#Funny How This Band Has Its Own Holiday

[ofleafstructure]

Black Stone Wielder - Candlemass

A procession of dark coats followed the star Foretold to come since ages In silence, they walked on, crossing the lands On their way to Bethlehem to break the chains of the spell

[7s3ven]

WHAT HAPPENS IN VAGAS STAYS IN VAGAS. simon riley

( just an idea)

I recently watched a movie set in Vegas that had the title (what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas) as its motto and I thought it’d be a really funny plot. I’ll use Ghost as a placeholder for now.

But yeah, imagine reader and Ghost (total strangers) get married in Vegas and they’re like “wtf” and they don’t officially divorce so, hey, Ghost actually has a wife on paper. And then Laswell introduces TF 141 to a transferred worker and what do you know, it’s Ghost’s Vegas wife.

Ghost wasn’t known for drinking past his limits. In fact, he barely had any. He wasn’t a light weight in the slightest. He could drink at least twenty large pints of beer and still be fully sober. But, it seems Vegas had fucked him over. He blamed Jonny for convincing the team to take a holiday to America.

He could still taste the fruity cocktails on his tongue as he sat up, rubbing his face. His mask was discarded to the side, lying on the floor. The room was surprisingly tidy as he leaned over the body beside him to retrieve his mask- wait, that wasn’t right.

Ghost let out a grunt of surprise, staring at the person beside him. His gaze immediately landed on the wedding ring that glinted in the dim light. His heart lurched. Had he slept with a married person? His brows creased as he tried to remember what had happened. Who even was this strange woman? He had never seen her before.

Ghost racked his brain for clues until he realized that the woman beside him was the one he had been eyeing all night in a drunken state. He thought she was pretty and he hadn’t seen the ring before.

He looked down at his own hand, eyes widening even more at the sight of a matching wedding band. It didn’t take a genius to piece everything together.

Ghost hadn’t slept with an already taken person, he had fucking married a stranger instead. Well, in the grand scheme of things, that seemed a little better than ruining a marriage because he drank too much.

You stirred and Ghost froze as you opened your eyes, blinking in confusion. “Where am I?” You were just as confused as he was. “Hey, did we sleep together? You don’t have a girlfriend, do you?” Your words slurred together. You glanced at the ring on his finger, lurching back. “Oh my gosh! Are you married?! Did I fuck a married person?! I’m so sorry!”

“Look at your own finger.” Ghost grumbled. “Wasn’t married before I met you.”

At least you were a smart one. “Oh… we married each other… um, what’s your name?”

“Simon Riley.”

“Y/N L/N.”

The two of you shook hands, still tangled in the white bedsheets.

“So… what happens now?” You mutter.

“I gotta get to work. Give me your number so I can call ya and we can… figure whatever the hell this is out.”

You hand him a piece of paper with your digits written on it. It doesn’t take you long to get dressed and walk out of the hotel, already texting your friends on what you had woken up to.

Hours passed and then days and finally months. And there was no call from the handsome man you had accidentally married. And there was no chance of even divorcing if you couldn’t get in contact with him.

So you endured it. And whenever your friends asked about the ring, you told them the story of how you had managed to get drunk and marry a total stranger. They found it hilarious.

Kate Laswell was the woman who entirely changed your life, in more ways than another. When you were a teenager, she helped you out of a slump. You owed her a great deal for saving you at your worst. So when she asked you to transfer from your secretary line of work in the military to a special operations unit as their new intelligence operative, you agreed.

She had given a meaning to your life, a well-paying job that could support you, and unintentionally reunited you with the man who was bound to you on paper.

“This is Y/N. Treat her nice.” Laswell says to the four large men towering over you. But you only have eyes for the one with the Skull mask. You could recognzie those vivid eyes anywhere.

He wasn’t wearing gloves, giving you a perfect view of the wedding ring still sitting on his finger. You couldn’t blame him, you still wore yours too for some reason.

“Ey, LT, yer gon’ a burn a hole in the poor lassie if ya keep starin’ like that.” John Mactavish, aka known as Soap or Jonny, said, laughing. “You like ‘er or somethin’?”

“Yeah, I guess. She’s my wife after all.” Ghost grunts. You want to pinch the bridge of your nose. How could he say such a thing without context?

Gaz is the one who makes a fuss over Ghost’s statement. “Wait, you’re married?! And you didn’t invite us?!”

“It was in a dingy church.” You say to fill in the gaps.

“Where?” Gaz presses on.

You and Ghost exchange a look, embarrassed about your reckless actions. “Vegas.” You both say in unison.

You can practically see the cogs working in Soap’s head as he gasps. “Is that where yer disappeared off to? Ya got married to a pretty lass without tellin’ us? How long have y’all known each other?!”

You clear your throat as you hear the quiet sound of Laswell chuckling. Glad to see she finds your predicament amusing. “We don’t.”

“So you married a stranger?” Soap’s eyebrows furrow. “Ey, how come you got married before me?!”

“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Ghost reminds his team members.

It’d be really funny if, even after that, you and Ghost still don’t divorce. And y’all actually start treating each other like lovers.

Like, yeah, we were strangers and got married in a church in Vegas but we won’t divorce because the married life is actually better than expected. What about it?

Ghost literally brushes off the fact that you guys were strangers. He treats you like his wife, bringing you food and wiping your makeup off when you’re too tired to do so. And eventually, you guys just accept it.

[bornagainmurdock]

maybe this time you'll listen

author's note: happy one week until the ddba finale! rainy season makes my migraines so much worse so i offer you this <3

content: 18+ ONLY, smut, matt murdock x reader, gender neutral reader, sadist!matt, dom!matt, masochist!sub!reader, impact play, over the knee hand spanking, domestic discipline, punishment, begging, choking, reader has migraines, aftercare

word count: 2.1k

Matt paced around the entryway of the apartment, fingers figeting with the watch on his left hand, sliding the band back and forth over his wrist bone. He knew you'd be home any minute, and then, he'd get exactly what he needed.

When you entered the apartment, keys clanking still from unlocking the door, Matt immediately pivoted and made his way to your body. His hands grabbed at your hips, sliding down to your waist before pressing you against the closing door behind you, pressing until he heard it hitch.

He didn't move to kiss you, just held you there in the silence.

Matt waited a moment before speaking, "Do you think I am happy right now?"

You responded promptly, but with a smirk, "Well I don't why you wouldn't be."

Matt could hear your smile as you spoke. Today you were going to play the hard game, and today, this delighted him.

You took in a shallow breath, staring up at Matt. He still had his glasses on and his suit. His shoes were still double knotted, his briefcase hasn't made it more than a foot from the door, leaning against the monstera planter.

"Do you wanna guess why I might be upset?" Matt sneered, pressing some of his body weight onto you.

"I really haven't a clue, Counsellor." You joked, catching Matt off guard.

His hand snaked up your body, following up your hip bones, stomach, middle of your chest, and then to the base of your neck where he teased for a brief moment before wrapping his calloused fingers around your neck. His touch barely grazed your skin. This was Matt's warning before he pressed his fingers into the side of your neck.

You nodded lightly, enough for Matt to feel, and then you felt his fingers press in. Still light and gentle, but growing.

"Think you're funny, huh?" Matt slightly chuckled.

"You know, I do!" You responded chipperly, closing your eyes to fully enjoy the sensation of his hand on your neck.

"I think I told you to stay home today. Didn't I?" Matt leaned down to be face level with you. His nose slightly brushing yours.

"I told you my migraine wasn't that bad."

"I didn't ask how bad it was. I told you to stay home and take a day off. When's the last time you actually took a break from work?"

"Maybe a week ago? I don't remember, Matt." You pouted.

"It was two and a half months ago, not counting federal holidays and weekends. Sometimes you even worked those. And you've been staying late every night for the last week. You need a proper break, clearly." Matt ranted.

"I can't just miss work."

"You haven't taken a sick day yet this year and when I tried to wake you up this morning, which is rare on its own, you threw a pillow at me and went back to sleep." Matt kept his hand on your neck but loosened his grip, allowing you space to talk.

"I was extra tired."

"No, you had a bad migraine that you pushed too hard through. How much tylenol did you take to make it through the work day?" Matt quipped.

"The correct amount and no more. And I made it, that's all that matters." You retorted.

"You didn't listen to me, and you know what happens when you don't listen." Matt was stern in his voice, but treaded lightly, the last thing he wanted to do is make the situation worse.

He was right. You had woken up with a bad migraine, and you had been on a strict tylenol regimen to make it through the day. And maybe it still hurt. And maybe staring at a screen all day didn't help.

"I know. I'm sorry, Matt."

"First, you are going to go change into comfy clothes and then we are going to reconvene at the couch. Do you understand?" Matt removed his hand from your neck and listened carefully to your heart beat to make sure this, and what was going to happen next, was not only okay, but exciting.

"Yes, Matt." Yoi responded, head bowed.

"Alright, go."

As you walked away, Matt swatted at your ass, catching the side of your hip. When you yipped, Matt smiled, also making his way to the couch to sit and wait for you.

Matt listened as your undressed and put on a pair of his boxers and an oversized shirt, putting away your work clothes as you went.

When you emerged from the bedroom, Matt was sat at the middle of the couch, suit still crisp and handsome. His hands rested on his lap and he faced forward, waiting patiently.

"C'mhere, you know what to do." Matt spoke as you approached.

Once you reached the couch, you leaned over, laying your body across Matt's lap, feet barely touching the ground, hands reaching down to balance.

"Alright there wiggles, get comfy. Hands behind your back." Matt shifted slightly allowing your body to settle into his thighs. Once comfortable, you clasped your hands behind your lower back. "You know what we have to do first."

"Yes, Matt."

"You know that when I tell you to do something it is in your best interest. And if you disagree with me, we have a conversation about it so we can be on the same page. Instead what did you do?" Matt began his lecture.

"I told you I wasn't going to go to work and then waited for you to leave to go to the offie before getting ready myself." You pouted, closing your eyes and breathing slowly to center yourself.

"Before I left, we had time to talk about it and make the right choice for your body. You have been working extra hard and extra long hours lately. We both know that that can trigger migraines."

"I just-" You cut in.

"I'm speaking, you are not. You know its a bad sign when I wake you up in the morning. You needed a break, and even after I called in for you, you still went to work and made your migraine worse. That's no way to take care of yourself."

You waited a pause before speaking, not wanting to interrupt Matt again, "I thought it would go away throughout the day. I had a project I really wanted to finish and I was irritated that I didn't feel go, so I went in anyways. I'm sorry, Matt."

"You know not to apologize to me. You should apologize to yourself for pushing your body and brain too hard."

You sighed at his words.

"C'mon, apologize to yourself." Matt pushed.

You took a deep breath before beginning, "I'm sorry for not listening to my body and pushing through. It made me feel worse physically and mentally throughout the day. I'm sorry."

"Good. Now how many spanking do you think you deserve for this infraction?" Matt asked.

"Maybe two, hmmm, three?" You knew it'd be a long shot, but it was worth it.

"You still think you're funny, huh? I'm thinking something in the 20 to 30 range. How does that sound?" Matt laughed at your underestimation.

"i think that sounds egregious. Four might do the trick." You teased back.

"You know come to think of it. Let's go 31!"

"31!?" You shouted back, turning your head up to look at Matt.

"Don't make it 32. Now count each one."

He started slow as he always did. The first one always felt worse than it actually was from the shock.

Once his hand made contact you responded, "One."

"How did that feel?" Matt rubbed his hands over your backside lightly, playing with the fabric of the boxers. "Just as bad as not listeneing?"

"Felt incredible. Nothing like an impact punishment for a masochist. Maybe I'll misbehave again tomorrow." You giggled.

Matt brought his hand down three times in succession, spanking the same spot each time. You whimpered out, "Two, three, four."

"And if you do, it'll be 60 spanks and I'll place them all in the same spot. Right here."

Matt spanked you four more times, this time right where your thigh met your ass on your right side.

You counted out those numbers, still recovering from the quick swats.

Five more swats were placed across your ass, moving locations each time.

"Nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Matt?" You whined.

"Yes?" He rubbed at the center of both cheeks, enjoying how your skin heated up beneath the fabric.

"Can you make sure it bruises? Just so I don't forget my lesson tomorrow." You asked earnestly, panting for air.

"Of course, baby."

You received five more swats in succession, all landing in one spot, harder with each hit.

"13, 14, 15, 16, 17." You gasped.

"Halfway there, or a little more than. How does it feel?" Matt pressed into the spot he had just swatted several times.

"Mmmm, yah. Yah, like I've learned my lesson and won't do it again."

"I'm not quite convinced. Better finish up the last 14." Matt teased.

For the next minute, you both sat in silence. Matt's hands hovered over your body never touching. He waited until you lifted your hips just slightly from his body to administer the next series of spanks.

18, 19, 20, and 21 came down harshly, all on the left side. As you counted aloud, Matt began the next four. 22, 23, 24, and 25 all landed on the right side mirroring the previous four.

"Matt!" You gasped after, catching your breath once again, hips shaking into and away from his body at the same time.

Matt placed a hand on your lower back to still you, forced you back into position over his thighs. Once still, he swatted twice more.

"26, 27."

"This is such a fun game for me. How fast can I make you a whiny mess in my lap? How fast can I make you beg for the next one?" Matt teased, raising his hands from your body but never coming back down. "Just four left. How bad do you want them?"

"Please, Matt. Your hands feel so good. I need another one please."

"What do you need? Explicitly." Matt smiled through his words

"I need you to spank me. I need you to leave a bruise of your handprint on my ass so that tomorrow I am reminded of this every time I sit down, every time I move. Matt, please. I need you to hit me." You begged and squirmed in his lap, sentence speeding up as you spoke.

"So good for me."

28 and 29 hit opposite sit spots. The skin there was tender and raw, already red blooming into purple.

"You bruise so well. Doesn't even take much. Now, the last two, I want you to count and apologize with each one. Got it?" Matt asked.

"Yes."

Matt brought his hand down again and with the hit you spoke, "30. I am sorry for not listening to you and behaving. You were right and I should have stayed home today to recover and take care of myself."

"Good. Last one, okay?"

Matt spanked you one last time. By far the hardest hit of the session.

"31. I'm sorry." You panted, taking in the final moment of the session.

"Good. You're so good for me. Let's take a few breaths together."

Matt guided you to calm your breathing for a few rounds before speaking again. "Alright, let's get you up here. C'mhere."

You stood, only to be lowered into Matt's lap once again, this time straddling him, arms around his neck. He reached for your face, holding both cheeks and placed a kiss on your forehead.

"You are forgiven. You did a good job taking your punishment you goofy masochist. How're you feeling right now?" Matt spoke softly into your ear.

"Better. I shouldn't have gone to work today. I think I still have a migraine, but I feel way less guilty right now." You spoke into Matt's shoulder, into the fabric of his suit jacket.

"Let's rest here a few minutes and then lets get you a nice bath going, and we cna have a quiet dinner of whatever you want in the dark. And then you can take your next dose of pain meds. I'm sure yours are wearing off right about now." Matt kissed at your head gently.

"How do you know that?"

"I know everything. That's what makes me a good lawyer, and an even better boyfriend."

[caspianxth]

Hi Em, how are you? This is more of a letter but I hope it’s fun! Sorry for the delay but I’m so excited to give you your gift, I have an idea I hope you’ll find fun! Nice Percy Jackson icon by the way, I love the first few episodes. And thank you for adding the trailer ❤️ It sounds so interesting and that one scene where Maia is in the white gown and Thomas is behind her and she looks over her shoulder did something to me lol. I’ll have to check it out! For my own show rec I just started watching Elementary and it is excellent (it also features a super well used Lucy Liu!) I just went back to the fancam and that’s crazy! They’re in love! “I can’t imagine life without you in it” my god!

Also no need to apologize for the messages getting long because this is getting long too! First pick is Selfie, it’s this romantic (towards the end :( ) comedy that’s a remake of My Fair Ladg starring John Cho and Karen Gillan and it’s adorable and funny and the only significant age gap romance I’ve ever truly adored (bc it’s not weird, they’re just bringing new insights to the table but they compliment each other so well!) and then it got canceled on a cliffhanger after one season and it pains me. Here’s a fancam so you get what I mean!

https://x.com/selfieignite/status/1511780782498480130?s=46

I would also bring back The Get Down, which was canceled after one season and was an early Netflix original that genuinely seemed so cool. Lastly, I would bring back We Are Lady Parts, which is this British show about a group of Muslim women in a punk rock band that’s absolutely hilarious. I am hoping that it’s suffering from British tv scheduling and just taking its sweet time to return. I think I’m just leaning towards shows gone too soon but if I had to pick a show that ended perfectly but that I just want more of if I would go Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (but then cut out half of season three because ugh. Do you have a character who joined a show and you just couldn’t stand him? Mine is named Nathaniel.)

Since we’re gearing up towards bitch pack holiday swap I wanted to ask if you had any happy memories with bitch pack this last year that you’re grateful for? I always love our guessing games, they get so silly (and hello to anyone from bitch pack reading this!! <3) — your secret santa, ☃️

bestie do Not apologize for the delay I am glad that u are sending these at all!! I mean ik the server asks for everyone who participates to send them but I still like them <3. so I actually made this icon when entertainment weekly got some hq stills for a preview article, but I held onto it for this exact moment sdghdhg. also the eps were SO GOOD AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I am not nearly as talented as others in the server but if u want an icon hit me up w who u want! they don't take me too long now since I make them decently often <3. also re artful dodger of course also that scene where maia looks back at thomas Should make u feel some typa way!!! they're *chef's kiss* from ep one (where that scene is lol). also I actually love elementary we used to watch it in my house when it aired on cbs!!! when sherlock and watson finally slept together I was Hollering!!!!!! also tho TOOK U LONG ENOUGH UR SUPPOSED TO BE A GENIUS SHERLOCK!!!!!!!! LIKE SHE'S SO HOT HOW DID U NOT MAKE SHACKING UP W HER PRIORITY #1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! elementary>>>>>> bbc sherlock!!!

I think I watched some of selfie (?) but I will check this fancam situation out to familiarize!! I saw my fair lady w audrey hepburn and I do like that movie and I do love some adaptations!! also I feel u w cliffhanger endings they're the Worst like the oa has such a cliffhanger ending bc it was supposed to be 5 seasons not 2 :(. netflix are snakes for doing us both dirty w cancelling originals of theirs that we loved </3. also will be checking out we are lady parts that sounds incredible and I do love british tv! I have never seen crazy ex girlfriend but I do prefer that shows end when they are good instead of keeping themselves going and becoming bad and I certainly would drop parts of shows (cough cough titans cough cough) if I had been a screenwriter in some shows. also in this house we hate nathaniel (idk him but if u hate him, I hate him)!!!

ooh bpack memories is a good one hmm.....I loved seeing what in the m*tt channel got starboarded without context (if ur a mod don't add me I don't need context jsdgdkjfgkfdhg), the jokes we were making when sc**ter was losing all his clients and the jokes the night that karlie kloss was in the 300s level at eras, kasia's plane drawing after the fact (still absolutely sent me), the bees/honey things, battling the mee6! bot that we did not know could in fact talk to us as a knight in search of the perfect nachos, the tmnt classical art lecture slide, winning the hunger games simulator on the first round despite never hunger gamesing once in my life, when everyone had the same taylor then destiel names/icons, and sending ppl to the brig!! what were urs bestie???

[thewiickedones]

@paranormaljunction Asked:

“I need someone to vent to about this, and I can’t do this with Matt because it’s about his mom, and he cares about his mom, but UGH! Why does she have to come sniffing around here?! I know why she’s here, but can’t she ever get it through her skull that Stryker has moved on already?! Has she always been like this as long as you’ve know her?!” (to Kim from Molly)

Kim   scratched   at   the   band   of   her   ponytail,   angling   her   face   off   toward   the   moon-silvered   parking   lot,   as   if   expecting   a   bobcat   or   a   Prius   to   emerge   from   the   shadows   and   save   her   from   an   answer.   ❝   Honestly,   yes   ?   ❞   she   said,   stretching   the   word   like   a   tub   of   taffy   behind   her   teeth.   ❝   But   also,   no.   She   used   to   be   worse,   if   that   helps.   ❞

She   walked   out   and   took   a   seat   on   the   bench   in   the   yard.   Kim   patted   the   other   side   for   Molly   to   join   her.   Kim   chewed   this   over,   picking   at   a   splinter   on   the   underside   of   the   bench.   Above   them,   the   moon   throbbed   in   its   halo,   emboldening   every   leaf   and   slat   of   light   with   a   sense   of   consequence.   ❝   I   don’t   know   how   much   history   between   those   two   you   actually   know   and   I   hate   to   over   step,   you   know   ?   ❞   She   felt   like   a   rock   stuck   in   a   hard   place.   The   last   thing   she   wanted   to   do   was   talk   poorly   about   Matt’s   mother   but   there   was   no   way   to   sugar   coat   the   truth.

❝   Lauren   is   part   of   the   reason   why   we   all   went   our   separate   ways   back   then.   She’s   always   been   out   for   a   little   chaos   on   the   side.   But,   honestly,   she   gets   bored   of   her   schemes   fast.   They   kind   of   deflate,   then   she   picks   a   new   target.   ❞   Kim’s   lips   twitched   thinking   back   on   how   Lauren   had   been   a   big   part   of   trying   to   force   her   and   Matt   to   marry   at   such   a   young   age.   Back   then,   Stryker   really   was   the   only   one   they   had   in   their   corner.

Kim   went   on,   ❝   She   keeps   tabs   on   Stryker   mostly   for   the   drama   of   it.   Like   it’s   half   hobby,   half   compulsion.   I   will   say,   once   he   grew   a   backbone,   that’s   when   things   really   got   messy.   She   hated   not   having   the   upper   hand.   She   couldn’t   stand   the   idea   of   someone   slipping   away   from   her   orbit.   Imagine   the   sun   getting   jealous   of   a   little   rock   finding   a   flashlight.   ❞   Kim   shrugged,   the   movement   barely   visible   in   the   thickening   dusk.   ❝   But   what’s   funny,   and   honestly   kind   of   sad,   is   I   don’t   think   she   knows   how   to   just… let   life   be   okay.   If   it’s   not   all   drama,   she   gets   itchy.   ❞

She   propped   her   elbows   on   her   knees.   ❝   But   I   promise,   he’s   fine.   Like,   truly.   The   more   she   tries,   the   more   he   just--   does   his   own   thing.   He   found   a   hobby,   he   stopped   letting   her   crash   the   holidays.   Sometimes   you   can   see   it   in   his   face,   like   he’s   surprised   by   the   quiet.   The   good   kind   of   surprised.   ❞

They   sat,   side   by   side,   staring   at   an   empty   driveway.   A   cricket,   late   to   the   symphony,   ached   out   a   note   then   clammed   up.   ❝   I   think   the   only   reason   she   came   back   was   because   of   the   baby.   It   gives   her   a   reason   to   try   and   weasel   her   way   back   in   and   I   hate   that.   If   it   came   right   down   to   it,   I   don’t   know   far   Matt   would   go   to   stand   up   against   her   and   that   worries   me   even   more.   I   feel   like   there   is   still   some   trauma   there   he   hasn’t   fully   dealt   with.   ❞   She   gave   a   long   pause.   ❝   But   I   can   tell   you   this.   If   you   let   her   under   your   skin,   you’re   letting   her   win   because   that’s   exactly   what   she   wants.   ❞

[pwblogarchive]

November 2005

November 1, 2005

halloween in orange county was amazing. we had some tricks up our sleeve, so did you. thank you for making it into a fun night for us. if you’re serious too much it means you believe your own hype. if you joke too much it means you don’t take anything seriously. if you’re too quiet it means that you are arrogant. if you talk too much it means you crave attention. if you aren’t smiling it means you’re not happy.

sarcasm doesn’t read well over the internet. but trust me, if you don’t get it. then we’re/they’re probably making fun of you.

new things are coming to light. i am happy. if you are coming to the sacremento show you may have heard that motion city has had to cancel. but we have found a band to take their place for that show. come early because they play first- one of our favorite new bands.

dont give up on us just yet. its about to get good. i swear.

young hearts be free tonight.

