#(ive already lost my script)

[kaleidoscopiccc]

leaf coneybear has cats.

[twipsai]

this one panel in issue #50 and it's, like, not THAT bad alright

fuck it im tired and had a long day this is my treat to myself. im talking about that panel. yes, THAT panel. which one?

THIS ONE. alrighty this is off the cuff and terrible, lets go.

so this panel isnt like, that bad in context when it comes to Sonic. i think specifically "ive made peace with enough enemies to know there is a better way" is a really interesting line here, because it calls back to the amount of times that the "villain" hes fought has just been a person whos hurting, and how hes been able to help those people. it makes sense that eventually hes more keen on trying to figure out someones whole story before deciding if theyve gotta go (which is rare).

but i want to talk about the FRAMING of this panel, and specifically the larger context of this issue in particular. theres a lot of flip-flopping in perspectives. usually, IDW is told through Sonic's perspective (loosely, this kind of thing is up to interpretation a lot), but in issue 50, it switches rapidly between four different groups -- Sonic and Surge, Tails and Kit, Eggman and Starline, and Belle and Metal. within these groups, the perspective its being told from changes a few times, but never as much as Sonic and Surge's do

i actually love these two when they interact as a storyteller myself, and one that has handled scripts too often for my own liking. Sonic and Surge do this thing where they push and pull the pacing of the script to fit their motives -- Surge keeps trying to escalate things, whenever shes in a panel everything starts pushing rapidly and it feels like the panels are tumbling off the page. when Sonic does anything, though, its slow and deliberate. hes having fun fighting, sure, but he can very much tell that Surge is trying to kill him and hes not having any of that. Sonic keeps things slow and focused, Surge tries to push things faster and unfocused. i could get into how this reflects her motivations and stuff but thats not what this is about i already lost track of what i was talking about fuck hang on

ok so. Surge knows shes supposed to be Sonic, to be BETTER than Sonic. its all she knows, really, and thats the problem. shes traumatized and full of rage and Sonic has been put on this high pedestal, not just by her, but by everyone. she cannot stand this.

this panel is how SURGE sees Sonic, specifically the composition. hes shrouded in light and physically above her -- its not even that subtle of a metaphor, they use it all the time in idw.

the entire overpowered saga shows Surge clawing for control of herself, her life, her freedom... this issue sets all that up in the main story. the way Sonic is framed here isnt how he sees himself at all. weve seen him do this exact same thing from his own perspective before, where everyone is on even ground. he doesnt see himself as above anyone, this instance of him being depicted as such isnt alluding to how Sonic feels about himself, its how Surge feels about Sonic.

and, look, its not the most well-done in the world. this issue has a whole host of problems, evident by the constant switching of focus from one group to a next (a problem that i think they did better on in the Phantom Rider saga). i literally forgot about Belle and Metal in this issue bc theres just so much more going on, i wouldve loved for them to slow things down a bit, maybe splitting it into two issues, but hey, what can you do, yk?

as an aside, i think its really weird how people narrow in on this specific panel of Sonic as being "so out of character", which i sorta like, 30% agree with (i think some phrasing could be better), and then ignore the page right after it...

...in which he pretty much says "you dont get freedom if youre gonna be a problem". funnily enough, on twitter i have this flow chart saved whenever i need a quick guide on Sonics morality and stuff, its really not that complicated

x

none of this is new imo, we see he has the same philosophy in sa1 and satbk. Chaos was blinded by rage and pain after being trapped for thousands of years RIGHT after they were attacked by the echidnas. Merlina was so scared of death (implied to be because she had lost family members and wasnt able to cope with it well) that she became a monster in an attempt to never let anything change ever again. these arent very different stories in my head i guess, just cases of Sonic seeing people who are hurting and doing his best to free them from that.

uhhhh anyways. all this is disorganized i forgot what i was talking about like 5 times while writing this but. people on twitter are ripping into this issue again. like its a b tier issue stop acting like its an f yk Q_Q i will defend anything if people are too mean tbh

thanks for making it this far if you read all this. i love idw a lot and i think that it does have some flaws, theyre all really blown out of proportion.

have a great day/afternoon/evening wherever you are yall :) bye bye

[bethebesttoyou]

Vampire In the Corner - Huening Kai

Synopsis: y/n learns the meaning of "reaping what you sow", when she wishes for a romance experience, only for it to come back as the form of a hungry vampire.

pairing: Vampire! Huening Kai x College student!reader

song: Vampire in the Corner - Magdalena Bay ( this song has been stuck in my head TEW GOOD) the song itself is quirky and kinda weird and sweet and I tried to make it the same vibe, but then like always we lost the plot. But it's inspired! Also inspired by Lisa Frankenstein! Also bad writing, but practice makes perfect :D

warning: Blood and biting and you know vampire stuff... the whole shebang.... and I think that's it! I tried to make it fluff and but honestly the mind does its own thing most of the time *sigh* Winter as a wannabe witch (or is she?) You as a hopeless romantic.

wc: 5k (😀)

A/N: You ever get a storyline stuck in your head and you love it so much, that even seeing it actually written down isn't enough? I need to be IN this story. I had this song and storyline stuck in my head and honestly not sure if I did it any justice but I wanted to so badly put it out before 1. I lost it and 2. I started to see the flaws in it.... If theres any plot holes, no there isn't <3 KIDDING PLS TELL ME

…And what endearments am I allowed? Let me think. Lizzie for everyday. My pearl for sundays and goddess divine…

The small tv illuminated the dark living room area of Soobin and Beomgyu’s apartment. Five faces braced the bright light, with one pair of eyes sparkling at the scene of her favorite movie, while the others watched with amusement at the cheesiness of it all. Surrounding them were plates with pizza scraps, sugary drinks and chips as they laid in different positions on the floor. 

…And how are you this evening Mrs. Darcy?...

“And how are you this evening, Mrs. Darcy?” the five of you repeat, you with a love laced voice, while the others mocked then gagged. 

“Seriously, who wrote the script…” Beomgyu groans as he rolls his head back. The credits had begun to roll down the screen, Winter reaching forward to pause the video. 

“A genius... You wouldn't know anything about that.” You throw the pillow towards him, hitting him square in the chest. 

“Alright, birthday girl… what’s next?” Yunjin grabs her plate, setting it on the already full coffee table, before stretching her hands in the air. 

This was a common Friday night for the five of you, while the apartment complex was buzzing with drunk college kids and a loud bass making the walls vibrate, your plans consisted of junk food, ranting, movies, trying not to kill Beomgyu and sometimes board games that Soobin stole from the recreational area on campus. Today, being your birthday, was spent doing everything you wanted to do, which included watching romance movies until the sun went down. You were three movies in before you decided to officially call it quits. 

“Hmm… I think Ive tortured you guys enough…” 

“Thank god…” Soobin whispers on the other side of the coffee table. 

“You guys suck! The girls enjoyed it right!?” 

“No.” Winter states blandly, her eyes covered by her dark side bang. 

“Um…I enjoyed you watching it~” Yunjin tries to flirt her way out, when she sees your glare, she continues, “okay present time! Me first! Me first!” 

She stands quickly running to her bag when Winter and Beomgyu pull out the boxes from behind them. 

“Quick. Open them before she upstages us.” Beomgyu whispers, pushing the boxes into your hands, Winter nods enthusiastically. 

You laugh before unwrapping Beomgyu’s box. Within the precise wrapping was a knitted brown sweater, the fabric was soft and decorated with blue flowers and patterns, accompanied with a matching blue beanie. It screamed you, as you put the sweater on, the color matching your maxi skirt. 

“Thanks Beomie! It's so me!!” 

“I know! I stalked your socials!” He said with a childlike excitement. 

“Oh!” 

“Me next! Me next!” Winter pushes the smaller box towards you. 

The box itself was wrapped in all black being held on all four sides by a gold ribbon. Untying it revealed a small vial of gray glittery liquid. A potion. 

“It's an armor potion. Meant to keep you from getting harmed if ever in danger. Made it myself!” Her eyes sparkled with excitement. 

“That's weird.” Beomgyu says upfront. You elbow him in the chest. It was weird, but thoughtful.

After no one speaks, she continues. “It can also be just for decoration.” 

“Youre so right! Going straight onto my shelf! Thanks Winnie! It's beautiful.” 

“Let's just hope she never has to use it.” Soobin glanced nervously at Winter’s small smile. 

“Me and Soobin pitched in together to get you this one…” Yunjin hands you their box. Opening it revealed a digital camera, already decorations with painted red flowers, and pink and white stars. 

“Oh my god… It's beautiful.” You looked at them both with adoration as they high five. 

“We know you've been wanting to take more pictures!” 

“Guys… All of you! I love you, guys!” your tears are threatening to spill. 

You wouldn't say your group of five were considered losers on campus…more so you weren't considered at all. Invisible really. Except for Winter, whose darkly appearance would garner stares and giggles. But no one really minded. Being in your own little world had its perks, You were able to be yourselves, able to speak your mind, maybe get bullied for it but in your own loving way. The outside world hurt, it burned and felt lonely. In the boy’s shared apartment, life felt easy and hopeful. 

You knew you made an odd bunch, different personalities mixed together wouldn't have probably worked for others, but you all genuinely enjoyed each other's presence. Whether the night consisted of Winter begging to contact ghosts or trying out spells she saw on some weird witch website, or Beomgyu and Soobin arguing about which game graphics were better on which console, or even Yunjins heated rants about everyone she hates (which amounts up to everyone), your nights were never boring. Spending your birthday with them was no different. In fact, nothing felt more like family. 

“Quick! Group picture before she starts getting sentimental!” 

You set the timer on the old camera, wiping your eyes before sitting in between Beomgyu and Winter, both resting their heads on your shoulders, Yunjin and Soobin joining in, sitting at the ends. The flash goes off as giggles spread around the room. 

—--

The clock had hit 1am by the time some were beginning to fall asleep on the ground. It marked the end of the night so once the cake was cut, and the group made fun of you for loudly wishing for a boyfriend on your candles, the five of you cleaned and started heading out. 

“Are you sure you don't want any of us to walk you home? It's really late…” Yunjin and Beomgyu look concerned as you all stand outside. 

Your place was towards the other direction than the others, leading you to have to take the dark road up to the furthest wing of dorms. 

“Yeah…I dont mind walking you.” Soobin stated, pushing his glasses up. He looked nervous watching the path to your dorm disappear in the darkness, crowded with trees and shrubs, letting you know he was more scared than you were. The path itself looked like a forest with how covered it was, the wind making the branches rattle and crack as the ‘hoos’ and caws from the nightbirds became louder. 

“Guys, it takes me like 8 minutes to get up there, ill be okay…who knows maybe I'll find the love of my life in those scary bushes.” 

“I dont think anything good is coming out of that forest…” 

You shrug, “I like bad boys too.” 

They groan, again. 

“Hey, you have that potion on you right?” Winter says from the back. 

“Yes, ofcourse!” 

“Dont be scared to use it.” 

“After I use it, they should be scared of me.” 

“YES!” Winter exclaims proudly. 

“Okay! Bye guys! Love you!” You exclaim, walking towards the dark end of the street, before they can protest. 

“Text us when you get home!” Yunjin yells. 

While they worried, this wasn't a new path to you. You had taken it many times since the group formed back in freshman year, when beomgyu and Soobin had invited you guys over to discuss some group project at the time. It was fate that the five of you were the last remaining students with no group to work with yet (maybe not fate, since no one wanted to work with introverted losers). You were boy crazy then too, the smiles of both beomgyu and Soobin had you in a trance, convinced that they were much in love with you as you were with them. But the infatuation wore out. It always did. Your obsession with love and the consumption of it,drove you to binging romcoms, staring at couples in restaurants, daydreaming about meeting your charming prince, and falling with just about anyone you'd meet. Yes, you were a little weird and your social skills might've been a little off to those you weren't close with, but you knew there was someone out there for you. Yet, you never actually went further than the feelings you gain, you would obsess then let it fizzle out. It was a routine, and kept your thoughts running at 80mph. 

You craved romance and would have sold your soul to be able to actually experience it. The late night kisses, the giggling under covers, the shy hand holding, the flustered cheeks, the sighing kisses, everything, you fantasized about it all. And you thought about it every single day, taking up most of your thoughts, leaving you distracted just like now. 

You were so distracted in fact,  walking the dirt road through the trees, as the moonlight made your footsteps cast shadows, that you didn't hear the other pair of footsteps behind you, or the wisps that caused the leaves to rustle. It wasn't till the crack of a branch nearby that you came to a halt.

You looked around for a sign of movement, holding onto the strap of your crossbody, listening in for any other sounds. The wind picked up, causing a chill down your spine, before you chuckle slightly, the fear slowly dissipating before blaming the weather for the scare. 

“Hi.”  A voice spoke, making you whip around to see no one, only when you face back to the direction of home, a man stands in front of you. Grasping at your heart, you stand still as you take a good look at him. The moonlight bounces on his black hair and his pale white skin that shines specks of crystal like freckles, but his eyes… no light reflects on them. 

