#Hilarious nutcracker

[noisycowboyglitter]

"Get Festive with Deez Nuts Nutcracker Clothing for the Holidays"

Deez Nuts Nutcracker is a humorous and provocative twist on the traditional Christmas decor. This irreverent figurine combines the classic nutcracker soldier with the crude slang phrase "deez nuts" to create a shocking and often offensive yet undeniably attention-grabbing piece. The juxtaposition of the traditional and the vulgar has made it a viral sensation and a controversial topic of discussion.

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Originally emerging as an internet meme, the Deez Nuts Nutcracker has gained popularity as a novelty item, sparking both laughter and outrage. Its design typically features a nutcracker soldier with the phrase prominently displayed on its uniform or base. While considered offensive by many, it has also become a symbol of rebellious humor and a way to challenge societal norms.

The Deez Nuts Nutcracker has sparked debates about freedom of expression, taste, and the commercialization of offensive content. It has also become a popular subject for parody and satire, further expanding its cultural impact. Love it or hate it, the Deez Nuts Nutcracker has undeniably left its mark on popular culture.

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Disclaimer: Due to the explicit nature of the phrase, the Deez Nuts Nutcracker is considered offensive by many and is not suitable for all audiences. Viewer discretion is advised.

Ugly Christmas sweaters have transformed from cringe-worthy fashion faux pas to must-have holiday attire. These intentionally tacky and humorous garments have become synonymous with festive cheer and seasonal fun. Adorned with kitschy patterns, sparkling lights, and often downright bizarre designs, ugly Christmas sweaters are a staple at holiday parties and gatherings.  

From classic reindeer and snowflakes to pop culture references and downright absurd motifs, there's an ugly Christmas sweater to suit every sense of humor. These eye-catching garments have sparked a trend of festive fashion, encouraging people to embrace their inner child and let loose. Whether you're looking to win an ugly sweater

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contest or simply add a touch of whimsy to your holiday wardrobe, an ugly Christmas sweater is the perfect way to spread joy and laughter during the season.

Beyond the fashion statement, ugly Christmas sweaters have become a cultural phenomenon, generating excitement and anticipation for the holiday season. They've also inspired a range of related merchandise, from ugly Christmas pajamas to festive accessories, solidifying their status as a beloved part of holiday traditions.  

Searching for the perfect Christmas gift for a couple? Consider their shared interests and hobbies. For adventurous duos, experiences like concert tickets or weekend getaways are ideal. If they enjoy cozy nights in, opt for matching loungewear, a gourmet food basket, or a subscription box tailored to their tastes.]

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Personalized gifts like custom artwork or engraved keepsakes add a romantic touch. For couples who love to cook, consider kitchen gadgets or a cooking class together. Remember, the best gifts celebrate their bond and create lasting memories.

[dyinggirldied]

Reading Children of The Holy Emperor and someone commented that this is a book where everyone is a main character in their own rights (and power) and they are so right 🤣

[pinkyhaert]

My silly baby faced adults. They're cute but very much grown up.

Rodeo!Au Pomni: @tadcrodeoau

Hollyberry: @ask-the-guardian-core

[tothechaos]

ever since i started doing card tricks people in my life have had. uh. mixed reactions. my mom gets annoyed because she cant figure them out, one of my friends literally walked away from me calling me a freak, and another saw me holding a deck of cards and grinning as he came out of the back room at work and just went "oh god" with a look of abject despair on his face. but i will never stop. because it makes me laugh. also if i can find drunk enough people i dont think i ever have to pay for drinks at a bar again

[buildoblivion]

not to have deep and complex thoughts etc etc but I’ve realised the reason why spn s5 is IT for me is that it’s the last time the show truly hits that special sweet spot between shenanigans and devastation

[isas-bathbombs]

You deserve questions too sammy!

For example, which barbie movie is your favorite?

OH MY GOD IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS QUESTION

i have a few favs this is so hard 😭 in general its always been barbie fairy secret, mariposa and the fairy princess, princess charm school, and pink shoes.

whats urs??

[dutchs-blog]

The Lifesize Nutcrackers Are Back

[rosengeist]

I’ve been reading the Nutcracker this Christmas, both the OG Hoffmann, and the Dumas translation the ballet is based on.

Lets be clear, until this point it’s been hella cutesy, and shit just got hilariously violent. Its so bad the heroine passes out. Her parents response is just “well you did stay up late, so…maybe you deserved the trauma.”

Also the “like the spartan” reference is a folk tale about a Spartan youth who hid a fox near his stomach, and then it disemboweled him as he tried to keep it hidden, and its like a big honor tale.

