#Clef and Kondraki are out of view

[sugarclef]

Simon

[diristine]

Radnom SCP Headcanons for your viewing, all out of order with no rhyme or reason! Also its cause I feel bad for not posting any art, goddamn you art block!!

So, the psychology department was never that big or really well staffed for the longest time. The Foundation was still stuck in the mental health doesnt matter mindset forever. It was only with help of the ethics committee and other psychologists did it really start to flourish and gain traction. Though even now, it’s still a little frowned upon by some of the workers.

Superstitions run deep in the Foundation, never use ____ door or use the elevator to get to _____ floor. A breach always happens if you do that, even if it hasn’t been proven.

All the gois run on coffee and sheer willpower at any given moment, take the caffeine away and the next X class scenario will be at your doorstep in a moments notice.

There’s a library at each Foundation site, usually hidden away in the archives. Nobody knows of its existence cause nobody wants to go down to the archives, but you can find some pretty good books down there. Hell, theres booktok books in circulation at these libraries its just nobody but the archivists utilize this resource.

Keter duty has devolved into such a vague thing that nobody quite knows what it meant in the first place. Just that if Dr. Glass threatens it, you know youre about to be demoted to D-Class.

Kondraki 10/10 has those little bug pin boards with a bunch of different butterfly species. Like where the wings are poised and positioned via needles and pins, he made them himself! They are displayed proudly both in his home and in his office.

Theres a McDonalds on site, nobody knows how it got there, nobody will question it. Its easy cheap food for the soul when you have no soul left.

The psychology department’s job during bimonthly evaluations is to ensure the workers are still sane, they never mentioned anything about ensuring the workers had morals.

Clef has a pet cat named Little Shit. Did I steal this from that one Clef x Gears tale series on the wiki? Absolutely. Will I apologize? No. It makes perfect sense and it is mine now and Little Shit is a wonderful cat. We need more Little Shit propaganda up in here.

Hawaiian shirts is real to me, nobody can tell me otherwise.

Simon has once in fact bit a napkin he was so tired, people who watched him do so recorded and spread it across SCIPNET or whatever that thing is.

Clef can and will take time out of his day to bend down, untie your shoes, tie the laces of each shoe together like in a cartoon, and walk away as if nothing happened. Youre too confused by this and immediately forget he did so and fall for the trap and end up falling on your face. It works 9/10 times.

Gears reads ao3 fics on his computer, its a whole contest where people submit him fics via email to see if he reacts to the raunchiest and most cringe worthy things possible. He never does externally. You will find him at the medical wing later asking for amnestics due to this new knowledge effecting his work ethic. This contest happens annually.

The Foundation is funded by the overpriced food at The Cheesecake Factory, and also McDonalds…also paid adult websites. They gotta get cash somewhere yk.

There was once a site wide snow ball fight instigated between Glass and Clef. I will not elaborate on this one.

Everyone knows how to shoot guns and have a basic knowledge of firearms on the site. So in case of a breach you can take one from a corpse and theoretically start shooting. Key note: theoretically. Most people panic and die before they realize there was a gun.

Fire alarms go off every day due to people trying to cook things in the microwave. Usually its burnt popcorn or someone forgot to add water to their ramen, sleep deprivation really is an ass.

Theres a whole Foundation Department dedicated to watching Detective Void’s videos and trying to nail this guy, unfortunately for them they realize he has MC&D backing somehow so the best they can do is try to add to the comments of crazed conspiracy theorists and make the videos seem even more fake with worse and worse theories.

Most MTF agents joke theyre all actually women. And the actual MTF MTF agents just call themselves MTF^2 for the joke.

[npdkondraki]

hello ben npdkondraki. it is your mutual muppet. yourscp posting has made me want to get back into scp but also that is such a tall order and i was wondering if you had any sort of "starter kit" of sorts to get back into it.

covered in blood and shaking hey muppet. you put me under psychological torment by asking this of me. enjoy your crumbs

OK FIRST OFF. MANDATORY READING TO UNDERSTAND SOME THINGS IN THESE;

go read about the misc types of reality benders . really the greens are most important and come up the most but learning the others is also recommended tbh.

go read the personnel / character dossier . half of these guys are so incredibly niche they dont even come up in "standard mainsite affairs" but theres some good ones on there. pick and choose whoever you like and go from there

go read the o5 command dossier. im only recommending this because they play a fairly large role in wider scp antics. this is literally just surface level info about them however you gotta take it upon yourself to learn more. surprisingly i know next to nothing about the o5 so i am for once Not the person to ask about them

ok thats all back to the good shit thank u. everything from here on out is tales or scips that i classify as tales for some fucking reason dont even ask its too convoluted. enjoy my hand-crafted selection of insanities

annon - im biased i just really like annon. but its good starter material i think?????????????? maybe. im assuming so. anyway this ones about the o5 council i told you theyd come up i hope you read about them otherwise this will like . probably not make sense

duke 'till dawn - i dont need to say why im including this one. anyway this ones got some good characterization in it. also dracula is there

excerpts from "how to survive when reality doesn't", by alto clef - transcript of a lecture from clef its Really Good and i enjoy the characterization. id say its a pretty good view on how it speaks + how it generally composes itself .:-)

transcript of dr alto clefs seminar, "reality benders and you: how to survive when existence doesn't" - dj khaled voice Anotha One. again i just like the characterization here + good view on how she does its job

