#HOW DO U RENDER/PAINT PLS

[21milespastblue]

im literally so obssessed with tighnari rn its concerning he is all that in my mind. the vibe here is college but im not as skilled as id like to be and ive never used psd for art pls help

[wombatmd]

HOW THE HOW DO YOU COLOR PLS I NEED THE SECRET UR ART IS SO ETHEREAL

I am so happy to share some art tips!! I think what makes the drawing look ethereal is the softness and airness I guess? I think impressionism paintings could be a really good references for beginners. (I usually took reference from movie scenes tho)

Usually, I tended to use mainly muted colours of blue, pink, purple & turquoise in my drawings. I think the key is to avoid using too many hues or values for beginners, because if they are applied wrongly the colours would look messy, so I guess the first step is to separate the light and shadow (very important to create the airness) by using grey scale, then choose a colour u like as the underpaint/ base colour, and finally apply colours according to the grey scale.

Usually, the base colour I used is muted & low-saturated, then I would apply more saturated colours on it layer by layer to add the volume and shading. If u like more vibrant colours, I think its key is to use a limited colour palette, or else the colouring will turn out dirty.

During colouring rendering, I guess it is important to notice the soft and hard edges of the outlines of shadows and shapes.

The tones of background could also provide a sense of softness & emptiness, you can applied a soft lighting by using lighting around the character/ object on the background to add the depth of the scene.

I hope I made it easier to understand :3

[soulbounde]

　　૮꒰ ྀི ◜ . ◝ ྀི꒱ა　　cirrus　　／　　luka

　✚　　｡　　it / frill / shx / doll / lace / hyr / he　　⌓　　intersex aphroflux gaybian abrose aroaceaplflux

　　　་། ͡ ︶　　bodily fifteen　　｡　　easian ( jp ) + sioux

　౨୧　　𓂃　　hc-did sys　　꒱　　avoidant b/n/dpd　+　audhd　+　depressive　+　schizospec　+　narcoleptic

　　🤍ྀ࿔　　editing centric blog　　｡　　no blacklist , requests are usually always open

𓎢𓎡　　　things ill do / what i make　　;

rentry graphics

renders / transparents

tumblr layouts

userbars , userboxes , blinkies , stamps

layout inspos / layout templates

pfps / icons

npts / id packs

ibis paint colorings

blank frames

resource dumps ( specific or not )

tutorials on how to make certain things ( graphics , frames , templates , etc )

𓎢𓎡　　extra info about me　　;

irl of : cirrus baek , luka , ash lynx . i typically will block doubles .

all my graphics and resources are f2u with or without credits , i dont rly mind !

i have no blacklist for my requests , i will edit any media ( including nsfw media , media with little fanbase , ocs , etc )

my requests are usually always open but sometimes i close or limit them due to poor health .

i can be very aggressive if i feel someone is being mean to me or if i feel in danger in some way . if i am rude to you , i apologize for it and do not mean it . my fight or flight is just very easy to set off .

if we are close mutuals and i interact with you frequently , please add a cw for mcr / my chemical romance . it is silly , yes , but mcr brings up memories of my ex and can make me very upset .

as mentioned before , my mental health is incredibly poor and i often am in an episode of some kind . please treat me gently and with patience .

𓎢𓎡　　boundaries / dni　　;

dont dm me trying to be friends . i have avpd and severe social anxiety and very rarely actually enjoy talking to people . ( moots are excluded from this but pls still understand if i ghost u / dont wanna be friends )

i am comfy with : talking to me through my inbox , nsfw jokes if you are 14 - 16 , asking me personal questions , asking me for advice , venting to me if needed ( please understand if i dont reply or dont have the best advice though ) , tagging me in promos + chains + literally anything , asking for my other socials ( besides insta and snap , i dont give those out due to them having my irl name and irl friends / family linked to them ) , inviting me to servers , reuploading my graphics / resources . i typically am very chill and have a very small list of boundaries .

i am not comfy with : criticism about me as a person or on my work unless asked , trying to be my friend unless i try to befriend you first

do not interact : doubles of my irls ( close moots and people i follow first excluded ) , radqueers , harmful transids , ( pro / neu ) endos , my exes / ex - friends and anyone associated with them .

[mao22716]

bonus comic ( wooo clap clap clap)

no overlay ver:

can u even see the difference....

commenting on my drawing u can ignore (pls do)

omg all my comments r gone bc i accidentally posted and i deleted it out of panic 😭😭😭😭😭

overall im very happy with this its around 80% of what i originally had in mind

in my imaginagtion i wanted the picture to look more blue bc its morning and its bright but if i put a lot of overlay the colours wont look interesting anymore i am conflicted

so ill post both with some blue overlay and without it

im gonna wait until the day after i make this draft to post so that i can see if theres anything i can improve on it has been a few hrs since i first made the draft and i made some changes to the drawing

i actually changed a few things already like the hair ribbon (it was blue previously) and the umbrella handle (it was a dark brown like the bag)

i also put some pink in the umbrella bc i thought it was too plain i hope it looks good to everyone else who might be seeing it

i want kurikos face to be the focus but i find it hard to do that bc the umbrella is also a light colour so i tried to put more shadow & hopefully theres more contrast

the bag is easier to focus on.... this is sad

the ribbons on the bag r also sad but they look like ribbons so thats good

im not good at perspective so the bottom of the skirt might look out of place but i did my best to fix it by rendering

it looks messy but its supposed to be like that pls believe me

the hair was so fun to paint theres so many colours that go well tgt and looks pleasing

mao cafe hahhha im so funny lolol

i think i could have painted the nose better but idk how to make it look better

aaaa i wanna go back and change it & put bigger dust and sparkles around the character i looked at it too long and its boring

i should redo the mouth too maybe

also i have an idea that saiki was made to wear lolita dress as kuriko bc yumehara and aiura bribed him with expensive coffee jelly

i want to make small comic i dont have confidence but ill do my best

^^^ i did it..... i hope u will like it its very messy but i think it shows what is happening clearly

[phewgitoid]

MESSING WITH THE NEW BANNER SM!! Also- background tut pls ?

YAAYAYA !!!!!omg backgrounds r so crazy ,,i cant necessarily make a tut since theyre all different and usually i have no idea what im doing LOL,but i can definitely try 2 explain how i do them!!!!(keyword ‘try’)

soo many references ,,,pinterest is literally my life saver ,, examples of HEAVILY referenced backgrounds ::

sumtimes i use my rendering brush for bgs (which is usually just a square brush) and other times i just use the lasso fill tool for efficiencyy .these kind of bgs take the most time because of the details i try 2 include from og pictures,usually i change the colors 2 my own liking depending on the mood, other than that i try keep them as close as possible 2 the og picture ,,,, main point:REFERENCES!!!!!!, especially unconventional references ,,ive referenced stuff off of not only pinterest ,,but also irl, movies,, other artists etc. etc.

other times ,whenever im not using references , im guilty of literally just slapping on a sky,clouds and a few buildings ,,,, 4 example:

how do i do this??tbh i rawdog it with no clue , ,skies arent very detailed,so i use a basic airbrush.clouds are just a blurred lump of mush, but very fun ,,clouds can literally be any shape u want .i draw in buildings using stuff i already know from always using a bunch of references(so really references are the key)

4 colors and stuff i also dont really know what imdoing (im not very helpful when it comes 2 advice i fear) ,,i rely a bunch on brushes and reminding myself 2 use colors that i wouldnt be able 2 name (aka duller tones , ‘ugly’ colors) since they look more like whatd u would see irl ,,plus always using both warm and cool tones,,,,, contrast ,,,and i definitely use a lot of ibis paint x color filters when im stuck hshsjakaoqjsk.. .. .,,

anywho thats all,,though it probably wasnt very progressive advice i hope it made more or less sense😭

[vampantheon]

Hiya! Hope this message finds u well :3 I absolutely love your art; found you from insta! Quick question also; I’m not sure if you’ve answered this before, but which brushes do you use for ur digital art? I love the textures they’re so crunchy (endearing)!! Have a lovely day!! :D

hello!! here's a little brush tour ft. this half rendered martin.

also, a great app for ipad artists who really want to dig into texture is art set 4. i swear by it and i've been using it for about two years. none of my more recent art uses it, but that's just because i'm experimenting with my process rn

so here's a list of my most used brushes lately, and there will be links to all of them at the bottom of this post.

the two labeled "custom pencil" are both my own personal modified pencils (both sourced from the 6b pencil) but the narinder pencil and the vanilla 6b pencil are both very similar to them. i use these two for sketching and flat color specifically, and if you do specifically want these two brushes then i'd be happy to upload them somewhere for you to download, but they're not really necessary for texture

i also use G&B halftone brushes sometimes! but i greatly prefer the RSCO sample pack, and i cannot find the link to the G&B brushes no matter how hard i google, and pretty much any halftone brush set will do the same job

and here's what they look like in practice!

(i like to set these halftones to color burn. color burn is my most used blending mode, even for shading)

and then i hit "copy all," paste, and duplicate it. so you should have two layers of just your entire canvas. then import a paper texture

i'm partial to the set i'll link down below, my favorite is #5. you should absolutely check out the rest of the free texture packs on their website if you're wanting to diversify your texture process btw, all of their stuff is fantastic.

to use that texture, your layers should look like this!

on the layer set to the linear burn, i also like to go into the adjustments menu and bump up the brightness until all of the colors are at similar values to what they were before. and the normal layer on top is just to control the intensity/opacity of the paper texture!

after all of that, sometimes i'll go in with brushes like MM rake follow, or more from COFE's weird pencils, on top of all of those layers for finishing touches.

definitely play around with it, try new free brushes all of the time (i heavily recommended subscribing to Manero. they have a lot of free stuff and it's all fantastic) and see what works for you <3

here are the links to the brushes in this post, as well as some extras! some of them are paid and some of them are completely free. + it wasn't mentioned here, but i use the tatyworks linen fabric brush for blending! for any of the paid brushes, i'll try to link some free alternatives

paid brushes:

alternatives to paid brushes:

free brushes:

extra goodies:

[lotus-pear]

look here u lil shit

i cannot with this disgusting knowledge that you'd been holding out on us with the coloring

you're telling me you could do masterpieces with glints of light and the shine in the eye and play with the shades between sky and hair?? aND YOU HAVENT BEEN DOIN EM?

monstrous

all your art is wonderful. my compliments dont mean to compare em when they go for different things

i just mean to say that it's worth doing sth different. like, look at shine on his skin and the shade of blues on his hair??

i mean come on, look at that. it's GORGEOUS

(i love his hair im sorry pls gimme more ahhhhhhh🥹)

every once in a while i like reminding ppl that there’s a reason i’ve made it this far👹 it’s not through sketching or cell shading but hours of poring over how to paint and render and do composition. i like doing a rly complicated piece that i think is beyond my limits like once every month just to remind myself how far i’ve come since i was eleven and started doing digital art

[ashwii]

how draw online. Pls. teach me.

