#God this song just. idk how to explain it makes me such a mess

[m00nj3w3l]

I'm such a normal person. Never fucking ask me about Crystalline

[arolesbianism]

Hello looks to the moon fans. I am gently placing drowning act by friends unseen into your hands 👍

[lazy-ahh]

Haiii !! Me again lmao >:3 I dooo have a request I fear - idk how to explain it tho but I have songs that gave me the ideas, hopefully when you /if you listen to then you'll get what I mean !! I just think the way you write would be perfect for this

the songs =

Like real people do, from Eden, Nobody's soilder, cherry wine, it will come back

All by Hozier lol, if I find a proper way to explain it I will!

Thanks again!! ʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ

IT WILL COME BACK

pairing jason todd x gender neutral reader

twenty five times jason todd warned you not to love him, and one time he begged you to stay.

this is the first of two! (i'm sorry, but i only have the time to write two of the songs and those two songs were the ones that clicked for me and i just NEED to write about them) i listened to this song first and immediately searched up the meaning of this song. and then i read someone's interpretation of the song and I JUST NEEDED TO WRITE ABOUT IT, especially with emotionally repressed jason who worships reader, who doesn't think that he deserves them but with the way reader teases and encourages him and showers him with love, to let him not be afraid of showing his true feelings, then how could he ever say no? hopefully you enjoyed this one!

taglist @kasarian , @queermaeda , @yujensstuff , @thebatsgreatestfailure

you know better, babe, you know better, babe

jason knows you know. he’s a mess of scar tissue and bad decisions, a boy who clawed his way out of his own grave only to keep dragging the dirt behind him—so why do you look at him like he’s something worth loving? like he’s not just a ghost wearing a man’s skin? you shouldn’t. you know better.

but then you grin at him, all sharp edges and softness, and say, "what’s that face for, jay? thinking too hard again?" like it’s that simple. like he’s not a loaded gun and you’re not pressing your finger to the trigger just to feel the danger of it.

the way you look at him, all mischief and molten affection—you know what it does to him. he’s not stupid. you’re not subtle. (he’s memorized the exact shade of your smile when you tease him, the way your nose scrunches when you laugh at his scowling.) but god, he loves it anyway. loves you anyway. even when he doesn’t think he deserves to.

than to look at it, look at it like that

your eyes drag over him like you’re starving, like he’s something worth devouring—and fuck, maybe he is, the way you touch him like you can’t get enough. fingers tracing the ridges of his abs, nails scraping just to hear his breath hitch. teeth sinking into the curve of his bicep, just hard enough to bruise, just hard enough to make him groan. lips pressing hot and open-mouthed against the back of his neck while your hands slip under his shirt, greedy, needy, like you want to memorize every scar, every shudder you pull from him.

"jason," you sigh, voice dripping with something sweet and sinful, "you’re so tense, baby. let me help."

he should scowl. should shove you away before this goes too far, before he loses what little control he has left. but then your tongue flicks over his pulse point, and his head falls back against your shoulder with a ragged fuck.

he never does push you away. never could.

you know better, babe, you know better, babe

he’s warned you before—voice rough like gravel under tires, that low growl he gets when you’re pushing all his buttons just to watch him unravel. "don’t," he mutters, fingers twitching at his sides like he wants to reach for you but won’t let himself. "you shouldn’t poke the beast, sweetheart."

but you just tilt your head, all faux innocence, lips quirking into that grin that makes his pulse stutter. "beast?" you echo, stepping closer until your breath ghosts over his jaw. "where? all i see is you, jason." and god, the way you say his name—like it’s something sacred, something yours—it wrecks him.

his hands find your hips on instinct, grip tight enough to bruise, but you don’t flinch. you never do. instead, you press closer, all warm skin and teasing fingers tracing the scars on his knuckles. "see?" you murmur, voice dripping with smug satisfaction. "just you."

he should argue. should remind you he’s not something to play with, not something gentle. but the way you look at him—like he’s yours, like you’d fight the whole damn world to keep him—steals the words right from his throat.

than to talk to it, talk to it like that

your voice drops to something slow and syrupy, honey-thick with teasing—the kind of tone that curls under his skin and lingers there, sticky-sweet. "jason," you sigh, dragging out each syllable like you're savoring the taste, and fuck, it's not even his name anymore. it's a blade between his ribs, a match to gasoline, and you wield it with devastating precision.

he tenses, jaw clenching as he pointedly stares at the ceiling instead of you. "don't," he grits out, but there's no heat behind it—just that rough, frayed edge that means he's already losing.

"don't what?" you hum, all false innocence, fingers walking up his chest like you own every inch of him (you do). "i'm just saying your name."

"yeah, like that," he mutters, finally snapping—one hand catching yours mid-taunt, pinning it against his heartbeat. it's racing. you can feel it. "like you fucking mean it."

don’t give it a hand, offer it a soul

he doesn’t want half-measures, doesn’t want the tentative brush of your fingers like you’re afraid he’ll break. if you’re going to touch him, he wants all of you—your laughter tangled in his sheets, your stubborn mouth biting back moans, the way you dig your nails into his shoulders when he fucks you just right. he wants the way you press your cold feet against his calves just to hear him yelp, the way you gasp his name like a prayer when he pins you down.

"jason—" you pant, arching under him as his teeth graze your throat.

"tell me," he growls, hands mapping your skin like he’s memorizing every beauty mark, every scar. "tell me you’re mine."

you laugh, breathless and bright, even as he steals the sound with a kiss. "always," you murmur against his lips, fingers twisting in his hair. "you know you’ve got me."

and he does. he does. your soul is already his—has been since the first time you looked at him like he was worth something. but he’ll still take it again and again, greedy and desperate, until neither of you can remember where he ends and you begin.

honey, make this easy

it should be simple. he should be able to push you away, to stay in the shadows where he belongs—where he can't hurt you. but then he sees you on that rooftop, outnumbered and backed into a corner, and his body moves before his mind can catch up.

the takedown is brutal, efficient. he doesn't let himself linger, already turning to disappear into the night—until your hand catches his wrist.

"jason."

his name on your lips is a punch to the gut. he freezes, heart hammering against his ribs. you shouldn't know. you shouldn't see him.

"you're dead," you whisper, but your fingers tighten like you're afraid he'll vanish. "i watched them bury you."

he should lie. should shake you off and run. but the way you're looking at him—like he's your only salvation, something precious, something real—makes the words stick in his throat.

"make this easy," he rasps, voice rough from disuse. "pretend you didn't see me."

you laugh, sharp and wet, and suddenly your arms are around him, holding on like he's the only solid thing in the world. "never," you breathe against his neck. "you don't get to ask me that."

and god, he's so fucked. because he should pull away. should run. but your warmth, your scent, the way you cling to him like he's worth keeping—it ruins him.

leave it to the land, this is what it knows

he was made for violence—knuckles split on brick walls, the metallic taste of blood on his tongue, the way pain sings through his veins like an old friend. survival is coded in his bones, written in every scar. but you—you with your stupid jokes and softer hands, with the way you trace his scars like they're something precious instead of proof of how broken he is—you make him want. want mornings tangled in sheets, want lazy kisses pressed to his shoulder blades, want things he has no right to ask for. it terrifies him.

"stop that," he grumbles when you catch his hand, turning it over to press your lips to his bruised knuckles.

"stop what?" you murmur, all innocence, but your eyes spark with mischief.

"this." he gestures vaguely between you, at the way your thumb rubs circles into his palm. "acting like i'm—"

"like you're what?" you interrupt, leaning in until your breath ghosts over his lips. "worth loving?"

he flinches like you've struck him. "that's not—"

"too bad," you whisper, and kiss him before he can protest further. and god help him, he kisses back, hands clutching at your waist like you're the only thing keeping him grounded.

(he was made for blood and brutality. but maybe—just maybe—he could learn to be made for this too.)

honey, that’s how it sleeps

the nightmares come less often when you’re there—when he can feel the steady rhythm of your breathing against his chest, when your warmth seeps into his bones like sunlight through cracked blinds. he’ll never say it out loud, but he sleeps deeper with your limbs tangled in his, with your head tucked under his chin like you belong there. (you do.)

one night, after a particularly bad mission, you catch him staring at you in the dim light, his fingers tracing idle patterns on your hip.

“what?” you murmur, voice thick with sleep, blinking up at him.

“nothing,” he mutters, but his arm tightens around you, pulling you closer.

you smirk against his collarbone. “you’re such a liar.”

he huffs, but doesn’t deny it, just presses his lips to your forehead in a silent confession.

don’t let it in with no intention to keep it

his hands are rough when they grab your wrists, pinning them to the mattress as he hovers over you, breath ragged. "this isn't a game," he grits out, eyes dark with something dangerous. "i'm not some fucking toy you can pick up when it's convenient and toss aside when you're bored."

you tilt your chin up, defiant even as your pulse jumps under his grip. "who said anything about tossing you aside?"

"don't," he warns, voice dropping to that low growl that makes your stomach flip. "don't act like you don't know what you do to me. like you haven't always known."

your smile is all sharp edges and sweetness. "maybe i like what i do to you."

he exhales sharply through his nose, grip tightening just enough to make you gasp. "then you better be prepared to deal with the consequences, sweetheart," he murmurs, leaning down until his lips brush your ear. "because if you let me in, i'm not leaving. ever."

(he means it. he'll ruin anyone who tries to take him away from you—including himself.)

"who says i'd let you out?" you answer, voice just as raw, just as wrecked, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt like you’re afraid he’ll vanish if you loosen your grip. the look on his face mirrors yours—something desperate, something starving—and for a heartbeat, neither of you moves. "i lost you once before, i'm never losing you again."

jesus christ, don’t be kind to it

your kindness is worse than cruelty. the way you cup his face like he’s something precious, the way you press feather-light kisses to every scar—each one a silent i love you, i love you, i love you—it undoes him completely. he knows how to take a punch, how to bleed and keep fighting, but this? this tenderness? it terrifies him more than any enemy ever could.

