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pitchsidestories · 6 months ago

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ex's and snow II Leah Williamson x Reader

romantic masterlist | platonic masterlist | word count: 3583

summary: a snow-covered hut in the Swiss Alps with a few good friends and ex-girlfriend Leah Williamson. Can the former lovers find each other again before the snow melts, or are they simply not meant to be together?

author's note: our first fanfic of 2025, we took our time and tried to make it a bit longer than usual and hope you like it.🥰🥰

The laughter got stuck in your throat when you saw your ex-girlfriend in the corridor.

Just seconds before, you were talking to Mariona and Ana Maria about a funny moment in the dressing room when you were all still playing for Barcelona. The short walk from the car to the cozy looking cottage had felt to you like a scene from the Last Christmas music video where good friends were having a good time together in a snow-capped cottage like this one was.

The magic of the enchanting setting was gone when you looked into the blue eyes of your former lover.

“Leah.”, you muttered in utter shock.

The looks she was sending you across the room were cold as the ice: ”You.”

Behind your back Mariona, Lia and Ana Maria stood silently as they watched the drama unfold in front of their eyes.

Both of your heads turned around to shot deadly glances at your mutual friend. “Keira Fae Walsh!”

“I didn’t do anything.”, she clarified, raising her hands innocently.

Slowly you shook your head: “No, you didn’t tell me she was going to be the surprise guest.”

“If I had known she would be here, I wouldn’t have come.”, Leah said spitefully.

The midfielder rolled her eyes in annoyance: “Stop whining, you both wanted to be included so I invited you both. You’ll survive.”

Knowing that there would only be three bedrooms and a sofa in the cabin plus two couples you turned hopeful to your former Barcelona teammate:” Ana we will share a room, right?”

“Sorry, you'll have to share.”, Ana Maria explained, destroying your hope for some peace in the night and nodding in the direction where your ex-girlfriend was sitting with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

“What, no way!”, you protested.

A mischievous smile played on the Swiss woman’s lip: “Oh come on, you’ll survive. Keira and Lucy are exes and get along too.”

“That’s different.”, you told her. Their breakup has been smooth with no hard edges unlike yours with the England national team captain.

She quickly commented:” Yeah, they’ve a dog together.”

“Luckily, we never got a dog.”, you countered brusquely. Even though you were aware that ever since Lucy and Keira adopted the West Highland Terrier Narla the two of you dreamed of a dog yourself.

With an amused smile on her face Lia had followed your verbal duel until asking everyone cheerfully: “Before someone murders her ex-girlfriend and turns this into a cozy mystery, would anyone like a hot chocolate?”

“I do.”, Laura announced smiling, holding hands with the Barcelona midfielder. While Keira’s head rested on the older woman’s shoulder.

“Amor, I’d like one as well.”, Mariona beamed at her Swiss girlfriend.

Grinning, Lia kissed the Spaniard on the cheek:” Of course, I’ll make you one.”

Seeing the four being this in love with each other, showed through those simple gestures, was equally heartwarming to you as well as a bit painful, reminding you of your own singleness.

You tried to cover up your own feelings with a half-joke: “I think I’ll need something stronger than that to survive this weekend.”

Without missing a beat, Laura send you a smirk from across the room: “You can put something stronger into your hot chocolate. We came prepared.”

She got up from her seat next to Keira and opened a cabinet, revealing a surprisingly large collection of liquor bottles. Grabbing a bottle of Irish Cream, she came back and poured a generous amount into your hot chocolate.

You didn’t protest. You just smiled mischievously at her: “You’re the best.”

“It’s not my first winter vacation in a cabin.”, she winked back while pouring some alcohol into her own mug.

“I can tell. It’s quite cozy actually, except for that pouting blonde sitting next to your girlfriend.” You nodded towards Keira who had changed seats to sit next to Leah and was now whispering quietly to her.

Laura only raised a knowing eyebrow at you and grinned: “Don’t worry we can spike her drink too.”

“Oh, she’s horrible when she’s drunk. You should have seen her after the Euros final.”, you laughed, thinking back to the summer of 2022.

“Really?”

You nodded: “Yes, I think I’ve never deleted that video of her in our hotel room.”

Pulling out your phone to show Laura the video, you tried to fight back a fond smile. Everything had felt easier and lighter back then, not just because you won the tournament. Now, looking at the footage of a younger, more relaxed Leah pirouetting around the room, your heart started to ache again.

“Oh, that’s hilarious.”, Laura smiled as she watched your phone screen where Leah drunkenly fell over and pulled the curtains of the hotel room down with her. You both had had a few too many celebratory drinks that night and you really thought it was the funniest thing you had ever seen.

“She refused to fall sleep after that. No one slept for more than two hours that night.”, you continued to explain, the memories filling you with a nostalgic kind of happiness.

Laura laughed politely: “I heard some of those stories from Kei. It sounded like you all had a good time back then.”

“We did but then she changed so much… You know, the fame. Everything happened so fast afterwards.”

Your break-up had been like a tornado. It came suddenly and without warnings. All you knew back then was that Leah was busy with fashion stuff and advertisements and suddenly, she wasn’t your Leah anymore.

Lauras face turned serious, her eyebrows knotting together: “Wait, that was the reason you two broke up?”

“Yes.”

“I heard it was super messy.”, Mariona contributed to your conversation, sliding closer to you and away from the rest of the group.

“You can say that again.”, you sighed.

On the other side of the room, Keira and Leah had their own conversation.

“Kei, I’ll never forgive you.”, Leah hissed at her best friend.

“It’s not that bad, Leah.”

The defender rolled her eyes: “Sure, maybe for you.”

Keira groaned with frustration: “You’re so dramatic!”

Suddenly Leah decided: “I’ll lay down before dinner.”

“What about your hot chocolate?”, the midfielder frowned.

She had barely spoken the words when Lia handed the blonde a steaming cup that smelled deliciously of chocolate.

“Oh, thank you, Wally.”, she mumbled gratefully before sipping the hot drink.

With a warm smile the brunette promised: “Drink it, you’ll feel better afterwards.”

“Does she magically go away after I finished drinking this too?”, Leah wanted to know from her in a hopeful tone.

Hearing that question Lia chuckled:” No.”

“Sad.”, she pouted, closing her eyes for dramatic effect, wishing you’d somehow disappear like you did in the past.

No complaining about her change since you were gone, no one saying that the fame did change her character not for the better, but for the worse.

Wasn’t the England captain so much happier now? Or did the ACL injury made her slow down again to be in the here and now, forcing her to be more selective of the time she had. If you had stayed with her longer, you’d have witnessed it firsthand. The only thing Leah was certain of was that you were the reason her thoughts were running wild.

Clearing her throat the Arsenal midfielder innocently suggested:” Maybe just try to be open for the situation.”

“I hate you both so much.”, the defender growled.

Still smiling Lia stated: “No you don’t.”

“What are we eating?”, Leah swiftly changed the topic.

Amused the Swiss woman lifted an eyebrow:” Why? Are you hangry?”

“Yes, I’m indeed very hangry.”, she confirmed.

Her Arsenal teammate couldn’t help but to start laughing about her dramatics: “Typical.”

Leah knew she wasn’t known for her cooking skills, so the blonde offered:” I’ll do the cleaning who’s going to cook?”

“I can cook.”, Mariona volunteered.

“I’ll help you with that, Mario.”, you responded, squeezing her shoulder slightly. Back in Barcelona the two of you often cooked for your teammates, it was a passion you both shared and over the years you became a good team in the kitchen.

“And Leah and I’ll clean.”, Keira threw in.

As always, when the cooked food was on the table, it was eaten up far too quickly, at least you could see from the satisfied smiles on the faces of your friends that they had enjoyed it and the sight of it was what made you incredibly happy.

When the chatting and laughing was over, you all went to bed. As you closed the door behind you, you realized that you had to share the bedroom with none other than your ex-girlfriend, and to avoid her for a while longer, you stayed in the small bathroom for an extra-long time.

You took a few deep breaths to brace yourself, watching yourself in the mirror as you did. You then changed into a pair of pyjama pants and an oversized shirt before exiting the bathroom.

Leah was already lying on her side of the bed, one hand on her flat stomach: “God, I’m so full.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes: “You never know when to stop.”

“It was too delicious.”, Leah shrugged, unbothered by the judgemental tone in your voice.

You didn’t feel like discussing with her so you just sighed: “I’m going to bed now.”

Leah watched as you climbed into your side of the kingsize bed and turned off the lights.

“Night.”

Sleep came surprisingly easy as soon as you were cozied up under the warm blanket. That was until someone gently shook you awake a few hours later. You didn’t open your eyes, you only managed to groan and bury yourself deeper into the sheets.

“Hey, I think the heater broke down… It’s s-so cold.”, Leah whispered, her teeth chattering with every other word.

“What?”, you yawned, too sleepy to understand anything she said.

“Can I get under your blanket? It’s freezing?”

Still half asleep, you lifted your blanket to let Leah crawl in. “Fine.”

”Thanks.”

Her shivering body pressed against your side, the two blankets laying in a big pile on top of the two of you. Leah felt so cold next to you that you had to pull her in, willingly sharing your body heat with her. “Come closer.”

The defender wrapped her arms around you, her skin icy against yours: “How is your body so hot?”

“Don’t know. You tell me.”, you grinned with your eyes closed.

Leah snorted about that before turning serious again: “No, really. You’re not getting a cold, are you?”

“Not with you warming me.”, you continued to joke.

“Good because Arsenal needs their captain.”

Finally you turned to your side, directly facing her: “Oh, so you should survive and I can freeze to death?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Just that we both can’t get sick right now.”

You nodded slightly: ”Okay, that’s fair.”

The winter break would end soon and neither of you wanted to miss out on training.

You both went quiet for a short moment.

“I saw that… you played a great Champions League campaign so far.”, Leah suddenly admitted quietly into the dark.

You took those words in, unsure what to do with them.

“Are you saying you still watch my games?”

“Sometimes I do.”, she confessed quietly. But the blonde didn't add, because of Keira or Ellie, so you wondered if that included you.

However, you were too afraid to ask her about it and instead teased her about her beloved club: “ I couldn’t get myself to watch Arsenal this season, the beginning of their WSL campaign was so depressing.”

“Excuse me?”, she huffed, her figure looming over you.

Amused, you stifle a smile, it was very easy to wind her up: “Yeah, okay, Keira told me it got better after your female coach took over.”

“Yes, it did.”, Leah confirmed matter-of-factly.

Even though you could feel her intense gaze on you, you began to feel sleepy: “That’s great for you, you must be very happy right now.”

“Sure, believe that.”, the defender smiled sadly, which you didn’t see anymore because your eyes were already closed.

You slipped softly into sleep.

The next morning, Ana tugged gently on her friend's upper arm:” Come on, Kei. We shouldn't wake them up yet, they look so cosy.”

“Look at how tight Leah is holding on to her. She was totally lying about having no feelings for her anymore.”, the midfielder observed.

Her girlfriend continued:” And the one who’s laying in her arms hasn’t let go off their shared past either otherwise she wouldn’t keep videos with Leah on her phone.”

“Let them sleep. Let’s go and make breakfast.”, Lia spoke up.

Glancing at the Swiss Woman Mariona’s face lit up while she talked: “I could really need a coffee or two to be fair.”

“Me too.”, Keira replied.

The Spaniard cheerfully concluded: “Time to get the coffee machine going then.”

“On it.”, Lia answered in a good mood.

The smell of ground coffee beans and the golden rays of the sun touching your face and hers woke you both up.

“It smells of coffee.”, you mumbled happily.

Leah shook her head in amusement: “I hope they made some tea as well.”

“Ugh, I’ll never understand how anyone can hate coffee.”, you remarked.

She immediately countered:” And I will never fall victim to the coffee addiction that you all obviously suffer from.”

The two of you made their way to the open kitchen, where your friends were already there. Their faces were illuminated by the morning light, an open window was letting in some fresh mountain air while they were almost done with preparing the breakfast for an adventurous day ahead.

“Good morning, girls.”, the Arsenal captain greeted them smiling, hugging Lia from behind.

The brunette returned her grin:” Morning. I guess that means no coffee for you?”

“Oh, yes is that tea for me?”, she hummed delighted.

“Yes.”, Mariona confirmed as she pushed the steaming mug towards the blonde defender.

Leah took a deep breath, taking in the smell of the tea before she wrapped her hands around it: “Amazing.”

“You’re welcome.”

After taking a sip from her steaming hot drink, Leah looked at the group in front of her: “So what are we doing on our first full day here?”

“Skiing!”, Laura beamed at her.

You saw Keiras eyes widen nervously in the background, and you had to stop yourself from laughing.

“Yes, it’ll be so fun. For the ones who don’t know how to do that we have sledges.”, Lia explained patiently.

You knew exactly what that meant. Laura, Lia and Ana would enjoy their time on the ski slopes while the rest of you were stuck with sledges.

Leah didn’t seem too excited about that plan: “Just great.”

To lighten the mood and to spite Leah, you asked the group: “Sledge race anyone?”

“I’m in!”, Mariona nodded quickly.

Leah rolled her eyes which usually would have offended you if it weren’t for the way the corners of her mouth lifted into a smile: “Such children.”

Mariona and you got up from the table, ready to get dressed for a day in the snow.

In the meantime, Lia leaned over to her teammate and whispered: “You should talk with one of those children later if you ask me.”

“Shut it, Lia.”, the defender replied.

“No, deep down you know I’m right.”

“No.”

“Yes.”, Keira finally said, raising on eyebrow at her best friend.

“Guys.”, Leah sighed with a pleading tone which was deliberately ignored by her friends.

“Just trust us, Lee.”

“No.”

This time it was Keira who sighed with frustration: “I wish you two weren’t as stubborn.”

“We’re not.”, Leah said cooly and got up from the table, ending the conversation abruptly.

No one said anything about it for the rest of the day. You were too busy playing in the snow. The sledge racing quickly turned into a snowball fight which then turned into you all trying to build a snowman together until the sun set.

Your face and hands still felt frozen when you returned to your bedroom in the cabin. With a tired but satisfied sigh, you let yourself fall onto the bed.

“You look pretty done.”, Leah smirked as she pulled her cold, wet sweater off of her body.

You tried your best not to look so you stared at the ceiling: “In my defense, it was a long day and my manager just called to tell me that I have to leave early tomorrow.”

“You’re leaving again?”

You frowned. Was there actually a slight hint of disappointment in your exes’ voice?

You must have imagined that.

“Yeah… I have to go.”, you confirmed.

“Oh.”, she sounded disappointed.

You suspected with a heavy heart: “I bet you’ll be happy to have one day without me.”

Much to your both surprise the blonde revealed: “Actually I was just getting used to you.”

“Used to me?”, you repeated, puzzled.

The England captain shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly:” Yeah. You’re less annoying than I remember.”

“Excuse me? You’re way more annoying than me.”, you quickly corrected her. In a serious tone you reminded your former girlfriend:” You were the one who had to attend every event, take each interview, miss out on date nights and our friends’ parties.”

As she listened to your accusations, Leah wrapped her arms around herself protectively. “Because I had to, not because I wanted to.”, the defender clarified earnestly.

You remembered loudly, the memories of your breakup returning to you in waves:” You didn’t even cry when I left.”

“What would that have changed?”, your ex-girlfriend asked.

Your voice trembled with both anger and sadness: “It would have shown that you cared about us!”

“I did care!”, Leah hissed back.

You snorted in disbelief: “Sure, Leah.”

“Okay, fine. Believe whatever you want, you’re gone tomorrow anyway.”, she waved it off.

“You were serious.”, you realized.

A frustrated sigh escaped her lips: “Of course I was.”

“Do you think we were together at the wrong time and place?”, you questioned cautiously.

The Arsenal player took the time to think thoroughly about your question before replying: “Maybe we were.”

“Who knows, right?”

“Not us. If we could just go back in time.”, Leah begun with a longing expression on her face.

You promptly interrupted her:” But we can’t. It’s impossible until time travel is possible.”

“Obviously.”, she said annoyed.

“Don’t eye roll at me, Leah Catherine.”, you warned her with a half-crooked smile on your lips.

