#I can imagine how confusing and scary that was at for for David

[chloesimaginationthings]

The SOTM Murray family can be happy again,,

[gonzo-rella]

Headcanons: Alexis Rose, David Rose and Stevie Budd with a Nonbinary S/O

MASTERLIST | AO3

Pride Month 2024 #7

Transmasc edition (for Alexis only)

Relationship(s): Alexis Rose x nonbinary!reader (romantic), David Rose x nonbinary!reader (romantic), Stevie Budd x nonbinary!reader (romantic)

Warnings: Typical nonbinary/trans-related stuff. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: My Schitt's Creek fics haven't performed as well as a lot of my other fics, presumably because people aren't really looking for Schitt's Creek reader-insert fanfiction. But, for my own self-indulgence, I've decided I'll keep writing for it. I have an idea for a fic where the reader is Roland and Jocelyn's (adult, obviously) kid, and they're secretly dating Stevie, because of course Stevie doesn't want to deal with Roland for as long as she can. So, if you'd be interested in reading that, please let me know!)

ALEXIS

I feel like Alexis’ past is so colourful that she must have met at least some nonbinary people in her time.

But, I feel like she hasn’t had to think too much about them before.

She’s 100% cool with it, even if she doesn’t completely get it to begin with.

You’ll probably be the first nonbinary person she becomes actually close with.

When she’s getting to know you, I can imagine her being confused about how to refer to you.

Like, when she’s complimenting your appearance, she’ll cycle through a list of slightly (and needlessly) gendered adjectives.

“Oh my God, you look so… handsome? Pretty? Which one’s right?”

But, she’s really good at using the right pronouns for you.

When Alexis starts to develop feelings for you, she’s, ever so slightly, in a state of crisis.

Not because she has anything against nonbinary people.

She’s just never been romantically attracted to one before.

It’s new, and it’s scary.

Not to mention, she knows the absolute bare minimum about nonbinary people.

She’ll go to David to learn more, because he’s dated plenty of them.

He’ll insist that she try to ask you questions if you’re open to it.

She’ll stay up late on her phone doing her own research.

And, it means so much to you when you find out.

If you do end up talking to her more about your gender, it will likely be a catalyst in bringing the two of you together, because it shows you how much she cares about understanding you.

When you finally get together, Johnny and Moira also want to get things right.

Instinctively, they’ll go to David, but, to David’s amazement, Alexis is able to answer their questions herself.

Like with any romantic partner she has, she hypes you up so much.

She does everything in her power to let you know how much she loves and supports you.

Though, as the relationship goes on, she doesn’t think much about your gender.

If you want to change your style at all, she will be more than happy to take you shopping, or browse an online clothing store with you if you’re more comfortable with that.

And, if your tastes are different, she’ll step back and make sure you stick to what makes you happy.

Schitt’s Creek is a very accepting town, but, if someone deliberately misgenders you, she’ll be the first to stand up for you, if you’re not comfortable doing it yourself.

“Um, excuse me?”

And, if you’re feeling dysphoric, she’ll try her best to make you feel better by showering you with affirming and sincere compliments.

Basically, she’s the ultimate ally to you and you feel so lucky to have her in your corner.

DAVID

This isn’t his first rodeo.

So, you don’t need to be nervous about being with him because of your gender.

He never makes a big deal of you being nonbinary, which is refreshing when so many people have no idea how to handle it.

Unlike Alexis, there’s not much for him to learn besides your personal experience with who you are and what you prefer, since it’s different for every nonbinary person.

And, as for the things he does have to learn about you, he will ask and listen.

For example, he needs to figure out if you prefer neutral, masculine and/or feminine terms and compliments.

Because, there will be a lot of compliments.

He makes sure to assure you that you can tell him if he ever gets anything wrong.

Like, I can imagine him making a minor mistake, and then you sheepishly correct him.

But, he notices how awkward you seem to find it, so he tells you that you never need to be afraid to tell him what you want/need because all he wants is to make you feel comfortable.

Johnny, Moira and Alexis realise how much you mean to David, so they’ll try their best to get things right, too, despite their lack of specialist knowledge.

When you and David get together, David will be bombarded with questions (tact varying) about you, such as how to address you and speak about you.

But, that is one of the reasonable questions that was sprinkled into the sea of utterly bizarre ones.

I can see Johnny emphatically introducing you to people as ‘[his] son’s nonbinary partner’.

It becomes a running joke between you and David.

And, I love the idea of David telling you all of the silly and charming ways his family tries to show their support of you when you’re not around.

He's absolutely dying to dress you up.

He has so many outfits planned out that'd look stunning on you (that's what he insists, anyway).

You don't have to wear any of those outfits, though, if you don't want to, since David’s sense of style can be a bit much for some people.

If you’re willing to try anything, he will be thrilled.

But, if your style choices, in clothing or haircuts, differ from what he would have chosen, he will support whatever makes you happy.

If you ever encounter anyone being shitty about your gender, he’ll encourage you to stand up for yourself, or passive-aggressively do it himself.

If you deal with dysphoria, David will be so affirming.

Like, normally he affirms you anyway.

But, when he recognises that you’re not feeling great, he will up his game.

He’ll also ask what he can do to help or what you need from him.

So, yeah- he’s unapologetically so supportive of you.

STEVIE

You’re her first nonbinary partner- congratulations!

She knows enough about nonbinary people that she is able to treat you like a regular human being.

Not being awkward about or fixating on your identity comes pretty naturally to her.

(Though, like with all of her friends, she might make the occasional deadpan quip, without being degrading, because Stevie doesn’t discriminate)

But, when you’re friends and she realises that she has feelings for you, she’s acutely aware of the fact that she doesn’t completely know the complexities of your personal identity, which she should probably know because, y’know, communication and all that.

She finds the idea of directly addressing it too awkward.

And, she’s too embarrassed to admit to you that she doesn’t know but that she’d like to know.

So, she confides in David about it, and he insists that it’d probably mean a lot to you if she opened up about her desire to understand you better.

So, she does.

She approaches you sheepishly.

And, when she’s asking you, she avoids eye contact.

You’re surprised to see her being so sincere, so you decide not to respond in the normal banter-y way you speak with her, out of fear she’ll never be sincere again.

In fact, you really appreciate her wanting to understand you better.

But, you don’t lay your gratitude on thick because you know that will scare her off, too.

She will listen to whatever you have to say, not interjecting with little remarks like she might normally whenever you’re speaking.

And, once you’re done, she’ll say a quick ‘thank you’.

And, you’ll smile and say ‘thank you, too’.

Like with Alexis, Stevie taking an interest in understanding you better is what brings you together.

Again, she doesn’t make the fact that you’re nonbinary into a big thing, and she’ll normally only acknowledge it as it comes up or with the occasional joke.

But, she knows that nonbinary people can often be treated like they’re confusing or strange, so her way of making you feel comfortable is by treating you like the regular human being that you are.

If you’re dysphoric, she’s silently terrified of making it worse, so she’ll ask you what you need from her and act accordingly.

(She may or may not ask David what to do the first time it happens when you’re dating)

She’s not like David or Alexis where she’ll be outwardly and constantly affectionate and loving with her actions and words.

But, she’ll always listen to you, whether you’re venting about a shitty interaction, or expressing any discomfort with your appearance.

Like with David, she likes to have a laugh with you whenever people are being weird or not normal about your gender (if you find it funny, of course).

And, if anyone’s an ass, she’ll roll her eyes.

Then, when you’re alone, she’ll make sure that you’re okay, and say something like, “Obviously, they’re an idiot who doesn’t know what they’re talking about.”

It’s her subtle way of being affirming.

[inknopewetrust]

A Little Chaos

Summary: A thief finds herself at the center of the kidnapping of two girls and has the attention one very attractive detective. 

Pairing: Detective Loki x Fem!Reader 

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: Criminal activity, flirting, sexual references, brief choking, probably 16+ based on content but no explicit smut. A mention of pedophilia but nowhere near in detail.

A/N: I don't think I've ever written something like this and can I just say that I really loved it!? So, I really hope you all do too! Requests are currently CLOSED but I hope to open them soon again and with new characters to add to my list. Check out my Masterlist for all other works. Thanks so much for requesting this @mrs-blooooom! I just loved the idea so much and thanks for being so kind about all the delays!

One - pick the lock 

Two - lift up the screen and frame as quietly as possible but make absolutely no rough work of it. 

Three - slip on the shoe covers and assess the gloves before entering through the window. 

Four - get to work. 

That was always the structure, no questions asked. Though, you noticed the news beginning to trace your patterns. You had made a hit in another neighborhood two weeks ago and because the news began reporting the patters, you were sure the police weren’t far behind. 

And perhaps on that particular Thanksgiving, you shouldn’t have done another–or picked that house, rather.  

Detective David Loki had a million different things running through his mind on a daily basis. When a case such as the Dover-Birch one stuck itself in the middle of an already pending investigation of burglaries in the Conyer’s area, he had a hunch of who he would investigate first. But he couldn’t get to that immediately because Keller Dover convinced him and his superiors that the RV belonging to Alex Jones was the first and only way to go. 

But even after interrogating the man who had a child-like innocence to him, David Loki was convinced there was something more to the story. There had to have been a connection to who burglarized the Dover’s that same night and where the girls could be... he was certain, but then he wasn’t because he wasn’t sure you were the kind of person who would kidnap two innocent girls. 

On a particularly slow Tuesday, no new leads had come in and the investigation had stalled because Alex Jones had now gone missing without a trace. Although he was doing everything he could, Loki was far from finding a solution and decided to take the initiative into his own hands and dive into the file he had been working on for nearly five months–the one into you and your less-than-stellar activities. The post-it note sticking out of the side of the manilla folder contained an address to an apartment in the center of town. He plucked it out, tucked it into his pocket and walked straight out of the station. 

You weren’t worried about being considered a suspect in the kidnapping of two girls. You had no connection to the Dover’s, Birches’, or the Jones’, as well as no connection to the scene of the crime. You were always careful, and the Dover’s had no security cameras. So, when your comm buzzed in the middle of the day, you weren’t expecting it to be the police. 

“Hello?” 

“Ms. L/n? This is Detective Loki with the Conyer’s Police Department. I have a few questions I would like to ask you.” The voice was cackled with the circuited communication buzzer but you heard the man loud and clear. You also knew exactly who that was. 

Detective David Loki was an infamous creature of Conyers. One day he just seemed to sprout out of nowhere and into the public sphere, but you had known him for a while. You were never friends, and you were sure until now he didn’t even know your name, but he was the star pupil of the town. And the spotlight he was in, he absolutely hated it. Every time his picture appeared in the paper or when he had to speak on the television relayed that message and you laughed in pity. The poor man just wanted to do his job and that was one part he didn’t sign up for. 

“Can I ask what this is regarding?” 

“The investigation into Joy Birch and Anna Dover. I just have a few questions I’d like to ask you if you would step-” 

“I’ll buzz you up.” You pressed the button and unlocked the door, opening it just enough for you to rest on the frame with one arm on the door and the other on your hip. 

Another thing you knew about Detective David Loki was that he was one of the most attractive people you had ever laid eyes on. The man was a walking dream but unfortunately, on the other side of the law which was far from promising when it came to your vivid imagination. 

“How nice of you to not barge into my home, Detective.” You called out to him as he appeared on the steps landing just down the hall from your door. Loki gave no smile but shoved an orange post-it into his jacket as he shoved his hands into his pockets. 

“This surely won’t take long.” 

With a nod you moved away from the door, shutting it closed behind you. With the sudden and unexpected presence of this man who was a fine line between formal detective and loose cop, there was an urge to be exactly the opposite of what he wanted you to be. He had been trailing you for just enough time to learn patterns in your life, the people you associate with, the fact that you had a degree and a decent job. You had an apartment to call your own, a car that wasn’t stolen and yet you continued to break into people's homes and steal curious objects for what? Consignment sales? He wasn’t sure. But you weren’t going to give him the answers he was looking for. You enjoyed the life you built for yourself...even if you had to steal and sell things to arrive at ends meet to pay for everything in your life. 

“So... what can I do for you?” 

“Can you recall where and what you were going on the night of Thursday, November 28th?” 

“Thanksgiving?” You asked with a raised brow and he nodded. Loki pulled out no notebook to take notes, rather he watched every movement. He was trying to identify guilt, but you were a casual sleuth. It wasn’t a game he was used to because all of his suspects eventually gave in. 

“I got up around 8:30, maybe 9 and ate some breakfast, um I-” You took a seat on the arm of your couch, running a hand over your mouth trying to “remember” what exactly you were doing a few days ago. 

“-took a shower and then got started on my dish to pass at my parents dinner. I made sweet potatoes and stuffing-or dressing... I don’t know what you call it.” Loki was far from amused that you were making this appear less than serious. He couldn’t let himself believe that you were stupid enough to believe he wasn’t there on behalf of the story that captured the attention of the entire nation, so he didn’t believe a word you said. 

“When that was done I got ready, did my makeup, and headed out to my parents where my sister and her family were meeting us to have dinner. Then I left their house around 7-ish and came home.” 

“After dinner you went straight home?” 

“Yes.” 

You looked at him with an unfazed gaze which he met but didn’t buy. It was a game. A cat and mouse game that he wasn’t willing to bite into but it was too late, you already had him on a string. Loki would be lying if he didn’t find you attractive, even in the slightest. You were a beautiful woman, and it was because of how you looked that you’ve never been caught. You always covered every inch of your body and you looked unassuming. You had a perfectly pristine house, looked like someone who didn’t need to steal to live but then again, most of the time, all the people who do steal never look like they would because that is what people are taught not to look for. 

“I made some phone calls late last week and someone in your family spilled that you weren’t there. In fact, you haven’t been to a family holiday since you graduated college nearly ten years ago. Bad relationship?” 

“I can assure you–whoever you talked to, they weren’t there. I was there. I can tell you what I wore, what I ate, what was on the T.V. and what color shoe my nephew was wearing that day.” 

“Those could just be good guesses?” Loki let his eyes wander around the small living space. He looked at the picture frames, the vases, the bins, the T.V. stand, everything that could have screamed “out of place” to him but nothing did. 

“You didn’t happen to pass two little girls on your drive home, did you?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Two girls. I’m sure you’ve seen their picture on the news.” Loki pointed to the T.V. at first but then dug into his pocket and pulled out a single picture of two girls photographed on a playground. They were smiling widely and happily at the person behind the camera. You had never seen the girls so you shook your head no and crossed your arms. 

“No. I’ve never seen them before. Am I supposed to?” 

“I don’t know, are you?” 

“What are you implying, detective?” 

“Do you know the house you broke into on Thursday, November 28th was the home of Anna Dover. Anna and her friend Joy went missing that same night after returning to the Dover residence to find a whistle. You were inside the home at the time we believe the girls went missing. So, tell me–do you know where the girls are?” Loki was zoned in accusation. The man was unwavering in his tone or his assumption and you would say it was scary if you didn’t find it attractive. Why, God WHY, did the detective working on this case have to be everything you looked for in a man? It would be so much easier if he were old and wrinkled but he was far far from it. 

“Detective, if I would have known you would come into my home and accuse me of kidnapping two innocent girls, I wouldn’t have answered the ring.” 

“Where are the two girls? Do you know where they are?” 

“No. I told you I didn’t take the girls.” 

“But you were in the house? Did you see the girls?” 

“I didn’t say that either.” 