"stop," he rasps when you trace the jagged line along his ribs—a souvenir from a fight he barely walked away from. his voice cracks, rough with something too close to vulnerability. "you don’t have to—"

"i know," you interrupt softly, lips brushing the raised skin before you look up at him, eyes warm as sunlight. "i want to."

and that’s the thing that wrecks him most of all—that you choose this, choose him, even when he’s all sharp edges and broken pieces. your fingers card through his hair, gentle as a summer breeze, and he leans into the touch before he can stop himself.

honey, don’t feed it, it will come back

he always comes back. no matter how many times he tells himself this is the last time, no matter how many miles he puts between you, his feet always find their way to your doorstep—bruised, breathless, and aching. tonight is no different. the second you open the door, he’s on you, hands rough as they pin you against the wall, his mouth hot and desperate against yours.

“told you not to let me in,” he growls between kisses, teeth scraping your bottom lip. “told you i’d come back.”

you laugh, breathless, arching into him as his fingers dig into your hips. “like you could stay away,” you taunt, dragging your nails down his back just to hear him groan.

he nips at your throat in retaliation, sucking a bruise into your skin as his hands roam, claiming, possessive. “fuckin’ hell, sweetheart,” he mutters, voice wrecked. “you ruin me.”

you know better, babe, you know better, babe

you smile at him, all sunshine and sharp edges, and he aches—not just with want, but with something terrifyingly tender that coils tight in his chest. he knows better than to reach for it, knows better than to let himself believe he could have this. but then your fingers brush against his, tentative and warm, and something in him cracks open.

"jason," you murmur, thumb tracing slow circles over his knuckles—the same hands that have done unspeakable things, now trembling under your touch. "you can hold my hand, you know. i won’t break."

he hesitates, breath catching, before his fingers finally—finally—intertwine with yours, clumsy and unsure. "...this okay?" he mutters, voice rough, like he’s bracing for you to pull away.

you squeeze his hand, grinning up at him like he’s just given you the world. "more than okay," you whisper, leaning in until your forehead rests against his. "perfect, actually."

than to smile at me, smile at me like that

like he's something precious. like he's something yours—a secret treasure you found buried in the wreckage and decided to keep. it makes his chest too tight, makes his hands shake with the effort of not reaching for you, not crushing you against him until you can't tell where he ends and you begin. he wants to bite that smile off your lips, wants to swallow it whole so it lives inside him forever.

"quit it," he grits out when you catch him staring, your grin widening like you've won something.

"stop what?" you tease, leaning in until your breath ghosts over his mouth. "smiling at my boyfriend?"

the word—boyfriend—sends a jolt through him. his fingers twitch toward you before he can stop them, catching in the fabric of your shirt. "you know what you're doing," he accuses, voice low.

you press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, feather-light. "yeah," you admit, laughing when he finally snaps and drags you in. "and you love it."

you know better babe, you know better babe

he’s told you. he’s told you—with rough words and scowls and hands that push you away even when they tremble with the need to pull you closer. but you still curl into him like you belong there, still press your cold nose against the pulse point in his neck like you’re memorizing the rhythm of his heartbeat. and the worst part? he’s starting to let you.

tonight, when you burrow under his arm with a sleepy sigh, he doesn’t stiffen. doesn’t grumble. his breath hitches, just once, before his arm settles around your shoulders, pulling you in like he’s been waiting for this all along.

"...comfortable?" he mutters, voice gruff but lacking its usual edge.

you hum, nuzzling closer. "mhm. you’re warm."

his fingers flex against your side, hesitant, before they start tracing idle patterns on your hip—his version of an apology, a confession, a please don’t let go.

than to hold me just, hold me just like that

your arms around him are a vice, a salvation, the only thing anchoring him to this world when the memories threaten to drag him under. he should pull away—shouldn’t let you cling to something so broken, shouldn’t let himself believe he deserves this. but then your fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, holding tight like you’re afraid he’ll disappear again, and something in him cracks open.

"...you’re gonna suffocate me," he mumbles, but there’s no bite to it, just a rough edge of something tender he’s still learning to name.

you laugh against his collarbone, warm and bright. "liar," you murmur, tilting your head up to meet his eyes. "you love this."

he should deny it. should shove you off and retreat to the shadows where he belongs. but instead, his arms tighten around you—just a fraction, just enough to feel the way your breath hitches—and he ducks his head to press his lips to your hair.

"...shut up," he mutters, but it’s ruined by the way his voice cracks, by the way his hands tremble where they rest against your back.

i know who i am when i’m alone

alone, he’s sharp edges and old blood, the metallic taste of violence thick on his tongue. alone, he’s the red hood—a monster stitched together from Gotham’s rot, a ghost wearing a dead boy’s face. sometimes, in the quiet, he thinks maybe he should’ve stayed buried. maybe the world would’ve been kinder if he’d never clawed his way out of that grave.

but then you’re there, your warmth pressing against his back, your fingers threading through his like you’re trying to pull him out of his own head.

"jay," you murmur, soft but insistent, "come back to me."

his breath hitches. he should shrug you off, should snap that he’s not something you can fix. but instead, he turns his hand over, palm-up, an unspoken invitation. your fingers slot between his like they belong there, and he exhales shakily.

"...’m here," he mutters, rough but honest.

you press a kiss to his knuckles, gentle as dawn light. "good," you whisper. "stay."

(he will. for you, he’ll try.)

i’m something else when i see you

with you, he’s just jason—not the red hood, not the ghost, not the boy who should’ve stayed dead. just jason, who loves too hard with hands that have known too much blood, who wants too much when he deserves so little. it terrifies him, this fragile thing between you, like one wrong move could shatter it all. and you—god, you’re just as broken, just as scarred, always waiting for the day he doesn’t come back, always counting his breaths like each one might be the last.

tonight, he finds you curled into yourself, knees to your chest, staring blankly at the door like you’re already mourning him. his chest aches. he doesn’t know how to fix this—doesn’t know if he can. but he kneels in front of you anyway, hands hovering like he’s afraid to touch.

"...hey," he murmurs, voice rough. "i’m here."

you look up, eyes red-rimmed, and your breath stutters. "for how long?" you whisper, the question hanging between you like a guillotine.

he doesn’t have an answer. doesn’t know how to promise something he might not be able to keep. so he does the only thing he can—he pulls you into his arms, tucking your head under his chin, holding you so tight it almost hurts. "long as i can," he breathes into your hair.

your fingers clutch at his shirt, desperate. "that’s not enough," you choke out.

he knows. god, he knows. but he presses a kiss to your temple anyway, slow and lingering, trying to pour every unspoken i love you into it. "i know," he admits, voice cracking. "but it’s all i got."

you don’t understand, you should never know

you don’t realize the power you have—how one touch from you could bring him to his knees, how he’d carve out his own ribs if it meant keeping you safe. (he hopes you never find out.) but that night, with your lips on his and your hands tugging at his belt, he’s not thinking about hiding. he’s not thinking at all.

"jason," you gasp as he pins you to the mattress, his body covering yours like a shield, like a prayer. "are you sure—?"

his answer is a growl against your throat, teeth scraping your pulse point as his hands map every inch of you, desperate and reverent. "shut up," he breathes, but there’s no heat in it, just a raw ache. "just—fuck, just let me have this."

you arch into him, nails dragging down his back, and he swears he sees stars. "you have me," you whisper, voice breaking as he finally, finally sinks into you. "all of me."

(and that’s the thing—he doesn’t have you. you have him, heart and soul, and he’s too far gone to even care.)

how easy you are to need

it’s pathetic, really. the way he craves you—not just in the heat of battle or the dark of night, but in the quiet moments too. the way you hum off-key while making coffee, the way your nose scrunches when you laugh, the way you sigh in your sleep like the world can’t touch you here. it’s too much. it’s not enough.

tonight, he watches you bathed in moonlight, fingers tracing the slope of your shoulder like he’s memorizing his favourite verse of a poem. you stir under his touch, blinking up at him with sleep-soft eyes.

"why’re you staring?" you murmur, voice thick with drowsiness.

his thumb brushes your cheekbone, reverent. "just thinking," he admits, quieter than the rustle of sheets.

you turn into his palm, pressing a kiss to his pulse point. "about?"

he swallows. "how you’re like sunlight," he starts, haltingly, "even when you’re not trying to be." it’s clumsy, poetic in a way that makes his ears burn, but it’s true—you warm him from the inside out, melt the frost in his veins until he’s just a man, just jason, just yours.

your smile is slow, sweet. "say that again," you tease, but your eyes are shining.

"shut up," he grumbles, pulling you closer until your laughter vibrates against his chest.

(he’ll never tell you how easy it is to need you. but he’ll show you, every day, in every touch, for as long as you let him.)

don’t let me in with no intention to keep me

he’s not asking. he’s warning—voice rough like gravel, hands trembling where they frame your face. if you let him in, if you peel back his armor and see the broken thing beneath, he’s not leaving. he’ll carve a place between your ribs and make a home there, ruin you for anyone else, love you until it hurts.

"you sure about this?" he murmurs, forehead pressed to yours, breath shaky. "i’m not—i don’t know how to do this right."

you kiss him anyway, slow and sweet, fingers carding through his hair like he’s something precious. "good thing i don’t need you to be perfect," you whisper against his lips. "just yours."

his breath hitches. he kisses you back like he’s drowning, like you’re air, hands sliding down to grip your waist—gentler now, but no less desperate. "...mine," he repeats, testing the word, and it sounds so right.

jesus christ, don’t be kind to me

your kindness is a knife, twisting deeper every time you look at him like he’s worth something. your love is a live wire, sparking through his veins until he’s breathless with it. he can’t take it—the way you reach for him first, fingers lacing through his without hesitation, the way you press kisses to his scars like they’re something holy. but god, he’ll take anything you give him.

tonight, it’s him who initiates, catching your wrist as you pass by and pulling you into his lap with a quiet grunt. you yelp, then melt against him instantly, laughter bubbling up as his arms tighten around you.

