#I also don’t particularly have favorite tropes i enjoy because I need more than tropes for something to be interesting

[katabay]

Do you think it's more interesting if a character knows what genre they re in or if they don't know what genre they re in

it really depends on if the story itself is enjoyable or interesting; I enjoy both of these structures with no real preference for one over the other because they provide different kinds experiences, and it depends on the overall plot or genre. it’s like salt and sugar, they do different things to the recipe. sometime a dish is in severe need of garlic and no amount of salt can save it.

like, Alan Wake is one of my favorite games, and Pathologic plays with both sides of this, and I love a tragedy-adventure where people think they’re in one thing and it’s clear this is something else, but these structures also have the potentially to be unforgivably fucking boring to me if the characters or story isn’t interesting.

[seriouslycromulent]

Countdown to My Favorite Holiday

So today is the one week mark until Halloween, and it is my favorite holiday of the year. I know that seems cliche these days given how much some people go out of their way -- and budget -- to decorate their homes in an even bigger fashion than they do for Christmas. But I was loving All Hallows Eve before any home animatronics became fashionable. 

Well, I tend to celebrate the day a little bit differently than most, but I’m no less excited for it. I keep my home decor subtle, but the spirit is full. 

Speaking of spirit, one of things I’m doing this year is enjoying a short, but spirited film festival for the 10 days leading up to Halloween. Why only 10 days? 

Well, because I actually went out of town for a week in the middle of the month, and I couldn’t start the film fest until after I came back home. Anyhoo, I’ve decided for my own mini-fest that I’ll only watch seasonal Halloween-themed films that I’ve never seen before, then on Halloween night, I’ll watch a couple of my favorites. 

So what have I been watching since Sunday night?

Here’s what I finally gave my full attention in the spirit of the season and a few thoughts about each …

Sunday: Coraline

Yes, I know. I know. I’ve never seen it before now. Shame on me. [yadda, yadda, yadda] But now that I have seen it, I can say that I see why it’s beloved, but not why some people think it’s unsuitable for children. 

I suppose it depends on the child, of course. But I didn’t think the subject matter or the imagery were particularly violent or harmful. The plot is definitely unsettling and disturbing, so I guess it could cause nightmares in someone’s child. But to be fair, I could say that about most Halloween-season movies, except the most family friendly ones, like Hocus Pocus or Hotel Transylvania.

I think I would’ve been fine to watch Coraline when I was about 6 or 7 years old, but then again, I was not a normal child. 😏

Monday: Odd Thomas

I absolutely loved this film! Talk about regretting not watching it sooner. 

Yes, it’s bittersweet to watch how Anton Yelchin gave yet another amazing acting performance knowing he left us far too soon. And he really was amazing in this! I’m not blowing smoke. The only parts of his performance that felt a little awkward was when he was required to physically punch or fight someone, but even that fit the character of someone who was the “odd one out” his whole life and spent more time developing his supernatural skills than working out or taking martial arts classes.

I know the film is based on the most popular novel Dean Koontz ever wrote, but sadly, I never read it so I don’t know if the film did it justice. I only know that I enjoyed the hell out of it. I adored both the sci-fi/horror aspect of the story, but also the murder mystery side of the tale as well. 

And can I say how refreshing it was to see a tale about a small-ish town oddball who wasn’t alone and desperate for friends or a support system. (Talk about a trope that gets way too much screen time!) Even though Odd is not popular or one of the cool kids/adults, he still manages to grow up and find love, support from people who believe in his abilities, and a strong sense of purpose where he can align his gift with his values. 

In his own way, Odd Thomas may be the most emotionally healthy sci-fi/horror superhero I’ve seen in an American film in my lifetime. He’s proof that not all heroes need to feel constantly alienated, alone, or afraid in order to be relatable or genuine. 

He’s just a guy with supernatural powers living life, helping the dead, helping the living so they don’t become dead, and making the best out of the unusual hand he was dealt.

Sadly, I did see the moment in the ending coming. (No spoilers.) And if I had to write it over again, I wouldn’t change anything because it was a perfect ending for a truly beautiful story. I’ll definitely watch this film again once I’m finished with my seasonal filmfest. 

And I recommend it to anyone who hasn’t seen it yet.

Tuesday: Edward Scissorhands

OK. I can hear your gasps as I type. Yes, up until Tuesday, I had not seen Edward Scissorhands either. Sure, I watched clips from over the years, and I know what the story is about. But I never really took the time to watch the whole film.

When it comes to Tim Burton/Johnny Depp pairings, I prefer Sleepy Hollow above all else. But the goal this year was to watch only films that I hadn’t seen for my All Hallows filmfest, so here we are. 

Overall, I liked it. I think after listening to years of hype, there was no way it could live up to the hype. But I still enjoyed it. Plus, it gave me the joy of seeing Vincent Price in his last major onscreen role before he died. 

I was also surprised that after all these years, I never knew Anthony Michael Hall was in it. Seriously, no one ever mentions him when talking about this film. Which, if you think about it, is kind of weird. Especially considering he’s the main antagonist. 

Oh well. I’m glad I finally saw it. And although it had the vibe of a Charles Busch-meets-John Waters film more than a Tim Burton film, I felt it met the expectations of what I’ve come to appreciate about Burton’s style and execution. 

Wednesday: The Love Witch

What to say about The Love Witch? Um … aesthetically speaking, it was lovely to look at. 

Let’s see. What else? 

Jeffrey Vincent Parise was pretty awesome in it. Like seriously, when I saw him appear on the screen, my first thought was: “What are you doing in this? Are you friends with the director or producer or something? Did you owe them a favor?”

To be fair, the film isn’t terrible. And even if it was, terrible films can still be entertaining. (Example: The Lair of the White Worm) Sadly though, The Love Witch is not one of those films. 

I found myself really wanting to like it because apparently it’s reached “cult status" since it came out in 2017, and I usually like anything that tends to fall under that label. But this is not one of those times. 

A common complaint that I saw on IMDB was that the film was too long. And there are few scenes that definitely could be trimmed for length – namely the “wedding” scene at the forest festival – but the film isn’t even at the halfway point before you start to feel like it’s dragging. So I’m inclined to think it’s more of a pacing problem than a running time problem. 

Also, the effort to recreate a 1960s pastiche in the style of Hammer Studio classics was much appreciated, but I think it either didn’t go far enough to emulate the style or it was hampered by its other flaws, making the homage feel ... unfinished. For example, you can’t tell if the bad acting is intentional or it’s just bad acting. 

Like I said, Jeffrey Vincent Parise was tops. And Laura Waddell as Trish was pretty good as well. But everyone else kind of left me wondering if the choices they made were on purpose or the director asked them to play it that way. 🤷🏽‍♀️

With that said, it’s not awful. It’s just not as good as the “cult status” label claims it is. Aesthetically speaking, I’d say it’s worth a watch at least once.

However, it doesn’t truly deserve to be included in my Halloween season filmfest. Why? Because IMO the very loose interpretation of witchcraft included in the film wasn’t enough to have it reflect the spirit of my favorite season.

—-

Ok. That's it for now. More news on the filmfest as it continues through next week.

[kristsingto]

Reflection on last year, Be My Favorite, fandom thoughts, and more.

PT.1: Be My Favorite, time, isolation, and hope

My defining series of the year was Be My Favorite, without a doubt. Whereas I’d say Utsukushii Kare 2 + Eternal was what I was most excited for, as well as what resonated most with what I yearn for from a BL series, it wasn’t what defined my year (season 1 had defined last year for me already, and I don’t do repeats that often). 

The moment I finished watching the trailer for Be My Favorite, before its release in late June, I knew I would be enamored in it. 

I just got into Thailand’s BL scene this year. One of the first things I looked for once I realized I was in for the long haul of exploring this medium was a time travel series. With, preferably, a premise similar to Be My Favorite. Because one of my favorite types of stories is the narrative that plays with time, specifically the type that focuses on a character’s growth thanks to it.

Time travel is my favorite trope, but particularly it is the type that unravels and builds up one character’s journey. Historical/future explorations past a character’s lifetime has never appealed to me as much for that very reason. Time traveling to the distant past is interesting, but it isn’t what I love.

I’ve always wished I could time travel back to moments in my life. I remember hearing a story about myself at five-years old, upset I couldn’t press a button and go back to when I was three-years old, which seemed like the prime time of my life at the time. It’s a recurring thought. It’s mainly because I feel I’ve fucked up so early in life. Actually, my six-year old has solidified itself as the part of my life I’d like to go back to and undo most ardently. I won’t be delving into why the worst part of my life was in the first grade, or why I regret what I did then, as a small child, but it’d make sense if you knew.

It’s funny to me that I insist I could have done things better if I had been able to go back to any of the past moments in my life, when I keep creating more grievances, more missed opportunities, more wasted years, and more memories I’d like to forget. And yeah, I’m young. I’m only eighteen. But I still feel like it’s been too much. It’s stupid, sure. But it’s probably why playing with the concept of time itself is always in my head, leading me.

Sometimes, I want to press reset on existence itself. The entire world consists of loops, circular movements of past and present and future, of subconscious and conscious loops back towards what we already have done, and what will happen again. If so, then is it so wrong to wish we could return to the beginning of everything? It already happens on its own, after all. But I digress.

I’ve always loved time travel in how it is able to explore someone in its fullest. In what they have done, what they haven’t done, and what they could have done. 

As it’s a trope so deeply personal to me, I jive best with fiction that explores personal journeys utilizing time travel. I enjoyed Groundhog Day, as obvious and simple as it seems. I love the idea of time loops being used to show stagnation within highschool and a desperate need to not lose what you find most important, such as in Revue Starlight, and I love Be My Favorite in how it explores our protagonist, Kawi, as he goes back to redo his life and realize what he has to learn to be happy.

Less so than time travel as the premise, what also struck me about the series and solidified the feeling I’d be in love was how Kawi was established in the trailer, and further explored as within the pilot episode. 

Kawi is a loser. And you understand why, with his circumstances, but also, he is a loser. Kawi is a coward. Selfish. Insecure. Frustrated. Alone. And he wants things he does not allow himself to actually try to take hold of. Kawi wishes for love and friendship. But until he’s given a chance to do things again, he never goes for it. And he expects failure upfront.

I’ve always valued people above all else. I think it’s pretty normal for a lot of humans. Whether it’s my tumultuous connection with my mom, my many friendships, or all of the romantic idealizations, I’ve always yearned for people. And it’s not really to fill a hole, or find something. It’s to create. To ascend. Connection with others, to me, is what frames phases of my life, what frames my traits, my passions, my purpose. 

Which is why it’s so funny I tend to push people away. I’m a college student right now. I started almost two years ago, youngest in all my classes, and I’m going to be a junior this coming fall. I don’t consider anyone I’ve met an actual friend. I don’t give anyone the chance. I immediately judge people as not right, spurn offers to get to know people more because of some reason or another, and vacillate between feelings of superiority and inferiority. 

I am not a person in the way many of these people are. I am not someone who could fit in. There is no point in hope, because there is no one here who could like me, or that I could build a greater bond with. Those are the thoughts inside my head that compel me to turn down offers to hang out, to see everything as annoying rather than friendly, and it’s how I see almost everyone new that I speak to.

But, connection. Yes. I live online. I am myself online. I was homeschooled, barely went outside, and only spoke to other people online who I felt shared enough of the same experiences with alienation/loneliness I did. I yearn, I learn, and I live online. I am deeply attached to feeling like a real-life nomad who only “breathes” on the online sphere, no matter how people warn against it. And sometimes I wonder, while I’m still able to amend this in what people see as the “real” world, if I need to try to assert myself to people more. To find people who would get me. I’m not so stupid I think it wouldn’t happen. But I’m scared, and so I pre-judge every interaction and hide myself behind every wall I can.

Kawi opens the show at thirty, in a job he hates, with the same lack of friends. And a deep, paralyzing regret that he never lived the life he feels he should have. A world where he went on to succeed, to get the girl. A world where he was happy. And he ends the show with a loving partner, as a more well-rounded person, content with his occupation, with a group of friends who care about Kawi and have stuck around for a long time.

I don’t verbalize it enough, but part of why I love Be My Favorite so much is because it begins by scaring me and ends with soothing me with inspiration. Because the series starts by showing to me my worst nightmare as to how I could become, how I could feel, how a combination of a lot of the factors could lead to my life being (don’t get me started on Kawi’s field of study and job in the original timeline; I know there’s a good chance I’m gonna be broke in ten year) and it ends by showing me the best outcome. Joy, companionship, acceptance.

Living life to the fullest. Finding someone who loves you for yourself. Friendship that’s supportive and long-lasting. Kindness. Being content in accepting what happens.

The ending of Be My Favorite is kind of like a happy pill to me, in contrast to the angst of the series while it explored how everything could have gone wrong. And I adore it. I love believing in the messages of the series. In the ideas of the series. Of finding confidence, supporting the people around you, and figuring out what it is you need. And, oh.

Huh. I guess when it comes to it, what I connect to the most tends to be stories of hope. Hell, my favorite pieces of media tend to have themes like picking yourself up from failure and trying again, or friendship winning. And Be My Favorite spoke to me so strongly because it’s a story that really tells me how I can make my life something that is fulfilling, far from how I imagine it’ll go. 

Guess it all comes back to hope.

PT.2: Idolatry, fandom, and the question of why?

Fandom is a major aspect of my life, and has been for almost half of it. Whether it’s group chats on Amino, writing short fanfiction on Archive of Our Own, retweeting on twitter, or gushing on Discord, I’ve often filtered my life through the lens of obsessive fan culture.

This year, Thai BL has taken over my brain. I’m sure it’ll continue to do so next year. And I’m not new to BL (I’ve read many BL manga, for one) but I am still very new to this fandom and its contents, especially because it’s such a wide category of works to keep track of. And I’m enjoying where I’ve come so far.

I’m mostly, so far, a Pebaca fan. The shows that stuck to me most out of all of the shows I watched this year were Theory of Love and Be My Favorite. I love OffGun and the development they’ve gone through as a pair. Their stable partnership, the ways Off has changed “for” Gun, and all of the different faces they’ve had as a couple. I adore TayNew, with their bickering dynamic and long period of closeness. I love how hilarious they are as a partnership. And I love KristSingto, with their yin & yang dynamic. The way they parallel their first series so closely and how they’ve grown to be influenced by each other. 

But what has been the highlight of my year is becoming a megafan of Krist, probably. I love him so goddamn much. And it made me think about why people become fans of celebrities, or at least why I do.

As a side note, I feel as if the internet has become plagued with people using parasociality = bad as an overly simplistic thing. I’m far from an expert on it, but I do think the way many tend to talk about it is forgetting a lot of nuance. And I don’t want to get into this topic, exactly. I want to talk about why I enjoy being a fan of someone from a one-sided light, and how that helps me. Not about the ethics of fandom or what exactly it means to be a fan of someone (though these are interesting to speak about).

Maybe it’s pretty simple. I like watching charming people, and even if I don’t know them personally, I can grow endeared by them. I was definitely charmed by Krist’s personality: big, extroverted, sulky, caring, emotional, a little ridiculous, and passionate. I goddamn adore watching him on screen, obviously.

But at least for me, I feel as if a major part of how I choose what resonates with me is seeing people with friendships. Historically, the only real people I’ve ever become fans of have been a pair of YouTubers and people in idol groups. As if what I’m really being drawn to is actually when relationships between people are formed and sold. And I think that is the core of what the BL industry is doing. Selling the relationship between pairs. I feel as if a feeling of yearning/lacking within myself is in fact what being a fan of this industry is alleviating, at least for me.

Or at least, that’s how I feel now. I’m still easing into it.

PT.3: Okay, so what’s the point? And what about the new year?

2023 was a normal year. It was also endlessly fascinating for me. At the very least, I feel as if I found out/explored things that will continue to keep me intrigued. I’ve been reading a lot about literary theory and cultural examinations. Been thinking more in depth about people. About myself. 

And of course, I discovered something new that will most likely keep me in a chokehold for the next year as well. So, all in all, good, right? Well, not exactly. But I’m looking at the bright side. And yeah, I’m happy with the year when I think about all I’ve gained. 

I’m happy I’ve gotten into BL. Obviously. (And it’s also been making me think more about how being queer affects how I see things/what media I like, of course) So I guess the point of this was unpacking why certain media works for me, and why that is important for me.

And here, I just want to talk a bit about what I want for 2024. 

Obviously, I want more shows that connect to me on the level that Be My Favorite did, both through finding older shows and in watching the shows that come out during the rest of the year. And I’d like to get to know everyone else in this fandom as well. I guess what I’m saying is that this post is something I wrote to process what the last year had and to try to declare to myself what I want for the future.

So, yeah. If you read until here, thanks? For listening to me for so goddamn long, ahaha. Happy new years! Well. It's still New Years here. It probably isn't for most people, but it is for me! So!

[abookfairy]

April Lady, by Georgette Heyer

There has been a trend in my reading journey. Often, I will acquire a book whose summary seems interesting, and it will sit on my shelves or my Kindle for years until I finally decide to pick it up, at which point I find it fantastic and wonderful and wonder why the hell I didn’t read it before.

This book does not belong to this trend!

I love Georgette Heyer’s novels. I love her humor, her characters, her romances (most of the time) and the world she describes. I even love her detective stories, which are often seen as not as well-written as her romances, as Envious Casca is one of my favorite novels from her. At this point, I think I have read the majority of her novels, some of which I have actually reread with just as much pleasure as the first time.

But April Lady, somehow, was always on the back-burner. I don’t even know why! I must have started it two or three times, and somehow could never get past the second chapter. It even features one of my favorite set-up in romances, which is when the couple start as married but have problems in their marriage which they must fix to attain full happiness.

Well, last Friday, I finally decided that I had enough and that I would get it done with for once and for all. Now that I have finished it, I must say that for once, my instincts were fully correct. April Lady was the first Georgette Heyer that I fully and unequivocally did not enjoy. Sure, some of her novels I didn’t love, but even then, I could never go as far as to say that I disliked them, nor have I spent the great majority of the book annoyed at the characters.

