#How to Optimize Images Online

[hugetoolsnet]

Unlock Your Potential: The Ultimate Guide to HugeTools.net

In today’s fast-paced digital world, having access to the right tools can make all the difference in boosting productivity, saving time, and achieving success. Enter HugeTools.net , your ultimate toolkit designed to simplify even the most complex tasks. Whether you're a developer, marketer, student, or entrepreneur, this platform has everything you need to get things done efficiently.

Welcome to our comprehensive guide where we’ll explore what makes HugeTools.net so special, highlight its key features, and show you how it can transform the way you work. Let's dive in!

What Is HugeTools.net?

HugeTools.net is an innovative online platform offering a vast array of free tools tailored to meet the needs of modern professionals and hobbyists alike. From text manipulation and image optimization to data conversion and SEO utilities, HugeTools.net provides solutions for almost every task imaginable.

Our mission is simple: empower users by delivering powerful, user-friendly tools that save time, reduce effort, and deliver high-quality results. No matter your skill level, you'll find something here to help you achieve your goals.

Key Features of HugeTools.net

Let’s take a closer look at some of the standout features available on HugeTools.net:

1. Text Tools

Manipulating text has never been easier with our collection of text tools:

Convert case (uppercase, lowercase, sentence case).

Remove extra spaces or duplicate lines.

Generate Lorem Ipsum for testing purposes.

Perfect for writers, developers, and anyone working with large amounts of text.

2. Image Optimization Tools

Optimize your images effortlessly with these handy utilities:

Resize images for web or print.

Convert file formats (JPEG to PNG, etc.).

Add watermarks for branding purposes.

Ideal for designers, bloggers, and photographers who need optimized visuals without compromising quality.

3. Data Conversion Tools

Transform data into different formats quickly and easily:

CSV to JSON converter.

XML to HTML transformer.

Base64 encoder/decoder.

Great for developers and analysts handling complex datasets.

4. SEO & Marketing Tools

Enhance your online presence with our suite of SEO and marketing tools:

Meta tag generator.

URL shortener.

Keyword density checker.

Helps marketers and content creators improve website performance and visibility.

5. Developer Utilities

Streamline coding tasks with specialized developer tools:

Color picker and palette generator.

Regex tester.

QR code generator.

Saves time for developers and simplifies common coding challenges.

Why Choose HugeTools.net?

Here are just a few reasons why HugeTools.net stands out from the competition:

User-Friendly Interface: Our tools are intuitive and require no technical expertise to operate.

Free to Use: Access all our tools without any hidden fees or subscriptions.

Constant Updates: We regularly update our platform with new features based on user feedback.

Reliable Performance: Trust us to deliver accurate results every time.

At HugeTools.net, usability, reliability, and accessibility are our top priorities. That’s why thousands of users worldwide rely on us to simplify their workflows.

How to Get Started

Ready to try HugeTools.net? Follow these simple steps:

Visit https://hugetools.net and browse through the categories.

Select the tool that matches your needs.

Follow the on-screen prompts to input your data or upload files.

Download or copy the output as needed.

Explore additional options within each tool for advanced functionality.

It’s that easy! Within minutes, you’ll be up and running with one of our powerful tools.

Tips and Tricks

To get the most out of HugeTools.net, consider these pro tips:

Combine multiple tools for enhanced productivity (e.g., optimize an image and then add a watermark).

Bookmark frequently used tools for quick access.

Check the "Help" section for tutorials and FAQs if you encounter any issues.

Share your experience with others—your feedback helps us improve!

Success Stories

Don’t just take our word for it—here’s what real users have to say about HugeTools.net:

"As a freelance graphic designer, I rely heavily on HugeTools.net to compress my images before sending them to clients. It saves me hours of work every week!" – Sarah M., Graphic Designer

"The CSV-to-JSON converter saved my team during a tight deadline. We couldn’t have completed the project without it." – John D., Software Engineer

These testimonials speak volumes about the impact HugeTools.net can have on your workflow.

Conclusion

HugeTools.net isn’t just another collection of tools—it’s a powerhouse designed to revolutionize the way you work. With its diverse range of functionalities, commitment to user satisfaction, and constant innovation, there’s no reason not to give it a try.

Start exploring today and discover how HugeTools.net can transform your productivity. Who knows? You might just find your new favorite tool!

Call to Action

Ready to boost your productivity? Head over to HugeTools.net now and start using our free tools! Don’t forget to leave a comment below sharing your favorite tool or suggesting new ones we could add. Happy tooling!

[3657aman]

New Post ‹ Site Title — WordPress.com

https://wordpress.com/post/amanandrabiaonline.wordpress.com?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwordpress.com%2Fgo%2Fcontent-blogging%2Fsetting-your-podcast-marketing-strategy-three-key-steps%2F%3Fpage_id%3D18003265&is_post_share=true&v=5 Aman and Rabia Enterprise can leverage various AI tools to enhance productivity and streamline their operations in the Ethiopian cultural clothes industry. One such tool is…

[obsidiannebula]

How to Spot AI-Generated Reference Texts

This morning I celebrated a lovely Christmas with my family. My 3 year old was ecstatic, I made my brother tear up, it was a good time. But I received something that at first, seemed like the kind of thing I would very much like to own... until I started actually looking through it. I quickly realized that this book is unmistakably AI-generated slop and should not be used or trusted as an actual reference guide. Having not been written by an actual expert in the field or even compiled by an actual researcher citing sources and synthesizing information, these books are at best three hundred pages of reading the first couple of sentences of a search result for each topic, and at worst full of dangerous misinformation that can get people killed, as with the rise of AI-generated mushroom foraging books. These are in no way reliable reference guides for anything, but especially for anything with potential health risks like ingesting plants and their compounds.

So today I'm going to try and get some good use out of this book I now own by using it to demonstrate how to spot AI-generated scam books.

The first red flags jump out at us right from the cover. This is "The Home Apothecary Full Collection: Your In-Depth Holistic Guide with Natural Herbal Remedies for Long-Lasting Wellness and Optimal Health." Yeesh, what a mouthful. A soulless, artless mouthful, I must add. But hey, maybe this author is a very clinical or verbose type. Except a quick search for the author's name, Megan Morren, quickly makes it clear that this is not a real person. There is one bare-bones Facebook profile for a Megan Morren, and no social media beyond that. No LinkedIn or Pinterest or mentions in an article, nothing. Every other result shows her books: this one, and two others nearly identical to it, with slightly different names but the same "1500+ Remedies/Extra Content" claim in the same corner, utilizing the same fonts and each with a very similar AI-generated background.