"missed me?" you tease, tilting your head to nuzzle against his jaw.

his nose brushes your temple, inhaling the scent of your shampoo like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. "shut up," he mumbles, but there’s no heat in it—just a rough tenderness that makes your chest ache.

you pull back just enough to cup his face, thumbs brushing the dark circles under his eyes. "you’re so pretty," you murmur, hopelessly, helplessly in love.

he flushes, scowling, but leans into your touch anyway. "you’re such a sap," he mutters, before kissing you—soft, slow, and so painfully sweet it steals your breath. as if he hasn't said cheesier things in his head about you.

honey, don’t feed me, i will come back

he always does. no matter how many times he grumbles about needing space, no matter how dramatically he flops onto the couch complaining about your terrible taste in movies, he always circles back—drawn to you like gravity, like his bones know they belong wherever you are. and now? now he doesn’t even pretend to resist.

today, he catches you mid-eyeroll as you reorganize his haphazard stack of books (alphabetized by color, what the hell—), and before you can protest, he’s lifting you clear off the ground, tossing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"jason!" you shriek, kicking halfheartedly as he carries you toward the bedroom. "i was fixing your chaos!"

"ruining my system, you mean," he counters, giving your thigh a light smack just to hear you squawk. "besides, you’re way more fun when you’re not judging my life choices."

you pinch his side in retaliation, grinning when he yelps. "oh, so now you admit i’m fun?"

he dumps you onto the mattress, looming over you with a smirk. "shut up," he mutters, but he’s already leaning down to kiss you, swallowing your laughter like it’s his favorite flavor.

it can’t be unlearned

he’s tasted your mouth, your skin, your laughter—memorized the way you arch beneath him, the way your breath hitches when his teeth graze that spot just below your ear. he’s ruined for anything else, addicted to the way you fall apart in his hands, and now? now he doesn’t hesitate to take what he wants.

tonight, he pins you to the sheets with a hunger that borders on desperation, hands roaming like he’s mapping a religion he’ll never stop worshipping. “mine,” he growls against your throat, and the way you shudder—like the word alone is enough to undo you—sends a thrill down his spine.

afterward, when the air is thick with sweat and the scent of you, he surprises even himself by pulling you close, pressing a kiss to your damp forehead.

“...okay?” he murmurs, voice rough but softer now, fingers tracing idle patterns on your hip.

you hum, nuzzling into his chest with a contented sigh. "more than okay," you mumble, already half-asleep. "you?"

he huffs a laugh, tucking the blanket around you both. "could go for a few more rounds," jason teases, voice thick with exhaustion but still grinning as he presses a lazy kiss to your shoulder.

you laugh—soft and breathless, the sound curling warm in his chest. "oh my god, jay."

"alright, fine," he concedes, already pulling you closer as his breathing evens out. "sleep it is." but the way his arms lock around you, like he’s afraid you’ll vanish by morning, says everything his voice won’t.

i’ve known the warmth of your doorways

your home is his—the creak of the floorboards, the way your sheets smell like that cheap lavender detergent you swear by, the half-empty coffee mugs left scattered on the counter because neither of you can be bothered to clean up properly. your bed is his, with its too-soft pillows and the way you always steal the blankets, leaving him to grumble and pull you closer just to steal your warmth instead. your heart is his, beating steady under his palm when he wakes from nightmares to find you already watching him, fingers carding through his hair before he even has to ask. (he’s not giving it back. he couldn’t if he tried.)

tonight, it’s him who reaches for you first once more, catching your wrist as you walk by and tugging you into his lap with a quiet "c’mere." you go willingly, laughing as he nuzzles into the curve of your neck, his arms locking around your waist like he’s memorizing the shape of you.

"since when do you initiate cuddles?" you tease, but your hands are already sliding into his hair, scratching lightly at the nape of his neck the way he likes.

he hums, low and content, pressing a kiss to your collarbone. "since you ruined me," he mumbles, like it’s a confession, like it’s the easiest truth he’s ever spoken.

(he has. you have. and neither of you would change a thing.)

through the cold, i’ll find my way back to you

no matter how far he goes, no matter how lost he gets in the blood and the noise and the weight of his own ghosts, he’ll always come back. you’re his north star, his fixed point—the only thing that makes sense in this godforsaken city. tonight, he watches you from the rooftops, silhouetted against the neon glow of gotham’s skyline as you move through the fight below. you’re beautiful like this, all sharp edges and fluid motion, but his stomach twists when he sees you take a hit, when blood blooms dark against your sleeve.

he’s there before you can stumble, his hands steady as he hauls you into the shadows of an alleyway. "hold still," he mutters, voice rough with worry as he presses a gloved hand to the wound. you hiss but don’t pull away, your breath warm against his jaw as he works.

"since when do you play medic?" you tease, though your voice is tight with pain.

he doesn’t answer, just peels back the fabric of your suit with careful fingers, his touch reverent as he cleans the cut. when he’s done, he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth—soft, clumsy, lingering—before lifting your hand to his mouth and brushing his lips over your bruised knuckles. "don’t do that again," he murmurs, but it’s not an order. it’s a plea.

you smile, thumb stroking the stubble along his jaw. "make me," you whisper, and the way he leans into your touch says everything he won’t.

(he’ll always come back. and you’ll always be there, waiting.)

oh, please, give me mercy no more

"apologise, and maybe i'll think about going easy on you."

you laugh, bright and teasing, when he pins you to the mattress, his hips pressing yours deep into the sheets. "offering me mercy, jay?" you gasp, like the concept is foreign, back arching as he drags his teeth down your throat. "since when do you believe in mercy?"

he doesn’t answer—not with words, anyway. instead, he sinks into you in one slow, deliberate thrust, the stretch so perfect it punches the air from your lungs. he groans, forehead dropping to yours as he bottoms out, the heat of you clenching around him like you were made to take him. "fuck," he grits out, voice wrecked already. "you feel—" but he can’t finish, too lost in the way your nails dig into his shoulders, the way your thighs tremble around his waist.

he sets a punishing pace, each snap of his hips dragging a broken sound from your lips. "jason—" you whimper, fingers twisting in the sheets.

"look at me," he demands, voice rough, and when you do—when your eyes meet his, hazy with pleasure—something in his chest cracks open. suddenly, he’s imagining more than just this: lazy mornings tangled in your limbs, a house with too many windows, maybe even a tiny human with your sense of humour and his temper. the thought is so terrifyingly sweet it makes him falter, his rhythm stuttering.

you notice, of course. "where’d you go?" you pant, hips rolling to meet his.

he shakes his head, thrusts deeper, harder, until you’re gasping. "nowhere," he lies, but the way his hands cradle your face, the way his lips brush yours like a promise, says otherwise.

(he wants it all. and one day, he’ll tell you.)

that’s a kindness you can’t afford

he’s not kind—not in the way that matters, not when his hands are stained and his heart’s been carved out too many times to count. but you, with your stupid, stubborn hope, keep offering it anyway. tonight, it’s in the way you press a kiss to his scarred knuckles, like he’s something fragile, something worth gentleness. it makes his chest ache.

“stop,” he rasps, fingers twitching in your grip. “i told you this before, you don’t gotta—”

“i know,” you interrupt, lips quirking. “i want to.”

your thumb traces the ridge of his knuckles, slow and deliberate, and he should pull away. should remind you he’s not built for softness. but then you lean in, close enough that your breath ghosts over his jaw, and whisper, “guess you’re just stuck with me being nice.”

he huffs, but his hand turns under yours, palm-up, fingers curling to catch yours before you can retreat. “...reckless,” he mutters, but the way his thumb brushes your wrist is tender, almost apologetic.

(you are. and he’s not sorry at all.)

i warn you, babe, each night, as sure as you’re born

he tells you. every time. don’t start what you can’t finish. you never listen.

(like that first night he came back—really came back—when he appeared outside your window like some half-feral ghost, all sharp edges and haunted eyes. the fire escape creaked under his weight, the cold metal biting through his gloves as he hesitated, knuckles hovering just shy of the glass. he shouldn’t be here. shouldn’t let you see him like this, still smelling of blood and gotham’s rot. but god, he missed you.)

then the curtain twitched, and there you were—sleep-rumpled and wide-eyed, your breath fogging the pane as you stared at him like he was the answer to a prayer you’d never said out loud.

“...jason?” your voice was barely a whisper, cracked open with something like hope.

he swallowed hard, fingers curling into fists. “go back to bed,” he muttered, rough as gravel. “this ain’t—you don’t want this.”

but you were already unlatching the window, already reaching for him with hands that didn’t shake. “shut up,” you breathed, and then you were pulling him inside, your arms wrapping around him so tight he couldn’t tell where his trembling ended and yours began.

“i told you—” he started, but his voice broke, his face buried in your hair like he could memorize the scent of you.

“i know,” you interrupted, fingers gripping the back of his jacket like you were afraid he’d vanish. “i don’t care.”

you’ll hear me howling outside your door

you always let him in.

(like today, when the two of you are walking along the beach, barefoot and carefree, the golden hour sun painting everything in warm hues. the sand is soft under your toes, the waves lapping at your ankles as you laugh over some stupid childhood memory—that time he tried to bake cookies and nearly set the kitchen on fire, or when you tripped over your own feet trying to impress him with a skateboard trick. his laughter is rough but bright, unfiltered in a way it rarely is, and it makes your chest ache with how much you love him.)

then, because you’ve never been able to resist, you shove him playfully, sending him stumbling into the surf with a yelp. “oh, you’re dead,” he growls, but there’s no real threat in it, just that fond exasperation he reserves only for you. he lunges, catching you around the waist, and the two of you go down in a tangle of limbs and saltwater, the waves swallowing your shrieks of laughter.

you come up sputtering, coughing as you accidentally swallow a mouthful of the ocean. “tastes like shit,” you wheeze, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

he’s no better, blinking furiously as the water stings his eyes. “serves you right,” he mutters, but he’s already reaching for you, his hands gentle as they brush the wet hair from your face.

“worth it,” you grin, leaning into his touch.

he rolls his eyes, but the way his thumb traces your cheekbone is achingly tender. “idiot,” he murmurs, and it sounds like i love you.

don’t you hear me howling, babe?

you always will.

bullets ping off the metal crates you’re crouched behind, the sharp scent of gunpowder thick in the air. jason’s pressed shoulder-to-shoulder with you, his breath warm against your ear as he grins, wild and bright. "told you this was a bad idea," he says, like he’s not having the time of his life.

"you love my bad ideas," you shoot back, peeking over the crate just long enough to return fire. a man yelps as your shot grazes his arm, and jason barks out a laugh, loud enough to startle the goons into hesitating.