November 11, 2005

"A beautiful girl can make you feel dizzy, like you've been drinking jack and coke all morning...." Nothing has felt truer. My mind is swirling. Even with the tour coming to an end. The black around your eyes running and not in a crying way more like sunset hitting a school blacktop. I can't wait to go home at the same time I can't wait to come back to every city. I love seeing old friends, still up front. Trying to remember every night is like trying to catch my breath. And the years took their toll but we're still right there. We're bullets in the chamber waiting for the powder and the hammer to kiss. I love the way fall feels in my nose. Oranges and yellows burning leaves and us always trying to make our way upstream. The world has a funny way of playing tricks on us. One day I've got it all figured out and the next it's a mess. Last year we were in the same town but it's all different now, but still the same. we're the local boys from everywhere. It's all about "the catch" versus "the one that got away". We're all trying to write them back into our lives and the hearts that we decorate and send cards out about on the holidays. We're just writing nets and barbs. Something to hold you until we've circled around to make sure no one is watching. It's been awhile but I think your baby boy has still got it. These words are poor substitute for my moods and emotions. I spend nights awake on single words, agonizing cos I don't want to let you down. And I feel like I have anyway. That's why I go away at times. Be alone together. Let's be stolen not borrowed. Forgiven not forgotten. Baby, the best ones are crazy. So cut it loose.

Listen to purevolume.com/thehushsound - the hush sound - so sudden...

11/11/05 Q&A

question

just to but in, patrick seems shy off stage like in an interview or if us fans talk to him and hes not shy on stage or if hes w the band

answer

patrick is shy or maybe quiet in general- notice how he doesnt talk on stage alot? thats not cos he thinks i am really cool. its because he is just a softspoken guy. its both on stage and off. not to butt in but hes my best buddy and i hoep you love him the way he is.

question

i try to come up with all these cool questions for you to answer but you dont answer any. peter, i think that you should have 2 Q&A boards so that patrick can answer some questions and you could answer some questions. because i dont think you like me. i like you.

answer

patrick doesnt like the internet. but he likes me.

question

What is ruckus juice?

answer

its what i gave old boy at the party so he’d get nekid.

question

Hey, You just edited that last question. They asked about if it freaked you out..blah blah blah, and then you put something like if anyone takes picture of me. And now its if anyone takes notice of anyhintg i do.and the time changed. So are you on here right now answering question looking at the message boards? *Destiny*

answer

i didnt edit anything. i was on the bus without internet service. if it was editted it was not by me.

11/12/05

question

pete, please take the time to read this. im not one for drama or causing it, im not into bashing bands or anything of that sort. i want you to read this and take everything i say into consideration. a few nights ago i went to your show in salt lake. it was a great night, i had my friends with me and i got the chance to see you guys perform. it was truly an exciting experience. i know that when bands are on the road, the only place that feels like home for them is their bus. so after performing it would be natural to get in the bus and rest, or sleep, or simply just chill out. when it all comes down to it, i know you guys are just as human as anyone else. you have just been put in a different situation where people find it exciting to meet with you. i personally would have just liked to meet you because as a songwriter, i think you have a way with words thats different from a lot of other songwriters. that means something to me.

my friend and i and a couple of other people waited for you guys outside where all the buses and trailers were. the four of us, and only us waited for more than two hours. we were there so long that security had left and the buses and trailers were getting ready to leave. andy was in a small building next to the venue eating and talking with your manager and roadies, etc. eventually, a girl that was with us poked her head in the room and got up the nerve to ask andy if he would come outside really quickly and just sign some things for the four of us, keep in mind it was just four kids, no one else was in sight except for roadies packing equipment. he came out and was really nice, shook our hands, signed a few papers and that was it, less than 30 seconds of his time. he told us it was fine and that he did not mind coming outside for a few seconds. throughout these few hours that we were waiting in the freezing cold to see you guys we asked roadies, some merch people, anyone basically, if they knew where you guys, patrick, joe, and pete were, and every single one of them either avoided us or just told us to leave and that you guys were not going to show up. some also said that buses feel like home and sometimes after a show you just want to go, in a sense, home. i understand that, but it wasnt like there were more than a hundred people waiting, or even fifty, just four. i also understand that as regular human beings, you guys have days when you feel down and days when things are going just right. pete, i love your words, and i enjoy the music that fall out boy makes. i still feel that way, but i have lost respect for you as people. it would have taken less than two minutes to meet with us and sign some things. we would have even been fine with you guys waving from your bus. my point is that you, patrick, and joe did nothing. ask andy if he was bothered by us, that it took more than a minute of his time, that he actually minded to meet with us, he will say no. please dont reply to me and tell me none of this was of your knowledge, we were there for a very long time, im confident someone would have said something to you or patrick or joe. when it all comes down to it, you guys are just four friends from chicago that got lucky and are now experiencing success you never dreamed of, success you yourself has said you never expected. you are where you are now because of your fans. you have a bus to sleep in with luxury items you know you dont really need because of your fans. you have a major label deal because of the support from your fans. you have money in your bank account because of every single kid that saw you play and took an interest in you. it is less likely that you will ever have to work a nine to five office job because of your fans. you have a music career solely because of your fans. your fans mean the world to you, but last night taught me a lesson and should open your eyes as well. you would be nothing if it were not for your fans, yes, even four kids from salt lake city and from around the world in general. i have learned not to trust someone even in your guys position. remember what i have said, let it resound in your head when there are fans outside some venue and you just wanna be left alone and go straight to your bus, your fans have paved the way for fall out boys success. i enjoy your music, but last night you lost my respect. it would be incredibly easy to just write me off, to write this message off, but you and i both know these words will be and are true whether you acknowledge them or not. thank you for your time. and no, i didnt mind taking time out of my day to write this. sincerely, marcos alvin words are to hide from, words are to hide behind

answer

i am sorry you missed the chance to see us. but i had the chance to meet many fans before the salt lake show in line. honestly i left nearly immediatly after the show to take my friends wife to the airport. i am sorry for the situation but hopefully next time we will have a better experience. i cant speak for joe or patrick but it is possible that they had valid reasons for not meeting people. also, at many of these venues we aren;t sure where people will be waiting. or security doesnt let us go outside of our buses do to curfew. over the period of three days when we were in salt lake i met over 50 kids probably and definitely appreciated meeting each one. anyway, accept my apology and hopefully you won’t let one interaction change your perception of our band, like it was said, we are only human as well- even if we are on a stage. take care.

11/13/05

question

hey! i was just wondering, how good are you friends with mikey way??

answer

me and mikey are not in just one gang together, we are in two: the sweet little dudes and the fraternal order of the handsome boy. i call him the duke of handsomeness.

question

Pete, If you were on a deserted island and had to choose between an Ipod full of your favorite songs or Patrick, what would you pick?

answer

trick question. patrick is an ipod full of my favorite songs.

question

Pete, Why dont you sing? Im not saying Patrick cant sing, cause hes like the best. But I know you write a lot of the music but you dont really sing.. you just scream… which is cool too…and fun

answer

cos patrick is a better singer than me, and pretty much everyone on the planet. i am content to sit here and get a tan and bask in the heat of his awesomeness.

question

My friends say i am conceeded cause i wear this shirt that is bright yellow with blue lettering. it says quarter on the front… the on the back it says “no woman can top me, yet all the dimes try, its gotta be a crime, to be this damn fly. I am i conceeded for wearing this shirt? XO ANGEL

answer

i think that shirt is insane. i dont really understand it. its awesome that you wear a shirt that says “damn fly” on it. it reminds me of the fresh prince when he was just a rapper not some shitty kids movie actor.

question

I am so flipping mad at you. Those Marauder hoodies were, frankly, my favorite piece of clothing on the Clan line. And now its gone. At least you could have said it was limited. That way I could have bought it earlier. The new hoodies are ugly. Sorry, but they are. Maybe next time, you can give us some warning.

answer

i am sorry you missed out the chance to get the hoody. it was listed as limited on many areas where it was advertised. hopefully we’ll make some more “non- ugly” hoodies in the future.

question

are those secret shows for OCK people? or is that confidential?

answer

he secret shows are for whoever can figure them out.

question

you know how people always send you really long things about how they have lost respect in you, and they think that you have become just more famous people.dont worry there are still the fans out there that love you with a passion and have some understanding.

answer

we always appreciate hearing that. though all opinions are welcome and heard.

question

hey petah… why do you where a hoodie onstage when your just going to take it off anyway??? i was pondering that while i was making cupcakes.

answer

why are you making cupcakes when you’re just gonna poop them out?

question

since forever ago, my friends & i have been thinking of having guy cosmetics… guyliner & the like. i noticed you said something about guyliner in an earlier answer… would you sponsor?

answer

i think i am just gonna make some guyliner.

question

what is release the bats about? i never heard of the movie

answer

its a movie me and my friends made. you can get it at the fueledbyramen webstore. www.fueledbyramen.com  

November 16, 2005 

winter is here again. it gets dark before i even wrap my head around the day. went home and saw my mom, the hushsound, and kanye west. my mom was definitely the coolest. but hush sound is amazing and butch walker is really nice (not in the "im nice cause you're in fall out boy" just a genuinely nice guy, which is refreshing). tour is winding down. its kind of a bumout. but another one will start soon. ive been hearing about you sneaking around my house trying to see who's going in and out- don't waste your time thinking about what i'm doing cause im not wasting my time thinking about you. you'll remember where you were at the exact moment that i stopped thinking of you forever.

don't believe the hype. girls with brains are sexy.

11/16/05

question

Pete, if the secret shows get announced on trl theyre not really secret anymore are they?why?why did you tell them?

answer

they didnt announce when or where they’d be.

question

I was at the cleveland nintendo fusion and i was wondering who the fat guy who came out screaming “mother f***ing FOB” was.

answer

thats dirty. you can meet on the release the bats dvd- you can get that over at www.fueledbyramen.com he says “im not fat, my mom says im big boned”

question

what is a sell out to you? b/c some of my friends say that you guys sold out. i dont believe it but they just tell me to shut up. its getting annoying. i just wanted your input on it

answer

when you compromise your ideals for monetary gains, when you do something you would not otherwise do simply because it is lucrative. we do not do that. you never get a chance to hear about the things and ideas that we turn down.

question

Patrick is jus the loveable kinda guy, isnt he?

answer

yes

question

If you personally wrote a book about the band, what did it be called?

answer

fall out boy: how no one ever understood this band except the four people in it

question

I know that pete likes to get yellow flowers… but what do the other members of FOB like to get?

answer

patrick: vinyl, records - motown stuff joe: star wars stuff andy: comic books, vegan treats

question

my mom thinks your an attractive male…and the most attractive in fall out boy. What do you have to say for yourself?

answer

im never happy with the person in the mirror.

question

how come patrick looks so gay in some pics on mtv.com? but he normally looks Hot???

answer

news flash gay is not a synonym for ugly. i know this may come as a shock.

November 17, 2005 

Swoon.

The only band that ever really mattered to me is back together.

I heart lifetime.

And the new harry potter movie is coming out.

November 18, 2005 

fall out boy friend appreciation day:

andy: ive known andy the longest of anyone in fall out boy. i can set my clock by this kid. he comes off as the quietest member but when he's around people he knows he is the loudest- many nights i have been woken up by him screaming in the front lounge. he is one of the few kids i know who is still vegan sxe- he lives and dies by his beliefs. he also looks like animal when he plays drums. id trust any secret ive ever had with him forever. ladies watch out when hes around. hehe.

joe: joe is actually the kid who started fob. it was his brilliant idea to get all of us maniacs together and he introduced me and patrick. he tends to be the glue that holds it all together. he is also pretty much the most interesting part of a fall out boy live show. i, with everyone in the crowd often find myself watching this kid spin around and kick holes in walls. ive also been in way too many sketchy situations with this kid, where we can only look at eachother and laugh. including the time we got in a huge fight at a party at his apartment which resulted in some asshole getting a bottle broken over his head. i plead the fifth on anymore knowledge. but i know i could come to joe with any problem ive ever had.

patrick: probably my best friend in the whole world. we can finish eachothers sentences. its strange cause ive never had a relationship like the one we have with a friend, ever. people try to make a big deal of him and my interactions and relationship. but honestly at the end of the day when the spotlights and flashes go away this kid is still gonna be here, and we'll still be friends. i could give a fuck what you say, this is one of the only people in the world that i would take a bullet for. and he has more talent in his little finger than i have in my entire body.

that is all.

new harry potter movie is amazing.

back to the depressing "magic-less" world.

November 18, 2005 

The real me is the giant squid. It’s the planet just past Pluto. Its time travel. Its all these theoretical ideas that cant be proven. How I feel is “what killed the dinosaurs” and “how the pyramids were built”. Just guesses that maybe hit their marks and maybe are miles off. Im a Saturday soul on a Monday night. Everything I know about girls I learned from watching my sister talk on the phone, fuck Im sorry, blame her if I got it all wrong. Everything I know about sex I learned from watching dirty movies, fuck im sorry, blame traci lords cause I know I got it all wrong. The saddest songs sing themselves.makeup caked on my face, not for the show but because im tired of being me. It aint a pretty face, its just the hull of the ship. And were burning up in the atmosphere. We crashed hard at the learning curve. The poets come to life in hotel rooms and bathroom stalls.

Look in the mirror and repeat: “hes losing his touch”- "why is this so cryptic" “we don’t want to be the next fall out boy”- and pretend your alive, handsome. its all the difference between: feeling exposed and feeling overexposed. read between the lines- Treat yourself like a video cassette rewind endlessly to catch only the best parts, skip over the rest and eject. You aint anything new, youre just the latest in a long line of people who have been you and will be you. and you aren’t even the best at it. but you might have the biggest mouth. massage this ego, cause its feeling kind of sore. But youre a sprinter and this one is a long distance race. They say you cant run the whole way but fuck what they say. Fuck you for giving up. Take this to press. You’ve only got four stories to tell and theyre getting old. Dig up some new dirt. Ill air some more dirty laundry. Cause that’s all this is. a laundry room without any washing machines (nobodys coming clean). Just because we’re not responding doesn’t mean what you say is true- or that it doesn’t hurt. The fair-weather friends are keeping score in journals and in whispered voices. That’s okay. Im never gonna pretend to be more than I am- just a kid trying to figure myself out, and how dare I? The glue isn’t even dry on my pity party invitations and im already bored with feeling sorry for myself. Pause. Keep clawing my way out of this, mr. Mess I have become. Its okay in the end for everybody no matter how this turns out. the simplest words seem to be the truest. Humming them out of key and in a voice so hoarse it hurts. Single light in the bunk glowing late night messages. My mom said Ive got to start smiling in mirrors or else im gonna always feel weird about the person looking back. Put the buzzing phone to my headached head. “I’ll be home soon”…you know its a lie but it makes us both feel ok. I know this probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but it just feels better to get it out to you. 

Scientists in japan just photographed the first live giant squid on record. Ive never seen anything so terrifying or beautiful. Goodnight, pretty.

- petey

November 20, 2005 

1:36 pm 

sometimes its like never started sometimes it like its never gonna end

November 22, 2005 

12:59 am 

sometimes my own words dont suffice. "i hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us i hope we come up witha fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us i hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight and i hope we hang on past the last exit, i hope its already too late and i hope that the junkyard a few blocks from here someday burns down and i hope the rising black smoke carries me far away and i never come back to this town again. in my life i hope i lie and tell everyone you were a good wife and i hope you die. i hope we both die" 

November 23, 2005

I realize I have been a bit out of touch lately. I’m sorry. I’ve kinda been letting things get to me way too much. A black cloud I’ve always been counting on to be there. I’m sorry I’ve seemed kind of distant at signing and stuff. I’m sorry. I feel way better. I promise you good things in jersey. The providence show was amazing. I got an owl perched on some books tattoed on me. Just cause I’m a book nerd. He’s looks smart and dapper. I love bill haverchuck and you. You know the guy who plays the gym teacher in the dance, dance video? Well he’s our manager and we convinced him to get his old band the step kings back together to play new jersey. Its gonna be a riot.

I’m thankful that you all put up with me.

November 23, 2005

I wrote you a letter a few hours ago that I never intended to give you in the first place and then ripped it up and threw it away because it’s much too personal to say on paper. even over a phone. the words i said in it i need to say to you in person. i guess it felt better to write it all out. It's easier to say “I only need 5 seconds with you than a lifetime with someone else” than it is to live it. to be honest, i’m dying from it. “kiss me electric” vs “kiss me at all.” and when you do it’s just a kiss off. i’m really not ready for what you want from me, but with how you’re never around it makes me wonder what you really do want from me. honestly, it sure doesn’t feel like much. i said i’d be fine if you gave me a little note or a call once and a while, once a day even, just something to keep hanging onto, but you can’t even do that so yeah… i don’t know. Am I being ridiculous? it’s just hard for me to keep going like this… my heart is lots easier to fool than me. i think that’s what makes this so hard. 

November 30, 2005

you are my lobster.

- petey

[pinknightsinmymind]

if you feel like it, could you write more headcanons about ellie? not full fic or one shot, but thoughts about her. like, the types of kisses she gives you or the kind of girlfriend she is

【 ellie williams as a gf hc's 】

a/n: yes yes yes yes 100% i think about ellie way too much for my own good and it rots my brain. since i wrote so much it'll be below the cut lol

she loves to see you in her clothes in fact she even encourages it its just something about it that drives her crazy

she's protective of you and always wants to take care of you and make sure you don't do any of the dangerous or stupid shit she does

i feel like ppl forget how much of a dork she is; she'd tell you all about space and the different facts she's learned, she'd explain the plots of her favorite comics, who the characters are, which ones are her favorites, why she thinks one arc was better than the other, and so on and so forth

i think she loves to chat your ear off about any and everything

she's probably afraid she's annoying, so sometimes you might need to reassure her a little bit

in a modern au she's the type to send you funny memes or videos she finds, probably browses tiktok and twitter a lot

definitely the type to send you a photo of two animals being cute or cuddling together and say "us" because she's just a sap like that

composes songs about you and acts all shy when she shows them to you

DRAWS YOU

you're one of her favorite subjects to draw, and she loves showing you every new piece of you she has

she'd send you song recs ALL the time

listens to lots of indie and shoegaze

pls pls pls for the love of god ask her to teach you how to play guitar bc she'd be so excited to show you and spend the time with you

i think her love languages are quality time, physical touch, and words of affirmation

forgets NOTHING

you know how dads do that thing where you tell them you liked something once and they never forget it? yeah she got that from joel it rubbed off on her

remembers what you wore on your first date, remembers your food orders, memorizes your favorite colors, bands, tv shows, movies, everything

so so caring and sweet

since one of her love languages are physical touch you can expect lots of affection from her

loves cuddling, holding your hand, having her arms around you, she just has to be touching you somehow

flirts a lot (but its not a bad thing) even after you two have started dating

loves kissing you all the time, and will make excuses for it

she needs her good morning kiss, her good night kiss, good luck kisses, goodbye kisses (even if she's only gonna be gone a few hours💀), one bc she missed you, a hello kiss, she will use ANY excuse just to kiss you

but sometimes she won't even bother creating one she'll ask to kiss you just bc

loves having sleep overs and nights in together where you can just cuddle and watch movies or play video games bc she's a huge introvert

the type who will do anything to make sure your comfort isn't disturbed

if you don't like the other side of the bed she switches with you, will let you sit in the last chair at an event (but not before asking if you'd just rather sit in her lap), helps guide you through anything making you scared or anxious

calls you pet names every five minutes. all of them.

love, babe, baby, babygirl, princess, darling, honey, whatever is your favorite she calls you the most

lives to spoil you; pays the bill, buys you gifts, drowns you in affection, you name it

celebrates your birthday like its a holiday

speaking of can you imagine her during the holiday season???

the two of you plan out a couple costume for halloween

the two of you are so cute together it's gross

you're always welcome to spend thanksgiving with her and joel

and christmas?? she gets even more sentimental than usual, and buys you an extremely meaningful gift

the most supporitve, soft, kind, humorous, and sweet gf imaginable just a dream come true

she feels like you really balance her out, and isn't afraid to tell you how much you mean to her or how much she loves you

she makes sure you feel loved and remember that you are loved

can't wait to move in with you and once you two do she feels like she's in heaven everyday

just loves you and cherishes you deeply

overall just THE gf you dream and pray for ugh this girl gets me in my feelings every time she's just so cute and sweet😭😭😭😭

[granvarones]

The first time I heard the euro-pop sensation Aqua’s Barbie Girl was in the summer of 1997, at a party We The People organized in Clementon Park, New Jersey. The DJ was mixing bona fide house hits with contemporary jams. I remember this so vividly because I watched someone do “hand performance” to the song that was a newly minted hit. This was also one of those moments that I definitely knew I was gay because I felt like Barbie Girl was composed for LGBTQ folks; not sure how I came to that conclusion, but it just felt gay. I was 13 years old, journeying through puberty and trying to understand myself, but I recognized the subtle ways queer culture could be found in pop music. And now, more than 25 years since I first heard Barbie Girl, it remains a song that resonates and reminds me of what is remembered, who has gone, and the richness of their lives.

We The People was an AIDS service organization in Philadelphia, serving the most vulnerable HIV positive community, and my mother Melody E. Beverly worked there. Most of the organization’s service population was Black and brown people, people who inject drugs, and housing-insecure people with an AIDS diagnosis. It had a brick-and-mortar building at the corner of Broad and Lombard Street. Now a Taqueria with its own controversial history, at the end of the 1990s, it held precious work of caring for the community, with housing units atop, with an industrial-style kitchen. I remember this because I loved volunteering with building residents, preparing and cooking meals. I also had a thing for the biscuits that were often there.

On a hot day in the summer of ‘97, my mother and I arrived to begin boarding a bus to head over to the party at Clementon Park, which also included barbeque. While waiting to board the bus, I overheard Curtis speaking to a Black man who seemed exhausted if he had been taking AZT. This was a year after HAART was established as a standard for HIV care, and people were taking what we now know to be toxic medicine to manage their HIV. The introduction of highly active antiretroviral therapy, or combination therapy, would mean that people who had been living with HIV could live longer lives. I always think about that moment of Curtis checking in with a community member about his health when navigating my own care. I still appreciate the way it was normalized as a communal approach to medicine adherence. Curtis was my mother’s supervisor. He was a charismatic Black gay man with a bald head. Curtis was the sweetest and most sincere person. He was also a drag performer, I had seen him perform for a holiday party and was in awe of him.

Aqua, a Danish musical group, released their single Barbie Girl in April 1997, from their debut album Aquarium that was released in March of the same year. The track has a synth-pop-house vibe to it, with bubblegum vocals from lead singer Lene, who plays Barbie in the music video for the song. René, another band member, plays Ken, in a campy and hilarious capture of a Barbie world; it does a beautiful job of both bringing humanity to a plastic doll and making the cringey nature of American consumerism visible in a funny way. This is ironic, because during a 2017 interview for Nylon Lene disclaims its politics and sexist overtones by stating that “it was kind of making fun of the Pamela Anderson kind-of girl” and says the song is “super-innocent.” To me, Barbie Girl now appears to be making a statement about bodily autonomy and misogyny. With the incessant lyric, “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world.” This song makes me think about people who lived with HIV, like Curtis, who were living full and flourishing lives at a tender and promising point in the ongoing AIDS crisis.

Barbie Girl topped global charts and was part of a musical era that included the resurgence of unapologetic bubblegum pop music, led in part by the Spice Girls’ Wannabe, a year earlier. Barbie Girl peaked at number 7 on the US Billboard Hot 100.

Now the song has a new life in the context of Barbie, the anticipated movie featuring Margot Robbie as the title character original Barbie. Barbie World, a rap track by Nicki Minaj & Ice Spice for the Barbie soundtrack, samples Barbie Girl in a perfect way. I’m most certain Barbie Girl will have a second life on TikTok and a new generation will be embraced by the gummy-gayness of late nineties music, and remember that there were people who existed then, plagued by an epidemic that rendered their stories untold. They too are Barbie Girls, even in their afterworlds, they paved the way for us to live fantastically in the skin we’re in.