Like what software do u use and stuff. I don't understand most things🙏😔

Ah!

I use Procreate, Paint Tool Sai, and Clip Studio Paint for all my works (all my renders / digital paintings swap between the 3 programs at different points during the process).

Though, for trying to get into digital art, I really recommend FireAlpaca! I used that program for 3 or 4 years when I was starting out on digital art, and it's really nice bc the navigation is so simple and beginner friendly, but it's still a great program that can help you make really beautiful works. And it's a free program!

[bbutterflies]

can u pls walk me through ur drawing process???? I love ur art so much and rly want to know how u make it look so good (also roughly how much time does it take you to make one?)

ANON TYSM!!!!! this is soooo sweet and kind and very much needed after a long day 💗🩷💕💞💖

I’m not sure the best way to answer this so please please ask follow ups if I don’t do a good job explaining! my colored sketches take me 1-2 hours and the fully rendered pieces usually take me 12+ hours in total over a few days 🫠 I’d say sketch & lines are a good 1/3-1/2 the time but it’s majority coloring and rendering. I’m definitely not the most efficient lol. I also feel like I have a really solid anatomy background (I’m a physical therapist so took a million anatomy courses and my job involves a lot of studying the way people look and move)

I always start with really simple ovals & rectangles as a base and then just build off of there? everyone kinda has their own way to break things down but I feel like mine is pretty standard. I spend a lot of time doing gesture drawing when I’m stuck too to work on anatomy and perspective and breaking things down to the basic shapes. and then detail from there! I use references about half the time I’d say for poses? but sometimes I just can see the pose clearly enough in my head and go from there. but references are SO SO SO helpful for complex poses.

It also took me forever to find brushes I like but I use procreate and I’m always trying new sketch brushes. I modified gesinski ink for when I line pieces. and I use the base pandani for all my rendering! I learned art traditionally and used to do a lot of painting in high school and I feel like that translated over to how I do digital art. I do pretty much all my rendering on 1 layer (selection tool is my savior) and treat it a lot like blending paint.

and I post wips sometimes!! all tagged on my blog as wip in various stages of my drawing process! but if you want like a few different stages of one piece I might be able to dig up some old screenshots? here’s one example of some sketches in progress for a piece I’m working on right now

but honestly just practice!!! if you dig back through my blog to last november you’ll see some of the first art I posted and honestly I feel like I’ve gotten a million times better by just drawing more. I don’t have a lot of free time anymore but I’m at least sketching most days.

pls ask more if I did not help you, this was genuinely such a sweet and kind ask 🥹🥹🥹🥹

[jenjennhi]

Hiii can u pls do a face tut pls I’m begging you

heya! sorry this took some time, i just moved and it's been really hectic @@

and thank you for the question! i'll use stuff for bela and shadowheart as an example for ya for the two styles i usually do

warning, i am not a teacher and i'm still experimenting and learning so uhh some of this might be scuffed but is how i do it :>

also noting that i use csp or photoshop depending on my mood and what brushes i want to use but the same technique works for either and i use 2 brushes for the main bits and additional brushes if i want to add texture

--

1 - so after i have the sketch roughed, i usually put it on a multiply layer and add a background layer under it (i leave it white or almost white if i'm just doing a doodle or sketch) and i start to figure out the lighting and shading under the outline layer

the lighting is usually pretty rough and i'll start to understand what i'm going for as it starts to shape up but i try not to reduce the brush size too much so i don't get too muddled

(at this point i'm going thru my mantra of "trust the process" and breathing into a paper bag and kicking and screaming about how i want to quit)

--

2 - once i have the lighting somewhat how i want it, i start tweaking the color and i do it by using adjustment layers and manually painting. this part is kinda like cooking and tasting as you go, if i feel i want the image to feel colder/warmer i'll adjust accordingly but i will tell you how i did it for both examples below:

for bela, i actually painting above the shading/lighting layer and used "soft light" and "hard light" blending modes for the hair and skin to fit more with how i wanted it to look. i used color balance and curves for the background to get it to more of a purple/blue and darker

for shadowheart, i actually put the color below the shading/lighting layer and left the color as is and swapped the blending mode for the shading/lighting layer to "multiply" and then did adjustments using curves and gradient maps using "hard light" and "soft light" too and i think i had a "color burn" just for fun

this is my fav part of the process bc i just experiment and mess around with different layers. i usually have a vision for how i want the color and lighting to look but there's always room for new ideas! so i just mess around for a while here till i'm happy!

--

3 - rendering time! um i don't really have much advice here except i just start going in and rendering in closer detail. and remember references are your friend!!!

bela render progression:

shadowheart render progression:

i sometimes end up changing the drawing quite a bit during rendering but that's okay bc as you go into detail, you will notice discrepancies from the pre-render stages

for the style i used with shadowheart i just paint over the outline pretty much with some bits of it left it and i blend more to smooth it out more. for the style i used with bela, i add back in any outlines i painted over that i wanted to keep

--

and at the end of the day it's your art and how you express it is what's always gonna be the best so trust your gut (and references) but also it's okay to take creative liberties and go with the "cool rule" :3

and keep practicing!!!! i def feel i've gotten better with drawing faces compared to a year ago

i hope this helps and if it didn't ":3 i hope you had fun reading

[bookish-mind]

I read call down the hawk, here’s my aching heart:

*spoilers*

(I wasn’t planning on making a long post about this book but I couldn’t help myself, I had too much to say and I needed a place to scream about pynch)

“This is going to be a story about the Lynch brothers” I knew that already so why am I crying, already, the first line and I’m crying

It mentioned Ronan living somewhere other than the barns after Niall died and I’m just here like,, you can say Monmouth it’s ok

“Adam Parrish was the destination of this road trip” and “Ronan missed him like a lung” my heart my heart my heart

“the guy he loved” PLEASE

Ronan Lynch upon seeing Adam Parrish for the first time: *literally prays*

I see the obsession with Adam’s hands goes way back

“Funny how quickly a handful of weeks could render something unrecognizable” I know ronan was talking about the weather/the campus but my stomach dropped pls this better not be pynch foreshadowing

Their reunion was so chaotic I’d expect nothing else tbh

The watch keeps track of Ronan’s time zone I can’t-

“He was with Adam, and Adam still loved him” PLS THE USE OF THE L WORD KILLS ME EVERY TIME

“there was burnished Gansey, who might not have saved Ronan’s life in high school, but at the very least kept it mostly out of Ronan’s reach so that he could not take it down and break it” this line bothers me bc gansey literally did save Ronan’s life that was the whole godamn point 🙃

Objectively I understand that the crying club are probly decent ppl but subjectively they ain’t no gangsey that’s for sure

“he longed for him even while holding him” pls the yearning,, it’s too much for my frail heart

Bryde needs to gtfo of Ronan’s head is what need to happen

Who is lindenmere I only know Cabeswater

Ronan is crying I’m crying we’re all crying

It breaks my heart that Ronan is still yearning for something more while the rest of the gangsey are out there living

Gansey is chained to a tree in Oregon, seems legit

Chainsaw knows how to say “Atom” I’m fucking crying

“What, Declan? I’m trying to fucking tow a cow” I love this book

Matthew be like “I’ve been staring at the edge of the water long as I can remember never really knowing why”

I literally had a headcanon that Ronan says I love u to Adam in Latin

“He sucked in more longing with every inhale, he exhaled some of his happiness on the other side” this godamn book I swear 😩

“dreamt of you” AGSHSJAK

Oof I kinda love Parsifal all he wants to do is eat some bienenstich made by his momma

Wait wait wait these Niall and aurora doppelgängers are confusing me

“I saved your life because I love you” HE SAID IT OUT LOUD ! HE SAID IT ! IT HAS BEEN SAID

I know it’s common knowledge at this point that they are in an established loving relationship but it hits me the same every time I’m reminded

“It was possible no two students at aglionby had ever come away with such a thorough understanding of Latin (or, possibly, of each other)” I have no words

Declan Lynch falling in love with a dream? More likely than you’d think

Man I hope at the end of all this Declan gets to punch a judge and go somewhere to live and breathe art for the rest of his life

This whole dreamers are born to die young theme is stressing me out

“Ronan, I know you” literally everything they say to each other knocks the air out of my lungs

“They hugged again, merrily, waltzing messily in the kitchen, and kissed, merrily, waltzing more” brb if you need me I’ll be reading this line over and over again for the rest of eternity

Two things: 1) gansey left his mint plant for Ronan to take care of 2) ronan dreamed a literal sun to keep the plant alive when he could have just as easily put it by a window like a normal person that’s the cutest bro shit I’ve ever seen

“Adam stopped breathing” please stiefvater imagine how tired we are

Also where tf is opal I miss the lil weirdo

“he missed him acutely even as he was looking at him” it’s too much,, it’s all too much

Oh hell ya Ronan and Jordan/Hennessy/all the other girls finally met I been waiting for this one

Waaait is the dark lady seashore niall’s dream space like Cabeswater/lindenmere is Ronan’s ??

Oh Matthew, my sweet boy, he figured out he’s a dream

Jordan. Is. Painting. Declan. I. Can’t. Breathe.

Oh damn ok so the lace is trynna get out and destroy the world ? Is that it ?

Matthew asking “Do I have a soul?” broke me

Matthew said “I’m the fake brother” and Declan uno reversed that shit so fast

Alright lindenmere I see you I see you but the thing is.. I miss my girl Cabeswater

OPAL FINALLY

“He didn’t have it in him to love another dream. It hurt too bad. Loving anything did” ouch :(

Fuck fuck fuck this is the part where chaos erupts

Damn those sundogs are cool af tho

I swear I didn’t breathe until I knew Matthew and Declan were alive holy shit

Declan thinking “The world was broken” and “I never actually lived” </3

Let Ronan and Declan hug each other challenge

Adam Parrish please pick up the goddamn phone I am begging you

The way Hennessy is so in awe that Ronan has complete trust of lindenmere/his subconscious made me ache bc it took a helluva lot for him to get to this point

“Hennessy?” “Lynch.” “I’ve been alone a long time” excuse me I’m gonna need a minute-

The way Ronan describes what the lace is to him,, I’m fucking sobbing

Hennessy and Ronan’s swords are badass

I still don’t trust bryde but he got them out of there so points to him I guess :/

Where’s book 2 I need book 2

[artificialqueens]

Heatstroke (Shillam) - Ortega

a/n: it’s ya boi, back from holiday with a very Summery bit of nonsense for u all! love to purecamp for just screaming beta-ing this. hope u all like it and if u do, pls hop into my ask box or pop an ask here to show me some love xo

summary:

“Or…how about we swap shifts? I take yours now, you cover my beach shift later on. Gives you more time to crack on with the nonentities of reality TV.”