"showoff," he mutters, but there’s pride in his voice as he leans around the corner and takes down two men with precise shots. you cover him without missing a beat, your movements synced like you share the same pulse.

when the last thug hits the ground, the warehouse falls silent except for your shared, ragged breathing. jason turns to you, blood smeared across his cheekbone, and you reach out, thumb brushing it away. "messy," you tease.

"you love it," he counters, catching your wrist and pressing a kiss to your palm, right over the bruise forming from where you’d punched someone too hard.

the walk back to his bike is slow, the adrenaline fading into something softer. you bump his shoulder, grinning. "can’t wait to deal with this bullshit every day when we’re married."

his heart stutters in his chest, so loud he's half-afraid you'll hear it. his right hand curls instinctively in his pocket, thumb brushing against gold—the same way it has every day for weeks, checking, reassuring. the weight of what he's about to do tightens his throat, makes your casual words echo like church bells in his skull. when we're married. like it's inevitable. like he hasn't been lying awake rehearsing this moment for months. "yeah?" he manages, voice rougher than the gunfight warranted. the smile that tugs at his lips is helpless, unbearably soft. "...me neither."

(he looks at you then—really looks. the way the streetlights halo your hair, the way your smile cuts through the grime and exhaustion like sunlight. he wants to memorize this, wants to carve it into his ribs so he never forgets the way you love him, reckless and relentless.

"c’mon," he murmurs, nodding toward a quieter street. "let’s go somewhere else first."

you raise a brow but follow, because you always do.

and tonight, he’ll kneel on the rooftop where you first kissed—where the city lights painted your face in gold and he realized he’d never love anything as much as he loves you—ring in hand, voice trembling just once as he asks you to keep following. forever.)

WOAH this one was a long one—6.5k words??? i'm literally crying right now as i wrote this last part cause like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it took me 4 hours... 4 FUCKING HOURS TO WRITE THIS AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE IT I NEED MORE I NEED MORE OF JASON (as if i don't have the ability to write more of this.......)

[gingerjunhan]

boyfriend headcannons - han hyeongjun

☆彡 EEEEEEKK it’s Jun Han time! :D 🩷

word count: 690 | pronouns used: none | genre: fluff, established relationship | cws: YouTube like is safe!!, all caps, (Hyeongjun’s) insecurities mentioned, eating mentioned, I love him, not proofread, lmk if I missed something

← previous member | next member →

obviously, I have a lot to say

here we go

first things first, Hyeongjun shows you how he loves you instead of telling you

there was some radio interview they did one time where the other members said he doesn’t say “I love you much”

so he makes sure to physically show his appreciation for you

what’s that? you were stressed from your workload? Hyeongjun made you dinner and cleaned up your place while you were out

you’re feeling nervous about a big job interview? he got you flowers to wish you good luck

stuff like that

I also feel like someone somewhere said that Hyeongjun is really good with dates?

idk maybe I’m gaslighting myself into thinking that

but he never never forgets anything!

birthdays, anniversaries, important events- he’s there

I also think a lot about the one Knock Down Debate that they did where Hyeongjun yelled at the others because they never pick up their phones when he calls them

so hey, at least he’s good at communication in that aspect

I don’t think Hyeongjun is one for pet names

I literally cannot picture him calling someone a pet name, but I could easily be wrong

if he did I feel like they would be simple

“honey”

“love”

“sweetie”

short and sweet stuff

he gets flustered easily if you call him something though!

I feel like it would be really easy to fluster him

STOOOPP imagine Hyeongjun meeting your pets

forget about your family- let this man meet your cat

okay but fr this man is sweating buckets meeting your family

he’s afraid that they would think he’s too quiet or too boring :(

but once they get to know him and once he warms up to them that’s obviously not true!

I mean, come on, look at the way that man can shred on the guitar. there is not a boring bone in his body

he’s a kiss on the cheek typa guy

no big fancy gestures

just something cute, simple, and sweet

he actually doesn’t strike me as a big gesture guy at all?

no wait let me explain

let me cook

not big on PDA, not the best with words, and he wouldn’t feel like his acts of kindness are very big

like, he let you hold on to kkito while he was away for a few days so you wouldn’t miss him- why are you crying?

ugh I wanna squeeze him :(

he will come to you with any sort of problem no matter how big or how small

he trusts you completely

he would literally be your friend first and your boyfriend second

Hyeongjun strikes me as the type to not need affection much, but when he does he’s a little nervous to ask

“Jun, what’s wrong?”

“I need a hug.” :(

you almost don’t hear him but y’all are so close that you can figure it out

you can basically read his mind

I feel like a relationship with Hyeongjun would go slow, and that’s okay!

why mess with perfection 😉

no need to rush first kisses or first I love yous

you’re just having fun together!

HE MAKES A PLAYLIST OF SONGS THAT REMIND HIM OF YOU 😭😭😭😭

“This song played in the restaurant during our first date.”

“This song was stuck in my head right before you kissed me for the first time.”

“This song was-“ STOP IT I can’t do this anymore

ALWAYS makes sure you’re taking care of yourself

making sure you eat meals and get enough rest

he’s so open minded!

I feel like he has strong opinions, but he’s chill with most things?

those two things literally cancel out but whatever

he buys clothes that he also thinks you would like in case you want to steal them 😼

pays very close attention to detail!

no new haircut or nail color goes unnoticed!

he draws little pictures of you in his sketchbook all the time :(

loving Hyeongjun is gentle, calm, and fun- like sitting in the grass on a sunny day

no pressure, no rush, just you two having fun being together 🩷

god I love him so much

taglist: @dazzlingligth , @mini-mews , @mxlly143 , @somethingaboutcheese , comment to be added!⁎⁺˳✧༚

[stars0fthesea]

Hello! I’m so extremely bored so I’m gonna post a song analysis kind of thing? But it’s about Jason and Amelia. Uhmmm idk how to explain it soooo JUST READ!!!

Song: A Humans Touch (on Spotify by TWRP, McKenna Rae)

(TW: Mentions of child abuse and neglect. I don’t go into super details but it is mentioned.)

(ALSO ALSO These are my own versions of Jason and Amelia. They were childhood friends that grew up together!!! I’ll make another post about that or whatever.)

Jason and Amelia ^

The first bit could be applied to both of them.

“Am I toy to you, my love? Just a thing to play and then throw away.”

For Jason it’s the feeling of betrayal. he did everything for Amelia, kept her safe from the world. He was loyal to her and yet she betrayed him when he was at rock bottom. He believes that Amelia took all the “love” he gave to her without giving anything back. Essentially she “threw him away” after she realized she no longer needed him. Even though that isn’t what happened.

Jason just can’t ever blame himself for his own actions and the consequences that follow. He didn’t keep Amelia safe, nor was he ever loyal. He wanted control over her, and when he no longer had that control he became angry. That anger mixed with the exhaustion and burnout he faced ended up killing him.

For Amelia, she felt terrified— she was terrified. Always feeling as though Jason never truly loved her, only used her, manipulated her into having no one around her. Scaring her from ever making true friends and only having Jason, until the end. Which goes with the “Am I just a toy to you, my love?” Jason played with her, toyed with her emotions. Turned her once confident personality into a more confined one.

“I never asked for this”

Jason never asked his parents to neglect, abuse, and kick him out of the house all because he wanted to become a toymaker. Amelia never asked for Jason to treat her the way he did just because she was one of the only one to treat Jason nicely.

“I always did my best.”

Jason always listened to his father. Fixing any flaws his father would point out. He did everything to try and get his attention, try and make him proud— until he realized that nothing. Nothing. He did would ever make his parents happy. Everything he did was a mistake in their eyes. And so he tuned them out. Jason didn’t need them anyways. For gods sake he would show them just how amazing he really is.

…

“Without your love, I am a broken mess.” Self explanatory for Jason…after Amelia killed him he ended up being broken. His heart became more rotten after losing Amelia’s love for him. He turned into a mess, looking for a woman that can replace what Amelia left. A void in his heart, waiting to be filled.

This entire part is just Jason. ^

“I never did you wrong”

These words fit Amelia more. During their entire relationship Amelia didn’t do anything to Jason. She was supportive of his dreams, offered to help him succeed, she was an amazing friend.

Yet Jason still treated Amelia as if she was nothing but a toy. She did everything for him, but Jason treated her like a child. Hell she could have done so much more than the pathetic redhead and he’d still see her as something he has control over. Amelia knew that they would never be equals in his eyes, and she didn’t dare say anything about it. (If you couldn’t tell he’s a misogynist.)

For Jason these words just circle back to his entire belief being: His actions are justified because everything he did was to protect Amelia from the cruel world she didn’t understand. He didn’t do anything wrong to Amelia, she just didn’t understand anything. She didn’t understand the love he was giving to her.

“Until the new me came along.”

Amelia again! This kind of goes with the first part but I wanted to write it separately. We know Amelia didn’t do anything to Jason, yeah.

She eventually did free herself from his control, realizing what he was doing to her. It took a lot of courage and strength but she did it. She escaped Jason. And eventually she killed the man that manipulated her. Thus why the lyrics: “I never did you wrong, until the new me came along.” Fits her so well. This new version of herself took over control and got rid of the evil redhead.

“it was just you and me”

Jason from the very start of his life was neglected. His own parents didn’t want him. He was alone. At school nobody would speak with him. The teachers felt bad, but they didn’t do much with the children teasing and bullying Jason. He had absolutely no one.

But then.

Amelia showed up in his life. Amelia who was smiling brightly since the day she met Jason. She was talkative and sure a bit annoying, but Jason finally had someone. And it wasn’t bad. Despite all the other children whispering rumors about Jason, Amelia stuck by his side.

It was just Jason and Amelia.

Jason needs Amelia. Or at least that’s what he thinks.

He takes the lives of every woman that reminds him of Amelia. Whether it be their personality, their face, their looks, whatever. He desperately tries to feel how it once felt to have Amelia by his side. Call it obsession if you will…but really he just misses having such power and control over someone.

