#How US Government Works

[ausetkmt]

I was involved in a discussion earlier where I discovered the others didn't really have a firm grasp on how Our US

#Government-Works

- so today, I thought it might be a good idea to offer a lil refresher course to those who may need a reminder - Share Widely Please os5.mycloud.com/action/share...

November 25, 2024 at 2:57 AM

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[inbabylontheywept]

Soviet Birds.

The secret facility that I work in has holes in the ceiling. We don't know how to get them fixed.

We tried asking the government to fix it, once. We told them that the holes in the older parts of the facility had gotten large enough to fit birds through, and that birds were getting through, and that, perhaps, a Soviet Spy could fit through as well.

After all, it is well known that Soviet Spies and pigeons are approximately the same diameter.

Our hope was that that this vague and nonsensical threat would put a little fire under Uncle Sam's feet. If the fed couldn't be bothered to give a shit about the giant gaping holes in the roof of our facility, perhaps they could be persuaded to give a shit about... Soviet Spies.

This attempt at manipulation 100% blew up in our faces.

See, the government does not need to be persuaded to give a shit about Soviet Spies. It still wakes up most nights, drenched in cold sweat, terrified and confident that a Soviet Spy is hiding in their nightstand. If it sees a rock on the ground, it flips it over, pistol drawn, ready to shoot the Soviet Spy it fully expects to slither out from underneath. Which is to say: The government is crazy. So when we dropped those two words - inflitration risk - in the repair request, they came in guns-a-blazin'.

Does that mean that they fixed the roof? Of course not. Don't be stupid. No, instead of performing basic maintenance, they installed a state of the art alarm system throughout the facility - lasers, sonar, the works - and told us to always be on the guard. Because of the roof holes.

Then they left.

So now we had an extremely good alarm system... and birds. Which have combined in incredibly obvious and predictable ways to produce an unending fountain of problems.

For Example: About once a month, someone gets called in by the local airforce dispatch because AAAAAAAAAAA a Spy is in the Rad Lab! We're all gonna die! Except every time, it's a bird. And I get why we have to check, but every time, the dispatcher is panicked and the person going out has to be like listen, listen: It's a bird. It's always a bird. It's been a bird every month for the last fifteen years. It will be a bird next month. All this stress? Bad for your heart.

Second Example: Sometimes, birds get in while we're actually working. And when it's in the morning, you know, it's a nuisance, and it stops testing (we are not going to risk irradiating a bird) but it's not an all-hands-on-deck situation because it doesn't take ten hours to get a bird out. But surprisingly often, the bird gets in riiiiight at closing time, and in that situation, everyone goes feral because nobody can leave until the alarm is set, and we cannot set the alarm while the bird is there, because the bird would immediately trigger it and then we'd have to stay another 4 hours to confirm that it was not a Soviet Bird.

So in order to go home, everyone's top priority is Get That Bird. And we have a system for it.

Step 1: The test stands tend to be located in rooms with 30+ foot ceilings. We can't catch birds in places like that - so we have to lure the bird into the relatively low ceilinged (8 feet only) upper offices.

We do this by turning all the lights off in the test rooms, then putting floodlights by the exits. I don't know why this works - some kind of evolutionary brain fragment shared by both Bugs and Birds - but work it does. The birds almost always follow after the lights. From there, it’s just two guys moving the floodlight and a third guy to turn off the lights.

Step 2: Everyone else has been waiting for this step. There is this long stairway up from the basement level into the offices, and in the final stage, the floodlights are brought to the base of the stairwell to bring the bird up. At the top of the steps there will be a group of tennish people, waiting for the signal. The light guys will set up the final transfer, everyone will tense, and then, swish...a bird will flit up the stairs and into the offices.

It's like watching werewolves on a full moon. Before the bird cometh, we are engineers. Nerds. Pale and skinny things, trembling under the fluorescent lights. After the bird, we are beasts. Feral, gnawing things, glowing under the orange sunrise of the 70's halogen floodlights.

And like all beasts, we cannot help but give chase.