Nutcracker is hilariously violent.

[magix-winx-club]

Fun Little Nicknames

Daryl x reader

Summary: Daryl overhears you telling Judy a bedtime story and can't help but give you a nickname afterward, set in prison era

TW: just silly stuff

Okay but can you imagine Daryl calling you dumb variation of something he had overheard as nicknames for you. Okay let me explain:

You were babysitting Judy and it was time for a bedtime story. When you were little you loved listening, hearing, or reading stories before bed. So you really wanted Judy to experience this. You were sitting in the common room area, Judy in her baby carrier while you were folding some laundry. You glanced up once in a while to the little girl, finding her following you with her eyes, waving her little duck around Maggie and Glenn got for her. You made funny voice, facial expression and in general were very animated as you retold the story of Barbie in the Nutcracker. Sadly, you never had time or  money to see the ballett so this was the only version of the story you knew by heart. Sometimes you would sing a couple of verses from the songs, or dance around pretending to be a ballerina. Over the months on the road any hesitation or shame had left your mind. There were far more embarrassing things the grop had seen you do. Even when Daryl, who was sitting on the other side of the common room on a run down couch, fiddling with his crossbow, would snort at your antics or shake his head. You would just shoot him a look and an arched eyebrow, daring him to say something. But he knew better than to challenge your love for bedtime stories. 

Once you got to the end you revealed that Barbie was the sugar plum princess all along. You were so excited about it and Judy laughed when you picked her up, humming a song and slowly twirling around with her in your arms. 

“Ain’t you supposed to make her sleepy, not rile the lil asskicker up?” He drawled. You stopped your spinning, holding Judy close to your chest. She was still wiggling in your arms, waiting for you to start twirling her again. “Yeah, but Daryl! Barbie is the sugar plum princess.” You stared at him, making your eyes as wide as you could, so utterly serious as you said the ridiculous name. He just rolled his eyes, before getting up and picking Judy out of your arms, “All nonsense ain’t it.” He blew a raspberry on Judith's belly, making the little girl shriek. “Wha’ even is a Sugar Plum Princess,” it sounded hilarious coming from his smoke damaged voice. You wanted to laugh but instead you put your hands on your hip, looking at him exasperated. “Haven’t you been listening, Daryl?” 

This is how the nicknames started. “Alr’iht, sugar plum princess. Don’t need ya'all up in knots abou’ it.” He said handing Judith back to you. From that day on he would call you all kinds of variations of the name, “pumpkin pie elf”, “grape jelly gobblin”, "mac'n'cheese mermaid.” It was absolutely ridiculous the things he came up with. Yet, you could not help but look forward to what he would say next. It was a fun game trying to figure out what food item and fantasy creature he would mix together. 

You would always try and hide your laughter but Daryl could see the twinkle in your eyes, and the disappointed head shake lacked the same bite it had when you gave it to Carl. Even so, the game was fun, coming up with different names, scratching his brain for any of the fantasy stuff he knew. Normally, he would drive back in silence after a run just pondering over a new name. Glenn had complained to him that he never chatted in the car anymore. Today he had called you peach pie Gollum, which you could not help and burst out laughing. “That’s fair,” you held the peach can he had found close to your chest. Shaking your head you walked away from the car with the scavenged stuff. Daryl stared after you with a small grin on his face as well. “Man, you are so fucked,” Glenn commented, patting him on his shoulder.

Masterlist

[robboyblunder]

We watched the Barbie Nutcracker movie in our discord server and I got inspired to draw this after hilarious in game encounters with the nutcracker. Monster fucker rights ✅! (the nutcracker is basically a mech right? piloted by. flesh inside)

ID in ALT text!

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

etoile season 1 thoughts (spoilers!)--

this was so much fun and i really enjoyed it! the sort of meandering, the-hilarity-of-everyday-life-stress vibe combined with beautiful dance sequences was just what my soul was craving. it brought back fond memories of slings & arrows, and not just because luke kirby is there playing someone named jack!

really enjoyed luke kirby's jack. he plays Very Stressed Out All The Time in a really delightful register. may he make it to 46.

cheyenne, my beloved!!! her improbable love of the nutcracker; her seafaring righteous rage; her taking susu under her wing; how much it hurt her to be accused of having no room for people in her heart. she is everything.

genevieve is my other everything!!! <3 i love how she kind of just flops around like a glamorous muppet, trying to keep it together. (i also really enjoyed the chaos of her visiting her sister's house.)