“H-hi.” You respond back. You can't stop staring at his eyes as his pupils dilate and then return to normal. He steps forward and you step back, almost losing your balance. 

“I-its really late, a d-damsel like yourself shouldn't be l-left alone so late at n-night.” The man stutters out, he seems nervous and almost tired, with the heavy breaths he's pushing out. He rolls his head slowly, almost trying to regain any composure and opens his mouth, as he, very noticeably, stretches his jaw out and that's when you see it. Reflected by the white dull light of the moon, his two sharp teeth shine, pointy and thick…fangs. 

He returns your stare, licking the grooves of his top teeth. 

“Are…are you a vampire?” You ask, eyes wide and for a second, he's mirroring your reaction. 

Why arent you screaming yet? Neither of you move, and the figure looks at you confused. Why would you ask that so nonchalantly?

“Um…yes?” His brows were furrowed and head tilted. 

“Oh…” 

“Are you not scared?” 

You thought about it for a moment. Your hand was still on your heart, feeling the quick beats hit against your chest, yet you couldn't necessarily blame it on fear. You were…intrigued. The glimpse of half of his face left you wanting a closer look, the shining of his skin was blinding and distracting. 

“Youre so…pretty.” You say, mostly to yourself, but he is able to catch it. His eyes widen, watching your eyes sparkle with the moonlight and he feels heat rise to his cheeks.

“Um… What's your name?” You ask out of habit. 

“Kai.” 

“Y/N.” 

He nods. You can tell he's having a mental war with himself. This is probably not how these things go for him as he scratches his head softly. 

 With that, you realized why you weren't scared, he was not intimidating at all. Everything about him was soft, even the curve of his nose and the softness of his jaw. He didn't look like a threat. He looked like a painting, with his white flowy button up under a blue vest and blue jeans, his hair that laid like a mop on his head flowed in the breeze, uncovering a bit of his forehead. His teeth stuck out of his ‘o’ shaped mouth, you wondered how they would feel, if they were as sharp as they looked. 

You take a step forward, he takes a step back. 

“Um… Kai…Can…can I touch them?” 

“What? M-my fangs?” 

You nod nervously, almost regretting feeling bold enough to ask. Its the one thing that can kill you in this moment and yet the urge to feel them clouds your judgement. 

Kai, on the other hand, is completely lost in this situation, he has never garnered this reaction before. He's never been called pretty before. And he's caught off guard again when he realizes he's opening his mouth widely giving the stranger room to feel. 

You reach with one finger to smoothly feel the top before reaching the sharp end. The plush skin of your finger is not a sensation that Kai can turn a blind eye to, and yet he doesn't understand why he doesn't just bite down. You were merely food to him, so why is he having so much hesitation when it comes to you? 

Wind blows a bit harder this time around, reminding you where you were, the vibrations coming from your bag becoming louder. Shit. You remove your fingers from his teeth harshly. 

You begin to rummage through your bag before pulling it out and answering, the strange man still watching you in shock. 

“Hello?” 

What the hell? Are you dead? We have been calling and texting!! Soobin is on the other end, and you can hear beomgyu ask frantically, Did she answer? 

“I know, i-im sorry… I, uh, got caught up w-with something.” 

are you home atleast? 

You looked at the flustered vampire who was looking at you, disoriented. 

“Uhh, Yes, I'm heading to bed now, bye!” 

Hey! Wha- *Click* 

You focus on him again and then the lights of the building behind him. 

His pained face alerts you. 

“What?” 

“Your finger…” You look down at your hands and feel the liquidy substance dripping.

“Fuck.” You say as you begin wiping the blood on your skirt, but this just pains him more, a growl from his stomach breaking the silence. You stare up at him. The eye contact is prolonged as once again, he seems to be at a crossroads. Was he about to kill you? 

“I-Im just g-gonna go.” he grunts, and you feel a breath you didn't know you were holding. 

As he tries to make his departure, he finds himself once again feeling tired, but this time unable to stand straight, leaning on a tree close by, heaving. 

“A-are you okay?” You step closer, putting a hand on his back cautiously. 

He groans again, falling to his knees. 

“H-hungry…” He turns his neck to look at you and there's tears pooling in his eyes, theres red thick veins traveling from the inside of his shirt up up his neck and jaw, pulsing, each one causing him to close his eyes in pain, he looked like he was dying…it looked unbearable. You feel your eyes soften and you begin to worry. 

“Oh.. Um…” Your mind races trying to find a solution that doesn't involve dying or killing a person. OH! 

“S-Stay here! Ill be right back!” He turns to lean against the tree, sniffling, holding his stomach as the crystals in his skin start to fade. 

You sprint out of the tree infested woods, across the back lawn of the campus and head straight to the 24 hour diner. It would be the only place open at this time. You thought about it for a moment, how this couldve been your escape. Nothing was stopping you from leaving him there, from escaping danger. He didn't have to voice that he had every intention of killing you tonight, you knew, and yet his matted black eyes filled with tears made you run faster, the act of someone dying in front of you made you keep running. 

The door rings as you barge into the lonely diner, one booth occupied by a young looking man stirring his cup. You head towards the counter, frantically ringing the service bell. 

“You dont have to ring it that many times. How can i help you?” A very bored looking Anton waits for your order, but you cant stop your heavy breathing. You knew Anton from class, he had asked for a pen more than once, you thought he liked you, he just really needed a pen. And nothing reassured that statement than this moment, as he seemed to not realize who you were. 

“Um..” you clear your throat, “I-I need your bloodiest steak. Dont cook it.” He gave you a weirded out look.

“I legally cant give you that. Its a safety hazard. What? do you eat them raw?” 

you were running out of time. 

“Look, i have with me…” you take your wallet out counting your change, including your birthday money from your parents, “ 60 bucks for an uncooked steak, the bloodiest one you have. There's no cameras, so j-just take the bribe.” 

“Is this a prank?” 

“No? Please, Anton.” 

“How do you know my name?” Ouch. 

“We have class together, does it matter? The steak.” You were growing frustrated as you stole glances towards the trees in the distance. 

“Fine.” He takes the money from your hand and shoves it in his jeans before walking to the back. As you waited, you began to process the night. 

He could have just sucked your blood and left. You wonder what stopped him. What made him show you any mercy? Or was it maybe your blood doesn't smell tasty enough? Did even vampires not want you? You were kind of offended. 

“Here, it was the last one in the bag, so i just kept it with the juices.” He grimaced, staring at the sloshing of blood in the clear bag, “Is this for that one girl, whats her name? Autumn? Isnt she a wit-“ 

“Cant stay! Bye!” 

He watches as you leave the diner, heading straight towards the dark woods, and he shutters. weird, that was weird. 

As you get closer to the tree, you notice a crawling figure making their way out of the path, it was kai. Kai was on his knees, looking worse by the minute. You felt fear in this moment, if you get close to him, will he be able to control himself? But with the brittle way he tries to hold himself up, you knew you didnt have the heart to leave him there. you stick your hand in your bag to feel the vial, maybe winter knew what she was doing when she gave you this. So you run the rest of the journey, and begin to pull him up, setting him up against another tree nearby, watching the veins now turn black and thicker, it was like something inside him was eating him up. The tears were now running down his cheeks, and his hair was looking tussled. 

“what are you doing? I told you to stay… You're wasting your energy.” 

“I think I'm dying…”

“Here, I hope this helps.” You pull the bloody steak out of the bag and prepare for him to grab it, only for him to begin eating from your hand, with his teeth digging into the slab of meat aggressively. With each slurp the veins retract back into his skin, the softness and shininess coming back. Your hands tugged every now and then, as you tried to stay still, the blood was running down his neck and bleeding into his white blouse as he sucked the last drop. The crystallized freckles popped out one by one and even a dozen more, his cheeks were fuller and had a bit more color than before.And his black eyes were no longer dull, they were shining and reflecting the light coming from the nearby building. The most noticeable change was his lips, that were once dry and cracked, had become tinted pink and soft, creating their very own gloss. 

His eyes looked up to you after realizing the steak was now dry. The pink on his cheeks grows a shade darker as he stares, slowly releasing the meat from his hold, letting the weight, or lack of it, hang on your fingertips. You clear your throat. 

“Um… complementary blood juice?” 

“You're so weird… What are you?Why aren't you running away? Matter of fact, why did you come back?” He no longer feels at death's door, having the energy to investigate. He wipes his mouth with his sleeve and you watch as the blood drips from his mouth. You swallow hard. 

“I-Im human. Im Y/N.” His head tilts. 

“I know your name… why did you come back?” 

“I dont know… I don't know! You looked pretty but also sad and scared and you were crying… I couldn't leave you like that!” You're looking down at your hands, noticing not only the dry blood on them, but the ring of mud on your skirt. Anton had every right to be weirded out.

Kai covers his face with his hands, “Stop calling me pretty!” 

“Im sorry.” There's a beat of silence. 

“Where did you even get this? Did you put something in it? Are you working for someone?” 

“What?! No! I-I bought it! Pretty expensive I might add! And I-I expect to be paid!” 

“Dont worry, I can afford a 5 dollar steak” He smugly adds.  

“Ha! 5 dollars… what world are you living in?! You're in the year 2025!! That steak was 60!! 60 dollars!!” You refrain telling him the part where you offered that much. 

“60 dollars?! Where did you get 60 dollars from?!” He looks you up and down, from the muddy brown skirt to your new brown, now covered in splotches of red, sweater.

“It was birthday money.” you snap unintentionally. A beat of silence passes. 

“I'm sorry, I'm being ungrateful, you just saved me…I just… humans aren't usually this… caring? Happy Birthday….by the way…” 

“Thank you.” You sheepishly state, no longer looking at him as the heat rises to your cheeks. You grab your phone from your bag again, taking a look at the time. 2:43am. The group chat had died down by this point, leaving you with a couple of missed calls and messages of concern and then an updated message from your call with Soobin before everyone started saying good night. One message caught your eye though, a private message from Winter. 

1:20am

Please be careful…

“What is that?” 

“What?”

“In your hand? You talked to it earlier too, right?” 

Hes leaning forward now, scooting a bit closer. Its almost like he forgot he was a threat and you leaned back, before he looked at you and then back your hand curiously. 

“My phone…it's a phone.” 

“Woah… you mean like the telephone was modernized? Where’s the wiring?” 

“Its mobile now… l-like wireless?” 

“Wireless?! That's so interesting…This is so advanced, where are the buttons?” His eyes are bright with curiosity. 

“Its touchscreen!” His excitement was contagious and you couldn't help but giggle. 

“Touchscreen?” 

“Yeah, look!” You say clicking it on, the lock screen displaying a picture of Winter and Soobin wearing halloween masks posing back to back. You smile softly. You unlock it, passing it over to him to look through. Your hand skims his as he grabs the device. You feel a shock before pulling your hand away quickly, knocking your bag and hearing the items that it contains hitting the floor. Your eyes widening looking back at him and see he's already staring at you with the same expression. You clear your throat and frantically start collecting the items. 

I'm crazy but not Bella crazy. You thought. 

As you watch him scroll through your social media, leaving likes accidentally, asking ‘who is this?” Every time someone comes up, you realize just  how funny this all is. Here you were hanging out with a vampire. You were sure you were gonna wake up at some point. 

“What year were you born?” He stops to look at you, thinking for a moment…

“I dont really remember…” His eyes dim, brows scrunch together. “I've been 22 for a while…” He clears his throat, “What about you? I mean, how old are you?” 

“I turned 22 a couple hours ago” 

He nods. 

“Its been awhile since I've been up again… this era feels different. Everything seems so…” 

“Boring? It might just be the town.” 

“No it just feels like something big is gonna happen, It makes me nervous.” 

“Oh… are there more of you?” Your phone is no longer on, his gaze intensifies. 

“Y-yes. Actually, it's getting late… You should head home.” He gets up as quickly as he can still groaning, probably the blood was still working its way through his system. 

“You're letting me go?” 

“Ofcourse, you saved my life.” 

You felt silly but couldn't help but ask. 

“Will I ever see you again?” He looks up at the trees, looking around like he’s keeping guard. 

“I don't know if that's a good idea…” 

“Well… you still owe me 60 bucks…” He laughs, and it makes him look the most human, even with the sharp teeth. 

“Okay. I'll be back with your money, but for now, let's get you home.” 

Luckily, the walk to your dorm was taking a bit longer than it usually did, both of your footsteps slowly making its way down the cemented path to the dorms. You still had so many questions, yet no way of framing them without coming across as nosy. You wanted to know more about him, why was he in this lousy college town, why doesn't he remember where he's from, who are the others and why did he look so nervous mentioning them. But instead, you had to start small, not wanting to bring up troubling thoughts. 

“What was your last year awake?” 

“Hmmm…guess?” He smirks and looks down at you, his hands locked behind him, holding on to the bag of steak juice that was probably a bit warm now. 