Let’s give a summary of the novel. Giles Merrion, Earl of Cardross, has married Helen (Nell) Irvine, a daughter from a impoverished noble family because of her father’s gambling. While it is a love match, before the marriage, Nell is told by her mother that the earl has/had a mistress (true, but they broke up) and not to hang on to him too much because he just wants a wife (false). Because of this advice, which she blindly follows, Nell acts relatively cold to the earl, who starts thinking that she only married him for money. Added to that is the dissolute lifestyle of Dysart, Nell’s brother, also a gambling addict whose debts she pays, the flightiness of Letitia, the earl’s seventeen-year-old half-sister and ward, who has fallen in love with an unsuitable man who is too poor to support her and who she is desperate to marry, and Nell’s own debts and financial illiteracy after she spends all of her pin money on clothes and jewels.

Let’s start with what bothered me the most. Dysart and Letitia are the most annoying younger siblings I have ever seen in a Georgette Heyer novel. Georgette Heyer is no stranger to the annoying younger sibling trope, but generally either they have some redeeming qualities, or they are pretty funny, or they don’t have that much presence in the book and are called out, either internally or openly, by other characters (often the hero, but sometimes the heroine) for their annoying and selfish behaviour. Dysart and Letitia have none of these traits : they have little redeeming qualities (it is said that they have affectionate tempers really and aren’t that bad, but I see none of it), they are not particularly funny, and feature all throughout the book. In fact, I am pretty sure they have more presence than the actual hero of the book, Giles Merriton. Dysart is a dissolute gambling addict, who relies on his sister to pay his debts, whose behaviour is said to be because he has no activity (I doubt it). When his sister desperately goes to him because she needs money and is too afraid to ask Cardross (long story), even if she was in debt partially because of him, he treats it as a minor annoyance that he must deal with and gives her questionable advice rather than own up to his behaviour and treat the matter seriously. The one thing I can say for him is that he has some affection and sense of obligation for his sister (he eventually gets her money, although by betting) and some sense of honour.

That is not what can be said for Letitia, who is a spoiled and immature brat with no redeeming qualities. She has fallen in love with a man from a poor family, whose father is dead and who must help support his younger siblings. After he receives an employment offer in Brazil through the generosity of his patron, which will cause him to leave England for several years, Letitia becomes desperate to marry him. Cardross refuses the match for completely understandable reasons : his sister is seventeen, spoiled, has never been used to handle money, and he also doesn’t want to send her so young in Brazil. This is not even a case of “questionable today but makes sense for the time period” kind of good reasons! These are actual, valid reasons, even by today’s standards! Cardross doesn’t even refuse his consent definitely. He says that if Letitia still loves him in a few years, he might accept the match. And yet, Letitia throws tantrums, yells at him, calls him a monster, and finally decides to steal and sell a priceless family heirloom to elope with her lover (which he thankfully refuses to do). And when she’s caught, she has the galls to say that Nell didn’t even like it and that since it was in the family, it belonged to her as well. She’s frankly just the worst!

I am half convinced that when at the end, Cardross buys a commission for Dysart (a post in the army basically) and gives his consent to Letitia’s marriage, it’s because he has understood that these two will never be anything other than a plague on his life and marriage, and he wanted to get rid of them and live in peace with his wife. Which honestly I cannot blame him for! Good riddance! (at least for a few years until they come back begging for his money, since I cannot imagine them actually becoming better people and Letitia’s marriage is probably going to fail spectacularly once she realizes what it’s like to live without a lot of money and her husband what a spoiled brat he has married).

As for Nell, the “heroine”, she honestly just got on my nerves. Once again, Georgette Heyer has written a lot of naïve female characters who enter society, but they generally are fairly likeable, and their social gaffes are often hilarious to read, not to mention that they often have some sort of practical sense and agency that makes them characters you want to root for. Nell has none of that. For the great majority of the novel, she is helplessly dependent on other people, rarely doing anything of her own and when she acts, it’s to put herself in an even worse situation. The only time when I found her even remotely likeable or bearable is when she realized that Letitia had eloped and looked for her, where she demonstrates some sort of good sense (even if it doesn’t amount to much in the end). I just cannot see why Cardross loves her to that degree.

In the end, I was left with the impression that Cardross deserved better : he deserved better than a brat of a sister who didn’t have any love for him or common sense, better than a wife who was stupid enough to listen to her mother’s advice instead of talking to him, better than to be connected to a family that would only use him for money, better than to be bled dry by his wife and sister who spent all of their money on clothes and fineries and still dared to ask for more (and their allowance was extremely generous, especially for that time), better than a wife who went to all the amusements in London instead of spending time with him. He just deserved better, and the fact that he actually was called out by Dysart at the end of the novel (for “not taking better care of Nell”) is frankly insulting.

The one thing I will give this novel credit for is the numerous highlight of the hypocrisy between the expectations for men and the expectations for women. Dysart has the nerve to call out his sister for cheating on her husband (she wasn’t, and he was drunk, and also he’s not any sort of moral guardian) and Cardross being free to have a mistress causes some issues in his marriage.

To conclude, as it is probably obvious, it was not a reading experience I enjoyed. I truly hope my next Heyer will put me in a better mindset (or I might reread one I loved, who knows).

[youareinlove]

I LOVE Emily Henry! I reread them all about 2 weeks ago. I think my ranking is

Beach read

funny story

book lovers

pwmov

happy place

In whimsy romance (what I call romcoms) there is a fine line of too corny to be true and fantastical enough to keep me interested. But ultimately, just because I like a trope, doesn’t mean the book sings. Because I can (and I want to) I’m explaining my ranking. Happy Place has fake dating, shared bed, and second chance but really falls flat for me because I think Harriet was working through a LOT and made 2 incredibly rash decisions at the end of the book. Idk the ending really soured it for me. I also am not a huge fan of the way they lied to the people closest to them like that (even if the friends knew).

Friends to lovers is my absolute favorite trope when done well. But even though they are friends their lives are so incompatible I had a hard time rooting for them. Also uChicago is an incredibly difficult college to get into and neither Alex nor Poppy give the vibe of Chicago students.

I love book lovers, but I fear this book suffers from “I just I like the other 2 more.” Also I don’t think Charlie and Nora are particularly romantic, so there is less whimsy in what I think could be an incredibly romantic small town. I do tend to love the rivals to lovers trope (as you’ll see soon).

funny story - I wonder if this is Taylor’s favorite. Miles reminds me of how I imagine Travis (though physically he’s more wyn from happy place). Feel like her writing really helped elevate this story and made the tropes feel believable. This book has my favorite side plots and location. The resolution to this book feels the warmest because everyone in their lives was also cheering them on at the read-a-thon.

beach read - my first of hers and forever favorite. Grumpy/sunshine, rivals with secret crushes to lovers, and forced proximity. And it’s so romantic. And I love their banter.

spoilers for all of these books ahead

ooh! my ranking is funny story > happy place > beach read > pwmov.

i think a lot of people feel the way you did about happy place and i agree that the ending felt a bit rushed and sudden, especially compared to the slower pace of the book up until the third act. things just suddenly move really fast in a way that's hard to keep up with as a reader, and it makes her decisions seem way rasher than the buildup to them would suggest. when it comes to them lying to their friends, i think it's understandable because the narrative explains why they feel the need to and their reasons make sense, even if they're misguided. but i do agree with your points overall, and most of why i enjoyed this one as much as i did was the friend group dynamic, because i think she did a great job of writing it

when it comes to pwmov, i really enjoyed how the narrative dealt with their incompatible lifestyles because to me, that was what made their arc interesting. figuring out how the characters were going to work through that inherent conflict and watching them grapple with it was a highlight of the plot for me, and i think pwmov actually addressed the "we have fundamentally incompatible hopes for the future" issue better than happy place did. the way poppy and alex settled on a compromise worked a lot better for me as well because their arcs justified the conclusion in a way that felt satisfying and not rushed. can't argue with your point about uchicago though, because i've never been to chicago but i'm sure you're right

haven't read book lovers so i'll have to get back to you on that one

it's so funny to me that you mentioned the similarities between miles and travis because i thought the same thing! they're so similar personality-wise and i absolutely noticed lol. i love funny story and i'm glad you did too

beach read is very cute! i've spoken very highly of it and i stand by everything i've said. i think it's a quintessential example of what makes emily henry's writing so great

[asphodelical]

The Great Anime Rewatch of 2024 - Part III

Nekomonogatari: Black

First watched: January 2013, original airdate Rewatched: January 2024

Original rating: 8 New rating: 4

I was only a few days off of watching this precisely eleven years later. Monogatari has always been a series whose strengths and weaknesses are on full display, and committing to both. For Nekomonogatari, its few episodes are filled with frivolous nonsense that feels like a waste of time: the little sister pandering, and the conversations that go in circles or last too long. And considering how Nekomonogatari was supposed to focus on Hanekawa, she’s not really in it much. Hanekawa has never been my favorite character in the series, and this didn’t help endear me to her at all. Also I’m just tired of seeing teenage anime girls being so sexualized. Finally, I had to dock points for Hanekawa idiotically stating, “People who aren’t blood related can't truly love each other.”

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Owarimonogatari

First watched: December 2015, original airdate Rewatched: January 2024

Original rating: 5 New rating: 4

I guess even my teenage self was growing weary of the Monogatari series by this point, even if I didn’t have the knowledge or vocabulary to explain why. Now I can say that its cast is growing too big and I don’t care about any of the new additions. I did not remember Sodachi and Gaen’s existences, and I still think Shinobu is overrated. I know people adore badass, buxom female characters that are trapped in a younger/more innocent form (Nel from Bleach and Moka from Rosario+Vampire immediately come to mind), but it’s never been a trope that I’ve cared for. 

I was originally going to watch Tsukimonogatari, too. But considering how far my goodwill for the series has plummeted, I’m going to end it here. As far as the Monogatari series goes, I will stick to the first two seasons. They are all I need. But it will be a long time until I go anywhere near this franchise again.

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Aoi Hana

First watched: May 2011  Rewatched: January 2024

Original rating: 7 New rating: 5

Aoi Hana was one of the few yuri anime that wasn’t exploitative, fetishy, or queerbait. Since the author of Aoi Hana is the same woman who created the whole transgender story of Wandering Son, it makes perfect sense.

As much as I want to like Aoi Hana, I just don’t find its characters memorable. (The same goes for Wandering Son.) It’s also really slow. I think it would’ve been better as a condensed film adaptation. I only lasted six episodes. However, I am interested in reading the author’s other works. 

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Black Lagoon & The Second Barrage

First watched: June 2011, August 2011 Rewatched: January 2024

Original rating: 8, 8 New rating: 5, 5

With the utter failure of my rewatch of the bloodbath that is Future Diary, will Black Lagoon fare any better?

I watched the dub because most of the English cast are all Canadian, and Canada churns out some of the best voice actors. More Canadians in anime dubbing, please?

First season - I wasn’t feeling it until episode nine when Roberta entered the story. (The whole submarine-painting escapade was the low point for me.) The comic timing as the Lagoon calmly hides under a table during a bar shoot out was so good. I also found myself enjoying a lot of the music, particularly whenever it sounded Mediterranean. Rock is way more boring than I remember (fuckin’ morality pet), Revy is more static than I remember, and Benny….exists. Dutch is cool, though. With the exception of the CG for some of the vehicles, most of the animation has also held up. The first season was just alright to me, but the English cast and localization did a lot of heavy lifting. (Docking points for having a white lady doing a bad Asian accent for Shenhua.)

Second season - So. The twins. Still the highlight. And I called it quits five episodes in. I’ve had my fill. This is not the kind of show that’s good to marathon for me—it’s better suited to a weekly popcorn flick that you forget about almost immediately after. But I’m not doing that. Again, massive credit to the the English cast and localization team for a damn good job. 

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Spice & Wolf

First watched: July 2011 Rewatched: January 2024

Original rating: 5 New rating: 4

‘Animeconomics’ and Holo defined Spice & Wolf. I only recall being bored (I was only seventeen when I first watched it), and thinking Fukuyama Jun was woefully miscast as the main guy. I still feel that way, so I dared to watch this in English. Maybe listening to Holo’s economic lessons in English will help my enjoyment?

I feel like so many female voice actresses fall back upon the acting choice of high and mighty/snobbish/know it all route, and then use it for every fucking line. (Colleen Clinkenbeard, Marisha Rey, Brina Palencia.) No, it doesn’t make me like you or the character. It’s annoying, and much more intolerable in my native language than hearing it in Japanese. And Lawrence has the personality of a wet log. 

However, Spice & Wolf is most interesting when Holo and Lawrence are using their knowledge and wits in the harsh landscape of merchants and peddlers. The bits where they’re being chased and attacked? Get that shit out of there. In a story like Spice & Wolf, you know everything is going to resolve itself quickly. There’s more tension in making bad deals or getting swindled. I’d almost be better off listening to the education bits audio only, since the visuals are woefully uninteresting. I lasted six episodes and furries still make me uncomfy.

[call-sign-shark]

Daisy, Daisy, where shall I start?

I particularly liked the family meeting and how everyone's reactions weren't what Tommy expected. Even if he tries to assert his authority and look at everyone with his dominant eyes, Polly doesn't bend in front of him and that's so canon! From John's casual "that's going to be fine right" attitude to Arthur's endless support towards his brother, this is extremely accurate and I love how you played with the characters' nature to add suspense to your story. This is brilliant. I must say that Polly's prophetic line "You don’t realize what you got yourself into" got me shivering. I do hope she's wrong because I kind of hope for Tommy and Y/N to reconcile...

"Polly had always been good to her and they got along from the moment they had met" Wow, her sudden change in behavior must be as unsettling as painful for poor Y/N. I really empathize with her. Not only she's trying to flee from a threat, but she's surrounded by people she used to know but who are kinda strangers to her now, and that must be a very alienating context. The way Polly's softened when she noticed the bruises on her skin was a relief. Also this ... "You can." Tommy put his cap back on his head. "Can I at least invite you dinner for tonight? I can't just take it without doing anything back." She offered, it was the least she could do. // Aww this is so adorable. I perfectly get why Tommy's kindness is uncomfortable for her, but the way he wants to take care of her makes me swoon about him.

The dinner scene is such a big step for them, especially when you compare it with how angry she was at the Garrison. Tommy half-teasing her by telling her that it hurt when she slapped him brought a smile to my face. Now, I LOVED this line "she wondered if the silence had become a family thing since the conversation with Polly wasn't really flowing either." not only because it is beautifully worded, but also because I feel like it's an actual thing with the Shelby clan, especially when you're an "outsider". Besides this passage, I must admit that the conversation between her and Tommy about David and Grace broke my heart. After all these years, they come back to each other both completely damaged and their heart maimed. In truth, I just want to hug them both. You did a wonderful job for this scene: the combination of light touching and the "what could have been" atmosphere you've managed to create around these two work like a charm. I could almost feel the alchemy between the two.

The whole trope of Tommy sabotaging their relationship because, according to him, she deserves a better life, is heartwrenching. Even though I get his point, it must have been insufferable for Y/N and she has every right to be still resentful about it -- especially when he told her that the ring should have been his, at the Garrison. What I enjoy in their relationship is that they are both stubborn: Tommy rambling about how it was necessary, Y/N still approaching him for leaving her. And it's at this precise moment that I should congratulate you Daisy: their argument felt so realistic to me that I could almost see them fighting in front of me. You are such a talented writer, I'm astounded.

“The woman in front of me is a ghost of all of that. The spark in your eyes is gone and all I see is fear. You changed in the worst way and it’s because of him. He fucking ruined you (Y/N).” // “The woman in front of me is a ghost of all of that. The spark in your eyes is gone and all I see is fear. You changed in the worst way and it’s because of him. He fucking ruined you (Y/N).”

This was my favorite part of this incredible chapter. Tommy's harsh words got me shocked: I wasn't expecting him to snap that bad, but a part of me was kind of satisfied with it because, sometimes, all people need is to be shaken. I do hope it's something that would help Y/N and not make her feel more miserable than she already does. Ultimately, he's right: David will end up killing her by dint of beating YN... Is she going to stay? Is she going to let Tommy help her? Will they be back together? So many questions and I have to wait! That's cruel!!

I was impatiently waiting for this third part to come out and it didn't disappoint. It's quite the opposite: it's one of the most wonderful and exciting works I've read lately and I would like to thank you for sharing it with us. You are a great writer, whose skills never cease to amaze me. How you manage to always get me hooked from your first sentence to your last is a mystery, but God how I enjoy the ride! Can't wait for more, Daisy.

New Endings - Part 3

Part 3 | Tommy Shelby x reader

A/N: Well this is posted later than I intended but I was struggling with this one and after working a little bit too long on it, idk what to think of it anymore 🥲 Anyway, I hope you'll still like it!

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of injuries, mentions of domestic violence/abuse.

Word count: 5.4k

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS PART

Tommy held his aunt's displeased gaze, if her angry tone didn't already gave away how she felt, her eyes would for sure. "Did you forgot who her fiancé is? Who says we can trust her?"

"It's (Y/N), Pol." Tommy's toneless voice objected, not impressed by Polly's words. "You think people won't change? It’s our company that’s connected to the house, it’ll become a fucking target." She confuted.

Tommy had gathered Polly, Arthur, John and Michael for a family meeting in his office in Arrow House. He had enlightened them on the new situation and found details about David. Much doubt arose when he announced that (Y/N) stayed at the old family home, mostly from Polly who questioned her intentions or that from her fiancé.

“Ah c’mon Pol, d'you really think she’d try anythin'?” John turned in his chair to look at his aunt, his eyebrows furrowed. Not believing (Y/N) would have any intentions to screw them over.

“She won’t.” Tommy interrupted them as he leant back in his chair. He hadn't expect the backlash he just received, assuming they would all just accept it. The words of his aunt lingered in his head, maybe he was taking a risk but at the same time he didn’t believe (Y/N) would go against him. Not in the state he had found her in.

“She stays there. I’ll find her a home in the meantime.” He looked at each of his family members, a dominant look in his eyes, a sign that there was no room for negotiation. Something that didn’t work well on Polly. “You’re blinded, Thomas. Remember how it worked out for you the last time.”

Tommy clenched his jaw at her remark, annoyed that she brought up his late wife and the way she had lied to him. Despite the betrayal it didn’t stop him from loving her and forgiving her. Something Polly never did.

“I’m helping her so that bastard doesn’t kill her.”

Michael cleared his throat, the tension between Polly and Tommy was clearly palpable and it made him feel uncomfortable. “With who is David involved with?” He wondered, recalling the information Tommy gave them earlier. “I don’t know yet.”