Step 3: The were-engineers begin the hunt. The goal at the start is not really to catch the bird - just exhaust it. So the pack simply does not relent. Because the stakes are going home on time, the group is basically given free reign to go anywhere in the building. If someone's door is open, and the bird goes inside, they're going to have to deal with ten sweaty panting maniacs leaping around their office. They don't get to say that they're busy, or remark on how all this movement is a terrible distraction. They are allowed to sit in silence during the chaos, and perhaps thank the war party for chasing the bird while they sat comfortably on their ass. This has been explained several times, and it will continue to be explained until cooperation is achieved.

Anyway.

The chase can go on for quite some time. Sometimes, the bird will get tired and find a crevice to hide in, where it can then be reached through standard cornered-bird catching techniques.

Other times, it will slow down enough that someone can actually yoink it out of the air. But this will go on until someone catches the bird and triggers Step 4.

Step 4: The Finale. This is the get-the-bird-out-of-the-building stage, and it requires someone to adopt a specific role: To Become the Sacrificial Vessel of Bird Removal.

This job is both coveted and feared. It's coveted, because holding a wild bird in one's hands is a precious thing. To feel how small, and fragile, and scared it is, only to free it from the building? That is what it's like to be a benevolent God. But the cost! Oh, the cost. The entire time the Vessel is in motion, the bird will be biting the hell out of their fingers. And I cannot emphasize enough just how painful bird bites are. Their entire face is a set of needle posed pliers, and they know tricks the even the cartels haven't figured out yet. So there's always a little hubbub about who shall be The Vessel while onlookers, stranded outside The Office of Bird Capture, can only look on. Quiet arguments and pleas are heard, little fragments of fear and pride and glory trickling out of room like the silver dust left behind in a bag of well shook quarters. The sound of concensus is silence, and the argument will go on until that's all that's left. And then, from the darkness of the final office, the chosen sacrifice will step forward: Hands gently cupped, tears streaming down their face, fingers trembling from the pain of the ongoing bird chomps.

And this scene is what organizes people. Not leadership, not truly. No one can think and coordinate a crowd while their fingers are being attacked with a combination nutcracker/ear piercer. But the crowd sees the suffering of their annointed, and it is driven to do everything poossible to make the process flow. People instinctively flair out, finding the fastest path outside. Doors are held open. Paths are cleared. Someone, somehow, always knows the way forward and can describe it to the sufferer. Left, left, forward. Corner closet. Yep, there's a hall in there. Forward. Two-hundred more feet man, you're doing great. Just hold it together a little longer. You're killing it.

Then the final door swings open, and the bird flees out into what remains of daylight. And yet, even here, the deed is not yet done. I cannot explain it in words, but the crowd that helped is never content until they can see and speak on the Bird Vessel's wounds. They all have to pull the fingers back and see what was given. Estimate the price: One day to get better - No, three - No, a week! Are you blind? Do you see that blood blister? -Yeah, that's not going away anytime soon - Damn, can you believe how feisty those things are? Like wolves without teeth.

(They cannot help but touch as they go. It has always been this way. Even Thomas was not content until he felt the wounds in Christ's hands.)

Only when the last of the helpers has seen, and commented, and commended, will the engineers scatter. It is their return from the underworld that announces to the sun living surface dwellers that they too can go home. (@somerunner tolja it needed to be a post.)

[solplease]

meet lucian, my new oc!

close ups and more info about him under the cut :] (along with cecilia and nox's actual relationship info lol)

if he had a MySpace, his name would be Xx_L00PY_LUC1_xX, sadly he was too young for MySpace.

he’s got a resting bitch face, looks really mean

is a huge wimp

kind of a little shit 

he tries to act like Shadow the Hedgehog, it’s not working out so well

convinced himself you were in love with him and he got so flustered he avoided you for a whole week

delusional and obsessive yandere

stalks you! and he takes some of your shit! woah!

