#(since they have to be kinda on the down-low for Reasons. haha. Commanders are Not implicitly trusted there At All)

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

AT LAST... it is time.

[thesupersaiyanprincess]

So yeah, here we go again, a highly slightly revised version of Splits' Chapter 1

It's set in some kinda AU where you're a saiyan and there are other saiyans alive and on earth, as if more than just Gokus parents sent them off to earth as babies to start a better life not just to destroy it. Perhaps part of the resistance against Frieza?

I'm expecting this to top out at like 10 ish chapters, if anything probably less, i don't want it to stray to far from the plot or spend another 6 months on it lmao

Warnings include: violence, emotional abuse, very dark Vegeta, sexual themes, choking but not in a good way

Word count: ~1,600

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                      Chapter 1                      

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You’re sitting in the living room, bored, surfing the channels on the TV when you hear the front door click. Your face lights up at the sound that you know means your boyfriend is home, and you run to the hallway to greet him. 

“Hey 'Geta,” you say with a smile as you plant a kiss on his cheek. You know he hates it when you’re cutesy like that, but you like riling him up. Little did you know, today was not the day for it.

“Get off of me, woman.” Vegeta shoved you away from him harshly and made his way to the bathroom after taking off his shoes at the door, he didn’t even look at you as he barged his way down the hall. There was definitely something wrong, even if he didn’t like kisses he never reacted like that. Something was up, and today you were feeling especially brave so you decided to follow him down the hall and grab his tail. Bad move. He swung around in an instant pinning you by your throat to the wall.

“Don’t. Touch me.” he said with a growl in his voice before throwing you to the ground and continuing down the hall. 

“'Geta that hurt, what’s the deal with you today Mr. grumpy pants?” you said in a huff as you picked yourself up from the ground, patting down your jeans. “I thought we talked about this; no aggressive wall pinning unless I ask for it.” He didn't stop or turn around to look at you. “Oh, so you're just going to ignore me then, that's great, I guess I'll just go back to watching TV since you’re being a big grump.” you waited a second longer to see if you'd get a reaction, but no, he just kept walking and eventually made his way to the bathroom, locking himself inside as you walked back to the living room.

You wondered what could've happened today to make him so irritable. When he left this morning he wasn't mad, so something must've happened while he was out training with Goku. Maybe Goku reached a new form and Vegeta was jealous? No, that's happened before and all he did was rant about how it should be him who gets to unlock new forms, not that stupid, low class, pathetic excuse of a Saiyan, Kakarot. He was the prince of all Saiyans after all, and he should be the one with all the power. No, this was something else entirely, and you were starting to worry what could have made the mighty Vegeta so angry. 

Against your better judgement, you decide to go knock on the bathroom door. “Vegeta! Open up! What's the matter?” you shout through the door, hoping he can hear you over the running water of the shower.

“Go away! Go make yourself useful and cook me something, woman” of course that's all he would say. Damn these Saiyans and their insatiable appetites. 

“No, I’m not going anywhere until you tell me why you’re mad.” you plant your feet outside the door as you hear the water shut off. After a moment he unlocks and opens the door with a towel around his waist. He always looked so good right after a shower, silky hair wet, tangles framing his face, water droplets glistening across his gorgeously broad Saiyan chest. He truly was a sight to behold. 

“Get out of my way” he said to you as he tried to emerge from the bathroom, you were blocking his way and he really didn't like that. “Move now, or I’ll move you myself.”

“And what if I don't, what’re you going to do to me?” you said with a smirk on your lips as you stared seductively into his eyes. Usually when he was mad you could make him forget about it for a while with sex. Today was different however, and instead of pinning you to the wall and devouring your mouth with his, he gave a blow straight to your stomach, instantly knocking the wind out of you and making you crumple to the floor. He stepped over you and headed to the bedroom to get dressed. 

“Food woman. Now. Don’t give me more reason to be mad at you.” he called over his shoulder as he entered the bedroom. As you were curled up on the floor, clutching your stomach and gasping for air to finally reach your lungs, you couldn’t help the thought that maybe he didn’t love you anymore from crossing your mind. A thought that threatened to bring tears to your eyes. But you were stronger than that. You stood up shakily clutching your stomach for a moment before straightening up and walking after him into the bedroom.

“What the fuck 'Geta!? What's wrong with you? Why’d you punch me in the gut like that!?” you yell at him with an anger that made the air crackle with energy. “I thought you loved me 'Geta! How could you hurt me like that? What did I ever do to you?” You hated to admit it, but you're an angry crier, and the hot tears came spilling from your eyes as your hair flickered flecks of blond. Even though you had reached Super Saiyan form yourself, Vegeta was still 100x stronger than you on a good day, let alone when he was angry.

He ignored you completely, dropping his towel and putting on a fresh pair of briefs. He acted like you weren’t even there at all actually as he picked out some clothes to wear. Taking his time to sift through his messy chest of drawers to find his favourite shirt. Black and skin tight with Shenron and the DragonBalls printed on the back, it hugged his muscles in all the right places. It was your favourite on him too and for a split second you forgot your anger and stared at how the fabric clung to his still dewy skin. It all came flooding back when he turned to face you.

“Did you not hear me? I said food. Now.” he snarled through gritted teeth. He hated it when you didn't follow his commands, but right now he wasn't your master, and it was so not sexy of him to treat you like this. 

“If you want food you'll have to make it yourself. I'm not cooking for you until you tell me what's wrong.” you say back to him, with the same amount of force, trying to make your voice sound as demanding as his to no avail. No matter how hard you try, you'll never get his aggressive tone of voice down pat, you just sound like a pissed off chew toy and it makes you even angrier. 

“Whatever.” He grumbles just loud enough for you to hear as he continued to search for some pants. 

“Whatever?! That's all you're going to say?” you yell as you stare at him in disbelief, one more dismissive or demanding word from him and you were going to snap. “What about an apology? For shoving me, then throwing me, then straight up punching me!? Are you even listening to me, Vegeta?” You pause for a long second to see if he’ll say anything, and when he pulls up his pants and heads for the door, that's it. You power up to Super Saiyan and block the doorway, glaring at Vegeta, daring him to step closer. 

“Silly woman. You think that just because you're a Super Saiyan, you can stop me? How pathetic.” he said, his voice hollow and cold as he goes Super Saiyan Blue and picks you up with one hand by the throat and holds you off the ground. “You couldn't stop me with both my hands tied behind my back,” he sneered at you before throwing you into the wall outside the bedroom door, almost knocking you unconscious as your head hit the wall at full force, leaving the plaster cracked. Your energy faded and your hair returned to its regular dark colour as your vision blurred and your ears rang from the impact. 

He walked over to stand above you, laughing menacingly. “You're weak and pathetic. The only reason I kept you around was so that you'd cook and clean for me. Oh, and so that I can fuck that tight little pussy of yours.” The edges of your vision started to go dark as he picked you up against the wall by your throat again. “You are nothing but a toy for me, a sorry excuse for a Saiyan. So low class I wouldn't let you shine my shoes with your spit. But you cook good and don’t complain whenever I want to fuck, so you’re not completely useless.” he squeezed your throat tighter, “I want you to know that I don’t want you anymore. I never loved you, not one bit. I was only using you for my own satisfaction. And now that I don’t want you, there's no reason for you to keep breathing.” as he said this, he was gradually squeezing your throat tighter in his grip. You didn't understand what was going on, Vegeta had never been what you'd call affectionate, but he was never so mean. The Vegeta you love would never say such harsh things to you, or hurt you in any way what so ever unless you were fucking and asked for it. In fact, he put several higher ranking Saiyan's in the med pods because they were antagonizing you for being the weakest Super Saiyan. The sudden change in him had tears pouring from your eyes as you tried harder to keep from passing out. “Now be a good little weakling and go to sleep for me.”

“'Geta… p-please… d-don’t… hurt… m-m…” You managed to spit out between desperate gasps as you faded from consciousness. 

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So whatcha think? Please leave comments and likes, I'll also be posting this over on my AO3 when i can figure that out haha

Always remember, reblogs>likes <3

[tundrainafrica]

i agree with you! i also hc that hanjo had a good childhood, and she didn’t have to become tough to survive, unlike levi. like, han doesn’t know what it’s like to be really dirty and until she joins the survey corps she doesn’t really know about really struggling, unlike levi. i think he tries to keep her clean because of this, and why maybe she sort of blames herself a bit more for being a bad commander, because she had it easier than her comrades, so she can’t complain...

like, she was sort of sheltered which is why she started taking so many risks, because maybe she wanted to find purpose or something more than her simple life. the anger came later after she saw how life was outside, but she had to keep it all bottled up. levi had become used to life being a bitch since birth, so he’s resilient, while hanjo is emotional. it’s like going down a rabbit hole for han, starting with a normal and happy childhood to becoming the commander and giving her life

-----------------------------------ANSWER--------------------------------------------------

Definitely! This is probably the reason why I can’t help but give her a privileged background in every fic I make. In every story I write about her, there always has to be this development which comes in the form of her crazy strong curiosity, her desire to break away from the life she grew up in and it just jives so well with Levi being so jaded and them just trying to find that middle ground through arguments, banters and just finding compromises to make their relationship work. 

Another addition to this headcanon is I feel like although Levi was okay showing her the reality of the world because it’s like “yo you’re in the survey corps, you kinda have to get used to this,”, towards the latter part of the story, Levi is just torn between showing her glimpses of the cruelty of the world and protecting her from it.

Because Levi can see the changes. Levi could see that with every loss Hange experienced, the light in her eyes and the wonder just started getting dimmer and dimmer. Maybe she was also a little less enthusiastic about discussing experiments or titans, instead going down into business much faster than she used to.

As Hange comes into power as the new commander and starts to make sense of their reality and the struggles of the outside world, Levi can only watch as she slowly gets tired of it all while trying to stay strong about it because she has no choice, she is the commander. I really think it was painful for Levi to watch her go down that rabbit hole, because it really went from 0-100 pretty fast in terms of shit life threw at her before she died.  

He knew he would have to pick up the pieces and he really wanted to be there for her just in case it became too much and maybe that’s why they were always together by season 4. 

I was thinking this might even have had something to do with the circumstances of her death. In the end, Hange felt guilty. She felt like she had lacked the shitty  background, the personal struggle as a child to deal with something as cruel as the war they were fighting. I feel like to degree she attributed every mistake she had made partially to that lack of jadedness, that childlike wonder that had lingered and had become an unchangeable part of her personality. 

And something inside her thought, maybe only someone who has been seeing hell since they were a child should be leading. Maybe that’s partially what led to her decision to be the one to sacrifice her life. Maybe her self esteem was just so low, she thought “Anyone else can do a better job than me.”  (She also didn’t want to see anyone else hurt either.)

God, I love this HC and I’m happy to see some people share the same thoughts. Hange is such a complex character tbh and I guess that’s why I love writing about her so much. 

Thank you for listening to another rant haha. Will go back to writing now.

For those interested to hear my thoughts on the social class HC, I’ll be dropping the links down here: 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

[robotslovedeath]

“Where are your pants?” Bc Aaravos conformed has no pants on. We see them starry thighs And “Put me down” Tall Aavaros, Small Gren, what more is there to say I have returned from studying for a quick tdp break ;)

SO SORRY THIS TOOK LONG I STARTED BUT NEVER FINISHED :( SO HAVE A NEVER ENDING DRABBLE HHH IM SO SORRY, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WRITE NEXT

~~~

Viren had rushed to the dungeons, coming across the Commander once more. His jokes were getting worse by the second as Viren desperately seeked answers from the magic elf. It only took one more joke to trigger him.

"Lord Viren! Hello!"

The look on his face didn't look at all pleasant.

"What is it now? You're unusually happy today."

Gren had only had a small nap, until he was woken up by a strange voice coming from the room the Lord always locked himself in.

"Uhh, why are you always in there? It's not good to isolate yourself from the world, what if Soren and Claudia want-"

"QUIET! Do not ever pronounce their names. I'm warning you now, Commander."

He had walked away from Gren, his temper clearly lost and anger increasing by the second. Freeing Gren wasn't a bad idea- although Amaya would find out and start problems.

~~~

"Eurk! Where are your pants?"

The Startouch elf turned around, surprised but nothing out of the ordinary.

"Pants are for humans. I'm obviously not one."

It had been settled that his plan to find out more about Aaravos was today. And he wouldn't let anything get in the way. It was now or never. Viren wouldn't let that opportunity go to waste. Placing the worm back in its jar, the man silently walked away.

"Pleasure talking to you."

Viren left the room, door unlocked after being too lazy to do such a thing anymore and way too pissed at Gren to even do anything. He had to get him out before he lost his mind.

"Commander, you're free to go. Be grateful and tell nobody about this. You will pay the consequences if my wishes are ignored. Good day."

"You're.. really gonna let me go? But why?"

"Naive child."

"Understandable-"

Ow, did the chains leave a mark on his wrists. It wasn't useful for a 25* year old man to be chained down (up) for so long, not even useful if all the food/drink he got given was merely just hot brown morning potion. He couldn't complain though, it wasn't that bad.

A creak of a door and Gren found himself in the small room, a table with a strange looking green jar and some other unusual things for the Lord to be in possession of. With that, came a mirror. Now Gren couldn't help but reveal what was behind the cloth.

The most gorgeous elf he had ever seen.

"I- What.. who are you?" His voice came with a tremble as his knees were beginning to weaken. Nobody had ever made him feel such a way. Why him?

The elf didn't speak nor blink. Curiosity filled the man, unsure and hesitant towards the redhead. He couldn't be so shy now, but on the other hand, he couldn't be so trusty towards someone Viren could possibly be foes with. It didn't make sense.

"Aaravos." He mouthed. Never hinting that he needed the worm to communicate.

"Hm? I cannot hear you."

He flicked his ear, pointing at the jar next to him. So that was what it was for.

Although Gren was uncertain this was even possible, his hand had already made the move to grab it out the jar. The tingling sensation of the worm made Gren uncomfortable, pulling his face into quite the disgusted look. You could see Aaravos laughing quietly in the mirror.

"Speak, lil' red."

Gren was in shock, it wasn't everyday he could meet someone as beautiful as him. He turned around, to your surprise just like Viren and started doubting his whole decision of finding the truth. He also couldn't always talk to people. Knowing he was locked up for however days/months/years it's been. Who knows.

"Huh? Me? Commander Gren! I'm the Commander of my General. General Amaya to be precise.. haha."

"Relax, angel cake. You're in safe hands. I need to ask you a favor, dear. Do you believe that could be possible?"

A favor? Right this instant? He had just met him, for god's sake! What else could go wrong?

"I understand if your royal Commander isn't happy with this. Or if you're just scared to talk. It's okay, I don't bite, sweetheart."

"A-alright, go ahead.."

"I want you to get me out of this mirror. This place that I'm unaware of, it means nothing to me."

How could the Commander do such a thing? It wasn’t like him to fall for such a trick when be barely trusted anyone so easily. Specifically a good looking elf stuck in a mirror. Maybe something decent would actually come from freeing the elf, supposedly called Aaravos (Gren had figured it out after trying to decipher it, since he was both good at ASL and reading mouthed words).

“..How? I have no idea how to get you out, Aaravos!” Perhaps he spoke too soon?

“Huh.. Commander, you never told me how good you were at reading lips. Impressive.”

“I.. yes. Thank you.” Man, was he smooth with words.

This.. elf. How could he get Gren in his pocket so easily? Aaravos could manipulate him with just a simply favor, and.. looks.

~~~

It took a bit of time for Gren to get a hang of what Aaravos was doing. Some strange magic and spells were recited, the redhead not knowing what was actually happening. It also took awhile for the commander to realise the glass in between them disappeared. While Gren was uncertain this actually worked, he still placed his hand forward, wanting to help the elf out.

“You're a star, how may I serve you?” His face was covered with stars, which twinkled from time to time. Gren was amazed, he was also.. so tall. Being 6’1 was great but he could never imagine being as tall as Aaravos.

“I don't know..” Hesitation was his best friend. Nothing came to his mind; nothing at all.

I wasn't mentally prepared for this!! What could I possibly want from him??

“Hm. Let me show you something that humans have always seeked to witness.” Quite so, Aaravos had strengthened the grip of Gren’s hand, nearly throwing him in the air to simply just carrying him bridal style. It wasn't ideal, but Aaravos didn't complain.

“H-hey! Put me down!” He wasn't really one to shout, except.. this kinda felt nice? For some strange reason.

“This is what you wanted, no? Close your eyes for me.”  Aaravos whispered, so close yet so far from the Commander’s face. He had to make this embarrassing, didn’t he? You could probably feel bad for the poor redhead’s heart. A fragile and sensitive one when he felt shy.