“What if I told you that you were a sloppy thief?” 

“Excuse me?” You furrowed your brows in confusion. You were certain that you were not. There was never a time where you left as much as a trace of hair in a location that you hit. 

“The bin.” Loki walked over to the T.V. stand that had three white bins tucked into slots. The bins were generally filled with junk except for one thing that the Dover’s told him went missing yesterday afternoon. A medium size blue decorative pot with yellow flowers on its sides. It was meant for shallow flowers as a table center piece that was gifted to Keller and Grace on their wedding day. Grace was distraught over it and it was sitting the left-most bin under the television. Loki pulled open the drawer and carefully took out the pot and you looked at it with a shrug. 

“Where did you get this?” 

“My mother.” 

“I thought I told you that they told me you haven’t spoken to them in a decade?” 

“Well I obviously spoke to them before that.” 

“I am going to ask you again and I want an honest answer. Where did you get this pot?” 

What were you supposed to do? The man literally cracked the code. If only you hadn’t chosen that house. Oh! How much easier your life would be. 

“I plead the fifth.” Oh, fuck. 

Loki set the pot carefully down and pulled a pair of handcuffs from his belt. It would have been hot if you weren’t terrified of what came next. Then you made an ill-timed joke. 

“You’re not pulling those out for another reason are you?” You didn’t even laugh yourself because he simply ignored it and motioned for you to stand and turn around. 

“I am going to take you to the station and we will talk more there. Stand up, turn around, and give me your hands.” 

“I already told you I don’t know where the girls are.” Ignored again but the feeling of him pushing your shoulder with his hand and taking your wrist was something you wished you would stop replaying in your mind. 

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything-” 

The Conyer’s Police Station was wimpy compared to other cities. It was a small, single story brick building with three holding rooms and one interrogation room. You weren’t sure how long you sat in the holding cell, but it was nighttime by the time you were taken out of the room by another officer and into a brightly lit, slightly yellowed room with a mirrored window and a small desk with two chairs. There was a pencil and a pad of paper at the center of it but you were sure if it was going to be Detective Loki interrogating you, he wouldn’t need it. 

The officer uncuffed you with no words spoken and pointed at the chair facing the window. You rubbed your wrists from the friction the metal left before taking a seat and staring into the glass where your reflection met your own. You had nothing to do with the two missing girls so you had nothing to give them, or rather, nothing to give Loki to further his investigation. 

The man of the hour waltzed into the room a mere five minutes after you were sat down. He had a half-drank cup of coffee in one hand and a small grouping of papers in the other. Loki sat down, settling himself before looking up at you and beginning the interrogation. 

“Please state your name, age, and address.” 

You recited the information as told.

“How many homes a year do you burglarize?" Loki opened a file that was tucked under some papers with a series of pictures printed on a piece of computer paper. It was amalgamation of missing objects from families around Conyers. You were fucked, but you couldn't let him think that, or at least believe that you were guilty in anyway. Your stealing wasn't going to find those girls because you had no idea where in the world they were. You had never seen them before their faces were plastered on every hour of the news.

"Shouldn't my lawyer be here if you are going to accuse me of something?"

"Do you need a lawyer?"

"Do I, Detective?"

It was the attitude that angered him the most. A woman like you didn't need to steal. Based on your records, he had no reason to truly believe you would. Clean record. No screaming signs of intent or distrust popped out but he knew you were guilty. There was not a doubt. But there was something in that attitude that made him squirm. An attractive quality that he did not want to admit.

"If you answer the questions I ask truthfully, then no, you won't need a lawyer."

"Ask away." You leaned back in the chair with arms crossed and a determined narrowness to your eyes. It was a challenge. Try me, Detective. Do it, I dare you.

"When did you first start stealing?"

"When I was seven. My sister always had better stuff, so I took it."

"And that escalated to...what?" Instead of leaning back on his own chair, Loki leaned forward. His shoulders were hunched in an aggressive, intense tactic to scare you into admitting something that you didn't have any part of. He just wanted to find those girls and you happen to be a speed bump in the way.

"Minor petty theft. I never take anything over $500."

"How do you know what something is worth?"

"I'm sure you can find that in my file, Detective. Everything is there I am sure of it. You all know just how to frame the people you want. But I had nothing to do with those girls."

Loki's line of aggravation was growing thin. Sooner or later, attitude wasn't going to cut it and he was going to have to use the tactics he used on Alex Jones and other potential perpetrators on you. He never liked to get outright violent with women, but he couldn't let this go without trying to get something. The days were wearing thin and he needed to find Joy and Anna.

"You were in the Dover's house the night of the abduction. Where are the girls?"

"I told you I didn't have anything to do with that."

"Didn't or don't."

"Doesn't matter. I did not see them. I do not know where they are. Ruining children's lives isn't my MO, Detective-"

"But you do and you did! YOU were in that house. YOU were at the scene of the crime at the time they went missing. YOU are the one who knows what happened to those girls!" His voice was no longer steady and calm as he had been taught during his training. His string had snapped when in response, you laughed.

Loki flew out of his chair, rounded the table as the sound of his chair skidded across the floor and to the wall behind him. If you weren't so focused on him, you probably could have heard the surprised yells of the Detectives and Officers behind the mirror. The angered Detective roughly arrived at his destination–you, and grabbed the back of your hair, pulling your head back to look at him as he stood over you.

"Where the fuck are the girls?" It came out like a hiss. His eyes enraged with pain for the families and his own reputation if the case goes wrong and he doesn't find them in enough time. You weren't scared of him or his tactics. Rather, it was quite the opposite. If he wasn't attractive, you would have been disgusted but the man was the epitome of perfection and this scene would be one to get you off for years to come.

"I told you, I don't know where the girls are." He gripped your hair harder and you felt the chair waver underneath you. Still not scared.

"You're a liar, a fucking thief, and I don't believe you. Where are the girls? Do you like that sort of thing, huh? Do-"

"You sick fuck. I'm a thief not a fucking pedophile. I didn't take the girls!" You were slightly taken aback by his suggestion, but it was all a tactic. You had seen it on millions of police shows before. He just wanted answers, but he wasn't going to find them with you. Whatever in the sentence you had just spoken to him, Loki was worse off for it. He practically lifted you by the hair and charged you into the wall roughly. Not enough to leave a mark, but enough to make a point. He wasn't playing around but neither were you.

Loki's hand let go of your hair and one found itself on the wall next to your head as he closed in on you. You could feel his breathe on your face and his eyes pierced your goddamned soul. The other, well the other found itself right on your neck, holding you in place against the wall with a slight squeeze. Holy fuck.

"Keep this up Detective and I would have the means to believe this might lead to something else." The smile, your smile crept up on your face at your own assumption. You wouldn't complain if it did escalate to that.

"TELL ME WHERE THE GIRLS ARE? WHERE IS ANNA? WHERE IS JOY?"

"I told you I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE GIRLS ARE!"

There was something in your own anger that made him want to believe you didn't take the girls or had any clue where they were. He would hate to see a woman like you throw your life away for a career of crime. The proximity between the two of you was next to none. A knife wouldn't have been able to break the tension and the way he held you, unintentionally violent with a hand just a little too suggestively on your neck was a mistake but not one that he was readily going to admit. If this was any other situation, he might have let himself be willing to feel something more. But this was an interrogation, so he kept the face and squeezed just a little harder.

"Where are they? Tell me where they are?"

"Starting to sound like a broken record there. I would tell you again but I'm sure you have my admission of NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY ARE ON TAPE!"

Loki had enough and let your neck go with a jolt. His hands went to his belt where his cuffs were sitting and he pulled them out and turned you around. Your body was flush against the wall and one of his large, tattooed hands held your wrists together as he went to cuff them. This was another thing that would forever be engrained in your "sexy when it shouldn't be" file in your brain.

"Fine. You won't tell me where they are? Maybe a night in lock up will make you think." His voice was low, just at the base of your ear and his hot breath lingered on your neck as you could hear nothing but your heart beating out of your chest and the sound of cuffs closing.

But the man didn't get much further than that because the door to the room opened and like two deer in headlights, you both turned your heads to the sound of the intruder. It was another officer who looked both scared and amused and slightly embarrassed in regard to what he walked in on. He approached Loki as the latter man pulled you off the wall and forward, in front of him to walk toward the door.

"It was the hospital. Joy Birch was just admitted."

The look on Loki's face was priceless. You literally scoffed out loud and turned your face to his.

"I told you I had no fucking idea where they were."

Loki simply passed you over to the other officer and headed to the door, frustrated and confused about his own work and internal feelings about what had just happened–both the realization that you had no idea where they were and that he had been aggressive to the point where it kind of turned him on.

"Detective!" He was halfway out the door when you called out to him and if he had a mind, he would have ignored you and continued on, but he was so flustered that he did.

"If you ever want to use those cuffs sometime, you know where to find me."

Loki didn't say anything, but his eyes wandered. From your face to your body to the floor and back up. It was an unashamed look that made the officer uncomfortable, but you couldn't help but let a small, sly smile grace your face at his look. This man would be the end of your criminal career if he managed to find the time to reunite with you again.

And he did. Two days after Keller Dover was found in a hole and on a holiday he knew you were not going to spend with your family.

[robin-josephette-biden]

A Statement Through Horror: BDG and YouTube

In his video announcing his departure from Polygon Bryan David Gilbert [BDG] stated, “I want to make things that one day people will make a show like unraveled about.” [Paraphrasing here]. Since that announcement he has made some of the most interesting and engaging comedy videos on the platform. On Bryan’s channel, there is a section called “bdg’s scaries” that contains three videos. The first how to make jorts was released April 27, 2019 and will not be part of this analysis, as we are focused on the other two videos. These two videos are Earn $20K EVERY MONTH by being your own boss which was released on October 25, 2020 (two months before his final Unraveled video and departure from Polygon) and Teaching Jake about the Camcorder, Jan '97 which was posted March 3, 2021. If you have not seen these videos yet you should stop reading immediately and go watch them both (honestly everything on his channel is amazing, especially the surprisingly compelling and personal Dances Moving! series) before continuing to read this as I will be spoiling both of them. The position of YouTube celebrity has been the source of a good bit of commentary as short form online media has become more and more central in our culture. Bryan has created two videos that I feel do an excellent job of exploring the relationship between youtuber and audience. I should also point out that this is merely my interpretation of these videos and is in no way BDG’s intended message. I’ll start by going over the first video. Earn $20K EVERY MONTH by being your own boss opens with BDG outside an apartment building, standing in front of a black car. BDG points up at one of the windows and says, “Three years ago I was living in that apartment right there. Third floor, leaky windows, cockroaches, the worst.” I do not know if the real life BDG actually lived in that building, but the 3 years timeframe does line up neatly with his beginning to work at Polygon. BDG continues to bad mouth his old apartment and mentions how he has turned it all around stating, “But just last week I paid off my very first Subaru Impreza. And I own my own house in Nebraska.” This radical change in life-style he credits to, “. . . [working] from home, [making] my own hours, and [being] my own boss. And you can do it too.” I think that it is interesting that BDG’s career up to that point mirrors that of his character, going from newly graduated content creator making small videos in his apartment to one of the most popular creators on Polygon. And all that being accomplished through work that many (rightly or wrongly) would not see as fitting into the mold of the traditional 9 to 5. The idea of making millions working from home, at your own pace, and with no boss is intrinsically tied to the mystique of the YouTube celebrity. Moving into BDG’s office he explains that he makes $20k a month working on spreadsheets. A massive spreadsheet appears behind him that is dated, 01.12.88 (nothing of note happened on January 12, 1988 and the only thing that happened on December 1, 1988 is a large cyclone that struck Bangladesh, January 12, 1888 is the day of the Schoolhouse Blizzard which struck the midwestern US and killed 235 people (remember this for later)) and is filled, seemingly randomly, with garbled nonsense symbols. Many of the cells are the same as other cells and there are empty cells scattered haphazardly throughout the spreadsheet. BDG explains that he got this strategy from Dorian Smiles. In exchange for working on these spreadsheets BDG receives $10k - $20k a month (an amount that lines up pretty damn well with the amount he should be getting through his Patreon page currently, I don’t know if this was true when the video was made though) from Dorian. Wanting to know where the money is coming from BDG asks his bank and they explain that he is wiring the money to himself from another account he has. He grows confused as to the nature of this work and the disproportionately large amount of money it brings in, explicitly mentioning his confusion as to how the money is coming from someone with, “. . . my name and my voice.” and sets about to find and confront Dorian Smiles. BDG sets off for Center Nebraska, which is close to where Dorian lives (a small town in the northeast corner of Nebraska). He states that Dorian’s address hasn’t existed since 1888 (that’s a familiar year isn’t it?) when it was supposedly condemned during an enormous blizzard and is, “. . . just woods now.” The video then transitions to BDG walking through dark woods while his narration talking up the Dorian Smiles program continues becoming increasingly broken. He comes across a figure sitting in the woods that is convulsing strangely, when he calls out to it the figure turns and is him (heretofore named Dorian). Dorian slowly puts his hands over his nose and mouth while staring at BDG at which point the narration cuts out. BDG copies Dorian and when Dorian removes his hands in a flourish, BDG does the same to reveal that he no longer has a mouth. The video quickly cuts back to BDG in his office talking about the program, he asks the viewer, “Why don’t you join me?” and then sits back and smiles while that line repeats without him moving his mouth. The most pressing mystery is who Dorian Smiles is. I think the most likely answer (and one I know I am not the progenitor of) is that Dorian is a reference to The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, the story of a young man that has a portrait that ages and takes on the ravages of the debauched life its subject lives while Dorian himself does not. BDG would therefore be the unwitting recipient of that blessing, reaping massive rewards while his double, Dorian, lives in poverty and solitude. I like this explanation for Dorian, but I find it to be far more mechanical than thematic. On a metatextual level you could read that Dorian represents the character of BDG. The person that is in all of BDG’s videos, and the one with whom so much of the audience forms a parasocial relationship. In this lens the parallels with BDG’s own life make more sense. By this point in BDG’s career it is not difficult to imagine him feeling stifled creatively at work (I feel comfortable saying this given how soon after this video came out that he departed Polygon). His character had grown too large, potentially becoming alien to him, no longer reflecting the art he wanted to make and so he made a video about a distorted version of himself stealing his voice. In this way the video becomes a statement on his artistic integrity and his desire to test new boundaries and go in different directions. In hindsight, with the knowledge of his departure and then success after leaving Polygon, the video becomes almost heartwarming (if it weren’t terrifying) in the same way that a before and after picture of someone improving themselves can be. We will return to the Dorian Smiles system, but now we must move to the second video, Teaching Jake about the Camcorder, Jan '97. I’ll save you the blow by blow breakdown and aim for a quick summary instead. This video is a simple stationary shot of an old CRT tv. A VHS tape is inserted and a video of a man teaching his, evidently young, son how to use a camcorder plays. It is relatively wholesome and corny in that way that all home movies are and when it ends the tape rewinds and the segment plays again, this time with a few deviations. Over replays the father becomes aware of what is happening and begins trying to reason with Jake through the camcorder begging him to stop watching the tape and move on. The father is menaced by a large shadowy figure that does not speak or move when confronted. Eventually the father resorts to simply taking the camera and recording his own screams of pain. On the final rewind the father simply says, “Attaboy.” before calmly walking out the room and into the dark hallway, a doorway opens at the other end, filled with orange light, and the father walks through and down stairs. The final shot of the video is of the television, showing the hallway, as orange light begins to flicker in the background of the left side of the TV. The sound of the father descending the stairs transitions from the TV to diegetic and a shadow appears briefly in the light. On one level the video is clearly a statement about loss and about trauma. Jake is losing himself by watching these videos on repeat, trying in vain to relive a happier time. In that desperate desire to regain what was lost he is distorting it, making it into something it isn’t, hurting it. At the beginning the father says, “Never ever press the rewind button, otherwise you might record over a precious memory. We always keep the recording going forward . . .“ I think there is an additional, and more personal for BDG, reading however. The father is the modern character of BDG, and we, the audience, are Jake. He is pleading with us to leave the past behind and move on. This was only his 3rd video that he posted after leaving Polygon. It is a plea from him to leave the old character behind and stop trying to make one into the other. To stop obsessively comparing the new videos to the old. To let the future be the future and let the past be the past. He is telling us that his new work will not be like the old, that he has progressed past that and that now his viewers need to as well. The detachment and confusion of Earn $20K EVERY MONTH by being your own boss has transformed into a desire to move forward. But he needed to ensure that his audience was ready to come with him, and so he made a video about loss and the dangers of sinking too far into it. I know that there are some of you that feel I am reading too much of what I assume to be BDG’s thoughts and emotions into these interpretations, and I am the first to admit that I might be. In no way am I trying to say these are the only interpretations of these videos or even that they are correct. I think there is so much more of an artist that they put into their work than they realise. I do not know the mind of BDG, only he does, but these videos made me feel that I had a glimpse into the feelings of a man whose work I admire. These videos are either longer or a drastically different tone to the material he has put on his own channel and as such they stood out to me. They felt different, and they seemed to ask for a different level of scrutiny. On some level maybe BDGs videos can not be divorced from the story of BDG as a content creator, the same as any modern internet semi-celebrity, or indeed any artist. I guess there was also a part of me that wanted to answer the call to action I heard when BDG left Polygon, to unravel his work. I hope in some small way I’ve been able to do that.