Chad looked initially excited then suddenly narrowed her eyes, following Sharon’s quick gaze over to the three girls on the sunbeds, where the pink-haired one in her line of vision was now arguing with the sunbed-reservers. As Sharon snapped her gaze back to Chad, the other girl was now giving her eyes a colossal roll.

“Oh, Sharon, could this be any more of a cliche?”

(4kish oneshot. Sharon’s a lifeguard. Willam’s a dumbass. lesbian au bc it’s me xo)

***

The bright sting of sunlight beamed down onto Sharon’s skin as she frowned, squirted out another huge dollop of factor 50 into the palm of her hand, and rubbed gently at her shoulders. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to the heat over here and she cursed as she watched the other lifeguards wander around the poolside, all gorgeous and tanned and straight out of an ITV2 reality show. Sharon was pale and fair, a combination that didn’t mix well with Ibiza in the height of July. She got blisters on her shoulders the first week she came- she’d never been abroad before and thought that one thick layer of suncream in the morning would be enough to last the whole day. Seven days, various baggy t shirts and three full bottles of aloe vera lotion later, she had learned her lesson.

As she cast her gaze over the resort where a healthy mix of sixth form holidayers, wannabe instagram influencers, and 40 year old men with skin the same tone as a gammon partied or swam or sunbathed away, across the way she caught the eye of a girl on the sunbeds who had already been looking at her. She was lying on her tummy and reading a magazine which was resting on the stone tiles below the sunbed. Her gaze had flicked back down to the glossy pages, pink hair falling over her face as she attempted to disguise the fact she’d been looking at Sharon just moments ago. Or maybe Sharon was going crazy, which was probably the most likely option. It had been a couple of months since her ex had broken up with her (okay, five - she was counting) and since Phi Phi, she hadn’t received the attention of any girls and she was starting to go mildly insane. That was part of the reason why she’d even applied for the job at Ocean Beach in the first place- the other was that she desperately needed some sun, and when she got offered the job there she accepted in a heartbeat. A whole season away from home would be weird, but really what was she leaving behind? Her one bed flat and a bunch of potted plants she could barely keep alive?

Sharon felt something burning on her again, and this time it wasn’t the sun. She slowly, cautiously, turned her head around to the spot she knew the girl was lying down at and, sure enough, she was looking at her again. Only this time she hadn’t turned away and was allowing Sharon to take in her blue eyes, surrounded with last night’s glitter, mascara and eyeliner. On anyone else it would look horrific, but this girl seemed to suit it as if she’d woken up that day and decided to put her makeup on like an Escher painting. She’d evidently put on fresh gloss and her lips were a shining metallic blue, rendering Sharon unable to see what colour they were actually meant to be. She didn’t really mind. The girl’s bikini was like holographic dental floss- the bottoms were practically disappearing between her cheeks and the singular strap of the top had been unclipped and was draped on either side of the girl’s body allowing her to avoid a tan line. Sharon was suddenly glad of the mirrored aviators she was wearing which were allowing her to look at the girl without her knowing- which sounded creepy in Sharon’s head, but she justified it by knowing she hadn’t been the one that started it. Just then, the girl gave her an exaggerated wink, making Sharon thankful for her sunburnt cheeks as she knew she was flushing the same shade as the neon pink bikini that an Only Way Is Essex star was wearing two sun loungers along from her.

“Willam!” there came a loud shout that cut through the noise of two different sets of speakers, as the girl’s head snapped to the side and glared at two other blonde girls (one tall, one smaller) that had appeared beside her. The tall one was speaking. “Girl! We’ve been shouting across to you for like five minutes! What do you want from the bar?"

As the girl dragged her eyes off Sharon she barely had time to overthink about whether she’d seemed reluctant to stop staring or not, as she had to blow her whistle at a group of eight boys on holiday together all seemingly trying to drown each other.

***

Sharon boredly swung her whistle around in her hand, the small metal noise box from hell constantly threatening to fly off its lanyard. She’d been scanning the side of the pool all of yesterday and all morning but she still hadn’t seen a flash of pink hair, and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t disappoint her. She didn’t know why this one girl- Willam, Sharon reminded herself- had grabbed her attention so forcefully with just a wink worthy of a Carry-On film and a holographic bikini. Ocean Beach was frequented by beautiful girls with glossy hair, perfect blinding veneers and tans worthy of Greek goddesses, and for the first week she’d lifeguarded there Sharon had felt like a bitch in heat. But Willam was so different to them. She was almost special because she didn’t conform to the classic Ibiza-Barbie beauty standard with her pink hair and messy makeup. Sharon frowned to herself and shook her head before taking a swig from her water bottle. What the fuck was she doing getting so hung up on a random girl she literally hadn’t spoken to yet and who she only knew the name of by sheer dumb luck?

She was suddenly distracted by someone leaning against the lookout, and was ready to blow her whistle into their face when she realised it was only Chad. She’d completely forgotten that her shift was almost over, and it hit her with a pang of disappointment that she hadn’t seen Willam yet. Chad swept her dark fringe out of her eyes and smiled up at her.

"Guess who slept with Rykard Jenkins last night?” she bragged, her poised posture somehow making the whole interaction seem classy. “I’m not naming names but it was definitely me.”

“Oh my God. Is he a minor royal?” Sharon gasped extravagantly, placing a hand to her chest and laughing as Chad rolled her eyes.

“You know he was on Love Island, Sharon,” she glared at her, unimpressed. Sharon gave a chuckle.

“No, you’re right. I did know that. Does he have a thing for girls whose first and last names usually belong to men? Chad, I don’t know how to tell you this, baby,” Sharon stage-whispered down to her friend. “I think he’s gay.”

Chad managed to hold her unimpressed look for all of a second before spluttering out a laugh. “God, you’re the worst. Remind me why I’m friends with you?”

“Because I’m the only bitch in this place that wouldn’t sell your soul to Satan for a bottle of Moet.”

Chad laughed and made to climb up the ladder. “Let me on my goddamn shift, bitch, before I tip this thing over."

Suddenly, something caught Sharon’s eye. Three girls- two blonde, one pink- strutting up to three sunbeds which already had towels on them, flinging them away and replacing them with their own before kicking their wedges off and lying down. Sharon felt excitement catch in her throat.

"Or…how about we swap shifts? I take yours now, you cover my beach shift later on. Gives you more time to crack on with the nonentities of reality TV.”

Chad looked initially excited then suddenly narrowed her eyes, following Sharon’s quick gaze over to the three girls on the sunbeds, where the pink-haired one in her line of vision was now arguing with the sunbed-reservers. As Sharon snapped her gaze back to Chad, the other girl was now giving her eyes a colossal roll.

“Oh, Sharon, could this be any more of a cliche?”

“Shut up! I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Sharon frowned, mentally kicking herself that her second statement should probably have come before her first. Chad raised an eyebrow to indicate she’d read Sharon’s mind. “Look, it’s nothing, okay, it’s just…she’s cute, and I want to get to know her."

Chad gave a laugh and climbed down off the first rung. "Well as long as nobody dies because you’re too busy staring at a cute girl. Which one is she, the legs?”

“No. Pink hair,” Sharon risked a look back over to find that chief-sunbed-reserver-bitch was practically at Willam’s throat. Sharon gave a long blast of her whistle which made the sunbed-reserver drop her towel. “Hey! No reserving! You know that shit!"

As the sunbed-reservers slunk off, Sharon didn’t miss the beaming smile of thanks that Willam was sending her way. She gave a small, self-conscious salute and turned back to Chad, who was cringing.

"A salute? Girl. You’re not fucking Little Mix.”

“Piss off and let me make heart eyes in peace.”

So Chad did, and Sharon tried not to focus too much on Willam because as Chad had mentioned, there were many people here that were already more than a few drinks down despite it being 11 in the morning, so Sharon had to watch that they didn’t stray too close to the pool’s edge. As her gaze drifted back to the three sun-loungers, she saw that one of them was empty. Willam wasn’t there any more, but all her stuff was. As Sharon felt her heart sink with confusion, she was distracted by a deafening cry of “CANNONBAAAAALL!” which was immediately followed by a crashing splash in the water, which soaked many unimpressed Instagram influencers who were trying to perfect their poses on unicorn-shaped inflatable rings. Frowning, Sharon blew her whistle again before she realised who had launched themself into the water- a slick of wet, pink hair floated back to the surface, Willam’s grin plastered over her face, clearly happy that she’d caused the maximum amount of destruction possible. Nonetheless, Sharon had blown her whistle and she had to commit to it.

“No bombing!” she yelled across to her, Willam only glaring briefly at her and shooting her a smile.

“Calm down, princess, I ain’t Al-Quaeda!"

Sharon tried to stop the quirk that her lips gave. Princess. She definitely didn’t like that as much as her body was telling her that she did.

The rest of the morning seemed to pass way too quickly. Sharon was trying to do her job to the best of her ability but she kept getting distracted and her gaze kept being pulled over to the set of three sunbeds to update herself on what Willam was doing. Namely chatting to her friends and sunbathing. Sharon felt like an idiot, willing her to come and walk past her lookout so she could just happen to strike up a conversation with her. Really, though, what the fuck would she say? Hey, I’ve been weirdly lowkey (highkey) checking you out for the past three days and I already know your name even though we’ve barely exchanged words. Wanna go out?

It turned out she didn’t have to worry as, from the way Willam began to act, it was almost as if she wanted Sharon’s attention. It began when she teetered back from the bar, mojito in hand. She slipped her heels off and made her way into the pool, where she sat her drink at the side and dipped her body into the water. As much as Sharon was taken in by the sight of the neon green faux-snakeskin swimsuit she was wearing and how well it fitted her (definitely not how well it clung to her body), Sharon had to blow her whistle again. Her heart gave a thump when Willam looked over her shoulder at her, straw between her teeth and her damp hair giving a flick.

"No drinks,” Sharon shouted over, unable to stop herself from giving a small smile as Willam rolled her eyes and pouted.

“Who the hell are you, Casper the Nazi ghost?” she yelled back, turning and gesturing to her smaller blonde friend to collect her glass. The girl leant down to Willam and whispered something quietly, the other girl’s face lighting up as if she’d just discovered Uranium. There was the smallest, tiniest glance to Sharon, so small that Sharon wasn’t sure if it had even been directed at her or not.

She soon had her answer.

