#Henchmen

[artbyblastweave]

Being a henchman suuuucks dude. This latest guy I'm working for, the War-Madillo, he's got a, an Armadillo- motif, or theme, or whatever, right? That's fine, fine, I did a two-month stint with a Marmoset-themed guy once, it's not bottom of the barrel- except. Except. It turns out, he picked the Armadillo thing because he thinks that they're obligate carnivores. Which they kind of are, I mean I googled this, they're insectivores, but he thinks that they're like, land piranhas. He thinks they work in packs to take down significantly larger animals. He thinks they lay eggs in the remains of their prey. He's killed like three guys for trying to correct him. Me and the other guys are paying out of pocket to get the poor little guys in his Armadillo pit food that they can actually eat. Every time he drops some sucker into that thing we all have to draw straws to see who's gonna have to go in and gnaw on the body so he thinks the Armadillos are doing it. Thank god it's such a long drop

[zhienv]

Sriracha

Villain: Gather 'round, my nefarious associates! Today, we shall unleash a prank of unparalleled villainy upon those insufferable heroes. The very foundation of their breakfasts shall crumble!

Right Hand: My Lord, are you referring to the diabolical plot involving the jam and the... err, spicy sauce?

Villain: Indeed, Right Hand! I have devised a scheme so devilish that even the most stoic hero will shed a tear over their ruined toast. Behold, we shall replace all their innocent jam bottles with jars of fiery sriracha sauce!

Henchman #1: (snickering) Sriracha sauce, boss? Won't they notice the difference right away?

Villain: That's where you're wrong, my unwitting underling! The labels, yes, the labels shall be our masterpiece. Mittens!

Mittens: (with a tiny villainous cape) Oh, joy. I always wanted to be a cat forger.

Villain: Mittens, you shall forge labels so exquisite, so perfect, that the heroes won't suspect a thing! I want the labels to scream "premium, extra-fancy jam" while concealing the fiery truth within.

Right Hand: (suppressing laughter) My Lord, isn't Mittens more skilled in knocking things off tables than label forgery?

Villain: Nonsense! I have seen Mittens weave her devious paws through the most intricate tasks. She once unraveled the hero's secret meeting plans by batting a ball of yarn across their secret files!

Mittens: (proudly) Meow.

Henchman #2: (snickering) But boss, what if they taste the sauce and realize it's not jam?

Villain: Ah, my dear simpleton, that's where our pièce de résistance comes in. Scientist!

Scientist: (entering with a clipboard) You called, my villainous overlord?

Villain: Scientist, you shall concoct a special potion that numbs the taste buds temporarily! Just enough for the heroes to savor the sweet anticipation before the fiery revelation.

Scientist: (scribbling notes) Numbing potion, understood. How long should the effect last?

Villain: Long enough for them to question their very existence, but short enough for them to recover before they suspect foul play.

Right Hand: (trying not to laugh) Brilliant, my Lord. A scheme so devious, even the heroes won't see it coming.

Henchman #1: (chuckles) And they'll be wondering if their taste buds have turned traitor!

Villain: Precisely! Now, to action, my minions! Mittens, forge those labels. Scientist, brew that potion. Henchmen, prepare for a raid on the hero's breakfast nooks!

[mr-geargrinder]

Had to doodle them

[ivansirkumcision]

[oldschoolfrp]

Are you here for the position of henchman, hireling, or full party member? How many experience points can you bring to our organization? (Terry Dykstra, D&D Rules Cyclopedia by Aaron Allston, TSR, 1991)

[theshadowrealmitself]

Based off the other post I made but I want this part to be its own post:

Villains having beef with Bruce Wayne specifically because he seems to be going out of his way to rehabilitate their henches, and good henches don’t just grow on trees y’know!!!

[vintagegeekculture]

The Hall of Amazing Men: Branscombe Richmond

A new admission to the Hall of Amazing Men, Branscombe Richmond is best known for being an actor where he played Lorenzo Lamas’s friend, the Lando Calrissian-like sharpie Dallas Sixkiller, or as Moki, the smartmouth Hawaiian friend of Magnum, P.I. But behind the camera, as a tough as nails stunt coordinator and stuntman, Branscombe Richmond created and developed nearly all the eccentric and eye catching events in the TV series American Gladiators: Atlasphere (the one where people roll around in giant balls), Powerball (done simply because they needed a sport that could be created cheaply because they ran out of money for development) and all the various ones where musclemen shoot tennis balls at people, and where you have to avoid muscular women by jumping on a bungee cord. I don’t think it would be inaccurate to say that with his development (on a really thin budget, no less) of memorable, eye catching sports and events that, with his stunt training he knew could be done safely enough so that even kinda-sporty housewives from Illinois could do them without injury, Branscombe Richmond created American Gladiators. He turned an idea into a realized, practical show that can be done – I don’t think it is inaccurate at all to call him the uncredited creator of American Gladiators.

In his career as a stuntman, Branscombe Richmond, meanwhile, is another one of those faces that shows up over and over playing evil henchmen, members of motorcycle gangs in rough biker bars the hero brawls with karate (if there’s ever a rough scummy biker bar out there, you can bet Branscomb Richmond is in it), and hordes of nunchaku wielding ninja, to the point where if you are, like me, an 80s-90s action aficionado, his face makes you go “oh, hey…it’s that guy!” Can you really call yourself an action fan if you don’t start identifying “your” evil henchman? His IMDB page is mostly roles that are named “Gunman In Jeep,” "Biker #2," and "Terrifying Clown."  