[keroinnie]

250610 thoughts

chan is literally the most charming person in the entire world it actually makes me want to fucking kill myself like wdym he just smiles like that all the time and talks so easily to people and is so fun and playful and silly i thought bf chan hours were long over for me but apparently not :)

felix is the most endearing annoying person ever like lmao shut up ??? i love you ???? he is so electric to watch i couldnt take my eyes off him during truman im soooo sorry jisung

JISUNG IS SOOO CUTE LIKE YEAH I KNEW HE WAS BUT IRL EVEN MORE SO like his reactions to things bc he’s always watching someone else is sooo incredible like i wish i could watch the show with him having a react cam in the corner of the screen lmfao

the length of hyunjin’s hair rn is SO GOOD like he looks so cute with it im glad i got to see it at this length irl ! he’s so sweet and talks so quietly but he’s so loud when performing he really is a sight to behold

which quickly: hyunchan giggles irl is crazy they really sound like that what the fuck

i feel like i barely saw minho but he sounded soooo good live and seeing his sclass kick live…… showstopping holy shit also whenever i feel like i saw him he always had the funniest expression whatever he be seeing is killing me personally

CHANGBIN IS SO CUTE AND PRETTY IRL he’s such a natural personality and so easy to get pulled into watching crazy how you can be hot and cute and funny all at once he also sounds insane live like god’s menu and thunderous were fucking insane

seungmin is the ultimate menace that is perfect and charming obsessed with his straight face while messing with stays lmfao he’s also just so sweet like after 2min had us sing the chorus to cinema he said into the mic in korean that we did well 🥺 like no we didnt actually but thank you for the support lmfao but wow truly a singer cover me gave me goosebumps like i was holding my breath during his parts lmao ?????? absolutely insane vocalist i feel so grateful i got to hear him live

jeongin…….. jeongin is perfect. i need jeongin to know and understand he is amazing. every single time he sang it was insanely perfect he is so stable live like ???? like i know he doesnt get a lot of lines in songs but to sound so good every time…… like this show really solidified he is my favorite 4th gen vocalist. he is so easy to watch and get drawn into he is such a natural performer. i thought he was so cute during lonely st. where he was just standing politely and looking pretty during other members parts i wish i had taken pics :( i love you so much jeongin :(

burnin tires is so much fun live….. that’s all im saying LOL

i would die for the band especially jamal im actually a jamal ult sorry skz

basically everyone sounds amazing sorry that i cant go into specifics on this bc the show is a blur and still not real to me like i feel bad that i cannot talk in length about everyone but i was also fighting for my life with two teenage girls filming themselves directly in front of me and blocking my line of sight lmfao but also fuck the camera crew i basically saw innie once during haven :) WHICH THEY DID HAVEN AT MY SHOW AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

also while watching walkin on water live i had the thought: this will be the closest i get to seeing h.o.t live…… like idk if i can explain this but that song to me is so important to skz as a whole when you think about how their cover of warrior’s descent helped get them to debut and then nearly 7 years later they drop a song that is so reminiscent of that era of h.o.t (also bounce back is v h.o.t so like two tracks) and i just think about how in general with h.o.t starting kpop idol culture as we know it and skz genuinely loving kpop and not being afraid to release music that is so referential to other kpop songs like i listen to skz and literally hear the music that inspires them and it makes me feel so happy hearing that they love and arent ashamed of kpop and love being idols like as someone that LOVES kpop and listens to so much kpop from all generations and non-idol korean music i often just feel like i /get/ skz??? like im still just in awe and i love walkin on water and it sums up so much of what i love about skz and kpop and like when i got into kpop 14 years ago kangta was so significant for my kpop journey and then when i got into skz it revitalized my love for kpop idk this is rambly and i cannot explain this well but i just love kpop as a genre and i love h.o.t and i love walkin on water and i love skz thank you

also to the girl who gave me the dirty look bc i cheered for 2pm during the silly jype ads: kill yourself

[glitteredbubbles]

Top 5 Sufjan Stevens songs. GO

AHHH THIS IS ALSO EVIL!! How am I supposed to choose when his discography is so stacked?? I’ll try have each one from a different album for the sake of variety. Much like the Mitski list, a lot of these are going to be pretty interchangeable :)

1. The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us! from Illinois. This is easily the best love song ever, like I’m determined to have it play at my wedding someday idc if it’s too long or if nobody else likes it. I recommend listening to this song blasting in headphones because every single instrument is so perfect and magical in this

2. John My Beloved from Carrie and Lowell. I’m not sure why this song has always stuck out to me given that I don’t see many people talk about it, just something about it fills me with such melancholy, more than his other songs. I saw someone say that the constant beat in this song represented god because it almost seems like it existed before the song even started and I have internalized that interpretation

3. My Red Little Fox from Javelin. This whole album is so good (like all of his) but this song has been my favorite ever since it dropped, just the way the lyrics are structured along with how wintery it feels. I love it so much idk how else to explain it. Why did he have to write “kiss me with the fire of gods”??

4. All Delighted People (Original Version) from All Delighted People. This song used to scare the fuck out of me because it’s so experimental but I listened to it on repeat during a roadtrip and it changed my life. Listening to this is such a journey and the ending is INSANE, like I’ve been inspired to make a corecore edit to it because it’d be crushing if it was set to Sufjan wailing “and what difference does it make if the world is a mess?”

5. For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti from Michigan. I really wanted to include an Age of Adz song in the top 5, but this song wins over because it has ailed me for so long. One of the saddest professions of love; I use it in a lot of my fic playlists for that reason alone haha. Just the transition from “I’ll do anything for you” to “I did everything for you” is CRUSHING :(

Honorable mentions: I Want To Be Well, Enchanting Ghost, To Be Alone With You, Star of Wonder, Shit Talk, No Shade in the Shadow of The Cross, John Wayne Gacy Jr., Olympus, City of Roses, Now That I’m Older, Sister Winter, Tell Me You Love Me, Romulus, Tonya Harding (In Eb major), Fourth of July - Live, etc.

[woundworship]

what do all of ur tags mean? :)

hi! sorry it took me so long to answer this. unfortunately, i suck

most of them are quotes or lyrics and most of them refer to concepts and motifs im obsessed with. i intend on having a tag for each of my fav characters and maybe someday i will, but i literally only have one for abigail hobbs. lmao. here they are:

and all the fears you hold so dear - my abigail tag. its from duvet, by bôa, and idk... it just suits her, i guess.

your feelings and mine are all holy - lesbian tag. what can i say? im a lesbian and to me, lesbian love IS holy. its from another bôa song, twilight.

at seventeen i started to starve myself - girlhood tag! i dont really know how to explain my choice for this tag, it just... fits. women starving themselves noth literally and metaphorically i guess? anyway. hunger by fatm.

if you could only see the beast you made of me - a tag for fathers. i will not be taking comment or speculation regarding my relationship with my father or my psychological state at the moment, thank you. howl is one of my favorite fatm songs, and i do have a lot of those.

you'll be sorry that you messed with me - this isnt really a religion tag; its more of a christianity tag. i am a pagan and actually very very religious, i just hate christianity. and god. its a lyric from florence's girls against god, a song that makes me cry if i think about the lyrics too much.

do i look moderate to you? - my tag for love. romantic love, that is. in an obsessed freak way. its the last of my tags thats a florence lyric, and this one is from moderation (another favorite).

someday you will ache like i ache - finally, a hole lyric! the first of well. a lot to come. this is my trauma tag, because i am a loser, and its from doll parts, because its a great song.

dog bait - also from doll parts, this is my werewolf tag

i fit right in your perfect skin - my tag for everything medical <3 i love that lyric and... yeah. medical shit Does fit right into your perfect skin. anyway, thats from reasons to be beautiful

was she asking for it? - just my deer tag. its from asking for it, and... i dont know, sometimes a girl is just feeling a little bit like a deer for once in her life ok

traditional inherited predispositional - runs in the family by amanda palmer. this one is for family stuff and its very much on the nose, just like all my other tags.

to carry on through cartilage and fluid - my last song lyric tag, from desert song by mcr. its just my death tag :)

just love me and eat - i love this quote so fucking much i got it tattooed on my chest last year. anyway, its from bones and all, and its the tag i use for romantic cannibalism (bc Yes, it IS important enough to be separated from the romance and the cannibalism tag, ok?)

to be eaten raw - started as my cannibalism tag, today its a catch all for cannibalism, gore and meat. is it me telling you its supposed to be eaten raw? is it musing about how it must be to be eaten raw? eh, i dont know. its not really that important though is it

thats most of them. the rest are self explanatory, but i do tag a few posts with 🧟 when i want them to go to my brother's tag (though mostly i just send them anything i want him to see)

not sure youre even gonna see this now thats been what, 6 months? but i hope your curiosity is sated <333

[like-wuatafauq]

Wtf??? I'm sorry that your ex was so dismissive about your culture I can't imagine how hurtful that must've been 'cuz that's such an important part of who you are... and for her to judge your accent is super messed up :(

Your background is not something to be ashamed of or try to suppress for someone else's comfort

I'm bilingual too so I totally get the struggle of switching it back and forth 🥹

I actually feel like my Indonesian is getting a bit rusty these days since I use English so much more now. But I've been making more of an effort to practice it regularly so I think I'm starting to find a good balance again. I'm also trying to learn German atm and I only know a handful of words so far :)

Oh and I've actually been listening to a lot of Spanish songs and they're so good 😩

Idk what half the words mean but I be out here dancing along anyway so if you have any recs for artists or songs I should check out pls do share!!!

Also I made over 100+ online friends just last night. I think I might've overdone it a bit but it was so much fun! A lot of them are younger than me so I'm out here feeling like a proud internet mama

They're all my virtual children now >:)

And yesss I'm a proud high femme so if I ever go to a pride event I'd be rocking all the skirts and dresses. I love anything pink or frilly it just makes me feel like a pretty princess 🙂‍↕️

From ♡

Oh dude it was so bad I only cooked her mexican food once...and that's a whole other story but I ended up not cooking mexican food for her....ever...ever again..im not exaggerating (not including burritos or tacos but even on those I didn't use my mexican recipes) it was bad... and I was like oh god! They never showed this side of them before!! I can't be with them wtf!!! And like obviously that was on top of how mean they were towards me so like it was just bad fr. however she's beside the point now, it's just ik for a fact when I open up to someone again I'm gonna have to explain how bad it really was and oooof. But hey as long as it gets me to be open to the right person! someone who deserves aaaaalllll of my love <3 so I can put her in the past, once someone is able to understand why I would react certain ways and my fears they'll know i dont actually think about her, just trauma awareness :)

Also knowing Indonesian sounds super cool! Even if you are a bit rusty that's okay! German is also pretty cool I hope you pick it up quickly 😎I believe in you!