incident 239-b- clef-kondraki - this one is MANDATORY if you read nothing else here READ THIS ONE. anyways. good writing + baller characterization + good story + everything here fucks severely no notes. written exclusively in the form of transcripts of audio logs and camera footage. i think this is a good look at how most of them compose themselves under stress .:-) (BONUS: theres an abridged version which sucks badly and i love it. its the normal version but its lolfoundation now. its great. its awful. this one isnt mandatory its just a fun extra) (also read supplemental report 239-b-192 for. additional lore)

routine psychological evaluations by dr glass - this one is stupid but it is a good starting point. this is where a lot of the fanon ideas of them come from BUT! its pretty accurate to their actual characters too so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

yesterday - this one is really angsty im sorry. unforchies its also mandatory reading. read about these guys during the last day of their lives NOW

the king is dead - im stretching the term "starter point" pretty thin i think but it is semi-important knowledge ????????? kind of ? it gets brought up several times in misc tales & canons so its a starter point To Me.

epitaph - once again stretching the term "starter point" but this is semi-important knowlege vis a vis gears & iceberg and why theyre Like That. also its really good and id be amiss to not include it honestly

ok thats all the ones i can think of. im sure im missing some but . go forth go read about other tales

[antis0cial13]

*The group is getting into the car*

Dr. Kondraki: I'm driving

Dr. Clef, out of view: Shotgun!

Dr. Bright, turning to Dr. Clef: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except Dr. Clef: WOAH-

Dr. Clef, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

[scaredshadowsswap]

(I hope my English is as understandable as possible) I'm embarrassed to ask this but I was constantly asked how the SCP staff would react If they meet an androgynous person for the first time D:

Your english was great! I actually have a lot of ideas for this at the moment, but this is the first time I’ve gotten a request, so it might not come out right. I wrote this generally as the non-binary or genderfluid type of androgynous, but I think it applies just the same to people who just look androgynous :)

Clef:

Clef is probably pretty understanding, but that doesn’t make you exempt from one-liners that cross the line. I imagine Clef will make a lot of pop-culture references, so there’ll be no direct insults, but you may be called the names of famous androgynous people. Be prepared to answer to Annie Lennox or Boy George at least once. No matter your identity, he’ll call you the name of whoever your hair is closest to. Since you’re the first androgynous person Clef meets, you’ll be hearing it a lot, since he has no one else to tease. However, Clef’s insults are not reflective of their opinions, because Clef insults everyone. I think he’d almost like working with an androgynous person more? To Clef, your appearance would be a plus in certain field ops and Foundation situations, so Clef’d probably want you on their MTF.

If you work directly under Clef, he’d be fun and terrifying, just like normal. He’d definitely have an issue with anyone who made fun of your appearance and was serious about their comments, but he’d find a roundabout way of scarring them mentally for life :)

Kondraki:

If it was just seeing you in passing, Kondraki wouldn’t care. If it was working with you, I don’t even know if he’d notice. Kondraki is notoriously bad at names, which makes me think he’s probably also not great at faces. He seems like the type of guy who would take 4 months to notice your hair is firetruck red, so I wouldn’t worry about Kondraki at all. He only cares about if you are hardworking, if you’ll do his paperwork for him, and if you’ll change the coffee filter.

That being said, you’re the first androgynous person Kondraki is meeting. Since you look different from most of the people he works with, he’d probably love taking pictures of you because you’re a unique muse for photos.

Iceberg:

Iceberg will absolutely open the conversation with an insult about your appearance. How you respond will determine how he views you, almost like he was testing you. For best results, answer calmly, confidently, and do not reply with another insult, as he seems quite sensitive. His “Why do you look so weird?” would best be countered with a simple “I don’t know, but I like it!” or something along those lines. He will probably roll his eyes and not say anything else, but he will speak to you again in the future. However, I don’t think Iceberg would have an issue with you looking androgynous at all. I think he’s lacking a filter, and will say whatever pops to mind in a sort of mean way. He was simply acknowledging that you look different to what he is used to, but I think he’d like the style. If you end up becoming friends, he may begin to emulate aspects of your style. He would definitely gift you a scarf sometime to see you you’d style it so he could copy it for future reference.

Gears:

Gears is a short one because he wouldn’t care, or at least, he wouldn’t let anyone know. He is cold, reserved, and respectful, and treats you exactly the same as he treats most researchers. Even if you were working directly below him and he got closer to you, I don’t think he’d acknowledge your appearance except to tie it back to work. “Your hair is a mess, I suggest sleeping at your apartment tonight instead of on a couch” or something like that. Never a comment he wouldn’t make to someone else. However, I think he’d compliment you if you ever changed your hair/makeup/wardrobe, so he definitely notices and thinks positively of it.

Shaw:

Shaw would LOVE it. She’s been genderfluid for a very long time due to 963, so it would probably be a shock to them when they saw a person who looked gender-neutral and/or androgynous. But, it would be a pleasant surprise. He’d probably invite you to tea sometime or some sort of poker event, but you two are besties for the resties.

Shaw would definitely confide in you about their issues related to 963 very quickly, but they’re a decent judge of character and wouldn’t overwhelm you with their struggles. She will absolutely recruit you into her pranks, and sometimes play some on you.

Rights:

Rights would also love you, but it’s because she’d have so many ideas. She’s fashionable, and would have so much fun giving you ideas, whether it be for an everyday casual office outfit, or a formal suit or dress. If you worked directly with Rights, she’d be very low drama with you.