That's right, we've got a pretty bog-standard AI-generated image for the cover of this book, showcasing a variety of vaguely herbal plants and jars as well as several nonsensical non-objects.

Okay, so the cover was definitely made by AI, but maybe this author is writing under a pseudonym and visually just not very creative. Let's open it up and took a look at...

Oooookay so that's how we're getting the "40 books in one" claim touted on the cover. What most people would call a chapter is here billed as an entire book, with each subtopic considered its own chapter. There's not more than two or three "chapters" per "book" and most of the chapters are only one or two pages long, which is some James Patterson-ass shit. At least if Patterson had written this book there'd be a little character to the narration and an attempt at wit, but as we'll soon see, the actual writing is... wanting, to say the least.

Obviously the first observation here is that formatting is for the BIRDS. No paragraph breaks or indents, and the paragraphs are all of roughly similar length. Furthermore, the writing reads like a copy/pasted Wikipedia page. Scratch that, I went ahead and typed "history of herbal healing" into a search engine and found the actual Wikipedia page for "History of herbalism," which actually does provide more detail on the topic as well as FIFTY-FOUR ACTUAL SOURCES and some recommended further reading, making it vastly superior to this slop. Because there's not a single source cited in this entire book, nor is there an author bio here or online that remotely suggests that the author might have some experience and expertise from which they are drawing to write or even fact-check this book.

On top of that, there is truly no authorial voice whatsoever. Even if you wanted to be very academic about it and avoid using first-person in your reference book, there should at least be some synthesizing of sources and information, expanding on the ideas presented and combining them to draw new conclusions or illustrate points. But everything here is incredibly surface-level, like someone copied the first sentence or three from the first Google result and stuck it there and then moved on to the next bullet point in the outline.

Seriously, this whole book is just page after page of walls of text. It's a nightmare to try to read if you have any sort of reading-impairing disorder like dyslexia or ADHD, and it's also just kind of ugly. And in a book supposedly about herbalism, there is not a single image or diagram. That's wild to me. There is nothing in here to aid with plant identification or demonstrate the tincturing or decocting processes or anything. I've never read an herbalism book without a single picture or diagram. Granted, I've only read a handful, but still, it seems very strange to me. And god did these endless blocks of text need SOMETHING to break them up.

Also these introductory paragraphs just scream "obligatory" to me. They're all a single paragraph of approximately the same length, providing a perfunctory and colorless overview of the subject matter. I mean, seriously? We're starting off "uplifting herbs for depression" with "Depression affects millions globally. It is characterized by x and y. While it is conventional treated with medication and therapy, there are also some herbs that can improve mood." It's so bland and robotic and uninformative. I think most fifth graders could write a better introductory paragraph, as long as we didn't penalize them for spelling or grammar.

I'd really like to get back to spending the holiday with family, so I'm going to leave it at that. It's just so frustrating to see books like this pushing legitimate texts written by real people with real expertise or at least personality out of bookshelves and searches, propagating useless or even dangerous information in place of sharing real knowledge and traditions. I had to rant a little bit and get it off my chest.I wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season, and all the best for 2025. Everyone, that is, except "Megan Morren." Whoever you really are, I hope you step on Legos every day for the rest of your life. It's the least you deserve for publishing trash like this.

[smartgirrl]

how to effectively review your notes after class

reviewing your notes shortly after class can greatly improve retention and understanding. here are something that i do!

why review your notes?

forgetting curve -> a phenomenon where our brains tend to forget information rapidly if we don’t revisit it.

by reviewing your notes within 24 hours, you strengthen neural connections and solidify the material in your long-term memory.

˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧₊˚. ‘˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧₊˚. ‘˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧₊˚. ‘˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · ˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧₊˚. ‘˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧

effective strategies for reviewing your notes

1. active review

summarize the material -> after class, write a brief summary of the key points in your own words.

ask yourself questions -> turn headings or bullet points into questions and see if you can answer them without looking at your notes.

teach someone else -> explaining the material to someone else can reinforce your understanding and identify gaps in your knowledge.

2. organizing your notes

highlight key concepts -> use different colors or underlining to emphasize important points, formulas, or definitions.

add examples -> include real-world examples next to complex ideas to make them more relatable and easier to remember.

create summaries or concept maps -> condense lengthy notes into diagrams, charts, or mind maps to visualize relationships between topics.

3. spaced repetition

review within 24 hours -> go over your notes right after class to reinforce initial learning.

space subsequent review -> revisit the material after a few days, then again after a week.

use flashcards or apps -> tools like anki or quizlet can help with spaced repetition by showing you content at optimal intervals.

˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧₊˚. ‘˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧₊˚. ‘˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧₊˚. ‘˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · ˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧₊˚. ‘˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ ✧˚ · . ˚ · . ༉‧

how to keep your notes engaging

make it visual -> use diagrams, doodles, or flowcharts to break up text-heavy notes and make reviewing more interactive.

incorporate mnemonics -> create acronyms, rhymes, or mental images to help remember lists or difficult concepts.

if you want to go beyond... what i do is take my notes digitally during class (or before if the lecture is posted online) and after the lesson rewrite everything in my notebook. by rewriting everything, i review the lesson :)

[transgenderer]

people talk about the cult of "image" but unfortunately image has a common metaphorical language, of apperance, conception, language. and lately ive felt a little overwhelmed by the extent to which our culture is fixated on literal images, pictures, photographs or facsimiles of photographs.

there are ads for faceapp on the train, calling it better than makeup. and yknow, for a lot of people theyre probably not wrong, theyre putting on make-up for the sake of taking a picture! or the section in certain shops (boba places in particular, for whatever reason) designed for taking pictures of yourself there and posting them on instagram, or the entire venues based around picture locations. did you know every major european city has a "museum of illusions" for taking optical illusion pictures of yourself. you see it on google maps when you visit.

and anyway the peak of this of course is generative image AI, a technical marvel, ludicrously expensive to create, whose whole output is just…images! just pictures! and its cousin cgi, because of course the point of all those practical effect was not to create objects in the world, the point was the images they would result in, and its turns out you can make the images without the objects, so why bother.

and the way that as a person today you can have "seen" almost anything but of course not actually seen it, seen a picture of it. and the way you go on a trip, and your memories are fuzzy, and so the memory becomes the sequence of pictures you took, the little bubbles of shaprness.

and it doesnt help that the rise of industrial manufacturing, which i love, and online shopping, which im ambivalent about, mean that the actual OBJECTS in our lives, the non-pictured, are optimized for looking good enough in a picture(!) online for you to buy it and then inexpertly hand-assembled, build around packing flat and getting shipped. and that when we DO try to make our lived environments better, more aesthetic, how do we concieve of this except in pictures! in pinterest moodboards, in sharing aestheticized versions of our lives chosen by careful images. its just. its pictures!

and to be clear there's not, technically, anything WRONG with all this. but its a very particular way to live, and i dont think we chose it, we just sort of stumbled into it. world of pictures, culture of pictures. imagine youre a farmer, or a hunter gatherer, before engravings became a thing. its the first millenium, let's say. it sucks, you have all sorts of weird diseases. but pictures, pictures are not a big deal to you. i mean unless they represent god. pictures are just not a very common part of your life. you don't think a lot about pictures.