Signed, a Barbie Girl from the nineties.

I’m always yours Xx

Abdul-Aily Muhammad ( @mxabdulaliy )

They/Them/Thiers

gran varones Mentor

Philadelphia, PA

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 4/5

Book Blurb:

An actress and a perpetually single former boy-band member are reunited as costars on a steamy holiday film in this all new spicy rom-com by Julie Murphy and Sierra Simone, bestselling coauthors of A Merry Little Meet Cute.

Kallum Lieberman is the funny one™. As the arguably lesser of the three former members of the boy band INK, he enjoyed his fifteen minutes of fame and then moved home where he opened a regional pizza chain called Slice, Slice, Baby! He’s living his best dad bod life, hooking up with bridesmaids at all his friends’ weddings. But after an old one-off sex tape is leaked and quickly goes viral, Kallum decides he’s ready to step into the spotlight again, starring in a sexy Santa biopic for the Hope Channel. 

Winnie Baker did everything right. She married her childhood sweetheart, avoided the downfalls of adolescent stardom, and transitioned into a stable adult acting career. Hell, she even waited until marriage to have sex. But after her perfect life falls apart, Winnie is ready to redefine herself—and what better way than a steamier-than-a-steaming-hot-mug-of-cider Christmas movie?

With decade old Hollywood history between them, Winnie and Kallum are both feeling hesitant about their new situation as costars…especially Winnie who can’t seem to fake on screen pleasure she’s never experienced in real life. She’s willing to do the pleasure research—for science and artistic authenticity, of course. And there’s no better research partner than her bridesmaid sex tape hall of fame costar, Kallum. But suddenly, Kallum’s teenage crush on Winnie is bubbling to the surface and Winnie might be catching feelings herself. 

They say opposites attract, but is this holly jolly ever after really ready for its close-up?

Review:

An actress used to scandal has to restart her career and a former boy band member are reunited years after a scandalous night that left them both in the media and years later they are about to work together on a spicy Christmas romcom! Kallum Lieberman used to be a boy band member but then his sex tape got leaked and now he owns a pizza chain and is also known as the guy that bridesmaids sleep with before they find the one. Kallum wants nothing more than to find The One, but no matter how many bridesmaids he sleeps with he is always going to. be the guy before The One. When his old sex tape gets leaked and goes viral and he is offered the role of sexy Santa for the Hope Chanel he can't say no. Winnie Baker was the good girl, she did everything right from marrying her childhood sweetheart to being the girl in all the home movies. Yet after one disastrous photo of her get wasted is leaked (by none other than Kallum) her image fell, and then her husband cheated on her, and now Winnie has to find a way to pay back the Hope Channel for her lost role in the movie. Yet Winnie is offered the role of Mrs. Claus and it would help get her back in the media and help her tell her side of the story that her ex-husband had created and bashed her. The only problem with staring in this sexy movie is that Winnie herself has never orgasmed or felt true pleasure.... but thankfully there is Kallum there to help her. Kallum's little secret is that Winnie Baker was his teenage crush, the one person whom he absolutely adored and watched all of her movies. Yet what started as just lessons soon blooms into something more but can these two make it work or will it be a complete flop? This was a pretty fun spicy Christmas rom com. Winnie is dealing with a lot, from dealing with religious guilt. to trying to live her new life and just trying to learn to open herself up again. Kallum had a lot of growing up to do in this movie but one thing is for sure, he was in love with Winnie for a long time and it was cute. Overall definitely add this to your Christmas tbr!

*Thanks Netgalley and Avon and Harper Voyager, Avon for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[theolsentimes]

Mary-Kate Olsen's Singular Style

She came to fame as a twin, but the actress's cultish look is entirely her own. Here, with Lauren Hutton, she pays homage to another fashion inspiration, Grey Gardens. Written by Laura Brown, with photography by Peter Lindbergh (Harper's Bazaar, 2007)

VIEW GALLERY

Mary-Kate Olsen may be the only young actress who breezes into her local Starbucks wearing towering, fashion-fierce Balenciaga boots, who arrives at her latest premiere (in Mary-Kate's case, for the new season of Showtime's Weeds, in which she plays a devout Christian with a pot fetish) sporting an oversize cross, and whose favorite band is Led Zeppelin. She may, in fact, be the only young actress who knows who Led Zeppelin is. MK, as she is known to her friends and family, is also a punctual and professional sort. She arrives for a poolside tea in Los Angeles 10 minutes early, ordering a hot chocolate while explaining her fetish for all things sweet — "I'm a candy girl, like Tootsie Rolls and Swedish Fish" — and objecting when the waiter tries to take the sugar bowl away. She is wearing a nautical striped T-shirt (her mom's, from the '70s), tucked into two black Wolford slips rolled down and turned into a tight, Robert-Palmer-video-style mini, and multicolored sparkly Christian Louboutin stilettos. She's just had her hair colored, returning to a sunnier shade after some experiments with both peroxide ("I woke up one morning and was like, I want white-trash hair today") and the dark side (an auburn-haired near-Goth moment last year). She's carrying a large black fringed leather Prada tote — she doesn't do small bags — and her fingers are covered with rings, most notably two vintage coiled gold snakes stacked on top of each other. ("They remind me of twins, sort of double headed.") Altogether, the effect is less her famed "bag-lady chic" than an edgy, body-conscious, and, yes, sexy silhouette. If she weren't 21, she could be 40. And French.

Few people need reminding that Mary-Kate — with her twin sister, Ashley — literally crawled into celebrity aged nine months (courtesy of Full House) and has not been out of the spotlight ever since. She has been a celebrity for more than two decades. Perhaps that's one reason she seems as if she came out of the womb worldly, the textbook old soul. "Yeah," she says with a small shrug. "I get that a lot." With all of that attention and all of the money (her and Ashley's company, Dualstar, has famously become a "billion-dollar business"), Mary-Kate could easily have ended up the type who wears pink terry cloth and carries a variety of small dogs. "Could you imagine?" she says with the politest version of a snort. "No way." She credits her exceptionally close-knit family (she has five siblings) and, interestingly, early stardom with helping her keep her perspective. "I think it helped that I started in front of the camera, so it didn't come as a shock. If I was a teenager and was thrown into the spotlight, I don't know how I would react, to be honest." Though the tabloids are all too keen to brand her a skinny, nervous deer in the headlights, in person Mary-Kate is easy in her skin, confident and surprisingly tactile, curling up in her seat and touching you on the arm to make a point. She laments the generic style of most actresses and cites only men as style inspirations: "Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp. Men, they just dress the way they want, and they don't think about Who Wore It Best." She doesn't much care for Who Wore It Best, noting she avoids those pages by "wearing vintage so often. I just dress the way I feel instead of looking for what's the new handbag." If Mary-Kate and Ashley have their way, more people will be wearing clothes and carrying bags the way they do. They have just shown the fifth collection of their ready-to-wear line, the Row, and recently launched a contemporary label, Elizabeth and James, named after a sister and a brother. The Row's holiday collection (in stores next month) is a slick mix of skinny leather pants, razor-cut blazers, butter-soft, slouchy tees, and a destined-to-be-cultish pullover fur. Lauren Hutton, who stars in the Row's Spring '08 look book, says, "The clothes are extraordinary. A man I was with just loved them. The pieces are just so genius, soft like a baby's skin. Simple minimalist stuff, but really spectacular." Mary-Kate, designer, faces an interesting challenge. She has to marry Dualstar — which has made its fortune selling tween-tastic DVDs and pastel Mary-Kate and Ashley T-shirts at Wal-Mart — with her increasingly edgy and subversive taste. Dualstar executives, some of whom have worked with her since she was a child, often nag her, mom-style, about pulling her hair back "or wearing a color," she says with a laugh. "I had this event recently, and I was like, They're going to be so happy that I'm wearing ... purple. I actually have to think about those things, though, you know, so I don't get trashed." Get trashed sometimes she does. Hutton says, "Once in a while, she'll wear something and I'll think, Oh, baby doll, take another look. But to have the bravery, to take the chance to do that, is pretty wonderful. She is making her own way, which is hardly ever done in Hollywood." Of Mary-Kate's penchant for gigantic Balenciaga heels, Jenji Kohan, the creator of Weeds, says, laughing, "I'd be like, 'It's Tuesday. Do you really want to be wearing those shoes?' But she pulls it off." Designer Giambattista Valli, a friend, says, "She likes to take risks, but because she has such strong personal style, she always manages to make it work. Even if she had nothing on, she'd have style." And MK chic is spreading. "Sometimes I'll look at people or at a magazine and I'll do a double take because I'm like, Oh, my God, that's my outfit, but that's not me," Mary-Kate says. Playing with her wire-rimmed aviators, she jokes wryly that she should have bought shares in Ray-Ban. (She and Chloë Sevigny pretty much brought back white '80s Wayfarers.) She tends to fall in love with a look, then wear it until she's done. "If I put together a good outfit, I'll wear it for three days and then switch it up with a blazer," she says. "I still love my vintage jeans, my tights, and my pants, though." She didn't start wearing heels, in fact, until a couple of years ago: "I kept watching Ashley walk around in them so gracefully, and I'm such a klutz. But I ended up loving heels, and I don't usually take them off." She wears precisely one pair of flat shoes: Chanel's knee-high patent-leather gladiator sandals. This season, it's Balenciaga's fall collection — all of it — that has Mary-Kate obsessed. She is close to designer Nicolas Ghesquière and says, "He is so talented, but he's the nicest, most down-to-earth guy, and that makes everything he does more brilliant. I bought everything, but I haven't got anything yet," she says like a girl impatiently waiting for Christmas. Will she wear the new pieces with her infamous clodhopper boots? "Uh-huh. Wore them the other day, actually." Mary-Kate always goes with her gut, even if some people (back to those tabloids) don't quite get it. "The tabloids say things about me? What do they say?" she asks archly. "People are going to write what they want, and everyone's going to have their own idea of who I am. But I'm not trying to be friends with the people who are reading them, really." After a rough couple of years filled with near-forensic scrutiny of her weight, she'll have you know that she does eat. "This is not going to sound good," she laughs, "but I like making crispy tofu sticks with peanut sauce. I love my sashimi and my salmon and my vegetables." She observes, "Stress plays a big role in how I look day-to-day. I've always been very active — Pilates, yoga. I grew up horseback riding every day for hours. I love dancing. I usually last longer than anyone on the dance floor." A common image of Mary-Kate has her emerging from a coffee joint with an oversize cup. "I always get creamed for having my Starbucks cup," she says, sighing. "But the only time people get photos of me is when I'm getting coffee, when I can't sneak away from the camera." She also resents the pictorial implication that she and Ashley are dilettantes. "They take photos of us going into our offices, and it's 'Mary-Kate and Ashley shopping again.' But I'm going to work for eight hours, and we're working so hard. ..." She trails off. "It just shows how people want to think of you." Mary-Kate is not above celeb watching herself, however. Newly obsessed with Victoria Beckham, she notes she avidly watched Beckham's Coming to America documentary: "She's running around in a bikini and heels, and I'm like, Oh, my God! I do that, too!" How positively Grey Gardens. "I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny. All my friends will tell you I love running around in kimonos and jewelry or naked with jewelry." More people will be watching Mary-Kate soon, thanks to her role in the Emmy-nominated Weeds. "I am a very good Christian girl," she says with a wink. "She has her moral beliefs — and she happens to smoke pot." Of her newest cast member, Kohan adds, "Mary-Kate is complicated. She's a big celebrity, a huge media icon, but you have to separate the media images from someone who has the same issues, the same desires, as anyone else." Of course, Mary-Kate's image, in all its incarnations — from high fashion to small screen — is her strongest asset. And she has yet to settle on one. "I feel like I've lived 10 different lives already and I'm only 21," she says, almost as a reminder to herself. "But I also feel like I'm entering a new chapter." One thing on which she is clear, though: She doesn't need to be looked at all the time. What would she do for a day if she were invisible? "I would probably go to a restaurant with my friends, who would be able to see me, of course," she adds pragmatically, "and I would sit outside and enjoy a nice lunch with them. Then I would walk down the street." The old soul takes a sip of her little-girl-sweet hot chocolate. "That's what I would do."

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Halloween Prank Gone Wrong | Luke Patterson

Request: hi! firstly i love your series & imagines! they are so wonderful! <3 okay secondly can i request a luke patterson x reader where reader is friends with julie and it’s Halloween so Julie decides to prank reader with an ouija board and has the boys behind everything but reader can see them? sorry if this doesn’t make sense ):

Pairing: Luke Patterson x reader, JATP x reader, Julie x Flynn x Reader

Warnings: Use of OUIJA board

Words: 2,239

Songs used: Time Warp - Glee Cast Version 

Y/N: Your name Y/L/N: Your last name Y/M/N: Your mother’s name

You and Julie have been friends since you were both in diapers, along with Carrie. The three of you used to be inseparable, and then even Flynn joined your Squad in Middle School. People used to call you the Los Feliz Four. Then came the worst year of your squad’s year. Julie lost her mom and with it, her love and connection to music, one of the many things that connected the Los Feliz Four. Carrie stopped hanging out with Julie after a humongous fight, and when Flynn picks Julie’s side, you’re stuck between the two fires. You love Julie with all your heart and help her wherever she needs it, but you also still hang out every now and then with Carrie. Though the drama in Dirty Candy sometimes gets a little much. 

On the day of the spirit assembly, you’re on the sidelines, cheering on Dirty Candy and Julie herself when she takes her spot behind the keyboard, starting a song you don’t know. Her voice echoes through the gym, capturing every student’s attention. Even more so when a band flashes onto the stage, joining her into the song. You have to blink a couple of times, to make sure you’re really seeing things correctly. These are three of four boys from Sunset Curve. Your mother used to be the biggest fan of their music back in the 90’s and showed you all of their work. She even told you about Bobby, who now goes by the name of Trevor Wilson and how he used to be part of the band as well. You never told Carrie what you knew. But seeing the boys up there, knowing they died, only means one thing. These are ghosts. The ghosts of a 90’s band. You can’t help but jam along with them, though the song is completely unfamiliar to you. And, once the song is over, you can still see the boys on the side of the stage, talking amongst each other whilst Julie explains the hologram-thing. You witness the dark-haired boy run up the steps and shake his booty, checking if no one can see them. You’re somewhere at the back of the crowd, hidden behind the tallest guy in your class. He can’t see you, but you can see him. You have to ask Julie what’s going on. There needs to be an explanation to this. You don’t know how to tell her you know. It might be weird to just go up there and tell her ‘hey! I know about your ghost band!’. Besides, how fun would it be to know about her secret and catch her in each lie she comes up with as an excuse for their behavior? You hold it out until October. Halloween, to be exact. It’s been hard, trying to keep this from Julie, but it has been fun seeing the boys squirm whenever you looked straight into their eyes as if you could see them. The hardest part was trying not to laugh whenever they said something dumb or funny, but you just about managed. You managed enough for Julie to believe you didn’t know about her ghost band and to come up with a scheme to prank you this Halloween. You didn’t know, at first, since she just asked to hang out on Halloween, watch some horror films and just enjoy the holiday you both loved so much, along with Flynn. The three of you had decided to dress up for your little get together. Dressed as Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls, you make your way to Julie’s garage. To no surprise, finding the boys there too, along with Flynn -- dressed as Buttercup -- and Julie -- dressed as Blossom. “Hey,” you greet as your eyes land on the Ouija Board, surrounded by dozens of candles. “Playing a game, are we?” You already have a hunch what’s going to happen, but decide to play along anyway. “Yes! No better moment than Halloween to break this bad boy out, right?” Flynn exclaims as she sits down on the floor at the coffee table where Julie had set up the board. “Sure,” you agree with a shrug before taking a red cup from Julie. She’d gone all out with decorating the studio with cobwebs and pumpkins and skeletons. She really went to town, even on the beverages and snacks. All of them Halloween-themed. “Are we ready?” Julie asks ominously whilst sitting down next to Flynn and extending her arms, so they’re resting on the plaque in the middle of the board. You bite your bottom lip, trying your hardest not to start laughing at your best friends, and sit down with them. The three boys surround you, placing their hands onto the plaque at the same time you and Flynn do. “It’s really important you keep your hands on the plaque at all times,” Julie warns you and Flynn. It’s really hard to concentrate on the board and not on the extremely cute guy on the opposite side of the table, staring at you with a grin on his face. “Let’s do this,” you state, your eyes flicking from Julie to Flynn, stopping briefly at the lead singer of Sunset Curve. You catch a flicker of confusion in his eyes, but decide to ignore it and focus on Julie and Flynn for now. “O Fortuna, Velut luna, Statu variabilis, Semper crescis, Aut decrescis; Vita detestabilis.” You furrow your eyebrows at Julie’s sudden outburst in Latin. You don’t need much to recognize it though. That’s from O Fortuna by Carmina Burana. The most famous choral number in existence. You feel a little offended Julie thinks you wouldn’t know that. “Are you ghosts out there?” she asks in a menacing voice, trying to build up the tension. You can feel the boy next to you go through you with his shoulder as he pushes against the plaque to slide it over to the ‘yes’. You press your lips together to keep you from laughter, your eyes widening in fake shock. “Who are you?” you ask as you look into the lead singer's eyes, pretending to look ahead into the abyss. The boy now leans forward and starts moving the plaque to the L, then U-K-E. You glance at Julie and Flynn, who exchange glances too. “Were you in a band?” Luke’s eyes widen at this, frantically glancing at his best friends in need of help. The blond one, who’s sitting next to Flynn, cocks his head to the stereo before getting up from his spot and moving to the corner. He presses the play button, a song you recognize as Now or Never by their very own band. You nod your head, impressed by the lengths these boys are going to keep up this prank. “Hey, Luke,” you’re still looking at him instead of Julie or Flynn. “Are your bandmates here too?” “Bro, she knows,” Luke scoffs, which makes you burst out laughing. You can’t handle it anymore. The disappointment in Luke’s face is just too much. “I’m sorry guys, but I can literally see you…” you tell the three guys, leaving them and your two best friends in complete and utter shock, laced with a bit of disgruntlement over their prank failing. “My mother used to be a really big fan of yours. She showed me all of your music and told me about Bobby-slash-Trevor.” Julie’s head snaps up at this. “You knew?” she asks, eyes wide and bewildered at this new information. “Yeah, I never told you or Carrie because one, I didn’t think it mattered, and two, there must be a reason why Bobby hasn’t told his own daughter about his past band.” You shrug, letting your eyes dart over to the boys again. They’re all sat on the floor, frozen in shock. “How do you see us?” the darker-haired boy with the rosy cheeks asks. “I guess my mother being such a fan of Sunset Curve gives me a connection to all of you?” you offer them your best guess. Luke’s eyes widen, clearly realizing something as he gets up from the floor to start pacing the garage. “What’s her name?” he asks, remembering one girl he had a real connection with. “Y/M/N.” He visibly swallows a lump in his throat, and scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “Yeah… Let’s say I know her very well…” Your mind immediately jumps to a conclusion that leaves you a little weirded out. “Remember that one girl our age at the book club we played at?” He directs this question to the boys. “Right! She was the daughter of the hostess!” the brunette, who you’re guessing is Reggie by the way he expresses himself, remembers. “No, you didn’t!” His eyes widen at the sudden realization, he then turns to you. “You’re her daughter?!” You nod your head slowly, trying to comprehend what’s happening. “It doesn’t matter who Luke had a special connection with,” Julie interrupts, “Why didn’t you say anything? It killed me not telling you!” You shrug your shoulders. “I guess I thought it would’ve been weird to just come up to you and say ‘yo, Jules, I can see your ghost band!’ Besides, it was fun seeing these boys squirm whenever I looked at them a little too long.” Your lip turns upwards on one side. “I knew you saw me!” The blonde guy narrows his eyes at you. So, that must be Drama Queen Alex… “Can we just drop it and enjoy the rest of our night together?” you exclaim, raising your hands in defense for ever lying to your best friends. “I heard…” you start, glancing at all three of the boys, “You guys are very good at jamming whatever song is thrown at you.” “Yes! Please! Sing! So I’m not the only one not seeing you!” Flynn groans in frustration, walking through Luke, not realizing he’d gotten up from his seat earlier. “I just stepped through someone, didn’t I?” Julie and you simply nod your head, amused smiles stifled. Luke and Reggie grab their instruments whilst Alex makes his way behind his drum kit. “Y’all know Time Warp, from the Rocky Horror Picture Show?” you ask. As an answer, Alex counts all of you in before the band starts playing and Luke’s voice fills the studio.  “It's astounding, time is fleeting Madness takes its toll But listen closely,” You, having received a microphone from Julie, walk over to the lead singer your mother had a fling with once -- apparently -- and chime into the song.   “Not for very much longer” “I've got to keep control” He shoots you a wink before changing to his head voice to go into the chorus. “I remember doing the time warp Drinking those moments when The blackness would hit me And the void would be calling” Then, all of you join into the post-chorus together, singing at the top of your lungs. “Let's do the time warp again Let's do the time warp again” Reggie then takes the next part whilst all three girls do the choreography from the musical, and alternating lines with Reggie. “It's just a jump to the left” “And then a step to the right” “put your hands on your hips” “You bring your knees in tight But it's the pelvic thrust That really drives you insane Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!” You dance your way to Reggie whilst taking the next verse, all while Julie’s behind the keyboard, getting some melodic notes into the jam. “It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me So you can't see me, no not at all In another dimension, with voyeuristic intentions Well-secluded, I see all” Reggie looks into your eyes as he uses his best seductive voice to sing the next line. “With a bit of a mind flip” And then you imitate that tone on your next line. “You're into the time slip” “And nothing can ever be the same” Flynn then takes the next line, dancing in front of Alex’s drum kit, facing him with a wide smile on her face. She’s glad she can see the boys now too. It makes her feel a little less left out. “You're spaced out on sensation” Alex then sings one line before the rest of you join in again for the chorus. “Like you're under sedation” “Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!” “It's just a jump to the left” “And then a step to the right” “put your hands on your hips” “You bring your knees in tight But it's the pelvic thrust That really drives you insane Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!” The boys play their last chords or hit their last cymbals while Julie plays her last note. All six of you giggling like crazy, oozing happiness and contentment. This is probably the craziest and most fun you’d ever had on Halloween. “Oh, man!” Flynn whines, a pout on her face. You don’t know why at first, but then remember she can’t see the boys like you and Julie can, which sends all of you into a fit of laughter. If your life is going to be this fun and crazy with these boys in your life, you’d never want to die. Or maybe you would, if that meant spending even more time with them. 

Taglist: @hannahhistorian92 @marinettepotterandplagg @thequirkybookaholic @bookdealer5 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hemmingsness @iainttakingshitfromnobody @ifilwtmfc @angryknightstatesmantrash @kiss-themoongoodbye @rudysbay @thedarkqueenofavalon @caitsymichelle13

[1ddotdhq]

💐Fri 4 Dec ‘20 🌍

Cooking competitions were fought, flower shops were opened, petitions were signed, and today was all in all a lovely, gentle sort of day! 

Before last night’s Variety show, real!Harry popped back on instagram to tell Kid Harpoon that the producer award he got was “Fake News” and to “Stop the Count”. Look if Harry wants to keep showing more personality on Instagram I WANT TO SEE IT! Then Variety’s show aired, and Niall and Harry were “there”: Niall presented Lewis Capaldi’s “songwriter of the year” award (in response to it, Lewis thanked the other songwriters for “being a worse songwriter than me”), and Harry, of course, was the Hitmaker of the year! He was introduced by a lot of Big Industry People who all decided to say that they were, uh, so proud of him for leaving a boyband and becoming a rock star? Ah, good, that means it’s the “elitist music takes” segment of the hour. When are people gonna realize that shitting on a really successful, record breaking band in order to say nice things about Harry (one of its members!) is not the compliment they think it is. Nick Kroll's longer intro was at least more interesting, sharing some DWD set moments, confirmed that Harry is a ‘manly man’, and jokingly said that he and his wife and Harry have become a throuple (ANOTHER threesome? Really Harry?). Harry then showed up, looking pretty tired (he’s been doing very long hours, guys!) and wearing his dick banana necklace, and said, “Thanks to [my team] and everyone who supported me through it...thanks to the label for leaving me alone..this is...cool. Cool. I’m gonna get back in the studio”. Cool! 