i guess my thought on this love triangle or somewhat love triangle-y thing we've been presented with is: i can see jack and genevieve as happily married people, whereas i can see jack and cheyenne having a tortured, perhaps-unsustainable, exhilarating romance of creative soulmates. i lean toward a happy marrieds energy myself, but i'll try to respect the latter despite my personal preferences because who am i to tell the show what its main otp is? i just always lean boring because it's who i am! (re: jack and genevieve, i also liked seeing a will-they-won't-they m/f couple where both people are in their forties. we never get that! tedbecca scars still fresh! i thought it was really sweet when he sent her the four heart emojis in a time of emotional peril. ❤️❤️❤️❤️)

mishi and cheyenne's mom, god, what a totally joyous plot! a stressed out teenage girl with perfectionism foisted upon her bonding with and becoming inspired by an eccentric dgaf old lady is just the storyline of my dreams. i loved every second. they are THE new iconic roomies!

i liked how we got a lot of intergenerational friendship in this show: the above plot, plus cheyenne and susu, and jack and nicholas. (gosh, the scene where nicholas wasn't dead in the last episode! the feelings!! those two guys had a lot of really sweet lovely scenes together, and i love the open affection between them.) it's nice!

nicholas, a bombastic joy! (he has had my heart since killing eve, rip bill.) crispin shamblee, a problematic joy! i especially loved when he showed up at jack's birthday party having recently been Taken, with his snoopy bandaid and his fresh memories of s3 of charmed. lol!

i loved the tobias and gabin romance! canon gays who aren't rory and paris kissing in an asp show at last?!?! (and what a totally joyful first kiss scenario!) tobias would be A Lot IRL, but gosh, he's great as someone who lives in my tv. so endearing to me.

KELLY BISHOP HELLO AGAIN!!!!!! my heart soared whenever i saw her. especially the scene where she read the nutcracker to the little ballerinas.

i also loved getting to see susie myerson's ex love again as the conductor who's jack's sister. she has a great presence onscreen.

i'm sad that gael hurt cheyenne's feelings but also he was pretty dreamy and i'm not unintrigued by his romance with aforementioned jack's sister!!

cheyenne and her mom were also absolutely hilarious together. like mother, like daughter, truly.

i know yanic truesdale didn't have a ton of substantial material here, but man, was he delightful. loved him and loved his work bestie chemistry with genevieve. they were such a fun unit.

that one blonde lady with the glasses who's in all the business scenes (marie?) is soooo gerri kellman-core and i love her for that. <3 i love you, blonde lady with the glasses.

SEASON TWO WHEN?

[noisycowboyglitter]

"Deez Nuts Nutcracker Clothing: Unique Holiday Fashion"

Deez Nuts Nutcracker Funny is a humorous twist on the traditional Christmas decor. This playful and irreverent take on the classic nutcracker figurine has become a popular internet meme and a sought-after novelty item. The phrase "Deez Nuts" is incorporated into the design, often in a cheeky or suggestive manner, making it a conversation starter and a source of amusement for those with a sense of humor.  

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Deez Nuts Nutcracker Funny items come in various forms, including figurines, ornaments, t-shirts, and other merchandise. They are typically designed to shock, surprise, and entertain, often with a wink and a nod to the playful nature of the phrase. While not for everyone, these items have gained a dedicated following among those who appreciate offbeat humor and enjoy pushing the boundaries of traditional holiday decor.  

Whether it's displayed as a standalone piece or integrated into a more elaborate Christmas display, the Deez Nuts Nutcracker is sure to elicit reactions ranging from laughter to bewilderment. Its popularity highlights the enduring appeal of humor and the ability of unexpected items to capture attention and spark conversation.

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Ugly Christmas sweaters, or Ugly Christmas Xmas, have become a festive fashion phenomenon embraced by men and women alike. These intentionally tacky and humorous garments are adorned with an array of kitschy and over-the-top Christmas motifs, from flashing lights and jingle bells to oversized reindeer and snowmen.  

Initially seen as an ironic fashion statement, ugly Christmas sweaters have evolved into a beloved tradition for holiday gatherings and parties. They foster a sense of fun and camaraderie, encouraging people to embrace their inner child and let loose. Whether you prefer classic kitsch, pop culture references, or downright bizarre designs, there's an ugly Christmas sweater to suit every taste.

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Beyond the festive attire, the trend has also spawned a variety of related merchandise, including ugly Christmas pajamas, hats, and accessories. Ugly Christmas Xmas has become a cultural phenomenon, generating excitement and anticipation for the holiday season.