Glass:

Glass is a therapist, so he’ll probably be pretty happy to see that you are doing something that makes you comfortable. He might be able to give you advice on how to deal with some other staff who aren’t as accepting. Glass is a pretty short one because I can’t imagine him caring about your appearance past making sure that you felt comfortable in your skin.

Strelnikov:

Strelnikov…He’s from Russia. I think of Kondraki as traditional, but Kondraki is from Massachusetts, and Strelnikov is actually from Russia, and I think it would take him some time to get used to it. He calls all the male nurses “babies”, so I wouldn’t expect very much from this man.

If you’re hoping for any respect from him, you’ve already raised your standards too high. He may try to pull your records to find your sex at birth, he may snoop through your apartment, but he will not play fair or kindly. He might make comments about it, but at the very least, he won’t talk about you behind your back. Every comment he ever makes about you will be to your face. He might come around…three years later…

[keysorsomething]

Clef and Strelnikov Headcanons

Clef and Dmitri Hit the Road is the single most important peice of literature I ever read in my life and these are all completely self indulgant.

Btw I'm not viewing this through a romantic lens I just think they're very close and too silly :3

Request Page!

They def have shared a bed before

- It started in Brazil (Clef and Dmitri Hit the Road reference) when they passed out drunk in the same hotel bed and they kinda just kept doing it whenever was convenient.

- Clef was averse to being held in his sleep (trauma) but Dmitri couldn't fall asleep without holding something (trauma) and they helped eachother work through it

-Now sometimes Dmitri pulls up to Clef's dorm and makes himself comfortable if he's having a hard night and vice versa

-Dmitri lays close enough that his inner elbow rests on Clef but he's not pressed against him and they hold hands and that was the compromise they settled on between no physical contact and spooning

-Clelfdraki but Kondraki wakes up and assumes that Clef is already up but when he turns over he finds Dmitri in his bed snuggling his husband (this is a regular occurrence)

Clef gets dragged into Russian traditions all the time cause of him

- Especially the one where they sit in silence before one of them goes on a mission

- Dmitri will literally flip his shit if Clef tries to avoid it

- Whenever Dmitri needs to go to Clef's office he brings a gift of some sort

- Clef's desk is covered in little trinkets that Dmitri gave him (The ones that didn't fit are in a box in his dorm)

They've kissed before

- Another Russian tradition Clef can not escape from is Dmitri greeting him after one of them has been on the field for a long time

- There's a tradition in Russia where two men who are super close greet each other with a big tight hug and three kisses to the temple if it's been a long time since last they saw each other

-Sometimes they kiss eachother on the mouth

- It happened once and never again

-Clef still gets temple/cheek kisses though

-Sometimes Dmitri sneaks in an extra if he was extra worried about Clef

They play poker every Friday and get super drunk

- It's Texas Hold 'Em

- No one is allowed to refer to it as Texas Hold 'Em (Texas talk is banned in their presence)

After a day where Dmitri had to think really hard and a lot he only speaks in Russian and Clef will obnoxiously nod and go "Ah yes, I understand.. you want (thing he def did not say he wanted)"

Dmitri is Clef's favorite and he genuinely loves the guy (even if not romantically, that's just his bestest friend)

They talk about how their therapy sessions went even though they aren't supposed to

- Neither take their therapy seriously

- It's mostly joking about Dr. Glass and/or how good they got him

They're the kinda besties to talk shit about someone while they're in earshot

[xxs4d-b4st4rdxx]

I have no idea why, but I have a sudden urge to talk about what Dr. Alto Clef is with in my head. It's probably because of that post of resent.

I'm going to be up and front with that this is more of me just rambling than a well-thought-out. I do better if I ramble with no form or idea where it is going. Also, I don't care if you think in any way is a waste or stupid. This is my blog, and I and do and say what I want, even if it's mindless rambling about a character or whatever else. -----

Well, to be honest, He does have a special place within my mind. It's greatly personal, I Rather not talk about it much, mainly because I rather keep the bad times behind me. Just know he has helped me get though some hard times in my life, even though he's a god-damn asshole of a character, lol.

Um… how do I start these things… Well first I must be clear that I have been out of the fandom he belongs in for some years now and so, much of what I view him is when I was really into it. SCP-4231 is a big piece to how I see him. I read that when it first came out, though I probably shouldn't have read it at that time.

Ok, enough of the rambling. For me, I view him as a bitter old man that real does not want to have anything to do with anyone. Which I don't blame. I thought of him being three different people with Alto being the last and Francis being the first, though the middle of the both does not really have a name He's just dubbed with Ukulele. Francis's GOC code name. With Ukulele being switch of dealing the stress of work and well their personal life. While Alto being formed when the incident happen and being the main for Francis to heal. Which never fully happen, Francis never really came back and only few years after it simply left. While Ukulele kinda linger not much anymore either being the next to fade leaving Alto be the last one left abandoned and the feeling that he had failed in sense. More bitter than anything in his mind left with the mess Francis had left him. Hope that makes sense in a way.

Another thing with the shipping of him and Kondraki (surprised I still remember how to spell his name). I like it though, I see it more of that Kondraki to him is a person that hang with and fuck around with once in a while, nothing more than that. I just see Alto being mainly a loner for that when he feels the safest at. I also do like the idea that he has amassed a large family of cat, those are his people. Furthermore, I like to think he thinks of himself as a cat as a way to cope with what he is.