[jewishvitya]

Just a vent.

The parition of India..im British south asian im born in the uk my Grandpaererns came over to england..

I hear a lot of right wing newsnoutlets ornpeople saying how The UK shoukdnt appologise or we should teach our verison of the British empire.

And a lot of people I have spoken to said that they never learnt about the colonoizaion and what actually happened..we learnt about the tudors..ww1 ww2...the slave trade..but it was always we were the good people etc..(dont know if it was the same for other students)

I learnt about the parition through a tv documenry..and how my parents tlaked about it..it was like a lot of people died ..and that was it..its like how we look at different massacres, genocides that happened due to the British empire and a lot of Britisb people are like it is what it is..

and now the uk is slowly becoming really far extreme in poltics like the America..and history always repeates because no one listens..

I'm so sorry. Genuinely. That's how a lot of colonizers and imperialist forces deal with history. They rewrite it. Give it a nice spin. We brought you culture! We tried to help you manage your conflicts, since obviously you don't have the ability to manage your own... And if there's no positive spin you can give it, you just erase.

Thinking about that time a few years ago when I spoke to a Singaporean Chinese friend about WW2 and how she responded to "Germany is paying my grandma reparations" with "Japan doesn't even acknowledge what they did to us."

And even with a country like Germany where I had some optimism and appreciation for how they handled the issue of reparations and teaching the history of the holocaust, I later learned - online, because why would this be a mention in our history classes - that Romani people didn't get reparations, and other groups harmed during the holocaust didn't get the same treatment as us.

We had support as a way for them to deal with the guilt of the genocide. You can't rewrite, is too visible to erase, so you rehabilitate your image by showing off how much better you're doing. And you only need the one example to show that, so you take the most visible one of the primary victims - preferably one where you can also benefit, because look, so many Jewish refugees left to Palestine of their own free will. I feel that the idea of getting Jews out of Europe and into Palestine, having a way to be rid of us without murdering us some more, was enough of an appeal for that broader support from Western countries. Getting rid of us and doing us a favor at the same time. Now we don't have to address the lingering antisemitic sentiments! If the Jews don't like it, they have somewhere to go! And it created a state that promotes Western interests in the SWANA region. Really, so many benefits.

And in the last year and a half we saw Germany acting like they're making up for one genocide by supporting another, this time against Palestinians.

History repeats itself and we refuse to learn it properly, because we refuse to do the hard work of addressing issues from the core.

And now we see fascism on the rise again, everywhere. Including in the UK, like you said.

[berrystainedsue]

Hi, Angel. I saw your post about the dark side of kidfluencing and how much can be covered up. I'm not in the industry, but I have extensively researched it from top to bottom. I also know many people within it, so I have some insight to share.

A significant part of this issue is the legal power involved, which I think is pretty self-explanatory. Specifically, there are copyright laws and the DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act). This act means that if someone posts a celebrity’s livestream, video, or any other copyrighted content (including music, images, etc.), the owner of that content, or their legal team, can have it taken down very quickly. The person who posted the copyrighted content will be required to remove it.

Another issue is defamation threats. A celebrity or influencer, along with their legal team, could turn a situation into a cease and desist or threaten a defamation lawsuit, even if it might not actually qualify as defamation. The mere threat can be intimidating, especially since they are often willing to follow through.

SEO (search engine optimization) manipulation is also extremely common in the industry. Individuals can pay to bury stories or links that could damage someone’s image or brand. This is done by flooding search engines with positive articles and working with companies that specialize in digital reputation management to remove unwanted links.

Celebrities and influencers also have significant platform influence, which allows them and their legal teams to eliminate anything undesirable. If you're “important" enough, you have access to tools and resources that others don’t.

Distractions also play a role. Scandals often fade when a celebrity or influencer is promoting something. Scandal scrubbing is a common PR tactic, typically paired with a media storm. Nothing on the internet is truly permanent if you have power, money, and good connections.

There are entire secret relationships and affairs that are deeply protected for less-than-noble reasons, alongside leaks and embarrassing material such as sex tapes. If a celebrity (like H or L) didn’t want their leaks online, they could be removed almost instantly. Legal documents, old tweets, and problematic posts can be erased, and even fan theories and conspiracies can be scrubbed from existence. (Interesting 🤨) though I think it’s clear H&L probably don’t want the “theories” about Larry to die. If you want insight about what COULD be covered with HL specifically I can give you some info there too.

I hope this gives you some useful insight. ❤️

hello!!

this is a super super interesting read, thankyou.

i'm familiar with seo, so that part is very intriguing. all it would take is to throw a heap of $$ at some seo optimisation services and you'd be able to boost all the articles you want to the first pages of google.

i'd absolutely be interested to hear more about things being scrubbed from the internet. i've always wondered, if there was a leak or something that could expose h&l or any other closeted celebrity or secret relationship- what would happen? same with someone breaking an nda or something. obviously i would never want them to be outed but its a possibility.

'fan theories and conspiracies can be scrubbed from existence' -> makes me think of blogs that have been deleted from here....

thankyou again for sending this in!

i absolutely love the below quote so im going to make it bold.

"Nothing on the internet is truly permanent if you have power, money, and good connections."

[afrikagora-blog]

Welcome to Our Image Compression Tool

Effortlessly compress and resize your images while maintaining high quality. Optimize your images for faster load times, reduced bandwidth, and better user experience. Our tool is easy to use and completely free!

Our Image Compression Tool is designed to simplify the process of optimizing images for various purposes. Whether you're a web developer aiming for faster load times or a designer looking to conserve bandwidth without compromising quality, our tool offers a seamless solution. With just a few clicks, you can compress and resize your images while ensuring they retain their visual appeal. Explore the features below to see how our tool can enhance your digital projects.

