#And here it feels like I am supposed to create a character from ground up... until I'm suddenly railroded into them

[zundely]

I've been recently doing something suprising and playing something other then Dragon Age- mainly Divinity Original Sin 2 and... okay am I crazy or the amount of dialogue options vary a lot. Like sometimes I get kinda varied RP choices and really get to think about how my character would approach it (especially in like persuade check situations the variety you get is crazy) and other times it's like... there are 2 options both say roughly the same and I like none of them- thinking specifically to the scene where you talk to others about being chosen by god and Sebille was like "we should be wary about their involvment" and I was like true, my character who repeatedly has shown her distrust of gods would feel the same and when I go to pick the dialogue options all of them seem to be really into the idea of being a chosen one.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

THE HUNDRED LINE: LAST DEFENSE ACADEMY - Journal #4: Route 0 Days 46-56. [MASSIVE SPOILERS]

//Well...THIS was interesting.

//To be perfectly frank, this part of the game left me very...conflicted. As in some of the ideas that we have presented here, as well as the general plot progression of this part of the story...didn't really sink in with me on first experience, and didn't exactly invoke the kind of feeling in me I think it was supposed to.

//Was it a drop in quality? No, I wouldn't say so. What actually happens is still awesome, just...maybe it's something I'm not quite wrapping my head around.

DO NOT READ THE REST OF THIS POST IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED/SEEN THE HUNDRED LINE: LAST DEFENSE ACADEMY. I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT VERY SPECIFIC PLOT POINTS AND MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE GAME.

//So let's get started:

DAY 46:

//The day starts off with Nozomi, who now seems more willing to be open and more willing to talk to Takumi, calls everyone to the War Room so she can finally give us more info about what exactly the group from STLDA learned from Nigou about "World Death."

//By the way, I've been unintentionally calling this thing "World Ender" because I'm writing ReCaptured, and this is what the Remnants call the Future Foundation before they find out the actual name of it, lmao. Unintentional, but honest mistake.

//And of course, this kicks off with a bunch of juicy new lore.

//As I have mentioned in passing with these blogs, one of my favourite parts about this game's story is how it's clearly set in a "distant" future, where humanity all live under a giant dome-like structure, and throughout the game, we see the characters react weirdly to phenomenons that we as regular humans think is natural.

//Just as it creates interesting scenes like that where the characters are unfamiliar with concepts that we find basic, the concepts that they live with under the TRC are what seem alien to us. So the more we learn about them, the more it hooks me.

//But essentially, Nozomi just gives a straight up summary here of WHY the Tokyo Complex was even created in the first place.

//To summarize what she says, Earth became uninhabitable due to a phenomenon called "World Death," caused by the planet itself deciding to end its life in response to humanity’s exploitation and environmental destruction. As natural disasters ravaged the planet, most of the population perished, but a few survivors escaped to massive underground shelters like the Tokyo Residential Complex.

//Over a century later, TRC's residents are the last remnants of humanity, with no memory of life above ground. Now, their survival is again threatened as resources run out. Their only hope lies in the mysterious item hidden in the Defense Room by Sirei. Nozomi and the others believe that the reason why we are here for 100 days specifically, is because that item is set to activate on the 100th day, serving as potentially humanity’s final chance at salvation.

//I don't know if there's nuance to this explanation, but considering the context we have thus far, it checks out.

//And again, there are some interesting tidbits here. For one thing...we find out that Darumi had an abusive brother...shame that, but unfortunately not super important for the current situation; though I am definitely more curious about it...

//And another, as it turns out, despite living in the TOKYO Residential Complex, none of these kids really even know what Tokyo WAS before World Death consumed it.

//Again, the difference in perspective between the audience and the cast is the most interesting part of this game's plot. This is normal for them. The idea that they descended from an entirely different race of human beings that covered an entire planet never even crossed their minds.

//This situation also got me thinking about the Invaders themselves. The current theory that the students have is that the Invaders are part of the world's will to destroy the rest of humankind.

//A definitely plausible theory for the moment, but I personally don't think it's true. And the main reason why I believe that at this point is because if the Invaders are part of World Death, then why can they not get past the Undying Flames? Or at the very least, how come the mooks can't get past the Undying Flames without some sort of special method? If they were part of the same apocalypse, shouldn't they be able to bypass it far easier than they've been shown to?

//I have other reasons, but they prop up later in this journal, so I'll cover them when I get there.

//MY personal theory is that the Invaders are exactly that. Alien Invaders. It's why they speak a completely unrecognizable language, and why they look so strange and...well...alien. My only issue is that at this point, I don't see why it's important for them to get past the school and into the Defense Room.

//However, my best guess is that whatever it is that humans are using to survive is potentially something that they stole from that alien race, and these guys want it back.

//And I think this checks out, because this conversation we have here really does go out of it's way to highlight that even after ALL the shit that's happened as a result of Earth trying to protect itself from greedy douchebags; the government of what's left of the world is still played up to be extremely selfish.

//A large reason why, or at least, as it's indicated by the characters, that most people in the TRC don't know about the old world is because most history books or textual knowledge on it has been scrapped. And I can only assume the reason is because they tried to erase any history of their fuck-ups. They don't want people to point the finger and blame them for their currently dying race.

//Coupled with the fact that they clearly have a hand in this war we're fighting, and drafted literal children into it to fight for the human race, and...yeah, it really calls morality into question.

//I'm almost thinking there's going to be an ending to this game where we find out the truth about the Invaders and what humans have done to them, switch sides, and help subjugate humanity. Of all the possibilities, there has to be at least one route that lets you turn your back on these nasty bastards.

//Anyway, with that all out of the way, it causes everyone's resolve to tighten...Everyone that is...except Ima and Kako.

//Oh, sorry, everyone except Ima and Ima alone. Kako is clearly far more motivated to fight than ever now, since only she and her brother are the one's sitting on the sidelines while even Shouma was able to come around to the idea.

//But Ima does not let Kako speak for herself, and it aggravates me to no end. Again, I was holding out for hope, because from what I'd seen of these guys so far, there had to be at least a good reason why. I was really banking on that actually, because in this part of the story, Ima just becomes insanely iredeemable, at least for a bit.

//We'll get back to that though.

//I still had Free Time for the rest of the day, and fortunately, within this time it's taken me to play, I've started to figure out more about what you should be doing with your spare time.

//One of the big issues that I had with this game was how upgrading moves costed BP. BP, which is an unreasonably rare resource during explorations. And one of my biggest critique's of the game itself was that doing explorations did not net nearly enough resources needed for character and weapon upgrades; even with a team that increases the likelihood of finding the resource.

//Turns out I was doing things a bit wrong.

//You're not SUPPOSED to farm BP with explorations. You just CAN do it. The REAL best way to get BP is by playing the VR training missions.

//I made the, admittedly, stupid as fuck mistake that you could only get the rewards from the VR missions once. Turns out you can just play them over and over again to get the points you need, and the best part is that it only costs one slot of time. And the more missions you unlock, the higher your potential reward is.

//If I spend a full day grinding the VR missions, it nets me about 6000 BP points minimum, which is perfect and serviceable for what I need. This is something I wish I'd recognized sooner; even before I started the game.

//But hey, better late than never.

//So...yeah, a lot of these 10 days I cover is gonna involve me grinding out the VR training. And again, even though she's not in the squad anymore, Hiruko is still registered in the training sim.

//I'm not going to talk extensively about what happens during my grind, because it's just the same mission over and over again, but I was able to get some new abilities for my characters.

//The standour one's are that Kurara now has an ability where she makes a turret that gives allies shields every turn, which, while not strong shields, is still very useful. And on top of that, Shouma actually got an attacking move.

//From what I can understand, Shouma can throw a punching attack that increases in power the lower his health gets. However, if he does attack, he immediately becomes stunned. Which...makes sense considering what we covered in the previous journal.

//This isn't a huge problem, but it does still make taking hits and reflecting the damage back his better option; especially since he can still lure enemies away from the point.

//Speaking of which, I did a big booboo in this fight as well, because I did not realize that Kurara's ultimate move worked the same way as the trip mine item; as in if they go off, it hurts EVERYTHING in the vicinity, INCLUDING your own teammates.

//So yeah, Gaku (appropriately) ended up getting blasted to death by the bombs. Poor guy.

//After the day ends, we have another Karua scene where she drops lore on what Earth was like before the TRC; very relevant to our current conversations.

//Although, to be honest, what I took away from it was really strange, and probably not important, but apparently what's going on is Takumi is in the middle of doing his summer homework, and Karua is watching him.

//My question is why does the concept of SUMMER break exist when the Tokyo Residential Complex has already been established to not have seasons?

//Should the concept of "summer" even exist to these people? And how come no one's questioning it if that isn't the case?

//I can't even call this a nitpick; I just think it's weird.

DAY 47:

//To be honest, a lot of the days I'm about to list are actually just days with Free Time. Which is good, because we need as much as we can get. But there are spruces of plot to break them up that mainly revolve around the twins, because obviously it's their turn to join the fight.

//But we did actually get a moment today during the breakfast sequence that actually made me laugh a bit.

//Can I just mention that I do really like that the writers of this game do give us extensive scenes to make up each day, even if they don't add much to the overall story. Kind of gives you this reminder that we are basically just living together like this, and we are regular people at the end of the day, despite what we go through.

//And it's a better chance to show off the characters just being friends; especially after the sheer spite between the two groups in the last arc of the story.

//Also, Komatsuzaki, holy shit, you branched out a lot for these sprites, huh?

//Yeah, not gonna lie, as weird as Gaku's sprites during this sequence is, him having a foodgasm over Kurara's curry is really funny to me. Especially given what's been going on with me at the moment.

//I haven't really talked about it, because it wasn't super relevant, but I've recently been rewatching a lot of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure; particularly Diamond is Unbreakable, because that part's my favourite.

//And one of my favourite episodes of that part; which I'm confident many agree with, is the Tonio Trussardi episode where Josuke and Okuyasu just go eat Italian food at Tonio's restaurant, and every time Okuyasu ate one of Tonio's dishes, he had a very critical breakdown of each one; and acted very intelligent about the flavor.

//This reminded me of that, so for me personally, it's as funny as it is relevant.

//I am also glad to see Kurara being hospitable. Because she is genuinely one of my favourite characters so far; especially after the last arc. Even when she was being a complete jerk, she was still a fav of mine, but having her acting this way just bumps her up for me.

//And one thing that I am so disappointed about is after breakfast, I actually spent the morning of that day hanging out with her to increase my stats. And while I don't remember exactly what happened with it, I remember Kurara was really mad at Gaku about something.

//And then she pulls out a fucking gun!

//Like, no cap, she tells Takumi she's gonna get revenge or...whatever, and then the screencap shows a fucking handgun, and she's like "Yeah, I'm gonna smoke this dweeb!" and Takumi has to talk her down.

//Caught me off guard in the best way, and I think Kurara might actually be one of my favourite characters in the game now.

//For context, after these days, this is my current tierlist. However, I will say that there is not a single character in this game that I think is bad or poorly written. The cast itself is genuinely very solid, and I pretty much like all of them.

//Which was one big reason why Danganronpa 2 was so good for me; because even the worst characters in it I still like a moderate amount.

//I spent the afternoon reading to increase my stats, and it kind of reinforced this idea that I brought up previously. The book I read was another one that contained a lot of history on the TRC, but so much of the content in it was censored.

//Again, the reason is pretty clearly because the government of the TRC are trying to leave the old world behind, along with how badly they screwed it up.

DAY 48:

//Today was another day where I just played the VR sim again, and even though I know it's going to get stale doing the same fights again and again just to get the resources I need, I think I'm getting used to it.

//It's not the WORST thing in the world. At least your efforts are fruitful.

//Only other thing worth noting is in the morning, there's a scene with Eito in the cafeteria where he mentions that thanks to what we now know about World Death, the possibility of Nozomi being an alternate universe version of Karua is looking increasingly unlikely.

//His reasoning is that since we're fighting for the sake of helping the Tokyo Residential Complex and the remains of humanity inside it to live another day, the likelihood of the academy and the complex being from different worlds is fairly minimal.

//Like I said before, I knew that that wasn't going to be the case, because the game does not just feed you answers like that. But yeah, I guess that's as good a reason as any.

//But once again, I am still absolutely clueless on who or what Nozomi is in that case. And I genuinely can't think of any good theories until the game gives us more information on her; which they have been pretty shy about.

//My best guess is that Nozomi's arc is going to come after we get the whole squad together.

DAY 49:

//I expected this would happen, but Ima has officially cut both himself and Kako off from the rest of the group.

//If you'd noted the tierlist above, Ima is currently square at the bottom of the list, even though I don't hate him. I just really don't like him for most of this part of the story, because he acts SO CONTROLLING. And the longer it goes on, the worse he gets. Again, we'll get to that, but his behaviour just gradually gets more and more disturbing as time goes on.

//But today turned out to be a little bit different. At the point I was at, I managed to get most of my social stats to level two, with Math and Gym being the one's I had to get next. Nozomi raises Math stat, so I planned on giving her a gift so she could help me level it.

//Unfortunately, I did search what she liked, and I didn't actually have the resources to make it. So what I did is I decided to go out exploring, and in one sitting, get to ALL the Treasure Chest locations on the map that I had unlocked so far.

//As a reminder, I am currently flame level 2 in the game, so I only have access to the Desert and the Forest.

//But I'm not gonna lie. Remember how I mentioned that the exploration stuff was by far my least favourite part of the game?

//Well...it STILL is...BUT I have managed to find a way to make it much, much, MUCH easier on myself. And it largely revolves around the team I picked to go out with.

//That squad is Nozomi, Shouma, and Kyoshika.

//First of all, I know that I kind of shit-talked Kyoshika initially, because her playstyle didn't really click with me, but after getting her some more moves and understanding how she functions, she is easily one of the strongest characters in the game.

//Even at a lower level, setting up the game right allows her to do more damage to enemies than even Hiruko was able to pull off early game. So in this squad, Kyoshika is my main DPS, with Takumi as my sub-DPS basically. If you use Takumi to clear out the smaller enemies and get them on their own with no adjacent backup, Kyoshika can effectively take out stronger enemies in one hit with her attacks.

//Having someone that strong means that I clear enemy spaces very easily very quickly, even the tougher ones.

//Shouma is really great for long-winded investigations because his whole thing is having the most health out of every character. So if you land on an event square where you take damage, he can take a lot of it and not really worry about it.

//He's also good at getting rid of smaller enemies on a wide scale in battle by luring them in and having them hit him. And again, considering the whole point of these missions is that health depends on how long the exploration is for, him being able to take damage that would normally badly hurt his party members makes him a godsend.

//This same reason is exactly why Nozomi continues to be the absolute uncrowned queen of this game, because in this kind of situation, having the ability to heal is just ESSENTIAL.

//So my main strategy is if my team is running low on health, I try to aim for spaces that initiate a battle, and during the battle, I have Nozomi just pump everyone's health up again. And then that health carries over to the board game mode.

//Of course, the issue is Nozomi herself is very squishy and lacking in health, so one really unfortunate roll on the board could kill her instantly.

//But in the event of something like that happening to any of my characters, I have been strictly advised to save-scum the fuck out of it, otherwise it's just not enjoyable.

//You need a LOT of patience with this gamemode, because if you don't have mental fortitude, it's gonna eat away at you. Getting these gifts in one sitting took SEVERAL HOURS, because you move so slow around this board, and in some places where you need to go, there aren't even any checkpoints that you can automatically jump to.

//Still easily the worst part of this game, and that's very unfortunate. But with the new characters on the team, it's at least not nearly as much of a luck-based grind that could end purely by chance.

//But I managed to get it all done, and ended that gameplay session there. But Day 49 doesn't end just like that though, because we have a really interesting cutscene.

//Remember how I mentioned that we had a scene where Karua and Takumi talked about the outside world again? Well, in that scene, Karua mentions the Moon, which again, is something that these kids are unfamiliar with. They live under a giant dome, so they've never seen anything in the sky ever.

//But this day ends with Takumi feeling a presence outside his door; which at the time I guessed was the Undying Flames boy, but it's raining when he goes out and no one's there. He ends up looking up at the moon and...

//...yeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhh, that ain't normal.

//I have no idea what to make of it, but I do actually have two theories, and both of them relate to the same thing.

//That "thing" is my theory about the Invaders being aliens.

//THEORY 1: What we're looking at here isn't the moon, but the spaceship that the alien Invaders actually come from. They descend down to earth from this conviniently moon-shaped spaceship.

//My reasoning? Sirei mentions at the beginning of the game that the Undying Flames are specifically an inpenetrable wall of fire. The Invaders sometimes get through it, but we're never given explicit detail on HOW. HOWEVER, Sirei does mention that while the flames respond to enemies that try to get OVER them, he does mention that there is a limit to how high they can reach.

//And when he explains it, he very notably mentions that one way to get by it is to come in from outer space.

//Which is what I think the Invaders are doing, because even though we know some of them get past the Wall of Flames, we're never explicitly given details as to HOW. Just that some particularly strong one's can just...do it. So that would also explain THAT little detail.

//THEORY 2: Remember how I mentioned earlier that whatever's in the Defense Room may be something we've taken from the Invaders that they're trying to get back?

//While this might sound ridiculous, here's a distinct possibility that we're not even ON Earth right now.

//Maybe that's a bit confusing, but what I mean is that the moon that we're looking for is ACTUALLY where the Tokyo Residential complex is. It's not underground; we are GENUINELY on another planet.

//I'm not sure whether we're actually on Earth after World Death though, like Nozomi claimed earlier, or if what we think is the moon is actually the Earth, and we're on a foreign alien planet. It's really going to depend on what the actual mission here is, and those juicy lore drops are stuff that I just cannot WAIT to explore.

//Either way, as I predicted, almost immediately after Takumi looks at the moon, the Undying Flames boy showed up. This time, Takumi goes to manhandle him, but before he can do anything, the doofus slips on the rainwater and knocks himself out.

DAY 50:

//AND WITH THAT WE ARE HALFWAY THROUGH!

//I honestly have no idea how Takumi didn't catch an effin' cold seeing as he not only slept all night under the rain, but the fact that his body is not acclimatized to any kind of weather. Also, did his clothes somehow not get damp? How come Eito or he didn't even notice?

//Today we had a very interesting event happen...Takumi was going to tell everyone at the cafeteria that he'd run into the strange ghost boy again, but in the middle of him trying to explain it, the Invader alarm sounded, meaning everyone needs to rush over to the war room.

//I was surprised because it hadn't actually been that long, and I thought for sure that the next fight we did would be where Ima and Kako stepped into the fray. But turns out I shouldn't have spoken so soon.

//I actually did notice that something wasn't quite right with this time's alarm, because even though it played the intruder alert CG, normally after that, we get a cutscene showing the swarm of invaders rushing into the school. We didn't get that this time; which should have been a clear suggestion that this wasn't what we thought it was.

//When we get to the War Room, Yugamu points out that even though the alarm sounded, there isn't actually anybody on the campus, much less the invaders. However, from the flames, we do see a lone figure incoming. And while at first we think it's an Invader Commander, as we zoom into the image...

//YEEEEEE-!

//To be perfectly honest, this wasn't how I expected Moko to be introduced into the plot...like, at all.

//I thought that after we managed to get Ima and Kako to join us in the fight, Nozomi would bring Moko up again, and we'd go out on a search mission to rescue her.

//But it seems like she's come to us instead.

//I'm really not sure how she was able to get past the Undying Flames without a Fire Hydrant, but maybe she somehow still had one and used what was left of her Hemoanima to get inside?

//But that's also weird, since STLDA didn't have a wall of flames, so there was no need for those things, and I doubt Moko ever used one. Hopefully it will be explained later.

//We don't actually see a lot of Moko yet, because she spends most of this time recovering, but she's in the Student Profile now, and on the map. And we get this short scene of Nozomi consoling her; which was one of the more notable CG's that were revealed in the pre-release.

//Even with only a few dialogue lines at the moment, she is pretty entertaining already. Kind of just the silly character it seems; though a less psychotic version than Darumi. Whether or not she'll have any notable involvement in the plot or not remains to be seen.

//We do learn a little bit more about what happened to Moko from Nozomi here, and more about Moko as a character. First off, she's apparently a real high-school wrestler, and strong enough to take out a small army of Invaders on her own.

//Nozomi recounts how, when the second group first woke up at the Second-to-last Defense Academy, they were just as frightened and disoriented as the A-Team had been. But Moko quickly stepped up as a leader, keeping the group from falling apart. Effectively, she was originally for the group what Nozomi is for them now.

//She apparently always knew the right words to lift their spirits when things got tough, and it's because of her guidance and support that they evolved into the powerful team we were first introduced to.

//Tragically, on the tenth day of training, a massive swarm of Invaders attacked. Even with Moko leading them, the team was almost completely wiped out. According to Nozomi, they used a diversionary force on the north side of the school to keep the group occupied, while strike teams silently picked them off one at a time. The group, still inexperienced, couldn’t respond fast enough once they realized what was happening. Yugamu, Kurara, and Kyoshika were killed, and the defensive barrier was destroyed.

//To make things worse, Nigou was captured and the Revive-O'-Matic was damaged. Knowing that Nigou was vital to everything, Moko launched a desperate rescue. Despite being exhausted, she managed to reach him and throw him to safety, but she was too drained to escape and ended up being captured herself. By the time Nigou revived the others, the Invaders had already retreated, taking Moko with them.

//All of this is to say that I'm quite excited to see how Moko plays in battle. Particularly because I don't see what kind of role she might fit into.

//We already have DPS with the likes of Hiruko, Takumi, and Kyoshika, and Takemaru and Shouma already fit into tank role. I doubt she's a support, so...I am interested to see how differently she might play compared to who we've got so far.

//One of my favourite parts of this game is the variety of playstyles and strategies between characters. I do hope that Moko keeps that ball rolling.

DAY 51:

//Despite the fact that Moko came back, Day 50 was surprisingly short considering it's a milestone number.

//Not an awful lot happened today, but I have two highlights.

//First of all, the breakfast cutscene that morning got to show Yugamu and Darumi having an "enlightening" conversation, and even though we don't get much of this duo, I hope we get more, because their conversations are always cryptically hilarious.

//And second, would you FUCKING believe it, after all that grinding I did to get Nozomi a nice gift so I could raise my math stat, because she's busy taking care of Moko, Nozomi is UNAVAILABLE to hang out with!

//FUCK!

//I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU CHOCOLATE MY GIRL! WHY MUST I BE CUCKED THIS WAY!?

//Anyway, Eito also raises the Math stat, so I reset and decided to get him a gift instead.

DAY 52:

//*sigh*...Okay...

//Remember how I mentioned at the start that there was a significant point in this part of the story where the plot started to decline in quality? Well, it's this part here.

//This is the point in the story where Ima and Kako's involvement in the plot, and their character arcs, finally come forward. And unfortunately, it's not executed in the way that I hoped or wanted, but...let me explain.

//As I've mentioned before a few times leading up to this day, it's become clear that Kako harbors deep discomfort regarding her brother's behavior toward her. Even if, on the surface, they appear to be a typical pair of siblings, and fortunately, Kodaka doesn't ACTUALLY cross into incest territory with the Tsukumo's, it doesn't stop Ima’s actions crossing the line into something far more disturbing.

//And THIS PART of the story is CROSSING! THE LINE!

//As the plot unfolds, we begin to see Kako’s true desires more clearly. Rather than staying in her brother's shadow or continuing to play the obedient little sister, she wants to stand on her own and be part of the group’s effort to protect the school. Her determination grows steadily, and by this day, she finally reaches a breaking point.

//She gathers the courage to challenge Ima for the first time, to raise her voice and assert herself.

//Unfortunately, Ima’s reaction is as chilling as it is immediate.

//Rather than even pretending to consider her feelings, Ima glares at her with open malice, his expression dark and hostile. He coldly dismisses her words, grabs her by the arm, and drags her out of the cafeteria in front of everyone!

//He claims he’s going to “punish her for stepping out of line” and promises to give her a “thorough reeducation.” It’s a deeply disturbing moment, not just because of what he says, but because of what it implies.

//If you followed my main account @creepercraftguy, you'll know that I recently made a repost from one of @hopeymchope's posts where they talk about how he finds the cast of this game to be terrible, selfish people, and I went out of my way to refute their points and defend the characters and the games writing. In as civilized a way I could manage, I want to add.

//However, I CANNOT defend THIS! I think that hopey's assessment of what happens here with not just Ima and Kako, but everyone's reactions to what happens with the siblings, is spot on.

//This kind of control, entitlement, and possessiveness that are hallmarks of ABUSE!

//The terror on Kako’s face in that moment says it all. While it’s later implied that Ima didn’t physically harm her beyond perhaps a stern verbal tirade, since she seems relatively unharmed the next time she appears, the psychological toll in the moment impossible to ignore. This is the kind of dynamic you’d expect to find in an abusive household, not between two supposedly loving siblings.

//And that's not even the WORST part.

//Just as Ima starts PHYSICALLY dragging Kako away, Takemaru steps forward and blocks their path. Calm and composed, he doesn’t shout or resort to threats.

//He simply states the truth: if Ima truly cares for his sister, he ought to respect her autonomy and listen to what she has to say.

//It’s a simple, rational appeal...but one that Ima responds to in the most violently irrational way possible.

//Without a word of warning, Ima pulls out a weapon and STABS TAKEMARU IN THE STOMACH!

//JUST LIKE THAT!

//Like...this was his PLAN A! He wasn't even attacking in self-defense! Takemaru literally said ONE THING about how Ima was mistreating his "beloved" sister, that was very clearly true and everyone around him agreed with it, and Ima just STABS HIM FOR IT!

//I know that the game kind of already played it up for a long while before this bombshell dropped, but Ima might GENUINELY be the MOST FUCKED UP character Kodaka has ever written.

//Well...okay, maybe not, but he's DEFINITELY UP THERE!

//But it's not over yet!

//The scene itself is chaotic, shocking, and horrifying. After the stabbing, Ima successfully escapes with Kako, and Takumi, Eito, Gaku, and Yugamu manage to stabilize Takemaru and carry him back to his room so he can recover.

//But in the aftermath, something even more unsettling occurs. Despite everything, the threat to Kako, the stabbing, the obvious danger Ima now poses...Takumi just shrugs it off!

//He basically says it’s "too late" to act that day and simply decides to go to sleep, as if nothing could be done! The others seem to quietly accept this, and Takumi’s parting words are to “worry about them later.”

//LATER!?

//Kako is almost certainly being subjected to more of Ima’s abusive behavior right now, and yet the protagonist apparently prioritizes rest over rescue!

//And even putting that aside, AGAIN!

//IMA!

//STABBED!

//TAKEMARU!

//I can accept the students treating both Hiruko and Kurara's violent threats the way they did, with little agency, because we ultimately KNOW that neither of them are going to actually follow up on them. For Hiruko, it was clearly an incentive to get those afraid to fight to step up, and the same goes for Kurara; wanting to finally settle the disputes between the two sides at that point.

//But IMA is acting entirely selfishly, and did something that could almost have killed Takemaru with VERY LITTLE REASON! IF ANY! Literally all Takemaru did was say "You should listen to your sister!" and Ima went "Haha! You die now for that!"

//The lack of urgency is INFURIATING! No one is making any attempt to rescue Kako, restrain Ima, hell even both!

//And while I have gassed this game up to high heaven, and will likely continue to do so because I AM still enjoying it, this whole situation is a CLEAR failure on the part of the game’s narrative to treat the situation with the seriousness it deserves!

//The evening ends with Takumi getting a letter from Kako, essentially pleading for help. She asks Takumi to try and convince Ima to let her fight with the others, just as he was able to do for Tsubasa, Gaku, and Shouma. And Takumi agrees that tomorrow he will finally confront Ima about it.

//Which gave me a bit of hope that he was gonna step up...only for the next morning to have those hopes immediately dashed...

DAY 53:

The next morning, just as Takumi is about to go convince Ima to let Kako fight, Ima himself shows up at Takumi's door...completely unrepentant, mind you, and has the gall to ask for a favor.

//He flips the situation on its head, and gives us a different mission than normal. Instead of Takumi convincing Ima to fight, Ima instead wants Takumi to convince Kako to abandon her hopes of fighting alongside the group and return to passive obedience.

//However, he doesn't come empty handed. In exchange, Ima offers to take her place in the defense effort. So long as Kako doesn't fight, Ima himself will join the front lines so he can protect her.

//While this scene DID lighten the load a TAD, because it showed that Ima really does just want to protect Kako from any kind of harm, it’s an absurd proposition.

//In return for the privilege of Ima’s help; the same Ima who just stabbed someone for speaking out; you're asked to emotionally crush a victim of his mental abuse, and restore her to her "proper" role as his submissive little sister.

//To put this into Danganronpa fan perspective, this is equivelent to helping Kanade convince Hibiki that her only purpose is a mindless doll for her sister to play with.

//Worse still, this isn't a choice the player can meaningfully engage with. You're railroaded into compliance. No matter how many times you try to refuse. Even if you don't want to; and trust me, I DID NOT WANT TO, the game offers no real alternative.

//You’re stuck in a classic But Thou Must scenario: the story won’t move forward unless you agree to Ima’s terms. For me, it’s not just frustrating. It’s a betrayal of the emotional stakes the game itself has built up, forcing you to go along with a resolution that feels morally bankrupt.

//Yes Ima! Considering you stabbed a man and also look so much like Kokichi Ouma, you DO look like a HUGE liar!

//ANYYYWAYYYY, since we've essentially been FORCED into doing this, instead of going around to learn more about how to appeal to Ima, we instead go to learn a bit more about Kako and the twins in general.

//I'm actually okay with this part because even though I'm not on board with the actual mission, it does pique my interest.

//Mainly because we do get a little more information and characterization from Kako herself; who's contributions to the plot so far have been...fairly minimal. And some contribution from Ima too, who starts to open up about their backstory.

//Ima has always made it painfully clear that he’d throw the entire world under the bus if it meant ensuring Kako’s safety, but it's only with this part of the story where you see how his obsession with protecting her borders on apocalyptic. He would happily damn humanity if it meant shielding her from harm.

//But but the very obvious issue with what he's doing and why he's acting this way, is what does that kind of safety even mean if Kako isn’t allowed to be happy? If she’s not allowed to be free to make her own choices and have Ima dictate her his whole life?

//That’s the core problem, isn’t it? It's not just about whether she’s alive or unharmed — it’s about whether she gets to live her life, by her choices. And right now, thanks to Takumi's ongoing deference to Ima’s twisted logic, that freedom is slipping further and further out of reach.

//I’ll be honest. It’s incredibly frustrating watching Takumi cave like this. Whether it’s out of guilt, confusion, or just plain weariness, he keeps conceding ground to Ima, inch by inch. It’s not just disappointing. It’s disheartening; especially since Takumi has very quickly become one of my favourite protagonists in one of Kodaka's games, rivalling even KAEDE.

//We also learn something new about in that apparently, the twin's father used to be a detective. Which definitely shines a light on where Kako’s sharp intellect and analytical instincts come from. Even though she's unnasuming, she has been shown to be very keen, intelligent, and good at estimating outcomes, and I see where she gets it now.

//Her love of tech is another defining trait, and when Ima suggests getting her a motor scooter, it surprisingly turns out to be a solid idea. She reacts positively to the idea, and it’s one of the rare moments where Ima actually seems to understand her interests rather than project his own desires onto her.

//We also get confirmation about something that’s long been implied: the twins lost their parents at a very young age. I’d suspected as much, but hearing Ima talk about it gives it some more weight.

//He mentions that while they technically had other family members, those relatives didn’t care for them in any real sense. They abandoned the twins, leaving them to survive on the streets alone.

//Which, while this might be a stretch, kind of reminds me of Rei Mekaru's backstory in Danganronpa Another. As a reminder, Rei's backstory was that her birth parents were at risk of going backrupt and ending up on the streets, so they ended up disowning their daughter so that Rei wouldn't get caught up in the trouble and be dragged down with them.

//However, the family members that they entrustred Rei to abandoned her when things got a bit too difficult, betraying the trust of Rei's birth parents, and twisting her to make her believe that they'd never truly loved her. I'm getting similar vibes from this.

//That experience, as Ima explains it, is at the root of his obsession. Without Kako, he has nothing. She’s not just his sister, she’s his anchor. The only thing tethering him to the world.

//BUuuuuUUUuuUUUUuuuUUUuuuuuUUUUT-!

//While that tragic backstory helps explain WHY he clings to her so tightly, it doesn’t ABSOLVE him. Trauma might shape behavior, but it doesn’t excuse cruelty, especially not on this level. And what he’s done to Kako over the years is undeniably cruel, even if Ima himself didn't mean to come across that way.

//Effectively, Kako has relied on Ima to protect her basically their whole lives, and as a result, Ima knows nothing BUT protecting her. There's literally nothing else to his life besides making sure she is safe. Now that Kako is stepping up to fight, his own life is losing its purpose.

//Which I think is the REAL reason why Ima is so desperate to stop her. And honestly? It's sad! It really is sad; because Ima seems incapable of considering that these two could just be normal siblings that support EACH OTHER rather than forcing her to do things she'd rather not, just for her "protection," and his own selfishness!

//It's not that I don't GET it; I just don't think it's stated very plainly! And that kind of ruins the experience for me!

//What's worse, the version of events we hear feels incomplete. Maybe there’s more to it that we'll see later on. For now, there's not too much to work with.

//Interestingly, this moment marks the first time in the game where we’re able to make a gift without having to spend an entire in-game day gathering resources. Everything we need is just…handed to us. No scavenging. No side quests. Just a direct path to giving Kako something meaningful.

//It’s oddly convenient, almost like the game wants this interaction to happen smoothly, and that in itself feels a little suspicious.

//What follows is the minigame where you have to talk to a character and guide the conversation toward a specific outcome. But this time, we’re not trying to persuade Kako to stand up and fight. Rather this time, we’re convincing her to stop.

//And again, I'm REALLY NOT OKAY with this!

//I don't want to tell Kako to pull back, because it feels like I'm telling her to accept the very role she’s spent so long trying to escape. To make things worse, at least in my experience, this minigame was concerningly easy compared to the one's I did with Tsubasa, Shouma, and Gaku. I had basically no trouble with this one and got like...one wrong answer.

//Fortunately, there is one silver lining in this mess, if you can even call it that.

//The minigame ends as it does normally, but right at the last second, the game reverses, and ends in FAILURE. Takumi completely fails in his mission to convince Kako to step away from the fight. This is the only time in the game (so far) that this has happened, and THANK GOD, because this was the one time I NEEDED it to fail.

//At first, it seems like a small victory: she won’t be silenced, and she’s not going to just fade into the background as her brother wishes.