“Okay, well you knew about the telephone but they weren't wireless… and your steak prices were unimaginably low, but your denim fashion is throwing me off…Hmmm…” 

“Was denim a thing recently?” 

“Well, theyve always been a thing but jean vest give off 80’s or 90’s…Thats not my answer though!”

He's squinting his eyes at you, trying to force a smile down. 

“19…7…1?” 

“Ooo, close. 1965.” 

“damn…But the jean vest?!” 

“It was outta sight! All the rebels were wearing it!” 

“But, you don't seem like the rebel type, you're too nice.” 

“I dont know about nice…” he rubs the back of his neck, “but someone like me has to blend in.” 

“Hmm…” 

“What about you?”

“What about me?” 

“Are you a rebel?” Kai looks at you amused with a smile, and it only grows as you heat up.

“G-god no! I'm not built for that lifestyle.” It was true, you were weird but all you ever did was follow the rules, anything that felt mildly risky, threw you out for a loop. 

He laughs and nods. 

“I'm like that too.” 

“Yeah right…” 

“No really! I've never been good at being “bad”…maybe that's why I couldnt…you know…” Hes referring to the moment back in the woods. 

“Oh, yeah well, thanks for that.” 

“No, um thank you.” He remembers the look of curiosity upon your face as he sucked on the steak, the way your mouth hung open and your eyebrows furrowed together, your eyes displayed different emotions at a grand speed, he wasn't sure if you once ever looked disgusted, and he was glad he didn't.  He never wanted to be at the receiving end of it. 

You took your keys out. Looking back at him, you had one more question to ask…

“Have you ever…killed someone?” He stares at you, once again the intensity of his stare grows, like back when you asked if there were more of him. 

“...not directly… Ive…fed on them before but they were already dead.” He whispers and he looks so ashamed. 

“You really shouldn't be so trusting…” he wouldn't look at you anymore, “there's no way of knowing someone could be truly dangerous.” 

“I feel like I can trust you at least, right?” you wanted to touch his hand, reaching forward to grab it, and when Kai sees the mess of dry blood on it and on your sweater sleeve he grimaces, but grabs it. 

“You should head in and wash this off.” His cold hands linger on yours for a moment before he bends down and kisses your palm gently, squeezing his eyes shut trying to fight off the smell of your blood and the steak’s. 

You can't fight the blush that comes to your cheeks, so instead you turn to unlock your door. Once opened you turn in hopes of locking in the image of the shining man you've met.

“Goodni-” But he's gone, leaving no trace of himself behind, just the lingering feeling of his mouth on your wrist. 

—- 

Waking up the next morning, replaying the dream of Kai biting your wrist instead of kissing it over and over again, confirmed that last night was not a dream and you did in fact meet a vampire. Now the question was, Where was he now? What was he doing? 

“Y/N! Come quick!” your roommate, Chaewon, yells, panic laced in her cry. 

Your hair was still wet from last night's shower, not having the energy to blow dry it, you had placed it in a messy bun. You untangle your hair now from the band, and walk into the living room. 

BREAKING NEWS: Diner worker and college student, Lee Anton, found dead this morning by diner manager. As of now, Davenport College is working closely with police. While the autopsy has come back as an unknown death, police are not ruling out homicide- 

“What?” you whisper. Chaewon is already hanging on to you, shaking at the proximity of it. You didn't know Chaewon all that well, saying polite greetings and exchanges was as far as you went and yet you couldn't help but hold on to her as someone knocked on your door. 

Shaking, you head over and crack the door. 

“Hey, this was at the front door of the building, it was addressed to you.” The RA looked down at his hands and you followed. 

In his hand, was the grey glitter liquid encased in the glass vial, with it came a note: 

Y/N L/N, forgetting this?

A/N: YOU MADE IT!!!! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!! Please let me know your thoughts! I'll most likely continue this cause vampire kai has my attention rn... but I am starting school up again soon so,,, WHO KNOWS?! it also depends if people liked it :'3. SO please let me know your thoughts, tell me you love it, tell me you hate it, either way tears will be spilled! - J

ps. still learning how Tumblr works so if my formatting looks funny...help...

[cpvnksabm]

you know, in general i am the #1 defender of ricky potts as disability rep (before the erasure rewrites) especially when it comes to his pre-cyclone backstory. but occasionally i do remember the details about ricky's parents, specifically, how stupid it is. i spend most of my time in this fandom internally screaming "stop haphazardly changing rickys backstory, youre erasing the parts that made him special to me" but this part is one of few things in the whole musical that i actually do want changed. because if you take it at face value it makes no sense at all.

direct quote from the script:

"when Richard lost his power of speech, the Potts family took a vow of silence; usually communicating in a series of strange gestures that only they understood. The only time they interacted with one another was when they read comics, or fed the cats… they had fourteen cats."

there is so much weird shit going on here.

first of all. vow of silence? i have never in my life heard of that being someone's response to having a nonspeaking child. i am not nonverbal myself but based on what ive heard from people who are, i understand that not being able to just talk out loud for ease of communication, it complicates every interaction... so why would ricky's parents, presumably non-disabled (the term "vow of silence" definitely implies a choice and not like, selective mutism or anything), do that voluntarily?

no seriously. why. the script makes no attempt to explain their reasoning behind this or how ricky feels about it. why did they do this. is it a symbolic gesture? an attempt to better understand what their son is going through? i can't see it helping ricky in any tangible way. in fact, not being able to have his parents stand up for him (especially as a disabled person who is chronically ignored, especially as a child) would probably make his life harder.

i'm going to guess that the reasoning behind this out-of-universe, the general concept the writers were trying to communicate, was something like "one of the problems with how society treats disabled people is that sometimes they get too much support, and people make really drastic life changes to give them help that they don't even need"...

...and on top of directly contradicting the rest of ricky's backstory ("the most appalling cruelty humanity can muster: complete indifference", anyone?), this is just not true! the idea that disabled people are given/offered "too much" help is a myth and a stereotype. the vast majority of disabled people in real life have less than what they need, and have to struggle to get by. every organisation that is supposed to help disabled people, at every level, is biased toward giving the bare minimum or less - not to giving people more than they need.

to my knowledge, the whole "my son cant speak so im taking a vow of silence" thing, this has just... never happened in real life. not only would it Not Even Help it's just... not an idea that occurs to most parents of nonspeaking children. because why would it? it's ridiculous! the potts family "vow of silence" is just a ridiculous overexaggeration of the concept of "parents of disabled children make sacrifices for their children", and i dont like it.

now, if you want you can handwave all this away with "yeah this would be insane and ultimately unhelpful, but the musical never says that it is helpful, so for all we know ricky doesnt like it and it isnt good and his parents are just insane for doing that". and if that was the case, it would kind of fit with a recurring theme in the musical of performative efforts to "help" ricky that actually just make him more miserable. although i would say that a literal vow of silence is waaaay too big of a life commitment for parents to realistically do performatively. but then again, ricky's parents are clearly already odd people, with the 14 cats and the "strange gestures", so maybe it's just their characterisation...

and that reminds me. why the hell are they communicating with "strange gestures that only they understand".

i think most of the fandom interprets this as referencing ASL. but based on the description that's not what ASL is. sign languages are languages, with their own complex grammar, vocabulary, etc. they are not "strange gestures". this is like if noel's lament ended with our Objective Omniscient Narrator Karnak saying "monique and the priest communicated with a series of strange sounds that only they understood" and then they just spoke regular ass french.

but of course the script never says they're using ASL, and to my knowledge no production has ever actually done ASL for the "gestures", that part is really just fanon.

if you interpret the "strange gestures that only they understood" wording more literally - there is such a thing as home sign! home sign is a communication system made of gestures, generally not considered a complete language, that develops in households where communicating in language (either spoken language or sign language) is not an option. primarily, this is something that happens to linguistically isolated deaf children. if a child cannot hear well enough to learn & communicate with spoken language, and their parents don't give them an opportunity to learn sign language, they develop their own communication methods.

even this isn't quite what's happening in the musical if you take it literally, though, because home sign is developed by the child, by the child who doesn't have access to language. ricky could be d/Deaf or hard of hearing, which would impact his ability to hear and thus learn spoken language, but there's nothing in the musical to really point to this and so i dont think its what the writers were going for. the phrasing of the "vow of silence" thing implies that it was ricky's parents' choice to develop their own communication method consisting of gestures, rather than just an existing language including the language they presumably all already knew and communicated with prior to the "vow of silence".

this truly just boggles the mind. how did this happen? was there a point where mr potts sat down with the family and said "okay, so when we all take a vow of silence, this gesture will be how we ask each other when the cats food bowl was last fulled"? i will give canon the benefit of the doubt on one thing - while it isnt specified in the script, based on how degenerative (neuromuscular) disorders work in real life, it's likely ricky losing his speech would have been a gradual process rather than an overnight thing, and therefore i suppose the parents could have had enough warning time to develop the basics of a signed conlang. but they could have also used that time to learn an existing sign language, which im sure would have been easier for everyone. or they could have used that time to say "considering english exists in forms that dont require talking out loud (AAC), it would probably be easier to learn that rather than a new language, and also why are we taking a vow of silence anyway, how does that help our kid".

of course we dont know exactly how this language of "strange gestures" came to be. because canon, rather than elaborating on any of this, simply dropped the out-of-context claim on our feet. but depending on exactly how it went down, if you take it seriously, i think it could range from "bizarre form of child abuse/neglect that would have a severe impact on rickys communication and social life for years to come" to "technically harmless but really weird and convoluted".

and while we're on the subject of potential neglect. may i remind you, the last part of the section on ricky's parents:

"The only time they interacted with one another was when they read comics, or fed the cats… they had fourteen cats."

This is, frankly, maddening. it seems to imply that ricky's family ignored him a lot due to his disability which, while depressing, is definitely consistent with the rest of his backstory - being ignored at school/in uranium in general, retreating into his own imagination to cope. and i've said time and time again that the ableism ricky faces, being constantly ignored and condescended to and having to literally die and have his disability be magicked away in the afterlife before anyone actually listens to him, this is the most realistic part of the whole musical.

with that being said uhhh. that ending line might be consistent with the rest of rickys backstory but its NOT consistent with everything else karnak said about rickys parents, as recently as thirty seconds ago! are you telling me these parents took a vow of silence in some sort of weird symbolic solidarity with their kid, went as far as creating their own gestural communication system (/signed conlang) to facilitate communicating through this vow of silence... and then barely interacted with the kid they had sacrificed so much for?

if i take karnak completely at his word here, the only explanation i can come up with is that ricky was the subject of some linguistic experiment that his parents came up with. and frankly im not convinced the experiment is scientifically or ethically sound.

okay, in all seriousness,

i know the potts family is not conducting an unethical linguistic experiment. or at least, i know that is not the intended subtext of the musical. it's possible to come up with contrived situations in which these bizarre decisions would be realistic in-universe, but we all know that ride the cyclone is a work of fiction. and when things are this contrived... the most reasonable explanation is simply "the writers never thought that hard about it".

and that's disappointing! this blatantly nonsensical detail stayed in the musical for years, and apparently nobody thought to be like "hey, does this make sense? should we fact-check this?". this part of rickys backstory stayed the same until his entire backstory was overhauled to remove his disability in 2022 and, tbh, i dont think that was actually that anyone realised this part didnt make sense and tried to fix it, more likely that it just happened to get thrown out while they were doing disability erasure.

everything about this short paragraph indicates the writers being unwilling to research. which is bad writing practice in general and particularly bad when you're writing about disabilities!

i find this particularly disappointing because, as ive said, most of ricky's backstory was very realistic in the old scripts, and surprisingly well done; this is one of the aspects of disability rep where they just, completely dropped the ball. unfortunately, that was years ago, and now rtc has so thoroughly gone off the deep end in terms of disability ""representation"" that it's hardly worth it to nitpick the worst details in the best versions of the script...

but, still, i wanted to share my thoughts on this. it's surprisingly under-discussed in the fandom. i see a lot of people attempting to explain how rtc's disability rep was always flawed, some better than others... and i thought it would be good to go through and actually nitpick what rtc did wrong in the first place so we can all try to do better.

anyway, to the half-dozen people still reading this. fic writers. if you are a stickler for Canon Compliance then please understand that the canon here is nuts. i'm not saying don't put it in your fics, personally i sometimes love to write fics that i call Canon Malicious Compliant, which is when you stubbornly refuse to acknowledge what the author probably meant to say and instead explore the fucked-up explanations of what the author literally did say. i would love to see some fics that explore how ricky would actually feel about the "vow of silence" thing, and how it would impact him & his relationship with his parents, rather than just having it as a background info that isn't acknowledged as the weird thing it clearly is.

alternatively, to the large section of the fandom that is willing to say "I recognize the canon has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it" - can i suggest CODA!Ricky, as in Child Of Deaf Adults, as an alternative headcanon that stays close to the canon while actually making sense? this would explain why his parents use a sign language at home way better than the "their kid cant speak so naturally they took a vow of silence" nonsense. obviously, headcanon what you want, this is the one part of canon that is really so nonsensical you might as well ignore it and treat it as a blank space in which to write whatever hcs you want, i just wanted to suggest one possible (more reasonable) explanation