Finding the perfect Christmas gift for a couple can be fun! Consider shared interests and hobbies when selecting a present. For the adventurous duo, experiences like hot air balloon rides or concert tickets are ideal. If they enjoy cozy nights in, consider matching loungewear, a gourmet food basket, or a subscription box tailored to their shared interests.

Buy now

Personalized gifts like custom-made artwork or engraved keepsakes add a romantic touch. For couples who love to cook, consider kitchen gadgets or a cooking class together. Remember, the most important thing is to choose a gift that reflects the unique bond between the couple.

[beheamothscreamoth]

Touchstarved Characters as Ballet Antagonists

Because I've been watching ballets lately, for the heck of it, I decided to combine ballet and Touchstarved together! >:D These choices are mainly based off of pure vibes--

Mhin as Rothbart (Swan Lake)

Would you let Mhin turn you into a swan??

The bird associations with these two (Mhin turns into a crow monster while Rothbart is an owl sorcerer) helped sell me on this one :']

Leander as the Mouse/Rat King (The Nutcracker)

Honestly?? I don't have much reason for this other than that Leander being a Rat King would be really funny,, :')

Although, the Mouse/Rat King does have attributes that I think Leander would pull off really well, like humour, charm, and being menacing-

Vere as Carabosse (Sleeping Beauty)

Though Carabosse is female, I have seen her portrayed by both men and women! Vere could totally pull off a drag queen look-

That, and both Vere and Carabosse Slay™ /lh

Sen as Myrtha (Giselle)

I think Sen would pull off that haunted look Myrtha has,, Not to mention that they both share a desire for vengeance-

I'm not 100% sure who Kuras, Ais, or Elyon could be-- I did consider Ais being the Mouse/Rat King, but for a completely different reason than Leander- Ais would think being a rat would be hilarious while Leander wanted to be the Nutcracker but ended up being cast as the Rat King instead- /lh Do you guys have any thoughts or opinions? :0

[that-hazbin]

Alastor uses his magic to dress everyone up for Christmas. He makes Vaggie a gingerbread woman, and Charlie the Sugar Plum Princess. He makes himself the nutcracker.

Vaggie: Why the fuck are you the nutcracker and I'm not?

Alastor, vibrating in glee: BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE NUTS! :3

Vaggie: ... :0

Vaggie: WAIT FUCK YOU FOR MAKING LESBIAN DAD JOKES— hold on does that mean you like nuts

Alastor, even giddier: WELL I SURE WISH I HAD SOME!

Vaggie: o0o

Charlie: o0o

Angel: o0o

Vaggie: I'm furious that I found that hilarious.

[lex-loudestwoman]

The Whole Story

Before we begin, a disclaimer: I believe that Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss are in a romantic relationship together. I've come to this conclusion carefully by reading all the signs Taylor has given us through her lyrics, media presence, clothing & jewelry choices, marketing, visuals, and interviews. This is all a theory of what I think has gone down between Karlie and Taylor since 2013.

2013 & Earlier - The Beginning

VS Fashion Show 2013: The first official meeting of Karlie & Taylor was at the 2013 VS Fashion Show.

This may not have been their true first encounter (s/o @sophietv for her amazing work about this, she outlines all the times Kaylor interacted prior to the fashion show in 2013!).

According to a Teen Vogue interview in 2014, Taylor and Karlie were introduced to each other at the same time that Taylor met Emma Stone by Andrew Bevan of Teen Vogue. That was in 2008 at the Young Hollywood Awards.

After that first meeting in 2008, Taylor attended a number of fashion shows that Karlie walked in: Tommy Hilfiger Spring Show (9/16/2009); Rodarte Spring 2012 show in NYC (9/13/2011); Jean-Paul Gauthier in Paris (9/30/2012), Elie Saab Spring/Summer 2013 Show (10/3/2012).

Karlie & Taylor also both attended Roberto Cavalli's 40th Anniversary Party (9/30/2010) and the Met Gala in 2011. Teen Vogue included a quote from Karlie about the Met: "Taylor Swift. I was introduced to her at the Met Gala, and we joked about having a baking date!"

January 17th, 2012: The iconic Twitter interaction between Kaylor finally happens! Taylor's cover story with Vogue includes a quote about Karlie: "I love Karlie Kloss, I want to bake cookies with her!" Karlie tweets at her the same day the cover releases.

2013 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

By the time the 2013 VS Show rolled around, I think they were already dating in some capacity, and the fashion show was a PR move. If Taylor & Karlie were going to become "close friends" in the public eye, they needed a high-profile, highly documented story about how they met to avoid questions about the nature of their close relationship.

Taylor performed I Knew You Were Trouble (Red) for the show, and she danced with Karlie on stage while 'snow' fell.