Anyways, that discourse was quickly overtaken by the revelation that Harry DID pay his touring crew back in the spring when his tour was postponed: it came from a local Belgian publication in Ghent, where a man named Yves Van Acker has opened a flower shop (yes I DO think that this sounds like the beginning of a fairy tale!). Anyways, Yves has toured with a number of famous bands over the years, Harry being most recent. “The entire crew was suddenly out of work,” Yves said of Love On Tour’s crew, “But Harry Styles did not want to leave us. Each member was therefore paid an amount. A nice gesture, on which I decided to do something positive with this latest income”. A few things about this 1.) it was not just a nice gesture, it’s the Right Thing to DO! He’s paying people for work he hired them to do! 2.) It's wonderful enough to see, in fact, that it really isn't actually necessary to inflate: the employee told us that he received an amount, clearly a decent amount (enough to open a business), but we do not know if he was given his full wages. It sure is amazing though! And 3.) he named bouquets of flowers after Harry songs! He has “Adore You”, “Golden”, “Canyon Moon”, and “Ever Since New York”, but not, shockingly enough, “Sunflower Vol 6” - COME ON! It’s RIGHT THERE! Anyways, I adore Harry and I want everyone to know that - he does always do his best to be kind. 

Liam has a new COVER out, and one of my favorite songs: “Waiting on the World to Change” by John Mayer! The cover is for UNICEF Changemaker, and Liam says that he’s “proud to support them in any way I can”. Okay I’m a NERD so I’m about to rant about how this was the PERFECT song for Liam. The first is his RANGE: he gave the song a really gravelly, soulful sound that it deserves, and his falsettos are SO GOOD that he hits the high notes EASILY. The second are the LYRICS of the song! Literally: “It's hard to beat the system when we're standing at a distance” and “and when you trust your television, what you get is what you got; ‘cause when they own the information, they can bend it all they want”. UGH CHILLS! But that was NOT ALL for Liam, who made a guest appearance on Abby Robert’s YouTube channel in a cook off competition! They made roasted potatoes and Yule Logs (weird combo but okay), and chatted about Christmas traditions a bit. Liam said that he actually DOES do quite a bit of cooking on Christmas because he liked to watch the “tea” go down but not be a part of it (Liam do you read this blog? Was that a hint??). Anyways, he also said that he spends every Christmas with his son, because “Christmas is about kids” (Abby Roberts did a HARD eye roll it was very funny), he put out a fire (firefighter!Liam), and he dropped a boiled potato and lots of powdered sugar. Liam won for his potatoes and Abby won for the Yule Log, and *I* got really hungry. “Don’t set your kitchens on fire,” Liam warns cheerily at the end of the video. Yeahhhh, thanks for that! And now for Liam’s short but lovely content: his alarm this morning said, “It’s that Friday feeling” and then he and Roman talked about their holiday plans - Liam with his fam, Roman with his booze and Karaoke (“I’ll be doing strip that down in front of my mum”. Yeah, cuz that’s not weird at all), and they FINALLY released their bedtime story - It’s twenty minutes long and it’s called “Bedtime Bromance” (can’t wait to hear it!). He also posted an Instagram story of himself in a recording studio in Stockholm singing “Last First Kiss”. “Back to Where it All Started,” the caption read. :{) 

And now for Niall and Louis, both of whom are taking up some social issues! Sam Fender (who got into a bit of hot water yesterday for, uh, a joke about Louis’ fans and our key smashing tendencies alkdjfladj) called on the UK-based “Tomlinators” (lmao no <3) to sign a petition which requires local governments to have free helplines for the homeless and vulnerable. And, of course, fans got right on that and helped Sam reach his goal! Oh, wait, no, that DIDN’T happen - instead, fans jumped down his throat for, uh, clout chasing?? And they told him that he couldn’t get away with mocking us and expect us to HELP him!! YEAH GUYS! How DARE he try to use his influence to make a difference?? Anyways, Louis was clearly super mad, you could tell by how he liked the tweet, retweeted the petition, and then said, “Very important cause. If you’re a UK resident please sign!”. As of right now, the petition sits at 10,000 out of 100,000 signatures needed, so. Let’s get it done! Niall is also going to do some community work: he will be at Comhairle Na Nog’s meeting ( it’s an Irish child and youth councils in Ireland) on Saturday giving a shout out to the kids who have been working on projects and in their community despite lockdown. Awww, best of luck to both of them in their very worthy causes.

[sichengtual]

meeting taeil under the falling snow was your one long-standing traditions, tending to your feelings until they, like flowers, were ready to bloom in full.

— pairing: moon taeil x reader.

— au: soulmates.

— genre: fluff.

— word count: 1767.

— playlist: more than words — extreme; on the snow — exo.

for @seodami​, from your @neoculturechristmas​’s secret santa! i had a lot of fun writing this for you, and i hope you’ve been enjoying enjoying your holidays! here’s a little something for you 💓

You had always known both you and Taeil were creatures of habit. 

It had been clear, since the very beginnings of your relationship, that part of the reason you understood each other so well was because you functioned so similarly in the first place. You had met in between previously set scenes, noticed each other purely because of the way you blended yourselves right into each other’s lives so naturally, it was hard for you to tell when you had started to blend into one cohesive picture to begin with. 

He felt like a childhood friend and a mysterious stranger all at the same time: with the sense of familiarity that could only belong to a bond that has been created in the course of a lifetime, and the excitement behind getting to meet him almost once again every time he showed you a new side of himself. You had always known it was special, how he could make you feel known yet undiscovered with a single look, with something in his eyes letting you see the exact point where both outlooks intertwined. You had always felt it was unique, with the calmness behind his smile and the thrill behind his voice — and you had always been sure he had felt it too. 

Despite the brief four years of knowing each other, in a way, it almost felt like he had always been there. Like he had always belonged in your life just like you had always belonged in his, your meeting being the final piece of a puzzle that had been many years in the making, the finishing touches of a life’s work masterpiece. Him being in your life, somehow, made sense. 

And, as such, it became hard to imagine what it would have been like if he wasn’t. Looking back, there were so many things in your life you could connect back to Taeil, even when at a simple glance, none of them had really anything to do with him. He was just there, sunk so deep in the back of your mind that he was the sole protagonist of your thoughts and dreams even when he’s miles away.

The two of you held mirroring tattoos in the exact same way you had mirroring souls, each one of the lines drawn on your skin signaling the other that you were there.

But as much as Taeil lived inside of you as you lived inside of him, accepting the soulmate bond meant having to live life as two instead of one. It required commitment, and even though the two of you already knew you were gonna end up together, you agreed that feelings, just like flowers, can’t be pressured into blooming.

Taeil always met you at the Winter Carnival at exactly 7 p.m, as if on clockwork. He always waited next to the tallest lightpost, a bag of toasted chestnuts you’d share as you walked along the hundreds of small, fairy lights clad tents. Taeil would often stop and look at the little trinkets that were offered in the small shops, not buying anything unless you liked it.

“I just like doing it,” Taeil would always say. “It’s not that it’s anything big, it’s just something for you to think of me.”

You were sure he bought them to remember you, too. To look back and think of the colorful little trinkets he had purchased, recalling the memory of your hands brushing together as you walked side by side just as night started to fall. 

It was just you and him, meeting each other once a year before it got dark. In a sense, it was a sort of sign, reminding you of each other right before the new year rolled around. It gave you something to hope for, a sort of beacon at the end of the way. 

Just like that, just as time passed, you had started to fall in love with Taeil in the way people were expected to fall in love with their soulmates: completely and whole-heartedly. It almost felt like diving head first straight into the ocean, breaking through the icy waters in the promise of finding something so precious on the other end of the shore it gave you a rhythm to follow, a path to swim by. 

And you finally decided to tell him. 

Snow has just started falling when you leave the house.

It’s no different from every other carnival day: cool gusts of wind, warm spiced scents, bright flickering lights. People pass by you as you make your way into the fair, barely even brushing shoulders before they go back to being just a part of the background, holding no more significance than a brief locking of sights. Noises mix in together like an intricate score, voices and melodies composing an accompanying piece that set the beat not only to your steps, but to the scene as a whole. 

You’re surprised by how different it makes it feel; feeling happier with laughter and more neutral with the lack of it, occasionally setting your attention in the background accompaniments such as the soft ring of a bell or the muted honk of a horn. In complete honesty, it’s a picture perfect rendition of a scene only seen in movies, and it doesn’t help feeling like both you and Taeil could set its entire course with only a change in conversation. 

He’s waiting for you, holding a small white paper bag, like he always does. He’s dressed in warm, layered clothes, a smile on his lips only growing with each and every step you took in his direction. Small, almost translucent snowflakes are beginning to fall over his head, adorning the strands of hair that fell over his forehead, and you couldn’t help but think of just how much the current scene resembled one straight of a frame belonging in the Louvre. 

“It’s nice to see you again,” are the first words he says when looking at you. They carry a weight behind them, an actual sense of longing produced by the cruel passing of the time in which you were apart. 

His voice feels warm. 

“You got a haircut.” 

“Yeah,” he smiles. “Do you think it suits me?” 

“I think you’re absolutely rocking it.”

It’s not unusual for Taeil to grow shy. Even after the years and years you’d known him, he still blushes at your compliments, no matter how hard you try to convince him your words spoke nothing but the truth. He knew that, though, because your voice made everything sound like something he’s always been aware of. 

“Here, have some,” Taeil offers you a sheepish smile before he extends the paper bag in your direction. “They’re still warm.” 

Still looking at him, you take one of the chestnuts from the bag and propped it into your mouth, the salty top layer in the snack immediately melting in your mouth. Moving closer to him, you let your hand brush against Taeil’s free one, immediately following his steps as he starts walking. 

And, in all honesty, the atmosphere never stopped surprising you. Out of the corner of your eye you can see the light reflect upon Taeil, illuminating his face in an ensemble of warm, combining colors. You can only imagine the effect it must have on his eyes, bringing out their own natural glow in the exact same way it painted them in a kaleidoscope of different shades of Christmas. 

It’s funny when you recall this is the most magical night of the year. You think of having felt just that in Taeil’s embrace, having heard magic in his voice. You’re sure that his presence in your life is exactly what makes it magical, and get to feel just that when he takes your hand in his. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” Taeil says, his voice bringing you back from your haze. “About what we’re gonna do from now on.”

You nod, trying to get him to continue. You want to tell him you’ve been doing the exact same thing, thinking about moving forward, finally taking a step. But you wait until after he speaks, wanting to know what his stance is in the matter, getting to know both sides before pulling together a story. 

You can’t really make out what it is, but there’s something about Taeil’s voice that gives you hope. You keep walking through the growing crowd, having to move closer together to walk next to together next to the waves of people. Somewhere in there, Taeil finally laces your fingers together, feeling your heart growing warm.

“I know we decided to wait before we finally accepted what we are, and what it means for us,” he says. “We took what fate gave us and let it grow on its own accord, and now it doesn’t really feel like it was something made for us. It feels as if we’ve the ones that made it, growing closer because we wanted to, and not because it was simply imposed on us.” 

Taeil gives your hand a squeeze. 

“I’ve fallen in love with you the way it should be. It feels like I’ve been dreaming, somehow being happier in a dream that I’ve ever been while awake. And all this time, I was only dreaming of you.” 

You’ve reached the middle of the fair, coming to a stop next to your bench, right in front of the brightly lit carrousel. There’s a live band playing somewhere near, music reaching your ears right as you stop walking, and a strong scent of warm cider coming from somewhere in the tents. You turn to look at Taeil, looking at all the snow that has gathered on top of his head, and the slight blush on his cheeks that you can’t tell if it’s a product of his words or simply a reaction from the cold. 

You decide you don’t have to know.

“I’m in love with you too,” you say. “And not because of fate, but because of you. Fate only helped us find each other, but the rest grew from here. From us.” 

Taking a step in your direction, Taeil finally kissed you under a thousand flickering fairy lights. It was a change in the routine, a new tradition only but growing from an already existing one. Maybe the meetings under the snow were coming to an end, but you’d take a thousand sunny days by Taeil’s side over standing alone under the rain. 

Right there, with snow falling right on top of your head, you had never felt so warm.

[exhaustedfander]

Dance like no one’s watching (even if they are)

a03 link

word count: 2,360

It isn’t uncommon for Virgil to wake before Remus does. Granted, he usually goes to bed far later than he should, and who is he to say no to sleeping in late on the weekends? But Remus sleeps like a rock. It’d take a marching band to raise him from his slumber – or Virgil hitting him with a pillow over and over again, begging him to wake up because, “God damn it, Rem, we’ve got somewhere to be!”

Virgil’s a light sleeper; always has been. He figures it has a lot to do with the fact that he’s basically anxiety and self-doubt stacked together in a trench coat pretending to be a person, but yeah, it doesn’t take much to wake him. The creaking of a door, the sound of birds chirping outside, Remus snoring. He always claims he doesn’t, and honestly, Virgil is considering recording it to prove that, yes, he absolutely does snore, and it’s insufferable. Well. Maybe not insufferable, just… annoying, sometimes.

Remus isn’t snoring now, though. He’s fast asleep, his hair frazzled, and drool stuck to his pillow which is way more adorable than it ought to be. Virgil doesn’t know what woke him, but it wasn’t his boyfriend this time. He glances at the clock and groans sleepily. It’s still early in the morning, and a Saturday, too. He’d like to shut his eyes, throw his arms around Remus and get a few more hours of sleep, but he knows himself well enough to understand it’s just not gonna happen.

Still, he lies there for a few minutes, relishing in the quiet and comfort of the thick duvet and Remus beside him, his own personal space heater. Remus runs hot, and Virgil’s always a little cold, so they balance each other out. It’s weird. They shouldn’t, or at least, it doesn’t seem like they should.

Virgil thinks back to when they first knew each other. Having been friends with Roman for quite a while, he’d thought it odd that Roman had never formally introduced his brother. Upon actually meeting Remus, however, Virgil’s confusion quickly dispersed.

Remus is loud, bold, energetic to an erratic point, and he says absolutely everything that comes to mind the moment the thought occurs to him. “Hey, emo, what do you think it’d look like if I just exploded right now! Just my blood and guts smeared all over the walls! Wouldn’t that be awesome?!”

Needless to say, Virgil’s not initially a fan. Remus is a lot to handle, and honestly, Virgil’s a little scared of him at first. It isn’t as though he thinks that Remus is going to hurt him, he’s just… weird. And crude, and a lot to handle. He’s impulsive and brash, and a kind of person that Virgil’s never known. He decides that he doesn’t like him and that he’ll avoid him as much as he’s able.

Except, that isn’t really possible. Despite the fact that Remus and Roman’s relationship is strained, to say the least, they still spend some amount of time together, and Remus is occasionally invited (or invites himself) to events. The point is, Virgil sees him around, more and more. And somewhere along the way he somehow becomes tolerable.

Virgil doesn’t know what changes, but one day, at a party Remus plops himself down next to him, crowding his personal space, and he lets him stay. That’s when he first realizes how warm he is, how strangely comfortable Remus’s presence can be. It might be the alcohol, Virgil thinks to himself that night, that’s why Remus leaning on him, giggling and making inappropriate jokes makes him feel so stupidly nice.

Virgil blames the liquor when he kisses Remus, too. He still can’t fully remember what spurred it; he just knows Remus looked so pretty, his grey-streaked hair falling in his eyes, coming out of its bun, and Virgil leaned forward and kissed him. It’s harder to blame anything other than a more complicated desire when he finds himself in Remus’s bed, their limbs a tangled mess.

It’s startling, that morning, waking up and seeing Remus asleep beside him for the first time and thinking about how beautiful he looks. Remus and Roman are identical twins, and he’s certainly never thought about his friend that way. That isn’t to say he hasn’t noticed that Roman is handsome, because, c’mon, he has eyes. But this is different. The way he looks at Remus is different and – oh shit – trashy men with ratty mustaches and a terrible fashion sense are his type, aren’t they?

He doesn’t know when he went from being afraid of him to tolerating his presence, to finding him heart-wrenchingly beautiful, but the shift has happened regardless. When did Remus’s jokes go from unnerving to kind of fucking funny? He can’t say. At first, not sure if it’s going to last. They’re so different, or at least, that’s how things appear.

But with time, Virgil learns that isn’t necessarily the case. Yes, Remus is far louder and more abrasive than he is, but there are more commonalities between them then he might’ve thought. Remus is a Halloween freak, too, which is nice because none of Virgil’s friends like the holiday quite as much as he does. Remus adores horror movies, the gorier the better, and his shoulder makes the perfect spot to hide his face when things get too scary. Remus likes a lot of the same music (although his taste can be a tad crude sometimes, to say the least), and it’s nice, not having to worry that his playlist is to “emo.”

A lot of things are nice with Remus, Virgil comes to realize. Waking up beside him, singing along to music way too loudly, being picked up by him because good lord is he strong. It’s all just really… domestic, which isn’t something Virgil had ever seen for himself. So, yeah, they don’t make a lot of sense, at least not at first glance. But somehow, they just work, and that’s enough for Virgil. It’s more than enough.

Virgil turns over in bed, his right hand finding its way into Remus’s frazzled hair. His boyfriend’s mustache curls slightly upwards when his lip twitches upward into a smile, but he doesn’t wake, just arches closer to Virgil. Virgil smiles at this, stroking through his long hair.

His eyes glance to the cardboard moving boxes that litter the bedroom floor. God, he’s really got to start unpacking soon. He just moved into Remus’s apartment – their apartment now, he supposes – a week ago, and he’s been getting used to living with another person. Virgil had never let himself imagine such things, lying in bed with his boyfriend on a Saturday, having boxes to unpack because he moved in. It’s a lot to process, sometimes. It’s not bad, just kind of… intense. And mushy, gushy, and full of all the emotions he never expected to feel.

Virgil presses a kiss to the crown of Remus’s head, relishing in the smile that spreads over his sleeping face, before swinging his legs over the bed and heading into the kitchen.

Virgil groans at the sight of the dishes piled high in the sink. It’s his own damn fault; it was his turn to do the dishes (Christ, he never thought about the painfully mundane issues of a relationship like dish duty, or who takes out the garbage, or any of that). It’s… weird, not living alone anymore. He’d been so used to it for so long and, now here he is, existing in the same space as the man that he loves. He must be spending too much time with Roman because he’s turning into such a sap.

Being a sap aside, Virgil really should get these done while Remus is still asleep. That isn’t to say that Remus is some kind of a clean freak, because he really isn’t. It’d just be good to get the choir out of the way.

Virgil turns on his portable speaker, scrolling through his phone for the best music to play because turning music on while doing mundane tasks always gives him a little much-needed energy (which he generally has very little to speak for). He settles for MCR, “Teenagers” blaring as begins to scrub away last night’s pasta-sauce covered plates.

And okay, yeah, the music is probably cranked up too loud. Yeah, Virgil’s mouthing along to the words, singing some of them, and he really should just shut up and do the dishes considering his boyfriend is asleep in the other room. But Remus is such a heavy sleeper, and he’s never woken him up in the past playing music in another room, so why should he now?

Virgil’s absolutely positive that Remus is still dead asleep as he begins to move to the music, his voice gaining in volume as he sings along, unabashedly. It’s unlike him; Virgil’s always so riddled with self-consciousness. But social anxiety isn’t much of a factor alone in the kitchen doing the dishes, so he doesn’t focus on how ridiculous he must look, getting lost in the music and dancing like an idiot.

“Nice moves, hot stuff.”

Virgil shrieks, the sponge in his hand hitting the ground with an unceremonious splat.

“Sweet Frank Iero – Remus! You- you scared the shit out of me!”

There stands Remus, leaning in the doorway of the kitchen and beginning to cackle. Virgil feels a flush climb up from his necks all the way to his ears as he bends down to retrieve the sponge, and then to pause the music. Remus has the decency to wear boxers, considering how adamant he is about sleeping in the buff. He’d probably walk around nude most of the time if Virgil didn’t beg him not to. “We have neighbors!” “We live on the third floor.” “Well – still! You are not walking around our apartment with your dick hanging out.” “Aw, you’re no fun!”

 “Sorry for spooking you, scare-bear,” Remus says, though he doesn’t sound all that genuinely apologetic, especially not with that shit-eating-grin. “You know –.” “Stop. Whatever you’re going to say just – just don’t. I’m already about to die from embarrassment, don’t make it worse.” Virgil can feel his blush go from pink to crimson as Remus walks further into the room, his smile going impossibly wider.

“I don’t know what you mean, Virgey,” Remus croons, his hands finding their way to Virgil’s waist, chin perched on his shoulder. Virgil tries to keep his eyes trained on the dishes in the sink, the sponge trembling slightly in his hand, but Remus certainly isn’t making focusing easy.

“Yes, you fucking do.”

“I, for one, think you’re adorable.” Virgil’s cheeks, somehow, go redder.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.” Virgil groans, setting the sponge in the sink and shoving Remus off of him so he can turn around to face him. He’s still got that wicked smile; the bastard.

“Remus…”

“Virgil.”

“I’m… geez, I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” Virgil asks the realization that he might’ve been the cause of Remus waking catching up despite the embarrassment. Remus quickly shakes his head, his hair flopping in his face.

“Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’, “Course you didn’t. Have you ever?”

“Only when I’m really trying to, I guess,” Virgil says after thinking about it for a moment.

“I just woke up at the exact perfect time and didn’t want to make my presence noticed at first.”

“Creep,” Virgil says, but he’s throwing his arms around Remus and pulling him close all the same.

Remus accepts the embrace happily, pressing Virgil into his chest and kissing the top of his head. Remus gives the best hugs. The height difference was something he was initially a bit self-conscious about; but really, what doesn’t make him self-conscious? Quickly, though, he learned to love embraces from his boyfriend. Remus stands a head-and-a-half taller, and swallows Virgil up in his arms every time they hug. Remus hugs with everything he has, tight and protective. Virgil forgets that he was ever afraid of him in these moments, safe and secure in his arms.

“And what of it?” Remus says with a laugh, letting go of Virgil so he’s able to bend down and kiss him thoroughly. Virgil’s hands settle around his neck, a good portion of his embarrassment leaving.

“You’re such a dork.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” Remus croons, kissing Virgil on the cheek before pulling away, “You want some breakfast, dance machine?” And there comes the embarrassment, roaring back to life.

“I swear if you’re going to keep teasing me –.”

“Oh, c’mon! Cut me some slack, babe. You’re cute as all hell!”

“Remmmm.”

“Do you want breakfast or not? Bacon, eggs?” Remus asks, trying to distract from his teasing. Virgil sighs.

“That depends: are you going to burn the bacon on purpose like last time?” Remus is silent, his smile devious. “Remus, I swear, if you do, I will go and get McDonald's and I will not share.”

“Ugh, fine,” Remus pouts dramatically, as if burning bacon just for the fun of it (although it can be quite fun to watch it curl up and turn all chalky and black) sounds any better than having breakfast with his boyfriend. “But only because I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too.”

Remus puts the bacon on the skillet, cracking the eggs in a pan and watching Virgil with amusement as he turns the speaker back on, MCR playing once more. Virgil can’t help but laugh as Remus begins to break into dance moves in front of the stove, wiggling his hips and singing along as he flips the eggs.

Eventually, Virgil can’t help but join in. Remus’s just like that; an infectious personality, to say the least. But Virgil’s glad for it. Really, really glad. Joining Remus in dancing to My Chemical Romance in their kitchen on a Saturday morning suddenly feels so natural. Remus makes it natural.

He doesn’t entirely know if he’ll ever be used to it, and he knows he’ll always be at least a little embarrassed about things like this. But it’s nice, and that’s something Virgil can settle into just fine.

=+=

General Taglist:

@nadiestar

@unoriginalgayboyalex 

@bella-in-a-bag

@igonnatalknothing

@elizabutgayer

@wishthefish916

@reptilianwithscallions

[blarrghe]

ooo could you do “Can we make cake? I like cake.”