[we-are-inevitable]

OKAY BIG AU RANT BUT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS (even though i posted all of this in the discord last night) AND UH:

modern au where most the newsies are straight and in a frat and jack is the frat president

very stereotypical frat bro, wears his letters everyday (whether it's a t-shirt of a cap or a pin on his bag), throws a whole bunch of parties and is really respected and stuff

he gets around, and has been with a bunch of girls throughout college- nothing really serious, but whatever.

everything is going great, until he meets David Jacobs at a party the frat is throwing.

and obviously jack has seen him around campus before (they're in their fourth year of college by now), and they had a few labs together back in like. freshman year, but they've never *talked*

and now, here's david, at a party with Katherine, and jack decides to talk to him.

they actually hit it off pretty well, but then jack mentions something about david taking Katherine home and David laughs and says, "Yeah, she's gonna help me weed out my grindr matches."

cue jack being like "???" because OH! jacobs is gay. huh. okay

and jack obviously makes a big show of it ("oh, sick! being gay is okay, bro, y'know, love is love and shit like that") and it's so obvious that he's out of his element but he doesn't wanna be like. homophobic or anything

and they kind of talk for a bit longer before jack drifts off to another group of people, and he doesn't think much of the interaction- at least, not until he runs into david at another party on campus the next weekend. this time, they're alone; jack is only there bc one of his buds in another frat told him to come, and david has lost Katherine in the crowd, so jack and david talk in the kitchen and get to know each other a bit more. again, everything is pretty New and they kind of friends now but they're talking and that's fine.

later on that night, jack sees david making out with some guy on the staircase, and to get his mind off of it, jack makes out with a girl in the kitchen.

over the next few weeks, david and jack run into each other a lot- enough times for them to exchange snapchats, and follow each other on Instagram. and they talk more on social media; jack invites david to some parties and david always comes, and they always end up talking- for longer and longer each time, like ACTUAL conversations about the past and their future goals and stuff

about three months after their initial meeting, though (after they've become good friends, who talk/snap everyday and hang out at least once a week), they're at a party, and jack gets pretty drunk, and he sees david making out with some guy on the couch. and jack doesn't know why, but he feels bad. angry. kind of upset. he approaches and tells david he needs to talk to him, and David says no ("uh, i'm kind of in the middle of something?")

and jack tries getting him to move and the other guy- the one David is making out with- starts getting in jack's face and calling him names, so jack... decks him.

he decks him, and he's immediately feeling guilty and bad and the commotion has stopped all around him and everyone is staring and david looks so confused and pissed off

and all jack can do is say "i'm so sorry" and run off

it's not until he's home that he realizes that, the reason he punched that guy in the face, was because he didn't like the idea of him having his hands on david.

because jack wants to be the one with his hands on david.

as soon as that realization hits him, though, jack basically has a meltdown. he's frustrated and crying and kind of throwing shit around but not really because, no. he can't be gay. right? he can't be. he literally has like 3 gay friends and he doesn't know anything about being gay and he's never been into a guy before but, fuck, he's into david.

naturally, though, jack avoids david for as long as he can. he avoids him like the plague

until one night, about six days later, when jack is drunk again (not from a party; more like self pity) and around two am one night, he walks to David's dorm room and knocks really loudly. and it takes a minute, but David answers, and as soon as the door opens, jack starts talking.

"Davey! Hi!"

"...Jack, what are you--"

"Listen, I'm very drunk. Very drunk. and I get it, ya probably don't wanna see me ever again, but I need to talk to ya, because- cause I ain't talked to ya in days, and I miss you, and I'm sorry."

"Jack, it's late, and--"

"Y'know, no one has been talkin' to me since the party. None'a my friends, no one from class... I fucked up, and I'm sorry, and I don't have an excuse, but I just... Do you know what's goin' on right now? 'Cause I sure as hell don't."

"What do you mean?"

"Have you been flirtin' with me?"

"I- I'm sorry, what--"

"'Cause I can't tell if you've been flirting with me or not, and I can't tell if i like it or not, but if you're flirtin' with me, then I've been likin' it, and thats fucking terrifying. Seein' you with that guy... I- I know we ain't a thing or anything, but it fuckin' sucked, and I don't even know why! Okay? Because I think I like you, but I've never been into a dude, and you're a dude and that's- that's fuckin' scary, man. But it'll be fine, and I'll deal with it, and I'm sorry. Night, davey."

and all david can do it watch jack stumble back down the hallway, and pray that jack remembers this in the morning.

and obviously jack remembers, because around noon the next day- a sunday- david gets a message from jack that says, 'we need to talk.'

so, david meets jack at one of the benches in front of the library, and jack looks so... broken, and defeated, and hungover as fuck.

"...You remember last night, huh?"

"Unfortunately, yeah. Look, Dave, I... I'm sorry. All of that was- was a lot, and you shouldn't have had to deal with my bullshit, and--"

"Did you mean it?"

"...Yeah. Yeah, I did."

and they're silent for a long time, until david rubs his arm and says

"For the record, I don't even know the name of the guy you punched."

"You two ain't--?"

"No, we aren't together. I... I've sort of had my eye on someone else."

and then david slowly takes jack's hand, and he san feel how tense and how shaky jack is, and he can see how scared he is, but then jack squeezes david's hand, and things start looking up. obviously they still have to deal with the fallout (and david is still very ,, Not Happy about jack punching that guy), but for the most part, they take things slow and figure it out as they go.

when jack comes out to the rest of the guys, he's really nervous and he does it in one of their weekly frat meetings, and of course there are a few of the guys who try to start shit, but the majority of the frat (other newsies included) are fine with it and are proud of jack.

i imagine all if this happening around,, December, so then once second semester hits, jack is less focused on partying and more focused on developing his relationship with david and working on accepting himself for who he is.

also HUGE shout out to the discord server for dealing with me spamming the chat with these paragraphs last night, namely @tarantulas4davey , @starz-in-our-eyes , and @santagae !!!!!

[laddieseddiemunster]

Salutations :) I just found your page and it’s amazing! I was wondering how you’d think the lost boys would react to a vegetarian s/o? I’ve always wondered what cross road that would be like cause as much as I’d love to be a vampire (who wouldn’t?) I don’t know if I could bring myself to actually hurt someone? Even if I was starving lol

Thank you very much! This is a very interesting concept because it seems like the boys are able to eat human food if they wanted to, so they either alternate or they just had the Chinese food to seem human towards Michael. I feel like it probably was a struggle for the boys at first, but they got used to it. I’m doing this separately because I feel like they’d all act differently. I also did a vampire reader, so I guess they had their first kill but hated the feeling of taking innocents lives away so they went vegan vamp.

Hope you enjoy!

The Lost Boys x Vegetarian!Vampire!Reader

David

David would definitely be pretty surprised when you told him. To him, being able to feed is like heaven, so he couldn’t understand why you didn’t feel the same way he felt. It’d take some explaining on your part to make him understand. When you explained to him that you didn’t like hurting people, David kinda thought you were joking.

To David, killing innocent people doesn’t affect him at all. He treats it as something he has to do, and he’s gotten used to it. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt guilty for slaughtering one of his victims. When he first turned he was a little scared to make his first kill, but is David gonna admit to that? Of course not. He understands where you’re coming from, but what he doesn’t understand is why you completely refuse to kill again.

According to David, killing and being able to drink from a human is one of the best feelings he’s ever felt. For you to feel the complete opposite and be a vampire like he is, it’s a huge shock for him. Knowing David, he’d probably argue with you about it. He’s hella stubborn, and practically refuses to understand your point of view. Eventually, he sort of starts to understand.

It kind of magically clicked into his brain one day. David realized that you not only cared about his or your feelings, but you also cared about other people’s feelings. You could never hurt somebody, even if you didn’t know them. David wasn’t like that. He could kill someone and not care about it the next day. David felt pretty bad for arguing with you over the whole situation. He definitely wouldn’t pressure you to kill, or even get upset with you over it anymore.

Once David completely understood why you didn’t kill, blood would never be addressed again. He’d completely get rid of the bottle with his blood, so you wouldn’t be reminded of it. Every time David would go out to feed he’d clean himself off of all the leftover blood before coming home to you. The last thing he’d want is to smell like human remains while he’s around you. Any conversation about killing would be completely shut down by David. If it made you uncomfortable, then god forbid one of the boys from bringing it up. There’s no way David would change his eating habits. He’ll change some of his regular actions to make you feel comfortable, but there’s no way he’ll stop feeding on humans.

Dwayne

Dwayne was a little taken aback when you told him, but in a way he understood. When he turned he couldn’t imagine killing other people in order to survive. But it’s something he does every day now, and he wouldn’t go back and change it. He’s gotten used to it, and he enjoys the feeling he gets when he’s feeding. When you explained to Dwayne that you felt the exact opposite, he was at a loss for words at first.

Killing innocent people isn’t exactly a concern for Dwayne. The only living humans he refuses to kill are children. They’re lives have just started, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he killed a kid. Other than that, Dwayne doesn’t really care about his victim’s feelings when he’s ripping them apart. To Dwayne, it’s just a meal. He has to eat to survive, so he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do.

Dwayne did not know what to say when you told him. He just kind of went “oh.” He understood that a first time vampire would have trouble making kills, but you weren’t a first time vampire, you flat out refused to kill anyone. Dwayne would never pressure you to kill anyone, but he’d definitely wanna know why you were a vegetarian vampire. The only other vampires he knew were the boys and Max, and they definitely would never give up feeding off of humans.

When you explained the reason why you were a vegetarian vampire to Dwayne, his heart kinda melted. You were considered an evil killer, yet you denied the tradition because you cared for other people. Just that explanation made Dwayne consider you his innocent baby. It sorta made him wish he never became a vampire. You were willing to change your whole eating habits because you couldn’t take someone else’s life away. Dwayne had been doing it for decades, and it’s too late for him to quit.

Since Dwayne knew you weren’t any normal vampire, he didn’t want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy. Dwayne made sure to never talk about feeding around you, and he made sure none of the boys would bring it up either. He’d always make sure to go and feed either before he saw you, or when you were asleep (although that’s a little risky because you go to sleep right before the sun comes out). Dwayne would treat it as something normal, and he definitely wouldn’t pressure you to start feeding. If this made you happier, than Dwayne was happy.

Paul

Paul didn’t really understand when you told him. You were a vampire. How could you not like feeding? Paul thought feeding was great. He loves being a vampire, but you didn’t feel the same. Paul would be pretty confused. He doesn’t understand why you refuse to kill. Paul knows that every time he feeds he’s taking someone’s life, but that’s what comes with being a vampire. He doesn’t remember the last time he was scared to make a kill.

Paul still wouldn’t completely get it even after you explain it to him a couple times. He just thought you had just turned, and were scared to make your first kill. But, boy, he was wrong. You were full, and you were a vegetarian vampire. When you told Paul that he was like “huh?” He didn’t even know a vampire could be vegetarian. He didn’t understand that you were telling him the truth. He kinda thought you were making the whole being vegetarian thing up because you were scared to make a kill.

When Paul finally realized that you were telling the truth, he tried to explain to you that killing someone wasn’t that big of a deal. He explained to you that it can be scary for the first couple kills, but you’ll get used to it after a while. Since you kept trying to explain why you refused, the whole thing turned into an argument. Paul didn’t mean for that, he just didn’t understand that you weren’t refusing to kill because you were scared, you refused because you cared about human life.

It did click into Paul’s brain once he saw you getting flustered after explaining yourself over and over. He felt bad when he realized that you were not afraid, you just cared for others. Paul hates arguing with you especially when it’s because he didn’t understand your point. He quickly apologized and didn’t bring it up for the rest of the night. He did end up bringing it up again a couple days later because he wanted to know what exactly you ate instead of humans. Paul wanted to know all the information about it.

Paul definitely wouldn’t become a vegetarian vampire along with you, but he wouldn’t never talk about feeding around you ever again. He’d probably never bring up you being a vegetarian vampire again. As long as you were comfortable doing this, then Paul was fine with it. Paul would probably check on how you were feeling from time to time because he doesn’t know what not feeding could do to a vampire. Your body always felt fine, but that didn’t stop Paul from checking up on you.

Marko

Marko didn’t exactly understand what you meant when you told him that you weren’t a vampire that made kills. He definitely thought it was strange. Wouldn’t a vampire die if they didn’t feed off of humans? You were still alive, so obviously they wouldn’t die. When you explained why you didn’t kill, Marko just thought you were afraid to. The adrenaline Marko felt when he made kills was something he thought every vampire loved feeling. He was obviously wrong.

Marko didn’t exactly know how to treat the situation. He didn’t understand why you didn’t want to make kills, but he didn’t know how to ask without sounding like he was trying to argue with you. It ended up turning into an argument. Marko tried to understand, he really did, but he just couldn’t. He tried to reason with you by explaining that the feeling a vampire gets after making kills gets better after a while, but you still refused. Marko ended up apologizing because he didn’t want you to be mad at him forever.

The conversation ended up being brought up again by Marko. He loved you more than anything, but he still didn’t quite understand why you were a vampire that didn’t make kills. Marko loved to kill, even if that meant someone had to die in the end. He would never give that up in a million years, but you gave it up in a heartbeat. Marko started to understand when you told him that you didn’t like making other people suffer.