The defender cheekily raised an eyebrow: “Or what?”

“Or I’m afraid I’ll have to shut you up somehow.”, you explained.

Leah nervously ran her hand through her loose hair, which shone silvery in the moonlight. “Somehow? You used to do that by..”, the blonde reminisced.

“Kissing you, yes.”, you ended the sentence for her. The air was full of anticipation.

She moistened her dry lips: “You’re not trying to do that, right?”

“What if I did?”, you boldly posed.

“But what about tomorrow?”, the defender pointed out.

You returned her gaze with the same intensity: “I told you I’ll leave.”

“We shouldn’t waste more time then.”, Leah decided, her face only centimetres from yours.

Before you could reply, her lips were on yours. Your heart skipped a beat and for a moment it almost felt like nothing had changed since the last time she had kissed you like that. Your brain went to autopilot, your body took over. Wrapping your arms around her neck, you pulled her closer. Your kisses grew hungrier, more impatient. Despite the knowledge that she was your ex, your body ached for her. You wanted her right then and there.

Apparently, Leah felt the same way when she pushed you back on your shared better, her lips never leaving yours. It was almost muscle memory how your hands slid under her sweater, caressing the body that you knew so well. You hadn’t realized how much you missed it.

The next morning, you stayed in bed as long as possible, sneaking kisses and holding hands on your way downstairs for breakfast. Before you entered the kitchen, you kissed Leah one last time on bottom step. Unbeknownst to you, you were being watched through the ajar kitchen door.

“Girls, look!”, Ana said from her seat on the kitchen table.

“What?”, Lia asked as she appeared in the open door, leaving the scrambled eggs unattended on the stove.

Keira pushed the other midfielder aside so she could see what was going on: “Didn’t she want to leave already?”

“I heard her call her management this morning to tell them we were still snowed in.”, Mariona explained, smiling knowingly into her coffee.

This caused a few gasps in the kitchen.

Only then you realized that you were being watched. You didn’t mind, you already knew that this was their plan all along.

Nobody said anything when you sat down at the table, they were trying their best to act casual and went on to prepare breakfast. You subtly reached for Leahs hand under the table. She smiled at you but your attention was directed towards the snowflakes drifting past the window.

A big part of you was hoping that your lie turned into reality, that the snowfall would be getting worse and you would have a few more days here.

But for now, you were comforted by the thought that you had your Leah back.

gif source: https://www.tumblr.com/tracksuitlesbian/769781520922755072?source=share

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zengguos · 2 months ago

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a few more yellowjackets soccer hcs floating in my head:

● the defense line are the closet with each other. genlissa left side (sorry jenna, melissa's not midfield material to me, those reaction times, runs and the stalking positioning is giving left back vibes) and lottielee right side. the group tease lottielee for picking up each other's habits like the little lip smile laura lee does, lottie ends up unconsciously doing it too. sometimes van gets super pissed in high pressure matches and has to tell genlissa off for chatting too much because they're her weaker side.

● they usually run a 4-4-2 formation, but change to 3-5-2 by putting lottie in defensive mid-field for pressure, support and coverage if by half time they're tieing/losing (laura lee fully controlling defense now). coach martinez's strategy that he tells lottie to do when she's placed there — "take them down. no matter how risky it is, you're taking them down." and she takes that very seriously and literally. 💀

● lottie is the "emergency goal-keeper". one match van got potentially injured and had to be subbed off. they didn't have the second string or jv keeper on the bench, so lottie had to switch positions with the logic behind it being "she's got big hands, the tallest and has the best footwork, she can cover post to post the best." — every one jokes about that match.

● lottie being given the throw ins and she launches the ball across the field (prime stoke city rory delap style haha).

● tai and van do additional practice at the local park field for a few hours on saturdays. tai is open for anyone to come join them. usually the others show up for a while (laura lee, lottie, jackie dragging shauna along) just to hang out and mess around. but, unspokenly, this time is used for anyone that needs an excuse to get out of their house, away and disconnected from their family stressors and pressures. nat goes to every single one and is usually the last person on the field. they assume it's to make up on the practices that she has missed, but it is because she doesn't want to go back home.

● still keeping that original character pitch of nat being made to join an extra curriculum as part of her deal with the principle to avoid being expelled and stay at the school.

● nat got her first set of cleats from the old starter senior right winger in her freshman year before she left — telling nat that she had natural talent for this. which made nat decide she wanted to play in that position and take the sport more seriously to the point she made varsity in her sophomore year as it felt like someone looked out, supported and had faith in her in the past, present and future for the first time.

● nat is their corner taker for both sides. she knows how to pick a target and start a movement of play from analysing the positions everyone is in. communicating the play she is about to set up with hand signals. usually it's just aiming for lottie's tall head in the middle of the pack that ends up being a guaranteed goal. 😭

● "now look what you've done! now you've made robin cry." van would always say when the lockeroom drama has gotten too intense — that idea makes me laugh so much. I love it.

● laura lee has major team mom vibes when they have away matches. she is the friend that has everything in her huge duffle bag. need a band-aid? a spare hair-tie? didn't bring anything to eat or drink? feeling sick, do you want some tylenol? need some deodorant? mints to cover up your alcoholic breath? broke something? well let her whip out the portable sewing kit she carries around with her and fix it for you before the match. if she doesn't have what you need, she knows who will.

● we know jackie got made captain for nationals. so, I hc laura lee is the vice captain for nationals and takes the band when jackie is subbed off. if jackie is influence, laura lee is balance. she's stubborn and headstrong enough for it, but also compassionate and mindful. she does bring a clear balance to the other hotheads and she is a team player compared to those who are more individualistic in the team, or simply don't want the pressure of leading, or have the experience. she doesn't let the girls the opinions weigh on her, or attitudes waiver her resolve and we see that she can bite back and tease too. she also allows people to have their voice with her and brings that open space for challenges and discussions. she does have captain qualities but not on jackie's level of charisma, infulence and outright vocalness. she's the next best pick to lead if you compare her to the others and their attitudes and reactions to that responsibility in that setting.

● tai was upset over not getting captain or vice captain for nationals.

● shauna is the fastest and likes to flaunt it. tai likes to try and race her every warm up with the full pitch line to line exercise to see if she can finally beat her. but, nat and melissa are the closet to always nearly catching shauna up.

● you just know other teams hated going against the varsity team. not because they were undefeated or had lots of skill and talent. it was purely on their attitude! they were totally the villains of the season that every school in the state wanted to topple on attitude alone. but, they were so good psychologically at getting into people's heads on the pitch. that's how they were able to pull off most of their plays — the cutthroat mentality! influence, power, pressure and risky sometimes boarding dirty tricks. you didn't want to give up possession with them because that was a instant game-over if they were able to control the narrative of the game even down goals. they will and can take you into the last minutes of the game — it's not over until the final whistle.

● mari gets her yellow cards mostly as a disciplinary warning. she keeps flashing her middle finger to the opposition players. ball goes out of play? "ayyyyyy" *wags her finger fingers at them*. scores a goal? middle fingers celebration. the opposition team player pisses her off? boom middle finger. jackie does tell her off for it, but lightly because she does it too. she finds it funny and also joins in too if her and mari have done a set play that's paid off — love the sassy striker duo.

● "things must be grim if you're subbing in." / "I was just decoy bitch!" mari support!! mari being the tactical sub in!! mari being the ultimate assistance!! as the second striker she is supposed to track back and press constantly so jackie can make those runs. oh she is the pit girl because she is the one that is expected to fill the hole between the oppositions defense and mid-field by going in deep and allowing jackie the space to get that opportunity to score.

● when the ref puts the free kick spray down for the ball position, mari will try (or be tempted to try) and quickly scoop the foam up and change the spot positioning. she did that last match before their state final match which got her replaced on the starting line up by allie as her punishment. but, coach martinez does quietly respect her audacity because "in the adult world, in real life, nothing is a 100% fair. survival isn't fair." which makes ben eye roll.

● mari is a serial diver too, like she will take the opportunity to go down in the box if there's a challenge on her so they can call for a penalty kick. tai is their go to penalty kicker and she has a 100% record (she knows how to shoot her targets).

● jackie really does have a passion for soccer. it is one of things she knows she loves despite everything going on in her head, that makes her feel like she is connected to her body and a part of something; living, breathing and in control the ball leaving her feet for the pay off. she goes to see the friday night college matches at rutgers with shauna.

● jackie is the one who creates the little team dances to van's mixtapes as her own little pre-match ritual to get into the headspace. everyone slowly/unknowingly just started copying her moves until it became the joint team dance before every match. jackie/van pre-match lockeroom hypewomen.

● during the school fundraising day: mari, van and jackie worked their asses off to get the most funds in the sports department by running a food stall. mari with her full on cook out of homemade family recipe meals, van with her theatrical persuasive selling skills to get more people to buy more, jackie with her popular pull of attracting people's attention to the stall.

● their little varsity initiation tradition into the first team is making you wear the disgustingly stinky yellowjackets wasp mascot costume after the first pep rally with the team that you have to do the "buzz! buzz! buzz!" chant and dance in.

● they have bets on who gets carded during the match (lottie is the safest option to put your money on). but, there's also a rule that if you do get carded you have to chip in to pay for the post-match pizza for everyone who didn't. it is also a team tradition that the person with the most cards throughout the season has to organise the end of season party as the punishment (which jackie ends up helping with anyways).

● during post-match pizza parties van makes them hit up the arcade with her and there's an all out war. jackie, tai, lottie, nat and van (and secretly shauna despite being terrible at them) get super competitive in trying to beat each other in mortal kombat and street fighter. laura lee doesn't like playing the fighters, but is insanely good at racing games like daytona usa and rave racer which pisses van off because she can't ever beat her. (yes I'm keeping the pilot script childhood best friends between van and laura lee running).

● all the seniors instantly adopted akilah and were pissed when the coach chose allie to move up to varsity from jv and start over her.

● smoking sessions behind the gym before practice usually with nat, lottie and shauna after ap history. but, they have to keep rotating spots because ben keeps busting them for it.

● the photos at the reunion were taken by jackie (and misty). jackie was on the yearbook committee too and always had a disposable camera on her, snapping away. she would give one to misty to capture random moments between the girls too when she's too busy playing to capture the moment.

● misty tries to help beyond being just equipment manager. she writes strategies, player weaknesses and strengths for the team and their opposition in her horrendously amazing lisa frank white cat themed notebooks (laura lee has the horse one that misty gifted her for her birthday that she uses). she shows her strategies to ben during practice. he skims through them and loosely praises her enough to make her happy, but doesn't really push for them against coach martinez's strategies in the varsity team on game day (but does try some with jv). jackie does genuinely read them though and tries to push them into their tactics with her plays.

● ben usually does take over practices because the only time coach martinez cares is when it's match day and he reworks all ben's plans. he gets annoyed that the credit gets given to coach martinez when ben is the one doing the majority of the work with varsity and jv. everyone knows ben is the true head coach at heart.

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets soccer thoughts #lottie matthews #natalie scatorccio #taissa turner #van palmer #jackie taylor #mari ibarra #melissa yellowjackets #shauna shipman #laura lee #ben scott #misty quigley

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snailpebbles · 2 months ago

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a day to live

Natalie Scatorccio x fem! reader

summary: Natalie just lost you, her girlfriend, and has to cope somehow! Looney toons type escape from you.

tags: angst then angst then hurt/comfort, some fluff, angst, ow I'm sorry, fucked up sisters, nat loves you sm, conversion camp mentions, religious issues

a/n: read pt.1 first - a night to remember

wc: 2.5k

꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧

Nat is pissed. Well, at first she was left in that gravel crying her heart out before getting up to chase the car down, but hey...details. Now it's been a month at this fuckass school with these fuckass people in this fuckass town and her girlfriend, the love of her life, is still gone. Shipped off to some damnable, frankly unchristian, camp that believes love in any capacity is false.

Total bullshit.

What's even more bullshit is that your parents act like you never existed! Smiles all around, parties and cookouts, and attending church like they didn't just damn their own kin. So yes, she is pissed and yes, she is crying in the locker room.

"Nat..?" Jackie's apprehensive voice reaches her muted ears and a light touch on her shoulder draws her out. She means well, Nat knows this, but the only touch she wants is yours. That's why she jerks back like she's been shot. Jackie nods acceptingly and creates some space, silently shooing the other worried girls out.

"Practice is starting, okay? You know you can just stay in here if you can't-" Nat cuts her off, inhaling sharply with a forced grin.

"I'm fine Jackie." She mutters shoving past her and regretting it after seeing the frown on her captains face. There's no time for apologies though, not when her anger is mounting and the only out she sees is to play rough. That's probably why Coach Ben sits her out after one play. Now she's pissed and antsy.

A car rolls up, one that sends bolts down her back and blood rushing to her head. The same car that you were shoved into; that took you away from her. Laura Lee steps out, already stammering an apology for being late as her parents drive off without so much as a glance at Nat.

Time becomes a blur and her ears ring, her sight and memory dipping out until suddenly she's looming over a crying Laura Lee. Her fist throbs where it's tightly balled and Laura Lee's bloody nose stains the turf a satisfying red - the thrumming in her ears quiet. Taissa and Shauna grab her elbows but all she can do is grin, feeling like some righteous figure - you'd be proud, she knows it. Even if its your sister she left on the floor to be comforted by Misty and Jackie.

She blinks and now she's in the counselors office, one sympathetic look going to Laura Lee and disdain to her. It's funny in her eyes.

"Natalie," Oh here we go "why did you punch Laura Lee?" Ms. Drews voice is like nails on a chalkboard. Nat's fist clenches and she glances at your sister. At least the girl has the decency to look oh so apologetic and like absolute shit. Your sisters eyes are sunken in and look red, the eyebags a deep purple and her skin pale. The pitiful sight doesn't change Nat's heart though, not when she's sure you're being put through so much worse.

"I guess I'm just jealous that she's a natural blonde." Nat drawls, slouching in the plush chair like it's her office. Her heart gives a twist when she remembers that you would've loved seeing her sit like this, claiming it's "hot shit". Ms. Drews sighs tiredly, well acquainted with Nat's bullshit.

"It's my fault Ms. Drews." Laura Lee whispers, her voice wavering and scratchy from old tears. "I was uhm, I was being mean." Nat snorts - she can't help it. Laura Lee? Mean? The world must have ended then. When she starts to laugh, she stops. No, Laura Lee was mean; you're gone because of her big fucking mouth.

The chair screeches back before Nat can think and she's storming out, ignoring the calls from Ms. Drew to return. It's all bullshit, every last bit. Tears sting her eyes are she pushes into the empty locker room to change, your picture staring back at her from within her locker. You look so pretty; the Sun highlighting every aspect of you that she loves so dearly. The tears fall and her eyeliner goes with them, leaving black streaks down her face that she decidedly ignores as she walks home.

It's an hour later when she collapses into her bed, pressing her nose into a blanket you'd left there a long time ago. It had lost it's smell a few days back but Natalie went to the store and spent all of her allowance to buy your perfume. It's like a new vice for her; smelling your perfume whenever she can until her nose burns alongside her throat. The alcohol tastes like utter shit but she drowns in it anyways, just as she believes she will for the rest of her life.

꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧

You're in deep shit. It was maybe two weeks into that fuckass camp that you decided to make a break for it, pulling some looney toons type shit to get out. Maybe those sleepless nights of praying for anyone to love you, for Him to love you, paid off. Your throat hurts from being forced to vomit and your memory blurs with honestly disgusting videos - yeah, you need to forget.

The back of some random pick up truck isn't the most comfortable but the driver is kind. She let you hitch a ride after walking for who knows how long so really you can't complain. Does it smell like farm animals? Yes. Is the smell of sheep butt kinda growing on you? No comment. The only comfort you can find is thinking of Nat. How her lips felt on yours and the way her voice carried to your ears. Tears fall - at the same time as hers, unknowingly to you - at the sickness stirring in your stomach. It was in your belief that one week wouldn't be enough to fuck you up, but alas.