~~~

They had finally arrived, a silence from both of them during the journey which seemed to never last. Gren for once was.. satisfied with it. Eventually, the low, familiar voice spoke again.

“Open your eyes now, it won’t hurt, poppy seed.”

What was up with him and the nicknames? They were so out of the ordinary, and sounded like he was close with the commander, when they had just barely met.

He and the Commander were outside, cool breeze hitting Aaravos' exposed skin, and Gren's blushing face. As the night fell into complete darkness, the Startouched elf, also turning silent, unexpectedly started glowing. Little stars that shun in alignment with those above them, twinkling in the black emits of the endless twilight.

Gren stared in surprised, both amazed and confused as to why he had brung him here. Again, it wasn't everyday he met up with an elf. Let alone a Startouch elf, probably the first a human had seen for a while. Told and admired by thousands, Startouch elves were mentioned in books of ancient times, a history that both Gren and Aaravos himself had read.

"What do you think?" A low murmur had rung besides the Commander's ear, quiet enough for only, and only, Gren to hear. It was to be taken almost sensually, the redhead not used to it enough to be taken as a compliment.

"It's.. it's beautiful."

But not as beautiful as you.. What am I thinking? You just met him! A stranger! An elf! What's up with you, suddenly???

~~~

I ONLY WROTE THIS MUCH AND SJBDB HOPE U LIKE IT!!!

[atopearth]

Hakuoki: Edo Blossoms Part 3 - Harada Sanosuke Route

(Note: Yayy, back from Japan, so I’m back to posting now XD) Like, I don’t doubt how manipulative Sanan is and by telling Chizuru of Heisuke’s “condition” that he will eventually succumb to bloodlust if she doesn’t offer her blood to help his research, but really, I’m sure if Heisuke was in such a condition, Harada would like to know even if it hurts him to know! It was pretty saddening when they both ignored each other for a bit because he confronted her and she didn’t tell him what her problem was. Like, I understand that it must have hurt him that she didn’t seem to trust him enough to tell him but ignoring her did seem rather childish of him lol. Especially since that only allowed Sanan more chances to sneak up and try to manipulate her! Luckily she still rejected him, but really, it was pretty scary when Sanan called her ungrateful since they took care of her for these four years. Really though, they’re the ones that forced her to stay here and would kill her if she tried to escape so he has no right to say that lol.

I’m glad Harada caught her before she really tried to leave, and she finally vented her feelings. The kiss was really sudden though lol, but I guess that shuts everyone up lolol. Too bad she doesn’t think Harada thinks anything of it, which I don’t blame her since Harada always acts as that mature adult that it can be hard to believe he took it seriously, especially since he frequents Shimabara haha. He was so manly when he took it to Sanan and told him to stop treating Chizuru like a monster to draw blood from. But I think what most struck a chord in me, was when Harada said, had the Shinsengumi fallen so low to rely on draining the blood of a civilian woman in order to survive through this? It’s true that the Shinsengumi is really lacking in manpower with the lack of recruits and technology since the Satsuma-Choshu have guns and cannons etc but that doesn’t mean Sanan should forget what the Shinsengumi is really here for! Why is everyone losing sight of what the Shinsengumi really is for? It really breaks my heart.

I think I can finally understand why Harada and Nagakura were so angry at Kondou, enough to leave the Shinsengumi later on. It was nice that he was happy to have become a daimyo, a recognised samurai rather than being the poor nobody he once was, but to elate in this excitement and say that he’d promote the guys as his retainers was just…insulting. The guys recognised Hijikata and Kondou as the chief and commander because they respected them, but it wasn’t a total hierarchy or anything. They discussed things together and made decisions together. Suddenly telling them that he would promote them into something like his subordinates was just..sigh. I mean, their relationships were never solely based on a superior and subordinate connection, it was through mutual respect, gratitude and similar goals and by allocating roles depending on their strengths. It’s just that Kondou and Hijikata had a better head on their shoulders. I know why Kondou is happy, but in a situation where the Emperor is the ruling body with the Shogunate considered practically gone, his title doesn’t necessarily mean anything. It was something he always wanted but to forget what the Shinsengumi was for because of it is just so not worth it….

Harada’s dream is so cuteeee! It’s like the maiden’s dream! No wonder why he doesn’t want Chizuru telling Shinpachi and Heisuke. They’d definitely laugh at him ahahaha. I’m sorry Harada, I laughed at how innocent you are. I mean, wanting to meet a beautiful woman, start a family with her and live somewhere quiet and nice is just so cute hahaha! Gotta admit though, I might like Harada’s western uniform more than the Japanese clothing. I’ve never really liked the bare chest look hahahaha. I like them all sleek, fitted and nice😉 Lmao at him popping a few buttons because it was too tight, c'mon Harada, you don’t do that in front of a girl!🤣 Not surprised at how agitated Nagakura was at Kondou for wanting to continue the siege on the castle with half the amount of men and with the castle taken already. But yeah omg, it was so cute when Harada said they’d be closer to their dreams if he made Chizuru his wife then, since she told him that she wanted a normal, quiet and happy life too hahaha. Tell it to her more seriously, Harada!

I think Chizuru in this route frustrates me sometimes, like it’s not that I don’t understand that she feels like a burden but Harada was the one who chose to protect her, so it’s pretty rude of her to just want to up and leave when he left the Shinsengumi to protect her from Sanan. And omgg she cries every time lol. The only thing that’s good is that Harada finally expressed his feelings to her that he loves her and so she can stop guessing things lol. On another note though, I’m kinda disappointed. Harada always leaves the Shinsengumi with Shinpachi and I always wanted a better look into his reason, and I was hoping to see that in his route. Sure, they show times where he is in doubt and disagrees, but in this route, Harada wasn’t completely on to the idea of leaving until Hijikata showed him that he needed to leave with Chizuru to protect her from Sanan since they won’t be able to always keep constant watch on him. Now it’s more like he left to protect her, rather than because there was a irreconcilable difference like Shinpachi.

It’s good to see Shiranui have more of a personality now and to see that there is something he cares about, alike Kazama and them, he doesn’t like the idea of Furies taking over either, but instead of it being because they’re fakes, Shiranui seems to dislike them more for what they are and how they could destroy the world around them by existing and preying on innocent people. Btw, it was so heartbreaking when both Harada and Shinpachi had dreams of Kondou apologising or standing quietly looking at them. Kondou must have felt so terrible that he was the one that made them think there was no choice but for them to leave. I wonder at the point of his death, how he really felt and whether he had a lot of regrets…

I agree with Harada though, the heroine keeps making these decisions on her own without even talking to him first, thinking it’s the best for him but never really considering his actual feelings or ever talking to him when she should. It’s kinda frustrating tbh. It seems that the greatest dilemma in this route is Harada choosing love and peace or to continue fighting in the war. But I feel like more than the peace part, he just wants to be with Chizuru so much for some reason I can’t comprehend, mainly because her personality in this route really hasn’t impressed me, so if I was Harada, I’d never give up fighting beside my friends that need me for Chizuru. Kinda makes me disappointed in Harada as well tbh. I know he just wants a happy life and be with her but… Sigh. First route I’ve encountered where they actually sleep together though! Guess Saito and Heisuke were too innocent and shy for it lmao.

I’m not surprised that Shinpachi is so angry at Harada for not going to war with the Satsuma-Choshu with him. They prepared everything, trained together and now he’s backing out. I think I would have accepted it better if Harada felt really tired from fighting all these years and has lost his reason to continue fighting rather than leaving because of a girl. It’s just so disappointing imo. You know, I always thought for Sano, what he wanted was to protect everyone’s families, everyone’s wives and kids, all the townspeople etc, that’s why he couldn’t take that the Shinsengumi was starting to disregard that. But for him to now prioritise only his own future wife and kids first and foremost kinda makes me think, isn’t he also giving up his original purpose as the others have had too? The fact is, he’s giving up everything he used to fight and work for from the beginning for a girl and I really don’t respect that. Nagakura’s such a great and kind guy, I’m really sad they’re leaving him, sigh…

The only good thing about this route for me are the amount of pretty CGs hahahaha. I guess the good thing about them leaving Shinpachi is that they’ll be going back to Edo to deal with Chizuru’s father who is wreaking havoc with his Furies and pretty much trying to do the same thing as what Sanan wants They should just join teams as the villains who want Furies to be the most superior beings lol. Everything ended quite anti-climactically but I did feel a bit more respect for Chizuru when she tried to kill her father to try and stop the further insanity he was trying to bring about. Aww Chizuru with her hair down and them having a baby peacefully somewhere was pretty cute! As usual though, the unrequited love ending is the only one that’s different and not typical. I mean, the thought of Furies slashing at Harada’s body to the point it was beyond recognition and then Chizuru committing suicide to be with Harada forever was quite chilling to say the least…

Overall, not a fan of Harada and Chizuru’s relationship. Their so called depth of love that drives them is rather questionable and I honestly couldn’t feel it or care for it against the bigger picture of things, so I honestly wasn’t interested or invested in their relationship, which made this route rather redundant to me because it mainly focused on their romance lol. So I guess if you like it more romance heavy, you might like this one? Otherwise, it was just a pretty standard and basic route where love is the most important thing I guess. Honestly, I’m kinda disappointed haha, the Kyoto Winds part was nice though, didn’t mind that.

[girlsbtrs]

My Ladybird Moment (Significant Songs in Life)

Written by Mary Ragheb. Graphic by James N. Grey. 

(First of all I wanna give the credit for this title to Pablo, that was all their idea and honestly it works perfectly.)

I know I’m not alone when I say that music has carried me through my whole life - whether that was me singing along with the Jonas Brothers in my best friend’s bedroom in elementary school or staring up at the ceiling blasting My Chemical Romance through my headphones in true emo-kid fashion. But I have always had a weird sensitivity to sound. It could be the ADHD talking but hear me out. Songs for me are ultimately almost always attached to some specific memory or feeling, so much so that I don’t think there’s an album in existence that I haven’t cried to at least once. 

So I guess this is my ladybird moment/a playlist of my life???? 

Let’s start with artists and then we’ll get into songs. This is important because I’m starting with literal baby steps here. 

Firstly, there’s Umm Kulthum, one of the most decorated and well-known Egyptian singers ever. I spent much of my childhood listening to her sing on cassettes that my parents brought back from Egypt. Obviously I didn’t know how popular she was when I was a child, but even when I catch my dad listening to her in his little home office, I feel a sense of innocent comfort - almost like when my mom used to wrap a blanket around me on our yearly road trips to New Jersey. 

Second of all, I have to give an honorable mention to both the Jonas Brothers and One Direction. I mentioned the JoBros earlier, and I know I’m not alone in how much their music brought us joy as kids. My family couldn’t afford to get us iPods, so I spent a lot of time at friends’ houses listening to them on their older sisters’ CD players or flip phones. You remember those swivel-y ones that had a trackpad like an iPod? Yeah those. (Also don’t talk to me if your favorite brother wasn’t Joe. I will die on this hill.) Now One Direction. I wish I was kidding when I say that my first concert was seeing them OPEN for Big Time Rush in 2011. I think that’s the biggest flex I hold to this day. While I cringe at old pictures of me clad in clothes with the British flag all over them, they were honestly my introduction to fandom culture. 

Third, let's get into emo baby. I started high school in a whole new country, which to say the least was a difficult adjustment. Kids can be cruel and that’s true no matter where you are, but by 13 and after being the new kid 4 times up to that point; you kinda become a target. And as cliche as it is, it’s what drove me to fall down a hole of Mayday Parade, Paramore and (drum roll please) - yep, you guessed it, All Time Low. Everyone who knows me knows that I love this band with my whole being. Now, there are a slew of reasons as to why. Obviously Therapy is one of them because my god I still cannot listen to that song without crying. Don’t Panic also came out when me and my family flew back to Boston after living abroad for a year. I remember driving through our old neighborhood while Outlines blasted through my headphones - ironically saying “I’m half remembered halfway across the world, twice removed from my second home.” But above all the intricate stories and lyrics that Alex has written over the years, ultimately they are the reason I met one of my best friends. That seems to be a common theme with me. I’ve taken it as the universe telling me to never stop listening to music. Like, ever. 

Finally, let’s all get ready to give the greatest round of applause for my college introduction into K-Pop. To be honest, I blame Halsey for this. I have loved her since I heard Room 93 (and realized I was not straight, thanks Ashley), and I can pretty much recite every album she has front to back. So when I saw them work with BTS I figured, “okay, I guess I can get on board with this.” The best way I can describe it is that Simpsons meme where the kid goes “haha I’m in danger.” K-Pop fans have this theory that your “comfort group” comes to you when you’re ready and I don’t know how they hit the nail on the head but they’re not wrong. I didn’t have an ideal college experience whatsoever, I had a lot of trouble making friends because I honestly didn’t talk to anyone (my own fault, I know). And yet somehow when I started listening to BTS, I made a whole community of friends on the internet and ended up meeting two of my best friends who just happened to walk into my job. If anyone has an existential explanation for all this please let me know before I go ask Namjoon myself. 

Okay now that we’ve finished that, let’s get into songs. These are in no particular order, but I guess a common theme that I can attribute to them is power. Not to sound like a tyrant or anything; power to me comes in all forms. The power of love, strength, dominance, and happiness. 

Is There Somewhere by Halsey (Room 93)

When I say I feel like I’ve grown up alongside Halsey, I’m not kidding. Not only was this song the prelude to my coming out, but seeing her artistry develop since 2015 has made me feel like a greater part of something. Too cheesy? Ok moving on. 

Jasey Rae by All Time Low (Put Up or Shut Up)

This isn’t going to be the only All Time Low song on this list for sure, but it is one of my absolute favorites. If the last chance I got to hear it live was at the 10 year So Wrong It’s Right Anniversary in 2017, then I can die content. I maintain that All Time Low don’t have a bad song in their discography, but Put Up or Shut Up is such a big comfort album for me that I still get the same tingles that I felt when I listened to it at 15. 

Don’t Lean on Me by The Amity Affliction (Let the Ocean Take Me)

The Amity Affliction is another one of those bands that marks a really crucial point in my life when I had to reconcile with my mental health. Not to get super emo or anything, but having every single emotion and painful feeling laid out (or screamed out, thank you Joel) soothes the numbness that I had accepted for my pain. Honestly, you could put this song on and I would still scream “LET THE OCEAN TAKE ME” at the top of my lungs like I did at Warped Tour in 2018. 

Going to Hell by The Pretty Reckless (Going to Hell)

I’m sure having The Pretty Reckless on this list surprises absolutely noone, but I really think that this album threw me into full blown feminist rage. I have never been one to dilute my feminism to make men more comfortable, but after seeing Taylor Momsen clad in leather singing in front of a band of all guys and commanding all the attention in the room (not to mention her VOICE) - I just wanted to be as badass and confident as her. 

Breed by Nirvana (Nevermind)

Is anyone surprised that Nirvana also made the list? Another moment of feminist rage. Have you ever had a guy interrogate you about a band or show or literally anything that non-men enjoy because he thinks there is no way you could possibly REALLY enjoy it? Yeah, I got that a lot in high school. And still now as a grown ass woman but that’s not the point here. I watched a lot of music documentaries during my last two years of high school, mainly about the 80’s and 90’s and the evolution of grunge, hence fueling my love for documentaries even more. And as always, girls cannot seem to like anything without being scrutinized for it so my interest in Nirvana was met with a lot of “yeah but you don’t actually listen to them right?” So it seemed appropriate for my response to that to be to latch onto a song that literally starts with “I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.”

Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore (Brand New Eyes)

Paramore also comes as no surprise here since I profess my love for miss Hayley on a daily basis. I could have picked any song from Paramore’s discography; they are the ultimate encompassment of comfort and happiness. But Brick by Boring Brick made (and still does make) me feel like running through a field in the rain wearing a torn up down and screaming at the top of my lungs. 

Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low (So Wrong, It’s Right)

Ah yes, the song that shoots serotonin straight through my veins. The first time I ever saw All Time Low, I was lucky enough to be able to photograph them. And even with a camera strapped to my side, I did not hesitate to jump up and crowdsurf the second the show was coming to an end. I’ve flown to Florida, California, Arizona, and New Jersey and every single time Dear Maria comes on something just takes over the crowd. It’s one of the few times I have seriously felt like family around a bunch of complete strangers. Even when I lost my earring, got dropped straight on my back and passed around the same water bottle across like 50 people. (pre-COVID huh?) I think my favorite Dear Maria memory had to be the last All Time Low concert I went to in December 2020. I was crowdsurfing at the same time another girl got thrown up, and to make sure we didn’t crash into each other we instinctively reached for each other and held hands until we were both over the barricade. I don’t think any moment in live music has felt more precious to me than that. (Also the fact that everyone pointed out that it sounds like an anime intro just makes it even more fitting.)