Around twenty minutes later, and mid-daydream, Sharon was distracted by Willam again. She had floated into her line of vision on a donut-patterned rubber ring, and Sharon was about to admire how gorgeous and tanned she looked when she spotted what Willam had in her hand. Willam seemed to sense Sharon’s eyes on her and she smiled, lifted an enormous, lettuce-and-ketchup filled burger to her mouth and took a huge bite.

The whistle was at Sharon’s lips in around a second.

“Are you serious?!” she found herself yelling over, Willam simply smiling and batting her eyes at her.

“You want some? It’s really good,” she said placidly, Sharon rolling her eyes at her so hard they threatened to roll out their sockets.

“Get out the damn pool,” she frowned, narrowing her eyes at Willam before realising she wouldn’t be able to see them through her sunglasses. Nevertheless, Willam shrugged and pushed herself towards the steps where she evacuated her rubber ring without spilling a single bit of the burger.

Five minutes later, Sharon’s gaze was pulled from a group of lads on their stag do who looked increasingly close to falling into the water by a huge shout.

“HEY ALASKA, WATCH HOW FAST I CAN RUN!"

Before Sharon knew what was happening, there was a blur of pink hair and neon green, as Willam made a pretty successful attempt to imitate Usain Bolt’s first time in six-inch heels. Sharon scrambled for her whistle as Willam came dangerously close to knocking someone who she might have recognised from Ex on the Beach into the pool.

Slightly less attracted to her and now far more annoyed by her, Sharon beckoned the girl over. Willam, for her part, looked more proud than ashamed and she made her way around the cavernous pool over to where Sharon sat perched on the lookout. As soon as Willam reached her and beamed up at her with her perfect teeth however, Sharon’s annoyance faltered. What the fuck was she going to say to her?

"Hey, lifeguard,” Willam quipped flirtatiously, Sharon trying to ignore the tone she’d taken with her and going straight to bollocking mode.

“Right, what the fuck is your problem? You’ve been fighting with other guests, chucking yourself into the pool like a sea lion, taken your drink into the pool, taken a fucking burger into the pool, and now you want to act like Mo fucking Farah? You almost knocked Jess Impiazzi into the water, are you trying to end up in the papers?”

Willam fiddled with the buckle on her swimsuit’s belt, looking faux-coyly up at Sharon from under her lashes. “Just page 3 of ‘em.”

Sharon nearly choked. “Well then stop acting like a tit. You’re at Ocean Beach, not the fucking local lido.”

“Well you appear to be a Drumsticks Squashie masquerading as a human being and no-one’s pulled you up on that,” Willam bit back with a cheeky smile. She had a dimple near her chin when she smiled. Sharon tried to ignore that and her hurt pride as she self-consciously touched the sleeves of her regulation polo shirt.

“One more strike and you’re out,” Sharon attempted a withering putdown but her voice seemed to betray the regret she felt in her voice. She didn’t want to ban Willam- she really, desperately didn’t- but rules were rules, and her manager would come down even harder on her if she continued to let this clownery take place a moment longer. Willam simply gave her a single nod and a flirtatious smile.

“Okay, lifeguard,” she deadpanned, before flicking her hair (which had now gone wavy) over her shoulder and walking off. Sharon sighed. She wished Willam didn’t rile her as much as she did. She wished she was less annoying. She wished her legs didn’t look so good in her wedges as she walked away- fuck, no.

Sharon tried to completely clear Willam from her mind. She only had around ten minutes until her shift was up, she could hold on til then. That was what she thought until she scanned her eyes over the pool and saw a mess of pink hair face-down in the water, her body starfished and floating on top. Willam’s two blonde friends seemed to have noticed Sharon’s initial panicked reaction and had begun shouting.

“Oh my God, Courtney, Willam’s drowning!”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Alaska, she is! If only there was a…blonde, skinny…kinda pale…lifeguard to come and save her!” the smaller blonde shouted. Sharon briefly wondered how many calories you could burn via eye-rolling. She’d surely lost a pound today through that alone.

Sharon blew her whistle, walked down from the lookout post and lowered herself into the pool where she swam over to Willam, levered her skinny arms around her neck and swam with her over to the poolside. Positioning her on the steps so she was face-up, Willam gave a dramatic gasp for air and fixed her gaze on Sharon.

“Oh my God! That was so fucking scary…I just passed out, I don’t know what happened…”

Sharon tried to ignore the fact that Willam had consciously kept her arms wrapped around her neck. “Very good, Meryl Streep. Get your shit. You’re barred.”

“What?!” Willam cried, her expression contorting into one of outrage and regret stabbing at Sharon’s heart.

“I told you, didn’t I? One more strike. Piss off,” she scolded in as strict a voice she could muster. Willam scrambled on the ground, moved to snatch her towel up from her lounger, and then squared up to her. She was standing close. Too close, because Sharon’s head was being filled with all sorts of scenarios and fuck, things would be made so much easier if the girl took just one step back.

(Of course, Sharon herself could have taken a step back. But where would the fun have been in that?)

Willam’s eyes narrowed, but there was still a playful spark in them that set Sharon’s nerves alight. “You’re lucky you’re cute…” she began, then flicked her eyes down to the nametag on her shirt. “…Sharon.”

With that, Willam flounced off with her friends quickly following her, and the death stares they were giving Sharon were offset by the smell of Willam’s perfume which managed to overpower the chlorine coming from the ends of her hair.

***

No matter how bored she was of drunken holidaymakers, overhearing the sunburnt, bigoted expats talking about Brexit, or the mosquitos, Sharon would never get bored of the sunsets here. Mostly they were the standard beautiful orange with a hint of yellow or red or both, but sometimes whoever controlled the skies threw something truly special up there. Tonight the sky was almost entirely pink, different hues of dark red-pink high in the sky fading into cherry blossom, then baby pink and then a bright white strip where the sky met the sea. The calm surface of the water meant that the whole beautiful scene was reflected against the surface, and a mirror image of the sky shone back at Sharon as she sat against a cushioned sun lounger that was usually reserved for paying guests. She sat and drank it all in whilst thinking about home, and Phi Phi, and what she could have done differently. She didn’t miss her- she just missed having someone to love. Sharon sometimes felt she had too much love and it always threatened to pour out of her, to burst at her seams.

“You just give me the ick, Sharon, you’re too much for me!”

The words still stung, no matter how much Sharon was over it.

Suddenly there was a small thump beside her on the sun lounger and Sharon had to stop her heart rising like one of the parasailers they took out to sea during the day. As she turned, it was as if someone was smiling down on her because there sat Willam, burying her own feet in the sand and swaying a little where she sat.  It had been a day or two since Sharon had seen her last and in that time she’d managed to entirely fill her head, regret at having barred the girl completely consuming her. Sharon still hadn’t stopped looking at her, deigning her much more beautiful than the sunset in front of her. She had chunks of glitter in her hair as well as covering her arms, collarbones and chest.

“Hey,” she began, wondering if Willam really had noticed her as she seemed completely intent on entombing her ankles. Willam’s head suddenly gave a lurch to the side and she smiled up at her goofily, making Sharon’s stomach give a dip.

“Oh hey. It’s the strawberry mini milk,” she slightly slurred out, making Sharon laugh despite the jibe.

“Ouch.”

“That’s a joke, by the way. You’re not that sunburned,” Willam followed it up, her eyes seeming to plead with Sharon to never stop looking into them. “You’re more like a…vanilla mini milk.”

“What is this obsession with mini milks?” Sharon chuckled, Willam giving an elongated shrug.

“They’re rich in calcium.”

Sharon wondered if this girl was ever going to stop making her laugh. As she quieted down, she noticed Willam had gone quiet too and she was back burying her feet. “You’ll get sand under your nails.”

“Meh.”

“How was the glitter party, then?”

“Tried to chat someone up from the last series of Love Island.”

“Oh. Very nice,” Sharon raised her eyebrows, wondering why everyone seemed to be obsessed with these manufactured, airbrushed ideas of what an attractive human should look like. To her, none of them had a patch on Willam.

“No, bitch, it wasn’t nice! Because I’m still alone, aren’t I, instead of getting pounded into the mattress,” she mumbled sadly, Sharon’s heart going out to her for some reason. With a stab to her heart, she realised she hadn’t counted on Willam not liking girls.

“Well, you’re not technically alone. Because I’m with you,” Sharon kept her flirting subtle, part of her not wanting to be deterred. She was rewarded by Willam smiling at her shyly. It seemed out of character.

“Well, Sharon the lifeguard. Since I’m not-alone-with-you. Tell me things,” Willam leant forward onto her elbows and her head came just that little bit close to resting on Sharon’s lap. Her breath hitched in her throat.

“JLS have had the most number ones out of any other UK X Factor winner.”

“What?”

“You told me to tell you things. That’s a thing,” Sharon shrugged lightly, the other girl bursting into a laugh that made her sound like a bike horn.

“No, you idiot! I meant about you! I want the first draft of the autobiography,” she giggled, and Sharon’s heart sprang to life.

“Well. There’s not much to tell really. Was a lifeguard at home before I came out here, just working at the local pool. Can’t really tell what’s easier to be honest. Suppose dealing with drunk adults is a little bit like dealing with children,” she reeled off, suddenly self-conscious about how boring her life sounded. Willam didn’t seem deterred.

“How old are you?"

Sharon was going to make a quip about how it was rude to ask a lady’s age, but thought she might have been taking it too far there. "Twenty-seven. Probably too old to be working at Ocean Beach, but-”

“Oh my God, me too!” Willam cried, drunk and happy. As she rolled onto her back she said something that sounded a bit like “No age gap, then.” but Sharon was sure her mind must have been playing tricks on her.

“What’s your story?” Sharon asked, fighting the urge to rest her arm against Willam’s waist.

“ ’M a receptionist for some company in the Shard. AK…C…VIP or something like that,” she waved a hand dismissively, and Sharon laughed.

“What do they do?”

“It’s a payments ecosystem,” Willam said dryly, Sharon holding in her laugh for about a second before it came bursting out of her.

“You definitely made that up.”

“Bitch, they definitely made it up! Nobody knows what the hell it means,” Willam cried out defensively, before shifting uncomfortably. “No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative. This isn’t comfy. Hang on.”

Before Sharon knew it, Willam’s head was in her lap and her heart was fluttering dangerously quickly.

“So how come you’re out here?” Sharon asked, taking her mind off her impending heart attack. She felt Willam shrug.

“Same reason everyone’s out here. Holiday. Escaping my boring fuck of a life.”

Sharon gave a laugh. “I think most people are out here to get famous.”

“Well in that case, I ain’t most people.”

There was a pause before Willam spoke again, in which Sharon, against her better judgement, brought her hand up to tangle in Willam’s hair. She could have imagined it, but she thought she heard Willam give a little purr of happiness. Willam broke the silence all too quickly.