As for spanish music.... guys.... do not ask me this... that's literally 90% of what I listen to in the car or when I'm cooking lmaooo

I'm so happy you made so many queer friends how did you do it so quickly tho?????? Sure online but how???? Lmaoo

I looooooovvveeeeee high femmesssss I don't care if it's goth, dark,pastel,pinky,cottage core,cowgirl, witchy core aesthetic or latina & other culture high femme. As long as it's femme like it just aghhhhhhjjj (of course I don't expect someone to be that way all the time) but mainly that being their look just always gets me ,you girlies are amazing. I could never do what yall do.

[ebdanon]

why is it concerning 😭 i dont get it

i completely agree about needing to learn lessons/have experiences before meeting the right people

it's possible that's just memory issues if you notice it happening about the most random things but it's not in my case, because the only things getting twisted are the ones where she knows what she did/said wasnt right and got called out for it

got another short update for ya: for easter yesterday, my husband and i went over to my parents. during the argument the other day, my mil called up my mom, and my parents and even my sister all reached out via text within a few minutes worried about my husband and i. i told them not to worry, its no big deal, we'd talk another time about it. so when we were over, we finally revealed all of the shit talking my shitty grandma has been doing with my mil and how close they've become behind everyone's backs (because that's something they could help put an end to). and that's when my dad revealed he was over to her place the day before (day after the argument) to fix something on her new phone, when he saw about a dozen calls with my mil through the fb app. my husband said he checked my mil's phone and there were no calls between the two whatsoever except for stuff like christmas to wish happy holidays, which my mil has mentioned before. but other calls were also missing from the log, which we know happened, like with my sil or even me, the only two people in the call log were with two cousins she has, and it went back for months with no one else there. turns out she's been erasing the call logs. my dad also checked my grandma'a regular call log outside of fb and noticed many calls to an unsaved number he wasn't sure who it belongs to. and he asked my grandma why she called my mil, and she said "idk how to work the phone, my hands shake, i slipped it was an accident" and he started wondering how many times does that happen in a single day because the answer doesnt make sense. he didnt get why she'd be hiding something weird like that in the moment, but fully understood when we told him what's been happening.

and then the most jaw dropping reveal happened from my dad: this crazy woman kidnapped me as a baby when my parents were having a random argument. my parents asked them over to watch me for a couple of hours so they could go over to my mom's parents to figure something out (they'd had a few of those arguments the first few months i was born) and when they came back home, no one was there. this was a time before cellphones and even home phones so they couldn't immediately call up my dad's parents to check. the only option they had was walking over to their house, because they didn't have any other transportation option either. and when they did, my grandma sent them back refusing to say a single word?! my grandpa had to do the explaining that she didnt want to stay in my parents' apartment because she felt like going home and they had to take me with them, but also according to her they were unfit parents so she'd be handling it from now. i dont know when they got me back or how.

this woman has done some insane shit throughout my life that one ask wont cover. maybe 3-4 lmao. but i thought she was maybe losing her mind in her old age over the last decade (shes in her 80s). but apparently not. and then both my parents revealed she'd been trying to mess with their marriage in many ways ever since they got married over 30 years ago. god knows why, but she had also been manipulating my grandpa while he was alive to get her way. he'd been apologizing to his sons for her actions for years, all behind her back. (once upon a time i wanted taylor to write a song about this crazy woman; right now i need kendrick to go in with "master manipulator" lines lmao).

my parents didnt get why we hadn't revealed this earlier, it's been happening for two years now, but we were never 100% sure that it really was my grandma calling her up that often because of the empty call logs. a lot of the shitty stuff my mil would say about various members of my family lines up with what ive heard her say throughout the years, but not everything. she's never talked shit about my mom or cousin for instance. i kept trying to prod my parents the last six months by hinting my grandma and mil seem to talk but they were oblivious to my hints, thought i was joking.

i hope i get a job out of this country this month and never see any of them again once i move. i desperately need to be away from crazy, and if it bothers any of them, they can go at each other's throats for all i care.

“why is it concerning” my sweet lore anon literally none of this behavior is normal what do you MEAN you were kidnapped as a baby 😭

the grandma and mil allyship needs to end for all of your sanity oh my god

[illuminan2580]

ok i just finished helluva boss rn. I'm totally NOT normal and i need somewhere to spill my mess out so here i am.

Like wtf how can it be THIS AWESOME??? I literally love every character. They're all charming and getting their own soft points. And the music?!?! All the musical vibe I'm getting from this show is incredible! Tho i haven't seen many musicals myself but I want to say that hb kinda give me a Rent vibe...? Like they all suffer from their own trouble but they still have each other. Such heartwarming fellas in hell. This show is making me so emotional.....

AND i also want to say that it's so obvious that the creators behind it love every one of the character. This makes me feel rly touched. I can feel the passion even from the other side of the screen. We watch too many shows that the creator only want to use the character for money making but in hb (and hh) this is apparently out of the case so I feel so precious for this.

As for the ships, I can't wait to see they finally have sooooome process in e8. There has to be a duet right???

Now I have listened to Just Look My Way like hundreds of times. This song is SOOOO BEAUTIFUL OH MY FUCKING GOD. It'll be a huge loss if I cannot hear it one day in the theatre. This song needs a concert, the whole series need a concert or a live or a musical. Idk how to explain but the whole song let me think of Elizabeth, maybe because of the royal vibe from the song's style and arrangement. And about the lyrics change, the new version truly represents Stolas' feeling for Blitz. How could you so deeply in love with that dickhead Stolas...Seeing this likingly unrequited love makes me both heartbroken and touched by the weight of Stolas' emotion. Stolas calling Blitz dearest...was a whole new level of heart attack for me when I first heard it (in a good way). Truly beautiful song...I wasn't actually a Stolitz stan before but this song made me want to see them reaching a happy ending in the future episodes. I don't really think all of their problems can be solved in s2e8 so, uh...just wait and see now.

Actually my little brain can't stop thinking about the possibility that Blitz would see the crystal as a sign that Stolas doesn't need him around anymore. I myself enjoy this assumption too much hehe...This ship would be more painful if Blitz misunderstands Stolas and just leaves with their bleeding hearts left behind.

haha yeah I started rewatching the episodes focusing on Blitz and Stolas now. Look what the song has done to me🙃

[lunarmothmann]

finally watched the roller coaster safety tutorial so here were my thoughts throughout

~OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS FOR RIDE THE CYCLONE IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT BUT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT~

- VIRGIL. HE PLAYS BASS. I LOVE HIM.

(its a bit of a mess so bear with me)

- how the hell did they make Jane look headless in the intro, thats so cool

- the expressions on everyone's faces when Jane is introduced is hilarious

- OCEAN AND HER WHITE GIRL DANCE MOVES

- i hate that they got rid of Ocean's riff at the end of What The World Needs

- Karnak is the expert of giving information just a little too late

- BORTHDAY.

- "your cousin was in grade 4, he had to get his stomach pumped" is unironically funny

- GIVE JANE A HUG ISTG SHE HAS HER ARMS HELD OUT AND EVERYTHING

- i think Noel might be a masochist, just saying-

- Noel's life is honestly really sad. I feel so bad for him

- NOT HIM CALLING OCEAN A SUCCUBUS LMAO

- ngl he makes the dress work

- MISCHA??? HELLO??? THATS KINDA FRUITY

- that chair is a paid actor bc its been through so much in just this number alone

- HELP CONSTANCE TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM JANE IS SO FUNNY

- "not in my Bible, baby. BONSOIR" I am struggling so hard to keep my composure while typing

- THE HIP THRUST WHEN OCEAN SAYS "teen sex KILLS"

- THE PORN MUSIC. HELP ME IM DYING OUT HERE

- "im not mad at you, im just frequently disappointed" you know what I felt that

- I dont agree with them saying Mischa as the angriest boy in town, he was just mistreated and had a hard life :( he has so many nice moments with the other kids

- OCEAN AND HER FAN THAT ISNT EVEN TURNED ON-

- seeing Mischa talk abt Talia makes me so sad

- Talia is such an underrated song, this makes me wanna sob

- idk why but Ocean touching Mischa's cheek at the start of Talia did something to me I cannot explain

- the projections are making this so emotionally distressing to watch

- THEN THE FUCKING UPBEAT POP SECTION

- CONSTANCE'S GUILTY LOOK AT THE VIRGIN LINE

- oh god here comes Space Age Bachelor Man

- DID RICKY STICK HIS FINGER IN OCEAN'S MOUTH????

- what the hell i am so uncomfortable

- I hate those cat masks so much

- "it gets weird" ITS BEEN WEIRD WHAT

- WHAT IS HE WEARING. im not even gonna talk abt the fake abs.

- this choreography is so sexually charged and im so confused

- Jane makes me so unbelievably sad why cant they treat her better

- no comments, just The Ballad of Jane Doe.

- ok one comment, the ACTING. the VOCALS. ITS ALL PERFECT.

- THE BIRTHDAY SCENE IS SO SWEET LIKE THEY ARE TRYING TO MAKE JANE FEEL BETTER

- the new birthday song 🥺

- Jane's little sway aww

- BORTHDAY PT 2

- Savannah with the greenest eyes 😭

- THE BOOB PUNCH. "you just punched me!! in the freakin boob!!"

- Constance's favorite ride was the one that killed her :(

- IM SORRY CONSTANCE DID WHAT?

- THE TATTOO WAS WHAT????