Magic Shop by BTS (Love Yourself: Answer)

When I say that BTS inject love into their music, I mean this song in particular. After Map of the Soul: Persona came out in 2019, I spent the following weeks listening to their entire discography all the way back to 2013. As soon as Magic Shop came on, I burst into tears before I even got a chance to read the translation (I cried more after I read the translation too.) BTS have perfected the concept of a comfort song and Magic Shop is the perfect example of it. It feels as if for 4 minutes and 36 seconds, you are safe. Honestly though, I could probably throw every single BTS song into this list. They have brought me peace, reassurance, friendships and genuine happiness during a time that I least expected, but needed it the most. 

[andieperrie18]

KAREN ( Peter Parker X Reader )

Supp guys! I know you all are waiting for the Get Some part 2. But i wanna post this first. Don't you worry people I will follow up the part two Of Get Some. For now enjoy this one.

" Oh dear. . . " said as she looked at the computer screen.

" Voice System Deleted. . " the screen flashed this word as her mouth dropped. She just wanted to see the Spiderman Suit that his dad made for Peter. It was all done until she deleted the voice command.

She heard foots steps as she immidiately placed a camo microchip so she could haywire the suit. The foot steps got louder as Y/n muttered profanities then ran out and hid in a corner. Happy entered the room as he saw the case the contained the suit open. He looked around as Y/n hid down. After scanning around, he closed the case and left to deliver the uniform.

" This is bad. " The girl said as she dashed her way to her room. She popped open her laptop as she locates the laptop.

" Friday, how long does it take to make the suit's voice command? " she said as her fingers tapped away the codes.

" I cannot say the approximate time but it could take a month or more, Ms. Stark. " the computer answered as Y/n muttered, " Crap. "

" Is there a way for me to help the suit work. With out the voice command of the suit. It would be useless. " she asked as she struggled to maintain calm.

" You did put a microchip on the suit maam. You could run the suit while you remake the voice command of the suit. " the computer suggested.

" What?!, but that would mean I would- " "Yes, Sorry Ma'am but that is all I can get. I could call Mr. Stark about it. " the computer stated as Y/n held her forehead in stress. She didn't think her clumsiness would actually lead to this. But she had to fix this.

" No Friday. Alright, I'll run the suit. Do me a favor and recreate the suit's designed voice command. I'll take care in transfering to the suit.

From that moment, You would always be alerted when Peter would wear the suit. You tried her best to make her voice as robotic as possible. It was funny that Peter would call her suit Lady. You go to the same school as him and no one really knew that you are a daughter of the Iron Man. You liked Peter too. Ever since you two met, your feelings for him continued to develope but he like Liz Allan, the beauty and brains of Midtown School. You kept a low profile and had your name changed to Potts so the relation isn't near.

Peter found you fun to talk to. He would sometimes sleep with the suit on just to talk you, unknown to him that you were just running the suit.

" Y/n, are you ok? You've been really distant?" Ned asked you as Peter stood beside him lookin at you. You opened her mouth to answer. " I - I, you see I've been busy. I'm building the Lightsaber at the moment and I wanna use it as soon as possible so yeah I gotta go, bye! " you said and ran out. You leave school early cause you have taken the schedule of when and what time Peter would suit up and patrol Queens.

Now you were, at your seat as you work with Peter. You were trying to wake him up. It seems that he was knocked out badly.

A few moments later, Peter woke up from a shake. He sat up and growned.

" Ughh. . . My head. " he groaned as you snapped back to your holographic screen and hurriedly placed the mic on and tried to be as calm as possible.

" You appear to have a mild concusion. " she said as she began to monitor his health status.

" Ok stable. " you said off mic so Peter would'nt hear.

" So hey. . . Where am I right now? " she heard Peter ask.

" I'm not sure, the container walls are hindering my sensors. " you reasoned as you tried to scan but fails. You can see Peter scanning his surrounding as well.

" Wait a minute, they must've hijacked the truck and took'em in to their evil lair. So lady we're goin to find our way this one. " He replied as you tried tried to find a way to help him.

Peter began backing up trying to much momentum to break down the door. You watched as he counted down run towards the door breaking it open. Peter stumble his way out as he stood wobbly as he got out.

" Uh,. Huh? " he looked around to scan the unfamiliar surroundings the room was big and contained alot of same black metal containers.

" what is this place? " he asked as you began to scan the place yourself and began to research.

" Suit lady where am I? " you heard Peter ask as you finished reading the info you've found about the place he was in.

" You're in the most secured facility in the eastern seaboard. The Damage Control Deep Storage Vault. " " No! Seriously. " he cursed as you took a sip of your coffee and sat back. It was useless to get out of that vault.

You watched him groaned as he tries to open the sealed doors.

" Ugh. . . Gosh Peter, be thankful your cute cause I might have flew their by now to give you an Iron Slap. " you muttered of mic as you rubbed your temple as you watch the poor boy find his way out. You sighed as you turn on the mic.

" The doors must likely remain close till morning. " You said as you held back your sarcasm for the sake of the voice command protocol.

Peter finally settled down and built a bed swing using his web as You watched him with your hands under your chin with your elbows resting on the table.

You stared at Peter at the screen as he settled down at the bed.

" Hey suit lady, I kinda feel bad calling you suit lady. You know?" Peter said as sincerity coated his voice. ' How sweet. ' you thought as you watched him.

" I should probably give you a name. A Glitz? No no no, god thats-thats weird. " he said as you laughed at his dorkiness.

" Its ok. " you said through the mic.

Peter swung off the swing as you watched him fall off as you voice out a small giggle that Peter heard making him smile inside the mask, " What about Karen? " he stated.

You watch him land on the floor on purpose. The name suits the voice command. It was programmed to be a female voice.

" You could Call me Karen, if you would like? " you stated with your smile neverr leaving your lips as you stood from the couch and leaned on the table inside your room.

Peter felt something in ' Karen's ' voice like he could hear a smile behind it but it felt weird and nice at the same time

" Hey Karen, what else can this suit do?" he asked as you watched him hang upside down as he read his chemistry book in coincidence that you too was actually reading.

You activated the flight suit as you heard him gasp through your earpiece.

" What! " he gasped.

Peter was practically rummaging all the suits ability as you just showed him all its abilities. He was now playind the laser symbol on the white gray walls of the vault.

" Ricochet Web." You stated as he repeated it making you activate the command as he shot a web making it jump back to him almost hitting him.

" Cool. "

" Spider web. " you said as countless spider webs shot out of Peter's wrist as he walked around making you laughed at his clueless-ness of how the web works. You then spoke out another command.

" Web Grenade. "

" WEB GRENADE! " you heard him yell as he shot a web making spread across the wall.

You continued to tell him all the commands until he was now using the web into a jumping rope. You could practically feel his boredom as your head dropped to your elbows.

" Should I tell Liz that I'm Spiderman? "

Your head shot up from the sketchpad on your lap. You were sketching out Peter's face in a smile. The name of the girl utterly made you feel jealous as you rolled your eyes and angrily flipped the sketch pad into another page.

" Whose Liz? " you said trying to stay calm as possible as stroked the black color pencil on the pad heavily.

" Who's Liz? Haha she's the best, she's awesome. She's just a girl who goes to my school. And yeah, I'd really want to tell her. It's kinda weird ya know? " he said in a dreamy tone.

You sighed as you looked at him in a sad look.

" Hey, I'm spiderman. " he said as you continued to gawking at him at the screen.

" What's weird about that? " your tone came out softer.

" What if she is expecting someone like Tony Stark? Could you imagine how disappointed she would be if it was me. " he confessed. You didn't minded the protocol and spoke.

" Well, If I were Her? I wouldn't be disappointed at all. " you stated with a warm smile.

Peter felt warmth surge his chest. " Thanks Karen, you know you sound alot like Y/n. " he said as curiousity struck you when you heard your name.

" and who is this Y/n? " you asked.

" Well, practically the coolest person and friend ever. She likes Star Wars and she is really a great friend. I think I'm practically thinking that she is my best friend. " he confessed.

' Best Friend. Huh . . .' you mumbled sadly.

" But . . . " Peter continued as you shot up.

" I've been feeling funny around her. I would find myself practically staring at her in Chemistry class, or when in lunch I would let her rest her head on my shoulder. I'm feeling really weird when I'm with her. " he confessed. Red dusted its way to your cheek as you looked down and smiled.

" Until she suddenly began to be distant. I miss her. " he stated sadly with a sigh. Now you felt bad.

" Maybe she's just working in something? " you reasoned out.

" Well I wish she could tell me. I'm . . . Getting really worried for her. I Miss her. . . So much. " he stated.

" I miss You too Peter. " you accidentally said.

" what?" Peter asked as you panicked and covered the mic. " I mean't that She Misses You too. " you answered as your breath hitched.

" Thanks, its really nice to have someone to talk too. " he replied.

" Your Welcome. " you replied with a smile. With a hint of relief, you felt butterflies surge into your stomach.

Should I make a part two?

[allofthisnonsenseplease]

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 That's actually kind of a fun idea :oo reaper and 76 having no prior history

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 What would cause them to start interacting, tho? And what would they be fighting for? If they weren't in SEP & Overwatch together, the fall of OW leaves them no bitter enmity. oooh...what if Reaper was with Talon all along, Jack was with Overwatch, shit i was gonna say they got interested in each other but didn't realize, but that wouldn't work until post fall

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 Yeah I was thinking like Jack doing his thing in overwatch the whole time and gabe being in Talon the whole time And not crossing paths until post fall I mean they knew OF each other before that But didn't interact until after

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 right, right. but if they met each other with just their regular personas, and, like, i dunno, started bitching about the state of the world today and what's it all come to and they have grumpy old men feeding birds in the park dates before they find out that one is Reaper and the other is Soldier 76

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 ahahaha awwwwww gabe figures out who jack is pretty quickly just based on context clues and the fact that jack gives a total of zero fucks

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 finds out he's 76, you mean? 'cause i always feel like once he hits that point, he gives a lot of fucks about not being recognized as strike commander morrison. not that he's any good at hiding it. XD

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 YEAH 76 not sc i feel like in this version of events gabe wouldn't know jack's face well enough to identify him as the former sc awww they'd be so cute tho, just sitting on a park bench together, jack grumbling at the birds but still feeding them anyway gabe shaking his head, utterly amused, and pointing out that the bread crumbs jack's been giving them are terrible for the ducks that have been coming around jack just replies with a  grumpy "fuck them"

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 XD Jack, you bastard! What if, despite Talon, Gabe is still somehow more idealistic than Jack? Like, he thinks the path to making the world a better place lies in siding with this group at least for a while, but Jack just thinks everything has gone to shit and there's barely any point.

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 awwww QoQ their light conversation about the birds suddenly seems to be a big metaphor for much darker things

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 whoopsy daisy! XD

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 gabe counters jack's nihilistic attitude towards the birds (and apparently everything else) with some optimism and jack just kinda gives him a sideways glance asks in his grumbly coarse way, "what well-meaning conman fed you such convincing bullshit?" gabe wonders, silently, why someone who has been beaten down this much by the world is still fighting for it

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 Maybe he realizes that Jack isn't--he's not part of a group fighting for something bigger, he's working on his own and largely protecting small communities from gangs that move in. The thought makes him laugh, because it seems like, deep down, maybe Jack isn't quite so different...it's just the scale of what they see in front of them. ((like, i typed all that up assuming that Gabe is offing threats while in Talon and trying to do good while using them--possibly with the goal of getting rid of Talon itself once he's done))

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 qoq and then the time finally comes when one of gabe's missions for talon involves innocents as collateral damage and soldier 76 shows up

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, HE'LL--no sorry wrong series

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 LOLLLLLL gabriel doesn't want to fight him so he tries to reason the big picture and all

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 NOPE

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 but jack morrison is done with big pictures

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 this is the core argument for the season i just finished fyi

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 omg what a coincidence

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 lol anyways Reaper being all 'You can't be so naive! Things aren't black and white, and there's no way to move forward without sacrifices.' Jack is just FUCK YOUR SACRIFICES EVERYTHING SUCKS ALREADY DON'T GO MAKING IT WORSE

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 jack will take your ideals and KICK THEM IN THE GODDAMN FACE BEFORE BURNING THEM he wrestles gabe to the ground and snarls that he will die before he lets fucking talon harm a single hair on a child's head and gabriel should be fighting for his life but he kind of falls a little in love right then and there

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 d'awww are we playing this serious, or does Gabe arch suggestively beneath him and tell Jack that if he wants to save anyone he's gonna have to come up with one hell of a distraction?

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 omgggggg jack freezes, caught between his total of two emotions he's been too spiteful to be thirsty the past several years

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 OH GOD GABE/REAPER HAS IT ALL

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 LOL jack doesn't give in - not yet, anyway, not this time - but gabe can see that he wants to he can work with that

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 JACK BEING A THIRSTY FUCK

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 for now, gabe's willing to count jack's several seconds of indecision as a victory

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 lol He tells Jack he'll concede this time since Jack's reaction was so intriguing. Jack can HEAR him smirking, and it pisses him off.

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 especially because goddammit that's attractive,,, FUCK,,, he's just a little too slow with his next punch. gabe is already wisping away

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 hahaha what if, back on the bench later on, Jack REALLY AWKWARDLY propositions Gabe and claims it's 'cause he needs to take the edge off. XD

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 omggggg JACK YOU USELESS HORNY MOTHERFUCKER too lazy to rub one out himself, has to fuckin proposition his bro dude

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 like, he doesn't even really mean to, he just opens his big stupid mouth and the words fall out all over each other

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 XDDDDDD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 hey, handling it himself just isn't the same. XD

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 XDDD gabe hates that when he tries to say no because terrible idea all that comes out is a snarky "your place or mine?"

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 XD

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 "or," he amends, patting the bench, "if you don't care about having an audience..."

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 i'm still trying to come up with what Jack would say, and so far the best vote is 'What are you doing tonight? I need to get wrecked in the worst way.' orz i guess this is still him giving zero fucks XD

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 omg jackieeeee bee gabe starts accidentally going on a snarky ramble bc he's,, actually kinda nervous and jack just gets tired of the bullshit and smooches his face

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 !! ^^ smooches him good, pulls back just a bit and cups him thru his jeans and asks, voice low 'you interested or not?' AND SUDDENLY THE TABLES HAVE BEEN TURNED XD

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 gabriel, all starstruck, breathes a "y-yeah" and lets jack drag him off the bench gabriel assumes jack takes him back to his safe house, but it's admittedly kind of a blur given that all he could look at the entire time was jack's ass

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 it's like watching a real, live lego man, he thinks

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 AHAHAHA am i really this fucking hyped to wreck that stupid rectangle? goddammit i really REALLY AM

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 X'D they balance each other out so well this time XD

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 XDDDD gabe wakes up out of his trance when he's suddenly lying in jack's bed with a ripped as all hell grump on top of him

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 c'mon Gabe, get with the program!! Wake up and give him something to remember next time you come on to him in your goth persona!

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 LOLLLL fondle the boobs man just DO IT

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 Gabe makes Jack VERY happy that he asked

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 especially when things inevitably get rough and jack is Very pleasantly surprised that gabe can keep up more than keep up, really not many people can hold him down so easily if he weren't so out of his mind from it, he might think it strange another thing he didn't think through due to his intense Thirst........ he just brought a relative stranger back to his safe house smart move jack