“We’ll keep an eye on that bloody bastard, right Tom?” Arthur looked at his younger brother, showing him that he got his back. “We do.”

Polly shook her head. “Isn’t this place big enough?" She referred to Arrow House. "You have plenty of space for a guest.”

“She felt safe at Watery Lane.” Tommy directed his attention back to his aunt. Polly narrowed her eyes. “That’s what she tells you.”

Tommy sighed as he kept his gaze on her. “Thank you all for coming.” His brothers and cousin got up to leave the office together, unlike Polly, who remained in her chair with her arms crossed.

“You’re dismissed Pol, free to go.” He bossed her while he put his glasses on his nose and took a folder with documents from his desk.

“You wouldn’t let her stay here, do you?” Polly sneered at him. He looked up over his glasses. “I wouldn’t want to give off the wrong ideas now, do I?”

A humorless laugh fell off her lips. “Please, Thomas don’t-“ Tommy slammed the folder on the desk, making Polly slightly jump at the sudden noise. “Listen to me, eh?! She's no bad news. We’ll go see her tomorrow and you’ll see with your own bloody eyes what happened. I’m not fucking stupid Pol.”

Polly let the silence after Tommy's finished sentence surround them for a moment as she stood up. She walked over to his desk and leaned over it, pointing her finger in his face. “You don’t realize what you got yourself into.” Her eyes were boring into his, showing him that she meant it.

Rays of sunlight streamed trough the small gaps of the curtain, touching (Y/N)'s face in a kind way. The soft light slowly awoke her from her peaceful rest. She snuggled into the blanket as she opened her eyes, carefully taking in her surroundings. Her mind took her back to the events of the day before, just like it did during the night until exhaustion took her into it's arms and gave her the rest she so desperately needed.

The room felt safe and if she could, she would lock herself in there so she didn't have to worry about anyone. Unfortunately things weren't that easy and she had to prepare herself for her new future, something new and unknown.

She sat up and put the pillow against the metal bedframe. While she got comfortable, she looked around the room. It was exactly how she remembered it, the flower pattern on the wallpaper, the chair next to the bedside table and the tapestry that hung next to the bed. It was as if the younger versions of both her and Tommy could walk trough the door at any moment. The sigh that left her mouth was slow as she reminded herself of easier times.

She got up and changed into the dress that Tommy had left for her before opening the curtains. The sky had replaced the somber grey colors for a calm blue one, clouds were dappled here and there. Golden threads of the morning sun directly shined into the bedroom, a smile tugged on the corners of her lips as she looked outside. It felt as if this was nature's way to tell her that she made the right decision. Or well, she would like to believe it was.

She turned away from the window and left the room to make her way downstairs where she got herself a cup of tea. The kitchen didn't offer her the same safe feeling as Tommy's bedroom did, making her feel like some kind of intruder in a place where she shouldn't be.

She looked up at the clock on the wall, no idea on what to do next. Her belongings were not with her, she didn't dare to set a foot outside and she didn't know when or if Tommy came back today.

The sound of footsteps made her snap out of her thoughts as her heartbeat exceeded. "Good morning, love."

"Polly..." She breathed out the visitors name while she tried to keep her composure, knowing her voice had probably betrayed her already. She hadn't expect to see Tommy's aunt, at least not yet. "Good morning."

"It's been a while." The dark haired woman looked at her as a small smile played on her lips. While she eyed the younger woman in front of her, she let Tommy's words play trough her head again. He was convinced that they could trust (Y/N) however there was something that didn't sat right with her.

"It is." (Y/N) returned a small smile. "Would you like some tea? I just made some." She asked Polly, her hands trembled slightly while she put her cup on the table.

"I'll get it myself." Polly answered before taking off her coat and hanging it on the rack. "How have you been?"

"Well..." She let her hands rest on the back of a chair that stood by the table. "I'm alright."

"Alright?" Polly filled a cup and turned to face her. "If you were alright, I don't think you would be here." She pointed out while she sat down at the table. "I-"

"Please take a seat." Polly interrupted her, directing her with her eyes. Her gaze did not leave the woman in front of her until she sat down. "I heard you were engaged."

"I am. For a while actually." (Y/N) confirmed while she twisted the ring around her finger. She felt her palms getting sweaty, unable to tell why she felt so nervous all of sudden. Polly had always been good to her and they got along from the moment they had met.

Polly sipped on her tea, letting the silence linger for a while before she spoke up again. "You're living in London now?" (Y/N) nodded in response. "Yes." She wasn't able to stand the long silences Polly used after her answers. "It's been very different from what I was used to."

"Better?" The older woman asked her. (Y/N) shrugged. "In some ways."

"I think London is convenient for your fiancé's work, isn't it?" Polly's head was slightly tilted backwards as she looked down at her with a raised eyebrow, (Y/N) broke the eye contact and looked down at the table. "It is. Easier for the distribution of the car parts."

"I see." Polly noticed that the behavior of the woman in front of her was different, nothing like she had remembered. She noticed the bruises in her neck and on her arms, which she had tried to cover up with the dress she was wearing. Her confident appearance was replaced with fear and shame. "And now you're here."

(Y/N) felt Polly's gaze almost burning into her skin. Her questions made her wonder what else she knew about her life or David's. She just nodded, thinking about a way to tell her without making it too complicated for herself. "I couldn't take it anymore." Her voice was soft, almost too scared to admit it.

"Tommy told me." Polly's expression softened as she started to feel pity for her. "I didn't expect him to help me." (Y/N) dared to look up at her again as she heard a soft laugh coming from her mouth. "He's full of surprises lately."

The sound of the front door alerted both of them. She felt her body tense as she looked at the opening that led to the small hallway where a familiar man had showed up.

"Did I miss the tea party?" Tommy's low voice filled the room while he walked in, giving his aunt a stern look.

"You did." Polly shot back at him, unfazed by his attitude. "Very eager to come see her, eh?" He sneered, annoyed by the fact his aunt didn't listen to him. "I thought she'd like some company." Polly fake smiled at him, knowing exactly how to push his buttons.

Tommy took his cap off and put it on the table in front of him before sitting down. "Would you like some tea?" (Y/N) questioned, already getting up to get him some.

"No. I won't be here long." He leaned back in the chair, looking at her the way Polly did, waiting for her to sit back down. "Oh, okay." She sat back on her chair. "I guess you've already discussed a few things?" Tommy asked, referring to Polly's early visit.

"We did." Polly answered before drinking some of her tea. "Good." Tommy redirected his attention back to (Y/N). "We might have a house for you, it's not much but it's safe. You'll be able to move there in a few weeks."

"A house? Tommy..." While she was lost for words, she tried to let the new information sink in. Tommy took a wad of cash out of his pocket, shoving an amount of it, her way. "This is for food and clothes. Finn can get you some groceries." He assured her while glancing at his aunt who's dark eyes were almost burning holes into his skin. "And I'm sure Polly wouldn't mind to buy you a few dresses."

"No. No I can't take this." She pushed the money back to him. "You did enough already, I don't even know how I have to pay you back." She was taken aback by his gesture, it was way too much.

"You don't have to pay me back. Just take it." He shoved it back to her way, putting the rest of his money back in his pocket. "I know it's not the same as your belongings but this is what I can do for now."

"Oh no... Please don't worry about it. I'm... I just don't know what to say." It didn't felt right to take his money. She wasn't sure if it was because it came from Tommy or that things just went way too fast but either way it made her feel uncomfortable.

"You don't have to say anything. It's yours." He assured her while he got up, grabbing his cap off the table. (Y/N) looked up at him, shaking her head. "I can't-"

"You can." Tommy put his cap back on his head. "Can I at least invite you dinner for tonight? I can't just take it without doing anything back." She offered, it was the least she could do.

He looked at her in silence while blinking a few times. "If you insist." She nodded. "I insist. 7 PM? "

"I’ll see you tonight."

Plates were neatly put across from each other and the bottle of whiskey was already waiting to be opened. Food was almost finished and even though she was a bit late there was no need to hurry since there was still no sign of Tommy.

Knowing he was always on time, she started to worry. Maybe something had happened to him or maybe he changed his mind about the dinner. But if it was the last thing, he would’ve let her know. Right?

She cleaned her hands after she turned the stove off and peeked trough the window. The streets were pretty calm, except for a few people here and there but none of them was the one she was looking for. She decided to wait a little longer and sat down at the table, opening the book Polly had brought her, along with her new clothes and groceries.

It was a welcome distraction for the time she had to kill because much later than expected, Tommy finally entered the house.

She put her book down and looked up at him. "Is everything alright?" She asked him while he took off his cap and coat and sat down at the table. "Everything's alright." He looked at her when she gazed quickly over at the clock. "A little inconvenience at one of the factories." He added, addressing the fact why he was late.

An embarrassed feeling went trough her body when she noticed he caught her looking at the clock, not wanting to give him a feeling as if she was anxiously waiting for him. "Oh, no don't worry. I already thought that it had something to do with... business." She half lied, leaving out the fact that she was worried.

Tommy nodded as he observed her, noticing her new dress and the make up she was wearing. "I like the dress." He boldly told her, making her smile in response. "Thank you. I like it too, Polly got exactly what I wanted."

"I'm glad." He replied as he watched her get up. "You must be hungry." She assumed when she got his plate and took it to the stove. "I made roasted chicken and baked potatoes with cheese."

"It smells nice." He admitted while she put his plate back in front of him. She opened the bottle of whiskey and poured him a glass. "Thank you."

When she got herself a plate as well and had poured herself a glass of wine, she sat across from him. An uneasy feeling crept up on her, it felt weird to have dinner with him after everything that had happened. The only thing that made her feel better was that he didn't seemed as tensed as he was that morning.

"I hope you'll enjoy your meal." She politely smiled at him as she cut a piece of her chicken. "I think I will." He responded before taking a sip of his whiskey.

"Were you able to get some sleep last night?" Tommy wondered, he had noticed that she looked less exhausted than the evening prior. "Yes, a bit but enough to feel better than yesterday."

He nodded as he calmly ate his food. She eyed him carefully, becoming more aware of the things she had already seen in The Garrison. The tired look on his face and the lack of happiness in his eyes were a big contrast to what she had remembered. She thought back at the words he had said to her in the pub, their kiss and how she hit him after. She had felt a yearning to go back and undo what was done. What she did was equally as bad as the things David did.

"I'm sorry." She blurted out, earning a confused look from Tommy. "For what?"

She looked down at the table, feeling insecure under his intense stare. "Hitting you. You know... at The Garrison. After you-." She stammered, feeling stupid that she wasn't able to get out one proper sentence.

"It was very painful, y'know." He deadpanned. She looked up at him, a hint of guilt in her eyes until she realized he was joking. "I'm serious Tommy." He leant back and took a sip of his whiskey. "Me too, that ring hurts."

She parted her lips to speak up but didn't know what to say. A small smile appeared on his face. His attempts to be funny didn't gave her the chance to explain her feelings. "I felt really bad."

"Don't." He assured her, his way to ease her feelings. "You're not angry about it?" Tommy shook his head. "No, 'm not."

She was relieved that he wasn't mad about what she did although his short answers didn't gave her full satisfaction, wondering if he maybe didn't want to talk about it. While Tommy continued eating the food she made, she wondered if the silence had become a family thing since the conversation with Polly wasn't really flowing either. "So..." She awkwardly started, trying to bend the conversation into a different subject.. "How's the family been?"

"Good." He put the cutlery down. "Arthur got married, John became a father again, Ada and Finn are doing well." Her eyes widened in surprise. "Really?" She marveled with a small smile on her face. "That's great news."

"I guess it is." Tommy filled his glass with whiskey once more. His comment made her wonder what he meant but she decided to leave it. "Finn must've changed a lot."

"He did grew up, yeah."

"I remember I caught him smoking when he was just a little boy." She chuckled softly. "Probably wasn't the first and the last time." Tommy snorted lightly as the corner of his lips turned slightly upwards. He couldn't keep count on the numerous of times he had caught the young boy with a cigarette in his mouth.

(Y/N) shared a little more about her memories of the Shelby's as it seemed to be the easiest way to make a conversation with the one in front of her. While they finished their dinner and drank some more, he attentively listened to her stories.

"Well, I think I'll have to thank you for dinner, eh?" Tommy had turned his chair to look at her while she was doing the dishes. He had taken his suit jacket off, leaving him in his dress shirt and vest. "You're not staying for a drink?"

"I've already had a few." He stated as he saw how her lips turned into a smile. "I can get you a glass of water." Her witty comment made him think of the many she used to make all the time. "I'd rather not."

While she dried the last plate, she turned to look at him. "Then at least stay for one more?" She asked him. Despite their dinner starting off awkward, she ended up enjoying it and she wouldn't mind to chat a bit more. "Alright then."

Once she finished, they both moved to the small living room where they sat across from each other. The fireplace warmed the room and a few candles were spread trough the place, the flames glowing on their faces.

"The whole house is exactly like I remember it." She giggled, the wine had given her a little more confidence but also helped her to feel at ease. Tommy looked around, nodding his head slowly. "Not much has changed."

"It's weird to think about how it looks like time stood still while everyone's lives has changed so much." She concluded as her eyes fell on a picture of the three brothers, Tommy was no older than 19. Tommy's gaze moved to the picture before looking at her. "Everyone's lives or our lives?"

(Y/N) turned her head to meet his eyes and shrugged, not expecting his question as it seemed he wanted to keep a distance in every conversation that night. "Both, maybe." Tommy swirled his whiskey in his glass. "Do you think you'd be still living around here, if you didn't meet David?"

She thought about his question. "Maybe, yes. I don't think London is where I belong." She pulled her knees up and let her legs rest on the sofa she was sitting on. "It's too busy, I guess. The people are different as well."

"How did you meet him?" Tommy asked while he leaned his arms on the chair, curious about how she met him. "At a party, in a club. Also in London." She took a sip of her wine. "A friend invited me. He was there with a group of his friends and he came to the rescue when some Italian was bothering me." She smiled at the memory. "We hit it off pretty well and it turned out the Italian was friend of his who had a few too many drinks."

Tommy nodded once more, replaying the words in his head. This could be information that would help him find the missing link he was looking for, it confirmed his suspicion.

"For how long have you been engaged now?" He continued asking about her relationship. "6 months. He promised he'd do better so I said yes."

"But he didn't." He concluded. "No." She looked at the fireplace as she thought about the past few years. "For how long have you been married?"

"A few months." (Y/N) saw Tommy's eyes change, although his expression remained the same. "Did you love her?"

"I did." He sighed after he finished his whiskey. "Yeah.."

"I'm sorry Tommy." She immediately apologized. She didn't want her curiosity to be the reason behind a ruined night as it appeared to be a sensitive topic. He shook his head, his eyes finding hers again. "No, it's okay."

They both remained silent, thinking about their lives and how things could've ended so differently. (Y/N) decided to get up and get herself another glass of wine. She passed the chair where Tommy was sitting and gently took the glass out of his hand. Their fingers touched briefly, sending a kind of warm sensation trough his body. He looked up at her, her eyes meeting his as they locked their gaze for a moment. His electric blue eyes stared directly into hers, just like they had done many times before. A familiar feeling found it's way in her stomach before she looked away. "I'm- I'll get you a new one." She mumbled before making her way to the kitchen.

Her heart was beating faster as she leaned against the counter, not fully understanding what her body tried to tell her. While she took the time to get herself together, she decided to just blame it on the alcohol.

When she returned with their drinks, she found him smoking in his chair while he let his head rest on his other hand. His eyes were staring at the table. She stopped in front of him, getting his attention as he looked up. “Are you okay?” She asked before handing him his glass.

He blew smoke out of his mouth while he sat up. “I am.” Her hand found its way to his cheek as she gently stroked his skin with her thumb, a way to comfort him. Their eyes finding each other again while she continued. He had missed the genuine and gentle touches of solace. The contact of her skin on his, made him crave for more. Just as he wanted to lean into her touch, she pulled her hand away. Taking the comfort only she could give, with her.

She hadn’t expected to be so drawn to the urge to touch him. Usually she wouldn’t dare and she wasn’t even sure if he was okay with, although his intense stare almost assured her that she was doing something right. The increase of confidence from the alcohol was helping her more than she realized, it could be a good time to use it while it lasted.

“Can I ask you something?” She sat back on the sofa as she watched him finish his cigarette. “You can.”

“Did you mean it what you said? That the ring on my finger should’ve been yours?” Tommy blinked a few times before nodding slowly. “You know I did.”

“Then why did you let me go in the first place?” She let her fingers slide over the stem of her wineglass, the wait for his answer forming an unknown feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Because this life’s not a life where you belong. We'd be better off without each other.”

She remembered the countless arguments that started that last conversation which broke her heart. She didn’t want to give up on him, on them but he forced her to. He forced her out of his life as if it was nothing, as if she was nothing but just an erased memory.

She remembered the evening he told her it was for the best if they didn't saw each other anymore. It was for the best he said but in the end nothing turned out for the best.

She remembered how he told her how life was going to be from that moment, that she had no choice if she stayed but that the exact life within her choice, wasn’t one she belonged to. His words were harsh and his demeanor was cold, as if he didn’t want to understand her feelings or might as well pretended that he didn’t. Only to make it easier for himself.

She remembered how she called him a selfish bastard, how she hated him and how he just stared at her, saying nothing.

“You could’ve protected me and still let me live my own life.” Tommy shook his head as stubbed out his cigarette. “You hated how there were people always watching you, remember the many times you told me it was suffocating you? It only became worse after that, you wouldn’t be happy.”

She couldn’t deny the suffocating feeling it gave her, knowing that everywhere she went, there would be someone watching her. Good or bad, it didn’t matter. But she loved him deeply and a part of her didn't care anymore, as long as she could be with him. “I loved you, do you realize that?”

He sighed softly at her words before taking a sip of his drink. “You think I didn’t love you?”

“No… not the way you left me heartbroken with a shit explanation in the middle of the same fucking kitchen we just had our dinner in. If you really loved me, you would’ve listened to me but you never did.” Her words held the anger she had for years but still came out calmly. "And don't even get me started on how quick you fucking replaced me, that's not love."

Tommy clenched his jaw, his eyes narrowing slightly. “I listened (Y/N). I always fucking listened but I knew it would never make you happy. I never would. And talking about replacing, eh? I fucking told you I didn't replace you. Have you forgotten how I went looking for you after you left?"