None of that matters anyways because you're here; minus the two hour walk into town that awaits you. The Sun has yet to rise but the kind driver gives you a jacket to wear over whatever the fuck the dress you have on is. White cotton down to your ankles and wrists - all that conservative bullshit. It isn't fully white anymore. Some sprinting through the woods and hiding in a fucking lake will do that to someone.

꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧

Natalie is disoriented, the loud knocking at her trailer door leaving her hungover brain reeling. She stumbles her way to the front and rips the door open, prepared to curse out whoever it is.

"Nat?" It's a soft voice, an oh so tired and wounded voice. The same voice she played in her dreams and sobbed over every night. The same she'd hear "I love you" from. She sobers up so fucking fast it's almost ridiculous. One minute you're outside and the next you're inside, her shaking hands gripping your biceps so tight it might bruise.

"What the fuck- how the fuck-" The tears spill again and her voice is rough, catching and tripping over itself until her heart teeters away from stopping. "Angel." She breathes it out like a prayer and you're gone, sobbing into her neck like she does to your hair. The smell, the dirt, the ugly crying - none of it matters. Not when you're in her arms and blubbering sweet everything's. Nat cups your cheeks and wipes your tears, worried eyes checking you over for any blood or bruise. Your knuckles are busted just like hers. She kisses them and you do the same.

"I missed you." You whisper, using the sleeves of your dress to wipe her tears and eyeliner away. She laughs wetly and nods, leaning her head into your hand.

"I missed you too. Fuck, are you okay?" She asks and you nod, any cut or scrape from your mad escape fleeing your mind. All that matters is her. The smell of cigarettes, alcohol, cheap perfume, and her shampoo. You could wrap yourself up in it and die happily right now.

"Do you want a shower?" Nat then leads you into the cramped bathroom after your whispered yes, the overhead light buzzing when she flicks the switch. It's the first time you've seen yourself in awhile, having been in and out of rest stops with nothing on your mind but home. She turns the water on and undoes the buttons down the back of your dress, rough fingers so gentle on your blessed skin. It's reverent, the way she eyes you. No sign of lust but only love.

The water is hot, washing away false sins as she climbs in with you. There's bile building in your throat and she holds you hair back when you vomit into the toilet, crying apologies as she pets your now wet hair.

"Thought it wouldn't work." You sniffle and her heart breaks, fear and anger tracing up her spine. Nat knows you love her, she can feel it in your hands and the way your lips map her skin all over again. It still doesn't change the fact that you're sick and it will take time to reverse what they did. All in the name of someone who never would have allowed those places to exist.

"It's okay Angel, it's okay. You're okay, we're okay." Nat whispers, pulling you into her arms before washing you off until you're reborn. The light buzzes and the water grows cold but you don't drift away, not like she fears. Vomit is flushed again but Nat only rubs your back and comforts you, no sign of impatience.

Her bed and clothes are warm as you cuddle into one another, hair and tears wetting her pillow. She doesn't ask and you're so grateful, throat still stinging.

"I love you." You both say it at the same time and giggle, noses bumping one another with how close you are. Her arm is tight around your waist and you cradle her cheek, face feeling warm under her intense watch. She's memorizing you, drinking you in as if you're holy water in a hellish place.

You make the first move to kiss her, having to breathe through the sick feeling you get; twisting in your stomach and aching in your heart. Something whispers no but He whispers yes, and then the gap is gone.

Natalie is sure you're her salvation. Your lips are warm against hers, it's all so warm. The door is locked and outside is silent. No crunch of gravel or the squealing of tires. It's just you and her in a self-made heaven, basking in love.

Laura Lee and the rest can wait for tomorrow. Nat's mom is out on some bender and she'll keep you safe - the grip on your waist confirms it. Kisses trail across your cheek and jaw, bleached hair tickling your clean skin until you're giggling with her. Hearts sync up once more and it stays peaceful, the future not looming but glowing instead.

꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧

It's two weeks later and finally that fucking tomorrow. A lot of legal bullshit is going down but for now, you're living with your aunt who you were taught was a piece of shit - she's actually just a he. Your uncle, as you've now learned, stayed in Wisayok on the other side of town purely to loom over your parents with the threat of exposing them to the church. He knew they'd sent you off and had been fighting tooth and nail to get you into his care for a month now.

All is fine and dandy; Nat and you laze about your new, nicer, home and relearn each other. You throw up a lot less now and your uncle, Tim, pays for therapy to help really get past it all. You don't plan on ever saying what really happened in those small buildings so Nat doesn't pry, instead she kisses away the late night tears and holds your hair out of your face when it's all too much.

What isn't cool is having to go back to school. The same school your sister attends. You're a nervous wreck as you step off the bus, Nat keeping ahold of you.

"Breathe, Angel." She whispers and you listen, staying by her side throughout the morning and totally not flinching whenever a flash of blonde hair goes off in your peripherals. Luck cannot hold out forever though, and even has terrible timing.

It is entirely impossible to prove what exactly the two of you were doing behind the bleachers, but the mussed hair and marks on both of your necks may give some evidence. The giggles and little stolen kisses come to an abrupt halt at the sight of your sister. She's tearing up and your heart aches in two different directions.

"Oh fuck off Laura Lee." Natalie groans, arm going across your shoulders in what may look possessive but is actually meant to ground you. Laura Lee sniffles and gives you an extremely apologetic stare, but you aren't having it.

"I told you what would happen." You mutter, staring her down without an ounce of sympathy. She shakes her head but seems unable to even mumble an apology, the tears clogging her throat. That damn bear is in her hand and she holds it out to you, shaking hands matching your own. You can see the faint scar on her pointer finger from where you'd accidentally slammed the door on it. Her necklace was a gift from you and her cardigan was knitted to match your own, growing dusty in a closet that isn't yours anymore. The bear is knocked to the ground by your hand, newly scarred across the knuckles from a ruler Laura Lee will never meet.

"Please-" Her voice breaks and Nat laces her hand in yours, thumb rubbing across the scarred knuckles and head tilting to knock against yours. She's all around you and Laura Lee is drifting away, button eyes watching the two sisters from the gym floor.

"We're not sisters. Not anymore." Your voice breaks just like hers did, and you step away again - just like that night. Nat is there, anchoring you all the way until you're in some bathroom.

"Angel, hey-" She cradles your jaw and kisses your forehead, wiping away the faint lipstick mark. "You're good." She murmurs and you nod, blinking away tears with a slow exhale.

"I'm good. We're good." You repeat, dropping your forehead to her shoulder. "It's all good." Fingers guide your head up and your lips meet hers - warm, safe, familiar. No bile rises and your heart doesn't ache; it sings.

꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧

tag list: @theprismyyy @moonyxstars @kabekusa @ilovemuhl10

#yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio x fem!reader #natalie scatorccio #natalie scatorccio x reader #laura lee #natalie yellowjackets #yellowjackets fanfic #natalie scatorccio fanfic

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aggroindustrial · 1 day ago

Text

i wish only for the salvation of mankind [1]

summary. when you return to your family's long abandoned house, you expect to stay only for a few days. but something is waiting for you in that place—something that doesn't feel right.

as the days pass, you begin to notice things that don't make sense. the paintings and pictures in your house change constantly, the people in town get weirder every day, and lottie keeps acting strange.

pairing. lottie matthews x fem!reader

word count. 3.7k

warnings. themes of psychological horror, unsettling imagery maybe, mentions of missing persons, lottie being her usual creepy self nothing new

fic note. lowkey hate this 💔 if you've read my other stuff then you know i always write from the character's perspective while maintaining the second person narrative but i had to switch it up a bit to keep the unsettling vibe going on. i tried to avoid the overuse of the word 'you' but it was nearly impossible:< still i hope you guys enjoy this<3

my plan was to make this a one-shot but it would've probably been like 10k+ words soooo this is just the first chapter. might continue it or not (probably will)

if you couldn't tell already, the whole setting is inspired by resident evil 7 bc i've been playing nonstop hehe

The gentle breeze slipped in through the cracks, making the house creak quietly—like it was remembering years and years of pain. One of the windows slid open with a soft click, all rotten wood and rusted hinges.

Lottie sat in a rocking chair right by the window, her fingers tapping on the armrests as she watched the sun rise slowly in the distance.

A row of dead lilies rested in cracked ceramic pots on the windowsill. Lottie reached and touched one gently, as if it might still bloom someday, if only someone believed hard enough.

Across from her was a second chair, empty and just as rotten as everything else in that house. A teacup waited on its seat—filled to the brim, steaming and untouched.

“You'll like her.” Lottie murmured with a soft smile. “I knew she'd come. They always do, eventually.” Her head turned just enough for the faint sunlight to catch her eyes—deep brown, unblinking.

A pause. Then, very softly, as if repeating an old prayer: “Let's be kind this time, yeah?”

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

"Captain McClain of the state police told reporters they've begun searching for Laura Lee, a college student from New Jersey who was last seen traveling in Texas. Ms. Lee hasn't been heard from since the night of the fifteenth—two months ago.

Reports of missing people in East Texas have risen dramatically in the past two years—"

You turned off the radio.

Rain splattered the windshield as the dirt road narrowed until it was barely a strip of gravel, strangled by overgrown weeds. You slowed the car, squinting at the fading sign by the roadside:

Welcome to Emerald Creek. Population: 1,6_6

The middle digit looked like it had rusted away—or maybe someone had scratched it on purpose, until it was gone.

You rolled the window down for a second. The air smelled like waterlogged soil and something old—wet wood, probably.

A single gas station with just one pump. A church with a crooked cross and doors wide open despite the incessant rain. Houses slumped low, like they were trying to sink into the earth.

You passed the church first. Inside, the pews were barely visible, swallowed by the shadows, but the eyes of the painted saints glinted in the dark like something that didn't belong in a church.

A weird sensation brushed over you, but you kept driving.

There wasn't a soul in sight on the streets—no cars, no pedestrians. Just the downpour everywhere, and a house with soaked laundry hanging on a clothesline. Someone must've forgotten about it. The front door was open, but no one stood behind it.

Your fingers tightened around the wheel as you spotted the turn toward your childhood home. Gardenia Ave, read an old, rusted sign, barely legible.

The house waited at the end of the road. It looked smaller than you remembered it looking before you moved with your parents to a different town. Somehow, it seemed more imposing now.

The shutters hung loose, vines curled over the porch like veins, and the windows—miraculously intact—seemed to be watching you.

You killed the engine.

The silence that followed felt heavy, but it was broken by the steady patter of rain, your own breathing, and the creak of trees bending in the wind, groaning like they were in pain.

The house was empty. But for some reason, it looked like it was holding its breath, waiting for something.

Something deep in your gut twisted, telling you to turn back and leave while you still can.

But you didn't—or couldn't, really. Your parents had asked you to check the place out—one of your cousins needed somewhere to live, and the house had been on the market for years. It was just a favor, nothing more.

Still, you hesitated before getting out of the car. And, just for a second, you could've sworn that something had moved inside the house—a curtain fluttered, showing a shape standing behind it.

You blinked.

Gone.

With a deep breath, you stepped out into the rain and hurried over to the porch. The floor squeaked sharply beneath your feet, resembling a cry from a person. You didn't remember the sound of it being that loud when you were younger. It was like the house resented the weight of your return.

You opened the front door with a small grunt—the wood was swollen from the humid air, almost reluctant to let you in, but gave way with another groan that sounded more like a warning.

The scent hit you the moment you crossed the threshold. Dust and mold, maybe. It was like a memory you didn't know you never wanted back, clinging to the back of your throat now.

Your hand reached for the light switch instinctively and flicked it twice.

Nothing, of course.

Daylight bled in through the sagging curtains, casting long streaks across the faded floral wallpaper—peeling at the corners like it wanted to fall off the walls. The hallway stretched like a throat: narrow, dark, strangely alive and pulsating.

The living room to your right, furniture still wrapped in plastic, and a dusty painting of a woman with a parasol hung crooked above the fireplace.

You paused for a moment.

There had always been a child standing next to the woman in the painting, you were sure of it. Now, only the woman remained.

You looked away. It's probably just exhaustion. It's been a long day.

A tired sigh left your lips as you wandered toward the kitchen. The faucet dripped slowly into the rust-stained sink, where a centipede skittered around, before vanishing into the space between the counter and the wall.

You flinched back and redirected your attention to the old refrigerator. It wasn't plugged in, obviously, but curiosity still got the best of you. You opened it slowly, bracing for the worst. More insects, rotten food, or something even worse.

There was nothing inside.

With a small chuckle of relief, you closed the refrigerator again. It almost seemed to be humming for a second. Everything in the house felt like it wanted to be left alone.

You checked your phone. No signal.

Great. It's not like you hadn't suspected it, but it still made your stomach sink.

Using your phone's flashlight, you retraced your steps through the hallway and made your way upstairs, toward your old bedroom.

The air felt thick on the second floor, like it didn't want you in the house, either. Dust all over the place blanketing the old furniture and forgotten books. It all looked just as you'd left it—frozen in time. The hideous pink walls looked the same, though faded and cracked. Even a bunch of old posters managed to cling to the walls with yellowing tape, curling at the edges and slightly sun-bleached.

The closet door cracked open.

You didn't check inside.

Instead, you moved toward the window—the one you thought you saw someone behind earlier—and slid it open, damp air rushed inside. The rain had eased into mist, and it was already past six.

You headed back downstairs, ready to leave for the local hotel. Just a couple nights, and then you'd be gone.

That's when your phone buzzed, right after closing the front door.

A voicemail from the hotel receptionist—apologetic and tired. They were closing for the week because of termites.

Can this day get any worse? You thought as a frustrated groan escaped your throat.

Defeated, you turned toward the house again, when you came face to face with a stranger already standing inside, at the bottom of the stairs where the hallway meets the kitchen.

Your eyes widened in shock and you stumbled backwards.

“Hello.” Her voice was soft and relaxed, like she hadn't pretty much trespassed into your house somehow, without you noticing. “I'm Charlotte—or Lottie, preferably. I came here to welcome you to town.”

Words were stuck in your throat. You were too busy staring at her—trying to understand how she got inside without making a single noise or stepping into view, while you were standing right there on the porch. You hadn't looked away for more than a few seconds. Five at most.

Lottie smiled again, head tilted in a way that almost made her seem harmless. She didn't move toward you.

“I hope you don't mind.” She said, “I didn't want to stand under the rain for any longer, and the door was already open.”

It wasn't.

Her clothes looked… plain. A modest floral dress, slightly wrinkled but clean. Like something out of a different decade. There was a smear of dirt on her cheek. Or maybe it was just a shadow.

She wasn't wet from the rain at all.

“I live just down the hill.” She continued, gesturing vaguely behind her. “Saw your car. Thought I'd come to say hello. Not many new faces come through anymore.”

You finally found yourself able to speak again. “Thank you.” You said, mostly out of reflex. “I was just about to… settle in. The hotel's closed for the week. Termites.”

Silence fell for a moment, thick and awkward. Lottie didn't break eye contact. There wasn't any hostility in her eyes, but not warmth, either.

She nodded after a few seconds. “Yes, terrible infestation. They get in your ears if you let them. It can be merciless sometimes.”

You blinked. “…Sorry?”

Another disquieting smile. “Would you like me to show you around the town? We have a lovely diner by the main street. They have a killer cherry pie.”

For a moment, you considered telling her you've already been there before.

You shook your head. “No, that's okay. I'll, uh… manage.”

Lottie hummed and stepped forward—not threatening, but purposefully. Just enough to step out of the house and stand by the threshold.

“You look different.” She said.

The comment made your throat tighten and alarms started going off in your head. She looked about your age, so you would've probably remembered ever meeting someone like her in the past. “Have we met before?”

She tilted her head the other way, like she was trying to remember something, but shook her head. “No. Not really.” Lottie answered, casually brushing a cobweb off her sleeve. “You'll want to keep that window upstairs shut. Spiders seek shelter when it's humid outside.”

A small pause. You didn’t answer. Something about her made your skin prickle. Like the air shifted slightly around her.

“Well, I should go!” Lottie added brightly. “You need time to adjust. It's alright. She did, too.”

You stared at her, wondering if she was pulling your hair to mess with you. “Who?”