Just the fact that you hated the thought of hurting someone else made Marko realize how much different you two were. Marko felt pretty bad for trying to convince you that killing wasn’t all that bad. He knew that it was, but he’d been doing it for so long that he kind of forgot. Once Marko fully understand what you meant by being a vegetarian vampire, he was a little worried at first because he knew vampires weren’t made to eat regular food. You seemed to be okay, so he eventually stopped worrying.

There’s no way Marko would become a vegetarian vampire along with you, but he stopping bringing up feeding around you. If it made you uncomfortable, then there was no way Marko was gonna bring it up ever again. The only time he’d ever bring it up was when he absolutely had to. Like when he was about to go feed and he had no choice but to tell you where he was going. Other than that, it was never brought up. Marko treated you being a vegetarian as something normal. The last thing he’d want is for you to feel like you were weird or odd for not making kills.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Conspiracy fantasy

When we talk about conspiratorialism, we tend to focus (naturally) on the content of the conspiracy. Not only are those stories entertainingly outlandish — they’re also the point of contact between conspiracists and the world.

If your mom is shouting about “Hollywood pedos,” it’s natural that you’ll end up discussing the relationship of this belief to observable reality. But while the content of conspiratorial beliefs gets lots of attention, we tend to neglect the significance of those beliefs.

To the extent that we consider why the beliefs exist and proliferate, the discussion rarely gets further than “irrational people have irrational beliefs.” This is a mistake. The stories we tell one another are a kind of Ouija board, with all our fingertips on the planchette.

The messages it spells out don’t describe external reality but they do reveal our internal, unspoken anxieties and aspirations.This is why we should read science fiction: not because it predicts the future, but because it diagnoses the present.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/26/meaningful-zombies/#oracles

Sf is an ever-mutating ecosystem of fears and hopes, and readers apply selective pressure to those organisms, extinguishing the ones that don’t capture the zeitgeist and elevating the ones that do, a co-evolution of our fantasies and our narratives.

http://locusmag.com/Features/2007/07/cory-doctorow-progressive-apocalypse.html

This is why Alternate Reality Games are so central to their players’ lives. They’re a form of narrative co-creation, with the players throwing out theories and the game-masters actually changing the story to incorporate the best of them.

ARGs are an environment where your coolest and most deliciously scary ideas become reality. It’s a powerful way to galvanize collective action.

As anthropologist Biella Coleman writes in Hacker, Hoaxer, Whistleblower, Spy, it’s the organizing principal behind Anonymous.

Anon Ops begin life as victory announcement videos. If the vision of success captures enough Anons, they execute the op.

https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/the-anonymous-ghost-in-the-machine

In other words, the degree to which a shared fantasy of victory compels its audience predicts whether the audience realizes its fantasy. Long before the alt-right, Anons were memeing ideas into existence (no coincidence, as both were incubated on 4chan).

On the Conspiracy Games and Counter-Games podcast, three left academics — Max Haiven, AT Kingsmith, Aris Komporozos-Athanasiou — analyze “conspiracy fantasies” (as opposed to conspiracies, e.g. the Big Lie behind the Iraq War) for what they reveal about late capitalism’s anxieties.

As leftists, they naturally focus on the relationship between material conditions and people’s behaviors and beliefs. This is an important part of the discourse on conspiratorialism that’s often missing from liberal and right-wing analysis.

Conspiracists aren’t just “irrational” nor are they just “racist.” They may be both of those things, but unless you look at material conditions, then the surges and retreats of conspiracism are mysterious phenomena, strange tides raised by unseen forces.

A decade ago, then-PM David Cameron — the architect of a brutal, authoritarian austerity — dismissed the Hackney Riots as “criminality pure and simple,” and demanded a ban on discussion of the relationship between austerity and unrest.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/video/2011/aug/09/david-cameron-riots-criminality-video

But without that discussion, there’s no explanation. Even if you believe that “criminality” is a thing that is latent within some or all of us, what explains a rise or fall in that criminality? Is it like pollen that alights upon some of us, turning us bad? Or the full moon?

Likewise the “conspiracists are just racists�� or “they’re just deranged.” Without looking at the material world, there’s no explanation for why that racism suddenly became more (or less) important to how conspiracists live their lives.

We can’t talk about conspiratorialism without talking about material considerations, and we have to talk about the form and substance of the conspiratorial belief. The ARG-like structure of Qanon is a hugely important part of its popularity:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/08/05/behavioral-v-contextual/#adrian-hon

Memeing things into existence in a game-like way is hugely compelling. You can tell when a D&D game is hopping when the players and the DM start co-creating the story, with the DM slyly altering the dungeon and the NPCs to match the players’ super-cool theories.

A recent episode of the CGACG podcast present a mind-blowing analysis of the interplay of the material conditions, mythology and structure of Qanon. It’s a two-part interview with Wu Ming 1:

https://soundcloud.com/reimaginevalue/wuming-one-1?in=reimaginevalue/sets/unmanageablerisks

https://soundcloud.com/reimaginevalue/wuming-one-2?in=reimaginevalue/sets/unmanageablerisks

Wu Ming 1 is part of Bologna’s Wu Ming Collective, the successor to the 1990s Luther Bissett net-art collective. Bissett did many wild, weird things,including publishing “Q,” an internationally bestselling conspiratorial novel in 1999 (!!)

https://www.wumingfoundation.com/giap/what-is-the-wu-ming-foundation/

The plot of “Q” involves a high-level government official, privy to top-secret info about a state conspiracy. It closely mirrors Qanon beliefs, right down to a call for a Jan 6 uprising (!!!!). The major difference is that “Q” is set during the Protestant Reformation.

In the interview, Wu Ming 1 talks about the proliferation of conspiratorial, ARG-like 4chan hoaxes that predated Qanon, and hypothesizes that the original Q posts were plagiarized from the novel.

The strange experience of seeing a novel turn into a cult prompted Ming 1 to write “La Q di Qomplotto” (“The Q in Qonspiracy”), a book that defines and analyzes “conspiracy fantasies.”

https://edizionialegre.it/product/la-q-di-qomplotto/

Ming 1’s interview digs into this in some depth, including setting out criterial for distinguishing conspiracies from fantasies (for example, a conspiracy doesn’t go on forever, while a fantasy can imagine the Knights Templar running the world for centuries).

I was taken by Ming 1’s discussion of the role that “enchantment” plays in conspiratorialism — the feeling of being in a magical and wondrous (if also anxious and terrible) place. He says this is why “debunkers” fail — they’re like people who spoil a magic trick.

Ming 1 and the hosts talk about replacing the enchantment of conspiratorialism with a counter-enchantment, grounded not in the conspiratorialist’s oversimplification and essentialism, but in the wonder of reality.

Ming 1 analogizes his “counter-enchantment” to the “double-wow” method of Penn and Teller: first they blow you away with a trick, and then they blow you away with the cleverness by which it was accomplished.

He describes how the Luther Bissett collective performed a double-wow during Italy’s Satanic Panic, creating a hoax satanic heavy metal cult and a counter-cult, promulgating stories of their pitched battles, then revealing how they’d faked the whole thing.

The action was taken in solidarity with actual Bolognese heavy metal fans who’d been framed for imaginary Satanic “crimes.” Luther Bissett wanted to demonstrate how a panic could be created from nothing, to reveal the method behind the real hoax with a fake hoax.

The double-wow method reminds me of Richard Dawkins’ manuever in “The Magic of Reality,” his excellent children’s book about the virtues of the scientific world, revealing how the numinous wonder of faith is nothing compared to the wonder of science.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Magic_of_Reality

The idea that conspiratorialism is a leading indicator of capitalism’s anxieties is a powerful one, and it ties into other compelling accounts of conspiracy, like Anna Merlan’s REPUBLIC OF LIES, which discusses the importance of trauma to conspiratorial belief.

Like Ming 1, Merlan stresses the kernel of truth underpinning conspiracy fantasies — the real aerospace coverups that make UFO conspiracies plausible, the real pharmaceutical conspiracies to cover up harms from drugs that underpin anti-vax.

https://memex.craphound.com/2019/09/21/republic-of-lies-the-rise-of-conspiratorial-thinking-and-the-actual-conspiracies-that-fuel-it/

In the podcast, Ming 1 and the hosts stress the importance of identifying and addressing the kernel of truth and the trauma it produces in any counter-conspiratorial work — that is, a successful counter-enchantment must address the material conditions behind the fantasy.

I really like this approach because of its empathy — its attempt to connect with the conditions that produce behaviors and beliefs, not to be confused with sympathy, which might excuse their toxic and hateful nature.

It reminds me a lot of Oh No Ross and Carrie, whose hosts have spent years joining cults and religions and digging into fringe practices and beliefs in an effort to understand them; they laugh a lot, but never AT their subjects.

https://ohnopodcast.com/

But Ming 1 brings something new to this discussion: an analysis of the role that novels have played in conspiracy fantasy formation: not just the plagiarizing of “Q” to make Qanon, but things like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion plagiarizing Dumas.

The interview also brought to mind Edward Snowden’s recent inaugural blog-post, “Conspiracy: Theory and Practice,” which seeks to separate conspiracy practice (e.g. the NSA spying on everyone) from theories (what Ming 1 calls “fantasies”).

https://edwardsnowden.substack.com/p/conspiracy-pt1

Snowden connects the feeling of powerlessness to the urge to explain the world through conspiracies, relating this to his experience of revealing one of the world’s most far-reaching real conspiracies, and then becoming the subject of innumerable conspiracy fantasies.

Snowden’s perspective is one that has heretofore been missing from conspiracy discourse — the perspective of someone who has been part of a real conspiracy and then the central subject of a constellation of bizarre and widespread conspiratorial beliefs.

These different works, focusing as they do on the character of conspiratorial beliefs, the nature of conspiratorial practice, and material conditions of conspiracists, comprise a richer analysis of our screwed-up discourse than, say, theories about “online radicalization.”

As I wrote in my 2020 book “How to Destroy Surveillance Capitalism,” the “online radicalization” narrative requires that you accept Big Tech’s unsupported marketing claims about its power to bypass our critical thoughts at face value.

https://onezero.medium.com/how-to-destroy-surveillance-capitalism-8135e6744d59

Claims to be able to control our minds — whether made by Rasputin, Mesmer, pick-up artists, MK-ULTRA or NLP enthusiasts — always turn out to be cons (though sometimes the con artists are also conning themselves).

But there’s a much more plausible, less controversial set of powers that Big Tech possesses. By spying on us all the time, it can help scammers target people who are ready to hear conspiratorial explanations.

By monopolizing our discourse, it allows SEO scammers to create default answers to our questions. By locking us in, it can keep us using a platform even if the discourse there makes us angry and anxious.

And by corrupting our political process, it creates “kernels of truth” for conspiratorial beliefs.

As with Scooby Doo, the monster turns out to be a familiar villain in a fright mask: a monopolist whose abuses and impunity create the anxiety that make conspiracy plausible.

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 3 of Season 1

“Extra Ordinary”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it's funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ 

1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ First off I’d like to say that this is one of my favorite episodes of this season. It’s just soooo good

☂ The second comic book in the window features the Televator from the actual comics, so that has to be canon in the show! Also at the time that that second comic came out, Five had already left since we don’t see him on the cover

☂ It’d be cool if they actually printed Vanya’s book for fans to read

☂ Well Diego isn’t wrong when he called Hazel and Cha Cha animals because of their masks

☂ Honestly I feel Vanya’s struggle with chair placement. I’ve fortunately had the luck of playing in all three clarinet chair placements, but 1st chair is challenging. I personally found each placement very fun to play, especially 3rd, and I hope Vanya does too! (why am I talking like she’s real)

☂ Hazel talks about people living ordinary lives, but didn’t he live like that too at one point? How does The Commission recruit people? If they get ordinary people, do they wipe their memories of their previous lives?

☂ “Let’s see’em get out from behind their desks, get their hands dirty for once.” Well Hazel, Five does indeed do this even though he only had a desk job for a day. Still, he got to experience both worlds

☂ My mind is blanking on this, but how did Five get that cut on his arm? Was it from a bullet wound at Gimbel’s? 

☂ Five must have a high pain tolerance to stitch his own wound but his bandaid probably wouldn’t stick due to the wet blood he slapped it over. Five sweetie you need a cotton pad and gauze for that one

☂ Wait, you’re telling me that The Umbrella Academy boys’ top uniform consists of a tank top, a white dress shirt, a tie, a sweater vest, and then the blazer? Someone asked Reginald what he wanted for the uniforms and he just said “Yes.”

☂ Five: *puts hands in pockets only to immediately take them out*

☂ Aidan almost sounds like he has an accent when he says “I'm done funding your drug habit.” 

☂ Five’s so soft talking to his wife

☂ No Leonard, your bread and butter is being a creep

☂ Also, he thinks wood carving is embarrassing? If someone came up to me and showed me something they carved out of wood I would be so jealous cause it’s such a neat form of art

☂ Leonard saying that he carved wood, and in that case wooden figures, when he was a kid is a slight foreshadow of all of his tampering with his Umbrella Academy figures. He can make wooden figures but he’s also destroyed a handful of the Hargreeves figures 

☂ “Never really did like The Beatles.” Well sir you’ve made me dislike you even more

☂ Vanya asking Allison if her siblings wanted her at the family meeting bugs me a bit. I absolutely get that she was literally left out of anything and everything that had to do with her siblings when she was younger, but Allison just asked her to come back home for a family meeting. Allison wouldn't have walked around looking for Vanya only to tell her that they were having a family meeting and that she wasn’t actually invited. Allison is including her in on a family meeting but Vanya is just in a bit of disbelief that she’s being included

☂ Ah yes, the only PTSD flashback for Five we see in the show! He looks so scared when he snaps out of it. I believe it was somehow triggered by the kids (I could be wrong) but do you think Five sometimes panics when he looks at himself in the mirror now since his body is the same age it was when he got stuck? Also it’s very subtle but when Luther opens the door, Five slightly jerks/flinches back. I wish we would see more of this in the show since it’s one of his major traumas

☂ “Does it matter? It’s Klaus.” Ouch! Well Five I hope you know that your siblings are somewhat thinking the same thing since they believe that you’ve lost your mind and are practically an old man crying “Apocalypse!” 

☂ Five does an ever so slight huff and smirk when Luther tells him that the meeting at the Academy is important. He finds it a little funny but so frustrating in his mind that Luther doesn’t know what’s truly important

☂ Also I love that Aidan has to turn to the side so that he can keep it together after Klaus talks about his chocolate pudding waxing. Either that or he’s portraying Five as being frustrated and in disbelief. Also this is the first time I’ve noticed that he says “Ay, ay ay...” 