She scoffed as she listened to him. “Oh yeah, because you were so sorry. So sorry for yourself, that you ended up alone again." Her voice became louder, just like the anger within her. "If you really wanted to find me, you would. Just like a few weeks ago."

"You didn't want to be found." He defended, getting annoyed at her accusations. "Not after what you did, no."

He shook his head as he put his glass on the table, a little harsher than expected. “You wouldn’t be happy but I wanted you to be.” He pointed his finger at her. “I didn’t want to throw away the years we had and I didn’t want to break your fucking heart but I knew how much you loved your fucking freedom and I didn’t want to be the person that would take it away from you.”

She looked at him, his words hitting her in a way she didn’t expect. His voice was strong and determined. She wasn't sure if it was anger or not. “You were always that strong, independent woman. Always out there to do whatever you wanted. Who the fuck was I to take it away from you, eh? You know it would’ve made you unhappy. Love wouldn’t have changed that.”

“I still am.” Her words sounded soft as she disagreed with his statement. “What?” His eyebrows furrowed at her comment. “I’m still the same woman. You said were.”

“Please, have you looked…” Tommy didn’t finish his sentence, instead he took a deep breath and leaned back in the chair, pinching the bridge of his nose. Her body tensed and her eyes narrowed as she waited for to finish his sentence. “Have I looked, what?”

“Have you looked at yourself?” He continued his abruptly stopped sentence. He sat up straight, his voice picking up the same tone as before. “You’re far from that. The woman I knew would’ve dared to yell in my face if I deserved it, she would speak up when no one else would and she wouldn’t take shit from anybody.”

(Y/N) gulped at his words, tears brimmed in her eyes as she kept his gaze, listening to the other things he had to say.

“The woman in front of me is a ghost of all of that. The spark in your eyes is gone and all I see is fear. You changed in the worst way and it’s because of him. He fucking ruined you (Y/N).”

She sniffled softly, as she tried not to break down in front him. He was right.

Tommy's eyes did not leave her frame. She tried to take a deep breath, ready to speak up but she couldn't. He moved to the edge of his seat to place a hand on her knee, squeezing it gently.

"You're nothing better." She choked on her words as she watched his thumb moving in patterns over her knee. "I would've ended up the same as I stayed with you." Of course he wasn't the same as David but her life wouldn't have looked much different than from what it did now.

Her mind took her back to David who told her so many times how much he loved her. Who always made it up to her after his outbursts, telling her how sorry he was and that he would do better. He did, even if it only lasted for a few days until he fell back in old patterns. Despite it all, she still loved him, or at least she thought she did. Perhaps it could be the fear speaking, that when she told herself she didn't, he'd come find her.

Tommy shook his head as he felt himself losing his temper. There were many people who held grudges against him and those also brought many accusations however being compared to David was something completely new.

"If you ended up the same, then please enlighten me on the last time I caused this." He grabbed her arm and lifted her sleeve a little harsher than intended, revealing her bruised arm.

She gasped and looked up at him with widened eyes. "Stop, Tommy." While he let go of her arm, she quickly pulled her sleeve down. "I never laid one single finger on you, now tell me again that I'm nothing better than that fucking bastard!" His voice was harsh and full of bitterness. "I don't understand why you keep fucking defending him while nothing like this looks like the love you've been desperately looking for."

She watched him get up and looked up as he towered over her. His words hitting her like he hoped they did, an attempt to wake her up and make her realize what she was doing.

"If you want to go back to him, then please go but remind yourself that if you stay with him, you'll end up six feet under within a year. And he wouldn't even be sorry."

Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think!

Taglist: @cyphah @kissforvoid @liter4ti

[nthngtoseehere-blog]

I’ve poked around a little in Tumblr etc to see what people say about Café Minamdang, and it seems like people either really enjoy it or they really hate it. I can see why – while it occasionally gets serious, it’s mostly goofy af. Headdesk-inducing goofiness, even.

I just finished ep 6, and I actually love it. I started watching it specifically because people said it was ridiculous and funny, and I needed something like that to off-set the heavier stuff I’m also watching (Beyond Evil, Bloodhounds, Flower of Evil).

I love me some angsty and traumatized MLs so the fact that Nam Han Jun has not been a happy-go-lucky lunatic all his life is a bonus, mainly because so far they haven’t given up the goofiness to go all in on the angst.

Actually, the fact that he hasn’t always been a con-man, and that he’s been running his shaman con from the beginning with the mindset of someone whose career was always meant to help people, makes me like the show more. Han Jun has let his inner court jester off the leash, but he’s still a good guy underneath it all.

I love the dynamic between the ML and the FL so far. I’m hand-waving the age/timeline stuff and just going with what the show tells me to think about that rather than analyzing it too hard, so I think her early crush on him was cute.

Usually the trope of the cop who assumes they know who did it and refuses to be objective in the slightest really frustrates me, but it works here somehow? I think because there really does appear to be no reason to doubt the so-called evidence until Han Jun makes a stink about it. Jae-hui has started to question things, now that she’s being called out on her rigidity, which makes a huge difference.

I think my favorite element so far is how much Han Jun really doesn’t give a fuck if law enforcement will believe him, or support him, or even listen to him. I’m guessing he gave up on that sometime during his incarceration. He’s perfectly aware of how easily the law can be manipulated to sacrifice the innocent, because he’s been the sacrificial innocent, and he has no faith left.

He knows he’s right, and he’s going to investigate what he wants to investigate, and Jae-Hui and her cohort can either listen to him or they can continue to focus on what they think is right; he doesn’t care either way.

It’s kind of refreshing. Usually, there’s some level of desperation on the hero’s part to be understood and believed by the people in power. They either try to hide what they’re doing because they’re afraid of being misunderstood, or they’re aggressively trying to get people to believe them.

Han Jun doesn’t do that. He doesn’t agonize over it, either; he just does his thing.

It helps that he has people on his side, even if none of them are particularly powerful. Han Jun, Hye Jun, Su Cheol and Na Dan are such a great little ridiculous, pure, mutually supportive family.

Speaking of actual family, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a more realistic brother-sister relationship. Han Jun and Hye Jun have such a great love-aggravate-support-mock dynamic.

I have to admit that I keep waiting to find out that Su Cheol is the bad guy. I couldn’t figure out why until I realized that the other show I’ve seen that actor in is Lovers of the Red Sky, in which he played the villain. I don’t *want* Han Jun to be betrayed by his friend, though, so I will be very happy if he doesn’t turn out to be evil.

Oh, side note: I kind of love that while Han Jun started out being the BAMF martial artist who taught Jae-Hui, he’s now barely able to hold his own in a fight while she’s Avengers-level kick-ass. It feels like a skill he let lapse because it maybe required a level of...I don’t know, dedication to heroism? That he no longer feels. Whereas Jae-Hui has improved because she’s driven to be The Best Cop Ever after the tragedy of her brother’s death and the fact that his killer got away.

But yes. 100% enjoying this show.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Hello there twitter refugees! As I have seen an uptick with followers I feel the need for both of our sakes, to let you know what to expect on my blog before we all commit to each other and some basic ground rules here on my humble tumblr land piece and if you as well need to block me:

1: You follow or reblog from any self titled “Anti-MXTX” bloggers with that specified carrd description, unfollow me and don’t reblog my posts please. 💜 This also involves anything do with “MXTX critical” as well.

2: Jin Guangyao stans don’t try me, I am not nice about him so just block me if you don’t enjoy that as well as me very much despising Xiyao as a ship. I generally tag anything to do with him as, I hate jin guangyao and jin guangyao stans block me.

3: I adore my submissively breedable Jiang Cheng as a joke because he is damn trash, if you portray him as best UwU jiujiu and bro evar blocking me is best for your benefit. To put bluntly, if you think Wei Wuxian was more in the wrong toward him through the plot, my meta here are not going to be for you as my sympathy for this character is low. I don't tag anything as anti jiang cheng, as I do like him as one of my favorite characters to analyze, and what I have here is simply reiterating what we are given from text and the author.

4: I am rather critical of the portrayals of fandom tropes for MDZS that is horribly prevalent on Twitter and this runs the gamut of all sides. I am more than happy to expand on my thoughts on anything for this as well for any questions sent my way about what I think of "so and so".

5: I am a Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen stan first and foremost and will make that apparent through my meta as I get rather annoyed when the points of these two are missed.

6: Don't come to my inbox because I ranted or made fun of a bad OOC fandom headcanon and it personally upset you, your bad takes upset me. Equivalent Exchange, as Edward Elric said.

7: I do not and will not post anons linking to other blogs, this is basic courtesy only on my part as I am not comfortable with providing direct links that are not my own or of those that I have reblogged or commented on with my additional post commentary If I get particularly annoyed enough to say something in reaction.

8: FengQing shippers can block me instead of responding to my posts, I take none of what you say into account, thank you, don't come again 😊

9: Yue Qingyuan owes nothing to Shen Jiu himself and as the plot significantly changes due to Shen Yuan, there's nothing more for him to take responsibility for by the end as Shen Yuan exonerated him from any further responsibility to move on. Don't argue this with me as any what if's are unwarranted, needless and useless semantics.

With that, call me Orion or Ava!

98% MDZS here with a few smatterings of the other MXTX novels, c-dramas, Priest’s novels, video games and shitty memes. And uhhh, lots of clothes and pretty photos.

Only other info that is needed is that I am a lesbian, mexican/latina and 30+.

[dear-wormwoods]

omgggg yes i wanna ask u every one haha

6 13(Kyle n stan) 12 17 :0000

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

I don’t thiiiink so? The pairings I hate are pretty set in stone. The closest I can think of is that I never really cared for Bunny that much but then some cute art made me go ‘well sure why not’ and now I love that Butters was basically Kenny’s sugar daddy in Post Covid as he was getting off the ground. But I never hated the pairing so I don’t think that counts.

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Actually yes! I… I like Season 20. I know it’s not the best season but I genuinely do enjoy the Skankhunt arc and how the Broflovskis were the main characters for once. I like that it expanded on Gerald and confirmed that he plays favorites and actually resents that Kyle takes after his mother. And I loved Kyle and Ike versus Sheila! I also really like the Cartman/Heidi plot, with the seeds of manipulation and abuse being sewn in that season and then expanded upon in 21. I just think their whole relationship was well done and confirmed a lot of things about how Cartman would act as a boyfriend - love bombing, isolating, jealousy, paranoia, etc. I also love how when Kyle brought everyone together to troll, Stan was like “for what” and Kyle was like “NO TIME JUST DO IT” and Stan just goes “okay!” and runs off because he will literally do anything for Kyle. So yeah, unpopular opinion but I enjoy Season 20 even with all its plot holes and flaws.

13. Unpopular opinion about Kyle and Stan?

Kyle: I think this is less an unpopular opinion about HIM and more an unpopular opinion about how fandom treats him, but I really dislike the constant debate about masc/femme… it’s been going on since at least the 2000’s when I started watching the show and it just goes through the same cycle over and over with people doubling down on their preferences and going to extremes that result in the character being sometimes unrecognizable on both ends of the spectrum. Personally I’ve never been a fan of super masc interpretations or, like, Jersey Kyle being a thing, but I don’t think Kyle is particularly femme either. I think the show does a good job of portraying a well rounded character who has both ‘masc’ and ‘femme’ traits, though I think Matt & Trey lean more heavily on character tropes that are often filled by girls (such as being the nag, the wet blanket, the nurturing family oriented one, the one needing saving, even the fiery redhead trope) for whatever reason. The best versions of Kyle I’ve seen or read have always been somewhere in the middle because then he comes off as more multifaceted. It’s the age old Fingerbang argument of tough vs sweet… he’s both! He’s always been both and I try to achieve that balance in my own interpretation.

Stan: Also an unpopular opinion about fandom rather than the character… Stan is both a sports guy and an animal guy. He’s also a board game guy and a music guy. He’s a multifaceted dude with a wide range of interests! Being into football doesn’t mean he can’t be into the other things, and people saying he’s into football doesn’t mean they’re ignoring the other stuff. Humans are typically into multiple things, and Stan is no exception. He can be a dork and a jock at the same time. He can be big and buff and also empathetic with a soft spot for animals. He can be a quarterback and still like metal music. He can be masc and sensitive at the same time. So I guess this complaint is similar to what I said about Kyle in that I think shoving Stan into one box, regardless of what that box is, is doing a disservice to his character.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

Pretty typical answer, but instead of shifting the show’s focus onto Randy and Tegridy Farms I would have gone back to the roots and focused on the boys. Everything about the show is better when it’s about the kids being kids. Randy is best when he’s utilized in moderation.

[couldntbedamned]

That’s an interesting theory!

I have a lot more patience and appreciation for both x Reader and x OC fics than I did when I was growing up in fandom, partly because I finally reached a point where I was like “why the fuck am I letting other people dictate what kind of fic I can write/enjoy?” There was SO MUCH SHAME and harassment involved for writers of x Reader and x OC fic when I first started that I’m happy some of the newer generations of fandom don’t really have to worry about it.

If I had any complaint for x Reader or x (Y/N) (besides female canon characters and love interests are always jealous harpy bitches, of course) it would be that skinny white girl is the default and there’s no real drive to be inclusive. Then when People of Color specifically write PoC readers, readers who aren’t PoC have the fucking audacity to complain they feel excluded and it’s exhausting for everyone involved (but especially for PoC). (And I get it - writing an inclusive Reader takes a fuckton of unlearning and self-reflection; but it’s possible.)

OCs can take a while to grow on me, I’ll admit, particularly when it seems their biggest goal is to “knock the canon character down a peg or two” or “beat character at their own game” and prompt comments like “OH MY GOSH JUST DRAG THEM!!!1!” Like, I don’t want to read that; I want to read about my favorite character being happy, not humiliated. So, it’s on me to really pay attention to summaries and tags and make sure that I know what I’m getting into and I think I’ve done a pretty good job of that. There have been a few fics I had to stop reading because of it.

Sometimes I think it’s easy to forget that fandom is a community and everyone has different experiences that will allow them to see and interpret a character or canon in different ways and that that’s a good thing. I have my interpretations of characters and canon and they’re very close to my heart but I don’t think they’re definitive and I don’t begrudge others who may see it differently. (I have ships that other people abhor and other people have ships that make me go “wtf!” It’s all subjective.)

Fic and fandom would be so fucking boring if everyone had the same views and interpretations and I think a lot of modern readers and authors forget that. “Well, I like it this way so everyone else needs to write it this way.” No. That’s not how it works, but it doesn’t seem to stop harassment of authors who don’t write x or y or z and it gets really, really fucking annoying to see authors I like and admire just straight up stop writing or leave because a similar trope was used or a character was written a different way or whatnot and readers and the community felt the need to harass them.

(Like, unless there’s a kink/trope I don’t like, give me ALL the “there was only one bed” or “aliens made them do it” fic. Ideas and tropes aren’t set resource; there’s enough for every author to write one!)

I also just hate harassment of authors in general, and it’s fucking rampant on here.

I don’t have much of an audience on Pillowfort, but I love posting my stuff there  along with AO3 (where I do get much more engagement). The nature of AO3 being an archive and not social media keeps a lot of clique-y behavior from forming over there and Pillowfort just straight-up doesn’t tolerate harassment.

Oh, and to be clear, this isn't specific to MCU. I'm seeing it in my other fandoms, too.

I'd have a lot more enthusiasm for sharing fic I write on tumblr if so much of the fandom here wasn't so fucking clique-y and gatekeeping.

At least on AO3 and Pillowfort I haven't encountered any drama or in-fighting but here on tumblr.com? JFC.

[thatonefandomjumper]

The issue with Caleo

(This took me a couple of day's + actual research, so I hope it turned out fine)

I remember reading The House of Hades for the first time. As Leo had become my favorite character at that point the thing I was most excited for was his landing in Ogygia to meet Calypso

I had high hopes for that plotline. I was excited to see their relationship develop throughout the books. But when I finished the chapters, it left a bad taste in my mouth, and I couldn’t quite place why. Said bad taste only got worse after reading the Blood of Olympus.

I told my friend about my confusing feelings for the ship and they assured me that they'd have plenty of good moments during the Trials of Apollo.

They didn’t. They got actively worse. 

It was at that point where I started pinpointing reasons as to my dislike of the ship. Both by finding people on the internet who shared my opinions and by talking about it with friends, the issues with the ship itself just kept piling up.

So why is the ship so bad? And why do many people still actively enjoy it? 

I've decided to compile as many reasons as I can to answer these questions, particularly the former and compile them together in this essay while also asking the question of “How to fix it?”

The two most common criticisms I’ve seen of the ship are “It was rushed\Came out of nowhere” and “The age difference.” For the first one: Yes. It was most definitely rushed. But that didn't have to be a bad thing. 

If I’m being totally honest, I don’t think Leo was written to end up in a relationship. His characterisation in tLH and MoA didn’t feel like they were building towards a romance, or at the very least, it being an afterthought. 

A piece of evidence I have for this reasoning is Percy making the promise to free Calypso. Riordan had presumably made the lost trio by this point as the books were only a year apart. Why would he make it so the gods didn’t honor this specific promise? Yes, they're jerks who don’t keep their promises, but for this particular one it always felt more like an excuse rather than an actual plot point. 

My personal theory for Calypso being reintroduced at all to be Leo’s love interest was the fault of fandom. Yes, the fandom now seems to be more self aware of the fact that teenagers don’t need to be shoved into relationships to feel fulfilled but back then, there were a lot of memes and demands to give Leo a girlfriend. Which is something Riordan seemed to take active notice of. At least on Twitter.

Back to the topic of it being rushed, I would like to compare it to another rushed ship; Solangelo.

Now, before the Solangelo stans come after me, the ship did come out of nowhere. Will was just a background character that was revamped to become Nico's boyfriend. But the relationship itself was expanded upon in ToA in a mostly positive way.

Caleo did the same thing but worse. It expanded upon the ship in a way that was primarily negative. 

But at this point I may hear you asking “Okay, you have only been expressing distaste about the ship instead of giving any actual reasons as to why it’s bad?”

Which brings me to the second most common criticism: The age difference.

Leo is 16. Calypso is over 4612. I think you can immediately spot a problem there.

Now, Calypso is stated to be mentally and physically 16. The physical part makes sense, cuz, well, gods and stuff. But I’ve got a few bones to pick with the mentally one.