[superscourge]

this is mostly just me talking to myself about something that might not even happen, but i think about it a lot

so..in regards to new game. i 100% plan to finish the initial first installment; im working on the next five pages currently, so hopefully theyll be done sooner rather than later lol. its only 87 pages after all, i can do that no sweat

the problem lies in the sequels. i have two sequels written out already, like fully scripted and everything (new game+ and new game: bad end) and i had planned to do them right after new game ended. however im like..hmm. im considering what i'll be occupied with in the future as well as my goals

if im going to be busy with idw work i wont have nearly as much time or energy for personal comic work, and as much as i rly rly love what i have planned for the new game sequels, i do have original comics i want to get out into the world as well, and i feel like i'll only have enough energy for one or the other, and right now the original ones are kind of my priority :/a

it kinda does make me feel a bit sad bc like i said i rly love new game's sequels, and ppl have given me private feedback on the scripts that rly make me want to make them real. ive been told that for new game+ specifically its an important message that needs to be shared because others would feel seen, and that genuinely means so much to me, especially since new game+ deals with heavy themes of trauma and recovery. i do find value in sharing stories like that especially since i wrote ng+ specifically based around my own trauma

i guess what im saying is that theres a CHANCE ng+ and ng:be may be either heavily postponed or cancelled altogether. i dont wanna do either of those things but i am so heavily lost in the sauce of my other stories and they mean a whole lot to me too, especially heart of camelot (i plan to make it into a printed graphic novel), idk if i'll be able to juggle all of these projects at once :'/

i suppose we'll just have to see! but i wanted to let yall know where im at currently with all this. if i do end up cancelling ng+ and ng:be as comics, im probably gonna release the scripts publically so yall can at least read what i had planned

[itspheenixbaby]

now playing...my baby just cares for me - nina simone.

what im most excited for in my genshin dr

me shifting to genshin and it being one of my top three is kinda ironic since i dont especially like or play the game anymore lool.

family my family is one of the richest in teyvat. i have three siblings (and good parents because i need a support system, im not that strong) and im the youngest. my only sister and i have an antagonistic relationship, which im kinda excited for? im just curious idk i never had that w anyone.

intelligence God, im so excited to learn. ill be a polygot, alchemist and a explorer. i scripted leaving the akademiya in under four years and then becoming an adventurer because im not spending all my time cooped up in a college! fuck that!

job many, many jobs. i just think being able to have all that expirience will be so thrilling!! & my most anticipated job is an author. ive got my content figured out already too, social parodies & societal commentary.

setting im a worldbuilding *fiend*. so i took the liberties of changing teyvat. the continent is more archaic & historically accurate in terms of fashion, language and culture (so that means no tacky over designed outfits, gov’t workers in batty riders or people saying “bro” and ���dude” 🙄) much more diversity as well, not just in terms of features and skin tone but lots more land & major cities per nation and a wide range of accents as well as discernible cultural differences across [domestic] regions. but still not super historically accurate, and veering more on “magical” like disney princess stories.

natlan lowk have no idea how natlans actual cultural design works? 💀 like i quit genshin so im lost on that front. but i split it in three distinct regions. tribe 1-2, which is of mesoamerican influence; tribe 3-4, with west african influence (where im from); and tribe 5-6 with polynesian influence. its the same “tribe” as in game (whatever tf those are) but with a different look. i like this system a lot tho.

s/o this is so cliche but he’s definitely a big ass part of my reason for shifting to genshin. like hes the only s/o i actually *go crazy* with scripting about the rest of them the “romance” is general and non descriptive. our love storys finna be sooo romantic i cant even. also we have a slight age difference and im excited to tease him about it.

[magic-is-something-we-create]

2023 recap + 2024 plans

i wrote 261,200 words in 2023; 172,500 of those for Whispers, 88,700 for Goddess-Touched!

i read 16 books to completion, beta'd for an additional 2, am currently reading 3, and got partway through 5 others before having to put them down.

i maintained my streaming schedule with only a handful of emergency-related exceptions, and drew, uh, a shit ton over the course of the year!

writing goals for 2024:

fix Echoseers (full stylistic rewrite, along with some plot tweaks)

finish the first draft of Goddess-Touched (and edit it hardcore as well)

work on as-yet-unnamed book 4 of tms

fix up Whispers with the added feedback of beta readers

start querying Whispers (i'll look into self publishing down the road if i don't end up finding an agent. the way my brain functions i must cling to the hope of not having to market it myself tooth and nail for the time being)

POTENTIALLY. if my brain fixates on it. write the script for The Lost so that i actually have something to work with to make the comic happen

one of my offline friends is starting to get into writing, and im hoping to help them through some of the early rough patches and potentially co-write a thing with them!!

i completely dropped the ball on the weekly writing updates so im gonna try and get back to that on wednesday. and potentially get back into the weekly ask games!

non-writing goals for 2024:

youtube. i want to make speedpaints and worldbuilding videos and shit. ive already made the basic animation stuff to have a lil sona to do the gesturing for me and i know how to make videos i just havent done it in a While

twitch!! i want to stream a bit more often because its fun and if i let myself branch out into video games as well as art itll be easier to do that. u might see me streaming in the evenings sometime soon. (psst im not streaming this weekend as im still doing a shit ton of holiday/social stuff but the weekend of the 13th ill be back to both patreon and twitch baybee)

SPEAKING OF i want to get my shit together enough to do like. monthly short story releases for my patrons/ko-fi members. early access, that is, so if i post one in january, it'll be posted here a month or two later for all to see/read

i want to read as many books as i did in 2023, if not more! im also considering adding book reviews/thoughts to youtube or patreon/ko-fi perks

my weekend hiatuses aren't going anywhere. having time where im not actively engaging with tumblr + don't feel obligated to do Anything online has done wonders for my mental health and i highly recommend it. focus mode on my phone and leechblock on desktop has helped so so so much

and that's all i'm sharing here!! i hope 2024 is a better year for all than the last <3

[soupdeewoop]

favorite lines from "THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT: THE ANTHOLOGY"

and it hits me, i just dont understand how you dont miss me, in the black dog

that was intertwined in the magic fabric of our dreaming

and i may never open up the way i did for you

now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes, and hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons, even if i die screaming, and i hope you hear it

and i hope its shitty, in the black dog

i still cant believe it, cause old habits die screaming

honey, i can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean

whether im gonna be your wife or, gonna smash up your bike

i hear the whispers in your eyes, ill make you wanna think twice, youll find, that you were never not mine, youre mine

flip the script and leave you like a dumb house party, or i might just love you til the end

whether im gonna flip you off or, pull you into the closet, i haven't decided yet i told my friends i hate you but i love you just the same, pick your poison, babe, im poison either way

a rose by any other name is a scandal

cross your thoughtless heart, only liquor anoints you

locked me up in towers, but id visit in your dreams, and they tried to warn you about me

and when that sky rains fire on you, and youre persona non grata, ill tell you how ive been there too, and that none of it matters

the devil that you know, looks now more like an angelso cross your thoughtless heart, shes the albatross, she is here to destroy you

your hologram stumbled into my apartment, hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

as the decade would play us for fools

if you want to break my cold, cold heart, just say, "i loved you the way that you were", if you want to tear my world apart, just say you've always wondered

you said some things that i cant unabsorb, you turned me into an idea of sorts

i changed into goddesses, villains and fools, changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules

back to the moment i crashed into you, like so many wrecks do, too impaired by my youth, to know what to do

will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon

cause i wonder, will i always, will i always wonder?

and so a touch that was my birthright became foreign

the empathetic hunger descends

we learned the right steps to different dances

soon theyll go home to their husbands, smug cause they know they can trust him, then feverishly calling their cousins

guess who we ran into at the shops, walking in circles like she was lost, didnt you hear they called it all off

say it once again with feeling, how the death rattle breathing, silenced as the soul was leaving, the deflation of our dreaming, leaving me bereft and reeling, my beloved ghost and me, sitting in a tree, d-y-i-n-g

well tell no one except all of our friends, but i still dont know, how did it end?

i wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you

tell me bout the first time you saw me

ill drink what you think, and im high, from smoking your jokes all damn night

your friends are around, so be quiet, im trying to stifle my sighs

are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me? (kill me), its just a game, but really (really), im bettin on all three for us two (all three)

no ones ever had me (had me), not like you

truth, dare, spin bottles, you know how to ball, i know aristotle, brand new, full-throttle, touch me while your bros play grand theft auto, its true, swear, scouts honor, you knew what you wanted and boy, you got her, brand new, full-throttle, you already know, babe

do that impression you did of your dad again

im sinking, our fingers entwined, cheeks pink in the twinkling lights, cause i feel so high school (i feel so high school), every time i look at you, but look at you

if comfort is a construct, i dont believe in good luck, now that i know whats what

no mid-sized city hopes and small-town fears, im there most of the year cause i hate it here, i hate it here

everyone would look down cause it wasnt fun now, seems like it was, never even fun back then, nostalgia is a minds trick, if id been there, id hate it, it was freezing in the palace

i hate it here so i will go to lunar valleys in my mind

im lonely, but im good, im bitter, but i swear im fine, ill save all my romanticism for my inner life, and ill get lost on purpose, this place made me feel worthless, lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me, and in my fantasies, i rise above it, and way up there, i actually love it

quick, quick, tell me something awful, like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy

and it was always the same searing pain, but i dreamed that one day, i could say all that time you were throwing punches, i was building something

and it wasnt a fair fight, or a clean kill, each time that aimee stomped across my grave

screamed, "fuck you, aimee" to the night sky, as the blood was gushing, but i cant forget the way you made me heal everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman, but she used to say she wished that you were dead wrote a thousand songs that you find uncool, i built a legacy that you cant undo

and so i changed your name and any real defining clues, and one day, your kid comes home singing, a song that only us two is gonna know is about you cause

screamed, "thank you, aimee" to the night sky, and the stars are stunning

i had died the tiniest death, i spied the catch in your breath, out, out, out, out, out, out

i look in peoples windows, in case youre at their table, what if your eyes looked up and met mine, one more time

what are the chances youd be downtown, downtown, downtown

im addicted to the if only

so i look in peoples windows, like im some deranged weirdo, i attend christmas parties from outside, i look in peoples windows, in case youre at their table, what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time

hand on the throttle, thought i caught lightning in a bottle

pad around when i get home, i guess a lesser woman wouldve lost hope, a greater woman wouldnt beg, but i looked to the sky and said

please, ive been on my knees, change the prophecy, dont want money, just someone who wants my company, let it once be me, who do i have to speak to, about if they can redo the prophecy?

poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand, oh, still i dream of him

and i sound like an infant, feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen, a greater woman stays cool, but i howl like a wolf at the moon, and i look unstable but even statues crumble if theyre made to wait, im so afraid i sealed my fate, no sign of soulmates, im just a paperweight in shades of greige, spending my last coin so someone will tell me itll be okay

i was in my new house placing daydreams, patching up the crack along the wall

so they killed cassandra first, cause she feared the worst

i was in my tower weaving nightmares, twisting all my smiles into snarls

bloods thick but nothing like a payroll, bet they never spared a prayer for my soul, you can mark my words that i said it first, in a mourning warning no one heard

when the first stones thrown theres screaming, in the streets theres a raging riot, when its burn the bitch, theyre shrieking, when the truth comes out its quiet, its so quiet

forgive me peter, my lost fearless leader, in closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids, is it something i did?

are you still a mind reader?, a natural scene stealer, ive heard great things peter, but life was always easier on you, than it was on me

we both did the best we could do underneath the same moon, in different galaxies, and i didnt want to hang around, we said it was just goodbye for now

and i wont confess that i waited, but i let the lamp burn

cause loves never lost when perspective is earned

forgive me peter, please know that i tried, to hold onto the days when you were mine, but the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light

you said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, you said you were gonna grow up

you said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, words from the mouths of babes, promises oceans deep, but never to keep, never to keep

a curious child, ever reviled, by everyone except her own father

excellent fun til you get to know her, then she runs like its a race

"oh, we must stop meeting like this"

ended with the slam of a door, then hell call her a whore, wish he wouldnt be sore

but as she was leaving, it felt like breathing

all her fuckin lives, flashed before her eyes, it feels like the time, she fell through the ice, then came out alive

and at first blush, this is fate, when its all roses, portrait poses, central park lake in tiny rowboats, what a charming saturday!

and she just knows. she must bolt.

theres escape in escaping

ended with the slam of a door, but shes got the best stories, you can be sure, that as she was leaving. it felt like freedom.