☂ “We’re all you have. And you know it.” Oh Luther, you’re failing to see that that’s why he’s acting like this right now. He’s all frantic and crazed about trying to stop the apocalypse so that he can protect and save all that he has

☂ Five certainly is mad at Luther during his mini lecture. He’s clenching his jaw tightly and when he first speaks he hisses out the words through gritted teeth. He even called Luther by his number. He’s very impatient at this point and doesn’t care for Luther’s act of attempting to be a leader

☂ This is their first, and certainly not last, time watching Klaus go by in front of them doing something he shouldn’t be doing

☂ “You haven’t been home in a long time, Vanya.” Sir you were also just on the moon for four years. Yeah Vanya was away for a long time but Grace easily could have changed too during the four years you were gone

☂ How sweet, even though Five hasn’t really been home they want to include him in on the family vote :]

☂ I’ve noticed that in S1 that David really mumbles his lines. A lot

☂ I wish we got more flashbacks of the younger Umbrellas

☂ Diego my beloved mama’s boy ♥️

☂ It’s confusing as to which country TUA takes place in, but it’s really not supposed to be a specific one. It’s portrayed as being in North America, but you can see behind Cha Cha when she gets out of the car at the Academy the flag of the RAF, which Canada would have at a monument since it’s a Commonwealth country. At the same time though Delores came from Gimbels, which was a department store chain across the U.S

☂ The light above Five’s portrait is slightly crooked, which probably means no one has really been paying attention to it

☂ It makes me nervous that Klaus wipes bubbles onto his face. It looks like he got some in his eyes

☂ Ugh I love the whole scene of Hazel and Cha Cha walking around the Academy with “We’re Through” playing

☂ Diego: *has knives but instead chooses to punch and hit Hazel to try to make him let go of Allison”

☂ A rope-a-dope is a boxing tactic of pretending to be trapped against the ropes, goading an opponent to throw tiring ineffective punches. Diego sweetie Hazel wasn’t even trying to get you off of him all he was doing was choking Allison. The only person who got tired was probably you

☂ What’s the point in Diego yelling “Luther, go!” if he’s already going 💀

☂ Luther was there immediately when Hazel attacked Vanya. That means that Luther heard Vanya and was going to go get her to safety

☂ I will never stop signing my praise for the entirety of the “Sinnerman” fight scene(s). It gives me chills every single time. Easily one of the best scenes in all of the show

☂ Klaus must really have his music blasting if he can’t hear the gun shots right next to him

☂ I’ve always wondered if Allison actually registered in her mind that “The boy” is Five when Cha Cha says that’s who they’re looking for. Either she does realize that’s Five, is simply just angry that those two are looking for a boy, or registers in her mind that it’s Five through his superhero codename even though Cha Cha’s not referring to him in that way

☂ Diego is full on just standing in the background watching Allison get beat up by Cha Cha 🕴

☂ I love Diego’s little hand flap when he gets hit in the hand fighting Cha Cha

☂ Okay so I make everything about Five, but the whole Cha Cha fight scene with Allison and then Diego kind of scares me. Cha Cha and Hazel are both amazing assassins (they’re both probably right below Five) and neither Allison nor Diego could stop her by themselves. Could you imagine Five fighting one of his siblings? Especially with his spatial jumps? We already got a glimpse of his true combat skills when he fights Lila in S2. What a scary little old man

☂ “Vanya, get out of here!” Again, wanting to make sure that Vanya is safe and gets away. He even tried to go look for her

☂ Something I don’t really get about the Hazel and Luther fight is why doesn’t Luther just overpower him? Luther has super strength and on top of that he has giant muscles due to the gorilla DNA. Shouldn’t he be able to beat Hazel to a pulp? Maybe we have to consider that Hazel might have been altered by The Commission to be stronger and more durable, but they haven’t mentioned that in the show

☂ “Ah, you gotta cut down on that fast food, soldier.” What are you talking about Diego he literally just got off the moon two days ago aflksjfdk

☂ So Luther was too injured to jump out of the way of the chandelier but was able to push it up off of himself? 🤔

☂ I personally think that Luther’s body design adaptation for the show is really cool and that they gave him the perfect amount of bulk without making him look ridiculous

☂ This has been pointed out before, but cross-stitch foreshadowing, baby 

☂ Again, Diego my beloved mama’s boy ♥️

☂ Well at least Diego thought about Vanya dying before thinking about his siblings dying because of her. The latter is ironic!

☂ The clock above Luther’s mirror reads approximately 1:30 am. Hazel and Cha Cha didn’t want to wait until morning

☂ I wonder how different it would be if Five was present at the Academy when Hazel and Cha Cha attacked. He probably would have surrendered himself to them, but it's fun to entertain the idea that he would go apeshit if he knew that they were harming his family in order to find him

☂☂☂☂☂☂☂

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

The lost boys with a sweet and innocent s/o would include~

(Not my gifs)(requested by anonymous)

David~

- David likes innocence, it enthralls him because he’s so far from it himself. He’s drawn to it from the get go so expect that once he sees you he’s already planning a way to hook his claws into you.

- Not to mention your kindness. David; or any of the boys for that matter, is not used to just plain human decency. It’s been a while since he’s been treated with respect instead of just being seen as some delinquent walking amongst the people.

- You would undoubtedly become a motherly figure towards the boys; your caring and kind nature taking over when you’re around them.

- He’s a little touch starved so he’s happy to receive your affection and kindness.

- He always gives guys that knowing look when you come to his side after their attempted flirting or staring. Like he wants them to know he finds it amusingly pathetic, and that you might not realize what had just happened but he did.

- Sometimes he treats you like you’re fragile, like any touch of his could break you into a million pieces. You appear so soft and delicate to him that he couldn’t help but do so.

- He tries to keep you away when “scary” things are happening, not wanting you to be afraid of the boys and run off because you saw a skull being split open.

- If you do manage to see something he didn’t intend for you to see; whether that be a kill or some kind of behavior they take part in, he’ll try to comfort you.

-Although a part of him wants to keep you as a sweet, innocent little girl another part of him wants to completely ravage and corrupt you. He goes back and forth on the issue everytime he sees you.

- He’d love making you admit your not so innocent thoughts, the uncharacteristic feelings that come across you especially in regards to him. Hearing this angelic creature confessing how he makes them feel in a tone of flustered embarrassment, it “keeps him up at night” so to speak.

- All of the boys would kind of take advantage of your kindness and innocence but none of them quite as much as David. Let’s not forget that David is a villain and someone who tricks people into becoming a vampire. Chances are you wouldn’t be spared from this outcome, especially if he really liked you.

- With your innocence and tendency to help people, it would be easy for him to manipulate you into coming with them to the cave and subsequently joining them. And then he’d get to keep you forever.

Paul~

- Baby? Baby him? Please? The two of you alternate between pampering each other.

- He himself is a touchy boy so he likes to be touched in return, he’d make any excuse to have you pet him like a puppy.

- I suppose the boys can kinda get hurt but not a lot? Anyways he probably convinced you he was much more fragile than he actually is and pretended that he was hurt to get your sympathy and care.

- He’s a pretty wild person so you’ll have to try and keep him under wraps at times. You don’t want him ending up in jail for the night no matter how unlikely that outcome may be.

- He would make innuendos just to see your adorable confused face.

- He’d love to tease you about your naivety and innocence, saying things like “Well what a good girl you are” and “I bet you don’t even know what that is” with a grin.

- There has definitely been a few times where he’s mentioned the fact that nearly every source of vampire media thinks that they prefer drinking virgin blood. He teases you that perhaps he should give it a try.

- Hand holding, he likes to swing your hand back and forth.

- He aggressively flirts with you just to see your flustered expressions.

- He’s worried to show you his vampire face, you’re softer than the average person; at least your heart is, and even normal people are afraid of him. And he’s normally the epitome of a pretty boy, what would you think of the grotesque version of himself?

- Like pretty much all of the other boys in the group, he thinks your innocence is hot. While Paul doesn’t normally go for “good girls” there definitely is something intriguing about the thought of, well, deflowering you, and teaching you all the dirty little ins and outs of life.

Dwayne~

- Dwayne has always liked innocent girls, there’s just something about them that appeals to him in ways he can’t understand.

- Even though he dresses like he’s in a rock band, girls get bonus points in his book if their fashion style matches their heart, all lace and silk.

- You definitely make him look far less intimidating, the intensity of his usual glare being lessened by your smile and hand happily clutching his.

- He refuses to let the other boys “taint” you. He’ll glare daggers at them to stop them from explaining something dirty or prevent them from saying innuendos to you in the future.

- He sort of treats you like a child sometimes, wanting to preserve your innocence and sweetness for as long as he can; mostly because he hasn’t had anyone like you around him in such a long time. You balance out the evil that he sometimes feels is buried deep within himself and he doesn’t want to let that go.

- You might be embarrassed by some kind of childish thing you like/own but it makes him think you’re even more endearing than he originally thought you were.

- Protective. You and Laddie are on the same level in his book, both of you must be under his watchful gaze.

- He’d like to hold you close to him at all times, keeping you pressed against his chest or wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you’d walk along the boardwalk together.

- He loves watching you with Laddie, seeing how sweet you are to the little boy and how good you take care of him.

- Dwayne is a kind soul at heart so the two of you are actually quite similar. The both of you are definitely the nicest out of the group.

- While he thinks of you as something he wants to keep pure some of the looks he gives you makes it look like he wants to devour you whole.

- He’s also said some things that get your blood boiling no matter how innocent you may be. You can’t help the thoughts that run through your head or the way your body reacts when he’s telling you how sweet you are and how he can’t wait to taste your sweetness on his tongue.

- He tends to talk more around you because you just have a way of making him feel at ease and willing.

Marko~

- Marko’s always kind of down to fight so imagine how he’d act if someone tried to take advantage of you. He’s the hard man to your soft girl.

- The boardwalk cop likes you and will occasionally let him and the others off the hook just for you. You tend to keep them out of (big) trouble and it’s less work for him so he doesn’t mind giving in to your pleas.

- Marko would find it cute if you were apprehensive about causing mischief with them. He’d attempt to egg you into going through with it but would secretly be pleased when you’d continue to refuse.

- Always has a tender gaze set on you, he likes watching you just be your sweet little self.

- He tries to impress you with his pigeons because you’re a kind soul and would probably like the little creatures.

- He asks you to help him with his hair, both cutting and styling, he likes how carefully and tenderly you do so.

- Marko kinda craves approval and praise so he’s glad that you’re willing to give it to him.

- He’d like to tease you almost as much as Paul, giving you his signature Cheshire grin while he asks you questions and calls you sweet.

- He’d definitely play tricks on you knowing that you’d forgive him.

- He indulges your different more childlike interests, occasionally snagging little gifts from stores or tolerating a viewing of your favorite movie/show.

[sexualintimidationdemon]

Day 20

Reflections on: Halloween Kills (2021)

This takes place immediately after Halloween (2018). You should watch that before watching this or you’ll definitely be pretty confused!

John Carpenter’s music was perfect, as always. I got goosebumps after only the first couple of piano and synth notes :)

I appreciated the flashbacks to Halloween night 1978 which showed new scenes that were concurrent with the events of Halloween (1978). This was a rare well-done retcon that successfully deepened the modern character’s motivations and provided richer context for the present story. 

Like the previous film this was written by Danny McBride and David Gordon Green, yet it was missing their signature humour. I wished there was a little more levity in this. It’s pretty brutal, even for a slasher!

Anthony Michael Hall plays Tommy - the little boy Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) babysat in the original film. He is UNRECOGNIZABLE as the Tony Hall you know and love. A shot of his face lit up by red light cuts immediately to a shot of a jack-o-lantern (see both above). After this comparison I couldn’t imagine him as anything other than a pumpkin. 

I will never look at a fluorescent light bulb the same way again.

Kyle Richards (who you may know as one of The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills or possibly from Watcher in the Woods (1980)) reprises her role from the 1978 Halloween as Lindsey, one of a few survivors of Michael Myers. I liked the addition of side characters who were personally affected by the events of the first film. Of course their lives were irrevocably altered 40 years ago, and as a result some of them feel like they must now be the heroes of the story. If I survived Mikey M. as a kid I think I would have moved far far away from Haddonfield, Illinois - probably to an uncharted island surrounded by sharks and mines.

One of my horror movie pet peeves is the ridiculously inaccurate depiction of hospitals. Morgues are not designed in a way that a murder victim’s mother can accidentally discover the body of her disfigured child through a window in a busy hallway! COME ON! Hospital chaos was the most stressful part of this film for me. A mob of angry townspeople including doctors and nurses trample people and knock each other down stairwells. Medical students take the Hippocratic Oath to, “first, do no harm”. COME ON!

An over-the-top (even for Halloween) rich couple (see above) now lives in Michael Myers’ childhood home. They are Big John, a honey-pondering, stoned jazz daddy, and Little John, a pirate daddy played by MADtv’s Michael McDonald. I’m sorry I know he’s been in many other things since then, but I will always associate him with that problematic show and Zima (a drink I’ve actually encountered only once - weirdly in Kochi, Japan). How do I know they’re rich? Sure, the house was probably cheap to buy as it was the site of multiple murders, but they’ve obviously put a lot of money into renovations. They also leave FOUR lamps on in their upstairs bedroom while they watch a movie downstairs. I did love that they were watching Minnie and Moskowitz (1971) by John Cassavetes - a perfect choice for Halloween night. 

Laurie, albeit “geeked out on pain meds” tells Tommy to go find and kill Michael Myers. I know she’s not his babysitter anymore and Tommy is a fully grown adult, but this is still terrible, irresponsible advice. Laurie!!

I know I said I liked the addition of all the side characters but there might actually be too many characters in this!

The soundtrack includes an Anne Murray song?! Scary! The fact that I was able to identify an Anne Murray song - horrifying!!!

One adult survivor character gives an order to two teens (in an attempt to protect them!) that follows the same logic from Children of the Corn (1983): “[If] you see anything suspicious - you honk the horn.” Have these people learned nothing?! Honking?!

As just noted in Anamorph (2007), we are again presented with several gruesome tableaus. Why are serial killers such creative installation artists?! Are they taking some sort of online course?? Good for them!

[phantomofthepairofdice]

Double Features 2: Splatter, Splicer, Slander, Slasher

Considering the fact that we’re locked down and most folks aren’t going out much, why not settle in on a weekend with double feature. As part of a series of articles, I’ve decided to suggest some titles that would make for an interesting pair. It’s a time commitment like binging a few episodes of a TV show, and hopefully these double features are linked in interesting enough ways that it has a similar sense of cohesion. They also can be watched on separate occasions, but the lesser the distance between them, the more the similarities show. Do it however you want, really. I’m merely a guy on the internet, and that qualifies me for absolutely nothing! Enjoy at your own risk.

This template is back! I wanted to suggest a few more double features, but this time keep them in a specific genre: horror. I love horror movies, and I realized that I hadn’t really given them their due on this here blog, so I wanted to remedy that by showing a lot of love across a lot of different movies. I’ve put together some international movies, some classics, some that are silly, some that are serious, and even a bonus suggestion hidden in one of these blurbs. So without any more ramble in the preamble, here are four new suggested double features.

Note: The pairs are listed in the order I think best serves them being seen.

Hausu & Evil Dead II:

Hausu aka House (not to be confused with 1985 American horror film of the same name) has sort of transcended cult movie status to become a staple of off-center horror-comedy. Directed by recently deceased Nobuhiko Obayashi, the film shows his roots in advertisements with every shot designed for maximum effect, a (still) cutting edge approach in the edit, and a joyous, playful approach to special effects. It’s a gauzy and dreamy romp about a group of schoolgirls who head to the countryside on vacation. While staying at one of their aunts’ house, the supernatural hauntings begin, and heads start to roll (as well as bite people on the butt). It’s the type of movie where the main cast of characters are named Gorgeous, Kung Fu, Melody, Prof, Mac, Sweet, and Fantasy and they each have corresponding character traits. I was lucky enough to catch this at a rep screening at the Museum of Fine Arts a few years ago (further proof that this has gone beyond the cult curio status), and this is absolutely a movie that benefits from having a crowd cheer and laugh along - but it’s fairly easy to find and still has lots of pleasures to be enjoyed on solo watch. I’m pretty much willing to guarantee that if you enjoy it on first watch, you’ll want to share it with others. Now, where does one start when talking about Evil Dead II? Sam Raimi is rightfully as well known for his start in the hair-brained splatter genre fare as he is for his genre-defining Spider-man films. The influence of the Evil Dead movies is nearly unquantifiable, apparent in the work of directors like Edgar Wright, Peter Jackson, Quentin Tarantino, and the Korean New Wave filmmakers like Bong Joon-ho and Park Chan-wook. There’s a reason that the second film of his Evil Dead odyssey is the one that people hold in highest esteem, though. There is an overwhelming gleeful creativity, anything goes, Looney Tunes approach to it that makes the blood geysers, laughing moose heads, and chainsaw hands extend beyond gore and shock into pleasure. It’s been noted over and over by critics and Raimi himself that the Three Stooges are probably the biggest influence on the film, and by golly, it shows. Evil Dead II and Hausu are pure in a way that few other movies can be. Both of these movies are an absolute delight of knowing camp, innovative special effects, and a general attitude of excitement from the filmmakers permeating through every frame. They’re a total blast and, in my mind, stand as the standard-bearers for horror-comedy and haunted house movies.