"So it goes, you two are dancing in a snow globe round and round." - You Are in Love, 1989

Karlie later revealed in an interview that she had gotten a dramatic haircut during a Vogue shoot just before the VS Fashion Show began. This haircut was a big deal- she changed her look completely without talking to anyone about it, and Vogue asked her to keep it a secret until the shoot dropped. So she showed the VS Fashion Show like "surprise! New hair!" which drew up quite a buzz. Taylor's hair was pretty blonde and long at the time, not fully bleached but certainly lightened up in comparison to her natural hair color.

"flashback when you met me, your buzz cut & my hair bleached" - Dress, reputation

Karlie posted a ton of pictures from this event (most of which were of her and Taylor) on her Instagram. She also starts posting really sappy Instagram posts about being in love.

I think that the November 14th, 2013 post about receiving your favorite flowers from the person you love is about Taylor Swift, but who's to say!

Then, on Friday, December 13th, 2013 (Taylor's 21st birthday, which I think she references in an interview sometime when she's talking about why she loves the number 13) Karlie posts two sugarplum fairy-related photos, capturing the scene in The Nutcracker where snow falls from the sky as delicate performers dressed in white dance along the stage. This is super Taylor-coded, giving YAIL, dancing in the damn snowglobe again.

Interesting caption there, Kar. "#flashbackfriday to the good old days as a sugarplum fairy myself (aka the day I peaked)"

On December 14th, Karlie posts a solo shot on instagram and tags Josh with photo credit (this is hilarious that we let them just tell us whoever took their picture with absolutely no questioning whether they might be lying???). For some reason, I get the feeling that Taylor took this photo for Karlie the morning after her birthday when they were still together from celebrating the night before.

2014 - You're My Best Friend

Taylor buys her massive Tribeca, NY Penthouse apartment in April 2014. The home was actually TWO penthouse apartments next door to each other, and then she bought a third townhouse unit next door in 2017, and in 2018 she bought an additional 3-bedroom unit in the same building. Go off NYC Real Estate Queen! Taylor moved into her iconic Cornelia Street apartment during a round of renovations at her Tribeca home in 2016.

Big Sur Trip

VS Fashion Show 2014

Vogue Cover

BEST Best Friends

1989 - October 27, 2014

"The inspiration that I found in that [New York] city is kind of hard to describe and hard to compare to any other force of inspiration I've ever experienced in my life." - Taylor Swift, discussing the importance of NYC in an interview with ABC News given on 10/20/2014 ahead of a 1989 promo single release for Welcome to New York (1989). That quote actually reminds me of a lyric from 1989: you understand now why they lost their minds & fought the wars, and why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words (You Are in Love, 1989).

2015 - Hiding in Plain Sight

1989 era so many public appearances blah blah blah they were girlfriends in public kissgate gay whatever, everyone agrees that Karlie & Taylor were dating in 2015 during 1989 World Tour etc

2016 - Beards or Bust

Politics and Jared Kushner

The unfortunate reality of 2016 was that Donald Trump really did get elected president, and then he really did take office and become the President of the United States from January 2017 - January 2021. (Sadly, none of it was a nightmare or even a collective hallucination, all of this actually happened in the good old U.S. of A., yeehaw!!) The sociopolitical climate in the US is charged, fraught, uncertain, and divided. Even worse for Taylor & Karlie is their closeness to Jared Kushner, Josh's older brother who is married to Ivanka Trump. Jared served as a senior advisor to Donnie Boy for his entire term, and he did such a good job being Don's accomplice in negligent, ethnocentric, homophobic, misogynistic leadership from the White House that he was made the Director of the Office of American Innovation (this entire office was created by Trump in March 2017 and dissolved by Biden in January 2021).

I think (and this is JUST speculating, I have no real evidence compiled yet to back this up, but I'll look for it eventually) Jared Kushner & Ivanka Trump are also in a queer-bearding relationship contract. I'm not going too far into it now, but there's stuff out there for both Jared and Ivanka, like former Trump staffer Noel Casler's allegations that Jared is gay and in an "arranged marriage" with Ivanka, who doesn't care about his sexuality due to her own sexual opportunism and likely queer identity.

If Jared and Ivanka really are queer and in a non-monogamous, mutually beneficial public relationship that allows them to co-parent their three children, then their involvement in the Trump administration makes things pretty damn unsafe if they ever were found out. So, I think that when Trump was elected, the entire Kushner family had to be super locked down to keep both Jared & Ivanka AND Josh & Karlie (and Mikey and Taylor) safe from any unwanted allegations.