- oh no this is so sad

- the impromptu dance moves during sugar cloud bc they arent being controlled by Karnak are so cute

-Ocean's white girl dance moves pt 2

- RECORDER SOLO WOOHOO

- OCEAN SOUNDS SO BROKEN WHEN KARNAK TELLS HER ITS HER DECISION TO MAKE THE FINAL VOTE

- "you knew all along I couldn't do it" "what?" "choose myself" IM DYING OUT HERE HELP

- "id gladly take my seventeen years over nothing" WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

- the sad little "democracy rocks"

- is the video meant to show Jane's life as she crosses over? or is it just showing imagery of life overall bc of the theme of this show

- It's Just a Ride after everything I just witnessed is like a punch in the gut

- they seem so happy :,)

- im in physical pain over this show.

[deceasedream69]

Pretty

Summary: you make a cute hairstyle for school and Eddie keeps teasing you about it.

______________________________________

I was seating at the cafeteria table, the rest of the guys were with the principal because they were caught passing notes about tonight's game.

I was finishing a homework I didn't understand, copying from someone's notes.

- "look at these!", Said Eddie squeezing my space buns from behind.

- "they were hard to make! If you ruin one you'll have to do it again", I said focused on my notebook.

- "you look so cute, like you have little horns"

- "hey y/n", said Dustin sitting at the other side of me.

- "hey", I smiled.

- "copying were you can get caught?", Said mike sitting next to Dustin.

- "they're gonna notice when we turn it in anyway, the same notes, please", I started to feel Eddie's eyes on me. I turned around. "What?"

- "why did I do to get you to date me?"

- "witchcraft probably", I smiled.

- "I only got your underwear after we starting dating, so not possible", he said standing up to sit on his signature sit, the end of the table.

- "disgusting", I said still copying.

- "miss l/n"

- "shit...", I whispered.

- "see you after class", said the teacher passing next to me, leaving me a detention note. (idk and idc how American schools work lol)

I sighed.

- "looks like we got detention", said Eddie lifting the note to read it.

- "we?" I said looking at him confused. He only winked.

- "you got detention from passing notes?"

- "no, the principal said he knew that if we got detention we would just play D&D instead of actually being grounded, so he chose to send notes to our parents", explained Dustin.

The bell ringed and I got up. Eddie got up too, stopping in front of me, holding my buns.

- "see", he kissed one of my cheeks. "You", he kissed the other. "After class", he said kissing my lips.

- "would you stop touching them!", I said laughing.

- "you look so pretty", he said squeezing one of my cheeks before leaving.

_

Detention was boring. Nothing to do, even the teacher was bored. So bored he actually fell asleep.

> should I scape? What if I get another day of detention?< I sanked in my desk. hitting my notebook with my pen, making the rhythm of a song Eddie always plays on his van.

I heard a knock on the window, turning quickly.

- "Eddie?", I whispered.

- "open", he whispered back.

I doubted the request for a little, I got up being as silent as I could, opening just a little crack so we could hear each other.

- "what the hell are you doing here?", I whispered.

- "open the window!"

- "I don't want more detention!"

- "the teacher is literally sleeping"

I just turned to look at him like begging him to leave.

- "god, you're so cute, now open"

I closed the window, locking it, waving goodbye and blowing a kiss, sitting back at my desk.

He looked at me betrayed. Finally leaving.

I sighed. I just wanted to go around to mess with him around the town.

- "hello", he whispered entering through the door. "You don't look so excited to see me"

I just turned to look at the teacher, and then back to Eddie.

- "I know, I know. Don't be such a stick up", he said sitting at the desk in front of me, but looking at me instead of the front of the class.

- "so... Whatcha doing?", He said in a funny voice. I laughed.

- "trying to pass this detention in peace"

- "you want me to leave?"

- "hell no, you just went through too much to just leave"

- "I wanted to see those cute little buns again" he said touching them yet again.

I put my head on top of my arms on my desk. Looking up at him.

- "you know", he said softly. "You didn't answer my question earlier". He leveled his head with mine.

- "what question?", I smiled.

- "why are you dating me? I mean... Look at you", he said touching my nose.

I scrunched my nose and laughed.

- "look at me? Look at you. Crazy hot metal head who plays the guitar, is hella funny, is such a gentleman and matches with me so perfectly. What else could I ask for?"

- "oh, don't say that", he said pretending to get shy, hitting one of my buns playfully, my hair falling on my face.

- "you happy now?"

His faced was shocked and terrified at the same time.

- "shit, I didn't mean to-", he said laughing.

- "you now the drill", I said looking at him waiting to see if he'd actually do it.

- "do you have a hair tie or...?"

- "there must be some bobby pins lost somewhere between my hair"

He started to search for them, putting the on his mouth until he had them all. Watching his face of concentration while he fixed my bun was the best part of this.

His doe eyes fixed on my hair, his hands felt like they were massaging my scalp and his scrunched nose when he got something wrong.

- "if I hurt you let me know"

- "sounds kinda familiar"

He laughed. "just stay still"

I closed my eyes waiting for him to finish. It hurted sometimes but I sucked it up.

- "and... There", he said, i opened my eyes.

- "you sure?"

- "perfect actually, you should come to me next time", he said laying back.

- "don't make promises you won't keep"

He smiled.

- "let's go"

- "huh? I'm grounded, Munson"

- "please?"

-"..."

He kneeled in front of me, his eyes begging.

- "don't-" i rolled my eyes.

- "pretty please?".

- "fine... But if I get detention again I'll kick your ass"

- "don't make promises you won't keep", he winked and I smiled while he dragged me out of the classroom.

[brisbookmark]

Pre TLT Luke Castellan hcs because that man has me in a chokehold

- He loves funnel cake

- Can and will kill for some good ass funnel cake, constantly sneaks out to carnivals to get some and he’ll have powdered sugar left on his face

- He screams in lowercase, idk how to explain that

- Luke has one game controller he uses, and refuses to use anything else- he just won’t play if he can’t use his (broken or whatever)

- the Stolls steal it sometimes to fuck with him

- He really sucks at Call of Duty but plays it anyways because it’s the only game they’ve been lucky enough to steal

- secretly always wanted to try Minecraft

- he loves keychains and collects them

- his best friend is Lee Fletcher, and god are they a duo

- Luke likes dog tags, he secretly thinks they’re really sexy so he gets one for himself to wear but he always loses it or leaves it in the shower or gets the chain tangled so it’s a mess

- he has a hot pink toothbrush, since the Stolls do all the hygiene runs and they just always bring him a pink one

- he’s cool with it

- He’s an Aquarius (rebel at heart, highly intelligent, independent and assertive, runs from emotional expression)

- he smells like sandalwood and vanilla on a good day

- when he’s writing a letter to someone cute or someone he likes he’ll add the curl on top of his a’s

- He always offers to get Dionysus beer or the closest thing he can cuz he’s nice like that (even if it doesn’t really work)

- His face scar isn’t the only one he has

- He’s got one across his shoulder, and some on his torso, man pretty much got mauled (makes more sense to me because it feels more traumatizing to validate Chiron cancelling all quests)

- the one on his face is special because he can’t really cover it, and even though Ladon cut his eye (the scars right under it and leads down to his jawline), it’s almost as if the dragon opened his eyes to everything that’s wrong with the gods

- when it fades over and isn’t as bloody it almost looks like a tear

- sometimes he’ll trace the scars when he’s laying down with his fingers and it sends him into slight anxiety attacks when he runs his finger and the scar keeps going, it’s so long and horrifying looking it makes him feel sick

- He sleeps on his back or kinda spread out so he doesn’t have to feel his scars underneath him

- He prefers to sleep in the dark, pitch black and can’t look in mirrors for the first few weeks, at least with his body.

- He’s scared of himself.

- Three weeks after his quest he’s just heading off to bed early after the campfire and one of the younger new campers gets up and hugs him goodnight. Luke’s shirt rides up a bit and he freezes but the short kid just hugs him closer and that changes everything for him.

- Instead of taking his shirt off to work out or smth he just cuts the sleeves off so it’s not so hot

- Swims in surf shirts that are really tight though and outlines his abs and nice ass titties so 👁👁

- He hates picking strawberries for camp, he loves the smell but isn’t exactly a gardener and doesn’t prefer it

- Whenever it’s his duty he kinda just has the kids throw strawberries at his mouth so he can catch them like popcorn throwing

- Chiron swats him with his tail when he sees him goofing off but he means well

- On Thalia’s birthday he always goes to her tree with a slice of cake for her

- “Well if you’re not gonna eat it I guess I will”

- and does his secret handshake with her just against the tree

- He’s got really pretty eyelashes, the Aphrodite girls are jealous

- Luke’s cheeks go pink really easily at the smallest things

- His favorite color is bronze/ orange

- But orange is always kinda hard to find things for yknow it’s an odd color so if anyone asks for birthday purposes or handouts he always says red

- His heart skips when they know him well enough to get orange anyways

- He rolls his sleeves up and tucks a pencil behind his ear when he’s teaching younger kids

- and he loves history

- Has a small fascination with history facts and wars and random events he’ll recite stuff to anyone who will listen

- And he’s really bad at math until you put it into money terms (Hermes things)

- just make all the numbers into currency and he’s got you in seconds

- He’s got a really raspy husky morning voice and doesn’t bother to clear his throat for a while

- Luke can play the lyre wonderfully but he’s pretty embarrassed about it so he just tells everyone he can play guitar

- Guitar campfire songs

- But if you’re lucky enough to hear him play the lyre with his long fingers and sing,, oh boy

- He has a good singing voice for late night singing to sleep, not like the most amazing trained thing for concerts, but just imagine sitting next to him with your shoulder on him and he hums, straight magic

- He likes wearing rings but constantly loses them too

[4dtk]

NCT DREAM: s/o likes using expletives/sounds while doing mundane tasks

anon: “hello! Can i ask an nct dream reaction to their s/o making lil sounds. I have a habit of making sounds when moving, for example when i scoot over to someone i’ll make a sound like “chukuchuku” and when i jump off a couch i’ll say “pong!” or “weee!” tysm!!” hi anon!!! so glad you decided to request! haven’t written for nct dream for a hot minute so i hope it’s okay!!

i used a lot of laugh/laughter/smile in this one LOL SORRY ABOUT THAT ;; i’ll put it under a cut bc it’s really long!