”””””nonchalant”””””

this fucker is anything BUT nonchalant

people tend to avoid him, he’s kinda strange

intimidating until he talks lmfao

unless there’s an actual threat, idk where it comes from but he goes crazy

likes photography!

has a bunch of pictures of you, strung up in his room :)

uh, he also has pics of you and him (he cut up pictures of himself and would put them next to you in the photos) ((if that makes sense, like, if you were taking a photo with someone, he would put a cutout of himself on top of the other person))

did his hair by himself (cutting and dyeing) 

sharpens his nails to look like claws so he can look cooler

he DOES look cool he’s just not personality wise

he tries tho, ig that’s good enough

he has a cat!

owns a shit ton of plushies

wants all of your attention on him, if you don’t pay attention to him he forces you to look at him. 

never aggressively tho, the most he does is grabbing your face and turning it towards him

is not aware that his way of loving isn’t healthy, don’t tell him though he might crash out.

it’s fine though! because the two of you are in love, right? you’ll be together forever <3

there’s no way you don’t love him back. :) It’s just not possible

will try to get rid of any competition, in any way he can. 

blushes like crazy + easily flustered, point and laugh everyone

lucian's relationship with the others!!

LUCIAN - > ROWAN: wait he’s kind of familiar… i think i used to see him around when i was in highschool? i don’t really know him but he used to be really gloomy, none of my business tho

ROWAN -> LUCIAN: …oh… i’ve seen this guy before. (why are you so uneasy rowan?)

LUCIAN -> CASSIAN: no clue 

CASSIAN -> LUCIAN: oh um… i don’t know who this is

LUCIAN -> CECILIA: ohhh i know this girl, i’ve seen her around, she always has such good outfits on, she’s pretty nice

CECILIA -> LUCIAN: don’t really know him but i love his sense of style! at first i thought he was mad at me but then he complimented my outfit, now whenever i see him, i stop and compliment him lmao (my social queen who tries to get along with everyone ilysm)

LUCIAN -> LUNE: i’ve seen him..? he always has this crazy look in his eyes, nice lol, same (no. tf)

LUNE -> LUCIAN: yeah i couldn’t tell you who this is.

LUCIAN -> NOX: yeah i’ve seen him around the girl with the nice outfits, he seems kinda nasty, don’t like the way he looks at me.

NOX -> LUCIAN: i don’t like him. why is he complimenting cecilia. go away.

cecilia and nox's actual relationship!

CECILIA -> NOX: he’s really sweet <3 we’re good friends! and i look forward to seeing him all the time… haha… godiloveyou. i think he’s lovely… he doesn’t seem to be comfortable in social situations, but it’s cute when he comes to me instead hehe <3 i dont wanna confess to him cause im scared ill ruin things… and i dont know if he’d like seeing me act so different… (he already knows, he stalked her. erm!) he seems like he’s hiding something, and him and lune hate each other for some reason..? but he’s not a bad guy… i really like him…

NOX -> CECILIA: she’s really cute…we should get married- um i mean we’re super great friends, glad we met… the truth is i want to keep her all to myself. i hate her stupid brother, he always gets in the way, but ive done enough… research on her, her real personality is just as cute as the one she puts on in public <33 i’m perfectly fine with her putting on the act, that way i’m the only one who knows what she’s really like (ok what about her brother. lol) its unfortunate that she’s not comfortable enough with me though… i want us to have a deeper connection… i want to know everything about her, and her, everything about me  (completely oblivious to the fact that she likes him back btw)

[purple--queen]

Seeing a lot of SamBucky divorce stuff & friendly reminder married people are allowed to have arguments.

[un-pearable]

only ninja funding options i’ll accept

odd jobs and miscellaneous shenanigans that result in them ingratiating themselves with a handful of salesfolk around ninjago. e.g. the people of jamanakai having a fondness for lloyd after experiencing both Shitty Little Kid attacking them in s1 and The Green Ninja™ saving them in s4

actual real life jobs between seasons (s2 and 4 ily)

pixal’s investments

residuals from licensing (the ninja video game from s1 and s4 <3. and the movies and the actual merch made by dareth from s6 lmao)

residuals from jay’s TV-Show-Which-Will-Not-Be-Named (now on streaming. it’s real-kid-now-unagami’s favorite show)

ideally all at once. but also? they do not need traditional funding. this is an urban fantasy. they are not paying rent (when living on the bounty/monastery). they can and do grow a significant amount of their own food when they do have a place to live. they have multiple times explicitly started businesses?? after they already were publicly known for saving people? when would the government have started funding them if not then. the ideal ninja state is not worrying about money unless it’s funny, and then they’re spider-man.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 193

Once again I put forth cryptid batfam. But with a Marvel crossover. Because why not. 

See Gotham isn’t really talked about by the others in the US. The other cities ignore, ignore, ignore as best they can manage, pretending that if they don’t see it, it doesn’t exist. 