@midnightprelude also sent me this prompt, approximately a year ago now lol, and I've been dwelling on it for sooo long. Anyway I just woke up and decided to fill this very cute prompt with some Lavellan Fam and I think there’s a sequel brewing. ft. @serphena ‘s Theo and Kiara! -- Taren used to be good with kids. He used to spend his weekend mornings teaching the children of the clan traditional dances, he used to light up holiday nights with bursts of magic whisps that made them ooh and ahh, he used to tell the littlest ones, the scared ones whose parents were away, or just gone, the same old stories that had been told to him, when he'd needed them. In his heart of hearts, he always wanted kids. A family. A home. He never really talked about that. He still never really talks about that.

There are five kids at Skyhold. Five is nothing compared to the number of scampering, laughing, rambunctious children he used to sometimes be put in charge of supervising as a First, back when Keeper Deshanna thought he’d needed practice at responsible. He isn’t in charge of supervising any of the children in the fortress. He’s had more than enough practice at responsible. But they’re well taken care of, the children of this strange new clan. The baker’s daughter has her mother still, the merchant’s three children come and go, and Kiara... Kiara is just like her father, independent. And when she isn’t being independent, she’s stuck to the legs of Theo, and when Theo is away, Cassandra. He tries not to be offended by the fact that his brother’s daughter doesn’t seem to like him very much. If he were her, he wouldn’t either.

It’s a good thing, really, that there are other people to supervise the children. The Inquisitor has enough on his plate without having to worry about things like mediating fights over building blocks or soothing nightmares, and in this chaotic world with it’s green, gaping sky filled with literal demons, there have been a lot of nightmares. Now, he is the story parents tell their children when the bad dreams come at night: the Inquisitor will fix it. He has a magic hand and he’ll heal the whole sky, patch it right up.

He tries not to hear the stories, but his brother’s daughter looks at him like he’s one part mythic hero, one part imminent threat to everything she has ever loved.

She’s no stranger to danger, even though she’s barely five. Theo told him about how they used to live, running from place to place, threat to threat. Even with the gaping green hole in the sky, this is better. Skyhold feels safe. Sometimes, Skyhold feels like the only safe place in the world.

Which is why she doesn’t like Taren very much. Because every so often, when the gaping green hole is being particularly nasty, spitting out its demons and smaller tears of awful and green into the world, Taren sends her papa away. Really, Theo volunteers to go. Taren never asked for his help, he just showed up and offered it. He’s always been the kind of person who could never just stand by, they have that in common. And by the looks of things so will Kiara, one day, but right now she just misses her papa, and worries about the demons she knows are out there, and looks at Taren like he’s responsible.

And he can’t blame her. He is.

Which makes being put in charge of supervising her while both Cassandra and Theo are away exceedingly difficult. He volunteered to do it, of course. Promised Theo it would be fine, fun, even. Reminded him of how good he has always been with kids, told him he’d be grateful for the opportunity to get to know his little niece. And now she’s huffing at his every suggestion, and running away from him when he offers her dinner at the end of the long days, and hiding in her room with a doll Krem made her while refusing bedtime stories at night. Krem, who is a great, scary mercenary from a band of great, scary mercenaries, who lives in the tavern making lewd jokes and telling gory stories with Bull, is better loved by Skyhold’s children, by his own brother’s child, than he is.

Of course, he understands it. If he was a child, he’d like Krem better too. Krem makes little nug dolls with wings on them, and it’s hard to compete with that.

Still, it’s not just a jealousy thing. It’s not just a want of family or a desire to see enthusiastic appreciation for his skills at story-telling and whisp-making again. It’s not even just that he’s missed so much of his brother’s life, that he found out about Kiara when she was already four years old, and that Theo’s story about that life they had on the run sank into his heart cold. Those are all good reasons to feel a sense of determination about this, to want to prove that he is a fun, funny, warm and welcoming uncle. To want to be there for her even when her papa can’t be. To want to be considered as family. But it’s more than just love, he’ll love his brother’s child even if she does nothing but throw tantrums and slam doors the entire time Theo is away. What he really wants, selfishly, is a break.

He still knows how to make colourful whisps, but it’s been years since anyone’s needed his magic to do anything other than hurt. He still knows all the old stories, but it’s been years since anyone wanted to talk about Elvhenan as anything other than a puzzle to solve. He still knows the traditional dances, but the only dancing he’s done in years took him in stiff steps over marble floors, analyzing the threats hidden behind glittering masks, until finally, at the end of the night, someone tried to kill him. He’s just tired. He just wants to have some fun. 

So he decides, after four days of enduring a five-year-old’s brooding, that today they will have fun, whether Kiara wants to or not. They clearly both need it.

“Hey Kiara Kiddo,” he calls out to her where she’s picking dandelions from the courtyard green. She looks up at him with a sour expression, but she doesn’t get up or abandon the chain of flowers she’s connecting, which is a promising start. He sits next to her on the grass.

“Why do you always call me Kiara Kiddo?” she asks, stubborn, huffy, eyes narrowing to a squint. She doesn’t have Theo’s distinctive eye colours -- one blue, one green -- hers come from someone neither of them have ever met, and they’re deep and endlessly brown, but they squint just like her father’s. Taren leans back in the grass, and squints back at her.

“Because you’re a kiddo,” he says, “and it starts with the same letter.”

“I’m not a kiddo!” she huffs, “I’m a knight! Like Cassandra!”

Taren stifles a chuckle. Yesterday, she proved her skill with a practice sword by hitting him with it when he tried to tell her it was bedtime, which wasn’t very knightly, but her sword skills are rather good for a five year old, and now he has a bruise on his knee.

“Ok,” he says, “I’m sorry, Knight Kiara. That starts with the same letter too.”

Kiara considers this for a moment. “No it doesn’t.” she determines, “Knight starts with ‘nnnn’.”

“There’s a ‘K’ there first, you just don’t say it aloud.” Taren explains, “do you want help with your crown, Knight Kiara?”

“No.” she says, as she returns her attention to the linkage of yellow flowers, “why are there so many letters you don’t say?”

“What do you mean?”

“Laugh has a ‘guh’ at the end you don’t say, and know has a ‘K’ before the ‘nnn’ too.” she says, squinting down at her chain, “and Uncle Dori says that lots of big words sound smaller once you learn them.” Dorian is teaching Kiara to read. Dorian, who is probably the last person anyone would ever expect to even go near a child, never mind being the one to tell one stories, has earned himself a nickname and several flower crowns. Taren is head-over-heels in love with Dorian, though neither of them has said as much, and seeing him with a flower crown on his head about stopped his heart, the first time. But that doesn’t keep the jealousy from rising in his throat right now, when Dorian gets to be “Uncle” and he’s still spending his days feeling like he’s more title than person. More title than person to everyone, not just to Kiara, but not getting to be anyone’s uncle, that’s where it stings the most.

But if Kiara wants to be a knight, then he can be the all-important Inquisitor.

“He’s right about that,” Taren agrees, “do you want to go find a story about knights? I can help you read it.”

“No.” says Kiara.

“Or you could teach me sword fighting,” he suggests. Kiara simply shakes her head.

Taren is determined. He has an arsenal of kid-friendly activities at the ready to suggest. Colouring and stories and games and imaginative adventures they could go on around Skyhold, since he holds all the keys. She could sit up in his throne or they could visit Leliana’s birds, they could steal Cullen’s chess board or borrow Solas’ paints. He suggests a few of these things, and Kiara continues to say no, and squint at the grass.

Taren sighs. “Well I don’t know, Knight Kiara, what should we do?”

“Nothing.” she says.

Taren frowns. “That doesn’t sound like much fun,” he picks a few dandelions of his own, and fiddles with their stems, “I told your papa that me and you would have lots of fun while he’s gone,” he tries, “what are we going to tell him when he comes back?”

Kiara looks at him, fire in her warm brown eyes. “I don’t want to play with you until papa comes back. I just want papa to come back.”

“I know, kiddo.”

Her frown deepens, her eyes blaze.

“Sorry, knight,” Taren sighs again, “he’ll come back soon.” he promises.

“Why did you make him go?”

“I --” Taren pauses. His defence is not what Kiara wants to hear, not what she needs to hear. She’s already asked that question of him a hundred times, and she knows what his answer is. She asked Theo the same question a hundred times before he left, too, and Theo’s answer was the same. “I miss him too.” he says instead, “I’m worried about him too.”

“Then why don’t you make him come back.” it doesn’t sound anything like a question.

“I can’t,” he says, and it’s an honest answer, then he smiles, “no one can ever make your papa do anything, and no one will be able to stop him coming back to you.” that’s true too, mostly. Kiara is silent, she picks at the petals of one of her flowers.

“Do you want to see where he went?” Taren offers. She’s seen the maps before, Theo outlined the whole route and showed her the maps he’d be taking with him, and she’s gone over all the place names so many times that now she can recite them from memory, but sometimes it helps. “We can go look at the big map in the war room,” Taren offers, knowing she’s always been curious about what goes on in there, “or we can climb to the tallest tower of the castle and look out, if we face the right way and look really hard, we might see their fires.” That’s less true. Some scout fires can be seen from Skyhold’s peaks at night, but none of those are where Theo is. 

Kiara considers, then she shakes her head.

“We could write him a letter,” Taren offers next, “and take it to Leliana’s birds.” That helps too. He knew it would, so he suggested it to Dorian, and now they do that almost every day. Kiara gives him a startled look, like she’s surprised that he knows about the power of writing an absent parent letters, but then she shakes her head again.

The stem of one of Kiara’s flowers snaps when she tries to tie it, and she drops the whole thing with a disappointed groan. Taren picks it up. “Here,” he says, delicately taking the thing from the ground and waving a hand over its broken end until the stem grows out. He magics them together, pulls on the fade until it the stem is long and sturdy and then gives it reinforcing vines of magically grown plant matter to bind it, tying the whole thing together, “all better, see?” It’s an easy thing to do, sprouting a bit of green. Easier than calling on the spirits of the dead to fight after they fall, or summoning a rift he still doesn’t really understand to isolate his enemies, much easier than flinging bolts of electricity or even putting up a barrier. Kiara’s eyes go wide while she watches him.

“Do you have green magic because of your green hand?” she asks, for the moment more curious than she is upset with him, which is something.

“No,” he answers, “well I do, but not that kind of green magic. That’s a trick our Keeper taught me, when me and your papa were both young.”

“Papa can’t do magic.” Kiara frowns, “you have two kinds but all papa has is a bow.”

“Your papa doesn’t need magic,” Taren says, but Kiara looks unconvinced, “we learned together, you know, your papa with his bow while I was learning magic, and every time we fought he’d win.”

“Why did you fight?”

“Just for fun, just for practice. Like you and Cass.” he says, “we used to have fun together all the time, me and your papa.”

Kiara looks at him, her big brown eyes taking in his face, on which he’s projected an honest, if somewhat sad, smile. Then her eyes travel down to the flower chain, to the hand he waved over it and then to the hand he didn’t, that glows green.

“Papa won?“

“Always.” Taren says, “I don’t think even The Iron Bull could beat him.”

Kiara nods seriously.

“Did your papa ever tell you about when he was little?”

Kiara shrugs, “papa didn’t have a mama either, and he didn’t even have a papa, but you took care of him. That’s why I have to listen to you while he’s gone.” she recites, not like she knows it, but like she’s been told. Taren frowns.

“We had each other,” he says, “we had the whole clan, like a big, big family, but...” he pauses. He doesn’t want to make her sadder than she already is, “I didn’t have a mama or a papa either, so we took care of each other.”

“Were you sad?” her eyes travel back down to the ground, and she picks up the crown again, admiring the mended flower stem; it’s seamless. 

“Sometimes,” Taren shrugs, “we both were, sometimes.”

“Did you help papa when he was sad?”

“Of course.”

“How?”

Taren thinks. Stories, games, helping to get them into mischief some days and to keep Theo out of trouble on others.

“Once, we got some cake from a merchant, and ate so much we got sick.” he suggests, “and I did this, and told him stories,” Taren waves his hand, the ordinary one, up into the air, and colourful whisps begin to dance about. Kiara watches a blue one flit around her flower crown, and a corner of her lip almost makes it up to a smile.

“Can we make cake?” she asks, “I like cake.”

“Good idea, Knight Kiara,” Taren smiles, “but I bet to make a cake we’ll need supplies. Are you ready for your first quest?”

Kiara smiles a little more, and nods. “Here,” she says, offering the flower crown she’s just finished out to him, “if I am the knight then you have to be the princess.”

“Got it,” Taren agrees, and places the crown on his head.

[sooibian]

Dittany

✨ part of the Spellbound collab series with insanely talented writers @hkynm ​ @fullsuninbloom​ @blackberrykai​ and @j-pping​

✨ pairing: hufflepuff!kyungsoo x ravenclaw!oc/reader ft. ravenclaw!chen

✨ themes: fluff, mild angst, slow burn, cheesy couples

✨ genre: hogwarts!au

✨ description: broken bones and a tedious detention - can I still say that this is the best christmas i've ever had? it’s because I found magic in him - the big eyed, dark haired, hufflepuff boy. funny I say that as a witch! but sadly, good things don’t last forever.

✨ word count: 16.5k

✨ tag list: @eggsodose @christiandosworld @imgonweast @is-that-baekhyuns-shirt @changshapatrol @thatanonymousgirl-as14 @his-mochi-cheeks @charmedbaek @xiusoomygod @crescent-iak @gdaystays @mangobaek @keonaforever21 @staryyugy @hyckrens @yixing-jaebeom @halfbloodkjm @thepoeticfirefly​

With a baggie of Caramel Cobwebs grasped between her fingers, he saw her head towards Gladrags Wizardwear. He feigned untied shoelaces as his friends Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Chen made a beeline for a table at The Three Broomsticks. He stayed just so that he could see her for just a little bit longer as she walked down the quaint but bustling lane of Hogsmeade. It baffled him how different she looked to him every time he saw her. 

Yet she looked so familiar.

A sound of girls giggling reached his ears suddenly making him more aware. A jet of purple light shot in her direction and she stood frozen, right in the middle of the street, face buried in hands.

It enraged him to see her like this, weak and lost. With a flick of his wand he unbound her legs. Misty eyed, she hesitantly looked over her shoulder for a fleeting moment before hurrying into the safer confines of the shop as though nothing had happened.

This was their first ever trip to Hogsmeade and he thought J. Pippin's Potions worth the detour. 

Rat tails. Porcupine quills. Billywig stings.

The Hair Raising potion had its benefits, after all. 

A few drops of it in their pumpkin juice and those girls went around school with their hair standing on end. It made them the laughing-stock and not a single soul suspected the innocent looking, third-year Hufflepuff boy.

.

.

.

Professor Trelawney's got me feeling like I’ve downed an entire flask of Felix Felicis.

Maybe it was the fine sherry I brought her for Christmas and if I'm being honest she was most likely under the influence of some at the time - a bit too early in the day for such an indulgence but that’s just my opinion. Anyway, she has prophesied that today’s going to be a momentous day for me. She said it would “change the course of my destiny”. Jupiter has entered Pisces owing to which I’ll be able to open myself up more to the world. I shudder at the thought but her comically large, moony eyes bore a distinct hint of euphoria so I’ll take her word for it. And I don’t care what “opinions” other students - or even Professors for that matter - have of her but I’ll always believe that Divination is a highly compelling (albeit misunderstood) branch of magic. 

And Professor Trelawney is a truly gifted Seer.

With a spring in my step, I'm practically galloping down the Great Hall after a hearty breakfast and Professor Flitwick is unfeignedly in his element. A peppy tune on his lips, he blossoms golden baubles out of his wand, trailing them over the branches of the new dozen of frost covered fir trees akin to a Maestro weaving a symphony with his baton. Christmas has always been an ethereal treat for the eyes at Hogwarts. The Castle is covered in several feet of silver snow, in the Great Hall thick streams of holly and mistletoe criss-cross the ceilings and enchanted snow falls warm and dry from it. While I do feel a little lonely sometimes, I'd rather spend the holidays here than back home with Gran.  

Fourteen years of having to raise me all by herself after Mum and Dad passed away couldn’t have been easy. I reckon she could do well without having to unnecessarily fret over me during the holidays. And I could do very well without her persuasions, asking me to live up to the dreams my parents had had for me. Hopefully, she's enjoying herself with a cup or two of Firewhisky in the evenings in the company of her Ministry friends and gorging on those delicious Ugly Christmas Sweater Cookies and Liquorice Wands that she so relishes!

"Looks great, Professor!" I say to Professor Flitwick and with a cheery laugh he waves his wand bearing arm at me. I duck at the sudden attack of tinsels but one golden bauble nests in the loop of my topknot anyway. I think I'll keep it and use it for Hagrid's gift.

Hagrid!

A glance out the window behind the staff table and I resolve to brave the weather and pay him a long overdue visit. I have a little something for him and old Fang. I won’t lie, it helps to be the granddaughter of an influential woman for Hagrid’s Christmas presents don’t come easy. 

Another great thing about Christmas is that I have the castle all to myself. The dormitory is vacant and the Common Room is far emptier than usual. And I’m spared the everyday torment of hushed whispers and giggles and the occasional “practical jokes”. Carefully, I bring Hagrid’s present out of its little pen to measure it up against the stray bauble. Not his size. He rapidly blinks his beetle brown eyes at me and crawls up my arm with a certain urgency, nestling into the crook of my neck. “Aww Mr. Twiggles”, I plop the Bowtruckle down onto my lap and wrap a pink ribbon around its knobbly brown arm. Placing him under an airy bronze cloche, alongside a huge slab of butterbeer fudge, I bid him adieu. 

***

My butt is freezing, I’m pretty sure I heard something crack and it was definitely not the ice. A terrified Bowtruckle is smack in the middle of my face while I lie amidst crumbs of Butterbeer Fudge. Since this could be his only shot at freedom, Mr. Twiggles scuttles into the Forbidden Forest. Taking stock of the situation I realise that Fang’s present has now become one with the snow, I’ve lost Hagrid’s present to its natural habitat and probably snapped a few of my bones in the process. 

But this is the least of my concerns. 

My literal fall further down the school’s social structure has a witness - the Muggle-born Hufflepuff boy, who belongs to probably one of the most influential cliques in school. I don’t think much of them, to be honest. They’re just a babbling band of bumbling baboons. But can’t I have a day go by without being humiliated? Is that a lot to ask? Hagrid’s hut is barely ten feet from here. I wouldn’t mind breaking all of my bones in his company. He would’ve probably offered me some tea and his infamous rock cakes before carrying me to the Hospital Wing. Out of all the places in Hogwarts... out of all the places in the world...did this wide-eyed bloke really have to be here? Exactly in this moment? And just how many students is Hagrid friends with anyway? And why him? I swear I’ve never seen the boy smile. Not even when he’s with his rowdy friends. 

This can’t be it. 

This can’t be the ‘momentous day that changes the course of my destiny’. This is just like...any other rubbish day and it’s crushing my soul. I'm starting to believe that Divination is a whole lot of hogwash and Professor Trelawney is indeed a fraud. But at this point, I can’t feel my limbs and I really, really could use some help.

Squinting hard, the Muggle-born rushes to my aid. My lips begin to quiver and I feel warm tears trickle down my temples, further wetting my already damp hair. He stoops down and his eyes widen with surprise and recognition and he scoffs at my immobilized state. As he’s helping me up, I wrap my right arm around his shoulders. An imperceptible smile tugs at his lips as his left arm firms around my waist and before I know it, I’m standing on my own two feet - or one. My weight is supported by him and my good right leg. But before I can begin to thank him, a sharp pain shoots to my head and I see little stars buzzing around his ears. Maybe they are real! 

“Wrackspurts”, I mumble and observe his lips form the shape of a heart when curved into a wide smile. His smile is….bewitching.

And it's the last thing I see.

***

Madam Pomfrey strongly insists on keeping me caged in for the night. She’s implacable and my protests are met with a standard taut response, “Broken bones are particularly dangerous in winters. You’re staying the night.” How do I explain that I feel fine and keeping me in will only make matters a LOT worse for me.

I have to go see the Hufflepuff boy.

I have absolutely no memory of the events that unfolded after I literally started seeing stars. Not Wrackspurts. Did he perhaps carry me to the Hospital Wing? I have no answers and this isn’t exactly the kind of topic I wish to broach with Madam Pomfrey. My throat dries up at the thought of him struggling to bring me all the way up here and it makes me actively consider a transfer to Beauxbatons - if that is indeed possible. Because this cannot be happening right now! Sixth year has been quiet and I’d like to keep it that way, thank you very much. 

I don’t know if the Hufflepuff boy will keep it down for me. Will he tell his friends about it? Will I become the talk of the town even before school resumes? Will he keep it to himself if I cut a deal with him? I don’t mind helping him out with schoolwork or something.

My delirious train of thought is interrupted by three rhythmic knocks on the slightly ajar double door.

It’s him.

He’s standing in the doorway, twiddling a rectangular purple box in his hands, shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other. Does he expect me to invite him in? What’s the protocol? Smoothing out the wrinkles in my blanket, I sit up slightly and crane my neck to find Madam Pomfrey who seems to be in her Office. Pursing my lips into an awkward smile, I turn to look at him and shrug noncommittally. He takes it as his cue to enter.

“This is for you.” He says in a low mellifluous voice which tastes like honeyed milk and gingerly places the box at the edge of my bed. Caramel Cobwebs. My favourite! He finds a seat at the edge of the other end of my bed.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to...and thank you for everything. I -”

His deep brown eyes suddenly meet mine and I lose all sense of speech.

“It was Hagrid who brought you here”, he says nonchalantly, drumming his fingers on his knees while allowing his large eyes to survey the sterile, sprawling infirmary.

Then why is he here?

“Aren’t you missing lunch?” I ask, unwrapping the box and offering the constellate of bite sized confectionery to him. “I’m not too hungry”, he says, guzzling down a few anyway. A soft smile touches the corners of his mouth. 

Silence echoes in the Hospital Wing, save for our muted nibbling. It’s soothing in its sense of comfort as neither of us is particularly chatty. And that’s just as gratifying as the sweet treats.

“Looks like we have company!” The stern but kind Matron swooshes out of her office, scrutinizing the boy from top to bottom, making him shift uncomfortably in his seat. She’s never been too fond of visitors. I remember the day I tagged along with Chen last year to visit his human banshee of a friend - Baekhyun. 

A doxy had apparently sunk it’s double row sharp front teeth into his arm, injecting him with its venom. His dense idea was to experiment with doxy venom to appear ill just so that he could cut a couple of lessons with his dimwitted oaf - Chanyeol. While the latter went unscathed and even managed to extract an ounce of venom out of the doxy (cute fairies he liked to call them), the human banshee had to be brought into the Hospital Wing to be administered the Antidote to Uncommon Poisons. I only visited the boy who cackles like a goose to get a little look-see of what doxy venom could do to a person. But to my absolute dismay, he looked... peachy, with an annoying boxy grin plastered across his face. The Matron shooed Chen, me and the big oaf out in a matter of minutes. It’s not that I blame her. I would’ve probably done the same in view of the racket that ensued amidst their boisterous conversation.

Madam Pomfrey brings out a small vial of brown liquid and applies a few drops of it on my elbow. I hadn’t noticed the nasty wound my fall had left on it, up until then. A greenish smoke billows upward and it quickly clears out to make the wound look several days old and new skin stretches over what had been a deep cut.

“Dittany!” The Hufflepuff boy and I say in unison.

“Well done! 5 points each to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw!” Madam Pomfrey jokes as she peers over her spectacles and her gaze flits between him and me. I catch his heart shaped smile again. And for some reason, makes my stomach contract and my heart go into a somersault. Or maybe it’s the effect whatever Madam Pomfrey’s got me under.

The Matron raises her wand and points it at the table adjoining my bed. A large plate of sandwiches, two silver goblets and a jug of a cold beverage appear with a pop.

It's honeyed milk. 

She retracts into her office without pressing on him to leave and for that I am grateful. We share sandwiches in silence as a mildly bitter citrus aroma of Dittany wafts through the space between us. The plate endlessly refills itself but we’re both satiated by the third fill.

