your side ever since. You thought you'd be rid of him once he graduated, but he flunked--twice. Condemning you to another year full of his nonsense.

His obnoxious, overly-confident, doe-eyed nonsense.

“Munson.” You couldn’t help the eye roll. “Dustin and I are working on something so,” you flicked your hand toward the door. “Skedaddle.”

“Oof,” he teased. “You kiss your mother with that potty mouth?”

Eddie walked past Dustin, hands on his hips as he took you in. “Why, may I ask, are you dressed so fancy, princess? Hot date with a frog?”

Okay, guess we’re playing this game.

“The only frog I know is you, Munson.”

His hand flew to his heart. “You hear this, Henderson? Who knew Mouse could be such a brat?”

“If you’ll excuse me,” you attempt to sidestep him, but he blocks your path. Big brown eyes watching your every move. “Don’t you have anything better to do than push my buttons?” It’s a pitiful gripe. You know he enjoys this far too much.

“C’mon, sweetheart. If I didn’t talk to you, who the hell would?”

Ouch.

Something no doubt said in jest, but it hurt to realize just how right he was. You had tons of acquaintances, and you got along great with the teachers. As for friends, the well's a bit dry in that department.

You cleared away the tightness in you throat. “Yeah, I don’t have time for this. I’m actually contributing to society. How about you?” Your face was twisted into a sarcastic smile, attempting to hide the hurt.

Eddie on the other hand thought the two of you were simply playing your favorite game. Seeing just how flustered he could make you before you gave him a taste of his own medicine.

“Yeah, you’re a real Nancy Reagan.” He laughed, gesturing to your dress.

Your eyes honed in on him. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means,” he reached out, sweeping a piece of hair off of your cheek. “If you wanted a little attention, you didn’t have to do all this.”

This.

Said as if the word tasted rotten. Disgusted by what you’d considered to be you at your most beautiful.

I must look like a fucking fool.

The stinging in your eyes got stronger every second you stood in his presence. Your gaze locked onto the floor, following your feet as you left. “Bye, Dustin. I’ll see you later.”

Dustin protested, calling you back before turning his disappointed glare to Eddie.

“Dude…” he chided.

Eddie scoffed, “What? Henderson I was joking—she knows that, okay? That’s our whole thing.”

"Eddie, she was crying!"

Were you? No, no way. This is what the two of you do.

"No, she wasn't." He said unconvincingly. "You don't know her like I do, little buddy. She's a good girl, loves the cat-and-mouse of it all." Eddie wasn't sure if he was trying to convince himself or Dustin.

Eddie had a fuck of a time in O'Donnell's class, and now on top of all of that, he's late to set up Hellfire.

He moved a bit quicker down the hall, easy enough since most of the school left to get ready for the Desperate Dance. He intentionally always schedules DND on nights like this, that way he'd never have to be caught dead--

Eddie's stopped in his tracks at the sight of the trashcan at the end of the hall. He spots a familiar piece of red fabric hanging out of the bin.

He pulled it like a magician, revealing more and more of the velvet clothing until its fully removed,

A dress.

Your dress.

Why the fuck did you throw it in the trash? You we're the most confident Eddie had ever seen you while you wore this thing.

...and you looked drop dead gorgeous, but that's beside the point.

He heard your voice coming from the gym, and abandoned all thoughts of DND.

Eddie burst through the double doors, ignoring the frilly pink and red decorations for the dance. He weaved between the underclassmen carefully setting up the tables and backdrops to make his way over to you.

You, who now instead of being in your beautiful fucking dress, are in you school-supplied gym uniform. Your hair was pulled back, no longer falling in the perfectly natural way you had it earlier. Your makeup was gone--Eddie didn't mind that, he didn't think you needed it anyway.

But you'd never looked so small to him.

He called your name more gently than you've ever heard him speak. When you turned and saw your dress in his grip, you wanted to disappear.

Had he come to gloat?

"Why the hell was this in the trash?" he's not smirking, or sarcastic when he says it.

"Didn't like it." It's all the pain in your throat will let you get out.

You walk away from him, hurrying to find something else to do beside stand there and be made fun of by Eddie Munson.

"Bullshit," he calls after you, quick on your heels. "You don't wear a dress like this and look the way you look in it and just decide you don't like it."

You could feel the tears returning as soon as you stopped walking. "I don't know what you wanna hear," your back was to Eddie, but you felt his gaze regardless. "I just didn't like it...anymore, okay?"

The fake organization of the ribbons in front of you didn't deter him, he remained behind you in silence until he couldn't take it anymore.

"Did...did I say something? Earlier, in the AV Club." He spoke so softly, and with such sincerity, you'd never know it was Eddie talking to you.

You sniffled, angry at yourself for letting him hear how upset you were. "I don't know what you mean."

"Henderson," He's quick on your heels. "Henderson said you were crying when you left."

You don't--can't say anything. Trying desperately to will the tightness in your throat to go away and the tears to dry before they fall from your eyes. A small, shaking breath passes your lips.

"Please look at me, Mouse." His voice is hushed when he calls out to you.

You turn to him begrudgingly. Hoping if he saw the mess he made he'd leave well enough alone.

But when he sees your face, with red eyes and damp tear-stained cheeks, his heart falls into his stomach.

"Oh, oh sweetheart--"

You beat him to it. "I'm fine, Munson. Just...just give me the stupid thing, okay? I'm better off invisible, anyway."

"You've never been invisible to me." Eddie hands you the dress, and watches as you wring it between your hands. "I'm sorry, Mouse."

You scoff, "You didn't--"

"Yes I did," He says firmly. Eddie steps into you, closer than he's been before. "I made an asinine comment thinking we were playing our little game, but it's not a game if someone gets hurt, especially you."

Eddie swipes away the tear on your cheek with the pad of his thumb. "You looked beautiful. You're always beautiful, but that dress? Honey, I couldn't think straight. I'm a dumbass half the time, but I turned into a god damned Neanderthal when I saw you in that."

Your brain couldn't process what was happening. It almost sounded like Eddie...liked you?

"I thought," You looked down, embarrassed to even say it out loud. "I finally felt pretty, pretty enough to be seen and not just in the background."

Eddie's brow softens at your words, "Mouse, I see you. You're one of the only things I look for throughout the day. Always lookin' out for the pretty shy girl with the smile that makes me go weak in the knees."

You laugh at that. "I guess I always look for the obnoxious metal head that's way too good at getting under my skin."

Eddie chest rumbles with a laugh, too. "You're too good at calling me on my crap, what do you expect me to do?"

A comfortable silence falls between the two of you, and it has Eddie clearing his throat. "Can--can I give you a hug? Hate that I made my favorite girl cry."

The smile on your face speaks volumes, but you nod anyway.

When you're wrapped in Eddie's arms, his warmth seeps through your bones, relieving any tension or nerves. His scent invades your senses, warming your belly and heart. You melt into him completely.

Eddie can't believe how well you fit in his arms, like a damn puzzle piece if you asked him. He smells you shampoo, and memorizes the fragrance, filing it away in his mind as his new favorite smell.

When you pull back, he leans his forehead on yours. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I really am."

You nod, moving his head a bit as it rests on yours. "I know."

Eddie steps away, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Ya know, uh, if you're not busy, I'm running a DND campaign tonight. I'd love it if you sat in and maybe after...I don't know, maybe I could take you to Benny's?"

You smirked, eyes narrowing at him. "You asking me out, Munson?"

His eyes widened in sheer panic, "Oh--oh my God, I read this all wrong, huh? Please just forget--"

You're quick to ease his worry. "I'd love too."

Putting the dress on the table, you offer Eddie your hand. "Show me the way, Dungeon Master."

He takes it eagerly, but doesn't walk anywhere yet.

"Eddie?" You giggle.

"One second, princess. Damn knees turned to jelly again."