//Then, in a scene that’s surprisingly short and understated, Ima appears in the flesh and...finally relents.

//He doesn’t APOLOGIZE, at least not outright, but he does acknowledge, in his own indirect way, that he MIGHT have taken things too far.

//For the first time, he gives Kako his approval to stand alongside the others. It’s brief. It’s quiet. But it’s genuine.

//And...I DID like the exchange the twins have. Really I did. I think it's nice to see them come to an understanding, but also...it highlights what my biggest issue with this arc of the story was! It was TOO SHORT!

//The exchange itself is only a few lines of dialogue, and again, it kind of just ends with Ima giving up; not so much apologizing. It's the same issue as what happened with the stabbing scene. It went from 0 to 100 in no time flat, and now it's gone back to 0 equally as fast. Both times for very little rhyme or reason.

//And again, Takumi is not in the right here.

//Because while he fails to get her to abandon her determination, Takumi DOES twist the conversation into a justification of Ima’s possessive and controlling behavior. Instead of helping Kako recognize the toxic, dehumanizing grip her brother has had on her for years, Takumi, perhaps without even fully realizing it, romanticizes it. He reframes Ima’s suffocating control not as abuse, but as some kind of noble, selfless devotion. He paints it as an act of love that should be cherished and repaid.

//And to Kako, who has been emotionally manipulated and gaslit for so long, this recontextualization lands with horrifying effectiveness.

//I can accept that the Tsukumo's love each other really, and that Kako always wanted to fight for the sake of protecting her brother. But the way it's handled feels like some gut-wrenching reversal that doesn't sit right with me.

//Takumi may have walked into that conversation with good intentions, or at least some vague sense of moral responsibility, but the end result is...while I wouldn't call it a CATASTROPHE, because it DID mean something to me, it wasn't completely wholesome and above all else...not warranted.

//Rather than helping Kako, and hell, IMA too, liberate themselves from an emotionally damaging relationship, he becomes complicit in reinforcing it. He gaslights the gaslit. He enables the abuser. Whether it was done through ignorance, cowardice, or sheer moral failing, the outcome is the same.

//I suppose the problem I'm saying is it feels like Ima really didn't get a deserved commupance OR strong character arc here. He kind of just decides everything in this situation on his own, and everyone else is dancing to his tune. Which I really cannot get behind, despite how much I do like this game's writing overall.

//But...yeah, that's how the day ends. Not with a bang but with a "for fucks sake!"

DAY 54:

//Nothing much happens today, and the Tsukumo Twins are kind of off doing their own thing as always. Except this time, they're remaining seperate. I guess to sort things out on their own for once.

//I spent my free time doing gift giving to Takemaru. Gym was the one stat I still needed to upgrade to get more abilities. But in the meantime, I did check out the new area of the school, since it's the one time the game doesn't actively force you to check it out.

//The courtyard is basically just an indoor garden, but the standout feature of it is that there's a giant bird-shaped cage in there that's clearly setting up for something bigger, since they mentioned that it nullifies any powers.

//I don't know why we'd have that cage in the fucking courtyard, which is a place normally for relaxation. If we had any prisoners in there, that'd be really annoying.

//Takemaru's reaction to recieving gifts he likes is...surprisingly cute actually??? lol.

//I mean, I guess it makes sense because the guy clearly isn't the hardass that he comes across as.

//Also, I'm gonna be real, I actually don't care about the stupid guesswork, and did straight up google what gifts each of the characters like in this game to make the best out of my presents.

//And of course, one of the gifts you can give is a goddamn vibrator...

//And of COURSE, KYOSHIKA is the one who likes it.

//I don't know why I'm even surprised.

DAY 55:

//You know what's most surprising?

//Today is the penultimate day that I normally end these journals on where the Invaders come in and attack, but...I actually don't have very much to say about this fight!

//It's GOOD, but definitely not as impactful to me as the previous defense battles were.

//I’m finally starting to get a solid grasp on how to manage my time efficiently in this game. Now that I understand how everything works I feel a lot more in control.

/To be honest, it was pretty obvious this time around that the Invasion was going to come today; all the signs were there, and unlike last time, they rolled out the full cutscene to introduce it. So unlike the fake-out with Moko showing up, I knew that this one had to at least be legit.

//I had a strong hunch that Takemaru would still show up to fight, even after taking a knife to the gut courtesy of Ima. Lo and behold, I was right. He reappears, injured, sure, but still ready to stand his ground.

//I kind of thought that when we got into the fight, Takemaru would either be fatigued, or have lost a little bit of health off rip. But I guess the devs didn't really think to do something like that; or they just chose not to.

//The first round of the battle went relatively smoothly. It felt like a warm-up, especially with the team starting to fall into rhythm. But then round two hit, and things escalated fast. That’s when the Invaders started deploying a nasty new trick: Fog Machines.

//Do I even need to explain how infuriating this mechanic is? Surely the word "fog" is a dead giveaway.

//Once it's on the field, your visibility drops to practically zero. You can’t see any enemies unless you’re standing directly next to them, and UNTIL you’re adjacent, you can’t attack them either. It completely derails long-range strategies and makes positioning way more stressful than it needs to be.

//Basically, it forces you to fumble around in the dark, hoping to bump into something hostile before it bumps into you, and in the event you want to attack them on the main turn, that burns through AP like no tomorrow.

//Even more annoying is the low visibility means you can't even use Shouma to draw enemy fire away from the barrier. You CANNOT DO ANYTHING to the enemies UNTIL they are visible!

//Unsurprisingly, I hated this mechanic. It doesn’t feel challenging in a fun way, more like artificially slowing things down and punishing careful planning. The GOOD news is that it doesn't last very long.

//Luckily, help arrives in the form of the Tsukumo Twins, who join the fight mid-battle (who would have guessed?) with the exact tools needed to shut the fog bulshit down.

//And the way these two play is...well...WEIRD...

//Kako, true to form, plays a long-range sniper role. She can pick off enemies from a safe distance, which is a godsend in a battlefield where visibility is severely limited.

//Ima, meanwhile, is highly mobile and downright overpowered in this terrain. He floats above the ground, completely unaffected by terrain restrictions, and can travel across the map with ease.

//That said, neither of them really do enough damage to really net value out of. They're GOOD, but there are stronger characters in the squad, like Eito. Not that I'm devaluing either of them, because being able to cover that much ground between the two of them is very useful.

//But on top of that, Kako’s main attack comes with an annoying drawback. Every time she uses it, her damage output decreases.

//I get the idea; forcing the player to think carefully about when to use her; but it makes her feel less satisfying to use as the fight drags on. I’m not really a fan.

//After the twins enter the battlefield and start tearing through the fog machines, the tide of the fight shifts dramatically. Once those devices are destroyed, the fog lifts, and the battlefield opens up again. With full visibility restored, the rest of the fight is pretty straightforward. The enemies are fully exposed, and from that point on, it’s a no-holds-barred brawl.

//In the words of our forefathers: Rip and Tear until it's done!

//However, even though the fight itself is nothing to write home about...the CONCLUSION brings a pretty dramatic twist to the story.

//As established, most of these combat situations end with picking one of the students to end the life of the commander and absorb it's hemoanima. But in the past, we've mostly done this to commanders that are defeated and defenseless. The only time that we've done otherwise is the first commander, that Hiruko didn't really give the time of day.

//This time though, the commander survives past the initial cutscene, and pleads for mercy just like the first one does. While we ARE about to ignore it, the twist comes from the Commander REMOVING its mask and...

//...

//...Is it bad that I find it insanely attractive?

//Okay, jokes aside, there is a very chilling moment here where the characters are shocked to find that the enemy Commanders look like regular human beings under the masks. However, we still can't understand what she's saying because she speaks a completely seperate language from us.

//There is another interesting lore moment here where Eito suggests that she's speaking a FOREIGN language, which is why the students can't understand her. I didn't even realize that the concept of racism might not even exist within the TRC because it's just the world as they know it. Everyone looks the same and speaks the same language; unlike the world we know.

//Of course, the Invaders speak a completely alien language even to us, but these guys have no way of knowing that.

//But yeah, this fight ends with this Commander succumbing to an entirely different fate than what we're used to. Instead of killing her outright, they take her prisoner and lock her up in one of those cages I mentioned earlier; until they could understand her language and get information out of their enemies from her.

//I KNEW that was gonna come into play somehow!

//I have a distinct feeling that this Invader is gonna end up being an important character, and I didn't even think about it until now but...what if this Invader joins OUR side and becomes the 16th student!?

//Like, we HAVE to have 16 party members by the end of this, right!? It's already so weird that we only have up to 15. I dunno, I guess we'll see.

DAY 56:

//GO HOME GO BED!!!

Conclusion:

//Yeah, this part of the story was a low-point overall.

//Not UNSALVAGEABLE, and definitely good character moments, but my main takeaways from it aren't great:

I like the Tsukumo twins a little bit more than I did before now that I properly understand them, but I think they are still my least favourite characters in the game. At least Ima is.

I did NOT enjoy the coercion segment of this chapter. It felt so wrong trying to steer Kako off doing what she wanted, with no choice but to do so. In the end, I'm glad she stuck to her guns regardless of what Ima and Takumi said.

I'm hoping the twins end up being better characters in the future. I already think Kako is cool and cute, but she hasn't had much change to shine on her own thanks to her fuckhead brother; who definitely didn't get the commupance he deserved.

There are still so many questions about World Death that even the general explanation doesn't answer. The mysteries of this game keep piling on; especially with the introduction of this potential ally commander.

//I AM still enjoying this game as much as I always have done. Even with all that's happened here, it hasn't really affected my opinion of this game; nor my willingness to continue playing it.

//Every game has highs and lows, much like my expectations. I had them high, and was low-blowed by them. This part of the game was fundamentally flaws overall, even if I do understand the idea they were going for; since it felt super rushed and unpolished.

//Which is a real damn shame. Here's hoping the next part will be better.

-Mod

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

I am so happy you're back and seem to be doing even a little bit better! We missed you!

I wanted to send a little message, so you can ignore it if it sours your mood or you don't feel like dealing with it, feel no pressure at all! It's just this blog has been a safe space and the community has been so welcoming that I figured I could vent really quick

You know when sometimes the brain just has a really shitty day, like when you draw something and it screams at you that it's trash even though there's nothing wrong with it? I've been having a rough time with it deciding to scream that comfort characters would cheat, probably as an 'You are so unlovable not even fictional characters would be loyal' bullshit. Now, logically, I know this makes -67 sense. But, I was wondering if you could just reassure that like, Sanji, Mihawk, Buggy, Shanks, Crocodile, Blablablablabla long list of One Piece characters you write for, would not cheat? I'm sorry, this sounds lame to even write out but I'm trying to get my brain to stop thinking that asking for help is 'pathetic' because it is not and it only applies that logic to me, never to anyone else.

I dunno man. Brains and bring human ate both though af.

I missed all of you as well. Really and sincerely. I have a tendency to go radio silent when I'm going through a difficult time and I hate it immensely, but hearing that I was missed to makes me all

And yes, oh gods, I know. My brain is frequently my worst enemy. Especially when I'm not writing. My anxiety starts working overtime and my creative drive becomes dedicated to coming up with problems that could potentially happen for me to worry about even more and it's an absolute bitch; or even when I am actively creating and a little voice insists that everything I make is stupid garbage.

This is still very much and always will be a safe space. It definitely is awful to feel that unworthy of love. Full disclosure, I've mentioned in passing before that I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder depressive type. My main issue is auditory hallucinations that like to insist that everyone I love and care about only tolerate me out of pity and secretly would rather I not be around, which leads to me isolating myself from people. Huge part of the reason I go silent when life decides to be a bitch. I know it's just as bad feeling that way about comfort characters, if not even worse, when we're supposed to have them to help us get through that kind of bullshit.

So let me provide a little drabble for the one comfort character I’m certain wouldn’t ever allow us to continue being so silly about our worthiness of love and affection, because we’re all worthy of such a basic human need. I may do more later, but one in particular jumped at the opportunity to provide this comfort, and I fear he may counter me with his dreaded puppy-dog-eyes should I even dare attempt to wait.

Good Enough

OPLA!Sanji x AFAB!Reader

Lil drabble thingy

SFW, Hurt/Comfort

Possible TRIGGER WARNINGS for depression, insecurity, self-worth

♫♬ Moonshine ♬♫ — The Fratellis (yes I’m STILL on my Fratellis BS leave me be)

"Never knowing is the most evil feeling, when every answer here is none too appealing"

Sanji had always been a flirt. You knew that from the moment you started working on the wait staff at Baratie. Your trust issues had made it a little difficult for you to open up around the young sous chef (and occasional waiter on the frequent occasion that Zeff kicked him out of the kitchen for insubordination), but it was his outgoing nature and perseverance that had ultimately won you over. He had a way of making you feel like you were the only girl in the world when you were together, doting upon you, all but worshipping the ground you walked on.

But when he was sent out to work the dining area, it always made you nervous. His innate charm, his handsome features—he was nearly always a hit with female customers. No matter how much you told yourself that he was only doing his job, there was always a nagging feeling that maybe there was more to it than that. Watching him interact with a table of pretty young women, who by their clothing and demeanor were obviously far more affluent and sophisticated than you, left you distracted in your own work.

Seeing how they giggled at everything he said, how they fluttered their eyelashes when he brought them their drinks.

How the pretty blonde at the table leaned so close to him while he pointed to something on the menu, close enough to brush her hand across his.

You managed to spill a tray of drinks all over yourself while you were watching, leading to a scolding from the front of house manager. You saw the table of girls from the corner of your eye, giggling at your clumsiness before you were sent off to clean yourself up and change your uniform.

No matter how much you told yourself you were being silly, there was nothing you could do to shake it. The doubts, the thoughts of how easily he could find someone better than you. You had your jaw clenched the entire time you were changing your shirt in the staff restroom, tossing the soiled one aside as you leaned against the sink in front of the mirror and forced yourself to take slow, level breaths.

You were still on the clock. You couldn’t break down. You had to get changed, had to get back to work, had to pretend everything was fine, if he found out you were being so stupid about this then he would definitely drop you like a bad habit, you had to compose yourself or—

Knock knock.

Your eyes darted to the bathroom door, your breath catching in your throat at the sound of the light knock.

“J—just a minute,” you forced out, flinching at the sound of your own voice breaking a little.

Stupid, you’re being stupid, stop it stop it stop it—

A brief silence followed your answer, a silence that seemed to stretch on for miles despite lasting only a few seconds. The familiar, gentle voice that answered after a moment made your hands clench around the porcelain of the sink.

“You alright, love?” You drew in a sharp breath, swallowing, clenching your eyes shut. Of course it was Sanji. You had almost hoped that the manager had come scold you for taking too long. That would have been easier to deal with right now. Your eyes darted to the locked doorknob as it rattled a little. “I heard—”

“I’m fine,” you said immediately, the strained quality of your own words as they met your ears making your hands tighten a little more on the edge of the sink. “I—I just tripped and spilled a few drinks, I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?” You gritted your teeth, laying your head back to stare up at the ceiling. Of course he wouldn’t let it go that easily. The doorknob rattled a little again, and you glanced at it as if it were a viper poised to strike out at you at any second.

Stupid, you’re being stupid, don’t—

“You sound—”

You reached out and turned the lock on the doorknob, and turned away from the door, crossing your arms over your half-buttoned shirt and stared down at your feet. After a long moment, you heard the door open behind you.

Evidently you didn’t look any less distressed than you felt. His quiet sigh met your ear as the door shut lightly and the lock turned. “Oh, love, it’s fine,” he said gently, his footfalls echoing quietly in the small bathroom, closing the short distance across the tile floor between the two of you. Your whole body tensed as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, resting his forehead over the crown of your hair with a quiet chuckle. “It’s only a few drinks, it could happen to anyone.”

You shook your head, your shoulders shaking a little. Stupid, it was so stupid, but the words were already leaving your mouth before you could stop them. “Oh, yeah, anyone.” You couldn’t stop. You couldn’t. He had a way of pulling all your insecurities to the surface that no one else did. You pulled your crossed arms tighter, staring down at the white floor tiles for a moment before shutting your eyes tightly, your voice shaking a little. “Especially a dumb screw-up like me—”

“Don’t do that.” His tone came out a little sharper with this, and your breath hitched audibly in your throat this time, your shoulders hunching as you clenched your eyes shut tighter, swallowing back the lump in your throat. As if to counter your stiff posture, he pulled his arms tighter around your waist, pulling you closer, his thumb rubbing lightly against your waist in a comforting manner. “Don’t, sweetheart. Please.”

The warmth of his embrace already had you relaxing a little. Your shoulders slumped, your body leaning back against him, but your eyes were still burning when you opened them to stare down at the toes of your shoes.

“Was it the manager?” he asked gently, shifting behind you to rest his chin on your shoulder. “If he was being an ass I’ll gladly kick his ass off the docks.” Your breath left your lungs in a slow, trembling sigh as you shook your head no, your gaze drifting down to his hand at your hip, still rubbing lightly against you, your lips curling into a fleeting smile at his offer. You knew you were being stupid, but… “Then what’s wrong, love?” he asked, his voice a soft, comforting murmur in your ear.

“I…” You drew in a deep breath, closing your eyes as he tilted his head so his cheek lay against your shoulder. “Y—you—“

You swallowed against the lump forming in your throat, drawing in a deep breath, trying and failing to steady the whirlwind of thoughts swirling through your mind, thoughts of how maybe this was all a lie, of how you weren’t anything more than a silly little fling to him, how you weren’t good enough, how easily you could be replaced.

You bit your lip, glancing down as his hand found yours, watching his fingers lace between your own…and the breath left you in a slow, resigned sigh.

“It’s stupid,” you said quietly.

“If it’s got you this upset, then it’s anything but stupid,” he countered, and you had to purse your lips tightly to keep them from curving into a small smile as you felt his press briefly against your cheek in a soft kiss. “And if it’s something I’ve done—”

“N—no, you haven’t—” But how quickly you shook your head, how your shoulders tensed, betrayed your worries. “I…I just…” You slowly relaxed once more as he squeezed you against him, his cheek nuzzling against your shoulder, his soft blonde hair tickling against your neck. Still unable to turn your head to meet his eyes, you bit the bullet and forced yourself to voice your worries. “You have beautiful women making goo-goo eyes at you all day,” you said, keeping your voice low in an attempt to keep it steady. “I—I don’t—I’m not—” You bit your lip, your heart racing as you clenched your eyes shut, cursing yourself internally as you felt the tickle of a tear leaving your eye to trail down one of your cheeks. “Y-you could have any girl you wanted. L—like that blonde that was hanging all over you while you were showing her the menu, or—or—”

“Oh, sweetheart…” You weren’t quite able to mask the small sob that hitched in your chest as Sanji loosened his embrace—only to gently place a hand on your hip, guiding you to turn around and face him, to pull you against his chest as you tried and failed to fight back tears. He gently shushed your quiet sobs and stammered apologies as he wrapped his arms around you fully, combing his fingers through your hair as he laid his head over yours. Your eyes remained clenched shut as you fought to control your breathing , as he pressed a tender, lingering kiss to your forehead.

Sanji lowered his head and nuzzled into your hair, holding you flush against him.

“I already have the girl I want. The perfect girl.” He pressed another tender kiss to your temple, murmuring against your skin, “I have her right here in my arms. And I hope,” he said, his tone turning a little playful as he shifted to rest his forehead against yours, “that I’ll still have her tonight after dinner shift is over.” He brushed your hair behind your ear, smiling as he tilted his head to meet your gaze, puling a small smile to your lips as your cheeks grew a little warmer. “So we can cuddle up together on the balcony…watch the stars…laugh at all the drunk idiots stumbling back to their boats…”

You could practically hear him smiling as a few soft giggles escaped you, as you finally leaned fully against him and returned his embrace, your arms wrapping around his torso as you buried your face against his chest.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, relaxing against him. “I…I’m just…”

“I know, love.” The way he called you ‘love’ all but melted your heart now that you were calmed down, pulling a faint smile to your lips. “I know. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. And if it’s any consolation, I was in the middle of telling that self-righteous blonde bimbo how my sweet, adorable, beautiful girlfriend would wring her neck if she kept putting her hands on me—“ He chuckled as you whined in protest of his praise, tugging you closer and grinning, meeting your eyes without hesitation.

He lifted his hand to your face, his thumb brushing across your cheek, the warmth of his gaze holding yours.

“I—“

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

You both jolted in alarm, your heads turning in unison toward the sound of the pounding on the bathroom door. Before you could so much as glance at each other, a gruff voice spoke up from behind the door.

“We’re in the weeds, Eggplant!” Zeff called . “Get your scrawny ass to the kitchen! And bring your damned girlfriend, we need all the help we can get.”

A long moment of silence stretched between the two of you as you both stared at the closed bathroom door, before your gazes drifted slowly toward each other.

Before you were both giggling under your breath, as you buried your forehead against his chest, a broad smile spreading across your lips as you clung to him.

“I suppose we’ve been summoned,” said Sanji, pulling back from you only enough to gaze down at you, still smiling. “Shall we, then?”

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - returning to your roots

Masterlist - part fifteen

Summary: Spider's decision leads to a brother and a sister's worst argument yet. Some things come to a head.

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 20k+ (I am so sorry 🙏)

Overall warnings: mentions of torture, trauma/ptsd, vomit, slight body horror, canon-compliant, mature language, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, rushed, time skips, fluff, angst, major character death, child endangerment, etc.

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx​ @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69

A/N: Here it is... the ultimate Spider appreciation chapter. I couldn't afford to split this chapter into two parts like I did last time... so if you think some things aren't rendering on Tumblr, please please please click the link to the ao3 version. Enjoy!

Kayla would be the first to admit that she wasn't good at making her kelku feel like a home. Still a soldier at heart, she retained the mindset to keep her quarters clean, organized, and empty of any clutter. The only thing she owned was the weapons with the safety on, cleaned, and tucked away from sight, along with the little necessities she first packed for her trip to the reef, such as the hammocks that are always packed away every morning after a night of rest. As for Spider, all he had was the breathing mask on his face, the loincloth he wore, and the few packages of human rations Kayla and Jake had found for him in a drifting harpoon boat after their battle with the Sky People. 

So, needless to say, the marui pod Kayla was so graciously given by the clan leaders of the Metkayina looked more like what the Sky People would call a bachelor pad back home. At least, that's what first came to mind when Kayla took one look at her new home and decided something needed to change. She had a new place of residence and she even had a teenager living under her roof, a teenager who barely had anything growing up that he could proudly call his. Kayla decided that she needed to make this place look and feel more like a safe space Spider could come to when he needed to get away from the world, which is how Spider found her hours later.

"What's that supposed to be?"

Kayla looked up to spot the teenager in the entryway, staring oddly behind his mask at the object she was trying to put on the far opposite wall of the pod. She looked between him and the large branch which she had spent dedicated time to cutting and molding into a flat surface, before her ears lowered in embarrassment, "Uh... a bookshelf?"

Setting the long wooden board down on the ground for Spider to get a better look, Kayla huffed in exertion and decided she would have to find an easier way to hang up the makeshift piece of furniture she had created. 

Spider's expression only grew more confused as he looked at the warped plank of wood before stating the obvious, "You don't own any books."

"Yeah..." Defeat was already evident in her voice, already aware she had spent hours of wasted time on this project but had stubbornly hoped it would pull through. She stared longingly at the wood piece, ears still drooping with shame, "But I was hoping that putting other stuff on it would liven the place up. I guess it's not as homey looking without any books."

"Wait, what?" He cranes his neck up to look at her, puzzled as he crosses his arms over his chest, the knife cut barely even a scar now, "What are you trying to make it look like?"

"Nothing," she mumbled, now staring down at the makeshift shelf as if it had offended her. She was mentally kicking at it and herself for not succeeding in one stupid little piece of home decor. Realizing that Spider was still oddly watching whatever was happening to her face as she had these thoughts, she decided to straighten her back and head toward the exit, motioning the kid to follow her.

"You know what? You and I are always out of the house anyway. It doesn't need to be fancy. Let's go. I'm thinking of taking you kids out exploring."

Spider takes a moment to watch her leave before glancing back at the 'shelf.' Squinting his eyes, he shrugs and turns to follow her outside, "Cool, sounds like fun."

~~~~~~~~~

Kayla brought Spider to Jake first and asked about taking the kids out into the jungle, expressing how she wanted to show them the waterfall she had previously mentioned to her brother. Before he could reply, Jake was interrupted by Tsireya, who just so happened to be stopping by to see Lo'ak and Kiri. The reef girl expressed her excitement and claimed she knew the spot Kayla had mentioned and how she would love to go with. Of course, Kayla wasn't about to say no to sweet Tsireya, and that made Jake cave in and agree to let his children go with them. 

He watched the group leave with a small smile before getting back to work on strengthening a newly woven sheath for his hunting knife. He wasn't left alone for long as Neytiri had come home from a morning hunting trip she flew around the island. 

She had been silent at first, before looking around and asked, "Ma Jake. Where are the children?"

"They're exploring out in the jungle with Kayla," immediately, he felt the tension in the air, peering up to spot his mate looking fearful, her eyes glossed over in a way that made his gut hurt with guilt. He realized he should've waited until she got home to discuss whether or not she would be okay with letting their children venture out after everything they've been through, but he was hoping this would be a good step forward for all of them.

"They'll be fine, baby," he encouraged softly, "It's just like what we do on date night. It's not like I left them alone."

"I do not like the idea of them being so far away from the village."

"I promise it will be no different than when Kayla watches them at home. She's bringing them to a well-known spot to take a load off and have fun. Tsireya mentioned that she knew the place so it's not like anyone would get lost. They're in good hands."

Neytiri sucks in and lets out a shaking breath but eventually closed her eyes and nodded once in solemn agreement. Jake wanted to feel relief that she wasn't up in arms about this, but he couldn't find it within himself to feel that way. He knew exactly where she was coming from, where her thought process was. He couldn't blame her for being worried, the two of them both thinking the same thing as heavy, grieving silence filled the air. Jake immediately reached out to grasp Neytiri's hand and she clutched tightly onto him.

"Jake-- Devil Dog, do you copy? Jake?"

The sound of the long-range radio abruptly breaking the silence brings both Jake and Neytiri's ears and tails to perk up in alertness, and their eyes immediately harden to ones resembling warriors. Recognizing the voice patching through, Jake reaches for the radio and presses the device close to his lips,

"Dirty Falcon, I read you. What's going on, Norm?"

"Jake, we have a situation."

~~~~~~~~~

It ended up feeling like a school field trip as Kayla found herself with not only Spider and her nieces and nephew, but the other reef children they claimed as their friends. Once Tsireya had been invited, so were Ao'nung and Rotxo, making Kayla the single chaperone of six Na'vi children and one human.

At first, everyone could tell both the suspicious and curious nature the two reef boys felt upon being officially introduced to Spider, but at least they were civil, and they even looked surprised when Spider greeted them in perfect, proper Na'vi. It also helped that both Tsireya and Kiri were adamant about making Ao'nung and Rotxo converse with Spider, determined to make them all friends. 

Rotxo didn't appear to mind Spider at all, being the more curious one and asking the human teenager obnoxious questions that got Spider to laugh. Ao'nung, however, was a different story. He kept his distance and ignored Spider entirely, only nodding once in greeting the human boy and sticking close to the other kids he knew better. Even though the chief's son wasn't hostile toward Spider, Kayla still kept a close eye on him anyway. Tsireya and Kiri were good mediators of the group and took the lead as they traveled further and further into the jungle. Tuk was a breath of fresh air for everyone, constantly laughing and running circles around the group with excitement as they ventured further toward the center of the island, ready for a new change in scenery. 

It was Lo'ak who appeared to be the most estranged out of all of them. He had been quiet the whole way to the waterfall and only spoke when spoken to, faintly smiling whenever it was Tsireya who addressed him. However, Lo'ak was acting more closed off than usual and strayed away from the group as they walked. Kayla made sure to keep an eye on her nephew as well, knowing that his situation at home wasn't the most ideal. Lo'ak was purposely spending time out of his family's marui as of late, either seeking Spider out and hiding away in Kayla's hut with his childhood friend, or he tried blending in with the reef children and was constantly hunting or helping out with chores around the village. He was practically doing anything to keep him away from his family and especially his father, only returning to the Sully marui to sleep and eat.

Kayla noticed how Jake didn't address this as a problem, which is why she was keeping an eye on her nephew. Even though Jake claims to finally See Lo'ak, he is still treating his son much like before. If Kayla was anyone else, she'd leave it the hell alone, but she wasn't. And if she needed to be harsher to her brother about it, then by Eywa, she was gonna do it. She'd do anything for these kids, and that even surprised her to admit that.

It was easy for her to reach out to the children. Her nieces and nephews gave their hugs and trust to her willingly, without trepidation, almost immediately upon meeting her for the first time. Maybe because of that, it was easier for Kayla to accept their hugs and trust when she confidently knew they thrive on receiving touch as well as giving it. Even children who weren't as familiar with her, like the reef children, gravitated toward Kayla, either because she was unique-looking as an avatar, or she was just more laid-back and unserious compared to most adults they knew. For Spider, it was a healthy mixture of both.

For adult humans and Na'vi, it's different. Mature and aware of how the world works, Kayla would rather try to shield the children from the horror of life for just a little while longer if no other adult was going to do it. 

The waterfall was tall and led down into a quiet, beautiful lagoon. Animals scattered from their water hole when the Na'vi children appeared, and Tuk laughed as they ran away. Immediately, the reef children encouraged the others about what to do by shoving one another to get to the water first, jumping high, and splashing into the lagoon. Spider and the Sully kids laughed and soon followed, even climbing up to the very top of the waterfall to jump down from once Kayla was confident that the water was deep enough to do so. 

Kayla watched the kids play in the water while also exploring the waterfall herself, venturing into and standing in the small alcove hidden behind it. Curious, she whoops and lets her voice echo off the walls of the small cave, and the sound rang in her ears. She smiled as an idea struck her, heading back out of the alcove and rejoining the children. None of them appeared to notice anything until she approached them, first going to Little Tuk and pointing out the waterfall.

"Go behind there and scream and laugh as loud as you can. Come back and see if your sister heard you or not."

Tuk giggled excitedly at what she assumed was a game her aunt had in mind and ran toward the waterfall. The teenagers look between Kayla and Tuk curiously but don't mention anything as they watch the youngest child of their group disappear behind the waterfall. It took a few minutes, but Tuk reemerged, out of breath and grinning as she skipped over to her sister, "Kiri! Kiri! Did you hear me?" 

"No, I didn't," Kiri smiled encouragingly at her sister before taking a glance at her aunt.

Kayla smiles, tilting her head toward the waterfall, "You next, Kiri."

"Yes! You next!" Tuk drags Kiri out of the water by the hand, "I'll come with you! Let's try to scream as loud as we can, and if anyone out here can hear us, then we win!"

The Sully girls go behind the waterfall while the rest of the teenagers stare questionably at Kayla. She only shrugs, flashing a smile of understanding at each of them, "You kids have been through a lot lately... I thought maybe you'd like a place to scream out your frustrations without anyone hearing you. Only if you want, but I think you need to let some things out."

When Kiri and Tuk return, the other teenagers glance at each other with knowing expressions. Spider whispered Kayla's intentions to Kiri when she still looked confused, and in response, a grateful look took over Kiri's face as she nodded at her aunt.

Tuk was none the wiser as she ran up to Kayla, "I wanna do it again!"

"Go ahead, sweetheart."

"Will you come with me, Auntie?"

"Of course."

After that, one by one, each of the teenagers decided to slip away while the others were playing in the lagoon to have a few minutes alone behind the waterfall. When each of them returned, they appeared relaxed, lighter than before, and acting their age. Kayla internally pats herself on the back, calling it a success, especially when Ao'nung had loosened up and shared a short conversation with Spider.

If anyone noticed Lo'ak's eyes were puffy and red when he returned from behind the waterfall, they didn't mention it. They only smiled because he was smiling again.

They must have been there for hours, but eventually, Kayla called it a day and everyone was much too tired to argue. On the way back as they trekked through the jungle, Spider kept close to Kayla's side, instinctively keeping a watchful eye out as they walked through the trees, in case something decided to try and grab at the weakest link in the group which at the moment was Kayla with a sleeping Tuk on her back, making her slower than the teenagers. Something caught his eye while they walked, and it was Kayla's songcord swinging in the wind from side to side each time her leg moved forward. He noticed the cord was longer than he had last seen it, the end now sporting a wooden bead and a shell soon after.

"That's new," he simply states. 

Her ear flicks in his direction, and he watches as she looks down to see what he is referring to. Sunlight was right above her, casting a shadow over her face, but even Spider could catch a sudden shift in her expression. If he had blinked, he would have missed the shift. It was there one moment and gone the next, but he noticed a smile on her face, full of fondness, before she shook herself out of it relaxed her expression, and replied, "Yes."

The shift was all he needed to know, "Who gave it to you?"

She squinted her eyes curiously as she looked down at him, "What made you think it was given to me?"

"Answering a question with a question. Isn't that what you soldiers call 'deflecting?'" He smirked.