When they say ‘mentally 16’ I assume what they mean is that her brain stopped developing when she turned the titan equivalent of 16. That still doesn't mean that she’s lived the years that she did. The fact that her brain stopped maturing doesn't mean that she’s not thousands of years old.

In all honesty, I hate this trope so much. The concept of characters being ‘mentally younger’ is just there to excuse pairing them up with minors. It’s gross.

But for the sake of fairness, I’m going to be ignoring the age difference for the majority of the rest of this essay. Because even without it, the ship doesn't work. In the case of a ship like Sanubis, if the age difference was removed, I’d enjoy the ship a lot more.

The same can not be said about Caleo.

Let’s start with an order of events.

Calypso was cursed after the first titan war to be confined to Ogygia and was forced to fall in love with the men that the gods sent to her with them inevitably leaving her in the end.

We first meet her in tBotL when Percy washes up on her island. Were sympathetic towards her. Her situation is tragic. Percy is also a naturally caring person so he obviously wants her to be okay.

So one of the few promises he makes the gods swear is that they release Calypso.

Flash forward to HoH and Leo lands in Ogygia.

They have a rough start with Calypso immediately getting mad at him for breaking her dining table and then cursing the gods for having the audacity to send someone who wasn't handsome.

It is worth noting that Leo is often insecure about his scrawniness and Calypso is rubbing that fact in hard. But we can sort of excuse it since it makes sense. Calypso is frustrated that despite Percy’s wish, she’s still trapped and men are still being sent to her island.

It is pretty unclear how long Leo spends on her island. Some say around a week. Some say a month. Time in Ogygia is established to be quite unclear and to work differently from normal time. So the in-universe length they got to get to know each other is pretty hard to pin down but we can safely conclude that it wasn’t long enough for Leo to immediately swear a death oath for her.

I honestly don't have too much to say about their interactions in HoH. It was mostly just Calypso being rude to Leo while he actively avoided her. (There was the scene where Gaia tells Calypso to kill Leo in exchange for her freedom and Calypso rejects. I just want to say that Calypso hunting Leo for sport would have been a lot funnier than them entering a relationship.)

In my opinion, the biggest casually in their relationship were their character arcs. More specifically, Leo’s.

And I’m not trying to downgrade the fact that Calypso’s arc was also ruined. But Leo is a main character. Calypso was only brought back to be his love interest. That, mixed with the fact that she changes personality with every book she’s in, it’s pretty hard to pinpoint a character arc of her own to begin with.

But Leo’s? Oh boy.

Despite everything we know about him, Leo’s backstory is a little unclear. Sure we know what happened to him, but none of the details. 

Hera, his mothers death and his aunt’s rejection of him are the ones we know the most details on. It’s his time being homeless and in foster care that raises questions.

He ran away six times between the ages of 8-14 where he was eventually sentenced by court to go to the wilderness school. 

Pretty much all we know about the details is that he slept in sewers and had an abusive foster parent at some point? But running away six times??? Even without the details it is safe to conclude that things weren’t pleasant.

All of this is heavily woven into his personality. Or at least, was. 

The Lost Hero and Mark of Athena are definitely the two books that portray Leo’s character the best. In tLH he says that humor is a good way to hide the pain which is something he demonstrates quite often throughout the two books, especially tLH. In HoH beyond however, it’s not like it’s completely forgotten about, but it takes a big backseat to Calypso.

I think, at least character wise, this is a stupid decision. Throughout the two books, Leo is shown to be desperately lonely. He self isolates quite a bit while constantly doing maintenance and building the Argo and that causes him to grow more distance from his friends. (To be fair, Jason and Piper didn’t make much of an effort either but I think that is something the three of them should have had a conversation about.)

Leo desperately wants a girlfriend. Being surrounded by couples constantly and with the "help" of Nemesis he falls into his whole "seventh wheel" mindset. He flirts around with people way out of his league, mostly so he doesn't end up truly falling for someone. 

I never really saw his constant flirting as sincere. It can be interpreted as him being desperately lonely and trying what he could to find someone or some sort of self aimed internalized homophobia. 

But he appeared to think that getting a girlfriend will solve most of his problems, which is by all accounts, a bad thing. Convincing himself that finding a romantic partner is the end goal of finding happiness is a mindset that is inherently toxic and he should learn to grow out of.

But no.

Instead he just… gets it???

He gets together with Calypso without getting any healthy way to deal with his loneliness.

And oh boy do I think that impacted him negatively.

In BoO a big majority of Leo’s internal monologue is about Calypso. It’s supposed to be sweet, him caring about her so much. But honestly? I found it a bit disturbing.

Not in a “creepy stalker” way though. It was more that it showed just how bad his mental state had gotten that he was willing to commit suicide for a girl he bearly knew because she showed him any form of romantic attraction.

I often find myself thinking about Leo’s sacrifice in general. I think that whole ordeal was handled pretty badly for many different reasons, but for now, all I will be touching on is Leo’s motive. I think Leo would have planned to die, even if Calypso wasn’t in the picture. But making his death about her was a bad move.

In tLH and MoA we get pages upon pages of Leo’s internal monologue about how much he appreciates his friends (especially in tLH) with them not reciprocating. Sure, they care about him a lot, but no to the same extent that he cares about them. Making his death about saving them, especially Jason, would be much more of a gut punch than a person he spent four chapters with.

And I feel that it could directly tie into his friends' arcs (mostly Piper and Jason’s) where they truly learn to appreciate him as a person and as a part of the team. 

I have so many issues with Leo’s death, especially with the aftermath and double especially with the reaction to him coming back. Like… a punching line? Really? I get it’s suppose to be a joke but literally all everyone talked about is how sad Leo’s death made them feel, insted of the fact that he essentially committed glorified suicide with a respawn cheet code that he wasn’t even sure would work.

There is also the issue with the fact that Leo has canonically been abused. A line of people punching him with that information is just… it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

That’s not what this essay is about but I had to get that off my chest.

Let's go back to Calypso.

I honestly don't think Calypso ever truly loved Leo, but rather the freedom that comes with him. She never had a choice. When someone washed up on her island, she was cursed to fall for them. Same with Leo. You may say that she eventually learned to love him without the curse, but I don't think so.

Off the top of my head, I can think of three pleasant Caleo scenes. Three. The first one is where Leo is sent back from her island and they have their first kiss. The kiss always felt a bit manipulative to me. She only kissed him to make sure he came back. And he did! I don’t think Leo thought about her in a romantic sense until that moment. Sure, she called her hot in his mind a few times, but thinking someone is attractive and being so madly in love that you would die are two different things. I’m also not saying that Calypso was an ‘evil manipulator’ or something like that. I just think she was desperately lonely and was trying to find a way to escape off the island.

The second one is the scene where Leo picks up Calypso from Ogygia after having just died. I don't have too many issues with the scene itself, more with the consequences of it.

The third one is in The Dark Prophecy, whereas Leo and Calypso sit Apollo down to tell him that they're going to stay together at the Waystation and try to make their relationship work. But like… They haven't given me a single reason to route for that relationship. Especially not in tDP. Every other scene with them was arguments (although the arguments were mostly one-sided) or them just happening to be in the same room together.

And those arguments were… Well, I felt a bit uncomfortable reading them. In probably the most memorable one, Calypso was calling him out on the fact that he jokes while stressed and that he uses machines as metaphors for real people. The two of them + Apollo are discussing how to save Jo and Emmie’s daughter, Georgina. Leo mentioned an idea for an invention he and Jo could make to find her. And Calypso snaps at him and says he is looking at people as if they were machines.

Her reaction is just… so odd to me. Yes, Leo has a tendency to reduce everything to programs in his head, but in this case he was literally not doing that. He was trying to come up with ways that he could help find Georgina and his speciality is machines, so of course he’d try to find a solution within his skillset.

And then there is the fact that Leo is neurodivergent. Some Nd people tend to think in different ways from others and Leo clearly does so by imagining the world as one big machine. And there is really nothing wrong with that. It’s literally just how his mind works.

So I truly don’t understand the point of this ‘argument.’ Was it to create drama? Was it to establish Calypso's new characterisation??? I truly don’t see the point.

It’s like every conversation they have is just Calypso putting Leo down. Insulting him on his looks, jokes and ideas. It is incredibly rare that we ever say anything genuinely nice about him.

That is not to say that Leo is blameless. The mamacita thing? Yeah, no. That shouldn’t have been there. For those who don’t know, here is an explanation on what mamacita means: The literal translation of mamacita is "little mother" but the figurative and more accurate translation is "hot momma." The word is inextricably linked to a man's perception of a woman as an object of sexual desire.

I don’t think I have to go into why that’s bad. Especially when she told him to stop multiple times.

To be fair, Leo does get called out on it in ToN, and I am happy that he was. But at the same time it frustrates me a little bit, because Leo is being rightfully scolded for not respecting Calypso’s comfort zone, but we never see Calypso get called out for the same thing.

Both Leo and Calypso felt very out of character to me in tDP, the book that is supposedly supposed to sell you on their relationship. 

Leo was a lot more of a comic relief character than he usually is. Sure, he’s not the most serious character, but he had depth. I suppose that I can excuse that a little bit though, as we're seeing him through Apollo’s pov, and from the vast majority of povs besides his own, he is just that one funny friend who cracks jokes. It’s only from his own pov that we really see his struggles. But it still frustrates me because it was never resolved. His trauma is made clear to is it tLH and then it’s never fixed or even acknowledged beyond Leo’s internal monologue and like… two sentences where he briefly talks about it with someone?!?!

Calypso, on the other hand, has a very noticeable personality change. In BotL she is caring, kind and sad. She didn’t have much of a personality and was mostly there to make Percy question the gods and Luke’s motives.

In House of Hades, she is completely different. She’s some form of mad, annoyed or rude throughout the entirety of the book. And in The Dark Prophecy, she’s put up more of a “bad girl” persona.

My only real guess for her sudden change in personality is that Riordan either wanted Caleo to be more like Percabeth or he wanted her attitude towards him to be funny.

Neither of which succeeded.

Then there is the topic of Calypso's curse.

Calypso’s damn curse.

I've already touched on a few aspects of it in earlier parts so I'll try to not repeat myself too much.

But Calypso never had a choice on who came to her island. The gods always sent someone. So the fact that she ends up with the one guy who came back for her just… doesn’t sit right with me. It’s almost as if Calypso owed Leo a relationship for saving her.

And in a narrative sense, it almost felt like a reward for Leo, “Well kid, you've successfully defeated the big bad. Here, have this girlfriend as your prize.”

If Calypso were to decide to break up with Leo, there would always be an air of “But he saved you. You have to be with him.”

And for Leo, this is a literal goddess. The queen of Ogygia and a titaness who has lived literally thousands of years and is older than his dad. Yes, she becomes mortal in The Dark Prophecy (Which I personally think is a stupid decision.) but that still creates a big power difference.

Another thing I have an issue with relates to the fact that Calypso seems to be the priority in the whole relationship.

What I mean by that is that Calypso has been trapped her whole life. She’s never seen the world and decades have passed with her doing nothing but sitting on her island hoping someone would free her.

Leo on the other hand, has been on the run his whole life. He’s never truly had a place to call home after his mom died. He’s been sent to foster home after foster home running away every time. Whether they'd be from the police, the family he previously stayed at or child services, he’s always running.

What Calypso needs is to travel and see the world. What Leo needs is stability and a place to settle down and call home.

And yet, Leo’s absolute first priority in the end of BoO is to show Calypso the world, completely disregarding his own needs. 

He does semi get that ending in ToN where he is seen living at the Waystation, which did make me glad. Calypso is at band camp during that time however, taking a break from their relationship (and god I hope that’s permanent) to experience more parts of life.

Then there is something I don’t think I’ve seen anyone talk about.

In The House of Hades, Calypso mentioned having skimmed through Leo’s life with her magic.

That’s… kind of a huge breach of privacy. Sure, she wanted to know what outfit to make, but how much else did she see?  Some things Leo might not have been comfortable with her knowing, or at least not yet. 

You may look at this as a “She loves him even after having seen his flaws, ” but may I remind you that she literally had no other choice if she wanted to escape her prison?

And after finally escaping she doesn’t treat Leo well at all. 

I've noticed a very specific distinction in canon Calypso and fanon Calypso. There are two main versions of fanon Calypso. One who thinks Leo is charming. She laughs at his jokes, looks at him fondly and the two of them are happy together. The other one loathes him, constantly wondering why she’s dating him. Getting irritated at the smallest joke and it all being excused because ‘Leo likes her.’

Both of them are wrong in their own way but the latter is sadly more accurate.

Canon Calypso seemed genuinely irritated every time Leo cracks a joke. It’s not a ‘she secretly likes it and is pretending she doesn’t because tsundere or whatever.’ She seems to just genuinely dislike them.

Leo uses his humor as a coping mechanism. He’s been through a lot of bad stuff and the only way he knows how to handle it is to laugh it off and crack jokes. I’m not saying that its a good coming mechanism and that he shouldn’t try to get help, but I think that constantly being told that the way you deal with your trauma is stupid is not a good way to go about it. At all.

“But Calypso may not have known about his trauma!” She went through his memories. She is bound to know something.

I haven't even touched on Calypso cursing Annabeth. I get that she was sad, but aiming her anger at Annabeth instead of Percy? Someone he wasn’t even dating yet? Yeah, I think Percy fully underreacted when he met her again.

Now, I wanna take a minute to talk about the Odyssey. It is referenced several times when Calypso is brought up. The narrative of the Odyssey seems to be a bit different from the actual book by Homer and the one we have in the riordanverse.

In that book, we first meet Calypso. When Odysseus arrives on her island, it is made very clear that he is a prisoner. In some iterations, Calypso... does some very very bad things to him. He is kept there for seven years until Athena asks Zeus to send Hermes to ask Calypso to free him, which she reluctantly does.

This seems to be a bit different from the version in pjo where Odysseus supposedly stayed there willingly.

I just question the decision to make someone who was, in their original telling, an immortal kidnapper( along with other things other things), a ‘menatally 16 year old’ who then moves on to enter a relationship with one of the more traumatized 16 year old leads.

You may bring up the argument that the gods were also heavily sanitized, but at least none of them actually entered relationships with children.

But despite all of this, I see the appeal in the ship. I understand why so many people like it. I originally only had a vague idea as to why but I asked a few Caleo shippers why they enjoyed it and the explanations do make sense.

It’s a classic fairy-tail trope with the not so classical protagonists. Leo is not the typical prince charming. He is a scruffy kid who just wants to help someone he cares about. And Calypso, though she could definitely have fit the stereotypical disney princess archetype in BotL, her revamped HoH self is nothing like that. She’s rude and angry most of the time unlike the usuals damsels that need saving.

The main points of enjoyment seem to be the opposites attract trope (personality wise) and the little moments. Leo calling Calypso sunshine. The two of them, planning to open a repair shop together.

And I get it. I really do. Those things could make for cute scenarios.

People use fiction to escape reality. Not enjoying certain parts of it would break the immersion quite a bit. So looking at Caleo as the author intended is what most people do, and that way, they enjoy it. Looking past the author's intentions and not liking what you find is not fun. Heck, I wrote a whole essay about how I dislike a ship that is canon and I know for a fact that if I liked Caleo, my enjoyment of Heroes of Olympus and Trials of Apollo would go up by quite a bit. 

But I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t care about the series and It’s characters.

And so, with that said, we've reached the question of “How to fix it?”

Calypso should have joined The Hunters of Artemis. 

It was such an obvious direction for her character to go that I can’t believe some people haven't thought of it. Whether it was after Leo saved her or if the gods let her out, this is what I think should have happened.  Calypso has been trapped her whole life, the only people besides the gods that she interacted with were the men she was cursed to fall in love with, so she is both constantly heartbroken and lonely. And after she finally is free from her island prison she expresses her desire to explore the world she missed out on. But she’s also scared of losing her immortality and becoming mortal.

The Hunters are a group of girls who travel the world together and always have each other's back. They are granted immortality upon entering and swear in oath to never date men. I honestly think it speaks for itself just how perfectly Calypso’s arc would have been wrapped up if she joined them.

For Leo, this question is a bit more complicated.

I’d say there are three ways Leo’s romantic ‘arc’ can go. 1. He doesn’t need a love interest to be a good character and learns to love himself and the people around him. 2. He gets another love interest that doesn't have the same problems. 3. Or he and Calypso do get together, but it is treated as a bad thing.

I like the first one the most. Leo is incredibly self-loathing and thinks having someone to call his own will fix that. Him getting the support he needs or realizing on his own that he doesn't need ‘someone’ to be happy would be a perfect way to wrap up his character. It would also make his ‘sacrifice’ more impactful, as it would be a 100% his own choice with no outside factors guiding him.

The second option is a bit trickier, but if I had to give him any other love interest, I’d probably go with Nico. Now, before the solangelo shippers skin me alive, let me explain my thought process. To keep it short, Leo and Nico are very much ‘the loners’ on the Argo. The only two without a romantic partner. They also mirror each other pretty well. Nico, an extrovert, became an introvert due to trauma. And Leo, an introvert, became an extrovert due to trauma. It would be a good way to help each other heal. Also, Leo being attracted to men in some capacity could be a good explanation for his over the top insincere flirting with women. I could honestly make a whole nother essay on the lost potential of Valdangelo.

The third one would be quite interesting. I could honestly see their relationship being the exact same as it is in canon, but this time, the plot and the other characters actually acknowledge the bad parts. Calypso could realize that she doesnt need a man to make her happy. Leo’s friends could actually notice how bad his mental state is and try to help him.

These are, of course, not the only options. I've heard of some other good ideas out there.

If you still enjoy the ship after all of this, then more power to you. I am not here to tell you what you can and can’t ship. And I am glad you can find enjoyment in something I can’t, especially since it being a canon ship, enjoying it would bring the overall enjoyment of the books up. I’m pretty burned out on this ship in all honesty. I think I’ll take a break from thinking about it for a while, in both positive and negative ways.

Hearing other people's opinions on it helped me realize why the ship appealed to as many people as it does. But me? I don’t think I’ll ever warm up to the ship. I think it’ll alway be, in my opinion, the worst canon pjo ship.

(4840 Words. If you have any thoughts or opinions feel free to share them!)

[thefinalboss387]

My Ghostface Ranking

Hello everyone!