Since the Kushner and Hess families hold international influence, wealth, and power, if all these billionaire men were suddenly outed as gay there could be serious economic and political consequences across the globe.

Not so coincidentally, Karlie and Taylor's last public event together was Lorde's birthday on Monday, November 7th, 2016. The 2016 Presidential Election took place on Tuesday, November 8th, 2016, which sealed the fate of the Kushner name to be attached to Donald Trump's Presidency. I believe that if Trump had not won (which no one expected him to do) Karlie & Taylor would not have started this Love Blackout.

This photo is the end of Kaylor's public friendship, and the start of their Love Blackout (shout out to @sophietv again for being the BEST!!)

Joe Alwyn - A Perfectly Palatable Person

I'm sure when the team realized Trump might actually win the election, they started looking for an acceptable beard. Joe really was a great choice for Taylor's life: he had features similar to Karlie's (light eyes, tall, blonde hair), he didn't have much going on with his own reputation, he had a sparkling clean dating history - because Taylor was his first ever girlfriend, he was a fellow artist and was already media trained, and he was gay, too!

Met at the Met - May 2016

red herring lyric (tied to VS 2013 show)

First Reports - May 16, 2017

The Sun broke the news of Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn dating on May 16, 2017. According to Tree Paine a source, they had been secretly dating for months. It's later assumed that they started dating a few months before January 1, 2017, (revealed in a Lover journal released in 2019). Some sleuthing swifties connect a lyrical swap in the acoustic cover of "September" by Earth, Wind, and Fire as performed by our girl Taylor (Friday, April 13, 2018) to the diary entry and determine their anniversary was probably September 28, 2016.

Supportive Boyfriend Award? - December 8, 2017

Joe does something of heroic power. He goes to a concert with his popstar girlfriend. He apparently attended Taylor's performance in the iHeartRadio JingleBall in NYC and "stayed for the whole show and they later left together as well." lmao wut, okay, lots of people stayed for the whole show, this is such a boring relationship roll out, especially for Miss Extra!! (lovingly)

Toe is Officially Official - May 8th, 2018

Joe finally takes his instagram off private mode and posts a picture of himself, alone, next to a big cactus. Taylor also posts a picture of herself, alone, near the same big cactus. Alright, I guess that *technically* counts as giving the public some confirmation that you two know each other, but I bet Tree was mad as hell when that was their "official instagram announcement."

Then, Joe joins Taylor at the opening night of the Reputation Stadium tour in Glendale, AZ. He wore a baseball cap low to cover his face and "stay incognito" (Joe, babe, no one knows who you are...but like okay i guess, be weird about your fame that you literally wanted and signed up for). But during the song Gorgeous apparently Taylor pointed at Joe in the VIP tent, while he proudly filmed her.

Taylor travels around the country for the Reputation Stadium Tour from May-November 2018. The Rep tour is SO, SO GAY, like Jesus Christ Lesbian Jesus save us from all the rainbow and bisexual flagging!! Check my twitter thread for a full analysis of how gay the Dress performance is.

Reputation Promo:

Taylor Swift socials

Karlie Kloss socials

Reputation, The Album

Reputation was released on November 10, 2017.I consider Reputation to be Taylor & Karlie's "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing" album. This is the honeymoon, this is the up all night, can't stop, won't stop, I need you more than air kind of love.

This album is all about the pining and desperately waiting, hiding their anticipation, hands shaking from holding back from touching each other where anyone might see them. Much like Taylor's own media presence & public interactions in the Reputation era, Kaylor had gone dark, nobody heard from them for months, but they're doing better than they ever were.

2018 - Desperate Measures

The honeymoon phase ends in 2018 as shit in America gets worse for queer folks. The sociopolitical climate is getting more dangerous now, and Trump's constant attacks on LGBTQIA+ rights & safety is making matters much worse. Jared Kushner & Ivanka Trump are in the media a lot now, which means all eyes are on Josh, too.

Toe is Officially Official - May 8, 2018

Joe finally takes his instagram off private mode and posts a picture of himself, alone, next to a big cactus. Taylor also posts a picture of herself, alone, near the same big cactus. Alright, I guess that *technically* counts as giving the public some confirmation that you two know each other, but I bet Tree was mad as hell when that was their "official instagram announcement."

Then, Joe joins Taylor at the opening night of the Reputation Stadium tour in Glendale, AZ. He wore a baseball cap low to cover his face and "stay incognito" (Joe, babe, no one knows who you are...but like okay i guess, be weird about your fame that you literally wanted and signed up for). But during the song Gorgeous apparently Taylor pointed at Joe in the VIP tent, while he proudly filmed her.