The why I think he looks is pretty much what it most views him as. A white short fat man that doesn't have the greatest look, blond hair three eye colors, you know the gist. I have added on to that over the years with having a bad tan, you know what I mean. Have some numbers of scars from his year of living. A thing I also like is that he flip-flop in having somewhat short hair to have it long enough to have it braided. To be honest, I don't think he gives a shit how he looks other that his abundance of Hawaiian shirts, he's very prideful with that. His third eye I like to imagine he can move it anywhere on his body or hide it all together, another thing to fuck with people. Oh, Yeah, a chain smoker, of course.

Even with him being a shit person, I think deep with in him, he still cares about well… Francis's kid. Alto himself doesn't consider them being his kid nor being ever married. Though still cares about them.

I might be the reason he never just says fuck it and leave, to disappear, to live a life quietly without the Foundation being up his ass all the time. Maybe there's a different reason, who knows, he will never say, maybe he doesn't know himself either.

Do really think he's an anomaly of his own kind, being that most reality bender or what ever you want to call them, usually supper nova or simply disappear. Yet he's still there, well, depending on what stories you read. He does do either which is odd, potentially it's because of the circumstance he was in when there was still Francis and how him and his partner were like how two stars act when they are close to one another. Where the larger of the two slowly eats the other. Possibly that had some cause for it other than well... The trauma that comes with such an abusive relationship.

-----

Beyond this point, it is me rambling more about my old interest of realty benders than Alto himself. I was really into the concept of reality bender back in the day.

-----

As a side not I do compare reality binder with stars because of their life, cycle are really remind me of stars. With the more large hotter one having quite fast and destructive ends while the smaller and slow burning one much quieter ends.

Though, I'm just going to generalize things for the sack of understanding what I'm saying. But You want to go more specific, you can learn and use the lettering system that is uses to categorize stars. For example, our star is a yellow Dwarf and the spectral type G and with that will evolve into red giants. In turn, a white dwarf to finally a black dwarf where it does not have any more materials to produce energy (light). If you know the life cycle of a reality bender, you can fit it in within those terms.

There's also how some I would think some would bend reality some much they would leave tears within the fabric of reality, maybe creating a sort of black hole like some stars that are dense enough can form when dying. With what I said about super novas being how that is their max, their own unmaking. I think of it after math becoming nebula like in how mushroom producing spores, the matter with the disrupted reality creates others like as we are made of star matter someone can have that distorted matter that might form them as a reality bender. As they are not made with the same matter as others, but the same as another's demise for filling the cycle once more. Though like Alto, not all will meet their own destruction, with some living after that mass or simply never going through it. Leaving them much more stable in some sense. Though that does not mean they can't just go back to being a risk, which leave me to the point of why they might just simply disappear as a way to avoid that fate. As they might make their own small packet with in the fabric of reality, maybe that's how universes are made if you want to think of it that why. For me in star term I think of Alto a white dwarf star as something that is stable but has no risk of being destructive though much weaker than it was once before. That really does not matter with dwarf stars they live a very long lives, as like Alto they don't simply leave they stay for a very long time out live other stars, other reality bender without much change. In my head, I think he knows this, but I don't he likes it any. I think sometime he wished he was one that lives a short life that fades very soon after it was created.

To not stop on a sad note with the concept of cluster of stars like galaxy because I've already said what where nebulas as that is left over star matter which can in turn to make new stars. With galaxies, I see it as some reality bender might want to form groups, in a sense as a hive mind of sorts. Whereas in before they find their own space outside by themselves, this with a group can establish new one that are which much larger. Where the core normally being a black hole, their equivalent being a tear in reality. Which others get drawn to going from there leaving within the tare uses it as their own space allowing others to join with most leave to original for to become as one and in turn as a hive mind. With this being the case, they will hide that opening as to prevent unwanted out. Maybe this could be a way naturally how rips are mended in a way. Galaxies don't pose a threat as they have no more interest with their own reality from once they came, but they might have interest in merging with others like them.

I hope my word salad gave you some enjoyment. I really just did this for myself as a way to finally clean out what was left for my SCP days.

Thank you, for listening to my TedTalk, lol.

[moved-accounts-btw]

break for wolcott and midnight for theo pls

Interesting, Interesting. [Wolcott: Break.

Insolation within her amulet triggered a complete loss of her sanity, primarily exacerbating her claustrophobia. Among the siblings, William stood out as one of the more resilient and cunning ones, adept at evading punishments and outmaneuvering Adam during their upbringing. However, this prowess led Adam to forcefully confine her in the attic for an agonizing two-week period, especially when Mikael wasn't around to intervene. Her fear of being trapped in a confined space and forgotten haunted her, though fortune favored her when the twins were born, requiring her services as a babysitter.

Previously, William grappled with a toxic mindset: any failure she encountered brewed the belief that she would face retribution. The source of this punishment could emanate from Adam, Mikael, the council, or often, from her own self-inflicted standards. The uncertainty of when or how the retribution would manifest perpetually tormented her.

Pre-transformation, William would retreat to the farthest corner of a room, anxiously bouncing her foot. Known for experiencing silent panic attacks and shutdowns, it became imperative to monitor her closely to prevent self-endangerment. Initially, she engaged in self-destructive behavior as a means to feel alive, to garner attention, or as a form of self-punishment, which gradually ceased after a near-fatal encounter with an anomaly.