→ MARK honestly i think mark would just giggle. definitely. that man’s giggle machine never runs out wtf. anyway, without fail he usually breaks into giggles at the sounds that you make. when he becomes used to it, he’ll just smile to himself and continues to do what he’s doing, knowing that you heard his noise of mild amusement. mark’s made it clear that he loves it, but sometimes he laughs a lot that you’re conscious of it. when you do get insecure about it he doesn’t hesitate to let you know that it’s one of his favourite quirks of you!!! i also can honestly see him taking inspiration from ur sounds to include as adlibs to his songs ngl LMAO. 

“yo�� can you say that again?” mark says enthusiastically, bringing in his portable recording mic so he could take down your unique sound. you roll your eyes with a smile, pushing out a few more sounds that mimicked the one before the click on mic goes off. your jaw drops, “you didn’t tell me you were already recording!” that prompted you to smack him, causing the endless fit of a laugh-fest you always caught yourself in when you’re with mark.

→ RENJUN fond smile fond smile fond smile!!! renjun loves it when you exclaim out when you leave the couch or have to manoeuvre around something to get somewhere. he likes showing affection to you no matter where you phrase you exclaim, although it’s not that showy. if you happen to do your sound at the dining table some of the members will know for sure that renjun will take your hand under the table or wear a lovesick smile that all of them know too well. renjun has the sweetest words for days too looooord, only if you’re alone tho and wants to know more about your habit and how it came to be??? if that make sense!

the familiar grasp of his hand doesn’t faze you, shooting the man a sheepish smile over the table as you feel his thumb graze over your skin. “renjun, bro, i’m happy for you and all, but i think they can’t eat if their dominant hand is being held,” you hear haechan call out, making the table erupt into light laughter. renjun ignores him but fails to ignore the blush on his cheeks, threatening hyuck with a raised hand as a joke. he doesn’t care about the others, though, when he sees the wide smile on your face and feels the squeeze of his hand in yours.

→ JENO you know how he like has that “hhmnnnmh?” sound. idk how to explain it but the thing that he always does whenever one of the dream members do or say some weird shit. yea he’d do that. the first few times were out of genuine confusion, but as jeno became more used to your sounds and exclamations, he hummed out mostly as a reply to it. the atmosphere would go silent a little as he stares at you with his big, deer-caught-in-the-headlight eyes, and he holds that stare with you for a good 15 seconds LOL. def challenges you by wiggling his head around and then ending up tackling you to the couch or bed. if you’re sitting at a table the most he’d do is to probably land a kiss on your face after teasing you. mans just looking for an excuse to kiss you tbh.

“hhm?” jeno perks up to look to you, head tilted at an angle as you move closer to him at the dining table. his feigned surprise expression switches into a smile as he inches closer to you, ignoring your protests until there’s no more space left. jeno lets out a raspy laugh, lips coming into contact with your temple as the playful nature subsides.

→ HAECHAN the first time you do it, he lets out a dramatic gasp: hand to his mouth, jaw dropped etc. he’s a drama mama but you brush it off with a shove to his shoulder. hyuck def matches your energy like jaemin does but it’s mostly at the expense of his usual whines and pouts. you do it one time and the man does it ten times over. in no time he’s already cuddled up way too close to you with an arm around your waist and his head snuggled into your neck. he loves it when you say your phrases bc then he can exclaim something on his part like “very cute! but i’m cuter!” and you’d have to smack him or something. he dissolves into a fit of giggles along with the usual teasing, but other than that he likes communicate his fondness of your habit through physical touch.

moving around the project you had just bought wasn’t difficult but you couldn’t help the phrase that came naturally each time. “can you make that sound too when you’re riding-“ you don’t waste any time to land a mild slap on his forearm, gaining a laugh from your boyfriend who casually stated it during your movie night. your glare speaks tons, but haechan doesn’t care as he’s all smiles into your hair before continuing the movie. you, too, relax, knowing it was all fun banter that made your time with him all the more enjoyable.

→ JAEMIN oh my god jaem would match your energy 100%, even if the energy isn’t that high as he usually portrays himself in nct videos. with you, he’s a bit more reserved and kept to himself, but he likes it and you like it, too. when you’re moving past someone and make a noise he echoes you in the same manner you said it. and then the smile that comes after? omg 10/10!! beautiful smile!! jaemin just melts at your silly habit and the widest smile spreads across his face tbh. if you’re saying it while you’re alone with him i can see him just laughing and giggling at the words you manage to exclaim, cooing over how cute you are in his arms. jaem best boy

the ring of jaemin’s laughter fills your ears as your butt scoots closer to him, engaging him in the same fun sounds that you frequently make. jaemin repeats it in an exaggerated way, shooting you the biggest grin before pecking your forehead, “ah… why are you so cute (y/n)…” you easily nuzzle into his embrace, relishing in the warmth of his natural body heat and the arm around your waist.

→ CHENLE would counter your sound with a weird sound of his own. i know jaemin makes weird sounds but this man is on a whole other level PLSS. if you’re feeling playful you would reply and this feud of some sort would just continue until one of the other members ask you two to shut up, which would of course result in chenle’s recognisable dolphin laugh. even if you’re a little tired, i feel like the energy would still be up a little, so expect some prodding at your cheek or sides and kiss attacks from the mans. he would definitely coo, but not in the cheesy, cutesy way jaemin would. chenle has a more teasing and outgoing nature to him. it’s relentless and you’d have to stop him at some point but he’s making you laugh and having such a good time so you admire him instead.

the shrill sound fills your ears, responding to your phrase with one of his own. when you reply, he does it too, which prompts you to sigh in resignation at his endless energy. chenle catches on, but doesn’t press on further, instead entertaining you by giving you endless pecks on your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your lips. you name it. the laugh he had, now, was more muted, liking the way your sounds of mixed protest and joy meant the opposite, “hey stop! baobei, you’re messing up my hair!”

→ JISUNG the poor boy would jump a little, but he finds himself being able to connect your actions to the sound you would make. i think the only time he would be really started was if you exclaimed a new phrase or if the action itself takes him off guard. like almost colliding with him in a hallway or popping up behind the fridge. jisung would have the littlest hint of a smile on his face, although he tries not to show it that much. i feel like he also would chuckle to himself quietly. he likes the quirk a lot that he finds himself thinking about it from time to time and even picking it up for fun one day. it felt so natural to do it that he just started to do it, too. maybe not as often as you do though! he usually cringes at it tho LMAO he doesn’t know how you make it sound so endearing. his reaction would be also just be a moment of “omg that was so cute, i love them so much”

as you land on the sofa with a sound spilling from your lips, you don’t miss jisung’s flinch at your appearance. “that one’s new,” his eyes are wide, but it eventually melts into a smile. he naturally leans back as he accepts the defeat shown on the television screen, but you don’t miss a beat to snatch the controller from him, going ahead to play the game in his stead. as you curl up by his side, you quickly beat your boyfriend at the level as his arm curls around your torso cautiously. jisung can only smile in the moment, finding that it was reaching his ears when you tease him again about the easy level.

[threetangerines]

hey, ryen!! how are you, love?

i was catching up with the blog just now and read the 📖 anon ask, and oh my god. i wanted to say a few things and you know i talk a lot, but bear with me, i promise this ask is gonna be a mess

i find it absolutely incredible and heartwarming how much 3tan is expanding. just the fact that you felt the necessity to create a separate blog to filter our craziness, or how each day we get to know more anons and how we recently learned that your writing speaks to and reaches men too. i feel so glad that you're receiving so much love and more recognition in each step of the way!

also, i love to hear how 3tan moved other readers. i love to hear about your inclusivity having an impact, about your caution whenever writing a character makes you write something that's relatable even if from a different background than yours.

urgh. you truly are such a great author, and i want so damn much to have a physical copy of 3tan once is over (if it'll ever be aksjak).

anyways, all this bc i wanted to share a bit of how your writing touched me too

when i had my 3tan journey, i was in a very bad place (that i wont detail bc i dont wanna trigger anyone or expose myself lol) and that's why i read all of it in one weekend.

i found shelter in your words in a way that i can't possibility explain. your story helped me to elaborate my feelings, and shed light on a lot of stuff i felt, but didn't understand. del sagno was a slap on the face for me, it was a wake up call in so many ways and i actually started therapy not long after it and i finally just worte my first fic and so much of it was fueled by you. like, whenever i listen to bts' songs i feel like you're promoting the same messages and you help me to go through my own healing process.

what 3tan means to me is... well. more than you know, and that's why i wanted to write you that forfeit analysis, i wanted to try and give back in some way.

anyway, it's three in the morning here, and im kinda emotional (as i always seem to be), so i just wanna say one last thing.

in flutter, reader talks about finding a home in a person, and i think it speaks to most of us who found home in bts and army. but i feel like you've proven to me that one can also find home in books, bc although i've always heard ppl talking about it, i've never felt it. 3tan tho? 3tan is easy to love bc it's real, 3tan is the easiest thing to love bc it feels like home.

hi, lua! i'm doing well<3 and idk if you meant to message this blog or kithtaehyung but omg 📖 is incredible, right??

i'm really excited that 3tan is expanding, as well (and i'm happy this blog now exists so that we can have our own little nook!) the recognition is cool but i'm truly just glad that people are finding themselves in this series and learning from it, just as i have.

there are so many people that love bangtan, and by extension, read bangtan fics. this is why i wanna be sure anyone can be comfortable reading mine and know that they are understood and seen<33 we shall see if there are physical copies! you are way too kind and i am so happy to have you here.

oh, love... i will say this: therapy is huge. proud of you for seeking that out and following through because talking out what's been on your mind and getting it sorted is crucial to feeling better, thinking better. to be able to lead you into something helpful like that? i feel so much in my chest idek what else to say..

self-love and forgiveness is what i want us to all have. if my stuff resonates with you as much as the boys' songs do, then i can retire peacefully and with no regrets. i've never received a compliment or comment like that.. kinda just sitting here and staring at your message. :')) wow.

your forfeit/3tanalysis (whoa, another word we can use!) is mind-blowing and i wanna print it and keep it forever i'm so serious. i felt like an actual author in that moment and it was surreal getting to read it. i love you.

3tan will always be there for you when you need it. it's home for me, too, and i'm super glad you've found comfort in it, as well. this was all wonderful to hear. thank you for saying these things but i wanna fight you bc i'm just one big pile of mush now T^T