[3657aman]

New Post ‹ Site Title — WordPress.com

https://wordpress.com/post/amanandrabiaonline.wordpress.com?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwordpress.com%2Fgo%2Fcontent-blogging%2Fsetting-your-podcast-marketing-strategy-three-key-steps%2F%3Fpage_id%3D18003265&is_post_share=true&v=5 Aman and Rabia Enterprise can leverage various AI tools to enhance productivity and streamline their operations in the Ethiopian cultural clothes industry. One such tool is…

[lexiepaprika]

Why I'm Tired of Performing Online (And What That Has to Do with Gyaru)

images: screenshots of Galsnap as viewed on the Wayback machine / read original blog post here

I was a middle-schooler at a time when phones weren't yet that smart. Social media was the wild west. Each platform felt new and exciting, a cool and fresh way to express yourself and connect with others. These days, when I compare my memory of social media as an 11 year-old VS social media now, the one thing that stands out is how everything has become about buying and being sold. 

My Instagram is almost entirely co-opted by ads. I'll sooner see an ad for some new, drop-shipped kawaii brand on my timeline than I'll see a post from one of my actual friends. And when I do see a post from my friends, they are usually stylized to the point of looking like an editorial in a magazine. I don't think this is a coincidence. 

Long gone are the days of blurry breakfast photos or a funny-faced, too-close snapshot with friends. Everything is so filtered (and I don't mean in sepia or Mayfair) and well-composed. Their outfits looked planned in advance, same with the location. It all has the air of a professional photo shoot, even when it's a post by your buddy who works in, like, finance. 

I remember when this switch was occurring: when we were going from random home photos to meticulously coordinating the aesthetics of our grid. I thought it was pretty cool. I wanted to take part. But the longer it's gone on, the more I've come to loathe it. It didn't take long for me to identify why it sits so poorly with me. 

I've boiled it down to two specific reasons: 

1. The everyday person has to transform themselves into a brand. 

2. (and this is a consequence of 1) We are all constantly selling ourselves. 

And for what? To whom?? It makes sense for a brand's Instagram to be selling something, but for the average user, what's the objective? Why are we expected to perform the same way? I think this coincides with hustle culture and the idea that we must optimize every single second of our lives and that not a nano-second of it should be wasted on something that doesn't potentially make us money. That last point is particularly funny to me because I think that in spite of this push for "hustling" and "optimization" we do have a tendency to waste a lot of our time scrolling. 

Now everyone’s an influencer. We’re all trying to prove that we’re interesting, worthy, creative. That our output has value.

I'm not a hustler. I am a woman of leisure. I think life is about enjoying it, taking care of each other, and making meaning wherever we can. I'm also under no delusion that I'm some special person whose ideas or art needs to be heard/experienced on a wide scale. That's not to suggest that I think I (or others) should stop vocalizing my ideas or making art simply because it's not "the best" or super popular. Far from it. I think the exact opposite. I think it's worth making art even if nobody cares. Even if nobody ever cares. 

If you've made it this far, I'm sure you're wondering how I'm going to connect this to gyaru. If you're one of my friends or have been here a while, then you'll know I can connect everything and anything to gyaru. 

These days, most of the modern gyaru congregate on Twitter (X) and Instagram. I would love to be a bigger part of the community, and have longed for it since I first got into gyaru, but the way the most popular gyaru figures use social media these days is so... off-putting to me. 

This isn’t a critique of any individual gyaru creator, but rather an observation of what it takes to gain visibility on today’s social media platforms. The most popular gyaru (both Japanese and gaijin) tend to converge on a highly specific aesthetic. It’s a polished, consistent version of gyaru that clearly resonates with Gen Z and Gen Alpha audiences. Their success often hinges not just on style, but on strategic posting, branding, and engagement. Many Japanese gyaru today double as bikini models or hostesses, roles long associated with the subculture, but their self-promotion (whether for girls’ bars, club events, or personal brands) feels distinctly shaped by the algorithm-driven internet age. Likewise, prominent gaijin gyaru typically monetize their personas through content creation, music, fashion, or sponsored posts. What results is a kind of homogenization: a gyaru image tailored for maximum reach, visibility, and marketability.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting that any of this is inherently unethical. Sex work and its adjacent industries are legitimate forms of labor and should be safe, respected, and de-stigmatized. Likewise, getting paid for your work—creative, aesthetic, or otherwise—doesn’t diminish its value or authenticity.

What I’m pointing to is the broader shift: gyaru, like so many alternative subcultures, has become a business. When something becomes popular, it becomes sellable. This isn’t so much a critique of the individuals participating in that system as it is of the platforms that incentivize this behavior. Algorithms reward what generates profit, especially for the platforms themselves.

So...where do we go from here? I almost ended this as just a reflection on a modern trend, but I’m honestly exhausted by doomer takes that stop at “Well, what can we even do?” Sure, we may not have the power to overhaul these platforms on our own, but that doesn’t mean we’re powerless.

If you're like me and feel alienated by the way social media functions today, there are really only two choices: opt out completely, or reclaim it on your own terms.

If you’re gyaru (and even if you’re not), post whatever the hell you want. Maybe you already are. Amazing! Keep going. Spam a bunch of pics in a single day, then vanish for a month. Post when you want, what you want. That’s the point.

It starts with us. It starts with you.

The motivation shouldn’t be external validation. It should be joy. 

[answersfromzestual]

What type of testerone hormone replacement therapy is for you? - Article Comparing T-gel,Cream and Injections.

The two of the most debated forms of testerone hormone therapy are the cream ( T gel) and the injection method. This article goes on in depth on these two methods. It compares their positives and negatives to provide a very in depth perspective so you can make an informed decision on the method that is right for you.

THRT gel or creams a topical (rubbed on your skin) application that contains synthesized testosterone. It's typically formulated with carriers that ensure the optimal absorption of the formula through the skin. The exact compounds vary from brand to brand however the primary ingredient is always testosterone. Once applied onto the skin, the testosterone in the cream is gradually absorbed into the bloodstream. This process mimics your body's natural rhythm of testosterone release, also providing a steady level throughout the day.

THRT injections usually contain testosterone cypionate, testosterone enanthate, or testosterone propionate suspended in an oil. These formulations are designed for intramuscular injection, ensuring that the testosterone is slowly released into the bloodstream over a period of time (can range from one to a few weeks apart) These injections require a prescription in Canada and the US, but can also be available at clinics both online and offline. They also may require you to need to make doctor's visits to either do your injection or teach you how (depending on what your health care provider says they want to do). Some people can learn to inject themselves, others may not feel comfortable and can go to their doctor or a clinic to receive your shot. Make sure you have been properly instructed by a professional health care provider prior to doing your own injections.