Post-transformation, her anxiety and meltdowns led to stress eating, an act that eventually shifted her mindset, granting control to the insects within her. They began consuming anything in their path—trash, decayed items, even corpses left behind by rampages or anomalies. Consequently, her insect companions grew increasingly hostile, perceiving her breakdowns as threats to their nest.

During quieter moments of breakdown, she sought solace in the company of her teammates, including Iceberg, viewing them as a surrogate family during lengthy missions. Although instances of these breakdowns were witnessed by others, William endeavored to conceal them, aware of the lack of pride associated with such episodes and unsure of how to seek assistance. Their coping mechanisms remained unhealthy, having been previously met with dismissive attitudes or indifference from teammates. Presently, William finds comfort in the company of individuals like Kondraki, Clef, or Gear, content with merely sitting alongside them during these vulnerable moments.

[Theo: Midnight

His depression often keeps him awake during the quiet hours of the night, contemplating the twists of fate that led him to be a mere tool, enduring the relentless agony of each passing day. His existence seemed to be marred by unending suffering, inflicted by the kind of pain that could drive a person to the brink of madness. It's a life robbed by his father's selfish desires, stripping away any semblance of a normal existence or the chance to pursue a career in teaching.

In the midst of these nocturnal ruminations, he finds himself daydreaming about the prospect of marriage and fatherhood, only to be haunted by the fear that any child he might have could inherit some form of anomaly, perpetuating the cycle of suffering.

During these trying times, he reaches out to Talloran for advice or resorts to consuming copious amounts of weed to attain a mellow enough state to finally find sleep. Talloran and Draven stand as Theo's pillars of support, yet sometimes, they're either occupied or asleep, leaving him to grapple with his struggles alone. Unapologetic about his use of weed as a medicinal remedy, he vehemently defends its therapeutic benefits, even going as far as pleading to consume edibles. However, this often results in intense cravings, leading him to consume substantial amounts of snacks, devouring ten bags of chips before finally succumbing to slumber.

When these remedies fail, he reluctantly seeks refuge in his sister's or sibling's quarters, knowing that one of them might be awake or willing to offer him their bed for the night. Despite lacking shame in this matter, unlike his sister William, he feels a tinge of guilt, understanding that seeking comfort in their beds should be a last resort.

[atinyladybug-daydreams]

20 Random Personnel HCs no one asked for but I'm giving it here anyway because why not.

I'm bored and I want to think about the clowns. I also want to talk about the clowns.

Glass doesn't like it when he comes to work and sees something wearing the same shirt as he is. That being said, he keeps a few extra sweaters in his office to change into when someone does wear the same shirt as him

Bright has a collection of different types and designs of canes. She invests in it a lot because it's the one familiar thing- aside from 963 which she actively hates, in her body hopping problem. Her favourite is the hotpink offset cane with spikes.

Kondraki carries condiment packets in his pockets all the time. No one knows why. No one sees him restock it. He just always have it. "That bastard Clef always need them," is his answer everytime he's asked.

Gears carries an antique watch in his pocket. You can see the chain from his labcoat. He wants to give it to Alison one day.

Yoric also has a pocket watch given by Jack. It doesn't work anymore but he still keep it on him at all times. Says it's his lucky charm.

Jack completely disowned Yoric's parents. They're no longer part of the official Bright family tree too. Most the family shuns them. They're wary of Yoric most the time because of that.

The pocket watches were definitely matching for Gears and Jack as a sign of their friendship. It's also viewed as an heirloom.

Yoric can play the guitar and sing. He's also knows how to tap dance. No one knows where he learned it or when.

Clef's hawaiian shirt are all special and unique. Some even had extra stuff added to it- much like Mabel's sweaters from Gravity Falls. He definitely has one hawaiian shirt with led-lights sewn into the pattern.

In case of a blackout, Clef is a really good glowstick/source of light because for some reason all his shirts glow in the dark.

Diogenes definitely has tampons and pads at their desk/bag/pocket at all times and will whip them out when someone starts bleeding (not from injury).

Diogenes and Lament are pretty close and they have lunch a lot together to bitch about stuff and gossip. They're also drinking buddies. Also, they're up to date with the latest workplace drama and tea.

Iceberg met Lament once and they had an office chair race down the hallway. There was a really big betting pool on who would win. Jack was the one who started it.

Cimmerian hates store-bought butter and makes his own butter. Yes, it's more expensive. No, he doesn't care.

Finding Iceberg in summer clothing is very common during the winter months as he does not get cold. Hot Girl Summer got delayed. It's Depressing Incel Winter for Iceberg. Also he wears crop tops. I will not change my mind

Jack and Gears are childhood friends. Gears is almost as old as Jack is- if not perhaps a year or two older.

Jack is surprisingly a good cook. In fact, she enjoys cooking a lot. It's one of the things that they like to do to shift their focus away from depressing thoughts.

No one really notices but Gears' love language is feeding people. If he likes you, he buys you lunch and brings you snacks a lot.

Glass definitely once tried baking pot brownies. He says it's for the science but it was actually beacuse he lost a bet with Jack and Clef and had to bake it for them.

Clef smokes weed and definitely has a stash in his office, car and home. Kondraki joined him once. Never again.