Taylor travels around the country for the Reputation Stadium Tour from May-November 2018. The Rep tour is SO, SO GAY, like Jesus Christ Lesbian Jesus save us from all the rainbow and bisexual flagging!! Check my twitter thread for a full analysis of how gay the Dress performance is.

Instead of hosting her usual big 4th of July Party at the Holiday House in RI, Toe goes on vacation to Turks & Caicos to celebrate the holiday. They call Backgrid to take a few pictures of them "frolicking" at the beach together. I'm so convinced, they're in LOVE!! Can't get enough of each other!! They totally hold hands all the time, this feels so natural and not weird at all!

Karlie posts a few photos in a row about the 4th of July this year. First, she's in her Anti-Hero colored pajamas with her left eye closed in a wink, sitting on a few suitcases, captioned "Kissin Paris Goodbye. *kissy face emoji*"

Then, another post on the 4th itself is of a WMAG stylized photoshoot where Karlie is a cowboy, for the Wild West with Cowboy Karlie campaign. It's captioned "Going into the 4th like *cowboy emoji* @/wmag" EXCUSE ME. "You're a cowboy like me, perched in the dark, telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear like it could be love I could be the way forward only if they pay for it"

The implications of a Cowboy Like Me reference and this photo's timing has on their engagement story has me dead. I'll do a whole lyrical analysis and tie in of it soon.

And then she posts this pic of her swimming in an unidentifiable body of water. Could it be Turks & Caicos? Maybe!

Joshlie announces their engagement on July 24, 2018 while the two are on a vacation in XYZ? People Magazine reports that the proposal "took place a few weeks ago during a romantic weekend together in upstate New York." So they got engaged sometime in the beginning of July, right?

On July 10th, she posts a video of herself voguing down the runway with "This Kiki is Marvelous" playing in the background during Paris Fashion Week in September 2013. Her performance was considered one of the highlights of Paris Fashion Week. She captioned the video: Mood. @/jpgaultierofficial.

Quick question for Karlie, why do you feel the same way you felt before you went on stage for a make or break performance out of your comfort zone? You performed incredibly but it could have easily turned out very differently. Why would you be feeling like that right around the time of your engagement to Josh Kushner?

Karlie's instagram post on July 16, 2018 captioned "bestest of weekends with my bestest of friends" included group photos and a video of her & four girlfriends from her childhood.

So she got engaged and then spent a weekend with her friends, who then commented on instagram pictures from the weekend saying "remember, there's nothing better than old friends!" Why the heck are they talking about friends so much!? She literally just got engaged to Jo- ohhh.... Oh, right, he's gay, and she's gay. Old friends. Ahhhh.

Taylor responds to the engagement news breaking by having special guest, Haley Kiyoko aka Lesbian Jesus, join her for the Rep show at Gillette Stadium on July 27, 2018. Taylor specifically requests to sing Curious with Haley, which is a song about a lesbian woman singing to her ex-lover who is now dating a man, asking her ex if she lets him touch her the way she used to. So gay, so timely, Taylor is a petty bitch & I love her.

Do the girls back home touch you like I do? Delicate (Reputation)

The Wedding, October 18, 2018

Karlie wears her custom Dior gown and very amicably marries Joshua in someone's backyard, it looks like. Things seem perfectly pleasant, almost like watching a wedding scene featuring two actors with no sexual chemistry whatsoever.

2019 - Every Time I Don't, I Almost Do

Lover Promo is all very gay, very loud, very comingoutlor.

ME! out now! on Lesbian visibility day, April 26, 2019.

YNTCD music video out on June 16, 2019.

The Wedding, Part Two: Cowboy Karlie and Her Cowboy, Her Man

Karlie Kloss and Joshua Kushner celebrate their wedding again with a private group of friends from June 20-23rd, 2019 in Wyoming. It's cowboy themed, for whatever reason.

This wedding into a honeymoon in Africa would have been a wonderful strategy to keep the spotlight off of Karlie in Taylor Swift's immediately impending plan to come out on June 30th, 2019. Go read @sophietv's incredible post that details the failed coming out (fuck Scooter Braun).

<timeline jump>

2020: The Great War

January:

February: Karlie is in Paris, Taylor is advertising The Man MV (out February 27).

March: Quarantine begins March 16th & Taylor starts writing folklore almost immediately, which means that the events in folklore have already happened before COVID begins.

MORE ON THE WAY! I've got:

What happens when Karlie gets back to the US?

How does the Lover era go?