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 lol OH WELL IT'S ONLY GABE WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN ((Reaper waiting there for him the next night with a rose clipped int he mouth of his mask))

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 LOLLLL GABE!!!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 XD

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 you motherfucker XDDDD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 nah, nah. then the game would be over too soon altho, if 76 shows up next time and is all 'haha you thought i'd go for you, but I got my kicks elsewhere thanks, so fuck off with your noise' I kinda feel like he'd want some sort of petty revenge

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 omgggggg YOU FOOL YOU PLAYED YOURSELF my favorite phrase is relevant once again XDDDD maybe he shows off his most Sexy (tm) assets while being like "oh so you really want none of this ???" reaper: spawns one (1) tentacle 76: throws down his gun, immediately surrenders

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 X''''''D JACK NO YOU TOOK STEPS TO PREVENT THIS

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 he cannot resist the Tentacle tho it is jack's ultimate weakness gabe finds out about this by accident, of course

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 At the park next time, Gabe casually asks if Jack needs him again, thinking smugly that of course he does. But Jack is just. 'Listen. Last time isn't gonna cut it. I need you to fuck me up, understand??' Jack's way of asking to be saved from himself lol

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 OMG AKJNDFKADNFADF gabe is a little taken aback but is like YES SIR jack fists his collar and his eyes are kinda wild and scary and gabe is way too into it and he snarls "i don't think you get it. i need you to fuck me up. are we clear?"

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 XD get it gabe!

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 this is when gabe finds out that jack is into some Shit but oh god gabe miscalculated. jack is sleeping with him to avoid sleeping with.... him. also he really wants to see how wild jack would get if he brought out the tentacles for real. but he can't do that. yet.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 XD But wait. What if Jack tells Gabe 'Sorry, but you just don't have the right equipment to give me what I need.' and Gabe is just 'exCUSE ME???'

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 KJSNFASKDJFN "YOU'RE GONNA HATE ME FOR THIS BUT I HOPE IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU NOT WANNA FUCK ME ANYMORE BUT--" omg gabe feeling weirdly gratified when he's fooling around w 76 as reaper but 76 says his name, not knowing it's him

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 omgomg XD Jaaaaack.... wanting Gabe but needing those tentacles....u bad thing

firesonic152 - 08/04/2017 emotionally needs gabe but the rest of him just wants to get wrecked enough to forget everything that's ever happened to him omg ahhh but this whole time gabe didn't know he was sc!! he just knows jack has a chip on his shoulder for some reason

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/04/2017 ahhh you're right what if...with the needs of his body being met, Jack slowly starts to open up to Gabe? Particularly after they've been together. It's never as rough as with Reaper, Gabe will draw things out to make him beg or cry, and Jack always ends up feeling a different sort of exhausted wrapped up in Gabe's arms afterward. (idc if Gabe does know about Jack--Gabe's a cuddler! XD)

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 okay, i LITERALLY just laid down to go to bed, but i pulled my computer back out to send you this before i forget it. What if the Strike Commander position really was just a figurehead? Like, if Jack had far less power than he's made out to hold? Like, the UN is in charge of what missions are accepted, how many personnel are approved to go, what weapons they can have, how long they can fight before they're recalled and it's writen off. Jack is basically the middle man, there to handle small problems that crop up and relay orders from the top and to be a fall guy, but, really, he isn't supposed to do anything without their approval. okay night night <3

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 yeah no wonder Jack is filled with hatred LOL As they're cuddling one night, Jack admits quietly, "I used to be someone important." He laughs without humor. "Least, they let me think I was."

How would Gabe react to finding out Jack was sc :thinking: probably sympathetically, given Jack's previous rambles/rants about how his job was a shitshow and he was pretty useless in a lot of cases but I want drama so hmmmmmm

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 What if gabe had a shot at joining SEP, but the last available slot was given to this Jack Morrison asshole who later became SC? Also, I guess Gabe doesn't know Jack's last name, apparently? XD

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 omg!!!! LOL yeah Jack probably wouldn't give it up so easily He's shitty at stealth, not stupid...... actually wait he is kinda dumb BUT HE HAS..... some...... common sense??????

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 XD just a smidge. we wouldn't want to get carried away.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 .... self loathing, that's what he has doesn't wanna be attached to that name anymore there we go XDD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 lol perfect.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 Jack lets something slip and Gabe finally puts it together Gabe sits upright and stares. "Wait. You're Jack.... Morrison? Like...." Jack waits for the inevitable vitriol, tense and looking away. "The Jack Morrison who took my SEP slot?" This was not the accusation Jack was expecting. His head turns to stare at Gabe "What?"

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 XD SUCK IT JACK YOU DID EVERYTHING WRONG AND THEN SOME!!

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 LOLLL "You stole my shot at fame and glory!" Gabe accuses, a hint of a grin pulling on his lips, unable to keep up the charade. "Fuck you, man."

Jack shifts uneasily, caught between Gabe's good natured reaction and his reflex to use anything and everything as fuel for his self loathing

"For what it's worth, it was a pretty shitty gig," he finally offers.

"A year of potentially lethal injections and near-fatal side effects, then a short stint actually helping during the crisis, and then just..." He visibly wilts. "Years... Decades, actually, of being a puppet."

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 jack. jaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. stop. enough.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 He loves to party that jack Always throwing pity parties for himself

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 lol

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 I can't find a party hat emoji :((

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 huh. lame.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 Well there's these :tada::tada::tada::tada::confetti_ball::confetti_ball::confetti_ball: Close enough Oh here's the drama(??). Now that Gabe knows the full extent of Jack's identity, he Definitely cannot reveal his own

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 :tada: :disappointed_relieved: :birthday:

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 LOL

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 there. a pity party.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 Perfect

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 why does that change things? he already knew Jack was 76 and kinda burnt out on the big fight while still having some trace of his ideals left.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 Tru :thinking: Maybe just the fact that like. Before this Gabe didn't really consider 76 an enemy of Talon specifically and more just a general hazard to look out for. But the strike commander was absolutely an enemy of Talon, and that's a dangerous position to be in. If anyone else in Talon found out Jack Morrison is still alive, it'd be bad news for Jack

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 You think he'd try to talk Jack out of seeing Reaper?

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 omg Maybe he just casually like... "So if you were strike commander you fought against Talon right....?" That Gabriel, smooth as silk

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 lol 'and...this other guy...the well-equipped one...isn't he with Talon?'

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 LOL NICE Gbe ... What happened phone *GABE Jack sends Gabe a sharp sideways glance, keen enough to realize Gabe has an ulterior motive with this line of questioning but too dumb (lbr) to figure out what it is

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 maybe he thinks it's just good old fashioned jealousy? XD

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 LOL yeah he would

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 or would that be a stretch, given his low self-worth?

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 he has zero sense of self worth in terms of his value as a person but he still has a realistic sense of his worth in bed XDD Probably thinks Gabe is jealous as a bed partner, not anything more

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 oh. that would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 :)) "Are you..." Gabe hesitates, trying to remember how much he's supposed to know question did Jack fuck reaper yet I forget XDD

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 yeah. tentacles.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 >||3c

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 like, i don't think Reaper went full on tentacles--at least not  the first time--but Jack had tentacles and ran back to Gabe in the hopes that getting Fucked Up would keep him from wanting the tentacles. Spoiler alert: it Did Not.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 LOLLL LITTLE DOES HE KNOW Gabe bringing up reaper is digging up some unwanted desires for Jack so he cuts off the conversation with a meaningfully heated kiss "I slept with him once," Jack admits breathily when he pulls away, staring at Gabe's mouth. "It was fun but..." god damn was it fun "I'm lying in bed with you right now aren't I?"

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 Jack, that's not exactly...I mean, kudos for not lying, but... XD

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 he's baiting :eyes: Simultaneously assuring Gabe that he has his attention while also leaving open the possibility of someone else stealing him away so that Gabe is incited to do what he can to get rid of that as an option

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 Smarter than he looks. =/ XD

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 Only when it comes to thirst LOL :heart: Gabriel hates that even though his rival in this situation is himself, Jack's gambit still works He bears down on top of Jack, pressing Jack's back into the mattress as he kisses him Covering Jack's body with his own. A possessive move. Jack doesn't bother hiding his satisfaction. Man so if Jack didn't have Gabriel during that whole stretch of time from sep to end of overwatch... He never had any significant romantic relationships At least I can't imagine he would have had any success in that area? Just a whole lot of meaningless hookups when he could manage it AHAHA God he's gonna suck at this Gabriel probably had a few crushes and things but not anything terribly significant either

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 Oh, dear. Jack is at even MORE of a disadvantage than usual.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 Gabe asks him on a date and he combusts

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 Jack: You want...what? [cannot process. does not compute] Jack:...WHY???

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 LOLLL Jack: date... like........ sex but with rose petals on the bed??? Gabe: no like I want to take you to a nice restaurant Jack, struggling: to......... to do some kind of semi-public thing or Gabe: Gabe: looks at the camera

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 X'''''''''''D Jack: but...i'm already sleeping with you. you don't have to...uhh...earn it.

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 dkakdkakxka at which point Gabe realizes this is a deep dark pit he's uncovered

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 OH ONLY JUST NOW REALIZING IS HE? Gabe starts actually feeling bad for Jack oh shit. what if it translates into Reaper being more gentle, too? And Jack is just: ???????????i came for tentacles?? not sweetness???? haha unintended double entendre

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 LOLL djakcjakczlx Gabe is in too deep - said Jack never >||3c

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 pffffffffffffffft X'''''''''''''''''''''D

firesonic152 - 08/05/2017 ghhhhhh what if gabe asking jack out on a proper date freaks jack out a little bit so he does a quick calculation and decides taking his chances with reaper is better than risking further romantic advances at the moment and starts avoiding gabriel in favor of reaper (AGAIN, LITTLE DOES HE KNOW LOL)

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/05/2017 omg omgomg And he's like, well, at least I don't have to worry about the bloodthirsty mercenary expecting anything but a quick fuck from me. Except, instead of examining his life choices, he just blindly follows Reaper out of the end of a firefight and into a nearby safehouse...which happens to be stocked with an easily reheated, nice homemade meal, a bottle of wine, and some flickering LED candles in the bedroom.

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 LOL JACK U FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET FUCKED UP YOU THOUGHT!!!!!!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 well, he can, but with a nice meal and some romantic lighting. XD

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 XDDD jack walks in, sees the romantic setup, and has to do more mental math tentacles.... versus romance............ give him a moment, he's not very good at math

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 XD COME ON JACK YOU KNOW THOSE TENTACLES ARE WORTH IT

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 AHAHAHA

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 jeezus. it's only the romance that's dubcon. XD

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 XDDDDD GABE JUST WANTS TO TREAT U RIGHT JACKIE JESUS jack jokes, only a tiny bit of discomfort in his voice, that he hopes the big bad reaper hasn't gone and fallen for a worn down old soldier. reaper doesn't deny it.

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 oh. my. god. ;_; dude. not cool. upsetting.

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 :kissing_heart:

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 don't you kissy face me

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 :kissing_closed_eyes:

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 LOOK HERE what does Jack do next while that silence is growing longer and more fraught with meaning?

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 laugh nervously and try to goad reaper into throwing him into a wall?

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 think he'd get pissed? I mean, as angry and full of spite and self-loathing as this Jack is, when confronte with something he doesn't like, anger or violence seem likely modes of rejection.

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 absolutely yeahhh gabe is a stealthy dude he just likes birds man anyway jack of course gets pissed at the show of affection from reaper of all people and gabriel's heart hurts jack wants to start a fight, wants to get fucked up, but gabriel doesn't think he can do it anymore

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 oh lord. is it the big reveal? !!!! wait wait! what if Jack started an argument with him and took off, then went to go find Gabe. Rather than let Jack bait him into another fight, Gabe goes along with it and gives Jack what he wants, but pulls out his Reaper-y tentacle powers while they're in the middle of things in the hopes that Jack will be too overwhelmed and needy to run straightaway.

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 :OOO!!! risque

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 As soon as Jack realizes what's going on, he roars at Gabe to stop, and of course Gabe does. He lets Jack rail at him for a moment until Jack's anger turns inward, and he bitterly says that he should have noticed, should have picked up on all the little hints. He covers his eyes with his arm and mutters that Gabe smelled like him, but he hadn't wanted to think.... He asks 'Why?' and his voice is a broken croak. Was it all a ruse? Has he been tricked? To what end? Gabe learned he was Strike Commander, but nothing's come of that information, so WHY?? He jumps when Gabe reaches out to stroke his cheek.

'Nothing I've done with you has been false,' Gabe says.

Jack groans. He hasn't moved from beneath Gabe, but he can't be comfortable, and he's still hard.

'Do you want me to continue?' Gabe asks. When Jack only nods, grimacing, he holds back. 'Say it clearly for me.'

'Just fuck me for God's sake!'

Gabe is gentle. So very, very gentle, but aside from that, he gives Jack everything he asks for, everything he demands in his breathless cries.

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 kjfnakdfjakjnfkjsdnfadf b o ys afterwards, jack just watches gabe for awhile. it's searching, a little on the intense side. gabriel finally asks what jack's doing, and jack shrugs, looks away self-consciously. "was just wondering," he says. his voice is thick. he clears his throat and continues, "if you'd been in sep with me. just wondering what our lives would be like."

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 fffffffffffff

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 LITTLE!!! DOES HE KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 Gabe, reaching out to take his hand and kiss his knuckles: I'd've had more time to make you happy.

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 MELTING GABRIEL MARRY ME jack manages to not recoil and is a little taken aback by the warmth in his chest

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 he's bothered to think that he might be starting to want that. particularly since he doesn't think it's going to last, or that it might not even be real. he gathers his things and leaves, needing to think. To his slight surprise, Reaper and Gabe--he still can't quite think of them as the same person--give him his space. He sees Reaper during fights, but Reaper never approaches him, actually takes out an enemy or two that had been aiming for Jack. He avoids the park where he met Gabe, but when he passes by the safe house--not planning to go in, it was just where he ended up wandering--there are flowers left on the doorstep.

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 CLUTCHES CHEST after so many years of being gutted by governments and media and every organization under the sun, is it really okay for him to give gabriel a hollowed out shell?

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 ; ; so when he's ready--and he doesn't feel ready, but he misses the way Gabriel touched him and spoke to him and, damn it all, just the way Gabriel looked at him--he goes back to where it started--the park bench. He waits. It takes a while, of course. He's been avoiding Gabe for days, but eventually, Gabe comes strolling down the path. He manages to not show surprise at the sight of Jack there, but maybe in the way he sighs quietly when he sits down, the way his shoulders lots their tension, the way he leans forward, elbows braced on his knees...maybe somewhere in all of that Jack can believe that Gabriel is relieved to see him.