[scp-l4-clef-alto-001]

a little while ago, on a discord group chat i made a joke about clef almost always calling kondraki "kon" or "konny" in canon and how that was Not Straight

i later deleted it out of embarrassment (i don't actually know why i thought i was gonna get laughed at or something)

looking back on it i just don't think i can... seriously ship clefdraki? like i found bottledick very funny but as a pair, in canon, they're kind of just assholes to each other and that's about it. if you put them in the same room there's a higher chance they'd be going for each other's throats than they would be fucking

and it's not that i don't think they're a good pairing.. i do! it's just i can't really get into it as much and while it does have potential it's just not something i can Shove My Brain Into. yk. like i love horror and gay people but for whatever reason they don't work here

and also as an aceflux person like. i love clef on the aroace spectrum. i like that a lot. and so it's hard for me to view him in a relationship that is anything more than alterous at the most tbh.

In my opinion, the only wrong way to do Clefshipping is to claim that there is only one true interpretation of Clefshipping. If you ship Clef with thousands of hot bikini babes, or thousands of hot speedo men, or want to write Chuck Tingle-esque tales of Clef being pounded up the ass by his own ass, or if you ship Bottledick, that's fine.

But in joining the grand society of Clefshippers, you must also acknowledge that Clef contains myriads. Somewhere in the multiverse of Clefs, there is a Clef that deserves to be shipped with as many people in as many multiverses as possible. And in so doing, you must also pledge that, no matter if other Clefships might cause you squick, you must also acknowledge that they are, in some way allowed to exist.

(Mind you, there are some Clefships that I prefer to exist over THERE, while I exist over HERE, but as long as over THERE doesn't intrude on me minding my own business over HERE, I'm fine with it.)

Clef

[whaleofatjme1920]

This is for the request lmao

Headcanons for the doctors and what the shenanigans they pull in site 19! (If you wish, you can put anyone from whatever series or mini movie or oc's : dr. Miller, stan, sora for example)

General Site 19 Thoughts

[Warnings: Like, none?]

[AN: Yes ofc you may. ALSO this ends up becoming like,,, just whatever I view Site 19 as?? Very campy. I put my worldbuilding in here lmfao. However, for the Foundation Squad, feel free to send this as a separate ask because I have a lot of thoughts abt what my OCs, other characters that aren't as well known like Miller, and Quill, Sora, Icarus and Tjme would get up to separate from this-]

The break rooms are treated as holy places. You ever see those posts that are like "drop down your weapons and rest by the fire for a moment before traveling further"? Yeah that's how they view the break rooms. You do not mess with the break rooms.

Still, this gets broken from time to time by everyone and for the most BS reasons.

One time, Iceberg bit a pen and sent ink everywhere. It's still staining the linoleum.

Gears is immune to all the BS people throw at him. It just doesn't bother him. He does a curt "hm" and tells you to clean up your mess. Though, his attempts at humor aren't awful.

Bright will get things he shouldn't from 294 and will switch out the contents of drinks just to liven up the site.

Because most of the doctors I'm talking about surpass clearance levels that they shouldn't even be at, they're breaking rules CONSTANTLY and no one says anything. Who's gonna tell on them?? The level one who got introduced last week? Absolutely not.

Agent Strelnikov is not allowed to haze the new researchers. He makes them fear for their lives.

He's not allowed to hold any seat of power during faculty events either. The last time they let him in charge of the annual Halloween haunted house... Let's just say the janitors were NOT pleased.

Bright will join Strelnikov and often. And then Clef gets involved.

It is absolute hell to be in the same room as the three of them because they fuel each other's awful-ness lmfao.

Rights and Moose have a running joke where they "co parent" everyone of site 19. If you have any emotional problems or are neglecting yourself and don't want to talk about it to Glass, go to them. They're always there to take care of you

We all miss Dr. Hamm.

I like to think that even though the 0-5's frown greatly upon personal ties, they let certain wings of staff leave little "shrines" to the staff they've lost and were near and dear over the years. Dr. Hamm's is a special one.

Yes, Clef and Bright poke the bear when it pertains to him when grilling 049.

It's always disrespect 049 hours.

Arguing with 035 about classical music is a right of passage because Clef said so.

There's certain hazing processes that the senior staff might pull on newer members that involve poking SCPs or other doctors. It's entertaining. Never enough to cause an incident, but enough for the person getting pranked to say "oh really?? This again? Grow up."

Honestly, everyone knows each other a tad too personally. When you're working at the foundation, and specifically a site like 19 (or any site that's known for it's high activity due to said anomalies), you kinda become a family in your own right. Do they all love each other? Absolutely not, but ribbing and taking the piss is a normal thing because what else are you going to do than scrutinize an anomaly??

Kondraki's photography is highly sought out for personal and professional reasons. If you ask him to take a selfie, he might fight you.

Being at site 19 is jarring and everyone knows it.

Crow will act like a legit dog if he doesn't want to associate with you for whatever reason. He might growl at you.

Inside jokes vary by site and 19 has tons of them!

There's some office spaces that are considered more rambunctious than others. Guess who I'm referring to.

Cimmerian is often heard whistling around the halls and that's a bit of a joke in itself.

There are regular bids about MTF groups. What the topic is changes, but there is a pool for it.

There are incidents that aren't recorded because it's almost embarrassing that it happened. Has nothing to do with the SCPs, just the dumbass researchers.

The medical wing is really tired of seeing Gerald, but like, they take care of him regardless until he reties. Clef and Kondraki got Gerald a punch card.