“I’m Kyungsoo, by the way. Sixth year.” He says in his dulcet tone and I take a huge gulp of the sweet nectar out of the goblet.

***

Madam Pomfrey sets me free with not one but two warnings. Avoid slippery outdoors if you’d like to enjoy the Christmas feast and Don’t count your owls before they are delivered. I’ll admit the second one is a bit difficult to stomach since I had my eyes trained on the door for the better part of the morning. It comes in fine print at the bottom of the letter of acceptance - steer clear of parent-less weirdos who believe in Divination and Nargles. Of course the sweet and quiet Kyungsoo received the same letter. 

After having sent Hagrid a Christmas greeting via an owl, I head over to the library. Its musty fragrance clears my mind off trivial sentiments. Sixth year is no child’s play and I need to read up on Apparition to avoid having a limb splinched especially after yesterday’s disaster. 

“Umm...HI!”, a chirpy voice startles me and I almost collapse into the Restricted Section. This voice is a little too sprightly for a deserted library and its owner looks like someone who does not belong in school during the holiday season. Her dazzling smile perfectly complements the twinkle in her eyes. She’s one of those girls but she seems nice? My puzzled expression asks her the obvious questions.

“Sorry! Professor Slughorn asked me to give this to you.” She hands me a rich parchment. It’s a letter addressed to me in the most exquisite cursive inviting me to dinner held by Professor H.E.F Slughorn.

Bleaaargh!

The girl is still here, eyes beaming with curiosity, “It’s for the Slug Club, right? What’s it all about? Well... I’ve always wondered.” Her voice trails off in an awkward giggle.

“Be my guest!”

It’ll help to have a slightly known, apparently friendly face in an obnoxious crowd.

***

I’m no stranger to the opulent ways of prestigious wizarding families but this isn’t something one would expect to see in a Professor’s office at Hogwarts. It’s barely even an office! It’s an enormous tent bathed in a dim orange of the sunset with its ceiling and walls draped in emerald hangings. The deep melody of violins drowns the frantic squeaking of house elves who are obscured by the heavy silver platters of the finest hors d'oeuvres.  

A circular dining area is set up right in the middle of the room where most of the invitees have taken their seats. There aren’t too many compared to last year. No Warlocks, no Vampires. Just a handful of students with their guests and a couple of past students - Slughorn’s proteges of course - who’ve managed to carve a name for themselves all thanks to the powerful connections he’d helped them forge through this very same Club. Or so he’d rather believe.

The tap on my shoulder strikes me with the realization that I’m still stood at the entrance. It’s my chirpy guest! The fifth year Gryffindor Prefect. One awkward small talk later, we find our seats at the ostentatious table.

Despite the grandiose, this is a rather intimate gathering. But judging by Professor Slughorn’s enthusiasm, the turnout is certainly not off-putting to him. He drones on about his overachieving handpicked students and I let my mind wander into the distance while Miss Prefect is certainly taken by the charms of this first-class motley. Well, at least someone’s liking it here.

“Kyungsoo, m’boy!” Slughorn jumps mid-feast at the sight of the newest entrant to this coalition, almost causing me to choke on my roast duck, “Welcome, welcome!” 

At a gesture from Slughorn, he sits down in the empty chair next to me and mutters a velvety ‘hullo’ in my direction and I’ve suddenly lost my appetite thanks to the butterflies in my stomach. He’s dressed casually in blue denims and a beige knit sweater yet he’s shining brighter than Sirius among all these boys in their finest ensembles.

“This young man is the only sixth year I’ve ever seen who’s managed to concoct the Draught of Living Death”, he takes a dramatic pause to peer at his guests over his spectacles before meeting my eyes, “flawlessly!”

Almost everyone at the table acknowledges Kyungsoo with a smile or a slight nod, save for a few overtly arrogant Purebloods who merely grunt in response or completely ignore his accomplishment. I, on the other hand, have my eyes trained on the roast duck to keep my erratic heartbeat in check.

Slughorn gears up for another act, “So tell us, Mister Doh, what exactly does your family do in the Muggle world?” His smile is cold, unwelcoming.

“My Mum is a chef, Professor...my parents own a restaurant.” Kyungsoo answers.

Slughorn contemplates on his answer for a while with a ‘hmm’, “A Muggle-born, eh?”, he lifts an eyebrow, “But the fumes from his cauldron almost lulled this old man into a deep slumber”, he chortles, wagging a sausage like finger, only to receive cold silence in response from everyone else except one invitee.

The feline eyed man laughs the loudest at Slughorn’s pathetic joke. One might think it’s probably out of sympathy. But it’s not. He seems to have actually found that funny.

Slughorn introduces him as Minseok Kim and goes on to sing praises about this former student of his. Slytherin. Excellent potioneer. One of the youngest registered animagi. 

His animagus is a cat. 

Minseok interrupts Slughorn’s discourse with an uncomfortable laugh showcasing his wide gummy grin, “You give me too much credit, Professor!”

“You’ve made me proud, my son! So tell us how your career as a Magizoologist is treating you? Well, I hope? Your uncle Soo Man Lee, a notable Warlock and a dear friend of mine, wrote to me saying that you happened to cross paths with an obscurus during one of your recent travels! That must have been...” Professor Slughorn shakes his head in horror and awe as his voice tails away.

“It’s certainly a story for a different occasion, Professor. Although, it happens to be one of my most memorable experiences.” Something about Minseok’s discomfit demeanour tells me he’d rather have a tête-à-tête with the obscurus than with Professor Slughorn. I take an instant liking to this man. 

“Minseok, we happen to have an aspiring Magizoologist in our company”, I loathe the nickname. It’s a garb. It’s a lie. But the conversation seamlessly steers towards me as a dozen pairs of eyes follow Professor Slughorn’s snivelling gaze. Clearing my throat, I say to Minseok, “I’m delighted to meet you - ”

“My dear, if I may ask and I hope you won’t mind”, Professor Slughorn interrupts me, per usual. Kyungsoo lets out a barely audible annoyed grunt and I hold my breath in anticipation of what he’s about to say next. Slughorn has a knack for broaching treacherous territories with utmost eloquence. I didn’t think it was possible for me to despise this gathering any more than I already do. I know where he’s going. I know what he’s going to say next. He’s going to play the Devil’s (Gran’s) Advocate. 

This is not a party. It’s an intervention which serves as an offhanded reminder of my parents’ gruesome deaths.

“You come from a lineage of Aurors par excellence. Your grandparents with whom I had the great fortune of exchanging notes and secrets in these very same classrooms. Your parents…. a tremendous loss to our world…” 

At this point, I’ve lost Professor Slughorn. 

He’s testing me again to see if I have any of my parents’ flair. I do not. Magizoologist is just a veil that conceals my seemingly purposeless life. I’m not sure what I want to be. Or who I want to be. If there’s one thing I know it’s that I don’t want to end up like my parents. Neither am I brave nor am I self sacrificial. Their deaths, I’ve come to terms with. It’s the torture they went through that keeps me up most nights - the unimaginable pain of the Cruciatus Curse before they were engulfed in blinding green light. My throat seizes up and I chew on the insides of my cheeks to feel pain that’s more superficial.

My sweaty palms clutch at the hem of my silk lilac dress. I feel hesitant fingers gently graze the back of my left hand, steadying the tremble. Judging by my lack of protest, Kyungsoo’s grip around my hand courageously strengthens. 

In subliminal comfort. 

I don’t feel cornered anymore.

.

.

.

KYUNGSOO

Oh I shouldn’t have. 

OH BOY I SHOULD NOT HAVE!

I’m not a pervert. In my defense her hand was right there! Trembling. Astray. Seeking shelter.

Asking to be held.

She didn’t say a word to me after that ridiculous party. I couldn’t muster the courage to say anything to her, either. What could I have said? I’m sorry? That would’ve been dishonest. I wasn’t sorry about it at all. Are you alright? I didn’t want her to feel any more uncomfortable than she already did. So I left it at that. Like I always do. 

Because I’m a coward. 

She swooped out with her friend as soon as the snoozefest was over, leaving her food completely untouched. In fact, I didn’t catch her taking a bite out of anything ever since I arrived. Her slender fingers were gracefully wrapped around a silver goblet the entire time.

It’s always been like that with her. She always needs something or the other to physically hold on to. The straps of her bag, books, remembralls, whatever she can find. I notice these little things about her. I always have. But to her I’m only a face in the crowd. The very same crowd she fights shy of. I don’t blame her. It is quite rare for pretty girls to notice me. 

And she’s ethereal.

Year One

My heart was hammering in my chest as I was ridiculously close to missing the Hogwarts Express. Partially because the oddly named Platform was nowhere to be found and I was starting to think of the entire thing as an elaborate prank. And when we did end up finding the way to the Platform by following a snooty wizarding couple who seemed to be seeing their daughter off, I quite frankly lost my mind at the prospect of having to run through a solid wall to get to it.

I said a final word of my goodbye to my teary-eyed mother.

Earlier in the day, her theatrical sobfest went on for hours after she progressed from outright denial and came to terms with the fact that witches and wizards do exist and that her only son is in fact a wizard. He wasn’t going to take over his parents’ restaurant business like she’d always hoped he would. Honestly, at this point he’s not entirely sure what his future beholds but he’s a wizard and is indeed very happy about it.

But I didn’t dare say this to her. 

I pretended to be upset about having to practically move out at the age of eleven. In all honesty, I was mildly upset but far more excited about this school I’d, obviously, never heard of before the Letter arrived - Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 

But it wasn’t long before all of my bubbling excitement was reduced to a pile of rubbish.

I had lost my little pouch of wizard money which I thought I'd carefully tucked into the back pocket of my jeans only to find out about it seconds prior to having to pay for the strange but oddly tempting treats. I felt myself shrink under the kind old lady’s sympathetic gaze as I put my little confectionery treasure back to where it belonged. On the top of her trolley. Suddenly, the embarrassing rumble of my stomach was drowned by a welcome jingle of coins.

The second year boy in my compartment - who later introduced himself as Baekhyun Byun - paid for the treats instead. I didn’t like him at first since he had a permanent smile plastered across his face, was giggly and extremely chatty. He’d told me all kinds of sorting stories which made me want to take the same train back home. I discovered his annoyingly loud chewing habits while sharing a stack of Cauldron Cakes with him. But I guess a happy stomach makes one truly tolerant.

We tried to offer Pumpkin Pasties to the girl in our compartment who had her face buried in a book right since the moment she boarded. Baekhyun even tried to strike up a conversation with her, multiple times, but to no avail. She’d only respond in nods and slight smiles.

After a point, we gave up. There’s no cure to snobbery.

There was an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach even after having annihilated five Chocolate Frogs, a dozen Liquorice Wands, six Pumpkin Pasties and two Cauldron Cakes. It wasn't even the first day yet and I’d lost ten Galleons in wizarding money which equalled fifty Pounds in muggle money which equalled two meals at our restaurant.

The rain thickened as the train sped further north. Baekhyun pulled on his long black robe, gave me all of his Chocolate Frog cards and scurried ahead with his trunk leaving me alone with the oddball. We were nearly there.

“Here”, she said, thrusting a heavy, knotted pink cloth in my hands before exiting the compartment in a rush.

It was five Galleons neatly wrapped in a cloth that smelled exactly like the “farewell” cake Mum baked me. 

Vanilla.

***

We didn’t have to wrestle a troll or turn a fat rat yellow for the Sorting Ceremony like Baekhyun said we’d have to.

“RAVENCLAW!” the Hat bellowed and the girl from the Hogwarts Express found her place amidst the brains at Hogwarts (as Baekhyun liked to call them) and that didn’t leave me surprised at all.

When the strict witch called out my name I almost stumbled upon a step on my way up to the wooden stool. For no particular reason the word “Ravenclaw” rolled off my tongue and the Hat contemplated, “Intelligent and hard-working, eh? Hmm….where should I place you...I see. I see! HUFFLEPUFF!”

The table next to Ravenclaw cheered me on as a ghost, the Fat Friar, swooshed past me in what was supposed to be a bone chilling embrace. I caught her eyes and she gave me a little wave.

Ravenclaw...at least I knew where to find her. I’ll return her money but not the piece of cloth.

It is a reminder of home.

Year Two

Am I invisible to her?

Every time I’ve so much as smiled at her she’s returned it with an unreadable expression like that lady in the fake painting at our restaurant. If I approach her and she doesn’t recognize me, I’ll be making a complete ass out of myself. Anyway, she probably thinks I’m not good enough to be seen around with but third-year Chen is. People say she belongs to one of the oldest wizarding families and she sure does act like royalty. I guess, five Galleons to her is nothing but a drop in the ocean.

***

While Professor Sprout thinks I’m the next Tilden Toots - a celebrity Herbologist and Potioneer, Professor Snape’s way of expressing his satisfaction with my abilities in Potions was with a scowl and a barely audible “five points to Hufflepuff.”

Most of the students think of Potions as a lot of hard work but to me, it’s really not. I don’t entirely blame them. The classes are held in a dungeon and the Potions Master looms over us with a murderous intent but if you ignore all of that it’s just intricacies of timing and stirring techniques.

The Hair Raising potion was disgusting to concoct especially since one of the key ingredients was rat tails and three counter clockwise stirs left the cauldron with a sickening green residue causing the entire dungeon to smell like a dead rat.

I must admit, Hogwarts is one weird school. What on earth would I need this potion for?

Year Three

Whenever I’ve tried to avoid the joined at the hips duo Baekhyun and Chanyeol, I’ve found myself in their ear splitting company. By now, I’ve resigned to my fate. My fellow Hufflepuff Yoongi isn’t up for much these days. To be honest, he’s always liked to stick to the confines of the Hufflepuff dorm and that’s kind of a downer.

So I spend almost all of my free time in the company of the Perpetually In Detention duo and their Ravenclaw friend Chen. And I realise that I can never be Chen. Chen is perfect in every way. He’s polite, he’s intelligent, and at such a young age he’s got his life planned out. He wants to work for the Ministry of Magic. Which, I believe, is a cakewalk for the likes of him. He’s also kinda good looking. While we’re all struggling with embarrassing bulk sticking out of odd places and less than appealing skin, he could very well replace Gilderoy Lockhart for the next issue of Witch Weekly.

***

When I saw her head toward Gladrags Wizardwear, fingers clutched at a baggie of Caramel Cobwebs, I feigned untied shoelaces as Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Chen made their way into The Three Broomsticks. Suddenly, a jet of purple light shot in her direction and a sound of girls giggling reached my ears. She stood frozen in the middle of the street, face buried in hands and with a flick of my wand I unbound her legs. Misty eyed, she hesitantly looked over her shoulder for a fleeting moment before hurrying into the safer confines of the shop as though nothing had happened.

This was our first ever trip to Hogsmeade and I thought J. Pippin's Potions worth the detour.

Rat tails. Porcupine quills. Billywig stings.

The Hair Raising potion had its benefits, after all. 

A few drops of it in their pumpkin juice and not a single soul suspected the innocent looking, third-year Hufflepuff boy.

Year Four

Hagrid seemed quite proud of his crate full of Blast-Ended Skrewts. They were cuddly creatures, very useful and made for exceptional pets. 

If you looked at them with Hagrid’s beady brown, affectionate eyes.

Everyone in class was visibly disturbed at the sight of them. Yoongi was quite close to disappearing into the Forbidden Forest. But that’s just him - slimy, foul smelling, shell-less lobsters or not. I wouldn’t be surprised if he chose, out of the blue, to live as a hermit in the company of centaurs. Not sure if he’s aware that they’re averse to humans.

Smiling, she took two graceful steps towards the crate as the rest of us took two steps back. Then four, then six as her waist length hair rippled down her shoulders and sunlight bounced off the silver trinkets in her ears. Perhaps motivated by her deep affection for Hagrid and anything non-human, she dipped a piece of frog liver to tempt the freshly hatched Skrewts.

It was pointless. Skrewts don’t have mouths. Mine is carefully locked away in a little pen under my bed. Honestly, I don’t care whether it survives the semester or not. 

Anyway, she ended up earning a roaring applause from Hagrid and ten points for Ravenclaw.

I found myself following her to the hideous crate like my legs had a mind of their own while Yoongi gaped at me in horror. I don’t know what struck me but I’m pretty sure that I don’t love Hagrid enough to get stung by an ugly lobster. 

But she had her eyes lovingly trained on the Skrewts the entire time and my valiant battle against a six inch burning, biting and stinging hybrid went completely unnoticed by her. 

Would I have to transfigure into an ugly Skrewt to get her attention? Or gulp down a vial of Polyjuice Potion to look like Chen? 

I’d still lack his charm.

Year Five

How Chanyeol and Baekhyun managed to advance to the sixth year is anyone’s guess, really. 

Because at this point I wish I had a Time Turner. Twenty four hours in a day are not enough for what the O.W.L.s demand. I’ve got Potions, Arithmancy, Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, History of Magic and Defence Against The Dark Arts. 

And Divination is entirely her fault.

There’s one thing, though, that Trelawney’s “Inner Eye” was right about - Everything is not as bad as it seems, my dear. It’s true. Professor Slughorn isn’t half as bad as Professor Snape. Although he’s a little vain and self-serving, I have a better shot at earning an O in Potions with him than I could have ever had with Snape. Where Snape would dismiss my nearly perfect brews with a grunt, I manage to earn some real points for Hufflepuff with Slughorn.

Professor Sprout, ever so confident in my abilities, had laughed away my Career Advice session by calling me the next Tilden Toots. Her face fell slightly when I told her that I aspired to be Tilden Toots the Potioneer and not Tilden Toots the Herbologist.

But my dreams won’t materialize if I don’t have near perfect scores in Charms and Arithmancy and these are the two subjects that have kept me away from my “happening” social life.

I’d been haunting the Hufflepuff common room with my fingers in my ears, muttering soundlessly and my dear friend Yoongi chose to “take a quick catnap for a refreshed mind” every chance he got. I haven’t seen them in a while - Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Chen and their Quidditch friends Kai and Sehun. With twelve (failed) study schedules strewn on the floor and six weeks left until the exams, I seized my copy of Defensive Magical Theory and stepped out of the dorm for some fresh air and mindless chatter.

Last I’d heard, they’d managed to earn themselves a week’s worth of detention for setting off Filibuster’s Fireworks in Filch’s office. 

What I witnessed in the corridor on my way out made me stop dead in my tracks. Chen had his arm around her shoulders as they walked along the hallway laughing and talking animatedly. This was the happiest I had ever seen her in all these years. At the sight of them, I felt a paralyzing dread seep into my consciousness. 

I hated it.

I hated to see her happy. With him. A part of me saw this coming but I could’ve never prepared myself for it and I immediately regretted leaving the unwitting confines of my Common Room. 

Seething, I went in the other direction, taking a detour for the Quidditch pitch, to find those clowns. 

With them, I could very well drift in and out of conversations. While I lacked patience for most of their rubbish and I usually brought my earmuffs along, today was different. I needed to hear something refreshing to get my mind off the horrible fragmented flashbacks of what I’d witnessed just minutes ago. It’s probably nothing and they’re just friends but the nagging rebuttal to my ‘just friends’ argument is making me restless.

To my absolute horror, Chen breezed into the pitch with an annoying grin on his face, cheeks flushed. I felt the knot in my stomach tighten.

“Guys! I asked her out and she said yes!” He announced to the world in his usual thunderous scream invoking a deafening response from the rest of them. Slamming my copy of Defensive Magical Theory shut, I rushed to the common room, ignoring Kai calling out for me.

Year Six

Study hard and you will be rewarded. Fail to do so and the consequences may be... severe.

And rewarded, I was. With 6 Os, 2 Es (Arithmancy and Defence Against the Dark Arts) and 1 A (Divination). Yoongi had managed to scrape through with a decent O.W.Ls score as well. And “Chen’s girlfriend” had topped the year, per usual. With 8 O’s and 1 E in Defence Against The Dark Arts, having messed up one counter jinx in the practicals.  She’s strangely under confident when it comes to this subject.

My house-elf friend Winky smuggled in a congratulatory vanilla cake - a Muggle recipe I’d helped her recreate.

***

So turns out “Chen’s girlfriend” isn’t Chen’s girlfriend. 

I mean, Chen has a girlfriend but it’s not the girl from the Hogwarts Express. It’s the Ravenclaw Head Girl. Because I spent nearly half a year sulking, slogging away in the library, feeling betrayed for no particular reason, despite my well above average O.W.Ls score I felt like a complete idiot.

The bearer of good news was Chanyeol Park.

Who enraged me and made me want to kiss a Blast-Ended Skrewt on its non-existent mouth at the same time with, “Of course he’s not dating that Ravenclaw oddball. He’s dating the Ravenclaw Head Girl.”

Smacking him on the head with my copy of Advanced Potion Making, I decided to spend the upcoming Christmas at school. 

It’s now or never.

***

She’s SUCH an idiot!

A freezing, injured, drenched, clumsy idiot. 

A Bowtruckle whirred past me into the Forbidden Forest as I rushed to help her off the ground. Tergeo, I muttered to siphon the blood off her elbow and hoisted her up not long before she collapsed into my arms.

She’s a cute idiot whose pain is… my gain.

.

.

.

“Why aren’t you home for the holidays?”

Howling, a chilly breeze engulfs us but the panoramic view of the landscape from the Wooden Bridge is well worth it. As is the mildly attractive Hufflepuff boy who’d asked, very shyly, if he could see me here.

“My parents are always busy with the restaurant during the holidays, anyway. Thought I’d use this time to prepare better in advance for N.E.W.T.s”, says a red-nosed, shivering Kyungsoo.

He’s ambitious as he is kind. “So, are you?”

“Hmm?”

“Preparing for... N.E.W.T.s?”

“No. Something’s kept me busy.” An imperceptible smile tugs at his lips and I find myself unconsciously mirroring him. It’s freezing out here but my cheeks are ablaze.

“What has?” My tone is unwavering but his rich pause has me dreading as well as anticipating the answer.

“The Patronus Charm”, he says, “All I can manage is formless silver vapour.”

Oh.

“I could help if you like.” I turn to face him to find his confused expression uncoil into a toasty smile.

“You can conjure an actual corporeal Patronus?” His excitable voice is not as deep as his regular talking voice but it’s melodic anyway.

Nodding, I say, “Let’s go.” 

Kyungsoo’s eyes aren’t exactly trusting. I’ve brought him to the seventh floor and we’re gawking at a tapestry of trolls ridiculously bent in a plier. If I were him, I wouldn’t trust me either. But Hogwarts is an ancient castle and I’ve spent a good amount of time recceing it’s rooms, hallways, and everything in between. Yet, I discover something new, every time. 

Last year, I discovered this - The Room of Requirement - or as Meady likes to call it - the Come and Go Room.

“Okay, so we’re going to walk past the area of this door, thrice, thinking clearly of what we need.” Pointing at the wall opposite the funny tapestry, I say to Kyungsoo but a look of sheer confusion mixed with worry clouds his face.

“We’re going to think of a large, dingy classroom where we can have our lessons without anyone disturbing us.”

His expression is short of saying, ‘You’re crazy. Goodbye.’ Despite that, he valiantly follows my instruction.

After the third pass we’re in a spacious classroom completely devoid of any furniture, save for two desks.

“Ahhh”, hands on hips, he gapes in surprise surveying the dimly lit room, “but...we could’ve practised anywhere. Why here?”

“For the effect?” My fingers clutch at the edge of the desk as a knot tightens in my stomach and I find myself hoping that he stays.

His ha-ha-ha echoes in the room and his voice is at it’s high pitch again, “Shall we?”

Nodding, I take the centre of the class, “So the incantation is ‘Expecto Patronum’”

“Of that, I am aware.”

“Great now concentrate hard on a happy memory. I know it’s going to be tough without an actual Dementor or even a Boggart to practise on. But let’s give it a try, alright? Professor Flitwick taught me using a Boggart last year. I didn’t leave him alo -- sorry I’m rambling. Okay, happy memory... now...go!”

Kyungsoo squeezes his eyes shut and his face screws up in concentration. With a swish of his wand he stutters, “Ex-expecto Patronus!”

Nothing except peals of laughter echo in the room.