“The sky looks like the lesbian flag.”

Sharon looked up at the rapidly receding sun and took it all in. “I guess it does.”

“Representation,” Willam punched her fist in the air weakly. Sharon’s heart gave a jolt as if she’d just been pushed down a water slide.

“As in?” Sharon heard herself asking, willing her voice not to sound too hopeful. She fully expected an answer that was akin to Oh I love the lesbians! Pink is pretty!

“As in, I’m getting the representation I deserve?” Willam gestured as if it was obvious. Sharon didn’t dare believe what she was implying.

“Oh, you’re a lesbian?” she asked casually. Except it didn’t come out as casual as she’d hoped.

Willam turned over so her head was peering up at Sharon, unimpressed. “Oh don’t tell me you’re some homophobic bitch, because I had you pegged as a butch top and I’ve never been wrong before in my life.”

Sharon’s mind immediately burst into the Hallelujah chorus.

“No! No, no, no. I mean I’m not homophobic. And I’m also gay,” she shrugged, trying to ignore the angels with trumpets that were blasting in her ears. She gave a snort as she realised what Willam had said. “Butch?”

“Oh yeah, girl. Butch as fuck. Embrace it.”

There was a quiet pause in which Sharon didn’t stop playing with Willam’s hair and Willam began drawing against Sharon’s skin with her fingers. Willam was the one to break it.

“What 'bout you, bitch? How come you’re out here? You gonna be on Baywatch?” Willam spoke too-loudly, interrupting the moment.

Sharon gave a small sigh. “I broke up with my girlfriend. Well, no, she broke up with me. Moved out of her flat. Got one of my own. The job came up and I had nothing to lose so I just went for it.”

“Damn. She’s a fuckin’ idiot. What was her name?"

"Phi Phi,” Sharon said, the words sounding all wrong in her mouth. She was glad when they were out of there.

“She sounds like a bitch,” Willam shifted so that she was comfortable and her fingers could continue to make patterns against Sharon’s legs. Sharon should have moved further away. She didn’t.

Sharon twirled a lock of pink around her fingers, eager to change the subject. “So wait, who was the Love Islander that-”

“Megan from season four. She’s by far the hottest girl to ever grace the show and she’s bi so I thought I was in with a shot,” Willam pouted up at Sharon. “Turns out she likes brunettes. You look a lot like her actually.”

Sharon gave a laugh that hoped disguised the fact that her pulse was racing. She barely knew the girl, but simultaneously she felt as if they were old acquaintances. They had some sort of inexplicable connection, which sounded crazy but Sharon felt it was true. “Comparing me to the most attractive girl ever on Love Island. High praise.”

“No, you’re the most attractive girl to exist ever,” Willam slurred out, Sharon’s pulse now surely breaking every speed limit to exist.

“You barely know me, Willam,” she laughed softly, trying not to let the regret tinge her voice too much. Willam narrowed her eyes at her as she stared up.

“How d'you know my name, bitch?”

Sharon froze. She tried to turn it on Willam. “Well how do you know mine?”

“It was on your fuckin’ nametag,” Willam laughed, curiosity still in her eyes. Sharon covered her face as she realised she would have to reveal what a massive fucking stalker she was.

“I heard one of your friends shouting on you the other day. Committed it to memory. That makes me sound weird, and it is fucking weird, but I just-"

Sharon was cut off as Willam pushed herself off Sharon’s lap and moved to sit close beside her. Their bodies were touching and some of the glitter from Willam’s leg transferred onto Sharon’s, a little part of Willam that was stuck to her. Willam tucked her hair behind her ears and looked towards the sand in an uncharacteristically demure gesture.

"You know I’m coming on to you, right? I don’t mind spelling it out if you can’t tell,” she said, sounding more sober now than she had throughout the entire conversation. Sharon wasn’t sure what to do next. She didn’t really think she would get this far, happy with admiring Willam from a distance. Now this seemed all so real and possible and not just images Sharon had conjured up in her head before she went to sleep.

“You’re drunk as fuck.”

“So were my parents when they conceived me and bitch, here I am,” Willam shrugged, nudging her shoulder against Sharon’s own. Sharon let out a laugh.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to convey.”

“I’m saying fuck my blood alcohol ratio and kiss me, goddamnit,” Willam muttered.

Without too much more encouragement, Sharon leaned in and did exactly as she was told. Willam’s lips were soft against hers and the way she took control made Sharon think perhaps she wasn’t as drunk as she was painting herself out to be. The kiss was slow and lazy, as if they had all the time in the world, and for a moment Sharon was convinced time really had frozen around them as they could have been kissing for seconds, minutes or hours. All she knew was that she never wanted to stop.

Willam rested a hand on Sharon’s thigh as she pulled away, smiling gently. Sharon hadn’t seen Willam look shy often. This was definitely a first.

“How much have you actually had to drink?” Sharon asked, remembering her earlier thought.

Willam let out a splutter, suddenly blushing. “One malibu and coke and four glasses of water.”

“Bitch!” Sharon exclaimed, Willam descending into chaos-inducing laughter beside her.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t be into me! Easier to pass off a failed seduction attempt when you’re drunk. I’m a good actress, what can I say,” Willam laughed, punctuating her final sentence with a shrug.

Sharon was suddenly filled with a swell of affection. She put an arm around Willam as the other girl rested her head on her shoulder.

“When do you fly home?"

"Got another week here,” Willam muttered, sounding suddenly tired.

“I want to get to know you,” Sharon said quietly, as if she was afraid that words would ruin everything. The sun was almost completely set now, the pink sky being overcome with black.

“I want you to rail me on my balcony,” Willam shrugged, and Sharon could tell she was only half-joking.

“There’s time for both those things,” Sharon kissed Willam on the top of her head, afraid to move her.

“Mm,” Willam nodded, her voice coated in sleep. Sharon didn’t know what time it was. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to. She enjoyed existing in this little time-exempt bubble with Willam, where flights home didn’t exist and real life was a distant memory.

“We should get you back to your room, baby.”

“Mmh, no. Wanna stay out here with you.”

So they both stayed on the sun lounger, Willam soon falling asleep and Sharon staying alertly awake until the black sky and platinum stars turned into blue and white with a yellow orb, not wanting to waste a single second in the company of the pink-haired girl asleep with her head on her lap and hoping that the upcoming week would drag slower than any she’d ever known.

[mikeshanlon]

he’s all that: chapter one

fandom: it

pairing: reddie (richie tozier/eddie kaspbrak)

word count: 3.8k

on ao3

summary: 

Richie smiled smugly, “You’ve got spunk Kaspbrak. I like that.”

“Why don’t you try shutting the fuck up Tozier,” Eddie retorted as the line moved forward, “So what is this, if not some ploy to get me to tutor you? Some sort of dork outreach program? Because I’m not interested.”

---

Or: The one where Richie Tozier has six weeks to get into a relationship and make someone fall for him. Only problem? That someone is the anxiety ridden, goody two shoes Eddie Kaspbrak, and he can't even stand to be in the same room as Richie.

warnings: there is drug use in that bev/mike/richie are HUGE stoners. 

a/n: hello!!! hope you enjoy this fic, i will try to update it at least every other sunday (i'll figure out the exact number of chapters before i post chapter two, but it probably won't be more than 10). you don't need to have watched she's all that to get this, although there will be some small easter eggs/quotes from the movie. but the movie has not aged well and is very Heteronormative so like.... no need to watch it lmao. 

Senior year— it was what just about any kid in the public schooling system looked forward to. You were high school royalty, enjoying the last hurrah with booze and dancing before being sent off to make your mark on the world. Lanky limbs that weren’t yet grown into became muscled and toned, hips were wider and swayed. Brains were wiser, skin was touched more, and smiles were brighter. It was a time of transformation and change.

Except, senior year was almost over, and Richie Tozier felt like he hadn’t really changed at all. Sure, in the last four years he shot up to 6’2, his voice was deeper, and he wasn’t such a fucking outcast; but really nothing else felt different. He still only passed his classes on genius alone, had a problem respecting authority figures (partially due to the fact that his parents were still pieces of shit), and never knew when to shut the fuck up.

Derry, Maine itself stayed the same too, like a town in a snow globe encased with mom-and-pop businesses and ignorance. Other than iPhones, the small Starbucks on the corner of Main and Belmont, and the fact that the townspeople were slightly less homophobic and racist (slightly being the operative word); Derry was pretty much a time capsule for banana bikes, bullies, and double features with popcorn that had too much salt and not enough butter.

Take the cliques and social hierarchy-- a staple in any American high school, especially one in a small town. Despite it being the 21st century, the cafeteria still had tables for jocks, geeks, nerds, and preps, straight from some 80’s or 90’s teen flick.

Richie, like most things in his life, didn’t necessarily fit into one group or the other, toeing the line between social pariah and popular party dude. He supposed it was the side effects of being the class clown with too-big-for-his-face glasses, a diagnosis for ADHD, and his tendency blazing at any given moment. Funny and wild enough to show up to any party, but not exactly cool enough to hang out with for anything else.

Honestly, it didn’t matter either way, because instead of worrying about what table to eat the cafeteria’s barely edible food at, Richie usually spent his lunch smoking with his friends. It was time to catch up and unwind before the last few classes of the day— and there was no way he could get through chemistry without being high.

As soon as the shrill bell rang, Richie hopped out of his seat, grabbing his shit before placing his (probably failed) history quiz on the teacher’s desk on his way out into the halls.

He weaved through the couples sucking face and the worried AP students, his unruly black curls bouncing like a hyperactive halo around his head as he walked towards his locker.

“‘Sup Tozier!” someone called out to him, a familiar face at the weekend ragers, although he never learned his actual name.

Richie nodded, “Hey, what’s up Keg King?”

“Not much. Hey, you coming to see me defend my title this weekend?”

“Wouldn't miss it for the world,” Richie smiled lazily, patting the other boy on the back before strolling along.

It wasn’t a coincidence that his smile faltered as he passed what was left of the Bower’s gang. He and Hockstetter had graduated the year prior, although like most bumfuck racists hellbent on beating up ‘dorks and queers’, they stayed in Derry. The remaining two, Belch and Victor Criss, weren’t nearly as powerful or psychotic as their elders, but they had a reputation to uphold. They weren’t exactly slamming him down on the asphalt in front of the arcade like they did in middle school, but they weren’t friendly either. Mutual respect was even a stretch. He’d enjoy seeing them get their asses handed to them, and he was sure they felt the same.

Richie popped open his locker, catching the loose papers and pencils that inevitably fell out. A small mirror hung on the blue metal door, rendered practically useless because of all the smudges covering it. The remaining space was littered with stickers of indie bands, and post-its with doodles and notes to himself or from his friends.