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 QOQ there are so many things jack wants to say, so many caveats about how he's got nothing left to offer gabe but he wants to try anyway, about how he doesn't know what he's doing (and if he's being honest, he's scared) but he's starting to think maybe that's okay, about how he has so many regrets but if this was the path he had to take to find gabe then it's all been worth it, and a million other self-deprecating and grateful things. but it's too much all at once. maybe he'll get around to them one at a time later. for now he just manages a quiet "sorry," and then "i want to try. if... if you still want to."

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 'Even though I'm the Reaper?' It's only barely a question. Jack hesitates, then nods. 'Haven't quite forgiven you for hiding that. You've known about me for a while. Can't promise I won't try to take a little revenge next time we meet on opposing sides.' He's more relieved than he'll ever admit when Gabe chuckles at that. 'Fair enough.'

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 YAYYY HAPPY ENDING although gabe still works for talon awks

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 lol they'll work it out. or kill each other. either way.

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 the real jack morrison would never pass up a chance to die

SuspiciousPopsicle - 08/06/2017 lol Gabe will give him many small deaths

firesonic152 - 08/06/2017 >||3c

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x22 recap

(Aka the one where they stop Phase 2 and Jeller finally get their act together)

Delayed by long work hours, an interstate trip for a traditional Indian engagement ceremony (which was AWESOME), and not in the least by my complete inability to deal with any of this episode at all ever.

There is so much screaming ahead, oh my god.

Alright kids, buckle up. This is gonna be a long ride.

Aaand we're back with Weller and Keaton in the Doomsday bunker, and you just know it's gotta be the end of the world when these two are willingly teaming up. As much as I still hate what Keaton did (like really, really hate it), I have to say I really enjoy his and Weller's dynamic as reluctant partners. I also enjoy that Weller is waaay taller than Keaton, and that he's the more dominant one in the pair, with Keaton totally following along like a lil sidekick. Damn straight, son. Know your place, which-- except for this brief excursion-- is in the trash. And okay tbh I would have actually been a little bit intrigued to see what the ‘New America’ would have been like with the COGS in command? I mean it’s not like the current governing body is doing a particularly stellar job.... plus I always really liked Julia Chang and Agent Valentine... and we all know Weller is a great leader. Too bad he and Keaton couldn't have included those two ladies in their little escape plan tho, that would have been a badass team. But obviously we have no idea who is Sandstorm here and who isn't. It's interesting that Weller chose to trust Keaton-- like could he really be sure Keaton wasn't one of them? Though I guess Keaton nearly lost a daughter through his involvement with one of the tattoos, so that makes him being Sandstorm fairly unlikely. And he had Jane for months, so surely he would have just taken her to Shepherd. Anyway lol I love that Keaton practically has to run to keep up with Weller's long, determined strides. And when Keaton is slowing him down with questions etc, Weller’s all like SHUT UP AND MOVE, I GOTTA GET BACK TO MY TEAM. And ugh Keaton, bless you you little jerk: "Your team, or Jane?" Um, why not both?? He can care about both. But lbr mostly Jane tho. But omg I love Weller's 'excuse u??' face as Keaton is calling him out on basically not trusting anyone-- except for Jane, despite everything that’s happened. Uhhh, it's because he looooves her, idiot. And he's kinda sorta almost sure she loves him too. Maybe. Hopefully. Which is all the more reason to get back to her so he can find out. And lol he just shuts down the conversation and continues looking for a phone and Keaton just like rolls his eyes and follows haha. Oh Keaton, you’re a pile of trash but you’re our pile of trash 

Ughhhhhhh now Jane is wandering in Weller's office, leaving him yet another in what is obviously a string of voicemails. Like I wonder when she started calling? I assume this is in the morning after the attacks, so he's probably been gone a max of like ten to twelve hours so far. Like I wonder if she called him sometime last night-- maybe she couldn't sleep and just wanted to hear his voice?? But she couldn't get through-- presumably bc he was on a plane or in a meeting or something-- so she just called a couple of times just to listen to his voice on the voicemail message. And eventually she drifts off to sleep, expecting to wake to a message from him-- except there's nothing, and so she calls again, the worry starting to set in. And now here she is, leaving another message, admitting that she's worried about him. It's only been a matter of hours since they were together but already it's so hard for her to be separated from him. And then ugh she's standing over his desk, staring at it like she’s trying to make him appear behind it, when ooooh the new director appears. Tbh I like her instantly-- that soft Southern accent, her genuine consideration of Jane's wellbeing, her tininess but clear boss-attitude... I feel like she’s going to be good for the team. And then ugh Jane immediately asks her about Weller and ughhhh my baby is so worrieddddd about her maaannnn. And then omg Hirst acknowledges that Nas' deal made Jane practically a prisoner-- so glad to hear someone other than Roman pointing this out! And aww she offers her her freedom, and the ability to go anywhere in the world-- and so where does Jane's mind immediately go with those words? To her dream of her future life with Kurt, together and happy, of course. Good lord, Gero, how did you just hit me so hard with literally like two seconds of footage?? And then ugh "I'm a part of this team". I want to cry because it’s so true; Jane belongs here, and she knows it. Bc lbr, Nas' deal might have made her a prisoner of sorts, but this is Jane. If Jane wanted to go, she could have escaped. Jane CHOSE to be right where she is. I do love Hirst's concern though; she sees Jane as a person who deserves to choose her own path, telling her that she needs to ask herself what she truly wants. And oooohhh yeahhhhh you just know that this is going to be a big theme of the episode, with Jane knowing what her instinctive answer is but not knowing if she can actually have it....

Lol at the little tech coming up to talk to Big Boss Patterson-- who is like an old, battle-weary sergeant now, the kind who walks with a limp and stares off into space puffing a cigar as they make vague, trailing statements about 'back before the war...'. But anyhow, the tech tells her about the explosives testing, and Patterson guesses correctly what was used and is all "I know my plastic explosives" and blows the tech's mind a lil bit. God, all of her staff must have such a crush on her. Except maybe Stuart, who is too busy being terrified. Poor boy. And then Jane comes to her and offers to help, but Patterson shuts her down a little bit, grimly telling her it's already over-- but then she sees Jane's face and shakes herself out of it, because Jane doesn't deserve her jagged edges right now. Jane has gone through every step of this right there beside her, going through the same hell she has. And ugh I love the way she softens and apologises and then Jane reaches out to her about whether she would leave or stay, given the choice-- and ughhh I can’t deal with the way Jane is looking at her, like she's desperately hoping to hear that she should stay, that she's wanted, that Patterson knows the team would hate to see her leave-- but instead Patterson just tells her she deserves to do what she wants. Which is also true, but also carefully on the fence, without nudging her one way or the other. And then ughhhhhh  “What if this is what I want?”, because it is. She may have ended up here through means outside her control, but this is home. This is where she has a purpose, where she has a family. Where she belongs. But Patterson challenges her on it, and she's kinda right; Jane doesn't know anything else. And I think Patterson would hate it if Jane were to stay-- to give up all other possibilities of a happy life-- purely because this was comfortable or she was scared or felt obligated to stay. And on one hand I'm surprised by Patterson's blunt attitude, and the way it seems like she's pushing Jane to go-- but she just wants her to be SURE. She wants her to fully think things through, to know that their little team-- their little world-- may not always stay the same forever. Reade may soon be gone, and Weller does have a baby on the way, one that he might decide he wants to be closer to, now that their battle with Sandstorm is over. Plus they have no idea what direction Hirst will take the team in. And ughhhh I just want to hug Jane, because she was hoping for reassurance and instead only feels more lost, especially at the thought of Weller leaving. Oh, honey. Just because Patterson MIGHT turn out to be right doesn't mean you should give up on the things you want... And ugh Patterson herself looks dejected and so tired and ugh my babies let me wrap you up in blankets and cuddle you foreverrrrr

I find it hilarious that Weller and Keaton have been able to just wander freely around this top-secret bunker without any army dudes trying to stop them. Tbh I thought they'd be a little more supervised? And they find an old rotary-dial telephone (man I remember using one of those) and a large transmitter thingie which Keaton conveniently knows how to use. Handy. Good work letting him tag along, Weller. And then of course he immediately calls Patterson, who kinda wastes a little time by being confused by the area code-- this is not the time, girl! Also lol good thing she's not like me, and actually answers her phone for unknown numbers. But then aaahhh he's telling her that Phase 2 isn't over and then BAM Keaton nearly gets shot in the head. Excuse you, beardy guy, but no one is allowed to hurt our Keaton but us! And then ugh New Beardy is Sandstorm (sigh, of course, I mean he’s literally directly from their mold) and is about to execute them both when Keaton distracts him just enough for Weller to throw the phone at his head. God I love watching Weller throw things at people. Also lol good thing the cord was long enough to reach... And oooh now it's two-on-one and I'm actually really enjoying watching Keaton and Weller fight together. Just for today, they are 100% on the same team and they will have each other's backs. Also I find it ironic that Weller saves Keaton from being choked to death? Ah, how things change... (Doesn't mean he wouldn't still let his wifey beat the crap out of you though, Keaton). And well, at least now they have a keycard to escape with? Literally though I have so many questions about what's going to happen once they're outside. Like, isn't this some deserted mountain fortress that Weller had to fly to get to? Won't they be surrounded by army dudes?? But no matter, bc no force in the world could stop Weller from getting back to Jane. Ain't no mountain high, ain’t no valley low...      

Awwww Reade is still in his bloody clothes-- he's sat by Zapata's bed all night. My baaabies. And ugh the moment she wakes she's like “Did we get Shepherd?/This isn't over" and tbh idk how she knows (gut feeling?) but she's right. And I so wish we got to see her response when Reade got the call from Patterson, telling him what Weller said? And ugh now the team-- or what's left of it, just the three of them-- is in the bullpen, desperately trying to figure out what's about to happen. And ugh Jane immediately wants to find and rescue Weller, but surprisingly it's Reade who steps up (trying to do Dad proud, lbr) and says they'll focus on Sandstorm instead, just as Weller would want. And ugh together they realise that yesterday's bombings prompted a huge security meeting today a the White House, where many government bigwigs will be attending-- just like they do after every major attack. The perfect way to wipe out the whole government is by getting them all in the same room. And then ugh again Reade takes it on himself to be fill-in Weller, giving the orders and going to brief Hirst. Makes sense, given that Patterson is far too important and busy to play messenger haha, and Jane doesn't quite have the FBI cred yet. And ugh good thing the two ladies are left to work together bc they figure out that the explosives Sandstorm used are also rocket fuel, and luckily they know just the person to question about it. It's a good throwback to the last Rich episode, bringing back the Riley guy that we have already known is linked to Sandstorm. And the team is intimidating the shit out of him in the conference room, working hard to break him, when suddenly the SIOC elevators open, and Weller and Keaton step out, fresh from their great escape. Man, I so wish we got to see the particulars of that adventure. I bet it was badass. Or maybe it involved just a bit of badass action as they stole an army jeep, but then got kind of embarrassingly dull as they had to roadtrip together in silence back to NYC. Ah, the awkwardness. But anyhow Jane immediately sees Weller-- lbr, she's been keeping half an eye on that elevator all day-- and ugh I can’t deal with the way she says his name, initially in disbelief, then more loudly as she realises she's not seeing things, that he's really there. And ughhhhhhh kill me now because she legit runs across the bullpen, breath escaping in a relieved little laugh, and literally throws her arms around his neck and holds onto him tightly and ughhh he never got any of her messages so it's almost a surprise to him that she's so relieved to see him, and ughhh since their kiss last night it's like one more wall has crumbled from between them-- I mean, before that kiss she wouldn't have dared to be so open in leaving him worried messages or throwing herself into his arms in the middle of the bullpen but now this is how they are, this is them, (lol Patterson and Reade must be like 'well this is new... but not at all surprising' haha) and ugh he holds her close and they rock a little (rude) and ughhh the little puppy-whimper noise she lets out just kills me. And the way she shakes her head a little to clear it, like she's trying to steady herself, and her "I thought you were..." and ughhhh it kills me so much that she would have had to acknowledge the possibility that he was dead, that getting the message out to them had cost him his life, and she would never see him again... and ugh he assures them (her) that he's alright and gets straight to business. I love that when he calls Keaton over (who, lbr, was probably standing over there shaking his head like 'be more in love with each other I dare you'), Jane is all 'wtf??' and I kinda love that she literally didn't even notice that one of her arch-nemeses was only a few yards away bc til now she had been able to see nothing but Weller. And ugh I wish we got to see Weller's face here, because her eyes barely leave his even as Keaton approaches and ugh I bet he gives her this apologetic look and little nod and it's enough for her; she will always hate Keaton but she trusts Kurt, trusts that he wouldn't ever bring someone like him near her unless it was unavoidable, and ugh our babies are reunited and that’s all that mattersssss 

So the team heads back to the lab, joined by their new members-- that cool aunt who is all ladylike and lovely on the surface but will literally beat someone's ass into the dirt and dispose of the body if they dared lay a finger on you, and that awkward cousin who has always been kind of an asshole in order to cover up his insecurities, but has grown up a bit and now is actually trying to be less of a shitbag-- and their focus turns to the last remaining pieces of the puzzle: the still-unused guidance chip, and Shepherd herself. Jane mentions that Shepherd was in Thailand the week before, putting Keaton in the spotlight when he explains that the CIA picked up intel on nuclear material being stolen-- leading to a little squabble between the kids until Aunty Hirst steps in and puts her probably-cowboy-booted foot down. Weller pairs Reade with Keaton, which isn't exactly a deliberate punishment on Reade but hey, two birds one stone. Patterson is tasked to keep finding info to use on Riley. Jane doesn't get given a specific job, but turns and leaves when all the others do-- I guess she assumed Weller would be heading out as well? I'm just surprised she didn't wait for him, tbh. Though maybe Keaton's presence just has her on edge. More likely tho, it was just a choice by the show’s director to have Jane conveniently out of the room for the upcoming conversation. Weller's so cute, literally checking that everyone is gone before asking Patterson about Hirst. And ugh bless my baby's heart, she gives a concise assessment of Hirst (’maverick’ is an interesting choice of term; you wouldn't think someone would get to her level by playing outside the rules) and then tells Weller that she's going to release Jane. And oooohh my boy gets his crinkly face on because ??Wifey is leaving??? Does not compute??? And ugh the stunned look on his face and the disbelieving 'why??' just kill me because he's literally reeling from this news, unable to even process how it could be happening when they had just finally found their way back to each other and ugh he must be wondering if it was the kiss, aka him, that somehow sparked her decision and ugh my poor boy is so distressed-- and then Patterson is all 'well yeah I kinda told her to go' and ooooh big bro is NOT PLEASED. How dare his little sis do this?? But ugh she calls him Kurt (literally has she ever called him that before?? Bc if she has I don't remember) and oooohhh she drops the truth bomb on him that Jane didn't choose this life (I think he forgets that sometimes? Like to him Jane is just such an intrinsic part of the team and what they do, that he forgets that she came to them through less-than-voluntary circumstances), and she suggests if he's got something to say to Jane he should do it now, allowing her to make her decision with all the facts. OOOOHHHH, TEN MILLION POINTS TO PATTERSON. This kind of forceful Jeller-encouragement almost makes up for all the Jeller-interrupting she's done in the past year haha. Almost. Now go on Weller, listen to your lil sis.... 

Aww poor Zapata is not having an easy time sitting on the sidelines. I feel you, girl. And then she realises from Reade's tone on the phone that something else is going on, and she'll be damned if she's not going to be there with her team for it. Also lol she rips out her drip and somehow it doesn’t bleed at all. Mmm-hmmm, sure. I see no flaws in this whatsoever. But god, the local hospitals really must dread having these guys as patients, because they literally never do what they're told haha