IS T Gel and T Cream the same?

Differences between the cream and the gel options are the thickness and potency of the actual product . They are both transdermal methods (using the skin to get to the bloodstream) of using testosterone and are very similar in how they are used and function and the are usually a used in a smaller area so less chance of transfer and more equal levels. Creams are becoming a more stable option over the gel. This is a decision you and your doctor should make as to which option is better, side effects can differ slightly from brand to brand.

This is a comparison chart I found to help you make an informed decision on which style of application is best for you.

The images are in order of left to right

Importance of Individualized Treatment: No single THRT method suits everyone. Factors like age, lifestyle, medical history, and personal preferences play a significant role in the best choice.

Factors to Consider: Consider your daily routine, if you are comfortable with injections, the dosage, and potential side effects.

Consulting with Healthcare Professionals: Before deciding on any method, it is very important to discuss options with your/a healthcare provider familiar with testosterone therapies. This can also include an endocrinologist.

Important: remember more is not better! Taking a larger dose than you are instructed to can cause adverse side effects such as irritability, mood swings, changes in libido, and even hair loss.

Here is the source I used for images

Mayo Clinic Source

Source 3

Other sources include my experiences, and advice given to me by my family physician and endocrinologist

[bksiyengaryogapants-blog]

Denver SEO Company: SEO Tips you Need to Know!!!!

Denver SEO Company: SEO Tips you Need to Know!!!

Each page on the SEO Expert in Denverwebsite must be optimized with a focus on On-Page SEO. This includes:

Titles and Meta Descriptions:

Ensure each page has catchy, descriptive titles with the right keywords. Use meta descriptions that invite users to click on results.

Headings (H1, H2, H3): Use heading tags to structure the content and make it easier to read. This also helps Google better understand the theme of the page.

Optimized Images:

All images must have ALT attributes with appropriate descriptions and must be compressed to improve loading. Practical Tips: Use main keywords in the title and URL. Insert internal links to guide the user to other relevant pages on the site. Create friendly, short and descriptive URLs.

Creating Quality Backlinks:

Backlinks, or links from other websites that point to yours, are a determining factor in Google rankings. Earn quality backlinks by:

Publish guest posts on relevant blogs:

Create partnerships with other companies and ask for links to the SEO Expert in Denver website. http://denverseo.company/ Publish case studies and financial reports that other companies may want to reference.

Practical Tips:

Build links on authority sites like media outlets and finance blogs. Avoid link building techniques that are considered spam, as Google may penalize the site. Have a digital Public Relations strategy, sending press releases.

Local SEO: Capture Customers in the Region:

SEO Expert in Denver can significantly benefit from local SEO, especially to attract customers in the Northeast region. For that:

Optimize your listing on Google My Business. Enter information about SEO Expert in Denver's location on the website. Encourage your customers to leave reviews online. Practical Tips: Include location in keywords, such as “Financial consultancy in Recife”. Use Google My Business to highlight events and related posts.

Video Content:

Video content is a powerful tool for SEO as it increases dwell time on the website. SEO Expert in Denver can create explanatory videos, interviews with experts and customer testimonials, covering topics such as “How to get credit for my company” or “The role of consultancy in fundraising”.

Practical Tips:

Publish videos to YouTube with optimized descriptions and website links. Integrate videos on the main pages of the SEO Expert in Denver website to increase engagement.

Off-Page SEO: Increasing Brand Presence:

In addition to backlinks, it is important to increase SEO Expert in Denver’s presence on other platforms and social media. Have a well-defined content strategy for LinkedIn, Instagram and Facebook, where you can share financial insights, promotions and educational materials.

Continuous Analysis and Adjustments:

SEO is a strategy that requires continuous analysis. Use tools like Google Analytics to track traffic and understand user behavior on your website. Adjust the strategy as necessary, always seeking to improve rankings and attract more qualified leads.

Practical Tips:

Monitor top-performing pages and update old content. Test different keywords and content strategies to see what generates the most leads.

Pillar Content Creation:

Create pillar content, which covers broad topics such as “Fundraising for Companies”, linking to more specific content (content clusters). This creates a hierarchical content structure that makes it easier for users to navigate and improves SEO. https://denverseo.company/about/

Conclusion:

To attract more qualified leads and improve SEO Expert in Denver website authority, it is crucial to implement a thorough SEO strategy. From technical optimization to creating valuable content and quality back links, each action contributes to organic growth. With these practices, SEO Expert in Denver can stand out as a reference in the financial consultancy and fundraising sector

[vergess]

Hi...I'm not the anon who asked Reach about getting into AI art, but I'm someone else who's interested in learning. The problem is that everything I've yet found that even remotely resembles a tutorial is like, "How to get rich quick by integrating AI synergy into your developing buzzword and produce art faster than ever at a fraction of the cost!" Which. Is not what I'm trying to do.

I have a somewhat outdated but still capable PC with a decent GPU. I have a basic understanding of python. I have played around mostly with DALL-E a couple years ago. I have a loose understanding of how prompts and negative prompts work. What I do not have is the compsci background knowledge to understand the in-depth writeups about genAI, or a lot of the technical discussions.

I want to run the model(s) locally on my own machine. I do not want to use any kind of subscription or membership service. I don't mind not having a GUI, as long as I've got good docs. I want to learn especially how to consistently make art of the same character (rather than just similar-looking characters). I want to properly learn how to engineer prompts instead of just muddling around by vibes.

Can you recommend me any resources?

Rad! Welcome aboard!

So, there are two "big" programs people like to use for running on their own machines: ComfyUI and A111. However, I personally prefer the way Invoke works.

Ultimately, the UI you use should be whatever is most comfortable for you. However, I will say, Comfy and Invoke are super easy installations. You just download the installer, double click, and follow the on screen instructions. A111 is a little more involved than that, as you can probably tell by the fact that it's on GitHub.

However, most tutorials of decent quality online assume you are using A111, so you may want to start there anyway!

Once you've picked a UI you like, check for that UI's YouTube channel. You'll find actual tutorials on those, rather than the corporate optimization drivel you tend to get from general search engines.

Those tutorials will teach you a lot of the jargon that people throw around, too, which will make it easier for you to use search engines to get to the information you actually want.

Once your UI is installed, it's time to pick a model!