She just hummed, and walked out the door. The floor creaked sharply beneath her feet.

Lottie didn't glance back as she left. No car, no umbrella. She was just gone, swallowed by the thick mist.

You turned around to walk back inside, the door creaking as it closed behind you—slower, like the house was savoring it—and you stopped.

Something was lying on the rug, right where Lottie was standing before.

Some kind of necklace with a bone tied to it.

Confused, you kneeled down to inspect it, hesitating before your fingers reached out to touch it. The edges were smooth and worn, and it seemed to come from an animal.

She must've dropped it. I'll have to give it back to her tomorrow.

You set the necklace down on the hallway table and observed it for a second, reluctant to pull your hand away. Suddenly, a chill passed through the room, making you rub your arms.

The little bone rattled gently against the wood. You stared at it for a moment, and told yourself it was only the wind. You were too tired to think, too tired to be creeped out by an old necklace.

You went outside to your car and dug out a sleeping bag that you always forgot to take out of the trunk and took it inside along with your suitcase.

After a minute of considering all your options, you decided your old bedroom upstairs would probably be the safest place to sleep in. If someone broke in during the night, at least you'd hear them coming.

You didn't bother exploring the other rooms yet. Some things could wait.

The only light illuminating the room came from your phone's flashlight. You set the sleeping bag down on the floor and a cloud of dust lifted around you—it made you cough loudly and your eyes sting.

The dust dissipated into the air and you took a deep breath, just realizing how quiet the whole house felt up in the second floor.

Not like the first floor was loud and lively, but the second one felt almost too different. Like it was another place altogether, as if it had been separated from the rest of the world. Just the sound of your breathing and the quiet rustling of the sleeping bag.

You lay still for a while, eyes wide open and watching the ceiling. Every time the house groaned with the wind, you swore it felt like it was shifting, like it was getting used to you being inside.

Eventually, you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Something woke you up.

You weren't sure what time it was. The phone's battery died while you slept. Outside, the sky was still dark and filled with thick clouds—not a shred of moonlight, just the flicker of a street somewhere in the fog.

The room felt colder now. You tugged the sleeping bag tighter around you.

Then you heard it. A soft thump, from downstairs.

You froze, heart hammering in your chest.

Another thump. Not loud, or urgent. Just… there. Like someone had set something down.

When you sat up to listen closely, nothing followed the sound. The house returned to its silence.

You told yourself it was just the wind, maybe a raccoon outside. But words didn't help much.

You didn't go downstairs.

Instead, you lay back down, forcing your eyes shut and trying to convince yourself to go back to sleep. After what must've been an hour, you finally managed to fall asleep again.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

The next morning, the rain had stopped, but the fog was still flooding the entire town. It pressed against the windows like it was trying to seep through the glass.

You stretched, stiff from sleeping on the floor, and stepped barefoot downstairs to head to the kitchen, yawning.

That's when you saw it.

Something resting on the hallway table, where you had left the necklace. Except now, beside it—perfectly placed—sat a single orange flower.

A marigold. Not wilted and not a single bruised petal. It looked freshly cut and intact.

I doubt these even bloom in a place like this…

It smelled faintly of something metallic. Like rust or blood.

But that wasn't what worried you the most.

Did someone really sneak in last night just to leave this behind?

The thought sent shivers down your spine.

You stared at it for a long time. Your fingers hovered right above the flower, but you didn't touch it. It just sat there, bright and fragrant like it had just been plucked.

Three sudden knocks at the door made you jump.

You spun around, still perplexed by the marigold, and peeked through the peephole—though the old glass was so cloudy and dirty that all you could make out was a blur in the shape of a person.

You opened the door.

A woman stood on the porch—in her mid fifties, maybe. She was wearing a large sunhat, even though the sky was still cloudy. Her smile was polite and her posture straight, hands holding a plate of cookies, wrapped in wax paper. The fog curled around her like steam from a bath, but she seemed unfazed by it.

“Mornin’, sweetheart.” She smiled brightly. “I saw your car yesterday. Thought I'd come by and say hello. I'm Jolene Landry. I live just a few houses down.”

You hesitated, but opened the door a little wider. “Hello. I'm—”

“Oh, nonsense.” She waved you off with a soft laugh. “How could I forget you, darling? I've known you since you were about this tall.” Jolene gestured to a spot at her knee and smiled again. “Back to check on the old house, are you?”

You nodded slowly. “Just for a few days. My cousin's looking for a place to move in.”

Jolene hummed and nodded, too. “Shame about the hotel. Heard they've got a termite problem.”

“I—yeah…” A sigh. “Word travels fast here, huh?”

“Oh, you'd be surprised, dear.” Her eyes rolled in a playful manner.

She tilted her head and studied you for a second. Not in a judgemental or nosy way, but in that strange way people from small towns sometimes do—like she was measuring the version of you in her memory against the one in front of her now.

“How are your parents? They used to be the sweetest couple. I remember your mother made the best carrot cake every year at the harvest festival.”

“To be honest, life's been a lot better away from this place. They’re happy.” You said, and remembered the flower and the necklace. “Actually, um… do you know someone named Charlotte? She came by yesterday. Said she lives nearby.”

Jolene's face softened in a way that almost looked rehearsed, yet genuine at the same time.

“Lottie? Sure. Keeps to herself, but she's harmless. Helps around the church all the time. Did she say something strange?”

You hesitated. How could you explain the way Lottie practically snuck into your house, and the flower and necklace that appeared out of nowhere in your house?

“She left something behind yesterday.” Was all you said, not wanting to go into detail. “I think it's hers, at least. So I wanted to return it.”

Jolene stared at you for a moment, but didn't press. Just shifted the cookie plate in her hands and gave you a thin smile. “Her house is just past the field. Norton Lane. It's the one with the moss-covered trees all around it. You can't miss it.”

“Thank you—”

She cut you off before you could finish speaking. “Lottie will be glad you're returning whatever she left here. She doesn't really forget things, you know. Even when she should.”

Before you could ask what she meant by that, Jolene extended the cookie plate.

“I made these this morning. Thought you might be hungry. They're still warm.” She said, “You're welcome anytime. If you ever need lunch, or just a place to have a hot shower—don’t be a stranger, sweetheart.”

“Thanks.” You said again as you grabbed the plate from her with a small smile. “That's really kind of you.”

She nodded. “Of course. I'll see you around, dear.”

Jolene waved at you before leaving. You stood there for a long moment, staring at her, before closing the door.

The flower was still on the table. You hadn't touched it earlier.

It was facing a different direction now.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You got dressed quickly, stuffed a granola bar into the pocket of your coat, and grabbed the bone necklace before heading out.

It felt heavier this time.

The sky was still overcast mostly, though the fog had thinned a little. Just enough to see some of the houses down the street—a bunch of slouching silhouettes. You got in your car, started the engine, and drove away from the house without looking back.

Jolene's directions weren't complicated.

Norton Lane. Just past the field. Surrounded by mossy trees. Easy enough.

It should've been a ten-minute drive. Maybe fifteen if the road was still bad because of the rain.

Lottie's words echoed in your head when you passed the diner—it was empty, but the flickering sign in the window caught your attention. You made a mental note to stop by later to try the cherry pie.

Then, you passed an empty post office that looked like it had been abandoned for a long time. A corn field came next. The stalks were dry and forgotten.

After that, the road narrowed. The trees grew thicker, low branches everywhere, and Spanish moss hung from them like an old man's beard.

Still no sight of any house that could belong to Lottie. No signs either.

Just road.

You checked the clock on the dash. Eighteen minutes had passed.

The trees felt like they were repeating, like you were driving in a circle, but you hadn't taken a single turn.

Your hands tightened around the steering wheel, tired crunching over loose gravel, dead leaves and mud.

Maybe I missed it.

You glanced at your phone. Still no signal.

Then, just ahead, you saw something: a small wooden post with faded white paint. Norton Lane was scrawled across it in crooked black letters.

The gravel gave way to dirt almost immediately as you pulled into the road, and the tires of the car jolted over the uneven path. The tree branches hung so low they brushed your windshield with loud screeches. You considered turning back for a moment.

But, just as Jolene had said, the trees parted—and there it was.

A house.

Dark wood—nearly black, probably from time and rot. Slanted roof, moss hanging from it like old lace. Every single window was covered by thick, yellowing curtains. An old, rusty truck was parked outside the house..

Everything around you felt still, except for the soft music coming from inside the house and the ticking of the car's engine cooling down after pulling up.

You stepped out and shut the door gently behind you. Leaves crunched beneath your shoes. The air felt heavier out there, like the pressure had changed.

The first thing you noticed was the wooden sign—probably as old as the house—nailed to the front door.

"The earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness, the world and those who dwell therein. Psalm 24:1."

You remembered Jolene's words: "She helps around the church all the time."

There was a small symbol carved right under the phrase, but another crunching sound beneath your feet made you glance down. Dead lilies, dozens of them lying on the floor. Their petals were already dry and brittle.

Then, your eyes flickered to a rocking chair, sitting next to the door. Empty, but a teacup rested on the armrest—full and steaming.

You didn't knock yet.

Instead, you reached out to touch the teacup. The porcelain was warm.

The door creaked open by itself, just a little. Enough to notice how dark it was inside.

The music was clearer now—a female voice, something old and southern.

Your heart thudded hard in your chest.

Maybe she saw me coming.

“Hello?” You called out, voice barely above a whisper.

Nothing.

Then—

“Come in.” A voice came, softly, from somewhere deep inside the house.

#lottie matthews #lottie matthews x reader #lottie mathews x you #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you

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throatgoat4u · 4 months ago

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late on the first day

word count: 0.6k

summary: it’s the first day of senior year, and dotty's already running late. of all classes, it had to be for your favorite class—art. just when you think things can’t get any worse... they do.

warnings: none :)

a/n: i lowkey already made this a like a month and a half ago but like............ yeah.... also this won the popular vote on what au i should release for next and so yeah. idk why i never put the intro to this au out but oh well. also, the reader's name will be dotty. also, the taglist is not official and is just a taglist of people who commented/reblogged the moodboards i had created so yeah! enjoy!

toodles sluts :)

you sprinted up the stairs, heart pounding as you weaved your way to the 2½ floor where the art wing was tucked away. there was no way you could be late—not on the first day of senior year, and definitely not to your favorite class. art had always been your escape. ever since you were little, you’d been an artist at heart, constantly sketching, coloring outside the lines (literally), experimenting with oil pastels, acrylics, and your personal favorite—watercolors.

but being the “art kid” had its downsides. while other girls were out at parties, shopping sprees, or obsessing over boys, you were lost in your sketchbook, shading imaginary worlds. it didn’t take long for people to notice how different you were. the teasing started small but grew sharper over the years, each comment isolating you a little more. by the time middle school ended, you were already used to being alone.

losing your best friend when she moved to another state only solidified it. since then, solitude had become your constant companion. but art? art was still yours. and that was why you couldn’t be late today. not when it was the one place you actually belonged.

you slipped into the classroom just as the bell rang, heart still racing from the mad dash up the stairs. scanning the seating chart at the front, you were relieved to find your assigned seat in the back corner, far from prying eyes. but that relief evaporated the moment you saw who you’d be sitting next to.

christopher sturniolo.

your blood ran cold. of course, it had to be him. chris wasn’t just popular—he was the most popular guy in school. every girl wanted him, and every guy either wanted to be him or be his best friend. there was no in-between. it didn’t help that he was the star of the hockey team, the golden boy who had secured a spot on varsity as a freshman and led the team to state championships every year since. he had it all: the looks, the talent, and, of course, the girl.

eva—the captain of the cheer team and the only girl who could possibly match his popularity. together, they were the school’s golden couple, envied and admired by everyone. chris was untouchable, living in a world completely separate from yours. he didn’t know you existed, and you were pretty sure he never would.

but you had noticed him.

in middle school, you had the biggest, most ridiculous crush on him. it started in sixth grade when he held the door open for you that one time, and it didn’t fade until the end of eighth grade. you were completely obsessed with chris sturniolo. you had filled an entire sketchbook front to back with drawings of him—his smile, his eyes, even the two of you together in scenes that only existed in your imagination. you remembered sketching his face more times than you could count, lost in a fantasy where he actually knew who you were.

but to him, you were nobody. just another face in the crowded hallways. he didn’t even know you well enough to recognize you as the girl who ate lunch in the bathroom or hid under the bleachers—just like everyone else did.

you tried everything to get over him that summer, finally deciding to write him a love letter, just like laura jean in to all the boys i’ve loved before. you poured your heart out in perfect penmanship, sealed it in a beautifully customized envelope with the prettiest wax seal you could find, and tucked it away in your love letter box, where it would stay forever, unread and forgotten.

or at least, that was the plan. but now, sitting next to chris for an entire the entire year? yeah, this was going to be a problem

taglist: @freshloveee. @sofia-is-a-sturniolo-triplet-fan. @heart-sdiary. @sturnshood

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sunflowerboyfie · 2 months ago

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pre - crash travis martinez headcanons ₊⊹

he has a brazilian mother and a colombian father. he knows a little of both languages.

he's surprisingly good at math, but he hates P.E. and writing essays.

travis was friends with laura lee because they were childhood neighbors. and although he was born into a catholic family, he wasn’t very interested in religion. however, every time laura lee told him about god’s teachings or the bible, he always listened out of politeness.

he was the kind of kid who, before javi was born, often played alone — either by choice or because of his shyness.

when he smoked with nat, it wasn’t the first time. one or two times he had already been caught by teachers smoking behind the school skipping P.E, and he only didn’t get in trouble because he was the coach’s son (and because he begged them not to tell him).

he has a book of magic tricks.

he was always surrounded by older female cousins. even though he was very shy as a child, they made him feel included. but unfortunately, his father's side of the family was very sexist. when bill found his cousins teaching him how to braid hair, he told travis to go play with the older boy cousins, who were mean and made fun of him. he still knows how to braid hair though.

he was always a mama’s boy. his mother often defended him when his father kept picking on him.

he didn’t leave javi’s side when the newborn came home from the hospital, and once even fell asleep with him in his arms.

mari invited him to her quinceañera (aka her fifteenth birthday).

he was jealous of jackie for being the captain. bill was an workaholic and barely paid attention to the family, which led travis to envy and dislike the yellowjackets.

sadly, he was used to comforting javi during loud noises or fights.

he listened to cheesy, romantic brazilian music. some artists like rita lee, cazuza, and tim maia. his mom found out and travis, embarrassed, made her swear not to tell anyone. she secretly teased him for months about him having a secret girlfriend she didn’t know.

he was always a hopeless romantic and needy for affection and love, even though he learned to hide it.