Oh, so this is why Weller didn't give Jane a task like the others. They both already knew that they would be going in to finish interrogating Riley together. Jane was probably already waiting outside the interview room for him when he showed up, wondering what had delayed him in the lab and why he looked somewhat shaken all of a sudden. And of course she would have asked him if everything was alright, instantly knowing by just the tone of his reply that it wasn't but that they wouldn't be able to broach it until after this mission was done. Luckily Patterson has discovered that Riley's sister lives close enough to DC to be endangered by a nuclear attack, allowing them to get the truth out of him-- he launched a satellite for Shepherd. And well this seems like a big deal, especially considering Patterson literally sprints from her lab to confront Riley-- and oh the satellite will launch a glider that will head straight to DC. He thought it would just hit the white house, but instead it'll be aimed at the nuclear material, making things about a million times worse. The attack would wipe out the whole eastern seaboard, which would be very, very bad. Hold on, that also means that it will kill both Shepherd and Roman as well?? I mean, they're right there in DC with the truck, so unless they have a private jet, surely they don't have time to get to a safe distance? Lol I love when the team finds Zapata in the bullpen and she's all 'wait, there’s nukes??' and the boys are all YOU SHOULD BE IN HOSPITAL because they're Expert-Level Hypocrites haha. God I love her sass 'you two done mothering me?' and Weller's faaaace-- the poor man has been spoiled by Reade and Keaton's obedience today and keeps forgetting that he has zero control over his ladies haha. Also speaking of Keaton, he is SUPER quick to offer to brief Zapata, and ugh I love how annoyed and disgusted she is to see him there. Glad Jane has someone on her side with this haha. And then Keaton's all 'I used to fly jets/ oh the domestic drone program is upstairs' and ugh she is so done with him already and it's been like ten seconds. I love her. And he seems to just like her more for it, and oh buddy, you don't stand a chance. Just give up now (also aren’t you married??). Then in retaliation for her bad behaviour, Weller partners them while the others try to hide their smirks. Keaton is naturally pleased, while you can literally almost feel Zapata's eyes rolling lol. Clearly ready to be out of there, Weller all but grabs Jane and heads to the elevator to catch their plane-- I mean, they're the best partnership the FBI has, and if they fail, at least they die together--  completely cutting Patterson off when she suggests saying their goodbyes. Come on, Patterson, you know big bro doesn't deal with either emotions or the prospect of failure well. Still, I bet Jane totally looked back and gave them all a sad little wave before following him, because while she's ready to die beside him, she hates the thought of leaving her team-- her family-- behind ugh 

Ughhh Zapata and Keaton scanning DC with drones looking for the nuclear stuff is so funny-- he tries to mansplain it to her and she's all ‘YEP FULLY AWARE THANKS’ and ugh she calls him Jake which is kinda funny, since being part of the 'team' means getting called by your last name (Jane is a special case because everyone knew her last name would be Weller too one day) and so it's like she's deliberately degrading him a little and reminding him he's not one of the club. And ugh he persists (bc of course he does) and asks how she's doing and tells her he admires her and asks her to work for the CIA and ooooohhhhh buddy. Don't you know your predecssor tried this same thing, and ended up dead a short time later? In an unrelated incident, but still. Asking her to go over to the CIA is like asking a die-hard sports fan to convert to their arch-rival team. Not gonna happen. She'll be carrying that FBI badge til the day she dies, bucko. (Which will hopefully be man, many years in the future btw)

Aaaahhh the plane. Jeller on a plane. I'm having very pleasant flashbacks of hearteyes and handholding rn, so I’m crossing my fingers for more of the same. Poor Jane, though; she clearly still does not like planes at all. She looks so uncomfortable haha. And Weller does too, but for a completely different reason: "Patterson told me that you're thinking of leaving". And oh my godddddd this conversation is killing me because they're both idiots who are operating completely on assumptions; like Weller is trying to be a good guy and support her right to live life how she chooses, because he already believes she'll leave-- bc why stay with damaged goods like him when she now has the whole world at her feet?-- and she thinks his encouragement is because he believes she should go, and ugh she puts out feelers, trying to gauge his mindset, talking about maybe California and then asking him about Colorado, and ugh she encourages him to take a spot in Denver because she wants him to be happy and ughhhhh you idiots, just SAY WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL, WHICH IS THAT YOU BOTH WANT TO STAY BY EACH OTHER'S SIDE FOREVER AND EVER AND NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER EVER. (Also known as marriage. Just put a damn ring on it already jfc). But ugh instead there's this soft little moment where they acknowledge that they're both allowed to be happy, and again you dumb children each keep assuming that the other means going their separate ways but actually literally means the exact opposite. GAWD STOP TRYING TO SPEAK IN SUBTEXT AND JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. AND THEN GET SOME MILE-HIGH JELLER LOVIN' HAPPENING LIKE LITERALLY YOU'RE ON A LUXURY JET ALONE WITH THE PERSON YOU LOVE AND IT MIGHT LITERALLY BE YOUR LAST DAY ON EARTH LIKE WHY ARE YOU WASTING THIS OPPORTUNITY I DON’T UNDERSTAND

Thankfully, I have Patterson and her sass (dissing Riley) to make me feel better haha. And then the NASA people arrive and she's all 'hey I know barely anything about this but'-- *poses incredible, literally-out-of-this-world theory and is met with well deserved awe and admiration* haha. Also lol Eileen "Oh that is not to scale" hahahahaaa. I love having Reade and Hirst represent the viewers who are all sitting here like me going 'yes.. spaceships will save them. Mmm-hmmm I totally understand everything that is happening right now. Spaceships.' lol. And speaking of genius ladies, Zapata realises that Shepherd has hidden the nuclear stuff in something lead-lined (just watch Keaton's crush growing ever larger lol), leading to her finding Shepherd's location and giving it to Weller and Jane, who are now firmly on the ground, right in the danger zone. Man, I wish we got to see more of that car ride from the airport. I know Weller is very anti-goodbyes rn, but I feel like Jane would have wanted to say something? Though then again she's probably decided she'll hold it in right until she's sure they're done for, then confess everything to him. Meanwhile he's probably thinking the same, because they are a pair of idiots who like to torment me with their inability to use words properly when it comes to literally any emotion that’s not anger

So Shepherd and Roman are hanging in the truck, then she sends him to kill a couple of cops who are likely just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Well, this is certainly reminding me of this season's premiere. Also I totally bet Roman is wearing gloves because of Luke's injury. Seriously tho dude you can't walk towards cops with a knife in your hand and not expect to get shot??? (Oh wait, that's right, you're white. Nvm.)

Meanwhile the supergeniuses in the bullpen have hit a rather apocalyptic snag-- the launch sequence for the glider has already started, and there's no way to hack it in time. Well, shit. Patterson yet again comes up with an idea, suggesting using the mini spaceship to push against the satellite and stop if from getting to its firing location, giving them more time. Good on you, lil Patterson-spaceship. Good luck against Shaquille O'Neal haha. 

Aarghhh Weller and Jane and their band of merry men have caught up to Shepherd, and ohhh this makes me nervous. Aaaand yep, a bunch of Sandstorm dudes just came out of nowhere, taking out pretty much everyone but Weller and Jane before being taken down themselves. So now it's very much a family affair; daughter and son-in-law vs mother and brother. And ugh have I mentioned lately how much I love how in sync these two are?? The way they move, the way they communicate-- they really are the FBI elite. And then surprise, a wild Shepherd appears, giving us another Jane/Shepherd showdown-- which lbr Shepherd was def about to win before Jane's hubby showed up and shot her haha. Ah, this gives me such satisfaction. So on one hand, yay, they've got Shepherd-- but on the other, everything has just gone to hell anyway because the glider just launched, giving them thirty minutes until impact and no way to hack it. It's headed for a homing beacon, and I love that when Weller comes up with the idea cloning it and sending it after a fake one, Patterson's already in the middle of doing just that haha. Jane's convinced that Shepherd has the beacon, and Weller pats her down for like three seconds before being like 'I can't find it' haha. I'm so surprised by that Weller, I mean you were so thorough?? Anyway Keaton and Zapata find a railroad tunnel that they could get the truck to which would prevent a lot of the effect of the blast-- but even if they get it there, they won't make it back. And ughhhhh the heavy silence in the bullpen and the way Jane and Weller are staring at each other... this is too much. I can't deal. And then Weller tells Jane to stay, that he'll take the truck, and ughhhh her voice is all thick as she fiercely tells him that she's not letting him go alone and ughhhhh she would rather die by his side than live without him, and he would rather die alone so that she could live. Either way, I'm already dead because these two have killed me. Goodbye, world. And then ughhhh Patterson has tears in her eyes as she tells them they both have to go. They have to find the homing beacon and destroy it, while also getting the truck as far away as possible. They accept that like champs, because this thing is far bigger than just their own lives. So Weller has Jane drive, saving her from having to deal with Shepherd, while Patterson reprograms an app and sends it to him to use as a bug-sweeper. Man, she is amazeballs. Remember how screwed this team (and the world) would be without her? Also Keaton and Zapata have rejoined the rest in the bullpen, and ugh what an intense situation to be in, all of them there, just (for the most part) watching helplessly as the seconds tick down to Armageddon. I think some of the randoms in the back are on the phone and I totally identify with that. Personally I'd be on the phone to my mum lol

Speaking of moms, Shepherd is waxing poetic over Weller, talking about how great he is, and ummmm lady it's weird to have a crush on your son-in-law. And then he realises that Shepherd swallowed the beacon, and literally whips out a knife-- but hold up, son, what’re you doing? Like yes, you could actually cut her open and try to fish it out. I mean, circumstances ARE dire, but still... and also you know how much gastrointestinal tract there is?? If she swallowed it hours ago it would be well into her intestines by now, and trust me, that junk ain't easy to fish around in. But that's about to become a moot point, because Jane and Roman are playing the world's most intense game of chicken, and dear lord what even is this. Like he knows that he is in a car, right? One that's a hell of a lot smaller than a freakin' reinforced truck?? And ughhh she saw him there in the driver’s seat. She knew it was him, and did it anyway, because she had to. She couldn't let her love for her brother cost so many lives. Too bad the impact knocked her out. And ugh poor Patterson dials back in (since their comms had been off coz they messed with the bug-sweeper) only to hear Weller groaning out Jane's name, clearly injured. God, it would be awful being in that bullpen right now, so completely unable to help. And ugh Weller pulls a shard of metal out of his leg, and dammit son do you not remember ANY first aid skills?? Leave it in, you idiot! I mean it's too far to the outer side to have hit the femoral artery or vein, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of other very bleedy vessels in there just waiting to spurt all over the place. Gah. And ugh both Zapata and Patterson are in tears as they tell him he has to get up and keep looking bc they only have two minutes until the glider hits the point of no return. Damn, that half hour went fast. And ugh he tells them that Shepherd swallowed it and they all look so stunned and desolate, like they're out of options. But Weller has one more idea, and it's a shocking one. (Yes, I did just wink at my screen just then. You’re being winked at. Jsyk.). Meanwhile Jane regains consciousness and immediately calls Weller's name, and ugh never mind about the nuclear bomb, these two are definitely going to be the death of me first. She's trying to get to him when Roman attacks her-- damn, son, are your bones made of admantium or something?? And now it's two epic showdowns-- brother versus sister, and Weller + defibrillator versus Shepherd + beacon. And for a second I'm actually legitimately stunned bc I think Weller must know that his plan will very possibly kill him too-- after all, they're both kneeling on the same metal surface, which WILL CONDUCT ELECTRICITY-- but wait nope apparently this is TV science and therefore Weller is unaffected haha. Mmmkay. It doesn't work anyway, and ugh my baby Patterson can barely speak through her tears as she tells him so. He tries again, partly bc what other option does he have, and partly bc he just wanted to hurt Shepherd for doing this to them all, and this time it works, with the decoy beacon taking over right at the last moment and sending the glider harmlessly into the ocean. And ugh the celebration in the bullpen is like the most adorable thing ever-- honestly I recommend pausing this scene a few times and looking at everyone's reactions haha. My personal fave is Hirst. And ugh Patterson tells Weller it worked and he tells her she did a ‘nice job’ (understatement of the year haha) and ughhhhh this lil familyyyyyyyy

Speaking of families though, Jane and Roman are still battling it out, and Jane is absolutely winning, bc of course she is. She was always the stronger one, in every way. And ugh she has her gun on him and he yells at her to do it, to kill him, but she won't, she can't. And Weller hears his shout, instantly realising what's happening, and drags his exhausted and bleeding body up off the floor because he needs to protect Jane. Not necessarily from Roman, but from having to make a choice that would break her. Noble thought, buddy, but I think you'll find standing up is a lot harder than being on the floor. Your body ain't gonna like it. (Mine doesn't even on the best of days haha). And ugh Jane lowers the gun and lets Roman go, because she can't kill him. It's the same as in 2x01 when she could easily have shot Weller, but didn't. She loves them and could never hurt either of them. And ugh Weller tries to jump down from the truck to give chase, but I told you buddy, your body ain't made for the vertical plane right now. So he literally falls at her feet, rapidly losing consciousness (bet you wish you'd left that damn spiky thing in now, huh??) and ugh she's so panicked because she has no idea what happened in there or what his injuries are and she's all 'say something!' and so he uses his last ounce of strength to tell her not to move to California, to stay with him instead... and that he loves her. Literally if he'd died of these wounds, his very last words would have been 'I love you'. Honestly sometimes this ship makes me want to scream. And by ‘sometimes’, I mean ALL OF THE DAMN TIME. And ugh I'm going to ignore the rather unflattering camera shot lol (poor Sully haha) and focus instead on Jane's face, because for a woman who has already been through hell like eighteen different ways, she looks like she's on the verge of a breakdown rn because he loves her and he might be dying and I'm not even sure if she heard what was happening over the comms before or not-- hell it might have been knocked out of her ear during her fight-- and so she might not even know if the attack is still about to happen or not and ugh this is just a lot for my poor precious girl to deal with rn. Though I'm sure she gets her shit together pretty quick and gets Patterson to send an ambulance bc no way is she letting him leave her now, or ever, and lbr she goes with him when they take him, staying by his side with her hand around his-- whispering I love yous into his ear that he'll later think he only dreamed he heard-- right until he's taken into surgery, and only then allowing anyone to patch her up while anxiously waiting for news. Hirst arrives just a little later, allowing Jane to sit at his bedside for a few hours while he sleeps, and while Hirst deals with Shepherd and the nukes and everything else, then she eventually returns to make Jane take the plane back with her so she can give her full statement at the NYO. And even with the threat to her life now over, she sleeps in the cell again, calling the hospital for regular updates overnight, heart thudding painfully when the nurses tell her that he's been muttering her name in his sleep. The next afternoon, she knows when he's been discharged, knows that he'll come straight to the NYO once his flight lands-- and knows that she can't face him. Not there, where so many eyes will be on them, where she'll be forced to hold back how she feels. So she goes to Hirst, who understands, and who tells everyone she needs to go to medical for an assessment. Instead she goes back to the safehouse, sits on the couch, and lets herself cry. Cry about it all finally being over, cry about losing Roman, about almost losing Kurt-- and then finally when she can breathe again she pushes herself up and goes to shower and dress, immediately picking the red blouse, because during that scavenger hunt red had been their colour, the thing that marked them as trusted partners, and she wants him to see it and know that she’s in this, that their fates really are forever intertwined, that he is hers and she is his.

In the meantime, though, Weller arrives back at the NYO, steeling himself as the elevator doors begin to open. He remembers what he said, and he knows Jane heard it-- and possibly everyone on the comms, too. And then ugh the doors open and they're all there cheering for him and for a split second his eyes look for Jane-- hoping to see her right there at the front with the team-- but she's not there and Reade is already approaching him and so he goes with it and hugs his people-- ugh I love the way that each hug is different; Reade's is a congratulatory, dude-you-scored-the-home-run happy kinda hug, Patterson's is a little more tender and sisterly, while Zapata's her usual sarcastic-but-secretly-softhearted self and jokes about not being that worried about him, even though they both know she was. And ugh the happy grin on her face as she grips him tight for a moment is just so sweet. And ugh Weller telling them all how glad he is to see them and ugh he's just so totally their dad. For everyone outside the main team, he's Work-Dad, and ugh he's so proud of his lil secret agents. But even so, he's had a moment to look around now, searching the crowd, looking for one face in particular, and it's not there. He's barely even finished acknowledging all these people-- let alone started on the obligatory big speech-- and he's already asking for her. He may have had reservations before about being too open in his feelings for Jane (FYI, everyone could see it anyway, buddy) but now he literally does not care one bit who knows it. Good old Hirst quickly reassures him that she's fine-- because give him even the slightest indication that something might be wrong and he'll rip those stitches right out as he goes running after her-- and uses the medical excuse (after all, that's what she's been telling everybody), and then gets him back on track with the whole, you know, saving the day thing, and ugh now work-dad is giving his speech and ugh he's so good at it and ughhh even I'm feeling validated on their behalf rn, so I'm so happy for them haha. Also lol I love that little twirly hand gesture thing he does, bc thanks to instagram we now know that's totally a Sully thing and it just makes me giggle okay

Oooooh Shepherd is in the fancy magical MRI lie detector, and ugh again another ridiculously unrealistic needle is being given. Find an actual vein, guys, don't just stab it into the elbow! Sigh. And she's acting all tough with Keaton, bc lbr, he may be a torturer but he's still kinda lame? But then Nas walks in, and Shepherd looks like she's pooping her pants. On one hand I'm excited for the intel they'll get from her and for Nas to finally get her revenge-- but on the other, I still worry about Nas' trustworthiness and what she might do with the knowledge she gains. But I guess we'll see...