out window panes talking utter nonsense, you have no idea

way to go, tiger, higher and higher, wilder and lighter, for you

long may you roar, at your dinosaurs, youre a just ruler, covered in mud, you look ridiculous, and you have no idea

buried down deep and out of your reach, the secret we all vowed, to keep it from you in sweetness

you got the dragonflies above your bed, you have a favorite spot on the swing set, you have no room in your dreams for regrets

now and then she rereads the manuscript, of the entire torrid affair

he said that if the sex was half as good as the conversation was soon theyd be pushin strollers, but soon it was over

she thought about how he said since she was so wise beyond her years, everything had been above board, she wasnt sure

and the years passed, like scenes of a show, the professor said to write what you know, lookin backwards might be the only way to move forward, then the actors were hitting their marks, and the slow dance was alight with the sparks, and the tears fell in synchronicity with the score, and at last, she knew what the agony had been for

now and then i reread the manuscript, but the story isnt mine anymore

[spacedlexi]

Tag 9 People You Want to Get to Know Better!

i dont usually do tag games but i'll take any excuse to have a reason to post wips lmao tagged by @foibles-fables

Favorite color: pink and purple baybee!! (my original fave colors ive come back to you im sorry i ever left...) green yellow and red are also nice (sorry i love colors)

Currently reading: nothing 😭 i keep trying to read books but i cant do it anymore the internet has brain broken me my attention span is non existent. tried rereading and then there were none last. couldnt find my murder on the orient express (i love mysteries)

Last song: shes not there - neko case

Last series: the walking dead but i had to give up i cant do it anymore 💀the games are better than the show im saying it. i got to S10E7 but i just cant go back i wont. currently mentally preparing myself to watch utena for the first time

Last movie: the lost boys :) its halloween time. been meaning to watch bound tho ive had the link up for a couple weeks now

Sweet/savory/spicy: savory > sweet > spicy honestly just depends on my mood. i like sour more than any of these tho wheres sour and salty >:( i eat lemons for fun

Currently working on: SOOOOO MUCH ALWAYS HELP ME heres just a small selection of my wips from the past month or so. i already want to re-draw half of them. dont be like me 😭

half of those notes are board scripts (other half comics) and that doesnt even include my unfinished fic (that ive been writing on the train i promise!!!!). started boarding the tower but we're about to learn storyboard pro in class so im gonna use it to help me get used to the program (no way i'll finish in time for clems bday 😔)

No-pressure tags: calling any and all mutuals who would like to play a little game feel free to say i tagged you :)

[four-loose-screws]

FE2 Novelization Translation - Chapter 1 Part 1

If you would like to start from the beginning, read a missed part, etc., click here!

FE Game Script Translations - FE Novel Translations - Original FE Support Conversations

If you are interested in donating to support my work, please check out my Ko-fi here. Thank you!

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Chapter 1 - The Deliverance

Part 1 - The Six Resurrection Seeds

The thousands of floor tiles that lay across the entrance hall were embedded deep into the earth. The people of the Kingdom of Zofia placed their trust in those stone tiles of the beautiful Zofia Castle, believing that peace and stability would last forever.

But the roar of several hundred combat boots currently filled the hall. It was not at all the roar of those wishing for peace in Zofia.

Blood flew through the air and onto the floor, polished so thoroughly a unit could look down and clearly see their eyebrows in the tiles.  The blood slithered across the floor and the history etched within it like countless tiny red snakes, pooling in a small dip in the tiles, forming the silhouette of a giant red starfish.

"I've captured him!" A voice echoed from the back of a group of units in uniform, who'd gathered within a room in the center of the building, searching for the throne room. 

A tall, broad chested unit standing far away, separated from the rest of the army, quietly walked towards the sound of the voice.

The army split into left and right groups to welcome him. Judging by the way everyone slightly lowered their chins before him, it was clear that this man was their leader.

In front of the divided group was a tall, golden throne. Upon the throne sat an elderly man wearing a long, white fur coat, skinned from a beast living atop the snow covered mountains.

Embedded in his chest was a sword. One stabbing would not be enough to end his life, and so he had multiple gaping wounds, gushing so much blood that it was seeping through the leather of his coat and dying the fur crimson red. And the gold and silver jewelry he wore, until this very day a glittering symbol of the Zofian royal family, was already starting to rust.

The giant unit walked straight towards the throne. As he walked, he put a hand on the hilt at his waist, and unsheathed a longsword forged from steel. It was the Royal Sword, formally passed down through Zofia, its possessor always a respected member of the royal family. Yet the giant unit holding it now had not a single drop of royal blood flowing through his veins.

The elderly man on the throne was still breathing. He moaned in pain and flailed an arm around in the air seeking support, reaching for the giant unit approaching him, and managed to say, "Desaix. Your selfish ambitions to be more than chancellor… will one day lead to your downfall…"

The giant unit was Desaix, Chancellor of the Kingdom of Zofia. The person to bestow that title upon him was King Lima IV of Zofia. Now, the person Desaix had plotted a coup d'etat against, stolen the Royal Sword from, and stood in front of as he bled, was that very King Lima IV himself.

Desaix said, "Even while in pain from bleeding out, you still make futile complaints. It sickens me that you are being such a disgrace in front of this army. King Lima IV, I have lost all respect for you."

Desaix had walked along his path of insurrection entirely indifferently. He was only able to devise it because of the walls the king had erected around him.

"Long live the king!" His thunderous voice echoed throughout the castle hall at the exact same moment that he swung the Royal Sword. 

"Long live the king!" The ring of units around him all echoed his words in unison.

It was not a cheer that wished in any way for King Lima's death, but an oath they were pledging to Desaix now that he had conquered Zofia Castle, and the coup d'etat was a success.

The gold throne became the beheaded King Lima's casket. When his head fell atop the stone tiles, his gray beard quietly soaked up his own blood, and his half-closed eyes stared up at Desaix, still full of resentment.

Desaix took a single glance at the head, wiped the unworthy blood off the Royal Sword with the corpse's fur coat, and placed it back in its sheath. In awe of the majesty of his successful uprising, the army had bowed to one knee before he even realized they were doing so, every single unit present now utterly loyal to him. "And what of the Knights of Zofia?"

In response to Desaix's question, one of the armored units answered, "We have thrown them all into the dungeon.”

A smile slid across Desaix's face. “Oh? All of them are in the dungeon? Seems that not many survived, then!”

The armored unit also smiled, looked up at Desaix, and said, "You are correct, sir."

-

Beneath the stone floor of the castle hall was an exceptionally large dungeon carved into the earth, with metal bars sectioning the cells off from the outside and each other. As Zofia was such a peaceful country, it had not been used in a long, long time.

A short while ago, a member of Desaix’s army had thrown the notice of King Lima IV’s death into the cell. 

"It's your lucky day! Lord Desaix, to celebrate his success, has found it in his heart to grant you each his pardon. He said that he will let you free, under the condition that you vow his loyalty to him. He will wait until tomorrow morning, when the morning birds sing. Those who cannot wait patiently here until then… I'm sure I don't even have to say what will happen to you. You will be killed."

Everyone in the cell, upon hearing the unit's words, all began once again crying tears they thought had long since dried up. The first time they cried was when they learned the effort to defend against the coup d'etat had failed, and they had to prepare themselves for King Lima's death. Now, they cried tears of anger at Desaix's utter lack of shame, attempting to trample over the dignity of the survivors.

"We should take our own lives in honor! If we bite our tongues now, it will beat the true character of the Knights of Zofia into Desaix!"

Twenty knights remained. Desaix's surprise attack had reduced the number of brave knights serving the Zofian royal family from several thousand to a mere twenty. Most of those twenty were the Knight’s leaders. They were veteran units and central figures of the Knights, teaching and honing the skills of the front line forces.

Among them remained a mere six loyal young units. Having witnessed their allies fall one after the other during the battle against Desaix’ army, they had already attempted to take their own lives, but were stopped and taken to this dungeon.

In their cell, filled with stagnant, cold air, one of the six young units, a Cavalier named Clive, proposed proposed dying to preserve their honor. There was no doubt that his sacred horse was outside looking up at the first stars in the night sky, waiting for his master that would not return.

As the precipitation from the ceiling fell and splashed atop his armor, one of the elderly units said, "It is tragic when young units rush to their deaths. They think of dying as proof they lived a good life." 

"If we do not take our own lives, then we will abandon our honor!" Clive stared straight at the gray haired unit, vehement anger in his expression.

"Do you really think that the Knights of Zofia's history, written over thousands of years, would be trampled by a single person like Desaix? We will not let them touch us. Live. Do not surrender yourselves to their blades. Will you assure your old teacher that you will not?" The gray haired unit smiled. "Right now, you should wait. Young units like yourselves may strongly wish to die while you are still beautiful, so you will stay beautiful forever. I was like that once myself, so I know all too well how you feel. But anyone who's lived as long as I have will be a little wiser than all of you. Rather than carve the honor of the Knights into the truths of history, your desires will surely shift, and you will think it wiser to leave behind tales of the lives you lived after you survived." 

The gray haired unit searched his breast pocket as he spoke, until finally pulling out a small bag that was tightly sewn into his uniform. The bag had turned black with his sweat, and likely his blood as well. When he turned it inside out, six black pills, each roughly the size of a grain of wheat, tumbled into his wrinkly hand.

"I have here six Resurrection Seeds. They were made by mixing a unicorn horn ground into powder with the blood of a necrodragon, then reciting a prayer to Mila and Duma while kneading the mixture in total darkness, over the course of ninety-nine nights of a new moon.”

The other thirteen elderly units simply listened to him talk. Since none of them even tried to add a single word, it seemed that his words represented how all of the Knight's remaining leaders felt.

"If you swallow them, you will die. But four hours later, you will be resurrected. While you are dead, even flies will be drawn to your body. Miraculously, there are exactly six young units among us under the age of twenty. We must have Mila's divine protection. Even after everything that has happened, she has not abandoned her Knights." The gray haired unit called out six names.

First, the Cavalier Clive, leader of the young units.

The Pegasus Knight Clair, his younger sister, blessed by the gods with the ability to ride a winged horse.

The hot-blooded Soldier Lukas, who handled his lance like a bolt of lightning. 

Another Soldier, Forsyth, the polar opposite in personality from Lukas. His true strength was his ability to calmly make decisions in the heat of battle.

The Archer prodigy Python, whose abilities with the bow were fueled by both his short temper and great skills.

And lastly, the beautiful Cavalier Mathilda, an extraordinarily skilled female unit, whose brave soul was never to be outdone by Clive's.

They stepped forward as their names were called, having no idea of what was about to happen, and gathered around the gray haired unit, sitting down further inside the humid, cold, and wet cell.

"Swallow these. They will get you out of this cell." When his words reached their ears, all of the color drained from their faces.

"We could never!” Clive shouted.

"We cannot leave our teachers behind!" Mathilda said to support Clive's words. 

Clair, standing next to them, nodded firmly and bit her lip.

Though they had only just learned what the elderly units' intentions were, Forsyth was the first to realize the full implications, and tears were already streaming down his face.

"We will die together! We all swore that to each other as the Knights of Zofia, at the very same time that we swore to live together!" Forsyth said as he choked on his tears, having already fallen into his mouth.

"We would never think of trying to survive if it meant you had to be sacrificed!"

"Are you trying to make cowards of us? We will die together. That is our deepest wish." Lukas and Python said in support of Forsyth.

The gray haired unit, Resurrection Seeds still in his hand, looked past the six young units and their tear stained faces, to the other elderly units standing behind them. "Doesn't this move you, everyone? Don't you feel as grateful as I do? We are feeble old men who could not protect the royal family, yet these six young units still consider us their comrades. For units like them to be the only six left, don't you think Mila has placed us under her divine protection?"

Though it was each in their own way, the thirteen elderly units all began to cry, and wiped their faces with their sleeves, tattered from the previous battle.

The gray haired unit looked back at the six young units. "But I will also put it another way. You are all fools."

The young units were all forcing their mouths to stay shut to hold back their sobs, but when they heard his words, their mouths all hung open in shock.

The gray haired unit paused to confirm the new tension on their faces, then continued, "Listen carefully to me. Our deaths are not what you should grieve. It is not cowardly in the slightest for you to survive as we sacrifice ourselves. If you do not understand that, then you are all genuine fools. It shocks me to hear units like you speak of our army's honor."

While the others were all completely taken aback, Python felt anger surge through him with no idea exactly what to direct it at, and started to suddenly stand up, but Clive raised one of his muscular arms to stop him.

The gray haired unit saw this, and smiled at him. Clive did not smile, instead staring straight back.

The gray haired unit's expression became grim once more. "What you should grieve is the death of Zofia's soul. Of the Zofian royal family. Do you understand? The Knights of Zofia has a history several thousand years long, and now we are all that is left of it. Though we are all that remain, none of that was for naught. The Resurrection Seeds have not been discovered by Desaix’s army, and there are as many of them as there are of you.

”Don't you see it? Mila is telling you to live. Telling Zofia to live. Telling you to release Zofia from Desaix's grip upon it, so our home can be free once again. That will be much more painful than your deaths would be. Getting back up after this dire situation, and standing on the front line once more, will be greater suffering than being torn limb from limb. But if you try to run from that agony, you will be good for nothing as units."