He didn't expect her to laugh, but he felt secretly pleased with himself when she did, "Touché, kiddo."

~~~~~~~~~

As they reach the village, the reef kids realize what time it is and decide to depart, needing to return home to their families. Kayla and the Sully children thanked them for their company and the fun day before waving them off and returning to their own marui.

Only, it wasn't much of a warm welcome. Upon entering the home, Kayla immediately noticed Neytiri's absence... and the murder set in Jake's eyes.

He huddled near the radio, waiting for the rest of his family to return home as he tried to figure out how he was going to break the news to them. In the meantime, Jake had sent Neytiri away to let out her rage and grief. He knew it wouldn't have been a good idea if she had stayed for this conversation. When Kayla and the children entered the kelku, Jake's murderous gaze immediately greeted Kayla. She froze when she was the first target of that glare, and once the teenagers saw Jake, they froze in the doorway as well, immediately scared with their backs straight.

Kayla kept still as she watched Jake's eyes. She only relaxed a little as she came to the conclusion that Jake's anger wasn't directed at anyone in particular, but he looked vengeful and was aging beyond his years. He looked like a broken man, a father who lost it all. He looked so grim with his eyes nearly staring up at Kayla through his forehead. She knew that whatever happened... it wasn't good.

She sets down Tuk and quietly asks Kiri to take her. She walks up to Jake and keeps her voice down in case he wants this kept between them, "What's wrong?"

His eyes flicked to the kids standing around behind his sister, all of them looking confused and worried other than the bleary-eyed Tuk. He glances back at Kayla and deeply sighs through his nose before deciding to keep his voice at a normal, steady tone. He thought the kids deserved to know, too, 

"Norm just called. They intercepted some RDA radio chatter. Quaritch is alive."

No one dared bat an eye as the news sank in, frozen in place and staring at Jake as if he had murdered a puppy right in front of their eyes. The air turned rigid and eery all around Kayla, the air sucked out from her lungs as though a bucket of ice water ran down her back. She swallowed thickly, trying to react as neutrally as possible... hoping that out of all the times Jake could possibly read her like an open book, this wasn't one of those times. 

Kiri's voice was the first thing that rang out, "Spider?"

Kayla's spell is broken and she immediately unfreezes, whipping around in search of the human boy in question. She finds him instantly as he reacts fast to Kiri's question, pulling away from the group and backing up toward the door. Spider looked frightened and ashamed, his breath irregular as he took one hand and grabbed the opposite elbow, eyes wildly flicking between everyone in the room, Kiri, Lo'ak, and Jake most of all. He looked cornered, despite the doorway now being directly behind as he would not stop backing away. He looked absolutely horrified, and the guilt only ate him alive when his two best friends stared at him with worry and confusion, unaware of the damage he had done.

"I-- I'm sorry."

Jake's eyebrows furrow and his tail twitched, "What--"

"It's not your fault. Spider," Kayla consciously places herself between Jake and Spider, finally finding her voice in the growing tension of the room. Spider turned his body and gazed to the doorway, ready to bolt as Kayla found herself raising her voice, "Look at me--"

The order makes his back stiffen and Kayla internally lashes at herself for ordering him around so formally like a soldier when that wasn't her intention. Slowly, however, Spider finally peered back up at her, and she tried to soften her gaze and voice, "Don't." 

Jake finally rose to his feet, his presence right behind his sister and making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, "Kayla, what are you-?"

"It's my fault."

All eyes return to Spider, and he forces himself to stay still, the smallest one in the room. He keeps his eyes on Jake, trying to relay what he is trying to explain with just one look. Jake analyzed him, eyes slowly squinting in confusion until Spider could see something click behind those dull, yellow eyes. He saw the denial set in first, then the bargaining, then the anger... and then it stayed that way. Jake's eyes begin to harden, and Kayla is suddenly very aware of the raging volcano slowly starting to brew behind her but she refuses to look back. Goosebumps ran down her back and every instinct told her to run, but she kept her feet planted and her eyes on Spider, trying to talk him down from his ledge with just one look.

Lo'ak is the first to ask. He wasn't known for being observant, but as Tsireya had claimed, he was a quick learner. Lo'ak looked between his father and his friend and realized that something had happened. Something unforgivable. Despite possibly already knowing what it was, Lo'ak had to ask... in case he was wrong, "Spider... what did you do?"

Kayla felt a large hand completely envelope around the circumference of her arm and she winced when that hand gripped on tightly and spun her around. She bites back the yelp that nearly escaped her lips as she's being stared down by the enraged Toruk Makto.

"You knew?" Jake accused in a low, deep voice.

She couldn't help it. Her eyes widen in fear, for once, of her brother. As much as she wanted to lie to prevent him from glaring at her like that... she couldn't afford for that rage to turn onto Spider. She rolls her lips, her voice raspy and betraying her bravery, "I... Yes, I knew."

Something snaps in place inside Jake's eyes, a harsh growl eliciting from the back of his throat, "Come here." 

His grip only tightened further around Kayla's arm as he dragged her out of the marui, away from the children who now shook in fear of their father and for their aunt. Kayla wished she hadn't just been paraded around in front of them like that... secretly afraid as though she had angered her own father.

He pulls her out and harshly shoves her in front of him to confront her. Kayla immediately tries to bargain and plead her case before he could get any bright ideas, "But-- you don't understand--"

"Yeah? Enlighten me then," he snarled.

"You can't just ask a kid to leave his own father to die-!"

"You're not his mother, Kayla!" Jake finally roared, the volcano bubbling over.

"I don't care!" Kayla roared back as her fear gave way to anger. Suddenly the volcano was met with an unforgivable tsunami, "He's just a kid! All of them are just kids! You can't expect them to fall in line and be your perfect little soldiers for a war that YOU started!"

Jake seethed and pushed back, "He's old enough to know that he's responsible for his actions."

"Maybe, but even grown-ass adults refuse to admit their faults, present company included," the intended lashing hit dead-on, earning Kayla a wince from her brother. She didn't want to claim that victory over him, however, as the tightening viper in her chest began to unravel, "You say I'm not Spider's mom, and you're right. But you're not his father. Hell, you barely even father your own kids, so why should you father a kid who's not even related to you?"

"Don't you start--"

"You're a good dad to your daughters. Fine. I'll give you that. But you're too hard on Lo'ak, now more than ever. He just lost his brother for fuck's sake, Jake. You of all people know what that feels like!" She screeched.

"Lo'ak is the older brother now. He needs to learn to be responsible for his sisters."

"Oh, like how you were such a great, responsible brother after Tommy died?"

Even Jake's anger gave way to a slight feeling of discomfort and maybe even fear as Kayla suddenly began to laugh in such an unhinged manner, the maniacal grin she gave him sent chills down his spine, "Really? We're adding lying to the list now? Did you treat Lo'ak like a failure because he's reckless or because he's just like you? 'Cause, that's what I see. He's just like you, Jake, and that terrifies you because you know he'll screw up again and again. Just like you."

She took a step forward and Jake took a step back. He wished he hadn't, as his fear only made Kayla smile more, "So tell him that. Tell him the truth. Tell him how Tommy was the golden son, not you. You were never the golden son, not even when you became a marine and lost your legs for your dedicated service. Tell him how you were always the disappointment. Tell him how low you got in life when your brother was murdered and how you abandoned your sister when things got too hard."

Jake tried to regain the upper hand, needing to get this conversation back on track, "This isn't about me or Lo'ak. This is about Spider--"

"I wasn't finished," his jaw clamps shut when his sister's eyes bore into his, the viper in her chest now baring its venomous fangs, "You left me to die on that god-awful planet. From my experience, I know that Lo'ak and Spider would never even think of doing that to someone, let alone their own sisters. I believe Spider saved his father for the sake of being kind, compassionate, and merciful—three traits I doubt he inherited from the sperm donor. Spider is no savage. His doesn't kill as needlessly as you once did."

"He spared a monster's life--"

"Can you blame him? After what Neytiri had recently put that kid through?" Jake's ears lowered at the mention of his wife, and while Kayla wanted to be proud of her brother for always wanting to defend the woman he loved, she couldn't abide by that. She continued before Jake could even try, "Quaritch tried to save Spider from your wife. Can you honestly blame a child for saving the life of someone who was actually looking out for them for once in their young life? Yes, Spider may be young but he's also good. He wouldn't just let someone die, no matter how terrible and not if he could help it. That wouldn't make him any better than Quaritch."

"Kayla, I don't think you're hearing what I'm trying to say. Spider saved the man who promised he'd come after me and kill my whole family if I didn't kill him!"

Kayla's physical fangs made an appearance as she placed the blame entirely on a third party, "Then maybe you should've done a better job at killing him! I was there, Jake! I heard him loud and clear."

She finally closed the distance, prodding an angry finger into the center of Jake's chest as she seethes out, "You don't get to tell me how to parent. You don't even know how to parent, so you don't get to tell me when and where I can protect Spider. You can't even protect him from your own wife, so why should I trust that you have his best interest at heart?"

Moving around him, she definitely shoulder checks him on the way back into the marui, unaware of the wince that briefly succumbed his face, but he didn't react apart from that. He didn't even turn around. He only listened to the sound of her stomping feet, growing further and further away from him.

Kayla was on a mission as she sped back to the marui, only stopping her charge when Spider cut off her path, the human teen storming away as both Kiri and Lo'ak were seen exiting the kelku to chase after him, "Spider, wait!"

Kayla panics a little inside when Spider doesn't even react to his friends calling out for him. She reached out and gently grabbed his shoulder before he escaped too far, "Heyheyhey-- Spider? What's wrong--"

"Just leave me alone!" He screams and Kayla's instant reaction is to let go of his shoulder as if she had injured him. She took a step back like she had been shocked, frozen as she caught a glimpse of his face through his breathing mask, seeing the obvious red cheeks and angry tears uncontrollably slipping down his young face. 

Kayla tried her best to relax, regain her patience, and hide her anger toward her brother so Spider wouldn't misunderstand. Breathing deeply, in and out, she tried to speak in her best, soothing voice, "... Okay."

At first, Spider looked shocked before it immediately melts into anger and frustration, his teeth seething out his aggravation as he glared at her, "Shit-- Why do you have to be so understanding?!"

"I just-- I want to help you, kiddo--"

"Just leave me alone! Please!"

He had raced off without ever giving himself the satisfaction of seeing Kayla's expression crumble into defeat. Kiri approached her aunt at this moment, briefly grabbing her hand as she moved to follow her oldest friend, "I got this, Auntie. Spider, wait!"

Kiri continues to chase after the human teen, while Kayla helplessly watches them both eventually disappear into the center of the village, beyond her sight. 

Spider wasn't expecting Kiri to continue following him. He thought he'd lose her in the village, but by the time he reached the edge of the jungle and moved further in, he knew his attempt to escape detection was futile. Eventually, he caves in and waits for his friend to catch up, all the while he tries to calm down, his conflicted emotions fueling his panicked, harsh breathing.

"Please, Kiri, just go--"

"Sucks for you, Monkey Boy, 'cause I'm not going anywhere," Kiri immediately starts off when she finally caught up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "We just got you back--"

Spider huffs in disinterest, "After how long? Weeks? Months? Why couldn't-- Why didn't--"

Kiri could see Spider struggle with his next words. She could tell how angry, betrayed, and confused he was trying to express, and eventually, she figured out what he was trying to say and managed to voice his questions for him, "Why did we run instead of going to look for you?"

He didn't say anything, just trying to catch his breath. His silence was answering enough for the Na'vi girl as she continued, "I wanted to. Badly. But Dad believed you would be safer as long as you were away from us. And if we left, you would be even safer."

"That's bullshit." He glowered, still seething behind his mask.

Kiri's ears lower, a sentiment she felt in regard to Spider's statement. She had once thought the same when her father relayed that same excuse to her when he first told her that it was impossible to save Spider and that they were leaving the Omatikaya.  

She nods in agreement, "... Only a little. Dad thought that if we took off, then you couldn't tell the Sky People where we were."

The betrayal wins over control of Spider's expression, staring up at her with such pain and disbelief, "I would never--"

"I know. I know," she was quick to reassure while taking another step closer. She managed to pull him further toward her until her arms were fully wrapped around him, her chin resting on the top of his head. She lowered her voice to something soft and soothing, "I wish we tried harder, Spider. I really do, and I'm so sorry."

She moves her hand up to gently grasp the back of his head, "But Kayla didn't give up. No, she stayed in the forest and kept looking for you, even after we had left for the ocean. She was so determined to find you, especially after she earned her ikran. Dad said that she even wanted to go after you, alone, when they heard you were sited at reef villages in the south."

Silence followed and if he currently wasn't standing stone-stiff in her arms, Kiri would've thought he had fallen asleep. The sounds of the flora and fauna around them were calming all of Kiri's senses, and she tried to bleed that feeling into Spider, gently tightening her grip around him.

Finally, Spider caves in, his shoulders slouching in defeat until he finally allows himself to lean into his best friend's embrace. His thoughts sounded far away as he spoke, "I... I wish she found me sooner."

The words haunt Kiri, her mind trying to wrap around everything that those words could possibly mean. She squeezes him a little tighter as she mumbles into his hair, "Spider... what did they do to you?"

Silence filled the air once more until he managed to settle on one word, "Nothing."

Kiri pulled away and Spider winced thinking he had upset her. But she doesn't move very far, only so that she can meet his eyes, her hands resting on both of his shoulders, "War orphans stick together, remember? You're my brother, Spider. You may not be able to see it, but I wholeheartedly believe that. You can tell me no living being will ever know."

He wanted to tell her everything. So badly it almost felt like it could burst out of his chest at any moment. He wanted to share certain parts he initially left out when he tried catching her and Lo'ak up on everything he had seen while captured. He wanted to explain why he has nightmares, and why he's afraid of waking up in a cold, sterile room. He wanted to tell Kiri that he saved Quaritch for more than just pity or kindness. How the man, no matter how terrible, saved Spider's life more than once, or at least saved the boy from unimaginable pain and torture.

The thought of those white lab coats immediately sends Spider's mind into a spiral. That awful, bright, and blinding machine, spinning rapidly around his head, his eyes forced open to watch as he began to feel the blood drip down his nose... his memories forcefully being ripped away from him...

The only thing that stops his nightmares from continuing is the thought of Quaritch, the man who stopped that machine from eating away at the boy's mind.

Spider wanted to tell Kiri everything... but the fear of her not being able to understand was much stronger, "I... I can't... I'm sorry."

She squeezed his shoulders reassuringly, "Don't be."

"No, Kiri--" He corrected himself, letting out a shaking breath, "I'm sorry for letting Quaritch go. Neteyam-- Quaritch-- He held a knife to your throat."

"And my mother held a knife to yours. We're even."

It was meant to be a joke, but it quickly fell flat on her tongue once his posture changed right before the last of the sentence even left her lips. He bristled like a scared cat, eyes hard with a flat tone of voice that made Kiri instantly regret her words, "That's not funny."

"You're right. I'm sorry..."

He pulled away despite the hurt expression on her face. He pointedly avoids looking her in the eyes, "I think I need some space... please..."

"Okay. Just... whatever you decide to do, at least tell us first... Please?"

"Yeah... okay..."

~~~~~~~~~

Surprisingly, Spider finds himself alone for the first time in who knows how long, sitting comfortably up on a large branch while watching day turn into night over the entire island. He's met with the familiar silence he often found himself in back at home in the Hallelujah Mountains, but lately, he hadn't been familiar with the concept. It was likely that the last time he was by himself was when he found Quaritch at the bottom of the ocean and lifted him up to the surface. Ever since then, he was always in the company of someone else, either Kayla or the Sullys.

He wasn't sure if he liked it or not, if he was being honest with himself. He wasn't sure if it was because of his time spent with the Recoms, but it almost felt as though everyone in this village was keeping a close eye on him, even the Sullys, people he knew he used to trust with every fiber of his being... but now that trust has been questioned. 

He wasn't blind. He noticed how on edge Kayla always appeared when he and Neytiri were in the same room. 

He didn't want to believe he was a hostage, especially not with his childhood friends and companions... but it honestly didn't feel that different compared to when he was with the Deja Blue Squad. Spider didn't want to make a comparison, but much like the Sullys, Quaritch never let him out of his sight.

So, he took this breath of freedom to his full advantage, climbing from tree to tree, swinging from branch to branch until his arms and legs ached. He felt alive again, even laughing to himself. When he finally sat down to watch darkness slowly encompass the island and the bioluminescence come to life, he was able to finally breathe his own air, even if it was only through his mask. A moment of freedom, to be himself without walking on eggshells around everyone he was with. Then again, he knows it's not real freedom knowing that no matter where he went, he was stuck on this island with the Sullys, and maybe they knew that, too, which is why they're letting him believe he's alone, even if only for the night.

The paranoia was going to eat him alive, he was sure of it. The fact that he could no longer blindly trust the family he's always desperately wanted to be a part of was killing him. And now that they knew he spared Quaritch's life... he felt as though he could never let his guard down around them ever again. 

Apart from Kayla. Spider felt safe enough around her to believe she'd understand, and she did. She didn't fault him for his choice when he initially told her. Kayla was the only one who didn't truly understand the full extent of Spider's parentage, even though she had been told, but since she wasn't ever hurt by Quaritch the way everyone else who lived on Pandora before her was, she didn't have that pain that kept her from fully accepting Spider. 

Not that it was any excuse to neglect a child for the sins of their father. Spider knew that. He knew it was wrong, the way he had been treated, but up until recently, he couldn't fault anyone for it... or maybe he just never let himself believe he could on the off chance everyone would fully accept him one day. 

Hearing Kiri talk about how Kayla never gave up on him, how she searched for him relentlessly even when she had no reason to, made Spider feel both relieved and guilty. Relieved that there was at least someone out there who pitied him enough to know that he didn't deserve this and needed to be rescued, but guilty that she had to be the one to do so. She wasn't family to him. She had no ties to Spider and no reason to care for his safety and well-being, but she did, nevertheless. He wasn't sure how to feel about an adult who didn't have any familial relations to him all of a sudden give a damn about him, mainly because he didn't want it to be out of pity. 

Kayla clearly wasn't his mother. Spider had a picture of his mother taped to the ceiling above his bunk when he was living with his foster family for years. He knew his mother's face and he knew her name. Kayla wasn't Paz Socorro, back from the dead. 

... But he would be lying to himself if he didn't think about it. He had wondered a time or two if Paz were alive, would she be like Kayla? Worse? Better? He didn't know when he started comparing his mother to Kayla, but once he realized that he was, he was ashamed of himself and forced himself to stop. Spider didn't have a mother anymore. He wished he did, and that's why he knew he was allowing Kayla to look out for him a little too much.

In the eyes of the Na'vi, he could be considered an adult... but he wasn't Na'vi, as much as it pained him to admit it. He was human, and from what he's learned, kids his age barely had to worry about anything past schoolwork and who was going to take them to prom... whatever that was. He heard Kayla mention a prom once but wasn't fully listening. Whatever it was, it made Norm and Jake laugh, reminiscing their old human lives back on Earth for a little bit.

Kayla was a firm reminder that Spider was a human child and should be able to act as such. She's been trying to drill that into all their heads, adults and children alike. She wasn't exactly hiding it as she continued to berate how Jake parents his children and how he makes them grow up too quickly. Spider admired her for that... but almost despised it whenever she came to his defense because he knew he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to be treated or coddled like a kid... not after what he did.

He didn't deserve to be loved and cared for.

He sucked in a sharp breath, horrified by his own thoughts. Suddenly he was too scared to be left alone, and so he raced through the jungle and back to the direction of the village. 

It was late, so he thought if he snuck into Kayla's kelku, she would be asleep and he wouldn't have to try and explain himself. The thought of her catching him after he snuck out was both terrifying and... strangely domestic. He actually felt himself smile at the idea of Kayla berating and lecturing him for sneaking out and not coming back until the late hours of the night.

But that didn't happen. Instead, when Spider walked into the marui he'd been calling home for a little while now, Kayla was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. To ignore his conflicted emotions, he took the time to fish out his rations when his stomach rumbled in protest. He takes a deep breath as he switches his breathing mask out for the cannula nose tubes that are always stashed inside the exo-pack for emergencies, slowly breathing back out and in through his nose once he feels the familiar tickling feeling of oxygen run through his nostrils. 

He eats his dinner in silence, looking around the marui to find that Kayla's failed project of a "bookshelf" is still lying there, looking pathetic. His chewing slowed as he remembered how embarrassed and frustrated she looked when she wasn't able to make this pod feel "homey." He had been confused by her attempt to make this place feel more comfortable and home-like, and now, after everything Kiri told him, Spider wondered if Kayla was trying to do all this for him? For his sake?

It was suddenly hard to swallow his food and Spider relinquished the idea of eating, setting his rations aside and brushing his hands together. Something settles in his mind, determined and unrelenting. He forced himself not to overthink as he marched over to the sad excuse for a plank of wood and lifted it up, inspecting it. No, he wasn't known for putting together furniture that didn't come with instructions, but he wasn't thinking about it anyway. He was pretty sure the shelf was a lost cause and he could show Kayla how to properly decorate a Na'vi home tomorrow. But for now, he fetched his knife and began to carve out a small shape into the wood.

He had been crouched over his small project when Kayla had finally returned home, exhausted and after nearly spending all night worrying herself sick over the kid she placed in her care. She stopped in the entryway, however, when she recognized the small human painted in blue stripes, casually working on something in his hands whilst he rested on the heels of his feet, as if he had never left. Spider looked up at her entrance, and when Kayla peered down, she noticed his knife in one hand and a small, rounded bead in the other.

Sighing in relief, she stepped forward and knelt beside the teen, reaching out to gently hold the back of his head but stopped once she reminded herself not to do so. She pulled her hand back and Spider watched her carefully, trying not to appear cautious or worse, appear as though he wanted Kayla to reach out and comfort him.

"Spider..." She eyes him down with a careful inspection until she's satisfied that he's not physically hurt, "Are you okay?"

He nodded because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to lie properly if he spoke up.

Kayla relents after that, leaning back and breathing out another sigh. He goes back to work on his bead once he realizes she won't be asking any further questions. She watched him work instead, now curious once he successfully finished the bead and was now moving on to adding it to a familiar piece he kept on his loincloth.

"Is that your songcord?" She asked.

Spider nodded again, "Yeah."

"It's beautiful. What's the significance behind the new one?" She indicated to the new bead.

Spider paused, trying to figure out how to answer without actually giving it away. He briefly found himself glancing back over at the bookshelf he left in the corner of the room, the one Kayla had tried to make with her bare hands, the one she was trying to use to make Spider feel more at home, the one that now had a chuck missing because Spider wanted to commemorate it onto his songcord. Finally, he answered what he knew would be vague, but it was still the truth, 

"Safety." 

He bowed his head in shame, following up with a soft mutter under his voice, "I'm sorry."

With his songcord forgotten, she somehow knew he was talking about the events that transpired today and she immediately reassured him, "You have nothing to be sorry for, Spider."

"Yes, I do. I was such a jerk. Like you said-- you're only trying to help me. But I keep getting you in trouble with Jake--"

"Nope," she immediately shut that thought process down, anger blooming inside her, but not because of the teenager in front of her. She made sure her reassurance was heard loud and clear, firm and confident, "You're not. What Jake and I have going on has absolutely nothing to do with you, kid."

He carefully peered up at her, "... Family differences?"

She snorts dryly, "That's putting it lightly."

"Still. It's a little annoying that you won't accept an apology from me. You're a bit too understanding."

Kayla smirked, "Tough."

"I'm almost convinced I could get away with murder in front of you."

"I mean-- If it's necessary..." he's startled into laughing and Kayla smiles at the sight. She finally gains the courage to reach over and pat his knee, "I'm only human. To be human is to be flawed."

His laughter dies down, but the humor remains. He flashes a fox-like grin, his voice teasing, "Sucks for you humans, doesn't it?"

Kayla laughed through her nose as she feigned a stern, motherlike voice, "Okay, smartass, go to your room."

"This is my room!"

~~~~~~~~~

Kayla wasn't sure if Neytiri had been told that Spider saved Quaritch, but just in case, Kayla made sure that Spider was nowhere near the Na'vi woman and none the wiser so he could enjoy a good fishing lesson with the Sully kids and Tsireya.

Well, the Sully kids minus Lo'ak. Jake decided it would be a good idea for his son to join the adults in this discussion, much to Kayla's distaste. She wasn't sure if Jake was just being petty and rubbing it in her face, or if he genuinely believed that Lo'ak was grown up now and needed to be a part of this instead of being outside and hanging around other Na'vi his age. 

Nevertheless, as Kayla stands near Lo'ak in their family marui, Neytiri tries discussing what measures they'll need to take to send Spider home and Jake silently listens. Kayla made the smart choice to keep Spider away from the kelku today as Neytiri was nearly ready to go out on a tirade... hence why Kayla stood close to the door. Neytiri wanted to scream and curse when she initially discovered who was responsible for Quaritch's life, and then she proceeded to ramble about sending Spider back to the Forest, whether to leave him with the Omatikaya or have the Sky People deal with him.  Whichever option they choose, Neytiri follows up with the comment that Spider couldn't stay here anyway because he will run out of much-needed resources soon.

While Kayla knows that Neytiri is just trying to get rid of him, the Na'vi woman makes an excellent point. Spider needs human food, medicine, and of course other supplies such as spare masks, none of which are provided here and are limited to what she had stashed away in her own marui.

"What if they capture Spider again?" Jake tried to reason with his wife, though it wasn't for the same reason as Kayla, which angered his sister, "Now that he's been to this village, he'll know where to lead the Sky People for the next assault because they're not going to stop just because we took out the Recoms."

Kayla snarled, her arms tightening around her chest as she glared at Jake, "Spider didn't give away the Omatikaya and he's not going to give away the Metkayina."

"Of course, he would!" Neytiri hissed back, pointing an accusatory finger at Kayla before Jake could retaliate, "He's the reason my son was--"

"No, Mom. It was me," all eyes turned to Lo'ak and the poor boy looked as though he was holding back tears. His voice shook as he forced himself to continue, "I convinced Neteyam to stay and help me save Spider. If... If Neteyam didn't come with me, it would've been me instead. I had the gun. It should've been me."

Kayla carefully turned back to catch Jake and Neytiri's reaction, and she was not disappointed. Both of Lo'ak's parents appeared horrified, staring down at their son as if he said the most horrific thing imaginable. 

Lo'ak lowered his gaze, not wanting to read into what their expressions meant, whether his parents were horrified that he got his brother killed or if they were horrified that he would blame himself and wish the roles were reversed. Either way, he couldn't stand being in that room for a second longer, sheepishly tilting his head toward the exit as he peered up at Kayla, "Auntie... can I talk with you outside for a minute?"

She nods and doesn't spare a second glance at Jake and Neytiri as she follows her nephew out of the marui. She thought they were just going to step right outside the home, but didn't question it when Lo'ak decided to lead her further away.

Once they were walking along the beach, Kayla decided to be the first to address why he brought her here, "What's up, kiddo?"

"I... wanted to thank you for what you said to my dad yesterday. You stood up for me."

Kayla stopped in her tracks, dread prickling down her body, "You heard that?"

Lo'ak weakly chuckles, "You weren't exactly quiet. I didn't mean to snoop, I swear."

She paused to think about this before realization hit her, remembering how Spider stormed out the second she returned from her argument with Jake, "Was Spider listening, too?"

The Na'vi teen's ears lowered as shame crossed his features, nodding with hesitancy, "Spider... he was pissed at me."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't angry at him."

Even that statement shocked her, tilting her head down to him, "You're not?"

"No, I..." Lo'ak exhaled slowly, guilt wracking through his mind while forcing himself to speak, "I want to hate him... I want to be angry at him for letting that monster live."

"But you're not."

"No. I'm not."

"Why?"

"I don't know," when she appeared unimpressed by that answer, he simply shook his head, "I'm serious. I don't."

She watches her nephew for a moment, his mannerisms as he looks down at his feet to hide away from the world. Slowly, she opened her mouth, "I might know. Because you already lost one brother and you can't afford to lose another."

Lo'ak's head shoots up in her direction, yellow eyes wide with eyebrows scrunching together. Kayla watched as his face began to crumble and shatter before she took a step forward and gathered the boy in her arms, shushing him softly as Lo'ak's body was wracked with soft, silent sobs.

He held on tightly to her, his voice so quiet and small, "I want to wake up, Auntie. This all feels like a bad dream; something I can't wake from. It hurts all the time and it won't stop. It should've been me... I wanted it to be me..."

"Lo'ak-- hey... hey. No," she softly comforts, her heart breaking at the state of her nephew, scared of what he was saying about himself but trying to be supportive, "Don't say that. You don't mean it."

"But I do! I convinced him to come with me to save Spider! He would still be here if it weren't for me!"

"Do you regret it?"

His cries stutter for a moment, shocked by the question as he tilts his head up, "What?"

"Do you regret saving Spider?"

"N-No."

She pushes back the stray braids he kept on one side of his head, "Even though he saved the man who was behind your brother's death?"

"I don't get it. Why are you trying to make me angry?"

"I'm not, I swear," she shook her head as her eyes started to warm and blur, the sight of her nephew so broken and grieving was a harsh reminder of the other nephew she lost, "I'm just saying... if you don't regret it, then I'd say it was worth it, and I'm sure Neteyam would, too. The fact that you would rather trade places with Neteyam than regret saving Spider tells me you don't blame Spider for what happened."

Her words both shattered and mended his heart, his cries slowing down with silent tears still running down his face. He squeezed her waist before letting go, stepping back to wipe his eyes, his breathing still shaking as he nodded, "Spider's my brother, too."

Kayla smiled gently even as her own tears slipped down her cheeks undetected, "Do you think Neteyam felt the same?"

"I think so. I just... wish nothing happened the way it did. One of the last things I said to 'Teyam before everything went to shit was how determined I was to save Payakan because he's my brother. Neteyam probably hated me for that..."

"He didn't. I'm sure of it."

Lo'ak huffed quietly, taking one hand and clasping it over his opposite elbow, "You don't understand..."

"How come?"

"Because you've never lost a brother."

Kayla's eyes widen, feeling as though she had just been slapped in the face, "Lo'ak... has your father never told you anything about your Uncle Tom?"

"N... No?"

She had never, not once, ever felt the kind of rage that just rolled in her gut, rumbling like a cornered animal. Kayla would later pat herself on the back for how quickly she had managed to shift her face into a clean slate before Lo'ak even noticed the shift in her eyes. Instead, she keeps her voice leveled, "You should ask him. Because I can tell you right now... he and I know exactly how you feel."

Either Lo'ak didn't catch onto what she was saying, or he was wise not to venture further into that viper nest. While his sobs had vanished, one stray tear still managed to slip past his detection, "Brothers forever. We should have been brothers forever..."

"Lo'ak, look at me," he does so, barely blinking when she reaches down to wipe away the tear. She managed a smile, one that showed her age as she expressed what she's known for a very long time, "The word 'forever' is not meant for people. People can't live forever. 'You know what does live forever? Memories. Stories. Songs. Those last forever, just as long as there's someone who will remember them. You and Neteyam will always be brothers, forever, even when you're no longer around, as long as there are still people here who remember you. Okay?"

~~~~~~~~~

The communal meal that night was lively and honestly, it was something the Sullys needed. For the time being, they kept the newest sign of danger to themselves and Kayla hoped that it wouldn't eventually bite them in the back. She knew eventually she and Jake would have to tell Ronal and Tonowari about Quartich-- then again, she could just have Jake do it. She technically didn't need to get herself involved as her brother could speak for all of them, but somehow, she had become the spokesperson between her brother's family and the clan leaders of the Metkayina. Kayla didn't volunteer or even detested it, but one day it just happened and she's been playing along ever since. So now that the responsibility fell onto her, she had been thinking of when would be a good time to speak to Ronal and Tonowari. 

Now would definitely not suffice as Kayla spots the clan leaders across the way, toward the head of the line of Na'vi eating amongst each other. Ronal and Tonowari were speaking to an elder, all serious and respectful, until Tsireya and Ao'nung joined them. Both leaders spot their children at the same time before gently dismissing the elder and moving to converse with their son and daughter, likely to hear about how their day went. Kayla watched openly, knowing that neither of the clan leaders could see her from her spot. It was a bit cowardly to watch them when she knew she wouldn't be caught, but she allowed herself to be selfish in this moment.

That is, until Jake interrupted her. He hadn't noticed what his sister was distracted by as he moved to sit beside her with his plate of food in hand. Once he's crouched next to her, the spell is broken and Kayla is suddenly aware of his presence and pointedly only staring down at her meal laid out in front of her. 

Jake takes a moment to settle in before speaking at a low level, "Whatever you said to Lo'ak... thank you. He looked more lively than before."

She hummed, unimpressed, "Believe me, he would've looked better if it was you."

"Yeah, well... according to you, I don't say the right things."

"As a brother, sure," she shrugged, uncaring and a bit too brutal with her words. She didn't have the energy to put a filter on it, "But you can't afford to be like that when you're a father. Unless you're trying to be like our old man."

"... That was low."

Her ears pinned back against her skull, pausing the small wooden cup of water she held to her lips before taking a sip and lowering it back down, "Yeah, I guess it was. You... never told your kids about Tommy."

Jake winced, and suddenly he was aware of the storm beginning to brew as if electricity was radiating off his sister's skin. He could feel the charge and resisted the urge to move away, "... No, I haven't."

"Are you going to now?" Her question wasn't curious or sarcastic. It was surprisingly calm, but perhaps that's what made it all the more terrifying, "They might open up to you if they knew you lost a brother once, too."

Jake found himself opening his mouth despite knowing it was a bad idea. Grace always did call him a jarhead for this, among other things, "I thought you'd be angry that I never talk about him."

"Oh, believe me, I'm furious," she eyed him up with malice in her eyes, a fire that couldn't be doused by any ocean as her own voice dropped low into something quiet yet venomous, "No one gets to defile my big brother's memory like that. No one. How would you feel if Lo'ak decided to never mention Neteyam again? How do you think his sisters would feel?"

Jake watched her face with what could be described as guilt, "You're right..."

And there they were again. At a stalemate. For a moment, things looked as though everything would get better between siblings. Now, it was back to square one. Kayla thought she could move on from what she felt regarding her brother, but when she's always so close to forgiving him, something always reels her back. Kayla was sure he was tired of this as much as she was, but neither one has been able to find equal footing, no matter how hard they tried to mend what's been broken.

Instead of trying to mend it even further, Kayla spoke as if she was resigned to it, "I'm sorry it's come to this."

He didn't need to ask. He knew what she meant, and he nodded in agreement, "Me, too. I was out of line the other day."

"You were scared. It's hard to blame you..." She shrugged, "Quaritch is still out there. He's your demon as much as Ardmore is mine."

Jake processed that for a moment, staring off into space before letting out a long sigh through his nose, "Well, the good news is we have the element of surprise. Quaritch doesn't know about you."

He didn't miss the way her tail rose to alertness or the way her ears suddenly moved to attention. She even looked guilty, eyebrows scrunched together as she cringed, trying to hide her face behind her drink as she spoke,

"Jake... Quaritch knew who I was."

He was just as alert now, "What?"

"On the ship, when we were fighting, he found out who I was."

"How?"

She reached for her collar, gently grasping the chain around her neck before lifting it up into the air, letting her dog tags slip out from underneath her crop top. They glimmer faintly in the firelight as Jake reads her name from the tags loud and clear in his head. 

"You were wearing them?"

"Old habits die hard."

Jake couldn't argue with that. He knows he was just as guilty about old habits. His hand rose to rub his eyes when he felt the muscles in his brows twitch from stress, "... I guess we're all going to have to be careful then."