Lover social media & marketing presence

8.24.2019 - Blue

9.9.2019 - Lover in Paris performance

10.7.2019 - Sad Girl SNL

10.11.2019 - Sad Girl TinyDesk (& ring)

Continued sus social media from TSwift

Miss Americana

2020: The Great War (3.16.2020, Quarantine begins)

Lonely Millennial Woman Covered in Cat Hair

folklore

evermore

Karlie's Pregnancy

2022: Go Viral (Midnights, Red TV)

2023: Midnights, Eras, Speak Now TV, Broken Toe, 1989 TV, Kaylor Renaissance

My Predictions

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Alright, gonna rattle off some Hazbin Hotel theories just to get them out of my system:

1) The Key that Lilith gave Charlie is the key to the pearly gates, aka a way into heaven. Which is why the cat didn't like Sir Pretentious until he was redeemable and why the key is the symbol used to depict the hotel on both the logo of the show and the logo on the hotel.

2) Lilith didn't just abandon everyone to vacay in heaven. Following my previous theory, she already had the key to heaven (likely given to her by Adam as a 'please come back 🥺🥺🥺' gift). From Charlie's recounting of the story, her mom loves hell and thrives down there so I'm really not buying this whole 'retire in heaven as Adam's rebound' thing. I'm going to say that Lilith infiltrated heaven under the guise of taking back Adam and being 'the good wife' again but she is 100% using her access to heaven to pull strings and get her grand plan going. She may have to keep Lute happy next season to keep her access, but it's not because she's a turncoat, it's because she's got motives.

3) Throwing this out there: I think it has something to do with Eve! I haven't even met Eve yet but I ship Eve and Lilith. Maybe Adam had Eve locked up somewhere and Lilith is trying to free her or, maybe Eve disappeared, hence why Adam wanted a new wife and Lilith is trying to find her or something.

4) Carmilla is Eve. Yeah, so the name Carmilla means 'Garden or Orchid', Carmine means 'Song or Crimson Red', she looks EXACTLY like Lilith except with a different color palette (and she's wearing angel steel ballet shoes and gloves), she styles her hair up to look like horns but she doesn't actually have any of her own, she killed an angel, she knew all about angel weaknesses and how to kill them, she figured out how to reforge angel steel into new weapons, and, most importantly, SHE HAS TWO KIDS THAT SHE IS VERY PROTECTIVE OF.

Now, part of me wants to say that Zestial, the confirmed oldest sinner in Hell, the super powerful demon that rules over the other overlords who cares immensely about Carmilla and vice versa, is actually Cain. Cain, aka Eve's son and the first murderer (and theologically rumored to be Lucifer's child which uhhhhh, the show kinda seems to be hinting at with Lucifer implying that him and Eve had a thing?) So yeah, I like the idea that Carmilla loves her son despite his flaws and is trying to keep him safe in hell (knowing that Abel is completely fine in heaven)

But I also kinda want to say that Odette is Abel and Clara is Cain? Look, Odette is wearing a headband with demon horns sticking out of it. Her horns look fake. Also, come on, Odette and Clara?? As in the lead characters from Swan Lake and the Nutcracker?? I'm not going to get into why renaming Cain after Clara from the NUTCRACKER is hilarious as it's pretty obvious. But renaming Abel after Odette, the princess with wings who literally dies and ends up in heaven at the end of the play, is also pretty obvious ngl. So I do also kinda think that Eve and Abel were chilling in heaven and then either Abel fell or Eve got word about the annual culling of sinners, and the two of them took on fake names and reunited with Cain/Clara. Eve is determined to do whatever it takes to keep her children safe and, while she does not like participating in violence, she will kill to protect her daughters. (And potentially Zestial is Clara's father? As Cain is rumoured to be either Lucifer's child or a demon's child)

EDIT: Okay I literally just realized that in the song "Whatever it Takes" she hugs her daughters and says that she will "be their keeper" which is a play on what Cain said to God after killing Abel. God asked where Abel was and Cain said "I am not my brother's keeper." So Carmilla in that song is vowing to keep her daughters safe by preventing war with heaven and being "their keeper".

5) Adam created all of the Exorcists from his ribs. Adam mentioned that he named Vaggie which either implies that Adam is Vaggie's father or that Adam created the entire Exorcist race. Considering Lilith and Eve were both created from Adam's ribs, all the Exorcists are women, they're called 'sisters', and all of them are bone white with 'angel blood' gold eyes, I think the dude just straight up made them all with his bones! Adam even offered a plate of ribs to Charlie when he was taunting her about killing off her citizens!

Anyway, these are my Hazbin Hotel theories. Let me know what you think!