[kremlin]

@wikwalker hi sure yes anything to give me an excuse to procrastinate the post i should be writing right now. here are all teh drugs and how to manage them. you can trust me, a drug addict

first of all: https://www.erowid.org/ , erowid always

don't be afraid of drugs, if they're the right drugs, you should do them since they will be a blast regardless and overcoming fear is also good (but outside the scope here)

OK to do as much as you want: alcohol - social benefit greatly outweighs health effects, no reason to avoid if predisposed to abuse since that'll happen sooner or later. what can i say? don't be a fucking dork. when you start drinking, really overdo it as much as possible without dying and get a few real nasty hangovers under your belt so you know how much is the right amount to drink.

weed - innocuous enough to be fine but will make you stupid in the long term. make sure to only buy from a real drug dealer and never some legal institution. cut it out when you're a "real adult". don't smoke weed and watch TV routinely, go out and do things so you naturally grow to hate it. good to go through this as early as possible to minimize the time you spend as a cringe weed enthusiast

i guess those are the only two.

ok to do infrequently (annually): "lsd" - or whatever it is, probably not lsd, blah blah blah, if it works and is sold on blotter its fine and won't make you go nuts or whatever. opt for a better psychadelic imo. see psych rule at bottom of section

mushrooms - better than acid since you know what they are. rule of thumb is to always do more than you think you want. minimum 1/8oz. see psych rule at bottom of post

dmt - if you somehow have a dmt hookup you don't need to be reading any of this. lasts 10 minutes which leads to tendency to way overdo it, don't do this, my favorite webcomic artist is permanently crazy from exactly that. using a crack pipe is also not the uhhhh most dignifying-feeling thing to do either. it's harder than you think.

mdma - for use at electronic music event or rave. overuse causes brain lesions or something.

coke - wait until you're in your 20s, have maxed out your roth IRA for a couple of years in a row, and havent missed a car payment in a similar timeframe. better still if you've worked a very shitty low paying job and know the value of a dollar. if you still find yourself buying candy you're not ready. too expensive to be worth it to get hooked on. know that you are VERY ANNOYING to anyone who also isn't high. don't fuck around with the guy selling it to you. avoid discussing or thinking about business ideas. you can't afford to make it a habit + kinda turns you into a piece of shit after a while, but at least a very interesting one

ketamine - another sick drug that rules, but save it for a special occasion. don't try and go into the k-hole your first time

rule for psychedelics - you get one good strong trip a year and that's it, make it count, always opt for doing a bit more than a bit less. but don't make it a habit, otherwise you turn into a very stupid very annoying "hippy" style cliché and believe in ghosts, aliens, crap like that.

ok to try once prescription opiates/benzodiazepine (xanax), valium, this kind of shit - worth trying so you can go "holy shit, this stuff is way way way too good to ever use responsibly" and then never do again. especially if you're white. for some reason we just can't handle this shit. if a doctor prescribes it to you, idk, that's your call to make.

ayhuasca - this is just dmt in a different form. do some other psychadelics a number of times before you do this. once you realize the whole "substantial visual hallucinations" thing is made up, its time. do exactly this: -buy root online (legal). receive box of dirt -boil dirt into "tea" (read erowid for exact recipe) -take over-the-counter anti nausea medicine or anything that will give you a stronger stomach -drink tea (its nasty as fuck, get it down quick) -have someone bigger than you keep an eye on you for the next five hours. -have the experience, which is absurdly intense, has no bearing to the real world, etc etc. don't be a bitch and throw up, if you do it'll only last an hour or so. again there is no way to provide a consistent description of the experience except that you will meet god. you only ever need to do this once and never again. trust me

peyote/salvia/etc - try em if you want, you'll never ever want to again afterwords. these are drugs for idiot teenagers too lame to get real drugs. imagine being very very sick from poison and utterly terrified at the same time. No good

whippets/nitrous oxide - just find a dentist that uses it and don't bother creating hundreds of pounds of trash on your floor for this crap that lasts ten seconds. you have to understand the extremely short timeframe coupled with the cost makes zero sense. go to a phish concert parking lot and do some people watching -- you do not want to be these people. only use is as a motivator to get routine dental exam. also if you somehow manage to make it a heavy habit your fucking legs stop working, no shit, but they start working again once you quit.

don't ever do heroin/meth/pcp - is is truly a mystery why you should never do these 🙄

synthetic weed/k2/shit from the gas station - it is so funny that they sell this as "weed that won't pop you on a drug test". its not weed. it is some dubious chemical sprayed on yard waste. smoke it to have a terrible time and go nuts. only buy drugs from legitimate drug dealers!

kratom - anyone's guess as to why this is legal but it's heroin for pussies. its still heroin

dxm/cough syrup - do you ever wonder why it is exclusively teenagers robotripping? it's because it sucks ass. is like a cheesegrater on your brain in terms of health effects with repeated usage. you're better than this king

inhalants - these are at the bottom of the list for a reason. do not huff gas. don't huff paint. do not consume computer duster. not fun + fastest way to make yourself a complete, uh, (word i can't say anymore) and then dead

not listed quaaludes- unavailable due to no longer being manufactured. these ruled apparantly

sincis2c - unavailable due to not existing, i just made this up

amphetamines - cannot provide objective take here. they're my albatross, lifelong (posted 4:55am natch)

[pumpkingut5]

Hey! Can I request something smutty with Duff and Axl, please?

Can i join?

Summary- after watching your boyfriend Duff preform on stage tonight, you practically cannot tear yourself off of him. Your clingy advances lead to a raunchy backstage quickie, too bad you forgot to lock the door.

Content warnings- swearing, thigh riding for a split second, hickeys, p in v, unprotected sex, threesome, getting caught, hand kink (i think), brief handjob, oral sex. I think thats it let me know if not!

A/n- oh my gosh its my first fic! Thankyou to the person who requested this i appreciate it. I hope i managed to execute this nicely for you 🫶🏼 (i will be working on the other request that i got asap!) Also i am an english gal so I’m so sorry to any other people who have to put up with my British way of saying certain words!

——————————————————————————

The backstage party was in full swing.

Slash was the first to arrive out of the band, quickly followed by Izzy and Steven who were chatting about something or another. Your cheeks were on fire, or they at least felt like it. You had just watched your boyfriend Duff preform on stage, in front of thousands of people. Girls were throwing items on the stage and screaming his name. At first you felt a little jealous, until you remembered that you hopefully will be the one fucked by him tonight.

While you wait on the flaky chair in the corner, watching Slash and Steven pour a lethal mix of alcoholics together, you cant help but think of the way Duff looked on stage. His blonde hair sticking to his toned chest, the face he made when fully concentrating and the way his long fingers moved up and down his bass. God his fingers, your thighs clench together as you imagine them someplace else. Maybe trailing the sharp angle of your jaw, slowly moving down your neck towards your collarbone.

You remember the first time he touched you like that, as if you were delicate, something worth being careful for.

The trance you seemed to be stuck in was quickly broken out of when you hear his raspy voice. Your head whips up and your feet seem to carry you all the way into his ready arms. His biceps wrap themselves around your waist and those fingers find their way to the small of your back.

“Hey baby” was the first thing that he said as his head worked its way into the crook of your neck. “Holy shit you did so good out there today” was the first thing you can think to say. He pulled away with a lopsided grin and dragged you towards that same chair you were waiting in. When he sat down you were quick to follow, landing straight in his lap. You encased one of his thighs between both of your legs and rested your forehead on his shoulder for a quick second before just having to look at his face again.

Gosh, he was just so beautiful you could stare all day long. You didn’t even realise what you were doing until his eyes widened and those large hands of his came to rest on your hips, stopping all movement. You had been subtly grinding yourself on his thigh and the realisation made your face redden.

Embarrassment rushed through your body, and you were quick to muster up some sort of an excuse, “i-I’m so—thats not— i don’t—” but you were quickly interrupted by his index finger on your lips. “Follow me” was the last thing you heard before you were picked up off of his lap and placed standing next to the chair. It all happened so fast, one moment you were stood up, mildly confused, then the next he had a firm grip on your wrist and you were being dragged through the room and out the door.