"That's an understatement."

~~~~~~~~~

Another nightmare. Another night of trying to convince himself he was safe. Spider doesn't like the fact that Kayla is always so willing to talk to him about it, even though he knows that she's just doing her best. He knows he'll eventually have to talk about it, but for now, he'll continue to wake from his nightmares and refuse to talk about them when Kayla asks about them at the moment. 

This particular night was bad, worse than the rest, and by morning, Spider was definitely short with his tone and his patience. He kept to himself, not willing to talk or indulge anyone by proxy. Kayla decided that further irritating him wouldn't be a good solution, so she offered to leave while he stayed in the marui, stewing with his ill temper.

Kiri must have tried to draw him out because a short while after trying to talk to Spider, she found her aunt in the shallow water of the reef and helped her with the net she was throwing out while she shared her concern, 

"He was tortured... wasn't he?"

Kayla glanced at Kiri out of the corner of her eye, wishing she could lie to her. The only reason she didn't was because Kiri already looked confident that she knew the answer. As young as she was, she had already been through so much-- she wasn't naive about the world, which hurt to admit.

Kayla returned to her task, taking a deep breath, "Yes, I'm pretty sure he was. But he hasn't said anything to me."

"Not to mention what my mom did to him..."

It honestly shocked Kayla that it took this long to have this conversation with Kiri. She had secretly dreaded this moment that would eventually have to happen with her niece, knowing that it would be hard to comfort her while also trying to explain her mother's actions as neutral as possible, despite her own opinion, "That woman who held a knife to Spider's throat... that wasn't your mother, sweetheart."

"You haven't spoken to her very much." Kiri simply states.

Kayla's lips drew a thin line, "No."

Not only that, but Kayla had been actively avoiding Neytiri, only tolerating the other woman's presence if she knew Spider would be forced into the same vicinity as her. Kayla knew it wasn't entirely Neytiri's fault and it wasn't fair to blame all of Spider's trauma on her, but it was easier.

Kiri accepted her aunt's short reply before quietly admitting out loud, "I was scared."

"Of your mom?"

"Yes, but mostly for Spider. For years, I tried to convince myself that my mom loved Spider in her own way, and I tried to convince Spider, too. But then she held a knife--" She winced, lightly hitting the palm of her hand against her forehead, "I feel so stupid--"

"You're not stupid, Kiri," Kayla quickly reached out to take her niece's hand, drawing it away from her face, "You're an optimist. That doesn't make you stupid. Listen. Your parents love you. They'll do anything for you."

"Yeah," the thought of all those dead bodies, the fire, the explosions, the sinking of the ship, and of course, the fear in Spider's eyes, "That's what scares me."

"It is a scary thought... but I understand how they feel. I mean-- I know I'd do anything for you kids now, as cheesy as it sounds."

"It's not cheesy," Kiri faintly smiles, "You're family, Auntie. We know you only want what's best for us."

"Yeah?" She huffs in amusement, "Someone should tell your father that."

"Would... Would you have done the same thing? If you were in my mother's place?"

Kayla peered up at the sky, a little thrown off by the question but wasn't at all surprised that Kiri was curious. She had never thought about it before if she was in her brother's position. If she was in Neytiri's position.

"I'm not sure I can imagine being in your mom's place, sweetheart. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a son. It's possible Neytiri wasn't entirely aware of her actions. Or she was. Who knows? I just know one thing. If it were me, Spider would've never been in harm's way to begin with, I promise you that."

Kiri tilts her head up and watches the sky with her aunt, not entirely at peace, but content, "I think I can live with that answer."

~~~~~~~~~

Another nightmare and Spider couldn't take it anymore. He needed to tell someone something, and if it wasn't about what he endured within Bridgehead, then it could at least be something useful. After all, while the Recoms were learning how to be a Na'vi from him, Spider had been learning a thing or two from the Sky People as well.

He searched and found Jake and Kayla on top of the large mangrove trees, attending to their ikran, not wanting their banshees to feel neglected and unloved while they lived their new lives on the water. Everyone with eyes can see that the older Sully siblings are at odd ends with each other, but that's nothing new to Spider and the family. It wasn't any different from when Kayla first arrived on Pandora, so... even though it wasn't anything new, it was a little concerning that she and Jake were still at odds with one another. Although, maybe they were trying to get past it as they tasked themselves with the ikran.

Kayla smiled to herself while running a single hand down Thena's snout before she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Looking up, her alertness melts into an open-minded smile once she realizes who it is, "Hey, Spider."

Jake looks up at Spider's name and nods in a short greeting before the boy steps closer, hesitant, "I... have to tell you guys something. I know why the Sky People are back. I know why they're here and I know what they're after."

Despite their disagreements, Jake and Kayla are still very much the first generation of Sullys on Pandora as they both turn to look at each other at the same time, then proceed to do the same as they look back at Spider.

"We already know they want to take this world as their own," Kayla replied.

Spider simply shook his head, "It's more than that."

Jake's eyebrows furrow, "They're not mining again?"

"No. Worse. They're hunting tulkun with a purpose. Not just to piss off the Na'vi. There's uh... a liquid substance found in the brain matter of tulkun called Amrita. Apparently, it completely stops human aging in its tracks."

"What?" Jake frowned. 

"It's worth millions of dollars. They told me that Amrita is what's paying for RDA's whole operation on Pandora. The military, the city, the labor force..."

Jake stares off at the distance, deep in thought with a grim expression on his face. Kayla doesn't appear phased by the news, unsurprised by the Sky People's motives. When Jake turns to her, she voices her resigned thoughts, "I told you. Earth was dying by the time I left. Things must have gotten even worse since then if they were getting this desperate."

Jake watches her carefully before nodding in agreement, "The olo'eyktan and the tsahik should know about this."

"I'll talk to them," Kayla volunteers before Jake could even move. She pulls away from her ikran and moves to the human boy, an arm out to guide him forward, "Spider."

The teen followed her lead without question, and Jake couldn't avoid the wary, cautious glances both his sister and the boy managed to glance back at him before they went back to the direction of the village. He's left alone to his thoughts and his attention-seeking ikran.

When they reach the chief's marui, Kayla insists on speaking her piece first, telling both Ronal and Tonowari about who Quaritch is and why he is dangerous being left alive, then she lets Spider talk as he explains why the Sky People were after the tulkun. Both clan leaders listen to both of them intently, and when Spider mentioned witnessing the death of a familiar tulkun and her calf, Ronal's hand instinctively rests on her pregnant belly, horror slowly dawning on her face.

"My Spirit Sister and her baby were murdered... for this?"

Spider's eyes widen, unaware that the tulkun he witnessed being butchered was actually the tsahik's Spirit Sister. Guilt rattles in his chest at the thought of Ronal's distress, unaware of Tonowari's large hand gently encompassing his small shoulder until the olo'eyktan spoke,

"You have done well to bring this to our attention, boy," Tonowari spoke gently, waiting until Spider peered up at him before he gracefully nodded once down at him, "Irayo."

Spider nodded back, unable to think of anything else to say other than an apology when he saw how broken the once stern tsahik looked, "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

He says this while looking up at Ronal, whose ears pin back as she tries to contain her composure. She almost couldn't stand the pitied look the tawtute boy graced her and she had to look away. With whatever Ronal didn't say, Kayla made up for by placing her hand on Spider's other shoulder, opposite of Tonowari's,

"You did what you could, Spider," she gently consoled.

"She is right," Tonowari adds, much to Spider's surprise and Kayla's gratification, "You would have endangered yourself if you had tried putting a stop to the murder of Ro'a. You are small and have no weapons."

Spider didn't take the chief's observation of his size to heart, still caught up on the name Tonowari called the murdered tulkun. Spider didn't know her name, and somehow that made him feel worse. 

Kayla saw the look on his face and thought he was hung up on the idea of not having any weapons, "Something that I promise we will fix. Soon."

Spider simply nodded, still distracted by the memory Ro'a and her calf while absently muttering, "I miss my bow."

"We'll make a new one," Kayla squeezed his shoulder, "A better one, okay? Why don't you head back home? I'll meet you there."

He looks up at her, then Tonowari, then Ronal. He must have seen something curious as he tilted his head ever so slightly to one side. Spider looked as though he wanted to ask a question, but instead, he just nodded in agreement and moved out of Kayla and Tonowari's space, walking out of the marui while only occasionally looking back over his shoulder.

Kayla watched him leave, a little wary that she was sending him alone through the village until she couldn't see him anymore before turning back to the clan leaders. She doesn't appear phased about the fact that Ronal and Tonowari were already expectedly looking at her as she rolled her lips, 

"The other reef villages should be told the reason behind the tulkun hunting."

Tonowari bows his head once in solidarity, "I will send word."

Kayla nods and makes a step out of the pod, but she froze with one foot still in. Hesitant, she turns back to the pair, not making eye contact as she opens her mouth, "I need to bring Spider home soon. Back to the forest. He's defenseless and he needs supplies in order to survive on the reef... should he be allowed to stay here."

When she hesitantly glanced up through her eyelashes, she was met with an untelling expression on both of their faces. Ronal is the first to answer, taking a deep breath, "... Do you vouch for the boy?"

"I do."

They exchange a look that Kayla is too exhausted to decipher before Tonowari speaks as he turns back in her direction, "He's a good child. Loyal and brave. If he wants to stay here, he will need to learn our ways."

She feels a tightness in her muscles that she didn't know was there begin to deflate and relax, her lungs expanding more than usual. Her faint smile grew more, gratitude evident in her eyes, "Copy that."

Ronal purses her lips to refrain from smiling back, "Let me know when you intend to leave. I will be sure to provide any provisions you need."

"Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~

A few days flew by with not much to call home about. There was still a live mine of an aura around Neytiri, so everyone purposely kept Spider away from her. Instead, the Sully children would go to Kayla's marui to visit with him or to take him away for lessons or explorations. Spider was delighted to learn he would be taught more about the Metkayina's way of life after Kayla explained Tonowari and Ronal's acceptance of him. He didn't want to get his hopes up, knowing it sounded too good to be true, but he didn't want to let the clan leaders down, let alone Kayla, so he didn't say anything and eagerly followed Tsireya and the Sully children to any lessons they were just as eager to teach him.

Kayla tried her best not to chaperone these lessons, knowing that being a helicopter... guardian wasn't what Spider needed. So, she'd see him off every day to wherever his friends had planned for him and leave them to it, at least comforted by the fact that the Sully children wouldn't let anything happen to Spider, and Tsireya and the other reef children were starting to feel the same way.

That afternoon, she found herself running her thumb over her songcord, sitting down to finally come up with the lyrics to tell her life story. She struggled and didn't get very far by the time Tuk pranced up to her kelku.

"Hey, Auntie? Max is on the radio. He's asking for you."

Kayla smiles and gets up, placing a hand on her youngest niece's head, "Thank you, sweetness. Is your dad around?"

"He's out fishing with mom and the olo'eyktan."

"Alright. The other kids are just down the beach. Go on ahead and I'll see you later."

Tuk runs off excitedly while Kayla makes for the Sully marui. She finds herself alone when she gets there and she crouches down in front of the long-distance radio, pressing it to her lips, "This is Desert Fox, you have the green light."

"Hey, Kayla, it's Max."

"Hey, Max. Everything alright?"

"Everything's fine except for, uh... except for one thing. You haven't broken your link in a while and your body's vitals are... well, I don't feel comfortable with how low they are.  You need to come back, and I don't mean just breaking the link and waking up. I need you to bring the avatar back so I can get a proper assessment of both bodies."

She taps her finger against the talking piece as she chooses her words before responding, "Did Norm put you up to this? Normally, he's the one to call."

"Right now, Norm is... pissed off, to say the least. He figured I would have a more level head when talking to you."

"I understand," she sighs heavily, a headache already forming at the idea of having to face Norm's wrath, "I need to bring Spider back anyway. Tell Norm we'll be there tomorrow at about 1600."

"Copy that. Over and out."

~~~~~~~~~

When Tuk had mentioned Max's call to her father, Jake couldn't afford to wait to hear from Kayla about it and went looking for her, concern at the front of his mind. He finds her in her marui and stands in the doorway with hesitance when he notices the bags full of necessities on the floor in front of him. Kayla looked up as she was neatly placing Spider's rations in an easily accessible pouch, to which Jake's ears fell,

"Are you... packing?"

She nods, "Max had called while you were out. He says I've been away too long. I'll take Thena and fly back in the morning."

"Oh... are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I gotta go back. I shouldn't have stayed away from my human form for this long, you know that. I'll take Spider with me." 

When Jake flinches and looks as though he wants to argue she immediately adds, "He needs to recuperate and Norm and the others need to see him. They've been so worried, Jake. You need to share the boy with the people who actually raised him."

"No, it's fine. I understand that part. It's just... with Quaritch out there... and now that he knows who you are... it doesn't feel right. He'll have every reason to take both you and Spider."

"I can take care of Spider and myself. I've handled worse than Quaritch, and he wouldn't harm Spider. I'll bring him back, but for the time being, he needs to go home and I need to stretch my human legs."

"So you will come back?"

There's a hesitance in his voice, a small hopeful tone that makes Kayla look away out of awkwardness, "Jake..."

"Right," he corrects himself with a nod, "Don't talk about it."

"No. Do talk about it. But not to me," she managed a small glare in his direction, "I'll come back and I better hear that you and Lo'ak talked."

"About what exactly?"

"Jesus Christ-- Anything, Jake," she snarls out of frustration, staring up at the ceiling as if begging Eywa to clean her brother's ears, "Everything. And make sure he knows that he's not just a replacement."

His eyebrows furrow as a growing need to defend himself begins to form, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean... when exactly did you first start to See Lo'ak? Before or after his brother's death?" Jake's eyes slowly widened as his sister's words bore a hole in his chest. Kayla makes sure her disapproval shows as she continues, "He might not think your parenting is genuine at the moment because you're probably just nurturing Neteyam through him."

"Shit. Okay. I'll talk to him... Are we good?" He motions a finger between the two of them.

"We're getting there," she answered simply, not in the mood to open up another can of worms before she had to leave. She didn't want to say how long it might take for her to finally see eye-to-eye with Jake, but she wanted to. Not enjoying the silence that lingered after her short reply, she took a steady breath in and out of her nose, gaining the courage to look up at him, "Do you... want me to tell everyone about Neteyam?"

His eyes widen a fraction more before he averts his gaze, the broken expression almost unbearable for his sister to see as he stares off at the wall beside him, "If... If you could. I understand if you don't want to."

"It's fine. Leave it to me."

~~~~~~~~~

Thena wasn't overjoyed by all the weight she would have to carry over the ocean, and she showed her distaste by gently nibbling Kayla's shin as her rider was strapping the bags of supplies onto her back.

"Ah," Kayla hissed as she moves her leg out of her ikran's reach, batting her softly with the end of her tail, "Frickin' drama queen. You're going home so quit complaining."

The banshee squawked in retaliation, shaking her neck before huffing loudly through her nostrils as Kayla would say-- dramatically. The ikran was resting on the beach of the village with a small crowd of Metkayina standing around to see Kayla and Spider off, their friends and family included. 

Jake was on the other side of Thena, pulling and testing out the saddle, harness, and straps to ensure a safe flight, "Remember to take more frequent stops on the way back. She's not used to carrying so much for such a long distance."

"You got it."

"Still got your compass?"

"Check," she expresses as she indicates to the mentioned object, resting against her leg at the end of her songcord.

"Alright. Fly safe. Have Norm radio us when you get there."

He makes a step toward Kayla, then stops, his hands hesitating at his side before he just decides on firmly nodding. It almost looked as though he was going in to hug her, but decided against it when her shoulders hunched up at the idea. The siblings awkwardly stare at one another before Kayla walks around him and mutters, "See you later."

"Yeah..."

She moves to join Spider where he stands in the sand, his arms folded in front of him as he cautiously watches the Sully children out of the corner of his eye. Kayla peers over at her nieces and nephew, and can see how downtrodden they look, watching both her and Spider. 

She offers them an encouraging smile before standing before the human teen. Kayla pinches the bottom of Spider's mask where his chin would be, making him look up at her as she gently whispered, "Hey. We'll be coming back sooner than later. I promise it won't be long. So chin up and go tell them that you'll see them soon. You don't have to say goodbye."

Slowly, he nods and walks away, toward Lo'ak, Tuk, and Kiri. Kayla watched as the siblings all surrounded Spider in a warm, tight hug before she heard the sand moving behind her. Turning around, she was met with Ronal and Tonowari approaching her, and she courteously greeted them by pressing her fingers to her forehead and lowering her hand down in their direction.

Tonowari mimics the motion to her as well with his free hand, his other one gripping his tall harpoon. The olo'eyktan kept a straight face, though Kayla was getting better at reading his eyes, those light blue orbs with specks of green. While he appeared to stand tall and proud over his people, his eyes told a different story, at least to Kayla. She could see a small hesitance in his gaze, trying to remain strong as he solemnly addressed her,

"Safe travels, Makayla te Suli tsmuke te Toruk Makto. Your home here will anxiously await your return."

Kayla bows her head respectfully, forcing down any color threatening to spread up her face. Her eyes dart to the woman standing next to him, catching Ronal's green orbs with specks of gold. The tsahik kept her face firm and blank, though her eyes briefly glanced Kayla up and down in a way that sent the avatar woman down a tunnel of yearning. Ronal's gaze alone was almost enough for Kayla to change her mind and decide to stay on the island for another week.

She quickly regained her words when her mind stuttered, her lips feeling dry as she spoke quietly, "Thank you, ma olo'eyktan. Ma tsahik."

It took a lot of willpower not to step back as Ronal boldly stepped into Kayla's space, grasping the avatar woman's hand in both of her larger ones. Kayla retained eye contact with the tsahik, trying not to crumble under the heat radiating off of the other woman's body, or at the very least, try not to visibly show how both of the clan leaders' presence affected her. 

Ronal didn't even blink at this violation of unspoken space between them, lowering her voice for only Kayla to hear, "Eywa ngahu."

Kayla did her best to swallow her nerves and smiled ever so slightly once the words translated into her head. Almost regretfully, she finally steps away from Ronal, gently pulling her hand out of hers and swiftly turning her back to walk toward her ikran. Even as she walked away, Kayla could feel two pairs of eyes on her, causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up, but in a more... exciting and promising way. Not like the discomfort she once felt when the clan leaders had first laid eyes on her.

Spider had already finished talking to the Sully children and patiently waited for Kayla beside Thena... but at a safe distance since the ikran was eyeing him a little funny. He wasn't entirely watching Kayla as she approached him, his eyes distractedly flicking between her and the clan leaders watching her depart. He doesn't say a word as Kayla encourages him to climb onto the banshee. He does so, while repeatedly looking back curiously at Ronal and Tonowari. Kayla followed him up onto her ikran's back as she reached her tswin out to form tsaheylu with her loyal steed. Kayla looks around the crowd one last time, from her brother and his family to the clan leaders who had accepted her into their village. She looked away and got comfortable on the saddle, making sure Spider was hanging onto Thena's neck from where he was situated in front of Kayla before ordering in her head for the ikran to take flight.

~~~~~~~~~

By the time the island of Awa'atlu disappeared behind them, Kayla and Spider silently prepared for their long journey ahead. They had to find rock cliffs all throughout the flight so that Thena could rest, more times than when Kayla first flew her out over the ocean, but neither avatar nor human complained, taking the breaks to stretch their legs before they would eventually have to hop onto Thena's back once more.

It was getting dark by the time they began to glide over vast trees and floating mountains, but the world of Pandora was just as bright at night as it was during the day, if not more beautiful, so Thena had no problems as she flew up higher into the Hallelujah Mountains, already knowing her way home.

Even though the mountain appeared inconspicuous, Kayla knew they were at the right spot. She heard a horn blow before she even noticed a single Na'vi, but once the horn had sounded, a chorus of yips and cheers gave away the High Camp's position. A cave was spotted along with torches beginning to light up to beckon her in the right direction, so Kayla grasped Spider's shoulder and instructed Thena toward the cave where she had begun to make out shapes of Na'vi waving her in. 

Thena quickly lands the moment the landing zone is cleared, too tired to continue carrying all that weight for a second longer. Spider got off first before Kayla followed suit, breaking the tsaheylu and immediately tending to her ikran, running her hands up and down the beast's neck as thanks while supplying the banshee with plenty of raw meat. The floor of the cave felt cold and familiar beneath Kayla's feet as she looked around at yet another familiar growing crowd as they swarmed around her and Spider. The Omatikaya are all chatting around one another as they stare the two newcomers down, but they appear more relaxed and even happier to see them than ever before.

In the back of the crowd, Kayla caught an accent that wasn't Na'vi, "Look! It's Spider!"

And like dominos, other voices reacted as they drew closer, gently pushing the Na'vi out of the way to get to the human teenager who now perked up at the sound of familiar voices,

"Spider!"

"You're okay!"

"Good to see you, kid!"

"We're so glad you're safe!"

The allied humans, scientists, military, and everyone in between, with smiling faces covered in breathing masks, surround Spider to inspect him and hug him. He faintly smiles at all the familiar faces, adults he had known his whole life, greeting him like he was visiting for the holidays, marveling at how much he's changed.

One of the humans broke away from the group when she spotted the familiar avatar woman beside Spider, a young woman with dark, curly hair as she waved up to the avatar in question, "Kayla!"

"Hey, Jocelyn," Kayla's smile widened into a genuine joy to see her friend, "How's everything?"

"Doing well. It's so good to see you!"

"Makayla Sully!"

"Shit," Kayla mutters when she hears that familiar voice behind her, sounding pissed off. She sheepishly spins around and smiles as if she had just been caught stealing from the cookie jar, "Hi, Norm."

"'Hi, Norm.'" The man in question scoffs mockingly in his avatar form. For someone so lanky and overall nice, Norm Spellman can come off as terrifying when he's pissed, yellow eyes narrowing onto Kayla, "'Hi, Norm?' What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Listen, Norm, before you chew me out..." Kayla cuts off the tirade he no doubt had for her, hand out to stop him while looking around, "There's something I need to do first."

Norm nearly opened his mouth to protest, but then he looked down at Spider and noticed a grave expression on the teenager's face. Spider's gaze meets Norm and shakes his head, all the while Kayla continues looking around the crowd until she finally spots who she is looking for.

Amidst the chaos of everyone greeting Kayla and Spider, she hadn't seen Mo'at approaching until now, and whatever expression Kayla had on her face made the older Na'vi woman very cautious upon walking up to Kayla.

"Ma tsahik," Kayla bowed her hand to her respectfully, despite the grave expression on her face. It felt wrong to call her that. It felt like she was disrespecting Ronal somehow by calling Mo'at that, despite everything the Omatikaya woman had done for her.

"What has happened, Makaylasully?" Mo'at doesn't bother greeting, not once she saw something terrible flash in Kayla's eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Mo'at... I wish I wasn't the one to tell you this."

~~~~~~~~~

Mo'at's cries of anguish could be heard all throughout camp, shaking the very foundation of their stronghold, and once word spread throughout the clan, more cries rang out, mourning over the loss of who was once their future olo'eyktan, who was still a child, echoing off the cave walls. 

The Omatikaya had all flown off to the Tree of Souls to mourn Neteyam, while Norm and the other humans attended to Spider and Kayla.

Along with the heaviness in her heart, Kayla felt almost ill when she opened her eyes and was met with the soft-glowing ceiling of her link gurney for the first time in-- god, how long did she stay in her avatar form? Weeks? Months? It's all beginning to bleed together for her now. She waited until the gurney's lid hissed and opened before she removed the censor cage keeping her body in place, taking her time sitting up. 

Which she immediately regrets as her arms threaten to give out when they push her torso up into a sitting position, cold and shaking. She wasn't able to restrain the weak groan she let out as her eyes strained and a headache formed right away, her vision dotted and dizzy. When looking down at her feet dangling off the side of the link bay, the woozy feeling in her stomach makes itself known, and suddenly her mouth begins to fill with saliva.

'Shit!'

Kayla leans further over the side of the gurney and vomits all over the floor around her, continuously gagging until her stomach contents are emptied. She spits and gasps for air, now suddenly aware that someone is standing beside her, holding her hair out of her face-- when did her hair get so long?

"Dumbass," Norm mutters, now human and now keeping Kayla's hair up as she continues to dry heave. He's still pissed at her, but it's somehow lessened from both the news of Neteyam and the state Kayla was currently in. 

She had to agree with him when she felt her body begin to shake and a thin sheet of cold sweat started to form on her skin. Eventually, she's unable to vomit anything else out and just gasps for air, tears running down her face from how forceful that episode took over her body. 

It takes a few minutes, but once she's calm, Norm helps her stand on her own two feet. He hands her an oversized zip-up hoodie, and when she questionably looks at it, he explains, "You're a mess, Kayla. If you don't want to freak Spider out, you need to wear that."

Once she catches her reflection on a nearby surface, she finally understands why. She's horrified by what she sees.

For one, she wasn't ready to see a human female with pale skin, a pointed nose, and light eyes staring back at her, nor the lighter shade of hair compared to the dark, braided locks she had on her blue-skinned avatar. Her human hair was greasy, knotted, and had grown down her back, unlike the kept hair she used to have cut to her shoulders when she first arrived on Pandora. What was more terrifying with how much weight she had lost. Her pants were loose around her waist and her muscle shirt was now baggy, her arms definitely less toned than she remembered. While she had always been pale, she now looked too pale, almost sickly.

By the time she was able to process her appearance, Norm had cleaned up the mess. When he was done throwing away the soiled rags and washing his hands, Kayla finally snapped out of it and zipped the baggy hoodie up over her form, quickly brushing her hair out with her fingers and pinning it up in a tight ponytail. Once she's straightened herself out and is fine with walking on her weakened legs, Norm gives her a disappointed look but says nothing, leading her out of the lab and down the hallway. He stands off to the side of the small medical room the human rebels made as the doors slide open, letting Kayla in first before himself.

Spider and Max look up from whatever conversation is interrupted by Norm and Kayla's entrance. Spider was sitting up on the slab meant for "patients" while Max was asking him concerned questions, questions that Spider wasn't all too happy talking about and was remaining closed off for the time being. He was thankful he didn't have to wear a breathing mask at least.

"Hey, Max," Kayla croaked before quickly clearing her throat and smiling to mask the hoarse tone in her voice.

"Good to see you, Kayla," Max smiled warmly, though she didn't miss the way his eyes shined with concern behind his glasses. Her vitals must not be the only thing he's worried about now.

Kayla quickly looks away and expertly ignores the tension in the room as she approaches Spider, "Hey. How 'you doing?"

"Alright." He responded robotically, eyes squinting at her human form once more and a little cautious about what he saw. 

She remembers that he always preferred her avatar over her human form and huffs with amusement, shrugging in her baggy hoodie which made her look so small, "Yeah, I know. I look weird."

"You're not the weirdest-looking human I've met."

She snorts, "Charming."

"But you look different from usual," Spider's eyes scanned her face knowingly, "You look sick."

Guilt rumbles in her gut, realizing she couldn't exactly hide anything from Spider, the ever-observant kid. She feigns a smile of reassurance, "I just need a bit of sun. It's exhaustion from being stuck in that can for too long."

Norm scowled as he moved to join the group forming around Spider's spot on the cold slab. He wasn't impressed with Kayla trying to lie to the kid and playing off the fact that she was vomiting all her internal organs out mere moments ago, "That 'can' is the exact reason why you look miserable Kayla. That weeks-long stretch of neuro-link that you just pulled was stupid and unhealthy. You should've come back the second after you guys defeated the Sky People. I should've pulled your plug the second I realized you hadn't come back in weeks. You shouldn't be separate from your body for that long or you'll start to deteriorate in that gurney," he reaches out and shoves his pointer finger into her forehead to make sure she got the picture, "This body needs to eat, drink, and move just as much as your avatar or you'll eventually wither."

"Okay. I'm sorry," she bats his finger out of her face, sighing in defeat, "I promise I won't stay away that long again."

"Yeah, and just to make up for your stupidity, I recommend staying here for three weeks."

"What?" Spider exhales, eyes widening in distraught.

Kayla's eyebrows shoot up, "Three weeks?"

"Until the both of you are properly evaluated, rested, and healthy again, you're not going anywhere," Norm sternly ordered, glaring between the woman and teenager. Kayla seems to understand that this is the consequence of her actions and nods in hesitant agreement, while Spider, on the other hand, appears a little defiant. 

"But... I want to go back." Spider found himself saying, even shocking himself when he did so.

All eyes turn to him and Kayla is the first to open her mouth, eyes shining with sympathy, "Spider--"

"Hold on, you wanna go back to the reef?" Norm speaks up, his grim expression replaced with a surprised reaction as he stares owlishly at the boy, "Why would you? Jake and his family will come back in time, won't they?"

He turns his attention to Kayla, who shrugs, "As far as I know, they plan on staying in Awa'atlu."

"Do you?" He asked.

"Yes."

"But... Spider--" Norm cracks his neck from the number of times he's looked between Kayla and the teen in question, "You'll be the only human."

Kayla frowns at the implication that Spider would be alone, "I'll keep him safe."

"It's not about that, Kayla," Norm shook his head, "I trust you. We all trust you. It's just... the islands are hundreds of miles away and he's human. The seawater is low on the pH scale and can be acidic if a human is exposed for too long. He can get chemical burns."

Doubt clouds her eyes as she stops to think about this, realizing that she has never thought about it before. She cautiously peers over at the other scientist in the room, "... Max, is this true?"

Max was watching the interaction silently up until this point, and while he shared the same concerns as Norm, he was more optimistic in his explanation, "Only if the pH scale is super low and only if Spider doesn't immediately take precautions after getting out of the water. The Metkayina's tsahik likely has something to treat him with. It's also very likely that the kid is immune to most potentially dangerous Pandoran elements after the amount of exposure over the years. He's got tougher skin than even you do. He might be fine."

"He's still not immune to Pandoran air," Norm counteracts while sternly looking between the other two adults in the room, "He needs his oxygen mask on at all times and has to have several spares on hand should something happen, you know that. He can't eat Pandoran food, and he doesn't have a kuru. He's unable to connect to the land, water, and animals unless he's with a Na'vi at all times."

"And he will be," Kayla confidently replies.

"Does he want that?"

Kayla's eyes narrow back at Spellman, "Ask him yourself."

All eyes return to Spider, and while he doesn't like it when people talk about him as if he's not in the room, he hates when all the attention is turned onto him even more. He lowered his eyes to watch his lap as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world, all the while admitting under his breath, "I want to go back. Kiri, Lo'ak, and Tuk need me. And I need them. Kayla wants to go back, too. She wants to stay with her brother's family."

A thought crosses his mind and his lips turn up into a smirk. He raises his head and knowingly grins at the woman in question as he jokes, "It doesn't hurt that the olo'eyktan and the tsahik show an interest in her." 

The room deafens with silence, Kayla's jaw nearly falling to the floor in shock by Spider's boldness. Both Norm and Max glance between the two and each other, interest and surprise forming on both of their faces.

Max voices his interest with a faint, equally teasing smile as he glances over at the only woman in the room, "Oh, really?"

Kayla was trying to figure out when and where Spider made such an assumption, her eyes never leaving his until she realized he did this on purpose to get the attention off of him. Finally finding her words, she screwed up her face and playfully snarled at the teen, "Boy, shut up. That's not true."

"No?" Spider's grin only widens, "So gifting beads and shells for your songcord isn't a form of interest? Or taking you out on a date?"

"It wasn't a date. And I never said Ronal gave me that seashell."

The smugness practically radiated off of Spider as he raised a single, knowing eyebrow, "I never implied Ronal was the one who gave you the seashell."

Realizing she had been caught, she felt heat spreading over her face as she frowned, "Has anyone ever told you you're too smart for your own good?"

Spider laughed as Norm's eyes widened further, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to find the right words to describe where his head was at. Instead, he shakes his finger at Kayla before looking back at the teen in front of him, "Okay, we're gonna put a lid on that conversation for just a minute. Spider, you're welcome to choose where you stay, but don't choose on anyone else's behalf but your own."

The amusement falls from Spider's face, looking away to avoid Norm and Max. He was glad he got a choice, but the fact that Norm appeared so hesitant made the teen feel a little angry and betrayed, remembering all the times he didn't have a choice and when he was captured, "Kayla kept looking for me. She actually tried. Where were you?"

Norm's face falls, "We did try, Spider. We really did."

"But we're just a small group of scientists," Max adds, his voice quiet and soothing.

At first, Kayla could tell that Spider didn't look all that convinced, so she came to her friends' aid, "It's true, kiddo. They tried to help me find you. Norm went out searching with me whenever he could after I earned Thena."

Only when he got Kayla's reassurance did Spider relent the anger and betrayal he felt, glancing between the two men he'd known all his life, "Okay, fine. But I know I'll be safe as long as Kayla is there. She's always had my back."

When he spared a glance over in her direction, Kayla looked surprised and touched, a smile threatening to take over her face as her eyes sparkled at him. Spider looked away, but internally he felt himself smile as well. 

~~~~~~~~~

A couple of days go by and Max and Jocelyn are tag-teaming to run as many tests as humanly possible to make sure Kayla, her avatar, and Spider are healthy and able to make the long journey back out over the ocean. 

Kayla got the diagnosis that she expected. Her human form was weak from the little use of movement, eating, and drinking. Norm was never going to let her live this down as he continued to berate her throughout the duration of her stay. She was given strict instructions to follow a proper diet and exercise, practically forbidden near a link bay until she regained a healthy weight. 

Spider, all things considered, is a picture of health. That is... until he mentioned the vivid nightmares he had been having during one of Max's assessments of him. When asked if he wanted Kayla in on this conversation, the teenager caved and accepted, realizing he would rather tell the woman who had his back than the scientists surrounding him. Kayla was summoned and Spider finally talked about the torture he went through at Bridgehead, mentioning the machine they forced him into called a NeuroSect scanner. He described what the scanner did to him, how it spun quickly around his head with blinding lights, making him dizzy and scared. It felt as though it was probing his mind, collecting brain data while Ardmore questioned him about Jake's location. He described how his head throbbed to the point his nose began to bleed, then Quaritch turned the machine off and Spider blacked out for a split second, his eyes having rolled to the back of his head.

Kayla kept her expression neutral, but on the inside, she felt as though she could scream at the top of her lungs, wanting nothing more than to stomp back into Bridgehead and throttle Ardmore until the bitch's own eyes rolled back and her nose bled. See how she liked it.  

But instead of giving in to her anger, Kayla gently thanked Spider for trusting her to know this, and he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes as he sheepishly asked, "Just... don't ever tell Kiri, okay?"

After the vivid description of Spider's torture, Max confirmed that the nightmares were probably a lasting symptom of what his brain went through. Once Max had Spider confirm that he wasn't suffering from any more nosebleeds or migraines, Max was relieved as he stated that he should be fine. When Spider asked about the nightmares, Max assured him that with time, they'd go away, and that visibly got Spider to relax.

~~~~~~~~~

The conversation that Kayla was dreading had finally come up one night when Norm had her accompany him over to the edge of High Camp, overlooking the vast drop below them, accentuated by large waterfalls. With both of them wearing breathing masks and carrying lab equipment, Norm instructed her on how to take a sample off of a plant near the edge of the cliff, watching proudly as Kayla didn't even bat an eye as she crouched over the cliff, hovering over the plant in question. He remembered her first day at High Camp and how she was nervous to even be near the edge, knowing there was nothing below to catch her. 