If there is a Evil Henchman Hall of Fame, Brandscomb is there alongside the great Al Leung. You can spot his face as a henchman in Never Too Young to Die (with John Stamos), Action Jackson, Batman Returns, the Hidden, Iron Eagle III: Aces High (objectively the best one as it had Ms. Olympia Rachel McLish), and Star Trek III, where he was a Klingon henchman to Christopher Lloyd who almost got disintegrated and had to feed his disgusting slimy monster dog-salamander. It's comforting to know the profession of henching is alive and well 300 years in the future.

On television, Brandscomb Richmond was on every single cool show from the 80s: Tales of the Gold Monkey, TJ Hooker, Manimal, Airwolf, Knight Rider, Baywatch, and many times attempted to kill the A-Team, especially from motorcycles. Like Chiba, another stuntman-actor, Branscombe Richmond specialized in motorcycle stunts, and he was admitted to the Motorcycle Hall of Fame in 2003. He is, to this day, the guest of honor at whatever motorcycle rally your embarrassing hick uncle attends. I have no evidence for this, but I have long suspected that the reason Richmond was hired to be Dallas Sixkiller in Renegade with Lorenzo Lamas was so they could get his unpaid advice on motorcycle stunts (much like how I have always suspected Warner Brothers hired Ben Affleck as Batman as a "backdoor" way to ask him to direct).

He also played the older brother of the Rock in the Scorpion King, which is an interesting choice because despite getting roles as American Indians (and being beloved in the American Indian community, who, as a whole, deeply love characters who are smartmouth, wiseass sharpies/scammers who get one over on everyone), Brandscome Richmond is in fact, like the Rock, of Hawaiian origin. His first major role in television, that of Moki in Magnum PI, was in fact Hawaiian.

Why are there so many Pacific Islanders in stuntman careers, MMA, and professional wrestling? The answer is surprisingly pedestrian. It’s because Pacific Islanders are a sizable ethnic population in Los Angeles, where movies and television are made, so if you need someone in L.A. that are tough as nails and can take a hit, a Samoan or Hawaiian is a good choice.

Happily, Branscombe Richmond is alive and well, mostly retired as a traditionally large Hawaiian family patriarch. He does occasional voice work, as Gibraltar in Apex Legends, a character physically based on him as well. I imagine he is relieved to be working in showbiz and no longer risking brain damage to do it.

[chaotic-would-you-rathers]

Would You Rather...

A: Have everything you ever post or do online go viral (for example you will always run into famous streamers etc playing online games, every post you make blows up, etc) for the rest of your life

B: Have groups of 2-20 evil lackeys show up to proclaim loyalty to you on the third of every month, you cannot turn them down, and they will enthusiastically attempt to carry out whatever they deem your 'evil plans' to be and organise some sort of dress code fitting some kind of theme they attach to you. There is a 10% chance for each appearing lackey that they will be one from media you have consumed. This happens for the rest of your life.

C: Have your life become a sitcom for some higher beings, meaning that things always go back to normal at the end of each 'episode', and you are perpetually stuck in the same stage of your life and age until the sitcom ends (which will be after 5-30 years) even though time will still advance, additionally while everyone will still remember previous events, things will always eventually go back to the 'status quo' as of when you select this option, regardless of your will. (So your relationships will end up returning to their current state, as with employment, living situation, etc) until the sitcom ends. However, you will be paid £30/hour for the duration of the sitcom, given to you in weekly installments over 10 years after it ends.

[th3rabbit]

the fuck? are they stupid or something

[wanderingmind867]

I love how Batman 1966 always gave the villains henchmen very funny themed names. Penguin's henchmen always had names like Hawkeye, Sparrow and Dove. Catwoman had two henchmen named Felix and Leo. Egghead had Foo Yung, Benedict and a Ms. Bacon. Mister Freeze had Frosty, Shivers and Chill. The Bookworm had Typesetter, Pressman and Printer's Devil. I love all these names, even though it seems to imply the villains only hire henchmen for their names and relevance to their themes.

Still, I wish I could know what names Batman '66 would have given the henchmen of characters like Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Clayface, Two-Face, etc. There's so many good options. Imagine if Anarky had henchmen named Kropotkin or something.

[elemain]

I don't have the imagination to make long and elaborate comics, so take these scenes:

Bill: Okay, secrets of the universe, how do you take care of a baby?

"AHORA TIENES BRAZOS!!!"

Typical Steve

Intentado vestir un triángulo chubby (el tema de su corbata y bombín lo veré mas adelante-)

Bill: Ohh, you're liking your new play ground now, heh?

(Quadrangle of Qonfusion from Journal 3)

Steve: Here I brought your king's cape, Bill

Bill: Perfect! That painting will look great!

-

Bueno, mi mente prefiere que Steve siga siendo un niño, asi que hasta ahí nos va el asunto familiar de Bill y Steve 🤷🏻‍♀️

Un "aprendiz" gratuito, adorable y casi obediente / A gratuitous, adorable, and almost obedient "apprentice"

Y una gran escusa para olvidar por un momento que mataste a toda tu familia y la del escuincle que estás cuidando / And a great excuse to forget for a moment that you killed your entire family and that of the kid you're babysitting

Bonus:

"Everything is going wonder"

[gl1tchr]

Gotham Strays + a handful of their character inspos :]

[galacticgoldfishart]

messing around with some trigger-ass angles

[minimingoat]

Hell trio and Stickler in My Humanization!! (Update) Muhaha 💥🔱✨

[st4rrysthings]

Hilda..... as in hilda BERG- GOT MARRIED

THERES NO ONE ELSE NAMED "HILDA" FROM CUPHEAD SO-. I mean, maybe I'm missing smth. Is there any explanation in another script?

Am I tripping? Did I read that correctly .