@tulipgirlfie <3

#holy yap #dividers by bernardsbendystraws #thsi Might be shitty idk #m nervous #yellowjackets #travis martinez #travis martinez x reader #travis yellowjackets #yellowjackets hcs

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hockeyupdate · 2 days ago

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Billie Jean King MVP Award and Forward of the Year: Marie-Philip Poulin (Montréal Victoire)  Defender of the Year Award: Renata Fast (Toronto Sceptres) Goaltender of the Year Award presented by Rogers: Ann-Renée Desbiens (Montréal Victoire)  Rookie of the Year Award: Sarah Fillier (New York Sirens) Coach of the Year Award: Kori Cheverie (Montréal Victoire) PWHL “hockey for all” Award presented by Scotiabank: Laura Stacey (Montréal Victoire) FIRST ALL-STAR TEAM: Forwards: Sarah Fillier (NY), Hilary Knight (BOS), Marie-Philip Poulin (MTL) Defenders: Renata Fast (TOR) & Sophie Jaques (MIN) Goaltender: Ann-Renée Desbiens (MTL) SECOND ALL-STAR TEAM: Forwards: Kendall Coyne Schofield (MIN), Tereza Vanišová (OTT), Daryl Watts (TOR) Defenders: Ella Shelton (NY) & Claire Thompson (MIN) Goaltender: Aerin Frankel (BOS) ALL-ROOKIE TEAM: Forwards: Britta Curl-Salemme (MIN), Sarah Fillier (NY), Jenn Gardiner (MTL) Defenders: Cayla Barnes (MTL) & Anna Wilgren (MTL) Goaltender: Gwyneth Philips (OTT)

#pwhl #hockey #pwhl awards

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engenlvr · 10 months ago

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kintsugi | alexia putellas

pairing: alexia putellas x anneliese hoffmann (oc)

summary: your relationship with a certain blonde captain is complicated especially since all you can do is think about her but every time you try to move forward with her something always pulls you back.

a/n: orange coloured text mean that is german, blue coloured text means that its dutch and red coloured text means spanish. i hate writing games so it will probably be written horribly. the end isn't written the best as i didn't really know how to finish it and sometimes it’s hard to write exactly how you want it to turn out also if there’s any spelling mistakes i’m sorry but enjoy

word count: 7.3k

playing at barcelona had been a dream of yours since you were a kid despite growing up germany to a german mum and a dutch dad. you immediately fell in love with the club ever since he introduced you to the club at a young age and you always flew out to see them play when you can.

just before the world cup the club had contacted you telling you that they wanted your and before they finished the sentence you blurted out a yes. saying yes was even easier when you knew caroline, ingrid and fridolina from wolfsburg.

despite germany’s early elimination which shocked not only the team but the world especially since we were in the euros final. but watching the rest of the tournament was a learning experience and time to learn your new teammates way of play.

though it was hard to leave wolfsburg as you’ve been there for as long as you could remember. slowly making your way to the first team but barcelona was the right challenge you needed. with your arrival at barcelona the wolfsburg girl’s immediately took you under their wing.

after being at barcelona for a couple of months of being there you fell in love with the atmosphere. being able to play with the worlds best alexia with some other players who were worthy of it. you learned so much.

apart from the girls from wolfsburg you got along with esmee the most as the both of you are dutch. the rest of the team you got along with easily but your friendship with alexia was weird. the two of you got along but it was awkward at least in your eyes.

today was the day barcelona were gonna play eintracht frankfurt in germany and you were over the moon. to be able to speak german again and be at home. but more importantly to see national teammates but especially laura.

the both of you made it through germany’s youth together to the first team she reminded you of your sister that’s why the two of you first bonded.

the four old wolfsburg girl’s walked out one the pitch talking about all the fun the lot of you had on germany. your eyes grazed the field in hopes of finding the familiar blonde you knew. once they did you ran to the girl jumping on her back which caused her to nearly fall.

“anne, missed me?” laura said with a joking tone and placing you down on the grass “of course we don’t even live in the same country anymore”

she looked at you talking in your appearance “how’s spain been treating you? you’ve even got a tan” you went on blabbering about the spanish life and how everything was perfect until alexia called you over telling you it was time to prep for the match “see you soon” pulling the girl in a long hug before making you way back.

“you know you shouldn’t be fraternising with the enemy afterwards sure but before no” alexia told you in her caption voice before walking away.

★★★★★

you told the team how they played just before the lot of you went on the pitch as you knew how the team plays. but despite that the team let a goal slip by none other than laura. over the years whenever the two of you played each other and one of you scored the other did shortly after.

thought that didn’t happen in the first half it happens it soon happened shortly after the second half started. when they were given a free kick which you decided to take and went it. which seemed to fill the team with more energy as as two more goal came from mariona in the fiftieth minute and salma in the sixty seventh.

once the final whistle was blown you went around congratulating the players and spending extra time with your national teammates.

“you just had to score the first goal didn’t you” teasing the girl seeing as your team won in the end “and you just can’t keep copying me. i score and then you score some may say you’re obsessed with me” laughing at her comment and pushing her shoulder away.

“well you know what they say look up to your elders—” laura was about to retaliate when a blonde girl came and placed a hand on your lower back causing you to jump slightly at the placement.

alexia was out for a little bit as her knee was causing her irritation but she could still travel with the team if she wanted to “great goal by the way. i’m happy it’s with us not against us” her eyes looked directly at you forgetting that laura was there completely before walking off to mapi before you could respond. your eyes followed her before looking back at your friend.

your best friend looked at you knowingly "what?” questioning her gaze on you, but she stayed quite “laura what? i don’t like when you look at me like that”

“you like her” her theory caused your eyes to widen while trying to come up with something. Which caused her to think her to think her theory was right “no i don’t i just think that she’s pretty and talented”

“sure”

“well esmee’s calling me so i got to go” pointing at the girl on the other side of the pitch who wasn’t even looking in your direction “byeee” running to the dutch girl as fast as you could.

“you can’t run away from this” the german girl shouted across the pitch.

★★★★★

it was now christmas break and the girls were hanging out before they all went away doing their own thing for christmas. they all had family to go home to but you couldn’t it would be too much.

when you were little you used to love christmas spending time with your parents and sister. the snow the music and the markets in town. it was also conveniently when your birthday was the day before christmas.

but then the whole thing with your sister happened making you hate your birthday and christmas.

hearing all the plans the girl has made you sad. ingrid and mapi going to norway to experience a scandinavian christmas with snow and then coming back to spend time with mapi’s family.

esmee going back to the netherlands to be with her family.

fridolina going home to sweden to spend time with her boyfriend.

the whole team talked about the plans they had this christmas. you sat there quietly listening but barely taking in the words that were being spoken. how they’d spend time with family their parents, brothers, sister.

sister

SISTER

“anneliese, you got any special plans this christmas?” you started at the cup of tea in your hands before alexia nudged your shoulder tapping you out of your thoughts.

smiling “nope I’m staying here by myself just need some time away from home”

“alone for christmas” salma said with a sad smile at the thought of her teammate being alone on a day meant to be spent with family and your loved ones.

all the girls who were staying in spain offered to let you stay with them all except one alexia who sat there quietly while you kindly declined the girls despite their persistence.

the night ended soon after with you laying in your bed scrolling through your phone when a message appeared.

alexia

no one shouldn’t be alone on christmas

spend it with me and my family

anneliese

as kind as that is i don’t want to intrude

plus i’m fine being on my own

alexia

i won’t have it

join me and my family on christmas eve at least

anneliese

your not gonna take no for an answer are you

alexia

nope

anneliese

fine but only cause your so persistent

alexia

great can’t wait to see you

so there you were sat with alexia’s family as light chatter filled the room. you admired what they had, her close relationship with all her family.

her mum welcomed you as of you were her own, hugging you immediately when went through the door. completely forgetting about her daughter.

you’d forgotten what it was like to be with family on holidays you rarely were.

you and alexia weren’t even that close, not like you were with ingrid, frido and caro. so for the the catalan girl to ask you to spend christmas eve with her family it caught you off guard.

why?

the two of you never spent time outside of of football unless it was team bonding night other than that the two of you were basically strangers.

after being dragged away by alba who talked about anything and everything from her job to saying that the two of you should meet up for dinner one day. as she said and i quote ‘no wonder alexia been hiding you from me she’d know that we’d immediately get along. we have to grab dinner some time’

“i’m going to borrow her for a second” alexia said to her sister and pulled you along with her to the garden “thought you’d want a breather, i know how my sister can be”

she brought you out to the garden area which had a nice outdoor sofa facing the sunset that was currently happening. flowers covering every corner of it making the scene in front of your eyes look like one that should be in a museum.

looking at the girl “no honestly it’s fine she’s so kind we actual lot have planes to get dinner soon” a shocked look was on the girls face “i admire the relationship you have with your sister it’s so pure and cute” it got you thinking about your sister and your relationship with her the two of you should of been like them but instead you weren’t.

“you have any siblings?” the question wasn’t even a hurtful one but it did it cute deep and she didn’t know no one did except for your family “yeah a twin sister actually. we used to be like exactly like you and alba” smiling fondly at the memory.

“if you don’t mind me asking why aren’t you?”

“we just don’t talk anymore” a sad smile painted on your face which alexia took as a sign to drop the topic “well i’m glad you decided to join me today” placing a hand on your shoulder.

“well you were very persistent and i can’t exactly say no to my captain”

she laughed at your comment, you hadn’t been this close to alexia ever and you’ve never really appreciated her beauty. her hazel eyes, her blonde hair which was glowing due to the sun behind her, the dimple that appeared when she smiled.

“you’re so pretty” the words blurted out before you could stop them from coming out, covering your mouth in shock and staring directly at the girl who’s smile seemed to get bigger.

the blonde girl moved closer to you so that your legs were touching “thank you so are you” complimenting you back with a slight giggle.

you saw her eyes flicking between your eye’s and lips whilst yours did the same. the two of you slowly got closer to each other to the point where you could feel her breath on you. just one of you had to move forward and your lips would be touching and alexia was the one to do so.

“anne you didn’t tell me it was your birthday” alba walked through the door just as you’re lips were about to touch. you looked at alexia and saw as her faces fulfilled with shock? hurt? sadness? over the fact you didn’t tell her.

“yeah i guess how’d you know?”

alba waved your phone in the air “well your phone kept ringing so i was going to check who it was and then they sent a happy birthday message so i put it together”

walking to alba you grabbed your phone “well i’m going to call them back real quick” walking further in the garden.

alba walked and sat where you previously were “did you know it was her birthday and don’t think i didn’t see what was happening there you were about to kiss her” she gushed over the scene that was about to unfold in front of her, happy to see the girl happy and in love again “omg your really like her”

“alba” dragging out her name “i don’t know one second she was telling us she was spending christmas alone and then i invited her without even asking mum. and that not like me i like plans, a schedule. i don’t know what’s happening to me, we’re not even that close as you can tell cause i didn’t even know it was her birthday. i feel like shit cause i don’t have anything for her—”

“alexia it’s okay breathe. it’s okay to like her, i get it she’s nice easy to talk to. oh and you know mum called it the second the two of you walked through the doors” her eyes brightened when her sister said that, the thought of her mum liking you “really”

“yeah, so did i” the smile on her face only grew bigger

walking back to the sisters “just had to listen to my parents complain about how it took me too long to answer” attempting to joke as you could tell you not talking alexia about your birthday hurt her “i’ll leave you guy’s alone” alba touched your shoulder with a smile before walking back in “happy birthday”

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you i wanted to but i don’t really celebrate it after everything with my sister. it just reminds me of her and i kind of just forgot so i’m so sorry—”

“— it’s fine if just wish i could of got you something and made this day more in your honour” holding your hand and rubbing her thumb on the top of your hand “honestly it’s the most fun i’ve had in forever”

it was true, as bad as it sounded you forget about your sister. for the first time in forever you forgot about the girl and had peace in your mind, you felt guilty but it felt nice.

“let’s go back in”

the german girl started to walk back inside “i actually do have a present for you” her hand grabbed yours spinning up around.

“how you just found out—” alexia’s lips met yours causing you to freeze in shock before reciprocating and wrapping your arms around her neck pulling her closer to you. pulling apart to catch a breath before pecking her lips two more times.

“you just kissed me?” your face full of shock by her public act in front of her family

“i did”

placing another kiss on your lips, never wanting to leave the moment “we should really go back inside” pulling away from the kiss.

the two of you went back inside with rosy cheeks. despite the kiss being in the open only alba and eli managed to see it. the only reason you knew that they saw was that alba was now jumping in excitement and eli was looking at you with an all knowing smile.

so hours later you found yourself having a few too many glasses of alcohol and you were giggling anything that was being said and clinging to the girl who complied putting your head underneath her’s. but with the alcohol you were in no shape to go back home.

"I can just sleep on the sofa" offering not wanting anyone to give up their bed for you.

eli shook her head at your idea "nonsense you and alexia can sleep in her room"

but before you could protest the two of you were pushed in the room. a scheme that was definitely orchestrated by the blonds sister, in hopes for the two of you to kiss again? confess 'feelings'? said feelings that you didn't even know what they meant. whether she had felt the same as you did? the whole situation confused you to much. being in a relationship was a bigger step for you than one might think.

cause of her

alexia's room was filled with her teenage brain pictures of her football idol's, some family photos mainly of her and her dad, old football gear, football trophies which helped make sense to all the awards she was getting now. though you had twenty nine year old alexia in front of you got to see all the younger versions of her.

the two of you laid in her old bed, you wearing one of her old football jersey paired with shorts.

your green eyes looked into her hazel ones as the two of you faced each other "I wish I could of made today more about you and overall more fun. instead you got a day with my family" pushing a piece of your hair behind you ear the main reason being so she could touch you.

be closer to you

"seeing your family be so happy honestly made this the best birthday I've had in years" a smile growing on the girl's face at the thought of you liking her family.

the hand stayed there stroking your face lightly the act so small but it had you feeling things. which got the german girl thinking as to if the girl in front of her had the same feeling. whether her actions were due to the alcohol the catalan girl had or so she could feel some sort of control in her life, she lost control on her leg causing her to be out with injury.

"goodnight, alex"

"goodnight, liese. happy birthday"

christmas eve ( your birthday ) was the first and last time the two of you kissed for a while.

★★★★★

instagram anneliesehoffmann has posted! click to view

liked by alexiaputellas, laurafreigang and others

anneliesehoffmann 🎄👙🍽️🍾💋🚗

( view all comments )

laurafreigang who did u ditch me for 😭

> anneliesehoffmann i didn’t ditch u for anyone

> laurafreigang well i know ur not alone

alexiaputellas 💞

liked by anneliesehoffmann

barcalvr i’m so happy to see the girls love u

liked by anneliesehoffmann

esmeebrugts pretty girl

liked by anneliesehoffmann

lynnwilms_ miss uuu

> anneliesehoffmann miss u moreee tell the girls i say hi and that i miss them

marialeonn16 I KNOW WHOS HOUSE THIS IS

> annehofflvr mapi don’t be afraid tell us who’s house this is

user2627 ugh ur soooo

ingrid_engen so happy to be playing with u again

> fridolinarolfo i second that

> graham95 i agree

> anneliesehoffmann well i happy to be playing with my girls again

★★★★★

the thought of being with the alexia scared you. ever since the two of you kissed on your birthday it was all you could think about. you wanted to be able to kiss her whenever you felt like.

but wherever you thought about telling the girl that you wanted to be in a relationship with her all thoughts linked back to her.

the distance between that you put between the two of you was something that alexia felt. the way that every time that two of you would bump into each other outside of work you’d walk the other way or you’d walk past her muttering an excuse as to why you couldn’t sit and chat whenever she tried.

at work the two girls would only talk if they absolutely had to. their conversations only about football never about that night months ago.

what hurt alexia more wasn’t that the fact that you weren’t talking to her, it was the fact that you still saw her sister and not like once since the last you guys met or whenever your calendars aligned. but it was like once a week, at this point her sister was seeing her situationship? the girl she liked? her teammate? yes her teammate, that was the best word to describe their relationship given that they don’t even talk in unless needed.

alexia wanted to talk to you, the way the two of you talked in her mum’s garden. the scene replayed in her head everyday since then replaying the way you looked at her, the way you looked with the sunset making you look like something straight out a painting, the kiss that quite literally captivated her. and it was silly because it was one kiss well maybe like five including the small ones.

the most words you spoke to her was when she returned back on the pitch after her surgery with you simply congratulating her on it and the goal that she scored. plus the words you spoke to her after a little celebratory night out the team had for her return but you couldn’t remember anything ( probably due to the alcohol ) but alexia did she remembered everything.

alba could confirm this, as without a doubt everyday her sister would complain about the situation. that night it seemed as if the of you would take a step further or atleast see what would come with your relationship.

she thought it would lead to a couple dates, heartfelt talks and a few more kisses.

instead she got no dates, the two of you only talking about football when forced forced, you avoiding her and no kisses.

upon the alba’s complaints about how often she would hear her complaints, the girl confided in mapi instead and mapi being mapi she couldn’t keep her mouth shut and told ingrid ( just her thankfully ) about everything.

today was already a big day for you before knowing that it was the champions league final. the last time you were in one despite scoring the two goal which caused wolfsburg to be in the lead, but during the second half barcelona managed to bounce back and score three more. in the end they won your feelings towards the loss then were weird you weren’t as sad as you should of been, maybe it was because you deserved it as she was meant to be her not you.

you stole her dream, the life she deserved to have.

and you losing that final was the price to had to pay.

you sat in your cubby as the dark haired norwegian girl sat next to you “anna, mapi told me something yesterday and i don’t think that i was meant to know but you know how mapi is she can’t keep a secret” turning to the girl in confusion “about you and alexia, you know you’re allowed to feel love? in my years of knowing you not once have you talked about a girl even if someone asked you out you’d decline”

no one knew your reasoning as to why you pushed alexia away “it’s just so much more to it” keeping your response short so you didn’t reveal too much “it makes sense now the looks alexia gave you. you spending christmas with her. all i’m saying is don’t be afraid to let go and let yourself feel their love for you”

“ingrid”

“okay, if we win you have to at least give it a go you might not see it but it’s hurting alexia more than you know. but if we lose i’ll let it go and i’ll make sure mapi doesn’t push anything. whatever or whoever is causing you to push alexia away isn’t worth you living your life not being in love and i really would be perfect alexia is mapi’s best friend and ur mine so we could go on double dates”

it was such a simple sentence bit it caused all the emotions that you were feeling to resurface. tears started to build up and fall “oh anne, it will work all out in the end” wiping your tears away and kissing your cheek, you looked over at the blonde who was in the far right corner only to see the girl already looking at you sending you a little smile which you returned.