As they worked, Norm nonchalantly asked, "So. Tonowari and Ronal have been giving you gifts, huh?"

Kayla groaned, lowering and shaking her head in defiance, "Spider is exaggerating. They brought me to the Spirit Tree so I could visit Neteyam and gave me a shell to add to my songcord."

"Kayla. That's no ordinary gift," Norm scoffed, amused at how naive she sounded, "Na'vi are gifted songcord beads or items when they succeed their Iknimaya or if another Na'vi was trying to court them, otherwise, they collect those items themselves or their parents do before they're old enough."

She stayed silent for a moment, continuing with her task of taking samples of the alien plant. She didn't dare look up to meet her friend's gaze as she finally spoke, "I'm trying not to think about it."

"Why? 'Cause it's too good to be true?"

"No, because I'm not-- I... I'm not..."

"If you're about to say 'not worthy', I'm going to dropkick you off this cliff." Norm threatened with a frown, arms crossed in front of him as he faintly glared down at her.

Kayla finally looked up then, a small smile visible on her lips as she tried not to laugh, "Threatening people is my love language, stay off my territory," she offhandedly commented before she looked out over the vast view of the forest below the floating mountains, her mind as far away as the ocean she couldn't even see but knows it's there, waiting for her, "Even if Ronal and Tonowari were interested, it's a bad idea. What would their people think of their leaders if they shacked up to someone like me? And it's not just their people. What about their kids? Ao'nung and Tsireya are around the same age as Kiri and Lo'ak, not to mention they have a baby sibling on the way. Norm, look at me, do I look like I know anything about children?"

He squints at her as if she grew a second head, "Is that a trick question?"

"Infants," she further reiterates, standing up to semi-meet his height, "Do I look like I know anything about infants? I was the baby of my own family. Even after my parents died, Tommy and Jake raised me. I have never learned how to be a caregiver."

"That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

She scoffed at how quick he was to reply, rolling her eyes, "Oh, and you hear a lot of dumb stuff in your profession?"

"Kayla, I was working alongside your brother years before you ever showed up. Your brother was the dumbest thing in the world next to the large group of scientists he surrounded himself with. Up until now, I thought he was gonna die still claiming that title."

She deadpanned at his teasing expression, "You really know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?"

"At least Jake wasn't afraid of getting with a Na'vi. What's stopping you from one-upping him and getting with two?" She snorts at the joke, looking away again as he continues, "And so what if they have kids? You're clearly great with children-- don't deny it," she clamps her mouth shut nearly a second after she opens it. 

Norm carried on, "It's not like every first-time parent goes in knowing exactly what they're doing. Who knows. You might have your own kid at this rate."

She squinted her eyes with suspicion as she slowly turned her head back in his direction, "If you're talking about Spider--"

"I'm not this time. I mean, obviously, Spider looks up to you as his guardian, but I was talking about you having your own rugrat with Tonowari and Ronal if you so wish."

Kayla's eyes briefly widen behind the glass of her mask before the shock quickly disappears. Norm felt his whole body grow cold when his friend reacted negatively to the statement, her eyes hardening to something grim and impassive as she crossed her arms and looked back out over the wide open sky,

"It's not possible."

Norm's concern was heard in his voice when she didn't look back at him, "Why not?"

"Because Ardmore made sure that was never a problem," Kayla robotically answered, having memorized what she had been told back at Bridgehead until it was engraved into her mind, "My avatar form was sterilized when they created her in a lab. Ardmore had always been thorough and checked off everything on her potential threat list and she made sure that this was one less thing to worry about."

She didn't see the way Norm's face dropped, eyes widening in horror as the news sunk in. He looked as though he had just been punched in the gut, watching Kayla as she already looked so... defeated, as she had already taken the time to accept this fact about herself. Norm was starting to wonder if she was ever going to tell anyone about this or if she was going to take it to her grave. Either way, he didn't want to squander the trust she had in him if he was truly the first one to know about her secret. He wanted to feel honored that she told him at all, but it didn't exactly feel like a secret worth being proud of.

"Oh. Oh, Kayla--"

"Don't," she sternly replied as she turned back to him with fire in her eyes, "Don't you dare pity me. I knew about it this whole time and I didn't care, so don't pity me when this was a choice that I made."

"Did you though? Did you make that choice or did Ardmore make it for you?" He was almost afraid to ask, but he had to know. 

"... At the time I didn't care. Kids weren't a priority for me. I came to Pandora to help Ardmore with her little experiment and in return, I could find Jake's remains to bring them back to Earth. That was it. I didn't want kids."

He caught onto her words and stated bluntly, "You keep using the past tense."

Kayla's eyes lower beneath her mask, "... I don't need a child."

"But you want one?"

"I already have one," she finally declares, now a small smile on her face when she comes to terms with it herself, "I have Spider. I have Lo'ak and the girls."

"... You can have Ao'nung and Tsireya, too. And someday, maybe even Ronal's baby."

She appeared to ponder this for a moment before sighing, "Nevertheless... I have more than enough. I have more family now than I thought I'd ever have back on Earth."

~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks went by a lot faster than both Kayla and Spider could anticipate, and once Max gave Kayla the all-clear to link back to her avatar, both she and the teen she was in charge of were starting to get excited to return to Awa'atlu. 

While she had been spending so much time on being healthy and gaining weight, Kayla felt as though she completely neglected some people around High Camp. Apart from Jocelyn, Kayla never got to catch up with Txe'la and Meui and how the three of them have been. Once back in her avatar, she didn't want to miss any more chances and took the two Na'vi men back out hunting like the good old days, and even managed to convince Tarsem to go with them when he was free from olo'eyktan duties. 

While hunting, the Omatikaya men were catching Kayla up to speed on recent events. Apparently, there's a resistance camp full of humans who had come to Pandora in the second wave of the Sky People invasion. There was an avatar and even Na'vi living among them, one of whom came to visit the Omatikaya. Tarsem spoke of a Na'vi who was originally born from the Sarentu clan, a clan known for their stories and democracy but had since been wiped out by the Sky People. However, a small handful of Sarentu survived and grew up, now fighting to protect Pandora from the same people who murdered their families. 

The Sarentu Tarsem spoke of sounded brave and determined to protect their home, jumping from clan to clan to ensure their alliance. The Sarentu's words moved Tarsem when he spoke to them, explaining to Kayla the importance of seeing a clan believed to be extinct suddenly return to bring the clans together. Kayla was amazed by the story, faintly thinking in the back of her mind how she would have to tell Jake about this.

Another individual Kayla felt as though she was neglecting was Mo'at. After everything the Omatikaya tsahik has done for her, Kayla wished she could somehow return the favor. She had started by mourning Neteyam with the older woman, knowing that the grief was fresh in Mo'at's mind and she shouldn't be left alone with it. Kayla did her best to tell Mo'at how everyone was back across the ocean and how they were thriving among the Metkayina. Once Mo'at was told how Neytiri was struggling, she stomped down her grief and got to work, half listening to Kayla's stories as she worked on her project.

Spider was waiting outside the lab for Kayla when she returned from visiting with the tsahik, the teen casually lying across one of its support beams as she approached, swinging one leg off the edge of it. He kept his face blank while staring down at the avatar form he was far more familiar with than the human one, 

"How's Mo'at?"

"A little better," Kayla sighed heavily, "Though she's been working tirelessly on a shawl for Neytiri so that I could bring it back to the island with me." 

"A mourning shawl?"

"Not exactly. She knows Neytiri already has one but she wanted something specifically for her daughter... a gift from one grieving mother to another." Kayla didn't miss the way Spider ducked his head at her words, avoiding eye contact, "What's wrong?"

Spider slowly sat up, watching his legs swing down over the side of the support beam as he hesitantly muttered, "I... I know I shouldn't... but I miss Neteyam."

Her heart squeezed painfully at those words, sad to see this child so conflicted over the loss of someone so young, "Why shouldn't you miss him?"

"Because I don't deserve it, especially after I let the one responsible for his death get away."

"Spider, we've been over this--"

"I know. But-- still."

She sighed, looking around before deciding to pull herself up onto the beam and sitting down beside the teen, looking up at the cave's ceiling, "You know... for at least the first week without 'Teyam... I felt the same way."

Spider turned his head to look up at her, "Really? Why?"

"Because I wasn't his parent... or his sibling... I was the estranged aunt who only entered his life a year prior. I wasn't extremely close to him as maybe you and Lo'ak were... so I felt as though I didn't have the right to miss him."

Pain passes through Spider's face as he lowers his head again, "... Neteyam and I weren't close."

"No?"

"I mean... when we were younger, sure, but we haven't been for a while. That's why I didn't feel as though I had the right to mourn him."

"Can I... ask why?" She questioned carefully.

"I want to say it was because he was starting to learn all the responsibilities of olo'eyktan, but I know I would be kidding myself. I think he started to distance himself because he wanted his parents to be proud of him."

Kayla caught the hidden meaning immediately, forcing down a wave of rage, "His mother, you mean."

"... Yes."

"I'm sorry, kiddo," she spoke softly, her hand rising to move a dread out of his face, but immediately placed her hand back down before she gave into that impulse, "If it's any consolation... I know he still cared about you."

She didn't miss the way his chin quivered underneath his mask, his eyes stubbornly staring dead ahead as his vision blurred, "It's not."