“Lets go again. Together now.” I say patting his shoulder.

Signalling each other with a nod we try again, “Expecto Patronum!”

A lynx rises out the end of my wand, trotting across the room before diffusing into nothingness. While Kyungsoo manages to issue a not so tangible cloud of silver.

A few tries later, he manifests something visibly stronger but he’s not quite there yet. And we’re both exhausted. I fish for a Chocolate Frog in the pockets of my cardigan and hand it to him.

“This charm is ridiculously advanced! How about we try again after Christmas?” Leaning on one of the desks, he offers dejectedly, nibbling at the Frog’s head.

I gladly accept it.

***

Owing to the small number of students that have stayed back this year, the House tables have been put aside and a single table has been set up for the Christmas feast. As if it were the most natural thing to do in the world, Kyungsoo comes and sits next to me. I hope he doesn’t hold my hand like he did during Slughorn’s party or maybe I hope that he does. I hope we do get to hold hands often and discuss what happened at the party. But we’re both great at pretending that nothing unusual did. The Gryffindor Prefect is somewhere on the other end of the table, chatting to a fellow Gryffindor. And the spread, as always, is sumptuous. 

Digging into a delectable roast turkey I ask Kyungsoo, “What’s Christmas like in the Muggle world?”

“Isn’t half as exciting as it is here. For starters, we have no Wizard Crackers. Or silver Sickles hidden within puddings.” He says toying with the cardboard tube moments before it went off like a canon, covering him in a cloud of blue smoke. A flurry of white mice scamper down his legs and scurry out of the Great Hall.

His mouth drops, inviting a roar of laughter from the rest of the table and he chooses to steer clear of the Crackers for the rest of the Feast.

He insists on dropping me off to the Ravenclaw Common Room, “I’ll see you again tomorrow? Six in the evening, the Room of Requirement?”

It’s a date?

***

Today’s class wasn’t nearly as bad as the previous one but God knows Kyungsoo’s in a dire need of practise.

We sit on the floor after two scarcely productive hours with our stash of Chocolate Frogs pooled in the space between us.

“Here’s something I don’t get about Muggleborns. How are your parents okay with sending their children away to an entirely different world? Doesn’t matter what Professor Dumbledore has to say, I refuse to believe Hogwarts is one of the safest places in the world. We have moving staircases, a murderous tree, Quidditch, and Filch!”

His laugh reverberates in the empty classroom, “It’s not much of a trade off, really. The Muggle world has its own set of issues.” He unwraps a Chocolate Frog and offers it to me, “You live with your grandmother, right?”

“My fierce, retired Auror, grandmother. Yes. And you?”

“With my parents. I’m an only child. And you’re right. My mother wasn’t very keen on sending me away but she couldn’t risk their restaurant being reduced to a pile of ash every time I threw a temper tantrum.”

“You don’t look like the temper tantrum sort.”

“Ah you underestimate me.” He chuckles, “so the holidays end soon and I don’t have a Patronus which means our classes will have to continue. You’re okay with that, right?”

“Very much”, I nod but an upsetting finality pulls at me.

“Is there anything...you’d like to do on the last day of the holidays?” He fixes his gaze on my feet.

“Do you have something in mind?”

“Do you want to...well I was thinking if...I need to procure some Wolfsbane from the Forbidden Forest would you like to come with?”

“Are you daft? Do you have any idea what sorts of -”

“Creatures dwell in the Forest? Yeah, I’ve been there, multiple times.”

“And you haven’t been caught? Mauled? Battered?”

He sighs, “Unfortunately, not once.”

Meeting his unflinching gaze I welcome my impending doom, “Okay...maybe I’ll end up finding Twiggles in one of those Wiggentrees but don’t abandon me if Werewolves come for us.”

***

I guess there’s a first time for everything. But it’s my first time flouting a rule and getting caught. My adventurous friend from Hufflepuff seems absolutely unperturbed by the ghastly smile that’s spread across Filch’s face. And anything that makes Filch this happy can’t be good news. Kyungsoo shoves the bunch of Wolfsbane down the pocket of his jeans and I just stand there as an unwitting accomplice to his dumbassery. To my dumbassery. I should’ve never agreed to this. I didn’t even have any luck with Twiggles. But then again Bowtruckles are master camouflagers. What was I expecting?

“Follow me”, the sadistic old man wheezes and my legs feel bound by shackles. Kyungsoo tugs at my arm and teary eyed, I slowly shake my head. He laughs mouthing, ‘It’s nothing.’ Maybe it’s nothing to him considering the company he keeps. What if I get expelled? Where will I go? It’ll be enough reason for Gran to disown me but this bespectacled charming boy doesn’t have a lot to lose now, does he? He can waltz back into his Muggle world and work in his ‘restaurant’. Of course he’s an exceptional cook if he trades recipes with freaking house-elves! I can’t end up having a life worse than squibs. Boys are trouble unless they’re Chen. I literally never should’ve. What of this was a trap all along? I’m SUCH a fool!

I find myself in the part of the vast echoing Entrance Hall I’ve deliberately avoided in all these years. It’s foul smelling, really dull and a cat menacingly meows at us while curling around her Master’s feet. 

Room 234-00. Filch’s office.

Coughing, the caretaker points at the chains and manacles that are hung from the ceiling, “I keep ‘em well oiled in case they’re needed. The Forbidden Forest, eh? Brave enough for Acromantulas and Werewolves, are we?” His face is barely inches away from Kyungsoo’s and I feel a sudden pump of adrenaline, “Sir, please, it was a mistake. We promise to never venture into the Forest again. We promise to never venture out of our own dormitories again. Please, please just let us go!”

Filch is taken aback by my plea and Kyungsoo has pursed his lips, holding in a laugh and I feel stupid.

With the sound of a crack, Filch’s equipment of torture comes crashing to the floor. Mrs Norris’ tail shoots up in fear and a raucous laugh echoes in the room souring Filch’s mood, “PEEVES!”

“Nasty Filch! Leave the luuuuurve birds alone! Leave them alone! Loony woony filthy Filch!” An invisible Peeves’ annoying cackle resounds before ceasing with a deafening crack. 

Filch is boiling in rage. I tilt my head to look at the slightly experienced in disciplinary matters Kyungsoo and judging by his sullen expression, we’ve had it.

.

.

.

Does he think that I somehow jinxed his great expedition to the Forest? Because it’s been two days since the start of semester and there’s no sign of Kyungsoo. Neither in the Great Hall, nor in the classes I share with Hufflepuff. Is he avoiding me now that his friends are back? The lump in my throat aches.

“Oww!” 

Chen greets me with a smack of a book on my head, “I MISSED YOU, GOBLIN!”

I’ll never get used to Chen’s incessant need to announce everything to the world to get his point across but seeing him makes me realise just how much I’d missed him, too. Despite his dig at my height and an underhanded compliment to my brain. He slumps into the chair next to me, activating his ability to speak like a banshee. Not very different from his white haired Gryffindor friend. 

“So tell me. How was Christmas? Did you get the set of Wizard Chess I sent you? We should play sometime. Thanks for the Floo Connection, by the way! It was really thoughtful of you and I love it! My darling loved it a lot, too but I had a tough time explaining it to my folks. So how was Christmas?”

I wait patiently for my closest friend in school to finish babbling before telling him what I think he’d like to hear about my little adventures. Or the information Kyungsoo would rather have me share. The nagging feeling that he’s been avoiding me weighs me down like a rock. 

 “So you broke your leg, told Slughorn off and earned yourself Detention with a Hufflepuff boy who happened to be in the Forest at the same time as you. All of this in a matter of two weeks? Wait, why were you in the Forest again?” Chen is amused but also a little suspicious.

“I told you! I was bored. I went looking for the Bowtruckle!” I argue, needlessly.

“Bored? Didn’t you have to read up on Apparition? Also, you of all the people should know how elusive Bowtruckles are, Miss Magizoologist!” I cringe at the nickname. “And who is this Hufflepuff boy?” I wouldn’t be surprised if Chen were a Legilimens.

Letting out an exasperated sigh I answer, “Some Kwangsoo something?”

“Glasses? Kinda short? Squints a lot? Brooding?”

“So you know him, Mister Tall Guy?” I ask, inviting another smack on my head.

“Yes, through Baekhyun. I mean, haven’t you seen him with us? His name is Kyungsoo, by the way.” Chen’s not particularly suspicious now which bolsters my confidence to spew rubbish.

“No I haven’t. It’s probably because I can hear you guys before I can see you and I prefer not to violate my eyes like I do my ears when I’m around any of you. I hope this answers your question.” I think it was a bit much but Chen breaks into a fit of laughter.

“Then you’ve probably not heard him, either. He isn’t a lot like us.” He contemplates, “but don’t you look around in class? You haven’t ever noticed him before? He’s in the same year as you! You’re ridiculous!”

Of course I’ve noticed him. 

Every time he’s tried to talk to me, return my money, earned points for his house or even a sneer from Snape. Every time Madam Pomfrey has cooed at him. Even when he braved feeding a Skrewt. I’ve seen him in the hallways, in classes, in the Great Hall. 

But to know someone is to invite heartache and I’ve had my fair share of it.

“You mean he isn’t noisy like the rest of you. And no I haven’t. It’s probably because he’s not as attractive as a Merperson or as lithe as a Basilisk.” I lie. He’s not anything like the magical creatures I’ve studied about. He is a human. And humans are too tricky for my liking. Two weeks with him, two days without him and I seem to have lost my marbles. 

Guess, I am pathetic if not ridiculous.

“Come to think of it, I haven’t seen him around either”, Jongdae ponders.

***

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Maybe it was too direct but I need to get this weight off my chest. I can’t spend every Saturday until the end of term with him in close quarters, clearing out Filch’s old files (the Muggle way) with animosity looming between us. Peeves is enough trouble with his water bombs already. And Kyungsoo’s silent treatment is simply too much. 

He brings me Caramel Cobwebs, holds my hand and refuses to talk about it, insists on being tutored, spends Christmas with me, lands me in Detention and starts avoiding me as soon as his friends are back.

“I caused you trouble and you seemed so disturbed by it. I’m sorry. I’ve not been avoiding you...I just thought maybe you wouldn’t like to see me again.” Mumbles Kyungsoo, dropping Filch’s File Number 27 on the floor, leaving a mess of loose, dusty papers.

‘Butterfingers’ here isn’t right at all. I’ve been dying to see him.

I help him clear the mess by re-filing the records of the 27th file in alphabetical order. 

“I’m not mad at you. I was a tad bit worried, that’s all. This is my first time being...punished and none of this is your fault. I’m sorry if I made you feel like that.”

His little smile and an understanding nod makes my heart flutter. Snapping out of it, I read out an amusing record from a random file, “at least we’re not pickling rat brains in the dungeons.” 

His eyes grow wide in horror, “What?”

“Sehun Oh and Kai Kim for bewitching snowballs to hit Professor Snape!” I summarise.

Kyungsoo guffaws, “Yes! This was last year. Baekhyun had dared them to it and those idiots thought Snape wouldn’t notice. They ended up reeking of dead rats for two weeks after that. Nobody would go near them! Not even Baekhyun.”

I put the file back with an ‘ahh’, “So Kai Kim, Sehun Oh, Baekhyun Byun are your friends right? And Chen, too?”

“Yeah, Chen and Chanyeol Park. Why?”

Of course, the Great Oaf.

“Nothing, you’re quite different from them.”

“How so?” Resting his chin in his hand, Kyungsoo inquires and avoiding his eyes I reply, “Well, you’re not very noisy or mischievous?”

He chuckles, “I’m not noisy that’s true. But I literally took you to the Forbidden Forest and it’s the reason why we’re here today sifting through these records. Will you still say that I’m not mischievous, Miss Ravenclaw?”

“I take back my words, Mister Hufflepuff”, I need to get away from this sweet talker, “Now let’s look for more, shall we? Filch certainly has your friends’ adventures chronicled in these files.”

“We’ll probably find something on Chen, too.” He says quietly.

“No wayyy! Chen’s perfect.” I protest.

He throws a file onto the desk, creating a cloud of dust, “What if we do end up finding something about him here, in these records? Then what?”

“Then I’ll….do whatever you ask!” 

Why! Why?

“It’s a deal!”

***

Kyungsoo and I have been seeing each other fortnightly for the sake of Dementors. Let’s just say if he were required to actually fight one off today, he’d end up having his soul sucked out. Does the boy have no solid happy memory or what? Or maybe I’m just a terrible guide.

In class, we’re cordial. But somewhat distracted.

We spend all of our Saturdays together. Turns out he’s a couple of weeks older than me which means we both qualify for  Apparition Lessons. The lessons are scheduled for Saturday mornings and we spend the rest of the day in Detention.

The first lesson was...quite unforgettable. 

For Kyungsoo, me and whoever was witness to our idiocy. Professor Flitwick positioned Ravenclaws into a line as did Professor Sprout with Hufflepuff which had Kyungsoo and me standing next to each other with the requisite distance of five feet between us. The Instructor from the Ministry waved his wand and old-fashioned wooden hoops appeared on the floor in front of us.

“Destination. Determination. Deliberation!” The man who was a white wispy version of humans, squeaked.

“Concentrate upon the destination now. Which is within the hoop. Then focus on your determination to occupy the visualized space. And when I give a command, on three, turn on your spot, feeling your way into nothingness, moving with deliberation!”

Kyungsoo gave me one furtive glance and I lost all sense of Destination and Determination.

“On my command….one….”

I spun on the spot, lost my balance and fell over and Kyungsoo crash landed into my wooden hoop. With our Professors’ eyes on us, I felt myself melt into a puddle of embarrassment.

The inexplicable tension crowding the office during Detention that day left hardly any room for conversation. Which was kind of okay considering the ground we covered with Filch’s wretched files.

Although, the next lesson found us positioned at the two opposite ends of our respective House lines by Professor Flitwick. 

Despite being in the same room, I missed Kyungsoo.

Transfiguration hasn’t been particularly eventful with Kyungsoo. With Professor McGonagall’s hawk-like eyes on us, we don’t dare to so much as shoot a glance in each other’s direction. 

But last week was different.

In a lesson that included conjuring a flock of birds out of our wands, the entire class managed a few feathers, some gross mutations, and severed heads. Everyone except Kyungsoo. He’d succeeded in creating several twittering birds in his third try. Which was not so great for me since the little yellow chirpers zoomed in my direction and circled around my head, singing merrily. This continued even after most of the class, including Professor McGonagall, had already left. His idea of an apology for the inconvenience was flashing his heart-shaped smile. 

I guess it doesn’t take a lot for me to forgive him.

***

It’s nearing the end of the third month of the semester and there’s no dirt on Chen. 

Like I’d said, he’s perfect. We’ve found volumes on the other two, though. Chanyeol and Baekhyun. How they’ve not been expelled yet is anyone’s guess. These delinquents make my little Forest excursion look like a joke.

They’ve set off dungbombs in Snape’s dungeon, cursed each other and ended up having a slug attack right in the middle of their Astronomy practicals, got caught sneaking out of their dorms after curfew only eleven times, transfigured McGonagall’s desk into a ferret to ‘showcase their Transfiguration prowess’, set off Filibuster’s Fireworks in Filch’s office, distracted Filch by jinxing Mrs Norris with Tarantallegra - her legs spasmed wildly out of control, making her appear as though she were dancing. 

No wonder they’re the only students Peeves gets on with.

This little vault of information made Kyungsoo exceptionally happy after moping around for not having anything on Chen, yet. He’s going to use these embarrassing incidents (one of the punishments included cleaning out the bedpans in the Hospital Wing without using magic) against the two of them, he says. 

Detention and shared classes is the only time Kyungsoo and I get to see each other since sixth year is no cakewalk. 

Free periods come by few and far between and are used to keep up with the vast amount of homework we’re being set. We’re studying as though we have exams everyday and lessons themselves are far more demanding than they used to be. Especially since we’re required to use Nonverbal spells now in every lesson that requires incantation. I often catch Kyungsoo’s motley around school. Somehow, they’re everywhere but he’s hardly ever to be seen with them. Working hard towards his ambition to become a Potioneer, I suppose. I wish I were just as passionate about something.

.

.

.

Sixth year is an anomaly. 

Professor Sprout says we’re allowed to swear loudly in today’s lesson since we’re going to be dealing with one of the most dangerous plants ever - Venomous Tentacula - a green, spiky, toothsome magical plant with mobile vines that tries to grab living prey. Kyungsoo quietly stations himself next to me in the greenhouse inviting snarky sideway looks and hushed whispers from a couple of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws around us. “She’s latched on to him now”, sniggers a Ravenclaw boy and I notice Kyungsoo ears turn scarlet. 

A pair of thick gloves on, Professor Sprout takes her place behind a trestle bench in the centre of the greenhouse, “We’ll be extracting Venomous Tentacula’s essence for Professor Slughorn’s experimental Potion No 7 today. Now, who can tell me how we should proceed to extract essence out of a plant that could try to strangle you?”

Kyungsoo’s hand rose in the air like it always does during Potions and Herbology, “By using the Severing Charm, Professor.”

“Excellent. Ten points to Hufflepuff”, Professor Sprout beams at her favourite student, “We’ll use the Severing Charm but Nonverbally. Which will stun Venomous Tentacula and sever its mobile vines. Along with me, on three. One...two...”

I nearly squeal as one of the Tentacula’s sharp fangs grazes my arm. Kyungsoo notices and in a state of panic tries to stun my plant for me only to get seized and bitten by his own. “Diffindo”, I flick my wand at Kyungsoo’s plant, flailing it and flouting the nonverbal spell rule but it’s too late for any of that. The plant’s poison, although non-fatal, has started working on Kyungsoo. 

His skin turns bright purple, knocking the wind out of me.

Professor Sprout rushes him to the Hospital Wing.

***

On Professor Sprout’s special request, Filch has begrudgingly exempted Kyungsoo from this week’s Detention. I saw him for Apparition this morning and we’d both managed to, with Destination, Determination and Deliberation in mind of course, land into our own hoops. 

Kyungsoo looked perfectly fine. Which is to say the purple of his skin from yesterday has been washed over by the roses of his cheeks and the honey of his skin. Madam Pomfrey was required to keep him in only for the day as Professor Sprout was quick to act and the poison hadn’t caused much harm. I feel like a bad friend for not having visited him since lessons ended in the a.m. with Astronomy but he says he was out in a couple of hours at most. 

He’s planned to spend the rest of the day with his friends who he’d not had a chance to catch up with off lately.

By late afternoon I’d unexpectedly fallen into a state of blissful slumber on one of Filch’s old files. Coughing, I woke up engulfed by dust. I had to admit, Detention was boring without Kyungsoo and it’s honestly starting to scare me how used to I gotten to his presence, the faint scent of eucalyptus that trails after him and the ambrosial warmth that infiltrates through his seemingly tougher exterior.

But at the same time I regret misreading him. Mistrusting him or sometimes trusting him too much. He’s nothing like I thought he’d be. His simplicity is comforting but at the same time it is truly baffling. Maybe it’s okay to not give it much thought and let Jupiter do its celestial dance while I do mine by recreating damaged detention records.

#1116

>> Chen Kim

>> Lack of concentration in Charms resulting in production of a hoselike jet of water instead of a fountain from his wand, knocking Professor Flitwick flat on his face in the process

>> Lines - ‘I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick.’

>> Issued by Professor Flitwick

>> Points taken: None

I do a double take when I read the name. 

Chen! Chen? Chen in Detention? How did I never know about this? Even if it’s just lines it is still a punishment. And how did The (then) Ravenclaw Prefect Chen mess up a Charm in Professor Flitwick’s class? I must know. But Kyungsoo’s got to see this first! I quickly replicate the record on a spare parchment and shove it in my bag and with a flick of my wand, I place everything exactly where it belongs in Filch’s office. What’s he going to do about it when he finds out? Give me another detention? Bring it on!

Throwing caution to the wind I allow my feet to take me where Kyungsoo said he’d be. Swiftly descending down the staircase, I exit out the side door down the corridor off the Entrance Hall and run towards the courtyard feeling the harsh winds tugging against my skin.

It’s unusually cold for the first day of April.

Seated between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, he’s laughing away seemingly at the two lanky boys - Kai and Sehun who’ve got their wands at the ready. The courtyard is oddly vacant, save for these four rioters and Kyungsoo. 

Even Chen’s not here. 

All banter comes to an abrupt halt when Kyungsoo’s eyes meet mine, his expression solid as a rock. With a barely perceptible shake of his head he’s signalling me to walk away from here and maybe this is what it feels like being punched in the gut. Four curious pairs of eyes flit between Kyungsoo and me and I feel too numb to even get out of there. Did I make a mistake being here? Is he too embarrassed to acknowledge me in front of his friends? The frigidity of his expression is eating away at my insides. Moments of complete stillness later I sprint out of the courtyard amidst wolf whistles and peals of laughter.

Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I wipe the angry tears rolling down my cheeks and vow to never see this doe eyed pretender again.

KYUNGSOO

It’s been two weeks since the incident. 

Two whole weeks of her arriving after and leaving before me for our shared lessons. She’s even charted up a Detention routine which limits our interactions to curt nods and dismissive grunts. Needless to say, I still don’t know how to conjure a corporeal Patronus. She thinks she’s the only one I could’ve asked? Not Baekhyun. Not Chanyeol’s Slytherin friend. Just her?

So much for her big Ravenclaw brains. 

She walks around all high and mighty displaying her knack for embarrassing honesty but in the moments of truth she plays ostrich. I wasn’t trying to avoid her. I would never. But she’s a complete idiot who’d rather believe otherwise. An idiot who’ll never look into my eyes to feel what I feel. Even if she does, she’d just never accept it. It took me five and a half years to get her to talk to me. And if it takes just one misunderstanding to drive her away like that, I’m not sure if I want to try again.

.

.

.

The only two things I’ve gained out of my short lived acquaintance with Kyungsoo Doh are Detention and a new foul nickname “the girl who follows Kyungsoo around.”

I hear it everywhere I go. The Great Hall, the corridors and the Common Room isn’t very forgiving either. So all thanks to Kyungsoo, I’ve retracted into my wretched shell. I arrive late for lessons and swoop out like an owl as soon as it’s over. I spend every free period in one corner of the Library and try to avoid the Common Room as much as I can.

All these years I spent pretending like the cute, short, portly boy I met on the Hogwarts Express didn’t exist were far better than the last couple of months of letting him into my small Universe. In all honesty, I’ve started to loathe him. It takes immense self control for me to not have his pretty face eat slugs every time I cross paths every time I lay my eyes on it.

“Now, this one here….who can tell me what this is. My dear boy, Kyungsoo?” Holding a vial of liquid pearl in the air for us to see, play-acts Professor Slughorn. Another potential victim of my out-of-character slug attack.

“It’s Amortentia”, Kyungsoo’s voice reaches my ears from the far end of the dungeon. 

“It is indeed. It almost seems foolish to ask”, he says, bringing the vial to my eye level, “but I assume you could tell me what it does?”

“It’s a love potion, Professor.” I say.

“It’s not just a love potion, sir. It’s the most powerful love potion in the world.” Kyungsoo offers and I feel the heat rising up my cheeks. I hate having this volley regarding a love potion with Kyungsoo.

“Excellent! And how did you recognize it, my dear?” Slughorn directs his question to me.

“By its distinctive mother-of-pearl sheen.”

“And?” His theatrics redirect to Kyungsoo.

“And the steam rising in characteristic spirals.” His dulcet tone echoes in the gloomy dungeon.

“Well, well, take ten well-earned points each for Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw”, says Slughorn genially, “would you two please be kind enough to come forward?”

Kyungsoo and I take, in what it seems like, ages to be stood on either side of Slughorn, arms over our chests, looking in opposite directions.

“There is one more key characteristic --”

“It’s supposed to smell differently to each of us, according to what attracts us”, Interrupting Slughorn, Kyungsoo and I garble.

“So to demonstrate”, Slughorn brings the vial closer to my face, “my dear?”

Consumed by the heady steam rising out of the potion, I clear my throat, “I can smell honey and...eucalyptus and….” Dittany. But I leave it at that, “That’s all Professor.”