Again, the big place to get your models is HuggingFace, but that's not the one I use. I prefer CivitAI, because I like the feature where you can see galleries of images generated with that model. It gives you a clear sense of what the outputs would look like, and if you click on an image, it will usually show you the exact prompt/settings used to generate it!

I cannot overstate how valuable that is for learning to create your own prompts. Being able to see how other people got their results is THE way to learn, in my opinion.

Now, in terms of creating a consistent, specific character! This is one of the things that people have spent a LOT of time getting genAI to do, because it was very much not the "natural" state of the technology.

There's a couple of ways you can do it, but I find that the most consistent results come from using a LORA trained on the character. Training a LORA can be done on basically any computer that can run genAI in the first place, but it's usually a lot faster to use Big Powerful Hardware from Google CoLab, CivitAI, etc.

Making a character LORA is very easy to do if you're trying to make fanart of an existing character, as you can just train on existing images from the source material. It's a tedious process, because you have to make matched pairs of images and descriptions, but that's sort of the difficult part once you get used to it.

However, what if it's an OC you want? That's trickier, because first you'll need to generate about 75 images (30-150 depending on complexity) that can serve as your training data.

Which means you also need to be able to get those consistent character traits without using the LORA in the first place. So! How????

Textual inversion. That's where you sort of... bundle a bunch of closely related tags into a single file, and then feed the AI that file instead of all the individual tags. The linked guide is focused around realistic looking human characters, but you can use the same techniques for other things (furry, mecha, etc) and for other styles (anime, western ani, cg, etc).

Use your textual inversion to generate your LORA training set, and then get that LORA going!

I hope this was helpful, but if it just raised more questions, please come on back. I love talking about my little computer art toy!!!

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Because I had headcanon that Color is Autistic and has developed special interests in things such as photography, travel, maybe even things like social advocacy.

Maybe even philosophy and psychology. For now, in this posts, I’ll focus on the big two: photography and traveling. (I will also touch on how Color’s physical disability, chronic fatigue, his autism, and perhaps his ptsd/ separation anxiety from Killer also effect his ability to engage in his interests in another post.)

I think he’d develop some decent if not above average technical knowledge, such as camera types and functions. Detailed understanding of different types of cameras (DSLR, mirrorless, point-and-shoot, medium format, etc.) and their specific functions.

Knowledge about various lenses (prime, zoom, wide-angle, telephoto, macro) and their applications. Mastery of camera settings like ISO, aperture, shutter speed, and how to manipulate them for different lighting conditions and artistic effects.

In-depth understanding of how aperture, shutter speed, and ISO interact to create a properly exposed photograph. Proficiency in using software like Adobe Lightroom, Photoshop, or other photo editing tools for post-processing and enhancing images.

He’d learn about artistic elements such as composition techniques, lighten and color theory. Develop a familiarity with compositional rules like the rule of thirds, leading lines, framing, symmetry, and how to creatively break these rules.

Knowledge about natural and artificial lighting, how to use light to create mood and depth, and techniques like backlighting, side lighting, and using reflectors. Understanding of how colors interact, complementary colors, and how to use color to convey emotion and direct viewer attention.

Awareness of different photography styles (portrait, landscape, macro, street, documentary, astrophotography, etc.) and genres, and what makes each unique.

Knowledge about influential photographers and their work, such as Ansel Adams, Henri Cartier-Bresson, Annie Leibovitz, and contemporary photographers.

Understanding the evolution of photography, from daguerreotypes to digital photography, and significant milestones in the field. Awareness of current trends in photography, popular styles, and emerging technologies.

And, of course, he’d develop and grow practical experiences and hands on practice. Experience with on-location shoots, managing different weather conditions, and adapting to various shooting environments.

Knowledge about how to properly maintain and clean camera equipment to ensure longevity and optimal performance. Skills in troubleshooting common issues like lens flare, sensor dust, or focus problems.

He’d have a deep enthusiasm for specific techniques or subjects he enjoys photographing, whichever or whatever you all think those could be exactly.

Likely to have personal photography projects, well-organized portfolios, and possibly an online presence showcasing their work. Extensive collection of books, articles, videos, and tutorials related to photography.

A special interest in traveling, in addition to photography, would manifest in the character in several ways, showcasing their passion and extensive knowledge about various aspects of travel. Here are some specific aspects:

For his interest in travel, he’d be very well versed in the planning and research process. Color might create comprehensive travel itineraries, meticulously planning each day's activities, routes, and schedules.

He might gradually develop an extensive knowledge about various travel destinations, including historical sites, natural landmarks, cultural attractions, and lesser-known gems.

He’d display a proficiency in booking flights, accommodations, and transportation, as well as understanding visa requirements, travel insurance, and local regulations.

An expertise in packing efficiently, knowing what to bring for different climates and activities, and how to pack photography gear safely for travel. Color is likely to show a very deep and profound appreciation for different cultures, learning basic phrases or even fluency in multiple languages to better communicate while traveling.

He’d definitely show a deep interest in trying and understanding local cuisines, knowing popular dishes, and even recipes from various regions. He’d have at least some knowledge about local customs, traditions, festivals, and etiquette to respect and immerse themselves in different cultures.

He’d certainly develop some geographical and historical knowledge, with a detailed understanding of world geography, maps, and the ability to navigate using traditional maps as well as digital tools.

Knowledge about the history of the places he visits, including significant events, historical figures, and the cultural evolution of the region.

He might maintain detailed travel logs or journals documenting his experiences, including photos, notes, and personal reflections. He’d definitely collect souvenirs, postcards, or other memorabilia from his travels; often gifting them to beloved friends.

He’d probably engage with travel communities, forums, and social media groups to share experiences and gain insights.

This special interest would possibly lead to him gaining a lot of practical skills, such as in budget management. Expertise in budgeting for travel, finding deals, and managing expenses effectively.

He might display an ability to adapt to different environments, handle unexpected situations, and problem-solve while on the go.

Although it’d probably be harder for him than most, particularly if he has a harder time handling and dealing with change—especially if the change is unexpected and unplanned.

Knowledge about staying healthy while traveling, such as understanding local healthcare options, vaccinations, and travel safety tips.

He’d like combine both interests by using his photography skills to capture stunning images of the places he visits, creating travel blogs or photo albums to document his journeys.

He might create photo essays or visual stories that capture the essence of the cultures and places he explores. Share his travel experiences and recommendations with others, possibly through writing travel guides, blogs, or social media content.