"I know."

~~~~~~~~~

Rations, masks, mouthwash...

Kayla was going over the list Max gave her several times over, making sure she had all of these essentials for Spider packed and strapped to Thena's back. There were human drinks, food, medicine, and so much more that even she guiltily forgot about. She was ashamed to think she was ready to let Spider stay in Awa'atlu when the kid actually needed a lot more than the bare essentials she managed to scrounge up for him.

Double-checking her harness and straps, Kayla gently places a hand over Thena's nose before stepping away, joining the crowd that wishes to see her and Spider off. Spider stood beside Max as Mo'at was handing him down some healing properties.

"Koaktutra," the tsahik placed a small wooden cup covered in a matching lid in Spider's hands.

Max noticed Kayla's confusion so he elaborates, "Goblin Thistle. Antibiotic balm."

Mo'at nodded to Max's explanation then handed another small mixture to Spider, "Pxorna'."

"Episoth," Max explained, "It's got amazing skin rejuvenation properties, and I think it'll help Spider when he goes into the water."

He takes the mixture from Spider and holds it up to the teenager's face, "As long as you remember to slather yourself in this stuff every night after a long day of swimming, it should help prevent skin cancer and chemical burns. These salves have proven to be safe for human use, I promise. If I happen to visit the island again and I don't see any changes to your skin, then maybe we'll be able to cut the episoth back to once a week and eventually even less so if your skin grows immunity to the pH levels. Until then, every night, bud. 'You got it?"

Spider huffs and rolls his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I got it."

"Good. And just in case--" Max then holds up a remedy of his own, a small plastic yellow tube that makes Kayla snort with amusement at the sight of it. Sunscreen. 

Spider's upper lip twitched at the sight of the tube and half glared at Max, "Seriously?"

"Humor me."

"Fine."

Kayla laughs at their antics and takes the remedies from them, bringing the supplies over to Thena and safely packing them away in their bags. Mo'at takes a moment to place a gentle, withered hand on top of Spider's head and they both exchange a warm smile.

Norm, in his avatar, approached Kayla to help her out and hugged her when they were all set, "I am going to give you a week before I start calling and nagging at you to break your link again, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kayla huffed as she pulled away, unaware of the knowing smile Norm bore as he looked between her and Spider, clearly thinking how similar they already were in words and mannerisms.

"And-- tell Jake everything's okay here. Tell him not to worry."

Kayla smiled then and nods, "Of course. I'll see you in a week."

She moves to say goodbye to Mo'at, the two women gripping each other's arms in departure as they silently speak to one another. Kayla then fistbumps Max and waves to everyone else before gently knocking her knuckle against the glass of Spider's mask, 

"You ready?"

"Yeah." Spider grins.

"Alright. Then let's go home."

A/N: I… don't think I have anything to say. I mean, it's a lot all in one chapter so I'm sure there's plenty to say but I can't think of anything ;) stay tuned for more soon!

[championari]

True Love: Why FifteenxRogue Works

WOW. Man, that Rogue episode, huh? Watching that live was probably the greatest experience I’ve had recently regarding Doctor Who. Not just as a queer viewer, but as a queer media analyst. Fifteen and Rogue truly feel like a relationship written for me to analyze, because there is simply so frickin’ much to talk about. So, allow me, gentle reader, to be your Lady Whistledown of queer alien fuckery, and guide you through analyzing the latest dalliance of our Time Lord extraordinaire with the most honest bounty hunter in the galaxy. 

We’ll be covering a LOT of ground in this: the theme of facades/masks, an interrogation of The Doctor’s perception of romantic relationships, and a deep dive into The Fifteenth Doctor’s character overall. So, needless to say, this is going be a LONG LONG piece. Grab a snack, some water, whatever you need, cause we’re going deep on this one. 

You’re still here? Fantastic! Then let us begin! Specifically, with the Fifteenth Doctor himself. Because above all else, this episode works as a dissection of his character overall. 

I’ve already done two metas regarding The Giggle’s ending and The Doctor’s perception of romance pre-Season 1/14, so if you want more elaboration, go read those here: 1, 2. But in case you don’t, I’ll sum up and expand based on what we’ve learned since. 

The Doctor, as a character, has always struggled with commitment and attachment. They never stayed in one place for long and when they did, they had an unhealthy relationship with it (Trenzalore, Darillium, Bill’s University). Romantic connection is a permutation of this larger issue, as every romantic relationship we have seen The Doctor take part in since 2005 either was unbalanced (holding back problems/outright lying) or ended in a really bad way.  However, thanks to the 60th specials and a bi-generation, The Doctor went through a massive change, and with it, came a new perception of openness and love. Fifteen is more expressive, and willing to verbally identify beauty. He openly points out how beautiful people are, and talks about previous exploits with pride. But this supposed openness betrays a deeper dishonesty still inside the Doctor. As much as Fifteen talks the talk of openness, he doesn’t often walk the walk when things get tough.

Fifteen’s character struggle is trying to break out of the Doctor’s previous patterns of unstable attachment and commitment while continuing those patterns. He values emotional honesty and encourages it in others yet simultaneously runs from it when the spotlight is on himself, even when he knows it’s beneficial and necessary for him to do so. So, with all of that in mind, let’s deep dive into Rogue (the episode, not the character, but also the character).

The best word to describe this episode is ‘deception’. Setting the episode in Bridgerton-esque Regency-era England was an appropriate choice, likening to a show that is all about facades and posturing to gain wealth and social standing (yes I am oversimplifying, don’t hurt me). Throughout the episode, we see characters who aren’t who they present themselves to be and use all manner of tools or tactics to disguise themselves to meet their ends. 

We have the Chuldur, creatures who gain pleasure from cosplaying. They thrive on creating fake entertainment for their amusement, honesty is useless if it can’t satisfy them. While this is meant as an obvious commentary on fan culture and how dangerous it can get when taken to the extreme, it also functions as a darker reflection on The Doctor’s habits. Because think about it: what are Fifteen and Ruby doing in this episode? They are having fun, dancing alongside the other partygoers. They’re wearing the outfits but only to blend in. Ruby doesn’t know how to dance, she has to wear psychic earrings to keep up. She watches the fake fight between ‘Emily’ and ‘Lord Stilton’ like she would watch an episode of Bridgerton. Her fight with Emily later in the episode is set to Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ playing in the background.

What we’re seeing in the villains is The Doctor’s pastimes becoming toxic, taking a companion and bringing them to a culture far removed from their own. But it’s not only a commentary on The Doctor overall, it’s also Fifteen’s philosophy in a darker context. Posing as sincerity and maybe containing it to some extent, but ultimately not completely honest. Through the setting and the villains, the episode is already priming us on a subconscious level to be thinking about disguises and dishonesty, a topic that both The Doctor and the Fifteenth incarnation specifically have a complicated relationship with. And then comes Rogue.

Rogue himself is such a fascinating part of the episode because he is such a deliberate disruption to this cultivated environment of deception. Rogue is the complete antithesis of everyone in the plot. He’s terrible at improvising, he’s socially awkward, he dances without needing psychic earrings, and he never cleans the inside of his ship. Rogue intentionally disrupts the narrative of lies by not being able to play the game. Even when he tries to wear a mask, the mask of an uncaring bounty hunter, He doesn’t wear it well and gets rid of it after the ship scene with The Doctor. Rogue is a character who cannot help but be who he is, he’s a character who not only can’t wear a mask but doesn’t want to. To put it simply, honesty is Rogue’s kink. That’s why the episode is named after him; it’s not just because he’s a central character, but because he provides the counter-argument to the themes of lies and deception. Rogue, the disruptor to The Chuldur’s acts of fake entertainment, and the disruptor to The Doctor’s act of cosplaying with Ruby, and on a deeper level, disrupts Fifteen’s oscillation between sincerity and repression. But we’ll get to that, we have Mount Everest's amount of context to analyze first, starting with their first meeting.

The Doctor and Rogue’s beginning scene sets the stage for the main obstacle in their relationship: their masks. ‘Cause right now we’re operating with two versions of the characters: the facade/mask versions, and the real versions. We get our first look at Rogue when Fifteen looks around for interference on the psychic earrings. He finds him being the most conspicuous while wearing the ‘bounty hunter’ mask: on a balcony (separated from the party physically), not speaking at all. 

He is standing out here but only in the way someone who knows disguises would recognize. The Doctor, remember no. 1 liar, of course he’s gonna recognize that. So much so, that he gives Rogue pointers on how to put on a better “brooding” face, literally teaching him how to wear the mask better. Rogue is an amateur mask wearer, going up against the master of mask-wearing. And that’s why Fifteen smiles when he sees him, he’s intrigued by that contradiction and wants to know more. 

Rogue meanwhile, is being rude and dismissive to scare him off, trying to keep to the mask he’s built. At this point, he knows that Fifteen also stands out from the rest but right now is assuming that he’s still a random partygoer. Notice what he says to him: 

He’s still using language and ideas someone from that era would understand. Where this deviates is this little exchange that felt familiar to me, but I couldn’t figure out from where. Until I remembered this:

(credit to @ngatwa for this set, you're amazing)

This is the first instance in the episode where Fifteen and Rogue’s relationship calls back to previous romantically-coded relationships The Doctor has had between companions. But it’s not just romantic subtext, it’s subtext that explains where the two are in the relationship. Victorian Clara was far more than what she appeared to be (a governess masquerading as a barmaid/echo of a companion scattered in the Doctor’s timeline), and the Doctor was more than he appeared to be (an alien who lived in a blue box). In asking those questions, it’s both recognition of the masks and inquiry for the real person underneath. Same thing here: Rogue and Fifteen at this point are trying to figure each other out, trying to see beyond the masks of the uncaring bounty hunter, and the flirtatious partygoer. Where things start to go wrong is that neither party fesses up to who they are. Rogue instantly assumes Fifteen is The Chuldur he’s looking for, while Fifteen assumes Rogue is a regular partygoer looking to…*ahem* create a scandal in the gardens if you get what I mean. This explains why a violin rendition of Billie Eilish’s ‘Bad Guy’ plays in the background. It’s not just a Bridgerton reference, it’s contributing to both characters’ perception of each other in this scene: both characters think the other is the “bad guy”. The lead into the scene is deception, we leave it the same way. No breakthrough yet. 

Now we’re moving on to the scene in the garden, where both masks of Fifteen and Rogue begin clashing with their real personalities. Fifteen is still being semi-sincere, still complimenting Rogue. And like water, all of it is rolling off of him because he’s still under the assumption he’s talking to a shapeshifting alien. He rudely asks about The Doctor’s info dumping and doesn’t respond to The Doctor’s compliments.

(credit to @klausbens for the gif, you're awesome)

He’s not engaging because he thinks the Doctor is not who he appears to be, and for a character that values honesty, everything Fifteen says is gonna wash over him. The moment this changes is when the two are accusing the other of the murder. Quite literally finishing each other’s sandwiches (C’mon, you know I had to throw a Frozen reference in this somewhere). 

This is a very interesting scene given our current context. Trope-wise, this is meant to communicate to the audience the bond between the two characters, they’re thinking the same thing. But the trope is flipped on its head because both characters take it in opposite directions. Both Fifteen and Rogue are in perfect sync, they are being honest about how much they understand about the situation, but that information is leading them to completely different conclusions (i.e. the other person is the Chuldur). They’re slapping more masks onto each other, this time with information they know is true, which leads to them locking in their heels and simply not being honest altogether until later. This scene is a repeat of the previous one, except this time it’s them showing their hands a bit more, making the backslide all the more difficult. Getting close to sealing the deal, then heel turn at the last minute, a classic Bridgerton move. 

So, what needs to happen to break this backslide? Well, plain and simple honesty. The scene on Rogue’s ship is when both masks start coming off. What Fifteen is doing on the ship during the scene is essentially trying to figure out Rogue. He finds out the ship is meant to be piloted by two, and he discovers the origin of Rogue’s name, the Kylie Minogue music. Which is a moment I want to zoom in on. Right before this happens when Rogue gives a cheeky response to Fifteen finding out about the name, Fifteen makes a joke and starts emphasizing his Scottish accent. This is Fifteen putting on another mask to make a joke, and Rogue doesn’t appreciate that, given his dirty look. 

Then Fifteen finds the music, which he then again uses as an opportunity to joke around and make fun of him (and flirt a little bit with him).  Fifteen is removing Rogue’s mask, while he is staying enigmatic and mysterious, which is why Rogue is still stonewalling him. HOWEVER, two can play that game, and Fifteen makes a big mistake in showing Rogue the psychic paper. This is the first time Fifteen is completely honest about his feelings towards Rogue. No mask, no posturing, complete honesty. And we see Rogue responds positively to this: 

This is the first time the two are both on the same level, communicating honestly. And that’s where we start to see genuine romantic feelings and attraction. 

But it’s not enough, so what does Fifteen do? He pulls out the big guns. He shows Rogue the truth: he’s a Time Lord from Gallifrey and has lived many different lives over hundreds of years. He not only rips off his mask, he quite literally reveals all of the other masks the Doctor has worn throughout the ages. And what is Rogue’s reaction to this? 

Complete besotted awe. If honesty is Rogue’s kink, then The Doctor revealing their faces just supercharged it. This is the moment that Rogue falls in love because he’s finally seeing who this mysterious flirty person really is. 

Now, I’m gonna pull out another previous Doctor romance for two reasons: One, I’ve been seeing this comparison floating around for a while, and if you know me and my old analyses, it’s that I cannot leave an inaccurate take alone, and two, because I think it applies here. I’ve been seeing comparisons online of this episode to Girl in the Fireplace, in which a new character falls in love with The Doctor and gets the rare opportunity to see their true self. But what makes Reinette different from Rogue is that honesty kink. Reinette was attracted to the mystery of the Doctor, her childhood hero who somehow doesn’t age. Note when he comes back the first time, she focuses on how strange he is:

She learns more about them later, but she was already in love with them before that. Rogue doesn’t want the mystery. In reality, The Doctor wearing masks is a turnoff for him. He only wants the real thing, so when Fifteen reveals the truth, that’s when the genuine romance begins. 

(We could also extend this comparison to the discussion of consent: Reinette found out everything without The Doctor's permission, while Fifteen revealed all the info by himself, but whether we can consider this consensual depends on your definition of consent under duress/threat. So I’m not entirely sure what to make of this conversation, feel free to expand in the tags/replies cause I want to hear more about this)

So now we’re moving along to the TARDIS scene. We continue with the theme of disguises with the whole “bigger on the inside” routine, Fifteen riffing as Willy Wonka for a hot moment singing Pure Imagination, and we have Rogue’s momentary slip-up:

(credit to klausbens for the gifs, you're awesome)

This is a great sign of character growth because while he’s maybe not wholly honest about his feelings towards The Doctor, he still is open about his love for the TARDIS, an important part of The Doctor’s life, so big step right there. 

I want to pay attention to the heart-to-heart here because watching what Fifteen says and how he reacts is extremely important to getting his view on the situation. Because right now, I wouldn’t say The Doctor is in love with Rogue back. While there is a lot of attraction and hints at a deeper bond, Fifteen is still operating with most of his mask on. Notice that when he asks Rogue about the person he lost, Ncuti Gatwa’s blocking has him leaning on the railing at an angle to the side of Rogue. He’s purposely staying at a distance, yet is leaning on the railings to appear casual. 

And when Rogue starts opening up, he moves closer and they’re at equal distance from each other.

We get a really sweet (and allegorical to the queer community) moment about The Doctor’s motivation of living out of respect for the dead, to keep living each day that they lost. And then we get Fifteen inviting Rogue onto the TARDIS. I want to focus on this because he doesn’t seem upset or disappointed by Rogue countering this offer by inviting The Doctor to travel with him, meaning he doesn’t see this as a “take it or leave it” offer. In fact, the compromise Fifteen comes up with, “let’s argue across the stars” and Rogue accepting it, is what leads to the almost kiss. So that prompts the question, what is Fifteen trying to say here? 

Well, what Fifteen is asking for is to continue seeing Rogue. It doesn’t matter to him if he’s on the TARDIS or not, all that matters is that he still has him in his life. The choice to see him more. Why does that sound familiar? Because that’s exactly what I wrote about in my dissertation on The Giggle’s Ending: 

“In giving Fourteen their own TARDIS, Fifteen is allowing his younger self to have what they always removed from the equation: free will. The Doctor can still go anywhere they want, which makes them even more motivated to stay and fix themself. Fourteen can feel safe staying with Donna, Wilf, Mel, Rose, Shaun, and Sylvia because the option to travel is still there.”

Fifteen’s love language is giving the people he cares about the freedom to express the love they already have within them. He values freedom above all else, and when Rogue accepts that freedom, that’s when we get the almost-kiss. This is the moment where The Doctor falls in love with Rogue back because it’s Rogue being willing to meet The Doctor where they’re at. He’s allowing Fifteen to set the pace and not force himself on him. 

Additionally, this willingness to be as slow or fast as The Doctor needs means far more to The Doctor overall than to just Fifteen. Many people have already pointed out the similarities between the line “let’s argue across the stars' and previous lines the Doctor has said to villainous characters like The Master and The Toymaker:

"We can take your games back to the stars."

"We can fight across the constellations if that's what you want".

Now, why is that? It’s because again, The Doctor’s perception of Rogue is evolving in this scene. Remember, up to this point, The Doctor doesn’t entirely know Rogue’s morality. All they know is that Rogue is a bounty hunter, and is not afraid to use his gun when he deems appropriate. There’s even a little line in this scene before the heart-to-heart where Fifteen specifically imposes his own brand of morality on the situation: “Whatever the Chuldur has done, I can’t let you kill it.” Now, we know that The Doctor’s morality and romantic life can conflict: River being a known murderer/psychopath, their longtime situationship, and later attempted rehabilitation of The Master/Missy. This is another feature of The Doctor’s character: while they do act like they have the final say on what is right, they also compromise that morality for people they care about. 

Like how The Doctor surprised Rogue by showing all of his faces, Rogue surprised the Doctor right back by not only being honest about his past but by being willing to accept The Doctor’s compromise. This moment is when The Doctor finds out that Rogue is a good person, and that The Doctor doesn’t need to compromise their morality when entering this relationship.

This heart-to-heart is about Rogue not only winning over the Fifteenth Doctor by agreeing with his values of freedom but also winning over The Doctor overall by just genuinely being a good person. But of course, the moral duty of taking care of the Chuldur rears its head in the form of the TARDIS alerting that the trap is ready. The bubble has popped and we still have a long way to go. 

(Plus, Fifteen’s facial expression in this shot perfectly captures that trademark “Oh.” moment, realizing you’re in love with someone but then taping it down to focus back on the immediate problem. Love you Ncuti Gatwa, you do great work)

Alright, now we’re at the dance/fake proposal scene. Oh lord, so much happens here with both dialogue and production regarding character, so let’s take this one at a time. Fifteen, Rogue and now Ruby have figured out the big plot regarding the Chuldur, their obsession with cosplay and dressing up to create drama. In response, Fifteen comes up with the idea to essentially beat them at their own game: create a fake scandal to draw them out. 

Now on paper and in terms of beating the bad guys, this is a plan that could and does work, but in terms of his relationship with Rogue: THIS. WAS. A. BAD. IDEA. Why? The very idea of masks and faking not only was the leading cause of them not connecting in the beginning but specifically doesn’t work with Rogue. You can see it in how Rogue nervously looks at Ruby and Emily when Fifteen asks him to dance, and even questions the validity of the plan: 

(credit goes to @carricfisher for texted gif, you're awesome)

It’s not just that he doesn’t know about homophobia, he just doesn’t like the idea of pretending at all. But the reason why it doesn’t collapse right away is because it’s not entirely pretending. The dance may function on the surface to create a scene, but for Rogue (and Fifteen albeit to a smaller extent) it doubles as an intimate moment between them. This connects to the choice of dimming the lights in an unrealistic way (which btw, as a film student, had me going insane watching it live). We’re seeing a deliberate break in reality, a dishonest showcase of the story being told, that serves the purpose of highlighting an ultimately honest and sincere act of love. Both The Doctor and Rogue are warping the aesthetic of deception in terms of the narrative by fabricating a scandal, and in terms of the production by changing the lighting. 

But of course, things start going to hell right there. Fifteen tries to up the drama and Rogue can’t keep up. Rogue overcorrects and proposes to Fifteen, who freaks out and leaves the room. Now, I don’t want to get into the question of whether or not Rogue was playing along by proposing or being genuine (Personally speaking, I think it was both. 70% true, and 30% fake). Instead, I want to clear up why Fifteen freaked out here. I’m sure a lot of the long-time audience could already guess that it was parallel to River Song, The Doctor’s wife, but I think it’s more layered than that. Why would a reference to River scare the Doctor so much, aside from reminding them of a close person they lost? Because the last time the Doctor got married to someone they truly loved, it involved a 24-year stay on Darillium, which he knew would end in tragedy. Note the word choice here:

“Sorry I…I can’t.”

Not ‘I don’t want this’, it’s a void of agency (which connects to my piece on The Giggle’s ending and freedom). The Doctor can’t have that with Rogue, he was fine with them being casual to avoid the possibility of losing him. 

But on my first watch, I couldn’t help getting a little bit cross with Fifteen here, because the amount of ball fumbling on display is outright ridiculous; The Time Lord brings himself onto the dancefloor, with a guy he nearly made out with two minutes ago, gets all up in his face and starts shouting at him to “tell me what you heart wants!” and then completely freezes when said guy starts proposing to him. What in the fuck did you expect was going to happen, bud?! What made you think this would go off without a hitch?

I want to preface this by saying I had a completely different reading of this scene for a long time. My original thought was that Fifteen was trying to do multiple things simultaneously. He potentially was trying to lure out the Chuldur by creating scandal and at the same time, was trying to have a serious talk with Rogue about where he’s at emotionally. These lines in particular have fascinated me since my first watch: “You would ask me to give up my title, my fortune. But what future can you promise me?”. It did feel like these lines hinted at Fifteen’s thought process at this moment, he chose those specific lines to use for this moment. Was Fifteen trying to have an honest conversation with Rogue about their relationship while being fake to everyone else? But that doesn’t make sense considering the previous conversation in the TARDIS showed Fifteen comfortable with the idea of them being casual and Rogue respecting that, so it doesn’t make sense with where Fifteen is progression-wise. 

But it wasn’t until writing out this piece that I realized I had it all wrong and the truth was far simpler: this is a repeat of their meeting on the balcony, albeit with higher personal stakes. Let’s take a step back here: What is happening in this scene? Fifteen and Rogue are completely missing what the other is trying to say. Fifteen ignored Rogue being visibly uncomfortable over being back to playing with masks, and Rogue is not getting if Fifteen wants him to be genuine or not. Just like on the balcony and the garden, where both sides think they’re saying one thing when it’s the opposite. Before, both parties were wrong about who they were, now both parties are wrong about what they want. 

Fifteen is saying complete bullshit here, not true stuff to their situation but stuff that their audience would react to. He’s being over the top on purpose to elicit reactions. Meanwhile Rogue is thinking he’s being genuine. He thinks Fifteen is, through code speak, trying to genuinely ask him these questions. Which leads him to get down on one knee. And that’s a big problem because Rogue doesn’t know that proposing is wading into a gargantuan trauma pool for The Doctor. This scene is a magnified example of the duo’s problem with masks and not being completely honest with each other. 

However, while this scene may have been a cause for regression from The Doctor on the relationship part, Rogue on the other hand has an epiphany. In the scene following this one, we get the truly iconic callback of “Run.” and Rogue taking the Doctor’s hand. Why is this important? Well, there are three specific examples that this moment is calling back to: 

Nine meeting Rose ("Run!")

Victorian Clara and Eleven fleeing from the Ice Governess ("I do the handgrabbing! That's my job! That's always me!")

Twelve running with River ("Stop holding my hand! People don't do that to me!")

Nine meeting Rose establishes this idea of protection: The Doctor taking care of someone by leading them away from danger. The other two examples are subversions of that idea: Clara and River are now leading The Doctor out of danger. Same principle here, except here it has a bit more context behind it. Clara and River subverting that act of protection made sense given who they were: Clara as an echo across The Doctor’s time stream knew who The Doctor was and what they needed, even if she didn’t know it consciously when the moment happened. River as The Doctor’s wife also knew who they were and what they needed at the time. 

By connecting Rogue’s action of taking Fifteen’s hand and running to Clara and River, it not only again connects Fifteen and Rogue to previous romantic relationships, but it also shows Rogue learning from his mistake. Rogue’s mistake in the proposal scene was him not figuring out what Fifteen needed at that moment, it was a major miscommunication. Now, at this moment, Rogue is starting to figure out what he needs to do. He is, to use relationship lingo, "shelving his agenda" to help the Doctor. 

And that progression continues through the last leg of the episode, including the moment when Fifteen thinks Ruby is dead. I’ve always found this moment in particular so fascinating because of how loud it is metaphorically for both characters. Fifteen is taking off the mask of coolness and revealing that Doctor™ anger. This is a complete switch-up from what he’s been like throughout most of the episode. Yet when he lets out that chilling line, “Good. That’s a long time to suffer.” Rogue doesn’t look all that scared or mad at him. 

The face Rogue makes here looks far closer to a resigned sadness, almost like he knew that he would have that reaction. Keep in mind that Rogue knows nothing about The Doctor at their worst, all that he knows right now is that they lost “everyone”. Compare that with Donna, who was outright terrified of The Doctor when at their worst (for good reason though). 

Rogue isn’t surprised by this at all. He’s not asking “What happened to this person in front of me?”, he’s realizing “This is how much he cares about his best friend.” He’s seeing the depth of this person’s love that is inexorably linked to the depth of his grief, and is realizing he can’t allow that grief to corrupt this person he’s grown to love, even if it means endangering himself. Which is exactly what ends up happening.

This is where the theme of masks finally pays off. At the beginning of the episode, both Rogue and Fifteen are wearing their masks (cold, uncaring bounty hunter, and flirtatious partygoer). Those masks started to come down, but that got messed up thanks to miscommunication. Rogue didn’t understand what The Doctor needed from him, causing their trauma to resurface and The Doctor ran away from having to deal with that grief. This final scene is them being completely honest with each other. Rogue asks him “Can you lose your friend to save the world?”, and Fifteen tells him the truth. He can’t, he can’t let that happen again. And Rogue understands that, he finally knows what needs to be done. And so he kisses him. Why did Rogue kiss him? Again, it’s a repeat of a previous scene, this time the dance. Rogue is comfortable putting on a mask/doing something dishonest when there’s an aspect of truth to it. Even if they danced together to serve a lie, it still was a moment powered by romantic feelings. Same with the kiss. Rogue had wanted to kiss him, so he felt comfortable doing something with an ulterior motive (taking the button from him) because it was also something he would’ve wanted to do regardless of the situation. 

But why did Rogue do it? The one line that I kept thinking of in summing up the intent behind Rogue's sacrifice was, ironically, from Frozen: "Love is...putting someone else's needs before yours”. Essentially, shelving your agenda, like we’ve been saying. Back in the proposal scene, Rogue’s mess up was not figuring out what Fifteen needed out of him at that moment. Fifteen needed him to play along in faking and instead, Rogue heel turned into a lot of trauma for The Doctor. So now, after seeing how important Ruby was to Fifteen, so important that he was willing to torture The Chuldur out of grief, Rogue is putting The Doctor’s needs before his own and stopping him from having to choose between her and the world. It's also why Rogue wiping away his tears before the kiss was so crazy because that's normally the Doctor's job. The Doctor is normally the one who turns sadness into hope. This time, someone else is doing that for him.

(credit to ngatwa again)

The greatest act of love in the episode was not the proposal, it was the sacrifice.

To close our tale, let us circle back to talking about Fifteen’s character arc. I opened this essay by talking about Fifteen’s main character flaw being a contradiction: both valuing emotional intimacy and running from it. That doesn’t seem to change by the end of this episode, so much so that Ruby forces Fifteen to take a moment and mourn Rogue’s loss when he wants to steamroll forward. But there’s one little detail left: Fifteen kept the ring. Not only kept it but is wearing it in the season finale to the point of even playing with it like a nervous tick. 

That bond, that relationship was so important to him that he doesn’t allow himself to ignore it. It’s only after he has that hug with Ruby that he pulls out the ring and chooses to wear it. Rogue is the one thing Fifteen won’t run away from because what they had wasn’t fake. It was real. 

Rogue, the supposed bounty hunter who only cared about wealth, loved The Doctor so much that he was willing to give up his life for his friend. The Doctor, the supposed Time Lord who flees from attachment, loves Rogue enough to remember him every day.  

I ask you, gentle readers, how could one resist a love story like that?

NOTE: some extra bits I wanted to include that I couldn’t fit anywhere else: I’m such a sucker for color symbolism, and having Rogue wear blue in contrast to Fifteen’s normally warm color palette, as well as blue being the color of The TARDIS…it just makes me feel things, ya’ know? 

Also, by not gendering Rogue’s previous partner, only ever using they/them pronouns, it helps add to the relationship in a social commentary way. It subtly shows that Rogue already has experience/is attracted to people who on some level defy gender norms, which helps prime the audience to buy Rogue accepting/liking The Doctor being able to change gender when regenerating.

Essentially, I'm insane over these two, and I need them back on screen as soon as possible.

[knoepfl]

The Magic of Trust

Characters:

Cedric: The Royal Sorcerer of Enchancia, deeply frustrated and filled with self-doubt but learning to accept himself.

Elara: Cedric’s supportive girlfriend, full of warmth and understanding, who shows him the power of love and acceptance.

Trigger Warnings: none

Masterlist

Words: 1312

---

The sun hung low in the sky over Enchancia, casting a warm glow over the castle gardens. The vibrant flowers swayed gently in the breeze, creating a perfect backdrop for the special moment Cedric had planned. Today was the day he would impress his girlfriend, a bright and adventurous girl named Elara, with a magic trick he had been practicing for weeks.

Cedric stood nervously behind a large, ornate tree, fidgeting with his cape. He had never been in a relationship before, and the pressure to impress Elara was weighing heavily on him. He had always been the bumbling Royal Sorcerer, more often than not messing up his spells. But this time, he was determined to show her that he could be more than just a comical figure in the background.

“Cedric?” Elara’s voice called out, a melodic sound that made his heart race. She stepped into the clearing, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. Her long hair framed her face beautifully, and she wore a simple yet elegant dress that accentuated her graceful figure.

“Hello, Elara!” Cedric managed, forcing a smile despite the nerves bubbling in his stomach. “I, um, have something special to show you today.”

Her eyes widened with excitement. “Really? I can’t wait to see it!”

Cedric took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He waved his wand, summoning a few colorful flowers to float in the air. “Behold! The wonders of magic!”

The flowers danced around them for a moment before fluttering down gracefully. Elara clapped her hands in delight, her laughter ringing out like music. “That’s amazing, Cedric! You’re so talented!”

Her praise fueled his confidence, but as he prepared for the next trick, doubt crept in. He hesitated, feeling the weight of expectation settle heavily on his shoulders. What if I mess this up? The thought gnawed at him, twisting his stomach into knots. Still, he pushed it aside, determined to show her that he was worthy of her affection.

“Thank you! But wait, there’s more!” He thought of the spell he had been practicing—one to create a small, shimmering orb of light. He envisioned it perfectly in his mind, picturing how it would impress her.

With a flourish, Cedric waved his wand, focusing all his energy. “Lumos!” he exclaimed, a grin spreading across his face.

But instead of a beautiful orb of light, a massive explosion of colorful sparks erupted, filling the air with a chaotic array of colors. The unexpected blast sent him stumbling back, landing on his rear with a thud.

Elara gasped, her eyes wide with shock as she raised her hands to shield herself from the dazzling display. The sparks fizzled out, leaving a lingering smell of burnt magic in the air. “Cedric!” she exclaimed, rushing to his side. “Are you okay?”

Cedric’s face flushed with embarrassment as he looked up at her, his heart sinking. “I-I’m fine,” he stammered, though the shame was palpable in his voice. “I just… wanted to show you something impressive.”

His shoulders slumped, and a wave of frustration washed over him. “Why can’t I get this right?” he muttered, almost to himself. “I’m supposed to be a sorcerer, and yet here I am, making a fool of myself in front of the girl I like.”

Elara knelt beside him, concern etched on her face. “That was definitely impressive, just maybe not in the way you intended.” She chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood, but it only deepened his sense of failure.

“Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled, his gaze dropping to the ground. The bright garden around him felt suffocating, each petal a reminder of how he had let her down. “I wanted to show you how good I could be, but I messed it all up. I’m not like Sofia or Baileywick. I’m just… Cedric.”

“Cedric, you’re amazing just the way you are,” Elara reassured him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. But the warmth of her touch only served to amplify his sadness. “You’re kind, funny, and you care about others. That’s what matters most.”

He looked up, his heart heavy with despair. “But I wanted to impress you. I’ve never had a girlfriend before, and I thought this would show you I’m more than just a bumbling sorcerer.” His voice cracked, the weight of his inadequacy settling in.

Tears threatened to spill as Cedric felt the crushing burden of his disappointment. “I just wanted to be someone you could be proud of. Instead, I’m just a failure.”

Elara’s expression softened, her eyes filled with compassion. “You’re not a failure. You’re trying, and that takes courage. Magic isn’t just about tricks; it’s about the heart behind it. And your heart is full of good intentions.”

Cedric felt a lump in his throat, a mix of frustration and sorrow choking him. “I just want to show you I can do something special, but I just keep messing up.”

As he spoke, Cedric felt a weight lift slightly, Elara's unwavering support offering him a glimmer of hope amidst his despair. “You’re so talented, Cedric. I believe in you.”

With a shaky breath, he looked into her eyes, searching for any sign of doubt but finding only kindness. “Do you really mean that?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“Absolutely,” she replied softly, her hand still resting on his shoulder. “And I love that you’re willing to try, even if things don’t go as planned.”

His heart swelled at her words, but the sadness lingered, tugging at him like a persistent shadow. Elara’s unwavering presence, however, began to shine a light on his insecurities.

With newfound determination, Cedric concentrated, this time summoning a gentle breeze that playfully tossed Elara’s hair. She laughed, her delight infectious, but Cedric still felt the ache of his earlier disappointment deep within him.

As the sun began to set, casting a golden hue over the garden, Cedric looked at Elara, who was now his closest companion and a beacon of joy in his life. “Thank you for being so understanding,” he said softly, his voice wavering. “You make it easy to be me.”

Elara beamed, her smile illuminating the twilight. “And you make it easy to believe in magic, Cedric. Just remember, it’s okay to stumble sometimes. That’s how we learn.”

Feeling the warmth of her gaze, Cedric felt a rush of emotions bubbling to the surface. In that moment, he leaned in closer, his heart racing. “Can I—” he started, but the words caught in his throat.

Before he could finish, Elara closed the distance between them. She leaned in and pressed her lips gently against his, a soft kiss that sent a wave of warmth flooding through him. Time seemed to stand still as they shared their first kiss, a tender moment filled with promise and understanding.

Cedric’s heart soared, all his fears momentarily forgotten as he melted into the kiss. It was as if the world around them faded away, leaving only the magic they had created together. When they finally pulled apart, both of them breathless, Cedric looked deep into Elara’s eyes.

“I… wow,” he stammered, a smile breaking across his face. “That was… amazing.”

Elara blushed, her cheeks a rosy pink. “I thought it was pretty magical too.”

A genuine smile spread across Cedric’s face, warmth flooding through him. For the first time, he felt like he had truly shared a piece of himself. “Thank you for believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.”

“I’ll always believe in you, Cedric,” she replied, her eyes shining with affection.

As they stood together, hand in hand, Cedric felt the weight of his insecurities begin to lift. Maybe he wasn’t perfect, but with Elara by his side, he didn’t have to be. The true magic, he realized, was in the connection they shared, built on trust, understanding, and the courage to be vulnerable.

---

[bobthetacocat]

There's a note on the ground...

This is something I wrote for google-drive-submit, the final capstone in the Susie ARG project, posted on my Tumblr by request. It's a collection of a few thoughts that had crossed my mind since the project ended that I wanted to share. This is something I could talk about for a lot longer, so I promise to not take up much of your time.

I think this is obvious, but the vast majority of things discussed in the Susie ARG do not relate to CCC 12 at all. Susie says as much herself.

This naturally brings up the follow-up question: why do this at all? If none of this matters to the canon, why put so much time and effort into it? And I guess that's a question you can realistically ask of all of SiIvaGunner. Rips take time to become as high quality as they are, right? Why do it at all?

The artistic process is kinda mean like that. It's a lot of hard work for something that feels so… ephemeral. Dust that falls through your hands when moved wrong.

Susie had a few things to say about the channel, the overarching canon, and its people. She said almost everything she desired to say… except she left one straggler she didn't wrap up in time. Kind of a shame really, I think it's one of the more important ones. It's hard to say what that piece would've looked like if it was finished, but after consulting with Susie, I'm sure it would've looked something like this:

"My father said to me that that things tend to repeat themselves, given enough time. Sentience creates understanding, and understanding creates symbols, repetition, abstraction into things we can understand. How fitting, I suppose, that there are plenty of quotes like this…

Have you ever thought about where that lighthouse shows up? It's different every time. To SiIvaGunner it's a landmark of his home, to the AI universe it's a connection to the AI mainframe, to all those other little universes it's one thing or another; and of course, to you it's iconography, a picture to be adapted. Endlessly exploitable, as the deftest symbols tend to be.

I can't help but notice these types of things everywhere… somebody says a random phrase here - "intriguing", "nice", "reverb", there's a million examples - and it manages to travel across the universe and back again. A character talks over here, and their idea shows up somewhere else. Mr. Rental exists in one world, and a place is named after him a universe and half a planet away. Ideas conglomerate, and reform, and repeat; and one domino can add onto what anything means if it's the right time. This isn't a unintended side effect of the system, that's just how these things are here, a world of repeating and combining ideas together.

Then again, in the real world - your world - SiIvaGunner himself is a repetition of symbol, no? His better half. And he, in turn, is a repetition of someone else, who probably was inspired by someone else… so I suppose this was inevitable, in a way."

Out of a morbid curiosity, I decided to go back and look at my first reaction to the release of Prologue and Episode 1 of the CCC in 2016, since I'm lucky enough to still be in that Discord server. It was the kind of reaction you would expect from a 13 year old: making jokes, making unrelated jokes, bad jokes, jokes, so on. But don't misunderstand me - I was excited, and I was glued to the screen.

Fast forward, now - it's 2024. I just turned 21. Episode 11 has finally released, and it's a stellar job, genuinely. I'm in the middle of conceptualizing the Susie ARG, a project dedicated to the nuances of this thing that's been a part of my life for so long... and here I am, making the worst joke ever about how Haltmann couldn't just get Susie with a piano from Super Star Symphony. And putting it onto my pitch document! What am I doing?! Am I stutipd??? I feel like the "what would you tell your past self" thought is pretty cliche, but I'm not sure how I would tell my past self that I'm just doing a higher caliber of the same stupid shitposting he was. I think he'd find it funny, though.

SiIvaGunner's lore has never been the most popular thing on the channel. It feels almost condescending to explain the main reason why in detail - SiIvaGunner's main export is high quality rips. People aren't really coming for the story. But I think there is a second reason worth addressing: SiIvaGunner lore is hard to follow. This is also obvious, but I think the reason it started getting hard to follow is more nebulous and interesting. My current reasoning is that the characters stopped having predetermined story arcs and started living lives, if that makes sense.

Wood Man is patient zero of this. His defection from his predetermined box was relatively simple - an offscreen penchant for movie making. This turned Wood Man, an otherwise dumb side character completely fabricated for the sake of his master's bidding, into, like, a guy. Wood Man & Robbie Rotten turned him into a more complex person, with something from him that we hadn't seen before and he hadn't told anybody. He discussed the time dilation, and everything that implies, and how the world's time moves along. Then he got teleported to The Lost Rip, and the whole predetermined box fell apart completely. He escaped being a dumb side character, and got to do his own thing. He started knowing people offscreen, he started filming more movies, having the chance to hang out and be somebody and mature. He started living. Until… well, you know.

Wood Man's whole deal is emblematic of the tricky thing with the wielding of the passage of time in correlation to real life - the longer time has gone on, the more opportunity our side characters in the SiIvaGunner world have had to live their lives outside of the script and break their boxes. Dr. Andonuts spent so much of his time working, being a character behind the scenes, until he was compelled to come into the light. Joke-Explainer probably spent years wandering Grandiose, doing her own thing, living her life, interacting with people; checking in once a couple of years until we caught up with her for channel host. Haltmann had way more time than he would've to become committed to finding his daughter, and Susie had pretty much her entire existence as a Figment to watch from behind the scenes, until… well, you know.

And it's like, how do you condense that? If your 6 year old nephew turned 15 when you weren't looking, how do you compartmentalize the hundreds of off-screen stories in your brain? You don't, right? These type of things reward being around from the beginning, in a story that has broken its predefined end, and with characters that have had the chance to live autonomously. And that's probably bad for some of the newer viewers, but maybe that's better for some of the characters.

By the tail end of the project, I realized I was a lot like Susie. Not in the literal sense, duh, but in the metaphorical, as a watcher of the story with a lot of opinions, who suddenly got to have those opinions known on the grand stage.

Susie started to sound more and more like me as time went on - or maybe I started to sound more and more like Susie? I'm not sure - as the character got situated in her place. I hope that hasn't been too obvious as you've been reading this document, but it probably has.

Susie and I don't agree on everything. We probably disagree on most things, realistically. But here we had one shared goal - to walk forward with this thing we've been watching for so many years.

All we had to do was try and find the right words.

[ineffablelara]

Loki's dysfunctional family

"I don’t want to hear your riddles and your vague excuses for him, I want the truth. Answer me!"

This is from wml, I consider the book to be its own canon but still, I think this sums up Loki's relationship with Frigga very well, he loves her and she loves him but her priority is always defending Odin, even if she has to lie to Loki to achieve that, she also created this persona where she is the wise, all-knowing queen who always knows better than everyone else, I love how it's the one thing that all the movies that feature her got right, she's probably the most consistent character from all the Thor movies bc she always behaves and speaks in the same way: "You're a little foolish child but I love you and I also know better than you'll ever know so just listen to me for I am you mother and I'm wiser than you"

Like, even in a deleted scene from the first Thor she displays this slightly narcissistic behavior (I didn't want to use the word narcissistic bc that migt be a bit extreme but rn I can't think of another word, please don't think I'm calling her a monster or something, I just think she displays a little arrogance in ways that can be considered funny, playful or harmless sometimes)

"Thor, just remember, you have something even the great Allfather never had" "What is that?" "Me for a mother, now don't keep you father waiting"

"Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself"

"You're no idiot, you're here aren't you? Seeking counsel from the wisest person in Asgard"

This is just from the movies, in the official tdw novelization she has a conversation with Jane that happens after the "don't let him hear you say that" scene that goes:

“I can’t remember the last time Thor brought a friend home to meet us,” Frigga said to Jane. “When a young man brings a young woman home to meet his parents…” Frigga began, implying a possible marriage between Thor and Jane. “Technically, I think we have only known each other for three days,” Jane said, surprised to be having this conversation so soon. “And if it were three million, would that change how you feel?”

This last one always makes laugh bc... girl I really don't know if my feelings for a man I met three days ago would remain the same after three million years, was that really supposed to sound wise and reasonable? lmao okayy

And the "Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself" one kinda makes me uncomfortable bc it sounds patronizing, this might just be my own traumas speaking but telling someone that they don't know how they feel but you do always strikes a nerve , it makes me so angry bc who are you to tell me that I'm wrong about my own feelings?

And also, is Loki really not perceptive about himself? Really? Is she going going full Thor with the "imagined slights" thing?