Have a great day trashmouth <3- bevs

Sparknotes ‘Pygmalion’

Come to the quarry after school!-mike

It’s a good day to be gay

Next time u get drunk enough 2 facetime us reading the entire bee movie script pls invite us so we dont have 2 deal w/ that sober- b+m

Buy more cigs and weed

U lewk hott big sexxxi ;) - xoxo

Richie was unashamed to say he wrote the last one to himself one day when he looked particularly good.

He struggled to stuff his history folder into the looming mess, but eventually crammed it in there, slamming the door shut before anything else could fall out.

After checking that he did indeed have his lighter, bag of weed, and papers in his denim jacket, Richie made his way to their usual spot. They liked to smoke at the stairs behind the art room, which was tucked away in the back of the school, overlooking the field that separated them and the middle schoolers.

Throwing open the orange door to the stairs in his usual dramatic fashion, he found his two closest friends, “Ms. Marsh, Lord Michael, how fare thee chaps today?” Richie greeted in his (awful) british accent.

Beverly Marsh rolled her eyes as she lit her joint, “Fine, until I heard that horrible voice.”

Richie threw a hand on his chest, a pained expression painted on his face, “Oh, how you hurt me so.”

“Hey, I mean it is his best impression,” Mike Hanlon commented from the steps, fist bumping Richie as he sat down across from Beverly on the top of the stairs, back to the railing. The sweet boy lit up the bowl in his pipe, inhaling deeply.

“Aw, thank you Mikey, you sure know how to make a girl swoon,” he cooed, mimicking a southern belle.

“Well, you don’t really have any good one’s in the first place,” Mike smirked, blowing out the smoke in his mouth while Beverly snorted, taking another drag.

Richie rolled his eyes, taking out his bag of weed, “Fuck off Hanlon.”

Mike extended an olive branch in the form of paper lunch bag filled with a sandwich, chips, and a can of coke. It was a daily occurrence for them— the Tozier’s rarely had any food, and even if Richie wanted to eat from the cafeteria, he didn’t exactly get a lot of money from them.

“My upcoming munchies thank you dear friend.”

He opened his bag of weed, attempting to balance the paper on his knees so he could roll his own joint. This failed miserably as the weed fell out, getting all over his Radiohead t-shirt.

“Shit.”

Beverly sighed, holding out her hand, “Let me roll it Tozier, you and I both know I’m better at it anyways.”

“What?! I’m perfectly capable of doing it by myself. I roll a damn good joint Marsh,” he shot back incredulously.

She plucked a stray piece of weed and gave him a pointed look. Richie groaned before handing his stuff over, Beverly handing him her own joint to smoke on in the meantime.

“How’s your day been Rich?” Mike asked from his spot on the steps. Typical farm boy, concerned with his friends. Richie often wondered how such an angelic person hung out with him and Bev, but Mike had his fair share of rebellious traits.

“Ah, well, you can tell it’s been just dandy. I can’t wait till we get out of this fucking hell hole,” Richie scoffed before taking a hit.

“Only seven more weeks,” Beverly reminded, eyes and hands focused on rolling.

Mike nodded, “Crazy. Can’t believe we’re finally graduating.”

“Thank fucking god, Derry is a suffocating shithole,” he said, “I know I’m an idiot, but Jesus, everyone here is a fucking bigot.”

“Yeah,” Mike agreed, not saying much else. They understood. It was hard being one of the only black kids in school, let alone pansexual (although most people didn’t know this about him). The prejudice he faced wasn’t something he often spoke about, trying to be as positive as possible.

“This kid in english was saying bisexuals are sluts today,” Richie successfully blew a few smoke rings, “Like, I am one, but not because of my sexuality, asswipe.”

Bev laughed humorlessly, handing Richie the freshly rolled joint and taking back her own, “No need to tell me what that’s like.”

No, the redhead had been getting called a slut over nothing since the seventh grade; the rumors and shaming only getting worse when she too came out as bi.

A comfortable and reflective silence fell over the three, occupied with their thoughts and getting high. Richie placed the joint in between his chapped lips; struggling to light the tip as his white lighter sputtered, on it’s last moments of life. Mumbled expletives fell out of his mouth before he was successful, inhaling deeply and holding the smoke in before letting it all escape.

His dark brown eyes scanned the poorly maintained sports field, filled mostly with middle schoolers running around and yelling. Part of him envied the carefree nature of it all, but the other remembered how fucking shitty middle school was and any jealousy washed away.

Not too far from them was what was dubbed as ‘the kissing tree’. The old trunk was littered with carvings, initials surrounded by hearts claiming that their love was ‘forever’. It was juvenile, small town as fuck, and heteronormative— though most things surrounding romance in Derry were.

Of course, Richie had been obsessed with it as a preteen, and knew his own name was on there (a few times).

What caught his eye now were the couple under it, making out passionately, flush against one another, like if they stopped they’d die.

Honestly, that would be preferable, as one of them was Gretta Keene, one of Richie’s biggest mistakes.

Gretta was one of the most popular girls in school, and she was also a grade A bitch. Her green eyes sent glares akin to daggers, and her lipgloss covered lips provided insults that went too far. Including frequently calling Beverly a slut.

It wasn’t like Richie had a huge crush on her or anything. Their relationship was merely born from constantly being at the same parties, cross faded and wanting a quick hook up to distract themselves. Mike had commented that it was only a matter of time, except one became many more, despite the fact that Gretta only got with jocks.

Their arrangement caused Bev to freeze Richie out for two months last semester, breaking their four year streak for best couples costume at Betty Ripsom’s annual Halloween Party. Bev was more important to him by a long shot, but per usual, he kept fucking everything up.

Most of their ‘moments’ were shared in some stranger's bed, or dancing in a kitschy living room to pop music, sharing a blunt or swigs from a bottle of whiskey. None of it was on purpose, but rather a byproduct of being intoxicated and having a high sex drive.

In fact, they had only been on two actual dates when they were together. The first was at the drive-in a town over, the pair sat in Richie’s beat up station wagon, some shitty b-movie playing on the large projector. Gretta shared a pack of cigarettes with him, and it was probably the only kind thing she had ever done. Richie tried to make conversation, so that their relationship actually had some sort of substance other than weed and alcohol; but Gretta quickly shut him up, sticking her cherry coke flavored tongue down his throat.

He took her out to his favorite diner for their other date, figuring that they might have a chance to actually get to know one another without an acceptable place to make out. They sat on opposite sides of a booth outlooking Main street, an old-timey song playing on the jukebox.

This plan proved to be a grave mistake, because Richie finally understood why Bev often said, “Satan himself thinks Gretta Keene is too cruel.”

He repressed the memory, if he remembered it he’d get too pissed off. Instead, Richie thought of their break-up, how she had beat him to the punch.

He had been waiting at her locker, leaning against #405 and picking at his nails, humming a song by The Smiths under his breath. Gretta approached, clad in a pink mini-skirt and a tight crop top, smacking her half-priced bubblegum.

Richie cleared his throat, standing upright, ready to chew her the fuck out for being such a horrible person, “Gretta, let’s talk—“

“We’re through Tozier.”

“What the fuck?!” He had gaped at her, “No, I was going to breakup with you!”

Gretta shooed him away with her manicured hands, “Please, you’re a fucking nobody. Irrelevant. You should be glad we even fucked around this long.”

A small crowd had formed around the two, “You’re the one who kept coming back for more.”

“And you’re the one who actually thought this could be something. So cute. But I don’t date losers and I don’t date attention-whores like you.”

Like he said, grade A bitch.

“Jealous?” Mike snapped Richie from his thoughts.

His cheeks reddened, embarrassed that he was caught staring, “What? No. I pity the poor bastard that’s with her. Fucking breath smells like a fucking dog ate a pack of Winston’s. Straight up ass.”

Beverly chuckled, but her eyes held a little bit of resentment, “You used to smoke those Winston’s with her.”

“I thought we had an agreement that we would never speak of the Great Gretta Keene Mistake again?”

“Sure, but you’re the one watching her,” Mike pointed out, packing a new bowl, “Missing the one that got away?”

The other boy’s tone was joking but Richie sent him a glare, “She’s fucking irrelevant to me okay?”

They hummed in agreement, but he could see the slight doubt on their faces.

Richie ripped open his bag of chips and threw one in his mouth, “She thinks she’s such hot fucking shit, but she’s so replaceable.”

“Richie, it’s rude to speak with your mouth full,” Mike admonished his bad manners.

“That’s not what your ol’ pops said last night when I was suck-“

“Beep beep, Richie,” Mike warned.

Bev shook her head, “Really Rich? His grandpa?”

“When opportunity strikes,” he flashed a shit eating grin before taking another hit.

“Anyways, while I second the sentiment that Gretta isn’t all that, you haven’t exactly had a relationship since her,” Bev accused.

“Okay, what the fuck is this, ‘pick on Richie day’?” he said, readjusting his position, “Besides, I’ve been with plenty of other people.”

“Please, this isn’t middle school, and I’m still not buying the whole ‘my bedpost is covered in notches’ bit,” Bev inspected the joint between her fingers, now just a stub.

“Well, obviously it’s not. I’ve had sex in many different beds. Yours included,” Richie smirked.

“Beep beep. You know you aren’t allowed over after you almost burned down my aunt’s apartment.”

“The apartment was fine. Everyone knows if you put the temperature up super high food cooks faster. Those tater-tots would’ve been delicious. Bon-appetit,” Richie spoke in a poor french accent, and his eyes widened, “Bon-appetot. Bon-appetatertot.”

He fell into a fit of giggles and Mike chuckled across from him.

“You are a walking disaster Richie Tozier,” Bev said, though an amused smile sat on her lips.

“Richie’s poor life choices aside… One night stands and drunken make out sessions don’t count,” Mike returned to their previous topic, “I mean something sort of serious. Something you put effort into.”

“I don’t put effort into anything Michael dear,” Richie countered.

“Not true. You put effort into a lot of dumb shit,” Bev put out her joint, “Like when you tried to climb the water tower at 3 am naked. Or the time you tried to get the principal to grind with you at homecoming.”

“You can’t blame me for that. Mrs. Marton is a vixen. Can’t believe she resisted my charms.”

Mike laughed, shaking his head, “Point is, it kinda seems like you’re stuck in a rut.”

“I get plenty of action,” Richie boasted, taking a drag from his joint, “Plus, I could make any girl or guy in this piece of shit school fall in love with me.”

“That a bet?” Bev grinned mischievously.

“You know what, why the fuck not?” Richie shrugged. He was bored, and he wanted his friends off his fucking back, “Terms and conditions?”