Total Runtime: 88 minutes + 84 minutes = 172 minutes aka 2 hours and 52 minutes

The Thing (1982) & The Fly (1986):

Feel free to roll your eyes as I explain the plots of two very famous movies. The Thing is John Carpenter’s body horror reimagining of Howard Hawks’ The Thing from Another World and the story that was adapted from, “Who Goes There?” by John W. Campbell Jr. The film is centered around a group of men in an arctic outpost who welcome in a cosmic force of shape-shifting annihilation. What ensues is a terrifically scary, nihilistic, paranoid attempt to find who isn’t who they say they are before everyone is replaced with the alien’s version of them. The film is a masterpiece of tone in no small part due to Dean Cundey’s photography and Ennio Morricone’s uncharacteristically restrained score. The real showstopper here, though, is the creature effects designed by Rob Bottin with an assist from Stan Winston – two titans of their industry. There may not be a more mind-blowing practical effects sequence in all of movies than Norris’ defibrillation – which I won’t dare spoil for anyone who hasn’t seen it. The story is so much about human nature and behaviors, that it’s good news that the cast is all top-notch – anchored by Kurt Russell, Keith David, and Wilford Brimley. While The Thing is shocking and certainly not for anyone opposed to viscera, David Cronenberg’s The Fly is the best example of a movie not to watch while eating. Quite frankly, it’s got some of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen on film. Chris Walas and Stephen Dupuis’ makeup effects are shocking, but the terror is amplified because this builds such a strong foundation of romance in its opening stretch between Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis in what might be their career-best work. The story is simple: a scientist creates a teleportation device that he tries out himself, but unknowingly does so with a fly in the chamber with him. When he reatomizes on the other end, his DNA has been integrated with the fly. Slowly his body begins to deteriorate, and he transforms into a human-fly hybrid. While this is first and foremost a science-fiction horror film, it’s truly one of the most potent love stories at its center. The tragedy is that the love, like the flesh, is mutated and disintegrated by the hubris of Goldblum’s Seth Brundle. Here are two remakes that – clutch your pearls – outdo the original. They both serve as great examples of what a great artist can bring by reinterpreting the source material to tell their version of that story. The critical respect for Carpenter and Cronenberg is undeniable now, but both of these movies make the case that there are real artists working with allegory and stunning craft in less respected genre fare. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to transpose the thematic weight of the then-new AIDS crisis onto both films, but they both have a hefty anti-authority streak running through them in a time where American Exceptionalism was at an all-time high. If you want to get a real roll going, fire up the ’78 Invasion of the Body Snatchers first to get a triple dose of auteur remakes that reflect the social anxieties of the time and chart from generalized anxiety to individualistic dread to romantic fatalism.

Total Runtime: 109 minutes + 96 minutes = 205 minutes aka 3 hours and 25 minutes

Theatre of Blood & The Abominable Dr. Phibes

That old Klingon proverb that Khan tells Kirk about revenge being a dish best served cold is challenged by these two Vincent Price tales of the macabre. They posit that revenge is best served in extremely convoluted and thematically appropriate predecessors to the Saw franchise. Where Saw trades in shock and extremity, though, these classic horror tales offer an air of panache and self-satisfied literacy. In Theatre of Blood, Price plays a disgraced and thought-dead stage actor who gets revenge on the critics who gave him negative reviews with Shakespeare-themed murder. There’s good fun in seeing how inventive the vengeful killings are (and in some cases how far the writers bend over backwards to explain and make sense of them). It’s a little rumpled and ragged in moments, but Price is, of course, a tremendous pleasure to see in action as he chews through the Shakespeare monologues. Imagine the Queen’s corgis with a chainsaw and you’re on track. Phibes came first and, frankly, is the better of the two. The story is about a musician who seeks to kill the doctors who he believes were responsible for his wife’s death during a botched surgery. The elaborate angle he takes here is to inflict the ten plagues from the Old Testament. I hesitate to use a word that will probably make me come across as an over-eager schmuck, but it really feels best described as phantasmagorical. It’s got this bright, art deco, pop art sensibility to it that’s intoxicating. It also has a terrifically dark sense of drollery - it knows that you can see the strings on the bat as it flies toward the camera. Aesthetically, it feels adjacent to the ’66 Batman show. The music is great and the indelible image of his tinker toy robot band, The Clockwork Wizards, is a personal obsession of mine. Both Theatre of Blood and The Abominable Dr. Phibes feature great supporting turns from Diana Rigg and Joseph Cotton, respectively. Settle in for a devilishly good time and enjoy one of cinema’s greatest vicarious pleasures: getting back at those of criticized or hurt you.

Total Runtime: 104 minutes + 94 minutes = 198 minutes aka 3 hours and 18 minutes

Blood and Black Lace  & The Bird with the Crystal Plumage

The final pairing comes from beyond American borders and, to some, beyond the borders of good taste. Mario Bava and Dario Argento are likely the two biggest names in Italian horror, and that’s for very good reason. Bava, who started as a cinematographer, has made loads of movies (even the film which gave Ozzy Osbourne and crew the name their band name) that have tremendous visuals and terrific sense of mood. Argento, probably most famous now for Suspiria, emerged onto the Italian film scene a handful of years later and picked up that baton from Bava to crystallize the dreamy logic puzzles cloaked in hyper-saturated colors. These two films are regarded as quintessential in the giallo genre – named for the yellow covers of the pulp crime fictions that inspired them. As someone who loves the flair that can be applied to make a slasher film stand out amongst their formulaic brethren, I found that the giallo made for a smooth transition into international horror. Blood and Black Lace is a murder mystery that’s as tawdry and titillating as its title suggests. Set in an insular world of a fashion house in Rome, models are being murdered. The plot feels like a necessity in order to create a delivery system for the stunning set pieces that revolve around a secret diary. Bava puts sex right next to violence and cranks up the saturation to create something thrillingly lurid. Six years later, Argento made his first film which has often been credited for popularizing the giallo genre and already is playing around with some of his pet themes like voyeurism and reinterpretation. Built around an early set piece (that stacks up as one of the best in thrillers) in which a man is trapped but witnesses a murder, the film sees said man trying to find the piece of evidence that will make the traumatic killing make sense. Like Bava, it blends sex and violence with tons of flair, including a score by the aforementioned Ennio Morricone. The film is absolutely on a continuum between Hitchcock and De Palma. If you’re looking for a pair of exciting horror/thrillers, or even an entry point to foreign genre cinema, this is an accessible and enjoyable place to start.

88 minutes + 96 minutes = 184 minutes aka 3 hours and 4 minutes

Well, there you have it. Eight movies, and hours of entertainment curated by some guy with no real qualifications. If you’re interested in some more suggestions (in horror and other genres), stay tuned for the next entry in this Double Features series. And if you’re looking for a way to watch these movies, I highly recommend the app/website JustWatch where you can search a title and see where it’s available for streaming or rental. Happy viewing.

Thanks for reading.

[enjolraspermettendo]

I was bored so I played Bitlife as Grantaire and added the others as custom characters:

So, I was born as R Grantaire on the 14th of August and my parents are Anna Grantaire (22) and Paul Grantaire (26). The mother has an Italian name so I'm keeping my headcanon that R is Italian

R has Looks at 78% so he's beautiful, suck my dick Hugo

Oh okay, R's three years old and he just got a baby brother named Victor, which, weird, because I didn't put Victor Hugo as a custom person. This is completely random and almost scary

Oh okay, apparently R and Victor hate each other.

Wait I just realized R is blond, of all things. Gonna dye his hair as soon as I can

R is 6 years old and started school; Mme Thenardier is a classmate, definitely staying away...

Oh we're getting bullied. I decided not to react since he always accepts and makes even worse insults to himself in canon

R has low smarts and I can't make him keep good grades :(

R started Jiu-jitsu classes

R is 11 and he just received another baby brother named Noah

I just made R join his Middle school's Politics club LMAO

OH a classmate named Napoleon Bonaparte, who is also a popular kid, just asked R out. I'll accept just because, I mean, I can make R hookup with Napoleon, think about it

Grantaire and Napoleon are officially boyfriends

Grantaire has been elected secretary of the politics club

Cosette and R are classmates!!! Gonna befriend her because Cosette and R friendship is precious

R is 14 and 1) his parents gave him yet another sibling, a sister named Victoria seriously guys, learn how to put a condom on, they've all been caused by it slipping off, and 2) R JUST GOT ELECTED AS PRESIDENT OF THE POLITICS CLUB

R started secondary school and joined the dance club; he also started working as a part time golf caddie

VICTOR HAS BEEN BULLIED AND CALLED RACIAL SWEARS AND NO, WE'RE NOT OKAY WITH IT. GONNA FIGHT THE MOTHERFUCKER

The game said I can't attack him cause he lives in Afghanistan and I am in France???? What???? How does he go to school with Victor???? I'm confused

R and Feuilly are classmates so I made them become friends :)

R is 18 and his parents divorced :(

R started studying arts at university. Eponine is a classmate BUT SHE REFUSED TO BEFRIEND GRANTAIRE

Grantaire and Napoleon broke up 😣

Grantaire came out as gay. Uhm, we been knew honey

classmate Hugo Fontaine asked R out but he got rejected

R and Combeferre are now friends. Eponine keeps rejecting Grantaire

R's mum just married a very rich guy named Rousseu but he hates Grantaire sike. R calls him "bro"

R's dad remarried too, she's normal. R calls her "sis". She has a daughter called Juliette, so now she's R stepsister

Grantaire graduated and started a position as Junior graphic designer!

Grantaire started drinking wine

Oh okay, R and Bahorel are now dating

They broke up

Bishop Myriel asked R out on a date... R refused, sorry it's too weird even for me

R and Montparnasse are dating. Damn R you really go around

They broke up. And R started dating Courfeyrac

They lasted two years

BOTH MARIUS AND JEAN VALJEAN HAVE ASKED R OUT GODDAMN

Grantaire and Enjolras are dating!!! (yes It's because I wanted it to be like this shut up)

Okay, I looked at Enjolras's info and I shit you not, he graduated in political science. He's a real estate agent tho

Enjolras came out of the closet as gay

Grantaire proposed to Enj and he accepted 🥺🥺

They got married at the beach and went to Pompeii for their honeymoon 🥺🥺🥺

Feuilly got married to a certain Mila

Grantaire is now an uncle! His brother Victor fathered a baby girl called Camille!

Grantaire and his brother Noah got in trouble for dancing in the middle of a road 😬 they've been declared not guilty tho

Grantaire and Enj adopted a little girl named Iris!!!!

Enjolras and Grantaire have been married for 10 years :)

For some reason the game is not proposing the other custom characters I added sike

They adopted another girl named Eva 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Cosette had a son called David Antoinette. The father is unknown

Grantaire's stepfather died of Hepatitis C

Feuilly pranked R by setting 15 alarms on his phone hours before he was supposed to wake up

Grantaire's brother Noah fathered a boy named Ethan

Eva wants a cockatiel so OF COURSE WE'LL GET HER A COCKATIEL

We got her a cockatiel named Ronda :)

Enjolras and Grantaire have been married for 20 years

Grantaire's father died of leukemia ☹️ Grantaire and his siblings inherited quite a lot

Eva and Iris started secondary school 😭 they grow up so fast

While at a soccer game a brawl started between parents... So of course Grantaire joined in

Feuilly and R went partying. 55 years old and still kicking

Iris and Eva graduated 🎉

Grantaire's mum died of tuberculosis

Ronda the Cockatiel died too of dehydration after her water bottle malfunctioned :(

Eva moved out

Iris is a writer, while Eva is a cadet at the police 😬 imagine the tension at home.

Grantaire just befriended Joly!!!! Joly is married to a Charlotte Clement

Grantaire's stepmother died of Aids

Eva has been promoted to patrolman

Joly and Grantaire are officially best friends

Enjolras retired (both him and R are 62 now)

Eva has been promoted to Trooper. Enjolras must be going crazy

Feuilly has invited R to do mushrooms so of course he accepted

Eva has been promoted to corporal

Grantaire retired (he's 67)

Eva has been promoted to sergeant

Enjolras is nagging at Grantaire to buy a car so R bought a purple lambo 😎

Feuilly keeps inviting Grantaire over for drugs and OMG FEUILLY YOU'RE ALMOST 80 STOP IT

IRIS GOT MARRIED!! To a certain Paul Girard

NOOOO FEUILLY DIED OF FUCKING EBOLA

Iris had a baby girl named Alice 🥺🥺🥺 Grantaire and Enjolras are grandpas 😭😭

Omg, now that Feuilly is dead Combeferre is the one that keeps offering drugs

Iris had another daughter named Olivia 😭😭😭😍😍😍

Eva just had a son named Ethan 😭😭😭 there three grandchildren now omg

4 grandchildren!!!!! Iris gave birth to a girl named Lina!!!!!!