“okay, now let win this” nodding at the norwegian.

hours later you and the rest of the starting eleven started to walk on the pitch alongside olympique lyonnais. your heart started to beat faster at everything what the day meant to you before it was named as the final for the champions league. you looked at the catalan girl who was at on the bench.

breath anneliese

and the second the whistle was blown you had to put all you emotions aside. the first half wasn't an easy one with both teams proving as to why they were both in the final. lyon had many attempts some of them from corners but thankfully cata was able to save them. we just happened to have the same luck with all of our attempts to be save or have them merely miss the goal.

then half time rolled by and after a motivational team talk given by alexia. the deadlock was broken by you with an assist from keira. the two of you were passing the ball back and forth between each other when you started to run forward to the left side of the net and kicked it into the top right corner.

cheers erupted through the stadium, your teammates running towards you and the subs jumping in joy. they were all looking at you but your eyes were on team captain.

this was the most you’ve looked at her since then. since that night. it was just a glance at each other but it meant so much more to the both of us

it wasn’t until the 90th minute that the alexia came on for keira, claps through the stadium at a club legend coming on.

she showed just why she’s is know as one of the worlds greats. as in the ninety sixth minute claudia kicked the ball towards alexia who finished it off.

you watched as the girl took of her shirts and spun it around ( much like what chloe kelly did in the euros final when she done the winning goal ). you watched as she bowed down to her people, she looked and you completely forgetting about the others around her you were what mattered most and you ran toward her jumping in her arms and holding her face

“you just had to go and show them why they call you la reina” she laughed at your words “i hate when people call me that”

“okay well, my star girl showing the world why she’s the best”

and less than a minute later the final whistle blew and the two of you ran to each other again hugging, the rest of them soon joining the two of you. you began to sob many thought it was due to winning but it wasn’t it was cause of her.

ingrid’s words changed the way you looked at the situation, that maybe she’d would want you to be happy to find love again.

for years you thought that every big game that you lost was due to her, your sister. maybe you winning this game was her telling you that you could forgive yourself. that it wasn’t your fault.

the stadium was now close to empty all the family members and friends on the pitch.

you were gonna tell her.

now or never.

“alex, erm i’m so sorry for the way i’ve treated you pushing you away. only thinking of myself—”

“liese—”

“no please don’t interrupt me or i won’t say it. for years i thought that it was my fault. genny my twin was the one that loved football not me, i only went cause she did. then she got sick and i wanted to quit but she made me continue but she kept getting worse nothing was working the chemo barley did anything then one day she— she just died. i felt like i stole her life. i’m living the one she always wanted to live and i never even wanted it. i thought that every game i lost was punishment, for stealing her life. but today winning this game i think was her way of telling me that it was okay and that i can forgive myself. that i can let myself be loved and feel love. ingrid said that if we win this game i should tell you how i feel and alex i— the first day that we spent together just us was the day i realised that i loved you. the way you are with your family, how much people look up to you, how your simple show. i love everything about you—”

your words stoped the second she placed her hands in your cheeks “liese, i’m so sorry that you’ve been through all that but don’t think for a second that it was your fault that she died okay or that you deserve to the dead one okay. the world works in cruel ways and losing innocent loved ones is part of it unfortunately. i’m glad that you’ve realised it’s not your fault”

for once you didn’t care about anything only the girl in front of you.

the pair of you stayed together till you both spotted you family and went your separate ways. they went on about how proud they are of you, how proud she would be of you. the three of you were talking till your mum spotted ingrid’s mum and went to the norwegian who she grew a friendship with when you played in germany.

you spotted alba who was talking to her sister and you ran to the girl hugging her “i’m so proud of you” the girl whispered happy to see a genuine smile on your face “i see you and my sister have sorted things out” you nodded “good cause i can’t listen to her complaining about you none more” the words cause alexia too hot the girl in the head “hey that was between us”

smiling at alexia your alex “hate to break it to you but i already knew. you told mapi and then mapi told ingrid who had a little talk with me today” she swore under her breath about her best friend

“plus mums gonna be so happy that you found love” the girl blushed looking at you and gently pulling you in her arms “yeah i guess i have”

★★★★★

pretend its you in all the pictures with alexia , in the 5th ur esmee, 7th and 8th ur frido but in the 8th pretend aitaina is a image of her sister

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anneliesehoffmann ive done it big sister

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alexiaputellas for her

> anneliesehoffmann no for them

barca4ever i may seem delusional but i fell like there’s something between her and alexia

ingrid_engen i told everything would work out in the end plus this win is already better cause we won it together. the wolfsburg gang is back

laurafreigang you deserved this so much anne

annehofflvr i honestly haven’t seen her smile more

marialeonn16 you know ingrid refused to take a picture with me until she took one with u stop stealing my gf

> anneliesehoffmann omg sorry not sorry wolfsburg gang > youu

fridolinarolfo the girl who deserves it most

liked by anneliesehoffmann

lena_oberdorf6 goals in finals just seen to be your thing

> anneliesehoffmann lena it don’t count if we lose 😭

user3565 why are half the pictures you and alexia

esmeebrugts so cute

★★★★★

you and alexia your girlfriend. if that’s what the two of you were. you guys done stuff that couple did, like going on dates, staying at each others place ( meaning you being at her's all the time ) , visiting her family. the two of you were basically a couple but neither one of you have fully asked the other to be their girlfriend.

this summer before the olympics the two of you explored more of barcelona together alexia showing you her home in between games. but for the time off the two of you had before both of you were off to national duty.

you showed her your homes, the first time you've ever done so to somebody you loved. you showed her germany some of your favourite places, some of your sisters favourite places growing up. it was such a small thing but it was so intimate to you, and alex knew that. you opening up about you're sister was such a big act no one really knew about her the fan's didn't only close friend's and family.

you showed her the netherlands the place your family moved after your sister. you're parents had gone away on holiday so that allowed you and alex to stay there.

the two girls were currently out for dinner at a nice restaurant which you went to a lot as a kid. it was a big place with seats in a garden filled with many flowers and plants.

"im happy that you wanted to give this a try” her hand moving a piece of your hair away. she could get used to this you sat beside her, going on little dates, the two of you “i'm happy i did too, so tomorrow i’m thinking maybe we could go to that breakfast place the one me and my family used to—”

“—be me girlfriend?” your sentence halted in shock of the catalans words. they caught the both you you by surprise “i had this whole plan to do it tomorrow after going out to dinner and then a walk through the park but i can’t wait i’ve wanted you to be my girlfriend since we kissed and it’s all i can think about since you said you wanted to give this a try”

“— yeah i’ll be you’re girlfriend” placing a soft kiss on the girls lips. it was different since their last, it held so much more emotion. it was raw and truly showed how you felt for each other. the thought of being someone's girlfriend used to scare to it due until a month ago where that fear turned into excitement. you were waiting till you would be able to call alex your girlfriend.

★★★★★

pretend it’s u in all the photos with alexia and in the 8th pretend that nathalie björn is u in alexia’s spain kit

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alexiaputellas 💐💞🌺📖🍦📸🦋

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evrywoso OKAY HARD LAUNCH

annelisehoffmann i did not agree to that photo

> alexiaputellas don’t worry you look beautiful

ingrid_engen remember what i said before the final we better do that soon

> alexiaputellas you didn’t tell me anything

> ingrid_engen i was talking to anne not you

> alexiaputellas @annelisehoffmann liese ???

> anneliesehoffmann i’ll tell u in a second alex also why are you texting me when your right next to me

laurafreigang omg something happened and u haven’t told me but u told ingrid

> anneliesehoffmann 😝

wosolvr anne is alexia’s spain kit is so cute

albaps9 dinner date when

> alexiaputellas when i’m back just come over

> albaps9 ale i’m talking to anne not you plus i see u all the time

> anneliesehoffmann whenever i’ll cancel plans to see u

annehofflvr their nicknames for each other

> barca4ever i know it’s so cute and how alba’s friends with anneliese

marialeonn16 oh you so done it

user4567 so they’ve deffo met each other’s families

★★★★★

the olympics went neither of the girls way their first games went good germany winning 3-0 to australia and spain winning 2-1 to japan. germany was missing some key players like lena who tore her acl and mcl in a match that didn’t even matter as we had already qualified for the upcoming euros.

we were fine against canada which went to penalties which was 4-2 to us and funnily enough so pain went into penalties as well with a 4-2 win over colombia. then we played usa which seemed to be a problem for us even in the group stages which was a 1-0 win to them.

but for spain it went horrible. they just weren’t playing like they normally do, making silly mistakes which allowed brazil to take advantage of it. alexia wasn’t playing for the majority of the game till the 77th minute, and that was when the team started to play better but despite their sudden elevated energy ( which you said was due to alexia being on the pitch ) it wasn’t enough they still lost.

you were playing spain.

you were playing alexia.

obviously you had thought about having to play alexia but you didn’t think it would happen. the both of you had been dreading the game, it wasn’t just her you were playing a lot of the team played for barcelona.

the both of you starting.

but despite the two of you playing you swore to each other that you wouldn’t let what you feel stop from fully committing to the game.

when the two of you were on the pitch you didn’t know each other in fact the couple decided that they were to hate each other on the pitch.

and they done exactly that.

the second that whistle was blown you both had an aim and that was to get that bronze medal. germany’s motivation was to do this for obi and spains was to prove exactly why they’re the worlds best.

the first half was tough you didn’t really have any chances but spain, they were eager to get a medal and they had chances most hitting the crossbar out just being slightly off target. your defence wasn’t the best in the first half cutting it to close making these chances for spain and you were lucky that none went in the back of the net.

the second half was where the action started ( specifically the sixty fourth minute) to happen it was germanys chance. you were just past the half way mark where you saw gulia in the perfect position so you kicked the ball over to her.

the only person in front of her was cata who pushed gulia to move her from the ball which resulted in the referee giving a penalty immediately.

and you were gonna take it.

maybe it was because you knew how cata played but it still was hard. you always hated playing against your teammates even in friendlies but especially it important games like this one.

you watched spains last penalty shoot out against colombia and they were good. you saw how she played her tells.

you walked up to your spot and you could feel her eyes on you, and off you looked back at her you wouldn’t be able look to fully it would throw you off your game. but like the both of you agreed to use the your love as motivation to beat the other

taking a deep breath. your heard the whistle blow an ran towards the ball putting it in the bottom right corner while me cata went to left. running to where obi was and pointing at her so she knew that all this was for her. you turned around to hug lea who all ready had her hands open for you.

but that goal didn’t mean that germany would win the game can turn around in seconds and spain were known for doing that in the euro qualifiers and in the olympics.

if anything that goal lit a spark in the team more fouls were committed you and alexia committing some on each other.

jenni was a problem she wanted to make this level and get her name on the score sheet, a cross from olga to the center of the box right where jenni was headed toward the girl and luckly ann was there and saved another attempt from her.

and they kept coming spain these opportunities from spain but ann was always there to clean up our mistakes proving just how good she was.

the fully ninety + the seven was done all we had to do was make sure that we didn’t make any mistakes until you did resulting in a penalty to spain you and your teammates were convinced that you barley touched her and that she fell down dramatically as she was in the penalty area and knew that they could get a pently out of it.

you could be the reason that germany lose and as if it was some silly joke alexia was taking it for spain.

your alex.

against berger.

your feeling were conflicted even though you promised her you wouldn’t be. of course you wanted the best for alexia but you wanted, no needed your team to win not just for yourself but for obi for horst for your sister.

the situation was cruel but it was the game.

you were stood next to aitana ready to kick the ball away if it gets blocked and came back to the girls in red. you watch as you’re girlfriend, no alexia kicked the ball in the same direction as you did but this time it being saved.

your ran towards ann to hug her as a thanks for cleaning up your mistakes. surely this was the last action of the game and it was as less than a minute later the whistle was blown.

germany won.

the whole team ran to ann as she was the while reason that we won with all her amazing saves. but while you were all huddled up you saw a alexia was being comforted her teammates and you couldn’t help but feel guilty. but that was the game no matter how great the player is it’s a group sport.

after some time of talking to obi she was like your’s and lea’s child you were her wolfsburg mum and lea was a bayern mum well that was what the fans had been saying. alexia was finally alone sat down waiting for you, you slowly made your way and sat next to her.

the both of you sat silent till alexia broke the silence “i’m happy for you, you deserve it more than anyone i know” she finally looked at you with her hazel eyes, those eyes that you grew to love looking at “i don’t want you to think that you can’t celebrate or be happy around me”

putting her face in your hands, you knew the look that she had on her face. she blamed herself for spain’s loss “alex, it not your fault and no one’s looking at you differently for missing that penalty. you guys had ninety minutes before hand to put a goal in that net okay. you don’t see anyone else blaming themselves as much as you are, they all had chances. so don’t think for a second that missing that penalty erases the ballon d’ors and all the other award that you got. it’s a group sport and as hard as it sound every team needs to lose from time to time it helps show that no matter where your team is ranked you got to make sure you continue to work for it. in the end this will all work out for the better”

you watched as a smile began to rise on the girl’s face “thank you. i really needed that but seriously you were the better team and you played brilliantly today my star girl” repeating the same words you said to her in the champions league final. the day the two of you gave this a go.

the both of you sat there in each other shirts chatting about what you were gonna do what you were back in barcelona, back in her flat which is basically theirs with how often the german girl was sleeping over at alex’s.

no matter the result of a game their love for each other was bigger than what ever happens between them on the pitch. in the end the both of them knew they found the one. whether it was in english, spanish, catalan, german or dutch they knew that in every language that they spoke that they loved each other.

#woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader #espwnt x reader #woso #woso fanfics #alexia putellas #laura freigang #gerwnt x reader #dfb frauen #alexia putellas imagine #engenlvr writes #spain women's national team #barca femeni #barça femení x reader #woso community #woso imagine #womens football

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hjbirthdaywishes · 2 years ago

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August 21, 2023

Happy 38 Birthday to Laura Haddock.

#Laura Haddock #Happy Birthday #Meredith Quill #Guardians of the Galaxy #GotG #Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 #GotG Vol 2 #Autograph seeker #Grandma Quill #Captain America The First Avenger #The First Avenger #Marvel Cinematic Universe #MCU #Marvel #August #2023

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riamaple · 3 months ago

Text

Life on Your Line (Ch. 2)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

Summary: Cursed to sacrifice your life to save another, you were never able to connect with others, always meant to drift before you could belong. Death was all you knew. Then, one day in Brooklyn, you saved a young man, and for some reason, you kept seeing him again. And again. And again. No matter where you went, across decades, you always found your way back to him.

He was forced to live to destroy, you were forced to die to save—bound together in ways neither of you could understand.

Warnings: Angst (with an eventual happy ending). Death and Dying. Self-Sacrifice (Immortality / Resurrection). Canon-Typical Violence / Description of Wounds. Suicidal Thoughts. Implications and References to Child Death, Suicide, Self-Destructive Behavior / Self-Harm.

< PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Word Count: 4.3k

CHAPTER 2: March 1944 - March 1945

March 15, 1944. 6:23 PM

Minnie passed away a few nights ago. That old hag finally did it. She’s with Lewis now, resting while the rest of us are left to wonder if this war will ever end.

We had the funeral two days ago. It was small and quiet, just like how she would’ve wanted it. Everyone was crying, myself included. My best friend is gone and I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing her.

I didn’t write about any of this until now because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I was sad, but mostly angry. I’m so happy for Minnie, but I can’t help but feel jealous of her. We were both supposed to grow old together, but now she’s in the ground while I’m still stuck out here. Every day, I check to see if I have a strand of gray hair and of course, I don’t.

I did get a pleasant surprise. Becca stopped by with a whole box of pastries that her mother had made for me and Laura. It was very sweet of them to do that. They even made me some eclairs, my absolute favorite. Laura hasn't been working this week — she’s grieving over Minnie while wondering if her son will survive the war — so I promised Becca I’d bring some of the sweets to her.

This young lady has become an avid reader and she’s always asking me for book recommendations. It was slow at first, with her coming back a few months after she got her first book. She didn’t say, but I think it took a while because she was still upset about her brother leaving for Europe. But since she’s come back, she’s stopped by once a month. I don’t do it for anyone else, but I also started to let her borrow the books. As long as she brings them back in perfect condition, she doesn’t have to pay for them. Who am I to stop a young lady from reading?

I finally did ask Becca about her brother. Turns out his name is James, though everyone — even the papers — calls him Bucky. Becca calls him Jimmy, which I think is sweet. She said it’s been a bit since they’ve heard from him, but he’s now a part of the Howling Commandos with Captain America, fighting proudly for our freedom.

I was also shocked to find out that Captain America was the blonde boy with the balloon from all those years ago. That skinny, tiny kid is now America’s hero and the boy I saved is part of his unit. Funny how the world works.

You stopped writing for a moment.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I think about James more than I want to. I’ve been living with this curse for many decades, yet he’s the only person whom I’ve saved who recognized me. I’ve done a pretty decent job of avoiding people from my past, but the very few I’ve met never seemed to recognize me. They’ve all looked at me strangely, of course, but never said anything about it in the end. Why would they? They all believed I had died.

But James… He’s the only one who saw me for me. Who looked at my face and knew that I was the one who saved him. He still is the only one.

It pained me to lie to him.

I barely know him, but…maybe, if I’m brave enough one day, I could tell him the truth. I’d love to sit down with him and chat over a cup of coffee. Give him the decency and say that, yes, I did save you all those years ago. You were right. It was me.

The bell jiggled, taking your attention away from your journal to the front door. You smiled at a woman who walked in, somewhere in her forties with brown hair, looking around the cozy interior of Riverside Bookshop.

You smiled at her warmly. “Hello. Welcome to Riverside. My name is Doris,” you said, motioning toward the shelves behind you. “We’re about to close soon, but let me know if you need anything.”

The woman smiled back, her eyes scanning the shelves as she wandered through the aisles. It wasn’t unusual for customers to stop by just before closing, searching for one last book to take home. You had done the same when you were younger—well, younger.

After a few moments, the woman pulled a book from one of the lower shelves. It was an old one, but also the kind that had been loved and read over the years. Its edges frayed and the cover was fading, but the woman still carried it to the front desk with a soft smile.

“That’s a lovely choice,” you commented. “One of my personal favorites. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

She chuckled, and you could tell by her eyes that she was excited to dive into it. She paid for the book, thanking you again as you handed her the change.

“Have a good evening,” you called after her, stepping back behind the counter to finish closing up for the night.

It was too late to go to Henry’s and store your journal there. For just this night, you allowed yourself to believe the store wouldn’t somehow catch on fire and burn your writing, so you tucked your journal into one of the drawers. You dimmed the lights, turned the sign on the door to ‘Closed,’ adjusted your bag and exited.

You locked the front door just as a sharp scream echoed through the night air, pulling your attention to the empty streets.

Something tugged at your heart.

You ran as fast as you could down the street until you reached a dark alley, where you saw her—the woman who just bought a book—struggling against a man who had her by the throat.

He had a knife in the other hand.

Decades ago, you would’ve hesitated—run away even—but now you were already right next to them, swinging your bag at the man. Too distracted by the woman, he stumbled back as you hit him on the head. He faltered briefly, but then lunged at you with his knife. You quickly moved to your right, letting him fall against the wall while you grabbed the woman’s hand and bolted back into the street.

Once you were further down the street, you slowed down while the woman gasped for air. You looked behind to see if the man was following, and sighed deeply when you saw that he wasn’t.

“My goodness,” the woman said, rubbing at her throat as she looked at you. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

You forced out a smile, making sure to keep your left side hidden from her view. “You’re welcome. You should head home now—before it gets too dark,” you said quietly, stepping back.

She nodded, still breathing heavily, and quickly stepped away. But the moment she began to leave, you immediately pressed your hand against your side and walked the other way. The ground beneath you seemed to sway, but you kept moving, one step at a time. The pain in your side grew unbearable, but you pushed forward.

You found a quiet alley quickly, away from the streetlights, and collapsed against the wall. Gasping, you hid behind a couple of crates as you raised your hand, examining the blood staining your fingers. You closed your eyes, letting the cool night air wash over you. The sounds of the city faded, and the sharp pain in your side became all-consuming.

You let yourself release one last breath, wondering if you needed to find a new name.

<><><>

You opened your eyes to the biting cold, immediately feeling a familiar ache in your side. You blinked awake, grimacing at the uneven, almost rocky surface you were lying on. You murmured a curse at the world underneath your breath; it wasn’t the first time you woke up in an uncomfortable place. But as you slowly took in the sky and leaves looming over you, the faint scent of pine trees mixed with the damp earth invaded your nose, and you gulped.

You immediately sat up, breathing raggedly while looking around to see that the rugged peaks of unfamiliar mountains surrounded you. This wasn’t your home. This wasn’t Brooklyn. Where the hell were you—

A deafening explosion shattered the silence, causing you to scream and scramble to your feet. You spun around to find cover, choosing to duck behind a large boulder while your breaths came in frantically. There were a few more explosions, followed by gunshots and yelling, and you couldn’t make sense of what was happening.

You had died nearly a hundred times—letting yourself get stabbed, shot, trampled for the sake of others, only to wake up a month later in your home. You were no longer afraid of death, but this was different. You had never woken up anywhere else but your home, where the familiar smell of old wood and novels greeted you. But here, only the freezing wind and echoes of explosions seemed to shake the ground under your feet.

You trembled as the gunshots came closer—you had no idea what you were supposed to do. There was no place to hide, no familiar faces, no quiet corner to retreat to. You peered cautiously over the edge of the boulder, trying to make sense of your surroundings. But then, your breath caught in your throat as you spotted a young man running in the distance.

Your heart jumped at the sight of James, his face streaked with dirt and his uniform torn in places. He heaved with a pained expression as he dove behind another boulder.

Why was he here?

No. Why were you there with him?

James’s hands trembled as he reloaded his rifle, his eyes scanning the distance through the scope. Sweat beaded on his brow despite the cold, and every muscle in his body screamed at him to rest, though he didn’t have a second to spare. He tried to keep his breath even, but his lungs burned as he tried to spot the enemy.

He had been hiding before, silently taking down any HYDRA soldier who got too close to Steve or the rest of the Howling Commandos. He tried to be careful, but then one of the soldiers caught a glint of metal from his rifle and threw a grenade at him. James barely managed to brace himself behind cover before the explosion went off, and he was forced to run. He had no idea where his combat unit was—it was just him and a bunch of HYDRA operatives in the mountains. And as much as he was a skilled sharpshooter who had killed most of them by this point, he was getting close to his limits.

James squinted, peering through the scope once more. A soldier emerged from behind a pile of rocks and he didn’t hesitate. The shot rang out and the HYDRA soldier dropped to the ground. Quickly reloading his rifle, he tried to spot the last two soldiers before they could catch him off guard.

When he couldn’t see them, he quickly ducked low behind another boulder as he felt that his position was getting vulnerable. But then, before he could settle into his new spot, an explosive hit too close to him. The shockwave threw him off his feet and he tumbled, yelping as he rolled down the slope.

Pain shot through his side when he landed against a tree, and he let out an anguished cry. With his teeth clenched and hands rolled into fists, he hissed while trying to regain control over his body, scrambling to grab his rifle. He saw a blur of movement in the corner of his eye and, without stopping, James spun onto his back and shot at the HYDRA soldier in the distance. He rag-dolled instantly, falling onto the rocky terrain.

Another wave of pain traveled through James’s body, making him groan while he forced himself to stand up. He staggered to the side, his vision blurring for a brief moment, and he slumped back behind another boulder with heavy breaths. He was so exhausted and every fiber of his being begged him to stop, but he couldn’t. There was one last soldier left—the one who kept on shooting explosives in his direction. HYDRA’s weapons were getting more advanced and dangerous as weeks went by, making the rifle in his hands feel a bit fragile.

But he gripped his weapon close before peering out from behind the boulder, scanning the landscape again. He cursed under his breath, because just where the hell was the last—

Another explosion went off. This time, it was too close to him and the heat of the blast threatened to sear his skin, making him recoil. He scrambled backward to avoid getting burned, but then his eyes widened in horror. He stood out in the open, staring at the soldier who was charging his giant, bomb-launching weapon directly at him. This was his plan—get James out of hiding and kill him in plain sight. He was completely exposed and couldn’t avoid this.

He was going to die.

Sorry, Steve.

With a choked breath, James braced himself, waiting for the end when a rush of movement suddenly caught his eye. He turned just in time to see the blur tackle him, wrapping their arms around his body just as the explosion went off. It didn’t directly hit him, but it was close enough to send him tumbling down the slope again.

James yelped as he rolled over a ledge, falling briefly before landing in a large, murky puddle. The freezing water shocked him into focus and he gasped. He gritted his teeth and struggled to sit up, fighting against the exhaustion in his bones, and tried to look for his weapon.

He located his rifle and—

James widened his eyes, staring at your body in another murky puddle. Your body was twisted and you hissed in pain, eyes squeezed shut and limbs shaking as you tried to gather yourself. You had taken the full brunt of the explosion, protecting James from the burns you sustained on your back and sides. The smell of scorched fabric mixed with the damp grass, and blood trickled from the numerous burns and cuts around your body. And your breath—your breath was immensely shallow.

The young man continued to stare, horrified as he tried to process what exactly he was seeing. How could a woman who looked like she was about to go out for a stroll be in the middle of a warzone? James shook his head, leaning close to inspect the stranger.

But as you opened your eyes and he took in your face, he realized that you weren’t a stranger at all. His heart dropped.

“You…” he breathed, his voice quivering. It was you, but…it couldn’t be. No, it wasn't possible. He was in Poland—you were in Brooklyn. How could you—

A couple of pebbles tumbled over the ledge.

James lunged for his weapon, pointing it upwards just as the last soldier emerged. Before the operative could even raise his weapon at him, James pulled the trigger, the crack of his rifle echoing through the land. The soldier dropped over the ledge, falling face down into the wet ground. Panting, James stood up and pointed his gun at the soldier, gazing at him as if he was going to jump up and tackle him. But when the soldier didn’t move, he let out a heavy breath and dropped to his knees. He finally won his battle against the enemy—he survived.

After taking a long, well-deserved breath, his eyes darted back over your body. He grimaced, quickly crawling over to you to assess your wounds. Your skin was covered with raw, red patches, blood gushing from all over to mix with the murky water. Your breathing was quiet, but too slow.

But you continued to stare at him, your eyes barely open but still holding on.

James’s heart was pounding so hard that it felt like it was going to leap out of his chest. He couldn’t understand what was happening— how it was happening. How could you —the same person from the bookstore—be with him right now? Despite the confusion, he shook his head.

“We have to go,” he said urgently. “We can’t stay here.”

With trembling hands, he tried to lift your body, but a horrible noise ripped from your throat the second he did. It wasn’t a quiet yelp or a soft whimper—it was a violent cry that made his heart shatter. He froze—there was no way you could recover. He wouldn't be able to get you help in time.

But that was cruel, because if it wasn’t for you, he would’ve been dead. All of the injuries you were suffering through would’ve been his instead. He let out a shaky breath, his body trembling as he carefully adjusted his hold on you. Tears welled in his eyes—if he couldn’t get help, he could at least let you pass comfortably in his arms, right?

James cradled you in his lap as all he could do was hold you, his hands slick with blood as he felt your chest slowly lose momentum. But as his eyes searched your face, examining the blood that trailed over your cheeks and soaked your hair, he found himself reliving a memory he had wanted to erase from his mind. He bit his lips, struggling to say the right things to you.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” he whispered, his voice barely above a breath. “From Brooklyn… From…from when that car…”

He waited for a response, but you did nothing other than blink, the pain etched in your eyes too morbid for him to handle. He reached up, his hand shaking as he cradled your face, trying to offer some kind of comfort in your last moments.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his lips quivering. “I’m so sorry…”

You only blinked back in response and he briefly looked away from you, a wet breath getting caught in his throat. But then something caught his eye—a pendant hanging loosely on a thin chain around your neck, revealed by the rips in your dress.

It was a locket.

He slowly reached for it and you watched him gently cradle it in his palm, almost admiring it before he opened it. Inside, there was a delicate flower etched into the metal and a tiny inscription beside it that made him pause.

“Rose?” he read softly.

And with that, as James whispered the name that was so dear to your heart, you released one final breath and went still in his arms.

His grip on your body tightened. He let go of the locket, reaching for your face again. When he felt how cold your skin was, he broke. A choked sob tore from his throat, his whole body curling over yours as he hugged you closer.

He didn’t know who you were. He didn’t know why you saved him or how you even found him, but you were real. You had been real.

But now you were gone.

It was really you in that bookstore, from when he decided to give Becca a little bit of joy before he left home. When you looked up at him, his whole world halted from seeing the woman who had shoved him out of the way, taking the full brunt of the car. He was just walking back to his home with Steve, laughing as they carried sandwiches from what they believed to be the best deli in Brooklyn. Then he was on his knees next to your body, begging you to stay awake until help arrived, but you didn’t make it.

And yet, eight years later, he had found you again. In a bookstore that he had planned to stop by for so long, but couldn’t until the last second.

But then, when you said he had mistaken you for someone else, he wanted to believe it. He had to believe it, because how could it have been you?

You had died for him.

But…here, you were in his arms.

And you had died for him again.

James let out a wrecked cry, pressing his forehead against yours. His lips parted, but the words he wanted to say died in his throat. He continued to hold you as if it would bring you back.

“Bucky!”

James lifted his head, hearing his name in the distance. His breath hitched before he looked back at you. He didn’t want to leave you, but…he had to. He had to go.

Carefully, he lowered you to the ground, his hand lingering on your arm before he pushed himself up. He lost his footing briefly, the exhaustion trying to drag him back down, but he steadied himself. He looked at you one more time before staggering to the ledge.

Steve suddenly popped up, looking down and immediately letting out a heavy sigh of relief when spotting his best friend.

“Jesus, Buck.” He jumped down and crushed him in a hug. “Thank God. Are you alright?”

James inhaled sharply, nodding as he tried to reply. “I—” His voice cracked, but he exhaled slowly. “Yeah. I’m alright. I just—”

He looked back at you, but his heart stopped.

Because there was nothing to look back to.

The puddle where you had been lying was empty. No blood, no fabric, no sign of your presence whatsoever.

James stumbled backward, his breath coming in short gasps as his eyes darted around, searching for you. Longing for you.

“Bucky?” Steve frowned, stepping closer carefully. “What’s wrong?”

“I—” He looked down at his hands, smudged with mud and ash.

But there was not a single speck of your blood staining his skin.

<><><>

May 15, 1944. 5:10 AM

I try to write about every person I save, but I can barely remember what happened in that alley with the woman. All I can think about is James.

I saved James for the 2nd time on April 15 and I woke up with the worst pain I’ve ever had all over my skin.