I can't actually recall if Mann is here but if he is just know he's a local boogeyman(n).

People get lost in there and the staff we're used to will either help you or get you even more lost. That's the rule if you make it to your destination depends on who you run into.

It's a different society, and functions in a different moral area as well. It's simultaneously more crude and prudish than anywhere else.

They're still people of science, so while the shenanigans isn't to the level of leaving a classroom of freshmen unattended for like 4 minutes, it's still a much more relaxed area as the people you're around most often get weirdly used to you. It's a good balance.

[diristine]

So heres Simon and his former self Agent Shard.

Here are some facts about my interpretation of the man, of course some of them are me being dramatic and a little bit sleep deprived but most of it is true. I was a bit tired of him being the fandom’s soft boy and gave him a bit more personality.

Please do not hang me for my ideas of this man, he has possessed me and had me write his livelihood for your viewing pleasure.

- He used to be specialized in disinformation

- His current self is deaf in the left ear

- He has two boyfriends

- He is not a serious Diogenes simp, he has their consent to nervously flirt and act awkward to allow people to view him as a pathetic virgin.

- He still can and will shoot a guy

- Has a body count of +100 (in both manners)

- Is Clef’s cousin, I will not elaborate

- 6’9 cause haha funny number but then it just stuck

- He is a pansexual trans man, he has top surgery scars but has the bottom portion thanks to SCP-113

- As Shard he had an OF acc, and seeing as people never dropped their subscription he keeps making money off of it

- His eyes were originally blue, then he found Clef and he got mysterious heterochromia. (Bitch reality bended him subconsciously)

- Plushie collector, the man has a whole bookshelf dedicated to the things. He will fight you if you insult any of them and make you apologize.

- Avid Mikell and Adam Bright hater.

- He’s the psychologist assigned to SCP-166 (he assigned himself to her once he found out)

- Gayest man alive

- Woman respector.

- Has in fact put Clef and Kondraki in a “get along shirt” and made them walk around site in shame as he played the My Little Pony theme-song on a speaker while following them around. He may or may not have played Careless Whisper before promptly being tackled by both men (it was worth it)

- He continues to live with his former mission partner (they’re dating) and has a pet cat who is actually a fugitive running from the GOC after some magic went wrong.

If you have any questions on my interpretation of Glass, please let me know. I am more than happy to answer in an honest and possibly unhinged manner. I do intend to explain his relationship with Clef later, but that’ll take a bit more world building.

[npdkondraki]

kondraki family "reunion" (its just draven & konny getting together for lunch) ruined post-tallodraven break-up by konny bring tally & draven bringing clef only for tally & clef to spend half of it making out slightly out of view

[lavendertownsghost]

My SCP Secret Santa for @spookmctoasty is done! (sorry it’s a bit late)

The SCP foundation was not generally a joyful place. Even the holidays, where the halls were decked with nondenominational holiday cheer.

Dr Simon Glass was determined to change that. He figured that a good old-fashioned gift exchange could brighten things up. It would probably take some convincing to get the other scientists on board, but Simon wasn’t deterred.

~

It took much more convincing than Simon anticipated, but he eventually gathered several of the scientists and got them to go along with the gift exchange. They each drew names, and Simon ended up with Dr Kondraki. He had no idea what to get the the director. Luckily he still had a week to figure it out.

~

It took Simon no time at all to figure out a present. He’d seen the footage of Kondraki fighting Clef, and from the few therapy session Kondraki actually showed up, he liked sword fighting. Not just from a fighting standpoint, but from an aesthetic and historical view. Simon got him a traditional sword cleaning and sharpening kit. Hopefully the others didn’t go to overboard.

~

Simon was slightly concerned when Kondraki had to bring his present in a wagon because it was so heavy, and he was fairly certain Dr Right’s was growling. But nothing seemed to be on fire, so that was better than most staff meetings. Simon presented his gift to Kondraki first, and the other man seemed genuinely happy with his present. Then Kondraki gave his heavy present to Clef, and everyone laughed at the $50 worth of pennies. Simon was glad this had turned out so well.

[scaredshadowsswap]

SCP Personnel and Snooping

In the SCP Foundation, there are loads of secrets, and it’s natural to be curious. However, not every senior researcher will let you view information above your clearance. Here’s what I think you could get away with.

Clef

Clef is tough. You can hypothetically get away with anything, but he won’t make it too easy. If you ask him personally, he’ll give you a different answer every time, and any version of his stories could be true. If you try to use his clearance to view something, he might laugh and help you, or he might report you. His motives are…generally unclear, so while you could hypothetically figure something out, think about how he could possibly react. You’ll probably eventually realize that he is a very clever manipulator, and will say whatever he can to try and prevent you from searching for information not meant for you. By the time you realize, it’ll probably have worked. He’s not gonna react the way you think he will, but consider how me might react anyway. Don’t think for a moment that he believes that you’ve “punished yourself enough by learning this” or any of that garbage. If you screw up, he’ll come up with some creative punishment on top of the paralyzing fear or whatever natural consequence came of it. If he thinks you’re prying for something that extends beyond the realm of “being curious”, he might shoot you right then and there. For example, looking for SCP-001 is just basic curiosity, and he’ll stop that soon enough. Looking into MTF dockets and reading every piece of information on them is suspicious, and you will die. You have no reason to be there. Also, if the Foundation ever figures out, he’s not gonna get in trouble for your actions. He’d most likely lie if it paints him in a better light. He’ll sit back and laugh as you get demoted.