Lol Zapata is so cute, bringing Weller the newspaper about Riley's arrest. Yep, being a government agent sure is a thankless job. But then, Weller would never want the limelight anyway. Kinda reminds me of that scene in Kingsman where Colin Firth's office walls are covered in the front pages of newspapers on days where he's prevented some huge disaster, with the lead stories always being something completely inane. I love that Weller's first question is to see how she's going. Ugh, he just cares so much. I also really like that Audrey is having her injured arm hanging limply at her side-- finally, someone on the team actually continuing to look visibly injured! Though I'd prefer her in a sling. And in hospital. But whatevs. And ugh she asks about Roman, because of course she has to know. She's had a thing against him (or for him?? I’m still hopeful lol) from day one. And ugh his words are almost a warning when he tells her to read the report, that Jane didn't have the shot. He's telling her that that's the only answer that there will ever be to that question, that there would be no more arguing or questioning or digging. His loyalty is with Jane, and therefore Roman is off limits. Ughhhhh such a good hubbyyyyy

Meanwhile in the lab, Patterson already has the booze waiting (ugh, again on the touchscren?? How could you??) and there are only three glasses... looks like it's just the Three Amigos tonight. And Reade gets there an ugh they both just look so exhausted and then she's all 'what now' and surprisingly Reade has apparently decided that this is where he belongs-- Quantico is forgotten, and he's already ready to take his next stand with the team. But Patterson isn't, and oh god the way she just crumbles and ughhhhh our baby has been so strong for so long and now she just can't do it anymore. Ugh can she at least just have a holiday? Let them all go to some tropical island and be served drinks by handsome dudes (or in Reade's case, beautiful ladies) and just unwind. And ughhh Reade looks exactly how a loving big brother always does when his little sister cries-- incredibly dismayed and at a loss for what to do. A moment later Zapata appears to back him up, though looks taken aback herself to find out that Patterson-- their indefatigable little genius machine-- is falling apart. And ugh Reade has recovered enough to give a reassuring speech-- "this job takes everything” sounds very reminiscent of S1 Weller's outburst at Sarah-- and ugh who would have thought that Edgar Reade, recent Human Disaster and near-deserter, would be the one holding the team together now?? 'It gives us a way to fight back. It gives us family. It gives us hope.' and ugh if that isn't the heart of this show, I don't know what is. Unless it's Zapata's loving snark: "Is that right, Quantico?" hahaha. She may be sarcastic, but then again she just made Patterson laugh when a minute ago she was near-breakdown. I mean I just love this family so much??? They are just so perfect together and ugh they make a toast to family and I am overwhelmed

Speaking of family, they're now all gathered at Weller’s-- tho he's out on the balcony in a moment that's very reminiscent of 1x01, undoubtedly thinking about Jane, and his confession, and the future, and lots of stuff that is definitely far too heavy for a celebratory get-together, so he pulls himself together and joins the others, who are laughing and relaxed and lounging around his apartment like it's their own. Remember when none of them had ever even been there, and now it seems like they're hanging out there every other week?? FAMILYYYY. And ughhh Patterson looks so much lighter and happier and dude I agree with Weller-- I wanna know what they were laughing about? But alas we'll never know bc all of a sudden Jane appears, letting herself in without knocking bc of course she does, it's practically her apartment now too, and ughhhh look at her excited lil face and the lil wave she does and lbr Weller has literally forgotten the other three even exist bc rn all he sees is her, and he walks toward her with this slightly awed but also questioning look, like he can barely believe she's really there, and then "I didn't think you were coming"-- bc you just know he probably tried to call her or at least send her a message but couldn't get hold of her, so he'd already half-convinced himself that she was already pulling away from them all, or even right at that moment getting ready to head to California, and ugh when she asks to talk to him outside you can just see the apprehension that spreads across his face and for a split second he can’t even force himself to move because he thinks this is it, this is goodbye, and god he can't do it but he knows he has to and so he forces his feet to move, following after her-- but seriously he's so busy freaking out that he doesn't even register the air of nervous excitement that's literally radiating from her or the way she glances back to make sure he's following, or the eager light in her eyes as she turns to him and draws in a deep breath-- and dude, c’mon. This is not the face of someone who is about to drop a rejection and a goodbye in the same sentence. This is the face of someone at the very top of the rollercoaster, who is simultaneously terrified of the drop but also feeling more exhilarated and alive than they ever have before, and who is SO READY to tip over the edge and take the plunge. And then she takes that deep breath and begins "So they told me I could go anywhere..." and omg. She's literally rehearsed this. Jane Doe is using a ~line~ on Kurt Weller. She's literally paused for dramatic effect, letting him imagine all the very far-away places she might choose. And now here it comes: "...But this is where I wanna be." BAM. Damn, girl, I am so proud of you. From the girl who made that super awkward dinner invitation to Oliver however many weeks ago, this was so smooth. And then aaaahhhh the fear on his face just disappears (melted by the sunbeams of PURE LOVE that are shining from his eyes) and he gives the lil Kurt Weller smirky-smirk and then she does the bravest thing she's ever done and tells him she loves him back and ughhhhh just look at these two idiots?? She's already trying to find the words to follow that confession (words? what are words??) and he just gives a little shake of his head-- because she loves him and that's all he's ever needed to hear-- and steps forward and just. CLAIMS HIS WOMAN. And well I guess the background music is pretty damn fitting, given that the main lyric is "I wanna make out with you". Can't get much more accurate than that. Also lol since that song is technically "playing" in his apartment, does that mean he chose it? Did he literally make an entire spotify playlist full of subliminal messages just in case Jane came to the party? Like just imagine if she'd come inside instead of talking to him out in the hall, and then as he hands her a drink he comments very pointedly on really liking this song, that it has good lyrics, and then Jane listens for a second and then stares at him and then they immediately find an excuse to go out on the balcony or to the nursery and maaaake ouuuuttt. But of course this way is much better than that anyway, with the two of them FINALLY ON THE SAME PAGE, grinning at each other and making out in the hallway like a pair of TEENAGERS who have no concept of PEEPHOLES. Because you KNOW that at least one of the others witnessed this whole thing through that little spy-hole-- I mean let's be real, when Jeller walk back into the apartment (trying to play it cool and completely failing haha), literally none of the others are where they were when Jane arrived? Reade is now sitting with his back to the door, wearing his jacket and a ruefully amused expression, Patterson is standing way around the other side of the counter from where she was before, grinning and playing with her fingers like she just can't keep still, and Tasha's standing near her-- tbh my main bet for the one spying on them would be Peeping Patterson, though I can't rule out Zapata joining her at the doorway and giving a sniggering play-by-play for (a thoroughly unwilling) Reade before the two of them scurry back to the kitchen when Jeller are about to head inside. And then speaking of our happy couple, the two of them have literally barely stepped into the apartment (Weller opens the door for her ugh, having to lean in close to her to do so, which is such a little thing but kills me so much) and immediately Reade is all like 'wooop, gotta go, some never aforementioned bro needs help with some unspecified thing' and bails (also ughhh I never noticed the little grin he and Weller share for a split second  right as he passes him?? Ugh someone save me from this familyyyy) and then Zapata's all 'yep, gotta go with him, no possible way for me to get home in NYC except with Reade, nope not at all' and follows him out, and oh my precious supergenius Patterson is just all 'no way am I third-wheeling you two after a year of pent-up UST so I am going to go literally anywhere else' lol and ugh she tells them to have fun and that she'll see them sometime, pretty much implying that she doesn't expect them to emerge from their sex-romp for quite some time and omg I can't even imagine what it's like to be in a situation where your friends literally... uh, what's the opposite of cockblock?... for you? It's awkward but not, and oh god Weller's breathy little 'and... goodbye' and then ugh the stupid little grins they exchange, like I look at her face and I can literally almost hear a Wild-West-era petticoated belle saying 'My, how are we ever going to pass the time?' while batting her eyelashes coyly at the cowboy and he gives his sly heartthrob smile and answers in a low drawl 'I have a few ideas, ma'am' and DON'T ASK ME WHY THIS JUST TURNED INTO SOME WILD WEST HARLEQUIN ROMANCE. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHERE (OR WHEN) MY BRAIN GOES. But regardless, lbr here-- that was pretty much exactly the wordless conversation that was had (okay maybe sans accents), and Jane seems to very much approve of Weller's ideas, which involve a lot of making out and manhandling-- shoving her against a wall and then carrying her to bed and putting her down so delicately ughhhhhhhh-- paired with the enthusiastic removal of clothing haha. And you know what, while I'm in no way a particular supporter of the strobelight sex scene, the more I watch it (errr... for scientific reasons of course), the more I find it cute rather than ridiculous. Plus if you let your eyes go a tiny bit out of focus and don't try to look at any particular thing too closely, and instead just let it like wash over you, it's not that bad at all. I do love the sheer amount of grinning happening all throughout though-- remember how we all thought their first time would be so serious and emotional? Instead they are literally giggling like the idiots they are and I love it. Like can you literally give me an example of two happier people?? Didn’t think so. And ughhhhhh I'm just so happy for themmmm, our babies are finally together where they belongggggggggg aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay, so that's a cliff, and that's Jane climbing it... but there's too much hair. Way too much. Takes-months-and-months-to-grow kind of much. Also on one hand this is cool because I recently just got back into rockclimbing myself and I'm like DUDE SHE'S FREECLIMBING A FREAKIN' GIANT CLIFF WITH A BACKWARDS INCLINE and then it's like my excitement literally falls off a cliff of its own as the 'two years later' appears on the screen. God, I don't even know what my face must have looked like in this moment, but I am certainly well aware of my stomach abruptly dropping about five feet. Tbh to me a timejump is possibly the worst non-bad thing that can happen in a show??? Like it's not up there with people being killed off or anything, but... two freakin' years. Two years where anything could have happened, and two years full of events that we may never get to see. In some shows, that wouldn't really matter much. But when that two years includes your OTP's first morning together and subsequent canon-coupleness, losing two years feels like a punch to the gut and a spit in the face all at once. Like two years is pretty much double the span of the entire past two seasons. The only comfort I have right now is that this show does flashbacks so well, and possibly may continue them into S3, giving us little glimpses of Jeller and the team along the way. God, I hope so. Also my other problem with this timejump thing, I’m realising, is that we never got the resolution I was expecting with the whole Allie thing-- honestly, I was expecting her to die before ever having the baby (I know, I’m awful) and now that’s unlikely to be the case, meaning in this new future Weller has a toddler-aged child... and if you thought I was awful a second ago, prepare to think worse of me because I’m actually legitimately upset about it. I went through this whole season believing the pregnancy was either a lie or that it would somehow never eventuate, and I’m not dealing well with the now-inevitability of this child. I feel like this is going to be one of those canon details that just gets erased from my brain, tbh. Where’s that Nick Fury gif about ignoring the council’s stupid-ass decisions? Because that’s literally me rn. But anyhow, back to more important things than non-existent progeny, aka Jane and the cliff. To get to the top she literally has to climb out on an overhang and then up, and good lord this woman is a superhuman. And then she's at the top and I want Kurt to be waiting up there for her but lbr if he was here he would have climbed with her or at least forced her to use ropes and idk how but that climb also felt very much like a ~journey~ and oh this is so worrying. So worrying. And some cute monk lady approaches and tells her there's still longing in her eyes and Jane closes her eyes and looks away and oh no. No no no. Longing implies separation from the things you love. Help me, I am withering inside because whatever happened in those two years, somewhere along the way my babies were torn apart from one another. And Jane says she's climbed this mountain dozens of times-- but why? In search of inner peace? I can tell you right now you're not gonna find it without Kurt by your side, honey-- and ugh the monk lady tells her to go home and YES LISTEN TO HER BC YOU’VE ALREADY CLEARLY BEEN GONE FOR FAR TOO LONG and then "No, I can never go back"--- *insert agonized wails here because I don't have words for this* (Okay maybe I do: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????!???????!!!???!????????!?!!?????????!!!) and then ughhh soon after she's sitting alone in her little tent thing, sketching (how many pictures of Weller are there in that book?? I need to know immediately) and then the girl tells her she has a visitor and IN STEPS KURT WELLER. In a blue shirt, of all things, because of course he is. And wait did he literally just trek up a mountain to find her??? (Somewhere up in heaven, Marvin Gaye looks down approvingly for a second time this episode) And ugh she looks so stunned to see him, like she can't believe he's really there, really real, and for a couple of beats they just stare at each other and it's not clear whether she's terrified of his anger or if they parted on bad terms but then tears shine in his eyes and he drops his bag and she lets out a little whimper and literally throws herself into his arms and ughhhh they're holding each other so tight and he says he can't believe he 'finally' found her and she just holds him and presses her face to his neck and this is most definitely not a pair who parted on bad terms. This is two people who are still completely and utterly in love with one another and have been pulled apart by some external force and ugh this is simultaneously beautiful and awful. And then he gently but firmly pushes her away a little and admits, voice shaking, that he was scared for her-- because of course he was. All the people he's loved most in the world, he's lost (even Sarah and Sawyer moved away). And to be so far from her, to now know where she was or if she was okay... god, it would have near killed him. And she would have known that, which would have near-killed her. And ughhh she apologises over and over and he does that thing he does when he's trying not to cry, where his eyebrows draw together and he looks away and she tells him she can't explain, but why????? Literally what Bad Thing could exist that she couldn't tell the love of her life about??? And then she lowers her eyes, unable to meet his, and suddenly she chokes up even more and she says 'you're still wearing your ring' and I AM SCREAMING. WEDDING RING. ON WELLER'S FINGER. JANE BEING A COMBINATION OF HEARTBROKEN AND RELIEVED THAT HE'S STILL WEARING IT. JELLER ARE MARRIED. I REPEAT, JELLER ARE MARRIED. And ughhhhh he fiddles with it and just says 'yeah' and she looks like she's literally about two seconds from a complete breakdown. Oh god. Sometime in that two years, they literally got married. They planned on spending the whole rest of their lives together. And then SOMEONE (lookin' at you, Gero) forced Jane to leave. Because god knows she would never have left him willingly; only if she thought she had no other choice, and only to protect him. Ugh, I really, really hope they give us a good reason for this and not something that she should have just talked to him about and faced with him. Also uhh I've seen a strangely high number of people concerned that Weller is married to someone else??? Literally that would make zero sense, not only from the character perspective-- what, you think Mr Too-Choosy could somehow fall out of love with his soulmate Jane, meet someone else, and marry them, all within two years? Yeah, not gonna happen, son-- but also from a human-interaction perspective. If Weller somehow did marry someone else, firstly Jane wouldn't have hugged him the way she did bc something would have had to have gone super wrong between them for him ever to try to move on, and secondly she certainly would never have commented on him 'still wearing it' because that would already be her default expectation? He would have been married when she left, so of course he would still be married now. And that's not even to mention her visceral reaction to the ring-- that combination of devastation and involuntary gladness is so telling, bc on one hand deep down she's so happy to see him still wearing it because it means that he hasn't turned his back on her, that he still considers himself her husband and there's still hope for the two of them, but also devastation because his faithfulness only makes it more clear how much she's hurt him, and also hurts worse because she thinks (for an as yet unknown reason) that there's actually no way for them to ever be together again. And god I just feel so sad for both of them rn ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Why did you have to separate them, Gero, why???? (Well, for drama, I suppose, but honestly THAT'S A TERRIBLE REASON. LET COUPLES JUST BE TOGETHER AND HAPPY GODDAMMIT. TRUST ME IT CAN STILL BE GOOD TV.) And then ugh she's trying so hard not to cry and Weller can't bear to see that so he gets down to business, telling her she has to come back bc the other three have been kidnapped. Which is awful but tbh I'm more focused on how the others felt when Jane left? Did the kiddies feel like mom had abandoned them? Are they mad at her, on Weller's behalf as well as their own? Will they forgive her straight away and joyfully welcome her back when she and Weller rescue them, or will there be that distance and frostiness like at the start of last season? And Jane asks him if Roman was involved-- and while he doesn't know, this mention definitely bodes well for getting to see Roman next season. Then Weller pulls out a box with her name on it in the same style as his tattoo on her back (clearly they didn't get the memo about her new last name tho) and ugh he holds it out to her, telling her no one has been able to open it but that he has a theory-- and looks like he was right to come all this way to find her, bc only she can open it. Possibly even only the two of them together, but it's unclear if that’s the case. Also ok I really need to know, did he already know where she was, like Patterson had figured it out or something, but he'd just been giving her her space and had only come now that the others had been taken? Or did he only just find out now? In which case that’s pretty damn lucky timing... I mean I bet Patterson had been looking for her this whole time, so...? But anyhow there's a random metal disk thing inside the box, and it's only when Weller touches it with her that it shows a reflected image of her bird tattoo. And then because he's a smart boy, Weller lines it up with her bird tattoo and presses it against her skin, and suddenly Jane lights up like some kind of bioluminescent christmas tree. Surprise-- there's a whole new layer of tattoos to discover, with a whole new set of clues hidden within. Which is completely whack, but undoubtedly something among all that will lead to saving the others-- which means it’s something Weller can't do without her. And well, Jane, in the eternal wisdom of Smashmouth: you'll never know if you don't go, and you'll never shine if you don't glow...