“Take these.” He held his hand straight out in front of them.

None of them moved, but that lasted only for a moment.

The first person to take a Resurrection Seed was Clive. And once Clive took one, everyone else reached out at almost exactly the same time.

The gray haired unit, now that his hand was finally empty, curled his fingers up and put his hand into his breast pocket, as if he was sheathing a dagger.

”You've likely heard the name Mycen before. He is known as the Holy Knight, and was once Zofia's symbol of justice. Desaix plotted against him and had him chased out of the castle, and so he now lives in the hidden Ram Village. It is a village built on a cape, in a remote location at the southernmost tip of Zofia. Meet with him. Build up the Deliverance, and liberate Zofia from Desaix's clutches."

Those were the last words he said.

The six young units put the seeds in their mouths, swallowed them, and died.

"We will come save you." Mathilda whispered the moment before her false death.

- 

A commotion had long been brewing in the dungeon cell. It annoyed the dungeon guard, and he came up to the cell to figure out what was going on.

Inside the cell, six units were lying in a pile on the ground.

"They all drank poison! It dissolved their insides, and we cannot stand the smell! It's going to kill us feeble old men before any of you can!" Said the gray haired unit, in the front of the group, while pinching his nose. 

A bad smell was unquestionably wafting from inside the cell, and the dungeon guard deduced immediately that the terrible stench would travel to the castle hall by nightfall.

He called for backup, and while another guard stood around the cell with his sword drawn, he dragged the six dead units out of the cell, and threw them in a hole behind the castle used to dispose of garbage.

-

The fall of the castle was not enough to satisfy Desaix’s guard. Still nervous, they were continuing to monitor the castle, when in the starry sky, they saw something that looked like a white cloth flying away, towards the southwest of the castle.

It was Clair's pegasus. The mount was circling the skies above the castle, waiting for her master to return. When she heard Clair whistle sharply, she immediately descended. 

Afraid that the sounds of their sacred horses' hooves would echo loudly, Clive and Mathilda tore strips of fabric from their uniforms, and made them into bags to wrap around their mounts' hooves. The dust clouds they kicked up blended into the darkness.

Because they had not been noticed yet, and Lukas, Python, and Forsyth did not have mounts and needed to ride with someone who did, the pegasus and horses were weighed down significantly, and they could only gallop at half their normal speed. But regardless of that, just before daybreak, they arrived at the cave they had set out to reach.

The southwest of Zofia Castle was a coastal area. If one traveled down the coastline long enough, at the end of that path was a cave, roughly about the size of a rice paddy.

The cave was made to be the Knight's final fort. Only weapons and rations were stored inside, the entrance was tightly closed off by a giant rock, and no one knew to come to this area, so they could go undiscovered by Desaix’s army. After having taken note of what supplies were stored inside, and returning the rock to its position blocking the entrance, the six units confirmed that Desaix’s army had not pursued them, and sighed with a hand on their chests.

They all had a bitter taste in their mouths as a side effect of the seeds, so first, they rinsed out their mouths with spring water. After that, they searched the weapons stored inside the fort, each took one that matched their fighting style, and checked each one for rust, impressed that the oil used had kept every single weapon from developing any.

Four of the units heard an argument break out. Only Lukas and Forsyth were left inside the weapons storage. Their armor had been cracked and they lost their gauntlets in the battle at the castle, so the others heard them squabbling over a set of armor so new they could see their faces in it. 

But they were not the only ones. In the cave entrance, Clive and Mathilda were yelling so loudly that they were spitting on each other.

"We will go to the castle immediately! To where our teachers are!” Now that they all had both weapons and armor, Mathilda proposed that they should go rescue the remaining members of the Knights, still locked inside the dungeon.

Python had put a bow carved from an old persimmon tree on his back, and filled his quiver full of steel arrows. As he agreed with Mathilda, he stood next to her and glared at Clive, who was trying to interject.

Mathilda continued to lay pressure on Clive. "If we go now, we can still make it to them in time. We cannot leave our teachers to die!"

Clair was the only one unclear of whose side she was on. She stood frozen in the middle of the three units glaring at each other, looking back and forth nervously at whoever was actively talking.

"We wouldn't make it out alive!" Clive shouted. "How many times do I have to say it before you get it?! Are you just repeating yourself to feel better?! You heard what our teachers said! If you would just think it through, you'd know that there is only one answer! Desaix's numbers at the castle alone are in the hundreds! I can't just let you go to your death without doing something about it!"

“Are you afraid to die?!”

“That’s not it!”

“Our teachers are going to be killed in a matter of hours!"

"I know! I know that all too well! So cut my chest open!"

"Why would I do that?!" Mathilda froze in bewilderment. 

Clive ripped open his combat shirt with both hands and tore it off his body. His bare chest, deeply sunburnt and covered in wounds from many consecutive days of battle, was assaulted by the tension in the room. "You don't need your favorite lance. Just that dagger on your waist will do. If you're going to go to the castle, cut my chest open. Then go. You heard what our teacher said. Mila is telling us to live. Telling Zofia to live. You heard his words too, didn't you?! If we lost you, it would be the same as losing everything! If you die, we cannot liberate Zofia, and our teachers will have died in vain! If you're fine with that, then do this, too. If you want to die, then I will follow you and go to the castle. But I don't want to die by Desaix's hand. I wish a thousand times harder for you to be the one to kill me."

That was it. Python immediately responded to Clive's words by putting a hand on Mathilda's back. 

Mathilda finally looked away from Clive and walked off, then, still standing, she put her elbow on the rock wall, and bit down on her finger.

Python sat down on the closest flat rock to him, pulled an arrow out of his quiver, and began to polish the arrowhead.

"The path we follow will be bleak, whichever direction we go in." Clive said. 

At some point, Clair had brought over a new shirt and put it around his shoulders. 

He did not put his arms through the armholes, instead leaving it to hang like a coat.

As he sat down on his own large, flat rock, it was clear from the expression on his face that he was trying to think of a strategy.

Clive still knew that his desire to never give up would not vanish so suddenly, even in a situation like this. He looked over at Mathilda, standing still in a shadowy part of the cave, and called out Lukas' name. "You are the fastest on foot. And you are the best among us at being able to hide yourself. It would be even faster to go by horse, but they stand out too much. Go to Ram Village. Trust everything to Lord Mycen. This is a map of Zofia." On top of a rock, he opened a sheepskin parchment with a large drawing on it.

Lukas walked over to the area of the room where the light of the lantern hanging from the cave ceiling shined the brightest, stood right beside Clive's shoulder, and looked down. Forsyth did the opposite and left them there, then headed towards the weapons storage alone.

"Give me two nights. That's all I will need." Lukas said. 

Clive said nothing in response, instead only slapping his hand on Lukas’ shoulder and nodding.

Forsyth returned from the weapons storage and came up to them from behind. In his hands was a standard lance, which he handed over to Lukas. "I chose the strongest and lightest one."

Lukas took the lance from Forsyth, and tried it out two, then three times against a rock. "It's perfect."

The two hugged and thumped their fists against each other's backs.

"Go. Don't worry about us." Clair chased him down to the cave entrance. "I'm going to go check on the horses. If the foliage we put around them to camouflage them blows away in the wind, we'll be in trouble."

So she said, but it was clear as day to everyone that her true intentions were to say goodbye to Lukas alone.

Python looked straight at them without even a hint of shame, and grinned before whistling at them.

Forsyth scoffed and glared at him for a moment before watching Clair and Lukas walk off, then moved towards Clive, studying the open map’s details.

“I want us to have at least twice the numbers we do now.” Forsyth said, starting a long discussion between them about their battle strategy.

Each individual unit in Desaix’s army was not that strong. But their sheer numbers would undoubtedly be a problem, so they had to fear the possibility of exhausting their stamina and weapons supply. While their biggest problem was numbers, if everyone had known Holy Knight Mycen was with the Knights - now the Zofian liberation army, named the Deliverance - perhaps not as many units would have defected to Desaix’s army. They had to think of a strategy before Lukas returned with Mycen…

The oil in the lanturn suddenly ran out, dimming its light, making Forsyth and Clive realize how much time had passed.

“Clair still hasn’t come back yet?” Clive asked, realizing he hadn't seen her. 

Python had already finished polishing several arrows, lined them up in front of him, and gathered even more arrows. He just shook his head. 

Mathilda, who'd been crouching against a wall holding a lance, lost in thought ever since her argument with Clive, looked up at him, the expression on her face making it clear that she had realized something.

For a brief moment, in the entrance room of the cave, the cold night air rushed inside.

"I’ll go take a look!" Forsyth said, and grabbed his lance leaned against the stone walls before hurrying outside.

He soon returned, but his footsteps were several times faster and louder than they had been when he left.

That was when they realized something had happened.

"She's not here. Neither is her pegasus."

Even in the weakened light of the lantern, as he spoke, they could see that all the color had drained from Forsyth's face.

"I saw hoofprints from several horses left behind on the ground. And they weren't from our horses. I remember seeing those hoofprints before. They left the same mark as the horseshoes Desaix's forces use. I know it."

Mathilda immediately stood up. "I'm gonna say it!" Anger flashed across her beautiful features. "If we'd made the first move, this wouldn't have happened to your sister! And we could have saved our teachers!" She raised her lance and pointed it straight at Clive, whose face was perhaps even more pale than Forsyth's.

"You're a coward! You aren't even worth killing!" Mathilda screamed so hard she spit in Clive’s face, then ran out of the room.

Clair had been captured by Desaix’s army. She hadn't even screamed, probably fearing that if she did so, the cave would be discovered.

For a long while, Clive did not try to chase Mathilda down the long entrance to the cave. Before the night was even over, The Deliverance was already on the brink of death. All he could do was cry his eyes out.

[thejournallo]

hello, so glad to have found your acc🤍 i have some questions and some problems i want to talk about so i'm hoping you can help me! basically ive known about shifting for over 2 years, tried a few times, got symptoms but never really shifted(either lost interest in where i was going to ot got bored) but recently i have been so much more serious and i also have friends that are into shifting, and one of my friend is so knowledgeable about it, she is so close to shifting(maybe even did) and helps me out with my concerns, taught me sm but i don't wanna ask her all the time. so i know that im not just creating a fantasy world and that i'm going to a reality where the things i want already exist and so do i but i'm wondering if i can stay there till i die? i wanna go to somewhere where living for hundreds of years is possible and i can live for hundreds of years right? also i'm not planning on writing a script but rather being in my mind(i haven't decided yet) but things will go how i want right? like if i want to change smth later on can i or no harm will come to me or the people around me right? or if i script smth that will happen later but i forget about it or decide i don't want it anymore will it still happen or will i be able to change it? i keep getting negative thoughts and it makes me really anxious :( i hope you can help me out with my questions and validate me a little🙏 have a nice day! 🤍🤍 sorry if i talked too much :(

My dear, you don't have to apologize for talking too much! All your questions are legit and actually smart questions to ask!

I want to reassure you by saying that negative talk and toughts are really common when we first start shifting, and you can fight them off. When I had them, I often stopped myself and said, "Those are not my true thoughts; those are the thoughts of dought, and I don't dought myself or the universe." It really helps.

Now about the questions! (here is the link from when i talked about shifting, in case it can help)

I can stay there till I die? / i can live for hundreds of years right?

I already talked about how time works and how we can make it work. To answer directly your question, you can do that, but you have to be aware that you will come back to your-age once you die there, and that could be a shock to you because you already lived a life. Imagine five from the umbrella academy that went back to his younger self. It can be like this, but with more shock because you didn't predict it. So living for hundreds of years could be fun to do. I suggest you script (or make sure to remember) how times will work for you. for example:  2 years in your dr are 2 hours of sleep here, and I will come back every 2 years. It would be less of a shock and more of a routine that settles itself like this.

things will go how i want right? / if i want to change smth later on can i or no harm will come to me or the people around me right? / will i still be able to change something that i don't want it to happen anymore?

You have to think of it as another life and world. The only difference is that we can decide if we want the power to control it or not. For me, I always liked the fact that I can't control what happens, but if I want something to happen, I just write it or say it to my doctor. So yes, if you want, everything can and will go the right way for you! No one will be hurt by your decision, not you or the people around you! Yes, everything you script can be easily changed here and in your DR. I usualy script that I have a diary where I can change my script right away in my DR, so I'm always updated, and I always remember what I script, so if I don't like it anymore, I simply write an x on it so I know that the scene won't happen. easy, fun, and helpful!

if you have other questions i will be more than happy to listen and be here for you through out your journey!

[thewitcheswitch89]

The Witches Image

Papa Emeritus IV - Part 4

you can also read on:

Min Heyoka (@TheWitcheswitch89) - Wattpad

Notes: mentioning of blood

I spent the whole day reading the dark script. I went through all the steps of the ritual. And even though I knew what to expect, I couldn't stop the excitement from growing inside me.