That being said, they aren’t completely oblivious to it either. Oh they don’t believe the tales and whispers that come out of the place, because if they were true surely someone would have done something. But they are aware of things like Wayne Industries or Drake Enterprises, right up there with Stark’s. 

Both of which are based within Gotham, though have plenty of things outside the dreadful city as well. Now the Drake couple were constantly seen at galas outside of New Jersey before their tragic demise, but the Waynes? Never once have they been seen outside their city for a single Gala. 

Which makes this invite that one Tony Stark get to one of the Gotham Galas incredibly surprising. Suspiciously so actually, but he has the option for a couple plus ones. His team might be interested- Shield definitely would, seeing as Gotham is a complete blackout on their files. And from his hacking he’s discovered that any information gathering attempts of theirs have failed. 

But really, how bad can it be, it’d only be a couple days after all.

…

Okay what is that fucking thing on top of the building-

[novelconcepts]

I live in a neighborhood I generally regard as safe for queer people. I live in a city pretty well known for being progressive, liberal, open to minorities. I live in a place I actively chose because it felt safe for me, my wife, my queer siblings, my friends of color. A place where there are endless Love is Love placards, pro-science measures, pro-Gaza notices in public windows. A place I love dearly for all of these reasons.

There are still Trump signs here. There are still proud bigots, loudly announcing they’re going to vote for that piece of shit. Here. In my safe neighborhood, in my liberal city. Here, where I can’t not see them. Here, they are still trying like hell to take away democracy. My liberties. My safety. Everything I hold dear, every reason I moved here in the first place.

The polls don’t matter. The registration numbers only count if the registered actually come out when push comes to shove. Do not rest on your fucking “oh, it couldn’t happen again” laurels, do not get complacent. Do not let your guard down. Vote. It is more critical than ever.

[astersofthesky]

Maybe the reason why yotsuba Light and pre-kira Light is so vastly different in personality (he's more 'genuine' that is) is because yotsuba Light had L that kept him from feeling that mind-numbing boredom that pre-kira Light experienced prior to getting the death note.

Pre-kira Light literally had nothing to keep him entertained and that he was too powerless to change the broken justice system, so he's more closed-off and serious, literally just living through the motions like a dead man.

On the other hand, yotsuba Light met someone who's not just on par with his intelligence, but also one insufferable enough to annoy him that never made any dull moment possible with L around. Aside from that, yotsuba Light is literally working alongside the world's greatest detective helping him solve the world's hardest case that involved the justice system, so yeah, yotsuba Light really will take L's side of "justice" because detective L is legal whereas Kira's actions are not.

[nachosforfree]

David goes to hell (canon!)

[fictionadventurer]

I keep thinking about Lewis' review of The Hobbit, because he claimed that the main thing contemporary reviewers compared it to was Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Was fantasy in that poor of a state that Alice was the closest thing they could think of? Comparing that chaotic fever dream to Tolkien's intricately crafted world? Lewis does specify that the comparison is that both books are by an "Oxford professor at play", but they're otherwise so different that putting the two in the same category baffles me.

[torachan39103]

its always the people that dont have the issues themselves who wants things relating to those issues censored and banned. Isnt that funny?

[anghraine]

ngl I always find it wild to see Star Wars stuff that's like "if you think about it in terms of realistic statistics/science then..." about almost any aspect of it.

I mean, what about the Star Wars films gives the impression that this universe abides by realistic statistics, or realistic anything else? SW is broadly a fantasy epic projected onto an IMAX screen with a space background painted on it. Yeah, the planets and moons in the films almost always have improbably limited biomes and two major locations max, because narratively these locations are usually just fantasy city-states with space aesthetics.

Starships travel at the speed of plot and we simply jump past the amount of time that presumably is passing, and sort of imply the passage of that time through shifts in the character dynamics. But this passage of time cannot be analyzed with any kind of consistency because the only logic governing it is the pace of the story.