And so that’s it. It's over. Another season, another cliffhanger that will haunt us for months-- and like last year, the question is 'Will Jane and Kurt ever be able to come back to one another?’ (Spoiler alert: the answer is yes. They will always come back to each other. Let’s just hope it doesn’t take a whole damn season this time....) But anyhow, thank you so much to everyone who has read these and liked/commented/sent me messages-- I've loved sharing these with you guys, and I'm glad you've loved them too. So cheers, and see you all next season :P 

[cactuarkitty]

Random DA:O Thoughts - Pt 12.

Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to Orzammar we go!

The shop keeper at Orzammar said his wares were guaranteed by his 24hr life time guarantee. LOL

Wow I’m shocked that the first scene I saw between the dwarves is of one being killed with an axe because he disagreed with him. Maybe I shouldn’t be shocked.

What is a nub?

Well a nub is a naked rat animal thing haha. Kinda cute. Collecting the nubs now.

The King has died. There are two dwarves, a noble and a prince who I are vying for the throne. You have to pick a side. I was sooo confused I really didn’t know who to choose. I ended up going with the Prince. We’ll see what happens haha.

I had to show two nobles some papers, proving that the other guy had promised them the same land for their vote. I’m pretty sure one of the nobles had Canderous’ voice from KotoR. :D

I had to travel into the deep roads to find one of the nobles. Found it kinda creepy. More of those baby raptors who squeak awww.

Every time I die and get swapped to Alistair or something, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing haha.

Oh yeah just searching the Dwarven palace and looting chests. Just another day as a grey warden. :P

Now I have to clear some gang out. That was fun! Quite cool how they have little secret quests. Like having to take the least expensive item from each chest to be able to access their stash. Also it made me laugh that the exit was out through a shopkeepers wall lol.

Dwarves carry lots of coin.

We’re off to find Branka. Her husband I guess joined our team. Yay I have the dwarf now!

I like how Oghren says sodding a lot. His beard and hair are so red :D

Ahaha he keeps making funny comments on Alistair’s and Norua’s relationship.

The deep roads quest is very long. Only thing that bothered me about it being so long is the fact I ran out of health potions and those roots to make them.

I found Huck. He is crazy, doesn’t want me to tell his Mum he’s still alive. So I won’t.

That whole bit with the dwarf lady saying some weird poem super freaked me out! :/ Creepy.

Eww what the fuck is this brood mother thing. Gross! So they’ve been feeding her heaps of dwarfs maybe.

Killed her. Focused on her with spells while the rest of the team fought her minions and tentacles.

I don’t really like Branka much.

The totem poll fight with the spirits was super hard! Probably didn’t help that I was low on health potions.

Oh so the other paragon guy is in a golem (I forgot his name). He wants me to destroy the anvil because to make the golems they had to take actual lifes. Wow so yeah I decided I’d destroy it and of course Branka wants to fight. -_-

Awww after I destroyed the anvil he committed suicide. I guess it wasn’t much of a life for him. He made a special crown for the next King.

As planned I chose Baleen and instantly regretted it! He ordered Harrowmont to be executed :O even after I said “I didn’t give you the throne so you could be a tyrant” he refused to change his mind. I’m actually finding him super annoying now. I actually had a memory of watching my ex play as a noble dwarf, and a picture in my head that someone had poisoned others. I think it was Baelen. I felt so bad I loaded and gave the crown to Harrowmont, who was like “I’m surprised.” cause I never tried to get their trust. Baelen attacked us lol. So now he is dead. Oh well.

I said to the new king I wanted my face on a giant rock ahaha

I think I only have a bunch of side quests before the lands meet stuff, so I’m kinda at that point where I dunno what to do. I don’t really want to go to the lands meet. Maybe I’ll buy some of the dlc to do in the mean time.

It’s weird but I wondering why I hadn’t gotten Leliana’s loyalty quest to do yet, since she is at full approval. Also when I talk to her there is no new convos. Someone said that she talks about your relationship with Alistair but it’s never came up. I found out that for some reason her approval being so high has locked out convos. I had to give her some rotten onions to get it down. Then she had more convo options. There was even a cutscene with her singing which I thought was beautiful. Kinda makes me wonder if I missed other convos cause I gave them too many gifts at once. Oh no I just did that with Oghren. Oops.

I think when I play again I’ll try to talk to them more often and space out the gifts a bit more. Like one gift per quest. This time I usually gave them about 5 gifts in a row lol. What if I missed out of Alistair convos by giving him too many gifts. I actually have about 4 gifts for him now which I useless since he has the gold heart now. Don’t really wanna mess with his meter.

Haha Oghren is drunk and he told me to sod off.

Did Oghren’s loyalty. Lmao of course it’s to help him hook up XD was very funny!

Now I’m doing Shale’s loyalty. It was a cool quest. So Shale used to be a female dwarf - interesting. I guess Shale is still a they/them since they have no gender, being a golem. Actually just now in a convo with Leliana, Shale said they weren’t a she… that they are a golem.

Don’t really have much else to do so I’m going to do the prep for the lands meet. I was relieved that it wasn’t yet the point of no return.

Ugh I hate Loghian so much! And that horrible Arl who he has under his thumb. He’s obviously a snake. Gonna enjoy killing them. No fucking way am I making Loghain a grey warden.

So a handmaiden elf needs us to rescue Queen Anoia. That bastard snake arl has her locked up. I knew he was creepy! I know he has Tim Curry’s voice and he’s good at playing creepy evil weirdos haha.

Haha we had to get dressed up as soldiers. I’d never seen Norua in armour before - she looks quite striking. Not as lovely as in her robes though. Of course I had her and Al kissing before they got into the castle.

AHAHAHA OMG! I intruded on a maid giving a guard a bj XD so funny! Now he is dead. I hope he enjoyed his last moments of pleasure.

I was so excited when I found all the treasure piles in the locked room :D

Whoa a guard just got strangled. Pretty graphic haha. Poor Norua took a step back all scared like towards Al. “Hold me Alistair!” “Come here, my love. Alistair has you.” Tee hee <3

Oh it was a grey warden who had been captured. Wow so King Cailan had asked about 200 grey wardens to come help. Damn that Loghain bastard! The grey warden seems cool. Alistair had met him previously at his joining. He just told us about a wardens stash… oooooh! Exciting!

Holy crap some of the fights are super hard! Had to load a couple of times.

Yay that Arl dickhead is dead! That was a hard fight too cause he had two mages helping him.

In the dungeon there was the real Arl. He seemed to be a bit of a dick but I let him out anyway. Zevran disapproved by 5 points. Also opened the door for a captured Templar. I feel so sorry for him :( he has lyrium withdrawal so isn’t right of mind. He was captured trying to bring Jowan back. God that Jowan all he does is cause trouble. I really dislike him. Anyway the Templar asked me to give his sister a message or a ring, I can’t remember.

Rescued the queen. Loghain’s second in command (can’t remember her name) stopped us when we tried to leave. I made the mistake of revealing the queen was with us. Then the queen said we tried to kidnap her :O Norua was NOT happy! Wasn’t until later she realised she wasn’t as subtle as she could have been. Oops!

Haha Norua and Al have been captured and are in the cell together half naked. Who’s great idea was that?!

I took Wynne and Leliana to rescue them. Hehe this mission was amusing! Some of the fights were quite hard. I summoned a spirit wolf with Leliana to help us. :)

Aww when we travelled back to the Estate, the spirit wolf died. Made me sad :( I thought it wasn’t an actual wolf. Maybe I can dismiss it while in combat. Kinda gross to have the wolf just drop dead then turn into a skeleton.

The warden gave me the location of the stash - woo!

OOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGG I FOUND DUNCAN’S SHIELD TO GIVE TO ALISTAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He was SO happy!!!! He said he would cherish it forever. It was amazing! I’m so happy! Looks awesome with his Warden armour and Starfang sword too. :D 

Norua: “Who loves you, Al?” Alistair: “My sweet little rose petal.” <3

[grosserfluss]

30 days of suikoden challenge , day 5 ——

favorite star of destiny from suikoden iv

here we gooo the original shitty poncy noble turned antag turned redemption arc also known as my favorite character in s4 and the hands down best unit you can’t tell me otherwise drumrooolll.......... snowe vingerhut!

to be perfectly honest, snowe has one of the best narrative arcs not only in s4, but in my opinion in all of suikoden overall. it’s not only realistic and suitably solemn, but executed in a fashion that makes it believable. considering he’s just about one of the only characters in s4 who experiences any character development whatsoever ( i’m kind of tempted to say the only one...... ), it’s like the development team just put literally all their energy into making his story fantastic and then forgot about everyone else. perks: snowe is fucking amazing. cons: everything else kinda sucks character-wise. not that i’m saying the other characters are exceedingly dry and boring; there are definitely still good eggs in the cast. but none of them get character development; they pretty much stay static throughout the game. nor are they particularly dynamic in and of themselves. snowe is pretty much the only one who doesn’t feel like a trope.

he starts out the game winning trophies in the World’s Worst Best Friend contest left and right. though he’s lazlo’s best friend, it’s pretty much a given that he considers him more of a shadow than how one would really treat their friends. he’s so spoiled and self-absorbed that he never gives a thought to what lazlo thinks or wants — it’s pretty much all about himself and how lazlo can make him look good. he’s not mean to him, perse, but he clearly walks all over him and one gets the impression that he hangs out with him because he likes him, yes, but also because lazlo lets him have his way and because snowe looks good next to him. not surprisingly, he’s also an extremely shallow and immature individual, only allowed to take charge of missions and be in command because his daddy dearest has direct influence on the navy. 

of course, he lets his privileges go to his head — he believes he should be in charge, that everyone should think the best of him, and is just brimming with poncy young nobleman bravado. of course all the other trainees are going to listen to him and support him, because he’s clearly qualified and they’re his friends! the game sets him up wonderfully as a character, and then comes the brilliant moment at the beginning when he drastically fucks up a simple delivery mission when their ship gets attacked by pirates.

here, we find out ( we’d gotten inklings before, but it never really showed itself until this point ) that snowe is a Coward with a capital c. the moment pirates attack, he’s paralyzed by fear and inaction. when people ask him for orders, he totally blanks. and then when lazlo takes over command, snowe is appalled that he “shows him up”. realizing that no one is listening to him ( while he fucking complains about his arm not being able to move, once again showcasing how self-centered he is ) he decides to just abandon ship in a dinghy by himself. later, the player gets satisfaction in watching the commander chew him the fuck out for abandoning ship when he was captain, and praise lazlo for actually getting shit done and fending off the pirates. this moment, of course, becomes the catalyst for all of snowe’s feelings of jealousy as the commander begins to place more trust in lazlo’s abilities ( rightfully, because snowe is a fucking weenis. )

it’s little surprise, then, that when commander glen dies and the rune of punishment transfers over to lazlo, that snowe, not knowing what happened, blames the commander’s death on his friend, resulting in lazlo’s exile. while snowe seems to express some kind of guilt over causing his friend’s exile in what had been a moment of blind panic, he also seems to selfishly realize that this is also the perfect opportunity for him to regain his former esteem with lazlo gone. 

however, no one is surprised when snowe continuously proves himself incompetent over and over again. he gets ousted from the razril and ends up hopping around to a bunch of different places, trying to make a name for himself and get back some of the prestige he once had, joining up with pirates and even the kooluk empire in an attempt to make something out of himself and continue to compete with lazlo. over and over, lazlo and his army encounter him, and each time snowe expresses envy that his best friend is able to be so successful, raising up and leading a unified army, while he continues to fail. he asks “why you?” to which the player doesn’t really have an answer other than snowe’s a fucking immature jackass, but he tries so hard and fails so pathetically because of his lack of understanding that you can’t help but feel sorry for him at the same time, because he just doesn’t get it. he refuses to join you each time out of resentment and jealousy, and you can either kill him or let him go.

if you choose to let him go each time, sending him away in a sad little dinghy after sparing his life, and recruit all the other 107 stars, snowe is your 108th star. i think this is really fitting and symbolic because it’s like your reward for uniting all these people is the chance to give your best friend an opportunity to redeem himself, the one who has clearly thought little of you and sabotaged you since the beginning of the game. the suikoden games focus a lot on the theme of forgiveness — riou and jowy in s2, most notably — but s4′s forgiveness is done so well because, unlike jowy, the player probably doesn’t want to forgive snowe for what he’s done. he was so awful in the beginning, and is the reason lazlo was cast out of razril. he’s been so jealous of you the whole game. but if you choose to be sympathetic to him, you get what becomes a truly equal friendship. the game doesn’t just depict forgiveness for an otherwise sympathetic character, it asks for it from the player for a character who 100% doesn’t deserve it.

and the moment is a truly pitiful one. after you’ve gotten all 107 stars, you’re given the chance to find snowe literally floating on some driftwood in torn up rags for clothing. you’re the leader of a strong, unified army, and he’s hit rock fucking bottom, and when he stands before you and all the people he’s wronged, he knows how low he’s fallen and he’s clearly humbled. he has nothing to say other than “i’m at your mercy”, and when you choose to forgive him and let him join you, he says “i have no choice but to acknowledge how powerless i am. i knew it...i knew it all along”, indicating that he is finally mature enough to realize that everything he’s been doing was out of inferiority complex, and he realizes his mistakes. he thanks you ( for possibly the first time?? ), which shows he’s finally not taking things for granted anymore. the knights surround him in a show of acceptance, and it’s so emotional jfc my heart.

my favorite thing is that his growth comes across in lazlo’s co-op attack with him too. at the beginning of the game, your “friendship” co-op animation consists of lazlo going in and doing all the work, and then snowe coming in and delivering the showy final blow. when you get him again at the end, the co-op has changed to “true friends” and the animation is also different — the two of you are now working together, each pulling his own weight. ( it’s legit one of the best co-ops honestly the dmg output is cray ). i’ve always enjoyed this subtle indication of not only his character development, but also the development of lazlo’s friendship with him to something far more healthy and equal than it used to be.

plus, the fact that you can fish for his alternate outfits that he’s worn throughout the game and dress him up differently is fun. i always put him in his kooluk outfit cause he looks so spiffy and i feel so bad leaving him in those rags haha. he’s also an outstanding unit in my opinion, easily one of the best by end-game. he’s not versatile, but he’s a really powerful melee fighter, and i always stick a fury rune on him and have him doing upwards of 800-1000 dmg per hit, easy. for my play style ( aka. make each unit unto their own one-man army ) snowe is like. the bomb diggity.

so basically, snowe is euram barows but about 20x better. euram was clearly trying to follow the same narrative path as snowe — underdog nobleman who obviously doesn’t have much talent and is trying to sabotage the protag but realizes his mistakes in the end and learns humility. the difference is that snowe, while certainly pathetic and worthy of scorn from the player, is never reduced to farce the same way that euram is. while the player has a hard time taking euram’s bombastic personality and slapstick actions seriously, snowe's repeatedly failed attempts to make something of himself are 100% serious. thus, his endgame redemption feels much more believable than euram’s, which felt really shoehorned in. snowe also shows more inklings of development throughout the game — though he continues to be resentful and envious each time you encounter him, he slowly loses the hubris of early game and starts to visibly question himself well before you get to recruit him, setting up for the moment of his recruitment very nicely. it doesn’t feel sudden or forced at all, unlike euram where it was sort of like you hit a switch and suddenly he got a lobotomy or smth and is now redeemed.

i’ve already written way too much but basically snowe is, in my opinion, the best example of character development and personal narrative in the suikoden series. his early-game self is infuriating, but believable, and his progression through the game is organic and equally well-executed. his redemption is really a redemption — unlike jowy and sialeeds, he didn’t have good intentions for his bad actions. he straight up did awful things and was a pretty awful person. there’s no reason we or lazlo should forgive him. but the point of real forgiveness isn’t to forgive someone you already want to forgive. unlike any other suikoden game, s4 presents us with a character who didn’t have any good, ethical, grey-area reasons for doing what he did, and asks us to forgive him anyway. and when we do, he truly learns from his mistakes and becomes a better person. yells into the void i love snowe!!!

honorable mentions: kika, elenor silverberg, nalkul, ted, helmut