Madison had tried to persuade me to eat, but I could barely get anything down. Just thinking about tonight made me feel sick again. Lost in thought, I kept scratching the wound on my shoulder that wouldn't stop itching. As if it wanted to make sure I didn't forget it existed. Even the music couldn't distract me. On the contrary, Copia's voice made me even more nervous.

He would perform the ritual, and I couldn't avoid him. After the incident outside Sister Imperator's office, I had tried to avoid him all week. But as soon as I closed my eyes in the evening, I saw his face. His white eyes that cast a spell over me.

I still wondered what had happened that day. The way he had touched me, his sudden closeness. The way he looked at me. How had it come to this? And why hadn't I been able to keep my mouth shut? 'That feels good', why did my brain always have to have such lapses? I buried my face in my hands at the thought. Lucifer, I was such an idiot...an embarrassing idiot.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a soft knock on my door. I glanced at my alarm clock. It was just before 11 pm.

"Yes!" I got up from my bed and turned off the system.

Madison opened the door. She was already wearing her habit and had hidden her blonde hair under her black veil.

"It's time!" she said, looking at me with concern. "You look tired."

"Yes! I've been trying to study all day...now I feel like I've been run over!" I replied, taking the white dress off the hanger. I’d have to wear it to the ritual. It was more like a loose-fitting nightgown with long sleeves, knee-length.

"You've got this!" She gave me a little smile and nodded encouragingly.

I followed her. Out of the room, down the hall to the chapel. We stopped in front of an old wooden door with iron rivets. I smelled herbs and oils. Madison knocked, and Sister Imperator opened the door.

"Come in!" She stepped aside to reveal a tub. Three sisters in habits stood next to it. I recognized them; I had seen them at meals. They nodded and smiled. Madison took the nightgown and put it on a chair.

"Sister Lia," Sister Imperator said, placing an arm on my shoulder. I swallowed against the lump in my throat. "It's time now. Please undress to receive your ablution."

I nodded, feeling a bit nervous, and glanced at Madison. She nodded back. I got out of my clothes and handed them to Madison, who took them. I was completely exposed, so I made sure to cover the wound with my hair. I didn't want to have to answer any awkward questions. Sister Imperator looked me over from head to toe, which made my face flush. I was tempted to cover myself with my hands. But she smiled at me and nodded towards the tub. One of the three sisters helped me in and I closed my eyes as I felt the hot, fragrant water cover my nakedness. They began to wash my back, arms and face with a sponge. They murmured prayers as they did so. They were addressing them to Lilith.

After what seemed like an interminable wait, Sister Emperor's voice rang out: "It's time! Come out and meet your destiny, my child!"

I let out a sigh as I stepped out of the warm water and into the cold. Madison helped me dry off with a towel. I would have loved to get back into my warm clothes. The ritual required me to wear only this nightgown. I was supposed to give in completely to the dark lord. All I had to do was wear a thin layer of fabric between us. After a short time, my feet felt like ice, and the cold made its way up my body, causing me to shiver.

"My child, please proceed to receive the unholy mass." Sister Imperator nodded to Madison, Who helped me out of the room with a gentle nudge.

"Are you okay?" she asked as soon as we were alone in the candlelit hallway.

"I'm freezing my ass off!" I replied. This made Madison laugh. She briefly stroked my back.

"I can see it!" I sighed, wanting nothing more than to cross my hands in front of my chest.

"Okay, come on, we can't be late! Otherwise Imperator will kill us!"

It was time. When we got to the big door that led to the chapel, I took a deep breath. Madison made sure she walked behind me as I approached Primo, who was standing in front of the door in his black choir robe. The candles cast shadows on his wrinkled face, which was adorned with black and white makeup, making him look even more sinister. But it was standard practice for those in higher positions to show off their unholiness with this makeup at events like this. Nobody should doubt their unholiness.

I stood in front of him, making sure not to break eye contact.

"I beseech you, let me in, for I am a sinner." My voice was shaky and uncertain. Primo lifted his chin and looked at me with a furrowed brow. I had to pull myself together. I couldn't mess this up. Primo ran his eyes over my trembling body and a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.

„Those who are truly sinful are the only ones who are permitted to enter the presence of the Dark Lord!“, His voice, firm and convincing, bounced off the walls. I swallowed and tried to calm my racing heart. Lia, you can do better than that!

"I beseech you, let me in, for I am a sinner." My voice came across better this time. But it still didn't seem to be enough to convince Primo.

„Those who are truly sinful are the only ones who are permitted to enter the presence of the Dark Lord!“ His voice seemed to mock me and I could feel the impatience growing inside me. I was cold and I hadn't eaten all day. I wanted to finally get this over with. Primo's grin widened. I breathed harder, clenching my hands into fists next to my body. Inside, I cursed his stupid grin. I knew he was teasing me and he had succeeded.

"I entreat you to permit my entry, for I AM a sinner.", My voice echoed in the dark corridor, and I cringed a little. Primo looked down.

"Open wide the door, open wide the gate...The Lord welcomes you...because you are a sinner!"  he said, his voice loud and dark. Not long after that, the doors to the chapel slid open. Primo nodded to me and stepped aside.

The chapel was lit by candles. The pews were filled to capacity. Faces in shadows, their eyes fixed on me as I walked slowly down the aisle to the altar. It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. I could feel Madison behind me, and I felt a little better.

In the front pews sat the most senior members of the order. Next to Sister Imperator, Papa Nihil, Secondo, and Terzo. Terzos gaze remained fixed on my chest as I walked past them.

Copia took his position in front of the altar. When our eyes met, I had to pull myself together not to give in to the urge to avoid his intense gaze. This gaze that completely captivated me and made me unable to think about anything else.

I stopped in front of the steps leading to the altar, my gaze fixed on Copia. He smiled and came over to me. He motioned for me to kneel down with a gesture of his hand. When my knees hit the cushion, I let out a soft sigh, still watching him. I noticed Madison standing a few meters away. As the guests sat down, i could hear the rustling of fabric.

Copia came over and I looked up at him. His makeup was on point, no smudges, the black lines were sharp over the white paint.

It was only then that I realized how subdued my position was. His body seemed to literally hover over me, his dark gaze on me for a second too long, scrutinizing every inch of me. The thin night shirt didn't leave much room for imagination.

A soft clearing of the throat. Copia turned his gaze to the chapel and the person behind me.

"Brothers and sisters...We have gathered here today to welcome this sinner into our unholy covenant" He said, his voice dark and beautiful. His eyes were on me again, expectant, almost demanding.

"Are you ready to sacrifice your soul to the Dark Lord? So answer...Yes, I am!", holding out his hands, he leaned towards me a little.

"Yes... I am!" My voice seemed convincing and strong despite my excitement. Copia couldn't hide a benevolent smile as he drew in a sharp breath and continued speaking.

"So call him by his names and he will hear you! ", placing his fingers under my chin, he nodded to me. His touch gave me goose bumps and I shivered under his gaze. Swallowing hard, I tried to remember the names.

"Belial...Behemoth...Beelzebub...Asmodeus...Satan...Lucifer!" I cried, feeling a knot in my stomach as he removed his hand from my chin, the black leather cool against my skin.

"Glory to Satan!",  the chapel resounded in chorus. With one last look, Copia turned his back on me and walked to the altar. Where he raised the large chalice and held it in the direction of the devil's figure.

 „In the present moment, we call upon you, Satan, the fallen angel who was banished from heaven. We ask that you bless this wine and transform it into your own blood, there by making this oath and this sister yours!“.

"Glory to Satan!".

His richly decorated mitre shone in the light of the candles, his mozetta played around his chest as he approached me with the chalices.

"Rise, brothers and sisters!" he demanded with a serious look. His eyes seemed to darken as he turned his gaze back to me. The smile had disappeared.

"Our father, who is in hell,

Unholy his name,

Curses his daughters and sons

Before your archenemy,

Who is guilty

Of desecrating thy kingdom.

For thine is the kingdom, the darkness

Forever and ever...

Glory be to Satan!"

The voices fell silent and I took a sip from the goblet, sweet wine slid pleasantly down my throat.

"Glory to Satan... Glory to Satan... Glory to Satan!".

With my eyes fixed on Copia, I put the cup to my lips again.

"Glory be to Satan...Glory be to Satan...Glory be to Satan!".

His lips parted, dark eyes scrutinizing my wine-soaked lips as I took another sip.

"Glory be to Satan...Glory be to Satan...Glory be to Satan!".

I ran my tongue over my lower lip to take in the last drop of wine. And I saw Copia swallow hard before I handed him the chalice again and he put it back on the altar.

Then he turned back to the statue, lifted up a host, blessed it and approached me, willingly i open my mouth. The host was sweet and dissolved on my tongue.

"Glory be to Satan...Glory be to Satan...Glory be to Satan!".

Clearing his throat, he turned to Madison: "Do you swear, Sister of Sin... to bear witness to this sister's unholiness. To accompany her on her path. And to support her on her dark path to Lucifer and to uphold her dark faith. That her soul may only light up in darkness!".

"Glory be to Satan!".

Madison raised her hand to swear, "As I stand here in the eye of the dark lord, I do!". 

"Glory be to Satan!".

He turned to the altar and handed Madison an athame. I hated this part.

"So take her blood, so the oath can't be broken!"

Copia turned to the altar, picked up the Unholy Scripture, and stepped in front of me. My knees were killing me as I stood up. Madison took my right hand, gave me an apologetic look, and then stabbed the tip of the athame into the top of my finger. After a brief stabbing pain, blood ran down my finger. I turned to Copia, who held out the page with the contract. It was a contract with Satan to dedicate my soul to him. I looked for a free line. Many had signed before me, leaving brown dried blood with each signature.

I climbed a step up to him and signed my name with my blood in Satan's book.

"Glory to Satan...Glory to Satan...Glory to Satan!".

As soon as I wrote my name in the book, I felt a sharp pain shoot through me. It spread from my shoulder across my entire body, and everything went dark.

„ Bibe me...Manducare me...videam lucem...veni ad me...ego sum tu...tu me..."

Lilith lifted her head and seemed to want to escape Satan's grip around her waist. Her eyes flashed red, and her hair framed her face as she turned to me. Her voice echoed in my ears, though her lips did not move.

"Vocavie te ...venisti...traxi te...tu pertinent et Me"....

Her arms were outstretched towards me. "ita sit"

her hand grabbed my forehead and pushed it back with a lot of force. A loud laugh rang out. Then I hit the cold ground beneath me. The shadows grew longer and enveloped me. The pain in my shoulder was just a faint echo.

Tranlation:

Bibe me...Manducare me...videam lucem...veni ad me...ego sum tu...tu me..

"Eat me...Chew me...I saw the light...I came to you...I am you...You are me..."

Vocavie te ...venisti...traxi te...tu pertinent et Me

You came to me...I brought you here...you belong to Me

ita sit

So bei t

[briefcasejuice]

this one time i got lost on campus going to a class and i emailed my professor like Hey i have no idea where i am and ive already taken a good chunk of our class time looking for the class so im gonna be absent today and he emailed me back like Hey no ill take you to class where are you. so he showed me the way to class and. quick aside i still don't know the script for student-prof relationships bc it doesn't work the same way authority between educators and students work in jamaica so my masking technique is to dissociate from sheer anxiety. aside over. on the way there he initiated conversation by telling me about the fact that the reason the library is so hard to navigate is cause it was designed in the 60s -> 70s when they were specifically trying to limit on campus demonstrations. which is. wow usamerica

[1358456]

Pokemon Emerald Random Team Run Part 3

More distractions needed. Also this Emerald version run has gotten me to think more about Pokemon Generation III as a whole so... I might definitely do something involving Sapphire (as in, the girl) very soon.

"Yeah right, you just happened to random into a Pokemon that pretty much hard-counters my entire team. Bullsh*t." Salty, much?

Huh. An unavoidable, scripted event that triggered the moment I beat Norman that gives me an HM. Which means, I finally got an unavoidable HM. 1/5 HMs so far were unavoidable. 0/5 are unavoidable in Generation I, 1/7 in Generation II, 1/5 (so far) in Generation III (though I think Fly and Dive are also unavoidable, which would make 3/8), 7/8 in Generation IV...

And by "unavoidable", I mean... if I started the game with a Pokemon that had every HM already, how many HMs can I actually avoid picking up?

Anyways. Now that I finally have Surf, my Water type Pokemon actually have a usable STAB... though it's irrelevant for an Adamant Gyarados, so it's only Feraligatr. And I found out that Xatu sucks. Its moveset is Peck and Night Shade until it gets Future Sight at some point, and that's it. Peck is a physical attack with no power, Night Shade does flat level damage, and Future Sight (and Jirachi's Doom Desire) is bugged until like XY when it finally starts using stats and typing. It learns Psychic at level... 65? Pfft. F*ck that. TM 29 it is... once I can afford it at the gambling hall... Until then, Xatu... um... it exists, I guess.

New Mauville... that's packed with Magnemites... uh oh. Won't be a challenge, eh? ... Are you sure about that?