This is what bothers me the most about Loki's family dynamic, they NEVER take him or his complaints seriously, they always downplay his grievances to make him sound ungratefull or overly dramatic and this is one of the most hurtful things you can do to a person imo, Loki voices a discomfort he has with something about their family and they instantly try to silence him or make him feel bad for complaining, that's why I'm glad he started to stand his ground with her in the prison scene

I think he then understood how alone he truly was, Frigga didn't exactly wanted to hear what he had to say nor did she try to understand him and his motives for doing what he did, she just wanted him to accept that Odin was indeed his father, a great King who did no wrong and they were a perfect family

And this doesn't happen just with Frigga, Thor participates in that too and their behavior almost reads to me as gaslighting sometimes, there's a scene in wml that always stuck with me:

Thor let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what it is that I have done,” he said, his voice softer than usual. Loki snorted. “Oh, please.” “I’m trying to apologize.” “And yet you can’t even work out what for, so I don’t think it counts.” Thor stared at him, his hands working in and out of fists at his side. Loki braced himself, ready for Thor to strike something, possibly him, but instead he said, his tone soft with hurt, “You are so determined to despise me, aren’t you?” It would have been better to be struck. Loki flinched as though he had been. “I don’t—” But Thor held up a hand. “Spare me, brother. Whatever you hold against me, whatever I have done to wound you, I hope you know that I am not your enemy. I want to fight by your side, not against you.”

For those of you who haven't read the book here goes some context: (ohh and obviously this contains spoilers so be aware)

Loki and Thor were sent to a diplomatic mission in Alfheim and things got out of hand, Loki then came up with a scheme to turn things to their favor wich Thor promptly agreed, things obviously didn't turn well for them and they got caught, they were sent to Odin who demanded an explanation for their behavior, Thor then tossed all the blame on Loki, saying that it was all his idea and he had no choice but going along with it, Odin then scolded Thor and let him go and proceeded to HUMILATE Loki for his behavior and even insinuated that his son had a dark and evil nature and there was no point in trying to change that bc people can't change their hearts and who they really are deep down, Loki was really hurt after Odin's harsh words and Thor went to "apologize" to him, Loki was furious and said they could have at least shared the blame, but Thor said that he couldn't risk angering their father, Thor then says the first line of the dialogue I put here and well, I'm assuming you read the rest.

Like, I can't believe Thor's audacity in that book, he threw his own brother under the bus bc he was scared of angering Odin and then left Loki there, completely alone to face their terrifying father (they're both scared of him in the book, it's very clear), then he goes to his rooms with a half assed apology and expects Loki to just forgive him and his cowardice as if nothing happened and goes even further by saying that Loki just keeps trying to find reasons to despise him???

The worst part is: It works, Loki wishes that Thor had just striked him bc his words hurt more than a punch, nevermind that he was the one who just got betrayed, Thor finds a way to paint him as the bad guy and Loki buys it, istg they're so toxic, it's painful to read but at the same time I feel it's so accurate

Also, I'm not hating on Thor for behaving like that btw, yes it was fucked up and he was a coward but that's only a symptom of Odin's bad parentage, his influence destroyed any chance Loki and Thor had of being normal, loving siblings, they were so terrified of him that they were willing to do anything to stay on his good graces, even if that meant betraying each other

Ans my point is, Loki's family is used to turn his words and actions against him, even if they're not aware of what they're doing, they manipulate him to invalidate his feelings and that only alienates him further from them, he gets more and more alone bc no one ever tries to show him genuine understanding and compassion, they only ever have accusing words for him and make him feel like he's a monster for criticizing them and their crappy behavior, he knows that he can't count on the two people he loves the most (Thor and Frigga) to share his pain and suffering so what does he do? He drowns in his own sorrow and heartbreak and lets those negative feelings fester inside him bc he has no one willing to listen to him, willing to be a friend

That's part of his tragedy, stuck in a toxic family that makes him feel awful for daring to complain about their behavior and spending his whole life without ever making a real friend (I mean, OG Loki at least), always isolated, always misunderstood, vilanized by the very people who claimed to love him, and I mean, if his own family thought he was a monster how could he allow himself to show vulnerability to others? They would hate him even more right?

And just like that Loki stayed stuck in his toxic family for nearly his whole life, bc he was unable to let himself be seen by others, the irony I think, is if he left them he would see how fucked up they were and would surely break free from their toxicity but his fear of being misunderstood kept him chained with them forever basically, and the longer he stayed the worse his self esteem got, and the worse his self esteem got the longer he stayed.

Thanks for reading all this, I don't think I ever yapped that much about Loki but I really could spend a whole day talking about his dysfunctional family lol

[scarlet--wiccan]

Where is the recent infinity comic with William & Thomas (?) or Billy & Tommy (?) supposed to fit into canon? Like is it an au or something? Bc I’ve only seen one panel of it but it doesn’t seem to actually fit anywhere into canon since Billy & Tommy didn’t know that eachother existed at that age and William & Thomas were William & Thomas not Billy & Tommy, Thomas didn’t have white hair and they were both toddlers when they died??

So, the comic you're asking about is this week's issue of Marvel Voices: Avengers Academy on Marvel Unlimited. The issue ends with a scene of a very young Billy and Tommy fleeing from Mephisto and hiding out in a spooky chapel on Academy grounds. There is an editor's note in the issue which explains this, but these versions of Billy and Tommy first appeared in the Young Avengers run of the Marvel's Voices Infinity Comic back in 2022. Both comics are written by Anthony Oliveira, who's previously several one-shot and event tie-ins with Billy, Teddy, and sometimes Tommy.

And yes, this is taking place in present day, Earth-616 continuity.

In the Young Avengers series, Iron Lad is fighting an evil future version of Kristoff Vernard-- you know, Doctor Doom's son?-- over a shard of the M'Kraan crystal. The crystal flies off and passes through a series of time- and space-rifts, visiting each of the Young Avengers before arriving at its final destination.

Like I said, there's a lot of time-warping going on. Teddy is reunitied with a past version of his mom, and America encounters these weird little-kid versions of Billy and Tommy. These are, apparently, the souls of Wanda's sons, from after they were taken by Mephisto in Avengers West Coast. They escaped from his Hell when the crystal passed through, opening a rift which leads them to America in the present day. America defends them from Mephisto, and the kids flee through another rift with the crystal in tow, but they don't show up again for the rest of the series.

In Avengers Academy, the school campus is built in a pocket-dimension that was created using the same M'kraan crystal shard. Presumably, the rift that Billy and Tommy escaped through led them there.

My assumption is that this storyline is meant to bridge the gap between the twins' death and reincarnation. I've always felt that the retcon in Children's Crusade explained it just fine-- Wanda attempted to resurrect them using Earth's Life Force, and it worked, just not how she expected. There is room to build on top of that, though, and here, we're seeing how their souls escaped from Mephisto in order to make that reincarnation possible. The fact that time travel is explicitly involved also accounts for the timeline discrepancies around their reincarnation, although, again, that was easy enough to justify with Wanda’s heightened reality-warping.

There are also some very touching moments with Billy and America, who's really struggling in this story after finding out that everything she believed about the Utopian Parallel is a lie. There is potential here to fix some of the damage that was done to her character by threading their storylines back together Billy appears to be inspired to someday create the Parallel himself, and comments that he and Tommy might do it together, which is is interesting. Turning Billy's Demiurge destiny into a shared role makes a lot more sense after Scarlet Witch (2024) did something similar with Wanda and Pietro.

Overall, I like this storyline, but I will say that there are a number of small continuity errors, and Oliveira makes it seem as if Wanda abandoned her sons and doesn't have a good relationship with them in the present, neither of which is true. It left a bad taste in my mouth, so I am intrigued, but nervous.

The twins' ages feel very arbitrary-- they were barely toddlers when they died-- but this isn't the first time they've been retroactively aged up. Vision (2016) made them appear older in flashbacks. Tommy's hair color doesn't really bother me, because the twins weren't originally intended to have Wanda and Pietro's powers/coloring. Applying it retroactively is fine, especially since, again, this is a slightly older version, and Pietro's always canonically had white hair from a young age.

[fantasyheroine]

Written in the Stars - Chapter 3

Pairings: Astarion x Tav

Rating: Explicit

Summary: For months Astarion and Tav have been growing closer and both of them would consider the other a good friend at this point. But is friendship really what either of them truly want? One night has the potential to change their relationship forever. Will the two of them be able to overcome the hurdles a new romance throws their way while they navigate the impending threat of the Netherbrain? Or will past trauma's come back to haunt them permanently? Get swept up in this whirlwind of passion, love, and fear as the characters of Baldur's Gate 3 take on the Cult of the Absolute.

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Chapter 3: Orders are for Slaves

Word Count: 11,391

Warnings: Lots of dialogue. Heavy angst. Some gruesome imagery. Crack. Gale.

Song: P!nk - Please Don't Leave Me

A/N: I am so sorry that this chapter took 3 weeks to publish! Life got a little crazy there for a bit and I was kept quite busy. I hope that the length and quality of this chapter can make up for its delay. If you haven't been doing so already, I suggest listening to the song before reading the chapter and then directly after. I put a lot of thought and effort into picking the right piece and it serves as both a preview and summary. Anyway enjoy the excessively long chapter!

Tav was left staring after Astarion as he departed the small clearing. Her longbow clattered to the ground as she dropped to her knees on the forest floor. Clenched fists pounded the earth causing little pieces of dry, brown dirt to come flying up around her. *Damn him…! Damn him! Damn him! Damn him!* She wanted to hate him. Wanted to hunt him down and make him feel her pain! She hated the way he had so easily turned her anger into sorrow. Hated the way he had just left her here! Alone…! Confused…! Heartbroken… Nothing made sense anymore… What was she supposed to do…? Familiar feelings came creeping back into her mind and she considered them. It would be easy. She could let herself slip back into old habits. She knew how to keep them concealed. No one would be any the wiser. *No Tav! You've come this far. You don't have to do that anymore.* Her copper ponytail shook as she tried to clear the thoughts from her mind. *Come on. Pick yourself up. You can do it.* Tav pushed her palms further into the dirt. *Feel the earth around you. What can you hear? What can you smell?* The forest held the scent of ash but the air itself smelt like lavender. The tell tale signs of wild magic crackled like electricity. Little pops could be heard on the wind as Thaniel worked at healing the lands. If there had been any hairs on her arms, they would have been standing up as the weave sent jolts down her spine. Far above the trees, the cry of a falcon echoed. With a jerk of her chin, Tav’s head lifted up in surprise.

“Fenrir!”

An armored arm lifted to the sky and the fearsome bird dived. Its descent was fast. The kind of speed one would expect to see from the quickest bird of prey. The speckled creature’s talons extended as it approached, landing on the proffered perch. The bracers donned atop her scale mail kept sandy skin protected from the sharp points now firmly planted into the leather as the falcon assumed position on the raised appendage. Tav’s hand reached up to the raptor’s head giving the blueish-black feathers a little scratch. A quick chirp was given in greeting before the avian leaned into her touch. Continuing to comb through its feathers she spoke, using the language of animals.

“You're a good boy Fenrir. I suppose Ursa sent you to come bring me back to camp?”

Fenrir clicked his tongue in response. Tav’s hand withdrew as she focused on giving him her full attention. Her familiar’s voice was deep and carried the classic accent of Baldurian animals. It had always fascinated her how an animal's voice reflected their place of origin. Fenrir had come from the Cloak Wood forest. She herself had come from the High Forest. And while she had been the one to hatch him and teach him speech, he had still ended up with the inflections of Baldur’s Gate. Black beady eyes gazed at her.

“She is concerned. You have been gone all day.”

Tav sighed. Leave it to her animal companions to be the ones to check up on her first. They had the tendency of being nosy and often missed the subtleties of when she didn’t want to be disturbed. She looked away from her familiar.

“Yeah, I know… I just… had some things I had to work through.”

Blue feathers ruffled as Fenrir’s head tilted to the side in consideration of her words. He had seen his Elf approach the pale one the night before. And while that wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, the distress he’d picked up on the following morning was unusual. His next words were in an attempt to test the waters but also an offer of space for his guardian to speak.

“The fanged Elf consumes your mind often.”

A little chuckle escaped Tav. It seemed Fenrir had her figured out. A leather-clad finger booped his beak.

“You always were the most observant out of all of us.”

In response, the avian playfully nipped at her finger.

“You know as well as I, that it is my nature to notice that which others do not.”

Another shake of her head. He wasn’t wrong. Peach lips curled up into her first true smile of the day.

“I suppose it is. Tell me then, what would you do if your chosen mate did not wish to be with you?”

Fenrir’s tail fanned out behind him in displeasure. The way his eyes narrowed looked like how a person’s brow did when it was furrowed. It had always amused her how expressive animals could be if anyone cared enough to study them.

“He rejected your mating display?”

Picking up on the change in body language immediately, she tried to suppress the rolling of her eyes. *Oh boy. Here we go again.* Fenrir had made it clear through many a conversation that he did not approve of Astarion. She had tried multiple times to convince her feathered friend that the High Elf was the perfect mate for her, but Fenrir always took the stance that she could find a better partner than the rogue. Her smile turned sheepish as she attempted to soothe some of the falcon’s agitation with a noncommittal shrug.

“Kind of…?”

A series of angry beak clicks sounded at that answer and Fenrir fanned his tail wider. One foot lifted off of her arm as his neck stretched up high. Chest feathers puffed up to make the raptor look larger than he originally was.

“I do not understand. You are a most excellent hunter. Why would he reject you?”

He paused, assessing the female in front of him. A sort of knowing look sparked within his glassy orbs.

“Did you make sure to bow to him before displaying your prowess?”

Choking, Tav suppressed her laugh with a clearing of her throat. Of course he would think Elf relationships worked like falcon ones. Fenrir had only been with her for five years after all, and during that time she had never attempted flirting with anybody. It was childish of her to ever think that he would actually understand the dynamics between her and Astarion. Hells! She barely understood them herself. There was no way a young and inexperienced bird would get it. Despite holding back her giggles, she couldn't help the teasing that came out in her tone as she indulged in the silly line of questioning.

“Ah, that must have been what it was. I forgot the bow.”

More beak clicking met her ears and feathers were ruffled once more.

“How many times have we spoken on this, Hatch Mother? Without the bow, he has no way of knowing your intentions are to mate. Do it again. This time, remember the bow. He will not reject you.”

It was growing harder to not laugh. Her falcon was attempting to instruct her on how to win Astarion’s heart. The whole situation was ridiculous. Gods, how she wished it could be as easy as Fenrir was making it seem. If all it took for Astarion to accept her advances was a bow, she would have given him the most elaborate bow in all of history. Hells, she might have even attempted a low curtsy. But it wasn’t even close to that simple. And after the last twenty four hours, the two of them were currently standing on cracking ice. It was difficult to not let her sadness show, but all animals were empaths, and exposing her emotions to her companion would only serve to make him more agitated. Doing her best to keep the hurt out of her voice, she continued the silly conversation. Fenrir had so confidently stated that should she try a second time, with the proper procedure, Astarion would not reject her. The notion was worth asking about, even if he didn’t fully understand Elven courtship.

“And how can you be so sure Astarion will accept me if I try again?”

There was a very real possibility that the avian had picked up on something she hadn’t. At his core, Fenrir was incredibly observant. It’s what made him an excellent predator and familiar. There was every chance that he had noticed something about Astarion that would give indicators that the man liked her back. The animal took a moment to smooth out a misplaced feather before he responded.

“The fool has been performing courtship attempts since the moment we met him, but has been going about them in poor fashion.”

Tav’s previous smile morphed to confusion. What had Fenrir seen that gave him that impression?

“What do you mean? What courtship displays has he been attempting?”

A flash of dark brown was visible in those near black beads of his as Fenrir looked back up at her.

“For one, he constantly preens around you. I once watched him delicately lay every feather on his head piece by piece, for over an hour of time, before he approached you. You did not notice his attempts.”

Astarion had painstakingly arranged his hair just so before engaging with her? She had always thought his messy curls simply existed in such a state of constant perfection. It had never crossed her mind that he did it on purpose. Shit. What else had Fenrir noticed? The raptor seemed to pick up on her unasked question because he offered up another of his observations.

“He dances for you. Granted, it is not a very good dance, but he does try.”

Ok that one had her puzzled. What in the Nine Hells did he mean by dancing?

“Care to elaborate on that one, friend?”

Another series of beak clicking hit her ears and she watched as Fenrir shifted from foot to foot.

“The gestures he makes with his hands when he speaks, and the way he walks. They look like a bad dance. He does it to try and get your attention. The buffoon hasn’t seemed to realize, though, that he always has your attention. Honestly, I do not understand what you see in him, Hatch Mother. He does not seem to be the brightest nor most confident bird.”

That observation was curious too. Astarion had forever maintained this air of flamboyance to him, but it hadn’t occurred to her that maybe he dialed it up a few notches when in her presence. She had always brushed off his dramatics as a part of his personality. Could he be intentionally amping it up to get her attention? *Why would he do that?* Surely he knew that she found him interesting regardless of the flair. It was a fun aspect of interacting with him, of course, but entirely unnecessary. Maybe Fenrir was right and the confidence Astarion so effortlessly portrayed was actually false. She had caught glimpses of his insecurities in the past. Uncertainty if he looked good, doubts surrounding his heroic capabilities. But that had most frequently been when they were still getting to know each other. It was months beyond then, now. She had hoped that he’d feel comfortable enough around her at this point to not have to mask as much… Why did he still feel like he had to perform? Was he still trying to manipulate her? Or maybe… he was doing it in a vie for her attention. There were certainly plenty of people at camp that kept her busy. Even more who demanded her assistance while on the road. They all collectively prevented her from spending time with him. It wouldn’t come as much of a surprise if his displays were out of jealousy. A sort of theatrical way of getting her attention on him and solely him. Her head shook again. She would have to think about all of this later. Right now there was a falcon waiting for her response. She gave Fenrir a joking smile again.

“He would make a pretty lousy falcon wouldn’t he?”

“Yes. His mating displays are abysmal. It is a wonder he ever gained your attention. Most females would not have looked twice at him.”

Instantly, a memory popped into her head. She was talking to Arron, the druid trader from the Emerald Grove. It was right after the fight with the goblins at the gate. The fight where she, Astarion, Gale, and Shadowheart had conveniently stumbled across Aradin and his band trying to regain access into the druidic sanctuary. Their adventuring party had been warily welcomed into the Grove and she had been selling some of the unnecessary things they had come across in the few days since crashing onto the ravaged beach, when her eyes caught a motion behind the Halfling merchant. Her gaze had met Astarion’s as the seller appraised an agate she’d found along the shoreline. He’d given her a sly smirk and a cheeky wink, then slipped the trader’s pouch of gold into his pocket off the table it had been sitting upon. His boldness had made her heart flutter and the deftness in which he had swiped the coin made her want to learn more about him. Where had he learned to do that? And to what extent did his thievery go? Covertly she’d made a glance at the enchanted longbow leaning against the broken stone obelisk where Arron had set up shop before enthusiastically engaging the short man in a barter for a pair of missile snaring gloves.

She had intentionally looked away as her companion took advantage of her skilled distraction and was pleasantly surprised when Astarion had presented her with the ranged weapon that night at camp. She had assumed he would keep it for himself considering he had proficiency in the item as well, but he had revealed it to her with a flourish and some off handed comment about how she had good taste. The unexpected generosity had found her searching beyond the rogue’s blatant good looks and disarming charm. A glance to the side revealed that same longbow laying discarded after her fight with the Vampire earlier in the day. It wasn’t the strongest armament in her arsenal by any means, the enchantment only allowing her to regain spell slots after having dealt a critical shot and she barely used it nowadays, but for some reason she had chosen it today out of her entire collection. Sigh. Just another thing to think about later. A freckled nose turned back to Fenrir. He was watching her with calculating eyes.

“Perhaps I see something in him that you don’t.”

The falcon once again ruffled his feathers, this time turning up his beak in disdain.

“Hmph. I still think him a fool and poor choice.”

A little laugh was released at the statement, her fingers reaching up again to scratch the back of the familiar’s neck.

“I know, buddy. But it’s my choice, and I like him. I suggest you learn to like him too.”

Fenrir did the bird equivalent of rolling his eyes and pecked at her gloved hand. Tav playfully grabbed his beak between her thumb and pointer finger and lightly shook his head from side to side.

“Why don’t you go tell Ursa I’ll be back in a bit. As soon as I have collected all of my arrows I’ll start heading that way.”

Recovering from the good-natured assault, Fenrir lowered his head as his body pitched forward, preparing for flight. After a few test flaps of his wings he began offering Tav a final warning.

“Very well. Do not linger or I shall come find you again.”

Her face wrinkled in amusement as her arm raised back into the sky, giving Fenrir a better position to take off.

“Go. I’ll return before you know it.”

The answer seemed to satisfy him and with a big flap of his strong wings, Fenrir shot up towards the clouds. Tav watched him for a moment as he soared through the air before letting her body slump heavily. Her bird had successfully disrupted the negative thoughts, but now with him gone, she was left to face the aftermath of her fight with Astarion. All around the clearing were scattered arrows that she had fired at him during their faux dance. High up in the trees were more arrows that she had shot in practice before he had snuck up on her. And then there was the arrow she had fired into the brush where he’d been watching her. Ugh. Collecting all of them was going to be a pain. Under normal circumstances she might have just left them lying around and come back for them the next day, but part of her plan for when she returned to camp was to start packing up her things in preparation for the trip to Baldur’s Gate. With more stress in her body than she’d had in days, Tav climbed to her feet.

It took roughly thirty minutes to gather up every stray missile and by the time she was done the sun had well and truly set. Estimating that there was roughly only an hour of light left before the sky turned completely dark, she took in her surroundings. From what she could recall from the morning, it had taken her longer than an hour to find this copse of trees and she still had no idea which direction she had taken to get here. Her copper head lifted to where Fenrir had disappeared. He had come from the west and slightly south of her current position. There was nothing around her currently that she recognized, but maybe if she moved in the trajectory that her familiar had come from something would eventually stick out. It was her best bet. With a dejected heart and dragging feet, the trek back to camp began.

Astarion’s head was spinning as he sauntered away. All of what had just occurred had been completely confusing. Never before had he seen Tav so angry. In the entirety of their time together this was the first instance in which she had gotten truly mad at him. It had frightened him to a new level. That part of his brain still stuck in survival mode after years of torture, had been screaming that she was going to kill him. She could have if she’d wanted to. While Tav may not have ever claimed to be a monster hunter, there was no doubt that she was a deadly huntress of a different kind. The kind that could have shot an arrow straight through his heart before he could even blink. Yes, she could have killed him. And it was a surprise she hadn’t. All the other people he had encountered with that level of anger had either beat him, tortured him, or tried to kill him. Isn’t that what was supposed to happen in situations like these? When he had made a grave error and deserved the consequences that came with it? Why had she shown him mercy? He wondered, then, if he would have killed her, hurt her, should the roles have been reversed… *No.* He didn’t think he could raise a blade to her skin even if she turned into a Mindflayer… The answer as to why, however, continued to elude him. Fangs pricked flesh as he bit his lip, but the sensation went unnoticed. There was something here that he wasn’t grasping. Something that he was failing to understand. Why had she looked more sad than mad? Why did his stomach turn at the thought of harming her? For the life of him he couldn’t figure out what piece it was that he was missing.

As he continued to chew on his bottom lip he racked his brain, trying to hold onto whatever slivers of enlightenment he could grasp. But like silken thread, those potentially eye-opening thoughts slipped through his fingers. Astarion’s huff of frustration broke the connection of fangs in flesh. Why did everything with her have to be so damn confusing!? It was his job to be able to decode people. Understand their motives so he could manipulate them. He was good at it. But then she came into his life and now nothing made sense anymore. All those years of building skills in seduction and perception, tossed to the side, out of reach, when anything concerning her came up. It was truly infuriating. He had wanted his relationship with her to be simple. Sex for protection. She was strong, and he’d been in need of that strength. Getting her to fall for him should have been easy. A basic matter of deceptive romancing that left him in complete control over everything. But she had changed the script. Used lines he wasn’t familiar with, and taken actions that went against all he thought he knew… And now…? They were stuck; her angry, him stumped. There was no playbook he could reference for going forward. No persona he could portray to try and get things back on track. She was resistant to it all. 

So far his life with her went bounds beyond uncharted territory. It was like he was a child again. Experiencing the world for the first time. How many things had she opened his eyes to? How many incorrect notions had she dispelled? His forehead crinkled, a solid crease forming between his brows. It was awful and uncomfortable, and he wished again that things between them could just be easy. Slowly, his mind began drifting to thoughts of ‘what now’. They had fought. Their first ever actual fight in all of the long months spent travelling together. The only kind of fights he’d been in before were those for survival. The kind where it was kill or be killed. He had never experienced a domestic fight. What was supposed to happen when two companions fought? She hadn’t killed him, and he hadn’t killed her. What move would she make next? She could tell him to leave and never come back. Dismiss him from the party for ever daring to defy her. Or worse, she could leave him. Had she gone back to camp the moment he left her standing in that little clearing, packed up her things, and called it quits? Feet faltered. She wouldn’t do that, would she? Just leave him after everything they had been through…? His body started to ache. Each rigid muscle tightening as they begged him to turn around and run back to her. Was she still there? Was she waiting for him…? Or had he lost her forever?

Something cold and wet hit his cheek. It traced the outline of his chiseled face, then dripped off his chin. It made the softest splash as it hit his old, worn shoe. Only the ears of an Elf could have caught the noise. His head turned down and he stared at the damp spot it had made. Then another one fell. It also landed with the tiniest splash. How long had it been since he’d last cried? It had to have occurred somewhere around the same time Cazador had made the last revision to the scars adorning his back. But those tears weren’t like these. Then, they were born from physical pain. Now… They came from agony. He hadn’t felt such anguish since the night he’d dug himself out of his own grave. The night he had become a slave… More cold tears dripped onto his shoes and he dropped to his knees. The entirety of his body shook with the weight of the emotions he was feeling. Tav was going to leave him! One way or another he was going to lose Tav! *Oh Gods!* He was going to have to go the rest of the way to Baldur’s Gate alone. Find a cure for the tadpole alone. Face Cazador ab-so-lutely alone. His face hit the dirt as his body collapsed from under him. Dry earth turned to mud from the sheer amount of liquid pooling from his eyes. He was alone. Again! This was worse than dying. Worse than being turned. Worse than the tadpole in his head. He was going to have to figure things out by himself. Manage on his own like he always had. He might as well go crawling back to his old master. It’s not like that would feel any different than this.

It felt like time was frozen as he lay face down on the ground. It took many long minutes, but eventually he willed himself to stop crying. He didn’t want to think about any of this anymore. If she left, he’d deal with it. If she cast him out, he would deal with it. Carefully, Astarion climbed back to his feet. That little spark of life that had resided inside of him his entire life as a Spawn kept him moving forwards. He would not fail. He would not fall. Not over some insignificant woman. He was a free man now. A free man had endless opportunities. And if he could kill Cazador? Take his master’s place in the Ascension? Well, he could do anything he wanted then. He didn’t need Tav. He was better off without her. She had only been holding him back. Making him weak by forcing him to play hero. He would be fine without her… Wouldn't he?

That feeling in his chest was hurting even more than before. Again, his hand rubbed over the spot where he felt the pain. And again, his palm landed over his undying heart. It was strange; to experience sensation underneath his left pectoral after a lifetime of nothing ever being there. He briefly wondered if the effects of the tadpole had made their way into his body. He wouldn’t put it past the little parasite to start causing more issues. Perhaps these things he was experiencing in his chest were the start of ceremorphosis. He supposed he’d have to ask Halsin to take a look at him when he made it back to camp. That is, if he didn’t turn overnight… Speaking of night, he figured he would have to find a place to settle down. He had decided that he wasn’t going to return until at least morning. There was too big of a possibility that he’d get back and find Tav’s tent packed up and gone. The sight would likely break him again, and he would need time to prepare for the act of indifference he would be forced to perform for the others should his fears be true. However, wandering the healing shadow-cursed lands would do him no good. He needed to find someplace to bed down. Some location where he could think, where he could plan. A safe spot where no one could see him trying to pick up the pieces of his shattered world. 

Eyebrows furrowed as he considered his possibilities. There was always the House of Healing and various other buildings in the destroyed town of Reithwin. But minus the old hospital, all of those places were rotten. His nose wrinkled. He didn’t much fancy the idea of resting among the smell of decaying wood. And the safety of those locations were severely lacking. He would be exposed. So where could he go then? A brief glance at his current surroundings gave him his answer. The towers at Moonrise weren’t too far off. And the structural integrity of the fortress was intact. Plus should any cultists be lingering about, they’d likely not be in the area where their leader had fallen. *The towers it is then.* Shaking off the dirt that had collected on his clothes and wiping away the mud caked on his cheeks, Astarion started to move. His eyes were still wet but he tried not to pay attention to them. He was fine. He was going to be fine. A quick adjustment to the direction in which he had been walking and he was making his way to the towers where mere days ago the party had defeated one of the three leaders of the Absolute.

Tav made it back to camp right as everyone was finishing their dinner. Her stomach growled at the smell of food. She hadn’t eaten all day. Hadn’t even thought to pack a snack before charging out of camp like a Deep Rothé. With drooping shoulders, she approached the blazing fire that was strategically positioned in the center of the temporary home. Gale offered her a hesitant smile when she was within range of his sight. It seemed Karlach had shared a warning about her previous iciness and he was the only one who hadn’t scattered at her reappearance. Doing her best to return the wizard’s smile, she plopped herself into the seat beside him.

“You’re back?”

His tone was cautious. She couldn’t exactly blame him for it either. Gale, despite what he would have people believe, was relatively tenderhearted. Whenever a confrontation broke out in camp he’d casually avoid getting involved unless necessary. She removed the quiver and longbow from the notch on her back and set them to the side of the homemade bench the two of them sat on. Letting out a long, drawn out sigh, she responded.

“Yeah… I’m back.”

Quizzical, dark hazel eyes inspected her. Nothing about her appearance seemed amiss and at the very least she had left camp protected. Tav was suddenly grateful that humans didn’t have dark vision; for she was sure that if they did, her companion would have spotted her puffy cheeks and bloodshot orbs. She tried to change the subject away from the looming questions that clearly sat at the tip of the man’s tongue.

“Is there any dinner left?”

In a feat of luck, her redirection worked; Gale now getting up and making his way towards the cooking pot on the main table set up near the fire. The container was taken over to the cooking irons staked into the ground near a less fire intense portion of the conflagration and hung on one of the various hooks. Summoning a mage hand to begin stirring whatever the receptacle contained, the man took up the seat to her left again.

“You’ll be happy to know that I saved some specifically for you. It wasn’t easy. Lae’zel was particularly ravenous tonight and I had to beat her off with a wooden spoon, but I figured, after your long day in the woods, you’d come back with an empty stomach and an eagerness to consume the first thing put in front of you. If you’re wondering, tonight’s dinner is a fragrant stew comprised of glowcap mushrooms, bluecap mushrooms, peas, and grilled goat. All things we had here at camp. I don’t want you thinking I went and spent our money without your valued input. Besides, we have collected more than enough supplies to last us until we get to the city. I’ll have you know, I took stock today and structured our rations into a finely detailed list. It is organized by food group with the amounts of each item cataloged in the classic tally stick inventory management systematization that is known amongst all shopkeeps. I even added a note to the level of freshness for our provisions through the use of…”

Tav interrupted whatever useless detail he planned to inform her of next. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind today to be invested in Gale’s peculiarities. She just wanted to eat and get on with the group meeting she had planned. In a hearty attempt to put on an air of appreciation, she spoke, not wanting her friend to pick up on the fact that she really didn’t give a damn about his list.

“Thank you Gale. I’m sure your list is very comprehensive.”

Her placating smile barely reached her cheeks and the wizard seemed to pick up on the fact that she was merely attempting to appease him. His smile took on a more apologetic look than his typical cheery one and he started waggling a finger in her direction.

“Right. Food first. I’ll acquiesce, I get carried away sometimes, but we can always go over the list later, so one bowl of stew, seeeeeeeerved promptly.”

He stood from his seat again and gathered up a modestly sized wooden bowl and iron spoon. The mage hand used the serving spoon it was stirring with to scoop up a glob of the stew and dump it into the dinnerware in Gale’s hands. The Human once again returned to her side, offering up the meal.

“Careful, my friend. I should warn you, it is quite hot. Last thing you need today is to be burning your tongue on your supper.”

A soft blow was given to the bowl as Tav gratefully took the stew from her friend. The food smelled fantastic, leading to another growl from her stomach. She supposed their party had been fairly spoiled recently with all of Gale’s elaborate homemade cooking. Most nights everyone was too exhausted after a day full of fighting and adventuring for much effort to be put into dinner. But since winning the battle at Moonrise, the wizard had been going all out on what he prepared. The night before he’d provided everyone with a three course meal that Tav was sure had left her armor fastening a bit too tightly. Now he had made a hearty stew from scratch. A tentative spoonful tested the temperature, before she was enthusiastically diving in for more. There was no debate that Gale was an incredible chef. Immense gratitude settled into her chest at the fact that he had taken up the duty of cooking so willingly back during those early days of adventuring together. Had meal planning been left up to her, everyone would have been eating cheese and dried meats every night. The thick liquid warmed some of the coolness in her heart and she turned back to her companion with more willingness to engage with him.

“So… What did everyone do today while I was gone?”

It wasn’t often that she left the others to their own devices. A bit of a micromanaging tendency she had developed overtime, but everyone seemed to value the fact that she made the majority of the decisions. They all came from such different places and backgrounds that her ability to remain level-headed in whatever situation the group found themselves in had caused everyone to unanimously appoint her their leader. Since then, she had been calling the shots and giving directions. Most of the time she didn’t mind the responsibility, but days like today were the few instances where the multitude of expectations sent her way became overwhelming. Still, it would be interesting to know if anything had gone completely horribly wrong in her absence. Gale tapped his chin at her question.

“Let’s see… Ah! Halsin spent the day talking to the plants. To my ears, it sounded reminiscent of a motivational speech one would give shy children. I’m not sure exactly how the conversation went, but I did see the most lovely of violets today. They are typically not native to this area, as you likely well know, so I am sure his hand had a play in helping it bloom. Did you know that the citizens of Waterdeep regard violets with the highest of prestige? There is an entire holiday celebrated annually in which violets are planted. It is known as Ahghairon’s Day, who, you may not know, was Waterdeep’s first Lord. Truly fascinating stuff, I assure you.”

Manicured nails pinched the bridge of her nose. That was not the kind of information she had been looking for. The beginnings of a headache started to throb in her temples. Her hand moved to run fingers through her hair. That stubborn strand that liked to stick to her forehead swished at the motion then flittered back down into its preferred spot. Her tone was sarcastic as she tried again to get anything useful out of her friend.

“Did anyone else do anything of note? Or did you all gather to watch Halsin talk to his plants?”

Gale let out a small chuckle at the snipe.

“Not up for discussing the intricacies of Waterdeep holidays I see. Not to worry, there is plenty more to conversate about that may be of more interest to you. Wyll and Shadowheart engaged in quite the debate today. Shadowheart was of the mind that proper penmanship is conducted with a limited amount of ink on the quill. Wyll, however, felt that a decent amount of ink is needed to ensure the legibility of one’s writing. I intervened, and being the resident academic, suggested that they both write the same lines, on a spare piece of parchment, side by side, and allow the rest of the camp to be the judge. Overall, more people agreed that Wyll’s handwriting was neater than Shadowheart’s, implying that more ink is indeed the favorable option. Admittedly, I fear, I am going to have to more elaborately investigate the particulars of this matter, as today’s experiment was a rather pitibale trial in the grand scheme of scientific discovery.”

Gods. Now she did have a headache. With the last bit of mental effort she could muster, Tav sent out a tadpole SOS to all of her companions.

“Someone please come save me from Gale.”

The wizard was still chattering on about the proper ways in which to employ the scientific method but she had wholeheartedly turned her ears off by this point. A tingle in her brain announced the incoming message sent her way, and Shadowheart’s voice washed over her mind.

“I had to put up with him all day. The very least you could do after running away this morning is take one for the team.”

She shot back the image of a raised middle finger and felt Shadowheart’s laughter. Opening her mind back up to the rest of those infected, she tried another tactic.

“Fine then. Don’t come over here to save me, come because I have something important to discuss.”

The noise of rustling tent flaps could be heard and soon all of her friends, save Astarion, were gathering around her. Gale cut off his monologuing in a sudden wheeze of air as Karlach affectionately thunked him on the back of his head.

“Hush up Sparkle Hands. Tav’s got something she wants to tell us.”

Tav rolled her shoulders back as she stood up so that everyone could see her. Wyll had been kind enough to grab Halsin who was unable to receive tadpole communications due to not having been infected with a Mindflayer parasite. A moment was spent looking at all of her friends who had followed her this far. Each one of them had fought by her side time and time again, defending her, risking their lives for her. Once again she would have to ask them to join her in an almost undoubtedly life threatening quest. Instinctually, her eyes searched for Astarion. He had become her partner in crime, the one she looked to for confidence when she felt unsure or insecure. He gave her the comfort she needed to be brave as she knew that despite what the others might say or do, he was always on her side. Her seeking came up short. He was not here. A quick scan of the treeline revealed nothing. She had hoped that he’d come swaggering out of them with his typical smirk. Had he heard her tadpole request? The psionic powers only worked within a certain range. Was he too far to hear her or had he simply chosen not to come? Another moment was spent as her eyes remained trained on the horizon but a cough had her reluctantly turning back to the group. With a deep breath, she mustered up the courage to start her speech.

“We have been through so much together. It’s hard to imagine that our journey has taken us this far. Many of us had hoped we’d have found a cure by now. Moonrise was the promise we were all holding onto. I’m sorry that it did not turn out the way we wanted. But we’ve learned valuable information. We now know that somewhere in Baldur’s Gate lies a Netherbrain in wait. We also know how to potentially defeat it. Three netherstones, for three chosen. Combined they will kill the brain. Or, make it possible to kill it. The hope is, that with its death, the tadpoles will cease to function and we will be cured while ultimately saving The Sword Coast from a full on Mindflayer invasion.”

A second deep breath. This was the part she’d been dreading her whole walk back to camp. The part where she would have to ask each of them to come with her. To join her in facing an ancient Illithid god. They would most likely die. The odds of walking away from that final battle practically nonexistent. Part of her wished she could face the horror alone. She had come to care for her companions deeply. She didn’t want to have to watch her friends die. But to capture even the slightest chance of success, she would need them. Chin lifting with deep determination, she looked at all of them in turn. Karlach, the fiery barbarian with a heart of gold. Shadowheart, the recently converted Selûnite with so much life still to live. Gale, the most intelligent academic she’d ever come across who deserved the chance to live the life of his dreams. One by one she gazed into their eyes. Lae’zel the warrior. Halsin the wise. Wyll the noble. Her voice was resolute as the question finally formed on her lips.

“Who will come with me?”

The air went still with the weight of the task ahead of them. Karlach was the first to move. Without breaking eye contact she stepped up to put herself directly in front of Tav. Her large, red hand came to rest on the smaller woman’s shoulder.

“I’ll follow you to the end of the road, Soldier.”

Some of the anxiety in her stomach dissolved and she tugged her ferocious best friend into a hug. Karlach was with her. Pulling away, Tav glanced at the rest of her compatriots. Lae’zel stepped up next. The Githyanki woman sneered, her small, upturned nose flaring.

“This creature is enemy number one of my kind. I would be a coward if I were to turn away now.”

Despite her harsh response, Tav smiled. The green female’s mannerisms were a hard pill to swallow at first, but the ranger had found herself beginning to enjoy the unique qualities of the fighter’s personality. Plus she felt a bit of pride in the role she had played in helping the young Gith grow from judgemental, astral soldier to the more nuanced woman she now was. A hand was presented for Lae’zel to take and the two of them clasped wrists in a firm sort of handshake. Halsin spoke third and he too moved to put a heavy hand on her shoulder.

“Tav, you helped me cure the blight that has haunted my mind for one hundred years. You have brought life back to a land without any, and provided me the opportunity to save my childhood friend. I promised you my aid back in the Grove, and I have no plans of retracting it, no matter how difficult the road ahead may prove to be. My skills are yours to wield”

Tears began pricking behind her lids. Three out of her seven allies had sworn their allegiance to her for a second time. It was overwhelming to be trusted so wholeheartedly. To have so much weight resting upon her small frame. She quickly wiped at the drop of liquid escaping down the bridge of her nose.

“And the rest of you? What do you say?”

Wyll brought a closed fist across his chest in salute to her.

“The Blade is at your service.”

Gale summoned a spark of magic into his hand.

“What’s an adventure without a wizard by your side.”

Shadowheart gave her a snide smile.

“We’ve all come this far. It would be silly to not see it through to the end.”

Tav laughed, flashing her teeth in a wide smile.

“Then pack your things. We head for the city in three days.”

Astarion was pacing around the circular floor of the prison warden’s office. The sound of his tasteful boots scraping against the stone tiling echoed throughout the chamber, making it the only noise to be heard in the raided tower. His back was stiff and his feet were sore. He felt hungry, cranky, and beyond tired. He hadn’t slept last night. Nor did he expect to get any rest this night either. Damn. He picked up a loose stone by his toe and tossed it across the room. It went clattering, creating the grating sound of stone against stone.

“I don’t understand it. First she wants sex, then she wants me. Only for hours later to be shooting arrows at my head! What is a man supposed to think!?”

His shrill, ostentatious voice pierced the veil of quiet that had settled over the space at Moonrise when its ruler had fallen. Spiders retreated back into their webbed cracks and a cockroach skiddled in front of him. A swift stomp crushed it. He hated cockroaches. That and rats had been the only things Cazador had ever allowed him to eat. Tav had been the first humanoid being he had ever drank from. Before that fateful night where his hunger had driven him to try and sneakily feast on her, he had been slipping into the wilderness, when he could, to hunt down any animals he could get his claws on. After accidentally revealing himself as a Vampire, he and Tav had struck up their every other day arrangement. It still took him off guard that she had so willingly accepted his condition. He grit his teeth.

“I swear to all of the Gods within the Nine Hells that I have never met a woman as confounding as her! It’s like the sweet thing doesn’t even know what she actually wants. One moment she is fine with the way things are, and then the next she is telling me she wants our relationship to mean something! I thought it did mean something!”

The speed of his pacing increased and his voice took on a rougher, more angry edge. One of his hands was gesticulating wildly in the air as he continued to process out loud, while the other fiddled with the strings of his ruffled camp shirt.