Apparently, in the mere 30 seconds you had been rubbing yourself against him, he had become so worked up he just needed to have you now.

Before you could even so much as speak, you were being rammed inside an unoccupied room and pushed against the door, making it slam shut with a bang. His mouth was immediately on your neck, sucking marks into your skin for you to worry about later. His teeth skimmed a particularly sensitive spot which caused a shiver to run down you, followed by a soothing lick of his tongue on the same spot. Your hands were in his hair, slightly pushing him further towards your heated skin.

When he came back up, with glassy eyes and puffy lips, he kissed you with a fervour you’ve never felt before. The pure hunger in the way he was devouring your face was making you squirm impatiently. You found yourself begging, “Duff pl—kiss—please i—kiss—need you”

The relief that rushed through your body was intense when your begging seemed to work, his arms finding your waist and walking you until the back of your knees hit the side of the bed. Wait, bed? It seems the room you had stumbled into was a dressing room of the sort? No, that couldn’t be right, you were backstage for goodness sake! Either way you were simply too horny to continue to think about the room situation and quickly moved on with your thoughts when those hands you love so much reached the hem of your shirt.

By the time you were completely undressed, you were feeling quite needy, which is why the fact that your boyfriend was still completely clothed was beginning to become a problem. Your fingers tugged at his belt as he hovers over you in the middle of the bed. Unfortunately for you, you seemed to be quite shaky, so ever-the-loving Duff decided to give you some help. You shouldn’t have been surprised really, at the whole 4 seconds it took him to do the task that was taking you minutes, or at least what felt like minutes.

His trousers were off in a swift movement and his shirt wasn’t far behind, leaving him clad in only his boxers. The outline of his dick was prominent, easily visible through the thin layer of his underwear. If someone were to ask you ‘whats one sight you’ll never get sick of?’ It’s this, 100%. Your boyfriend. On top of you. Nearly naked. Fuck yes.

His hair was dangling down and tickling your cheeks, you could’ve sworn that you could feel him everywhere. Well, everywhere except for where you needed him, which is when you decided to let your hand venture down beneath the waistband of his boxers.

You stroked him up and down, eliciting a slight grunt out of the man above you. You were quite happy to carry this on, lost in the pleasure you got from pleasing him, but he had other ideas. His hand came down to stop yours in its movement and slowly pulled it away. The disappointment on your face must’ve been obvious because he was quick to reassure you, “Its okay sweetheart y’know you’ll get what you want” was all you needed to completely sink into the comfort below. His boxers were dragged off of himself and his cock sprung free, his hand wrapping around it before placing his tip at your underwear covered entrance.

You mewled, whined even and it was enough to send duff into a spiral, yanking your pants to the side and burying himself deep into your pussy. A damn near pornographic moan slipped from your mouth at the sheer intensity of it all, and Duff wasn’t the best at hiding his groans either. He dragged himself out till only the tip was resting inside you before slamming back in, this was the start of a brutal pace. His hands were gripping your hips, sure to leave bruises while bringing them down onto his cock as he thrust forward, his dripping tip hitting that gummy soft spot, Every. Damn. Time.

Meanwhile your hands were everywhere, yanking on his hair, holding the back of his neck, dragging your nails down his muscular back.

——————————————————————————

In the hallway, a certain ginger was on the hunt for a hot chick to fuck, when he heard little ‘uh uh uh’s’ coming from the room he was about to pass. He took one step back and put his ear to the door, listening in. “Fuck! Don’t sto— don’t stop—”. Now that was certainly a way to get his dick hard, i mean, not that it was ever a problem anyway. The second Axl gets worked up, any hope of smart thinking is thrown out the window. Which is exactly why he decides to try the door handle. But who in their right mind would leave a door unlocked when their having se- oh… oh, he was now stuck in a dilemma, either back away and slowly close the door, act completely normal like you never saw a thing or he could stand there and watch, like the horny fuck he is, and fuck his fist until he’s satisfied.

Now he is absolutely certain that there probably is other options, but wheres the fun in that? And even if he wanted to back away, to turn around and go and blow of some steam with a pretty girl, he couldn’t, completely fucking awestruck by the was his friends cock moves in and out of his girlfriends pussy. Gosh, her pussy, slick with arousal and perfectly noisy, just how he likes it.

He imagines himself lapping at her entrance, pushing his tongue in to her hole until she comes on his face, while duff fucks her in-

That thought was quickly shut down by a screech, and a shout from his friend “what the actual fuck man?” Oh shit, was his only thought. He looked down , and he was achingly hard and palming himself. What a pathetically embarrassing thing to be caught doing.

His presence seemed to have a positive effect on you though, as your eyes rolled back and you started to move again, fucking yourself on your boyfriends cock. Axl’s dick jumped at the sight, practically salivating at the mouth. That horny brain that was mentioned earlier, is exactly what made these next words leave his pretty little mouth. “Can i join?”

Duff felt your walls squeeze his length, and he had to calm himself down before actually thinking this through. Well, he had shared girls with Axl before, when you weren’t his yet, and he would be lying if the idea wasn’t appealing to him. And before he knew it, he found himself agreeing.

——————————————————————————

You laid across the bed, head hanging off one side and your legs spread on the other. This was the dirtiest thing you have ever been up to, and you were starting to second doubt yourself. That is until your boyfriends voice could be heard. By the sound of it, he was stood between your spread legs, the thought making your pussy clench around nothing. “Baby you still okay with this?” He asked genuinely. “mhm, i wan’it, want it so bad”

That seemed to be enough, because his hands started dragging across your supple thighs, one staying still while the other finds its rightful place on your swollen clit, rubbing tight circles as he pushes in his cock. A whimper left your mouth, all sweet and sultry and extremely whiney.

You couldn’t believe this was happening, sweet loving sex with your boyfriend turned into a threesome with one of his closest friends. Fuck, the thought made you clench.

Axl walked into your view, cock hard and drooling at the tip, very worked up from watching your earlier actions. Instinctively, your mouth opened, which was greeted by a chuckle from the handsome man in front of you. Well i suppose from this angle, upside down. It didn’t really matter anyway, as his dick breached your lips and ventured into the back of your throat. His pace was fast, unforgiving as he fucked your throat, going so deep he could see the dent he was making on the outside of your neck. His hand came to cover it, feeling his tip touch his hand through your slim neck. This made you moan, and gag as you tried to come up for some air but axl was having none of it, fucking your throat senseless.

Meanwhile your boyfriend was still continuing his attack on your pussy, slowly pulling out and then slamming back in before you can so much as think. You have never felt this full before, this complete in your sexual experiences. Now you had felt this pure ecstasy once, you were never going to stop yearning for this moment to happen again, and with the way they both looked to be thoroughly enjoying it, you doubt you’ll have to wait long.

[fishparasite]

Out of curiosity, why do you dislike Midnight Mass? It's really like hear your opinions.

it's just so fucking BORING!! the concept is interesting i do find the concept interesting (vampire priest who believes his vampirism is a gift from god) but somehow it was done in the least interesting way possible. sometimes there's like a minute where i thought "holy shit is it finally gonna get better" and then i watched the next episode and it continued to be exactly the same.

all the characters are basically exactly the same. i know it's by monologue flanagan but can they at least monologue in DIFFERENT ways??? dear god. he edited it himself and you can REALLY tell. the fucking ten minute scene that's just "what do you think happens after we die? vcnvncmrnwbvnjef vdmnnc cmnennwneetnewnnwbefnbrtnbemrbermnbmrbtrtbwnrebeb" is crazy who thought that was a good idea. god every character was so forgettable i think i remember like 4 names. genuinely i see people talking about a character and i have to look them up and i STILL don't remember them. don't get me started on the fucking therapy speak. also riley flynn is the most boring protagonist i've ever seen i can't think of a single personality trait he has. i can barely think of ANY personality traits ANY characters have.