Grantaire's brother Victor just died :(

Omg the grandchildren are starting to go to school, my heart cant

NOOOOO JOLY DIED

Grantaire's brother Noah died too

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ENJOLRAS DIED IN HIS SLEEP 😭😭😭😭 at 91 tho which is way better than canon

COMBEFERRE DIED TOO FUCKING FUCK

Grantaire died at 93. Game over. Here is the grave:

[tinkerd]

Interview with Anne Both & David Litchfield first published on www.readingzone.com

A SHELTER FOR SADNESS TEMPLAR PUBLISHING JANUARY 2021

A SHELTER FOR SADNESS is a profound and moving picture book about how a young boy manages his feelings of sadness, not by ignoring them but in giving his sadness the space, care and thought that it needs. We asked author ANNE BOOTH to tell us what inspired the picture book, and illustrator DAVID LITCHFIELD about how he approached the illustrations: Q: What for you are the key ingredients for a great picture book? ANNE: For me, the words have to leave room for the pictures, the pictures have to capture the feeling of the words and extend the story, and both the words and the pictures have to be the best they can be for the demands of that book - be it a funny or a sad book or any other type. DAVID: Oof! that is a BIG question. I'm still trying to work that one out if I'm honest. For me what I personally love about picture books is that you can be transported to the furthest part of someone's imagination but still recognise yourself, and the world, in its pages. It's escapism but also empathy. It's crazy looking animals and creatures but they are experiencing some of the most human emotions of all. There are so many different ingredients that go into these books. But for me I think the ultimate goal is to tell a story that connects with children in the most imaginative way possible. Q: Can you tell us what you wanted to achieve in this book, about how we deal with sadness? ANNE: I hoped it would be good for both children and adults, and that it would help them cope with the type of sadness which stays with us and has to be coped with alongside everyday life. I wanted children to be told that they can build their sadness a shelter as early as possible, as I think that telling children to be 'resilient' (which is a good thing in itself) can sometimes be abusive - it can sometimes really be just saying 'don't tell us you are sad, even though as adults we are doing things which make you sad'. I think children have lots of things to be sad about - big and little things - and learning to build a shelter for their sadness can, paradoxically, help them have permission and space to be happy. DAVID: My hope for the book was to get children - and adults - to talk more about their emotions and how they are feeling. Don't just bundle them up inside. It's important to recognise how you are feeling, recognise that it's there and it exists. And talk it through with someone. A parent or a teacher, or just someone that you trust. The worst thing we can do as human beings is pretend that these feelings are not real and that we should just get over it. Q: Was there one thing that helped inspire the text? ANNE: Yes. I went to a talk at my church, and the speaker quoted this passage from Etty Hillesum; 'Give your sorrow all the space and shelter in yourself that is its due, for if everyone bears grief honestly and courageously, the sorrow that now fills the world will abate. But if you do instead reserve most of the space inside you for hatred and thoughts of revenge - from which new sorrows will be born for others - then sorrow will never cease in this world. And if you have given sorrow the space it demands, then you may truly say: life is beautiful and so rich.' (Esther 'Etty' Hillesum (15 Jan 1914 - 30 Nov 1943) I wrote our picture book text in response to Etty Hillesum's words, so I was trying to expand on her idea that we need to give shelter to our sorrow / sadness, as I thought she had such a wise and beautiful vision, which was, amazingly, born out of her immense suffering as a Dutch Jewish woman under the Nazis, and someone who would actually die in the Holocaust. It was written as my creative response to her words, so writing it actually helped me to think and pray about my own sadness, and I felt it would be a good picture book, to help people cope with sadness that just can't be fixed, but which we need not to overwhelm us or turn us to hate or bitterness. I loved the idea that if we give shelter to our sadness we can truly say that 'life is beautiful and so rich'. Q: Was it a difficult text to write, as it is so pared back? ANNE: I think that because it came after the talk, and hearing Etty Hillesum's beautiful words, and after meditating on, and praying in response, to them, I didn't actually want to use many words. I wasn't paring back anything as such, I was just trying to find my best response to her words, and the writing of it came all at once, but I think the writing wouldn't have come that way if I hadn't already experienced and thought a lot about sadness for years, and hadn't deeply connected with Etty Hillesum's words. Q: Why did you decide the main character would be a boy? ANNE: As I was writing from my own point of view, and in response to Etty Hillesum, I suppose I thought the narrator might be a girl, but I was open to any interpretation. I'm not sure if it was the publisher or David who decided the main character would be a boy, but I am very happy with that. I hope it speaks to boys and girls, men and women, and I think that there is actually something good about it being a boy, as from a very young age, little boys are told to 'man up' and are put under particular pressure not to cry or express sadness - all part of toxic masculinity - so hopefully this will play a part in countering that and telling boys and girls that there is nothing to be ashamed about being sad. DAVID: I'm not sure how this was decided. For some reason I just instinctively drew a boy when I was sketching the book out. I think that's a case of me very much seeing myself in the character as I was making the book. Perhaps an argument can be made that some boys need more help in facing their emotions than girls. But to be honest, I think I just instinctively recognised myself in that character and drew him as a boy. Q: David, what drew you to this text, why did you want to illustrate it? DAVID: As soon as I read Anne's manuscript I knew that I 100% wanted to be the illustrator. I received the project over two years ago and I couldn't start straight away due to other project commitments. I was so scared that Templar would not be able to wait for me. But I was so happy and relieved that they decided to wait until I had finished the other books I was working on. The text just really connected with me and it stirred up some very raw emotions in me. I also recognised that it would be unlike any book I had ever drawn before and the challenge of creating it was something that I really wanted to take on. Q: How did you decide how to depict Sadness? DAVID: There have been a few really fantastic books recently that depict sadness and other emotions as an actual character. Some of my favourites are 'When sadness Comes To Call' by Eva Eland, 'Me and My Fear' by Francesca Senna, and 'Ruby's Worry' by Tom Percival. All of these handle these sensitive subjects so beautifully and visualise what an emotion could look like in the real world. I see our book very much as a continuation of these series of books and the themes they follow. They were definitely a big influence on me when I was drawing the book. In terms of the look of our Sadness, I came up with a number of ideas in my sketchbook. One was a very ghostly, scary looking thing. The other was a teardrop and one was a cloud. But then I just thought about what a typical six or seven year old might draw if I asked them to visualise their sadness. All these confusing and conflicting emotions might come together and it felt like a really messy, scruffy scribble would fit the bill perfectly. Also, I remember trying to articulate how I felt when I was young and the words just wouldn't come out. So drawing a confusing, mess of emotions just felt right. It's also a really great character to draw. you really do feel like you are getting some emotions out of your system and onto the paper when you draw Sadness. Q: David, Can you tell us how you create your images and that special luminosity in your pages? DAVID: Everything starts in my sketchbook and I will plan the whole book out with lots of scruffy sketches. But once I start making the final artwork I usually begin by making lots of very messy watercolour washes, letting the different colours naturally mix into each other. I will also take photos of other textures such as the bark of a tree, or concrete or the sky. I will then scan all of this into my computer and experiment with overlaying each of them together until I find a look and feel that I like. These will then generally take the form of a background for a spread. The characters and buildings I will usually draw out in my sketchbook and then scan these into my computer also. Using Photoshop I will position these over the backgrounds and add other textures over them and just see what works. Basically, its a lot of experimenting and seeing what works with all these different types of media and textures. The luminosity is just an extension of what my art teachers have always taught me about shade and light. But I do like to play around with light and the atmosphere that can bring to an image. I think I really appreciated the drama of light from watching too many Steven Spielberg films growing up. Q: Do you have a favourite spread? ANNE: I love them all! I think the last page is so, so beautiful and gives me hope, but that is because of all the pages that came before, so I couldn't choose! I think David has done an amazing job - the book is so beautiful. DAVID: I like a lot of them. I love the penultimate page where the boy and sadness are walking through the blooming garden. I like the spread early on where Sadness is going through all of the different ways it is feeling and all the different actions it is taking. But I think my favourite image is the simple one of Sadness and the boy sitting together on the log. They are not saying or doing anything, they are just together and there for each other. That's one of my favourite illustrations I have ever drawn in fact. I love it. Q: Will you be creating any more picture books about emotions? What are you working on now? ANNE: I would love to write more picture books about emotions. I have an idea I am trying to find words for - it isn't coming as easily as A Shelter for Sadness but I hope it can work. I also have a little picture book story I am working on, and I am revising and rewriting a middle grade novel, and am waiting to be given edits for an adult novel and should be starting a second adult novel, so I have lots to be getting on with! DAVID: I hope so. I think I will always try and convey emotion in my books and hope that the reader can recognise their own emotions in these stories. Q: Where is your favourite place to work? ANNE: I work in bed (where I am typing this) and in a little writing hut my husband built me in our garden. I also write sitting on the sofa or at the table. When the pandemic is over, I am so looking forward to working in a coffee shop again! I do find it very helpful, when I have lots of work to do, to go away for a few days, to somewhere like Gladstone's Library in Wales, or beautiful retreats in England or France or Ireland I have been to. DAVID: My favourite place to work doesn't actually exist yet. I would love to create art in a cabin in the woods, surrounded by nature. Unfortunately I haven't found that place yet, but I have hope that I will one day soon. At the minute, due to lockdown, I'm drawing my books in the corner of my bedroom, which is not ideal as I'm quite messy and it's quite a small space. It can get a bit frustrating. But, every once in a while I can pretend that I'm in that cabin in the woods and everything feels right again. Q: Where are you most likely to be found when you're not at your desk? ANNE: Maybe out with my husband, walking our dog, or reading in bed, or sitting watching something lovely - I really appreciate good TV and films and I love watching them with other people. I love chatting with family and friends and visiting them. For a post-pandemic answer, I want to leave my desk and travel to see friends and family. DAVID: Mainly riding my bike with my two sons, or walking our dog Maggie, or listening to music very loudly on my headphones. Thank you Anne and David for joining us on ReadingZone!

See original post here: https://readingzone.com/index.php?zone=sz&page=interview&authorid=623a7c5192eb0909e0d251c44bae33c1

[somedayonbroadway]

This is a Hug

Boy Meets World Masterlist

Nothing felt right. It was like the world had frozen and turned on it’s side.

Race couldn’t move. He couldn’t hear. He couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t know what to do.

Because there was Jack, the strongest person Race had ever known, laying on a hospital bed, looking smaller and more fragile than the boy had ever seen him. There was so much gauze wrapped around his head. There was a brace around his neck and tubes running up his nose. His left arm was completely clad up in a cast, much like his right leg. His face was burned and bruised, carefully cleaned up, but the man was still hardly recognizable.

All the child could do was stare at him.

JoJo ran her finger oh so gently over Jack’s cheek, blinking back her tears as her comatose teacher didn’t even twitch at her air-like touch.

Albert was standing by the door, reminding himself how to breathe as he listened carefully to the beeping heart monitor set up at Kelly’s bed side.

And Race stood in between them, ragged breaths filling his lungs as his hands shook in front of him. “I… I can’t do this…” he breathed, shaking his head, just about to make a dash for the door. His best friend stepped easily into his path. “Al, I need Mr. Weisel,” he whimpered, not knowing how he was supposed to handle these feelings rushing around inside of him.

“No! He can’t help you with this, Race!” JoJo cried. She couldn’t move from her place beside Kelly. “This is Mr. Kelly, we’re talkin’ about! He’s hurt n’ it’s scary! For all of us! And you’d rather be with some stranger?!” She couldn’t understand. She knew she couldn’t. But she had to try. “What is wrong with you?!”

“I don’t know!” Race sobbed out, tears beginning to fall. “I don’t know… I just can’t see him like this,” he admitted, so unsure and scared all of the sudden. Because he knew he had people who cared about him. His parents were taking some time, but they still loved him. He knew that. The DaSilvas loved him. He knew that. But none of them had been anything near what Jack had been for him.

Jack had been there. Always. Ever since he’d met the man, he’d been right there at his side, ready to help him through whatever came at him.

No one else had ever done that for him.

Maybe Mr. Weisel would know how to calm him down. Maybe Mr. Weisel would make him understand this better. He didn’t know.

What he did know was the only person he wanted to talk to right now was the person he could hardly stand to look at because he just looked so different. Jack just looked so small. He looked so vulnerable. And Race didn’t like it.

He rushed to get to the door, opening it only an inch before Albert slammed it shut again. “No,” was all he said before Race began to panic.

The walls were closing in on him. “Albie, please! Just let me go—“

Without warning, Albert forcefully pulled his best friend to him, only holding on tighter when Race writhed in his grasp. “Tony, this is a hug!” he yelled at the boy who refused to give into the embrace. “This is when you hug somebody! When you care about them n’ you need them ta know that!”

Knowing he was too emotional to win a fight at the moment, Race stopped struggling. Instead he sobbed, so unsure of what to do.

When Albert let go, it was clear in his eyes that he wasn’t done. “You can’t leave here, Antonio,” he stated, the tears in his own eyes not quite falling, but even further on the verge when he saw the ones streaming down Race’s cheeks. “Kelly took care of you. He took you in when your own father abandoned you. He loves you! And you love him! Is that real?” he demanded, gesturing to the man they all loved so much who was laying there helplessly on that bed. “Or are Mr. Weisel and The Refuge real?”

The young, confused boy looked back at the bed. He felt nauseous at the sight. Again, he tried to back away, fearing he’d somehow make it all worse until someone pushed him forward again.

“No! You don’t get ta leave!” Albert cried. Race turned to look back at him, completely and totally devastated, practically begging his best friend to just let him out of that room. But he didn’t. “We can leave,” the redhead decided, extending his hand out for his girl.

JoJo gave Race one more teary eyed glance before she accepted her boyfriend’s hand and followed him out the door.

And Race was left alone with a man he could hardly even begin to describe.

He was afraid to turn around and face the man. Guilt built up more and more by the second in his chest, weighing him down as he felt himself breaking. But he forced himself to take a shaken breath and slowly face the man who wouldn’t even open his eyes.

“J-Jack…” he whimpered, not knowing what to do. “H-how could you be here?” he asked, shaking his head, not moving from the door, still afraid to get too close. He was afraid if he touched the man, he’d break him. “How could you screw up on your bike? I-I’ve never seen you screw up on anything…” Jack didn’t answer him. Jack couldn’t answer him. Jack was unconscious. Jack was hurt. Jack could be dying and the last thing Race had told him was to leave him alone. This is not what he’d meant. He took a few steps closer to the bed, collapsing in the chair beside the man when his knees began to feel weak. “I-I’m the screw up, remember?” He was pleading for an answer with just his tone of voice. “You gotta remember, Jackie… I’m the one who sets of cherry bombs in mailboxes n’ steals your bike n’ tries ta graffiti the school… You ain’t supposed ta be in here…”

Race could see Jack’s tattoo. Though there was a long bruise beside it, it looked untouched. He remembered the first time he’d seen the man, strolling through school, excited for his first day of work, winking at them and joking with them. He remembered how he’d seen that tattoo and thought maybe this guy would be different. Maybe this guy would be fun and interesting and cool. He hadn’t even grazed the surface.

“Pl-please don’t do this ta me, Jackie… please… I… I know I said…” He took a breath as another sob escaped him. “I know I said I didn’t need you, but I was lyin’, alright?!” All it had been was a bluff. A stupid bluff. “I know I went back ta live with my pa, n’ I know I said I wan’ed it ta work… but I need you! You protect me n’ you love me n’ if you ain’t here, I don’t know what I’m gonna do…” He hadn’t admitted it. Not even to himself. Not really. “So don’t blow me off, Jack…”

It was painful. Jack always had something to say to him. The fact that the young man was so unresponsive hurt somewhere deep inside the boy. He studied his teacher's face. It was bloodied, scratched by pavement. But it was still Jack. Jack, who had run after him every time he’d tried to run away. Jack, who loved to cook for him and show him odd, but good recipes from over the years. Jack, who had given him a roof and a bed and a support system that he’d never had before.

Crying didn’t feel like enough to express the pain that the kid felt at the thought of losing him. He stared at his protector and shook his head. “God… please don’t take him away from me…” he begged, not knowing if anything up there was even real, much less listening. “Jack… I know you’re in there…” Jack had to be in there. He had to be. “You’re not talkin’... but you’re in there, so if you can hear me… I just need you to know that you’re right… about everythin’...” The child’s voice was getting weaker and weaker as he had no idea how to process this. “You’re always right… n’ you can’t be done yellin’ at me yet… you can’t be…”

He felt alone. He felt weak. He felt empty. He felt tired.

He felt broken.

But somehow, every time he got to smile with Jack, it was like none of it mattered.

“Jackie, I love you…” Race admitted out loud for the first time.

He didn’t know if Jack could hear him.

“I love you so much…”

He looked down at Jack’s hand. There were tubes and wires running along his arms and down and across his fingers. But Race couldn’t stop himself.