“I could have given her experiences beyond her wildest imagination, but noooo. She just had to go and make things complicated! Now what am I to do!? Agh! I need input people! I have been mulling over this for hours. Someone please give me something to go off of here so that I can try and make sense of everything.”

Astarion paused in his grumbling speech and tilted his head to the side as if he was listening to a faint voice. Displeasure pooled within his features and he let out an Elven slur.

“Timothy, your opinions are absolutely worthless! She hasn’t gone mad! I would have picked up on something like that. The warning signs are always evident months in advance. After all, I’ve seen my fair share of people lose the battle to insanity while locked in Cazador’s prison and I know for a fact that she is not one of them! So somebody else say something…please!”

A cajoling smile settled onto his lips as he spun on his heel and put the back of his hand on his jutted out hip. His opposite knee took on a slight bend as he leaned forwards in a mock bow. His free hand was raised, the last three fingers of the appendage curled inwards while his index and thumb pointed outwards and to the side, respectively.

“Griselleda, darling, what do you think? Am I the one in the wrong here?”

Once again his head tilted as he listened for a response. The outstretched hand snapped back to his side at whatever answer he received. With a dismissive flourish over his shoulder, his body swung back around to return to his pacing.

“Ugh! You Humans are so medieval. She does not have the plague!”

The sound of sole against floor returned and Astarion completed five laps of the room before shouting irritably at the slumped body of a dead, incredibly hairy, Dwarven man that he had placed carefully against one of the walls.

“Helvar, for the love of Gods! Chew with your mouth closed! I am trying to think!”

He glared at the stout corpse then surveyed the other four positioned to sit next to ‘Helvar’. Griselleda, the plump Human woman, wore a bloodied apron that was starting to attract flies. Beside her, Timothy the Deep Gnome, sat slack jawed with a mouthful of maggots. With a sneer, he approached the body of what used to be a good-looking High Elven woman and lifted a finger to her bottom lip. Pulling the useless muscle down, he wiggled it in a mock semblance of speech. His voice morphed into a haughty falsetto as he mimed speaking as the woman.

“Well, Astarion. I think you might have hurt her feelings and that’s why she shot at you. She has always been a bit brash and strong headed. Perhaps spending so much time around Karlach has taken her already wild tendencies and turned her into a barbarian of sorts.”

He released the corpse from his grasp and the woman’s head lolled against a stone brick with an audible thump. A quick stride took him back across the room and his lean frame stooped to lift up a discarded lock that had already been picked. It was old and about the size of a kiwi. The item was twiddled between his palms as he considered the new idea.

“You make a good point, Margaret. I clearly hurt her. Maybe I have had a part in this whole debacle… Ugh, but that still doesn’t leave me with any answers on what to do about it.”

Suddenly Astarion’s body tensed and he whirled around chucking the lock he’d been holding at the greying head of an older, and very dead, Human man. The swinging shackle of the mechanism lodged itself right into the meat of the man’s left eye with a sickening squelch.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it Bernard! Just because you married a wretch, doesn’t make every woman one! I’ll have you know that Tav is lovely to be around! Her wit and charm are more than alluring! And the sound of her voice is that of a siren’s song! I could spend all day listening to her. She wouldn’t even have to talk about anything remotely interesting and I’d be completely engaged…”

Ruby eyes took on a semblance of wistfulness. Dejectedly, hands came up to meet his face and massage the fleshy divots underneath his brows, directly behind his eyes. His body sank to the floor against a tall bookcase. There were so many emotions warring inside his mind. Anger. Fear. Confusion. Those were the ones he could identify. But there were infinitely more that remained unnamed. For once, he wished that he’d been afforded the opportunity to learn magic. Surely there was a spell that could sort all of this out for him. A scroll of Enhance Ability would do him wonders right now. Gods. How had everything between him and Tav gone so wrong? He’d thought they had had a mutual understanding. He outrageously propositions her, she turns him down. It was fun and entertaining. It made him strive harder for new and creative ways to try and get her to sleep with him… It kept the years worth of foul memories spent as Cazador’s toy at bay… And now she had gone and ruined the whole dynamic. Leaning into his anger was the only way he could see himself getting through the night. Those other two pesky emotions were better served smothered. He didn’t like the feeling of being afraid or confused. Didn’t like the litany of unknown sentiments that had him wanting to tear his hair out. So he chose to stay mad. Mad at Tav. Mad at the world. And maybe, even a smidgen, mad at himself.

The sun was high in the sky by the time Astarion forced himself to leave the tower. He bid farewell to the bodies that had kept him company throughout the witching hours, specifically deciding to leave ‘Timothy’ with a mustache of blood drawn on him. It took longer than expected to return to camp, his body frequently bumping into trees and tripping over obstacles along his path. He was so tired. Two days without rest would leave anyone exhausted, even an Elf who only needed four hours of trancing a night. All he wanted to do was return to his red, rectangular tent and collapse upon his bedroll. Maybe lose himself in a shitty book with unfathomably bad romance. *That sounds nice.* Unfortunately, Tav spotted him the instant he made it over the crest of the passage that tied their campsite to Last Light Inn. She came stomping up to him with a wholly unbecoming expression plastered on her usually breathtaking face.

“Where have you been!?”

She was not pleased. All night Tav had sat up by the fire watching for his return. What initially had started as worry, slowly distorted into anger the longer the hours dragged on with no sign of him. She had nearly lost her mind at the swirl of concern and indignance fired up inside her chest. He had stayed out all night! In enemy territory no less! It was stupid and immature. The kind of juvenile venture she would have expected from somebody half his age. The whole thing was making her blood boil, so when his figure finally appeared over the hill, she leapt to her feet and stalked towards him. Arms crossed over her chest when she was close enough to see the faint beauty mark that existed upon his left cheek. Her leg bounced involuntarily as she glared at him.

“Do you know how foolish that was!? Staying out on your own right after the battle at Moonrise!?”

She was still dressed in her armor from the day before. Apparently she hadn’t taken the time to change when she’d arrived back at camp. Which meant she had been neglecting self-care just like he was. Irritation crept into his bones. He didn’t want the responsibility of being the reason she refused to take care of herself. The blame was entirely hers. She was choosing to be difficult to get a rise out of him. An attempt to make him feel bad for their fight. Well, he had no intentions of playing along. Astarion’s chin lifted as he plastered a haughty expression on his face. She was looking at him expectantly. The audacity! The damn woman wanted him to explain himself. Explain where he’d been. He shouldn’t have to explain himself! He was an adult man! If he wanted to stay out past the party’s bedtime he had every right to do so! Sharp fangs bared in her direction at his irate huff.

“Didn't I tell you not to wait up? I thought I had made myself clear that I was not planning to return until today. Besides, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you.”

Tav’s eyes rolled, her arms becoming tighter across her chest. If her breasts hadn’t already been covered and compressed by the scalemail she wore, they would have been showing more cleavage than a busty barmaid at how tightly she squeezed herself. What a stupid, stupid man. Astarion was strong but not ‘take on an army of scorned cultists’ strong. Had there been any Absolute followers still lingering about, they could have taken full advantage of the fact that he was in the woods without a single weapon or any piece of armor. Plus, what if the Shadow-Curse hadn't been completely eradicated? He wouldn't have stood a chance should the slew of corpses they had left in their wake these past few weeks suddenly become reanimated. Any form of fight would have left him in a very difficult position. Sarcasm dripped like venom from the tip of her tongue as she sassed him while maintaining her harsh glare.

“Right, because if an entire horde of cultists decided they wanted revenge, you'd have been more than adept at handling them.”

A rough scoff. Was she actually serious? He had faced far worse than a few measly cultists. A Vampire Spawn was still a deadly creature to encounter in the dark despite it not having the full extent of powers a True Vampire possessed. He could have dealt with a fight. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t taken precautions while away. Camping out at the towers had been a strategic move. Picking the prison warden’s office in the basement of said towers had even added to the natural defences the structure provided him. He had been perfectly safe. It was incredibly insulting for her to have simply assumed he wasn’t. He was a Vampire for fuck’s sake. Not some lowly peasant with the constitution of a mole and the average intelligence of a newt. He knew how to be careful. Knew how to defend himself. He had fully taken the threats of night into account. It was ludicrous she even dared to suggest otherwise. He matched her sarcastic tone with one of his own.

“Do my ears deceive me, or are they really hearing you doubt my abilities? I’m a Vampire Spawn, darling. I’m the thing people warn their children about. The nightmare everyone hopes they don’t encounter in the dark. Any amount of cultists wouldn’t have stood a chance against me.”

With a quick jerk of her head Tav cracked her neck. This man and his ego. What she wouldn’t give to watch his egregiously large skull deflate. Her mouth curled and freckled nose scrunched as she sneered at him.

“I don't doubt your abilities, Astarion, but that was a stupid move. You were unarmed and unarmored. Should someone have wanted to turn your insides into ribbons they could have.”

A touch of desperation seeped into her agitated voice.

“I need you, so make sure you come back to camp from now on.”

The sarcasm dropped from his demeanor. ‘I need you.’ The words bounced around his mind with an out of control chattering. ‘I need you. I need you.’ She needed him… What did she need from him? Was she referring to the assistance he provided in battle? Or maybe she meant his ability to pick any lock. Those would be the logical reasons as to why she might need him. His throat tightened. What if she was actually referring to the pleasure of his company? Or even simply, his presence. That was why he needed her. She was the first friend he could remember having in over two centuries. The first person to make him feel… *No!* He didn’t want to feel! Feeling made him weak! It made him a target! Fuck her for making him feel! Instinctually he lashed out. Hurt her before she hurt him.

“Well I don’t need you! And I most definitely don’t need you policing what I do!”

White hot fury blazed inside of Tav. Two words gritted from her teeth.

“Shut. Up.”

A direct order. Spoken like he was some kind of insubordinate in need of chastising. He lifted his chin higher and looked down at her from above the top of his angular nose.

“There you go again trying to tell me what I can and cannot do! Who died and made you king?”

Tav closed her eyes and balled her hands into fists. *Breathe. Remember to breathe. If you turn him into a skewer, this whole thing will turn out much worse than it already is.* She knew she shouldn’t snap back. They were both tired and emotionally drained. Another fight would not do either of them any good. Her mouth had a different idea, though, and the words that came tumbling out were provocative.

“Might I remind you, that you all appointed me as leader of this group, and it is currently my word you are supposed to follow. If I want you to be back in camp, you will come back to camp! If I want you to shut up, you will shut the fuck up!”

That did it. There was no more ‘Mr. Nice’ Astarion. All that was left was seething rage.

“Ah yes. Our fearless leader with all her ducks requiring rows. Shall I bow down to your clear superiority?”

Tav willed her body to keep still. Hitting people she cared about was never the right way to go about things. How many times had her fists gotten her into trouble? She didn’t need to add another instance to that list. An enraged, final warning was the best she could muster.

“I swear to Gods, Astarion! If you don't shut your bitch ass mouth…!”

But Astarion was on a roll now. It was too late to try and stop the defensive hate spewing past his teeth. He strided closer to her, his voice dropping an octave into a dark, malicious jeer.

“You'll what? Put me in the corner for being a bad boy? Am I going to get spankings too?”

She couldn’t take it anymore. This petty back and forth. The endless taunting. She was too tired for his shit. Too vulnerable. Too raw. Her emotions burst out of her with a roar.

“That's enough! I've had enough of you! If you are going to be a stupid, pompous asshole, then go do it somewhere else!”

There it was. The truth. She was done with him. Declared by her very own lips. Gods, it hurt more than he could have imagined. To be valued and then discarded. It was a fate only intended for the worst the world had to offer; and it came as no shock the world deemed him as such. He was vermin. Less than that. He was the piece of muck stuck to the bottom of a shoe, existing only to be eventually scraped off and left behind. And it seemed like now was the time Tav took up the scraping. He didn’t blame her. Not really. There had always been the chance that she’d grow tired of his antics and send him packing. He was honestly surprised it had taken this long. At the start of their journey, he would have bet all of his coin on the prediction that she’d get rid of him within a week. Somehow he had made it just over five months. *This cannot be the end.* They had made it so far. Grown so close. He trusted her. She couldn’t actually be sending him away now of all times. The only piece of hope left in his chest managed to ask the quiet question of confirmation.

“Are you telling me to pack up and leave?”

The emotion behind the query was lost to the storm of fire raging inside Tav’s soul. She was too far gone to notice the change in Astarion. She spit out her response with offhanded bluntness. Her mind was still swimming in the puddle of anger he had successfully stirred up.

“What? No. But I am telling you to go bitch by yourself. I don't need this from you today! There's too much to do and your attitude isn't required.”

The notion that she wasn’t kicking him out of the party hit him like a bull bucking a rider loose. It left him floored. He would have cried tears of relief had his pride not reminded him that once again she was bossing him around. His nostrils flared. He repositioned himself. Shoulders back, head tilted in up in performance. More imprudent words flew from his sharp tongue.

“Right, so I'm just supposed to go sit in my tent and whittle the time away until you're no longer throwing a tantrum? How childish of you.”

“You're the one acting childish! If you had just talked to me yesterday like a normal fucking person then maybe we'd both be in better moods right now!”

Her voice carried across the entire span of their camp. It drew the attention of all of their companions who had previously been minding their own business as she’d confronted Astarion. Each of them had noticed his absence the night before and each of them had picked up on the distress it had caused Tav. No one actually knew what had gone down between the two, but they did know that both had disappeared the previous morning the moment the sun had fully risen. Now there was a clear fight brewing and the strongest of them began to prepare to pull Tav and Astarion apart should things turn violent.

Astarion feigned nonchalance. He lifted a hand and inspected the back of his nails.

“Talk to you about what? There was, and still isn't, anything to talk about.”

Tav’s entire face was red. She looked like a balloon ready to pop. Karlach inched closer to her, while Lae’zel snuck up on Astarion.

“Are you fucking serious right now!? Nothing to talk about!? How about we start with the fact that you fucking kissed me! Why don't we start there!? Huh!?”

Every eye in camp went wide. Tav and Astarion had kissed. This was huge… For five months all of them had been watching the pair tiptoe around their feelings for each other. Tav loved Astarion, that much was clear. Astarion’s feelings for Tav, however… Some of them had their suspicions. Some of them thought he was insincere. To hear that he was the one who had tipped the proverbial scales? That was unexpected.

Astarion fanned out his fingers in front of him with a ‘tsk’.

“I don't recall anything like that ever happening.”

As his head turned away from her in mock disinterest, she lunged. Karlach caught Tav around the waist and held the livid woman in her grasp. Squirming, Tav clawed at the beefy Tiefling’s forearms. Her teeth were gnashing in dazzling sparks of white and a little bit of foam was collecting in the corner of her mouth.

“Quit it with the gaslighting! We both know what went down! Why are you trying to pretend it never happened!?”

He turned his back to the ranger, fluffy, silver curls dramatically swaying at the movement.

“If something had happened, then it would have been inconsequential. It would have meant nothing.”

Tav’s body went stock still. Tentatively, Karlach set the Elf back on her feet. The woman’s tone had gone icy. It was the same mocking tone she had used moments before they had physically fought the day prior.

“Nothing!? Hah. Fine then. It was nothing. Why would anyone think kissing you meant something anyways? It's all just part of the act you put on isn't it? The suave, seductive Vampire following his master's command like a good little Spawn. I thought you were free, Astarion. I thought you were better than that.”

It was Lae’zel’s turn to catch Astarion around the waist as he lunged. The Githyanki fighter had no troubles lifting the light 5 '9 man off the ground. Legs kicked as he fought against the strong woman’s hold. Spit came flying out of his mouth as he screamed at Tav.

“HOW DARE YOU!!!”

Tav tilted her head in a play for innocence. She put on a sickly sweet smile as she purred.

“What? Is the monster's feelings getting hurt? I didn't think he had any.”

Lae’zel held him tighter as Astarion nearly broke free. He struggled and struggled, but in his emotional state the Gith’s hold remained unbreakable. Tav let out a horrible, cruel, wicked laugh. It sent chills down everyone’s spine.

“While you’re following orders, why don’t you do me a favor and be a good little pet. We leave in three days so I need you to pack your things. Oh, and do try and get rid of whatever you have that isn't absolutely necessary. I’d hate to see you dragging behind because you couldn't part with something useless like yourself.”

Each command and jeer struck like a shard of exploding ice. His body felt cold. Colder than it normally was. He wanted to cry. But there were too many people watching. They had gathered the attention of the entire camp. Even the four animal companions they traveled with were watching intently. He stopped struggling but Lae’zel did not let him go.

“Stop…”

Tav couldn’t let it rest. She had to win. Had to fight. Make him feel as awful as she did. She kept going.

“You know if you had simply come back last night, none of this would be coming as a shock to you. I made this whole big announcement, and if you had simply acted maturely and worked out our issues when we fought in the woods, then you would know all this. So come morning on the 17th of Flamerule I want you to be completely ready to head to the city. Any attitude, and I might just get rid of you.”

His body shook with his unshed tears. It was over. They were over… A tiny squeak came from his throat. A begging of her name.

“Tav…”

She didn’t hear it. She was lost. Lost in anger. In rage. Lost to that overwhelming bundle of hurt tangled deep inside her chest. Everyone waited with bated breath. What would she say next? Would Tav double down and make the worst mistake of her life…?

She did.

“Be a good boy and listen, Astarion.”

His body slumped in Lae’zel’s arms. She let him go and he dropped to his knees. He looked up at Tav with more hatred than he had shown this whole adventure.

“I don’t have to take this from you. I am not a slave any longer. And I am not yours. I will never be yours!”

Slowly, he climbed to his feet. A glance was given to each of their companions before he rigidly turned and walked out of camp.

The realization of what she’d done caught up with Tav as Astarion’s form disappeared into the sun. All the anger faded within seconds. He was gone. She had pushed him too far. With a hollow sinking in her stomach, she knew, in that moment, that she had well and truly lost him.

[fastcardotmp3]

🌻august bookshelf🌻

july recs | recs tag

I really enjoyed putting together a little fic rec list at the end of last month and decided to do it again!

🌻driving in your car by @kkpwnall - when I say the ultimate pining Steddie fic I MEAN IT. the use of the car as this sort of central, grounding force within Steve's world and the way the testing of his tether to Hawkins and the people in it plays out here is stunning, not to mention the HANDS and the ronance going on stage left and the complete and utter tenderness lying just beneath the surface. perfection I am swallowing it whole

🌻clueless by @gothbat99 - such a lovely short & sweet slice of life in the summer after they win the war, it feels SO important in its simplicity that Nancy and Robin are getting to behave like young people, all free and hopeful and discovering how to want/ be wanted. made my heart so big and warm in only 1k words like THAT !!! is so impressive, so worth your time, will make your day better guaranteed

🌻Faces Freedom with a Little Fear by @fragilecapric0rnn - literally Steve family-centric character study of all time, come swoon over big sister JJ Harrington and watch as her presence in his life creates a fullness and richness of growth and self-realization LIKE. I could bask in this world for the rest of forever and never get tired of its sincerity and depth and siblingisms, what a heart-squeezing delight from start to finish

🌻haunted hawkins by @hellsfireclub - starts with the brilliant premise of "what if it's not just Hawkins?" and RUNS with it, giving not just beautiful ruminations on both Nancy and Robin as they start a journey towards figuring out just how far the paranormal spreads and also a journey towards mutual self discovery and (: lesbianism (: READ THIS FIC.

🌻then I see you, you're walking 'cross the campus by stellarpoint (@heybluechild) - a lovely little peek at Steve and Nancy's friendship coming back together after they've come into their own a little bit and Nancy being so, so brave in coming out to him. truly this made my heart so big and full and warm i am carrying them gently in the palms of my hands

🌻this must be the place by @judasofsuburbia - JARGYLE CAMPING. the tenderness of this, the peace offered to Jonathan when he hasn't ever really known such a thing, the way they just sort of slot together and find and choose and become each other?? it's got me all soft in the heart and THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. illegal actually. I'm weak in the knees :((

🌻Young, Scrappy, & Hungry by @fragilecapric0rnn - politics ronance rivals to lovers WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?? perfect dynamics already and I can't wait to see where these girls go. the characterizations of them is so REAL despite the very different world of Washington they've been dropped into and my lesbian, TWW-loving ass is feeling soooo normal about them SO normal don't worry about it

🌻The Warmth Pulls by TheDeathsWish - I'm not fully caught up on this one yet, but it is genuinely one of the most unique AUs I've come across so I have to mention it here. It's still 1986 and it's still Hawkins, but the sci-fi overlay is switched out for more purely fantasy elements, including some very cool and beautifully revealed eccentricities and abilities of the characters. Steddie but also so hugely dependent on the ensemble of it all, which you know I eat up, I'm excited to keep working my way through this one!

P.S. if you read and enjoy any of these, please remember to tip your writers in kudos and comments!💛

[artist-issues]

That’s cool that you love Twenty One Pilots (they’re one of my favorite bands, too). Quick question: How do you feel about the song Heathens?

Love it. It’s genius. It’s so good.

Musically, what is better than the shotgun-cocking sound that the guitar makes? Or the fact that the sound of the instrument vaguely sounds like the phrase “WATCH IT” that is being repeated over and over, so it sounds like you're getting shot by the words themselves. Like the warning in the lyrics isn't fast enough to save you from the consequences of needing that warning in the first place.

I don’t care at all that it’s in/was commissioned for “Suicide Squad.” I totally think Tyler Joseph is too contemplative and analytical to just write a theme song for characters he didn’t create. Plus, he can’t keep his hands off double-and-triple meanings, even when he’s writing original songs. So all of that to say, I don’t think the song is just basically about Suicide Squad.

But let’s talk about the concept that is in the song.

Can I just break it down this way? Can I just tell you what I would do if I were asked to write a song (nobody would ask me that, because I’m not a songwriter) for a movie where comic book villains were the main characters, and I knew that the movie would be playing on “people sympathizing with characters that are evil?”

I mean, seriously, some of you have asked me questions that get me thinking about the trend of idolizing bad guys. I think I can imagine pretty accurately what my thought process would be if someone asked me to write such a song.

I would think about my worldview. I might be a little uncomfortable, first-blush, at having to write a song that makes villains sound cool. But then I’d think about it. I’d think about what I believe; my knee-jerk response would (hopefully) be "what does the Bible say about villains? Definitely that they're bad, and bad guys are bad, not good to emulate, and they lose." But then as I thought deeper than that I'd realize what more the Bible says: that I am a villain. Or I was, apart from Christ.

Nasty and wicked, psycho and outcasted. I belong locked up. Apart from Him, apart from everything good and pure. But I'm not apart from Him. I still live on this planet and not in heaven, but nos that I’m in Him, what am I supposed to do about people who are not—people who are still “villains?”

Remember who I used to be. Because if I don’t remember who I used to be, I’ll start thinking I’m better than them and judge them and we’ll always be divided. But if I remember who I used to be, that I used to be a villain, I can get in there and tell them “I’m like you but here’s what’s different; I know Christ.”

Oh but you know what? I can’t say it like that. Or if I do, I should be prepared to be mauled by the villains. Because that’s what they do.

Like it’s in a pig’s makeup to roll in the mud, it’s in a villain’s nature to be villainous—especially when they expect you to strike first. I remember that nature because I used to have it.

So I have to be careful how I say it. I have to step carefully. I have to convince them that we have things in common—so that I can springboard off of that goodwill, that common ground, and tell the villains about the way out of being villainous. So they don't maul me before I can get the words out.

I genuinely believe that that’s where my Christian worldview would lead me, when looking for a direction to approach the task of “make a song about villains” from.

…And then Tyler Joseph of twenty one pilots writes:

All my friends are heathens take it slow

wait for them to ask you who you know

Please don’t make any sudden moves

You don’t know the half of the abuse

---

We don't deal with outsiders very well

They say newcomers have a certain smell

You have trust issues, not to mention

They say they can smell your intentions

You'll never know the freak show sitting next to you

You'll have some weird people sitting next to you

You'll think "How did I get here sitting next to you?"

---

I mean the easy read is to say, "heathens literally traditionally means 'people who aren't Christians.'" But it can also just carry the connotations of "irreverent, villainous people." So what I'm saying is, he runs the gamut. He's friends with the heathens, but to call them that and to (as the singer) address someone outside that group, he has to be a bridge between the two. Someone who is with the heathens, but is also no longer a heathen himself. And he has to warn the newcomer, who is not a heathen but is about to be among them, of a couple things.

First, be careful. Be careful how you move and what you say.

Second, notice the similarities between yourself and the heathens; you have trust issues and you're trying to figure out the intentions of everyone around you but you'll never be able to do that ("you'll never know.") Just like the heathens are: "they say newcomers have a certain smell." The key to completing your goal is to accept that your similarities, and it's actually not so strange to be sitting among them.

Third, what is your goal? Tyler only gives two hints about why this person the song is "talking" to might be in among the heathens at all. The first hint is "wait for them to ask you who you know." Why'd he say that?

Well one, on the surface, it sounds like you'd need to name-drop someone intimidating to impress criminals. But that doesn't explain why you should wait for them to ask you. So now comes the non-surface read of that lyric, the one that takes into account everything else Tyler's written about and said: wait for them to ask you about why you're there. About the God who makes you different.

Careful, don't come in swinging your sword. You might lop their heads off when you meant to save them. You might provoke them when you meant to bring peace. They've been abused. You're similar but you don't trust each other, and they don't trust your intentions. You can't just sledgehammer them with religious words; they won't understand. They'll associate it with the "abuse."

There's no other plausible way to read that.

You can try to say "it's about becoming a member of the twenty one pilots fandom," okay, but Tyler doesn't think the fandom is touchy about who joins. At least, he doesn't overtly think that. Overtly, he's claimed to be proud of the opposite—he's always quoting that one reviewer who said "your fanbase is the most inclusive clique I've ever seen." He loves the inclusivity. So he wouldn't write a song about a group of heathens who are hard to get in with and be a part of if he was talking about his fans, I don't think.

Now.

Second hint about why the person the songwriter is "speaking" to is in among the heathens; because that's actually the person's rightful place. "It looks like you might be one of us."

I think this is another layer of meaning. Not just "you were once dead," meaning you can still remember who you were before Christ and use that relatability to earn trust. But also, there's something else you have in common with heathens.

And this is where I think you could draw a more meta-line from a listener to twenty one pilots' music. You could go; "I really like this music. But maybe I don't just like it because I can relate to the hope. Maybe I also like it because there's more of me that relates to the struggle than I thought."

Even doubt. I think one of the odd things about Tyler's fans after Blurryface was that they were identifying so much with the struggles and the doubts and the darkness...but in the later eras, there isn't as clear an answer to the dark parts. So you get the vibe that he's noticing that the "brokenness" of his fan base is becoming the loudest part. That even people who came for the hope are also coming for the identifying-with-the-darkness—the bad parts.

[igotanidea]

Lights: Matt Murdock x reader

Christmas bingo day 4: lights

***

Of all the christmas decorations Y/N loved lights the most.

She was one of those people who are more than happy to retreive the light chains In the middle of November, put them around the house (both inside and outside), creating a magical atmosphere and enjoying long, cold autumn/winter evenings while sipping hot chocolate under the weighted blanket with multicolored mini bulbs everywhere.

Maybe it had something to do with her character, after all, there was a reason why Matt used to call her a firefly.

But-

There was one thing that casted a shadow on her little light affection.

Matt couldn’t see them.

So how was she supposed to enjoy it fully when the most important person in her life was stripped of the view of iluminated christmas tree and the multishaped christmas decorations set all over town? Obviously he never seemed to care, rather reconciled with the accident that happened so many years ago leaving him blind, but still - being unable to share the experience to the full extend was like a scar on heart.

It was yearly tradition, that every December Karen, Foggy, Matt and Y/N attended the NY light show to feel the christmas amosphere and be a part of something extraordinary that helped them get away from everyday’s trouble. Obviously, for many, it was also the perfect opportunity to spend time with long-unsee friends and family, cause the event surely attracted people from across the globe. And yet again – it made Y/N question the choice and coming out with multiple, improbable excuses to not go this particular year.

„Don’t be silly Y/N, it’s tradition!” Foggy grabbed his heart feigning heart attack upon hearing another faint argument coming from his friend. „You’re not sick, all your limbs are fully functional, the only part of you that seems to overwire is your brain if you think we’re letting you break the rules. You’re coming.”

Try to argue with a lawyer.

She should have known better.

***

It was amazing.

Every little detail was perfectly perfect, starting from the alley leading to the main showplace, that was festooned with lanters, through the path freshly cleared from snow ending on lit up ice sculptures.

Y/N could barely hide her excitement, squeezing Matt’s hands in her gloved one, turning around and spinning with eyes wide opened, taking in all the attractions of this winder wonderland out of space and time.  Trying her best to ignore amused gazes coming from Karen and Foggy, who, year after year called her a flurried kid.

Matt just kept quiet shaking head a little with his tiny sinature smile that showed his affection to the ball of positive energy that Y/N was.

„Hey Mattie, wait a moment” she grabbed his hand a little tighter making him stop letting Karen and Foggy walk by

„What is it sunshine?” he turned his head towards her, not stopping smiling. Even though he could not possibly see the concerned and a little awkward expression on her face he somehow sensed the change in her attitude and the grin slowly gave way to confused frown „hey, are you all right?” his hand found a way to her cheek rubbing it gently „thought you were enjoying being here?”

„I am! I am, it’s just – „ she insinctively leaned into his touch enjoying the warmth. „we don’t actually have to attend the show if-?”

She didn;t get to finish as Matt dragged her away from the main path, cleatly wanting some privacy to have a word. Once they dived between the trees and no one could hear them he turned to face her again.

„Talk to me. Why the sudden change of mood, Y/N? You love this show. You love the lights and all those backlit reindeer figurines. I already bought you one as a christmas gift. So what is it?”

„I wish I could share the view with you…” she whispered looking at the ground and kicking some snow awkwardly.

„You could descibe it to me…” he smiled, grabbing her shoulders and holding to him.

„I’m not a poet or a writer, I don’t think I can find the right words to do so…..”

„Ok then, I need you to do me a favor, all right?”

„Sure…” she whispered, her voice stuttering a little from everything she was feeling at the moment.

„I need you to take a look around, ok? Nothing more, just take a look around, no words needed. Can you do that?”

„I guess….?”

And once she started taking in all the surroundings, getting lost in them she didn’t notice the wide grin forming on Matt’s face. Not until he grabbed her from behind making her jump a little.

„I love you.” He muttered into her hair kissing her temple.

„I love you too, but what-?” Y/n spun around so that they were facing each other, Matt’s hold on her not faltering in the slightest.

„I can hear your heart beating faster Y/N. I can feel your skin getting warmer. I can almost sense your happiness coming from every pore in your skin, so how can I possibly be upset just because I can’t see the lights? You’re my light Y/N. You’re my light in the darkness….”

„Matt, I -”

„hush, little one. Don’t speak.” He leaned his forehead on hers, brushing her upper lip with his thumb  bringing a shy, loving smile on her face „There it is. The best part of being here with you… Just let me enjoy this…”

„You’re a hopeless romantic, you know that?” she whispered through her emotion-clenched throat

„Mhm… And I know you let Karen and Foggy get Ahead of us for a reason, sweetheart. I think you’ll be missing this year’s show after all, cause I’m keeping you here all to myself. Under those buzzing christmas lights.”

[triggerhappyhavac-academy]

intro post !!

Greetings to all you degenerates out there! Monokuma out there. Welcome to Hope's Peak academy. The school that brings in only the students who are the absolute best in their field,

And that now, will only serve for them bring out the worst of themselves! Puhuhuhu!

There's no need to tell you the rules of the killing game, you already know how this works, don't you? Let's not waste our time with unnecessary explanation.

Now that your here, it's only fair I let you interfere at least a little! Would be kinda boring to see the same plot play all over again, don't you think? So I suppose, with minimal limitations, you're free to send in your questions and advice.

But don't get any crazy ideas! If you think you'll get away with just outright telling them what happens next, you have another thing coming! Each and every request sent in will be checked by me before the student receives it!

Where's the fun in that anyway? It's like, spoiler alert, duh! People are supposed to figure things out on their own, ya know? Or else it's some unnecessary and nonsensical plot device that allows them to see the future, it's the equivalent to throwing them in a room and forcing them to watch videos of their own futures before they even live it. But who would do that?

You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Puhuhuhu!!

Well, now that I think about it, I can't let you animals just start sending in whatever you want! Who knows what kinda weird stuff you'll start sending in. I guess that means I'll have to create a list of regulations for you freaks!

1. This is the most important rule. Not exactly a guideline for what you can't do, but what you need to do. Tell me who you're sending your ask to in your message! Even if it's for everyone, you gotta specify, or else, what am I supposed to do with it? I can't just assume your intentions, y'know??

2. I know how disappointed all of you will be to hear this, but unfortunately in order to keep a school-appropriate environment for our students, their's a strict no-NSFW policy. So keep your perverse thoughts to yourself, weirdo!

3. As stated above, you're under no circumstances allowed to spoil the game for them. Interfere and change the story as you wish, but spoilers will not be tolerated! At least TRY to be creative! Oh, and don't get mad when some students ignore your advice. You can't just expect every student to obey your every command like rats! Only the stupidest of the bunch would do that!

4. The characters may be slightly different than what you remember them to be. Unfortunately the owner of this account is some gayzo who likes to change all her favorite characters to be more to her liking! And who does that anyway? I thought if they were already your favorite they didn't need changing? I guess I'll never understand kids these days. Needless to say, his own 'headcannons' have been imposed onto these characters and there's nothing I can do about it!

5. There's no strict policy on shipping, you can try and pair up whoever you see fit together, but don't be surprised when it comes crashing to the ground and one of them finds the other dead! Puhuhuhuuhu!!!

6. One last thing: Feel free to be as mean as you want to the students of Hope's Peak! What you say to them is typically no concern of mine, you think I care if you hurt their feelings!? But even if you do want to make your favorite ultimate student cry like a baby, offensive language like racism, homophobia, and slurs won't be tolerated! Sorry, that's just no the kind of language we condone here!

And with all that out of the way, here's a note from our mod:

//OOC: Hi, my name's Ember but you can call me Emie if you'd like. I'll be the person running this blog, so I'd like to give you a little more info on it's content and about myself.

This blog only contains characters from Trigger Happy Havoc and no other games, so don't try to reach out to those other characters. I'll have an introduction post to showcase all the students currently in attendance. As you can probably tell, all this takes place during the killing game.

I want to clarify for future notice, no matter how mean I act when in-character, that's not how I am irl at all! I'm sure that's always implied but I just want to be safe.

When it comes to the characters, I have specified that I've implemented my own headcannons, though I did refrain from including some I felt weren't right for this blog, and although most fan content from me tends to be dark and depressing, I'm going to exclude some of the more horrifying concepts I would typically include in my fanfiction. Not to say this won't be as dark as the initial game of course.

And yes, I'm a multi-shipper so I'm pretty okay with any ship, though I'm not comfortable with implementing incest ships or anything like that. I'm mostly a Naegami or Naegigiri shipper but if anything else happens I won't be complaining.

In case you ever want to refer to me, I use any pronouns so anything is fine. That was pretty much everything I wanted to get out of the way, sooo, without further ado, let the killing games begin !!!

[seventeendeer]

Hullo, I wanted to ask you something about your Tf2 analysis from a while ago (which I really really appreciate and think about often with a more than recommended amount of skepticism to accompany my enthusiasm, I'm not going to go debate lord on you though) and I'm not too sure how to go about it or if I should. I'm nervous. Nonetheless:

You've outlined the improvident way that it was revealed that Spy is Scout's absent-yet-presently-present father and why that was a such a folly in the initial discretion of the game, as well as how that could have been executed differently while maintaining and potentially expanding it's comedic satire that it is dependent on. My question is: Do you think that, with the same retconish way that occured with Scout and Miss Pauling, there could have been a way for them to avoid the foiling trope without taking away from their own premises, too?

If it helps I'm completely neutral on it as a ship and am not pushing for some shippy debate thing, from skimming over your blog I've superficially gathered some critique on gender politics, correct me if I'm wrong but mostly as it pertains to heteronormative, patriarchal, generally inflexible presentation in media. So I'm really curious on how that could be applied here! Sorry for this strange, lengthy ask.

disclaimer up front that it's been a while since I made that analysis post and I barely remember what I said in it, and I might not even agree with all of it myself anymore (aside from like. the basics. TF2 is satirical comedy, the comics fucked up by overlooking the "satire" aspect, Spy being Scout's real dad was a stupid twist that ruins a perfectly good joke for the sake of a very silly plotline with poor payoff, etc)

that aside, Scout and Ms. Pauling ..? it's really hard for me to imagine a way they could have ended up together that wouldn't feel contrived.

Ms. Pauling's character in the comics is, in general, on very shaky ground with the game's tone, in my opinion. she's severely held back by the fact that she was not created to be a major character in the first place - her character design is understated and unfocused, her personality is quiet and mellow in a world full of bombastic characters who easily outshine her, and she cannot easily produce natural-feeling comedy. it's clear that she was created to be an extension of the Administrator's character first and foremost, and a "straight man" for zanier characters to bounce off of as a hard second priority. she was supposed to stand in the background and look normal and non-threatening as a foil to the main cast, and occasionally imply that the Administrator has eyes and ears everywhere, and is constantly pulling strings from behind the scenes.

Ms. Pauling worked extremely well for the role intended for her, but pulling her into the spotlight and essentially making her the protagonist of the longform comic was a mistake, in my opinion. she's not funny enough to make good use of her "screentime" and attempts to make her funny often feel too noncommittal and cutesy contrasted with the rest of the cast, because getting too crazy with it would feel out of character. on the contrary, the more serious and emotional aspects added to her feel too vulnerable next to all of these stone-cold (and largely-male) killers she's hanging out with. these missteps, combined with being the female character with by far the most focus in a mostly-male cast, makes her feel like a shitty "the girl one" stereotype.

for that reason, I don't think she could have ended up with Scout without the relationship feeling forced and distractingly heteronormative.

our main woman being smaller, cuter, quieter, more well-mannered, less quirky, less bombastic, and overall less impactful than all the male characters is one thing (that already sucks). but then also ending up with the shitty sexist guy who's been harassing her since the moment they were on the same comic page together? miserable. unsalvageable. then we're at a critical amount of shitty tropes stacked on top of each other

Ms. Pauling's one saving grace in all of this is that at the very least, her character orbited another female character this whole time, and her entire arc is about her relationship to this other woman. I genuinely really, really enjoyed that aspect of the comic. I think the whole plotline was a poor choice for a TF2 comic specifically, but if it hadn't been a TF2 comic? Ms. P would've been a way more enjoyable character, with so much less baggage. her relationship with the Administrator is fascinating, and the way the narrative essentially used her as a crowbar to open up the treasure chest of secrets that is the Administrator's motives and backstory was fantastic.

it just would've been better as its own thing. controversially, I think the TF2 comics should've been about the main characters from TF2, not some random minor character who got promoted into a main character role that she really wasn't fit for. and also if you're gonna promote a random side character to protagonist, at the very least pick someone who works for the genre and tone. or at least find a way to make her character enjoyable on the first read, instead of only in retrospect when you know the big twist at the end.

the writers couldn't figure out how to do any of that, but at least they didn't make their extremely mid Relatable Girl Protagonist kiss some annoying dude. she spent the whole comic obsessed with an insane gilfy old girlboss. and isn't that all any of us can hope for

[traumatas]

Saw your OC pie chart and was wondering- do you have a favorite OC? The one you spoil/draw/write the most and keep coming back to? Only if you feel like sharing!! :D

Very loaded question. At first I was like god a favorite OC? How shall I ever decide? But what am I fooling myself for? The obvious answer about who I keep coming back to would be Vince and Anise. They got to be the OCs of all OCs for me and my husband, I thinks.

This is them :]

And this is a little Vince Crochet Doll my husband made with little minifurniture that's all handmade too! He didn't. Have clothes till a few days ago which is why it took so long to answer this and my husband wants you to know he gave him decency just for you

And the rest was supposed to go under a read more but Tumblr didn't wanna make that work bc it's fuckinf busted, dude.

There's about a million AUs we have about them and I might focus more on the general idea of who they are.

So Vince and Anise, yeah? I'm going to try to stick a little with their ORGINAL scenario which we haven revisited in FOREVER.

Vince is a painter. Originally the entire base of him existing was the fact that I love the Van Goghs painting style a lot. The texture of it all, the subjects, etc, etc, you catch my drift? He used to live with his family but ended up kind of loosing his muse, in a way. Unsatisfied, maybe even struggling with selling his art at all and so he decided to take the leap to move to a town called Far Cove that's located on a Peninsula. Just removed himself from home in hopes to find new inspiration. He lives a little out of town, on a cliff, kind of old and run down house, not hooked up to the electric grid. Best he could afford. Very much your struggling artist Archetype. Rather pessimistic and reclusive at first, though at heart he's very much a people person and loves being around others. Big family guy too, hes the middle sibling of four. One older brother and two younger sisters that are twins.

Just kind of stuck in a huge creative slump.

Now Anise is a little harder to explain, but essentially, hes pure magic. A star come to earth in most scenarios wether he remembers or is aware or not. He works as a witch! Though his methods are very unconventional. He isn't doing things by the book, often not being taken for full, people not quite trusting his too good to be true offers. But he just loves helping people, firm believer of I help you and you help me. Kindness. Found his way to Far Cove, something rather magical about this place to him. Due to lore reasons. Anise powers are far beyond what he shows and he actually doesn't enjoy using his immense magical ability for big feats, part of it due to the trauma of being taken advantage off before. He can get quite intense when he truly believes in something.

In their original story set up he more or less wandered into Vince front yard, head to the ground looking for herbs and mushrooms. All while Vince enjoys his morning coffee and cigarette, looking out his kitchen window and watching this other person he's never seen start crawling under his porch.

To Vince Anise is very much an odd character at first but rather interesting. He's seen witches work in the city before, has heard of them and what they do but Anise is certainly different from that. All while Anise finds Vince equally as fascination because oh gosh! A painter! Isn't that neat.

What does he draw? Is it people, is it nature is it things that are only in his head? Anise is extrovert enough to also simply wish to make friends. After all he just moved here and at that point Vince been there a while.

Just... the whole romantic an sappy idea of someone becoming your new muse and allowing you to see things you thought you knew into a different like, allowing and helping Vince to find new joy in creating and away from what the city might have taught him he should draw like. And Vince giving Anise a sense of secutiy because he simply doesn't judge? He does not question the way he dresses or how he does his magic. Almost actively listening and encouraging and giving him outspoken support. Which is not something Anise is used to... he really wishes emotional connections and companionships.

Oh it might also be important to mention that they are like. Destined to find each other. Soulmates if you will...They are just huge comfort OC's for me and my husband... The world of Far Cove in general is VERY MUCH established, supporting characters, other OCs, even OCs we once had we integrated in here. Far Cove my beloved OC Universe.