For so many decades, I’ve been giving people second chances — dying for them so that they can go on living. But I have never given someone a third chance, or been sent across the world for them, or had to save two of them back to back. I was gone for 2 months and I feel terrible. Laura was angry and sad and happy when I came back. She cried so much as she believed I died for good even though that can never happen.

I don’t know how I ended up with James. I want to say it shouldn’t be possible, but I don't even know the full extent of my curse. Only the world does.

So tell me, world… Why James? I understand he was going to die, but why him? Henry was in the Great War, scared and tired and no one saved him. Why wasn’t I sent to him? Maybe this is the world’s way of making it up to me. If I wasn’t able to protect Henry, maybe I was given James to protect instead. I don’t mind that.

Because for the first time since I’ve been cursed, I don’t feel like a ghost. When James looked at me — recognized me — I felt real. Even though I had lied to him before, he still made me feel as if I had a proper place in this world. And when he whispered Rose to me, even though that isn’t my name, I felt…wanted.

And he’s the first person who has ever comforted me as I died.

So…maybe he could be the first person I saved to know the truth.

When he comes back to Brooklyn, I will tell him. He deserves to know.

<><><>

March 5, 1945. 4:31 AM

We live in hell.

I found out yesterday that James had died. Becca came in crying and told me the news before I could even ask if she was alright. They got the letter — killed in action — fallen into a ravine. They can’t even bring back his body for a proper funeral.

It’s not fair. It’s just not fair.

I was brought to him a year ago to save him. But why would the world you let me save him twice if you were still going to take him away? Rip him away from his sisters and mother and father? I would say that I can’t imagine how his parents are feeling, but I can. When my baby was taken from me, I wanted to die too.

But this isn’t just about them. James was supposed to be the one stranger I could allow myself to be honest with. But you took him away.

Why would you give me that false sense of hope? Make me believe he would survive? I had to watch Becca fall to the floor crying and I couldn’t even help her. She lost her big brother, but I couldn’t even tell her that I understood her pain without revealing this damn curse you placed on me.

You brought me to him. You WANTED me to save him so much that you sent me out there. Of all people, him. You didn’t even take me to Henry when he needed me. You could have had this whole time and you didn’t. You took me to James instead so that I could give him the chance to go home to his family.

But then you killed him.

If I had known he was going to die, I would’ve at least told him my real name.

Damn you.

Go to hell.

Damn you Fuck you

NEXT CHAPTER >

General Taglist! @a-century-of-sass

Thanks for reading :)

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #marvel #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky x reader #winter soldier #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x reader angst #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #the winter soldier #the winter soldier x reader

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lokistemptress · 3 months ago

Text

“Protect My Heart”

Steve Rogers x Reader

Angst with no happy ending? I don’t know.

steve rogers was weird. in all the right ways of course, i'd assume that if i had gotten injected with a super serum, met the love of my life just to lose her to time and age, be trapped in the ice while the world ages around me and keep my youth, i'd probably be a little weird and off-putting too.

the entire world knows who captain america is, and i've had the chance to work with him. he's tall, broad, all blond hair and bright shiny blue eyes. he's cute, he knows he's cute too. probably hates being called cute, but i can't imagine him as anything other than cute.

he has a certain way that he looks at you, like he's looking right through you. but don't ever upset him, he's great at holding grudges. he's been gone for far to long and with the threat of ultron upon us, we now hide away in clint barton's house.

we're not the only people in the house, tony stark who's the iron man, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, extraordinaire (as i'm sure he'd enjoy being called). and then there's his 'twin', bruce banner. just as smart, just as attractive, but not arrogant. he's shy and that's just as cute as he is. and then there's people like natasha romanoff (and maria hill, my two favorite people in the world).

of course, we cannot forget about the god who literally fell to earth. thor, the god of thunder. there were hundreds of other people, working the systems to keep us all safe from threats. and as busy as we are, steve won't leave me alone.

i'm standing in the kitchen area, busy making some sandwiches to pass the time while every conversates about the next move. clint's children run around the house. "i can help you." steve suggested, leaning against the counter. i had multiple plates, already stacked high with different kinds of sandwiches. laura already said she'd help, since this was her home, but i shrugged her off and told her to spend some time with her family instead.

the weirdest thing about steve is that he's persistent. when he wants something, he won't give up until he succeeds. i can't say i'm not the same way, but he thinks of me as some sort of mission i'm sure of it. "they're just sandwiches steve." i sighed, closing the lid to the peanut butter. "i can be helpful."

"be helpful somewhere else!"

he doesn't ever take the hints. he's like a bug i can't kill. i'm sure half the world would be on their knees, begging for a chance to go on a date with steve rogers, but i think i'd rather die. no one should be stupid enough to do that. steve is a great guy, but his heart and his mind lie with another woman who he can never with. peggy carter, the love of his life, whom he lost so early. his poor heart holds onto her too much for his body to handle, so he finds someone else to satiate his need for love and it was me.

you know how when baby ducks or chickens are born, they imprint on the first thing they see as their mother, that's exactly what it felt like for steve and i, but instead of me being his mother he wants me as a lover. i cannot put myself through that ever. it hurts a lot to know the truth, to know he doesn't actually like me. what am i even supposed to do? i don't like pushing him away and ignoring him, i don't like being rude to the captain america.

what if one date turns into two, two turn into spending nights with each other, kisses in between talking, and we have sex or something. what happens if i do fall in love with captain america? what happens when i want something more from him but he tells me he's not looking for anything serious. he's too caught up on his ex. i know steve is old fashioned, he'd never actually do that to a woman, but this isn't the 40s anymore and he's much older than i am, he's tired of fighting but he won't stop and that will be his downfall, and mine too if i don't put a stop to all of this.

"you don't like me much huh?" he scoffs jokingly, standing up from the counter and moving to stand behind me instead. "i do like you steve, i just don't need help making sandwiches." i put the cheese slices and the meat back into the refrigerator. "you know, if you want to help, you can take these to the living room while i bring these to the kids." i suggested, pointing to the plates. i grab a different plate, beginning to walk away but steve catches my wrist. "please talk to me." he begs quietly. i poke the inside of my cheek with my tongue, running it over my bottom teeth. i've said no to going on a date with steve rogers three times now.

the first time, it was very proper. asking me out after loki was put away and handled with by thor. he stopped me from leaving the building. "you did good out there." i shrugged. "beats working in an office staring at a screen any day." he laughed. body dirty, breathless, and sweating. "i'm sure it does." our conversation flows for a second, reveling in our win, talking about everything and nothing. "so i was thinking that we could... maybe do something tomorrow night..." steve asks, running his fingers through his hair. "i don't know rogers, we're kinda busy."

"no yeah i get it. i'm pretty busy too." he crossed his arms behind his back, rocking back and forth. "well, i'm supposed to see loki off and we're all splitting apart for a bit so... i'll see you later?" i nodded, watching as he walked away.

did steve rogers just ask me out?

the second time he tried was when we were on the run from the government after siding with his long time best friend, and super solider experiment, james bucky barnes, and found ourselves living on the outskirts of some small country's town i couldn't pronounce the name of. we were just lying in the grass together. he hadn't had the time to shave in a while, a light stubble beginning to show. we just stared at the stars wondering if our lives were going to be lived out like this. a small cabin in the woods that we found. spending all our time in the woods with natasha and hunting for animals and plants. what i wouldn't have done for a burger. "so i was thinking, a few years back, we never got a chance to hang out just us, and we're here, right now. know we can't do much, but i was thinking if you'd want to do this again sometime..." he trailed off. i didn't glance at him, i knew he was looking at me but i wasn't sure what to say. "steve now's not really a good time to get... entangled." steve just nods silently. "yeah, that makes sense i guess."

i couldn't believe he was trying again. i thought he had forgotten. i know i hadn't, i couldn't stop thinking about him asking me out. and here he was, wanting to try again. i got up and headed back to the cabin without even saying anything. i felt sick to my stomach again. the night air felt colder, a pain filling up my chest.

how dare he? who does he think he is?

strutting around the cabin shirtless, chopping wood for fire, learning how to hunt and which berries and plants could kill us and wouldn't kill us. humming 40s music while starting fires to heat up the water to make it drinkable.

when i taught him how to sew our clothes back together after running in the woods, sleeve being caught and torn by branches. teaching him how to braid hair, gently but quick so it wouldn't waste too much time. pointing at the stars together, sneaking into town to watch as it quiets down as the sun sets. dogs bark in the background. making ice cream with just milk and ice. hiding in alleyways from cops and laughing when they'd pass.

it makes me feel guilty for falling in love with a man who's mentally taken.

sure peggy carter isn't here anymore, but she haunts him in his sleep. for a few split seconds, i'd see a future with us together, a kid or two, living in a house just big enough for the two of us. maybe a dog or a cat for our kids to play with. and then reality strikes when he'd fall asleep and whisper her name that keeps me awake and thinking for days.

the third time he asked me out was as soon as we got into the house. he hadn't even gotten the chance to ask, i already knew what he wanted from me. i was on my way to check on natasha, she had been so excited about laura having another baby, and she thought it was gonna be a gril named natasha. it turned out to be a boy instead.

"no steve." i said, not even letting him speak. he pulls me into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door. "don't say no, i just think it would be fun, doesn't have to mean anything-"

"no steve! it means everything to me!" he tries to talk again but i push back against his chest. he could easily over power me, he's stronger than i am. my heart is beating so fast. i can't look him in the eye. i make sure to keep steve far enough from me while i pull the door open and disappear to the kitchen instead. there's far too much going on.

which brings me to now. the fourth time. "there's nothing to talk about." i drop my head, placing the plates down on the table so i don't drop them and waste them. "there's a lot we need to talk about actually. like how you keep running from me." he flips me around, holding onto my shoulders to keep me in place. "i can't give you what you want."

"and how do you know what i want?"

"i know you want peggy back. and i'm not her, not even close. i know you'd do anything to see her again, to hear her voice. to have her see you. i know you missed out on the greatest love of your life and i can't-i won't compete with that."

steve just leans down, pressing his lips against mine. he doesn't listen either. our lips don't stay attached for long, cause i untangle my body from his grip. "you have to stop steve! you tell me to stop running and hiding from you, but when are you gonna stop running and hiding from yourself too?"

"you think you know what i want? well it's not true. ever since i got out of the ice, i wasn't sure what it meant. i knew i should have died but i didn't. and for a long time i was lost, everyone i had ever loved was gone, everything i thought i knew was a lie, and the world was different. but i didn't regret the decision i made, and that same decision lead me to you somehow!"

"you do not mean that!" i shouted back. "don't i? you don't know what i want!" he crosses his arms over his chest, standing tall and proud. i hate when he does that. he just looks so strong like this. "what do you want?" i asked slowly, keeping my voice low and calm but i was anything but it. "what do you want steve!"

"i want you to stop running from this! why do you do it? tell me the truth. i know you're not afraid of me. and i know it's not because you're seeing someone else, and it can't be about peggy either." he tilts his head, searching my eyes.

"why can't it? how am i supposed to give you my heart when yours belongs to someone else? what will i get in return?" i don't know when but i started crying. i can feel the little tears cascade down my cheeks the longer this conversation goes on. i wonder if someone will come find us, or will this conversation die out on it's own before then? "you have my heart already y/n, that's what you're not understanding. i'm already yours, i just need you to be mine too." steve inches closer, placing his hands on my hips. one hand cups my cheek, wiping away the tears. "please don't cry." he whispers soothingly. i reach up, cupping my hand with his own. i take a moment to revel in this feeling, the light enters his eyes again but i crush it by pulling back. he cannot win this war. i drop his hand to his side, using my other hand to brush him off my hip. i can still feel his touch on me, hands heavy.

"i'm sorry steve, but i need to put myself first for once, and i need to protect my heart. please, please don't ask me out again. it will always be no."

he doesn't say anything more when i grab the plates and carry them out of the kitchen and into the hallway where i walk slowly to the living room, trying to catch my own breath. "i've made sandwiches." i said, expertly setting them down on the table while everyone crowds around the tray. i fall back a few steps, moving outside to get some fresh air. i sit down on the steps of clint's house. aside from natasha and fury, i was the third person to learn about clint's secret life. was it weird to imagine my life would be like this at some point?

when i was at my lowest, nick fury spotted me in a crowd of hundreds. he always was drawn to the most messed up people. the front door creaks open and i hold in a groan. if he's followed me out here again, i might just lose my shit.

but it's natasha. he's freshly showered, sad smile on her lips. "what's up with you?" we both ask in unison. a broken laugh passes between the two of us. "you first." i nudged her shoulder. "i wish bruce would just let himself go for once. he's too fearful."

their romance had been budding since she first picked him up. it was so slow and quiet, compared to steve who won't take no for an answer. "you?" she asks while we stare ahead at the meadow fields and trees in the distance. "steve won't take no for an answer. he's not fearful enough."

nat holds back a smile but i can see her lips twinge upward. "maybe you should stop holding back then. you and bruce are too similar. you push everyone away thinking it's for the greater good, and you won't be selfish just one time?"

"you can't be selfish with a guy like steve rogers. he could die any minute, i've read his files. i've seen everything he's done to get where he is today. he saved the world by landing a plane in the middle of the ocean where he froze over for 60 years. i can't put myself in peggy's position. history has a funny way of repeating itself." natasha sits silently. "i never thought of that for you." i glance at her confused. "what?"

"steve and i... we talk. we talk about you." i raise my eyebrows. "you do?" she nods and hums. "we talk about why you keep saying no, what's keeping you from saying yes. i did some digging, you don't have a secret family like clint, you're not stuck on an ex partner, you have family out there somewhere. they're too protected by shield that even i can't find them." i let out a quick sigh. i tell my family i work as a travel agent. everything was fine, and they had no idea, until my face popped up on a screen with hawkeye and natasha at my side, and of course running from the government is kind of hard to keep a secret.

"i just figured you didn't like him. i told him to stop trying after the first time, but i don't think he'll stop asking until you say yes."

"this isn't the notebook. i don't care how dangerous his proposals get, i won't give in. i can't see a logical reason to. he'll make me happy? i make myself happy. i won't be alone? i have you and maria. sexual pleasures? there's one night stands for a reason." natasha snorts and shakes her head. "you are so far gone into your own little world you can't even see the truth."

"okay, and what's the truth?"

"the truth is that you're right. maybe you love him, and maybe he makes the ultimate decision to sacrifice his life for everyone else's safety, but maybe he doesn't have to go through that and you two will live happily ever after. the truth is that he loves you and he wants to show you. god knows where i'd be right now if bruce showed me he loved me." natasha stands up, offering me a hand but i shake my head. "that's fine, you have a lot to think about now." she pats my shoulder and heads back into the house.

can you be selfish with a guy like steve rogers? everything about him is so attractive. like a magnetic pull i'm to weak to steer clear from. sharp features, strong build. he's smart, loyal, kind, brave. it's these thing's that worry me deeply.

although peggy never had a public speech about her feeling's toward steve, him being in the ice, his 'death' that shocked the world. everyone knew that she became a ghost of herself. she still went to work every morning, got dressed, ate breakfast, laughed and made her own jokes, went and fought in wars, and was brave too. but even though i too fight in wars and i wake up every morning and i get too see him, feel him, know him, i'm not brave at all. the thought of losing steve eats away at me every time i look at him. i'll never know his last day, my last day. even if i did know, even if it was tomorrow, i do not have the strength in me to admit that i'm in love with steve rogers and he loves me too because i'm so afraid of it. afraid of what it means to be in a relationship with a man such as him. the people who'll come after us, what will happen when that time comes? i know he'd do anything for the people he loves.

it's one thing to be his friend, a partner in crime, hiding away in a cabin in the woods, staring at stars and making ice cream, but it's a whole other thing to actually be his. sacrificing yourself for a friend is the greatest sacrifice you could ever make, but steve sacrificing himself for my life, as a lover is the ultimate portrayal of love i do not deserve. i've held him off for this long, i can handle holding him off even longer.

——————————

i also hope the ending makes enough sense cause i suck at writing marvel stuff. basically, she won't date steve bc she is afraid of how much she'll get hurt if he dies, and is worried that if something happens to her he’d risk his life/die for her, which she feels like she’s doesn’t deserve.

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