He gently and slowly reached to wrap his fingers around the man’s palm as he watched the man’s chest rise and fall painfully.

But when he felt Jack’s fingers curl around his own, his heart skipped a beat.

He looked down, just to be sure he hadn’t imagined it.

He could only barely smile when he found it to be real.

He couldn’t stop crying. But something felt a little lighter in his chest.

—

It was an hour later when Race emerged from the room, looking tired. His face soaked and his hands trembling slightly.

Everyone in the room stood.

Race looked around at all of them, only wondering for a moment when Katherine and David had arrived. He bowed his head shyly as he swallowed hard, taking a deep breath before he spoke. “You know him…” he accused quietly, confusing everyone in the room. That is, everyone besides Mr. Weisel, who only stepped forward and placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. Race shrugged out of the grasp. “Is that why… Is that why you sent Mickie afta’ me? Because… because he almost shut you down?”

Jack may avoid truly talking about his past, but Race was very good at filling in the blanks. Somehow, someway, this man knew Jack. Knowing Jack, it wasn’t impossible to figure out why.

“Tony, it’s been a very stressful day for you… I think it’s time to get you back to The Refuge—“

“I think it is too,” Race agreed, looking up at the man.

“Race, you’ve gotta be kidding—“ Albert tried, but Race cut him off.

“It’s time for me to pick up my things,” the boy said, glaring at the guy who had clearly made some kind of a mark on the man behind that door. “But thanks for the empty words, Weasel… it’s been real,” he spat. He silently dared the man to say something about it, moving to walk over to Katherine who had shining tears running down her face. He embraced her and she held him back tightly. “He’s gonna be okay,” the boy promised.

David ran a hand over his hair. “Is that what the doctor said?”

Race shook his head against Jack’s girlfriend’s shoulder. “No… I just… know…” he responded, hearing David take a shuddering breath behind him.

He looked around the room from over Katherine’s shoulder to see Kloppman glaring at Weisel as the man left the room. He saw the DaSilvas watching him relieved and he saw JoJo hugging Albert around the waist, pride in their eyes.

He wasn’t alone here.

He knew he wasn’t alone here.

Jack would be okay. Race believed in him. Jack was strong and brave and good and safe and he’d make it through.

He believed in that.

[radioromantic-moved]

it's the final livebloooog (doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo) this baby's extra long, because the episode is twice the average length. also big time spoilers. you know.

-"no place in the universe can compare with our past. our burned, ashy past." a statement about david's place and also about the earth which i'm pretty sure died from global warming in the stellarverse. not scary at all.

-HARTRO'S‏‏‎ ‎BOYS....ONE MORE TIME FOR THE ROAD <33333

-"do you know what this means???" "that‏‏‎‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎‎‏‏‎has no taste." "that we're all getting slushies."

-hartro's‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎little excited snuffles that sound like she's about to have a breakdown but, like, the good kind are basically exactly how i feel right now too.

-"what have i always told you??" "shut up! shut up! shut up!"

-HEY THEY MENTIONED FRANKENSTEIN!!!

-long time viewers of the Blog may remember that one of cyril's special books is‏‏‎ ‎frankenstein.‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎knows what‏‏‎ ‎frankenstein's monster is (kind of). you know what that means. at least one cute little reading time.

-i was going to make a joke about 'three neurodivergents argue about social rules' but that's kind of the entire podcast. with the number of neurodivergents differing by episode.

-THE TWO OF THEM BOWING TO DAVID...hartro‏‏‎ ‎genuinely getting into it and sounding like she's about to cry and‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎sounding so deadpan

-oh i Hate this conversation! i hate the conversation they're having about killing off everyone who's ever met a board member!

-hartro‏‏‎ ‎and‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎as david's pa's <3

-IS THE BOARD ALL DEAD. DID THEY NEVER EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. BECAUSE IF SO THAT ALL CHECKS OUT

-"the...secret loss?" "yeah, you idiot, the secret loss where the board all died, have you been living under a rock??"

-CALLED IT, BABY

-yesssss go OFF imogen!!

-DON'T BE MEAN TO HER STANDARDS!!!!!!

-"hello, and welcome to 'so you've discovered that the board is dead,' with me,‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎sigmund‏‏‏‏‎ ‎‎shankeray.'"‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎trexel--"ugh, this guy again?"

-context:

-ughhhhh tasty tasty worldbuilding!!!! the board all dying in an incident....security was destroyed in a coup.....standards wants to replace imogen with new board.....

-HOLY SHIT

-IT'S A "NO MAN CAN KILL ME" RULE

-NO PERSON CAN ALTER IMOGEN'S CORE FUNCTIONS....BUT CLONES DON'T COUNT AS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-OH MY GOD THIS IS SO TASTY

-IMOGEN WAS TRYING TO GET DAVID ONTO THE BOARD FOR HER OWN REASONS!!! AND THAT'S WHY HE'S SUCH A FUCKED UP LITTLE ANARCHY BOY!!!!!

-angry beyond belief that something that‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎‎trexel‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎‎could figure out confused me badly enough that i had to relisten to the same part twice and reread the transcript to figure out why the plan wouldn't work.

-in case of a deadlock....

-one of the ORIGINAL FOUNDING FAMILIES

-CAN BE NOMINATED -TO BREAK THE TIE

-AND GUESS WHOSE BITCH ASS IS FROM A FOUNDING FAMILY?????

-ugh you big big dummy...even your big moment is just reduced to who can take you to the better bar. but he does call david his favorite clone. and he DOES vote with them.

-"well--aheh-hah."

-oh my god. david's smug little laugh is my new favorite noise in the ENTIRE WORLD.

-number 48's maniacal laugh is Very fun. but don't shoot david please.

-"trust me! i'm a‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎geistman."

-the WAY HE SAYS THAT LINE IS FUCKING

-HMDGKDGDMHODHGGRGRRRRHHH.

-OH HE COMES THROUGH IN THE END

-DAVID'S CHAIR IS THE ONLY ONE NOT HOOKED UP TO AN ESCAPE POD SO HE HITS THE EMERGENCY EVACUATION AND

-GOD. FUCK.

-obsessed with the group's enraged "TREXELLLLLLLL!" as they get launched out of the airlock in the pod. that's absolutely cartoon levels of sillydumb and i love it.

-"can we....get them? we can't just leave them out there. it's inhumane." "they wouldn't do the same for you." "i don't know, i think...i think that maybe he would have."

-HI, BAWLING MY FUCKING EYES OUT

-THIS IS GONNA BE THE LAST TIME THEY SEE EACH OTHER ISN'T IT. THEY AREN'T GONNA GET THE POD BACK ARE THEY.

-YEAH. CHECKS OUT.

-okay so they're alive but in any number of thousands of habitable locations across the galaxy. that's not so bad! i can write fix-it for that easy! these motherfuckers are gonna be friends forever whether they like it or not! the worst found family may be free of the everpresent fear of death but they will never be free from the status quo.‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎ ‎finds out the planet they land on doesn't have a bar and he figures out a way to access a communications system from scratch so he can call david in tears.

-the little trumpet when david gets voted in....HELL YEAH, HAIL DAVID!!!!!

-"well, you do have the power to destroy‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎stellar‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎firma‏‏‎ ‎now. i'd never allow another ai to take over, but i'd quite happily...burn this all to the ground."

-YESSSSS KILL VIOLENCE DEATH KILL KILL

-imogen sounds so hurt when david starts asking alex to make copies to run functions...."explain away! i can both listen and plot my revenge at the same time."

-"...but that was before the population crash, so the escape shuttles should be able to contain everyone!" "and the clones!" "oh, right, the clones! recalculating and the clones too! wouldn't forget them! :)"

-oh i have too many thoughts about this conversation i'm just gonna post it and let it sit

-DAVID AND IMOGEN ON A PLEASURE CRUISE TO‏‏‎ ‎GALACTONIUM!!!!! FUCK YEAH BABY!!!!!! GOOD FOR THEM!!!!!

-after credits‏‏‎ ‎enola‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎scene!!! my beloved!!!!

-okay okay okay okay okay okay okay. hoooooooooooh boy.

-THAT WAS!!! REALLY GOOD!!!!! AND EVERYONE MORE OR LESS TURNED OUT OKAY....WE GOT OUR ANTICAPITALIST MESSAGE....the only thing we didn't get was the main four's theater troupe and i think i'll forever be a littttttle bitter about that but nobody's stopping me from writing about (or just imagining)‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎hartro‏‏‏‏‎ ‎‎and‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎eventually tracking down a working communications system and finding david and imogen so they can all yell at each other forevermore. i'm gonna miss these stupid little dorks so much but i'm so glad i got to be here for the ride. now to figure out whether cyril went with david and imogen or‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎trexel‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎and‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎hartro‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎‎and how it changes their fake little storyline.

[indestinatus]

Scary Skeleton

TIVATOBER 2020 // DAY 10

↳ prompt:  Skulls and Bones - rated T (1,332 words)

summary: Ziva isn’t exactly fond of crime scenes, but she didn’t particularly care. This time felt different. 

A/N: Obligatory spooky fic in this halloween collection. Beware: spookiness.

read it on AO3 ☠️

Ziva glanced one more time over her shoulder, the feeling of being watched overpowering her thoughts. Again, there was no one other than the old grandfather clock in the middle of the empty living room, the constant sound of its ticking making her shiver against her own will. 

She didn’t like it. Well, she wasn’t exactly fond of crime scenes, but she didn’t particularly care.

This time felt different.

Ziva surveyed the living room again, going through the mold growing on the old yellowish walls to the rotten cabinet doors stocking dusty bottles of whiskey; eyes detecting a running rat coming from underneath a gray couch to hide inside a hole just beside the grandfather clock. 

With years training in Mossad and another hundred of suspects chases, she was used to having to adapt seeing things in the dark, but the grim atmosphere of that house was something else—the only visible light came from a dull lamp hung in the middle of the vacant room, the way it swung making it almost impossible to take the crime scene pictures in good quality. 

Ziva glanced at the one window at the opposite wall, moonlight coming through the closed glass panels to only faintly illuminate a spot just ahead, too far away to help with anything. They had grabbed their flashlights on the van only to find out McGee had stolen their batteries for one of his computers, and the fact that not even candles were available at that horrific place made matters even worse. 

Wait. 

Ziva halted, looking at the window again. 

It was closed, like she thought it would be. No wind came from anywhere, not even from its cracks, and the air was deadly silent.  

Then why did the light swing?  

“Do you believe in ghosts, David?” Tony’s voice made her jump, her hair standing on end at her neck.

Thankfully, he seemed to not have noticed, or else the teasing would’ve been unbearable. Maybe the darkness had saved her this time. 

Though she could feel his presence just beside her, she couldn’t really see him - just shapes badly lit by the dull light - and it must’ve been the same the other way around. 

“I do not not believe in ghosts,” Ziva replied, still feeling a bit too much alert for her liking. “Why?”

She glanced at the clock again. 

A shiver ran down her spine.

When did it stop ticking?

“I wonder if you’d be a spooky one,” Tony chuckled. “Probably, dragging chains across the stairs and opening cabinet doors.”

He must’ve been completely unaware of the strange atmosphere, but Ziva wasn’t surprised. As soon as that man started listening to his own voice, everything else seemed to lose its appeal. 

“I think I would be too busy being dead,” Ziva deadpanned, hoping her dry tone would make him shut up. The quicker they did their job, the sooner they could leave that place, and the faster she could go home. Where it was safe from any paranormal activity… not that she really believed in that kind of stuff, but—

A distant sound of something crashing made her turn around in a second. 

Did it come from the clock? No, maybe next to it? She couldn’t really see, perhaps it had been the rat? 

How can a rat create such a loud sound, though?

“I would make a formidable ghost,” said Tony, still talking to her.

“You do make an awful lot of noise,” Ziva bit back. Had it been just a figment of her imagination? She had surely heard something that didn’t exactly sound human...

Then she heard again—a distant yet echoey clunk of something hitting wood, the hollow sound of a heavy object falling just nearby. 

With her heart racing, Ziva tried to see better, her eyes opening wide to catch any sudden movement in the darkness. With the camera forgotten around her neck, she took a step towards where the sound had come from, already expecting it to happen again.  

“Imagine McGee… McGhost!” Tony snapped his fingers. “I have to use that one.”

“Tony,” Ziva said in a hushed voice. “Shh.”

She moved her arm to the side and hit his chest, surprised to find that Tony was closer to her than expected. Trying not to dwell on it too much, Ziva stepped towards the clock, doing her best to make her footsteps light—though the old wood floor tiles creaked even with all her care. 

Tony followed her, finally alert to what was going on, his arm pushing hers as they started walking towards the darkness. Ziva’s hand fell on her hip to hook around her weapon if she needed to, her pulse loud in her ears as she tried to catch that sound again.

Tony’s heavy breathing next to her ear wasn’t helping, and she asked for him to tone it down with a disapproving glare. He might not be able to see in the dark, but perhaps he knew her too well and turned silent nonetheless. 

They continued to walk towards the opposite wall, Ziva’s shoulder pressing against his and her mind racing. She had no idea why she felt such an uneasiness inside, but something didn’t feel right. It was as if the thing that was watching her had traded sides, and now followed them instead. 

The sound happened again. 

But this time was different.

It was the hollow sound of something being moved across wood tiles, dragged farther away. 

It came just from the other room.

Ziva looked at Tony to see him already facing her, the gleam of his eyes the only thing visible among all that darkness. He nodded slightly, assessing her for a moment to check if she was okay. 

Ziva nodded in return, even if her heart was racing. She unclasped the weapon from her hip and raised in front of her, watching Tony do the same.

His hand touched the round door handle and it rotated with a clicking sound, a shiver running down her spine as it did so. 

Then everything happened way too fast.

The grandfather clock started chiming so loudly it made her jump more than the whatever was inside that room. Tony let out a muffled scream that made her dig her fingernails into his forearm, the grip of her weapon losing its strength. 

Then a skeleton fell from out of nowhere, the rotten skull of someone with holes instead of eyes coming near enough to graze her nose, its bones ghostly illuminated by silver moonlight. 

Feeling a coldness spread to her fingertips, Ziva was ready to destroy it with a reactive punch, but Tony somehow managed to turn on the lights and her hand stopped midway, her breath hitching. 

Jimmy looked way too happy to be carrying a human sized skeleton like that.

“Oh, hi,” he said cheerily. 

With her pulse still racing, Ziva glanced at Tony to see him looking at the hand that still gripped tight to his forearm, and she withdrew it immediately, rubbing her earlobe instead. 

“Apologies,” said Palmer, smiling. “I was packing up the body and somehow managed to turn off the lights.”

Ziva blinked away the fright and tried to slow down her breathing while Tony cleared his throat. She hadn’t missed the way he’d screamed, but her mind was still working way too fast for her to joke about it.

“I lost my grip.” Palmer raised a hand of the skeleton in their direction, and they both backed away before he could touch them with it. 

“Didn’t have the stomach to turn it back on again,” he added as the skeleton’s hand rubbed its own hollow belly. “You know,” said Palmer, chuckling, “Lazy bones.”

Neither of them laughed and Jimmy stopped smiling, a frown appearing as he looked between the two of them, confused. 

“Do you believe in ghosts, Autopsy Gremlin?” asked Tony, his voice grave.

“Why?” Palmer swallowed. “Should I?”

Tony chuckled bitterly. “Yeah,” he said. “‘Cause if you keep making bad puns, I’ll turn you into one.”