All this is to say that Killer would definitely encourage Color to come with him to explore abandoned places and ghost towns, and Color’s going to be so overjoyed he starts hand flapping. He’s going to take so many pictures, he’s going to remember it forever.

[mariacallous]

On May 16, the gaming and entertainment news site Dexerto tweeted an image from the forthcoming game Assassin’s Creed Shadows featuring one of its protagonists, the Black samurai Yasuke, in a fighting pose. Across scores of replies, some voiced optimism, others fatigue with Assassin’s Creed’s now 14-game-long run, and a very vocal few expressed frustration and anger that a Black person was at the center of the narrative.

“Gonna pass on the DEI games,” wrote one blue-check X user, referencing the acronym for diversity, equity, and inclusion. “Why Wokeism?” asked another. Comments full of racist and sexist language filled the thread.

A more articulate undercurrent of these reactionaries, across many online forums, had a more specific set of complaints. Some alleged the race of the real Yasuke was never known, others that he wasn’t a samurai but a retainer, and another claimed he was never in combat.

These were all fairly elaborate conclusions to draw about a guy from 1581 who’s been depicted as a samurai in Japanese media many times, including in the 2017 video game Nioh and Samurai Warriors 5 in 2021, as well as his own animated series on Netflix.

They also may have been the last bit of armchair history we got on Yasuke if the conversation hadn’t been sustained by a set of accounts looking to build yet another front in the online culture war, fueling what some have been calling Gamergate 2.0. Whereas the Gamergate of 2014 focused on trying to drown out feminist voices, and the voices of women of color, in gaming culture, this second incarnation seems focused on pushing back against diversity in games of all kinds. Yasuke just stepped in their path.

The resurgence of the Gamergate moniker came earlier this year in reaction to the work of Sweet Baby. Staff at the small consultancy received a wave of harassment this spring stemming from misinformation and conspiracy theories claiming the company was a BlackRock-backed outfit trying to force diversity into games. (It’s not affiliated with BlackRock and merely advises on characters and storylines.) As the controversy around Assassin’s Creed Shadows intensified, several posts mentioned Sweet Baby, even though company CEO Kim Belair says the firm didn’t work on the game.

“I think it just comes with the post-Gamergate (late-Gamergate?) territory,” Belair wrote in an email to WIRED. “To a certain kind of person, largely trolls, we're synonymous with their idea of ‘wokeness in games’ or a vague idea of ‘DEI,’ but it's ultimately reflective of the overall misinformation that fuels this campaign.”

Gamergate was not the first harassment campaign conceived in the bowels of 4chan and its affiliate websites, but it was perhaps their crowning achievement. The attacks against developers Zoë Quinn and Brianna Wu and media critic Anita Sarkeesian, among others, ranged from doxing to rape and death threats. Its tenets and tactics eventually proved valuable in bringing people into the burgeoning alt-right movement. Even Pizzagate and QAnon can, in some ways, be traced back to what was happening with gamers online in 2014.

“Gamergate was a recruiting ground, a pipeline to leverage the loneliness, discontentment, and alienation of young men—often white young men—into alt-right politics, extremist misogyny, and outright white supremacy and Nazism,” Thirsty Suitors narrative lead Meghna Jayanth told WIRED.

If the early days of social media incubated a cultural cold war, Gamergate turned it hot. Frustrated that they were no longer the sole demographic being catered to, Gamergaters saw “the growing visibility of women, not to mention their incomprehensible insistence that games cater to their perspectives as well, as an unwelcome intrusion in a space that does not belong to them,” Laura Hudson wrote in WIRED at the time. As a result, they wanted more than debate, they wanted blood—and nothing really stopped them from going after it.

Ten years later, aggrieved gamers are focusing on other forms of diversity and inclusion, which is how Assassin’s Creed Shadows’ Yasuke has become the latest point of contention.

While only so much can be truly known when it comes to history, accounts suggest Yasuke (the real one, not the video game character) was a man presumed to be from west Africa who served the Italian missionary Alessandro Valignano. He accompanied Valignano to Japan where he served Oda Nobunaga at the daimyo’s demand. Yasuke was presented with the trappings of a samurai: a house, servants, a sword. He would go on to be with Nobunaga, or near him, at the time of his death, before seeking his heir Nobutada and joining him in battling those responsible for Nobunga’s death, though unsuccessfully.

While Yasuke’s history is fascinating and mysterious, much of the fuss over him has concerned whether he was officially a samurai, a depiction that has shown up in media several times in and outside of Japan. Some insist that he may have instead been a retainer, page, squire, or sword-bearer. Others decrying his inclusion in Shadows said he looked gay.

“There is no easy way to separate the many threads of what we are seeing within the Yasuke backlash,” says Paula Curtis, a postdoctoral fellow at UCLA’s Terasaki Center for Japanese Studies. “There are legitimate complaints about the developers’ decisions regarding representation and historical engagement … There are also many discriminatory responses to the game that have been anti-Black, misogynistic, and politically motivated.” It’s important to note, Curtis adds, that Shadows’ fans and commentators, and the issues they’re raising, aren’t uniform.

When Japanese historian Yu Hirayama tweeted there was “no doubt” as to Yasuke’s samurai status, he was treated to a tirade of abusive replies in English, including one claiming he brought “dishonor to [his] family and Japanese history.”

Amid the backlash to Yasuke’s inclusion in the game—and specifically to his role as a samurai—Ubisoft, the game’s developer, issued a statement saying that while the company “extensively collaborated with external consultants, historians, researchers, and internal teams at Ubisoft Japan” on the game, “some elements in our promotional materials have caused concern within the Japanese community.”

Without saying specifically which aspects caused concern, the company added that it was taking this “constructive criticism” into account as it prepared for the game’s November launch, and apologized. (Ubisoft did not respond to a request for comment on this story.)

Jayanth believes the apology was a case of misplaced appeasement.

“The alt-right's fundamental drive is hatred of the ‘other,’” she says. “Even if we cleansed our games of women, non-white people, queer people—which is their ask, and one we absolutely should not give in to—they would turn to insufficiently ‘masculine’ depictions of white men. This movement exists only in opposition to some polluting ‘other,’ an enemy that must be manufactured if a real enemy cannot be found.”

Revisionist approaches to history have seen a rise in recent years, especially in the interest of enshrining an idealist sense of a traditionalist past as an ahistorically conservative utopia.

“You see this in the false assertion of a purely white Middle Ages or the denial of war atrocities in World War II,” Curtis says. “Bad-faith actors may cherry-pick historical sources in order to craft specific narratives, completely ignore sources that do not support their views, or appropriate historical symbols as rallying cries to their causes.”