Just how long did it take the Empire to send a full contingent of forces to Dantooine, search the entire planet, find the Rebel base, and then report back to Tarkin between one scene and another? No one says and no one appears to care. How long did it take Han and Leia to reach Bespin and what exactly went on between them while Luke was, in the same time frame, going through a protracted training over multiple days at an absolute minimum? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

How do giant space worms survive inside asteroids that somehow have an Earth-approximate gravitational field and I guess an atmosphere? Shhhh don't think about it. The point of the sequence is not "how does the giant space worm subsist off this random asteroid and how does it breathe and how does gravity work in this context, seriously" but that the giant worm sequence is fucking sick.

There's probably some after the fact EU justification invented by people who had nothing to do with the original writing of the space worm (or perhaps there are several mutually incompatible explanations) and I am profoundly disinterested in them. Nothing could make this even slightly realistic and it was never intended to be. Star Wars sings space shanties at scientific/mathematical realism as it sails past on a completely different ship going in the exact opposite direction.

And I do mean "sails" because while astronomy might tell us that space is unfamiliar and wild on a level we as Earthbound lifeforms can barely comprehend, Star Wars understands that space is basically an ocean, yet with stars and cool but survivable planets in it, or sometimes it's air but combined with a super cool space background so you can have early 20th century aerial combat that would make no sense in actual space conditions and doesn't need to.

"If you consider relativity, then just running the Empire would be..." General relativity does not govern the galaxy far, far away. Space magic does. I'm not sure there are even time zones.

[scribefindegil]

Every time I interact with a social service I learn about more bullshit eligibility requirements that make me want to rend something to pieces with my teeth

[basofy]

i think you can be as critical about the venezuelan opposition and maría corina and edmundo as you want but arent venezuelans allowed to choose for themselves even if the options arent perfect? are you willing to justify electoral fraud and police brutality, class inequality, bad management of resources, lack of maintenance of the country, breach of the law, lack of investment in health services and education etc etc just because the person doing it is someone you like or because you don't like the other option? are people at fault for wanting something different?

[mollysunder]

For now, it's about 50/50 for whether or not these mysterious people that were included in the new trailer are members of the Gloriously Evolved. For fun, I'm going to break down why these people might be entirely unrelated to Viktor.

First, their bodies are clearly inlaid with gold, which does not replace their flesh. In the brief scene we get of these people the gold works as a conduit between their melodies and the magic around them. Meanwhile hexcore has entirely transformed Viktor's hand and leg into metal.

We know that Viktor's entire hand and leg have turned completely into metal because not only do his limbs make metal clinking noises and conduct electricity, but the animators on Bridging the Rift confirm it.

I've also seen some mention that the markings on the faces of these unknown characters represent Viktor's touch when he "healed" them. Upon closer inspection each character does have a five markings on their face, but they're detailed runes rather than Viktor's hand print, implying this may be related to a more intricate ritual rather than Viktor simply laying his hand on them and transforming them with the hexcore.

Really, these people have magic more similar to Mel Medarda. Mel is the one who appears to wear magical gold embedded in her skin to serve as protection magic. What Mel is doing with magic is likely far more simple compared to these people, but it's in the same vein. And that may be the entire point.

Viktor and his cult are the outliers. Whatever Viktor has done in season 1, and what he will continue to do in season 2 is a divergence (possibly perversion) of how magic should work/be treated in the rest of Runeterra, which makes sense! Viktor literally said he doesn't know what he's doing, he just keeps going.

What's likely happening in this scene is that some sect of mages, maybe they're acolytes of the mage that saved Jayce have become aware of the magical shenanigans in PnZ... and it's bad.

Then again, I haven't seen the leaks. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think this is all worth pointing out. (This is not a solicitation to tell what happens in the leaks).

[bitchfitch]

Do y'all ever see a post that just like. Haunts you forever? And which consistently comes back up when you're trying to get to sleep

Anyways, if you do comms the whole "2+ characters in a single piece costs less than if they were bought as separate commissions" thing Isn't supposed to be a buy one get one x% off type situation.

Your commission prices should be accounting for the time you spend communicating with the client, the time you spend on file storage and prep, and the time it takes to properly document your communications and the transaction. Those things all take time and it Really adds up when you do enough comms. And the time they take? doesn't usually change much based on the number of characters.

That's why the second, third, etc, character can cost less. Not because you're giving a discount. Right. Right? Y'all aren't cutting yourself a bad deal, right? You're Not paying yourself less than an exploitative boss would pay you for that time and skilled labor, right?