Kondraki

Kondraki is known for water cooler gossip, so he gets how enticing information like that can be. He probably won’t care at all and won’t try to stop you, unless you put him at risk of getting in trouble. Things like using his clearance or looking through his desk will get you in trouble for sure. Other than that, go wild. He’s definitely found out stuff he wasn’t supposed to, so he’s not gonna get upset if you do the same. However, he’s not gonna help you run from the consequences of your actions, either. Whatever the consequences are, you get to deal with them by yourself. Kondraki takes a very “hands-off” approach to this, which gives him deniability. He didn’t see you do anything, he won’t say anything. One of his earlier assistants died after looking at a cognitohazard. When he was interviewed, Kondraki simply stated: “Dr. ████ fucked around. Dr. ████ found out.”

Gears

Gears will absolutely not help you learn anything you’re not supposed to. The Assistant Director of Site-19 did not get there by being lenient with restrictions. That being said, I’m not sure Gears would catch on that easily to what you’re doing. He’s generally emotionless, which doesn’t mean he can’t read others’ emotions, but it means he could miss tiny details that make you look suspicious. With Clef and Kondraki, there’s no way you could hide the fact that you’re looking into Foundation secrets. With Gears, he would probably miss it, whether that be due to his ability to comprehend emotions or sleep deprivation. Just don’t get caught, and you’ll be okay.

Glass

Glass is reporting you and then firing you immediately. I’m not actually sure if he has the power to fire anyone, but he will make sure it happens. The reason is simply because the information he works with is heavily confidential, and although it can be accessed in some situations, Glass’s morals stand strong. Unless he gets a direct order demanding anything else, he keeps strict confidentiality on what his patients tell him. You accessing any of his files is a huge breach of trust for his patients, and even if the specific file wasn’t confidential, there is no way Glass’ll trust you enough to work with you anymore. If you’re trying to figure out something about an SCP…why? You don’t work with them. If it’s an SCP, Glass’ll probably just talk to you. Maybe he’ll file an incident report, but at least he won’t think that you’re breaking the trust of others.

Shaw

Shaw will outright tell you stuff you don’t have clearance for. Considering they have clearance to pretty much everything, you just need to ask. However, you’ll probably have to explain why you wanted to know, and that can get embarrassing sometimes. If they’re putting you with Shaw, they’re expecting you to keep them in check a little, so you probably wouldn’t be the snooping type to begin with. Shaw doesn’t really report to anyone, so go wild I guess. It’s up to them if you get in trouble, and I don’t think Shaw would do anything unless you were acting super suspicious.

Strelnikov

It’s hard to find out any information as a researcher. As a Task Force member? They don’t even tell you vital info about the things you’re trying to contain. Strelnikov won’t report you for looking at stuff not meant for your eyes, but don’t think for a moment that he’s okay with it. He believes firmly in loyalty, and that loyalty means blind trust sometimes. If you’re looking at files above your clearance and he catches you, he’ll assume you don’t trust him or the other agents on your team. How can he trust you if you don’t trust him? Your next missions will be dangerous because he doesn’t trust you.

Rights

Rights is gonna be disappointed. She’ll be calm about it, but she’ll probably put restrictions onto your electronics and stuff. She may or may not fill out a report depending on what you looked at, but she’ll tell her friends about what you did, so you’ll have to deal with random people knowing what SCP you were researching. If you looked at the MTF dockets for information on an agent you had a crush on? You’d never live it down. Shaw would loudly proclaim your love in the cafeteria, and then everyone would know. Regardless, she gets where you’re coming from, but you need to understand that the rules are in place for a reason, so do not expect any help from her when you’re trying to break them.

[kondraki]

Doctor Kondraki, I need some advice for the handling of my own Containment Site. Nothing on procedures, just... How the flying fist fuck do you deal with morons who ask fifty meaningless questions that they can just search the answer to? I already tried the Clef approach of ukulele-to-head and it didn't work. Any tips from the master? Sincerely, Director Nosk

As I’ve been a site director for many years now, I have some suggestions you can pick and choose from, depending on how annoyed you are on any given day.

The professor approach – just repeat that it’s in the syllabus after every question, and then periodically remind them that it will be on the test. If you have a spare ten minutes, actually write and distribute the test. Make it sound very important. They’ll have to learn.

The driving instructor approach – randomly fire out the questions first and note who answers them correctly. Implement a point system. Give out actually decent shit for the winners. The losers have to wear learner plates around the site until they redeem themselves.

The Victorian schoolmaster approach – set a quick true/false test (either written or verbal) and make the worst performers wear a dunce hat, or have to stand in the corner, or suspend them in a bucket from the ceiling. Whatever takes your fancy.

The 2000s hacker approach – depending on your level of skill you might need some help for this, but it’s pretty fun. Have them have to correctly answer a question before they can use any of their electronics. Be generous with what you view as “electronics”. Laptop, work desktop, cellphone, iPod, gaming console, coffee machine, go wild.

The drill sergeant approach – stick ‘em on a treadmill in the gym and increase the speed by one point for every incorrect answer. Keep a bucket of cold water on hand for the losers who pass out.

The Stalin approach – have some people break into their quarters in the dead of night, loudly interrogate them on the answers, and drag any under-performers to the gulag. The location of this “gulag” is restricted only by your imagination.

That should keep ‘em busy for a while. Good luck, Director.