i know we shit on his adaptations a lot (as we should) and at the very fucking least he didn't ruin another excellent work of horror with midnight mass but he is NOT a good writer with his own stuff either!! it's so BLAND. even when it's not boring it's bland and uninteresting. i know i'm biased i know i watch extreme horror to find artistic value in underlooked pieces of media so i'm used to "that freak shit" but he did nothing!!! he did nothing with his vampire priest! he was literally irrelevant by the end because he gave that antagonist role to some other character and he was never really the protagonist either. he was just there for a really dumb late-game romance plot/plot twist.

it's such an unbearable show and the ending isn't even good!!! its tone is so fucking weird like everyone dies and yet there's still a weirdly hopeful tone to it. i feel like that's a moment to REALLY lean into the tragedy. it doesn't have a happy ending but it also doesn't let you feel sad enough for it to be truly tragic.

also there's like three different types of vampire in the show and it makes NO sense why they're so different from each other. i'm not asking for extensive lore i'm just asking for consistency.

it's like 8 hours long and i know i've probably spent way more than that complaining about this fucking show but still a waste of my time. it just sucks so much. it could have been an okay movie but as a whole show it's so dragged out and doesn't DO anything with those eight hours. i don't mind a slow burn i really don't but a) the build up has to be worth something and b) it has to have something really really good at the end of the build up.

honestly it looks SO good in gifs and screenshots and fanart that it makes me wish the show was better because you could have a much better experience just looking at those and imagining a good show than actually watching it.

on the plus side if you DO watch the actual show riley's death scene is the funniest shit in the whole thing.

[bluestar22x]

Finding Eden: Chapter 5

Summary: You and Zach seek shelter and realize your feelings

Pairing: Zach Wellison x F!Reader

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Pining, romantic revelations, smut (unprotected/pull-out method), mentions of cum, fluff, fowl language

Word Count: 4,250(ish)

Author's Note: This took me longer to write than I wanted it to, but I'm so excited about this chapter for obvious reasons.

xxx

You thought it was a mirage at first, the distant cabin a brown blob that appeared and disappeared with the snow that was being wildly blown every which way by the whirling wind.

Caught in a snowstorm for days, despite the winter gear you'd collected over the last few weeks, you and Zach were unbearably cold and starving, the seasonal weather making it more and more difficult for you to keep comfortable and find enough food.

Athena fared better than either of you did in the elements, but inside the tent, in the middle of the night, you could hear her stomach rumbling just as loudly as yours was.

Signs of human civilization, or what was once, had been few and far in between since December began, and it only got worst as you entered the pristine wilderness along the British Columbia/Yukon border.

When you realized the cabin wasn't in your head you grabbed Zach's arm by the elbow and pointed it out. He was as relieved as you were to find it, but apprehensive. You wouldn't be able to stay long if you couldn't find food in the area or the cabin itself.

"At least we'll have shelter from the storm," you said as you approached the front door.

"At least," he agreed, twisting the handle.

The door didn't budge.

"It's locked."

Zach took a knife out of his pack and shattered its window without hesitance.

"Hopefully there's some nails around to help repair that," you commented.

"It was that or spend another night freezing outside," Zach told you as he walked into the cabin. "And there's a fireplace."

You barged in, gaping at the fireplace in the center of the decently sized cabin. "Holy shit! Now I'm convinced I'm dreaming."

Zach chuckled. "Want me to pinch you?"

"You'd better not," you warned, wandering around the place to examine the rest of the interior.

The cabin had a three room set up, the main room acting as a kitchen and living room combined, the second smaller room a bedroom with one twin bed, and a tiny bathroom that was squeezed between them. It wasn't anything to brag about, but it was much better than the tent.

"Looks like we can stay a while," Zach declared over his shoulder and you turned to join him in the kitchen, finding him standing by the cooking stove, pantry open. Over two dozen cans of a variety of foods were lined up inside.

"Unbelievable," you murmured before breaking out into a grin. "Dibs on the beef stew."

"There's more than one," he pointed out.

"I know."

He huffed. "Fine. I'm not big on it anyway."

He headed for the door and you frowned. "Where are you going?"

"There must be an axe around here somewhere," he replied. "I'm going to collect some wood and get a fire going so we don't have to eat cold food. Could cover the broken window with some of the pieces."

You nodded. "I'll see what else I can find in here while you do that."

He tipped his head back at you and glanced down at Athena, who was still standing on the doormat, shaking lingering snow off her body. "Stay here. Blijf."

She woofed quietly and let him by, watching him go just as you did.

Once he'd left, you started rummaging for supplies in the kitchen. There wasn't much besides the cans, some old water bottles and a twelve pack of beer that was probably too old to be any worth drinking. You'd smelled expired beer before. It had been truly awful.

You had better luck with non-kitchen items. There were several throw blankets in a storage bin by the two person couch that was facing the fireplace, medical and grooming supplies of all kinds in the bathroom, and a pocket lighter in the night stand alongside...

A pack of unopened condoms.

You felt your cheeks heat up, not because you were prudish, but rather because your first thought seeing them involved Zach. That he could probably use them.

With who? It's not like he's interested, you reminded yourself for the thousandth time.

You quickly snatched up the lighter and shut the drawer, heading back to the living room to throw yourself down on the couch. It was cold despite being made of fabric, but it was comfortable, well worn in a good way.

You'd have helped Zach outside, but you were wiped out, and what was supposed to be just two minutes of rest on the couch turned into something much longer when you dozed off and only stirred when he reentered the cabin.

"You won't believe what I found outside the shed out back," he said as he stomped snow off his boots at the door.

You rubbed your eyes and stood. "You found multiple axes?"

"Better."

He reached out for the main light switch by the door and flicked it on. To your astonishment the yellow light fixture above you activated.

Zach beamed at the stunned expression that formed on your face. "We have electricity. And running water, as long as the pipes don't freeze."

"How?"

"There's a generator," he told you, some excitement, hope, seeping into his voice. "And there's propane to refill it once it runs out. Enough for most of the winter if we're mindful of how much we use it."

As if to lead by example, he shut the light back off.

"I'll shut it completely once we're all settled in here."

"Are we thinking of staying the whole winter?" you inquired, raising your eyebrows.

He shrugged. "There's a lake out back. Fishing poles in the shed. If I can find some success in ice fishing, maybe. It would delay us, but it would be safer. If Eden exists, it'll be there in the spring."

You nodded. He was right, and you weren't in a rush. Time was one of those few commodities you had, after all.

"Anything else in the bag?"

Zach smiled a little mischievously and pulled an artificial spruce tree out of his pack. It was barely a foot tall and ran on batteries, seeing that he was able to turn on the multi-colored lights without plugging the decoration into the wall. There were only ten lights and they only came in red and green.

"No way!" you laughed. "That is the saddest Christmas tree I've ever seen outside Charlie Brown's! It's kinda cute."

"You mentioned last week that you miss Christmas," Zach said. "I found this in the shed in an insulated storage bin. Figured since we'll be at the cabin through the rest of December, at the very least, why not bring it inside?"

You beamed at him, warmth spreading through your chest at his thoughtfulness. "Thanks. Let's set it over the fireplace?"

"Right in the center of everything," he noted approvingly. He centered the tree on the stone top of the fireplace and stepped back so you could both take in the view.

"Perfect," you declared at the same time as he did, leading you both to glance at each other then laugh off the tense moment.

Tense because you'd both let your eyes wander to each other's lips, and you'd both noticed. There was no question.

You backed away, needing time to absorb the new information you'd just gathered. "I'm gonna go check if the water's working. Cause if it is, I'm showering."

Zach nodded. "I've got to start the fire, so I'll wait. But after I get that going and I stack the extra logs I cut up, it's my turn."

"Won't get argument from me there," you said teasingly as he walked back out, knowing full well you smelled just as bad as he did, though not as bad as Athena.

You ripped your least offensive clothes out of your pack, a navy blue sweater, a pair of jeans, and undergarments, then charged for the bathroom, shutting it quickly behind you. Athena, who had slipped in with you, watched with a curious look on her face as you turned the sinks' handle and jumped for joy when water started flowing out.