I’ve been in a big Scream mood lately (and always), so I figured I’d do a ranking of my favorite killers in the Scream franchise.

This will include the killers from all three seasons of the TV series, as well as Scream 1-6. I also included Jason, the opening kill of 6, because why not lol. Comes to 17 killers total! (I didn’t include the killer from the one-shot Halloween Special of the TV Series, as he didn’t even resemble Ghostface unlike the others). SPOILERS for all of that by the way!!

My rankings are very different than a lot of the ones I’ve seen floating around the internet, so please be respectful of my opinion! I love all most of these characters and any differing opinions are 100% valid!

17. Jamal “Jay” Elliot - TV Series, Season 3

I have to admit, I enjoyed season 3 of the TV Series. It was cool to see the perspective shift to a lower-income neighborhood, and having a more diverse main cast. With that said... Jay was unfortunately a very underwhelming killer and character as a whole. A lot of this comes down to Tyga’s performance. His line delivery was so wooden despite his emotional backstory and motive. His killer reveal happens as he lay there dying, which took away a lot of the stakes and gravity of the moment. The character had a lot of potential, but unfortunately I don’t feel that it was tapped at all.

16. Jason Carvey - Scream VI

Yeahhhh, Jason was never going to make it far up this list. I was hesitant to even add him at all. He is one of the opening kills of Scream VI, but what the character brought to the table for his limited screen time was really fresh and interesting. In the opening scene of the movie, we have Ghostface commit a murder and then unmask himself??? It was cool to follow a Ghostface Killer’s perspective, watch him interact with Tara while secretly plotting her death, describe how his first kill felt, etc.

15. Quinn Bailey - Scream VI

I actually really liked Quinn. Her quirky, sex-positive roommate character was extremely fun and endearing, and turning the trope around to make that sex-positive character the killer was a fun twist. Unfortunately, though, I feel like Quinn became less interesting after her killer reveal. She was just kind of.... angry, and lost a lot of her fun quirkiness. She is the only killer that I feel got less interesting after revealing themselves as a killer. I also believe she was only actually responsible for one kill (Gale’s boytoy), which is disappointing. Ultimately, I feel it would have been a better move NOT to make her one of the killers, keep her the fun quirky friend she was pre-reveal, and allow more much-needed focus to the film’s other two main killers.

14. Charlie Walker - Scream 4

In most of the Ghostface partnerships, there is usually a mastermind and a minion. Charlie is one of the more obvious examples of the “minion” type, and unfortunately very much gets overshadowed by his partner - more on her later. Charlie himself is fine - I don’t particularly love OR hate him? It was a fun twist to see the Randy-type horror trivia nerd turn out to be the killer, and I did enjoy his flirty dynamic with Kirby. I am personally of the belief that Charlie was behind the mask for most of the movie, doing Jill’s dirty work so she could keep her hands clean. He was an efficient and brutal Ghostface who unfortunately did not get much time to shine post-reveal.

13. Stu Macher - Scream (1996)

I know. I know. Don’t kill me. I’m sorry. Stu, I feel, is usually somewhere in the top 3 on everyone’s Ghostface rankings. And I get it. Matthew Lillard’s performance as the character is great. Stu is extremely entertaining, freakin crazy, and fun to watch. But beyond that.... I’m sorry, he just didn’t have much importance in the grand scheme of things. He was little more than Billy’s minion. He had some of the greatest lines in the franchise, but also... his motive was peer pressure. As charismatic and amazing as his performance is, I just can’t justify putting him any higher on this list.

12. Richie Kirsch - Scream (2022)

While we’re on the topic of Ghostface Killers with incredibly high charisma, here’s Richie Kirsch! I honestly really like Richie. He’s very likeable, both pre- AND post-reveal. His “toxic fandom” motive is interesting. I also really enjoy that he and Amber never really show any signs of wanting to betray or kill each other, and seem to genuinely respect each other. This is also the only Ghostface team that I really don’t think the mastermind/minion dynamic applies to, as they seem to be on pretty equal footing. But a lot of what I find interesting about Richie comes with subtext. Upon rewatches, there is so much subtext surrounding his character. How he claims to never have seen a Stab movie, but then stands there in shock and awe in the background when he first meets Dewey, and watches Stab movies and Stab analysis videos in every second of idle time we see him have. The chemistry and body language when Richie and Amber “meet for the first time”, and the looks they give each other when Amber half-jokingly throws suspicion on him. Richie was overall a fun and compelling character, and Scream VI expanding on his backstory and the depths of his toxic fandom was really interesting.

11. Piper Shaw - TV Series, Season 1

Piper was the killer in the first season of the TV Series. Seemingly, she started off as the show’s answer to Gale Weathers: a true crime podcaster that came to Lakewood to investigate the recent string of killings, and the town’s history of previous killings. She befriended Emma, the show’s main character, and became something of a confidant to her, a shoulder to cry on. In the end, Piper was revealed to be the killer, the daughter of a man who (supposedly) famously killed a bunch of teens decades ago.... and Emma’s secret half-sister. She was carrying out a vendetta she had against Emma’s mother for abandoning her as a child. Although Piper isn’t given a whole lot of time to shine post-reveal (her final revelation/fight scene is only a few minutes long), she is mentioned a lot in season 2. In a lot of ways, she is the mastermind of the show’s first two seasons, even after her death in season 1. I feel like I would’ve liked Piper a lot more if we got to spend more time with her and better understand her, but alas....

10. Mickey Altieri - Scream 2

Of all the “minion” Ghostfaces, Mickey was the one that got the closest to being a mastermind type. Even though he was pretty much under Mrs. Loomis’s thumb, he had his own motive, his own goals and ideas, his own agency as a character. He also dealt some serious psychological blows to Sidney. Mickey was a solid Ghostface that left a lasting impact on Sidney and the franchise as a whole - even if he largely goes unrecognized for it. He was the only Ghostface that wanted to get caught, and wanted to undergo a big, high-profile court case where he used violence in cinema as a defense. I’m not sure how well that motive has aged for this day and age, but back when Scream 2 came out, that was a very hot-button issue and I could very well see a court case like that getting huge media attention.

9. Ethan Landry - Scream VI

Honestly... I was surprised when I found myself putting Ethan this high up the list. I liked Scream VI, but my biggest issue with it is that, since the movie has three main killers to contend with, it unfortunately means that none of them really get the development or focus that they should. And if you haven’t been able to guess yet by the Ghostfaces ranked below Ethan, I tend not to appreciate the “minion” killers as much as the masterminds. But, here is also where a new trend will start to become apparent on this list - I have a big weakness for mentor/mentee, parent/child types of relationships.... even villainous fictional ones. I had a pretty rough childhood, my adulthood is spent largely trying to mentor youth and be the adult I always wanted when I was a kid, and I love exploring those types of dynamics in fiction - even dark, twisted versions of it. I realized I loved Ethan the moment his father said that there’s a very special bond between a father and his “first son”, and that look of heartbreak and jealousy came across Ethan’s face. That quick look said everything you needed to know about his character. This sweet, awkward, emotional kid was getting up to some dark shit just to finally win his father’s approval and love. Ethan wasn’t a killer at heart, not really. He was just a lonely, unloved boy changing himself to be what his father wanted. That’s tragic. I really would’ve liked to see this batch of killers get more screentime and development, most especially Ethan. I think the character has a lot of potential - but, like some of the others below Ethan on this list, that potential never came to light.

8. Amber Freeman - Scream (2022)

Amber is just so FUN. She’s got that manic Stu energy, she is wildly unpredictable, but also has a lot more depth and agency than I feel Stu got. A lot of what I said about Richie also applies to Amber: There is a lot of subtext to unpack in earlier scenes of the movie between her and Richie before they reveal themselves, I think it’s rad that the two never really show signs of wanting to kill or betray each other, and they seem to be on pretty equal footing instead of taking on mastermind or minion roles to each other. Beyond that, Amber is just SO entertaining to watch, especially after her reveal as the killer - which, by the way, her reveal itself perfectly encapsulated just how chaotic her character was. You never really knew what she was thinking or what she would do next. A few times in the climax, she fell into a sobbing fit begging for mercy or declaring himself the victim to throw people off their guard, only to immediately snap back into killer mode. There was never a dull moment with Amber! AND HOW FREAKING COOL WAS HER DEATH SCENE???

7. Billy Loomis - Scream (1996)

This.... is another placement that I feel a little guilty about, and am afraid I might get hate for haha. A lot of people have Billy at #1 on their rankings. He’s the original, after all! The one that set everything in motion! And for the record, I do love Billy Loomis. A lot. He is a great character, and he paved the way for an entire franchise of Ghostfaces following in his footsteps. He came off as extremely threatening, extremely scary, and definitely was a great villain. My main issue with him is, both in AND out of canon, Billy is a bit overrated to me? The way he is talked about online, in forums, discussion videos, even in the movies themselves - especially with Sam’s visions of him in two movies now - almost seem to deify the character as some brilliant, almost supernatural, force of evil. In reality, he was a goofy, bumbling teenager that made a lot of dumb rookie mistakes, constantly got battered up in fights, etc. His effectiveness in the original movie was BECAUSE he was so “real”. Anyone, even your boyfriend, could secretly be a psycho out to get you. As much as I love Billy, and as much as I respect the legacy he started, there are definitely others in the Ghostface mask that have personally affected me more.

6. Beth - TV Series, Season 3

Beth is pretty unique for a Ghostface Killer. Jay, her partner, is the one with the motive, with the personal grudge, the goal to achieve. Beth’s motive is that she is a sociopath and just wants to kill people. Despite that, though, Beth is the mastermind of the duo. She listened to Jay’s problems and convinced him to be her partner and kill alongside her, so that she could be the horror villain she always wanted to be. Beth is the resident horror fanatic that all Scream media must have, dishing out the rules to survive and throwing out horror references, and this continues well after her reveal as the killer - and the horror commentary only becomes more fun with lines like “No wonder Jason never runs after all those stupid counselors. This is freaking exhausting!” With Jay betrayed and killed off before her reveal as his partner, Beth gets a lot of time to shine, with almost half of the final episode devoted to her final confrontation. She was genuinely a lot of fun as a character and as a killer. (But I hate that she’s the only Ghostface in the franchise that doesn’t have a full name!)

5. Nancy Loomis AKA Debbie Salt - Scream 2

Mrs. Loomis was the Ghostface reveal that shocked me the most. I genuinely did not see that coming. Laurie Metcalf is a great actress, and pretty well known, but her part in the movie pre-reveal was so small that she was barely even on my radar. And what a performance! Laurie Metcalf comes off as genuinely freaking unhinged in this film, and her eyes are so expressive and full of madness. She has, in my opinion, one of the best fight scenes in the franchise on that stage with Sidney. As I said in Ethan’s entry, I have a weakness for those mentor/parental relationships, and one thing I love about Mrs. Loomis is how maternal she comes off as... even though she tends to completely screw over the young men she has such love for. She speaks so lovingly of her son Billy, her entire motive is avenging his downfall and death, even though she abandoned him and helped to cause that downfall in the first place. She takes Mickey under her wing and speaks proudly of his accomplishments and potential, even though she betrays and kills him. She’s deluded herself into thinking she is a nurturing, caring mother figure while completely deflecting her own worst qualities and actions onto others. Blaming Sidney’s mother for her own abandonment of Billy and the psychological damage that caused him, and blaming Sidney for everything resulting from that, is only further proof of that delusion.

4. Kieran Wilcox - TV Series, Seasons 1-2

Kieran is the only time on this list that I like the “minion” killer more than the “mastermind” killer. And even though he definitely takes an almost subservient role to Piper, after her death he is forced to step up and become more of a mastermind type. In season 2 of the TV Series, he is the sole killer, and we learn that he had a hand in a few of the deaths of season 1 as well. His kills are easily some of the most brutal in the franchise, and it quickly becomes apparent that he is far more gruesome than Piper. He poses as Emma’s boyfriend for the bulk of the show, though he secretly was dating Piper and spoke of her almost in a worshipful tone - he even ends up dragging her corpse out of the lake and keeping it in his “lair”. He had mental issues, but Piper honed them and taught him to let out his aggression by killing. With Piper being an adult podcaster and Kieran being an underage high school student, there is definitely a lot of creepy undertones here, but it shows some depth to Kieran’s character and motive. In the end, he was ultimately a victim to Piper despite how awful he himself grew to be. He stepped out of her shadow and became a formidable killer in his own right, even killing the mayor of Lakewood, framing Emma herself for the murder, and manipulating Emma all steps of the way to distrust everyone around her.

3. Detective Wayne Bailey - Scream VI

I LOVE Detective Wayne Bailey. From what I can tell, I’m very much in the minority there, and I hear all of the complaints against his character. He’s hammy and over the top. I agree, but I don’t see how that’s a bad thing? Stu is VERY over the top and the majority of the fandom (myself included) loves him for it. Bailey checks a lot of the boxes I typically love in characters. He has those parental relationships with THREE children that all go a long way in defining the core of his character. He orchestrates and manipulates quite a lot, and I tend to really like the manipulative mastermind villains. He’s a corrupted cop, those are always fun in fiction. He seeks to avenge his oldest son’s death, but like Mrs. Loomis, he is completely oblivious to his own part in that death and the ramifications of his own actions. He fueled Richie’s love of Stab and horror, illegally got him Stab evidence for his collection, and basically bankrolled his murder spree. He sought to avenge his oldest son, while in the process killing Jason and Greg, two people who respected and revered Richie and wanted to complete his life’s work - he even mocks them for it. He uses his surviving two children as soldiers in his personal war, and ultimately gets them killed as well. He is so obsessed with avenging Richie that he neglects to appreciate the children he still has (see the “bond between a father and his oldest son” moment and Ethan’s reaction), even though part of his scheme involves openly mourning Quinn’s fake death. He claims that the Stab movies are “a little dark”, despite causing some of the most brutal kills in that dark franchise. He completely lacks self-awareness and is SUCH a toxic and awful example of what those mentor/parent relationships can look like, which is fun to explore in fiction. Yet, like Mrs. Loomis, he’s deluded himself into believing that he’s a good parent. Also, that bodega scene with the shotgun is SO INTENSE I LOVE IT

2. Roman Bridger - Scream 3

I’ve always loved the manipulative mastermind villains in fiction. Darth Sidious. Xehanort. Petyr Baelish. Wilson Fisk. Walter White. That’s not the sort of villain I ever expect to encounter in something like Scream. Yet, we got something along that vein with Roman Bridger. Similar to Piper, Roman was the illegitimate sibling of Sidney, and sought revenge for being abandoned as a child. He turned young Billy Loomis against Sidney and her mother, took him under his wing (there’s that mentor angle again!) and taught him how to successfully get away with murder. Roman didn’t directly murder Maureen Prescott, he directed someone else into doing it for him. When Billy moved on to trying to kill Sidney, and the resulting fame that arose from that, Roman finally took measures into his own red right hand and started another killing spree. He was the director of Stab 3, and began killing his actors to draw Sidney out of hiding, kill her, and frame her for his crimes in the process. One thing I appreciate about Roman is that he didn’t carry out his kills the same way as any other Ghostface on this list. Even when getting himself more directly involved as a killer, he directed people. He used a voice modifier to trick people and get them to go exactly where he wanted them. In some cases, he created a dangerous situation and then manipulated people into effectively getting themselves killed. He didn’t just stab people, he manipulated them, he blew them up, he turned them against each other. To be honest, Roman may even be my favorite Ghostface. I go back and forth between him and the #1 on this list a lot. Their order changes depending on the day and my mood. He scratches a lot of itches for me and I love his character. His final fight against Sidney is my favorite in the franchise and gives both of them time to shine.

1. Jill Roberts - Scream 4

But then there’s Jill. The other big shock I didn’t see coming - the other being Mrs. Loomis. Jill was the new main character, the new Final Girl, the new Sidney for a new generation. Until it turned out that that’s exactly what she WANTED. She may not be the level of mastermind that Roman was, but she had all of her friends, the police, the media, all fooled into thinking that she was the next Sidney. She had Charlie fooled into thinking that he would be the famous survivor, the Randy, alongside her. For a brief moment, she actually got what she wanted and WON. She betrayed and murdered her partner, she survived the Act 3 bloodbath at the house, she beat the living shit out of herself to sell her story and make her status as the survivor believable, and moved on to the hospital and a whole other fight scene. There is nothing I DON’T love about Jill. She was a great, and extremely effective, villain. She had, in my opinion, the greatest motive of the franchise. There’s some truth to it - in the age of social media and viral videos, she very well could have become rich and famous overnight, with movie deals and legions of fans. She also has some of the greatest Ghostface lines ever. “I’m gonna slit your eyelids in half so you don’t blink when I stab you in the face.”

[eddiediazes]

okay for fic writer appreciation day i’d like to shoutout both some friends and some writers i just admire, and particularly some fics i haven’t had a chance to rec yet but that i truly love!!! this is gonna be long-winded so i’ll put some under a cut

my evergreen by my beloved pal @colonoscopys - this fic!!!!!! god this fic. there are a few truly beautiful fics in this fandom where buck and eddie coparent more than one kid but there is really just. something about this one. rain has such a beautiful way with words, that’s true in all of their fics, and here it’s JUST. there are so many parts of this i think about all the time. eddie’s shoulders, mostly. if you know you know. this fic is so gentle, so domestic, so kind, all my favorite things in one big bundle!!! as a big softie i cannot recommend it enough. but also i truly love everything rain has written so honestly go read all of it.

honestly everything @sibylsleaves has ever written is wonderful and gorgeous but i’d like to give a shoutout to all i know since yesterday! this fic builds tension so well, and it has such a great twist with such a great setup up for this kind of misunderstanding. it takes a couple of different tropes i really love and weaves them together in a totally new way, but also has the benefit of being written by @sibylsleaves, who has such a fantastic understanding of the characters that i’m always so happy to read anything she writes so - combine those things and you end up with a truly delicious fic. i’ve reread this one a couple of times lately!

don’t take the money by @hmslusitania - MAN WHEN I. okay so i fucking love time loops man do i ever. and this was the first one i read for this fandom because i read it when i was still fairly on in watching the show and trying not to overspoil like kmsadf EVERYTHING for myself so i would look for fic that was set around where i was - and i found this fic!!!! and i am so glad i did. this fic is fun and sad and heartwrenching and clever and just! it’s everything i love about time loops, it’s got buck trying different things and getting exhausted and figuring out why he’s really stuck, trying things just because he knows there’s no consequences - it really ticks all the boxes for me and it’s so very well-written besides, as basically everything @hmslusitania writes is, all their aus are so amazing and well-crafted, i’ve enjoyed every fic of theirs that i have read and i’m so happy this was the first one i found.

while i’m talking about time loops!! the persistence of memory by @anxieteandbiscuits is definitely due for a shoutout. this one really is gut-wrenching because it’s not even based on a canon emergency but instead on a totally new nightmare BUT! i also love all the tenderness in this fic. there’s some very sweet interactions here between eddie and christopher, and the overall moral that eddie needs to learn to ask for help and rely on the people around him means there’s just such a sense of sinking into the comfort and trust of found family. i love the way buck and eddie interact here, i love the loops where you really get to see just buck’s trust in eddie, for a time loop fic this one really is just so kind which can be hard to find in this trope and i was so happy to see it in the tag and to follow it as it finished and i think it is absolutely worth a read if you too love a good time loop.