“Mike and I get to choose the sorry fuck who you’ll be pursuing—“

“No, I don’t wanna be a part of this. Isn’t it kinda fucked up? Getting with someone for a bet? Why don’t you just try to date someone without an ulterior motive?” Mike suggested.

Richie rolled his eyes, adopting an Australian accent, “Now where’s the fun in that mate?”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“You get till prom to sweep this person off their feet. A committed relationship, not just a hookup. If you win I’ll get you a shit ton of the finest weed the county can offer,” Bev continued, “If you lose—“

“No need to tell me, because I won’t fail,” Richie smirked, “I’m a total knockout.”

Bev’s face mirrored his own, “Fine, it’s your funeral.”

Both of them spit into their palms before shaking their hands, bonding the bet.

“C’mon, let’s go find them— you only have six weeks.”

The three of them packed up their shit, passing around the rest of Richie’s joint so it wouldn’t go to waste before they headed inside. Bev spritzed some perfume on them in an attempt to mask the smell of weed, making Richie smell fruity and floral. He popped a stick of spearmint gum in his mouth, deciding to save his sandwich for AP Calc next block.

It was a rare occurrence for them to roam the halls before the lunch bell rang, so a few of the students stared at them as they went on their search. Mike smiled at just about everyone they passed, a fucking angel per usual.

“What about him, he’s kinda cute,” Bev suggested, nodding her head to a blonde boy holding a skateboard.

Richie shook his head, “We made out at that beach bonfire over the summer. He almost vommed in my fucking mouth. The money maker! These beautiful lips are fuckin sacred— how could I smooch and tell amazing jokes if he fucked em up? These babies ooze charisma and sex appeal.”

“More like ooze bullshit,” Mike quipped.

“I think you’re just jealous that you won’t be the one I’m wooing Mike n Ike.”

Bev snorted, “I pity the poor fuck who you’ll be annoying till prom,” her eyes lit up, and she turned to Mike, “Hey, we might be able to enjoy some peace and quiet for a while!”

“The minute we became best friends with Richie I gave up all hope for tranquility.”

“Hey!” He protested, although Mike was right.

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” the other boy finished sweetly.

Richie planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek, “Oh Mikey, you are the most wholesome-est boy I ever did meet,” he slipped into his southern belle persona, “What about you Bevvy darlin’, got any words to butter up my biscuit? To milk my udder?”

She rolled her eyes and continued walking ahead of them, turning into another hallway.

“Fine, I know you love me Marsh,” Richie used his long lanky legs to his advantage, catching up to stroll alongside her quickly, “What about Betty Ripsom?”

Bev scoffed, “Please, too easy.”

“What?! She’s like, a good ol’ Christian girl. I’m a deviant! My skype username used to be tozier666! Or wait, it was tozier42069… I can’t remember.”

“C’mon Richie, we all know she had a massive crush on you freshman year,” Bev replied.

Mike nodded in agreement, “You wouldn’t shut up about it.”

“Like most things,” Bev said, “Anyways, you’d just use that to your advantage. Although, I am liking the whole ‘polar opposite’ approach.”

Richie groaned, of course he had a hand in his own misfortune.

They continued to travel the halls, Beverly’s baby blue eyes scouring for a victim.

“You sure are digging your own grave today Rich,” Mike commented.

Richie nodded, “R.I.P. Richard Tozier. Big Mouth and even Bigger Wan—“

“Found ‘em,” Bev interrupted, a grin on her face.

She pointed down the hallway in front of them, where two boys conversated as everyone walked around them. The taller one had auburn hair, and was lanky like Richie, although the other boy seemed a little more muscular. The other looked like a fucking middle schooler, and Richie wasn’t sure how the little brat even got in there.

It took a minute, but Richie realized that he did actually recognize them. They didn’t interact much, not being in the same circles, but the two boys had been going to school with him since the days of recess. And they had been bullied since then too.  

So, correction, she pointed to where two of the biggest losers in school were talking about what was presumably some nerdy shit. Great.

“What, Big Bill?” Richie raised an eyebrow, “He’s not too bad. Ignore the stutter and the fact that he’s best friends with total dorks and you have a shy lil cutie. Nice handiwork Marsh.”

“You know, you’re a total dork and we’re still friends with you,” Mike quipped, his own way of chastising Richie.

Bev shook her head ‘no’, “Not Denbrough, the other one.”

Richie’s eyes settled on the smaller boy, and the realization that he was totally and utterly fucked set in.

Eddie Kaspbrak. The kid peaked at 5’6, and his lack of muscles along with the fact that he wore an honest to fucking god fanny pack didn’t help his 12 year old boy appearance. Of course, the fanny pack got worse— it was full of pills, eye drops, hand sanitizer, lotion, chapstick, and most importantly, his inhaler. Yes, Eddie was a fucking asthmatic hypochondriac and germaphobe, with an equally insane mother. Richie didn’t doubt that the asshole spent more time perusing WebMD than texting or checking social media.

He wore chunky turtlenecks in the winter, and in the hotter months, his tanned legs adorned tube socks and short-shorts (they were awful, although Richie had to admit they made his ass look great). His small hands gripped onto his stuffed backpack (kid already had a fanny pack full of shit, what else did he have to bring to school?). Eddie’s brown hair was always found in a overly gelled comb over, not a hair out of place. He reminded Richie of an off-brand Fred Savage with severe anxiety.

Mostly, Richie knew Eddie Kaspbrak would hate just about every little thing he did. There was no way they’d even be friends, let alone anything more.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me Bev.”

a/n: thanks for reading!!! richie and eddie will actually talk next chapter, don't worry. also for any concerned about the gretta/richie thing it's not Too Big of a Deal as it is in the movie, i just need it for some plot points (but overall richie is like 100% over gretta and it was just something stupid he did).

[steelsuit]

Hi!! SORRY FOR TAKING SO DAMN LONG WITH REPLIES. My communication skills are not the best. it’s like a month worth of asks. rip I do read them closely after receiving the messages, but I suck at making a response pls forgive me. mmm i hope that tumblr didn’t eat the private responses.

@ anon

hi! that's great to hear, I'm really glad that the items have arrived safely at your place! :D Thank you for your support!!

@ anon

THANK U. I really like drawing long eyelashes and make up ;))

@kleinuuu

SOBBING. we could have had it all

@greatprotector and @bioluminosity

hi! sorry for slow response. I've been struggling with motivations lately resulting in drawback on my college work. However here is my commission info for future reference. I know that @jekyde and some other peeps asked about comms quite a while ago and I was supposed to be available during a break, but that p much failed and I am super sorry. :( I really don’t want customers to have to wait once we arrange everything, so I prefer doing those when there’s not much else on the plate so everyone can receive their images in an acceptable time frame.

@ anon

Hi! I hope that the package has reached your friend already, and if not, that it'll happen soon. Thank you very much for your support! ;u;

@ anon

OH MAN;;; i wish I could say proportions, bc that's more.. proper way to do it, but I'll have to say that, right now, it's form and flowing shapes. I bullshit my way thru a lot. I really need to start doing anatomy studies again to get better haha :D

@whosdisidk

THANK!! I LOVE THEM!! I have some more MEA fanart sketches and wips, hopefully will finish them sometime :D

@ anon

Hey anon! AH YES the tumblr mobile experience. And no, not really, I hadn't ever recorded myself painting or drawing. Did plan to, but it never really happened. Probably should haha. IF that happens, I'll upload it.

@ anon

Hi, my clan isn't active in WF anymore. I play occasionally, but my clan basically moved to OVW. We were just a bunch of friends playing together, not an open clan.

@ anon

I can't tell you from personal experience. I am still a college student and only sell my prints/stickers, do occasional commissions here or from rl. From another person's pov. It depends on what you do, working in a company is very different from working freelance. My mother sells her traditional paintings on auctions and to personal clients; while it allows for flexible schedule, it is never a certain job, how much will you make within a month, having to manage your own resources, fees, time, etc.

Sorry that I cannot answer this in detail or be helpful, but I do not want to mislead you, as I am not speaking from my own experience.

@ anon

aaah I'm happy to hear that! :D

@ anon Thank you!! all these messages re: my shop make me really happy! To think that you guys want to purchase my work and support me, is really nice. thanks again!

@blehrosewoodwolf

hi! I don't have any video/speedpaint recorded, sorry! I probably should start seeing that there are requests for it haha

@ anon

I did have a small tutorial about colouring metal waaay in the past, but that's it. There isn't much to say about lineart. hmm. I either do it digitally or traditionally with pens. I tend to draw thicker outer lines around objects, sometimes things that are closer, and draw detail in with thinner line. I don't have any tricks or a formula, really. Skin tones: Think of the base colour, the colour of the environment and the light, that will affect the skin, and any hue in your image by a big margin. Think of colours in relation to their surroundings. They really don't always look to be what they are. Practice with photos, check their colours by colour picking. Observe some works of your fav artists. For rendered images, it's good to check your values in BW preview mode (some artist say that as long as your values are good, you can make any bs colours work, but idk haha). I like to use the "when light is cold, the shadow is warm and vice versa" rule tbh :D but it doesn't have to  be that way. With neon images I just do whatever seems ok without using way too many of them. I like rendering skin with the default round, but slightly softened brush. Brush+alt colour picker is your friend for blending.

[kayluh1915]

Today Was the Day

Words: 2,412

Warnings: Animal Death (pls don’t kill me), Emotional Distress, and Grief.

Author’s note: I FINALLY DID IT! I found the motivation to finish this! As requested by A LOT of you! I apologize in advance if it’s bad, but I’ve just accepted that my writing is mediocre by now. xD Enjoy! :D

READ ON A03

Today was the day.

Ian woke up after Anthony as he usually did, but was surprised to see his boyfriend carrying a tray packed to the brim with all his favorites. It was the day of their fourth anniversary and Anthony wanted to do something nice for him, but his generosity wasn’t going to stop at breakfast. He had the whole day planned from top to bottom for him and his beloved boyfriend and he couldn’t wait to get started.

Today was the day.

Before the rest of Anthony’s itinerary could be fulfilled, Ian had to take his dog, Daisy, out for her morning walk so she didn’t poop all over the floor while they were gone. Ian has assured Anthony that it would be a quick walk, so he had decided to stay back and finish eating his own breakfast. After Daisy had done her business, Ian began to walk back towards the apartment, thinking about what Anthony could possibly have planned for the day when Daisy suddenly ran off, causing Ian to lose the distracted grip he had on her leash. Daisy was running down the crowded LA street, barking and chasing after a pigeon. Ian immediately ran after her and started shouting at her to come back, but the free-spirited German shepherd didn’t listen. Ian ran after her for about two blocks before finally catching up with her. He quickly lurched for her lead while she was distracted by another pigeon, but she jerked away and he missed it. He looked up to call her name again but was rendered breathless as he watched a gray car speed past him. Time seemed to move slower as he heard a loud thud followed by a loud and pitiful whimper.