It wasn't long before you'd stripped down and stepped into the shower. It was lukewarm at best, but it was running water, and the pressure wasn't even half bad. You took a minute to soak in the shower head spray then hesitantly hurried to shampoo your hair and scrub your body with a proper wash cloth and body wash. It was Old Spice, but you didn't care. It smelled better than you had in a long time. It felt amazing to get that clean again.

While you were rinsing yourself off you even dragged an unsuspecting Athena into the stand up shower and washed her off with some of the shampoo, something she didn't appreciate very much, whining and trying to get away the entire time.

"Big, bad, military dog," you teased as you struggled to keep her in the shower long enough for the water to wash the suds out of her fur. "Who knew you'd be scared of a little water?"

After you both were all set you released her and wiped yourself up with a towel before drying her off as well.

"Don't go rolling in shit tomorrow, okay?" you said sternly. "This is the only towel getting dog fur on it, you hear?"

Athena barked like she understood and you turned away from her to focus on getting dressed and brushing your teeth with one of the spare toothbrushes hidden in the top sink drawer before opening the door back up.

Your eyes immediately found Zach standing by the lit fireplace, observed how he waved his strong hands in front of the flames and you were struck by how handsome he was once more, especially in the orange glow of the flames, even with the scruffy beard he'd been sporting since winter had begun.

You really needed to talk to him soon. Clear things up between you two, even if it was awkward. Knowing he felt something too, having seen the desire in his eyes as he studied your lips, it changed things.

You had to know if he wanted more than friendship with you. If he was interested in taking things to the next level, and if it wouldn't be just a brief physical act. You couldn't be a no strings attached person. You weren't built that way. Either you'd be a couple or you wouldn't be.

It wasn't time to ask though, not yet.

"Your turn."

Zach looked up at you quickly then down at the dejected wet dog at your heels. He smirked. "I see Athena wasn't spared."

"She sleeps with us," you told him. "No way she was escaping it."

"Just glad I didn't have to do it," he said as he passed you to enter the bathroom, his pack in hand.

"You should be grateful," you called over your shoulder. You reached down and scratched the top of Athena's head. "But it was worth it, right, girl? Don't you feel better?"

The dog glanced up at you with an almost incredulous expression on her face.

You chuckled. "Come on, let's go warm up on the couch together."

x

The shower was more refreshing than Zach could've hoped, remembered, really. The last time he'd used one had been in his trailer back in California, and he'd started to forget what it was like to freshen up indoors rather than in a river or lake.

The warm water running trails down his body relaxed him, let his mind wander. But ever since he'd met you, whenever it did, all he could think about was you.

He finally had his answer, the look in your eyes had been undeniable, but he didn't know what to do with that. It wasn't like he could ask you out on a date. You were already living twenty-four hours a day with each other, even shared the same sleeping quarters. And yet he didn't want to dive straight in for a kiss. He just had to wait for the right opportunity, he figured. Let it all happen organically.

Zach stepped out of the shower and dried off, clawing at his beard after he'd done so.

It was time to shave the damn thing. He'd kept it for wind protection but if they were going to stick around the cabin for a while, and since they had so much supplies on hand because of it, it was no longer useful in his eyes.

He'd let it get too long for the razor though, and the bathroom mirror was missing. He'd have to ask you to trim it with scissors before using one of his razors on it to keep it from dulling. It wouldn't be the first time you'd done him that particular favor, so no big deal, right?

Dressed in the cleanest plaid shirt he had, maroon and white checkered, and blue jeans he exited the bathroom with damp hair he'd yet brushed down and a pair of scissors in his right hand.

He found you sitting on the couch with Athena by your side, sharing what was left of a can of beef stew you'd heated up in the microwave with her, allowing the dog to eat from the bowl once you'd had your share.

"Oh, I see, I can't have the beef stew but the dog can," he teased.

You rolled your eyes at him, but you were smiling. "I left you a bowl of your own on the counter, big baby."

His expression turned grateful. "You didn't have to do that."

You shrugged. "It was a big can. I'm not used to eating portions like that anymore."

Zach knew it was more than that, but didn't press. "Before I get to that, can you trim my beard?"

"Getting itchy?" you inquired knowingly.

He nodded and you patted the spot next to you on the couch that had been vacated by Athena in her search for the water bowl you'd put out for her.

He took the offer, sitting down and turned slightly towards you so you had easier access to both sides of his face.

He avoided your eyes as you worked, not wanting to be tempted, drawn in by them. You were doing him a simple favor a friend would do, nothing more. He didn't want to take advantage of your close proximity; it didn't matter that you shared feelings for him.

He didn't expect you to reach out and tug at his wavy hair almost absentmindedly midway through the process.

His eyes met yours questioningly when you did so.

"While I'm at it, do you want me to trim your hair?" you asked. "It's getting over your ears."

He cleared his throat, it suddenly having gone dry. "Uh, yeah, that would be good."

It took a few extra minutes, but was worth it. In the end, even without having yet shaved his face smooth, he was feeling a whole lot more like himself and not so much like the caveman he'd felt like he was becoming.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

The tension between you was almost palpable.

He broke it by standing up and returning to the bathroom to finish the job, leaving you alone with the scissors still in hand.

x

Once Zach had disappeared back into the bathroom to finish his grooming, you stood to bring the empty bowl you'd shared with Athena into the kitchen to rinse it out and label it as her official food bowl, not keen on the idea of using it after she had, no matter how cute she was.

You had time to shove Zach's cooling bowl of stew into the microwave before you heard her whining at the door and had to let her outside to do her business.

Waiting for both Zach and Athena, you busied yourself in the bedroom by unpacking some of the items you'd need that night and shaving your armpits, the only place on your body you still shaved even after the world ended. It just didn't feel right to let it grow out, even after having gotten used to your legs being unshaved.

Zach reappeared before Athena, clean shaven for the first time in weeks, just as you returned to the living room.

"How does it look?" he inquired, arms spread out in that what-do-you-think gesture.

"Good," you replied, giving him a thumb up. You secretly thought Zach looked good no matter if he had facial hair or not.

He approached you and rubbed his cheek. "Did I miss any spots? I didn't take my knife out to use as a mirror."

Without thought you boldly reached out to grab his face and examine it.

"No rough spots," you concluded, your eyes happening to meet his again.

His gaze was more intense than you’d ever seen it before. Your breath caught. "Zach..."

His lips were on yours without a moment's notice, already moving against them, needily. You responded in kind, thrown by the suddenness of it, but excited that it was actually happening. It felt a little surreal after all the time you'd spent around him, fantasied about him, all while assuming he did not feel the same way.

Zach deepened the kiss languidly, savoring the taste of you as his hands wandered up the length of your clothed spine, and you hummed happily, completely and utterly focused on his pleasant touch. His hands were so warm and broad like his shoulders, his mouth soft.

When you eventually dared to break the kiss, you grinned at him. "I've wanted that for a long time."

He ran his hands up your arms to hold them at the elbow and nodded. "Me too."

"Really?" you questioned, head tilting back slightly. "It's not just because I'm the only woman you've seen in months?"

He shook his head and caressed the edge of your lower jaw with the fingertips of his right hand. "Far from it. I've been admiring you from the start. Always thought you were strong and beautiful."

You scoffed. "Strong? You've had to protect me from the moment we met."

"You survived alone for a time before that," he pointed out, "And you refused give up when those men attacked you, even though you were outnumbered. You also took care of me when I got shot, and you have never complained once about your feet being sore the entire time we've been traveling together, even when you got that blister on your toe."

"Only cause I didn't want to slow you down or give you a reason to leave me behind," you admitted.

Zach traced your lips with the pad of his thumb and his expression turned dead serious. "I would never."

The deep tone to his words sent heat coursing through your body. You crushed your lips against his and pulled yourself to him as he lead you backwards towards the couch, to the nearest comfortable spot to lay down.

You pressed a palm to his chest when you felt the back of your knees brush against the solid furniture and gazed into his bright eyes, searching them for intent. "Zach, if we do this," you said a little breathlessly, "I won't be able to keep my feelings out of it. I can't..."