The proponents of Gamergate 2.0 have veiled their scorn for Assassin’s Creed Shadows’ inclusion of Yasuke within concerns for historical accuracy. Much Like the Gamergaters of old, who insisted they were defending ethics in gaming journalism and not harassing women they felt needed to be put in their place.

Gamergate then, and Gamergate now, are both ultimately about the sensitivities around who saw representation and how, made disproportionately important by how disempowered and alienated modern people feel. As games have made room for a wider array of characters, the gamers at the center of the backlash have seen this progress as a form of persecution. Games are changing, and as much as those upset over Yasuke’s inclusion in Shadows want to push back, they may not be able to stop that.

“It's certainly been strange to see us tied to a ton of games we've never worked on simply because people perceive ‘wokeness’ or progressive ideas in them,” Sweet Baby’s Belair says, “but maybe it's indicative of a greater truth that Gamergaters miss: No external consultancy is forcing studios to make their products more diverse or more progressive. The change, whatever you think of it, is coming from inside the house.”

[milfcastro]

Been a few blogs since I've had a good old fashioned breakdown in the comforting gaze of the entire internet

I can't get over the massive revulsion I hold for myself. More accurately, for the facsimile of personhood I project in order to slide through life as if I'm human. I don't think I'm human anymore. Haven't been for a long while, I don't think. I don't think about a lot of things. Don't think, don't feel, detached from the suit of flesh that stands, dumb and amicable to what may be. I'm not suicidal anymore, and only ever take a knife or lighter to my skin to remind myself that I'm still alive. Still alive and still alone. I have a particular alienating presence. I know I'm hard to like as a person, like actually as a person, not as an online entity with the luxury of molding myself in whatever image I wish. You wouldn't get it unless you knew me I guess. I'm not outgoing and I'm not pleasant or full of optimism or willing to lie and I'm not all right in the head and I stopped taking my meds because I like to feel to what extent I can more than I like to be normal and I hate being sick all the time and I think other people have it easier than me.

Some childish part of me doesn't think it's fair. I've made myself beautiful to all conventional taste, I'm muscular and I have a cute face. I know looks aren't everything, that they're hardly anything at all, and I shouldn't invest any time in worrying about superficial presentation when there's something much deeper and insidious that's rotten and wrong and repulsive but if you keep plastering paint over it the cracks don't show. But still. It hurts that no one cares to get to know me. They don't want to see me as anything more than a hot body and convenient fuck. It hurts that no one reaches out to ask how I'm doing, hey it's been a while, I'd love to talk. I know it's my fault. I never reach out first and my responses are lackluster because I'm genuinely terrible at conversation and that's never going to change. I don't understand conversational cues at all.

I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so tired of it all, and I don't want to think. When I think I just remember hands on my body and words I didn't want to hear but pretended I didn't care about because acquiescence is easier than the trouble of telling someone to get off, stop touching me, I don't like it and I hate your fucking voice. In the privacy of my own mind I call it rape because it's easier to pin the blame on someone other than yourself. If it happens once, shame on you. If it happens a dozen times with a dozen different people and I still haven't said anything, shame on me. I initiated it every time. I only have myself to blame. Well, almost every time but that's something I never want to think about ever so I don't.

How do I stop hating myself and my body? I don't feel much actively, most of what I feel is passive. I passively feel a dull shame when I see myself in the mirror. I don't like my body, no matter how much muscle I put on or how many tattoos I get. It's just superficial change and doesn't get rid of the phantom hands and leering looks. Doesn't do anything but remind me of how I didn't stop it, just lay there and took it, and I was bigger and stronger than almost all of them, I could have done something but I lied afterward and said it was fine. I don't like myself, my real self that no one gets to know because I lock that part away where no one can hurt it and I take it out only to process the hurt I would've felt but it's better in hindsight when I'm alone and no one sees the scars I reopen on my arms. I'm always alone. I think I hate people.

Isolation is preferable to being institutionalized again. I'd kill myself than suffer that again. The only thing I genuinely fear is a loss of control, the loss of autonomy to another. I stopped drinking in front of others, stopped crying entirely because that's a concession I'm not allowed and it gives power to witnesses. I don't even get mad anymore. I used to get so angry and so violent. What happened? I miss the violence a bit. Made me feel alive even when I was losing horribly.

I don't know what to do with my life. I'm intelligent but I dropped out three times and even though I almost had a perfect 4.0 every time it doesn't matter. I'm attractive but I'm unstable and no one cares to know me beyond my flesh and I am so tempted sometimes to peel it all off. It would prevent the unwanted salacious looks. Sometimes I welcome them. Sometimes I feel powerful knowing that I'm desired even though I hate everything after the looks. Can dish it out but can't handle it. I think I'll die alone. I have a horrible sense that I'll die young without ever being happy.

It's only fair that I do. my brother didn't live past my age, my best friend died before he reached his teens. My cousin was bombed and killed and he was fifteen. They were the best people I knew. Why would I get to live? I am not more deserving. I'm miserable and a beaten dog and the only reason I don't kill myself is I don't like fear and I'm so afraid I'll start to fear uncertainty at the end and I don't want to end my life the same way I've lived it. Maybe this isn't true at all and I'm just believing what people say about me.

I'm stupid, and a brainless brute, and too retarded to live, and I'm just like my father who isn't my father at all, and I'm beautiful and intelligent and I'll never live to thirty, depending on the mood of whoever thinks they have power over me. Hard not to internalize at least half that shit. I know I'm not like my mother's first husband, I'm not a pedophile or a rapist. I sound stupid sometimes, sure, I have a bad stutter and English isn't my first language so I'm bound to come off an idiot, and sometimes I react with senseless anger, but I am no more or less deserving to live just because of a speech impediment or my autism or schizophrenia. But in a sick sense, that has defined me. It isn't how I define myself, I don't know how I do, actually, but the perception of others is, ultimately, the only thing that matters is how others perceive you.

You can say you don't care how society or the individuals within it view you, but it does matter. you aren't self sufficient, and without others, you will flounder and die. It doesn't matter how strong I think I am, how strong I know I am, when I let myself be beat to the point of unconsciousness and brain damage. It doesn't matter how self actualized I am when I seek validation in the most base way possible and hate every second of it. It doesn't matter how smart I am when I'm not articulate. It doesn't matter how happy I tell myself I am when I wander through life numbly and blank faced. I just want something real and tangible and with meaning. I want something that doesn't hurt for once.