Today was the day.

Ian and Anthony sat next to each other quietly, hands loosely intertwined while waiting for an update from the vet. But to be honest, it was Ian that Anthony was worried about the most. Anthony knows how much Ian loves Daisy and it’s obvious that the thought of losing her was tearing him apart. His hand was sweaty and shaking in Anthony’s grip, he was fidgety in his seat, and his eyes were widened and focused forwards on a painting of a cat dressed like a doctor. It was a very surprising sight for Anthony. Ian is a very private person when it comes to his emotions and never shows what he’s feeling no matter what the situation. Not once has he seen Ian cry or show any sign of sadness in all their years of being friends and lovers, but today was different.

“Are you okay?” Anthony asked, squeezing Ian’s hand a little tighter. Ian took his eyes off the painting for a moment to stare into Anthony’s dark eyes.

“Yeah, fine.” He answered back, his voice sounding confident aside from it being shaky and unsteady. Anthony could tell that he was trying to put up the “I’m fine” façade, but Anthony wasn’t falling for it. Not even for a second.

“Do you want me to get you anything? Water? Coffee?” Ian shook his head, reverting his eyes back to the cat painting.

“No, I’m good. Thanks, though.” Anthony sighed quietly and looked around the waiting room for what felt like the 100th time. He and Ian were the only ones there aside from the very nice receptionist who had been very kind to them since they had brought Daisy in. It was a very nice waiting room filled with animal related décor along with a large fish tank that gave Anthony a lot of Finding Nemo vibes.

“Actually…” Ian said, jarring Anthony out of his 50th waiting room tour. “Could you go get me a water? My mouth is a little dry.” Anthony flashed Ian a smile and caressed Ian’s hand with his thumb.

“Of course. I’ll be back in a few.” Anthony walked over to the gas station across the street and bought him and Ian both a bottle of Smart water before walking back over to the veterinary hospital. He was greeted with a smile from the receptionist which he happily returned before sitting next to Ian and handing him one of the chilled bottles.

“I got you a Smart water.” Ian gave a small smile before taking the bottle into his hands.

“Thanks.” They both sat there for what felt like years until the vet finally emerged from the labyrinth of hallways. Ian stood up quickly walking over to the young man with urgency in his eyes.

“How is she?” He asked, his voice now strong, but his eyes telling a completely different story. The doctor took off his glasses and let out a low sigh. At that point, Ian’s heart was shattered into a million pieces. He knew the result before the doctor even began to speak.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hecox. We did everything we could, but the damage was too extensive. There was nothing we could’ve done.”

Today was the day.

Ian was silent on the ride home from the vet’s office. Anthony looked over at him every chance he had, checking on him to make sure that he was okay, but he didn’t speak. They got home faster than normally due to unusually fast traffic, but the unusual traffic patterns were the last thing on Anthony’s mind as he watched Ian eye Daisy’s dog bed and toys lying next to the entertainment system in the living room. Anthony walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, placing a kiss on his cheek as he did so.

“I’m so sorry, Ian. I know how much you loved her.” Ian didn’t reply. He just stood there stiff in Anthony’s arms for a while until he let out a quiet sigh.

“Don’t you think we should be getting ready?” He finally spoke. Anthony furrowed his brows in confusion.

“Getting ready for what?” He asked.

“Your plans. You said you had an entire list of things for us to do today.” Anthony was taken aback. He figured that their anniversary would’ve been the last thing on Ian’s mind after the tragedy that had just occurred not even two hours ago.

“Don’t worry about my plans, honey. Those can be rechedu-“

“No.” He interrupted his voice stern. “I don’t need to be babied, Anthony. I’m perfectly capable of going out to dinner or whatever you had planned. I’m fine.” Anthony wanted badly to protest and reschedule his plans, but the last thing he wanted to do was argue with Ian while his heart was in so much pain. Anthony sighed quietly into Ian’s hair.

“Alright. If you’re so sure-”

“More than sure.”

Today was the day.

As Anthony had expected, his plans didn’t go so well after such a terrible morning, but this was ridiculous. Their first stop was the aquarium. It was supposed to be a throwback to their first date where they shared their first kiss by the coral reef exhibit, but most of the exhibits were closed due to construction. Anthony then took him out to dinner at a semi-fancy place, but the waiter had accidently spilled wine on Ian’s lap and Anthony’s food was only partially cooked much to his disgust. Ian didn’t eat much of anything anyway. Now they were on their way to the movies, hoping to catch a movie before going home, but the movie they wanted to see was sold out.

“The movie’s sold out. Would you like to see the other one instea-”

“No. Can we please just go home?” Ian said, hands in his pockets and his eyes glued to the ground. Anthony was taken aback by Ian’s sudden tone considering that he had barely said anything all day, but Ian had obviously had enough with their shitty day.

“Y-Yeah. Of course.” Anthony replied, thanking the person at the box office before walking away. Anthony looked over Ian to see if he could read an expression. To his surprise, he could see one and it was one he had seen several times over the past 20 years. Anger.

Today was the day

When they got home, Ian was still fuming. Anthony knew why, so he didn’t bother saying anything to him. Whenever Ian is upset or hurt, he tends to get angry very easily. It is his way of coping with an upsetting situation. As soon as their front door was shut, Ian was trying to unbutton his flannel, but because of his anger, he was unable to properly unbutton it.

“Here, babe. Let me get it-”

“I CAN DO IT!” Ian exclaimed. It hurt Anthony a bit that Ian had shouted at him, but he understood why and tried his best to not take offense to Ian’s rage. He took a deep breath and placed calming hands over Ian’s shoulders.

“Sweetie, you’re trying too hard. Just let me do it-”

“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD!? CAN’T A MAN HAVE A BAD DAY WITHOUT BEING OFFERED A BOTTLE!?” Anthony’s eyes widened at Ian’s sudden jab. He wasn’t expecting anything like that.

“What are you talking about?” He replied, still managing to keep his cool.

“I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU! EVERYTIME SOMETHING HAPPENS, THERE YOU ARE WITH A BOTTLE READY TO HELP POOR LITTLE BABY IAN AND I’M SICK OF IT!”

“I’m just trying to help you.”

“WELL, YOU CAN START BY LETTING ME DO THINGS ON MY OWN!” After that, Anthony’s cool started to heat up.

“Why the hell are you even mad? I didn’t do anything to you but offer to help.”

“YOU CALL BABYING ME HELPING!? THAT’S NOT HELPING! I ALREADY HAVE A LOT OF SHIT ON MY SHOULDERS AND ALL YOU’RE DOING NOW IS DUMPING MORE SHIT ON ME! LOOK AT THE DAY I’VE HAD!”

“Well, I tried to postpone it, but last I checked, YOU wouldn’t let me!”

“OH, SO NOW IT’S MY FAULT!? I’M THE ONE WHO TOOK THE DOG OUT AND DIDN’T WANT TO SIT AT HOME AND GRIEVE ALL DAY, SO IT’S MY FAULT, ISN’T IT!?” Anthony’s face fell a bit.

“I didn’t say that, Ian…”

“YES, YOU DID!!!!!” He exclaimed in Anthony’s face nothing but pure rage seeping off his tongue. Anthony backed up with wide eyes, staring up at his boyfriend. They stood there in a moment of silence before Ian began to speak again, his voice much lower and nearly broken.

“But… you’re right. It is my fault…” Ian looked down to the floor, his breathing labored and his eyes squeezed shut.

“Ian…” Anthony tried, but Ian wasn’t listening.

“Daisy’s gone… and it’s all my fault… It’s all my fault… I t ‘ s  a l l  m y  f a u l t . . .” The next thing that came out of Ian’s mouth was the most shocking thing that Anthony had heard all day. A choked sob. His eyes widened as he saw a single tear escape from the corner of Ian’s left eye. Anthony was seeing Ian cry for the very first time in the 20 years that they knew each other… Today was the day. Anthony wasn’t sure what to do. He had comforted Ian many times before in the past, but this was the first time he had ever seen Ian cry. He was unsure of how to handle it. After a moment of hearing Ian sob heavily, Anthony mentally said: “fuck it” and wrapped his arms around Ian, bringing him into a tight embrace. He was afraid that Ian was going to reject his gesture, but as soon as his arms were securely around his shoulders, Ian buried his head into the crook of Anthony’s neck and cried. Anthony sighed a breath of relief and held him tighter, throwing his left hand up to caress the back of his head.

“Shhhhh… It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay.” Anthony cooed. Even though Ian had yelled at Anthony literally just a minute ago about how Anthony babied him, he couldn’t help but lay there in Anthony’s arms and mourn the loss of his beloved dog. Anthony stood there with Ian in his arms until his sobs were ceased and his tears were dry.

“You okay?” Anthony whispered. Ian nodded his head that was still resting on Anthony’s collarbone. Anthony kissed his forehead and wiped a stray tear that had yet to dry on his cheek away with his thumb.

“Can you take me to bed?” Ian asked, his voice now barely audible and hoarse.

“Of course.” Anthony packed Ian to their bedroom and helped him undress down to his boxers. Anthony did the same and crawled into bed next to his lover, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing another kiss to his shoulder as he pulled him close. They both fell asleep quickly, exhausted from such an appalling day.

~Two Months Later~

“Ian!” Anthony called as he walked through the front door. “You home!?”

“Yeah, I’m in the office!” He called back.

“Come here a second!” Anthony listened as he heard his boyfriend pad into the living room.

“What is it, Antho…” Ian froze in his tracks when he saw what Anthony had brought home. In one arm was a German shepherd puppy with a blue bow around its neck while a bag of puppy food laid in his other arm. “Anthony…”

“Happy birthday, dear.” Ian stood there shocked for a moment before finally walking over to the small puppy and taking it out of Anthony’s arms. He pets her head gently and laughs a little when she licked his stubbly face. “I know she won’t replace Daisy, but it’s been pretty lonely around here without a dog walking around the couch for hours at a time.” Ian laughed again and looked down at the dog with a slight frown, remembering how little Daisy had been when he and his ex, Melanie, had rescued her from the shelter. Anthony saw Ian’s sad face, causing his face to fall as well.

“I-If you don’t want her, I can take her ba-“

“No.” Ian interrupted quickly. “She’s perfect.” Ian pressed a quick kiss onto Anthony’s. “Thank you.” Ian had named her Lilly and she grew up to be a lot like Daisy, but no matter how similar she acted, Anthony was right. She would never replace the dog that Ian loved years before Lilly ever came along, but that was okay. Daisy lived a good life and Ian was more than sure that she would’ve loved Lilly.