He cupped your chin gently, interrupting you. "I won't either; I don't want to," he promised.

You believed him, heard the sincerity in his voice, saw it in his dark yet expressive orbs. You bridged the gap between you two to kiss him again and what came next was a blur as you almost frantically peeled off each other's layers of clothing before letting yourselves fall onto the couch, Zach hovering above you, supporting his upper body with one hand as the other slid slowly down your bare skin, making its way between your thighs.

You parted your legs readily as he felt you there, pressed his thumb against your sensitive bundle of nerves and crooked two of his other thick fingers inside you, the sensations you felt from the contact making you buck into his touch, urging you to seek more contact, more friction, harder.

You stared up at him as you fell apart by his calloused hands alone, and he covered your mouth with his greedily. You could feel how tense his body was against yours, could feel his stiff length brushing against your center, and a thrill passed through you knowing how much making you feel good had turned him on.

You embedded your fingers in the hair at the back of his head and you folded your legs over his lower back, securing them around his waist and tilting your hips up invitingly. "Zach..."

"You want me?" he asked.

You nodded feverishly. "Yes." The desperate tone in your voice had him groaning and he wasted no time lining his body up with yours, eyes still on your face.

With a gentle roll of his hips he buried himself inside you, stretching you out so perfectly you whined, a sound that compelled him to seek out your mouth again as his free hand found your lower back. He helped you arch up towards him as he began thrusting into you, eyes scanning your face for every micro reaction you had to his movements.

A quiet moan slipped from you and you squeezed your eyes shut, focusing on the glorious friction he was generating. It was like second nature for you to move your body in time with his, taking him in satisfyingly deep.

Being connected to him that way, so intimately, that was why you had followed Zach, why you had ignored your blister and kept putting one foot in front of the other. It wasn't just because you had hope for tomorrow, or because you simply refused to give up and die. It was also because even without Eden's existence, life wasn't void of good things, stolen moments, even after the apocalypse.

The friendship you'd had with Zach had been good, would have ultimately been enough, but having something more with him, to be the one he desired, the one who got to see him slowly fall apart, neck straining as he fought against giving into his ecstasy before you could come a second time, that was dreamy. For the first time in a long time you didn't feel like you were just surviving.

You canted your hips even more and your breath hitched when the new angle allowed Zach to nudge the special spot inside you head on, making your toes curl.

In the past, when you'd been intimate with other men, it had taken a fair amount of time before you got anywhere close to your breaking point, but not that night, not with Zach.

Maybe it was because of the dreams you'd had, maybe it was because of all you'd been through together, or maybe it was because he was really that good, but whatever the case, Zach's steady pace wound you up at an intoxicating speed, the pleasure overwhelming you, causing you to desperately claw at his smooth back with your blunt, chewed up nails.

You dug them in when you finally crested, a drawn out moan accompanying the waves of bliss.

You opened your eyes back up in time to see Zach quickly remove himself from you to find his own release, clenched jaw going slack as his body shuddered, as he called out your name, voice raspy, his heaved breaths tickling your neck. He took a moment to wipe up the cum that was dripping down your thigh, his, with the undershirt he'd discarded earlier, then molded himself back to your body, resting his head on your chest.

You weaved your fingers with his and he stared up at you, eyelids drooping, heavy now that he was spent. Your stomach flipped at how sweet he looked, his expression soft, more relaxed than you thought him capable of.

"It's been a long time since I had someone like you in my life," he admitted drowsily. "It's nice."

"Just nice?" you questioned playfully.

He chuckled lightly. "More than."

He was about to dose off in your arms, your hands roaming his lean body absentmindedly, when whining and persistent scratching at the front door startled you both out of your peaceful trances.

You'd totally forgotten Athena was still outside. You were immediately grateful she hadn't interrupted beforehand.

Zach groaned loudly and pushed himself up onto his feet. "I'll get her."

He strolled over to the door in all his naked glory and wrenched it open, letting in a blast of cold air he made sure to avoid by hiding behind the door. "Come on in. Hurry up."

Athena shot inside, shaking her body furiously as soon as Zach shut the door behind her, trying to rid herself of the melting snow in her short coat.

"Glad you didn't run into anything bad out there, but you couldn't have waited a little longer?" he asked her, eyes narrowing.

"Better now than a few minutes earlier," you reasoned as you tugged the couch blanket over your body to keep warm.

He pursed his lips. "True."

"Besides, you have soup in the microwave," you added. "You need to eat it before it rots. And you need to turn off the generator for the night before we waste too much fuel."

"And what are you going to do?" he inquired, lips pulling back humorously.

"Clean up the sticky mess that you left on my thigh."

You were pretty sure you heard Zach growl at your statement.

You smirked. Mission accomplished.

xxx

Dutch to English Translation:

Blij = Stay

xxx

Tagged: @harriedandharassed @love-affair-with-fandoms @captain-jebi

xxx

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

xxx

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E4 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

My character/place cheat sheet

Lady Lihua - the sick concubine

Crystal Pavilion - Lady Lihua's abode

Jade Pavilion - Lady Gyokuyou's abode

Xiaolan - a servant friend of Maomao's

Oh snap. So that person who visited at the end of the last episode was THE EMPEROR. I don't like that Maomao is on his radar. I'm going to go ahead and blame Jinshi for this.

Lady Lihua is unwell and since Maomao is now a famous apothecary she is tasked with healing her. It's not something she can refuse or afford to fail at, though Lady Lihua's own ladies are making it challenging.

They don't trust Maomao, and so they prevent her from treating Lady Lihua, however shortsighted that may be. First of all they prevent their lady from getting better by denying her Maomao's care, second, they undermine the emperor's will. Maomao is going to be forced to deal with palace politics before she can treat her patient.

It is weird how the emperor approached Maomao. He could have summoned her to meet him anywhere, or simply passed down a command. He chose to go to the Jade Pavilion and meet Maomao face-to-face and in front of Lady Gyokuyou. It's as if he doesn't know or doesn't care about harem politics. I'm guessing that he does though. I bet he knows exactly what he's doing, even if Maomao and I don't.

I do not like his interest in Maomao.

Jinshi has come to help Maomao gain access to Lady Lihua so she can diagnose and treat her. He is so unnerving sometimes. When he notices the other ladies watching he rushes up on Maomao (is he trying to start rumors?) and whispers the following:

If it helps, I can come inside.

Which sounds... I mean, it's probably just the way it translated... I'm sure it's just me...

But Maomao looks like she nearly barfed on him! Which is probably the highlight of Jinshi's day.

The ladies comply when faced with the full power of Jinshi's smile (one lady literally fainted). Maomao comments:

Scary how women can change so quickly.

Jinshi knows the effect he has on women, but looks to Maomao after she says it, maybe wondering for the hundredth time how to get his charm to work on Maomao.

Side bar. This show is ALL about what is happening between Maomao and Jinshi. This is where the tension is, and it's where the story is happening. What happens between these two characters will have an effect on every other plotline and supporting character. If it seems like I spend too much time watching and analyzing this relationship, it's because I believe it to be the heart of the show.

Maomao! Holy shit Maomao! Goddamn if that wasn't the most lady boss thing I've ever seen!

Shall I even try to describe this scene? I'll never do this badassery justice, but its worth reviewing anyway.

She solves the mystery immediately, which, of course, and she's so far passed pissed off. When she realizes what's happened she growls in anger. She contains her rage only long enough to confirm who is responsible before slapping the lady across the face!

Lady: What is wrong with you!

Maomao: Me? Just punishing an idiot, clearly.

Friends. I am breathless. I think I gasped and then held it to the end of the scene.

Maomao dumps the poisonous powder on the lady's head. She then lays out in no uncertain terms what the poison does to one's body. Maomao is grappling to accept just how stupid this lady is, nearly shaking as she is incandescent with rage.

She slaps the woman again this time smearing the poisonous powder on her face while she screams:

You think she wants to be adorned in the poison that killed her son?!