@buckactuallys honestly has so many fics i love but i’d love to give a special shoutout to just to help him see (what he’s been missing) because it is. SO fun and original and just an absolute delight to read. i think it was one of the earlier things i read in the fandom, and i was kind of surprised to find a bodyswap fic that also like - does not involve the bodyswap you would expect! but god oh my god it is so much fun. it makes me so happy that this fic exists and pia just executed it all so well - i never stop being impressed by writers who not only come up with an incredible concept but then who also make it just. exceed every expectation, and i feel like pia is always doing that, so. read this fic! and her other fics! treat yourself.

darling, the future’s better than yesterday by @hoediaz - this fic is sOOOOOO good. i’m really outing myself here as someone deeply obsessed with like ilkmasfd time shenanigans but there’s just something SO delicious about buck being there for eddie in some of his most vulnerable moments through some quirk of the universe that really just reached right into my chest and grabbed me by the heart. it’s all so very written in the stars and destined to be together and perfectly complimentary and. Man. truly honestly zoe just writes some of the best stuff in this fandom like the actors au is also obviously so incredible but i just wanted to give a shoutout to this fic because it really just. Hit Me when i read it and i think about it all the damn time - talk about a killer concept and execution

there are honestly so many @fallingthorns fics i could write an entire essay about, but today i will choose shower me with good times because buck’s journey as a father is something that can be SO personal and this fic is. such a lovely little representation of that, the way it moves through time, and buck being cherished and refusing to accept it or recognize it for so long but he IS!!! and he’s a dad. meg just has such a wonderful way of delving into difficult and vulnerable emotional journeys and this fic is no exception - if you love to suffer but be happy about she has really just some truly beautiful fics for that, and this one is a little lighter, but it made me so happy and on FATHER’S DAY no less, so really like. she’s a miracle worker for this one specifically

the definition of love and all things ineffable by @elvensorceress - i feel like the other trend here which is my desperate love for parenting fic is also shining through but kamsdf OH WELL! but anyways this fic is also about like buck just figuring out what love means to him and what it should look like and that journey is so, so beautiful - i read this once and then came back to reread it recently and it really just kind of took my breath away all over again - it finds so many ways to talk about how special what buck and eddie and chris have actually is and i’m so like. invested in that, it’s so much of what i love about this pairing, this fic is a perfect representative of that. so - in summary if you like me cry every day about how buck is chris’ dad and the concept of buck learning to recognize all the love he’s already received, this may be the fic for you!

I FEEL LIKE. there are so many other fics and authors i could wax poetic about but i have to cut myself off somewhere so - i’ll stop here for now but! to all of these authors, i appreciate you deeply, and to anybody looking for more fic to read - here’s some suggestions!

[writingonsaturn]

Better Unsaid

a/n okay this has been all over the place!! it was originally going to be a blurb and darker and closer to smutty (so keep your eyes out for that??? lol), but then I made it softer and the concept got away from me and it got soooo much longer than expected lmao and i still dont love where it ended so maybe part 2?? i have the idea i just dont know lol 

summary: Reader is a princess and Anakin has been her guard during the most public season for the past two years (not the most logical thing but just go with it lol, it gets explained better in the fic) and after a near death experience the two are conveniently forced into a....

ONE BED TROPE ONE BED TROPE *cough cough* ONE BED TROPE WITH ONE PERSON HAVING TO WAKE UP THE OTHER BC THEYRE HAVING A NIGHTMARE,, :)))))))

  --

His smugness is the only thing about him I can consider ‘ugly’. And because I am so desperate to not have feeling for Anakin, the Jedi who has been assigned to protect me through coronation season (which lasts for most of winter), for the last two coronation seasons, I hold onto my distaste for that side of him. Which is why I suppress my laugh as he waits for my reaction with that confident smile. 

“Come on, that was funny.” 

Rolling my eyes, I let myself sit on my bed. I can’t tell if he’s actually funny or if my evening has been so boring that his sense of humor has started to become appealing to me due to comparison. In short, the suitor I was forced to spend an entire evening with lacked personality so much I’m starting to find Anakin funny.

“You’re much more entertaining than this evening’s suitor.” 

Anakin’s expression shifts slightly, his assured grin dropping slightly. “Another miss?” 

“You have no idea.” I relax slightly, taking a moment to be glad that I completed my father’s request and now I can just enjoy the time I have with Anakin. “I know my father’s desperate to make sure my marriage is useful for our people and that he worries about this selection process because he always thought my mother would be here to help, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t rush it so much. It feels like all he wants me for is to marry me off in exchange of finance or weaponry or something diplomatic.” 

“You’re more than that.” His response is so soft I think I might have missed it if I needed it less. I curse myself for feeling so validated by him. His words shouldn’t mean anything to me. After all, he could easily just be saying that because agreeing with my father will just make me more unpleasant to be around. 

I smile politely while avoiding his eyes. I keep my hands on either side of me, fighting the urge to fidget. “Thank you, Anakin.” My words sound weak in my own ears, so I’m sure he notices my shift in mood. “I’m tired today, I think I’m going to go to bed early.” Normally, I’d be able to shrug off these kinds of things, but the beginning of Coronation Season makes me irritable. The anniversary of my mother’s death hits me harder each year. 

“Y/n.” My name comes out so velvety I can’t find it in myself to interrupt him. “You are more than someone meant to be used as some kind of royal currency, and I mean that as more than just a...friend.” 

I let his last word linger. We’ve tried so many titles that never seem to fit right. He’s the chosen one, one of the most powerful Jedi to exist, and the Jedi assigned to protect me each Coronation Season because that’s when my mother was assassinated. He’s my guard, but we’ve spent too many nights laughing together and talking about everything and anything. And I guess now he’s my friend, even though sometimes when he looks at me in a certain way or sits too close to me or reaches for my hand to guide me somewhere I can’t breathe right. 

“Anakin, you know I love when you’re here, even though sometimes you drive me insane. And I appreciate your kindness, but your words can’t change the truth. That’s how my father sees me and he’s not exactly wrong. I’m not a son, I haven’t been raised to lead an army or lead much, and--” 

“I’ve seen you in meeting after meeting, convention after convention. I’ve witnessed the way you handle real problems and I know how you care about your people. You’d make a great leader, you don’t need a husband to be valuable.” 

My chest swells, feelings I never let myself think about mixing with thoughts of Anakin that I’ve spent so long trying to avoid. “That settles it, you’re my favorite person.” 

He grins, the look warm enough to melt the odd lump in my throat. I fight down a smile as he steps forward. “And I wasn’t before?” 

“I take it back--your head’s big enough without the additional praise.” 

Rolling my eyes, I lean back slightly in order to recreate the distance he so easily destroyed. “And I thought you had finally warmed up to me, princess.” 

The use of my title makes me skeptical. The last time Anakin used it was when he was trying to ease me so that I’d walk around the palace garden so he had an excuse to do the same. It was beyond late and I was half asleep, but he had os much energy he was desperate and just needed to do one more thing. I felt bad that his schedule revolved so heavily around mine (and when he softens his eyes and says please, I’m left incapable of saying the word ‘no’) so I agreed. 

“What do you want?” 

Anakin dramatically clutches a hand over his heart. He throws his head back slightly as if he’s just taken a fatal blow. “When did you turn so cynical? I’ve been back for three days and I’m starting to believe you’re a different person now.” 

Yeah...he’s definitely getting ready to ask for something that’s more trouble than it’s worth. Then again, everything with him seems to be worth it in some capacity. Even if it’s just that one smile he gets when he’s truly content and doesn’t think anyone’s looking. 

“Mhm,” I mumble, still fighting a grin, “so you’re not going to ask me anything?” 

His lips part slightly as he exhales. I watch the way his eyes narrow at my victorious expression. “I don’t have anything to ask of you, but I do have a small request. A request so small you won’t have to do anything but say yes.”

Suspicious. Too easy. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“You just said I was your favorite person. Remember that.” 

I’m too tired for his coyness. I’d rather him make his ridiculous request now so that I can be in bed within the hour. Though I can’t pretend I don’t normally feel better after letting him drag me along on whatever ‘adventure’ he just needed to complete while also not letting me out of his sight. I used to tell him that I wouldn’t tell anyone if I wasn’t under supervision for an hour or two a day, but he dismissed the idea immediately. That’s been the cornerstone of everything. 

“What is it?” 

He sighs once, tilting his head slightly. The way his eyes soften tells me he’s already won at least half the battle. “They still haven’t caught the attempted--” Anakin pauses, something behind his eyes darkening. I know what he’s remembering. Last night, an assassin had gotten closer than they ever had. I had almost been shot in the garden, Anakin had barely pushed me to the ground in time. A fact he’s been beating himself up for since, especially considering that no one has been able to find my attempted killer yet. “They were so close to you. They were within palace limits and they disappeared like they never existed. Who’s to say they don’t work here and are waiting for the next moment you’re exposed? Who’s to say they aren’t here tonight, waiting for me to retire for the night?” 

I didn’t realize how my near death experience had been so personal to him. He, like everyone else, was beyond frantic after it happened. But my father put an end to verbal worry before it could truly begin. He said the best thing we could do was act like everything was fine as the assailant was searched for. Anakin hadn’t been particularly cheery after my father instructed the guards to focus their search on known enemies instead of prioritizing venting the staff closest to me. I comforted him as best as I could, but he didn’t feel like speaking about it and I had to worry about the suitor meeting my father wouldn’t let me cancel. 

“Anakin, you’re right next door to me.” I have to fight the urge to reach for him. “I was fine because of you, and I will be fine because of you.” 

He sighs once, his expression not easing. “And if the person is silent? The attacker could easily work in the palace, but no one wanted to direct the search inwards.” His words are more strained than I’ve ever heard them be. “I think it’d be smart for me to stay in here. I know you’ve refused having a guard stay in your room or outside your door, but...” Anakin sighs. “Your safety would be more assured.” 

Him staying in my room? The only line I’ve ever been allowed to draw, and I’m actually considering letting that go. If he seemed even slightly less sad, I wouldn’t even consider it. It’s not a good idea. I’m already too attached to him. “Anakin--” 

“I’d feel more assured.” 

Damn him. Stupid, extremely sweet Anakin who makes saying no to him impossible. I stretch my arm forward, letting my hand squeezes his forearm gently. “There’s no reason to not feel assured.” He doesn’t ease, the cloudiness behind his eyes remains stubborn. “You’re still worried.” No reaction, the haze that’s taken him isn’t letting go. “Fine--but tell no one or my father is going to take to posting guards at my door every night.” 

...I guess there are worse ways to spend a night. Which is kind of a problem since I’m trying to...enjoy Anakin less. Ugh, I even sound dumb in my head. “I promise, princess.” 

Ugh, he’s adorable. “You’re intolerable.” I stand from he foot of my bed and pull back the covers on my bed. He doesn’t reply, something dark still playing for him. I watch him move to face the door. Wait--is he doing what I think he’s doing? “No, you’re not going to stand there all night. You need sleep.” He has the audacity to give me an annoyed look. “I already didn’t want to do this so now you have to listen to my conditions.” 

He raises an eyebrow, his lips pressing together oddly. He’s trying to gauge something from my expression, perhaps he’s looking for buttons to press to get his way. I guess I look as stubborn as I feel because instead of arguing he just sits on the floor. What? I watch him cautiously, trying to figure out if this is some weird argument trick. 

“What are you doing?” 

“What you asked.”

And just like that I’ve put myself in a position that I will no doubt regret terribly the second common sense returns to me. There’s no way to deny that Anakin and I are closer than we probably should be. We’ve felt like friends first since the day we first met. I can’t think of any reason to not offer to let him sleep in my bed except those stupid budding feelings I refuse to label. 

It’s not like I actually like him. I can’t--I’m going to be married to some nobleman and he’s prohibited from ever forming attachments. I’m not even sure if we’re allowed to be friends. Having actual feelings for him would be so, so pointless. It would just lead to heartache and the ruining of the one genuine relationship I have. I’m just a tiny bit confused right now because he’s objectively really attractive and he’s always there for me. Always there to make a joke after a particularly rough meeting. Always there to offer me a supportive smile. Always there to humble me when I teeter on acting like my father. 

Anyone’s heart would flutter at that, so it doesn’t mean anything. And if it does, I need to squash any budding feelings now before I mess things up. Which is why I should keep him at arm’s length until I get it together. But is that fair to him? And what if doing that is making things worse? What if it’s just reinforcing the idea of having feelings? 

This is ridiculous. I’m going to get over this if it kills me. It’s just a bed and it’s only sleeping. I’m meant to be able to lead an entire union and I can’t sleep next to someone and act normal?” “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” 

The second the words leave my mouth I regret it all. What’s wrong with me? Did I seriously think I’d be okay?

I hear his soft exhale, “I’ll be fine. I’ve slept in worse places than on your marble floor.” 

His voice sounds so weighted I can’t help but feel bad for not noticing that he’s still bothered. Whether he’s upset about his near miss or the fact that my father didn’t take his advice, I don’t know. But something’s wrong. The easy thing to do would be to just let him sleep it off. The smart thing to do would be to leave him alone until tomorrow. 

I think of all the times that I’ve been upset and Anakin had refused to let me go to sleep angry or sad or overwhelmed. “I know, but it’s really not a big deal. It’s not like we don’t know each other. I mean, last Coronation Season you buttoned me into more gowns than my handmaid. And I owe you for saving me from one of the worst suitors I’ve ever had.” 

“I’m starting to think we need to develop some kind of signal.” 

The tiny bit of lightness that’s returned to his voice makes all of my internal struggle feel worth it. “You always seem to know.” 

“That’s because when you’re reaching your limit, that one line appears between your eyebrows.”

I didn’t realize I had such a tell. I try to remember the way that the suitor drawled on and on about how amazing he was and how he couldn’t wait for the day he had a bride to bear his children and plan (tedious) social events. My hand moves to my forehead, trying to feel the crease Anakin mentioned. Can everyone tell when I’m growing tired? Am I that transparent? 

Anakin’s slight laugh steals my attention. He’s facing me again, his elbow holding his head up on the foot of my bed. “What are you doing?” 

“I don’t--I don’t think i get a crease between my eyebrows when I’m irritated.” 

I hear him stand. I don’t realize he’s approaching me until he’s so close I could touch him without even needing. to stretch. “No, when you’re irritated you raise your eyebrows slightly, because that’s when you’re at your most sarcastic.” 

“Really?” 

The corner of his mouth tugs upwards. “Just like that.” I force myself to keep my expression blank. “When you’re reaching your limit, your eyebrows crease here.” His finger taps the space between my brows so gently I almost don’t realize what he’s doing. “And when you’re trying not to laugh--which is often, because you refuse to admit that I’m funny--you press your lips together in a way that forms a dimple here.” The knuckle of his pointer finger brushes against the bottom of my cheek. 

I bite my tongue to fight the warmth spreading across my face. “I didn’t realize i was so transparent.”

“I can’t always tell what you’re thinking.” 

“I’ll take it.” Maybe if I was less tired, I’d argue a little more. “You know you’re not that difficult to read either.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, I can tell when you’re just being stubborn for the sake of it. I can see it in your eyes and you’re doing it right now.” 

His expression harshens slightly before softening. “Y/n--” 

“I’m not wrong.” 

He sighs once, stepping back. I watch him pace around my bed before taking a seat on the edge of my other side of the bed. “Are you happy now?” 

“Happy that I won? Absolutely.” 

Anakin halfheartedly glares at me. “Careful, add a crown and a robe that trails down a throne and I’d feel like I was speaking to your father.” 

“Careful, another side comment like that and I’ll ‘accidentally’ kick you off the bed in the middle of the night.” 

“Not if I kick you off the bed first.” 

I trace a thoughtless pattern on the fabric of my bedsheets. “What are you? Twelve?” 

“I’m older than you.” 

“Barely.” I continue the thoughtless pattern tracing as I fight the sleep from my eyes. “Your comebacks are usually more creative than that.” 

He exhales, relaxing slightly as he rests his back against a pillow. “I’m tired, like you claimed to be.” His eyes flutter slightly, a bit of his exhaustion showing. “Go to sleep.” 

I should. I’m too old to think I can put off a tomorrow I don’t want by just staying up. This is stupid. I’m too old to think I can put off the anniversary of my mother’s death by going to bed. She had been taken from us on castle grounds, killed by a revolutionist who viewed my mother as a class traitor. I still remember the way she slumped to the ground, her blood staining the snow beneath her. I remember the way the guards were so busy chasing her killer no one thought to keep me away from the body. 

“Y/n?” 

I scratch the back of my arm in hopes of banishing my thoughts. “Yes?” 

“You’re being quiet.” 

“You said to go to sleep, that tends to be a quiet thing.” 

I can feel his eyes on me. “Since when do you listen to me?” Not trusting myself to actually reply, I only offer him a hum of acknowledgement. “I know you’re not half asleep.” 

Folding my hands on my lap, I avoid his gaze. “It’s tomorrow.” 

I don’t know why I trust him to understand my vague response, but I do. His silence stretches over us like a thin blanket on a cold night. Maybe he doesn’t understand what I’m implying. I can always correct him tomorrow, when my eyelids are no longer as heavy as my heart. The more seconds that pass in total silence, the more I think that maybe he’s fallen asleep. 