“Very well, Mister Doh?” Slughorn quizzes.

“Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion…..Vanilla and …..Dittany.”

***

‘Evanesco!’ 

With that my last bottle of Sleekeazy vanishes in thin air.

“What are you doing up so late?” Chen’s groggy voice makes me jump but I counter, “What are you doing up so late?”

“Early. Up so early. It’s three in the morning”, yawning he waves his Charms textbook in front of my face, “Protean Charm.”

“Vanishing Spell”, I say pointing my wand at the empty table in front of us.

Chen relaxes into the chair next to mine and I let my gaze wander around the deserted Common Room. It really is a work of art encapsulated in all the blue and bronze. The stars painted over the domed ceiling, shine the brightest at this hour of the night, waltzing gracefully across the midnight blue carpet. If they were my stars, they’d wobble and fall owing to their two left feet. Could they, in the very least, give me a reason for this nagging ache in my chest?

‘Aguamenti!’

Drenched and dishevelled by a jet of cold water that shot out of Chen’s wand, I silence his raucous laugh and shower him with the choicest expletives before lifting the spell and drying myself.

“WHAT WAS THAT FOR!” I demand.

“You seemed so lost I was tempted. It’s what my dad uses to wake me up when I oversleep, you know? A nice cold bucket of water.” Chen’s snicker causes me to silence him again and he continues to blather soundlessly. How is this idiot so energetic at three in the morning!

“I’m going to bed”, wearily, I get up to leave and wave my wand at him.

“Wait! Stay”, says Chen, “It’s been quite a while!”

Groaning I slump back into the chair without further protest, “You’re right...so how’s our Head Girl doing?”

“She’s doing great. We’re doing great! She’s signed up to intern with the Ministry this summer under a certain Arthur Weasley...The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office.” Chen beams and making me want to pinch his cheeks in adoration.

“Congratulations Chen! Ah but I’m not surprised. She’s always been as bright as a button.” I can’t help but coo at these lovebirds. At how absolutely smitten they are with each other while I suffer with an inexplicable tug of longing.

“And you, not so bright. Stopped following Kyungsoo around, have we?” Putting on his ‘big brother cloak’ he quizzes me with a raised eyebrow and I shrink back into my chair out of embarrassment, “You know about it?”

“The whole school’s talking about it!”

“I’ve stopped ‘following him around’ now why isn’t anybody talking about that, eh?” My anger is misdirected at Chen.

“He’s been talking about that. About how you’ve been acting like he’s invisible. A notch below satisfactory behaviour, am I right?” The low rumble of his voice thunders.

“You’re defending your stupid friend here! So much for being unbiased, hah!” Seething, I argue.

“You’re absolutely right Dung Brains I am defending my stupid friend here which is you. Now tell me, airhead, what’s it called when two wizards have their wands pointed at each other, in a combative position.”

I groan, he can’t really be asking me that but the urging silence is uncomfortable.

“A duel”, I mumble.

“You, my dear, were walking straight into a battlefield of hair-brained blokes who were surrounded by stink pellets, dungbombs and fireworks. It was only natural for Kyungsoo to ask you to skedaddle, make a run for it...save your life! If only you’d have let him explain?”

Guilt courses through my veins and I find myself in the defensive, “But then why didn’t he just tell me instead of giving me that terrifying look? I thought he’s ...I thought he didn’t want to see me...and..and why didn’t he do anything when those great prunes started laughing at me? Also why do they keep causing trouble everywhere they go? Do they want to fill up Filch’s office with their records before they graduate? It only means more work for me. And for Kyungsoo.”

“They were celebrating a Muggle custom, April Fools’ Day as per the wise counsel of their frog brained leader Baekhyun and Kyungsoo was only trying to protect you. And you were too obtuse to see that. Why won’t you give him a chance? He’s one of the good ones, you know? And those prunes aren’t too bad either. They were laughing not at you but at him...they’re just happy for their friend.”

“Happy? Why?” My heart goes into a wild frenzy.

“You should ask him that. We’re going to be at the Three Broomsticks for Baekhyun’s birthday celebration on our trip to Hogsmeade this Saturday. So naturally, your Detention is suspended for the week. Come along?” He eyes me expectantly.

“Not in a million years”, I deadpan.

“Don’t be stupid”, with a flick of his wand he makes the three bottles of Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion reappear, “and live a little.”

***

On Saturday morning I went down for breakfast feeling thoroughly depressed but trying my best to act normal. Kyungsoo was seated with Yoongi at the Hufflepuff table. He was stealing glances at the Ravenclaw table before his eyes met mine. Pursing his lips he nodded slightly in acknowledgment. For a fleeting second I had a strange desire of joining him at the Hufflepuff table but I quietly slipped into my seat besides the fifth year girl who’s been tutoring Kyungsoo’s friend Kai and has been a tad chipper ever since.

The largest portion of my headspace has been occupied with an internal debate on whether I should apologize to Kyungsoo or not. But I’ve noticed how he’d not been trying too hard either. If I handed him the Detention routine he went along with it without a single word of protest. If I’ve been ignoring him in class he hasn’t been exactly forthcoming. The familiar sense of finality sets deep into my bones and I’ve lost my appetite. I gulp down my tea and slip out of the Great Hall to pay Hagrid a long overdue visit.

.

.

.

They never tire of it. 

The two boys from Slytherin provoked me to strike them with the Twitchy-Ear hex. They’d found it particularly amusing to call me by my stale nickname as I made my way down to Gladrags Wizardwear to buy Hagrid a new moleskin robe. 

He’d been exceptionally understanding despite my despicable behaviour. Not having visited him in nearly six months and communicated with him only via a flurry of owls, I had no idea Fangs had been suffering with distemper. Kyungsoo’s been helping out with a self prepared brew to keep him stable. Explains why he’s been frequenting Hagrid’s hut. Also explains why he didn’t come see me on the second day that I’d spent in the Hospital Wing.

And my attitude towards him explains exactly why he chose to keep the truth about helping me get to the Hospital Wing that day. 

I don’t know how to thank him or apologize to him. Maybe he’s just better off without me. 

I am here in Hogsmeade on a whim. 

As the sun fades into a deeper blue my feet stop outside The Three Broomsticks and I’m desperate to see him. But he’s at a friend’s party and I’d only be making it awkward for everyone.

“Hullo”, a familiar honeyed voice reaches my ears making me stop dead in my tracks.

Taken by surprise, I turn and tip my head back slightly to look up at the large eyed boy, his face bearing that lethal heart shaped smile. I hug myself despite the warmth of May wishing I could make myself smaller.

Having rehearsed an entire apology speech in the shower in the morning, I found myself strangely tongue tied at the sight of him. He prods me to walk the quaint streets of Hogsmeade by his side.

“I’m sorry”, staring into the distance, I muster with a giddy head and a seized up throat.

“No. I’m sorry”, says Kyungsoo as his hand slowly finds mine, inviting stares from passersby, “I should’ve...communicated better. But promise to never shut me out again? I couldn’t take it.”

Fireworks go off in my head at the sudden contact, “No, no I’m sorry I should’ve trusted you and… I promise to never shut you out again.” I couldn’t take it either.

“So what are we now?” He interjects, lacing his warm fingers with mine.

If only he could hear the thunder of my heart, “We’re friends again?”

“Friends who fancy each other? Isn’t that a bit odd?”

“I-- umm, I--”.

“I --- umm?” He teases, “Okay...I fancy you. I always have. In case you hadn’t noticed.”

Going up on my toes I plant a little kiss on his jaw, I don’t know what came over me. Maybe I’ve finally gone mad.

His fingers run over his jaw lightly and he chuckles, “If you attack me like this again I’d have to report you to Professor Sprout.” Letting go off my hand he wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. I feel a tingling sensation run down my spine.

Having circled the rural settlement for nearly an hour, we’re famished. We find ourselves on the High Street, right outside of Honeydukes, “After you, M’lady!” Crouching down in a bow, Kyungsoo gestures me to walk in.

M’lady?

Together we stare in wonder at the shelves upon shelves of the most succulent looking sweets imaginable. We’ve both, individually, been here countless times but together we feel like children lost in wonderland. I realize how light my pockets feel as Kyungsoo’s eyes wander around the shop ambitiously.

“Kyungsoo, I only have enough for Hagrid’s moleskin robe. I didn’t think I’d need a lot of gold for this trip...I could make a quick run to a Cashpoint first”, embarrassed, I admit.

“If we were to compound the five Galleons that I’ve owed you for six years now, I’m certain I could buy you half the shop!” The portly Ambrosius Flume, the owner of Honeydukes, clears his throat in annoyance at Kyungsoo’s comment, eyeing us suspiciously. 

Buy half the shop we did. 

Kyungsoo wasn’t entirely lucky with all the flavours of Berti Botts having sampled soap, dirt and earwax while I almost choked on a rotten-egg flavoured one. The Pepper Imps had us breathing fire at each other and a lock of my hair got caught in the line which Kyungsoo doused just in time and saved my scalp from going up in flames. We pigged on Peppermint Toads which made us sick after they literally started hopping frantically in our stomachs. 

Kyungsoo suggested we make a quick stop at Dogweed and Deathcap for a handful of leaves of a very foul smelling plant that were supposed to help us keep our barbaric fare down. When I absolutely refused to chew on them, Kyungsoo force fed me. The weird red dotted black leaves made our mouths go completely dry and left us with a pungent after taste.

“If you wanted me dead, you could’ve just used the Unforgivable Curse instead!” I cried.

We realized if we weren’t quick about it, we’d just end up breaking curfew so we sprinted to Gladrags Wizardwear to pick up Hagrid’s robe only to be tempted to by the thought of staying longer in each other’s company. Going back to Hogwarts meant being held hostage by the blue and bronze and the yellow and black. I’ve never appreciated Hogwarts’ divisive House system, even more so now.

“We’ll make it in time if we leave exactly at 9:30 p.m.” Kyungsoo reasons.

“How much longer do we have now?” I ask, dreading the answer.

“20ish?” he says sheepishly.

Burying my face into his warm and fuzzy sweater, I whine, “That’s not a lot.”

Squeezing me in a hug he says, “Then let’s make the most of it!”

We enter the shop that’s apparently been dressing ‘the Elegant Wizard’ for over two centuries with lurid socks and flashy robes. I chance upon a moleskin one which I quickly set aside for Hagrid and a furry red one with silver and gold stars that bounced off of it. I egged Kyungsoo to try it on over his all black Muggle clothing along with a bright yellow hat made out of chicken and pheasant feathers. He on the other hand picked out a black velvet robe with a high collar, a set of fake fangs and dragon hide boots that made me look like a vicar at something that the Muggles call a “rock concert.”

The disapproving help at the shop agreed to get our magazine cover worthy looks on camera. She said she’d get them printed and that we could get a copy on our next visit for fifteen Sickles.

Along with Hagrid’s robe, I purchased a pair of socks for the birthday boy Baekhyun. They were patterned with wolves that howled when the socks got too smelly.

And then, just like that, it was time for us to go back to Hogwarts.

***

Which came first; the Phoenix or the Flame?

The eagle knocker drawls and for the first time in six years I have no clue what it’s talking about. I’ve lost all ability to reason and all I want to right now is run over to the Hufflepuff Tower. A tall, thin boy who stood leaned against the wall next to the door comes out of the shadows ‘tsk-ing’ at me.

“Aren’t you supposed to be one of the smart ones? Did Kyungsoo really manage to dumb you down?” He chuckles before proceeding to answer the knocker, leading us into the Common Room. 

I choose to not answer him but he continues to look at me questioningly. He extends his arm and says, “I’m Sehun Oh, fifth-year.”

“I know”, I say, “I’m --”

“I know who you are. The pretty girl who’s captured Kyungsoo’s heart thus breaking mine.” He dramatically clutches at his chest, falls and rolls over on the floor. 

Excusing myself, I softly apologize to the elongated Flobberworm and head over to the Dormitory.

“Wait!”, he calls out, “I didn’t mean to weird you out! Are you up for a game of Chess? You’re practically a friend now… considering what you have going on with Kyungsoo. And I’m really bored.”

What do I have going on with Kyungsoo and what does Flobberworm know about it?

Unsure of my role here as a friend or an entertainer, I decide to indulge him with, “...just one game!”

“Wicked! Let me call Chen and you can ask his girl to join.. also Miss Ravenclaw!”

“Aren’t we all Ravenclaw?”

“Sorry...you know the girl who’s tutoring Kai?”

This is by far the most eventful day I’ve had in all of my six years at Hogwarts.

***

Resting his chin on my shoulder, he’s circled his arms around my waist as we stare into the distance from the Wooden Bridge. Every free period finds us together, somewhere very far away from prying eyes. The seventh floor and the Bridge are our usual haunts. Although, we think of these excursions as extremely detrimental to our upcoming exams, we realize there’s nothing to be gained out of fighting a troll. That is, our intense feelings for each other. But I’m not that brave and honestly neither is he. The shadows underneath his eyes are self explanatory.

“We need to chart up a study schedule. We barely have any time left!” I say bursting out of our saccharine bubble.

“Sure”, he nods, “whatever you say.”

“Kyungsoo!” Freeing myself from his embrace I turn around to face him, “We need to make it to the seventh year!”

“Who says we won’t?”

He’s loopy.

“Kyungsoo!”

“That’s me.”

“Kyungsoo!” 

He pulls me into a hug again and I’m close enough to see the constellation of moles on his neck. “Mmm Sleekeazy”, he hums, sniffing my hair. Distracting me.

“Do you need some?” I ask, immediately realising how his hair seems to be getting shorter each day. I run a hand over his head, “guess you don’t. What do you keep doing with your hair?”

“I like it like that. It’s more comfortable”, he sighs, “Wait! You don’t like it?”

“I can learn to live with it. Besides, more Sleekeazy for me. Keeps my hair from looking like a bunch of Flobberworms!”

Flobberworm! 

I have a Chess game to win!

“Kyungsoo! I have to go. I need to win this time. That Sehun boy is ridiculously good at Chess. Even Chen and I together don’t stand a chance against him.”

“Wait! You’re abandoning me for Sehun?” He asks, mock angrily.

“Noooo! I just….have to win this time. And you need to go chart up a study schedule for us. Also, what are you doing next week?”

“Whatever you’re doing next week”, he says, batting his eyelashes. And I try to suppress a smile.

“Have you ever watched a Quidditch match before?”

“Baekhyun’s Captain of Gryffindor, Kai is the Keeper. Chanyeol is the captain of the Slytherin team and Sehun’s the Seeker for Ravenclaw. And Yoongi is a lousy Beater. So yes, I have. Except I’ve never found myself rooting for my own House. And if you tell those Mandrakes this, I’m afraid I will have to break up with you despite you being the prettiest, smartest, nicest girl I’ve ever met. I’m sorry I don’t make the rules.” 

“Aww”, I tease, “Noted. And you could’ve just said yes. Let’s watch the Hufflepuff vs Ravenclaw match next week?”

“We’ll be in different stands!” He cries.

“Oh! That’s absolutely terrible but can we go anyway? I finally have someone to root for.”

“You’ve always had Ravenclaw to root for!”

“No, silly! Sehun Oh.”

“Ah! Of course”, he says, putting his arms around me. Again.

***

On the morning of the match, I had my game face on. I don’t even know why.

Having successfully followed the study schedule that Kyungsoo had laid out for us, our mood was light, and we were ready to let our hair down. Which, for all practical purposes, wasn’t something Kyungsoo was capable of. We were walking up to the pitch until it was time for us to go our separate ways.

“You turn right and I’ll go left”, I instruct Kyungsoo.

“I’m aware of where the Hufflepuff stands are. Thank you for your consideration.”

“Okay then”, I giggle, “see you later?”

“No...you’re joining me in the Hufflepuff stands.”

“Do you want me to get expelled? Was that your grand scheme all along?”

“Of course they’re going to expel you for this. And if they do, I promise to voluntarily drop out.”

“What will we do then? Deal in stolen artefacts?”

“Looks like you have it all planned out.”

“No, I just know someone...great we’re off on a tangent again! No, I’m not joining you in the Hufflepuff stands. Bye bye Kyungsoo Doh. See you later!”

“You’re bound by law to break the law”, he hands me a neatly folded parchment, “Chen’s detention record. When you came to see me that day, it made me wonder. What was so important? So I went back to sift through the records you’d worked on and voila!”

“What’s ‘voila’?”

“Don’t digress. Come along, house-elf and find me a good seat.”

“Yessir”, I give up. And covering all the blue and bronze of my uniform with the black robe, I sneak into the Hufflepuff stands. 

The things I do for this bald idiot.

The pitch is pulsing with a contagious energy and I find myself completely engaged as soon as Madam Hooch’s first whistle sounds. All the whizzing and whirring players make my head spin so I have my eyes trained on the Ravenclaw goalpost except for when I’m checking up on Sehun’s progress with the Snitch. Ravenclaw hasn’t been doing too well and with the game down to it’s final few minutes, Sehun really is their only hope. Kyungsoo pulls me down everytime I jump or squeal for the Ravenclaw side, “Do you want to get thrashed?” he whispers.

And just then the commentator shouts, “Ravenclaw’s Seeker Sehun has caught the Snitch! RAVENCLAW HAS WON THE MATCH!”

My voice is hoarse from all the screaming. I turn around to face Kyungsoo pulling him in a tight hug annoying all the Hufflepuff fans around us. 

In a fleeting moment of exhilaration, his lips are on mine and the world stops.

***

"Happy memory!" I parrot for our last lesson before the year ends but Kyungsoo seems to be awfully distracted. That teasing smile on his face he's trying not so hard to contain is making my heart thump against my ribcage.

"Focus", I croon once again with mock annoyance but my brain is mush and I feel like I'm levitating because there's no way my jelly legs could be supporting my stance right now. He sways closer to give me a quick peck on the nose. 

"Happy memory", he whispers as his eyes search mine. Brushing a stray lock of hair away from my face, he allows his thumb to softly caress my cheek. His fingers pry for mine before they're intertwined in a steady grip. 

We take our positions, raise our wands and yell with a flick, "Expecto Patronum!"

Two lynxes dance around the Room of Requirement illuminating it with the gleam of their silver.

Dumbstruck, I tilt my head to face Kyungsoo, “Your Patronus...”

“Our Patronuses”, he whispers.

“We have the same --”

Kyungsoo reaches for my waist and draws me close, his plush lips an agonizing touch away from mine. Twirling my fingers in the seams of his robe, I close my eyes and feel my breath hitch in my throat. A tingling sensation spreads through every fragment of my being as his hand finds the back of my neck and his lips meet mine in a dizzying kiss.

.

.

.

Two Years Later

My house looks wonky.

And, no. It’s not the after effect of Apparating here. A wonky house held up by charms in the middle of nowhere was the only thing Kyungsoo and I could afford with his meagre pay at J. Pippin’s Potions and the modest “severance” I received after being practically disinherited by Gran for wasting my time with a Muggle-born.

I trudge the short distance from the shabby front garden to the main door, weary from my dismal performance in today’s Stealth and Tracking lesson. 

The door swings open and the pungent odour coming out from Kyungsoo’s makeshift Apothecary in our basement makes me want to barf. Putting a bubble around my head to avoid the smell, I traipse to the basement.

A bald Kyungsoo is bent over a cauldron, the steam from which has fogged up his glasses and has apparently made him go deaf. I poke him on his shoulder to grab his attention, making him jump. Therefore causing his little vials to smash on the floor.

I just set us back by twenty Galleons.

Kyungsoo is quick to clear the sloppy and shard-y mess I’d made and reverse the Bubble Head charm I’d put myself under. He covers up the putrid cauldron immediately.

Tears well up in my eyes and I lean into his chest. 

The world is bleak.

“You’re home”, he coaxes, gently running a gloved hand over my head.

“Remind me again why I chose to become an Auror? I could’ve done anything with my perfect N.E.W.T. scores. I’m disastrous at this!” I’m sobbing against his soft ‘t-shirt’ as he comforts me with a ‘shhh..it’s okay’. “The chickens have made such a mess in the coop, Soo and I haven’t heard back from the Auror Office on the internship yet. We have a piteous stack of gold in our vault at Gringotts….” sniffling I continue, “You know we could just keep our money in a safe here..those clever Goblins are making so much money out of our money! The vault is a bad decision...we’re losing more money because of it. I hate the vault and the chickens and this house! What if it crumbles down while we’re asleep? What will we do then?” I pull away from him, my wide eyes demanding answers.

“We won’t have to worry about much if the roof comes crashing on us”, He reasons with a slight teasing smile. 

“The very stringent Auror Office accepted you because you’re a brilliant witch and right, I believe you enrolled with them only to spite Gran. And honestly my love, you’re being too hard on yourself. You did really well on the Concealment and Disguise training, didn’t you?” He says, lifting my chin up.

“Also on the Memory Charm”, I offer quietly, making him chuckle.

“Exactly! What else is bothering you? Ahh the chickens and the vault?” 

“Also the fact that Gran hates you and your parents think I’m a sinister witch who has tied their son down”, my lips begin to tremble again.

He sighs.

“I promise to take care of the chicken situation tomorrow and my love, we finally have a reason to keep that vault”, his eyes enlarge into beautiful brown circles and his plush lips stretch into a heart. A shrill pitch betrays his otherwise deep, calm voice, “Dogweed and Deathcap has offered me a job with a pay raise and a free supply of ingredients! Which is a great thing because ever since you’ve started your Auror training you’ve practically emptied my Dittany stores!”

“KYUNGSOO! I’m so happy for you!” Screaming, I jump into his arms and he twirls me around, dancing and giggling.

Panting, he says excitedly, “Wait! There’s more. Apparently the article on the benefits of Confusing Concoction I co-authored with Slughorn’s Warlock friend’s daft grand nephew?”

I nod vigorously.

“That article really took off! One of the reviews called me a ‘promising Potioneer’! Gran apparently got a whiff of that article...”

My expression soured, “And?”

“She’s invited us home to discuss it!” He rummages for a letter in his desk drawer and hands it to me, “Take a look at this!”

The letter reads in Gran’s shrewd yet artistic handwriting. She mentions, to the best of her abilities, how proud she is of me for following my parents’ footsteps and that she’d like to see us for dinner to discuss our ‘future’.

“She’s coming around”, Kyungsoo crouches to peer into my blank eyes.

“Took her long enough.”

“There’s one more thing”, he says sheepishly.

It looks like an evening full of surprises. 

Kyungsoo gives me a glossy magazine with a still picture of a woman in the most garish outfit I’ve ever seen with the word VOGUE sprawled across her scrawny frame in big bold white letters.

“Soo, why are you giving me a Muggle magazine?”

“For Muggle clothing inspo.”

I hate it when he uses these ridiculous foreign terms like “inspo” and “voila”. “Voila” is definitely his favourite.

“Why would I need clothing inspiration, Soo? Do you not like what I wear?”

“I love what you wear. Even when you don’t wear --”

“Soo!”

“Okay umm we have to take a trip to London...my parents would like to have us over for the weekend….you’re”, he pauses, “you’re okay with that right?”

It’s a lot to process. 

What if they prosecute me by hanging? I’ve read about what Muggles do to witches. Idly running through the pages of the magazine which suddenly seems too heavy for my arms, I buy time. Kyungsoo patiently waits for my answer.

“What’s ‘goss’?” I mumble, eyes trained on ‘Vogue’.

“Gossip?”

“Ahh...I have some ‘goss’ on Baekhyun and his girlfriend.” I digress and let me.

His brows crinkle in concern, “Oh-kay?”

“They were caught snogging in one of the Training Rooms yesterday...”

“And what became of them?”

“I don’t know.” They were made to clean all the Training Rooms the Muggle way. “Kyungsoo, I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He pulls me into his arms and presses his soft lips to my forehead, “We’ll get through this.”

“Of course, we will. We’re soulmates”, I say into his chest, reminiscing the time we’d kissed while two lynxes waltzed around us.

Suddenly, with a loud boom, Kyungsoo’s cauldron went flying in the air. It’s bubbling hot contents splattered on the walls of our basement. The impact made us duck under his desk.

“I forgot to turn off the burner.”