The woman finally breaks down crying and Maomao is done with her. She takes charge and starts barking orders to the other ladies who are so terrified that they don't even think about disobeying.

Jinshi looks like he's just had a religious experience, but manages to pull out the perfect callback:

Scary how women can change so quickly.

God I love this character.

Facing Jinshi, Maomao comes back to herself. The ramifications of what she has done start to set in. I don't know if there will be fallout from the Crystal Pavilion from her bossing around Lady Lihua's ladies. I suspect they aren't going to broadcast what happened because they are criminally liable for poisoning their the concubine and also because this story makes them lose all face. Plus, Maomao is saving Lady Lihua's life. Regardless, I am confident that having Jinshi there to witness it all, will have consequences.

Dutiful Maomao then fully assumes control of Lady Lihua's care and commands the ladies with an iron fist. She can hardly tolerate the incompetency that has been standard in this pavilion. It really is a curse to be the smartest person in the room.

Jinshi: You're looking tired.

Maomao: Thanks. Unlike someone, I have been busy.

This is now what passes for a casual greeting between these two.

Jinshi, playfully, but probably sincerely, acknowledging Maomao's hard work; offering her validation, and implied appreciation. Maomao coming back with sarcasm and a playful barb. And they are both are getting exactly what they want from the other. Maomao appreciates that her hard work and skills are being acknowledged and Jinshi loves that someone is casual enough with him to tease him. I suspect he gets none of that any where else. She's may be the only one in his life who treats him like a regular person instead of a prince palace manager.

You can see each of them becoming more comfortable with each other as they learn where the lines lie. They are leaning how to give and take and discovering the ways the other prefers to be treated. Furthermore, instead of using those discoveries to push the other away or discourage them, they are giving the other what they want and inviting them to come closer.

Friends! These two are flirting!

And if that ain't proof enough, Jinshi Gaoshun gives Maomao some steamed buns and she thinks the following:

He knows the way to a girl's heart! It's the considerate guys like him who become good husbands. Too bad he's a eunuch.

So food is Maomao's love language. Same Maomao, same. But maybe don't try to be quite so transparent in front of Jinshi, he will use this against you.

Maomao is thinking of Gaoshun here but for what it's worth, it is Jinshi who knows the way to a girl's heart. He's been figuring out Maomao for a few episodes already, hence why she is receiving steamed buns from Gaoshun. He knows the food will cheer her up, but not if it come from him. Which is why Gaoshun is the one handing it over, even though he said the gift is from both of them.

Maomao interprets the gift in the way that lets her best enjoy the buns. And though she isn't admitting it, she is aware who the gift is really from, and might want to do some introspection on what she just thought about the gift giver.

Jinshi is offering to help Maomao. Whatever she wants. And he's turned the charm all the way up. Like, with all the sparkles ✨. I don't know if Maomao is totally immune to it, but it's not as effective as Jinshi would like. He hasn't abandoned the sultry look method yet. I wonder if he will just keep trying to see if anything shifts. In the meantime, it's far from his only tool of seduction.

His offer of help is good. Maomao of course won't take advantage of this for her own means, but if she can use Jinshi's help to treat her patient? Sold. Jinshi is happy to comply and win points with Maomao in return. I don't think Maomao totally trusts his altruism though. She tries to justify herself by saying:

We have to use whatever we have in this life.

And Maomao's efforts do pay off. Lady Lihua begins to recover. Eventually, Maomao is able to depart from the Crystal Pavilion. But not before collapsing in exhaustion, and having Lady Lihua gently stroke her head. Perhaps Lady Lihua is grateful and will become a support to Maomao in the future? Or at least give her some consideration while engaging in palace politics. Maybe try to mitigate the danger that could fall to Maomao. We shall see.

Maomao has so far had a positive impact on the people she interacts with. She saved Lady Gyokuyou and her baby, supports the ladies in the Jade Pavilion, assists the palace doctor, has solved multiple mysteries for Jinshi, not mention just generally brightens his day, and now has saved the life of Lady Lihua. She's too good at what she does, and too lovable not to charm everyone around her. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Surely there are some in the palace who feel very differently about Maomao. For now she's still gaining allies.

And nice. Maomao is offering courtesan tricks to the emperor's concubine. Maomao is helping break down class lines one sex technique at a time!

I like what she told Lady Lihua:

There are hundreds, if not thousands of flowers in the world. Comparing a peony to a bellflower is pointless. Who has the right to judge which is more beautiful.

After which, she immediately compares her own body to Lady Lihua's, recognizing Lady Lihua's "magnificent" "assets." I wonder which of her own assets Maomao acknowledges. Does she consider herself to be a beautiful flower too?

Maomao returns to the Jade Pavilion and is warmly welcomed by the ladies in waiting who instantly worry over her. Which, as I've said before, I love. Maomao is always willing to sacrifice herself for others. She did it this time for Lady Lihua, by working herself to exhaustion. The ladies at Jade Pavilion notice that she's lost weight while she's been gone, and acknowledge how hard it must have been to be at the other pavilion. Maomao is so good at caring for others and absolute shit at caring for herself. Luckily, now she has people who look out for her, and care about her well-being.

Jinshi is privately very proud of Maomao. He credits her with completing the emperor's mission all on her own, which... she did not. Lady Lihua would have died if Jinshi hadn't stepped in to help Maomao gain access to her patient. Still good on him for recognizing her hard work and skill. Now tell it to her face.

I guess the point in showing him thinking of it here rather than saying it, is to let us, the viewers, know that he is sincere. When he compliments Maomao he does it a little playfully, and she can never be too sure if he is just messing with her or if he is in earnest.

Also, Gaoshun sees exactly what is happening between Jinshi and Maomao, even if the two of them don't recognize it yet.

And the set up for next episode's mystery of the week is cursed hands. Cool.

If you like this kind of thing, let me know! For some reason I've committed myself to blogging this whole show. It's a little hard because, while I enjoy this and I get a whole lot more out of the story this way, I am also deeply intrigued at this point and tempted to just binge the rest.

If you want to start from the beginning of these reviews:

Episode 1

Next episode

Episode 5

[poet-to-none]

I find myself feeling I should look over what's personally passed, as a creative person. A reflection of what's ended, if you will. A question of where am I today.

My reflection begins in the season of autumn, in the months that carry many memories of negative changes in my life. As a sign that thrives on change, and a future oriented personality type, I usually harvest the potential of it, going through these times standing on my feet and in the direction I intend to go.

I'll give you an example of some of these fun and fantastic autumns I've had though. They've included sudden loss of my childhood friends, loss of a parent and sibling, loss of a 10 year friendship I'd have kept for life. So on this particular autumn, loss of twitter, bought and sold and destined to fall apart, can sit among them as hardly a stress, in comparison. But anyway, at this time it's happening, the writing's on the wall for me to leave, and I'm resisting it.

I'm flirting, in fact, with switching fandoms, moving my attention from Hannibal to the Vampire Chronicles. At this time, there's two choices, two pots boiling with activity. . . it's more or less, try the books or the show. Choose to experience one or the other. I choose to pick up a book. I go on a journey. It's a halloween kind of mood. It's a great idea.

Luckily I have a long suffering friend I can crack jokes to as I read, just show up unanounced in their DMs to ramble, and the experience of reading IWTV/TVL/QOTD is unbelievably wild. Entertaining- yes, weird-yes, but it's psychologically and intellectually enriching.

I finish in time to join my watchmates, as the show episodes begin to release weekly. Unlike reading the books, the show itself lends toward triggering my traumas and its flair/talented co-stars can't make up for unappealing writing choices. It doesn't even take place in the correct century, which is a big deal if your genre is vampire story. Like, if they're not born when they're written to be born, isn't that stopping the whole character worldview from forming? I think so at least. The author of the novels I just read had a personal library of historical research materials, and period writing supportive hobbies, and whatever these script writers have in comparison feels like a yawn and a hope to fake it until they make it. But who knows if that impression is true. Not worth my time to know.