"It won't be a challenge," he said...

And he now gives me TM 24: Thunderbolt. ... Which I don't need anymore because I dumped all my cash into the gambling hall to buy TM 24 for Jirachi... instead of TM 29: Psychic for Xatu... f*ck.

Ah, this experience makes me truly feel nostalgia for Magneton and feel the power creep. Back in Generation I, Magneton sucked ass. No Steel typing, and only has Thundershock (but Thunderbolt TM existed). In Generation II, it gets a Steel typing, but still only has Thundershock and Zap Cannon, and Thunderbolt isn't a TM. So it's a harmless tank. In Generation III, it gets Spark, which drastically increases its power output. And Thunderbolt again. And in Generation IV, it gets Flash Cannon for a secondary STAB to deal with Ground types. And in Generation V, its Sturdy becomes a Focus Sash. And Eviolite also existed at some point.

Anyways...

Bitch, I'm adorable. ... And also, I only came here to issue a formal complaint about blocking the only bridge to Fortree. I don't give a damn about what's going on over here.

Unavoidable HM #2... which happens to be HM02.

Who the fu- oh yeah. This guy. And that scrub was pissed that he lost? Then maybe he shouldn't have tried Mud Shot against Aerodactyl.

Can't you just like... blast whatever's in the way? And you'd think Winona would do something about this when she either goes to work or comes back from said work and she bumps into the obstacle.

Winona: "Ow! What the... huh? ... Weird. I guess I'll just fly over this instead... Let someone else deal with it." Random: "Freaking lazy ass..."

Um... I think my last interview broke her. Hehehe... Spoink, the completely unrelated Pokemon to this battle since none of us have it.

Can't I just shove one of the two obstacles into the lake below and just go about my business? ... And come to think of it, the Kecleon's "invisibility" is just its skin blending into the environment which means light doesn't go through, hence the shadow. So if you were to skin a Kecleon and study it, you could come up with an active-camo tech... I bring that up because it was going to be mentioned at some point in Legacy until the whole tech thing got scrapped.

Isn't this the optional final battle against the "rival"? I remember that's why this guy's such a scrub. Never fully evolves the starter and the final battle is optional.

Heh. This guy's basically reading Destiny to me. I actually miss writing that thing. Writing catastrophes and cataclysms was quite entertaining.

Hey, for the sake of fashion, do whatever you want. Platinum wears a miniskirt in a blizzard, and you guys are bundled up for a blizzard while inside a volcano. You do you.

It's because you two morons are dumb as bricks. This is why Archie and Maxie do not get a Yakuza-esque intro sequence like I did for Generation I and II. Lunatics and dumbasses don't warrant such effort.

Heh. Looks like she wanted an actual coherent interview for a change.

Gabby: "Can you tell us how you're feeling about this?" Stern: "Well, I have to say..." Gabby: "Holy crap an actual answer!"

And I'll leave it at here. I'll pick this back up when I need another distraction.

[unktto]

OH DUDE SO LET ME TALK ABOUT MY DAY SECOND DAY ON THE JOB ACTUALLY NOT BAD I WAS MAKING PHONE CALLS ASKING FOR A GENERAL CHECK UP WHILE HE WAS GONE I CALLED LIKE 15 PPL AND LIKE BRO I WAS SO LOST AND SOME CHICK FINALLY ASKED ME A QUESTION LIKE GENERAL CHECK UP OF WHAT 😭

GIRL I HAVE NO IDEA THATS JUST THE SCRIPT THEY GAVE ME

LITERALLY ONE QUESTION AND IM OUT

BUT I MEED TO STUDY IVE BEEN PUTTING IT OFF

anyways so i first got there and like he was in a meeting with a client and he took him to go check a house he was wanting

anyways i was theee with rob for a bit and he is the construction manager

but anyways after greg came back the client left and then he showed me how to do calls today and i was like ehhh not great at first but i was just nervous

anyways after we had this one client who said his floors still have the glue in it and that rob hasn’t came by and then was complaining because no one has taken care of him and i told him to give us one last chance and ill make sure we get there today and then i called him back like 3 times and he was actually cool

then OH ME AND MY BOSS (greg) SO ME AND HIM WENT TO GO LOOK AT THE NEW NEIGHBORHOOD THEY ARE BUILDING WHICH ONCE WE FINISH WITH SIERRA VISTA WE ARE GONNA BE MOVING TO WHICH IS GONNA GAKE US LIKE 2 1/2 TO SELL LAL THE HOUSES THERE

oh but anyways we went to go look at the new place and we had to go through a back road AND BROO SWEAR TO GOD I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA KILL ME LIKE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IVE ONLY MET THIS GUY LIKE 3 TIMES AND IT WAS ONCE AT WORK WHERE HE OFFERED ME THE JOB AND THEN MY FIRST DAY AND NOW

SO LIKE WE WERE TLAKING BEFORE THAT AND I THOUGHT IT WAS ALSO SO SWEET CAUSE HE WAS LIKE IVE ALWAYS WANTED A DAUGHTER AND SHIT SND IM ALR LIKE FUCKED UP IDK IF YOURE ASKING BUT LIKE YEAHHH I GOT YOU LETS GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER A BIT MORE THO AND HES ACTUALLY COOL AS SHIT BUT IM SO USED TO OKDER GUYS BEING CREEPY AND NOT CARING FOR ME OPENLY IM SO USED TO LIKE MEAN LOVE CUZ THATS HOW MY TIOS ARE AND I LOVE THEM BUT THEY ARENT THE TYPE TO OPENLY SHOW THEIR FEELINGS SO ITS WEIRD WHEN THIS GUY DOES IT AND HE HASNT TOLD ME HE LOVES ME BUT LIKE HE ALSO HAS BEEN LIKE OFFERING TO BUY ME SO MUCH SHIT AND I KEEP TELLING HIM I AM GOOD AND I DONT NEED IT AND IM FINE AND I DONT LIKE TO BE GIVEN THINGS I LIKE WORKING FOR IT AND HE JUST TOLD ME THAT I AM DAMAGED AND THAT ITS OKAY TO RECEIVE HELP AND THATS GODS WAY AND HE IS VERY RELIGIOUS AND I HONESTLY LOVE THAT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL SAFER

but we also talked about his son apperently they aren’t close cause his son is more mean and selfish but he thinks it’s cause he’s an olny child and that’s when he told me he had always wanted a daughter and shit

his first wife died and he has a second wife i think they are still together i just found out today he had a second wife i seen the wedding ring but i thought he was one of those widows still in love with their so

anyways the last 30ish minutes i kinda was just watching tiktok and reading instagram post and then he paid me and i got to go he’s going on vacation today til the 28 so no work until he gets back but gives me enough time to study

ughh studying but i really like this job and i see a future here

he’s a really great boss dude we made a promise not to lie and to be honest and open with another and we shook on it

he’s genuinely gonna be my work dad >:)

my mom has one of those his name is andy

he is really nice she did the same shit when she was younger she was cleaning hotels and got hella fucking good at cleaning and moved companies where andy found her and kept working with her and seeing her hard work

i love my mom and look up to her in the aspect of how hard she works

i need to work hard asf i love this job already and i am ready to know everything about it

BUT ANYWAYS

went home with my 100 for the day and i only worked 5 hrs 😎

i got to leave an hr earlier since there wasn’t much else to do

hmm but good day :)

[solardick]

Briefly looking over И words, for the first time. And the card already choosen for the letter И fit. There’s no need to change it.

Though it’s curious to learn that the word for wizard also starts with a Вв. Being the second consonant letter in the alphabet. Though to english Вв is the equivalent of letter Vv. Letter Bb is also giving to the magician. Though it being the first consonant letter of its related alphabet. This creates an overlay of the tower card and the magician card. Waites depiction as “above so below”. Which a play in the letter Bb itself. Except the minuscule. Only sees it below.

“Tarot” readers are russian spies. Wonder how many of them are agaisnts russias war. Hypocrites?

That was fun. Most people having bad day. Always at odds. Helped in breaking up a fist fight. Resolved it. Had them shaking hands. Fun fun. All over the place helping everyone out.

Still suffering from beign raped though. With the added 3 decades of bs being treated like trash. Puned and played and laughed at and bullied and druged and beaten, harrased and abused. Hard to do anything when the entire fucken planet oitside you id fucked with you for no other reason then being alive. While you stand there and watch them think their superior. Labaishimg on inside information.

Moght as well go on welfare cuz im never going to be able to hold a job. Because of these evil fucken cocksukers. Im never sleeping well again. I only need to

Sleep

Once a week anyway.

So now its a migraine all

Day as i continue to binge moving. Was planing on language studies. But oh well.

Guess its cultural studies instead. If one considsrs television. A cultural study. Though one must suspect a d thus expect anything aired serves the natives conditioning. And in Moving it is no exception. But, it was fantastic. And shames wolverine.

On the symbolic side as in base numbers. It does open on the number 33. Number 12 and 11. Come in early enough. Thinking of tarot here. Since it themes in “local” media. 33 itself by cyclic reduction equals 12. It themes from the hanged man towards strength. Peoples lives being turned upside down and the coming struggle. Thus the theme of this post is on card letter И as in the number 33 hints as the russian Cyrillic alphabet and the season also touched upon Russia. But it was a fleeting scene which gets lost n the rest if the story.

It themes itself on “my own” prescribed script. Well with some corrective guidance. So it’s not exactly but that would be expecting too much.

Yay symtoms. Lost my ability to sleep. 36 hours to go. And my ability to learn or absorb anything.

Being alive is pointless.

Fuck i hate winter. Fucken christmas. It’s o ly the darkest day the year for me. No work. Not dealing woth that shit. I dont have the constitution anymore. Neither i am listening to fucken roy curse

And fucken swear all fucken day. Forcing me to lfucken hear it. Having to pay for my entitr families fucken karma cause their too fucken retarded to deal witb theirnown. Or rebecca or most of them there. As i continue to

Be raped onto suicide.

Its just me by myself with no ime to talk to. As its always been. No one to

Comfide in. No ome to give to. Nothing to do. Except sit here and take their manipulative ns while they laugh at me.

Indont eant ot be aluve anymore.

Aont my fault their all a bunch of misguided dillusionsl morons.

Stillnwant ti move to south mid australia. Hot enough not to have winters or very mild. And less chance venomous encounters with the wildlife. Dont like the austrailian accent but. Thats something i could cope with.

Cant wven build my own

Idenrity.

Ill

Only wver talk to a girl. Everyone can tuck off.

Too bad everyone. I meet is in on nanipukatinv and raping my existsnce. So thetes nothinvvyo say. Except doinv this.

Great another petson ive never met saying shit they cant know. Another one dided relationship. Like its slways been.

All life is is peoppe

Playing pretend. My social lofe is watching tv. Even when im not. Or listening to mu family saying stupid bs. Like death threats and prejudicial bs. Even when i havent seen them in years.

An dall i feel

Is my ass everyday. I cant sleep cant study. Cant communicate. Cant even mind my own fuckem bussiness. Allni can do

Is stre at a tv screne but wait. Im still being fucked with. While by myseld im the fucken dark. Monitering every little fucken thing i do. I dont enat to be alive anymore. I cant evn be myself while im by my fucken self. Dince my first fucken memeory all life is is other fucken retards fucken eith me and putting themslef over me that all life has ever fucken been.

Camt do 12 hours. After 10 i start having accidents. And im a driving a lift. Thats mean death. Im. It like the rest of my entourage. I dont get off on killing people. Im sickmof looking for work or a place i belong. Im too old for this shit anynore. Since the day i was birn its been nothing by devious fuckwhores fucken with my existance.

They can think or feel whatever dumb bs they want to justify it. Doesnt change the favt that its always been that way sinve my forst memory. It has bothing to

Do with me.

I feel drugged today. Think i have to fo home.

Probably muhhamed. He looks like a devious covk.

And he alwas dhows up when somwtf odd hapens. Walks uo to me as. Star feeling it. Fakes yawn and stars almi f about somethnf i snt lnw. Iike i can undeesand anythng they say.

Its like criminology 101 right out of the txt book. And it aint the full or the new moon so

It aint apychosis. Looks like he spent some time with my spychotic sociopath brother. I can smell him. His scent is so strong. Same spychotic shithead that after people with hand held weapons. And used to drug me and poison me with insectiside. Some spychotic shithead that used to clean thr toilet with me toothbrush. Spitnin my mouth while i slept, jumpmon face. And frame me for shit i never did. Oh yeah and nearly crushed my throat with a wood splitting axe.

Probably faked that paranoid spychosis episode so they could get a rescription for anyi spychotics to dose away my youth with.

Someone with tjose capabilities dont have paranoia. Used to carry a knife on me in case he went spychotic and tries to kill me again.

What are my taxes not high enough for y’all to afford to plow the side walks. I got to walk in yhe middle of the street dodging tragic. Good job.

Merry fucken christams. Younhave no choice but to kill yourself.