I wouldn’t be surprised, Anakin has seemed tired recently, like some additional weight he won’t share with anyone has been thrust onto his shoulders. A small part of me rolls in guilt. I need to be a better friend, just because I’m suddenly a little too aware of him doesn’t mean I can shrug him off and ignore him. 

My hand almost flinches away from the feeling of something surprisingly warm touching my pinky. When I realize that it’s just Anakin and that the contact was probably accidental, I force myself to ease. It’s not like we’ve never touched before, I don’t understand why I’m making it weird. Sitting in my bed in the dark doesn’t change anything. His hand turns slightly, pressing into mine a little more assuredly. Biting my tongue, I turn my hand slightly, exposing my palm. And just like that, our fingers intertwine. 

“She would have been proud of you.” His voice comes out so low I barely register the words. 

The words shouldn’t mean much to me--he never knew my mother and has no way to know what she wanted me to be.--and yet I find comfort in them. I smile, turning my head towards him. “You didn’t even know her.” 

He rolls his eyes slightly, relaxing further before squeezing my hand once. “Who wouldn’t be proud of you? You’re kind and smart and decent to be around when you’re not telling me what to do.” 

My heart swells in my chest so much I’m surprised it doesn’t burst. Could he be cuter? “Yeah...now I’m sure you’re my favorite person.” 

“Now you’re sure?” 

The smugness in his voice has me rolling my eyes. “Don’t make me regret saying that.” 

“Maybe in the morning,” he says easily, “now go to sleep. There’s nothing worse than escorting you from meeting to meeting while you’re tired.” 

“I’m not that bad.” Even in this darkness, I can make out the way he raises an eyebrow. “Shut up--I’m going to sleep, but not because of you.” 

He lets out a slight huff. “You’re impossible.” 

The desire to respond to his comment is not enough for me to win the fight against the weight of my eyelids. The moment my eyes shut, I feel powerless to anything that isn’t sleep. I let myself fall into a weightless sleep, my only tether being the Anakin’s fingers around mine. 

--

A distant noise yanks me from my sleep. I’m too drowsy to do anything but register the sound. I hear another similar...whine? cry? I can’t tell and I’m too asleep to figure it out. I almost fall asleep again, but a third distressed sound keeps me from it. I wipe my eyes lazily with the back of my hand as I try to sit up. 

Squinting, I make out a figure on my bed. It takes me a moment to remember Anakin and how I fell asleep. Our hands are still together and no light is peering through my window so it can’t be that long since I fell asleep. Another disgruntled sound carries itself throughout the room. I shift slightly, leaning over Anakin cautiously. 

Golden brown curls are beginning to stick to his forehead and his eyebrows are drawn together sharply. He’s having a nightmare.  I shift even further forward before cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder before squeezing him gently. 

“Anakin,” I whisper, “it’s not--it’s not real.” His eyebrows draw together even more harshly. I shake him a little more stubbornly. “Anakin, wake up--you’re having a ni--”

 My forearm is grabbed so suddenly I barely register it before I feel my back shoved into my mattress. I blink twice. His dark eyes are frantic and the look on his face is far from the gentle, easygoing expression I’m used to. He’s breathing deeply, his chest rising and falling from above me. I swallow a slight panic and something I don’t understand as I try to keep my eyes on his face and my thoughts away from how close he is. Anakin pries his fingers from my forearm one by one until only his palm is touching me. 

“Y/n, I--” 

“It’s okay.” Honestly, I’m more worried about his uneven breathing than the way he grabbed me. I can’t imagine everything he’s been through or how justified his nightmares are. Anakin moves his hand away from me. I don’t sit up until he’s off of me and sitting with his back against my headboard. “It’s okay--I just--you were having a nightmare and I thought I should wake you.” He doesn’t react. I turn my body further, keeping my back straight. Anakin doesn’t move, and the longer he stays still, the more I feel like I should say something else. “Do you want talk about it? Or do--do you want to talk about something else? Or go to sleep? Or get some water? Or--” The far off look behind his eyes silences me. I scoot forward slightly. “You’re okay, Anakin, I promise.” 

His head turns at that, his eyes searching mine for something I don’t understand. “I thought...” He cuts himself off by swallowing once. 

I shift a little more, trying to find anything normal in his expression. “Thought what?” 

Anakin’s hand is on my arm so quickly I don’t even register his movement. I let his fingers press into my skin. He’s holding onto me like I’m a figment of a dream and he’s beginning to wake up. “I thought I’d failed.” He exhales, the sound heavy. “Failed you and that you’d--I  thought I had lost you.” 

A lump rises in my throat, thick and unmoving. Cautiously, I place my hand over the one still gripping my shoulder like a lifeline. “You didn’t. Nothing happened, it was just a dream.” 

His gaze falls to the ground before he repeats the last of my words. “Just a dream.” There’s a hollowness to his voice I don’t understand. 

I exhale, carefully running my thumb over his knuckles. “Yes.” He doesn’t say anything but his expression hardens again. I let us sit there like that for a long minute. “I promise.” 

“You can’t promise things like that.”

I sigh, unsure of where to go from here. “Bad dreams are only bad dreams.” He doesn’t reply. “I think you should try to get some more sleep.” 

Anakin is unresponsive. I shift back, but before I can transition from almost being on top of him to just sitting next to him, he pulls on my arm to keep in place. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” 

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.” 

“You almost died today, y/n. I was right there and if I had been a second later--” 

“But you weren’t.” He doesn’t ease. “You were there and I was fine. Don’t torment yourself over what could have been. You’ll drive yourself crazy.” 

“If anything ever happened to y--” 

“It’s not going to,” I whisper, ignoring the way his hold on my arm tightens even further, “Especially this time a year when I have a pretty good gau--” 

He tilts his head slightly, eyebrows drawing together and a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Pretty good? Really?” 

“Someone needs to watch your ego, chosen one.” This time when he tries for a smile, the look has some strength behind it. Relief pools in my stomach. “Now get some sleep, tomorrow’s a busy day and when you’re sleepy you’re beyond irritable.”  

Anakin lets me pull away enough to lay down, but he doesn’t follow. Not for a long second. When he does, his movements are impossibly rigid. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as carefully as I can manage. 

“Y/n?” 

I regret turning my head immediately. I didn’t realize how close he was. It would take no effort from me to make our lips meet. Wait--why am I thinking of that? I’m not allowed to think of stuff like that...especially not about him. 

“Yes?”

He lets out a breath before moving his hand. I don’t understand his hesitation until I feel his hand cupping my cheek gently. “What if next time I’m not enough? What if next time I lose you because I’m not strong enough?” 

I never thought my death would be such a personal thing to him. Sure, I knew that we had some kind of bond, some kind of friendship, and that my death would bring sadness. But I never imagined I’d matter enough to him that thoughts of my death would be frightening enough to slip into his subconscious and become a thing of nightmares. 

“You are enough. Nothing is going to happen to me and if it does it’s not going to be because of you.” Anakin’s lips press together in a way that implies serious uncertainty. His thumb brushes across my cheek so unexpectedly I almost ask him what he’s doing. The intensity behind his eyes is enough to burn me. “Was your dream really that bad?” 

He lets out an uncertain breath as his eyebrows draw together. I don’t miss the way his jaw clenches. “It’s more than the dream. I...y/n, princess,” he tacts on, a hint of humor returning to him, “you’re more than a mission to me.” 

The admission is so soft I can’t help but smile. “I know, Anakin, we’re--” 

“You’re more than a friend to me.” I don’t know if my blood freezes in my veins or if my lungs don’t contract when they should or if my heart literally skips a beat, but I know something in me completely stops at his words. “I--” 

“Don’t say it.” I don’t know how I managed to cut him off so sharply and I’m a little disappointed when I do, but it’s the right thing to do. Thought of the code that’s so important to him have clouded half the immense shock and joy swelling in my chest. “What you’re trying to say...I um, I want to say the same.” I try to drop my gaze but he tilts my head up slightly with his hand. “But we shouldn’t, you know that.” 

"You want to us to pretend that nothing’s different? You want me to escort you from meetings with one suitor to the next every Coronation Season until you’re married off?” 

“No, I’m not saying that. The point is that I’m not saying anything.” His eyebrows draw together in uncertainty. “Isn’t it enough for now, for both of us to just know? If we say it...that could mean bad things for you. And I don’t want to be a bad thing for you.” 

“You could never be.”

It’d be so easy to believe him. To believe him and to let him say what I never imagined I’d be able to hear and damn the consequences of tomorrow. “Can we just refrain from verbally saying anything until you’re sure?” 

“I’m sure right now. I’ve been sure since the first time we ever walked in the garden together. The night after the first Coronation Ball I escorted you to.” 

I remember that night well. The way he hadn’t scolded me for needing air or taking off my uncomfortably high heels to walk in the grass. “If you mean it, you won’t say it yet. I refuse to get in the way of what you’re meant for.”

His thumb runs my cheek entirely, stopping at the corner of my mouth. “Are you capable of not disagreeing with me?” 

Rolling my eyes slightly, I place my hand over his. “Probably not.” 

Anakin exhales, his playful irritation clear in the sound. “You’re impossible when you’re tired.” 

“I am not tired.” 

“I can see the sleep in your eyes.” 

“I can see it in yours too.” 

He pauses, eyebrows drawn together cautiously. “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

He must be more tired than I thought if he’s compromising with me so quickly. “Deal.” 

Neither of us close our eyes for a long second, we just watch each other with wide eyes. It still doesn’t feel like he’s eased, but he’s come back to me so much more than he was earlier. I’ll make sure to check how he’s feeling in the morning. The first morning after we’ve...I don’t know. 

I’m trying really hard not to get excited because anything that’s been not said could be taken back so easily. That’s the point--but it’s hard not to let my heart get ahead of my rationality. I’ll just take the good for what it is for now and tomorrow we can figure out the rest. Even though he’s not allowed to form attachments and my father really wants to marry me off to foreign royalty.

Tomorrow. This can begin to be solved tomorrow. My eyes shut and I let myself roll fully onto my back. The second I’m comfortably settled, I feel Anakin shift against the bed. I’m too tired to open my eyes until I feel a weight placed against my chest. 

I open my eyes on instinct, less surprised than I should be when I see Anakin’s head resting against my chest. Before I can speak, I feel his arm rest against my side. “Anakin,” I breathe, my hand moving to smooth his hair out of his face the way I’ve wanted to for so long. “What did we just talk about?” 

“You said not to say anything,” he mumbles comfortably, “I’m not saying anything.” ...It is kind of the ideal compromise. Especially since I’m too tired to find reason and he feels so warm. “I can feel you overthinking. Go back to smoothing my hair before I have to rise and stand at your door so that your handmaid comes to wake you. Something tells me she’d be glad for the excuse to get rid of me.” 

That might be the most dramatic thing I’ve ever heard him say. Selma is the most patient woman in the palace. “Selma would never report anything involving me, I can’t believe you don’t like her. She’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”  

“She’s the one that doesn’t like me,” he says, “she always watches me like she’s trying to figure out if I’m planning on stealing you away.” 

Too tired to fight my smile, I go back to smoothing his hair out with my fingers. After a moment, he lets out an exhale that relaxes his entire body. “Goodnight, princess.” 

“Goodnight.” The word is barely a mumble as I feel sleep tug against me for the second time tonight. 

It’s strange, but my excitement doesn’t diminish my tiredness, it just makes the prospect of rest feel so much fuller. Safer. Because there’s so much to sort out and grieve but it’s okay, because we have the time and everything feels okay because Anakin is here, right beneath my fingertips. 

[castiellesbian]

i feel like i need a glossary of terms or a contact list for all these people involved with the show. i have shit memory and dont pay attention to the credits who is sera (sara??) and why does everyone hate her!! why is he Bobo!!!!!! please... has anyone posted about this im desperate

lol well including everyone involved with the show would be difficult, but I’ll give you some highlights

Eric Kripke: creator of Supernatural, showrunner for seasons 1-5. People have differing opinions about him but general people enjoyed his run and he’s considered the best showrunner in the series overall. Not much to say because there’s a lot to say lmao (notable episodes: “Pilot,” “Lazarus Rising,” and “Swan Song”)

Sera Gamble: writer who was involved from the beginning of the show, became showrunner after Kripke left. Her seasons, 6 and 7, are typically regarded as the weakest seasons. She was a huge brothers-only supporter, and was responsible for Misha being written out of the show (as well as Jim Beaver, Bobby) in order to get the show to just be about the brothers again. There’s a lot of drama regarding her treatment of Misha/Cas, but more recently she’s known for the Magicians debacle, a horrendous example of the Bury Your Gays trope. She’s also involved with (the showrunner of?) You on Netflix. She was a pretty good writer, but overall fans dislike her because of her showrunning tenure (notable episodes: “Faith” with Raelle Tucker, “Death’s Door,” “The Born-Again Identity”)

Jeremy Carver: writer from season 3 that was promoted to showrunner from seasons 8 through.... some time in 12, the timeline has been a little murky to me. He was the one who brought Cas back into the main plot, as well as allowing the deancas storyline to become genuine subtext (we can argue whether it was queerbaiting or what he was intending to do if he had been running the series finale, but yeah). Unfortunately, he was also the showrunner when Charlie was killed off brutally, which dampens his legacy. People are conflicted about his seasons, but generally he’s looked upon favorably (not related, but the picture that comes up when you search him on google is NOT him, he’s really like a typical white nerdy looking dude lol) (notable episodes: “The Rapture,” “Sacrifice,” “Do You Believe in Miracles?”)

Andrew Dabb: writer from season 4, promoted to showrunner during season 12 and is the last showrunner of Supernatural (he wrote the finale). He was well-liked by deancas fans for awhile because of how much screentime they were allowed to give, and because of the focus on extended/found family. Sam and Dean only fans didn’t like him for the same reasons. Unfortunately, HIS legacy has been marred by the awful series finale, though it’s debated whether that was his fault or because of network meddling. (notable episodes: “Dark Side of the Moon” with Daniel Loflin, “The Prisoner,” “Moriah”)

Robert Singer: executive producer since the beginning of the show (he’s also co-showrunner throughout Supernatural, but I don’t think he typically was involved with the plotlines too often). He’s directed quite a few episodes, including the infamous wire fight episode (s13 finale) as well as the series finale. Married to Eugenie Ross-Leming, writer of the show

Eugenie Ross-Leming/Brad Buckner: writing partners TECHNICALLY from season 1, but they only wrote one episode until they were brought back in season 7. They are regarded as the worst writers in all of Supernatural, responsible for tactless death scenes of fan-favorites (and typically minorities) like Kevin, Charlie, and Eileen. They also feature a gross amount of dubcon/noncon, racism, weird unnecessary sex stuff, and are SUPER into Lucifer for some unknown reason (they have a crush on Mark Pellegrino I guess). They’re also just kind of bad writers in general, their pacing is weird and their plots convoluted. To be fair, though, they have written some good moments, like Dean trying to reach Cas in Hell’s Angel and Dean’s confessional scene in Paint It Black. But overall, they suck. Why are they still on the show even though BOTH sides of the fandom (who never agree on ANYTHING) dislike them? Well, because Eugenie is married to Singer. Nepotism. (notable episodes, the ones I can stand to watch lmao: “Holy Terror,” “Hell’s Angel,” “Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven”)

Ben Edlund: writer from season 2 who left after season 8, but people STILL talk about him simply because he is arguably the strongest writer of the series. Cas fans particularly like him because he did most of the heavy-lifting regarding Cas’ characterization. He also wrote the famous bi!Dean scene with Aaron in season 8, where Dean is flustered after being flirted with. (notable episodes: “On the Head of a Pin,” “The French Mistake,” and my all-time favorite “The Man Who Would Be King”)

Robert “Bobo” Berens: writer from season 9, his first episode was “Heaven Can’t Wait,” which is all you really need to know about his influence on the deancas storyline. He’s also gay, so people particularly enjoy seeing how he approaches destiel in his episodes since it’s not just another straight guy potentially just catering to fans. He was also the one who was meant to go off and run Wayward Sisters, and is responsible for a lot of their development in recent seasons. I believe he also created Rowena? He wrote the episode this season where Cas confesses his love to Dean (along with other heavy deancas episodes like “The Trap”). Sam fans typically don’t like him because he doesn’t give him much focus. (notable episodes: “Heaven Can’t Wait,” “Who We Are,” “Wayward Sisters” with Andrew Dabb)

Steve Yockey: writer from season 12 through the beginning of season 15. Also gay, and also responsible for deancas moments in recent years. Generally loved for his deancas subtext but ALSO because he is an amazing writer who came out with iconic episodes. (notable episodes: “Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox,” “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets,” “Peace of Mind” with Meghan Fitzmartin)

Robbie Thompson: writer from seasons 7 through 11, and wrote some fan favorite episodes in the meantime. He is also the creator of fan favorite characters like Charlie and Eileen. He was also one of the few writers who was vocally supportive of destiel during his tenure rather than just later. I’m not implying anything about his intentions, but it was validating for him to encourage fans during a time where most of the cast/crew ignored or actively dismissed it. Plus his episodes are just fun! (notable episodes: “LARP and the Real Girl,” “Fan Fiction,” “Baby”)

Meredith Glynn: writer since season 12, has worked closely with Bobo during their seasons together. She and Bobo cowrote “The Future,” which is the mixtape episode, so she has been taken in by deancas fans haha. She also wrote the episode where Cas makes the deal with the Empty, so it’s pretty safe to say she and Bobo had worked on the deancas plotline together :) She’s also liked some deancas-related tweets on twitter, so she’s being subtly supportive (notable episodes: “Regarding Dean,” “The Future” with Robert Berens, “Byzantium”)

Davy Perez: writer since season 12 (a lot of the ones I’ve mentioned are, since this is when Dabb became showrunner and made changes in the writers room). His episodes tend to either be horror or bizarre. I mention him because he’s responsible for episodes like “Stuck in the Middle (With You)” (Cas’ first “I love you”) and “Tombstone” (aka Brokebacknatural lmao). I don’t know much about him otherwise, but that’s why he’s brought up usually (notable episodes: “Stuck in the Middle (With You),” “Tombstone,” “Atomic Monsters”)

hopefully this helps, and hopefully I didn’t forget about anyone major. There have been a LOT of people behind the scenes so it’s hard to say who to include. Like, I didn’t mention Jerry Wanek, Jim Michaels, Kim Manners, Thomas J. Wright, or others who might be mentioned from time to time.