I stop at episode 5, I tell my watchmates my will to go on has given out. So I return to resisting leaving twitter, as is my right, and I begin to see the start of a show fandom. It's an interesting event in itself, for an extroverted feeling type. Multitudes of people with intense feelings beginning to interact and get creative. It's the emotional euphoria equivalent to a fountain of drugs, out there for free. I have seen OFMD rise into being. Or do I say I have felt it? Anyway. Show fans exist now.

Funnily enough, Armand/Old Daniel shippers exist now. The show, despite physically aging Daniel to 69-70ish, separating his narrative from Armand, having Louis declare the true love of his life to be Armand, actually lost the battle of preventing it. If that was their aim?

I'm beyond amused. I'm giddy. I convince myself to approach watching episodes 6-7, skipping most of the Lestat/Louis/Claudia scenes. I discover I love this one bit of the show, it doesn't have a teenager, it doesn't have domestic abuse and sexual vilolence, it's not triggering. I toss caution to the wind, I sketch and paint Old Daniel and Armand getting nasty with each other. I scatter my likes to the wind on thirst posts. I read some fics. I have a good time. But it does not fill the far deeper need of a new chapter in my fandom life.

I begin to think seriously about that. There's still the books fandom. What about the books do I love most? The Vampire Lestat, obviously. What about the Vampire Lestat do I love most? Well. The anticipation of who would make Lestat a vampire. And holy shit, his turning really fucking delivered, not at all in the way I expected. But frustratingly, the vampire who sires him, anticipated and enjoyed, is also a narrative trojan horse. He stops existing after he gets Lestat through the gates. As a concept, he slips through my fingers like his ashes through Lestat's, all his mysteries unaddressed. I think surely the book fandom must have built story after story about this vampire. I find a wiki page, with what I already know, not even a mention of his ghost era in later books. I find 10 or 20 results tagged on ao3, he's only a name mention in these fics. I don't even find fanart of him. Well. Damn.

"His name was Magnus" starts to live in my mind. So does the desire for a new chapter. What if I did the most unprecidented thing I am capable of doing in this moment? Not art, though that would be nice, maybe I will. What if I write Magnus first fic? What if I give myself fully to discovering what this character would be, from his own eyes? What if I make it for me to read?

Awfully bad idea, my intuition responds. Read the room. Know what you're committing to if you do this.

But yet. I'm not afraid. I do it. I commit. November I research. December I write. January, I'm a whole new person. A person without much of a vision or expectations, I'll admit. But it's enough I did a creative work for myself.

That's when I meet someone. They want to engage with what I have done and they do. It's a moment that steals my heart, honestly. I'm emotional about it!!! They read the fic. They talk to me about the fic. They support the art I'm only just starting to make. They open the door to mingle with book+show fans, folks trying their best to balance on the chasm. And I take their hand, because isn't that everything I could have wanted, and it could happen. The outsider, with his weird special interest, could have friends. I could start a counter-culture. I could find others like us. I'll be an apologist. I'll produce ideas, conversations, more art and writing, I'll rise to this occasion.

It's just. . .a harder task than I expect, to keep this vision going very long. I don't have endless energy or luck. The book+show fans are tolerant, supportive at times, but not often collaborating with me or producing anything alongside me. I get less and less one on one time with the person who steers the vision with me. I find a handful of fans for Magnus, who have an interpersonal conflict as soon as I test the waters of joining them in a small private group. If they have any writing or art planned, it all freezes up now. I try then to just process how that makes me feel. In the stumbling times after, that wonderful person I met in January decides to leave my life. It hurts letting go. Gossip about me is everywhere, suffocating my intuitive empathy. Hatred for Magnus is always at toxic levels. I'm starting to see the future might entail being the loner I'd thought I would be at the beginning. I close up the connections that have gone silent. I keep the ones that haven't. My own art and writing needs air on its coals and more firewood, or it's at an end here, it's going so slowly. I rewatch Hannibal. I think about if I should return to the fandom. I don't know.

That autumn to spring, everyone I know, online or offline, is in a storm of real life crisis, even my own family. We're hurting and keep hurting. I give literally every ounce of my support and love, in some way, to each person. It's not until summer, that some of that turns toward the positive.

I've nearly reached a point then my writing and drawing will be in limbo forever. I still devote time to it. I still am in the process of reading more of the series, the end books, the Prince Lestat ones.

That's when Sam Reid speaks about my work, on a podcast. It's unbelievable to me. It raises so many questions. It presents so many opportunities. I'm reeling, because this upends everything in how rare it is. Nothing about my fandom pariah status will suddenly melt away, for the book or show fandoms, but I want to DO SOMETHING after that. To come alive. To succeed. On the other hand, inertia and depression have their grip on the situation as well.

I fail to restart writing. But I draw so much. In my social life, in my personal life, I rest my mind and body. There's finally no more conflicts. It's a very stable time. More than enough to refuel. I dabble in the Arcane fandom and happily take up Harkula. I test the water on bluesky. I decide I am definitely not getting involved again in the show fandom or show+books fandom. But I am open to the books only fandom. All this way, and always, I still have some loyal friends and Magnus fans, and you know who you guys are. You are the best. Thank you.

I finally asked for closure, directly, on why that person left my life, and while they gave no answer back, I do feel it is done. I have moved on.

I think it's time for a new vision, if there can be one. The question is, how do I look inward and know what it is. And where does it happen. Tumblr's not looking so strong on it's functioning future at this moment.

image source: https://www.tumblr.com/weirdpngs/732474871711399936?source=share

[kumezyzo]

hii i love your work and i have a request- can you do where hes dating a famous singer instead of streamer? and like hes reacting to their music video like how he did with until i end up dead? it would be even cooler if he was in the video. i was thinking maybe the artist could release a music video like the song lie by nessa barret (aka a wedding) and the dreamteam is somewhere in there. This part isnt nessacary and you can make it inspired of any artist or mv you wanft but i feel it would be so cute when hes like "omg thats me" like he did with the until i end up dead mv!!

its taken me so long to come up with an mv idea that would work for this and that i could make so this wasnt a blurb (cause this was such a detailed ask) but thank you so much for requesting this!!! and i really hope this lives up to your expectations lol

i wrote this as if the song is like a breakup song and being hung up on an ex. and essentially, its flashbacks to when they were all cute or whatever, and then theres parralles to the actual breakup and after. bf!sap acting as the ex bf in all the scenes.

anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list

after your newest music video went up, bf!sapnap got a while bunch of requests to watch it.

"should react to yn's new music video!' he read the chat out loud

"guys ive heard the song like a million times already," he protested but already opening a new tab and going to youtube.

'you're in yn's new mv!!!' a donation read out loud.

he smiled at the monotone voice and started playing the video.

bf!sapnap who sings along to the song as it plays, admiring you everytime you were on the screen. but seeing as its quite literally your music video, your on the screen 80% of the time.

bf!sapnap who defends you the second someone says your music is bad.

bf!sapnap who sees himself in the music video and finds himself commenting on it.

"oh my god! thats me!!" "woah, that guys kinda hot..." "i would never treat my girlfriend like that"

"damn, shes hot." "wow she looks so good there" "guys, thats my girlfriend" "holy shit, peach, if youre watching this, text me"

bf!sapnap who also talks about how attractive he finds you the whole time.

'turn that shit off' a donation read out loud.

"shut the fuck up," he said looking at his chat. "fuck off my stream, im watching my girls music video."

he rolls his eyes as he sees the one rude comment in the sea of random other ones. aka supportive bf

bf!sapnap who has almost three hours worth of behind the scenes videos on his phone (it was a four day shoot).

its mostly videos of you and him goofing around. some videos of you doing things for the mv. some of them of him on set. some/most of them being of you guys fucking in your dressing room...

bf!sapnap who posts the behind the scenes (the appropriate ones and the shorter ones obvi) and people love them so much.

aka edits arise of you two being cute. and of you two looking so cool/hot.

its shorter than i expected.... -nony